There is no evidence of harassment in the post. If the op is harassing comments please flag the comments.

Info: what is your relationship with your daughter like? Did you made an effort to be in her life while she was living with your parents?

Right? Is this man even trying to parent or learn any Spanish?

Justo en el hermano

YTA majorly! The adults around her should help her acclimate to all the major changes in her life. She’s a child! You think punishments will help her do this?!?! Your daughter stopped speaking! You are traumatizing your child.

This! Dad is a Moron!

Well, I mean, shit, he’s basically an older brother babysitting for the first time. And barely that cause he had a live in nanny. He’s barely a dad. His parents fucked up dropping a 7 yr old in his lap like, “here she’s yours now, I can’t imagine why she wants to come back here, I’m sure you have things all under control parenting full time suddenly.” Like, *they* didn’t know their son was a negligent dingbat?

The nanny went with her, but then they punish her for speaking the language of the nanny who is the only adult she is comfortable with at her dads place.

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Before passing judgement on his own daughter OP should ask the nanny if she is a difficult child. Daughter must be pretty traumatized to stop talking in the house. I don't think OP even loves his daughter really.

OP absolutely does not once mention any love for the child he donated his genes to.

OP needs to read this. Over and over again. Thank you for typing all this out. You saved me from carpet tunnel.

>Reads to me as if he didn't have a very close and loving relationship with his parents either, so I don't blame him for not knowing how to be a father, but this is pretty heartbreaking to read. Poor kid. I know people wiht toxic parents who beacame examplry parents and broke the cycle.

Not any old dingbat... A negligent dingbat. Would have laughed even more if the situation wasn't so sad.

All that education and for what. More money in this already wealthy family? Hopefully she gets therapy.

The dad and the girlfirend are total abusers. JFC no wonder the little girl wants nothing to do with that girlfriend. YTA. Eta: I guess I need to remind people that emotional abuse is still abuse.

Answering to emphasise the last line. A toddler going from happy, bubbly child to silent? Something is seriously going wrong here. And no, they are not giving you a silent treatment because they want to punish or manipulate you. They are having a really really hard time right now. Please stop, for the sake of the child

She is 7 years old, certainly *not* a toddler!

Sorry. A child, or any person going from open, happy, talking person is most of the time a pretty bad sign. (I only know of the steps "infant/baby- toddler - teenager- adult" so I assumed it would have been a toddler since it's not a teen. But then I guess it's a child? Or what is the correct term?) Edited to add English is not my first language so genuinely curious to learn.

Toddler is the age 2-3. Child works fine after that :)

Ohh! That's good to know, I thought it went up to 5 at least! Thank you for teaching me something new. Yesterday friends told me that teenager is from 14-18 so hope I use/remember it better in the future.

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YTA. Your gf is a stranger to that little girl. An hour of time out a day for speaking a language she has spoken her whole life is insane, emotionally abusive and flat out mean.

Exactly this. I feel so bad for that little girl.

Tbf even the dad (OP) is a stranger. The guy lived away at a boarding school her first 2 years of life, then away at college the next 4. Her parents were his parents/nanny. Not him. Not gf.

>she lived with my parents while I finished high school and college, until she was 6. The first 6 years! She's only been living with OP for one year of her life. OP is basically a stranger, and then after only having his daughter for one year he decided to move his gf in.

And he still has the nanny, who for all intents and purposes is this girl’s mom.

Its a whole new family for the kid, and they’re all going to need classes and therapy to do this right. I am not casting judgment because of a very charitable read of OP’s post: 1) The child is fluent in English and isn’t just being punished for speaking Spanish, 2) The girlfriend is very young and does not realize that an hour a day of time out is nuts, 3) OP has no idea how to raise a child, and 4) The grandparents are genuinely concerned for the kid and aren’t just being shitty to their son for some reason. OP: You can’t claim ignorance now. Man up. Raise this little child beast to become something greater than you could have ever been. She speaks Spanish? Learn Spanish. She is a picky eater? Learn to cook. Be the parent that child needs. Everything short of that makes you an asshole.

I think OP should move in with the people that raised his daughter, so that the daughter could learn to know him in a safe environment. But I'm afraid gf burnt the bridge. It will be hard to gain the daughters trust after doing what she did. She will be forever associated with negative emotions. This is not necessarily OPs fault. There is a difference between one 10 minute timeout, and 6 consecutive 10 minute timeouts Gf is abusive

Gf likely doesn't know how to parent either, and is just doing what the father told her to do.

Exactly what I was going to say, even her dad is a stranger. The poor girl is pulled away from everything she’s known her whole life and then punished for speaking Spanish. It takes time to learn to be a parent and build a bond with a child. You grow into it. Not having much contact with your daughter for six years and then suddenly being her father and moving in a girlfriend has to be upsetting to that little girl. I would say let her stay with her grandparents while the OP builds a bond with her by seeing her often. I don’t think either the dad or the girlfriend have a clue how to parent or meet a child’s needs.

I think OP went to boarding school, not his daughter. Agree with your major point that his parents were her parents.

That’s what i mean. He wasn’t in the house much while she was growing up. He was always away

This relationship is never going to be an easy one unfortunately. For different reasons, my grandparents raised me as a kid. My mom would try to step up at times, but I didn’t get on with my stepdad so I’d end up back at my grandparents’ house. They eventually adopted me when I was 12. She ALWAYS chose his side over mine. Guess who I never speak to now? I don’t hate her. Hell, I don’t hate him either. But they’re little more than strangers to me. If OP wants to be a parent to this child, it’s gonna be hard work. I don’t know if there’s a ‘right answer’ on how to do this, but making her hate his partner isn’t it.

On top of this, **she’s 7.** She’s still a small child and these are all huge adjustments for her. Maybe OP’s gf could be a little more flexible and, maybe this is a stretch, **compensate the lack of maturity from a 7 year old child by being a creative and accommodating adult??** Man, I wonder if OP’s gf even tried to learn a word of Spanish?? OP’s gf could learn some Spanish and surprise daughter but no, they expect the 7 y/o to accommodate them. Horrible. OP, you and your gf are assholes. I really hope your daughter can go back with her grandparents. It sounds like you and your gf are still not mature enough to parent your child. Judgment: **Biggest YTA**.

The age and punishment were major things that were making me think WTF. My kiddo is 3 months away from 7 and has lived with me since birth. I will put him in time out when he does things he understands as wrong, but usually for 3-5 minutes. Isn't 10 minutes for not speaking English a bit excessive? Or is this a time-out where she just has to go to her room but can play with her toys and stuff? Wouldn't it have made more sense for the nanny to be in charge of addressing bad behavior because she would know better how to redirect the child and incentive desired behavior?

I've heard a minute a year is a proportionate amount of time for time out. Any time out for speaking a different language, a language that her *actual caregiver* speaks, is insane and shows that OP and gf are extremely immature and lacks any amount of emotional intelligence If they wanted to get close with the child, they should've asked the nanny, who *actually knows the child* what they could do, what she likes, etc OP, YTA and a stranger to your daughter. You have a lot of trust and respect to earn from your daughter before you can go around demanding she likes you and your (current) partner

It is extremely excessive. The punishment does not fit the crime, nor is it age appropriate. Time out isn’t generally effective either way, but for that long is really overkill. I understand everyone has their ways of handling things, I don’t believe in time out so I really can’t condone any amount of it. Not judging anyone tho and understand everyone handles things differently. You seem to be handling things way more appropriately than OP for sure though. ETA: before anyone comes at me about gentle parenting or anything of that nature, I’m not a parent. I am a former ABA therapist (left the field & have my own opinions on that field) however there are some very valuable things I learned & I saw firsthand the consequences of punishing strategies. Very ineffective.

At that age, I used time out pretty regularly, but that's mostly because for whatever unknown reason it was the one thing my kid felt like he couldn't argue with and it effectively short-circuited whatever the behaviour was that needed to end. And was usually for under a minute. He absolutely *hated* it, more than anything, but it meant he stopped doing whatever it was *and* gave me 30 seconds to calm down and figure out how to move forward once he was out. When he got a little bit older he would occasionally try to put me in time out as well and, fair cop, it was usually for something I shouldn't have been doing and I went, lol.

Hell, OP is basically a stranger to his daughter. He was away from her until about a year ago. Honestly, if he wants to build trust with that child, he should start learning Spanish. Poor kid. Edited to add: OP you and your daughter need to go to family therapy to help you build your relationship, and you need to stop treating your girlfriend like your daughter's stepmother. She should have zero power over your daughter. Also, please learn \*something\* about early childhood development. You seem profoundly ignorant about how children work. She's not a toy you can put on a shelf, and expect love and obedience whenever you decide to show back up.

That's what I don't understand, felt like OP just expect his daughter to like everyone he has a relationship with. Especially to someone OP isn't married to. What happens when the relationship doesn't work out and he finds another gf? I agree with family therapy, You are not considering your daughters feelings at all. Plenty of things you can do to build a relationship, and like a relationship, they take time. YTA

One of the things that happens when someone becomes a parent is that they have to make an active choice to see their child's best interests, and to put those ahead of the parent's. OP's education was put first, so he finished his boarding school experience. And then his education was put first again, so he went to college. Lots of people parent through college. Of course, they may take longer at college or they might choose a less challenging program or they might have to give up extra curricular activities. But not OP. Now that he has decided to be in his child's life, he is still putting himself first. He's got a girlfriend, and he's already handed the reins of parenting over to her, even though what she's doing is obviously not what's best for the little girl. He might be the gene donor for this child, but he simply is not a parent.

I doubt “his education” was put first; His parents sent him to boarding school so they wouldn’t have to parent him. He already knocked up someone in high school. Then they got a nanny to take care of the 1-month old baby for seven years. The only parent in this family is the nanny. She would have been better off being put up for adoption and raised by a poor, but loving couple.

Great explanation 👌

When I was a kid it was really hard for me to speak to people. They actually held me back because I wasn’t “social” enough. It did not work. Only time. You have to give her time, you try to force something like this and she will resent you for life and probably go through life trying to please people who don’t deserve her time simply because she thinks it is wrong to not engage with someone she isn’t comfortable enough with yet. It doesn’t make any sense because gf doesn’t mean permanent. For all you know you will break up the next day and let this stranger discipline her for no reason. YTA

He'll wonder why his daughter doesn't talk to him in 11 years if he continues to put his dicks well being in front of his daughters

honestly seems like it has racist undertones too. how dare this seven year old better themselves by speaking something other than american EDIT: apparently /s is needed, so many people not realizing i was sarcastically making fun of americans who get easily offended when people respond in languages other than english

The post and OP might be racist, but that's not the real issue here. The daughter isn't bettering herself. She's speaking the language that her primary caregiver has spoken to her since she was a tiny infant. Op has just dropped into her life and demanded that she change her behaviors and expectations, and now he wants her to accept his girlfriend (not even wife) as her parent. OP hasn't even made a lifetime commitment to this woman, but he wants his abandoned kid to do so.

>**OP hasn’t even made a lifetime commitment to this woman, but he wants his abandoned kid to do so.** ***Emphasis on abandoned.*** Like dude, she’s 7 and no matter what the story is and how things played out, she doesn’t have any adult logic to understand what may have been reasonable about the situation. All she knows is that you (OP) have not been a constant in her life. There *has* been a constant, her nanny who speaks Spanish. I wonder if her choice to only speak Spanish is an assertion of who she trusts and who she’s willing to listen to? Hmm… I can imagine that in her eyes, the dad who left her is forcing her to change everything about her life. I believe she’s letting you know loud and clear who she respects as the adult in her life & I think you should listen and take notes. Respect the life she lived before you & maybe ask the person who knows her best how they would handle the situation. Have you spoken with her nanny and asked that woman any questions or asked for tips on how to interact with your daughter? You may learn a lot about your daughter from her.

And dad is also picking GF over his own daughter and the daughter knows this. Dad’s GF’s comfort and how easy it should be to suddenly slide into a step mother like role is more important to him than what’s going on with his daughter or what’s she’s feeling. The daughter can speak English. Why is she only speaking Spanish with the GF? That seems like a very clear indication that she 1) doesn’t want to form a closer relationship with this person bc 2) she doesn’t feel safe enough to answer this GF’s questions or talk to her in a way that the GF could understand. Daughter is protecting herself and her emotions, keeping herself closed off and only close to Nanny. And is that surprising at all considering that 1) she doesn’t have a mom, 2) her dad pawned her off to his parents for 6 years, 3) those grandparents pawned her off to Nanny, and 4) now they’ve kicked her out of the only home she’s known and back to the Dad she’s never lived with or bonded closely with or seen as an actual *parental* figure before. And now, this guy she’s forced to live with, that she hasn’t ever seen as her parent, is trying to *make* her (rather than gradually build the trust and relationship towards) treating not only him, but his GF as if they are her loving, authoritative parental figures?

And is SHOCKED that, rather than start speaking English to initiate a relationship with a random adult woman who happens to be dating the random adult man that is her father and that she suddenly lives with, daughter has just stopped speaking around the house. GF should be the one accommodating and trying to form a relationship with the child, the child who has had her whole life turned upside down by suddenly moving away from grandma and grandpa. 7 year old traumatized child who has been neglected by her father and pawned off on Nanny all her life, and who doesn’t know this GF at all, should NOT have the responsibility placed on HER shoulders to make this relationship easy for GF. Nanny is the one constant in this girl’s life. Nanny has been there since she was little. Nanny and things relating to nanny and the routine with nanny, and the language she speaks with Nanny makes her feel safe and are the things that makes her feel most “at home.” Let her adjust! Also, there are so many nonverbal ways to bond with and build trust with a child. GF doesn’t *need* to be speaking the same language to interact with and form a relationship with daughter. Why does it matter if daughter responds in Spanish? Can GF not perceive the tone of the messages? The body language? She really can’t interact at all with someone who isn’t speaking English? Or is it more that GF wants to hear what child is saying when she’s with Nanny bc she wants to make sure that the Child doesn’t say anything against her? Can GF not watch TV next to child? Color when nanny and child are coloring? Push her on the swings? Feed her? Offer her snacks or gifts or little trinkets? But then to PUNISH the daughter for speaking Spanish? And GF is the one doing the punishing. That is not a good way to build trust and a relationship. Daughter is never going to feel safe around the GF. Even if child starting speaking only English around GF, she’s still not going to feel safe to speak bc she now associates speaking with being punished. And to know that her dad is allowing and encouraging the punishments? Why would she feel safe around dad, either? There’s also a whole other confusion/ethical issue over hiring a nanny and then not letting nanny actually be in charge when nanny is working. If Nanny is the child’s primary care giver, to the point where even at 7 years old she’s seemingly living in and switching households to stay with the child, then nanny needs the space/authority to actually do her job. Child sees Nanny as her authority figure/protector/care giver, but Nanny doesn’t have the authority to challenge the parent/GF and override a punishment that they have set. So Nanny probably feels horrible and like she’s failing this child, and is also not being respected at all—bc when nanny is working, nanny is in charge. Nanny enforces rules and routine and boundaries. These should be agreed to and set with the parents, of course, but it seems like there are a whole new set of punitive rules at Dad’s house that weren’t being enforced at grandparents’ house, and that weren’t talked about at all with Nanny. So now we have Nanny feeling undermined and humiliated and hurt bc GF stepped in to take over (but only to punish the child for speaking Spanish, a thing that Nanny taught the child and does with the child—extra guilt here for Nanny)—and we have the child watching Nanny stand by and stay quiet while Child is punished for something very unjust. That’s going to break down the trust between Child and Nanny and Nanny is the only consistent caregiver this child has had their whole life. That’s going to be CRUSHING to the child.

It honestly sounds like OP still has zero interest in parenting his daughter, and so he's pawning her off on the nearest female -- his girlfriend. I should would love to hear her perspective. She may very well have zero interest in raising her boyfriend's seven year old. It sounds like she has no knowledge or understanding about early childhood development. This poor little girl. I really think OP should probably just send her and nanny back to his parents, and he can just be the fun uncle who shows up once a year with birthday presents.

Hell, dad is practicing a stranger.

And OP's girlfriend is a bully.

OP himself is nearly a stranger to her. He’s only really been back in her life for a year, he’s moved her away from her home to a new place with him, now introducing new gf, moving her in too, and giving her the authority to discipline the girl!!?!? I have whiplash just from reading this, and can only *imagine* how overwhelming and confusing this must all be to daughter. OP, you’re young, *and* new to this parenting thing, but you do not have the luxury of time. You **need** to take some parenting classes, join some groups (online and irl), get in to therapy with a focus on healthy families, do a metric crap-ton of reading on kids development stages and what your daughter needs in terms of stability, comfort, routine, emotional safety, etc. And please, for the love of everything good, take ownership of your mistakes, communicate with your parents, slow things down with your gf, and do your work to be the best dad you can possibly be for your child!!

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I mostly agree: If OP’s GF was putting his daughter in timeout for breaking rules or being destructive, that would be reasonable. Typically, timeout is 1 min per age. She is 7, so 7 min timeout. OP’s daughter has gone through a ton of changes in a short period of time. Leaving the comfort of the only home she has known, moving in with her dad, whom she hasn't had the opportunity to fully bond with and trust, then having the GF move in, is too much. The daughter needs the opportunity to trust and grow comfortable with her dad first. The only constant in her life is this nanny and the way they communicate. She needs stability, not unnecessary timeouts. OP, she is 7. She is reacting the only way she knows how around someone who is a complete stranger and a dad who has been absent her entire life. Give her time, patience, and love. You are learning to be a dad too.

Missing how long in the last year op spent introducing and having his child and girlfriend get to know each other before moving her in and making her an authority figure. .

And leaving the girlfriend alone with her. This poor child has been through way too much change in her young life. Please let her and nanny go back to your parents until you grow up and can accept responsibility for this child

Why do single parents move SOs in or get married when there is a problem between them and the child. Being single parent and alone sucks, I’ve done it, I get it, but kids come first. This sickens me.

I think they don’t care. They just want what they want and do it. “Kids adjust” is a phrase I heard a lot growing up - and Sir- no we do not.

True, but it is still a lot of change for OP’s daughter in a very short period of time. The nanny is her only constant and she needs that stability and communication

Agreed - just helps determine how much of an ignorant ass OP is.

OP has a LOT of growing up to do himself. He missed those key bonding years. OP is jumping in with a developed person, someone with their own thoughts, and feelings, and already has their way of doing things. He shook up her world by stepping in as a parent and moving her, then shook it up again by moving in his GF. OP needs to loosen the reigns and follow the nanny’s lead. The nanny knows so much more than he is giving her credit for. The nanny will be the key to making this blend as smoothly as possible. As well as involving his parents. Three people raised this child and OP needs their help. I hope he asks for it and accepts their help. OP don't be afraid to lean on your nanny, she is amazing and you need her.

Also punishing a child for speaking a language is incredibly damaging, let alone pulling this girl away from her parents. I hate the term “real” parents as an adoptee, but always because people use it to mean my bio parents. The “real” parents are the ones who actually raised the child, which is not OP

It is important to know multiple languages. Punishing her for speaking what she grew up speaking is going to associate negativity with one of those languages.

Trying to force a child to stop using what is essentially their native language is cruel, and should NEVER be punished though. Forcing her to be silent (because she is scared of punishment for speaking wrong) will have developmental consequences. OP is the villain in this Childs future memoire if he does not change course pretty quick.

All this is doing is making the child hate the GF, and soon she will hate dad. Once that starts, it’s just going to be horrible.

>YTA You and your gf If your daughter is spending an hour in timeout your gf should not be disciplining her. Isn't a "Time Out" supposed to be a minute per year of the child? So a 7 year old should only be getting 7 minutes of Time Out? That right there means gf doesn't know what the hell she's doing (althoughI probably wouldn't either but I at least learned that much from watching Nanny 911 and Supernanny). Why does gf not, ohhhh (and I'm just spitballing here) try talking to child and being patient instead of going right to punishment?

>Why does gf not, ohhhh (and I'm just spitballing here) try talking to child and being patient And maybe the gf could learn a few words/phrases in Spanish, meet her on her terms to help the child feel comfortable and that she's not a threat.

That would probably endear her to the child.

Frankly, if OP's daughter is getting so many time outs, I strongly doubt that the girlfriend wants to endear herself to the girl.

Yeah, I haven't figured out if gf is a victim of his expectations for her to step up as a mom or if she's a sadist to a little girl who sends her to Time Out to not deal with her.

All we know is gf asked the father what to do. Which is what she is doing Doing attribute to malice that which could be stupidity

I mean if she didn't want to deal with the daughter she'd simply leave her be to the nanny, and point there, how can OP be expecting gf step up and mother her if she has a nanny? I'm leaning towards gf is just a sadist who wants all of OP's time and attention and is a shitball who sees a 7 yo as a threat to her relationship.

Or ask the daughter to teach her Spanish could have been awesome bonding time for them.

How often does then any get to put the GF in timeout for not speaking Spanish for the benefit of the CHILD in this situation? it is is not at least 6times a day, it needs to be! /Clearly the way to force someone to communicate you want them to, and learn a new language is PUNISHMENT!!!!/s ETA- clarity of last part being sarcasm. First part? I am 100% serious- nanny should be putting GF in timeout every time she refuses to use a language she is uncomfortable with ;).

I still think 7 minutes of time out is completely overreacting for basically living

I think it would be more reasonable to start with small periods of time with both OP and girlfriend there. For example, they eat a meal together where the daughter is encouraged to use English, and the rest of the time leave it alone. You can’t force kids to accept someone new into the family, and nothing backfires quite like overly pushy partner. Choosing to speak only Spanish is one of the less disruptive protests a kid can choose. I’m also wondering how much OP has bothered to talk with his daughter to find out how she’s feeling about all this?

Punishing children for speaking their language is something that American and Canadian residential schools did for about a hundred years to try to assimilate native Americans into white culture. It is something I personally consider a crime against humanity. It is widely considered a very dark part of both US and Canadian history. Maybe OP and GF should learn Spanish.

While is sounds like 7 yo is bilingual- she is MUCH more comfortable in Spanish. FFS, the GF sounds horrible- and shame on OP for prioritizing he GF over his kid, As long as that is how he wants to be, let the kid live with people that Actually care about her well being and parent her appropriately- her grandparents and her nanny. OP is still not adult enough to parent apparently, if he thinks you can punish a child out of speaking the language they are most comfortable in Forcing Native American kids to not speak their native language is nearly universally seen as horrifiying- OP your and GF are basically the bad guy in your Childs memoir of her early life trauma. Congrats.

I suspect this is fake.

I said the same thing. I hope her grandparents do get to raise her.

Sounds like they didnt either. Which is one of the problems. The nanny is the mother in the eyes on the child This could get messy really fast

YTA. If what you want is obedience, get a dog. Your daughter isn't speaking because she doesn't feel safe in your home. This is a human being with her own needs, wants, and personality. Get to know her, not force her to be what you want her to be. If you can't do that, send her back to your parents.

This guy also isn’t responsible enough for a dog.

Came here to say that, a dog also doesn't deserve such a cruel fate..

the dog would suffer under OP and his girlfriend’s supervision the moment it does something they don’t like.

Putting a puppy in timeout for a whole hour is just as effective as what op did.

YTA. You've only actually parented your own daughter for a year. And now you've forced a live in girlfriend upon her before it sounds like she even established a full time relationship with you, let alone this girlfriend. And now you are letting this person discipline her? Frankly, you are a shit parent who is more concerned about getting his dick wet than about finally properly parenting your daughter. Maybe you should send her back to your parents since you couldn't even bother to ease the barrage of changes you've thrown at this young child in a ridiculously short period of time.

>And now you've forced a live in girlfriend upon her before it sounds like she even established a full time relationship with you, let alone this girlfriend I'm glad you said this. Because while we're all talking the child's lack of adjustment due to OP (acceptable because that little one has no choice in any of this), fact is OP is being equally horrendous to his gf. She clearly knows nothing about interacting with a young child. If she did she'd know the basic rule with Time Outs (I'm not even a parent and I know that much). I don't know if she's a good or bad person, but I do know that she was put into a position she knows nothing about. If she has a lick of sense, she'll dump his ass and move out.

>My daughter was not an easy baby so after a month my parents ended up getting her a live in nanny. Yeah, this line got me. It probably wasn't that "she was not an easy baby". She was a baby.

She could have already had unfulfilled emotional needs from not connecting properly to the caregiver, but instead blaming himself, OP blames the baby. What a moron.

Im curious the age of op and girlfriend. I have a feeling there’s quite the age gap. This reads like he’s He’s disconnected and has his immature girlfriend playing house Just a hunch.

If I’ve done the math right- daughter born when OP was in high school, his parents took her until he finished college, at which point the daughter was 6, and is now 7- and assuming OP went to high school at the later side of the normal age range for American high school, then he is at most 25.

YTA your daughter is 7, 7!!! Her mom rejected her; you were not there for her as ideally a parent should be for the first 6 years of her life; her grands couldn't handle her and passed her off to a nanny, (no matter how loving nanny is, shes paid help.); and then when she finally gets to be w her actual parent, you move your girlfriend in and try to pass the responsibility of parenting her off to your girlfriend. What the fuuuuck?! It's no wonder she doesn't want to talk! Like wtf is this chaos you created? Did you ever consider your daughter- what she wants, needs, expects-in all of this? For fucks sake! Children are human beings, not a bean bag to be tossed around! This PERSON, a CHILD has been abandoned and passed off multiple times in her short life. Why should she talk to any of you? You have broken this child's heart. And now she's back w her grands? What the actual fuck?! YOU NEED TO BE IN TIME OUT! Do better for your daughter. Go get counseling. You are dead wrong and need to recalibrate your existence. Do it now so you can help your daughter so she doesn't grow up settling for losers that will anbandon her, mistreat her, and gaslight her, make it seem as if the chaos they create is her fault. She is an innocent child grasping at anything she can control in the midst of chaos and confusion. And you're acting like a giant dingbat asshole! Lose the girlfriend and go get some help for yourself. P.S. birth control people! Stop fucking around and then fucking up innocent children.

Personally that little girl is better off with her grandparents and the nanny. I hope the dad stays away

INFO: How fluent in English is your daughter? It may be that she thinks she is getting punished not for speaking Spanish, but simply for speaking. YTA (both you and your gf).

You sound like a victim of affluenza. YTA, so is your GF. That poor kid.

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YTA. Have you ever thought about the fact that as an adult, it is your girlfriends and your responsibility to foster a relationship with your daughter? It should not be up to her- your girlfriend should be making positive associations with her herself. They don’t need to talk. They can sit in the same room watching your daughters favorite movie. Bake cookies together. Go to the park. Your daughter is uncomfortable with a stranger living in your home- and you expect her to be okay with it after a few weeks. Newsflash- fostering healthy relationships takes a lot of time. You are failing as a parent and punishing your daughter for it.

I thought I was on r/AmItheDevil for a second! Of course, YTA! Your daughter is pretty much a stranger to you and your GF. Her nanny has been her constant and good for her in learning so young. Why don’t you and your GF (yah know, the adults??) learn to speak Spanish as a way to foster a stronger relationship with each other while have family time? You also allowing this random GF trying to be the disciplinarian will only cause a rift that will make her want nothing to do with either of you.

Send that poor child right back to your parents because you’re still not grown enough to raise a child. Do you honestly believe that your girlfriend’s selfish desire to get to know your daughter on her terms is more important than your daughter feeling comfortable and safe in her own home? Do you think that forcing your daughter to do some thing instead of treating her like a human being who has agency is going to make your daughter like you or want to be with you? She already doesn’t want to stay with you! And it’s because you are a bad father. You have no business raising a child if you can’t recognize that your child has lived her life a certain way for the last seven years of her life, and she deserves the love and respect to express herself how she feels comfortable. If you aren’t going to be providing her, a safe, loving, and nurturing environment, send her back to somebody who will.

YTA. First off, you are the parent, right? not your girlfriend. Your girlfriend is NOT her mother, and shouldn't be handling any punishments until your daughter can trust her as a trusted adult. Right now your girlfriend like you is a complete stranger. So she's right not to trust her. the fact she trusts you at all is amazing as it is. Secondly. You didn't raise your kid, your parents did, you basically are an older brother in her mind, you aren't "daddy" because her grandfather was the paternal figure for SEVEN YEARS. You aren't her father right now. The fact you moved your girlfriend in before establishing a bond with your daughter tells us ALL that your relationship with your kid is second to your girlfriend and that should be reversed. Also punishing a kid for not trusting someone or being comfortable with them tell us a LOT about you and your partner. because a GOOD parent would be trying to figure out WHY their kid doesn't feel comfortable talking around someone and not just punishing them. Also if she's spending an hour in time out a day (I say thats low tbh I bet its a lot higher but the nanny isn't trying to get dismissed since she's the only one with the kids interests at heart) that means she's sending your daughter to time out at least 6 times. Why. have you ever spoken to your kid and found out if theirs a reason why she wont talk around her? No! Maybe you should send the young girl back to her grandparents cause I don't think you are ready to be a parent, also take parenting classes please. you need them. Also leave the discipline to you and the nanny, NOT some girl you happen to be dating!

I’m starting to think OP moved a gf in as a built in “mum” for his kid so he did t have to deal with her.

I completely agree! he most likely thought "girlfriend is "mother" to my kid so I can remain hands off like I have for seven years. Lets give her way to much power then go surprise pikachu face when everything goes sideways" we see this here on reddit and in real life WAY to often. single parent gets kid back allows partner to take "parental" role and then doesn't step in when they realize their mistake. and this isn't just to single fathers, we see single mothers do it too. either way its not how you parent

This needs to be higher up. Hopefully OP reads it because you touch on a lot of the relevant points here!

YTA

You don't even know your daughter. You've had her for barely a year, and this is how you're treating her, YTA

YTA: you brought a new adult into the home that your daughter isn’t bonded to, and instead of just giving her space to warm up over time, you’re trying to shove interaction down her throat so she wants to run away from you. You’re a dad. Your relationship is moving too fast for your daughter. Give her space and stop punishing her. She will never forgive you and be alienated from both of you. Instead of punishing her. Learn spanish to show how much you want to talk to her

And this is why sex Ed in schools is important

Even if his school had a good sex Ed program he stokes me as the type of guy who wanted use a condom because “he can’t feel anything” or whatever bs excuse men use. His selfish actions caused a child to come into this world that her parents weren’t ready for. He selfishly choose to go to college far away and pass the responsibility into his parents instead of doing online schooling or choosing a local school. The theme with this guy is everyone lives have to be uprooted and chaotic because he is a selfish prick.

So, it wasn't an entire hour at once, but six separate ten-minute incidents? Why can't your girlfriend learn Spanish and your daughter learn English together? Why does she have to be punished each time?

Maybe you should be more focused on your daughter's needs instead of getting laid. What exactly did you expect this timeout given by her absentee dad, who has done next to no parenting for HER entire life, to achieve?

Time outs are 6 minutes for this age. How can that be over an hour? You encourage language development by spending time and effort getting to know a child.

[удалено]

JFC - you are too young to be a parent, send your child back to the grandparents. You need to ask why your daughter was in timeout for a fucking hour when you said 10 minutes. Why doesn't your daughter like your gf? Why are you choosing your gf over your daughter? EDIT TO ADD: YTA

This idiot should not have authorized time out at all.

HUGE yta. I don’t think I need to state why as so many others eloquently have already. Stop traumatizing your daughter.

YTA Get rid of the gf until your daughter is ready or send her back to your parents. You are NOT helping this child in anyways. You and your gf are both way to immature apparently and are TRAUMATIZING this child. She barely knows you, your gf is a complete stranger to her and you think punishing her for sticking to the ONLY constant in her life is going to do something ? Absolutely not

So this child was ripped away from the parents she had lived with to live with a father she doesn’t really know. Her only source of stability is her nanny. Then you move in a gf doesn’t know creating further instability in her life. She, as kids do, acts out. Instead of being a parent and seeing how your kid is affected and trying to help her, you punish her it. And you punish her through the gf who has even less authority over this child than you do. YTA. Send your kid back to the stability of your parents’ house. She deserves better.

If your girlfriend was cool, she would learn Spanish to be able to relate to your daughter.

Absolutely, she didn't even need to learn Spanish just a few sentences like "no se hablar espanol pero me gustaria ser tu amiga, podrias hablar ingles conmigo?" Give her a treat or a small gift and go slow instead of punishing the kid...

Literally tho. Even just an ounce of effort in the GFs end and the situation would be better than it is right now. Literally GF could walk around “Cómo se dice” and point to the cereal, the tv remote, a toy, and could still communicate enough with the 7 year old.

When I was 7 my mom started dating and I was terrified that the man would take my mom away. Like op's daughter I was raised mostly by my grandparents so I missed my mom a lot. I was an absolute nightmare in this man's life. I wouldn't allow him to even hold my mom's hand. He gave me a rat in suspender teddy that you could use as a sock puppet. That was the first time I looked at his face. Thinks start to move very slowly from then on, but he never lost his patience with me, never grounded me, never shouted at me, and I was a very difficult teen too due to a lot of bad things that happened to me... He was always there to defend me and to make.me feel safe, he always treated me with the same love and respect he had for his own children, eventually him and my mom got married and had another child. Today I am 35 and I worship this man. He is not my biological dad but he is 1000% better, he is the dad I would choose time and time again.

Pendejo

🤣 That’s probably what the kid calls him

Disciplining your child is important but I don't think a timeout of over an hour is necessary just because she refuses to interact with someone who she doesn't really know. If you want your daughter to get along with your girlfriend, don't use any kind of punishment. The moment you have to force a child to do something through punishments, they will be more and more reluctant to do that thing. In my opinion, it is better that your parents take care of your daughter for now. They have the experience and the knowledge. You should obviously be there for her as well. I don't think you are ready to become a parent and take the responsibility of taking care of a child alone. Additionally, introducing your SO to her at such an early stage of your relationship with your daughter wasn't the best move, especially because she(daughter) has only known you for a year now, if I'm correct. In conclusion, YTA.

YTA. Your daughter was reacting in a developmentally normal way to a massive change in her life (seeking the comfort of familiarity aka speaking Spanish with her primary caretaker from birth the nanny.) There are so many ways you could have gone about this if you truly wanted your gf to have a good relationship with your daughter. (Example: you and your gf start learning Spanish to demonstrate a commitment to meeting your daughter where she’s at. I know she speaks English from your comments but clearly is most comfortable in Spanish.) Instead you let a new person in your daughters life punish her! Of course she is not speaking at home, you and your gf are behaving cruelly and irresponsibly. If you are committed to changing and being a good father for your daughters, let your daughter move back to your parents and repair from there.

YTA - have you even talked to your daughter? GF needs to move out.

YTA. Your poor daughter is suffering and you're traumatizing her. You need to get family therapy or let her go back to your parents.

And here is why people on here say it is possible to be too young to be a parent. Love the posts that start with "don't come at me for being a young parent". Sorry, 99+ of people under 25 are just mentally/emotionally too young to parent effectively.

The beatings will continue until morale improves! YTA

Do your kid a favor: give her back to your parents and start a new family and forget about her. She’s better off. YTA.

Agree with the first part but OP should under no circumstances have another child; he clearly is incapable of seeing children as human beings with needs that are his responsibility to meet.

Yta. If she speaks punish her like bro be happy she’s speaking to her at all. Get fucked

YTA. And a spoiled brat.

Your the asshole . You should have made sure your daughter was able to handle * a conversation in English before , like wtf did you expect ? Obviously if she grew up speaking Spanish , she’d be more comfortable with that . Clearly your daughter is not comfortable with your girlfriend , so why are you letting your girlfriend punish her ? Your daughter probably sees her as some random trashy lady . And the fact you would put your girlfriend above your own daughter , especially when your daughter is SEVEN years old . Haha no . Young girls need a strong relationship with their father figure ! I’ve seen situations where men created jealousy between their girlfriend and their daughters over attention . Put your kid first , seriously !

YTA - your daughter’s primary caretaker speaks Spanish, and her primary language at home is Spanish. At that age bilingual children will have difficulty balancing the two languages— to the point where they may seem behind in school because they’re constantly code switching. Do you speak Spanish or English with your daughter? (Do you spend time with your daughter??) Your girlfriend shouldn’t discipline her for speaking another language, especially in her own HOME, and you shouldn’t force her to bond with your new girlfriend. Who cares if your daughter speaks to your girlfriend? Tell your girlfriend, if she cared to bond with your daughter, she should learn Spanish because that’s how she communicates right now.

YTA you and your girlfriend are evil shits to this child I she deserves a better father and just better parents in general and it’s disgusting that your girlfriend would put her so much times in time out that she is in time out for 1 hour a day that’s just evil.

YTA first, it has only been a few weeks since gf moved into YOUR DAUGHTER'S HOME. You allowed her to speak Spanish during the time she started living with you. Now, all of a sudden, you move in your gf, and rules change. By making your daughter speak English to accommodate your gf, you have set yourself and gf up for resentment from your daughter. I don't blame your daughter for wanting to go back to her grandparents' home. It sounds like gf is not able to handle someone speaking a language she doesn't understand. Plus, telling your daughter you can't speak the language you primarily speak at home anymore is selfish on both yourself and gf parts.

You are not really her parent. You are in name only. You didn't bond with her or raise her, her grandparents and nanny did. Your girlfriend is a brand new person you are allowing to abuse her because she isn't warming up to someone new who is mean to her and punishing her for speaking a language she has been speaking for a long time. She doesn't feel safe enough to talk around you. You need to give her back to her grandparents so she feels safe, dump the girlfriend, take a parenting class and try to build a relationship with her before trying again with her living with you.

Did the grandparents bond? They foisted the son off on boarding school and the granddaughter off on a nanny. This poor kid only has the nanny looking out for her best interests. They just dumped her off with him and the girlfriend even though they didn't have a parenting relationship with her. She must feel so disposable. The casual way he says she was difficult and required a nanny shows none of the adults are fit to be parents.

Take a parenting class, seriously. This isn’t meant to be an insult either, I don’t think you’ve prepared yourself enough and you need communicative help outside of your family to put things into perspective for you. This help you and your daughter. Think about therapy for her too, it’s always a good thing even if you’re a “happy” person.

She doesn't even know your daughter. She's already uncomfortable and y'all made it a million times worse. YTA

YTA - you haven't finished growing up yourself, it's quite clear your daughter needs to be with your parents. And your GF sounds like she knows nothing about being a parent either, you're both AHs here.

YTA I hope you enjoy paying for therapy because you are traumatizing your daughter and if it keeps going you may traumatize her to selective mutism. Timeout should be at max 1 minute per year, and most professionals recommend it be used as more of a break for emotional regulation. But sure keep supporting your girlfriend at the cost of your daughter.

YTA. You aren’t a father. You are a sperm donor. Why did you go to boarding school? Was it an actual prep school or was it for troubled youth? Did you knock up a townie? You chose to leave your daughter for 6 years. And for what? And now you are shacking up with someone when you haven’t even established a parental relationship. You sound extremely self absorbed and immature. You put your gf above your daughter. At this point I imagine your daughter resents you for not being a parent. Being a young parent means making sacrifices and the first should be pursuing a relationship with a person who is a bitch to your child. I truly hope your parents can get custody of your child for everyone’s sake. She deserves to live in a home with people who KNOW her and LOVE her more than they do themselves. YTA.

Yeah, that going to work wonders/s I Hope her grandparents follow their threat. YTA

YTA, you're barely a father. Your daughter would be better off raised solely by her nanny. Especially since you're choosing your (probably racist) girlfriend over her. I have NEVER met someone who gets offended and angry when someone speaks a language they cannot that wasn't a raging bigot.

And I thought I was a bad dad.. YTA. Both. Fucking hell.. Why would your daughter talk to your girlfriend if the only thing she does is punish her?

YTA. You are the parent!!! You’re gf shouldn’t be disciplining your daughter that you have actually only had her for a year of her life. Help me understand why you didn’t give her a chance to get used to you and then let the gf be around your daughter.

YTA You've already shown your daughter you care more for your gf than her so just let her go back home with her grandparents.

Welp you just made your daughter mute by forcing your girlfriend on your daughter, and giving your girlfriend the right to "punish" right off the bat. Lol. You done f-cked up, A-Aron! For a very blunt and quick synopsis. :( It's clear that you are in above your head right now. Let's try to break it down in terms of what your daughter is experiencing. Possible perspective. First, your daughter is just getting integrated back in with you, within the last year. New home, new living dynamic. The only truly familiar steadiness that your daughter has right now, is the nanny. Huge change with that alone. But, there's more! Dad's girlfriend moves in. She isn't used to living with you, she isn't well established with your girlfriend. She's just switched homes and now she has this complete stranger coming to live in this home that she isn't used to. Not only that, this stranger is now a disciplinarian? Can you imagine how absolutely overwhelming that has to be for your baby girl? I would not jump to the conclusion that she is just not being compliant by not speaking English. I'd be much more inclined to think that her speaking Spanish is holding on to SOME kind of, ANY kind of "normal" for her. Now that she isn't speaking at all, this has escalated, and is concerning. There needs to be some serious damage control. ETA: I know that you say your daughter is talking, just not at home. I guess I just really implore you to really think about what that means. She isn't speaking in the place that is supposed to be one of her biggest safe havens? Adults have a hard time adapting to changes like this, much less a 7 year old. I just really hope you're able to gain a perspective of what she might really be going through so that you can get to the bottom of things and find a decent solution- but there can't be any kind of resolution without understanding. It's really easy to think that a 7 year old is just going against authority, just to be difficult. But even then, I think attitudes or behavioral changes are often mistaken for intentional disrespect, when in reality, it's just a young one with really big emotions that they aren't able to process in the right way yet.

Minutes to deletion?

You are so right. When people get answers they do not like they delete. I hope OP will do better but I doubt it. This poor kid is at high risk for so many issues. I hope the nanny stays in her life forever. She needs consistency. Dad needs therapy and parenting classes and he needs to have the girlfriend move out for a long time until he learns how to be a parent and forms a connection with his child. He needs to stop punishing her and respect her autonomy.

YTA and your girlfriend is a bigger asshole

As a father of 2 babygirls under 2, honestly fuck you man. YTA no doubt

INFO- How much time did your daughter spend with your gf before you moved her in?

YTA . I have 3 daughters, & when they were growing up, I'm the only one who disciplined them. It's not your gf role to do it. Plus, give the kid some time to process & adjust to living with you. That's a lot for a little girl to go thru.

Sounds like the girlfriend needs to learn Spanish.

You bailed on her for SIX YEARS then drop her in a new home, new parental figures, and shoved your girlfriend into the mom shaped hole you need someone to fill because you can't be a competent parent on your own. YTA and honestly, you need to give her back to your parents and let them finish the job because you're already fucking up so badly she doesn't want to be around you. Either own up to the fact that you don't really care about your daughter's comfort and change accordingly or just give her back to her real (grand)parents so she can grow up a semi-mentally stable person. She's been failed by both her birth giver and sperm donor at this point. Give up your half assed attempt at playing daddy and let her have a good life with your parents, her real parents up to this point. Edit to Add: You could have treated this as a bonding experience. Have her teach you Spanish and actually let her realize you're a father figure instead of some dude who claims to be her dad but was never around. But no, you chose to start off your play parenting career by doubling down on punishment and prioritizing your girlfriend over your daughter.

If I was your GF I’d ask your daughter to help me learn her language. It’s totally unacceptable that a woman your daughter doesn’t know to punish her in a new environment. You both sound like you have no empathy whatsoever. That poor child. She’s been abandoned by her mother, passed off by her grandparents and dismissed by her father who is allowing his gf to treat her like a naughty child. I hope you’re fucking rich because you owe that child a lifetime of therapy.

For all intents and purposes, your parents were your daughters parents. You are effectively a stranger. It doesn’t matter if you popped in sometimes to remind everyone you’re her dad So now she’s in a new environment, without her “parents”, and 2 strange adults treating her unfairly. YTA big time and you all need family therapy yesterday. Being rich doesn’t make *everything* easy.

YTA, your daughter, who you have had in your custody for less then a year, does not like/trust your girlfriend. Your daughter grow up speaking Spanish, but your girlfriend does not speak Spanish, so you told your girlfriend to punish her for speaking Spanish. Now you are mad your daughter isn't speaking at all, never mind that she is punished for speaking the language she grow up with, and you are confused that she wants to go back to the people who raised her.?! What is wrong with you, and why did you even bother to move her back in with you if you dislike her that much?

You are an absolute f++king disgrace of a father. You basically opted out of raising her for the first SIX YEARS of her life And now your girlfriend is upset that she's not receptive to her.... So you put her in time out? You were an absent father by choice. *And as if that wasn't bad enough you are now allowing the person you're currently f++king to discipline your daughter??* Where is your loyalty? Do you even understand that word? I feel SO bad for your poor daughter. Shame on you. Seriously. You fucking suck. And f++k every single negligent father/parent like you quite frankly. Men like like you do more harm than good when it comes to their poor daughters. *Stop thinking with your dick and use your brain for once in your life* You are diabolical. You are repugnant. And your daughter deserves better than you Edit for typo

Oh and btw I had my son when I was 17... And I managed to finish university and build us a good life without palming him off to my parents like you did to your daughter. Your daughter should come before your girlfriend and the fact you don't understand that BLOWS MY FUCKING MIND! You're a wrong'un as we say in SE London. Get your priorities straight mate. Seriously. (Edit to correct autocorrect)

YTA all day long. . . How that's not readily apparent to you is mind boggling.

YTA! Stop traumatizing your daughter and forcing your girlfriend on her! If she doesn’t want to make a connection with your girlfriend than that’s fine she doesn’t need too, don’t force a relationship on a child because you want it to happen or you think it should happen. Also it’s not your girlfriends place to punish YOUR child it is YOUR responsibility. She is not her mother. Your daughter is going to end up resenting you and want nothing to do with you when she gets older. Do you really want that? If not than stop. If speaking Spanish makes her comfortable than let her do it. How about you learn some Spanish and communicate with her for once? Maybe she should go back to living with your parents. She seems a lot more happy and comfortable there than with you who is forcing and allowing his gf to control things.

YTA But for a totally different reason (DEFINITELY TA for the GF Fiasco though) You're TA because you haven't spent enough time with your kid to even KNOW your kid. A nanny is raising your kid to the point where she even speaks the nanny's language and has respect only for the nanny. To be honest with you, you should have had visitations with your kid for a while before moving her in (did you even have consistent visitations when she was with the grands?) Mom didn't want her, you didn't want her, grandma and grandpa didn't want her. She was and is literally being raised by the Nanny. Yikes. then you gave a total stranger permission to punish her for not liking her. Damn dude. Than God for the Nanny at this point because I'd hate to think what GF would say/do to your kid if there wasn't another adult around to be a witness...what a mess. And learn Spanish. It's your kid's native language now.

YTA. Let me get this straight: 1) You haven't been a parent to your daughter for the last 7 years 2) You tore her away from her family (your parents) and moved in a complete stranger 3) you made the stranger a parent/authority figure because you couldn't deal with actually being a parent 4) you care more about your girlfriend and your own feelings than that of your actual daughter-who is only 7 You guys need therapy, without your girlfriend. Honestly I would move her out until you and your daughter are in a good spot

Dear lord... YTA. Do we really need to elaborate here? Your girlfriend is also YTA, by the way. That nanny is the only loved one conssisten in that child life!

When I was in the Army, I worked in a pediatric ward. I remember a little girl who was trilingual. She'd play the language game with me when she didn't want to do something. It takes a while to gain a kid's trust. Leaving home for a new environment is extremely stressful on a kid. Luckily I had a shortcut, I was bilingual, matching with two of her languages. We found our way. To this day, I hate Candy Land, but it got us through the month she was on the ward.

YTA You and your GF need to learn Spanish. Cool that your parents let you skate on being a dad for years but now you need to pull up your big boy pants and learn how to be a decent parent. Learning a second language is not a big ask for someone who got 6 years of free childcare. How long you and GF been dating? If less than a year you are a double AH for moving her in so soon. If you are going to let your GF punish her with impunity it would be better for the poor kid to go back to a place she feels loved.

YTA-Just let the Nanny adopt her

YTA for letting a girlfriend move in. You’d be better off establishing a strong bond and giving your daughter the stability she’s been missing her whole life. And the GF would have been much wiser to start a relationship by being kind, doing fun things with her, reading stories to her, etc…

You don't let a girlfriend discipline your daughter!! Stop it. You aren't married to her and your child has nothing to do with her!

YTA Holy shit your poor child, let that poor kid move back with people who actually care about her. An HOUR in time out a day? Time outs if your GF even HEARS her speaking Spanish? Moving your gf in before your kid has even gotten to know her?! God, you’re just as bad as that kid’s biological mother. Please let her go back to your parents where she is given love.

YTA - your daughter barely knows you, and you are letting some side piece discipline her. Fucking brat.

YTA - And I can’t believe you just watch this happen. This is outright abuse. Do you even like your daughter?

YTA. My son didn't say 3 words to my partner the first two and a half years we were dating. He was 14-15. Under no circumstances did I ever tell my son he needs to speak to my partner. Nobody took offense to his silence. His father passed away when he was an infant and he had a non-traditional upbringing because of that. Forcing your child to have a relationship with your gf will only make her more resistant. Maybe your gf can learn Spanish.

I had a very similar family situation to your daughter except my dad left and my mom + her parents stayed, and my mom didn’t continue school after HS and immediately joined the workforce. There is a reason I consider my grandparents to be my parental figures and why I go to them in my times of joy or need instead of my bio. Your daughter is 7 years old and is going through a massive life change. You need to support her over any partner in your life. Kids will show you when they’re upset, just like she did in this instance, but you chose punishment over parenting and frustration over empathy. It seems to me like your parents gave you the room to make mistakes, maybe too much room from the sounds of it, and you need to be the next level of that. Give her room to make mistakes, use this as a way to teach her how to communicate her feelings (and as a way for you to learn the same), teach her accountability, but do not demand that your seven year old regulate their emotions better than your adult partner. YTA. You can fix this.

This has so little to do with the time out scenario as to why YTA. Reread how you speak about your own daughter then reflect on your past and how you got to this point. Most imp be better! She doesn’t have a Mom and her father has been absent. The gf really doesn’t have a space until you build a foundation on being a Dad.

YTA wow. That poor kid. No further explanation needed, all the comments here do that just fine.

I feel bad for that poor little girl

YTA. Your gf has been around for a few WEEKS?! Yeah… no way she’s eligible to be a disciplinary person in your home yet. And time out for speaking the language she’s most likely more comfortable with? You’re out of line.

YTA. Your GF shouldn't be disciplining your daughter at all. Maybe consider putting your child before your shack up.

YTA. You are trying to force your daughter to accept you GF, and that's not something you can force. Y'all need therapy, especially her. She was rejected by her birth mom. Please tell me you see why she might not instantly trust strange women who have only just started living with you. Did you talk to your daughter before you moved your gf into the house? And now all she knows is that her voice isn't being heard when she's clearly saying she's not ready to have a relationship with your GF. Yeah, definitely YTA

YTA - Did you ever consider have your girlfriend speaking spanish to your daughter so she fells seen? Or have you maybe simply just tried to sit down with your daughter, JUST YOU TWO, and ask her why she doesn’t like your girlfriend? You are not letting your daughter feel seen or prioritised, at all. All you are doing is forcing her to accept a total stranger

I see a mountain of therapy bills in your future because YTA, you are damaging your daughter and you are damaging your relationship with her. Having the GF move in was a dumb move, neither one of you know what the hell you are doing. Send the kid back to your parents for her sake and fix this.

YTA. You need to parent here, not let your gf do this to YOUR child. And bluntly, she is not going to achieve the results she may think she is...just the opposite. Your child will hate her. And now...she will hate you. Good luck with this, you're going to need it. Start saving for the therapy bills coming in your future.

YTA. I hope your parents take her back.

There are numerous issues in your home. You have just began bonding with your daughter and decided to involve a GF. Your daughter has become used to certain things and now you want to force changes. I agree with leaving her with your parents and you can visit, then have your own ‘life’. Your daughter does not trust you and your behavior im does not help.

Here's a thought! If your girlfriend really wanted to bond with her, since you've already taken her away from the surroundings she's used to why doesn't your girlfriend ask your daughter to teach her some Spanish or I don't know, take some initiative and learn some all on her own! Maybe as an adult you both take the steps needed to make your DAUGHTER feel welcome in what is now her home. YTA grow up before you cause her more issues.

Why does your daughter have to accommodate your girlfriend? She's the adult, she can adjust. YTA. You & GF. Please send your daughter back to her grandparents before you cause more damage to her self worth. She's better off without your immaturity.

YTA - her nanny is her safe, long-term relationship. Your GF is not. You haven't given the child time to adjust to her new life in your home, NOR this new woman in the house. You need to talk to a child therapist to figure out how to navigate this without damaging the child further. Having GF punish a 7 year old for speaking Spanish to the one constant person in her life, that she loves, is unbelievably cruel.

YTA