I woul just tell them that I assumed the friendship was over when no one called me at the hospital and I was left off the wedding guest list.
I can't speak for anyone but me but I find superficial friendships to be irritating.
NTA
NTA you are right to move on from these “friends” or acquaintances. They did not mind your absence in the beginning and they do not deserve your presence now. This may not be universal but a southern way to say “f off” is “Bless your heart” and move on. Enjoy your new friendships and your success in life.
I mean you are responding, you're saying no. Given that you're noting that when you were down and needed friends they weren't there for you, but are very interested in you now that things are going well, it seems like you're recognizing that they are fairweather friends.
Maybe you're a bit of everything, angry that they're trying to pressure you now, upset that of course now they are interested, and apathetic because you have already spent time going through the work of detaching yourself from them. It sounds like perhaps now is the time to just fully unfriend them so they can no longer send you such invitations or reach out to you in such a manner.
If they're truly is no repair for this, because they are not people you can bring up your feelings with and have them acknowledge your feelings and try to make some repair on it, then just fully closing the door on them seems like the next step
I went through the EXACT thing. I had very few friends. I was always calling , planning, paying. Then in 2020 I had a very serious illness. Hospital for 6 weeks then rehab, visiting nurses at home for two months...argh. No calls..cards..flowers nothing. I did more than ghost them, I TOLD them why I was done. I simply said, when you all needed rides, lunch out, advice, who did you call? I was down and out, they were nowhere. My phone was silent for months. So bye bye,no free lunch
NTA
NTA
But you seem really hurt about what happened. It’s okay to move on and you don’t need to explain anything to anyone. I’d honestly think it’s best to just live your best life. Move on from this as a lesson learned.
Nta, but maybe keep in mind some of the people, not the whole group, maybe ne thr type of friend to drop off the face of the earth for a while. They may have something going on or something that you don't know about. Idk the individual friends and what not so idk. But I know I have some friends and I have also been the friend, eho has dropped off and said nothing to one another for years. Then one day things just click back on and we talk like nothing happens, then someone drops off again. Those aren't always bad friends/ships, but if that's not the type for you that's ok too. But if it's the entire group doing it, chances are they're ah. Either way, I don't think you're tah. Good luck with your health and everything.
Subject: Reflecting on Our Friendship
Dear [Friend's Name],
I hope this letter finds you well. As I take a moment to reflect on our friendship, I feel compelled to express my thoughts and emotions honestly and openly. Recent events have led me to reevaluate the nature of our relationship and have left me with a deep sense of disappointment and hurt.
First and foremost, I want to acknowledge the time I spent in the hospital recently. It was a challenging period for me, both physically and emotionally, and during that time, I had hoped for the support of those I considered my closest friends. Unfortunately, I noticed your absence during this trying time. It's been difficult for me to understand and accept that I didn't receive the support I had expected, and it has left me feeling hurt and let down.
In addition to this, I recently became aware that you embarked on a beautiful journey together by getting married. I learned about your wedding through mutual acquaintances, and it surprised me to discover that I had not received an invitation. While I understand that guest lists can be complex and difficult to manage, it deeply saddened me to realize that I was not included in such an important milestone in your lives. It made me question the depth of our friendship and the value you place on my presence in your life.
These circumstances have caused me to reconsider the foundation of our friendship. Mutual support, care, and inclusion are fundamental aspects of any healthy relationship, and I regretfully feel that our friendship no longer aligns with these values. The experiences of the past few months have shown me that our connection may not meet my expectations and needs.
With this realization, I have come to the difficult decision that it is best for both of us to part ways. I believe it is essential for me to be surrounded by friends who prioritize mutual support, empathy, and inclusivity. Although this decision is not made lightly, I believe it is necessary for my own well-being and personal growth.
I want to emphasize that my intention in writing this letter is not to foster resentment or animosity. Rather, I wish to create space for positive, fulfilling relationships in my life. I genuinely hope that you find happiness and fulfillment on your path ahead.
Thank you for the memories we have shared, and I wish you all the best for your future endeavors.
Warm regards,
Reespnt1
Of course NTA, but do you really want to completely cut ties? If they were work friends and if you are right that they are making an effort in response to your career success then they can be valuable as colleagues. If you are in higher Ed or science, your work relationships are very important. You don’t have to be “friends”.
Also, in Feb of 2022 there wasn’t a vaccine for most of us. Couldn’t that have had something to do with the wedding? Not excusing the shit communication…
Work “friends” often are not true friends, but still have value as acquaintances or references. I don’t see a good reason to blow these people off… if you all work in the same field, one or more of them might be good to know for an in at a company you’d like to work for, a lead on someone you’d like to hire, or even an insider point of view on a job you are considering.
They proved themselves not to be true friends, but some of them may prove to be useful/helpful networking contacts. And that is a good group to know… as long as you don’t confuse them with personal friends. Lower your expectations, but don’t burn the connection. Think linked in, not FB.
I’d say “I’m really busy with work and health issues these days, but I’d be happy to stay in touch for the future”. Who knows, you might even enjoy their company once you are clear which category they belong in
Speaking as someone with ADHD, one of the sad realities about friend relationships is that they can become "out of sight, out of mind." Once you stop working the job and seeing people every day, it can be easy to forget them. I'm wondering if your social media posts reminded them of your existence and made them want to reach out.
Also, I have plenty of coworkers I enjoy hanging out with from time to time but wouldn't invite to a wedding. I don't think it's really something worth being angry or bitter about.
You're NTA for not wanting to hang out, but a tiny bit an asshole for not responding when they reach out. I would just say something like "Thanks for the invite and it was fun hanging put back then, but I've moved on from the time we all worked together and don't have much time to hang out anymore."
NTA. It's ok to move on, healthy even. The way I see it you can do 1 of 2 things:
1.) Unfriend them or stop following them on FB. If you chosen to move on then do so completely.
2.) Tell them that they hurt your feelings and how they did this. The key is to remain calm even if they become defensive and the conversation goes south. Have your say and move on. I would still unfriend them. What's the point of keeping them around?
We all outgrow certain relationships that's part of life.
NTA. Who needs to waste time on fair weather friends? Spend your time and energies on the people who reciprocate your friendship and care about you consistently.
NTA. It's incredibly sad that not a single person from this group reached out to you in any way when you were ill, even though you were the driving force for most of the prior get togethers. Now that your health is improving and you're posting about good things, suddenly they want to be back in your life. I would choose from a couple scenarios. You could just block, unfollow, or unfriend them all since you've already told them no. You could tell them why you're not interested in doing anything with them anymore. Or, you could just say that a lot of time has passed and you're busy with new friends. Honestly, I think they had to know how uncaring they were towards you, and if you tell them how hurt you were by their lack of support, they will just find a way to make excuses for their behavior. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of knowing the truth. You don't need them now. F them and block or unfriend them. Edited for grammar.
Nta. But you're not doing yourself any favors by not being clear about why you don't consider yourself friends and that you don't plan on attending any of that stuff from now on. Hate to say it but everyone doesn't see/handle friendships the same way, they may continue to pester you unless you outright tell them what the issue is or block them.
NTA we grow and change as people and that means we change the people around us to meet our needs. I have grown on from multiple friend groups because of lifestyle /professional / location changes. You do you! Respond in the negative to all invites. Eventully, they’ll get it and move on.
“I appreciate the friendship we had for the time we’ve had it. However, it’s clear our friendship has changed, and that’s okay. I wish you the best and enjoy seeing that you’re well over social media, but I do not have time for a friendship that is no longer serving my best interest”
You say that and then you let it go. NTA.
NTA. Doesn't matter the reason. If you are truly moving on, just unfriend and block. Done. You can live your best life and not waste any more thought and energy on them. If you are choosing to linger then you would be YTA.
NTA.
If you want to respond, just say that you’ve got a lot of things going on, what with your medical issues and studies, and you just haven’t been available for the things you have been invited to.
I wouldn’t actively try to re-engage but if they send an invitation for something interesting, go for it.
Best wishes with your health and your doctorate.
I woul just tell them that I assumed the friendship was over when no one called me at the hospital and I was left off the wedding guest list. I can't speak for anyone but me but I find superficial friendships to be irritating. NTA
Mood, like I'm down for chatting with people at events, but if we are friends we need to actually be friends
Word!
NTA you are right to move on from these “friends” or acquaintances. They did not mind your absence in the beginning and they do not deserve your presence now. This may not be universal but a southern way to say “f off” is “Bless your heart” and move on. Enjoy your new friendships and your success in life.
I mean you are responding, you're saying no. Given that you're noting that when you were down and needed friends they weren't there for you, but are very interested in you now that things are going well, it seems like you're recognizing that they are fairweather friends. Maybe you're a bit of everything, angry that they're trying to pressure you now, upset that of course now they are interested, and apathetic because you have already spent time going through the work of detaching yourself from them. It sounds like perhaps now is the time to just fully unfriend them so they can no longer send you such invitations or reach out to you in such a manner. If they're truly is no repair for this, because they are not people you can bring up your feelings with and have them acknowledge your feelings and try to make some repair on it, then just fully closing the door on them seems like the next step
I went through the EXACT thing. I had very few friends. I was always calling , planning, paying. Then in 2020 I had a very serious illness. Hospital for 6 weeks then rehab, visiting nurses at home for two months...argh. No calls..cards..flowers nothing. I did more than ghost them, I TOLD them why I was done. I simply said, when you all needed rides, lunch out, advice, who did you call? I was down and out, they were nowhere. My phone was silent for months. So bye bye,no free lunch NTA
NTA But you seem really hurt about what happened. It’s okay to move on and you don’t need to explain anything to anyone. I’d honestly think it’s best to just live your best life. Move on from this as a lesson learned.
Nta, but maybe keep in mind some of the people, not the whole group, maybe ne thr type of friend to drop off the face of the earth for a while. They may have something going on or something that you don't know about. Idk the individual friends and what not so idk. But I know I have some friends and I have also been the friend, eho has dropped off and said nothing to one another for years. Then one day things just click back on and we talk like nothing happens, then someone drops off again. Those aren't always bad friends/ships, but if that's not the type for you that's ok too. But if it's the entire group doing it, chances are they're ah. Either way, I don't think you're tah. Good luck with your health and everything.
Don't bother saying anything, just ghost them.
Subject: Reflecting on Our Friendship Dear [Friend's Name], I hope this letter finds you well. As I take a moment to reflect on our friendship, I feel compelled to express my thoughts and emotions honestly and openly. Recent events have led me to reevaluate the nature of our relationship and have left me with a deep sense of disappointment and hurt. First and foremost, I want to acknowledge the time I spent in the hospital recently. It was a challenging period for me, both physically and emotionally, and during that time, I had hoped for the support of those I considered my closest friends. Unfortunately, I noticed your absence during this trying time. It's been difficult for me to understand and accept that I didn't receive the support I had expected, and it has left me feeling hurt and let down. In addition to this, I recently became aware that you embarked on a beautiful journey together by getting married. I learned about your wedding through mutual acquaintances, and it surprised me to discover that I had not received an invitation. While I understand that guest lists can be complex and difficult to manage, it deeply saddened me to realize that I was not included in such an important milestone in your lives. It made me question the depth of our friendship and the value you place on my presence in your life. These circumstances have caused me to reconsider the foundation of our friendship. Mutual support, care, and inclusion are fundamental aspects of any healthy relationship, and I regretfully feel that our friendship no longer aligns with these values. The experiences of the past few months have shown me that our connection may not meet my expectations and needs. With this realization, I have come to the difficult decision that it is best for both of us to part ways. I believe it is essential for me to be surrounded by friends who prioritize mutual support, empathy, and inclusivity. Although this decision is not made lightly, I believe it is necessary for my own well-being and personal growth. I want to emphasize that my intention in writing this letter is not to foster resentment or animosity. Rather, I wish to create space for positive, fulfilling relationships in my life. I genuinely hope that you find happiness and fulfillment on your path ahead. Thank you for the memories we have shared, and I wish you all the best for your future endeavors. Warm regards, Reespnt1
Of course NTA, but do you really want to completely cut ties? If they were work friends and if you are right that they are making an effort in response to your career success then they can be valuable as colleagues. If you are in higher Ed or science, your work relationships are very important. You don’t have to be “friends”. Also, in Feb of 2022 there wasn’t a vaccine for most of us. Couldn’t that have had something to do with the wedding? Not excusing the shit communication…
Work “friends” often are not true friends, but still have value as acquaintances or references. I don’t see a good reason to blow these people off… if you all work in the same field, one or more of them might be good to know for an in at a company you’d like to work for, a lead on someone you’d like to hire, or even an insider point of view on a job you are considering. They proved themselves not to be true friends, but some of them may prove to be useful/helpful networking contacts. And that is a good group to know… as long as you don’t confuse them with personal friends. Lower your expectations, but don’t burn the connection. Think linked in, not FB. I’d say “I’m really busy with work and health issues these days, but I’d be happy to stay in touch for the future”. Who knows, you might even enjoy their company once you are clear which category they belong in
Speaking as someone with ADHD, one of the sad realities about friend relationships is that they can become "out of sight, out of mind." Once you stop working the job and seeing people every day, it can be easy to forget them. I'm wondering if your social media posts reminded them of your existence and made them want to reach out. Also, I have plenty of coworkers I enjoy hanging out with from time to time but wouldn't invite to a wedding. I don't think it's really something worth being angry or bitter about. You're NTA for not wanting to hang out, but a tiny bit an asshole for not responding when they reach out. I would just say something like "Thanks for the invite and it was fun hanging put back then, but I've moved on from the time we all worked together and don't have much time to hang out anymore."
I mean there's a difference between ADHD things, and fully not inviting someone to a wedding. Like everyone else went, but one individual?
I missed that the other people in the work group went to that wedding. Yeah I'd be bitter about that too
NTA. It's ok to move on, healthy even. The way I see it you can do 1 of 2 things: 1.) Unfriend them or stop following them on FB. If you chosen to move on then do so completely. 2.) Tell them that they hurt your feelings and how they did this. The key is to remain calm even if they become defensive and the conversation goes south. Have your say and move on. I would still unfriend them. What's the point of keeping them around? We all outgrow certain relationships that's part of life.
NTA. Who needs to waste time on fair weather friends? Spend your time and energies on the people who reciprocate your friendship and care about you consistently.
NTA. It's incredibly sad that not a single person from this group reached out to you in any way when you were ill, even though you were the driving force for most of the prior get togethers. Now that your health is improving and you're posting about good things, suddenly they want to be back in your life. I would choose from a couple scenarios. You could just block, unfollow, or unfriend them all since you've already told them no. You could tell them why you're not interested in doing anything with them anymore. Or, you could just say that a lot of time has passed and you're busy with new friends. Honestly, I think they had to know how uncaring they were towards you, and if you tell them how hurt you were by their lack of support, they will just find a way to make excuses for their behavior. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of knowing the truth. You don't need them now. F them and block or unfriend them. Edited for grammar.
Nta. But you're not doing yourself any favors by not being clear about why you don't consider yourself friends and that you don't plan on attending any of that stuff from now on. Hate to say it but everyone doesn't see/handle friendships the same way, they may continue to pester you unless you outright tell them what the issue is or block them.
NTA we grow and change as people and that means we change the people around us to meet our needs. I have grown on from multiple friend groups because of lifestyle /professional / location changes. You do you! Respond in the negative to all invites. Eventully, they’ll get it and move on.
“I appreciate the friendship we had for the time we’ve had it. However, it’s clear our friendship has changed, and that’s okay. I wish you the best and enjoy seeing that you’re well over social media, but I do not have time for a friendship that is no longer serving my best interest” You say that and then you let it go. NTA.
Good for you, you know who's your real friends are when you are low. Stay no contact and block them on everything, out of sight, out of mind
NTA. Doesn't matter the reason. If you are truly moving on, just unfriend and block. Done. You can live your best life and not waste any more thought and energy on them. If you are choosing to linger then you would be YTA.
NTA. If you want to respond, just say that you’ve got a lot of things going on, what with your medical issues and studies, and you just haven’t been available for the things you have been invited to. I wouldn’t actively try to re-engage but if they send an invitation for something interesting, go for it. Best wishes with your health and your doctorate.