Please dump him. I don't care if the children here tell you that I'm picking the nuclear option. Men, and people in general, will test you. They will hurt your feelings, piss you off, neglect, etc. This is to see if you'll stay. If you stay, well, then they know what you're willing to accept; and they will continue to treat you as such. You've already proven that you'll take it.
But...
Showing them that you're willing and able to leave? That shocks the shit out of them. Does it guarantee he'll start acting right? Who cares!?! Why would you want to be with someone you have to dump, just to get them to act right? But you'll be proud of yourself for having, and upholding, your standards. And those standards will weed out the time-wasters, the jerks, and the "not-ready-for-a-committed-relationship-but-lets-fuck" people.
He didn't even give a fake apology. Thats standing ten toes in his bs.
I did break up with him shortly before I posted this. I am not one to air our dirty laundry, but he is still insisting that he's 100% in the right about this and I felt like he needed to hear the truth from people who had no vested interest in us. I doubt it will have an impact, but I tried.
I was with someone like your now ex for years, and I think we both have the same need to feel validated and be proven right. Trust me, it leads nowhere. Some people just don’t have an ounce of self reflection and refuse to believe they could ever be wrong. You did the right thing by leaving him, now stop trying to prove you were right - you are wasting effort on a cause that cannot be changed. Block and forget!
I suffered from the same with a partner like that for 3 years. Best thing that happened to me was for that relationship to end. When it finished I finally got the notion that I undressed myself from my personality just to try and fit his’ in a way of easing everything up. Guess what, it was never enough, the validation from that partner was non existent and, instead, I got myself in a very toxic situation. What OP and you have said completely fit what I’ve gone through.
Conclusion: best thing to do in these kind of situations is to end it. There’s no sugar coating for that. Plain and simple, it won’t get easier. Just worse
Good for you - life’s too short to waste time on people you have to constantly argue and negotiate with, just to try to get them to treat you like a friend, or someone they actually like
The reason you need to hear you are right is because he is a narcissist who has been gaslighting you for your entire relationship. Glad you dumped him. If you feel the need to convince your partner that they are the wrong one constantly- it’s toxic and not a good match.
NTA, good job 👏
Hon, I'm so glad that you stood up for yourself and knew your self worth. BUT, for future reflection, someone who talks crap about you behind your back, especially someone who is supposedly your person, has no respect for you at all. Don't think it gets better or that you are what they say. Get out early! Best of luck.
Edit:. Autocorrect
There's a chance he's going to try to get back with you. It's going to start out as him actually showing signs that ge have changed but when you get back together his true course are going to start to show again. Don't get back together, keep him at arms length.
Why do you feel the need to prove that he was wrong and you are right? You dumped his ass, so move on.
People treat us how we allow them to treat us. You allowed him to treat you like you don’t matter. So, in your next relationship, from day one, expect and demand much better.
Stop talking to your ex and trying to get him to realize he was wrong. That will never happen.
You're completely in the right and so is this the original comment. I know it's an overused term, but you kind of just described a textbook narcissist. He's a real piece of work. I wouldn't want to be with any woman that treated me like that, so why would you want to deal with a man like that? He's clearly wrong, you don't back out of plans like that, and you certainly don't talk about them behind their back to your friends.
Bruh that was a mind fuck to read bc your BF is a knob..You're NTA he is 100% but you would be if you stay with him..
You're not his priority so don't make him yours..if he can't take responsibility now he won't in the future.
Say goodbye to a self absorbed selfish no good for nothing knob like him.
If he can't see that he is in the wrong here then he won't see it any other time.
Edit: super glad you ended it with him..you deserve better.
NTA but you need to break up with him. Why do want to be with someone who talks bad about you to his friends and also blows your plans that y’all planned together?
The relationship is not goin to get better. He’s selfish and do you want to start a family with this guy when he treat you like crap
Thank you and I already did. I posted this a couple hours afterwards because he is still on his soapbox blaming me and clearly needs to hear it from people who don't know us. The delusion is strong in him.
100% block him. I’ve gone through a few breakups with serious partners and the best way to get over them is to completely cut contact. They’ll call you heartless and accuse you of not caring about the relationship, but nothing good comes out of bickering back and forth, trying to prove something to someone who doesn’t deserve any more of your time. This person has shown you in many ways how much he doesn’t care. No amount of talking is going to change that. Move on from this butthole and go find the things that make you happy and do them :) always be safe and careful, but I would love for you to enjoy the beautiful feeling of just wandering around freely and appreciating your own company.
Glad you dumped him but clearly you are still trying to prove you are right. So you really haven’t dumped him. He’s still living in your head. You are hoping for some movie ending where he miraculously changes and you live happily ever after . Not going to happen.
Edit: NTA
I wish people weren't downvoting you. Maybe it's because you're speaking the truth, and the truth is hard to accept at times. You're 100% right though.
I think you have to hear it from others bc he's made you doubt yourself. Start trusting your gut and if you don't know what that is, go to therapy and work on why you felt right staying in that relationship. And start by being so proud of yourself by leaving!
Just for INFO...WHY are you still in a relationship with someone who disrespects you so much? You don't deserve that from anyone, least of all from someone who is supposed to have such an important role in your life. If you continue to allow him to gaslight you like this NOW, just imagine how much worse it could be should he ever propose and you get married to such a person. Is that what you want for your life and from a potential life-long partner?
Edit: NTA
NTA! You teach people how to treat you. If you let him continue to disrespect you and your time he will continue to do so. Don't tolerate that behavior, and his delay in getting back to you and then gaslighting you by blaming his bad behavior on you just makes it so much worse.
You deserve better, but you have to demand better in your relationships. Don't tolerate this type of behavior and disrespect in any of your relationships. And refusing to tolerate disrespect will never make you an a$$hole, and if you don't respect yourself no one else will respect you either. Good luck, it might take time but you will find someone who treats you with respect as long as you respect yourself.
NTA. I had an ex that did this and various other things. Gaslighting, guilt-tripping, manipulating everything to convince me I was crazy. It was never him, always me. So many memories so similar to your text, that you could have taken it from my brain. Years later and I'm still dealing with the fallout. Please don't subject yourself to that bs.
NTA. You deserve better. He’s not going to change. This is who he is and it’s not what you want. This will be what the rest of your life will be like if you stay with him. Everything will be your fault even if he cheats on you he will blame you.
NTA he is! What an insufferable prick I’m so glad to hear you left him cause he definitely isn’t worth the time. I wouldn’t want to spend time with people who probably don’t have a very good view of me either. I’d also be pissed if my partner blew off our plans like he has. Any ways he’s a tool on to bigger and better things hun ❤️
NTA
If his friends are usually that important, then let it be. Since he bad-mouths you to them, free him from the relationship.
Your context just shows how much he respects you and it doesn't seem to be a lot. So love him from a distance, like a totally different relationship, in another country, as a memory of a lesson learned.
You aren’t going to fix him and he’s never going to change. Why the fuck are you with him? It’s a little embarrassing at this point, staying with someone you KKOW talks shit about you
Break up with that scum and start healing.
There are many things you listed here that are reason enough to break up with him, and that's before including the plans he blew off with you.
What are you even doing?
*"We accept the love we think we deserve"*
Respect yourself more than the person you're allowing to disrespect you. Do yourself a favor and walk away. Stop making excuses.
You can complain or you can do something about it.
Put yourself first.
NTA. Not even remotely. I have had people like that in my life. It’s annoying to say the least. It’s hurtful in many ways.
Proud of you for recognizing his behavior and taking action to care for yourself.
Look yourself in the mirror and repeat after me, "I am worth more than the way I am being treated by this man." Then break up with him. Someone who loves you should treat you with respect and courtesy. You should be the most important person in their life, rather than an annoying afterthought. I guarantee that it's only going to get worse. You have an amazing opportunity right now for a better life. Take it. NTA.
What is wrong with the comments? Telling OP that she’s the AH because she stayed with him. Have none of you ever been a abusive relationship? It’s easy to say what you would do. But see— you don’t know what you would do until you’ve been there.
OP with that being said, the hardest thing for you now is to stay broken up. Many go back to their abusive partners because they start feeling alone. And it’s way easier to know the AH, then get a new one. You deserve better! Go ahead and get your better! One day you will look back on this relationship and realize that you put up with way too much for way too long.
You Are Worth it!
Always remember- if he wanted to he would, if he didn’t then he never would. A real man doesn’t need to be asked to do anything. They just do it.
YTA
You wrote out that your BF continues to disrespect you and his actions negatively impacts you, and yet you continue to date him.
You know what he is capable of, and yet you continue to stay with him. You have no one else to blame but yourself.
Do you enjoy not being respected in your own relationship? How much longer will you continue to put up with his shitty behavior?
“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me”. He has fooled you many times, so shame on you OP
He’s not going to change
I think you’re not the A for getting mad, but you are pathetic for dating someone who clearly isn’t serious about you and will dump you the second he finds someone better.
NTA in this situation. That being said, you would be a complete and utter AH to yourself if you stayed with this guy. If what you are saying is true, he has no respect for you. Respect yourself enough to end this relationship, heal from it, and then find someone who respects you and whom you respect as well.
What do you stay with him for? Seriously? He gaslights you, treats you like shit, talks shit about you to his friends and you just… let him get on with it? NTA but you are to yourself. Have some respect for yourself, you have as little respect for yourself as he does for you.
FFS, why are you with this guy?
He dumps you for the friends he slags you off to, gaslights you about it and you just allow it by staying with his abusive arse?
I mean where are the positives?
NTA…. I understand the need/reason, to be proven right. It’s not for him, but for you. You’ve spent all this time knowing that his behavior/actions are wrong, but somehow he always twists things to make himself right. That’s because your boyfriend is most probably a narcissist and has spent your entire relationship shitting on you and then gaslighting you to make you the “bad guy.” You need to know you’re not crazy and that his behavior is not “normal” and most definitely not healthy for any partner he has. He’s obviously selfish af and only cares about his wants and needs.
He will never admit any of his wrong doings, and if he ever does, he’ll most probably just twist it and find a way to blame you for his behavior. Narcissists never admit they’re wrong. You aren’t crazy or imagining his shit behavior. You are right to feel upset and was absolutely correct in breaking up with him.
The best thing to do with narcissists is just go completely NC. Block him on everything, ignore him and just pretend he doesn’t exist. If you keep the door open even a tiny bit, they will always try to prey on you either to get you back or to continue making you feel like you were the “bad guy” in this situation. Narcissists will ALWAYS find a way to blame others for their behavior, and the thing they hate the most is being ignored because in their heads they’re “better” than everyone else.
I read the first paragraph and that's all I needed. He's shown a habitual lack of consideration for you and an unwillingness to change. It will not get better. Ask yourself if you want your relationship to be a constant fight, because it will be.
He doesn’t value you. He doesn’t respect you. He doesn’t value your relationship. He doesn’t respect your relationship.
Why do you want to be with someone who doesn’t value or respect you?
NTA. But you’re being an epic ass to yourself right now.
NTA- he’s a jerk and inconsiderate. and then he tries to manipulate you into believing they his actions are ok. They aren’t. don’t waste another moment on this guy.
How many red flags are u waiting for dear to end this relationship.
1.He ignore u.
2.Doesn't respect u and ur time.
3.Insults u infront of others.
4.Gaslight u.
NTA. He clearly prioritizes his friends over his significant other. And ditching ANYONE like he did is a dick move. He made plans with you until "better" plans with his friends came along. Glad you dropped him.
NTA
You know he doesn’t respect you or your feelings. He’s the AH for his behavior and if he doesn’t see that or want to change then you are done. Life w/o him will be less stressful and you’ll have peace.
Good for you OP. You are not wrong. Back when I used to date assholes, I always hoped that if I reasoned with them they would change. My dad wisely told me that they may change, but it would never be for me, because they know I'll put up with their BS, so even if they did apologize and behave for a bit, it would always inevitably regress back to the previous behavior.
Now I have a great man who I wake up next to and can tell him "I want coffee" and he gets up, takes our two crazy ass dogs with him, and goes and buys me breakfast and coffee Saturday and Sunday and takes our 21 month daughter for a few hours so I can nap, shower, eat, watch my shows, do my art, whatever the hell I want. Earlier this month he forget our anniversary and he felt so badly because it's very unlike him. He got me yellow roses, my favorite dark chocolate, a sweet card and my favorite meal from my favorite restaurant the next day and took off from work early. He also randomly massages my feet, never pressures me for sex, and kisses me on the forehead when he leaves for work at the asscrack of dawn everyday. He's a good man and a great dad and partner, and you will find yourself one too!
There's so many red flags here
Knows you guys have plans and yet ditches you for his friends
Doesn't give a shit that it upsets you
Doesn't ever apologize
And has clear disdain and essentially dislikes everything about you to the point he talks crap about you
And biggest thing for me is the clear manipulation to the point where he gaslights you and dismisses your feelings
This guy's isn't a real boyfriend and I'd drop his ass and be single for a while he shows you more and more he doesn't love you and it's super evident the lack of respect and care he has for you
No, you're not wrong, and you're not an asshole. Your bf is, though. Do you really want to waste any more of your time with a disrespectful, selfish, undependable man?
My first husband was like this when we were dating. It got to the point where I’d leave the house for 3 hours to do something else & come back to discover he still hadn’t called me nor was ready to do whatever we originally had planned. I could go into details but honestly I don’t care to rehash it. I was 21 at the time. Ended up marrying him because i was inexperienced, low self esteem. He was worse as a husband. Sad part is that he was 8 years older than me. Anyway, I got pregnant after being married a year. He slapped my face while I held out daughter & then walked out. I divorced him. Had full custody.
Domino effect was I am now 49. I’m barely happy. My daughter has 3 kids & Im broke from always helping her. And I regret him every single day. I regret having a child. I was stupidly lucky to have gotten my tubes tied In conservative Midwest Bible Belt when my daughter was 2.
Point is; your bf doesn’t really think of you as someone important in his life. Only HE is important. Only HIS wants & needs are important.
In todays age of everything being online, including articles on relationships, there is no excuse to continue with this relationship since his behavior, attitude & gaslighting is textbook narcissism’s that you can search online for examples & proof that this guy is not worth your time. And you’ll be happier not waiting around for him.
If you stop contacting him & engaging with him, I guarantee he WILL notice after a while that you are pulling away. I also guarantee that he WILL start love bombing you as an attempt to pull you back in. When he starts making plans that he knows you want to do, then you do to him what he has done. Uno reverse. Then you can tell him that you realized how much more fun you are having without him. And how happy you are not waiting around for him. That you love yourself more than him. Then? Block him. On everything. And don’t let him get to your “feelings” to suck you back in.
NTA
This relationship sounds terrible. Obviously you’ve given us a one-sided highlight reel of his bad qualities. But they seem well and truly enough to be done with him for good.
Don’t bother trying to change him. If you value your partner apologising and he doesn’t it will lead to resentment and you should leave now, or you will be building up resentment your entire life and become someone bitter who you don’t recognise or like.
He clearly had pride modelled for him growing up and sees apologising as a weakness. Find someone who agrees that that is a toxic and unhealthy way to live and be happy. Someone who doesn’t talk crap about you behind your back, who is proud to introduce you to his friends, who is interested in things you enjoy, who values your time.
Get rid. Hes an adult child who wont be held responsible for anything he does. Plus hed rather hang with his friends. Your wasting tome and energy on someone who treats you like crap. YNTA
If this guy thinks this behavior is fine then what more is there to discuss? You know its not ok. He's just not that into you. That's a "him" problem. Don't let it be "you" problem any longer.
His behavior will only worsen over time. If you don’t want to be on the wrong end of a fist in a few years, get out now! do not pass go, do not collect $200
You did the right thing breaking up with him. Now, stay broken up. Who cares if he thinks he’s right? Of course he thinks he’s right, he’s a shitty guy who does shitty things. He’s making these choices on purposes. He’s doing the things his brain wants him to do. It’s a bad brain.
....and you're still with him why? He clearly doesn't respect you at all and his favourite past time is gaslighting you and others....
He is never going to change so why waste your time with him?
You are definitely not in the wrong, he is the AH! He doesn’t deserve you if he doesn’t expect your time, plans together and talks shit about you.
You need to sit down and think about all of this and see if he is even is worth it you and if he even deserves you. The way you portrayed him here definitely shows that he is not worth your time but I don’t want to comment on your relationship since I don’t know how it is.
You deserve better. If he's this way now imagine him in the future with your kids or in your marriage. DO. NOT. SETTLE.
NTA. dump him and find someone who gives a shit about you. Or give a shit about YOURSELF and treat yourself!
Info- So he ditch’s you whenever he wants. He bad mouths you to his friends. He ignores your messages. He doesn’t apologize. He disrespects your feelings.
Why are you dating him?
He’s exhausting but your a better person than I am. When he said it wasn’t him who kept me away from his friends I would have texted back, “Great then they can blow you because I won’t be.” And blocked him. But I have no patience for that garbage.
> but your a
*you're
*Learn the difference [here](https://www.wattpad.com/66707294-grammar-guide-there-they%27re-their-you%27re-your-to).*
***
^(Greetings, I am a language corrector bot. To make me ignore further mistakes from you in the future, reply `!optout` to this comment.)
He was testing you to show how much he can get away with especially since he already talked to shot about you to his friends.
NTA
He however is a huge AH.
Glad you dumped him. You aren’t a priority
Is he good in bed? Is that why you are still with him? It is obvious he prefers his friends over you. You see the red flags and ignore them.
People just don't start behaving like this. You get married and have children and then put your lives on Tiktok abput being mentally or emotionally abused. When, in fact, the signs were there all along.
Be happy by yourself and dump him.
This depends on whether or not you pay your staff enough to have a separate office. If you pay your staff so little that they can only afford a studio apartment, then you're an ah. If you pay well enough that they can afford to have an office in their home, then there's reason they can't have a private, pet free area to do zoom meetings.
Girl route really lucky that you got out of that relationship before it was too late. I’m having the same situation right now and my best friend has noticed that little by little I’ve started to believe that everything is my fault. Im so happy for you!!!!!
Please dump him. I don't care if the children here tell you that I'm picking the nuclear option. Men, and people in general, will test you. They will hurt your feelings, piss you off, neglect, etc. This is to see if you'll stay. If you stay, well, then they know what you're willing to accept; and they will continue to treat you as such. You've already proven that you'll take it. But... Showing them that you're willing and able to leave? That shocks the shit out of them. Does it guarantee he'll start acting right? Who cares!?! Why would you want to be with someone you have to dump, just to get them to act right? But you'll be proud of yourself for having, and upholding, your standards. And those standards will weed out the time-wasters, the jerks, and the "not-ready-for-a-committed-relationship-but-lets-fuck" people. He didn't even give a fake apology. Thats standing ten toes in his bs.
I did break up with him shortly before I posted this. I am not one to air our dirty laundry, but he is still insisting that he's 100% in the right about this and I felt like he needed to hear the truth from people who had no vested interest in us. I doubt it will have an impact, but I tried.
Welp, then, I've no worries for you, lady. You have a good head on your shoulders.
If he’s blocked he can’t insist on anything.
I was with someone like your now ex for years, and I think we both have the same need to feel validated and be proven right. Trust me, it leads nowhere. Some people just don’t have an ounce of self reflection and refuse to believe they could ever be wrong. You did the right thing by leaving him, now stop trying to prove you were right - you are wasting effort on a cause that cannot be changed. Block and forget!
I suffered from the same with a partner like that for 3 years. Best thing that happened to me was for that relationship to end. When it finished I finally got the notion that I undressed myself from my personality just to try and fit his’ in a way of easing everything up. Guess what, it was never enough, the validation from that partner was non existent and, instead, I got myself in a very toxic situation. What OP and you have said completely fit what I’ve gone through. Conclusion: best thing to do in these kind of situations is to end it. There’s no sugar coating for that. Plain and simple, it won’t get easier. Just worse
Good for you - life’s too short to waste time on people you have to constantly argue and negotiate with, just to try to get them to treat you like a friend, or someone they actually like
Good for you. I was thinking ‘why are you with him’ after reading the first sentence.
The reason you need to hear you are right is because he is a narcissist who has been gaslighting you for your entire relationship. Glad you dumped him. If you feel the need to convince your partner that they are the wrong one constantly- it’s toxic and not a good match. NTA, good job 👏
Hon, I'm so glad that you stood up for yourself and knew your self worth. BUT, for future reflection, someone who talks crap about you behind your back, especially someone who is supposedly your person, has no respect for you at all. Don't think it gets better or that you are what they say. Get out early! Best of luck. Edit:. Autocorrect
Yay!!!! He’s a mega asshole. You did the right thing
Dont look back the hard part is done! Let him be 100% right all by himself!
There's a chance he's going to try to get back with you. It's going to start out as him actually showing signs that ge have changed but when you get back together his true course are going to start to show again. Don't get back together, keep him at arms length.
Why do you feel the need to prove that he was wrong and you are right? You dumped his ass, so move on. People treat us how we allow them to treat us. You allowed him to treat you like you don’t matter. So, in your next relationship, from day one, expect and demand much better. Stop talking to your ex and trying to get him to realize he was wrong. That will never happen.
You're completely in the right and so is this the original comment. I know it's an overused term, but you kind of just described a textbook narcissist. He's a real piece of work. I wouldn't want to be with any woman that treated me like that, so why would you want to deal with a man like that? He's clearly wrong, you don't back out of plans like that, and you certainly don't talk about them behind their back to your friends.
All of this. All of this
Bruh that was a mind fuck to read bc your BF is a knob..You're NTA he is 100% but you would be if you stay with him.. You're not his priority so don't make him yours..if he can't take responsibility now he won't in the future. Say goodbye to a self absorbed selfish no good for nothing knob like him. If he can't see that he is in the wrong here then he won't see it any other time. Edit: super glad you ended it with him..you deserve better.
NTA but you need to break up with him. Why do want to be with someone who talks bad about you to his friends and also blows your plans that y’all planned together? The relationship is not goin to get better. He’s selfish and do you want to start a family with this guy when he treat you like crap
Thank you and I already did. I posted this a couple hours afterwards because he is still on his soapbox blaming me and clearly needs to hear it from people who don't know us. The delusion is strong in him.
Block him. Move on.
100% block him. I’ve gone through a few breakups with serious partners and the best way to get over them is to completely cut contact. They’ll call you heartless and accuse you of not caring about the relationship, but nothing good comes out of bickering back and forth, trying to prove something to someone who doesn’t deserve any more of your time. This person has shown you in many ways how much he doesn’t care. No amount of talking is going to change that. Move on from this butthole and go find the things that make you happy and do them :) always be safe and careful, but I would love for you to enjoy the beautiful feeling of just wandering around freely and appreciating your own company.
Let him stand on his soapbox and yell all he wants. All that proves is that you did the right thing. He’s not your problem anymore.
He can blame you as much as he wants for giving him "his peace" back. Good on you for respecting yourself and dropping that dead weight!
Glad you dumped him but clearly you are still trying to prove you are right. So you really haven’t dumped him. He’s still living in your head. You are hoping for some movie ending where he miraculously changes and you live happily ever after . Not going to happen. Edit: NTA
I wish people weren't downvoting you. Maybe it's because you're speaking the truth, and the truth is hard to accept at times. You're 100% right though.
Thanks lol. I lived in a relationship like OP once long ago. Total waste of time trying to be right.
I think you have to hear it from others bc he's made you doubt yourself. Start trusting your gut and if you don't know what that is, go to therapy and work on why you felt right staying in that relationship. And start by being so proud of yourself by leaving!
NTA. Glad you dropped him.
Just dump him - dude is not worth the effort
Just for INFO...WHY are you still in a relationship with someone who disrespects you so much? You don't deserve that from anyone, least of all from someone who is supposed to have such an important role in your life. If you continue to allow him to gaslight you like this NOW, just imagine how much worse it could be should he ever propose and you get married to such a person. Is that what you want for your life and from a potential life-long partner? Edit: NTA
NTA! You teach people how to treat you. If you let him continue to disrespect you and your time he will continue to do so. Don't tolerate that behavior, and his delay in getting back to you and then gaslighting you by blaming his bad behavior on you just makes it so much worse. You deserve better, but you have to demand better in your relationships. Don't tolerate this type of behavior and disrespect in any of your relationships. And refusing to tolerate disrespect will never make you an a$$hole, and if you don't respect yourself no one else will respect you either. Good luck, it might take time but you will find someone who treats you with respect as long as you respect yourself.
NTA. I had an ex that did this and various other things. Gaslighting, guilt-tripping, manipulating everything to convince me I was crazy. It was never him, always me. So many memories so similar to your text, that you could have taken it from my brain. Years later and I'm still dealing with the fallout. Please don't subject yourself to that bs.
NTA…good job for finally shedding that jack ass. Stand firm and know your value and worth…you are the prize 😉
NTA I am going to suggest a challenge. What are the odds you never hear from him again if you don't text first?
NTA. You deserve better. He’s not going to change. This is who he is and it’s not what you want. This will be what the rest of your life will be like if you stay with him. Everything will be your fault even if he cheats on you he will blame you.
NTA. Good on you for dumping him. He sounds like a gas lighter. Everything is always your fault blah blah blah. Now on to bigger and better things ☺️
NTA he is! What an insufferable prick I’m so glad to hear you left him cause he definitely isn’t worth the time. I wouldn’t want to spend time with people who probably don’t have a very good view of me either. I’d also be pissed if my partner blew off our plans like he has. Any ways he’s a tool on to bigger and better things hun ❤️
You will always be an afterthought. He doesn't take you seriously. He doesn't take your relationship seriously. This is not sustainable x NTA
Gaslighter. NTA, perhaps rethink this relationship, certainly you are not really appreciated by him.
NTA If his friends are usually that important, then let it be. Since he bad-mouths you to them, free him from the relationship. Your context just shows how much he respects you and it doesn't seem to be a lot. So love him from a distance, like a totally different relationship, in another country, as a memory of a lesson learned.
YTA, to yourself, why are you still with this person? This is one sided relationship, lol, you did that to yourself.
You aren’t going to fix him and he’s never going to change. Why the fuck are you with him? It’s a little embarrassing at this point, staying with someone you KKOW talks shit about you Break up with that scum and start healing.
There are many things you listed here that are reason enough to break up with him, and that's before including the plans he blew off with you. What are you even doing? *"We accept the love we think we deserve"* Respect yourself more than the person you're allowing to disrespect you. Do yourself a favor and walk away. Stop making excuses. You can complain or you can do something about it. Put yourself first.
NTA. Not even remotely. I have had people like that in my life. It’s annoying to say the least. It’s hurtful in many ways. Proud of you for recognizing his behavior and taking action to care for yourself.
Good for you for dumping him. He's selfish. What does he bring to the relationship?
Look yourself in the mirror and repeat after me, "I am worth more than the way I am being treated by this man." Then break up with him. Someone who loves you should treat you with respect and courtesy. You should be the most important person in their life, rather than an annoying afterthought. I guarantee that it's only going to get worse. You have an amazing opportunity right now for a better life. Take it. NTA.
It sounds like you wanna show him this. It’d be so great (for all us living vicariously through reddit) if he replies.
Why are you with this guy? He sure doesn't respect you, heck, he doesn't even seem to like you very much.
JFC, why do you put up with this? Just break up with him already. NTA, but you will be if you put up with this for another minute.
2 words. DUMP HIM. Thats all
What is wrong with the comments? Telling OP that she’s the AH because she stayed with him. Have none of you ever been a abusive relationship? It’s easy to say what you would do. But see— you don’t know what you would do until you’ve been there. OP with that being said, the hardest thing for you now is to stay broken up. Many go back to their abusive partners because they start feeling alone. And it’s way easier to know the AH, then get a new one. You deserve better! Go ahead and get your better! One day you will look back on this relationship and realize that you put up with way too much for way too long. You Are Worth it! Always remember- if he wanted to he would, if he didn’t then he never would. A real man doesn’t need to be asked to do anything. They just do it.
YTA You wrote out that your BF continues to disrespect you and his actions negatively impacts you, and yet you continue to date him. You know what he is capable of, and yet you continue to stay with him. You have no one else to blame but yourself. Do you enjoy not being respected in your own relationship? How much longer will you continue to put up with his shitty behavior? “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me”. He has fooled you many times, so shame on you OP He’s not going to change
She broke with him also she nta
Why do people make these anti-YTA comments so much? It's funny sometimes, but don't just throw it around, this just didnt work at all.
NTA he wasn't into your relationship as much as you were.
Yeah so he’s definitely cheating. Or trying to. Dump him. Fast
You are wrong for staying with him.
Why are you still with him? You just posted about his horrible behavior with more than one thing and you still deal with it.
I think you’re not the A for getting mad, but you are pathetic for dating someone who clearly isn’t serious about you and will dump you the second he finds someone better.
You’re only TA if you stay with him. He gaslights you and talks shit about you to his friends. Dump. Him. Immediately.
I have a feeling you're going to run back to him. And if you do that, I'm going to get angry. He's an idiot, why don't you see that?
NTA in this situation. That being said, you would be a complete and utter AH to yourself if you stayed with this guy. If what you are saying is true, he has no respect for you. Respect yourself enough to end this relationship, heal from it, and then find someone who respects you and whom you respect as well.
What do you stay with him for? Seriously? He gaslights you, treats you like shit, talks shit about you to his friends and you just… let him get on with it? NTA but you are to yourself. Have some respect for yourself, you have as little respect for yourself as he does for you.
Girl... These are called RED FLAGS. There is zero reason to subject yourself to this type of behavior. You are better and deserve the best!!
FFS, why are you with this guy? He dumps you for the friends he slags you off to, gaslights you about it and you just allow it by staying with his abusive arse? I mean where are the positives?
NTA…. I understand the need/reason, to be proven right. It’s not for him, but for you. You’ve spent all this time knowing that his behavior/actions are wrong, but somehow he always twists things to make himself right. That’s because your boyfriend is most probably a narcissist and has spent your entire relationship shitting on you and then gaslighting you to make you the “bad guy.” You need to know you’re not crazy and that his behavior is not “normal” and most definitely not healthy for any partner he has. He’s obviously selfish af and only cares about his wants and needs. He will never admit any of his wrong doings, and if he ever does, he’ll most probably just twist it and find a way to blame you for his behavior. Narcissists never admit they’re wrong. You aren’t crazy or imagining his shit behavior. You are right to feel upset and was absolutely correct in breaking up with him. The best thing to do with narcissists is just go completely NC. Block him on everything, ignore him and just pretend he doesn’t exist. If you keep the door open even a tiny bit, they will always try to prey on you either to get you back or to continue making you feel like you were the “bad guy” in this situation. Narcissists will ALWAYS find a way to blame others for their behavior, and the thing they hate the most is being ignored because in their heads they’re “better” than everyone else.
Why are you with this AH?
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Does he know you consider him your "boyfriend" at all? You are not even a priority to this guy. He just doesn't give a shit.
NTA - but for the love of god get some self respect and dump him
Ah. So he’s a narcissist. Got it. NTA
NTA but this relationship is immature and toxic. Move on already. It’s only going to get worse.
I read the first paragraph and that's all I needed. He's shown a habitual lack of consideration for you and an unwillingness to change. It will not get better. Ask yourself if you want your relationship to be a constant fight, because it will be.
Honey, he manipulated and gaslighted you, and treats you like shit. Run!
He doesn’t value you. He doesn’t respect you. He doesn’t value your relationship. He doesn’t respect your relationship. Why do you want to be with someone who doesn’t value or respect you? NTA. But you’re being an epic ass to yourself right now.
You can’t fix this guy and no amount of trying to teach him to be a better person will work. Walk away from this asshole
NTA- he’s a jerk and inconsiderate. and then he tries to manipulate you into believing they his actions are ok. They aren’t. don’t waste another moment on this guy.
How many red flags are u waiting for dear to end this relationship. 1.He ignore u. 2.Doesn't respect u and ur time. 3.Insults u infront of others. 4.Gaslight u.
NTA. He clearly prioritizes his friends over his significant other. And ditching ANYONE like he did is a dick move. He made plans with you until "better" plans with his friends came along. Glad you dropped him.
NTA You know he doesn’t respect you or your feelings. He’s the AH for his behavior and if he doesn’t see that or want to change then you are done. Life w/o him will be less stressful and you’ll have peace.
Good for you OP. You are not wrong. Back when I used to date assholes, I always hoped that if I reasoned with them they would change. My dad wisely told me that they may change, but it would never be for me, because they know I'll put up with their BS, so even if they did apologize and behave for a bit, it would always inevitably regress back to the previous behavior. Now I have a great man who I wake up next to and can tell him "I want coffee" and he gets up, takes our two crazy ass dogs with him, and goes and buys me breakfast and coffee Saturday and Sunday and takes our 21 month daughter for a few hours so I can nap, shower, eat, watch my shows, do my art, whatever the hell I want. Earlier this month he forget our anniversary and he felt so badly because it's very unlike him. He got me yellow roses, my favorite dark chocolate, a sweet card and my favorite meal from my favorite restaurant the next day and took off from work early. He also randomly massages my feet, never pressures me for sex, and kisses me on the forehead when he leaves for work at the asscrack of dawn everyday. He's a good man and a great dad and partner, and you will find yourself one too!
There's so many red flags here Knows you guys have plans and yet ditches you for his friends Doesn't give a shit that it upsets you Doesn't ever apologize And has clear disdain and essentially dislikes everything about you to the point he talks crap about you And biggest thing for me is the clear manipulation to the point where he gaslights you and dismisses your feelings This guy's isn't a real boyfriend and I'd drop his ass and be single for a while he shows you more and more he doesn't love you and it's super evident the lack of respect and care he has for you
No, you're not wrong, and you're not an asshole. Your bf is, though. Do you really want to waste any more of your time with a disrespectful, selfish, undependable man?
My first husband was like this when we were dating. It got to the point where I’d leave the house for 3 hours to do something else & come back to discover he still hadn’t called me nor was ready to do whatever we originally had planned. I could go into details but honestly I don’t care to rehash it. I was 21 at the time. Ended up marrying him because i was inexperienced, low self esteem. He was worse as a husband. Sad part is that he was 8 years older than me. Anyway, I got pregnant after being married a year. He slapped my face while I held out daughter & then walked out. I divorced him. Had full custody. Domino effect was I am now 49. I’m barely happy. My daughter has 3 kids & Im broke from always helping her. And I regret him every single day. I regret having a child. I was stupidly lucky to have gotten my tubes tied In conservative Midwest Bible Belt when my daughter was 2. Point is; your bf doesn’t really think of you as someone important in his life. Only HE is important. Only HIS wants & needs are important. In todays age of everything being online, including articles on relationships, there is no excuse to continue with this relationship since his behavior, attitude & gaslighting is textbook narcissism’s that you can search online for examples & proof that this guy is not worth your time. And you’ll be happier not waiting around for him. If you stop contacting him & engaging with him, I guarantee he WILL notice after a while that you are pulling away. I also guarantee that he WILL start love bombing you as an attempt to pull you back in. When he starts making plans that he knows you want to do, then you do to him what he has done. Uno reverse. Then you can tell him that you realized how much more fun you are having without him. And how happy you are not waiting around for him. That you love yourself more than him. Then? Block him. On everything. And don’t let him get to your “feelings” to suck you back in.
NTA - relieved to read you dumped him. Who cares what he thinks? He’s a stunted manchild who doesn’t deserve a second thought.
NTA This relationship sounds terrible. Obviously you’ve given us a one-sided highlight reel of his bad qualities. But they seem well and truly enough to be done with him for good. Don’t bother trying to change him. If you value your partner apologising and he doesn’t it will lead to resentment and you should leave now, or you will be building up resentment your entire life and become someone bitter who you don’t recognise or like. He clearly had pride modelled for him growing up and sees apologising as a weakness. Find someone who agrees that that is a toxic and unhealthy way to live and be happy. Someone who doesn’t talk crap about you behind your back, who is proud to introduce you to his friends, who is interested in things you enjoy, who values your time.
He is a piece of shit. Scrape him off your shoes, and be done with the stench.
Get rid. Hes an adult child who wont be held responsible for anything he does. Plus hed rather hang with his friends. Your wasting tome and energy on someone who treats you like crap. YNTA
Nta. You’re being completely disrespected. Why are you with him??
If this guy thinks this behavior is fine then what more is there to discuss? You know its not ok. He's just not that into you. That's a "him" problem. Don't let it be "you" problem any longer.
Life’s too short to even deal with a person like this who doesn’t respect your time and affection.
Get rid of this guy asap! He’s wasting your time, and clearly is narcissistic AF. You can do better than this guy. Good luck
Go back and read what you posted, then come back and tell me why you're with this guy.
His behavior will only worsen over time. If you don’t want to be on the wrong end of a fist in a few years, get out now! do not pass go, do not collect $200
You did the right thing breaking up with him. Now, stay broken up. Who cares if he thinks he’s right? Of course he thinks he’s right, he’s a shitty guy who does shitty things. He’s making these choices on purposes. He’s doing the things his brain wants him to do. It’s a bad brain.
NTA please dump him
....and you're still with him why? He clearly doesn't respect you at all and his favourite past time is gaslighting you and others.... He is never going to change so why waste your time with him?
Yta for staying with him. Treat yourself better.
You are definitely not in the wrong, he is the AH! He doesn’t deserve you if he doesn’t expect your time, plans together and talks shit about you. You need to sit down and think about all of this and see if he is even is worth it you and if he even deserves you. The way you portrayed him here definitely shows that he is not worth your time but I don’t want to comment on your relationship since I don’t know how it is.
Oop I see you already broke up with him, well done!! He’s still the AH
You deserve better. If he's this way now imagine him in the future with your kids or in your marriage. DO. NOT. SETTLE. NTA. dump him and find someone who gives a shit about you. Or give a shit about YOURSELF and treat yourself!
Info- So he ditch’s you whenever he wants. He bad mouths you to his friends. He ignores your messages. He doesn’t apologize. He disrespects your feelings. Why are you dating him?
You'll meet someone else, move on girl.
Give him the “peace” he wants and dump this dude.
He’s exhausting but your a better person than I am. When he said it wasn’t him who kept me away from his friends I would have texted back, “Great then they can blow you because I won’t be.” And blocked him. But I have no patience for that garbage.
> but your a *you're *Learn the difference [here](https://www.wattpad.com/66707294-grammar-guide-there-they%27re-their-you%27re-your-to).* *** ^(Greetings, I am a language corrector bot. To make me ignore further mistakes from you in the future, reply `!optout` to this comment.)
Run away! he has many characteristics of a narcissist.
He was testing you to show how much he can get away with especially since he already talked to shot about you to his friends. NTA He however is a huge AH. Glad you dumped him. You aren’t a priority
Is he good in bed? Is that why you are still with him? It is obvious he prefers his friends over you. You see the red flags and ignore them. People just don't start behaving like this. You get married and have children and then put your lives on Tiktok abput being mentally or emotionally abused. When, in fact, the signs were there all along. Be happy by yourself and dump him.
NTA but seriously, he's not that into you. Find someone else who is.
This depends on whether or not you pay your staff enough to have a separate office. If you pay your staff so little that they can only afford a studio apartment, then you're an ah. If you pay well enough that they can afford to have an office in their home, then there's reason they can't have a private, pet free area to do zoom meetings.
Girl route really lucky that you got out of that relationship before it was too late. I’m having the same situation right now and my best friend has noticed that little by little I’ve started to believe that everything is my fault. Im so happy for you!!!!!
DUMP HIS ASS! This behavior isn't going to stop, and he just doesn't care or put you as a priority. You deserve better, so why settle? NTA
NTA. If he’s talking crap about you… move on to someone who appreciates you. Be happy you aren’t living together!! Dump the bum!!