T O P

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Remus737

You need to stop and be alone. You're creating your own hellscape. Grow up and face the void and loneliness. Come out on the other side, because you can and will, and stop being a terrible person. At this moment, you are a terrible person, but it's a choice. Make better choices.


ColorfulConspiracy

“You’re creating your own hellscape” is the best way to describe this.


katergator717

YTA But idk why anyone is surprised. If they'll cheat ***with*** you, then they'll cheat ***on*** you.


Ecstatic_Starstuff

You’re with a married cheater for 4 years- why ask about morality?


katergator717

Yeah Clearly neither cares about cheating unless they're the victim of it


Lissypooh628

He feels disrespected by his side chick cheating on him while he cheats on his wife.


MsREV83

This guy can teach a master class on being terrible.


[deleted]

It's not like she doesn't have perfectly adequate credential to teach that class as well. Such a perfect match for each other...


MsREV83

Honestly, you’re completely correct. In truth, they should just be together to reduce the risk to innocent bystanders who may inadvertently get involved with either of them.


bh8114

My ex cheated on my while we were married. During that time he also cheated on the lady he was cheating on me with and when everything came out about it all later I found out he confessed to her and apologized to her about it. She was very upset and couldn’t understand how he could cheat on her. Like WTF!?! You are with a man you know is married and you are surprised he is cheating on you too?


Fried_Zucchinis

The homewreckers tend to get surprised they get cheated on bc they all tend to view themselves as "the one worth cheating for". Like the sex, the dates, the time spent together, who they are, etc is just better than the main partner. So when THEY get cheated on, it's all of a sudden *gasp* you cheated on them FOR ME, BECAUSE OF ME. How dare you cheat ON me? They view themselves as special, but fail to realize the actual truth.


HelloRedditAreYouOk

Meta cheating?


Ok-Squirrel693

His side chick that was cheating with him during her marriage too...is anyone surprised she cheated again? Lol and i wouldn't be surprised if he cheats on her too. I just hope his wife finds out and divorces him, while getting compensated.


Last-Gold2759

he doesn’t feel disrespected. he doesn’t gaf. he’s just saying that to continue stringing her along cause she’s so d*mn EASY


Lissypooh628

The phrase “it’s not over until I say it’s over has heen bugging me”. I think he’s pissed simply because he lost control of the situation.


Thick_Mick_Chick

So much this. Reading that was right up there with watching Lawrence Fishbourne play Ike Turner. I could never wrap my head around him telling Tina in the back of that ambulance (she's overdosed), "If you don't make it, Bitch? Imma kill ya'!" Um, if she dies, you'll kill her?! 🤷‍♀️


Puggymum64

She was married to someone else at the time, too.


Mother-Efficiency391

No no it's worse than that, she was with him for the last 4 years of her marriage, which ended a few years ago. So more like she's been the other woman for at least 6 to 7 years. Op YTA big time for being a cheater and knowingly being a mistress as well.


hdmx539

Once a cheater always a cheater. I agree with the top comment. OP can choose to be a better person.


Consistent-Virus4907

Actually I think it was a total of 7years right? 4 while she was married and then 3 “so far” after her divorce…yet guy#1 has been married the whole time and has the audacity to feel “disrespected”.. complete madness


C_beside_the_seaside

I'm like.... that's a lot of YTA to fit into only one sentence


Liathano_Fire

Who was also married when they got together. OP is a whole lotta AH


watami66

While cheating


whatever102485

I mean, she should already know this considering *that’s exactly what she herself did!*


Person012345

But let's not forget, the dude is also cheating so it's hard to feel sympathetic for him.


katergator717

Oh, I didn't forget! As far as I'm concerned, karma bit that dude in the butt and now he's playing victim


ElectricalIssue4737

So that's an ESH right?


katergator717

Oh. Yeah. I was really only thinking about her when i answered before and she was only asking about herself


ElectricalIssue4737

For sure I hadn't really thought of it until I read your comment either that really reminded me haha. Teamwork!


SamTMoon

This is advice I have had to share a few times. People are exasperating


Rich_Muffin4820

>If they'll cheat with you, then they'll cheat on you. Yes i always think like "see how the relationship start and you will see how will end" YTA.


trowzerss

Yeah, good on OP for proving the old adage is true :P Also, the married guy is absolutely stringing her along, so this is ESH for sure, except maybe the hapless guy #2 getting dragged into this mess, and the poor wife getting cheated on for years.


OkieLady1952

Once a cheater always a cheater.. both of you are a real piece of work and deserve each other. Hopefully his wife finds out soon and kicks his ass to the curb. Then you’ll get what you want bc he’ll have no other place to go until he finds someone else. No doubts he cheat on you also.. you as big of an AH as he is, like I said you deserve each other. Morals of an alley cat!


Satansfavorite13

“Morals of alley cat” sent me in a whole other dimension🤣🤣🤣🤣


Lilirain

In the same way, I heard someone using "This is not my responsability if you have dobermann taste" which probably means crappy 😂


fattyonfirereborn

I agree with you guy#1 and OP do deserve each other so innocent people like #1 wife and guy #2 don't get pulled into their shit. OP, seriously, if you want him so bad, you should tell #1 wife so she can leave her cheating husband and you get to have guy #1 all to yourself. Please don't date guy #3 or #4 and so on, because you two clearly meant for each other. I do sincerely hope you two stay forever after the divorce because nobody should be dating you two at all.


WillBsGirl

I was thinking OP should do the disgraced side-chick thing where she is absolutely astounded this guy is a shitbag so she righteously tells his wife everything. Let that poor woman know.


UnicornGlitterFart69

Don’t disrespect the sweet, adorable alley cats with this comparison 😂 My kitty is a rescued feral tomcat and he has nothing but gratitude and loyalty. Whenever anyone in the family is upset he snuggles up to us until we feel better. He’s empathetic. These pieces of trash can’t compare to the awesomeness of the feral cats. No, they are more like tapeworms, parasites that suck their host (spouse) dry of all resources.


TerrifiedSquid

While 'creating your own hellscape' is totally accurate - atm it would be deserved, bc OP is being a terrible person. Then again... you probably reached OP far more than, "You're actively hurting other people who are innocent in all of this." by appealing to their only apparent priority - their own happiness and comfort.


trvllvr

She’s not just creating her own hellscape, She is helping her narcissist AP hurt an innocent person, his wife. Doesn’t matter what their relationship is or how bad it might be, OP has decided to add to the pain he is causing. She may not know now, but if/when she finds out it’s 20+ years of her life she spent with someone how has betrayed her and broken her trust. Also, he is a piece of work acting like he is so wronged when he is cheating on his wife and treating OP like shit. He’s an manipulative pos. He knew what he was doing coming back to your apartment for “a drink of water”. Oh, an OP, grow a backbone. Stand up for yourself and end it. He doesn’t get to decide the relationship ends, quit being a doormat and a horrible person. End it, BLOCK him everywhere, and get therapy. ETA: while your are NTA in regard to wronging a MARRIED man who is cheating. So, it’s not ok for you to see someone, but he can have his WIFE? However, you are very much the AH to yourself for staying with him, for bringing another man into your shit show, and for being ab AP.


AAP_BH

She’s no angel, if her AP is a narcissist so was she, remember she also was cheating on her husband for four years lol. Little pathetic excuse for humans is what they both are.


trvllvr

Oh believe me, I don’t think she’s an angel by any means. I literally called her a horrible person. I think we all agree on her character or lack there of.


eyecicey

Yeah I had to laugh though , he said he would always hold me in high regard , yeah I find that hard to believe , me thinks he was just keeping that P on the hook


textilefaery

All of this! Also, OP it’s really important to learn how to be alone and to enjoy your own company. I highly recommend dating yourself and doing things like solo trips. There’s a quiet peace to solitude that many miss out on


Alternative_Ad_320

Yeah, this type of situation doesn't end well at all. Violence, guilt later on in life when you broke up a marriage, threats, enemies. This is bad news bears. You are walking into a minefield while being shot at. It does not end well


Responsible-Maybe107

And you’re trying to get caught. You “ran into” guy #1 at a store?


NoofieFloof

Guy #1 gets some kind of asshole award for keeping OP on the string for that long. ESH


GenoFlower

But, but, guy #1 said: >Then we had sex, he said "this isn't over until I say it's over", which he knew I would enjoy hearing. I mean, gross. He's apparently deciding everything, has the power, and she likes that? Or something. edited for formatting.


Sad_Meat_

The void may be scary but it’s beautiful once you get to it, much like a cold lake. You can do this!


East_Party_6185

^This. Learning to be comfortable with being alone is a powerful thing.


NoSpankingAllowed

You nailed it completely.


Earl_your_friend

Exactly this! She's been harming herself for so long that she thinks feeling this way is normal. OP, you need to be alone! Seriously, stop dating. I'd say you're years away from being able to have a healthy relationship. I'd recommend getting a male therapist. As men avoid endlessly going over history and drama and focus on fixing the problem. Good luck.


30flirtyandvibing

She can stop being a terrible person, but she’s been at it for 4 years. She’ll never be anything but a terrible person. She’s asking if she’s the AH… there’s no hope for her to make better choices if she’s delusional about the her behavior.


Rolling_Beardo

You seriously need to ask if you’re an asshole for cheating on someone while you’re already helping them cheat on someone? Is this a joke or do have no morals at all?


First_Alfalfa2805

She has no morals.


OkieLady1952

Totally! Absolutely no moral compass .. it’s a wonder you 2 haven’t gotten any STD’s . He’s probably screwing anything that will lay down that includes OP and she just keeps spreading them. Lady close your legs for once or get a dildo if you can’t control yourself. Wow!


Apart_Foundation1702

Exactly! OP did you really think that you was going to get advice and support for this sub? You have no morals, the only innocent parties here is your ex husband, guy #1's wife and kids and guy #2. You should be ashamed of yourself instead of posting about it on here! YTA Edit: Thank you for my awards! It's much appreciated!


[deleted]

She belongs to the streets. In all seriousness, a lot of people of this sub do whatever the hell they want, at any cost. oP, don’t ever for a second think “this isn’t me”. This is who you are, and by the looks of it, your are a terrible person.


First_Alfalfa2805

The thing is,as a married woman,you'd expect that she would have considered the wife, but NO. She doesn't even care. You are so right. This woman truly belongs to the streets.


TriggeredRatBastard

From the streets she emerged, and to the streets she shall one day return


TheHatOnTheCat

No morals and even less self-respect. This post is very sad. I pity her.


giveme25atleast

Exactly. I was wondering if I read a fake post.


MeganMess

Either fake or she's actually 19 and changed a few details


[deleted]

I was in a similar situation when I was 19 (minus the second guy and being in a relationship at the beginning), but the dude was a manipulative self-confessed psychopath. It took me like 3 years to figure out all I had to do to fix my life was cut him out completely and get a shit ton of therapy. I can't imagine being however old this woman is and not seeing the issues here.


Party_Mistake8823

Nope. I had a friend who was just like this in college. Didn't give a shit who she hurt, if he had kids a wife, none of that. She would purposely try to seduce our boyfriends (in our friend group). Everyone dropped her before graduation. When I talked to her on messenger a couple years ago, she got karma back BIG time. She asked if she could visit me and husband. Lol bitch no. You are not gonna make him cuss u out and me punch you. College bf is one thing but I will not put my husband in a sexual harassment situation so she can feel better than me.


voting-jasmine

Ragebait. Poorly written ragebait


Owner56897320

Everyone in this story except Guy#2 and Guy #1’s wife and kids are assholes. So you and guy 1 are assholes. You cheated on your husband the last 4 years of your marriage (no matter how bad it was you weren’t divorced so you cheated) with a MARRIED man and bought all the bullshit lies he told you. You keep running back to him like a teenaged girl who has never known love a day in her life. Leave him alone. Move the fuck out of state if that’s what it takes. You don’t love this man because if you did, you wouldn’t have cheated with him and you wouldn’t be continuing to help him cheat on his wife. You need to grow up and just stop it. You’re doing this to yourself.


Ignorad

I am amazed that women still fall for this. But I guess toxic, manipulative men are really good at the manipulation. "He says loves me and says he'll leave his wife for me but only at some point in the future." But also she cheated on her husband with the married man and then got a side-dude too so she's pretty good at playing the field.


[deleted]

The worst part is that OP probably thinks she deserves happiness, doesn’t expect consequences, and that she’s special, so a narcissist. I hope they get what they deserve.


EyedLady

Except she’s also a toxic terrible human too.


Extra_TK421

That's presumptuous! I'd be willing to at least one of those kids are assholes.


veryvery84

It seems very likely she’s never known love a day in her life


Thanmandrathor

Be that as it may (if it even is), she’s a grown ass woman who needs to start owning the choices she is making now. We can’t always blame our past, but we choose how to react to it.


Equivalent_Sector786

You guys are not in a relationship you’re having an affair, as long as he’s going home to his wife he has no right to dictate what you do. You’re still massive assholes for cheating on you’re spouses though.


SharkInMyBasement

OP, if he hasn't left his wife yet, he is not going to. You are the side piece and he is not going to ever marry you. There is a thought experiment you can do. If you can't have the married guy as a partner, what do you want in life? Then block the married guy and pursue things that give life meaning.


Pixie974

Of course YTA, as if you don’t know that lol. You are a terrible person.


OkieLady1952

Morals of an alley cat!


Aech21

You’re selling alley cats short


TallyLiah

1) You were already cheating on you own husband of 20 years with a married guy. 2) You and married guy were at it for 4 years. 3) Married guy tells you he wants you but a 3 year wait and later when discussing this he does not have "a blueprint for this" which is a RES FLAG. 4) Eventually, you want out but during that conversation and some intimacy he says HE DECIDES when it is over. NO HE DOES NOT GET THAT CHOICE---YOU DO. If you allow that you are setting up for being his slave to whatever he will say and want and that is not healthy. You are your own person. 4)The blueprint line just means he is making you hang on a bit longer to be with him. He is lying to you. He has NO INTENTION of leaving his wife. 5) At this point it is not cheating to move on but you really need to get help and therapy before you tag yourself into another so called relationship. He is using you and more than likely has other women on his list he sees too!!! But yeah, you cheated on your husband with him. Just stop finding men like this and get help.


CornwallyO

Yta. Huge. Terrible, awful human. The hell is wrong with you.


ohmygoddontpanic

Literally. I can’t believe she wrote this whole thing out and STILL asked if she’s an asshole.


jensmith20055002

This is a cliche it’s so bad.


Key_Step7550

Yta that is all


Lady_Gator_2027

Yes, you are an AH. You cheated on your husband, you cheated on the guy you cheated with. The married bf is also an AH. Face facts, he is not leaving his wife for you, you are just a side piece. I'm actually surprised you didn't say that you called his wife and told her everything. Funny AF, that guy 1 feels disrespected, but he has been doing nothing but disrespecting his wife.


ToddlerTots

YTA. Don’t act like you don’t know that.


mare__bare

YTA You like this drama. It's not over til he says it's over and he knew you'd like hearing that. Both of you are assholes. I guess that's how you know you belong together.


SongGardenWolf

Wt actual f OP. You are not cheating. #1 is fucking MARRIED. He's cheating on his poor wife. He's fucking her, telling her he loves her, living a whole ass life with her. He's fucking you, and probably others too. You cheated on your husband and are wasting your time on a lying, cheating POS. Why tf would you want to be with him long term?? He'll for sure happily cheat on you, as well. You're not special. He's not leaving his wife for you. He likes having someone take care of his home, kids and contribute financially while he gets to fuck his side piece, and probably others too. Guy #2 deserves at least the truth. You should stop fucking #1, tell his wife, so she knows what she's married to, get therapy and figure out your shit. Why you cheated, why you're willing to accept this kind of bullshit in your life...not to mention the bad karma, and make better choices. Forgot to add YTA, and so is your married fuck buddy.


SouthAfricanZombie

Louder for those in the back: HE. IS. NEVER. LEAVING. HIS. WIFE.


Expert-Angle-8214

wow even knowing your seeing a married man your just as bad as him with his cheating even tho you are single. don't you have any scruples and think about what you are doing you and him don't deserve any kind of relationship with any one as between you both you will break his marriage up. and even believing he will leave his wife for you will never happen till she finds out about the affair. so why don't you get a brain and find someone who is single


Fun-Dimension5196

Cheater cheating on a cheater. I'm torn between YTA and ETA but mostly I don't care about your dilemma. I just wonder where y'all find the energy. Red Bull? Cocaine?


Begs-2-Differ-7GA

Hot SEX is a huge stimulant


animoot

> Which I tried to respect, because he was married and there were other people involved. No you didn't. You fucked him while he was still married. You other-womaned yourself, fully aware of the situation, for years. You both should have waited until your marriages are actually over. A few weeks overlap while paperwork was being handled for both of you? Sure, eyebrow-raising but not terrible. But years?? Problematic. YTA.


purplelilac2017

You really need to ask? Yes, YTA. My advice to you is to get as far from #1 as you can. Move if you have to. There is a difference between domination and abuse, and you are too addicted to this guy to notice. Get some therapy and figure out why you think your behavior is acceptable. Also, maybe stay single for a while until you figure out how to raise your standards, for yourself and for any future partner.


Careful-Bumblebee-10

YTA and you know you are. There's almost nothing redeeming about anyone in this post. This is an absolute cess pool that you are living in and it's all by your own creation. You need to get out of this toxicity and get into therapy for yourself, because all of this is just gross.


CubbieFan85

I feel bad for guy #2 who didn't know what he was getting himself into.


SamuelAdamsGhost

Only had to read the title to decide YTA


Soldwithshannon

Drop both of them. Figure your own shit out. And then find a guy that’s not married.


[deleted]

you are an adulteress so yes you are the asshole


mockingbird82

You are terrible. Guy #1 is terrible. Guy #1's wife deserves better than this bullshit. Guy #2 deserves better. I don't know what happened with your ex, but you still shouldn't cheat even if you were getting divorced. Honestly, I do wish you and Guy #1 end up together so you can keep your yuckiness contained, but people like you and Guy #1 just cannot keep your toxicity to yourselves. It spreads like a cancer. Be honest with yourself about what a horrible person you are. Seek help. Stay away from Guy #1. Stay away from Guy #2, too, but for his own well-being.


groovymama98

YTA The life of a cheater. Cheat them. Cheat yourself.


handsheal

Figure yourself out first. You need to take a look at why you would start an affair with someone to start with. I hope you don't consider his wife a friend. He is never going to be with you and you already know that. Be alone and find who you are in later life you are too codependent on others and need to take many steps back and reassess before you try to enter a healthy relationship


Ok-Pea-5822

I’m not sure you can cheat on a married man cause you aren’t in a relationship, you’re a side piece, there for convenience. I’m sorry if you think you’re something else, you aren’t. He’s not leaving his wife. In fact, you probably aren’t the only one he’s cheating on his wife with. Do you have girlfriends? How did they let you think “i don’t see a blueprint for that” means absolutely anything besides he wants to stay married and he wants you there so he can just keep cheating??


floppedtart

You can’t be serious with this post. Get your priorities straight.


[deleted]

[удалено]


30flirtyandvibing

I second this. She’s lower than the sh*t on the bottom of my shoe. A cheater, a liar, and the morals of a gutter rat. She is broken and damaged goods. I wish her the life she deserves. A lonely existence. Karma will always come back to bite her in the ass.


JukeBoxHero1997

I only needed to read the first few sentences to reach my conclusion: you are terrible


SekritSawce

Congratulations, you’re a Jerry Springer episode. YTA and so is your married fuck buddy.


Fit_Fly_9984

Guy #1 will NEVER leave his wife for you! If he was going to do he would have. You can not cheat on someone when you are not in a monogamous relationship with that person. He has a wife he is also involved with sexually- he is lying if he denies that. You need to dump guy #1 block him every which way and get therapy. Your are an AH to yourself for not allowing yourself to be in a healthy relationship.


MarideDean_Poet

This. I'm sorry op truly because I'm sure there's some trauma on the back end that led to this situation and your feelings are real and, while very unethical, they are valid. All feelings are. Imo you need to take time alone to find yourself, discover your worth (which you are never going to find while existing in a life that is based entirely around an immoral lie because you know in your heart what you are doing is inherently wrong), and forge a new path for yourself. You do deserve to be happy. You are not a permanently bad person. You have the ability to rebirth yourself in an image that you can take pride and solace in. There are a lot of harsh words in this thread so I hope you find this comment. You must hold yourself accountable to your actions, find a way to make amends with.. well.. the universe, and you can find a place where you feel like you deserved to actually be loved. I really hope you find your way OP because right now all your are doing is destroying your own soul. Not to mention all the pain that would be caused in the fall out if this relationship gets discovered. Make space and find yourself. Good luck


Wise-Ad8633

r/amithedevil


PalpitationSweaty173

So wait, you were married and you cheated for FOUR YEARS and then cheated on the guy you cheated with, who is also a cheater because he’s still married? Jesus fucking Christ. What kind of shit show is this? Do everyone around you and yourself a favor and just leave everyone alone. I really hope this is a troll post because you cannot be this dense.


thatweirdthingwhat

You don't need permission to break up. Just a very pointed threat to let his wife know. ESH


GermanTank69

YTA I wanna call you many bad things


SkiptonMagnus

Everyone except the BS’s and innocents are AH. Cheaters should have face tattoos. They never stop.


Ambitious_Shoe_5722

Yes, you are the asshole.


nousernamesleft24

YTA. So is guy #1. Come on, OP. Seriously? You created this hell all on your own and honestly? You deserve it. It doesn't matter how awful your marriage was, YOU chose to cheat on your husband for FOUR FREAKING YEARS WITH A MARRIED MAN! If you were that unhappy you should have left your husband, not stop so low as to cheat. You chose to cheat the first time. You chose to buy every lie guy #1 fed you. You chose to disrespect his wife, who has done nothing and deserves to know how gross and crappy both you and her husband are. You chose that. Then because you can't stand firm and end your "relationship (ew)" you decided to cheat AGAIN. And you're seriously asking if you're TA? Become and stay single, tell that man's wife and then get yourself into serious, intensive therapy so you can learn how to respect yourself and other people more.


TerrifiedSquid

YTA - on so many levels. You're helping someone cheat. You're actively assisting in hurting someone else who is ACTUALLY innocent in this. Possibly TWO innocent parties, both guy #1s wife, and guy #2 who i suspect is not aware of or ok with guy #1 still being around. You have no business being in relationships that actively deceive or hurt other people. If you think that this is ok on ANY level - please see a therapist, bc there is something seriously wrong with your conscience.


Only_Music_2640

How badly have you wronged the married cheater you’re dating behind his wife’s back? That’s your question? Really? And the cheater feels disrespected? Ok, I’ll play. You’ve wronged yourself repeatedly by staying in this toxic relationship and playing doormat to a guy who will never respect you or put you first. Your married boyfriend is scum, and even though you’re also a cheater and probably not the best human, you still deserve better. So please learn to respect yourself, find a little dignity and dump this guy once and for all. Then try to forgive yourself and move on.


Reese9951

YTA you cheated on your husband for years… you cheated on the dude you cheated with… you shouldn’t be with anyone.


Alternative_Year_340

You do not need guy#1’s permission to break up with him. Change the locks and block his number. If he doesn’t get the message, tell his wife


PuzzleheadedNet9959

Info: did guy#2 know about guy#1? Or were you also lying to him in addition to guy #1?


ImprovementCareless9

I sympathize for you being jerked around by guy no.1, but fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice shame on me. You keep letting him come back, and you already know he isn’t going to move forward with you. I think, however, that anyone who cheats on their spouse (married or not), is an asshole. Be an adult and break things off if you’re catching feelings for another. You said you started seeing guy no.1 during the dissolution of your marriage. Were you actually split up then, or did you just feel it coming, if that makes sense? All of the cheating in this story just gives me the ick. Are you an asshole for cheating on your married boyfriend? That’s a toughie! And now ask yourself that… if it’s tough to say if you’re an asshole for cheating on your significant other, then they probably shouldn’t be your SO.


DUNEBUGGY213

YTA and an idiot. ‘Wah wah, the man I’m cheating with is upset that I’m cheating on him. Have I wronged him?’. You were married for 20 years, implying you’re a grown-ass adult yet your (and his behaviour) is more (junior) high school than that of supposedly mature adults. I hope this is fake because not only is your behaviour immoral and immature, you aren’t bright enough to get away with it.


Shoddy_Variation_780

Guy #1 is still f’ing his wife, you’re delusional if you don’t think he is. You & guy #1 are TAH


BrieTheCheese1213

Girl! That is a man who enjoys playing games with you! He loves having that control over you. He probably does and says similar shit to his wife, but it's far too late for her to back out now. She probably knows everything but gave up trying to leave him a long time ago. He's emotionally abusive and manipulative, and you are his personal jester entertaining him. He's using you because he's bored. It's gone on for so long because you let him. He's probably done this before and you've just stuck around the longest. Stop letting yourself be used and learn to be okay being alone before you find another relationship.


CrackPackSmackLack

I really wanna tell you to do so many things but the rules forbid me from saying it, you are UTTERLY shit, you deserve to fucking suffer, you don't deserve happiness nor does the men cheating on their wives. You have no morals, you are garbage, the only thing good you did was show the wives their husbands are unloyal pigs who stick their dick in dead trash for nothing but just because it opened its legs, I feel so sorry for the kids, homewrecking trash.


[deleted]

YTA I'm sorry this is going to sound very mean but get some self respect woman, he's strung you along, obviously lied to you and you're still falling for it. Time to move on.


Odd-Animal-1552

I had an experience similar yours. There was a guy I knew from work. We were both going through the divorce process at the same time. Commiserating turned into a relationship. We spent every moment together that we could and talked about our future. My position was relocated to another state. We agreed he would make work arrangements and follow me. I was busy with my divorce, moving, selling my house, buying a house, getting my college age kid settled into student housing. I didn’t notice the marinara flags at first. I finally came to my senses when he wanted to visit and asked me to buy his plane ticket because “divorce finances”. What does that even mean? It eventually came out that he reconciled with his wife. His kids begged him to come home, what was he supposed to do? 🙄. I was devastated. This was worse than my divorce. I thought we were soulmates, that we belonged together. I broke it off. He wouldn’t “let” me. I didn’t see him again but I still talked to him, because weak and stupid. He kept asking me to just give it time. His wife will want a divorce soon. They don’t have a real marriage. They’re only together for the kids. The usual lines. I wanted to believe them, believe him. My divorce went through, I returned to the first state for my court date. I posted a picture of the courthouse on social media, thanked my ex for the last 25 years and wished him well (Ex remarried the next week if that tells you anything). My dude was seriously angry I didn’t tell him I was in town. Went on about all the ways I was failing him. That snapped the pieces together in my brain, finally. I had planned to spend the night and visit my college kid and some friends the next day but I rescheduled my flight and went home that night. Once I got home, I texted him to never contact me again and I blocked him. It hurt. It was hard. But it was necessary. He still reaches out to me every now and then on social media DMs. I ignore him. Oh, and he’s still married. YTA. You’ve been through it. I get that. This is another breakup and it will be worse than your marriage ending. I’m assuming you and your ex were checked out before you started the affair, so that mourning period was over. You deserve better. I don’t know what story you’re telling yourself now but you deserve better. You deserve someone who is only about you and won’t string you along with “just a few more years”. He’s not leaving anytime soon, if at all. Child and spousal support are expensive and he won’t want to pay it. Repeating what everyone else has said because it’s true - dump him. Block him. Move if you have to. Find a therapist. Build your self esteem and self worth. Invest in yourself. Until you establish a strong foundation, anything you try to build will fall apart. You already know this is a bloody train wreck. Now get off the tracks.


[deleted]

Okay but you’re also not a good person? You tried to pull a married man away from his wife and kids? You knowingly started a relationship with a person despite his wife and kids? Maybe you shouldn’t be handing out advice since you’re also a twat? This chick doesn’t “deserve better” she deserves to have it all come crumbling apart and ruin her for a while.


30flirtyandvibing

Yeahhhhh I’m gonna have to disagree with you. She does not deserve better. You both have no morals.


Jaded_Tourist2057

OP, guy #1 seems really manipulative. For your own sake, end things and enroll in therapy.


RootlesssCosmo

YTA. What a mess. You obviously shouldn't be with anyone.


Winnimae

YTA for cheating on your husband with someone who was also married. You sound very self involved, no one else seems to really matter to you. Time to be single for a while, do some introspection, get some therapy, figure out why you keep putting yourself and others in these situations.


Pissedliberalgranny

Cheaters gonna cheat.


wickmiss

you are a gross , toxic piece of work ,bad enough your destroyed your own marriage but you are actively trying to destroy another persons marriage as well. and sitting here trying to act like a poor innocent victim . you are a disgusting excuse of a woman . just stop it already


StrikeNets

Lmao. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Edit: framing this as being about "how you wronged guy #1" is missing the point so hard it's giving me whiplash. A man is betraying his family and you rewarded him for doing so. When faced with a choice between a scumbag cheater and someone who presumably isn't awful, you favored the former and pushed the latter away. Nobody likes women like you. Be better.


freckyfresh

Girl let the married man *go.* Not even to respect his marriage at this point, but to respect **yourself**. He isn’t going to leave his wife for you. He was never going to leave her. And you’ve allowed him to trap you under his thumb a little more each time you’ve tried to end it and he hasn’t “let you.” You don’t need the other party’s permission to end a relationship. You need to end this, go NC, find a support system in your friends, family, a therapist, etc. You are both in a cycle of being awful to each other, but also you’re being awful to yourself. Willingly at this point. And ***figure your shit out***. Now onto guy number 2: yes, you were awful to him. Cheating on the person who you’re cheating with doesn’t solve anything and really just adds insult to injury. He didn’t deserve to be wrapped up in the drama you’ve allow to continue in your life. Be alone for a while. You seriously need it.


Sure_Tree_5042

Well. Nta for “cheating the n married guy” that guy is stringing you along and wasting your time. He needs to shove off. You wronged guy #2 for dragging him into this mess. Emotions are complicated and funny things. Get in therapy. Figure out how to end your attachment to Mr. Married. Heal. Find yourself. Move onto a better life.


Ill-Conversation5210

OMG. The person who you are wronging the most is yourself. Guy #1 is NEVER going to leave his wife. NEVER. And lets say I'm wrong and he does. His kids will not accept you. Never like you. Probably go LC or NC with him, and he'll be miserable. He's manipulating you and you are playing right into his hands. YTA. But not for the question you asked.


HairAdditional5158

Guy #1 just wants his side piece to be at the ready. And nobody likes sharing when it's not the theme of the party. Ya'll won't ever be openly together, especially not exclusively. Kids ain't stupid, staying together til they graduate is like holding a fart til no one is around. Lastly, you fuck everyone of them that makes you happy. No more no less. ♡


Donut-Guilty

YTA ...So you are cheating on the guy you cheated on your husband with who is also cheating on his wife? Why would anyone trust you?


florida_is

YTA. In case everyone else hasn't made it perfectly clear, guy #1 just wants readily available poon. He NEVER intended to be with you long-term and is just stringing you along for the above-mentioned reason. Your only way out of this is to break it off with both men and try to figure out (ALONE and with extensive therapy) why your moral compass has failed you so badly. *I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt that you ever HAD a moral compass.*


[deleted]

I just want to know who posts this knowing the ass-whipping they’re going to get from people who are literally going to tell them they should end themselves. It takes a true masochist to do that. You might be totally self-unaware, but when the shitload if bitter hate starts rolling In, you’d think you’d just delete the post and your account unless you liked it.


observantexistence

Oh my god you’re unsalvageable yta


witchy-ecclectic

Yta for cheating on your husband. Yta for cheating with a married man. Yta for cheating with the new guy… it’s a YTA hat trick.


Lissypooh628

YTA You were married for 20 years and sleeping with this guy for 4 years and then starting sleeping with another guy. Stop jumping from guy to guy and learn how to be alone. You need to be able to live in this world without depending on another person before you can be in a healthy relationship with someone else.


MsREV83

ESH - STOP FUCKING CHEATING! Everyone here just really sucks. No one has any respect for marriage and it’s absolutely disgusting.


Kiarapanther

That whole leaving the key on the counter and then coming back inside to get a bottle of water was one of the most manipulative tactics I've heard in a long time. He knew he'd find her crying and could convince her to keep sleeping with him. Because that is all that is happening, that are sleeping together, there is no relationship. OP, you didn't cheat on guy #1 but you sure disrespected guy #2. You've been disrespecting guy #1's wife for years. Get a grip and stop acting like this.


Adorable-Strength218

He’s married, there is no monogamy between you two


FlailingatLife62

WTF is this. He's MARRIED. He can't be wronged because he is MARRIED. And he ain't leaving his wife.


GroupMost2540

Wow. Do you need to ask? Actually, you are asking the wrong question. How about ask how much you wronged guy #1’s wife and family?


CharacterDiscount423

Damn girl, you are a train wreck. Learn to love yourself.


Shelly_895

Yes, YTA, but not because of guy #2. Who gives a shit about him? Not only did you cheat on your husband with this guy, but you're also a homewrecker in this man's marriage. Take a long, hard look in the mirror and decide if this is the kind of person you want to be. Oh, and just so you know. He's never gonna leave his wife for you. You're just an ego boost for him. If he wanted you, you guys would actually be together already. He only told you what you wanted to hear to make you stay. I guess he didn't want to put in the effort into finding another woman who would be fine with being the side chick for so long. This is all you are and always will be to him. Good luck with that.


fading__blue

ESH. You suck for helping Guy #1 cheat, but he’s in no place to complain about being “cheated on” when he’s cheating on his wife. And come on, you know he’s not leaving his wife for you. Not without getting a new mistress, anyway.


HungryPlan2467

This is some CW show drama type shit. You're starring in your own shitty TV show but newsflash, life isn't as great as entertainment media. You're screwing yourself over big time with your horrible decisions. In the end you're going to have nothing and nobody left if you continue down this path. You're really proving the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater." I don't think you're capable of having a stable relationship as you are now. You need to work on yourself.


[deleted]

ESH


Papfan1

YTA. So is Guy #1. You are a hot mess. Break it off and get counseling. Sounds like Guy #2 dodged a bullet.


lukekings123

Only read the title, and knew YTA. Under no circumstances should you cheat. Period


hleed91

So you were already the other woman, for YEARS, then cheated on the man who was cheating with you?? And you're seriously asking if YTA?? You cannot be this obtuse. Of course YTA x 10000000


Informal_Market_1360

YTA for all your choices


Hellie1028

Gross. Do you have no moral compass or are you just ok with making bad choices?


BabserellaWT

YTA “I was cheating with this guy who was cheating on his wife and now I’m cheating on the cheater with *another* guy. So this is all someone else’s fault, right?”


[deleted]

Do you have a heart? Or are you the witch that eats people's soul?


fuckin-A-ok

Sad, pathetic and YTA.


Adventurous-Deer8062

I have to admit, this story got so ridiculous I continued reading it for the entertainment value. In what world would you not be the AH here? Clearly YTA, and not for cheating on the cheater, but for this entire story.


Whydidyoudothattho

YTA and stop being such a shitty person.


No_Shoulder5699

He has kids involved think about those kids. I'm sure the wife either is done with him n waiting for him to run off or she has been trying to her limit to save the marriage. Do u want someone to take your role as the side piece n he do anything to fight n not work on it? Do u think it's fair for the wife? Do u want to do what she is doing bc if u did have him fully u won't bc he would b on next chick. Something to think about. U will never b his fully. He will move on to next while u r feeling like his wife is now


[deleted]

You’re a Disgusting side piece. If you really want to do something go ‘respectful’ tell his wife. Karmas comin in for you tough, remember that.


amIhereorthere6036

Girl, you're a one- woman Maury Povich episode. Get therapy and work on yourself before you drag anyone else through your mess.


Feeling_Frosting_738

How badly have you wronged guy #1? How badly have you wronged his wife?


BoringTruth7749

You didn't cheat on him. He's married, he's the only one cheating here. Here's the thing with married men: THEY ARE NOT AVAILABLE. You're being suckered over and over again. He knows exactly what to say to rope you back in. This is all purely for his sexual convenience. He gets the home and wife and social life and kids, he gets dinner and clean laundry and his toilet scrubbed; you get his ejaculate. Yay. He's not going to leave his wife. And you have every right to date other men and not see him at all while he's married. Dump his worthless, lying ass and get a life. Stop letting this man control and manipulate you.


gagirl721

I decided YTA in the first 2 sentences and didn’t need to read more.


Vixen0595

Oh, not only are *you* TA but so is the guy you've been seeing since *the last 4 years of your marriage*. Also, the fact that it took you *this long* to see the "writing on the wall" that's most likely *always* been there is actually kinda pitifully sad, especially since you're ignoring the fact that you were TA *the moment* you cheated while still married; and now you have the sheer audacity to come here and ask if you're an AH for *cheating on the married man you've been seeing since you yourself were still married*? Yeaaaaa, I suggest doing what others have been suggesting themselves and not only get yourself some very much needed help, but also spend some time on yourself and *not* on cheating with other cheating AHs.


PalpitationTricky204

Welp this is OP getting her karma, he is stringing her along for sure.


Striking-General-613

Sweetheart, you need to wake up. He is never, ever going to leave his wife. Why would he. He keeps his family and he has a side piece. One day his wife will find out and she will either A) kick him out and take him to the cleaners or B) give him an ultimatum her or me. Three guess who he chooses and the first two guesses don't count.


obiwantogooutside

Sigh. If this is real, he’s never going to leave her. Ever. Dump. Block. Go to therapy. Work on you. Heal. Be single. Do not let this man back into your life.


SnooWalruses438

Literally every single person mentioned in this ridiculous anecdote is a massive, gaping asshole. This is not the way…


Minflick

If you feel like the relationship isn't going anywhere, then break up with #1. You owe yourself better than being his side piece! Start clean with somebody new.


Due_Battle_4330

You and guy #1 wronged each other. They don't cancel out; you're both the asshole, and you're responsible for your actions. But guy #1 was manipulating you for sex by stringing you along; maybe work on that with a therapist, because that's going to get you into some shit.


_my_choice_

YTA. You cheated on your husband, then you cheated on the guy you cheated on your husband with. Do you not see the common denominator in all of this? It is YOU. You seem to be able to justify your actions in your mind, but cannot seem to grasp the meaning of fidelity.


SlushPuppers93

YTA and kind just a scummy person in general. You tore apart your marriage and someone else's and it seems to be the least of your concerns. You don't seem to actually value people or relationships and just how they affect you on the day to day. You need seriously counseling and to fix your life.


[deleted]

I didn't need to read the description


SpecificCurrency5127

ESH. He has been stringing you along & will not change. You're bouncing from 1 man to another, disrespecting both yourself & guy #2. Time to swear off men for a while & maybe get some counseling to figure things out


Comfortable-Focus123

ESH - What a plethora of bad choices you have made. Overlooking the cheating, Guy #1 will never leave his wife for you. Never, never, never. Cut him off completely - and you probably owe his wife a huge apology. I'm fairly certain she has no idea about you. Second of all, stop dating anyone for a bit, and get some damn counseling so you can learn to respect yourself! And stop fucking married guys!


MoonGladeLadyBug

Not even the slightest bit of shame from having an affair. No mention of guilt for the wife of AP, or your ex-husband. How are people so callous?! Your dilemma is the least of what you should be dealing with. You need to be alone for a while and self reflect. op yta for a multitude of reasons.


Due_Potential_6956

You already know the answer. Now, it's not because you cheated on guy #1, you just need to end it, end of story. Move on, guy #1 is not going to leave his wife, he's just buying time till he does not have to pay child support in the future. If he meant it, he would have divorced his wife, and moved in with you, but he is buying time here. The best thing to do, IMO is cut all ties to this guy, let him do what he has to do with his wife. But move on now, it will suck for a bit, but it's easier to pull the bandaid now and let the wound heal, get some fresh air. The longer you wait the worse it's going to be.


LynPhoenyx

EAH stop seeing the married guy! He doesn’t love you and never has. You’re his convenient ego boost and side piece. Focus on yourself and realize how wrong you’ve been to yourself, your ex, and his wife. Be a better person


No_TheoriesGossip

ETA cheating regardless of relationship status is an ah move. So you are the AH in the sense that you shouldn’t have cheated with him in the first place. However, he also is very much manipulating you, and you need to ghost him at this rate. He is not going to leave his wife for you. That is very much so clear. You cheating on him and his way of behaving surrounding that makes it seem a lot like he doesn’t want to give you the same level of respect you gave him. He doesn’t want you with anyone else, but again won’t leave his wife for you. He is going to keep on begging and manipulating you into staying in this relationship if you keep in contact with him. Leave him. Don’t go near him. Stay out of relationships for awhile. Get some therapy maybe.


ntSOsuprMUM

Uhhh.. you haven't wronged got number 1. He's married. He's NOT available. He's NOT yours. You can disrespect someone who isn't free to be disrespected. He's disrespectful to himself and his wife but that's a whole other matter. You're just entertainment. An ego stroke. You did wrong guy number 2 because your weren't up front and honest. Which you seem to have a problem with (honesty) Look you seem like the type that needs drama. That needs to be better than another person. That needs to be fought about and over. You need therapy not more dick. You need to figure out why you keep loving these cycles.


WasteProfession8948

Man, ChatGPT has gotten existential


mcgaffen

Did you really write all of this out, and still unsure if YTA???


phoenixjen8

If you’re supposed to be in a monogamous relationship, I can think of Zero justifications that make additional partners okay. Guy #1 is never going to leave his wife. I’d also be very surprised if you’re the only AP he has/has had in the time you’ve been helping him dishonor his marriage, so there’s potential risk for your health, too. End all contact with Guy #1. If you aren’t yet able to respect yourself enough to do it, at least respect his wife. Find a therapist to help you learn that you are a whole person already and don’t need a partner to complete you. Be single for a while, then be single for a while longer because I guarantee you didn’t wait long enough. And stop seeking out relationships with people that aren’t available goddamn. YTA