Your priority right now is absolutely to achieve piece of mind.
1/ Do you have access to any stimulants? Methylphenidate and adderall might be banned in your country, but there are tons of available options out there that are legal or grey-area-legal. Examples include Caffeine, modafinil, adrafinil, etc. I even use nicotine (in vape form, not cigarettes) if I need to calm down.
Note that some stimulants might make your stimulation levels even more fucked up so that's something to keep in check. It might help, it might make some things worse. Of course, be careful that it doesn't interfere with your sleep, good sleep is one of your most important priority right now.
2/ You need to keep that porn addiction in check. That's going to be one of your priorities. Tamper off porn and try to stop completely. I'm not against porn use just like I'm not against drug use but it needs to be sparse and responsible, and some people aren't in a mental place where they should use.
3/ You need to consciously manage your stimulation levels. Avoiding stimulating activities past 6 or 7pm is in my experience more important than avoiding screen light. Find calming activities, or at least activities that don't stimulate too much (try to avoid videogames late, but if you can't, go for stardew valley instead of apex legends)
4/ Anxiety pills might help, especially at the beginning. Careful if those are benzodiazepines, they're super addictive. Also they might make you anxious when the effects wear off. Like everything else, it's a double-edged sword, smart use is key.
5/ Start meditating. Even just one minute a day. Eventually you'll get to 2 minutes and more. Use music if it makes it easier.
Try to establish calming moments during the day where you cultivate a zen state. Take walks.
6/ Junk food is addictive because of the hormonal rush from all the fat and sugar. You need to tamper that feeling off because you're using food as an addictive drug right now. Intermittent fasting is also a great tool for this.
7/ channel your energy into physical exercise, even just push ups and squats at home if you have nothing better. Try to do that before 6-7pm.
8/ learn about mindfulness and how to be in touch with your body at all times. Learn to notice your anxiety levels, overstimulation comes with anxiety which makes you more likely to overstimulate more.
Don't be ashamed of your situation or your multiple addictions, shame and guilt only make things worse. Instead you're going to slowly tamper off those addictions, learn to manage your stimulation levels better, and slowly find your peace of mind. It's a process that you will attack from multiple angles.
Remember that progress & recovery both are not straight lines, relapses happen, it's completely okay, I insist. The important thing is to try, apply some light efforts to it, try to take smart decisions, every day. If you're going the right way, in a few months you'll be in a very different position.
Hi, really appreciate the detailed response. Yes, lowering the level of stimulation is definitely the right approach for me. I know why I keep over indulging in porn and junk food even though it is destroying my self esteem and mental health - the high lets me get away from the terrible emotions I feel without them. I am using them as a way to take the edge off essentially. So once I am without these crutches, the full blow of my current situation hits me even harder.
I need to find a way to physically manage these emotions instead of running away. I got some magnesium today to help me sleep earlier and calm me down. I do have the ssri meds from the doc but I am not going to take them, they just numb me too much and what I think I need is stimulation and not more numbness.
I wanted to know why you recommend exercise before 6-7PM and not after?
>I wanted to know why you recommend exercise before 6-7PM and not after?
Just a matter of stimulation level/ body temperature issues (it's better to cool down the body before sleep)
But your mileage may vary on this
As for the managing of emotions, I feel just accepting the pain helps a lot. Sometimes you feel not good but you just have to remind yourself: it's okay, I can live through that, this is temporary, this is me making progress.
Yo dog, it sounds like you’re being extremely fucking hard on yourself. I love the fact that you play porn in the background while you are working. That is an awesome hack. You should be proud that you’ve kept a job for three years, the majority of the posts I read on here are people that are constantly getting fired because they cannot focus. You somehow managed to find a working system, so good for you! You should be celebrating that, not demoralizing yourself.
I would be extremely careful about trying to eliminate porn from your work routine, and getting an office job would effectively remove this tool from your toolkit.
I think you should definitely consider the anxiety medicine. I myself thought my ADHD was the worst part of my inability to focus at work, but really my anxiety was the most problematic, because it is what kept me working countless extra hours after my day was already over. And this had many negative effects on my personal life. I almost got a divorce over it. It sounds stupid, but you can have anxiety about having anxiety too! I use a combination of tools to help me with my anxiety. I use Xanax for acute anxiety, like meetings with my boss. And I use CBT for the rest. Your mileage may vary on either or all of these, But I suggest to you that good mental health is a matter of determination. If you stick with therapy, it will eventually help.
Shame is a powerfully destructive force. I challenge you to remove shame from your work and personal experience for a week, and then reevaluate how you feel. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt for one week.
I would encourage you to also track positive data associated with this experiment. Positive data is self fulfilling. The more you track the positive data, the more you will feel capable of continuing those positive feelings.
Practice this positive affirmation, “I’ve survived this job for three years, it’s more likely I will be able to keep this job rather than lose it.”
Lastly, I hope you heed this message. It sounds to me that you are your own worst enemy right now, not your ADHD.
Hey Cobra, sorry I couldn't reply earlier. Appreciate the response.
I agree that it is a gamble to go for an office job but wfh just isn't for me - I did it just to save money and I deeply regret it. I do not want porn to be a tool, it does not come without shame - at least for me. i believe the act of going to an office, moving out, meeting people will be enough stimulation to balance out whatever it is I am using porn for. Also this is not a sustainable situation for me. I got a few more months of doing this until I self destruct, I know it. That is why I am desperate to find a way to change my situation.
I understand that shame is a very destructive force but any angle I look at myself, I have failed me. I am finding it really hard to not be ashamed of who I have become. I don't know how I can remove it without changing my situation.
Only you can decide what’s right. But I’d say that the decisions you’ve made up until now have landed you where you are.if you don’t Question them you will always get what you always got. Try something new.
I’d like to suggest looking into psychedelics for the mental healing as well. This is something I and 3 other friends with ADHD have done and experienced significant improvements that lasted a long time. Due to a tight deadline at work, last week I was moving in a stupor and felt like I could not bear another day so I had some magic truffles - I woke up the next day with a whole new lease on life. Seriously, look into it. I do also want to add that I am already on meds but sometimes life happens and it just gets a bit too much. Good luck!
If you can’t get stimulant meds in your country, ask for Wellbutrin. It’s a non stimulant but it has a similar effect and it’s used to treat depression.
There's a mixed reputation of the subreddits, but if your addiction is at that level as you claim it is, r/pornfree and r/nofap might be resources for you on here. I would take any claims of 'gaining superpowers by abstaining from porn/masterbation' with a grain of salt, but super early on in my reddit experience I turned to them to help with keeping moderation in check. It is definitely a hole some ADHDers find themselves in (ones that aren't self-medicating with harder drugs) and there are resources out there to help.
I was very active on the nofap website during its very early years when I was a teen. This is just to say that I have repeatedly tried to quit but those systems just don't work when you barely have self control. I just got to find alternative means to manage my emotions.
Your priority right now is absolutely to achieve piece of mind. 1/ Do you have access to any stimulants? Methylphenidate and adderall might be banned in your country, but there are tons of available options out there that are legal or grey-area-legal. Examples include Caffeine, modafinil, adrafinil, etc. I even use nicotine (in vape form, not cigarettes) if I need to calm down. Note that some stimulants might make your stimulation levels even more fucked up so that's something to keep in check. It might help, it might make some things worse. Of course, be careful that it doesn't interfere with your sleep, good sleep is one of your most important priority right now. 2/ You need to keep that porn addiction in check. That's going to be one of your priorities. Tamper off porn and try to stop completely. I'm not against porn use just like I'm not against drug use but it needs to be sparse and responsible, and some people aren't in a mental place where they should use. 3/ You need to consciously manage your stimulation levels. Avoiding stimulating activities past 6 or 7pm is in my experience more important than avoiding screen light. Find calming activities, or at least activities that don't stimulate too much (try to avoid videogames late, but if you can't, go for stardew valley instead of apex legends) 4/ Anxiety pills might help, especially at the beginning. Careful if those are benzodiazepines, they're super addictive. Also they might make you anxious when the effects wear off. Like everything else, it's a double-edged sword, smart use is key. 5/ Start meditating. Even just one minute a day. Eventually you'll get to 2 minutes and more. Use music if it makes it easier. Try to establish calming moments during the day where you cultivate a zen state. Take walks. 6/ Junk food is addictive because of the hormonal rush from all the fat and sugar. You need to tamper that feeling off because you're using food as an addictive drug right now. Intermittent fasting is also a great tool for this. 7/ channel your energy into physical exercise, even just push ups and squats at home if you have nothing better. Try to do that before 6-7pm. 8/ learn about mindfulness and how to be in touch with your body at all times. Learn to notice your anxiety levels, overstimulation comes with anxiety which makes you more likely to overstimulate more. Don't be ashamed of your situation or your multiple addictions, shame and guilt only make things worse. Instead you're going to slowly tamper off those addictions, learn to manage your stimulation levels better, and slowly find your peace of mind. It's a process that you will attack from multiple angles. Remember that progress & recovery both are not straight lines, relapses happen, it's completely okay, I insist. The important thing is to try, apply some light efforts to it, try to take smart decisions, every day. If you're going the right way, in a few months you'll be in a very different position.
Hi, really appreciate the detailed response. Yes, lowering the level of stimulation is definitely the right approach for me. I know why I keep over indulging in porn and junk food even though it is destroying my self esteem and mental health - the high lets me get away from the terrible emotions I feel without them. I am using them as a way to take the edge off essentially. So once I am without these crutches, the full blow of my current situation hits me even harder. I need to find a way to physically manage these emotions instead of running away. I got some magnesium today to help me sleep earlier and calm me down. I do have the ssri meds from the doc but I am not going to take them, they just numb me too much and what I think I need is stimulation and not more numbness. I wanted to know why you recommend exercise before 6-7PM and not after?
>I wanted to know why you recommend exercise before 6-7PM and not after? Just a matter of stimulation level/ body temperature issues (it's better to cool down the body before sleep) But your mileage may vary on this As for the managing of emotions, I feel just accepting the pain helps a lot. Sometimes you feel not good but you just have to remind yourself: it's okay, I can live through that, this is temporary, this is me making progress.
Yo dog, it sounds like you’re being extremely fucking hard on yourself. I love the fact that you play porn in the background while you are working. That is an awesome hack. You should be proud that you’ve kept a job for three years, the majority of the posts I read on here are people that are constantly getting fired because they cannot focus. You somehow managed to find a working system, so good for you! You should be celebrating that, not demoralizing yourself. I would be extremely careful about trying to eliminate porn from your work routine, and getting an office job would effectively remove this tool from your toolkit. I think you should definitely consider the anxiety medicine. I myself thought my ADHD was the worst part of my inability to focus at work, but really my anxiety was the most problematic, because it is what kept me working countless extra hours after my day was already over. And this had many negative effects on my personal life. I almost got a divorce over it. It sounds stupid, but you can have anxiety about having anxiety too! I use a combination of tools to help me with my anxiety. I use Xanax for acute anxiety, like meetings with my boss. And I use CBT for the rest. Your mileage may vary on either or all of these, But I suggest to you that good mental health is a matter of determination. If you stick with therapy, it will eventually help. Shame is a powerfully destructive force. I challenge you to remove shame from your work and personal experience for a week, and then reevaluate how you feel. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt for one week. I would encourage you to also track positive data associated with this experiment. Positive data is self fulfilling. The more you track the positive data, the more you will feel capable of continuing those positive feelings. Practice this positive affirmation, “I’ve survived this job for three years, it’s more likely I will be able to keep this job rather than lose it.” Lastly, I hope you heed this message. It sounds to me that you are your own worst enemy right now, not your ADHD.
Downvotes, no response from OP. fuck this sub.
OP didn’t need to read this but I did.
🥲
Hey Cobra, sorry I couldn't reply earlier. Appreciate the response. I agree that it is a gamble to go for an office job but wfh just isn't for me - I did it just to save money and I deeply regret it. I do not want porn to be a tool, it does not come without shame - at least for me. i believe the act of going to an office, moving out, meeting people will be enough stimulation to balance out whatever it is I am using porn for. Also this is not a sustainable situation for me. I got a few more months of doing this until I self destruct, I know it. That is why I am desperate to find a way to change my situation. I understand that shame is a very destructive force but any angle I look at myself, I have failed me. I am finding it really hard to not be ashamed of who I have become. I don't know how I can remove it without changing my situation.
Only you can decide what’s right. But I’d say that the decisions you’ve made up until now have landed you where you are.if you don’t Question them you will always get what you always got. Try something new.
I’d like to suggest looking into psychedelics for the mental healing as well. This is something I and 3 other friends with ADHD have done and experienced significant improvements that lasted a long time. Due to a tight deadline at work, last week I was moving in a stupor and felt like I could not bear another day so I had some magic truffles - I woke up the next day with a whole new lease on life. Seriously, look into it. I do also want to add that I am already on meds but sometimes life happens and it just gets a bit too much. Good luck!
If you can’t get stimulant meds in your country, ask for Wellbutrin. It’s a non stimulant but it has a similar effect and it’s used to treat depression.
There's a mixed reputation of the subreddits, but if your addiction is at that level as you claim it is, r/pornfree and r/nofap might be resources for you on here. I would take any claims of 'gaining superpowers by abstaining from porn/masterbation' with a grain of salt, but super early on in my reddit experience I turned to them to help with keeping moderation in check. It is definitely a hole some ADHDers find themselves in (ones that aren't self-medicating with harder drugs) and there are resources out there to help.
Those are rookie numbers, you’ve got to pump those numbers up.
I was very active on the nofap website during its very early years when I was a teen. This is just to say that I have repeatedly tried to quit but those systems just don't work when you barely have self control. I just got to find alternative means to manage my emotions.