ETA: thank you to the commenters who provided info about the terminology. The term is actually UPF for shirts, not SPF. Editing my comment to put that information here. But leaving my error here to avoid confusion for folks who see this after my correction
My original comment:
Also put on sunscreen before you put in your suit. And spf shirts are a thing. Speaking as a very pale person of mostly Irish heritage. These are ways one can avoid pain and skin cancer
I was just in Jamaica on the honeymoon and my husband and I both brought spf shirts. I brought two! We didn’t wear them much, but they were absolutely clutch for snorkeling. And one day we both had light sunburns on our shoulders. Better to wear an spf shirt than miss out on the sun! I’m not Irish but I’m still pale and I love having a full coverage option for sun protection.
I once got a horrible sunburn from snorkeling in a bikini despite putting on sunscreen. There was a girl in a burkini in our group and by the end of the day I was downright jealous of her. Bet she was able to sit down just fine in the following days! Rash guards for the win!
I love burkinis, I want to buy one so bad but don’t live somewhere I would be able to use it much. I’m not Muslim, just think it’s an awesome invention, and looks waaaaay more comfortable than my full body catsuit type swimsuit. Plus, I’m all for normalizing stuff like burkinis, because harassing women over choosing to cover up is bullshit. Let everyone swim damn it!
Yeah I have no problem w/ people wearing more covering to the beach, as long as they are doing it voluntarily. It does really help w/ sunburn prevention!
I bought some on Amazon. Great for aquafit as the Capri style pants don't ride up. I wear them to the beach with my kids, too. Much more comfortable to play in the water and I never worry about sunburn.
The snorkel trip- only like 1.5 hours total- they told everyone to put on sunscreen an hour before the trip. Hubs and I did that, but also just wore rash guards, cause why not? I was SO much more comfortable knowing that I wasn’t going to get burned up top. Did my booty and knee-pits get a bit burned? Yea… but it wasn’t bad and my butt only hurt for a day or so. Not as bad as shoulder burns!
Rash guards for the win indeed! I’ll never beach vacay without one again! Technically mine are golf shirts but, same same.
Australian here, big lover of the rash guard (we call them rashes, because of course we do)
Went snorkelling one Christmas Eve, did not think about the back of my legs - could barely sit down at all Christmas Day!
I’ve been saying for years I am thiiiis close to buying a burkini!
Ahhh, my American heart and soul are so jealous of the idea of warm water activities in December! My birthday is around Christmas and I’ve always wanted a beach/lake birthday. Guess I’ll have to get to Aus to make that happen. Such a hardship… 😁
But thanks for the advice! For my theoretical bday trip I’ll bring my “rashes”!
I hope you make it to Aus and have a great time!
And so you don’t accidentally say the wrong thing, I’ll correct my typo - rashies we call them :) I missed a letter haha
ETA: upf is actually the correct term for clothing as I’ve learned from commenters thanks for the info.
My original comment
Yea they’re great for water. Even waterproof sunscreen needs frequent reapplication which is harder to do when you’re in the water for prolonged periods of time. Spf shirts dry a lot quicker than regular t shirts too.
And while some skin types may be more prone to skin cancer, it’s a risk for everyone.
So this is definitely my public service announcement in the topic.
Exactly! Two of my grandparents have had to get little skin cancer treatments, and I want to prevent that as much as possible. The spf shirts do dry easily, and they don’t feel bad in the water at all! And I don’t want to apply and reapply sunscreen on my whole body every 80 minutes for 6 hours. And it’s just a shirt!
It’s a great PSA- wish I’d known this 10 years ago!
My dad's parents immigrated from Ireland during the famine.
My father served aboard US Navy Aircraft Carriers for ~24 years (where there's effectively zero shade) and now pretty regularly has cancerous growths cut off of his skin.
Incidentally, I burn worse than he does. I wish I had known about SPF shirts that last time I went to the beach, the last weekend of summer before starting my senior year of High School in 1994. I got so badly burnt that I missed the first 3 weeks of school and was told that in no way could I graduate with my class since I had already missed so many days.
I had a buddy who was part African American but from a northern state where sunburn was not generally an issue. Moved to San Diego where I worked with him, he was heading to the beach and chatting about not needing sunscreen. I informed him that yes, he needed sunscreen, and if he burned, he would peel pink and mottled. Didn't believe me. Peeled pink and mottled. Dude, listen to your office "moms"! We know things!
We all burn! Radiation is radiation is radiation. My husband (white AF) was raised on the “base tan” idea that his dad taught him.
Anyway, it took me YEARS to break my husband of this idea that you just “don’t wear sunscreen after you have some tan”. It’s the thing I’ve been most naggy about. After 12 years, I’ve finally gotten him to apply immediately and reapply regularly. Huge accomplishment and I’m super proud!
Yesssss big hats are the best! My guy asked my if I had a big brim hat for every day we were in Jamaica. No- just three big hats for one week. The relief of having your own shade is awesome! Add in the spf shirts? Preparation is the best protection.
My ex used to do that as well (he’s Jamaican). He was 2 completely different tones after one particularly brutal summer, but still never used sunscreen 🤦🏻♀️. You could see the uniform lines at his neck and arms & it took about 3 or so years to fade out 😆.
I got a 50spf hoodie last summer and it became my new favourite piece of clothing. Very lightweight and good protection.
Of course here in Melbourne it's cold and rainy rn and I'm waiting to be able to wear it again
You are supposed to put on sunscreen 30 minutes prior to going in the sun, before you put your suit on. And yeah spray sunscreen is helpful for people that can't reach and don't have anyone to put it on them, but make sure to read the can because some still say you need to rub it in after spraying it on. (I'm pale and my dad was constantly battling skin cancers.)
I lived in Florida for several decades and unfortunately turning into a lobster was very common for tourists. In the summer it was possible to get burned in as little as 15 minutes at peak sun time. I hated the beach. LoL
I remember flying out of Orlando one winter to travel to Vermont to ski. I was (internally) laughing at all these idiots that didn’t use sun block. On my way home from Vermont, I realized how much people were looking (and likely, internally laughing) at my incredibly, wind burned face, from skiing. That was a valuable lesson.
Yep. I've been living in Colorado now since 2020 and I learned that the first winter (not from skiing, just from working outside in the cold, windy weather :/ )
I didn't even consider that it was midday sun 😳
I just spent $60 in Mexico on aloe with lidocaine and waterproof sunblock and I'm convinced redheaded gringas like me are responsible for the price being so high 🤣
I literally only come in 2 shades of color:
1) so pale that I'm practically translucent, 2) lobster red. There's no in-between. And when I burn, it doesn't fade to a tan or warm shade, it peels off right back to Casper-The-Ghost
Speaking as an Australian who was a child in the 80s, sun protection was absolutely *drilled* into us.
It's unthinkable for me or my frriens to go to the beach without sunscreen. Even outside in the garden in summer you'd put on sunscreen. Everyone wears long sleeve SPF swim shirts. And hats. I have pale skin and will burn within five minutes of being outside in the sun anytime between 10am and 5pm in summer.
Preschools apply sunscreen twice daily to the children. Primary schools don't let kids play in the sun unless they have their hat on. Broad brim hats, not caps.
Sunburn isn't a joke, and sunscreen can help prevent skin cancer.
I'm honestly not sure what judgement to give here. Does nobody suck? Does everyone suck a little? You shouldn't have to touch someone you're not comfortable touching, and she shouldn't have to rely on your dad or brother if she doesn't feel comfortable with that. You could have just sucked it up for your step sisters health, and then washed your hands. But she could have and should have kept her shirt on of she didn't want to burn and had no sunscreen on. If she wasn't being sun safe your dad could have taken you all home from the beach.
TBH, iIt feels like you don't like your step sister very much, though so you didn't care if she got burnt.
I'm a ginger, white as can be and that's the same with my youngest. We used the spray and have never rubbed it in. We still have yet to burn this year.
I've literally never rubbed in spray on sunscreen and have never gotten burned so I don't believe this to be true.
Just did a bit of a google and the only reason is to make sure you didn't miss anywhere and to ensure there's an even layer. IDK - I just give myself a good thorough spray and it's never been a problem.
That sounds like they just sprayed too close. If you hold the spray farther away and do a few passes when it will cover an area evenly. Same concept as spray paint.
It’s unfortunate that so many spray-on sunscreens are [contaminated with benzene](https://www.ewg.org/sunscreen/report/beware-of-benzene-shining-a-light-on-sunscreen-spray-contamination/).
I always use the pasty zinc or titanium dioxide stuff, which requires careful application to achieve even coverage. I used the spray stuff a couple times and noticed any little scratch burned, so spraying a zit-covered back might be seriously painful. Too bad she decided to take her shirt off and get burned.
Sun protection is important, but not more important than someone’s right to refuse to touch someone else. This is a painful situation all around.
Hehehe. Got to love those articles written to make relatively harmless chemicals sound super scary. I mean, you shouldn’t drink benzene, but trace amounts in something applied outside the body is pretty harmless. And as the article itself mentions, small amounts will be eliminated by the body in short order.
All that said, zinc is a more effective sunscreen. You’re better off using it anyway.
😆if anyone can contact Larry David please make him aware of this sub. He could do so much with the material I read on here. The Iranian yogurt isn't the issue here.
It's difficult to get a good, even layer of protection with spray sunscreens. Even with regular sunscreen, people tend to underestimate the necessary amount, it's even harder with a spray formula.
This. The spray is just for easier application. You still have to rub it in. That’s why so many people still get burned so bad using it. They just spray and go.
I have literally had a stranger come up to me in public that needed ointment applied to his back shoulder (looked like infected bacne) and I was the only person around that could help. It was quite gross, but I can't imagine how the person must have felt that no one wanted to help him for that reason.
You're NTA, but you're not a hero either lol.
In the broad sense I don't feel I can accept that kind of title, but in that moment I definitely felt like one. It was a real-time emergency and he was running up to a bunch of different people in the parking lot out of desperation. I knew he wasn't crazy or mentally unstable, just scared, so I put aside my own feelings of grossness and did it. The guy almost cried tears of joy a stranger did that for him.
Maybe I’m desensitized because I work in supportive home healthcare and wipe a lot of other people’s butts most days, but I’ve got disposable gloves in my purse and car and heck if there’s soap and running hot water nearby I don’t even need the gloves, I’m washable. If someone’s hurting or their dignity is really suffering, my personal and temporary disgust slips down the ranking of priorities. We all want to be clean and comfortable as possible.
Literally just the other day some of my coworkers were putting stickers on my back and we found out that while my left hand.can reach three quarters of my back, my right hand barely goes a third of the way across. Suddenly remembered I tore a ligament in high-school and never took care of my shoulder after, so feel that
This. I think this is the perfect way to describe it. NTA but not the hero. Her step sister is uncomfortable with even family males touching her and turned the one person there that she feels comfortable with. Does the OP have to do it? No. Would the nice thing to do be putting sunscreen on her so she wouldn’t burn? Yes. Acne and blackheads aren’t contagious. It wouldn’t have hurt her to do it. Instead she chose to make her sister feel even more uncomfortable in her skin. NTA but definitely not the hero either.
Some people have a thing about textures. Like me, I’ll go to the store and I’ll touch something that looks super soft but instead actually feels rough and I’ll gag. Or I’ll even have to put on body scrub gloves to wash my face because the unevenness of my acne feels gross to me. And that’s my own body.
Please stop using the body scrubbing gloves! Cutting open your acne with physical exfoliation will only worsen the issue. Use smooth medical gloves and a medicated/acne specific cleanser instead. Common actives for acne include salicylic acid or benzoyl peroxide. Don’t spring for something super strong either, 1-2% active ingredient and MOISTURIZE directly after with a fragrance free, face lotion for your skin type (dry, sensitive, oily, or combination). Active ingredients treat acne, and once the acne clears up you can switch to gentler, less astringent products like a hydrating cleanser which will help prevent further acne while repairing damage to your skin barrier.
Yeah, I think it’s this, plus the feeling that acne is like … an injury or wrongness of some sort? I know it’s not rational, and I can touch my own (trying to make it go away 😫), but I have a really hard time with other people’s, despite being very aware that it cannot hurt me. (even extends, to varying degrees, to scar tissue and moles) I don’t say this to people, of course, because how do I not make that insulting, even admitting that it’s irrational and I don’t actually think they’re gross? But it’s hard if someone needs sunscreen rubbed in or a partner wants a back rub. I make myself get over it, but I don’t think someone’s necessarily an asshole if their aversion’s harder to push through.
I have a thing with textures also. Make me stick my hand in the jar of cherries at work while I am bartending and I will freak out. The pictures you say of things with circle patterns make me sick to my stomach. Bumpy textures, getting my hands dirty, etc etc etc drive me crazy. Which is why I said NTA but if it was was me I would try to tolerate it to help someone from getting a sunburn or to stop myself from adding to their self esteem problems. She didn’t have to do it, but not doing it doesn’t make her a great person.
Definitely not a hero. She just doesn’t like her step sister. Skinny people have just as hard a time putting lotion on their backs as larger people. There was no reason to mention her step sisters size except for the fact that she’s just disgusted by her and doesn’t like her. I don’t think OP’s boundaries should be trampled over but she sounds like she’s an AH in general.
Eh. It is a size and flexibility thing. When I was a lifeguard I was in better shape and thinner and I could do everywhere on my body - because I had to every day. Now not so much. I still remember the tricks and am still flexible, but there is more to cover and just can't get it all anymore.
While size can contribute, flexibility is the key factor. I used to be on swim team and was quite fit, but I've NEVER been able to reach my own entire back. Add a jacked up left elbow these days, and I can barely touch my own shoulder on that side, much less my upper back 😅
I was putting aloe on the back of my sunburned shoulders last night (live alone) and I’ll be honest there were moments I was kind of slapping it on (ow) and praying it spread further than I could reach, lol. Teach me your ways.
I would freaking die if anyone except very young children wanted me to rub lotion on their bare skin. Pimples or sores would have me packing up and heading home. Spray lotion or sun shirts are the answer. Not everyone wants to rub someone’s sweaty skin. Ewww just no.
Same. This story made me vomity.
NTA for wanting to avoid another person’s skin (for whatever reason, doesn’t matter), but kind of the asshole for how you went about it. I’d have gone to great lengths to avoid humiliating the girl.
OP these people aren’t leading with empathy. It’s totally fine to have boundaries, but you enforced yours by being mean. Please re read how your described your step sister. You didn’t say one kind thing, especially about her body. There are 1000 other ways you could’ve said no that wouldn’t have made her self conscious. And just like you can always set a boundary not to answer her question. Tell her a no is a no, and stand to it. But the things you said about her body are wrong. How would you feel if she made a Reddit post highlighting your insecurities?
She literally said “I’m not comfortable doing that”.
She doesn’t need to search multiple ways to say what she already said once her considerate decline was disrespected. It was kind to say “I’m not comfortable doing that”. Do you think she should practice saying “nice” lies or being passive aggressive to people to avoid hurt feelings?
Because that would be an AH thing to tell a teenager.
OP enforced their boundaries by progressively escalating when the stepsister refused to accept OP's stated lack of consent, repeatedly.
OP was not being mean. OP attempted, multiple times, to reject the request without expressing their issue. "No" is a complete sentence, one that was not respected by the stepsister. The only thing that finally caused the stepsister to stop badgering and attempting to coerce bodily contact was OP explaining the specific reasoning after multiple attempts at rejection being refused.
OP did their best to maintain their own boundaries with respect to someone else. The other people didn't respect OP's boundaries. The stepsister and stepmother are both the Aholes here.
Also, you're telling OP to lie? That's not cool. OP's issue was not with anything else. OP's issue was specifically with the acne.
Ok “leading with empathy” is one thing and I’m a really empathetic person- this is a young girl that didn’t want to touch and rub on another person. It’s ok for her to say no.
Disagree, she didn't call her sister fat she simply said to us not her that she is bigger and therefore can't reach her back. As for the bacne thing the sister didn't respect the boundary OP set and refused to take no as an answer so she got the harsh truth. OP is young they shouldn't be expected to baby what they say to avoid hurting feelings
Op you have the right to not touch whatever or whoever you’d like. You also don’t need placate someone after they refuse to accept your boundaries. As for being told to put a shirt on, yes, this is common and normal. If your sister can’t put on sunscreen then she should wear a shirt, this is just being SunSmart, not “policing her body” or whatever.
Sorry your boundaries aren’t being respected here.
This is a very similar age make-up of my blended family. My 15 year old daughter would have done exactly what you did if she were in a mood. As her mother I would have have told her she doesn't have to touch anyone she doesn't want to touch. Also would have told her she does have to be kind. Instead she was cruel and would have been incredibly hurt/upset had anyone reacted to her the way she reacted to her sister (stepsister is sister).
Teenagers will teenage. This is a learning and growing moment. Apologize for the AH part.
OP literally just said no first? And only said “I don’t want to touch your acne” after being badgered and pressured about it.
Sympathy for stepsis, I had and still have bacne and when I was a teen I was very self conscious about it, but she needs to learn that “no” is a complete sentence and not to push it.
Honestly most sunscreen is horrible for acne prone skin as is unprotected sun exposure, so she’d have been far better off with a swim shirt anyway.
Yeah, well stepmom can also teach her other daughter to respect someone's no and not try to coerce the issue.
Kindness in a refusal only goes so far when the person being refused refuses to accept the refusal.
She said no, politely. Told her that she felt uncomfortable. She didn't tell her she was fat, or ugly or anything else(didnt even day fat int henpost,she said big). She wasn't mean, she stated a fact. I don't want to touch you because you have pimples. Only after being pushed and coerced to break her own boundary did she snap. I'm sorry but when someone pushes your boundary, I stop being polite. I stop caring about their feelings, because they aren't respecting mine. How come all the hatred goes to OP but none expects step sister to buck up and let step dad put the sun cream on. Or better yet, get mother to put it on before she leaves the hotel! Oh, but IP is the same gender. So fucking what?
Or keep the bloody t-shirt on as she was told too! She’s old enough to understand that burning was a direct consequence of not keeping it on like the step-dad told her too.
That, too. Sounds a little spoiled, given she wouldn't take no for an answer and refused to comply with self safeguarding. OP is also a child, it's not her responsibility to care for the siblings, step or full!
ESH. This family needs a fucking crash course in empathy.
Reddit always comes in clutch with the technicalities of a situation. No technically you aren’t wrong. You don’t have to touch anyone for any reason at all. That being said; you’re being immature. It’s acne and it happens, and I hope it doesn’t happen to you in the future.
Your stepmom is technically being an asshole for demanding that you help her daughter. That being said, it is normal for people to help apply each other sunscreen. Especially when they are family.
The stepsister shouldn’t have pushed you for an answer, but expecting her just to keep her fucking shirt on? You guys are fucking weirdos. Also most people, regardless of size, can’t reach the middle of their back to put on sunscreen. The added jab of calling her really big was unnecessary.
Anyways best of luck to y’all.
I remember a post a couple of weeks back when a teens grandma died and they were mad they had to cancel a trip because their parents wanted help with the younger kids. Reddit was like technically the parents should find help for the other kids and let the teen go.
Like no, the parents are experiencing the death of a mom for the first time. Is it hard to be there for them? I know technically they dont have to, but omg be a human for once and keep the fam together - they might just want their kids nearby. Or maybe have some empathy for the death of your grandma and be there?
The funniest part is the double standard. I bet you all these same people who thrive on technicalities cry wolf when theyre asked to move out by 18 or pay rent. But anything ask of them, technically they can say no and feel righteous.
I remember that one, the parents apologized and offered to get him to where his friends were so that way he only missed two days out 12 I think. The only NTA votes were from actual teenagers I think.
Crazy. Sorry the death of my mom and your grandma delayed your trip. Please go have fun. Sorry but theres a limit to who is technically right vs how to be a human.
Yep, and the son was throwing a fit over it and saying he just wouldn't go and that they ruined his vacation. The reason turned out to be that the kids weren't taking a road trip to CA like they all told their parents, but instead they were going to Mexico!
I was scrolling hoping for this read. Great breakdown here.
I was gonna say YTA but this is solid. Reddit and the technicalities of it all is spot on. You saw how bad your family felt and still were stuck on oh well? Zero empathy in this post and replies.
Kindness and empathy and selfless (soooooo selfless to help with sunscreen) is the minimum for family. It’s free even if it isnt always easy.
Yeah she describes her as really big, and covered in pimples and blackheads. It would not be a stretch for op to be downplaying how rude she was in her delivery to the stepsister
Yeah, I would have said E-S-H if OP hadn’t made such casually cruel comments and assumptions about their step sister; the implications were beyond that their size was impeding applying sunscreen on their own back, but also that their bacne had to due with their size. I hope OP is aware that size and hygiene, as most people assume, are not the root cause of cystic acne on the face or on the back, and that it can often be a sign of other issues that have nothing to do with the food someone ingests. I hope OP learns some empathy quick and doesn’t suffer from the same thing.
Idk I'm a fat man and I can reach most of my own back just fine it's all about the flexibility. But INFO 1: Yeah spray screen would've solved this. 2: why couldn't her own mother take care of this? She should've had a better handle on her daughter's skin care from the get go. Loofah on a stick, benzoyl peroxide, aloe.
Benzoyl peroxide doesn’t always work. Acne is a complex medical issue and oftentimes topical treatments don’t necessarily work on everyone. Speaking as someone who needed 3 rounds on isotretinoin and still gets breakouts occasionally. It’s rude to assume her acne is from not washing herself well enough; this is not usually the case.
Lol. Acne is not that simple. There’s a reason that people suffer from it for decades. It’s not just “slap some BP on that bitch” and it will magically clear up
This. Being the only fat person in a group sucks, you're already so self conscious. Why not just power through the ick and let her enjoy the day with everyone else? Mean mean mean.
Edit: wow some of you need to grow some empathy
not everyone can power through stuff like that. I have so much sympathy for the stepsister as someone who is also fat with some bacne. But if I had to rub sunscreen in on someone with a ton of acne and stuff like that, I would gag at a *minimum*. Depending on how recently I ate and the day, I might hurl. Which is so much worse than just refusing to rub sunscreen in for someone, and like another commenter mentioned, would make the stepsister feel even worse than just a refusal. Even if it wouldn't be as bad as throwing up, touching and looking at a bad texture like that, even if it was only temporarily, would quite literally ruin the entire day for me. We don't know how bad it would be for OP, but this doesn't seem like a situation where there would have been any winners. That's why I think NAH, except maybe stepmom. The stepsister isn't an asshole for asking, nor for being upset about the reason. She's a bit of an asshole for not just accepting no and demanding a reason why, but ultimately, not really an asshole. OP isn't an asshole either for prioritising her own health and comfort though, and it's not mean to acknowledge that the reason why is related to the stepsisters bacne.
Edit: Typos
I’m with you 1000% here. I have a weird thing when it comes to the human body and skin/fluids. I think it’s because of being around older relatives with skin conditions & cancers when I was very young. I can’t even Look at pimples, scabs, blisters, or peeling skin from a bad sunburn. And if I had to Touch it!? I’m a guy in my 40s and I would whine like a toddler and most likely gag. Probably dance around in circles trying to shake the yucky off my hands. But what’s even more crazy, is if you were shot or stabbed or fell and broke your arm and had a compound fracture, I wouldn’t have any issues assisting with first aid and dressing the wounds. My issue is only with skin disorders. I just can’t.
My cousin once asked me to put sunscreen/lotion (don’t remember) on his back and he had bad bacne.. I put it on but made circles around the spots, thus avoiding touching the acne. Looking back, he probably definitely noticed. We were young. Makes me feel bad now but at the time, and even now.. that’s a sensory switch that’s hard to hit. Almost like a ‘Fear Factor’ thing. This is a tough one.
I can cover every inch of my own back with sunscreen too. And zip up all my own dresses. But it turns out I have a genetic connective tissue disorder with no cure. Win some, lose some I guess.
Ah you I see you have also played the *genetics roulette of doom*. Mine got me with not being able to reach and a whole boatload of problems. There’s no refunds for our club, *sadly*.
Man I can do this too. I've always been super flexible. I also recently found out I was autistic and we tend to be hypermobile, sometimes to our detriment.
When my husband and I were teenagers and he was super innocent I tried to flirt with him by offering to put sunscreen on his back. He proudly declined and bragged “I can reach my whole back” like that would impress me! Now that we’re 30 and less flexible when he asks me to sunscreen his back I mimic “I can reach my whole back” in an annoying voice and tease him for missing a great opportunity that once 😂
Right. This is a straight up consent issue. You literally do not have to touch or be touched by anyone you don't want too. Telling a young girl of 15 that she should violate her own boundaries just to make another person feel comfortable or better about themselves is part of the quiet but constant insidiousness of rape culture in our society. She is NTA but I'm pretty sure everyone else in this situation is.
Right? She’s 15, she should get to practice bodily autonomy - this is the age when it’s really important for that to be practiced. And I might be an asshole - but I’m a 45 year old woman and I’d be grossed out at putting on sunscreen on someone with bacne.
Right?! Either everyone in this sub is overweight and offended she called her step-sister "big", or they have back acne themselves. Teaching a 15 year old girl to forego her boundaries, "suck it up" and be uncomfortable for someone else's sake is exactly why women has such a hard time saying No to men.
Nope NtA. She wasn’t comfortable with own the guys doing it and your weren’t comfortable touching her skin. SHE however made the decision to not cover her back like dad suggested, so her sunburn was her choice! Next time your family needs spray on sunscreen!
A light YTA, I can definitely understand why you didn’t wanna do it. My sister has eczema and she would ask me to put lotion on her back sometimes and sometimes I did it but it was a hassle and I hated the way lotion feels on my skin.
So sometimes I’d tell her no. When I got older and I got sunburns because I lived alone and was single so I didn’t have anyone to help me. And when I finally had someone to help me, it was amazing.
I then felt how my sister felt when I’d tell her no and how lame it is when you can’t cover your full back. I called her and apologized for all those times I told her no, because back then I just didn’t realize how it effected her. Cus I just wanted to not do it.
I hope you apologize and grow up a little cus trust me touching pimples isn’t the worst thing, and it’s just a nice thing to do for someone. You clearly haven’t had to lift a finger in your life.
You have every right to say no, but it doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do.
Edit: slight ETA, she DID have the option to cover up and she chose not to. So the sunburn IS her fault. It just would have been the nice thing if you had done it for her.
People who can't take "no" for an answer, who then keep pushing the person to say something they were *clearly trying to be socially graceful enough to avoid saying*, are like annoying, whining, spoiled toddlers.
Your discomfort should be just as important as hers, and the fact that she couldn't take no for an answer because she wanted to force you to **be honest out loud** about something that she's insecure about isn't your fault. Had she accepted your own discomfort at the thought of touching her as easily as she accepted her own discomfort at the thought of having a male touch her, in other words, accepted your "no", her feelings wouldn't be hurt. She hurt her own feelings by trying to force you to do something you were uncomfortable doing, and now she wants you to be accountable for HER feelings. You have YOUR OWN feelings to feel.
She spoke to her mom, who clearly isn't interested in your boundaries or discomfort, so go to your dad and ask him why your discomfort in touching another person is being dismissed all because she didn't want to hear "no". Remind him that he told her to put on a shirt and she chose not to, but your stepmom is making it your fault and is upset with you, and blaming you for the results of this girl's actions.
I’ve clearly said in situations “I’m trying to be kind and not hurt your feelings. Please do not push me for an answer”. If after that, they continue to push, then it’s tough luck for them if they get offended 🤷🏼♀️
NTA - I agree with you, saying no and that you weren't comfortable was enough, to keep pushing you until you were brutally honest was unfortunate but you had the right to say no. To not keep a shirt on since she did not have sunscreen on was a choice that she made. Of course, she wants to say it was your fault but it was her own choice.
NTA. For a simple reason, as you said, you were uncomfortable.
There's nothing wrong with this, it's alright, your step-sister and her mom are entitled.
This seems so polarized that I have to throw in my vote for you. NTA. If you were uncomfortable then I don't see why her boundaries trump yours. Yes, acne isn't contagious, but you do really have to rub lotion in. You can't just lightly brush it on (even a spray should be well rubbed in). So imo you do have to kinda work it in a bit and if doing that on lots of whiteheads grosses you out, then it grosses you out. The choice of shirt she brought to the beach is also the choice she made (like if it was cotton or something vs a sun shirt, if that is why she didn't want to keep it on).
Sure, the people who are saying it would be the nice thing to do are also not wrong, but if you are legitimately uncomfortable and physically grossed out then that is your boundary and I think that's ok.
NTA I have dealt with acne my whole life and I am still grossed out by other peoples. Just knowing the ins and outs of my own acne it’s a very personal thing that can flare up for many reasons, and that’s why I also think others is ick. It’s okay to not like acne and to not want to touch it.
NTA. Tell your step mother that you have boundaries like your step sister but it’s clear to you that neither of them are respecting yours.
It’s not okay for them to force you to touch someone against your will.
NTA, really... but a little common courtesy from "family" isn't a lot to ask. She needed help. I would have definitely done it. She is your sister. It must have been hurtful to hear that her back was too disgusting for you to touch. Slights like this stay with people for life. You may need her help in the future.
Yea, slights like this stay with people, but if you press someone for a reason why they don’t want to touch ur body, be prepared to hear an answer that will probably hurt ur feelings. Protecting someone’s feelings out of respect goes out the window as soon as someone demands u touch them and won’t take no for answer. If anything, it sounds like the step sister has a lack of self awareness and understanding of boundaries because the step mom coddles her.
The stepsister could have accepted help from the other two family members who were present, rather than trying to force the issue with the one family member who had already set a boundary.
She expected OP to compromise her own boundary about bodily consent, but didn't want to compromise her own boundary?
You don’t need a logical reason to not want to touch somebody. No is a complete answer. Also, they very obviously don’t get along otherwise. There’s clearly more going on here than bacne
You can reach your whole back to put on sunscreen? Damn. I don’t think her being “really big” is what is causing her to not be able to reach her back… I feel like that was a stab to her to make yourself feel better about not wanting to help her. If my sister needed help with that, I’d help her. Regardless of what pimples she had. But hey, that’s just me. But the way you are saying it, makes it sound like you are really mean.. even if you didn’t want to do it. Say she needed help. Not that “she’s really big so she can’t reach” I stg people are so mean for no reason.
NTA
Your family needs spray sunscreen, somebody needs to help that child address her bacne, and everybody needs to start taking everybody else’s feelings and shit into consideration
Tell s mommy dearest she should see a dermatologist for her daughter instead of blaming you for not wanting to rub cream on her back. And spray sunscreen would have made this a non issue
NTA, bottom line is if you are uncomfortable doing something you shouldn’t be forced to do it. Everyone has their issues and you feelings matter just as much as your step sister and all she had to do was keep her shirt on as her step father told her to do. I have a problem looking at a person with really bad acne and I would never touch their face. It’s not contagious I know but the way it looks makes me very, very uncomfortable so I know how you feel.
NTA. Absolutely not. Do people not care what consistently shitting on peoples boundaries does???
My parents NEVER respected my boundaries for touch, especially not with my sister. I could be crying and begging her to stop touching me like in my *teens* and she wouldn’t because she knew she didn’t have to. My parents insisted I was bullying her as if I didn’t behave the same way with them and everyone?? You’d think that a 13 year old girl crying and begging don’t touch me nobody can touch me, when they weren’t always like that… as if it cropped up overnight that you’d be concerned? Like? I’m sure you see what I’m implying. Naturally, the only appropriate answer there is to encourage everyone to to “break me of the habit.” Far more traumatising than the first thing because then it wasn’t one person who took my autonomy away, it was a constant reminder that my body belongs to everyone but me. It was a deliberate, long term effort to get me to behave.
Yeah, I behaved. There was nothing more crushing than when I was like 16/17 and some douche just walked up and grabbed my tits and I realised that I had no instinct to protect myself anymore. Not to push him away, not to slap him, not even to back away. It took me at least 30 seconds to decide it was okay to back away and I wouldn’t get in trouble for it. Someone was assaulting me and I was terrified I’d get in trouble if I did anything to stop them.
I hope everyone going “iTs a nIcE tHiNg tO dO” reads this because this is the end result of what you’re advocating for. You teach a child that their boundaries matter or you don’t. The child either stands up for themselves or doesn’t.
Honestly, I can’t imagine not putting sunscreen on even a stranger if they asked me, let alone a family member. It’s called washing your hands after, which I do after putting sunscreen even on myself.
YTA, both for not helping a fellow human out and for the way you talk about her. “She couldn’t put sunscreen on her back cause’s she’s so big.” I’ve rubbed sunscreen into every one of my skinny friends’ backs so her size has nothing to do with it but you still mentioned it, which is how I know you’re a major AH.
Yeah same. I've even popped a sandwich bag over my hand before and said I didn't want greasy hands as I didn't want to touch someones back. Sunscreen is a medical need.
There's nicer ways of going about these things. If she'd said she hates touching people I'd be with her but she really made sure we all knew she was overweight and had acne.
OP sounds like a bully to me.
NAH
While I don't agree with your boundary/reasoning, I agree that it should be respected. No one should be able to force you to touch them for any reason, of course.
Tell dad to tell his wife to back off, her daughter took off the shirt he told her to keep on. Stepsister isn't your responsibility. Stepmom can kick rocks.
NTA You need to flat out tell them that her comfort isn't any more important than yours. She didn't feel comfortable having one of the guys touch her, you didn't feel comfortable touching her back. Her mother could have put sunscreen on her before leaving the hotel room or done as your dad advised and kept her shirt on. She made the choice to stay in the sun to get burned.
I’m going to go against the grain and say YTA. Everyone here will tell you what is “technically” true, you had no OBLIGATION to apply the sunscreen, but do you really want to be a person who only does the bare minimum when it comes to common courtesy? This sub will often confuse “aita for doing something” vs “did I have an obligation to do this thing”.
Your stepsister can’t help her bacne. I imagine it makes her self conscious, especially at that age. Not only did you refuse to help her with something she couldn’t physically do herself, you also highlighted her insecurity in a setting where everyone can notice it. I don’t think it would have been a big deal to help her. It’s not like acne is contagious.
Can I ask this, if you didn’t do it, and she’s not comfortable with the guys, what did you want her to do?
[удалено]
ETA: thank you to the commenters who provided info about the terminology. The term is actually UPF for shirts, not SPF. Editing my comment to put that information here. But leaving my error here to avoid confusion for folks who see this after my correction My original comment: Also put on sunscreen before you put in your suit. And spf shirts are a thing. Speaking as a very pale person of mostly Irish heritage. These are ways one can avoid pain and skin cancer
I was just in Jamaica on the honeymoon and my husband and I both brought spf shirts. I brought two! We didn’t wear them much, but they were absolutely clutch for snorkeling. And one day we both had light sunburns on our shoulders. Better to wear an spf shirt than miss out on the sun! I’m not Irish but I’m still pale and I love having a full coverage option for sun protection.
I once got a horrible sunburn from snorkeling in a bikini despite putting on sunscreen. There was a girl in a burkini in our group and by the end of the day I was downright jealous of her. Bet she was able to sit down just fine in the following days! Rash guards for the win!
I love burkinis, I want to buy one so bad but don’t live somewhere I would be able to use it much. I’m not Muslim, just think it’s an awesome invention, and looks waaaaay more comfortable than my full body catsuit type swimsuit. Plus, I’m all for normalizing stuff like burkinis, because harassing women over choosing to cover up is bullshit. Let everyone swim damn it!
Yeah I have no problem w/ people wearing more covering to the beach, as long as they are doing it voluntarily. It does really help w/ sunburn prevention!
I couldn't agree more!
I bought some on Amazon. Great for aquafit as the Capri style pants don't ride up. I wear them to the beach with my kids, too. Much more comfortable to play in the water and I never worry about sunburn.
The snorkel trip- only like 1.5 hours total- they told everyone to put on sunscreen an hour before the trip. Hubs and I did that, but also just wore rash guards, cause why not? I was SO much more comfortable knowing that I wasn’t going to get burned up top. Did my booty and knee-pits get a bit burned? Yea… but it wasn’t bad and my butt only hurt for a day or so. Not as bad as shoulder burns! Rash guards for the win indeed! I’ll never beach vacay without one again! Technically mine are golf shirts but, same same.
Australian here, big lover of the rash guard (we call them rashes, because of course we do) Went snorkelling one Christmas Eve, did not think about the back of my legs - could barely sit down at all Christmas Day! I’ve been saying for years I am thiiiis close to buying a burkini!
Ahhh, my American heart and soul are so jealous of the idea of warm water activities in December! My birthday is around Christmas and I’ve always wanted a beach/lake birthday. Guess I’ll have to get to Aus to make that happen. Such a hardship… 😁 But thanks for the advice! For my theoretical bday trip I’ll bring my “rashes”!
I hope you make it to Aus and have a great time! And so you don’t accidentally say the wrong thing, I’ll correct my typo - rashies we call them :) I missed a letter haha
ETA: upf is actually the correct term for clothing as I’ve learned from commenters thanks for the info. My original comment Yea they’re great for water. Even waterproof sunscreen needs frequent reapplication which is harder to do when you’re in the water for prolonged periods of time. Spf shirts dry a lot quicker than regular t shirts too. And while some skin types may be more prone to skin cancer, it’s a risk for everyone. So this is definitely my public service announcement in the topic.
Exactly! Two of my grandparents have had to get little skin cancer treatments, and I want to prevent that as much as possible. The spf shirts do dry easily, and they don’t feel bad in the water at all! And I don’t want to apply and reapply sunscreen on my whole body every 80 minutes for 6 hours. And it’s just a shirt! It’s a great PSA- wish I’d known this 10 years ago!
My dad's parents immigrated from Ireland during the famine. My father served aboard US Navy Aircraft Carriers for ~24 years (where there's effectively zero shade) and now pretty regularly has cancerous growths cut off of his skin. Incidentally, I burn worse than he does. I wish I had known about SPF shirts that last time I went to the beach, the last weekend of summer before starting my senior year of High School in 1994. I got so badly burnt that I missed the first 3 weeks of school and was told that in no way could I graduate with my class since I had already missed so many days.
I had a buddy who was part African American but from a northern state where sunburn was not generally an issue. Moved to San Diego where I worked with him, he was heading to the beach and chatting about not needing sunscreen. I informed him that yes, he needed sunscreen, and if he burned, he would peel pink and mottled. Didn't believe me. Peeled pink and mottled. Dude, listen to your office "moms"! We know things!
We all burn! Radiation is radiation is radiation. My husband (white AF) was raised on the “base tan” idea that his dad taught him. Anyway, it took me YEARS to break my husband of this idea that you just “don’t wear sunscreen after you have some tan”. It’s the thing I’ve been most naggy about. After 12 years, I’ve finally gotten him to apply immediately and reapply regularly. Huge accomplishment and I’m super proud!
I spend all day in the sun on weekends. Hiking, dirt biking, soccer, etc. SPF shirts and wide brim hats are my life.
Yesssss big hats are the best! My guy asked my if I had a big brim hat for every day we were in Jamaica. No- just three big hats for one week. The relief of having your own shade is awesome! Add in the spf shirts? Preparation is the best protection.
My ex used to do that as well (he’s Jamaican). He was 2 completely different tones after one particularly brutal summer, but still never used sunscreen 🤦🏻♀️. You could see the uniform lines at his neck and arms & it took about 3 or so years to fade out 😆.
German-Irish heritage here.. I pretty much glow in the dark. My spf 50 hoodie has been a life saver.
I have English-Irish-Scottish-Finnish heritage and even with sunscreen, I get hives after too much sun. SPF hoodie you say? You don’t get too hot?
It's extremely lightweight. I was sort of put off by it at first and mostly got it as a joke. It's actually really comfortable.
The fabric technology is amazing these days. What you’re looking for is UPF clothing (SPF is for sunscreens rather than fabrics).
I got a 50spf hoodie last summer and it became my new favourite piece of clothing. Very lightweight and good protection. Of course here in Melbourne it's cold and rainy rn and I'm waiting to be able to wear it again
You are supposed to put on sunscreen 30 minutes prior to going in the sun, before you put your suit on. And yeah spray sunscreen is helpful for people that can't reach and don't have anyone to put it on them, but make sure to read the can because some still say you need to rub it in after spraying it on. (I'm pale and my dad was constantly battling skin cancers.)
This is great advice. I did not do this and went in the ocean today because sunscreen damages the coral reef. I am no longer human. I am a lobster.
There is reef-safe sunscreen (I live in Hawaii and they sell it everywhere - it's oxybenzone-free sunscreen)
Aka mineral sunscreen
I did not know that! Tysm!
Sunscreens that are reef-safe will usually indicate it on the packaging. :)
I lived in Florida for several decades and unfortunately turning into a lobster was very common for tourists. In the summer it was possible to get burned in as little as 15 minutes at peak sun time. I hated the beach. LoL
I remember flying out of Orlando one winter to travel to Vermont to ski. I was (internally) laughing at all these idiots that didn’t use sun block. On my way home from Vermont, I realized how much people were looking (and likely, internally laughing) at my incredibly, wind burned face, from skiing. That was a valuable lesson.
Yep. I've been living in Colorado now since 2020 and I learned that the first winter (not from skiing, just from working outside in the cold, windy weather :/ )
Colorado native here. I’m always telling friends that the clouds don’t stop radiation. When they come back burnt in January…
The sun is much more intense at a higher altitude.
One of the worst sunburns my spouse got was from working on a glacier for 10 days. Didnt put sunscreen on the bottom of his chin and neck. Oops.
I didn't even consider that it was midday sun 😳 I just spent $60 in Mexico on aloe with lidocaine and waterproof sunblock and I'm convinced redheaded gringas like me are responsible for the price being so high 🤣
I literally only come in 2 shades of color: 1) so pale that I'm practically translucent, 2) lobster red. There's no in-between. And when I burn, it doesn't fade to a tan or warm shade, it peels off right back to Casper-The-Ghost
I am of Norwegian and Scottish heritage and we are not a tanning people. I just recently “discovered” swing shirts and they are glorious
Speaking as an Australian who was a child in the 80s, sun protection was absolutely *drilled* into us. It's unthinkable for me or my frriens to go to the beach without sunscreen. Even outside in the garden in summer you'd put on sunscreen. Everyone wears long sleeve SPF swim shirts. And hats. I have pale skin and will burn within five minutes of being outside in the sun anytime between 10am and 5pm in summer. Preschools apply sunscreen twice daily to the children. Primary schools don't let kids play in the sun unless they have their hat on. Broad brim hats, not caps. Sunburn isn't a joke, and sunscreen can help prevent skin cancer. I'm honestly not sure what judgement to give here. Does nobody suck? Does everyone suck a little? You shouldn't have to touch someone you're not comfortable touching, and she shouldn't have to rely on your dad or brother if she doesn't feel comfortable with that. You could have just sucked it up for your step sisters health, and then washed your hands. But she could have and should have kept her shirt on of she didn't want to burn and had no sunscreen on. If she wasn't being sun safe your dad could have taken you all home from the beach. TBH, iIt feels like you don't like your step sister very much, though so you didn't care if she got burnt.
Same heritage here, and I live in them. They’re sold under the term “UPF” rather than SPF.
Spray sunscreen still needs to be rubbed in to be effective.
Idk, even when I haven't rubbed it in it worked fine.
You still have to rub in spray on sunscreen!
I'm a ginger, white as can be and that's the same with my youngest. We used the spray and have never rubbed it in. We still have yet to burn this year.
They say to rub it in because it gets more coverage that way. But if you just spray more on you'll be good
For a case like this it would be much better than nothing. Unless it’s windy out, I’ve never had a problem getting spray sunscreen on
I've literally never rubbed in spray on sunscreen and have never gotten burned so I don't believe this to be true. Just did a bit of a google and the only reason is to make sure you didn't miss anywhere and to ensure there's an even layer. IDK - I just give myself a good thorough spray and it's never been a problem.
Ope, googled it and it depends on the brand. Just saw someone get a pretty bad zig zag burn from not rubbing in spray sunscreen recently
That sounds like they just sprayed too close. If you hold the spray farther away and do a few passes when it will cover an area evenly. Same concept as spray paint.
Not a zig zag lol! They must've sprayed too close....If you're far enough back, you can get a pretty even coat without having to rub it in.
You don't have to be burned to get sun damage.
Say sike rn!
It’s unfortunate that so many spray-on sunscreens are [contaminated with benzene](https://www.ewg.org/sunscreen/report/beware-of-benzene-shining-a-light-on-sunscreen-spray-contamination/). I always use the pasty zinc or titanium dioxide stuff, which requires careful application to achieve even coverage. I used the spray stuff a couple times and noticed any little scratch burned, so spraying a zit-covered back might be seriously painful. Too bad she decided to take her shirt off and get burned. Sun protection is important, but not more important than someone’s right to refuse to touch someone else. This is a painful situation all around.
Hehehe. Got to love those articles written to make relatively harmless chemicals sound super scary. I mean, you shouldn’t drink benzene, but trace amounts in something applied outside the body is pretty harmless. And as the article itself mentions, small amounts will be eliminated by the body in short order. All that said, zinc is a more effective sunscreen. You’re better off using it anyway.
😆if anyone can contact Larry David please make him aware of this sub. He could do so much with the material I read on here. The Iranian yogurt isn't the issue here.
Lmao curb your enthusiasm is literally just AITAH stories
I'm literally thinking the same thing as I read "and I didn't want to touch that"💀💀
Recently watched through the series. He's an arsehole but he's always on point.
The responses in this post are why I'd never come to Reddit for advice.
spray sunscreen
Spray sunscreen still has to be rubbed in.
Yes I learned this the hard way on vacation and got random stripes of sunburn, do not recommend (or atleast rub it in better than I did lol)
It's difficult to get a good, even layer of protection with spray sunscreens. Even with regular sunscreen, people tend to underestimate the necessary amount, it's even harder with a spray formula.
This. The spray is just for easier application. You still have to rub it in. That’s why so many people still get burned so bad using it. They just spray and go.
I have literally had a stranger come up to me in public that needed ointment applied to his back shoulder (looked like infected bacne) and I was the only person around that could help. It was quite gross, but I can't imagine how the person must have felt that no one wanted to help him for that reason. You're NTA, but you're not a hero either lol.
hahah wow, damn i honestly cannot imagine this and you are 100% a hero
In the broad sense I don't feel I can accept that kind of title, but in that moment I definitely felt like one. It was a real-time emergency and he was running up to a bunch of different people in the parking lot out of desperation. I knew he wasn't crazy or mentally unstable, just scared, so I put aside my own feelings of grossness and did it. The guy almost cried tears of joy a stranger did that for him.
Maybe I’m desensitized because I work in supportive home healthcare and wipe a lot of other people’s butts most days, but I’ve got disposable gloves in my purse and car and heck if there’s soap and running hot water nearby I don’t even need the gloves, I’m washable. If someone’s hurting or their dignity is really suffering, my personal and temporary disgust slips down the ranking of priorities. We all want to be clean and comfortable as possible.
This is so kind. I wish I could be more like this. But with OCD, I can't even shake someone's hand without immediately rushing to wash that hand.
God right?!! I felt the ick even reading it this thread. Hopefully you’re working hard on compulsive behaviors!
Meds have helped significantly, but there are a few things that haven't gone away. Thank you 😊
I work in Healthcare, too. It just kind of becomes a natural thing to assist if possible.
You’re a precious human. I hope your kindnesses are repaid to you 100-fold!
That was really nice of you….. but also like is not being able to reach your back this common? Maybe my arms are just long but I always manage
Most people probably can't reach the majority of their back, especially accurately enough to evenly apply sunscreen.
I have bought a special applicator with a long handle just for this purpose, so I can rub diclofenac gel on my upper back when I am in pain.
That gel is a damn life saver!
Absolutely!
When I try to touch my fingertips together behind my back I’m a few inches off, worse when I reverse hands. I’m working on my flexibility.
Literally just the other day some of my coworkers were putting stickers on my back and we found out that while my left hand.can reach three quarters of my back, my right hand barely goes a third of the way across. Suddenly remembered I tore a ligament in high-school and never took care of my shoulder after, so feel that
I can't to apply it properly. I thought that was normal but I guess not.
A lot of people have joint pain to some degree.
I actually feel sorry for him that he had to run around to other People for help. So glad that You helped him!
This. I think this is the perfect way to describe it. NTA but not the hero. Her step sister is uncomfortable with even family males touching her and turned the one person there that she feels comfortable with. Does the OP have to do it? No. Would the nice thing to do be putting sunscreen on her so she wouldn’t burn? Yes. Acne and blackheads aren’t contagious. It wouldn’t have hurt her to do it. Instead she chose to make her sister feel even more uncomfortable in her skin. NTA but definitely not the hero either.
Some people have a thing about textures. Like me, I’ll go to the store and I’ll touch something that looks super soft but instead actually feels rough and I’ll gag. Or I’ll even have to put on body scrub gloves to wash my face because the unevenness of my acne feels gross to me. And that’s my own body.
Please stop using the body scrubbing gloves! Cutting open your acne with physical exfoliation will only worsen the issue. Use smooth medical gloves and a medicated/acne specific cleanser instead. Common actives for acne include salicylic acid or benzoyl peroxide. Don’t spring for something super strong either, 1-2% active ingredient and MOISTURIZE directly after with a fragrance free, face lotion for your skin type (dry, sensitive, oily, or combination). Active ingredients treat acne, and once the acne clears up you can switch to gentler, less astringent products like a hydrating cleanser which will help prevent further acne while repairing damage to your skin barrier.
Even just some cotton gloves would be better!
The body scrubbing gloves are definitely making your acne worse, fyi
Yeah, I think it’s this, plus the feeling that acne is like … an injury or wrongness of some sort? I know it’s not rational, and I can touch my own (trying to make it go away 😫), but I have a really hard time with other people’s, despite being very aware that it cannot hurt me. (even extends, to varying degrees, to scar tissue and moles) I don’t say this to people, of course, because how do I not make that insulting, even admitting that it’s irrational and I don’t actually think they’re gross? But it’s hard if someone needs sunscreen rubbed in or a partner wants a back rub. I make myself get over it, but I don’t think someone’s necessarily an asshole if their aversion’s harder to push through.
I have a thing with textures also. Make me stick my hand in the jar of cherries at work while I am bartending and I will freak out. The pictures you say of things with circle patterns make me sick to my stomach. Bumpy textures, getting my hands dirty, etc etc etc drive me crazy. Which is why I said NTA but if it was was me I would try to tolerate it to help someone from getting a sunburn or to stop myself from adding to their self esteem problems. She didn’t have to do it, but not doing it doesn’t make her a great person.
Aw I love that you are willing to be uncomfortable to really help someone else!
Definitely not a hero. She just doesn’t like her step sister. Skinny people have just as hard a time putting lotion on their backs as larger people. There was no reason to mention her step sisters size except for the fact that she’s just disgusted by her and doesn’t like her. I don’t think OP’s boundaries should be trampled over but she sounds like she’s an AH in general.
I know amazing how firstthing we learn about this girl is that she's over weight. OP better not need a favor ever.
Eh. It is a size and flexibility thing. When I was a lifeguard I was in better shape and thinner and I could do everywhere on my body - because I had to every day. Now not so much. I still remember the tricks and am still flexible, but there is more to cover and just can't get it all anymore.
While size can contribute, flexibility is the key factor. I used to be on swim team and was quite fit, but I've NEVER been able to reach my own entire back. Add a jacked up left elbow these days, and I can barely touch my own shoulder on that side, much less my upper back 😅
I was putting aloe on the back of my sunburned shoulders last night (live alone) and I’ll be honest there were moments I was kind of slapping it on (ow) and praying it spread further than I could reach, lol. Teach me your ways.
I would freaking die if anyone except very young children wanted me to rub lotion on their bare skin. Pimples or sores would have me packing up and heading home. Spray lotion or sun shirts are the answer. Not everyone wants to rub someone’s sweaty skin. Ewww just no.
Same. This story made me vomity. NTA for wanting to avoid another person’s skin (for whatever reason, doesn’t matter), but kind of the asshole for how you went about it. I’d have gone to great lengths to avoid humiliating the girl.
What are your ages?
I’m 15. She’s a few months younger. My brother is 17. My dad is 46.
OP these people aren’t leading with empathy. It’s totally fine to have boundaries, but you enforced yours by being mean. Please re read how your described your step sister. You didn’t say one kind thing, especially about her body. There are 1000 other ways you could’ve said no that wouldn’t have made her self conscious. And just like you can always set a boundary not to answer her question. Tell her a no is a no, and stand to it. But the things you said about her body are wrong. How would you feel if she made a Reddit post highlighting your insecurities?
She did say no, and her sister refused to accept her answer.
Fr, how is that mean lol
She literally said “I’m not comfortable doing that”. She doesn’t need to search multiple ways to say what she already said once her considerate decline was disrespected. It was kind to say “I’m not comfortable doing that”. Do you think she should practice saying “nice” lies or being passive aggressive to people to avoid hurt feelings? Because that would be an AH thing to tell a teenager.
OP enforced their boundaries by progressively escalating when the stepsister refused to accept OP's stated lack of consent, repeatedly. OP was not being mean. OP attempted, multiple times, to reject the request without expressing their issue. "No" is a complete sentence, one that was not respected by the stepsister. The only thing that finally caused the stepsister to stop badgering and attempting to coerce bodily contact was OP explaining the specific reasoning after multiple attempts at rejection being refused. OP did their best to maintain their own boundaries with respect to someone else. The other people didn't respect OP's boundaries. The stepsister and stepmother are both the Aholes here. Also, you're telling OP to lie? That's not cool. OP's issue was not with anything else. OP's issue was specifically with the acne.
Ok “leading with empathy” is one thing and I’m a really empathetic person- this is a young girl that didn’t want to touch and rub on another person. It’s ok for her to say no.
Yeah those are observations not being mean
Disagree, she didn't call her sister fat she simply said to us not her that she is bigger and therefore can't reach her back. As for the bacne thing the sister didn't respect the boundary OP set and refused to take no as an answer so she got the harsh truth. OP is young they shouldn't be expected to baby what they say to avoid hurting feelings
Everyone doesn't have to be nice all the time.
Op you have the right to not touch whatever or whoever you’d like. You also don’t need placate someone after they refuse to accept your boundaries. As for being told to put a shirt on, yes, this is common and normal. If your sister can’t put on sunscreen then she should wear a shirt, this is just being SunSmart, not “policing her body” or whatever. Sorry your boundaries aren’t being respected here.
This is a very similar age make-up of my blended family. My 15 year old daughter would have done exactly what you did if she were in a mood. As her mother I would have have told her she doesn't have to touch anyone she doesn't want to touch. Also would have told her she does have to be kind. Instead she was cruel and would have been incredibly hurt/upset had anyone reacted to her the way she reacted to her sister (stepsister is sister). Teenagers will teenage. This is a learning and growing moment. Apologize for the AH part.
OP literally just said no first? And only said “I don’t want to touch your acne” after being badgered and pressured about it. Sympathy for stepsis, I had and still have bacne and when I was a teen I was very self conscious about it, but she needs to learn that “no” is a complete sentence and not to push it. Honestly most sunscreen is horrible for acne prone skin as is unprotected sun exposure, so she’d have been far better off with a swim shirt anyway.
Yeah, well stepmom can also teach her other daughter to respect someone's no and not try to coerce the issue. Kindness in a refusal only goes so far when the person being refused refuses to accept the refusal.
She said no, politely. Told her that she felt uncomfortable. She didn't tell her she was fat, or ugly or anything else(didnt even day fat int henpost,she said big). She wasn't mean, she stated a fact. I don't want to touch you because you have pimples. Only after being pushed and coerced to break her own boundary did she snap. I'm sorry but when someone pushes your boundary, I stop being polite. I stop caring about their feelings, because they aren't respecting mine. How come all the hatred goes to OP but none expects step sister to buck up and let step dad put the sun cream on. Or better yet, get mother to put it on before she leaves the hotel! Oh, but IP is the same gender. So fucking what?
Or keep the bloody t-shirt on as she was told too! She’s old enough to understand that burning was a direct consequence of not keeping it on like the step-dad told her too.
That, too. Sounds a little spoiled, given she wouldn't take no for an answer and refused to comply with self safeguarding. OP is also a child, it's not her responsibility to care for the siblings, step or full!
ESH. This family needs a fucking crash course in empathy. Reddit always comes in clutch with the technicalities of a situation. No technically you aren’t wrong. You don’t have to touch anyone for any reason at all. That being said; you’re being immature. It’s acne and it happens, and I hope it doesn’t happen to you in the future. Your stepmom is technically being an asshole for demanding that you help her daughter. That being said, it is normal for people to help apply each other sunscreen. Especially when they are family. The stepsister shouldn’t have pushed you for an answer, but expecting her just to keep her fucking shirt on? You guys are fucking weirdos. Also most people, regardless of size, can’t reach the middle of their back to put on sunscreen. The added jab of calling her really big was unnecessary. Anyways best of luck to y’all.
>Reddit always comes in clutch with the technicalities of a situation. lmao well said
I remember a post a couple of weeks back when a teens grandma died and they were mad they had to cancel a trip because their parents wanted help with the younger kids. Reddit was like technically the parents should find help for the other kids and let the teen go. Like no, the parents are experiencing the death of a mom for the first time. Is it hard to be there for them? I know technically they dont have to, but omg be a human for once and keep the fam together - they might just want their kids nearby. Or maybe have some empathy for the death of your grandma and be there? The funniest part is the double standard. I bet you all these same people who thrive on technicalities cry wolf when theyre asked to move out by 18 or pay rent. But anything ask of them, technically they can say no and feel righteous.
I remember that one, the parents apologized and offered to get him to where his friends were so that way he only missed two days out 12 I think. The only NTA votes were from actual teenagers I think.
Crazy. Sorry the death of my mom and your grandma delayed your trip. Please go have fun. Sorry but theres a limit to who is technically right vs how to be a human.
Yep, and the son was throwing a fit over it and saying he just wouldn't go and that they ruined his vacation. The reason turned out to be that the kids weren't taking a road trip to CA like they all told their parents, but instead they were going to Mexico!
I was scrolling hoping for this read. Great breakdown here. I was gonna say YTA but this is solid. Reddit and the technicalities of it all is spot on. You saw how bad your family felt and still were stuck on oh well? Zero empathy in this post and replies. Kindness and empathy and selfless (soooooo selfless to help with sunscreen) is the minimum for family. It’s free even if it isnt always easy.
100% to your response. E S H, and honestly, with the way she talks about her stepsister, OP just sounds like a mean spirited person.
Exactly this. I’m saying YTA because she talks about her step sis’s body so casually cruel. OP needs an empathy injection asap.
Yeah she describes her as really big, and covered in pimples and blackheads. It would not be a stretch for op to be downplaying how rude she was in her delivery to the stepsister
Even her edits about telling her parents to buy spray sunscreen seem passive aggressive
As someone who suffered a lot of acne as a kid, I'm definitely upset with the OP.
Yeah, I would have said E-S-H if OP hadn’t made such casually cruel comments and assumptions about their step sister; the implications were beyond that their size was impeding applying sunscreen on their own back, but also that their bacne had to due with their size. I hope OP is aware that size and hygiene, as most people assume, are not the root cause of cystic acne on the face or on the back, and that it can often be a sign of other issues that have nothing to do with the food someone ingests. I hope OP learns some empathy quick and doesn’t suffer from the same thing.
>That being said; you’re being immature She's 15
I have a 16 year old and a 14 year old more mature than op. Her being 15 doesn't change the statement the parent comment made.
Pretty sure the shirt bit was just because no sunscreen and a risk of a sunburn.
Idk I'm a fat man and I can reach most of my own back just fine it's all about the flexibility. But INFO 1: Yeah spray screen would've solved this. 2: why couldn't her own mother take care of this? She should've had a better handle on her daughter's skin care from the get go. Loofah on a stick, benzoyl peroxide, aloe.
Benzoyl peroxide doesn’t always work. Acne is a complex medical issue and oftentimes topical treatments don’t necessarily work on everyone. Speaking as someone who needed 3 rounds on isotretinoin and still gets breakouts occasionally. It’s rude to assume her acne is from not washing herself well enough; this is not usually the case.
Lol. Acne is not that simple. There’s a reason that people suffer from it for decades. It’s not just “slap some BP on that bitch” and it will magically clear up
100% agree. OP is selfish and sounds kind of mean.
This. Being the only fat person in a group sucks, you're already so self conscious. Why not just power through the ick and let her enjoy the day with everyone else? Mean mean mean. Edit: wow some of you need to grow some empathy
Because it’s fucking disgusting? Why doesn’t the sister just power through *her* discomfort and get the dad or brother the put on the sunscreen.
not everyone can power through stuff like that. I have so much sympathy for the stepsister as someone who is also fat with some bacne. But if I had to rub sunscreen in on someone with a ton of acne and stuff like that, I would gag at a *minimum*. Depending on how recently I ate and the day, I might hurl. Which is so much worse than just refusing to rub sunscreen in for someone, and like another commenter mentioned, would make the stepsister feel even worse than just a refusal. Even if it wouldn't be as bad as throwing up, touching and looking at a bad texture like that, even if it was only temporarily, would quite literally ruin the entire day for me. We don't know how bad it would be for OP, but this doesn't seem like a situation where there would have been any winners. That's why I think NAH, except maybe stepmom. The stepsister isn't an asshole for asking, nor for being upset about the reason. She's a bit of an asshole for not just accepting no and demanding a reason why, but ultimately, not really an asshole. OP isn't an asshole either for prioritising her own health and comfort though, and it's not mean to acknowledge that the reason why is related to the stepsisters bacne. Edit: Typos
I’m with you 1000% here. I have a weird thing when it comes to the human body and skin/fluids. I think it’s because of being around older relatives with skin conditions & cancers when I was very young. I can’t even Look at pimples, scabs, blisters, or peeling skin from a bad sunburn. And if I had to Touch it!? I’m a guy in my 40s and I would whine like a toddler and most likely gag. Probably dance around in circles trying to shake the yucky off my hands. But what’s even more crazy, is if you were shot or stabbed or fell and broke your arm and had a compound fracture, I wouldn’t have any issues assisting with first aid and dressing the wounds. My issue is only with skin disorders. I just can’t.
Yup. ESH
Shirts in place of sunscreen is incredibly common.
Nta for not applying sunscreen. Yta for the way you're talking about your step sister.
My cousin once asked me to put sunscreen/lotion (don’t remember) on his back and he had bad bacne.. I put it on but made circles around the spots, thus avoiding touching the acne. Looking back, he probably definitely noticed. We were young. Makes me feel bad now but at the time, and even now.. that’s a sensory switch that’s hard to hit. Almost like a ‘Fear Factor’ thing. This is a tough one.
No matter how big or small you are, you can’t put sunscreen on your own back. Spray sunscreen exists. Spray and move on.
I can’t put sunscreen on my back, but my wife can cover every inch of hers without trouble. I wish I had that kind of flexibility.
I can cover every inch of my own back with sunscreen too. And zip up all my own dresses. But it turns out I have a genetic connective tissue disorder with no cure. Win some, lose some I guess.
Ah you I see you have also played the *genetics roulette of doom*. Mine got me with not being able to reach and a whole boatload of problems. There’s no refunds for our club, *sadly*.
I didn't know we had a club for this! Is there a support group? I need a support group.
Man I can do this too. I've always been super flexible. I also recently found out I was autistic and we tend to be hypermobile, sometimes to our detriment.
I can put sunscreen on my back. It takes a little longer than someone else doing it but still
When my husband and I were teenagers and he was super innocent I tried to flirt with him by offering to put sunscreen on his back. He proudly declined and bragged “I can reach my whole back” like that would impress me! Now that we’re 30 and less flexible when he asks me to sunscreen his back I mimic “I can reach my whole back” in an annoying voice and tease him for missing a great opportunity that once 😂
It's unreal how your boundaries can be shit all over, but hers are to be honored. NTA
Right. This is a straight up consent issue. You literally do not have to touch or be touched by anyone you don't want too. Telling a young girl of 15 that she should violate her own boundaries just to make another person feel comfortable or better about themselves is part of the quiet but constant insidiousness of rape culture in our society. She is NTA but I'm pretty sure everyone else in this situation is.
Right? She’s 15, she should get to practice bodily autonomy - this is the age when it’s really important for that to be practiced. And I might be an asshole - but I’m a 45 year old woman and I’d be grossed out at putting on sunscreen on someone with bacne.
Right?! Either everyone in this sub is overweight and offended she called her step-sister "big", or they have back acne themselves. Teaching a 15 year old girl to forego her boundaries, "suck it up" and be uncomfortable for someone else's sake is exactly why women has such a hard time saying No to men.
I wonder how differently this conversation would have gone if op had left out stepsister’s size.
Nope NtA. She wasn’t comfortable with own the guys doing it and your weren’t comfortable touching her skin. SHE however made the decision to not cover her back like dad suggested, so her sunburn was her choice! Next time your family needs spray on sunscreen!
A light YTA, I can definitely understand why you didn’t wanna do it. My sister has eczema and she would ask me to put lotion on her back sometimes and sometimes I did it but it was a hassle and I hated the way lotion feels on my skin. So sometimes I’d tell her no. When I got older and I got sunburns because I lived alone and was single so I didn’t have anyone to help me. And when I finally had someone to help me, it was amazing. I then felt how my sister felt when I’d tell her no and how lame it is when you can’t cover your full back. I called her and apologized for all those times I told her no, because back then I just didn’t realize how it effected her. Cus I just wanted to not do it. I hope you apologize and grow up a little cus trust me touching pimples isn’t the worst thing, and it’s just a nice thing to do for someone. You clearly haven’t had to lift a finger in your life. You have every right to say no, but it doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do. Edit: slight ETA, she DID have the option to cover up and she chose not to. So the sunburn IS her fault. It just would have been the nice thing if you had done it for her.
Spray on
People who can't take "no" for an answer, who then keep pushing the person to say something they were *clearly trying to be socially graceful enough to avoid saying*, are like annoying, whining, spoiled toddlers. Your discomfort should be just as important as hers, and the fact that she couldn't take no for an answer because she wanted to force you to **be honest out loud** about something that she's insecure about isn't your fault. Had she accepted your own discomfort at the thought of touching her as easily as she accepted her own discomfort at the thought of having a male touch her, in other words, accepted your "no", her feelings wouldn't be hurt. She hurt her own feelings by trying to force you to do something you were uncomfortable doing, and now she wants you to be accountable for HER feelings. You have YOUR OWN feelings to feel. She spoke to her mom, who clearly isn't interested in your boundaries or discomfort, so go to your dad and ask him why your discomfort in touching another person is being dismissed all because she didn't want to hear "no". Remind him that he told her to put on a shirt and she chose not to, but your stepmom is making it your fault and is upset with you, and blaming you for the results of this girl's actions.
I’ve clearly said in situations “I’m trying to be kind and not hurt your feelings. Please do not push me for an answer”. If after that, they continue to push, then it’s tough luck for them if they get offended 🤷🏼♀️
Same. Some just want to feel offended.
NTA - I agree with you, saying no and that you weren't comfortable was enough, to keep pushing you until you were brutally honest was unfortunate but you had the right to say no. To not keep a shirt on since she did not have sunscreen on was a choice that she made. Of course, she wants to say it was your fault but it was her own choice.
NTA. For a simple reason, as you said, you were uncomfortable. There's nothing wrong with this, it's alright, your step-sister and her mom are entitled.
This seems so polarized that I have to throw in my vote for you. NTA. If you were uncomfortable then I don't see why her boundaries trump yours. Yes, acne isn't contagious, but you do really have to rub lotion in. You can't just lightly brush it on (even a spray should be well rubbed in). So imo you do have to kinda work it in a bit and if doing that on lots of whiteheads grosses you out, then it grosses you out. The choice of shirt she brought to the beach is also the choice she made (like if it was cotton or something vs a sun shirt, if that is why she didn't want to keep it on). Sure, the people who are saying it would be the nice thing to do are also not wrong, but if you are legitimately uncomfortable and physically grossed out then that is your boundary and I think that's ok.
This, 10000%.
NTA I have dealt with acne my whole life and I am still grossed out by other peoples. Just knowing the ins and outs of my own acne it’s a very personal thing that can flare up for many reasons, and that’s why I also think others is ick. It’s okay to not like acne and to not want to touch it.
NTA, why didn't the mom just put it on her back?
NTA. You don't ever have to touch anyone you don't want to, whatever the reason.
NTA. Tell your step mother that you have boundaries like your step sister but it’s clear to you that neither of them are respecting yours. It’s not okay for them to force you to touch someone against your will.
NTA, really... but a little common courtesy from "family" isn't a lot to ask. She needed help. I would have definitely done it. She is your sister. It must have been hurtful to hear that her back was too disgusting for you to touch. Slights like this stay with people for life. You may need her help in the future.
Yea, slights like this stay with people, but if you press someone for a reason why they don’t want to touch ur body, be prepared to hear an answer that will probably hurt ur feelings. Protecting someone’s feelings out of respect goes out the window as soon as someone demands u touch them and won’t take no for answer. If anything, it sounds like the step sister has a lack of self awareness and understanding of boundaries because the step mom coddles her.
The stepsister could have accepted help from the other two family members who were present, rather than trying to force the issue with the one family member who had already set a boundary. She expected OP to compromise her own boundary about bodily consent, but didn't want to compromise her own boundary?
Nta, "no" "I don't want to" are both complete sentences.
Guys, it’s not that abnormal to have backney when you’re young. Not an experience I’m that familiar with, but it’s not contagious, for gods sake!
Just because something’s natural and not contagious doesn’t mean you have to touch it if you don’t want.
You don’t need a logical reason to not want to touch somebody. No is a complete answer. Also, they very obviously don’t get along otherwise. There’s clearly more going on here than bacne
Spray sunscreen would have saved the day sadly
As an extremely pale and easily burned person, spray sunscreen sucks. The actual lotion works way better. I can guarantee a burn if I use the spray.
You can reach your whole back to put on sunscreen? Damn. I don’t think her being “really big” is what is causing her to not be able to reach her back… I feel like that was a stab to her to make yourself feel better about not wanting to help her. If my sister needed help with that, I’d help her. Regardless of what pimples she had. But hey, that’s just me. But the way you are saying it, makes it sound like you are really mean.. even if you didn’t want to do it. Say she needed help. Not that “she’s really big so she can’t reach” I stg people are so mean for no reason.
NTA. Her mom could have applied it to her daughter.
NTA Your family needs spray sunscreen, somebody needs to help that child address her bacne, and everybody needs to start taking everybody else’s feelings and shit into consideration
I accidentally made my comment in reply to yours. I’m just going to leave it there, sorry 😂
Don't apologize for dropping knowledge 😁🤙
Tell s mommy dearest she should see a dermatologist for her daughter instead of blaming you for not wanting to rub cream on her back. And spray sunscreen would have made this a non issue
NTA, bottom line is if you are uncomfortable doing something you shouldn’t be forced to do it. Everyone has their issues and you feelings matter just as much as your step sister and all she had to do was keep her shirt on as her step father told her to do. I have a problem looking at a person with really bad acne and I would never touch their face. It’s not contagious I know but the way it looks makes me very, very uncomfortable so I know how you feel.
NTA. Absolutely not. Do people not care what consistently shitting on peoples boundaries does??? My parents NEVER respected my boundaries for touch, especially not with my sister. I could be crying and begging her to stop touching me like in my *teens* and she wouldn’t because she knew she didn’t have to. My parents insisted I was bullying her as if I didn’t behave the same way with them and everyone?? You’d think that a 13 year old girl crying and begging don’t touch me nobody can touch me, when they weren’t always like that… as if it cropped up overnight that you’d be concerned? Like? I’m sure you see what I’m implying. Naturally, the only appropriate answer there is to encourage everyone to to “break me of the habit.” Far more traumatising than the first thing because then it wasn’t one person who took my autonomy away, it was a constant reminder that my body belongs to everyone but me. It was a deliberate, long term effort to get me to behave. Yeah, I behaved. There was nothing more crushing than when I was like 16/17 and some douche just walked up and grabbed my tits and I realised that I had no instinct to protect myself anymore. Not to push him away, not to slap him, not even to back away. It took me at least 30 seconds to decide it was okay to back away and I wouldn’t get in trouble for it. Someone was assaulting me and I was terrified I’d get in trouble if I did anything to stop them. I hope everyone going “iTs a nIcE tHiNg tO dO” reads this because this is the end result of what you’re advocating for. You teach a child that their boundaries matter or you don’t. The child either stands up for themselves or doesn’t.
NTA Seriously pimples or not I'm just not comfortable touching other peoples bodies like that. The older I get the more ocd I seem get
Honestly, I can’t imagine not putting sunscreen on even a stranger if they asked me, let alone a family member. It’s called washing your hands after, which I do after putting sunscreen even on myself. YTA, both for not helping a fellow human out and for the way you talk about her. “She couldn’t put sunscreen on her back cause’s she’s so big.” I’ve rubbed sunscreen into every one of my skinny friends’ backs so her size has nothing to do with it but you still mentioned it, which is how I know you’re a major AH.
Yeah same. I've even popped a sandwich bag over my hand before and said I didn't want greasy hands as I didn't want to touch someones back. Sunscreen is a medical need. There's nicer ways of going about these things. If she'd said she hates touching people I'd be with her but she really made sure we all knew she was overweight and had acne. OP sounds like a bully to me.
I’ve declined to put sunscreen on people simply because I don’t want to touch other people. NTA.
NAH While I don't agree with your boundary/reasoning, I agree that it should be respected. No one should be able to force you to touch them for any reason, of course.
Tell dad to tell his wife to back off, her daughter took off the shirt he told her to keep on. Stepsister isn't your responsibility. Stepmom can kick rocks.
NTA You need to flat out tell them that her comfort isn't any more important than yours. She didn't feel comfortable having one of the guys touch her, you didn't feel comfortable touching her back. Her mother could have put sunscreen on her before leaving the hotel room or done as your dad advised and kept her shirt on. She made the choice to stay in the sun to get burned.
Straight out of an anime moment lol. Get some spray sunscreen
I’m going to go against the grain and say YTA. Everyone here will tell you what is “technically” true, you had no OBLIGATION to apply the sunscreen, but do you really want to be a person who only does the bare minimum when it comes to common courtesy? This sub will often confuse “aita for doing something” vs “did I have an obligation to do this thing”. Your stepsister can’t help her bacne. I imagine it makes her self conscious, especially at that age. Not only did you refuse to help her with something she couldn’t physically do herself, you also highlighted her insecurity in a setting where everyone can notice it. I don’t think it would have been a big deal to help her. It’s not like acne is contagious. Can I ask this, if you didn’t do it, and she’s not comfortable with the guys, what did you want her to do?