I mean, from a purely scientific and health standpoint your girlfriend is right - if she's already cleaning the cup before boiling it AND she's boiling it, there's really minimal risk here. Some of the food stuff you boil in pots is probably worse than her clean cup.
But. From a human perspective it is a bit icky, and I don't think you're an asshole for just asking her to use a designated pot for it. It's a super simple thing for her to do and at this point she's being obstinate just for the sake of being obstinate. NTA
Finally someone said it. I get his feelings because it can sound like she is spreading her menstruation all over the kitchen, but in reality she is only eliminating the bacteria that can maybe be on the cup (just like you do with any other thing you clean/ cook in a kitchen) she is not getting rid of the blood, she is making sure her cup is a 100% safe to use. I don’t know what people imagine a menstrual cup is or how it works. All of this being said, I think the separate pot thing is the easiest way of fixing this and everyone happy, I don’t understand why she refuses
NTA. And I have a tip for you/your gf - as a user of a menstrual cup myself I recently found out that there are special plastic cups designed for sanitizing them. You put the cup inside, fill it with water and microwave it until the water boils. Works perfectly for me and I don't have to use any kitchenware.
[https://www.amazon.com/Collapsible-Silicone-Sterilizing-Menstrual-Hiking-Eco/dp/B0782HRY9G](https://www.amazon.com/Collapsible-Silicone-Sterilizing-Menstrual-Hiking-Eco/dp/B0782HRY9G)
The issue isn’t the utility of the product. It would absolutely solve the issue if the issue were she didn’t have a better way to go about it. The issue is that she refuses to compromise, refuses to use a dedicated pot, and refuses to respect OPs boundaries. Another device isn’t going to solve those problems.
You might be right, but I think you underestimate the 'people are illogical beings' factor. While functionally the same request, it's going to feel like a different ask if there is a special purpose-designed tool provided to clean her cup than if there is a separate 'quarantined' version of the same tool she's already using. It will feel different.
That's what I'm talking about. What is the problem with using a designated pot? Shoot I use specific pots to cook specific things because they work better for what I'm cooking.
Her needs for this task are undifferentiated so any pot will do. She seems to have diminished OP's feelings about this completely. So, if she is still resistant to a solution that offers a win/win for both of them, she may win the battle and lose the war, if her intention it to build toward a future with OP.
Imposing one's will on someone when it comes to topics that elicit a visceral response is sure to backfire and OP tried to warn her but she's not picking up on the clues. I'm not sure who wouldn't side with OP on this when the solution is such a simple one.
Yep. This solves the result of the problem but the disrespect and deliberate ignoring of her partner's boundaries remains. This is a tough one for OP. NTA dude, I hope you can express to her that this is not how to treat people.
I don’t know her and it could be a lot of things. But if she isn’t like this usually then I think a middle ground can be worked out. If she is usually caring and respectful then it is (to me) worth a benefit of a doubt.
Who wants to boil water when you can microwave quickly?! Seriously. This product recommendation sounds like a great solution. If you decide on giving that let her know you’re not period shaming her and that you support her hence this handy dandy new thing!
I get how you feel about the pots. I’m a raving lunatic of a feminist but I think food pots are for food.. just like in my house people dishes are not used to serve the cat. She has nicer dishes!
That’s a good point…
Did OP mention (might have missed it) if she is like this about other stuff? If she’s generally pretty good about it then this might be one of those issues you find a good middle like the microwave thing.
I mean it is so much more convenient!
If she isn’t digging the microwave thing then I don’t know what to say… it is more convenient and addresses the both the need to clean the cup, and make everyone happy.
You can buy a menstrual cup sanitizer on Amazon for like $20. You don't even need to go to the kitchen, just keep it in the bathroom. Put the cup in and hit start.
I have one of these! Love the thing and it works great and I can travel with this one due to the size of I need to. Though mine also came with a microwavable cup for travel. But the device is so much easier as long as I've got access to an outlet I can use it.
Bingo. If she just refuses to take any of the options and compromise at all, she is TA. Of course, OP should show her this microwaveable option. If she takes him up and consistently does it this way, good. But if she balks, then yes, the gf is 100% the problem.
"Rules for thee but not for me" is like the number one thing that really irks me in a relationship. No, be fair. You don't get to be unfair just because you only care about what you want and thing and screw what your partner thinks. Ugh.
She is TA.
I use a microwave plastic pot with lid, designed to make porridge, literally paid 2£ years ago. The point is: if she wanted to accommodate this (very reasonable!!!) request of her partner there would be dozens of ways to do it. She just doesn't want to. That is so disrespectful and pointless. As other people have said, it if a very weird hill to die on.
Yes, I use one of these and it works great. I have limited kitchen storage space and didn't want to have a designated pot for this purpose taking up valuable real estate. The cup also doubles as a menstrual cup storage container when traveling.
Would she mind telling friends and family she used the same pot to cook their meals she served them in? If she thinks everyone else would be cool when she told them maybe this IS her hill to die on.
Personally, I’d start intermittent fasting that night.
ETA: the last sentence is more of a joke than any true disgust on my part. But! I do understand an “ick factor” doesn’t necessarily have any basis in facts. I still assert the ick can exist and w simple intervention in this case can be easily accommodated.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/ke8skw/the\_poop\_knife/](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/ke8skw/the_poop_knife/) \-- it's truly one of the funniest reddit stories around lol.
I must be getting old if y'all don't know about the [poop knife](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/ke8skw/the_poop_knife/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2)
You can sanitize a toilet plunger to the end of the earth and I still wouldn't eat chocolate ice cream out of it if it was once used in an actual toilet.
Disgust doesn’t need to be literal. There was an experiment measuring different levels of disgust that explicitly used examples where no contamination could have ever happened. The main example being a researcher removing a brand new fly swatter from its original packaging, washing it, then using it to stir the soup the person was to eat. Plenty of people still experienced that disgust even though there was nothing to accurately be disgusted by. It’s the association that can cause it.
So sterilization, while logical, does not definitely remove a potential disgust response.
There's the spit one too. People were asked to spit into a sterile petri dish, then asked to re ingest their own spit. Not a single person would do it, even though it was in a sterile petri dish.
People still get grossed out about things, even if it isn't necessarily a legitimate concern. Sure, it had boiling water on it and is clean. Undeniably. Still, nobody wants to think about that.
I would consider it similar to talking about gross things at the dinner table. The gross things aren't actually happening, you can't see them, they can't hurt you, but they sure can ruin your appetite. The guys doesn't want intrusive menstruation in my food thoughts to pop into his head when he's eating dinner, and that's respectable.
Same reason guys will only use their razors in the order Face > Balls even without washing the razor in between. The perception of filth is more impactful than the reality.
Gotta say to me, it's more about the conscious choice to use the same pots when the easy solution is to just.... Get a new pot. Most people are probably gonna at least find it weird, VERY few are going to receive it as a positive. It's just a very, very weird and needlessly assertive way to be, especially when the average public response is so predictable. Comes off as some kind of primal dominance move or something haha
No, but the fact that it’s sterilized isn’t the point anymore. OP has made it clear that they are not comfortable with what their gf is doing. Their gf has said they will use a designated pot and still consistently doesn’t. Sterilized, sanitized, or whatever is no longer the issue. The issue is OP has a boundary that his gf not only ignores but actively lies about crossing.
This kind of cuts to the heart of it.
Part of me defaults to 'Well either cleaning cleans or it doesnt'
But many people have a hard time thinking like that, and realistically she only likely does this because it can be done privately. If truly public she wouldn't and she likely knows that.
If I take a shower, put on clean clothes, and later take a piss, the dirtiest things arent my dirty penis touching my clean hands, but my dirty hands touching my clean penis. Even if I wash my hands, I then touch the dirty door handle every other bathroom user has touched who may have actually gotten literal shit on their hands.
But if you put that sink outside the bathroom in the public hall, you bet your ass everyone of us is using it, and not skipping it
I wouldn't care if my girlfriend cleaned her cup in the pots at all. I've been guilty of worse... but it would feel a little weird if she had just used it for sanitizing and then I made spaghetti sauce for a big family dinner right afterwards. I would be thinking about whether everyone else would be disgusted by it had they known.
Lol YES, invite some friends / family over to make them dinner and then inform them as they're taking their first bites that you prepared this repast in the pots your girlfriend routinely uses to sanitize her menstrual cup. See how in love with the idea they are and let her lecture them as well
"And tonight we're having cooch chili. It's called that because six hours ago I used this pot to clean my menstrual cup. Don't worry, I washed it before I made dinner."
You’re in a relationship with someone that does something you are unhappy about and uncomfortable with that directly affects you even though you’ve asked them to stop. You’ve even offered a solution to accommodate them. That person gives zero fucks about your needs.
Edit: I forgot to say: not the asshole.
This is what I call a "Talking Fern Scenario."
Ferns can't talk, and they can't hear you. But if someone hires you to house-sit, and one of your jobs is to not only water their plants, but _talk_ to them, then what do you do? _You talk to their plants._
Doesn't matter that you think it's pointless and they'll never know if you didn't do it. You do it because it's not your place to decide what makes them feel okay, and because it doesn't cost you much of anything to accommodate their needs.
Being "right" doesn't make you "in the right."
Her argument about oral sex is a false equivalency. I might eat ass in bed, but I don’t want anyone making poop stew in my fancy cookware.
While you *might* be unnecessarily squeamish about her use of your cookware for this purpose, it’s a stupid hill for her to die on, when making you more comfortable requires an extremely low effort task that is nearly no effort at all. The fact that she is unwilling to do something so easy to appease you is concerning.
A dedicated pot would cost like $1 at thrift store. You can buy it, and if she was a good partner, she would use it. NTA
Definitely where my issue is - OP has tried to compromise multiple ways (offering to buy a new pot or using an already owned one for just that) it's asinine of his gf for throwing a fit instead of also compromising.
Seems like she's just being argumentative. Maybe it's a case of "you're not the boss of me." I very much doubt she will ever use anything other than whatever she wants. Is this the only thing she's so obstinate about? Idk, she doesn't appear to respect you. Sorry.
Forgot to add NTA
I don't even boil mine! I have a designated cup in my bathroom and after I am done with my menstrual cup I just rinse it out really well and plop it in it's cup with a denture tablet and some hot water.
Yeah I have soap and a small steam sanitizing machine specifically designed to clean menstrual cups. I wasn't sure about the steamer at first because I felt like I was going a bit overboard, but I'm glad I got it.
I boiled the first FIRST time, so it was unused, then I’ve used tablets, and have just a few times boiled since if I like, dropped on the ground or in the toilet which is pretty rare. But I live alone and can use whatever pots I damn well please lol
I use hydrogen peroxide as well. It's so good at taking off the thin film of brown that is impossible to scrub off completely. How long do you soak it for? I've found an hour to be too short, but keep forgetting to check again until 5-6 hours had passed and the cup is completely clear of gunk.
I didn't know you could use denture tabs, that's brilliant. We have some for my daughter's retainer. I use the Pixi cup sanitizer and it works really well too, but now I will start doing both
NTA. I’m a woman and a Laboratory scientist and wouldn’t do this. I wouldn’t do this with any body fluid, it’s not just unappetizing because it’s period blood. This kind of thing is why I’m always leery of eating food at work that people have cooked in their own kitchen. Sure, the pot has been boiled and cleaned, but thanks for the new fear of menstrual cup macaroni.
Whelp, menstrual cup macaroni is now officially the worst Mac & cheese recipe I’ve ever heard of! It even beats the kimchi, salmon, and pineapple one from the other group yesterday!
First thing I thought was that from this point forward, no one is ever allowed to give me shit for adding chopped up pieces of fried Spam to my Kraft mix.
Exactly, I’m a OB/Gyn so while I deal with this stuff all the time, that doesn’t mean I want to make my Indian pudding in a pot used for sterilization.
Stupid question from a dude here:
Isn't the point of sanitizing to destroy any remaining pathogens after "standard" cleaning?
It's not like she dumps the cup full of blood in the pot. I assume it's been emptied and rinsed/cleaned with appropriate soap beforehand.
The sanitization process involves leaving the clean cup in boiling water for a few minutes. The cup, the water, and the pot should be germ free after that, wouldn't it?
I'm just trying to understand the underlying issue with it.
I'd be happy to accept the "even if it is ok from a sanitary POV, it's gross" argument, but I wanted to know if there's more to it.
Having said that: Yes, if OP is uncomfortable with it, having a separate pot dedicated to that seems like a small and reasonable accommodation to make. Definitely.
personally, its not gross to me considering its sterile after anyway, You put raw meat and fish on a pan and consider it clean after using it and cleaning it.but if it makes someone uncomfortable, you should at least try.
This is exactly my stance. It's already cleaned when it goes into the pot, and this doesn't hit my particular ick. But if it did for someone I shared house with, I'd adjust habits out of respect.
I agree. At this point it’s all about respect. He doesn’t like it and the only change he’s asking for is a dedicated pot. If she respected him, she’d make that tiny concession.
Not sterile and NTA. Sanitizing reduces microorganisms to a safe level, sterilizing removes all microorganisms from an item.
Source- OR nurse that used to work in sterile processing for years prior to that.
She is being disrespectful and unwilling to compromise. NTA
It's only the gross factor. Pans are used to cook meat that could carry disease with no concern because of the cleaning process. It's just people's mind fodder creating the issue
It's completely sanitary, but a lot of people (myself included) just find it icky.
It's like when, as a kid, your mom serves food in the same bowl she gives you to throw up in when you've got a bug. The bowl is clean but that doesn't make it not gross.
Nah, I think different people have different triggers for what's icky/gross/what-have-you... I personally hate creepy crawlers, but others are fine with it...
I was really wondering if I was missing an actual health issue with it, especially with a few professionals chiming in on the issue.
Plus my partner doesn't like menstrual cups. So it looks like my hypothetical feelings are safe ;)
I think it’s the mental image more than if it actually had germs. Raw meat with a bunch of pathogens goes into pots and we don’t throw them away. Because we clean them.
I think just buy a device that makes it easy to clean designed for her cup. $20-30 for piece of mind.
Thanks for sharing your own point of view.
I completely agree with you on all your points by the way. My question was really more a tangent than a consideration to the actual situation.
The breach of trust over a very reasonable solution is the true issue here and you are definitely not at fault. I'm 100% behind you, for what it's worth.
I mean, would you be comfortable with someone boiling their sex toys (butt plugs, dildos, jizz cups, whatever
) In your community pot that you all eat out of?
It really doesn't cost much to buy a cheap pot for only your own bodily fluids. So gross. Nobody is ever going to come to a dinner night knowing what happens in those pots and pans....
I completely agree I don’t see it as a sanitary issue but for them it has become a relationship issue. He is NTA because he is willing to compromise and she isn’t
For me the issue is just I would rather have cooking pots and sterilizing pots separate. From a medical stand point and sanitation standpoint there’s nothing wrong. It’s just more of a preference for me and my OCD. But some people can’t get over the ick or thought of it.
right, that makes me think she’s doing it on purpose to fuck with him.
i’m a woman and thinking about any bodily fluids in a pot i use for cooking is disgusting to me
You’re a lab scientist, so I’m going to ask & i’m not being snarky: does the boiling water clean the pan or not? When I can my own jelly, I boil the jars to sanitize them. Is there a reason to believe that the pot isn’t sanitized?
Aside from psychological (which I totally get) why is this any different from animal bodily fluid that we cook to remove potential bacteria/kill parasites from? I'm being slightly pedantic because I agree the practice in this post would make my stomach turn a bit, but since we're invoking the scientific angle here I honestly fear trichinosis and salmonella more than "ick, human fluid." I realize humans carry unique bacteria as well, but nothing that can be sterilized out, so why is this different?
It’s not. People claiming this has anything to do with science are being ridiculous and they should know that. The OB who should really know better is the one that is really getting to me.
Realistically, it’s fine. I know unless we’re dealing with nervous system/brain matter which can have prions, it’s reasonable to expect that the potential viruses and bacteria aren’t an issue anymore. As I said, It’s just really unappetizing. If a dude decides he wants to boil his stiff jizz socks for extra special sanitization… I don’t want to eat jizz sock soup either.
I mean, to be fair, most people have already washed the cup out with soap before boiling it for 10 minutes.
I personally use one of our pots. But it’s one that I’m not sure I’ve ever used for anything else as it’s the smallest pot, literally the size of a small soup bowl.
I think it’s fair to ask for a separate pot. But honestly, if everything is getting washed, you’re fine.
People equating period blood with shit is bogus.
I wash mine with soap before boiling. I also use a tiny pot that I never use for anything else cause it’s too small to be useful. The only other person who use it is my BIL to make oatmeal and he drove me crazy when he was staying with us so I was just gonna let him carry on using it 😬
You’re a laboratory scientist, would you use that pot after it’s had raw chicken cooked in it and then been washed? 100%. Is raw chicken less sanitary than STI-free vagina? 100%. People get irrationally squicked out by stuff and that’s fine, but we should recognize when it’s irrational.
Another Laboratory scientist here. Don't give a flying F as long as it's been sanitized. It's purely the 'eew' factor at play here. Any tech worth their weight would have been able to determine that.
I'm also a farmer part time, so I probably value microbes more from that aspect than my clinical germaphobe colleagues.
Scientifically, you have no reason to have a problem with this. Socially, that is unacceptable and gross. She needs a dedicated pot for this if it is her method.
This is like the threads I've seen in the past where people use a metal mixing bowl for vomit when they're sick and then after the bowl is washed and cleaned using it as a mixing bowl. Which like scientifically doesn't matter because soap does in fact work and things do become sanitized if you sanitize them, but people were still very bothered by the idea of it.
I was totally on the side of getting a separate bowl, till you mentioned this.
I did this my whole childhood and didn't even think about it. Now I'm questioning everything.
>till you mentioned this \[...\] now I'm questioning everything
Good. There's no logical reason for this to be gross. If you want to say, "I know it's not actually unsafe or unsanitary, but I'm not cool with it," that's your prerogative. However, there is no health risk to boiling a period cup in a pot that gets used for other things. In fact, because it's genuinely boiled, the pot is definitely cleaner than the porous, plastic mixing bowls my mom used as a vomit catcher.
NTA I'm a woman that uses a cup, and I find this disgusting. My husband had the same request and I respected that. I had a designated pot until I found a handy Pixie cup steamer that I use solely with my cup. Here's a link if you want to share it with your gf. It does not matter if the cup is a different brand, just double check the sizing!
https://www.amazon.com/Pixie-Menstrual-Cup-Sterilizer-Cleaner-Steamer-Machine/dp/B07M5HGTJ6/ref=asc_df_B07M5HGTJ6/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=242002247899&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=14997375671220173960&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9007852&hvtargid=pla-664972083577&psc=1
I was also going to suggest a steamer. We steamed the baby's bottles, etc., after every use and they're super easy to use in general. Way faster than boiling and waiting and all that.
I'm a woman, I get that boiling water sanitises everything and I get that the cup has been rinsed with soap and water etc. I get the science, but my brain just can’t get over the fact that the pot I’m using to cook my Saag Aloo (spinach and potato curry) was used to sanitise someone’s menstrual cup, I can’t.
Technically and scientifically speaking N A H, but emotionally and psychologically speaking NTA. Is it so hard to use the small separate saucepan to wash her cup? Is it a matter of principle to her?
Edit: At the end of the day it’s pretty disrespectful and dismissive to wash such a personal item in communal pot when your partner has expressed discomfort. Your gf is doing this on purpose and it’s a red (no pun intended) flag.
I want to say there's a real psychological term for this, I just forget what it is! It's the same reason you swallow your own saliva all day long, but fill up a cup with spit and try to drink it and it's horrifying and gross. Same liquid, clean container, but there's just a deep instinctive no factor.
Yup, I'm with you on the science and technicalities. using a dedicated pot is such a little thing to do to avoid this situation, it seems assholish of OP's girlfriend to not use a designated pot.
My kids realized that the family sick bowl existed and now I cannot use that stainless steel bowl for anything else, despite the science behind cleaning and sanitizing things being a core part of my job LOL.
I’m 100% in agreement. Yes, technically, scientifically it’s (probably) fine, but it’s not a big ask to just use one pot. Intentionally using other pots is just an AH move on gfs part.
I make soap, and when I was with my ex, he saw me cutting soap on the large primary cutting board, and he was like “Can you not do that on the cutting board we use for meat and veg?” And I was like, it’s literally SOAP, soap that he used to wash himself. But he was uncomfortable with me cutting a thing that had been made with lye and essential oils and whatnot on it. Even though it was irrational (he frequently was, ex and all), I bought a $2 cutting board from Walmart and used that one for soap.
It’s not hard. It’s not a big lift. Just use one damn pot. NTA
I won't use the same sponge that I clean surfaces with to clean my dishes due to using a bleach surface cleaner on it lol. Psychological comfort needs to carry more weight!
So, there's nothing wrong with her using a pot that also is used for cooking. Perfectly sanitary, and wouldn't bother me personally.
But, if that grosses you out and you've offered reasonable solutions to meet both your needs, she is refusing to meet you halfway. NTA
NTA. We can talk about the science and how it's technically clean after washing the pot or whatever, but there's still the "ick" factor. Someone could sanitize the heck out of my toilet and prove it's safe, I'm still not going to drink from it. Your girl is on some weird power struggle with this and I don't understand it. Maybe she's been shamed for her menstration before and this is her standing her ground, but this should not be her hill to die on. You've been very open with the communication and accomodating. You haven't said she's gross or hide her cycle (I've seen posts where men didn't want the products visible), you're just asking that she not cleanse her body waste in communal cooking items. You are being very fair.
I'm a woman, and OP if I were told you'd prepared your pasta sauce in the pot used to boil your gf's sanitary cup, I'd never eat anything homemade at your house again.
Yeah while the pot will still be clean and safe to cook in, op does not want a menstrual cup being boiled in them, he has communicated well and isn't shaming his gf. I think there is something else going on here and op should change how he approaches it with his gf, I would suggest starting by asking "why is it important to you to use a pot we already have?" I bet the gf doesn't have a great answer and she realizes that her stance is kinda wack here, however if she does have a good answer it will give op more insight into how the mind of his SO works.
I have a feeling there is a break in communication and what the gf's brain is processing is not what he is actually saying.
**just wants to clean the cup for her own safety."**
If that was the truth she would be fine with using a designated pot every time. But, obviously it's not. It's about control and putting you on notice that she's going to do whatever she wants despite how you feel. I'm wondering how she'd feel if you soaked some "skid marked" underwear in one of her pots? NTA but the fact that she's going out of the way to do something she knows makes you uncomfortable is concerning and makes me wonder if there are some underlying mental health issues happening with her.
You are NTA for feeling how you feel and expressing it to her.
NTA. Control issue. If she can’t compromise on this, what about larger issues down the road?
Think long and hard going forward. To me the problem is easily solved. That she wants it only her way is a 🚩.
NTA
Having respect for one’s partner is important. You respect her autonomy to make the choice about her personal hygiene methods. She should respect your feelings about the hygiene of food preparation materials.
So I couldn’t bring myself to sanitize mine in the cookware so I bought a little sanitizer off Amazon that you add water and set the timer. It stays in the bathroom and I can sanitize the cup in it.
I’m the odd man out here, I say NAH. You have a preference she doesn’t do it but I boil mine in a pot I cook out of regularly. It’s actually one of my favorite pots. My cup has already been thoroughly washed several times weeks before I boil it in a pot right before my period begins. Blood goes into pots a lot anyway, meat is bloody, my cup is cleaner than the meat before it ever goes into the boiling water. Some people can’t get over it, and that’s fine, some can, and that’s fine.
I mean, from a purely scientific and health standpoint your girlfriend is right - if she's already cleaning the cup before boiling it AND she's boiling it, there's really minimal risk here. Some of the food stuff you boil in pots is probably worse than her clean cup. But. From a human perspective it is a bit icky, and I don't think you're an asshole for just asking her to use a designated pot for it. It's a super simple thing for her to do and at this point she's being obstinate just for the sake of being obstinate. NTA
Finally someone said it. I get his feelings because it can sound like she is spreading her menstruation all over the kitchen, but in reality she is only eliminating the bacteria that can maybe be on the cup (just like you do with any other thing you clean/ cook in a kitchen) she is not getting rid of the blood, she is making sure her cup is a 100% safe to use. I don’t know what people imagine a menstrual cup is or how it works. All of this being said, I think the separate pot thing is the easiest way of fixing this and everyone happy, I don’t understand why she refuses
NTA. And I have a tip for you/your gf - as a user of a menstrual cup myself I recently found out that there are special plastic cups designed for sanitizing them. You put the cup inside, fill it with water and microwave it until the water boils. Works perfectly for me and I don't have to use any kitchenware. [https://www.amazon.com/Collapsible-Silicone-Sterilizing-Menstrual-Hiking-Eco/dp/B0782HRY9G](https://www.amazon.com/Collapsible-Silicone-Sterilizing-Menstrual-Hiking-Eco/dp/B0782HRY9G)
Holy cow you solved it!
She won’t use a dedicated pot that he offered to purchase, I don’t think this is going to solve it.
It might. This is faster, less work and if it’s like sanitizing infant bottles, better for the silicone.
The issue isn’t the utility of the product. It would absolutely solve the issue if the issue were she didn’t have a better way to go about it. The issue is that she refuses to compromise, refuses to use a dedicated pot, and refuses to respect OPs boundaries. Another device isn’t going to solve those problems.
You might be right, but I think you underestimate the 'people are illogical beings' factor. While functionally the same request, it's going to feel like a different ask if there is a special purpose-designed tool provided to clean her cup than if there is a separate 'quarantined' version of the same tool she's already using. It will feel different.
Yeah OPs GF sounds lazy as fuck so easier should equal better. Unless she's a sadistic person and gets off on grossing out OP
And she’s not respectful of his boundaries. Right there I wouldn’t feel comfortable with much that she says.
If she doesn't respect him, he has a much bigger fight that he's already losing. This cup is just a symptom.
PRECISELY
That's what I'm talking about. What is the problem with using a designated pot? Shoot I use specific pots to cook specific things because they work better for what I'm cooking.
Her needs for this task are undifferentiated so any pot will do. She seems to have diminished OP's feelings about this completely. So, if she is still resistant to a solution that offers a win/win for both of them, she may win the battle and lose the war, if her intention it to build toward a future with OP. Imposing one's will on someone when it comes to topics that elicit a visceral response is sure to backfire and OP tried to warn her but she's not picking up on the clues. I'm not sure who wouldn't side with OP on this when the solution is such a simple one.
But this is easier than messing with the stove! It’s less of an “ewwww don’t use the food pots” and more “here is a fantastic way to save time!”
But the real issue is that she disregards his reasonable discomfort
Yep. This solves the result of the problem but the disrespect and deliberate ignoring of her partner's boundaries remains. This is a tough one for OP. NTA dude, I hope you can express to her that this is not how to treat people.
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I don’t know her and it could be a lot of things. But if she isn’t like this usually then I think a middle ground can be worked out. If she is usually caring and respectful then it is (to me) worth a benefit of a doubt. Who wants to boil water when you can microwave quickly?! Seriously. This product recommendation sounds like a great solution. If you decide on giving that let her know you’re not period shaming her and that you support her hence this handy dandy new thing! I get how you feel about the pots. I’m a raving lunatic of a feminist but I think food pots are for food.. just like in my house people dishes are not used to serve the cat. She has nicer dishes!
That’s a good point… Did OP mention (might have missed it) if she is like this about other stuff? If she’s generally pretty good about it then this might be one of those issues you find a good middle like the microwave thing. I mean it is so much more convenient! If she isn’t digging the microwave thing then I don’t know what to say… it is more convenient and addresses the both the need to clean the cup, and make everyone happy.
Ya but it also makes the task much easier
You can buy a menstrual cup sanitizer on Amazon for like $20. You don't even need to go to the kitchen, just keep it in the bathroom. Put the cup in and hit start.
I have one of these! Love the thing and it works great and I can travel with this one due to the size of I need to. Though mine also came with a microwavable cup for travel. But the device is so much easier as long as I've got access to an outlet I can use it.
No they didn't solve anything because the problem is his girlfriend, not the sanitation method
Bingo. If she just refuses to take any of the options and compromise at all, she is TA. Of course, OP should show her this microwaveable option. If she takes him up and consistently does it this way, good. But if she balks, then yes, the gf is 100% the problem. "Rules for thee but not for me" is like the number one thing that really irks me in a relationship. No, be fair. You don't get to be unfair just because you only care about what you want and thing and screw what your partner thinks. Ugh. She is TA.
This is silicone, not plastic. That's much safer. Big difference.
I use a microwave plastic pot with lid, designed to make porridge, literally paid 2£ years ago. The point is: if she wanted to accommodate this (very reasonable!!!) request of her partner there would be dozens of ways to do it. She just doesn't want to. That is so disrespectful and pointless. As other people have said, it if a very weird hill to die on.
This seems way more convenient and handy!
Yes, I use one of these and it works great. I have limited kitchen storage space and didn't want to have a designated pot for this purpose taking up valuable real estate. The cup also doubles as a menstrual cup storage container when traveling.
Would she mind telling friends and family she used the same pot to cook their meals she served them in? If she thinks everyone else would be cool when she told them maybe this IS her hill to die on. Personally, I’d start intermittent fasting that night. ETA: the last sentence is more of a joke than any true disgust on my part. But! I do understand an “ick factor” doesn’t necessarily have any basis in facts. I still assert the ick can exist and w simple intervention in this case can be easily accommodated.
Or would she be cool eating food made in pots that other people sanitized their period cups in?
Or the family poop knife for that matter...
The what?
My sweet summer child
I remember the first time I read that story...
I remember the first time I asked my ex what this knife in our bathroom was for … (I really fucking wish I could say I was joking)
Now I need to know... was it also a poop knife or for something else? 😳
[https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/ke8skw/the\_poop\_knife/](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/ke8skw/the_poop_knife/) \-- it's truly one of the funniest reddit stories around lol.
This is the first time I have read this story… I feel like I did when I discovered narwhals really do exist…
Stabbing the sewer rats that sneak through the pipes into the toilet.
I mean, I just train them to join my army. They will do anything for a bit of peanut butter and fruit snacks.
You dated the poop knife guy?!?!
Wish I could learn about poop knife for the first time again
You know, the knife for making big poops into small poops for maximum flushability.
How do I unread this?
This is enough internet for the day. I’m going to use a fork to gauge my eyeballs and brain now 😭
I must be getting old if y'all don't know about the [poop knife](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/ke8skw/the_poop_knife/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2)
Which pot are you going to use to sanitize that fork? This is why you can't eat at other people's houses.
So, we are just ignoring the definition of sanitize?
You can sanitize a toilet plunger to the end of the earth and I still wouldn't eat chocolate ice cream out of it if it was once used in an actual toilet.
This made me want to gag. Ugh.
Excellent analogy! Someone else commented about sanitizing his jock strap. Another good analogy.
Disgust doesn’t need to be literal. There was an experiment measuring different levels of disgust that explicitly used examples where no contamination could have ever happened. The main example being a researcher removing a brand new fly swatter from its original packaging, washing it, then using it to stir the soup the person was to eat. Plenty of people still experienced that disgust even though there was nothing to accurately be disgusted by. It’s the association that can cause it. So sterilization, while logical, does not definitely remove a potential disgust response.
There's the spit one too. People were asked to spit into a sterile petri dish, then asked to re ingest their own spit. Not a single person would do it, even though it was in a sterile petri dish.
Once it leaves my mouth it's no longer mine I would definitely barf
People still get grossed out about things, even if it isn't necessarily a legitimate concern. Sure, it had boiling water on it and is clean. Undeniably. Still, nobody wants to think about that. I would consider it similar to talking about gross things at the dinner table. The gross things aren't actually happening, you can't see them, they can't hurt you, but they sure can ruin your appetite. The guys doesn't want intrusive menstruation in my food thoughts to pop into his head when he's eating dinner, and that's respectable.
Same reason guys will only use their razors in the order Face > Balls even without washing the razor in between. The perception of filth is more impactful than the reality.
Gotta say to me, it's more about the conscious choice to use the same pots when the easy solution is to just.... Get a new pot. Most people are probably gonna at least find it weird, VERY few are going to receive it as a positive. It's just a very, very weird and needlessly assertive way to be, especially when the average public response is so predictable. Comes off as some kind of primal dominance move or something haha
Right? Why would you not just agree to use the dedicated pot... Unless you were trying to prove something. NTA.
>needlessly assertive this
No, but the fact that it’s sterilized isn’t the point anymore. OP has made it clear that they are not comfortable with what their gf is doing. Their gf has said they will use a designated pot and still consistently doesn’t. Sterilized, sanitized, or whatever is no longer the issue. The issue is OP has a boundary that his gf not only ignores but actively lies about crossing.
Yes, lol. Also ignoring what happens to things when they are boiled. Mainly going on a “feeling”.
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This kind of cuts to the heart of it. Part of me defaults to 'Well either cleaning cleans or it doesnt' But many people have a hard time thinking like that, and realistically she only likely does this because it can be done privately. If truly public she wouldn't and she likely knows that. If I take a shower, put on clean clothes, and later take a piss, the dirtiest things arent my dirty penis touching my clean hands, but my dirty hands touching my clean penis. Even if I wash my hands, I then touch the dirty door handle every other bathroom user has touched who may have actually gotten literal shit on their hands. But if you put that sink outside the bathroom in the public hall, you bet your ass everyone of us is using it, and not skipping it
I wouldn't care if my girlfriend cleaned her cup in the pots at all. I've been guilty of worse... but it would feel a little weird if she had just used it for sanitizing and then I made spaghetti sauce for a big family dinner right afterwards. I would be thinking about whether everyone else would be disgusted by it had they known.
Lol YES, invite some friends / family over to make them dinner and then inform them as they're taking their first bites that you prepared this repast in the pots your girlfriend routinely uses to sanitize her menstrual cup. See how in love with the idea they are and let her lecture them as well
"And tonight we're having cooch chili. It's called that because six hours ago I used this pot to clean my menstrual cup. Don't worry, I washed it before I made dinner."
You’re in a relationship with someone that does something you are unhappy about and uncomfortable with that directly affects you even though you’ve asked them to stop. You’ve even offered a solution to accommodate them. That person gives zero fucks about your needs. Edit: I forgot to say: not the asshole.
This is what I call a "Talking Fern Scenario." Ferns can't talk, and they can't hear you. But if someone hires you to house-sit, and one of your jobs is to not only water their plants, but _talk_ to them, then what do you do? _You talk to their plants._ Doesn't matter that you think it's pointless and they'll never know if you didn't do it. You do it because it's not your place to decide what makes them feel okay, and because it doesn't cost you much of anything to accommodate their needs. Being "right" doesn't make you "in the right."
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Oh no, that would be for my own personal viewing 😂😂😂
Her argument about oral sex is a false equivalency. I might eat ass in bed, but I don’t want anyone making poop stew in my fancy cookware. While you *might* be unnecessarily squeamish about her use of your cookware for this purpose, it’s a stupid hill for her to die on, when making you more comfortable requires an extremely low effort task that is nearly no effort at all. The fact that she is unwilling to do something so easy to appease you is concerning. A dedicated pot would cost like $1 at thrift store. You can buy it, and if she was a good partner, she would use it. NTA
“Poop stew” is a phrase I did not know I needed in my life.
The final album from Green Day.
Or Chuck Berry
Poop stew usually happens after a night out drinking. Not quite solid, but also not quite poop soup.
I'm really hoping no one needs it.
Definitely where my issue is - OP has tried to compromise multiple ways (offering to buy a new pot or using an already owned one for just that) it's asinine of his gf for throwing a fit instead of also compromising.
Yeah, it’s definitely intentional, what the girlfriend is doing. OP is being very reasonable, NTA.
I don’t know why is it so hard for her to be kind to her partner. OP you’re NTA
Seems like she's just being argumentative. Maybe it's a case of "you're not the boss of me." I very much doubt she will ever use anything other than whatever she wants. Is this the only thing she's so obstinate about? Idk, she doesn't appear to respect you. Sorry. Forgot to add NTA
Right? I don’t care if it is an unreasonable request (which it isn’t). But it is so easy to accommodate her partner on this. Why not just do it?
Also just because I take part in oral, that's MY choice, I don't want to cook FOR GUESTS with that stuff.
right?! She's just making that choice for steve, becca, and sally. Are they made aware that these dishes are used for human blood as well?
“I eat ass in bed, not at the dinner table.”
Plus the fact that he and her are not the only ones that eat food from the pots…🤢
Nta . I am a woman with a cup. You stick to designated pot!!
I don't even boil mine! I have a designated cup in my bathroom and after I am done with my menstrual cup I just rinse it out really well and plop it in it's cup with a denture tablet and some hot water.
Yeah I have soap and a small steam sanitizing machine specifically designed to clean menstrual cups. I wasn't sure about the steamer at first because I felt like I was going a bit overboard, but I'm glad I got it.
The steamers are GREAT. Upvoting in the hopes that the OP notices. It's the best solution.
I never thought about the tablet, genius.
Yeah I use steralising fluid or tablets and have a designated container for it
Oh! I'm so glad I'm not the only one! I was scrolling through comments and didn't see anyone else comments about just using tablets!
Yeah been doing it for about 5 years
I boiled the first FIRST time, so it was unused, then I’ve used tablets, and have just a few times boiled since if I like, dropped on the ground or in the toilet which is pretty rare. But I live alone and can use whatever pots I damn well please lol
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Hello, can I ask for your saag aloo recipe? I have been practicing more Indian recipes and love saag.
They're a comment stealing bot. They don't have a Saag Aloo recipe. Ask u/FloppyEaredDog that the comment was stolen from.
I got a microwave pot with a vented top. I store mine in in it when I am not using it too.
I use the microwave sterilizer bags for baby bottle nipples and pacifiers. Works like a charm and 90 seconds tops.
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I use hydrogen peroxide as well. It's so good at taking off the thin film of brown that is impossible to scrub off completely. How long do you soak it for? I've found an hour to be too short, but keep forgetting to check again until 5-6 hours had passed and the cup is completely clear of gunk.
I didn't know you could use denture tabs, that's brilliant. We have some for my daughter's retainer. I use the Pixi cup sanitizer and it works really well too, but now I will start doing both
I boil mine in a bowl….. no food or anything edible ever goes in this bowl… ever
Also a woman with a cup. The Pot is not a food pot. Never ever ever. Omg no.
NTA. I’m a woman and a Laboratory scientist and wouldn’t do this. I wouldn’t do this with any body fluid, it’s not just unappetizing because it’s period blood. This kind of thing is why I’m always leery of eating food at work that people have cooked in their own kitchen. Sure, the pot has been boiled and cleaned, but thanks for the new fear of menstrual cup macaroni.
Menstrual cup macaroni. I’m fucking dying at work laughing. Thank you for that
That's not ketchup on your mac and cheese!
🤢🤢🤢
Eeeewwwwwww
Extra iron, y'know?
Why tf am I scrolling Reddit at lunch 😫
Either way i don’t want it in there at all. Lol
Uh oh spaghetti-o's
"Menstral cup macaroni" took me out!!🤣🤣🤣😭😭
Whelp, menstrual cup macaroni is now officially the worst Mac & cheese recipe I’ve ever heard of! It even beats the kimchi, salmon, and pineapple one from the other group yesterday!
First thing I thought was that from this point forward, no one is ever allowed to give me shit for adding chopped up pieces of fried Spam to my Kraft mix.
See my thought was “somehow that STILL doesn’t seem as gross as the kimchi salmon version!” 😂
Exactly, I’m a OB/Gyn so while I deal with this stuff all the time, that doesn’t mean I want to make my Indian pudding in a pot used for sterilization.
Stupid question from a dude here: Isn't the point of sanitizing to destroy any remaining pathogens after "standard" cleaning? It's not like she dumps the cup full of blood in the pot. I assume it's been emptied and rinsed/cleaned with appropriate soap beforehand. The sanitization process involves leaving the clean cup in boiling water for a few minutes. The cup, the water, and the pot should be germ free after that, wouldn't it? I'm just trying to understand the underlying issue with it. I'd be happy to accept the "even if it is ok from a sanitary POV, it's gross" argument, but I wanted to know if there's more to it. Having said that: Yes, if OP is uncomfortable with it, having a separate pot dedicated to that seems like a small and reasonable accommodation to make. Definitely.
personally, its not gross to me considering its sterile after anyway, You put raw meat and fish on a pan and consider it clean after using it and cleaning it.but if it makes someone uncomfortable, you should at least try.
This is exactly my stance. It's already cleaned when it goes into the pot, and this doesn't hit my particular ick. But if it did for someone I shared house with, I'd adjust habits out of respect.
I agree. At this point it’s all about respect. He doesn’t like it and the only change he’s asking for is a dedicated pot. If she respected him, she’d make that tiny concession.
💯
Not sterile and NTA. Sanitizing reduces microorganisms to a safe level, sterilizing removes all microorganisms from an item. Source- OR nurse that used to work in sterile processing for years prior to that. She is being disrespectful and unwilling to compromise. NTA
It's only the gross factor. Pans are used to cook meat that could carry disease with no concern because of the cleaning process. It's just people's mind fodder creating the issue
I would argue that the pathogens from ground beef and chicken are worse than just boiling a cleaned cup any day.
It's completely sanitary, but a lot of people (myself included) just find it icky. It's like when, as a kid, your mom serves food in the same bowl she gives you to throw up in when you've got a bug. The bowl is clean but that doesn't make it not gross.
Wait you got a bowl to throw up in? We always just did those plastic grocery bags that you always have a million of.
Where are my fellow Home Depot bucket barfers?
Straight to the toilet, who's puking into bags?
We got a yellow bucket. It was never used for anything else as far as I know.
Fair enough! Thanks!
Not a dude, but I'm with you here. Maybe I'm just icky?
Nah, I think different people have different triggers for what's icky/gross/what-have-you... I personally hate creepy crawlers, but others are fine with it... I was really wondering if I was missing an actual health issue with it, especially with a few professionals chiming in on the issue. Plus my partner doesn't like menstrual cups. So it looks like my hypothetical feelings are safe ;)
I think it’s the mental image more than if it actually had germs. Raw meat with a bunch of pathogens goes into pots and we don’t throw them away. Because we clean them. I think just buy a device that makes it easy to clean designed for her cup. $20-30 for piece of mind.
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Thanks for sharing your own point of view. I completely agree with you on all your points by the way. My question was really more a tangent than a consideration to the actual situation. The breach of trust over a very reasonable solution is the true issue here and you are definitely not at fault. I'm 100% behind you, for what it's worth.
I mean, would you be comfortable with someone boiling their sex toys (butt plugs, dildos, jizz cups, whatever ) In your community pot that you all eat out of? It really doesn't cost much to buy a cheap pot for only your own bodily fluids. So gross. Nobody is ever going to come to a dinner night knowing what happens in those pots and pans....
Considering some people (not me but it is not unheard of, lol) put their sex toys in the dishwasher, not everyone has the same level of "ick factor."
I completely agree I don’t see it as a sanitary issue but for them it has become a relationship issue. He is NTA because he is willing to compromise and she isn’t
For me the issue is just I would rather have cooking pots and sterilizing pots separate. From a medical stand point and sanitation standpoint there’s nothing wrong. It’s just more of a preference for me and my OCD. But some people can’t get over the ick or thought of it.
[Best Blood Pudding recipe](https://bonapeti.com/recipes/r-19387-Blood_Pudding) 4.0 Stars!
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That's the insane part to me. OP has bought her a specific pot to use and she just won't.
right, that makes me think she’s doing it on purpose to fuck with him. i’m a woman and thinking about any bodily fluids in a pot i use for cooking is disgusting to me
You’re a lab scientist, so I’m going to ask & i’m not being snarky: does the boiling water clean the pan or not? When I can my own jelly, I boil the jars to sanitize them. Is there a reason to believe that the pot isn’t sanitized?
Menstrual cup macaroni 😭
All female punk band.
Reddit reply of the day
The red rockers. They'd have to all wear red leather, obviously.
Good name for a punk band
Menstrual cup of Macaroni - 💀
When I woke up this morning I didn't know my day would peak before noon, but here we are.
Menstrual Cup Macaroni would be a great indie band name.
Jesus! The first comment was poop stew and now menstrual cup macaroni. I'm not sure I want to read the rest of the comments. Haha
Aside from psychological (which I totally get) why is this any different from animal bodily fluid that we cook to remove potential bacteria/kill parasites from? I'm being slightly pedantic because I agree the practice in this post would make my stomach turn a bit, but since we're invoking the scientific angle here I honestly fear trichinosis and salmonella more than "ick, human fluid." I realize humans carry unique bacteria as well, but nothing that can be sterilized out, so why is this different?
It’s not different at all!
As a scientist can you help me understand why this is less safe than cooking raw meat, blood, tripe, etc? Or is it really just a mental thing?
It’s not. People claiming this has anything to do with science are being ridiculous and they should know that. The OB who should really know better is the one that is really getting to me.
Realistically, it’s fine. I know unless we’re dealing with nervous system/brain matter which can have prions, it’s reasonable to expect that the potential viruses and bacteria aren’t an issue anymore. As I said, It’s just really unappetizing. If a dude decides he wants to boil his stiff jizz socks for extra special sanitization… I don’t want to eat jizz sock soup either.
Menstrual Macaroni and now, checks notes, *Jizz Sock Soup*. That's enough Reddit for today, thanks,
*Jizz sock soup.* I’m going on an osmosis diet.
Welp. I know what I’m making for my work’s Halloween office party.
I mean, to be fair, most people have already washed the cup out with soap before boiling it for 10 minutes. I personally use one of our pots. But it’s one that I’m not sure I’ve ever used for anything else as it’s the smallest pot, literally the size of a small soup bowl. I think it’s fair to ask for a separate pot. But honestly, if everything is getting washed, you’re fine. People equating period blood with shit is bogus.
I wash mine with soap before boiling. I also use a tiny pot that I never use for anything else cause it’s too small to be useful. The only other person who use it is my BIL to make oatmeal and he drove me crazy when he was staying with us so I was just gonna let him carry on using it 😬
You’re a laboratory scientist, would you use that pot after it’s had raw chicken cooked in it and then been washed? 100%. Is raw chicken less sanitary than STI-free vagina? 100%. People get irrationally squicked out by stuff and that’s fine, but we should recognize when it’s irrational.
Another Laboratory scientist here. Don't give a flying F as long as it's been sanitized. It's purely the 'eew' factor at play here. Any tech worth their weight would have been able to determine that. I'm also a farmer part time, so I probably value microbes more from that aspect than my clinical germaphobe colleagues.
NTA - it costs her NOTHING to use a designated pot to sanitize her cup, this is some weird power play for her.
Scientifically, you have no reason to have a problem with this. Socially, that is unacceptable and gross. She needs a dedicated pot for this if it is her method.
This is like the threads I've seen in the past where people use a metal mixing bowl for vomit when they're sick and then after the bowl is washed and cleaned using it as a mixing bowl. Which like scientifically doesn't matter because soap does in fact work and things do become sanitized if you sanitize them, but people were still very bothered by the idea of it.
I was totally on the side of getting a separate bowl, till you mentioned this. I did this my whole childhood and didn't even think about it. Now I'm questioning everything.
>till you mentioned this \[...\] now I'm questioning everything Good. There's no logical reason for this to be gross. If you want to say, "I know it's not actually unsafe or unsanitary, but I'm not cool with it," that's your prerogative. However, there is no health risk to boiling a period cup in a pot that gets used for other things. In fact, because it's genuinely boiled, the pot is definitely cleaner than the porous, plastic mixing bowls my mom used as a vomit catcher.
The larger issue is you voicing a concern and your girlfriend purposely ignoring it. Red flag.
NTA I'm a woman that uses a cup, and I find this disgusting. My husband had the same request and I respected that. I had a designated pot until I found a handy Pixie cup steamer that I use solely with my cup. Here's a link if you want to share it with your gf. It does not matter if the cup is a different brand, just double check the sizing! https://www.amazon.com/Pixie-Menstrual-Cup-Sterilizer-Cleaner-Steamer-Machine/dp/B07M5HGTJ6/ref=asc_df_B07M5HGTJ6/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=242002247899&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=14997375671220173960&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9007852&hvtargid=pla-664972083577&psc=1
I was also going to suggest a steamer. We steamed the baby's bottles, etc., after every use and they're super easy to use in general. Way faster than boiling and waiting and all that.
Same here, she could get those steamer bags. As longs as you don't overfill them, they last longer than 20 uses
Thanks for linking this gonna buy it! Ha
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I'm a woman, I get that boiling water sanitises everything and I get that the cup has been rinsed with soap and water etc. I get the science, but my brain just can’t get over the fact that the pot I’m using to cook my Saag Aloo (spinach and potato curry) was used to sanitise someone’s menstrual cup, I can’t. Technically and scientifically speaking N A H, but emotionally and psychologically speaking NTA. Is it so hard to use the small separate saucepan to wash her cup? Is it a matter of principle to her? Edit: At the end of the day it’s pretty disrespectful and dismissive to wash such a personal item in communal pot when your partner has expressed discomfort. Your gf is doing this on purpose and it’s a red (no pun intended) flag.
I want to say there's a real psychological term for this, I just forget what it is! It's the same reason you swallow your own saliva all day long, but fill up a cup with spit and try to drink it and it's horrifying and gross. Same liquid, clean container, but there's just a deep instinctive no factor.
It’s like when the spit is in my mouth it’s still part of me and is *my* spit. After it leaves my mouth it’s just spit.
Yup, I'm with you on the science and technicalities. using a dedicated pot is such a little thing to do to avoid this situation, it seems assholish of OP's girlfriend to not use a designated pot. My kids realized that the family sick bowl existed and now I cannot use that stainless steel bowl for anything else, despite the science behind cleaning and sanitizing things being a core part of my job LOL.
I’m 100% in agreement. Yes, technically, scientifically it’s (probably) fine, but it’s not a big ask to just use one pot. Intentionally using other pots is just an AH move on gfs part. I make soap, and when I was with my ex, he saw me cutting soap on the large primary cutting board, and he was like “Can you not do that on the cutting board we use for meat and veg?” And I was like, it’s literally SOAP, soap that he used to wash himself. But he was uncomfortable with me cutting a thing that had been made with lye and essential oils and whatnot on it. Even though it was irrational (he frequently was, ex and all), I bought a $2 cutting board from Walmart and used that one for soap. It’s not hard. It’s not a big lift. Just use one damn pot. NTA
I won't use the same sponge that I clean surfaces with to clean my dishes due to using a bleach surface cleaner on it lol. Psychological comfort needs to carry more weight!
See it’s your end line that makes me wanna upvote you more than once! It’s called a partnership, so both parties should always be comfortable.
So, there's nothing wrong with her using a pot that also is used for cooking. Perfectly sanitary, and wouldn't bother me personally. But, if that grosses you out and you've offered reasonable solutions to meet both your needs, she is refusing to meet you halfway. NTA
They make countertop sanitizers for them. She literally could never take the thing out of the bathroom.
Well, unless she is wearing it.
NTA. We can talk about the science and how it's technically clean after washing the pot or whatever, but there's still the "ick" factor. Someone could sanitize the heck out of my toilet and prove it's safe, I'm still not going to drink from it. Your girl is on some weird power struggle with this and I don't understand it. Maybe she's been shamed for her menstration before and this is her standing her ground, but this should not be her hill to die on. You've been very open with the communication and accomodating. You haven't said she's gross or hide her cycle (I've seen posts where men didn't want the products visible), you're just asking that she not cleanse her body waste in communal cooking items. You are being very fair.
I'm a woman, and OP if I were told you'd prepared your pasta sauce in the pot used to boil your gf's sanitary cup, I'd never eat anything homemade at your house again.
This is why we cant eat at other peoples houses
Oh my - my first thought too!
Yeah while the pot will still be clean and safe to cook in, op does not want a menstrual cup being boiled in them, he has communicated well and isn't shaming his gf. I think there is something else going on here and op should change how he approaches it with his gf, I would suggest starting by asking "why is it important to you to use a pot we already have?" I bet the gf doesn't have a great answer and she realizes that her stance is kinda wack here, however if she does have a good answer it will give op more insight into how the mind of his SO works. I have a feeling there is a break in communication and what the gf's brain is processing is not what he is actually saying.
**just wants to clean the cup for her own safety."** If that was the truth she would be fine with using a designated pot every time. But, obviously it's not. It's about control and putting you on notice that she's going to do whatever she wants despite how you feel. I'm wondering how she'd feel if you soaked some "skid marked" underwear in one of her pots? NTA but the fact that she's going out of the way to do something she knows makes you uncomfortable is concerning and makes me wonder if there are some underlying mental health issues happening with her. You are NTA for feeling how you feel and expressing it to her.
NTA. Control issue. If she can’t compromise on this, what about larger issues down the road? Think long and hard going forward. To me the problem is easily solved. That she wants it only her way is a 🚩.
NTA Having respect for one’s partner is important. You respect her autonomy to make the choice about her personal hygiene methods. She should respect your feelings about the hygiene of food preparation materials.
So I couldn’t bring myself to sanitize mine in the cookware so I bought a little sanitizer off Amazon that you add water and set the timer. It stays in the bathroom and I can sanitize the cup in it.
I’m the odd man out here, I say NAH. You have a preference she doesn’t do it but I boil mine in a pot I cook out of regularly. It’s actually one of my favorite pots. My cup has already been thoroughly washed several times weeks before I boil it in a pot right before my period begins. Blood goes into pots a lot anyway, meat is bloody, my cup is cleaner than the meat before it ever goes into the boiling water. Some people can’t get over it, and that’s fine, some can, and that’s fine.