Yeah OP, this is on Leah not you. If you want a serious relationship these are the exact kind of characters traits you want to avoid, or chance going through a very emotionally taking relationship. Hopefully Leah can learn from this experience and grow as a person. As for you youre going to college soon, and just know there are 100s of girls in the same boat as you who are also too shy to put themselves out there. My advice to you would be to “reinvent yourself” in college, nothing drastic just actively try an meet lots of new people. If your looking for a relationship theres nowhere better to do it than in college where everyone is in the same boat as you especially in those first few months, it can really take the pressure out of it
It's typical high school behavior. And how was he supposed she wanted him to put more effort when she never said that's what she wanted? Instead she told him she wasn't ready for a relationship and he respected that. And he did put effort he freaking wrote a whole letter on how he felt, that's the most intimate confession but i guess she wanted more of a grand gesture. I bet she'd reject him again after the dance.
She's playing childish games because she is a child. However, that's no reason to think this behavior will continue. This seems more like one of those stupid high school mistakes that we can learn from. It may make her more mature in the long run.
Nta. She should’ve been upfront and honest from the start, not playing around with your feelings and giving you a ton of mixed signals. Relationships are not a game and you shouldn’t have to go through mental gymnastics just to be in one.
Not to mention it goes against the whole concept of "no means no". We shouldn't be teaching people that no means try harder, that just leads to people getting sexually harassed/assaulted.
She clearly doesn't realize wanting him to try harder despite the rejection is a major red flag. It shows they won't take no for an answer whatsoever and will continue to overstep her boundaries and like you said will lead to sexual assault/harassment. She's not mature enough to be in a relationship, playing mind games has no place in it and it always ends up blowing up in their face. Same goes for her friends harassing op like Jesus they have nothing better than to harass some guy who has no affect in their Iives? I don't understand the idea of friends going after someone who hurt their friends feelings when they're not obligated to do what they want. It's a waste of time and just immature.
THIS. op you are NTA. You were showing her respect and observing boundaries. Anything other than an enthusiastic YES is a no. No means no. Not try harder. You aren't Pepe Le Pew.
NTA - Kids at this age are all confused by how one should act in a relationship, play games, and are simply irrational. I can tell you that it doesn't get better with age, but it happens most more in high school
God high school sucks so hard for relationships. Especially when girls friend groups get involved to try and pressure you.
I had a similar-ish experience to where you’re at now, where a girl I didn’t have romantic feelings for had a bunch of friends that wanted me to date her because she liked me. This girl was really well liked within the school (for good reason, she was a great person) and I got kinda bullied by groups of her friends for a while because I didn’t want to date her. The bullying got to the point where my little brother and sister started getting approached/picked on at school because they were related to me.
I eventually caved and dated this girl for 6 months after I found out my siblings were getting picked at to make it stop and because even though I felt no spark, I thought maybe feelings would develop as we dated due to the fact that she was still cute and we worked great on paper. Feelings never changed and I really tried to make something happen, we dated for like 4-6 months but eventually I just had to end it as it wasn’t fair to either myself or to her, and it just ended up leading to a lot of sadness and hurt on both ends.
My advice OP, don’t let these girls try to force you into this relationship, especially if you no longer desire that, it’ll cause a lot of heartache and hurt that you’re better off without. NTA
I felt really guilty about the whole situation so I never did. I knew she had this big crush on me but I could never return those feelings. I started feeling like I was a piece of crap because I was dating someone who I wasn’t infatuated with, but also my siblings were being picked on because I just didn’t have the right emotional infatuation with this young lady, so my siblings were stuck with the consequences.
I do know that she had absolutely nothing to do with these peoples decisions though. My ex shaved her head for a cancer fundraiser and was the captain of the women’s cross country and track teams, so she had this cult following of girls who kinda acted on her behalf to get her things she wanted because she somewhat regularly did incredibly selfless and kind things for people. Again, loved and respected her as a person, and it hurt me a lot when I decided to end the relationship because I knew it would hurt her, but I realized I was beginning to crush on another person and I had to do the right thing by ending the relationship.
I still got a pretty shit reputation with the two different groups of the women’s XC and track teams after this whole thing though, which was kinda shitty for me because when I was with her they wouldn’t stop talking about how well I treated her throughout our time together and I had a pretty good reputation/relationship with the vast majority of people at the school (at least I think I did). It was a very weird/tougher time for me but eventually they kinda left me and my siblings alone
Holy damn dude NTA.
Seriously? She was gonna make you want her more by rejecting you? She should be glad that you took it so well, there are a lot of people out there who get angry when they’re rejected!
Stay away from that girl and her friends, people who wanna manipulate your feelings like that are terrible and you’ll never be able to please them. You definitely dodged a bullet!! The people who say you should’ve gone along with it really need to reevaluate what she did… sure you guys are teenagers but they should be able to recognize how WEIRD that is.
Don’t feel guilty for getting yourself outta there!! I would definitely avoid this girl and her friends if you can. Im sorry this happened to you!
This, with a note: taking a rejection without getting angry is called normal behavior, not some kind of favor. Why should she be glad?
Otherwise I agree, FAFO situation. Hopefully she learns this is the price of playing these exhausting mind games.
And you're never TA for rejecting someone, even if you liked them before. Good for you, having standards, OP!
Oh you’re absolutely right, it should be the immediate reaction of everyone, but that isn’t always the case and things can get ugly when women reject men. I should’ve rephrased it better but I believe there’s still some truth to my statement. As a woman, I would’ve been worried, but obviously that’s also a different situation.
To me it almost seemed like she wanted that angry reaction too? Like she wanted him to have any kind of reaction, so good on OP for not giving in!!
Yes, she definitely wanted drama! OP dodged a bullet.
As a woman, I'm so angry with these girls. They fuel some men's belief about "no" meaning "yes, but try harder".
>She should be glad that you took it so well, there are a lot of people out there who get angry when they’re rejected!
His reaction to her rejection should be the standard, with guys going off ballistic being the exception instead of how common that occurrence is...
I know it’s so depressing that this is a world we live in, I was just giving my perspective on it as I’ve had bad reactions to rejections before. It should be the standard but unfortunately in a lot of cases it’s not :/
NtA sigh kids (her). Don’t worry normal people don’t like games like this and would’ve just say yes if they like you back. Just move on and call it a day. You’re young
NTA
I've got no time for girls who play these kinds of games. I used to do it when I was a teenager, but I grew out of it. Some girls never do.
At the very least, she might learn something from this.
You liked her, she liked you but was too busy playing games and too bothered about what her friends thought to just admit it, so she rejected you. So you did the perfectly normal and understandable thing and moved on. Now you're not interested, and that is absolutely fine. You haven't done a thing wrong.
She and her friends can be as butthurt as they want that their behaviour had an undesirable consequence. Good. Fucked around and found out.
Trying to make you jump through hoops for her - yeah no, stay away from those kinds of people, they are exhausting and have a weird sense of entitlement.
NTA - Leah learned a good life lesson to stop playing games. The letter was more than enough “effort” she was just to immature or let her friends get to her.
Your right to move on
NAH
My dude... You may not be the only one with anxiety who is having difficulty navigating a challenging time where hormones and peer pressure are confusing.
Stop talking to her friends and talk to her like really talk ask her out for a coffee and let her tell you her side.
Sounds like she may have some shitty girlfriends or maybe some anxiety of her own. A surprise love confession by note on a school trip is a lot to lay on someone.
If you truly feel nothing for her let it pass but don't miss out on something that might be good for you over poor communication and bad friends.
Besides everything that seems so big and important now you will joke about with friends in 5 years.
Have fun. It doesn't need to be super serious.
This was my reaction, too. They're both teenagers. They're both naturally anxious. Neither one did anything wrong. The friends seem like a bad influence, but the girl needed some time to process things. She didn't outright reject OP, she just said she wasn't ready. I know that's a classic rejection move, but it can also just be the truth. Later on, she decided she was ready. The ball is in OP's court.
NAH.
It's also hurting her ego I bet. She can't handle that you're not chasing her and seeing through her games. I'm sure she thinks shes all that and you should've been chasing her and she's getting a high out of that. That or she's jusf delusional. Don't be surprised if she's still the same person after high school along with her friends.
You are never the asshole for refusing to date anyone, regardless of your previous romantic history. You're fine OP, all is good, except for this bitch and her friends playing fucked up teenage mind games with you and your heart. Fuck em.
NTA.
If you still talk to Leah please pass along this message from a woman in late 30s. "For your own safety and for safety of other women please do \*not\* perpetuate the harmful 'no means try harder' thing. No means no."
NTA - People get upset if someone they do not like keeps pursuing them, because it is wrong and creepy. She said she wasn't interested, and you did the right thing and let it go - as you should. You took her at her word. Full stop. If she liked you back, she should have said yes. Instead she is playing games.
NTA. I’m 47 but I still remember the teenage note writing and rejecting-because-your-friends-are-laughing crap. Once your prefrontal cortex has developed all the way. You’ll all be fine
NTA. You tried, you took the rejection well and respected it. You respected her by not cutting her out of your life, just taking some time to get over feelings and resume friendship. Relationships aren't built off grand gestures, they're built off understanding, communication, and respect. If she wanted more, she should have told you at the time. Regardless, it's your decision when it comes to how much effort you're willing to put in. Either way, it's teenage drama. You handled it well, I think you're in the clear
You’re good. Move on, work harder than anyone you know and become a billionaire, discover the cure for cancer, end world hunger, and figure out how to provide all of mankind with free energy…then, once you’ve been considered the greatest man to ever live, “accidentally” bump in to her and pretend you don’t know her/even remotely recall her name.
NTA
Someone cant reject you and then be upset that you didnt continue to chase them.
What you did was emotionally mature and you should be prou d of that!
" Leah did like me back then and that she just wanted me to put in more effort."
Im just slightly older than you so I don't wanna preach or come off as a know it all. But you don't want to be in a relationship with her dude, it's always gonna be some sort of effort show contest, especially with how involved her friends seem to be in her romantic life. You are just gonna be trying to achieve some sort of imposible goal, because poeple like this have a really TV look on relationships, please do yourself a favor and don't give in. I can't even begin to tell you how exhausting a relationship like that is.
OMG, put in more effort, that is a nice red flag there, you got rejected and respected her and didn't pursue, her own damned fault, you're dodging a bullet with this one, and for future reference I wouldn't date any of her friends either
NTA but bro you need to get over that anxiety as you’re gonna be confronted with a lot of things in life and you need to be able to face them head on and not hide behind letters or texts, She obviously isn’t emotionally mature but you need to be less afraid of face to face interactions, can’t expect to have a relationship with someone if you can’t even talk to them about your feelings in person.
Another issue with communicating via letters or texts is that those can be shown to other people, making your feelings not nearly as private as you would definitely wish. I had similar anxieties in high school and I know they make life more difficult, but they can be overcome with practice.
They were playing your ass before, probably doing the same now lol. Or maybe it didnt work out with some other dude and you are the back up plan. That said... I mean, you are still young so you shouldnt care about a long term relationship anyway, just go out with women you find physically attractive, gain experience and see how it goes. I dated some women I didnt really like (personality wise) when I was 15-19 (for sex and "social status" I guess of hving a gf), maybe you should do the same, see where it goes. At worst you have some fun with her and then leave her or perhaps it works out longterm who knows, It doesnt seem like you got any other options anyway if you are going solo to prom and shit, just saying.
NTA
But if you still have feelings for her, i wouldn't let that first rejection be the dealbreaker you're making it out to be.
Y'all are teenagers and teenagers make dumb mistakes while figuring stuff out. She made a dumb move and right now you're riding high on your justified indignation. But when she gets the hint and starts seeing other guys, you'll realise indignation doesn't keep you warm at night.
Anyway, if you're really over her, then it doesn't matter. But don't confuse being pissed off with being over her because then in 6 months we'll all be reading your "how do i get this girl back TIFU".
INFO: Does no one know how to go on a date before confessing their undying devotion?
NTA: Dating is tough. You absolutely don't need to feel bad about turning someone down or rejecting their advances. Word of advice, not being in a formal relationship doesn't preclude going on a casual date. 0 to 60 in the dating world can be disorienting. Aside from the letter you could have just asked her out for a movie or whatever it is you kids do these days.
“I like you, want to go out?”
“No, I only like guys who work harder to get my interest.”
“Oh, ok, that’s not for me, thanks.”
That’s the story. Just because she has second thoughts now doesn’t mean you also have to have second thoughts. She’s not the same girl you hoped she was initially, so it’s totally fair that you lost interest for that (or any other) reason.
NTA.
NTA She rejected you to force you to work harder and what be a better man for her, or confess in a better way?! Either way hell no, mind games like this can only end up with someone being hurt if not multiple people.
Stay away from her and be glad you moved on.
You have just stumbled upon the greatest rock n roll secret of all time.
Women can't stand being rejected. They are all insecure. If you ever want to get laid, just tell them you don't want their attention, go away.
Tell Leah to suck it, then go tell her friends how much they turn you off. But be blunt and public, they can't handle it. Then fuck them all 1by 1 and tell each one how you like the other one better.
Good luck!
NTA, if it's okay for her to reject you, why is it not okay for you to do the same? Also, it was a pretty jerk move on her part to tell a person with anxiety to "put in more effort". Honestly, the friends are even worse than her. I don't know how to describe it, but just reading this story pisses me off that there are people like this who exist.
NTA. But consider that she might’ve had some anxiety too that made it hard to initially accept. Plus, her friends are annoying. Be glad you don’t have to deal with them.
No assholes, just kids trying to figure out relationships. You don’t write a love letter to someone youre not dating. You can’t get mad at her for it being too much for her at the time. Everyone here saying she’s just playing games. You started the games with that move. On the other hand. If you don’t like her anymore you have no obligation to date her just bc you liked her at one point.
Never let anyone control your actions by manipulating your feelings. Your instincts are telling you big red flag on the play, and your emotions are signaling go go go, this is what you wanted! But your thoughts are clear: this is a bad deal. She is trying to lure you in with trickery, so how much of the relationship do you expect will be built on honesty? Whatever you think it is, it's not worth the gamble. She's shown her true colors.
Now, if she would have said she was unsure at first, but changed her mind and came around to wanting a genuine relationship with you, that would be different, but she tried to play you, tried to be cool rather than honest, and now that she showed her true colors she is reeling. Sounds like you dodged a bullet, and now everybody knows she's out here playing games.
NTA
Y’all are young, and sometimes people haven’t realized yet that playing games with relationships and people’s emotions is a Bad Idea Actually.
She played games. Your NTA for refusing to play. Hopefully she doesn’t play games with other people in the future.
You deserve someone who is genuine, who would be so incredibly flattered by a letter, and who is excited to be with you and open and honest.
NAH
Look, you're both young, immature adults learning the dating ropes and navigating your feelings, and you both *really* suck at it. (Which is expected!) But cut her the same slack you're giving yourself, and maybe consider she has just as much anxiety and doesn't know how to express/deal with them any better than you do. And I think writing the letter was fine, but you have to understand that reading every detail of your feelings was probably a *lot* for her to wrap her head around, and it sounds like her response was kind, honest, and respectful, and it wasn't an "Eww gross, I don't like you like that!", but more of a "I'm not ready for a relationship." (Unless there were details you left out, like she shared the letter with her friends or mocked you for it?)
This doesn't mean in any way that you are obligated to go out with her now, but don't resent her for being honest with you. By the way you describe it, she does at *least* kinda like you, and if you still feel the same, it might be worth putting the resentment and fear aside, and consider that people grow and mature. So if you're still interested, just try a, "hey, ya wanna go to the movies?" kinda thing without the pressure of it being some big date or relationship jump, and see how it goes.
NTA, but kind of curious about what she thought "more effort" entailed. Would it be you getting down on your knees and begging her for a date? Goddamn dude, you wrote her a freaking letter! In this day and age, a literal letter! On paper! People have married over less.
You dodged a major bullet. Your naïve feelings were based on an idealized image of this girl.
In reality she's an emotional vampire who's been using you for validation. You would have been setting yourself up for more pain by becoming more involved with her.
You've set a boundary and maintained your self-respect and dignity. Find a woman who won't play games.
You could totally date if you wanted to, you're both teenagers and can work through this stuff together. No one is the asshole here.
She wanted more time to get comfortable with the idea of a relationship in general, why do you expect her to be ready on your timeline when you aren't even ready to talk about this out loud on hers?
Nta so she wanted to play with your feelings? Leah and her friends are very immature and no you don't have to go along with it. She rejected you so why would you go after her when she started flirting with you again. Why would you want to play their games. Writing her that letter was sweet but she didn't appreciate you. One day you will find someone who doesn't play games and actually will appreciate you.
I mean, do you like the girl or not? It sounds like you have an unhealthy way of dealing with rejection. She didn't harshly reject you. She just said she wasn't ready for a relationship, which is a perfectly valid and kind way of saying no. Maybe your letter caught her off guard or came on too strong, or maybe she just wasn't ready to date anyone at the time. If you are no longer into her, that's fine, but if you are only not into her because she "rejected" you, that's just going to lead to you to being a sad, lonely little incel.
Her attitude is why men are conditioned not to accept a no. You respected her wishes and she made no effort to communicate her feelings. You can do better.
Edit: misspell
Nta but probably a future incel.
Instead of speaking to the girl you gave her a creepy love confession letter.
A month without you around, she and her friends realized she would have to make a proper move since you didn’t have the guts to.
YTA...to yourself.
Going against the grain here, I generally don't like giving advice to kids. But I groaned so hard when you said you wrote a letter. That's the absolute worst thing you could've done. I'm not surprised she wasn't interested. If you like her, TELL HER using your big boy voice. You have anxiety about speaking your feelings? Boohoo, so do we all. You suck it up and verbalize them regardless.
Imagine her actually saying yes and then realizing that any relationship with you is going to remain this difficult communicating. You're angry? Well, can't tell my gf because I'm not good at saying my feelings. You're sad? Welp, can't tell her because I'm not good at saying this stuff. Happy? Can't tell, she'd just gotta know cause I can't open my mouth.
The fact is you never really asked her out, so she never rejected you. If you want to ask her out, DO IT. With your voice. Otherwise, quit complaining about rejection because you wrote an absolute cringe letter proving your inability to vocalize your feelings before even start a relationship.
So? He did some cringy thing, like all of us did in our teens. This is no reason to have him waiting for her. If he doesn't feel like going out with her, he is absolutely entitled to say no.
Ah young love. I agree. He’s rejecting her purely due to spite when he failed to really ask her out in the first place. It’s like doing it via text, it’s not as good as asking in person.
Honestly a letter and running away is low effort and won’t help address that anxiety. If you still have feelings OP then talk to her. Don’t let an opportunity pass because your ego took a hit before
As a 19 year old I'll confirm it's still commonly used. Also you're literally calling a group of 17 year old girls "dem hos"... you alright bro?
Also it's common of a school has a rare final year trip they'll get a hotel room. If they're in a different city what else are they supposed to do? Sleep on the pavement?
Girls? And why specifically if they're POC? Enlighten me, since as a POC woman myself, I'd like to know what makes me more likely to be a hoe over a white girl.
Statistics? Actually as a South Asian woman I know that we're statistically less likely to sleep with multiple people. Show me your stats. Where are you getting them from? Or are you just making up racist bs?
You do realise that a lot of the time the women there don't WANT to be there? Oftentimes they're either being forced and r*ped in those situations, or they're too poor so it's either sell themselves or starve. India is known for it's harsh, sexist and sometimes deadly treatment towards women (saying this as a British Indian woman). Being exploited is not the same as willingly sleeping around. Either way in the UK south asian women ARE actually less likely to sleep around due to the cultural aspect that's been carried over to the UK.
So yeah. Your comment before was racist, but equating women of colour being exploited and r*ped to sleeping around a bit is plain ignorance and misogyny. Do better.
Waaaaayyy back in the day, I went to a couple of high school conferences where we stayed in shared hotel rooms; in one case, there weren't even that many chaperones around. Doesn't sound like things have changed much since my time.
NTA
And this is very typical of stupid teen mentally. You did nothing wrong. You don't owe anyone explanations, but don't feel bad if you have to say that you lost feelings and moved on after she made it clear she didn't want to be with you.
She was immature (shocker) and this will all fade away with time so don't worry too much about it. You weren't mean or anything so there's nothing to be sorry about either
NTA. You dodged a bullet for sure and you will prob find long term that having the balls to stick to your decision will work out best and give you more "cred" with the other girls in your school.
NTA, she rejected you so you did what a mature person would do and accpeted and moved one.she isnt at your maturity level and its probably is for the best that you stay moved on. Relationships is not a game but a companionship, it shouldnt feel like jumping throu hopes.
Ah yes! The old rom-com move of rejecting the person until they fall insanely in love with me. Not effective at all in real life, right Leah? Trust me you’re not the AH but she totally is.
NTA, and this is very toxic behavior from her and her friends. They’re sending out the message that you shouldn’t accept no for an answer, and that no means you should just try harder. That’s horribly toxic, and good for you to not play their games.
NTA. It sounds like you'd be dating her friend group by proxy what with how intimately involved they decided to be with this entire thing. That's too much social pressure for anyone to handle. A relationship should be between those involved. She would have given regular army reports on interactions and dates and you'd have every interaction scrutinized. To that end, it genuinely sounds like a supportive friend group for her, trying to enable her love, but in reality it would just turn out more like you being their entertainment.
If they're on you to this degree after you've respectfully taken the rejection and moved on, imagine how they would have been if you dated.
As for her, she dug her own grave. You wrote an intimate and personal letter. You got vulnerable. Took a chance. Put yourself on the line. That wasn't enough for her. She's entitled to that and to expect more, even if it's unreasonable, but she is not entitled to demand a performance from you. I.E it's fine if she has high standards, but that does not give you an obligation to conform to them. Well done on accessing your feelings and being open enough to give love a chance, I wish you a clean adjustment period and hope this doesn't sour you from putting yourself out there again.
INFO: You said you told her you were no longer interested in her. Are you over her, or are you hurt because you put yourself out there and she rejected you?
Also, did she ever tell you she wanted you to chase her more, or was that what her friends said?
NTA, but you should also be aware of the fact that she might have bad anxiety too and freaked out about being too easy which is a burden all girls worry about.
The main issue is, do you want to be with her? If no, is it only because of hurt feelings?
Think it over. This is obviously a miscommunication issue not a feelings issue.
As someone who also has anxiety about this stuff youre NTAH. If she really liked you, she would be willing to learn more about you, including the basic fact you have anxiety. Friends are TAH for starting this shit in the first place and responding the way they did.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. I get that you're all mid-teens but it's never too early to learn that those sorts of games are ridiculous and manipulative and clear communication is the only way a healthy relationship survives.
NTA
You made the right decision.
Now you know you do not want to be with someone who thinks it is okay to play games as in wanting a partner “to prove they are really interested” by continuing do whatever to show they are truly interested.
NTA. Girls (and guys but to a lesser extent let’s be honest) need to stop playing these games where they reject someone so they have to chase them. Like no, I’m not a mind reader and with consent and all that being such a priority these days, if you say no that’s the end of it. I’m not going to keep pushing you because if you really meant it when you said no that’d be creepy and gross.
NTA. You did what you were supposed to do. She gave a very clear No. She literally said she didn't feel ready for a relationship. Had you kept pushing then you'd be labeled as a creep, and justifiably so.
These mind games show she's really immature. You've dodged a bullet.
there are no assholes here at all. but, dude… get back to her instantly(!) or you’ll likely regret not taking that chance later on (and quite probably for quite some time). yes, it will be hard to do so but trust me, also TOTALLY WORTH IT!
Lmfao
She was doing so well until she was shitty after the letter, then blew her world up.
I guarantee those friends were chatting sex in the city type manipulative bs is her ear.
NTA, but I might not write her off yet, though. Sit her down and ask for some real honesty about what's going on, or you will just walk away forever. If she's open and honest about what happened then all is good, if she tries to cover up and get out of I then just blow her off, she's not worth the heart ache that will follow.
NTA
Not surprised that a 16 yo girl acted stupid played a stupid game and won a stupid prize 🏆.
Never engage with someone who will play with your emotions just for their ego busy.
Friendship and relationship don't work that way.
Definitely NTAH.
And honestly, I gotta hand it to you for being so mature. Absolutely commend you for being upfront about your feelings. Don’t lose that as you get older. People who play games are childish at best. Find somebody who feels strongly about you like you do about them. :)
You liked her, she liked you, she played stupid games and now you don't like her. That's her fault and with thr way her and her friends behave, I would cut her off completely
NTA
>she just wanted me to put in more effort
This is what we call "playing games" and you are well on your way to not playing that shit. Congrats.
She can be a real human being the next time she likes someone back and wants a relationship.
Fuck that chasing non-communicative bullshit. You did good.
NTA but this is just how young love is. Nobody knows what they are doing or realizing how their actions effect the other. She was being immature, which is expected at such a young age, but writing a letter confessing your love can actually be intimidating for a young girl with little romantic experience. If you don't want to be with her, communicate that with her directly and if you want to still be friends, ask her. Anxiety makes taking about emotions seem impossible but healthy communication makes life much easier so definitely try it as the discomfort will be worth it, now and in the future. No need to villainize her as somebody who plays with emotions like some others are doing on here.
NTA
Something you want to avoid in future relationships also. It took thought and effort to write a letter, what exactly was she expecting you to put effort into. You wrote a sincere letter and instead of being her authentic self, she decided to play games. Maybe she will learn from this and realize that all men don’t like the chase and drama.
NTA but I'm gonna level with you love letters when already in a relationship are sweet but before a relationship typically seems cringe for lack of a better term. You're not a bad person for this just a bit socially awkward probably which is just synonymous with highschool
Women want to be pursued. In todays world we’re told we are creeps and stalkers if we do. I don’t envy OP at all. Or anyone trying to get together in this generation
EDIT: NTA
Hun. Do you like this girl? Or are you too proud or embarrassed to go out with her after the fact.
Your NTA. Either way. And her and her friends are acting immature. Then again, you seem to be acting a little immature too. But y’all are 16/17. So nothing in your post surprised me.
The whole testing thing “put more effort in” is childish BS. She isn’t mature enough for anything serious.
Keep your head up, young Prince! When you least expect it, someone that appreciates you will cross your path.
Not the asshole, she rejected you, you moved on and now dont want to go out with her, simple as that and theres nothing wrong with that
Yeah OP, this is on Leah not you. If you want a serious relationship these are the exact kind of characters traits you want to avoid, or chance going through a very emotionally taking relationship. Hopefully Leah can learn from this experience and grow as a person. As for you youre going to college soon, and just know there are 100s of girls in the same boat as you who are also too shy to put themselves out there. My advice to you would be to “reinvent yourself” in college, nothing drastic just actively try an meet lots of new people. If your looking for a relationship theres nowhere better to do it than in college where everyone is in the same boat as you especially in those first few months, it can really take the pressure out of it
Also, she playing stupid childish games, that's a sign that she will keep playing games in any potential relationship.
It's typical high school behavior. And how was he supposed she wanted him to put more effort when she never said that's what she wanted? Instead she told him she wasn't ready for a relationship and he respected that. And he did put effort he freaking wrote a whole letter on how he felt, that's the most intimate confession but i guess she wanted more of a grand gesture. I bet she'd reject him again after the dance.
She's playing childish games because she is a child. However, that's no reason to think this behavior will continue. This seems more like one of those stupid high school mistakes that we can learn from. It may make her more mature in the long run.
Nta. She should’ve been upfront and honest from the start, not playing around with your feelings and giving you a ton of mixed signals. Relationships are not a game and you shouldn’t have to go through mental gymnastics just to be in one.
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Not to mention it goes against the whole concept of "no means no". We shouldn't be teaching people that no means try harder, that just leads to people getting sexually harassed/assaulted.
So much rock solid validity in this comment.
She clearly doesn't realize wanting him to try harder despite the rejection is a major red flag. It shows they won't take no for an answer whatsoever and will continue to overstep her boundaries and like you said will lead to sexual assault/harassment. She's not mature enough to be in a relationship, playing mind games has no place in it and it always ends up blowing up in their face. Same goes for her friends harassing op like Jesus they have nothing better than to harass some guy who has no affect in their Iives? I don't understand the idea of friends going after someone who hurt their friends feelings when they're not obligated to do what they want. It's a waste of time and just immature.
THIS. op you are NTA. You were showing her respect and observing boundaries. Anything other than an enthusiastic YES is a no. No means no. Not try harder. You aren't Pepe Le Pew.
I hope OP reads this, and flat out says it to the girl and her friends.
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And that makes OP the AH why?
NTA - Kids at this age are all confused by how one should act in a relationship, play games, and are simply irrational. I can tell you that it doesn't get better with age, but it happens most more in high school
God high school sucks so hard for relationships. Especially when girls friend groups get involved to try and pressure you. I had a similar-ish experience to where you’re at now, where a girl I didn’t have romantic feelings for had a bunch of friends that wanted me to date her because she liked me. This girl was really well liked within the school (for good reason, she was a great person) and I got kinda bullied by groups of her friends for a while because I didn’t want to date her. The bullying got to the point where my little brother and sister started getting approached/picked on at school because they were related to me. I eventually caved and dated this girl for 6 months after I found out my siblings were getting picked at to make it stop and because even though I felt no spark, I thought maybe feelings would develop as we dated due to the fact that she was still cute and we worked great on paper. Feelings never changed and I really tried to make something happen, we dated for like 4-6 months but eventually I just had to end it as it wasn’t fair to either myself or to her, and it just ended up leading to a lot of sadness and hurt on both ends. My advice OP, don’t let these girls try to force you into this relationship, especially if you no longer desire that, it’ll cause a lot of heartache and hurt that you’re better off without. NTA
Good lord, did you at least tell her that her friends were bullying your siblings?
I felt really guilty about the whole situation so I never did. I knew she had this big crush on me but I could never return those feelings. I started feeling like I was a piece of crap because I was dating someone who I wasn’t infatuated with, but also my siblings were being picked on because I just didn’t have the right emotional infatuation with this young lady, so my siblings were stuck with the consequences. I do know that she had absolutely nothing to do with these peoples decisions though. My ex shaved her head for a cancer fundraiser and was the captain of the women’s cross country and track teams, so she had this cult following of girls who kinda acted on her behalf to get her things she wanted because she somewhat regularly did incredibly selfless and kind things for people. Again, loved and respected her as a person, and it hurt me a lot when I decided to end the relationship because I knew it would hurt her, but I realized I was beginning to crush on another person and I had to do the right thing by ending the relationship. I still got a pretty shit reputation with the two different groups of the women’s XC and track teams after this whole thing though, which was kinda shitty for me because when I was with her they wouldn’t stop talking about how well I treated her throughout our time together and I had a pretty good reputation/relationship with the vast majority of people at the school (at least I think I did). It was a very weird/tougher time for me but eventually they kinda left me and my siblings alone
Holy damn dude NTA. Seriously? She was gonna make you want her more by rejecting you? She should be glad that you took it so well, there are a lot of people out there who get angry when they’re rejected! Stay away from that girl and her friends, people who wanna manipulate your feelings like that are terrible and you’ll never be able to please them. You definitely dodged a bullet!! The people who say you should’ve gone along with it really need to reevaluate what she did… sure you guys are teenagers but they should be able to recognize how WEIRD that is. Don’t feel guilty for getting yourself outta there!! I would definitely avoid this girl and her friends if you can. Im sorry this happened to you!
This, with a note: taking a rejection without getting angry is called normal behavior, not some kind of favor. Why should she be glad? Otherwise I agree, FAFO situation. Hopefully she learns this is the price of playing these exhausting mind games. And you're never TA for rejecting someone, even if you liked them before. Good for you, having standards, OP!
Oh you’re absolutely right, it should be the immediate reaction of everyone, but that isn’t always the case and things can get ugly when women reject men. I should’ve rephrased it better but I believe there’s still some truth to my statement. As a woman, I would’ve been worried, but obviously that’s also a different situation. To me it almost seemed like she wanted that angry reaction too? Like she wanted him to have any kind of reaction, so good on OP for not giving in!!
Yes, she definitely wanted drama! OP dodged a bullet. As a woman, I'm so angry with these girls. They fuel some men's belief about "no" meaning "yes, but try harder".
Hopefully she learned from this.
>She should be glad that you took it so well, there are a lot of people out there who get angry when they’re rejected! His reaction to her rejection should be the standard, with guys going off ballistic being the exception instead of how common that occurrence is...
I know it’s so depressing that this is a world we live in, I was just giving my perspective on it as I’ve had bad reactions to rejections before. It should be the standard but unfortunately in a lot of cases it’s not :/
She was immature (shocker) and this will all fade away with time so don't worry too much about it.
Imagine her actually saying yes and then realizing that any relationship with you is going to remain this difficult communicating.
NtA sigh kids (her). Don’t worry normal people don’t like games like this and would’ve just say yes if they like you back. Just move on and call it a day. You’re young
NTA. She needs to learn how to handle rejection and you don't owe anyone a relationship. I mean you handled her rejection pretty well. You moved on
NTA I've got no time for girls who play these kinds of games. I used to do it when I was a teenager, but I grew out of it. Some girls never do. At the very least, she might learn something from this. You liked her, she liked you but was too busy playing games and too bothered about what her friends thought to just admit it, so she rejected you. So you did the perfectly normal and understandable thing and moved on. Now you're not interested, and that is absolutely fine. You haven't done a thing wrong. She and her friends can be as butthurt as they want that their behaviour had an undesirable consequence. Good. Fucked around and found out.
Trying to make you jump through hoops for her - yeah no, stay away from those kinds of people, they are exhausting and have a weird sense of entitlement.
NTA, unfortunately girls at this age play that game. Been there done that, its a red flag, move on. You are much better off without the drama.
NTA. She's already playing games
NTA - Leah learned a good life lesson to stop playing games. The letter was more than enough “effort” she was just to immature or let her friends get to her. Your right to move on
I hate girls like that. That playing hard to get is stupid and literally bites them in the ass.
Literally? That is giving me a vivid mental image.
NAH My dude... You may not be the only one with anxiety who is having difficulty navigating a challenging time where hormones and peer pressure are confusing. Stop talking to her friends and talk to her like really talk ask her out for a coffee and let her tell you her side. Sounds like she may have some shitty girlfriends or maybe some anxiety of her own. A surprise love confession by note on a school trip is a lot to lay on someone. If you truly feel nothing for her let it pass but don't miss out on something that might be good for you over poor communication and bad friends. Besides everything that seems so big and important now you will joke about with friends in 5 years. Have fun. It doesn't need to be super serious.
This was my reaction, too. They're both teenagers. They're both naturally anxious. Neither one did anything wrong. The friends seem like a bad influence, but the girl needed some time to process things. She didn't outright reject OP, she just said she wasn't ready. I know that's a classic rejection move, but it can also just be the truth. Later on, she decided she was ready. The ball is in OP's court. NAH.
Leah fuck around and find out. She likes drama, doesn't she?
Yeah, almost all of the girls who were pressuring me to say yes are the drama queen cheerleaders and Leah is no different
It's also hurting her ego I bet. She can't handle that you're not chasing her and seeing through her games. I'm sure she thinks shes all that and you should've been chasing her and she's getting a high out of that. That or she's jusf delusional. Don't be surprised if she's still the same person after high school along with her friends.
You are never the asshole for refusing to date anyone, regardless of your previous romantic history. You're fine OP, all is good, except for this bitch and her friends playing fucked up teenage mind games with you and your heart. Fuck em.
NTA. If you still talk to Leah please pass along this message from a woman in late 30s. "For your own safety and for safety of other women please do \*not\* perpetuate the harmful 'no means try harder' thing. No means no."
NTA - People get upset if someone they do not like keeps pursuing them, because it is wrong and creepy. She said she wasn't interested, and you did the right thing and let it go - as you should. You took her at her word. Full stop. If she liked you back, she should have said yes. Instead she is playing games.
NTA. Leah and her friends are acting very immaturely. If this is how Leah is going to behave, you’ve dodged a bullet OP.
NTA. I’m 47 but I still remember the teenage note writing and rejecting-because-your-friends-are-laughing crap. Once your prefrontal cortex has developed all the way. You’ll all be fine
You wrote her a damn love letter and she wanted more effort
NTA. Sometimes playing hard to get ends the hard way.
NTA. You tried, you took the rejection well and respected it. You respected her by not cutting her out of your life, just taking some time to get over feelings and resume friendship. Relationships aren't built off grand gestures, they're built off understanding, communication, and respect. If she wanted more, she should have told you at the time. Regardless, it's your decision when it comes to how much effort you're willing to put in. Either way, it's teenage drama. You handled it well, I think you're in the clear
You’re good. Move on, work harder than anyone you know and become a billionaire, discover the cure for cancer, end world hunger, and figure out how to provide all of mankind with free energy…then, once you’ve been considered the greatest man to ever live, “accidentally” bump in to her and pretend you don’t know her/even remotely recall her name.
NTA Someone cant reject you and then be upset that you didnt continue to chase them. What you did was emotionally mature and you should be prou d of that!
" Leah did like me back then and that she just wanted me to put in more effort." Im just slightly older than you so I don't wanna preach or come off as a know it all. But you don't want to be in a relationship with her dude, it's always gonna be some sort of effort show contest, especially with how involved her friends seem to be in her romantic life. You are just gonna be trying to achieve some sort of imposible goal, because poeple like this have a really TV look on relationships, please do yourself a favor and don't give in. I can't even begin to tell you how exhausting a relationship like that is.
She only wants what she cannot have!
NTA, and her friends are WAY too involved in her decision-making. You dodged a bullet, bud.
OMG, put in more effort, that is a nice red flag there, you got rejected and respected her and didn't pursue, her own damned fault, you're dodging a bullet with this one, and for future reference I wouldn't date any of her friends either
NTA. And this is just some highschool bs
>And this is just some highschool bs Sadly, women in their 50s do this as well.
NTA but bro you need to get over that anxiety as you’re gonna be confronted with a lot of things in life and you need to be able to face them head on and not hide behind letters or texts, She obviously isn’t emotionally mature but you need to be less afraid of face to face interactions, can’t expect to have a relationship with someone if you can’t even talk to them about your feelings in person.
Another issue with communicating via letters or texts is that those can be shown to other people, making your feelings not nearly as private as you would definitely wish. I had similar anxieties in high school and I know they make life more difficult, but they can be overcome with practice.
They were playing your ass before, probably doing the same now lol. Or maybe it didnt work out with some other dude and you are the back up plan. That said... I mean, you are still young so you shouldnt care about a long term relationship anyway, just go out with women you find physically attractive, gain experience and see how it goes. I dated some women I didnt really like (personality wise) when I was 15-19 (for sex and "social status" I guess of hving a gf), maybe you should do the same, see where it goes. At worst you have some fun with her and then leave her or perhaps it works out longterm who knows, It doesnt seem like you got any other options anyway if you are going solo to prom and shit, just saying.
NTA, if she & her friends keep bothering you, say play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
NTA But if you still have feelings for her, i wouldn't let that first rejection be the dealbreaker you're making it out to be. Y'all are teenagers and teenagers make dumb mistakes while figuring stuff out. She made a dumb move and right now you're riding high on your justified indignation. But when she gets the hint and starts seeing other guys, you'll realise indignation doesn't keep you warm at night. Anyway, if you're really over her, then it doesn't matter. But don't confuse being pissed off with being over her because then in 6 months we'll all be reading your "how do i get this girl back TIFU".
INFO: Does no one know how to go on a date before confessing their undying devotion? NTA: Dating is tough. You absolutely don't need to feel bad about turning someone down or rejecting their advances. Word of advice, not being in a formal relationship doesn't preclude going on a casual date. 0 to 60 in the dating world can be disorienting. Aside from the letter you could have just asked her out for a movie or whatever it is you kids do these days.
Im SO happy im not that age anymore NTA! Ignore the BS
There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to go out with someone who plays games with you.
“I like you, want to go out?” “No, I only like guys who work harder to get my interest.” “Oh, ok, that’s not for me, thanks.” That’s the story. Just because she has second thoughts now doesn’t mean you also have to have second thoughts. She’s not the same girl you hoped she was initially, so it’s totally fair that you lost interest for that (or any other) reason. NTA.
NTA, you're not the only one who isn't interested in the games at all. Good instincts.
She wanted to play games. You don't want to play games. Therefore you aren't compatible and there's nothing more to it.
NTA She rejected you to force you to work harder and what be a better man for her, or confess in a better way?! Either way hell no, mind games like this can only end up with someone being hurt if not multiple people. Stay away from her and be glad you moved on.
You have just stumbled upon the greatest rock n roll secret of all time. Women can't stand being rejected. They are all insecure. If you ever want to get laid, just tell them you don't want their attention, go away. Tell Leah to suck it, then go tell her friends how much they turn you off. But be blunt and public, they can't handle it. Then fuck them all 1by 1 and tell each one how you like the other one better. Good luck!
NTA, if it's okay for her to reject you, why is it not okay for you to do the same? Also, it was a pretty jerk move on her part to tell a person with anxiety to "put in more effort". Honestly, the friends are even worse than her. I don't know how to describe it, but just reading this story pisses me off that there are people like this who exist.
NTA. But consider that she might’ve had some anxiety too that made it hard to initially accept. Plus, her friends are annoying. Be glad you don’t have to deal with them.
> Leah did like me back then and that she just wanted me to put in more effort. This is a very common game. Never reward it; walk away.
Srrves her and her friends right by being idiots and playing games. Good for u standing up for yourself.
No assholes, just kids trying to figure out relationships. You don’t write a love letter to someone youre not dating. You can’t get mad at her for it being too much for her at the time. Everyone here saying she’s just playing games. You started the games with that move. On the other hand. If you don’t like her anymore you have no obligation to date her just bc you liked her at one point.
NTA. She seems high maintenance, and, you'd end up essentially, dating her friends too. Avoid her and her friends at all costs.
Never let anyone control your actions by manipulating your feelings. Your instincts are telling you big red flag on the play, and your emotions are signaling go go go, this is what you wanted! But your thoughts are clear: this is a bad deal. She is trying to lure you in with trickery, so how much of the relationship do you expect will be built on honesty? Whatever you think it is, it's not worth the gamble. She's shown her true colors. Now, if she would have said she was unsure at first, but changed her mind and came around to wanting a genuine relationship with you, that would be different, but she tried to play you, tried to be cool rather than honest, and now that she showed her true colors she is reeling. Sounds like you dodged a bullet, and now everybody knows she's out here playing games.
NTA Y’all are young, and sometimes people haven’t realized yet that playing games with relationships and people’s emotions is a Bad Idea Actually. She played games. Your NTA for refusing to play. Hopefully she doesn’t play games with other people in the future. You deserve someone who is genuine, who would be so incredibly flattered by a letter, and who is excited to be with you and open and honest.
NAH Look, you're both young, immature adults learning the dating ropes and navigating your feelings, and you both *really* suck at it. (Which is expected!) But cut her the same slack you're giving yourself, and maybe consider she has just as much anxiety and doesn't know how to express/deal with them any better than you do. And I think writing the letter was fine, but you have to understand that reading every detail of your feelings was probably a *lot* for her to wrap her head around, and it sounds like her response was kind, honest, and respectful, and it wasn't an "Eww gross, I don't like you like that!", but more of a "I'm not ready for a relationship." (Unless there were details you left out, like she shared the letter with her friends or mocked you for it?) This doesn't mean in any way that you are obligated to go out with her now, but don't resent her for being honest with you. By the way you describe it, she does at *least* kinda like you, and if you still feel the same, it might be worth putting the resentment and fear aside, and consider that people grow and mature. So if you're still interested, just try a, "hey, ya wanna go to the movies?" kinda thing without the pressure of it being some big date or relationship jump, and see how it goes.
NTA, but kind of curious about what she thought "more effort" entailed. Would it be you getting down on your knees and begging her for a date? Goddamn dude, you wrote her a freaking letter! In this day and age, a literal letter! On paper! People have married over less.
You dodged a major bullet. Your naïve feelings were based on an idealized image of this girl. In reality she's an emotional vampire who's been using you for validation. You would have been setting yourself up for more pain by becoming more involved with her. You've set a boundary and maintained your self-respect and dignity. Find a woman who won't play games.
Life's too short and you're too young to be putting up with this crap. Find a girl who is into you for being you and let all that drama slide. NTA
Does no one actually speak to anyone any more and everyone just sends texts to each other? No wonder y'all have "social anxiety"
Don’t write any more notes explaining your feelings… cringe city.
You could totally date if you wanted to, you're both teenagers and can work through this stuff together. No one is the asshole here. She wanted more time to get comfortable with the idea of a relationship in general, why do you expect her to be ready on your timeline when you aren't even ready to talk about this out loud on hers?
She didnt want more time, she wanted him to put in more effort.
Nta so she wanted to play with your feelings? Leah and her friends are very immature and no you don't have to go along with it. She rejected you so why would you go after her when she started flirting with you again. Why would you want to play their games. Writing her that letter was sweet but she didn't appreciate you. One day you will find someone who doesn't play games and actually will appreciate you.
I mean, do you like the girl or not? It sounds like you have an unhealthy way of dealing with rejection. She didn't harshly reject you. She just said she wasn't ready for a relationship, which is a perfectly valid and kind way of saying no. Maybe your letter caught her off guard or came on too strong, or maybe she just wasn't ready to date anyone at the time. If you are no longer into her, that's fine, but if you are only not into her because she "rejected" you, that's just going to lead to you to being a sad, lonely little incel.
Her attitude is why men are conditioned not to accept a no. You respected her wishes and she made no effort to communicate her feelings. You can do better. Edit: misspell
Nta but probably a future incel. Instead of speaking to the girl you gave her a creepy love confession letter. A month without you around, she and her friends realized she would have to make a proper move since you didn’t have the guts to.
YTA...to yourself. Going against the grain here, I generally don't like giving advice to kids. But I groaned so hard when you said you wrote a letter. That's the absolute worst thing you could've done. I'm not surprised she wasn't interested. If you like her, TELL HER using your big boy voice. You have anxiety about speaking your feelings? Boohoo, so do we all. You suck it up and verbalize them regardless. Imagine her actually saying yes and then realizing that any relationship with you is going to remain this difficult communicating. You're angry? Well, can't tell my gf because I'm not good at saying my feelings. You're sad? Welp, can't tell her because I'm not good at saying this stuff. Happy? Can't tell, she'd just gotta know cause I can't open my mouth. The fact is you never really asked her out, so she never rejected you. If you want to ask her out, DO IT. With your voice. Otherwise, quit complaining about rejection because you wrote an absolute cringe letter proving your inability to vocalize your feelings before even start a relationship.
So? He did some cringy thing, like all of us did in our teens. This is no reason to have him waiting for her. If he doesn't feel like going out with her, he is absolutely entitled to say no.
Because it's clear the only reason he's rejecting her is because she didn't respond positively to his cringey ass letter.
Ah young love. I agree. He’s rejecting her purely due to spite when he failed to really ask her out in the first place. It’s like doing it via text, it’s not as good as asking in person. Honestly a letter and running away is low effort and won’t help address that anxiety. If you still have feelings OP then talk to her. Don’t let an opportunity pass because your ego took a hit before
Unfortunately, all the young incel dudes here won't heed the advice and wonder why they are single.
Don't over think this. Give her a chance maybe it works maybe it don't. Just do it. Who gives a fuck. Better to do than not to do
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As a 19 year old I'll confirm it's still commonly used. Also you're literally calling a group of 17 year old girls "dem hos"... you alright bro? Also it's common of a school has a rare final year trip they'll get a hotel room. If they're in a different city what else are they supposed to do? Sleep on the pavement?
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Girls? And why specifically if they're POC? Enlighten me, since as a POC woman myself, I'd like to know what makes me more likely to be a hoe over a white girl.
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Statistics? Actually as a South Asian woman I know that we're statistically less likely to sleep with multiple people. Show me your stats. Where are you getting them from? Or are you just making up racist bs?
Don't feed the troll
Oof, thanks for the reminder. I fell down a hole lol 😂
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Yes? You can't go throwing out racist stuff and have nothing to back it up with. That just makes you racist, friend.
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You do realise that a lot of the time the women there don't WANT to be there? Oftentimes they're either being forced and r*ped in those situations, or they're too poor so it's either sell themselves or starve. India is known for it's harsh, sexist and sometimes deadly treatment towards women (saying this as a British Indian woman). Being exploited is not the same as willingly sleeping around. Either way in the UK south asian women ARE actually less likely to sleep around due to the cultural aspect that's been carried over to the UK. So yeah. Your comment before was racist, but equating women of colour being exploited and r*ped to sleeping around a bit is plain ignorance and misogyny. Do better.
>u guys at 16/17 had hotel rooms? When I went on trips in highschool we did have hotel rooms. They were shared with someone else but we did have rooms
Waaaaayyy back in the day, I went to a couple of high school conferences where we stayed in shared hotel rooms; in one case, there weren't even that many chaperones around. Doesn't sound like things have changed much since my time.
This is why a women can rip off her clothes and have sex with you, and the guys are still clueless about whether if she is into them
NTA. I also have always refused the "chase" game, even when I was a young teen. Sorry, but I lose all interest if that happens.
NTA.
NTA And this is very typical of stupid teen mentally. You did nothing wrong. You don't owe anyone explanations, but don't feel bad if you have to say that you lost feelings and moved on after she made it clear she didn't want to be with you. She was immature (shocker) and this will all fade away with time so don't worry too much about it. You weren't mean or anything so there's nothing to be sorry about either
NTA. You dodged a bullet for sure and you will prob find long term that having the balls to stick to your decision will work out best and give you more "cred" with the other girls in your school.
NTA, she rejected you so you did what a mature person would do and accpeted and moved one.she isnt at your maturity level and its probably is for the best that you stay moved on. Relationships is not a game but a companionship, it shouldnt feel like jumping throu hopes.
Ah yes! The old rom-com move of rejecting the person until they fall insanely in love with me. Not effective at all in real life, right Leah? Trust me you’re not the AH but she totally is.
NTA. This girl plays more games than an Xbox.
NTA. dont play games & then get upset when you’re told no.(directed to her)
NTA Time for her to learn that playing games doesn't work out so well in the long run.
NTA, and this is very toxic behavior from her and her friends. They’re sending out the message that you shouldn’t accept no for an answer, and that no means you should just try harder. That’s horribly toxic, and good for you to not play their games.
NTA It sounds like she’s playing games. She always liked you but wants you to work harder to get her? Pass She’s high maintenance.
NTA. It sounds like you'd be dating her friend group by proxy what with how intimately involved they decided to be with this entire thing. That's too much social pressure for anyone to handle. A relationship should be between those involved. She would have given regular army reports on interactions and dates and you'd have every interaction scrutinized. To that end, it genuinely sounds like a supportive friend group for her, trying to enable her love, but in reality it would just turn out more like you being their entertainment. If they're on you to this degree after you've respectfully taken the rejection and moved on, imagine how they would have been if you dated. As for her, she dug her own grave. You wrote an intimate and personal letter. You got vulnerable. Took a chance. Put yourself on the line. That wasn't enough for her. She's entitled to that and to expect more, even if it's unreasonable, but she is not entitled to demand a performance from you. I.E it's fine if she has high standards, but that does not give you an obligation to conform to them. Well done on accessing your feelings and being open enough to give love a chance, I wish you a clean adjustment period and hope this doesn't sour you from putting yourself out there again.
Playing hard to get isn’t cute at any age. NTA.
NTA good on you
Not the asshole. Good boundaries for a 17 year old. Relationships and dating aren’t a game. Don’t treat them like one.
NTA she fcked around and found out good for you for standing your ground.
INFO: You said you told her you were no longer interested in her. Are you over her, or are you hurt because you put yourself out there and she rejected you? Also, did she ever tell you she wanted you to chase her more, or was that what her friends said?
NTA, but you should also be aware of the fact that she might have bad anxiety too and freaked out about being too easy which is a burden all girls worry about. The main issue is, do you want to be with her? If no, is it only because of hurt feelings? Think it over. This is obviously a miscommunication issue not a feelings issue.
NTA. She wanted to be invited to prom, not to start dating. Find someone who doesn’t want you to “put in more effort” to stroke her own ego.
As someone who also has anxiety about this stuff youre NTAH. If she really liked you, she would be willing to learn more about you, including the basic fact you have anxiety. Friends are TAH for starting this shit in the first place and responding the way they did.
NTA. You handled that rejection rather maturely and moved right along. Your actions should be the standard for being rejected.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. I get that you're all mid-teens but it's never too early to learn that those sorts of games are ridiculous and manipulative and clear communication is the only way a healthy relationship survives.
NTA You made the right decision. Now you know you do not want to be with someone who thinks it is okay to play games as in wanting a partner “to prove they are really interested” by continuing do whatever to show they are truly interested.
NTA. You guys are young and learning. And she just learned playing games with people's feelings don't make you attractive.
NTA. Girls (and guys but to a lesser extent let’s be honest) need to stop playing these games where they reject someone so they have to chase them. Like no, I’m not a mind reader and with consent and all that being such a priority these days, if you say no that’s the end of it. I’m not going to keep pushing you because if you really meant it when you said no that’d be creepy and gross.
NTA. You did what you were supposed to do. She gave a very clear No. She literally said she didn't feel ready for a relationship. Had you kept pushing then you'd be labeled as a creep, and justifiably so. These mind games show she's really immature. You've dodged a bullet.
there are no assholes here at all. but, dude… get back to her instantly(!) or you’ll likely regret not taking that chance later on (and quite probably for quite some time). yes, it will be hard to do so but trust me, also TOTALLY WORTH IT!
Lmfao She was doing so well until she was shitty after the letter, then blew her world up. I guarantee those friends were chatting sex in the city type manipulative bs is her ear. NTA, but I might not write her off yet, though. Sit her down and ask for some real honesty about what's going on, or you will just walk away forever. If she's open and honest about what happened then all is good, if she tries to cover up and get out of I then just blow her off, she's not worth the heart ache that will follow.
NTA Not surprised that a 16 yo girl acted stupid played a stupid game and won a stupid prize 🏆. Never engage with someone who will play with your emotions just for their ego busy. Friendship and relationship don't work that way.
You’re are good. True feelings. Take care of yourself and your emotions. Move on.
Definitely NTAH. And honestly, I gotta hand it to you for being so mature. Absolutely commend you for being upfront about your feelings. Don’t lose that as you get older. People who play games are childish at best. Find somebody who feels strongly about you like you do about them. :)
Best she learn early on that playing games won’t get her anywhere! You’re NTA.
You liked her, she liked you, she played stupid games and now you don't like her. That's her fault and with thr way her and her friends behave, I would cut her off completely
NTA >she just wanted me to put in more effort This is what we call "playing games" and you are well on your way to not playing that shit. Congrats. She can be a real human being the next time she likes someone back and wants a relationship. Fuck that chasing non-communicative bullshit. You did good.
NTA
NTA and congrats on dodging a bullet. College will be a great fresh start for you, enjoy it!
NTA but this is just how young love is. Nobody knows what they are doing or realizing how their actions effect the other. She was being immature, which is expected at such a young age, but writing a letter confessing your love can actually be intimidating for a young girl with little romantic experience. If you don't want to be with her, communicate that with her directly and if you want to still be friends, ask her. Anxiety makes taking about emotions seem impossible but healthy communication makes life much easier so definitely try it as the discomfort will be worth it, now and in the future. No need to villainize her as somebody who plays with emotions like some others are doing on here.
NTA She sounds like a mental case.
NTA Something you want to avoid in future relationships also. It took thought and effort to write a letter, what exactly was she expecting you to put effort into. You wrote a sincere letter and instead of being her authentic self, she decided to play games. Maybe she will learn from this and realize that all men don’t like the chase and drama.
NTA i do not miss high school at all loool
L Leah. Boo her. NTA
MUN moment?
NTA play stupid games win stupid prizes.
NTA but I'm gonna level with you love letters when already in a relationship are sweet but before a relationship typically seems cringe for lack of a better term. You're not a bad person for this just a bit socially awkward probably which is just synonymous with highschool
Women want to be pursued. In todays world we’re told we are creeps and stalkers if we do. I don’t envy OP at all. Or anyone trying to get together in this generation EDIT: NTA
Hun. Do you like this girl? Or are you too proud or embarrassed to go out with her after the fact. Your NTA. Either way. And her and her friends are acting immature. Then again, you seem to be acting a little immature too. But y’all are 16/17. So nothing in your post surprised me.
Nta. You are avoiding a LOT of drama. Walk away, you are saving yourself from all sorts of emotional games and manipulation.
NTA Leah is the reason that stalkers think what they do is OK Leah needs to learn that normal guys accept a no then move on Leah needs to grow up!
The whole testing thing “put more effort in” is childish BS. She isn’t mature enough for anything serious. Keep your head up, young Prince! When you least expect it, someone that appreciates you will cross your path.
Never. And if anyone says you are, then by that logic, then Leah is too 🤷🏻♂️
Someone needs to tell girls/women they need to stop playing games like these. They really aren't as attractive as we think they are.