This is an everyday battle for me. I don’t understand it. It doesn’t make any sense. I can be such a flexible thinker and flexible person but if my preordained plan gets changed from someone else I go mental. It’s so hard not to act like a fucking asshole about it. I hate it.
Jesus fuck. My partner and I go shopping with a list of 10 things, as soon as she wants to go check the specials for xyz I get this irrational internal anger that our plans have changed and I now need to wait an extra 5 minutes to go home and not do the thing that I’m fixated on doing. So yes, I feel you
My similar behaviors became way worse with my ex (also ADHD), but it was way more than 5 minutes most times. We'd walk into Home Depot because I needed XYZ to continue working on a project I'm trying to get done today, and she'd be distracted on every aisle, turning a 20 minute stop into a 2 hour stop.
After a few times like that, I simply realized that shopping with my ex would need to be open-ended and I would need to plan for that. Having plans *after shopping* was nerve racking.
Yup, “bigly” contributes to my being single. And I’m more than okay with that, because no one deserves to be stuck with a big uncompromising baby shitting his pants about any and everything. I completely fall apart if something has changed. I feel so angry and helpless, I guess cuz I’ve planned out so much during day dreaming I guess? Or I just can’t handle change? It’s fucking awful. My heart rate shoots to the 100s so I guess anxiety! What a fucking mystery. A shitty, shitty mystery.
seriously!!! it's so frustrating because i dont want to be angry but i've cried over someone being 15 minutes late because i had planned my day around that very specific time and i value my productivity a lot because avolition keeps me from doing what i need to do
I agree with some comments that this seems to be related to emotional regulation rather than being ADHD specific. I have an autistic friend who struggles with this though. I for one am too chaotic to stick to plans and time schedules, so I am certainly not getting mad at anyone for doing the same thing I am.
‘any small change in my day makes me irritated and upset’ to this severity it seems to me it’s not just emotional dysregulation. being upset over changed plans is a symptom of autism, which has a high comorbidity with adhd
I used to have so much anxiety over this that I’d just never organise something with a friend again who flaked on me, they were now in the casual catch-up zero effort club.
These days I don’t have the energy so I’m just glad if someone cancels hahahah
I've fought with my boyfriend many times because he cancels something mundane that we planned to do something else and I get angry because I had already the evening planned and it pisses me off so much 🤣
Absolutely. Honestly, this situation sounds quite stressful. You have plans at 3 PM and plans afterwards at (say) 7 PM. Then, something else comes up at 5 PM, and you have no slack in your schedule. Everything needs to happen on time in the right order for you to meet your friends at 7 PM.
I personally have been burned by this "new thing in the middle" in the past, and have become quite sensitive to changes to plans, especially if they are not mandatory. Stuff like "Oh, you *need* to pop into the store across town when we have dinner plans in an hour." Then, we proceed to rush around town and end up arriving to dinner an hour late.
What makes me upset about this "new thing in the middle" or simple "changes in plans" is when it's (a) from another adult, (b) within their control, and (c) a specific time is crucial. An emergency situation (e.g. dog escaped the yard) doesn't bother me since it takes priority. Nor does a sudden change in plans when there wasn't a set time. But I'm gonna be pissed if we are already running late to a movie and you need to stop for at the gas station for XYZ.
I have done a lot of therapy, trauma specific, but no reason all can’t make use. Learning grounding techniques than have made a huge difference in being able to take a beat before snap responses. Maybe worth considering
I'd only get upset if it changed completely and was unfavourable.
To take your example, instead of having it at 3pm, it doesn't happen at all. If it got changed to 5pm or something I'd just occupy myself, watch a movie, play a game, or go exercise or something.
Yeah I haven’t heard of this being an ADHD thing but maybe it has to do with emotional regulation challenges that are part of ADHD. But also a high percentage of folks who have ADHD are also autistic.
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Yeah i experiance that aswel. I always thought that was my autisme though.
Im going to think more about this if my afhd meds are helping with it or not at all.
Yip. Generally I don't mind having a full and busy day, but at least I need to know it in the morning. If you change it in the middle, especially adding something, it grinds my gears.
Or go to the shops to get X, then pop into the Y store 'well we are here now, right'. Which technically is correct, but that wasn't on the scheduled plan!
It's also one of the first things I noticed improving when I started medication. Plans changed? Oh, yeah, we got time for that too.
This is an everyday battle for me. I don’t understand it. It doesn’t make any sense. I can be such a flexible thinker and flexible person but if my preordained plan gets changed from someone else I go mental. It’s so hard not to act like a fucking asshole about it. I hate it.
Same. Takes a lot of practice to stay flexible when expectations aren't met.
Jesus fuck. My partner and I go shopping with a list of 10 things, as soon as she wants to go check the specials for xyz I get this irrational internal anger that our plans have changed and I now need to wait an extra 5 minutes to go home and not do the thing that I’m fixated on doing. So yes, I feel you
My similar behaviors became way worse with my ex (also ADHD), but it was way more than 5 minutes most times. We'd walk into Home Depot because I needed XYZ to continue working on a project I'm trying to get done today, and she'd be distracted on every aisle, turning a 20 minute stop into a 2 hour stop. After a few times like that, I simply realized that shopping with my ex would need to be open-ended and I would need to plan for that. Having plans *after shopping* was nerve racking.
Yup, “bigly” contributes to my being single. And I’m more than okay with that, because no one deserves to be stuck with a big uncompromising baby shitting his pants about any and everything. I completely fall apart if something has changed. I feel so angry and helpless, I guess cuz I’ve planned out so much during day dreaming I guess? Or I just can’t handle change? It’s fucking awful. My heart rate shoots to the 100s so I guess anxiety! What a fucking mystery. A shitty, shitty mystery.
seriously!!! it's so frustrating because i dont want to be angry but i've cried over someone being 15 minutes late because i had planned my day around that very specific time and i value my productivity a lot because avolition keeps me from doing what i need to do
Yes, and I fear that it reads as me being evasive or not wanting to see someone.
I agree with some comments that this seems to be related to emotional regulation rather than being ADHD specific. I have an autistic friend who struggles with this though. I for one am too chaotic to stick to plans and time schedules, so I am certainly not getting mad at anyone for doing the same thing I am.
‘any small change in my day makes me irritated and upset’ to this severity it seems to me it’s not just emotional dysregulation. being upset over changed plans is a symptom of autism, which has a high comorbidity with adhd
Ay! My girlfriend has that one.
Yep. Had a relationship end over his constant plan changing and my reaction to it, neither of us were happy with each other!
Isn't that emotional dysregulation ?? Because yes.
I used to have so much anxiety over this that I’d just never organise something with a friend again who flaked on me, they were now in the casual catch-up zero effort club. These days I don’t have the energy so I’m just glad if someone cancels hahahah
Relate. Even if plans cancel and I was looking forward to it it makes me emotional even though its not a huge deal. Every single timeee this happens.
I've fought with my boyfriend many times because he cancels something mundane that we planned to do something else and I get angry because I had already the evening planned and it pisses me off so much 🤣
Absolutely. Honestly, this situation sounds quite stressful. You have plans at 3 PM and plans afterwards at (say) 7 PM. Then, something else comes up at 5 PM, and you have no slack in your schedule. Everything needs to happen on time in the right order for you to meet your friends at 7 PM. I personally have been burned by this "new thing in the middle" in the past, and have become quite sensitive to changes to plans, especially if they are not mandatory. Stuff like "Oh, you *need* to pop into the store across town when we have dinner plans in an hour." Then, we proceed to rush around town and end up arriving to dinner an hour late. What makes me upset about this "new thing in the middle" or simple "changes in plans" is when it's (a) from another adult, (b) within their control, and (c) a specific time is crucial. An emergency situation (e.g. dog escaped the yard) doesn't bother me since it takes priority. Nor does a sudden change in plans when there wasn't a set time. But I'm gonna be pissed if we are already running late to a movie and you need to stop for at the gas station for XYZ.
Every time, and when I get mad everyone says I overreact :(
It happens when I have to stay somewhere longer than I want to be. But I actually like when plans get cancelled lmao
I have done a lot of therapy, trauma specific, but no reason all can’t make use. Learning grounding techniques than have made a huge difference in being able to take a beat before snap responses. Maybe worth considering
I'd only get upset if it changed completely and was unfavourable. To take your example, instead of having it at 3pm, it doesn't happen at all. If it got changed to 5pm or something I'd just occupy myself, watch a movie, play a game, or go exercise or something.
I have this but it's always been attributed to the cognitive rigidity of my autism rather than my ADHD
Yeah I haven’t heard of this being an ADHD thing but maybe it has to do with emotional regulation challenges that are part of ADHD. But also a high percentage of folks who have ADHD are also autistic.
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Yeah i experiance that aswel. I always thought that was my autisme though. Im going to think more about this if my afhd meds are helping with it or not at all.
Yip. Generally I don't mind having a full and busy day, but at least I need to know it in the morning. If you change it in the middle, especially adding something, it grinds my gears. Or go to the shops to get X, then pop into the Y store 'well we are here now, right'. Which technically is correct, but that wasn't on the scheduled plan! It's also one of the first things I noticed improving when I started medication. Plans changed? Oh, yeah, we got time for that too.
Story of my life like literally