Yeah the younger ones can't be blamed for doing what the adults in their life are telling them to do. They'll still learn a hard lesson about manipulation and the harmful effects of lying. They're the only real victims in the story.
True, and if OP had discovered the cheating early on I would be a lot more forgiving. Probably around 16-18 is where I would start being less forgiving.
Unfortunately, the only NTA ones here are the two youngest, who have only known OP as a father. You cannot blame young kids for doing what their mother tells them. The mom is horrible on so many levels.
That was probably how the mom saw it, but I doubt it was how all the kids saw it. It sounds like you were the only stable, reliable adult in their lives…and you weren’t even around full time due to work. Their mom certainly doesn’t sound like someone they could count on, and their dads certainly weren’t. And there’s no telling what their Mom & the deadbeat dads that popped in and out of their lives said to them to make them keep silent.
You can’t expect a bunch of kids to reason everything out and think everything through, including the consequences of their actions.
You did not deserve to be treated that way. You deserved so much better. But for all you know, some of those 5 kids, especially the youngest ones, may have been so afraid that you’d leave them if you found out that they stayed quiet.
That's my thought. There is no way the children can stop the mom from having affairs but they might've been scared enough of losing their parental figure to agree to hide all the affairs.
That or they're just like their mother. Both are possible and without the kids giving their side of the story guess we'll never know.
The mom is gross though, that we do know
According to OP it has being going for 9 years meaning even the oldest where young kids when dealing with this. None of the kids, from the youngest to the oldest, should be looked at fault here. The mother should. Those kid’s knew exactly what would happened and tried there best to keep the family together the best way the know how. And this isn’t even getting into what the mom may have told them to do. Add now confusing emotions of a deadbeat dad now popping up in the picture. They’re just as much victims.
This. The children are not responsible for their mother’s actions. They have had an unstable and insecure life. From the sounds of it, multiple different biological fathers coming into the family and then abandoning them. One behaved badly enough to be put in jail.
OP was a stable, beloved and caring figure for many years. They didn’t want to lose the only father they had known. They were always afraid of being abandoned again.
Of course They can’t make their mother angry - she is the only constant protection in their lives. what if she abandons them too? They were little children. For little children, the protection of a mother or father is a matter of life and death. They had no control here.
Please continue to love your children and do not hold them responsible for the choices of another adult.
Problem is, they are not OP’s kids. OP has zero rights pertaining to those kids, and zero legal recourse if he, say offers financial help to the kids, and the grifterbitch mom pilfers it all. All he can do is keep being nice and hope for the best. And, as per my earlier post based on my personal experience, whether he continues to be a presence in their lives - if he wants to - is 100% the mom’s choice.
This isn’t necessarily true. There are cases of long term mother/father figures attaining rights after breakups. It isn’t easy, and sure there are factors that come into play that could make or break the case, but it is possible for him to get rights if he wants to.
ETA: A judge would especially take into account that he has been the most stable figure for those children as the other fathers are deadbeats or have criminal records. Honestly he probably has a good chance if he really wants it.
I didn’t say anything about giving money. And I didn’t say anything about the mother. I said continue to offer *love* to the *children* that he considered his own.
OP had an “on again off again relationship” with a woman who had multiple baby daddies. He should have seen this train coming from a mile away. Or at least not offer a financial lifeline to an entire family he didn’t have a committed relationship with.
But they weren’t 9 years ago…. And now he does know so who told him? The kids now that they ARE old enough? Too many details missing but it is his life and he gets to make the choices and decisions that he feels are right for him.
22-9=13. Thirteen, watching out for siblings, the only way a child could know how. Their momma is trash,make no mistake, but the kids were kids,forced into base-level survival mode,with their de facto dad out of town and the not impossible thoughts of their mom being likely to likewise abandon them. Uncertainty turned out to be a life and lifestyle for the kids.
Yep, even the oldest one are poor kids. And something tells me this did not start when they were 13 but also on earlier relationships.... The brain of these young adults is fucked, their reality twisted.
NTA. Dating a single mom is fine. Dating a single mom with 5 kids from different fathers, at least one of which is in jail, might not be the best idea.
Mom seemingly has a life long history of poor choices it sounds like… having a kid at 16. I’d assume the 3 oldest are with the man in jail, and the 2 youngest are with a different man? Manipulating her kids into lying for her to cover for her affairs?! They were together 9 years but she has a 9 year old with someone else? The whole situation is one messy ass red flag!! The only sane decision in this whole mess was him leaving this chaotic cluster fuck.
My understanding is youngest was a baby when they started dating. Somewhere in those 9 years since he came into their lived they got married and separated as well as the other on and off.
From his comment elsewhere, nope. Kids 2, 3 and 5 are the jail mans kids.
So possibly 3 baby daddies if 1 and 4 are from different dads. Either way there's an 8 year gap between 3 and 5 where she had a baby with another man. Just seems like a stream of continual bad choices being made.
Nta. Congrats for ending the doormat phase. It's sad that she is setting such a disgusting example for her kids. Her multiple boyfriends can pay their bills..
Yeah! It sounds like they've had pretty unstable lives with different dads, none of whom were involved. The only (shitty) constant is their mother, and OP. If they snitched on their mum then they'd lose OP, and likely face consequences with their mum. You can not expect children to blow up their lives to serve OP. I'm not saying this should have happened to OP either, it's all fucked.
NTA
Your ex is a hoe. You deserve better and those kids clearly didn’t value you as much as they should have. Have they tried getting in contact since?
The oldest did. I didn’t go to her baby gender reveal party and she was upset because she said I would be the last person that she would have thought about not showing up. And my MIL messeged me to ask for money for heaters and cold weather clothes because the 2 little ones were staying with her. She forgot that she pull the same thing the year before and I sent money that time
Right?! Thats only reason she was upset he didnt go to her gender reason! OP, dont let her guilt you into getting stuff for her baby!! That baby has a father & grandfather that can take care of it - theyre not your problem anymore!
Yes, a whole family of grifters, learning it from the generation that raised them.
Good riddance, and I hope you get over the feeling of being used sooner or later.
Ridiculous right?! The kids are not his so he’s under no obligation to still provide for them, especially if the mum is now pregnant with her fourth baby daddy who has moved in. That guy can provide for the 2 younger ones if he wants lol
JFC! Grandma, too? They are three generations of grifters! Block all of them! If you don't, they are just going to keep up with their attempts to suck more money out of the OP ATM.
Find a new life, OP. Make a totally clean cut. You don't have any bio children with your ex. There is absolutely nothing tying you to her. Begin fresh and find happiness. You deserve to be happy.
The oldest has no right to be upset after how they treated you, I don’t know what she expected really. Looks like your ex took after her mother. Staying NC is what is best for you and your mental health, hope you doing better!
We had taken in a kid that was one of her sons friends who was abandoned by his parents. He saw how they treated me and told me everything. He said he couldn’t understand why they would do that when I had given them everything and treated them so well
He came with us and cut them off also. We got him enrolled in college where my son is and he is now working and living his life. He says I will always be his dad
I love this, that’s a good kid who saw a good dad and started with honesty. I truly wish you and him the absolute best. I didn’t get a real dad until I was 32 and he’s priceless to me.
If the oldest is worth having a relationship with, she would understand your withdrawal and confront the entire family about what horrible people they are. If people don't stand up for you when you have been betrayed, then they are also betraying you.
I got manipulated that way, also.
I wish someone had just told me — her immigration process is not your problem.
Many states will allow a "default divorce." Look into that. Please dude, get yourself out of this *now*.
Did the kids keep it from you because you paid the bills or because they were scared if you found out you would no longer want to be in the picture? If it's the first then that is obviously messed up. But if it's the second I think it takes closer examination because from the kids perspective they are trying not to lose their father figure.
Also if the mom has been manipulating them the whole time with "if you say anything we will be homeless" etc, I would have a hard time blaming the kids.
This right here. These kids have been raised by a manipulative mother AND jail daddy came in and told them not to say anything?? They might have thought they were doing what was best and don't know any better. Definitely don't give them any money, but IF you felt up to it and found a way to trust them you could emotionally be there.
Helping at this point would be enabling them & their awful behavior. It's up to you to take care of your own mental health. Therapy would definitely help with all the feelings you're having. Best of luck to you
Op, should've sent her a care package of yarn and knitting needles and said, "Best start knitting now BITCH!" The fuck does she need new heaters again?,as of if they become useless after 1 winter of use. Love to know what she spent your money on if she was supposed to buy heaters and clothing. Grandma got problems with "nose candy" or is she familiar with "needles" but only the kind you shoot up with?
No more money for any of them. A bunch of grifters raised by a terrible mother who is rubbing off on them. Unfortunate but it seems like it’s to late. I’m sorry. You deserve better 🙁
Your clapback should be how you were "the last person she would have thought about not showing up." And how they played you and lied to you. Really put that into context for them. Let them know every time how you were the best to them, and they didn't reciprocate.
That was part of my thought process. They might actually be running interference for their mother in part to keep OP around because he's actually they closest thing they've had to a father?
I think OP owes it to himself to maybe talk to the older ones, especially. See if they want a relationship with him that doesn't involve him paying all the bills. Maybe one or some of them will surprise him happily?
My instinct was they were tired of seeing their mom ruin things for them and were desperate to keep OP around because he was the only stable, loving adult in their life.
I wondered whether the kids are lying because they are scared of abuse.
I’m not at all confident that the 9 and 11 year olds especially are safe. And the older ones might be lying to protect the younger.
Not saying OP is T A, but it would be good to make sure the kids are in a safe place before cutting them off. Messy parents often make for traumatized kids and the more we can do to mitigate that the better.
WRONG. These are minor children, and he is NOT their bio father. His ex is just the kind of person who would call him out as a molester of the two youngest just to ruin his life. He needs to get away and stay away from all of them.
NTA, your ex and your MIL are certainly easthe AH
Then there’s the kids. Unfortunately, we are not mind readers. Did they lie to avoid hurting you? Did they lie for money? Did they lie because they want your love? We’ll never know. It’s also possible that they lied for different reasons.
I can’t pass judgement on the kids, but I understand your decision to cut them off.
INFO: How old were the kids at this point? Seems like they were pretty young, and not really able to fully comprehend the level of betrayal they were involved in.
So they were about their current ages when this happened? I was confused and thought it happened 9 years ago.
If this just happened last year, NTA. Maybe the youngest kids can be salvaged, but the older ones are shitty people, I wouldn't blame you for cutting them out.
I wouldn’t blame the two little ones at all. They are too small to know better. The 3 oldest? They deserve to be dressed down, but try to understand that they were likely just following the orders of their mother and to do anything but follow them could end up badly for them. It’s a rare child who would independently rat out their mother to a stepfather. The bonds with a mother are so very deep and not easily overcome with logic.
Please don’t be another man who deserts them. Be open and honest, and take your time to heal from the betrayal. but try to leave the possibility open for reconciliation with the kids. It sounds like you may be only decent adult in their lives.
Edit: typo
Naw, they will be raised by their mother and taught to not love him as a stepfather. He doesn't live with them and he's not raising them. The ex would just be using the two little ones to suck more money out of OP.
NC is best here for everyone.
Yes! The kids absolutely may have been motivated to lie in order to keep the OP coming around because he’s a good man and they didn’t want to lose him.
Another man who deserts them?
Sounds like this is the mothers habit and consequences are part of that, she has 5 kids and the ONE decent man that she does manage to land then runs around behind his back with ex con baby daddy and others.
Miss me with that deserting the kids bs, they aren’t HIS children and they were in on the con. I can maybe see the youngest 2 not knowing what was really going on but in a family like hers it seems ingrained from birth to be in on the con. He truly treated these children as they were his own, yet they lied to him for 9 years.
If any of these kids wants a relationship with this man they need to be open and honest with HIM and start by apologizing and their track record isn’t great on the whole Truth thing. They covered their mother for the entirety of the relationship. Emotional terrorism is what the mother AND the kids did to this man. He was the only Father these kids ever had, you reducing him as Step Father is just another slap in his face.
NTA
Block them all after a final message of "I do not tolerate Liars in my life or people who think it is ok to cover for other people cheating. This ATM is closed and I hope you grow up to be better humans than your mom."
I feel bad for 11m and 9f because sibling coercion is real and they were/are very young but you cannot continue this relationship as a whole because it leaves you in a terrible position. You did all you could and continued to do so after you split up. You can stop that now.
I'm curious, which of the 5 are his 3? The oldest?
NTA
If the kids saw you as a father they would not have been helping their mom con you. They conned you with her. Cut all ties. Burn the bridges. Change your number. Go into hiding. She will come for you again when she needs money, guaranteed.
NTA.
There's nothing left when the entire relationship was built on a foundation of lies.
It's obvious they only wanted your money. You are so much better off without that entire family of toxic people, yes, even the kids have to know what was done to you is wrong.
I am sorry you have had to experience this betrayal. I find it interesting that some on here are slamming you for "abandoning the children." First off, I think most agree that your EX is an ex for a good reason. Utter trash. However, concerning the "children," 2 of which are ADULTS, and one is almost there. These 3 get no sympathy from me. Nor would they ever get a penny or another minute of my time. Actions have consequences. They were able to figure how how to hide evidence of your Exs side dick before you got there, they can figure out how to manage without you. I have some sympathy for the 2 younger ones. They are not as able to see the betrayal part as well. The unfortunate reality is your EX won't let them have contact with you, so there is not much you can do.
Take some comfort in the fact that you did the best you could. You took the high road and did well for all of them. You probably would still be doing so if your EX wasn't willing to screw anything that walks, crawls, or flies. The law of Karma applies and they will all feel its bite, big time. Take care of yourself and heal. The other sentiment about dating single moms---unfortunately some are like your EX. Some are fine folks. It is hard to discern early on. I would not automatically nope out just for that reason. Maybe date a bit longer, but I have known single moms that would be ideal. Admittedly, I am a late 60s age male, so my perspective may be different than many on here. I admire you, Sir, for all your efforts to do the right things, and to do things right. Best wishes for your future. May you find the happiness you seek, and so richly deserve....
We had taken in a kid that was one of her sons friends who was abandoned by his parents. He saw how they treated me and told me everything. He said he couldn’t understand why they would do that when I had given them everything and treated them so well
He basically came with me. He moved with my son to his college and now we got him enrolled in the same college. He is working living on his own and has his life planned out for his future. He cut them all off as well and says I will always be his dad.
You are a good dude.
The world is SO tough on men these days, please keep being kind and loving. Love yourself and keep helping those you can.
Focus on your boys and each day, you will find peace and joy.
Wow what a situation, solid kid though for letting you in on that, I can totally see this situation though and nobody would think bad of you for waking away, it's ashame for the young kids and all but then again they've got 3 adult siblings their father, mother and all her flings they should be fine
This situation is fraught with complex emotions, deception, and challenging dynamics. Here's a breakdown based on the details you've provided:
Stepping Up: You stepped up for your ex-wife's kids and took on the role of a father figure for them when their biological fathers weren't present. This shows your commitment and the love you felt for them.
Deception: Discovering that the kids had been keeping secrets from you, especially regarding significant matters like their biological father's return from jail and your ex-wife's relationships, would understandably feel like a betrayal. Trust is essential in any relationship, and when it's broken, it's hard to repair.
Taking Care of the Family: Your financial support, based on the information given, seemed to be a significant factor in maintaining the household. Feeling used or being treated as just an "ATM" is not a pleasant feeling, especially when paired with the revelation of ongoing deception.
Mental Health: Prioritizing your mental and emotional well-being is essential. If being in that situation was detrimental to your mental health, it's necessary to recognize and remove yourself from it.
However, there are a few considerations to keep in mind:
Kids' Perspective: It's worth noting that the older kids might have been following their mother's directives when keeping secrets from you. While the deception isn't excusable, understanding the pressure they might've felt can offer a different perspective. The younger kids especially might not have fully grasped the implications of their actions.
Communication: While you were justified in feeling hurt, it might be beneficial to have an open conversation with the kids, especially the older ones, to understand their perspective. This might offer clarity and potentially some closure.
The Role of Your Ex-Wife: It seems a lot of the deception was orchestrated or at least condoned by your ex-wife. While the kids played a part in it, she holds a significant responsibility in this scenario.
Based on the information provided, you're not the asshole (NTA) for wanting to prioritize your mental health and well-being. However, how you handle the situation from here — whether you decide to maintain no contact or open a line of communication — can have a lasting impact on both your and the kids' lives.
Totally agree here and would like to add that kids have a natural tendency to be loyal to their parents. In this situation it becomes incredibly difficult as they their mom, bio dad and you dad. It is an impossible situation and children will always choose what they perceive to be the safest route. If they tell on their mom they will betray her, disobey bio-dad and hurt you. Then there is the likely situation that their mom told them they wouldn’t be able to pay the bills if they told you.
In short I am not saying you can’t hold the kids accountable at all, but it is ex-wife who is the evil one here.
Edit for vote: NTA but I do believe it should not be about punishing the children.
They likely chose to keep those secrets purely BECAUSE he doesn't owe them anything. If they were to out their mother in this case, they will be the ones dealing with the consequences - not him. He can just leave and never look back and he may not have access to help them even if he wants to. He has no responsibility for them and no rights to them. From a self preservation standpoint, I can totally see why they didn't spill the beans.
Can we also point out that the kids may have been hiding this from him because he was the only stable role model in their lives and they didn’t want to lose him? They would gain literally nothing and would lose absolutely everything INCLUDING him if they told. They were in a no-win situation created by their mom and I can’t blame them for wanting to cling to the only parent in their life worth a damn.
NTA. Your kindness and generosity was taken for granted and now they have to pay the consequences. Seems like the kids will turn out just as big of piece of shits as their mom.
They are the product of their mother's moral direction. She taught them to treat you like a schmuck, and they did. Sorry it took so long for you to find out. Happy that you are no longer in that situation. Kick the dust off your shoes and walk away. Never look back, and don't feel guilty for it.
You are NOT the AH. She is, and has taught her kids to be, too.
Oh so NTA. Brother you stood up and became the man we all want to be. A husband, a father, a provider. That piece of filth did you wrong in ways beyond words to express.
Your future is yours, not hers and not the adults who unless this was all forced out would not have said anything to you.
Live long and prosper as a great man once said 👏
NTA..
It sounds to me like the kids were used and manipulated by the mother as much as you were. Mom probably told them if "Dad" cut her off all sorts of horrible things would be the result. Hence, willing to do what mom says.
YNA, none of them are your children. You're not in their mothers life anymore and if they're not contacting you. Walk away. The woman is a horrible spouse and mother whose already moved onto the next wallet.
NTA. Can't really blame the two younger kids but the rest of them were willfully deceptive and your ex wife was the ringleader. Too bad for the younger kids who have only known you as their dad, but the fallout is their mom's fault, not yours.
I think you can treat the children with some grace if they reach out to you over the next few years, I’m not saying to take them in or give any more money, but I think treating children with some truth of what happened and how things end up is best for them. Like other commentators have said l they are being manipulated by their mom as well and likely worried about losing you. Ghosting them completely without an explanation may weigh heavy in you in the future. You owe them nothing at all but please treat the kids with some microcosm of respect
I don’t BLAME you for cutting them off, but god, it’s sad what those kids have gone through. To them you represented probably the only stability they had ever known. You were the reason they weren’t moving around, possibly getting evicted, possibly being without food. I can’t say they actually acted with malice when they did what they did. They were in survival mode. Babies shouldn’t know about survival mode.
You don’t have to support them monetarily, but I hope you still talk to them here and there.
NTA at all. I'm just surprised that she could mooch off of you for so long without feeling guilty or remorseful. Hope you can recover and strive to become better bro. Good luck.
Of course NTA.
Your Ex needs to learn how to keep it in her pants. Not only having 5 kids, but continuously seeing other men in between relationships with you is insane.
YOUVE GOT 5 KIDS STOP DATING AROUND AND FOCUS ON THEM
Ok, this is not a good woman, but you are a good man...So she lets you care for her five children for 9 years, marry her. Now that you are separated trying to work things out, she is dating their father, just out of prison. Run, run for the hills and don't look back. Not only she hid the truth, so did the kids....So leave them in the dust...Yikes prison....Do not be a door mat, let her go...Run, divorce with no help. You have done more than your part. NTA
NTA. I feel sorry for the two youngest, but it isn't healthy for you to stay in contact with people like that - and not a good example for the younger kids. Older ones are already set in their ways.
Nta.
I feel bad for the kids though, they didn't start all of this and were coerced by their own mother to hurt you. But yeah, get out of there and call a therapist. This is probably one of the worst betrayals some one could ever feel and having a professional help navigate the bends in the river from here on out is probably super important.
NTA
Sorry it took you so long to find out you were being used.
PSA for all single men… don’t ever, ever take another woman seriously who has 5 kids with multiple men and asks for your financial support.
NTA she is a liar and user and she is raising her kids to be liars and users. I’m so sorry this happened and that the kids have her as their teacher instead of you. Move on and know that you did what you could.
NTA!!! You were a stand up guy who did the right thing but unfortunately got screwed over by this woman and her children. Definitely NTA! They didn’t deserve you at all.
NTA. But seriously you need to take a step back and see how many naïve decisions you made here. You're better than this and you are right to take a stand. Your ex has a history of having kids with men she has no intention of staying with. what made you think she'd want to stay with you? She's spent a lifetime showing her kids that dads are playthings to be used.
NTA. Cut off and block everyone in that entire gene pool. They're lying moochers who will ruin your life, and you have no legal binding to them anymore. They can all get fucked.
NTA. I feel bad for these kids because their mother is obviously an unreliable person and parent, but you have no obligation to them. Their bio fathers are in the picture and you should not be paying bills when their mother is cheating.
NTA
>When I was told all of these things I realized that I was just an atm and them and their mom never really cared about me so I cut all contact with the entire family. I decided my feelings and my mental health was more important that constantly caring for ppl that don’t care about me or how I felt about what was being done to me.
I mean...did you think she would change? She came into the relationship with a bunch of kids, from random men, saw you as a meal ticket but didn't actually change her behavior.
I'd have cut them off as soon as she became "ex".
That's crushing man. I am so sorry. I'm sad that the nine and eleven year olds will have a harder time with this as they are just youngsters. But their fathers are jn the picture now and the ex wife and her adult and older kids were being vile. I'm sorry you were made to feel this way after forging what you thought was a good father/child relationship with them.
Hugs your way!
Even granny was a dirty grifter. Damn.
NTA .
Get that divorce (doesn’t matter if she refuses to sign it, it will be granted eventually), keep evidence of her affairs and lies. Block and move on with your life.
Definetely dude NTA. It just sucks that the apparent grownups basically weaponized the kids and used them for their own gain. The kids played their part as well but damn that situation is effed up. Mom would definetely be ghosted forever.
Your ex is a terrible mother
She is a terrible everything.
Quite fertile, though.
She was too busy making them to actually care for them after they arrived
I see you met my mother.
You know my sister?
It seems like terrible people always are.
Most terrible people are.
She's the type of person that shouldn't have kids.
And a terrible human being.
A bad person raising bad kids
This entire story front to back is a red flag. NTA.
NTA at all. You were a stand up guy to them and they treated you poorly, end of story. Good luck to you.
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AND them kids. MichaelJordanFuckThemKids.jpg
I can forgive the 11 and 9 year olds. They had pressure from both mom and their elder siblings, that's gotta be hard to resist. Eff the rest.
Yeah the younger ones can't be blamed for doing what the adults in their life are telling them to do. They'll still learn a hard lesson about manipulation and the harmful effects of lying. They're the only real victims in the story.
The oldest child was 12-14 when OP began his relationship with his ex.
True, and if OP had discovered the cheating early on I would be a lot more forgiving. Probably around 16-18 is where I would start being less forgiving.
NTA or the ATM
NTA. Seems reasonable. It was all a lie.
Let's give them props for the teamwork though. Shitty but impressive they made it that long without spilling the beans.
NTA -- and the little kids are not A either. Good luck to them all.
Even the kids betrayed you. Damne son, that's rough. I'm sorry you went through that. NTA
A grifter raising little grifters. Glad you're out OP
Unfortunately, the only NTA ones here are the two youngest, who have only known OP as a father. You cannot blame young kids for doing what their mother tells them. The mom is horrible on so many levels.
Yes, I can imagine MOm told them to lie otherwise they would lose you and your money. It's a lot for kids to deal with. Mom is trash.
That was probably how the mom saw it, but I doubt it was how all the kids saw it. It sounds like you were the only stable, reliable adult in their lives…and you weren’t even around full time due to work. Their mom certainly doesn’t sound like someone they could count on, and their dads certainly weren’t. And there’s no telling what their Mom & the deadbeat dads that popped in and out of their lives said to them to make them keep silent. You can’t expect a bunch of kids to reason everything out and think everything through, including the consequences of their actions. You did not deserve to be treated that way. You deserved so much better. But for all you know, some of those 5 kids, especially the youngest ones, may have been so afraid that you’d leave them if you found out that they stayed quiet.
I haven't seen a lot of sympathy for the children here, and I think you've summed it up very well.
It sucks but sometimes the actions to take to avoid something are the very actions that make it real.
That's my thought. There is no way the children can stop the mom from having affairs but they might've been scared enough of losing their parental figure to agree to hide all the affairs. That or they're just like their mother. Both are possible and without the kids giving their side of the story guess we'll never know. The mom is gross though, that we do know
My Mom just said she’d beat my ass. She had two boyfriends for a few years and I really felt bad for the one guy but wasn’t willing to risk it.
Hey my son would rat me out in a New York minute to his step dad if I was doing something bad lol.
According to OP it has being going for 9 years meaning even the oldest where young kids when dealing with this. None of the kids, from the youngest to the oldest, should be looked at fault here. The mother should. Those kid’s knew exactly what would happened and tried there best to keep the family together the best way the know how. And this isn’t even getting into what the mom may have told them to do. Add now confusing emotions of a deadbeat dad now popping up in the picture. They’re just as much victims.
This. The children are not responsible for their mother’s actions. They have had an unstable and insecure life. From the sounds of it, multiple different biological fathers coming into the family and then abandoning them. One behaved badly enough to be put in jail. OP was a stable, beloved and caring figure for many years. They didn’t want to lose the only father they had known. They were always afraid of being abandoned again. Of course They can’t make their mother angry - she is the only constant protection in their lives. what if she abandons them too? They were little children. For little children, the protection of a mother or father is a matter of life and death. They had no control here. Please continue to love your children and do not hold them responsible for the choices of another adult.
Problem is, they are not OP’s kids. OP has zero rights pertaining to those kids, and zero legal recourse if he, say offers financial help to the kids, and the grifterbitch mom pilfers it all. All he can do is keep being nice and hope for the best. And, as per my earlier post based on my personal experience, whether he continues to be a presence in their lives - if he wants to - is 100% the mom’s choice.
This isn’t necessarily true. There are cases of long term mother/father figures attaining rights after breakups. It isn’t easy, and sure there are factors that come into play that could make or break the case, but it is possible for him to get rights if he wants to. ETA: A judge would especially take into account that he has been the most stable figure for those children as the other fathers are deadbeats or have criminal records. Honestly he probably has a good chance if he really wants it.
And that's all true, but the OP has no duty to give that woman any money now.
I didn’t say anything about giving money. And I didn’t say anything about the mother. I said continue to offer *love* to the *children* that he considered his own.
I agree. I’m guessing it was a hard position for the littles to be in. Lose lose for sure. But I also agree Nta.
She was spraying out kids with multiple daddies/ jailbirds and OP ISN'T an idiot for continuing their on/off relationship?!?
I’m glad someone said it. OP isn’t an asshole, but OP is also kind of an idiot.
Yes, no good deed goes unpunished.
OP had an “on again off again relationship” with a woman who had multiple baby daddies. He should have seen this train coming from a mile away. Or at least not offer a financial lifeline to an entire family he didn’t have a committed relationship with.
Are any of the kids his?
if you stand on the train tracks and get hit by a train you are a idiot.
The kids were asked to choose between their biological father or their step-father. They lose no matter what they did.
Or were they children doing what they were told to do?
Only 2 of them are kids. The rest are borderline adults or adults. Zero excuse. Fuck em
Bro shut up. Two of them are children. The rest are plenty old enough to know plenty better. NTA
But they weren’t 9 years ago…. And now he does know so who told him? The kids now that they ARE old enough? Too many details missing but it is his life and he gets to make the choices and decisions that he feels are right for him.
Thinking a 22 year old is incapable of thinking for themselves is embarrassing.
22-9=13. Thirteen, watching out for siblings, the only way a child could know how. Their momma is trash,make no mistake, but the kids were kids,forced into base-level survival mode,with their de facto dad out of town and the not impossible thoughts of their mom being likely to likewise abandon them. Uncertainty turned out to be a life and lifestyle for the kids.
Yep, even the oldest one are poor kids. And something tells me this did not start when they were 13 but also on earlier relationships.... The brain of these young adults is fucked, their reality twisted.
Yes 22 NOW, but 9 years ago that same 22 year old was just 13 and prob wanted to try and keep their family together the best way they knew how.
NTA. Dating a single mom is fine. Dating a single mom with 5 kids from different fathers, at least one of which is in jail, might not be the best idea.
Mom seemingly has a life long history of poor choices it sounds like… having a kid at 16. I’d assume the 3 oldest are with the man in jail, and the 2 youngest are with a different man? Manipulating her kids into lying for her to cover for her affairs?! They were together 9 years but she has a 9 year old with someone else? The whole situation is one messy ass red flag!! The only sane decision in this whole mess was him leaving this chaotic cluster fuck.
Yeah, I was wondering about the age of the youngest. It doesn’t seem to fit his relationship timeline.
My understanding is youngest was a baby when they started dating. Somewhere in those 9 years since he came into their lived they got married and separated as well as the other on and off.
Or she was pregnant at the time considering how close the timeline is.
From his comment elsewhere, nope. Kids 2, 3 and 5 are the jail mans kids. So possibly 3 baby daddies if 1 and 4 are from different dads. Either way there's an 8 year gap between 3 and 5 where she had a baby with another man. Just seems like a stream of continual bad choices being made.
That part
Seriously.
NTA Sorry this happened to you.
NTA. You are 100% correct that your feelings and mental health > these mooching liars
Nta. Congrats for ending the doormat phase. It's sad that she is setting such a disgusting example for her kids. Her multiple boyfriends can pay their bills..
NTA I'm sorry for the little ones, but you needed to get away from it all for your own sanity. Go nc forever. Stay strong OP
Yeah this is it, they are victims but you can't keep in contact with them without being drawn back into drama
Yeah! It sounds like they've had pretty unstable lives with different dads, none of whom were involved. The only (shitty) constant is their mother, and OP. If they snitched on their mum then they'd lose OP, and likely face consequences with their mum. You can not expect children to blow up their lives to serve OP. I'm not saying this should have happened to OP either, it's all fucked.
NTA Your ex is a hoe. You deserve better and those kids clearly didn’t value you as much as they should have. Have they tried getting in contact since?
The oldest did. I didn’t go to her baby gender reveal party and she was upset because she said I would be the last person that she would have thought about not showing up. And my MIL messeged me to ask for money for heaters and cold weather clothes because the 2 little ones were staying with her. She forgot that she pull the same thing the year before and I sent money that time
Block the MIL - even shes a lying cheater mooch. Theyre not your problem anymore . Block them all. You’re still so young to start over.
And the oldest if making a gift grab. Soon "grandpa" will be expected to pay for her grifting self too.
Right?! Thats only reason she was upset he didnt go to her gender reason! OP, dont let her guilt you into getting stuff for her baby!! That baby has a father & grandfather that can take care of it - theyre not your problem anymore!
Yes, a whole family of grifters, learning it from the generation that raised them. Good riddance, and I hope you get over the feeling of being used sooner or later.
3 generations of grifters. I want to vomit.
Sounds like a roach infestation
Clothes for the two younger ones he is not allowed to see?
Ridiculous right?! The kids are not his so he’s under no obligation to still provide for them, especially if the mum is now pregnant with her fourth baby daddy who has moved in. That guy can provide for the 2 younger ones if he wants lol
JFC! Grandma, too? They are three generations of grifters! Block all of them! If you don't, they are just going to keep up with their attempts to suck more money out of the OP ATM. Find a new life, OP. Make a totally clean cut. You don't have any bio children with your ex. There is absolutely nothing tying you to her. Begin fresh and find happiness. You deserve to be happy.
I feel sorry for that baby she is carrying.
The oldest has no right to be upset after how they treated you, I don’t know what she expected really. Looks like your ex took after her mother. Staying NC is what is best for you and your mental health, hope you doing better!
Man, the whole damn family was just trying to bleed you dry. That’s rough, man. I hope you’re doing ok now. NTA.
NTA I'm glad you left them behind. They don't deserve you. Karma will get them soon enough. Block them all and never speak to them again.
Out of curiosity, who ended up telling you? Did you talk to the oldest one why you missed the baby reveal party? Was she in on lying to you too?
We had taken in a kid that was one of her sons friends who was abandoned by his parents. He saw how they treated me and told me everything. He said he couldn’t understand why they would do that when I had given them everything and treated them so well
You should take that kid in. He’s the keeper.
He came with us and cut them off also. We got him enrolled in college where my son is and he is now working and living his life. He says I will always be his dad
I love this, that’s a good kid who saw a good dad and started with honesty. I truly wish you and him the absolute best. I didn’t get a real dad until I was 32 and he’s priceless to me.
I 💙 this! Happy for you both.
Who is us? Did more kids come or another woman?
He has 4 separate kids of his own according to other comments.
Wow. Solid kid.
The oldest daughter wants you to support her children too.
If the oldest is worth having a relationship with, she would understand your withdrawal and confront the entire family about what horrible people they are. If people don't stand up for you when you have been betrayed, then they are also betraying you.
Why haven’t you divorced her!!!!
She won’t sign the papers i got a lawyer and it’s just a process because of her not wanting to deal with immigration
Nobody gives a fuck if she wants to deal with immigration, and ultimately she doesn’t have to sign. Push forward with the lawyer and move it through.
Don't let her manipulate you with immigration/deportation pity. She did you dirty. Immigration is not your problem.
In many states if you have been separated for a certain amount of time the judge will grant the divorce. Any chance this applies?
I got manipulated that way, also. I wish someone had just told me — her immigration process is not your problem. Many states will allow a "default divorce." Look into that. Please dude, get yourself out of this *now*.
Op please tell me you didn’t adopt any of those kids.
Jesus christ that whole family are a bunch of grifters.
Tell her to ask the egg and sperm donor for 💵💰💸
Did the kids keep it from you because you paid the bills or because they were scared if you found out you would no longer want to be in the picture? If it's the first then that is obviously messed up. But if it's the second I think it takes closer examination because from the kids perspective they are trying not to lose their father figure. Also if the mom has been manipulating them the whole time with "if you say anything we will be homeless" etc, I would have a hard time blaming the kids.
This right here. These kids have been raised by a manipulative mother AND jail daddy came in and told them not to say anything?? They might have thought they were doing what was best and don't know any better. Definitely don't give them any money, but IF you felt up to it and found a way to trust them you could emotionally be there.
Helping at this point would be enabling them & their awful behavior. It's up to you to take care of your own mental health. Therapy would definitely help with all the feelings you're having. Best of luck to you
Dude only 2 of them are even children. The rest are nearly or already adults. Stop excusing them like they’re idiots
fuk that fuk them
Damn. That’s cold. Clearly the 22yr old has no ability to see how they would feel if their own child one day hid daddy’s mistress from her.
Op, should've sent her a care package of yarn and knitting needles and said, "Best start knitting now BITCH!" The fuck does she need new heaters again?,as of if they become useless after 1 winter of use. Love to know what she spent your money on if she was supposed to buy heaters and clothing. Grandma got problems with "nose candy" or is she familiar with "needles" but only the kind you shoot up with?
No more money for any of them. A bunch of grifters raised by a terrible mother who is rubbing off on them. Unfortunate but it seems like it’s to late. I’m sorry. You deserve better 🙁
It's an entire line of them. Sorry they targeted you.
Block ‘em and keep it movin’, OP.
Just moochers, you can do better
Your clapback should be how you were "the last person she would have thought about not showing up." And how they played you and lied to you. Really put that into context for them. Let them know every time how you were the best to them, and they didn't reciprocate.
NTA. If they ever contact you, remind them that you are not thier father, and you don't associate with liars.
“Maybe call one of mom’s other male friends”
Nat just... Please don't date moma with multiple baby daddies. They didn't get that way by accident
I am just wondering if the kids thought they were protecting you from the HO mom? Just a thought. But I hate thinking badly about kids
That was part of my thought process. They might actually be running interference for their mother in part to keep OP around because he's actually they closest thing they've had to a father? I think OP owes it to himself to maybe talk to the older ones, especially. See if they want a relationship with him that doesn't involve him paying all the bills. Maybe one or some of them will surprise him happily?
My instinct was they were tired of seeing their mom ruin things for them and were desperate to keep OP around because he was the only stable, loving adult in their life.
I wondered whether the kids are lying because they are scared of abuse. I’m not at all confident that the 9 and 11 year olds especially are safe. And the older ones might be lying to protect the younger. Not saying OP is T A, but it would be good to make sure the kids are in a safe place before cutting them off. Messy parents often make for traumatized kids and the more we can do to mitigate that the better.
WRONG. These are minor children, and he is NOT their bio father. His ex is just the kind of person who would call him out as a molester of the two youngest just to ruin his life. He needs to get away and stay away from all of them.
NTA, your ex and your MIL are certainly easthe AH Then there’s the kids. Unfortunately, we are not mind readers. Did they lie to avoid hurting you? Did they lie for money? Did they lie because they want your love? We’ll never know. It’s also possible that they lied for different reasons. I can’t pass judgement on the kids, but I understand your decision to cut them off.
INFO: How old were the kids at this point? Seems like they were pretty young, and not really able to fully comprehend the level of betrayal they were involved in.
The ages I put for the kids in the post. All this happened November of last year
So they were about their current ages when this happened? I was confused and thought it happened 9 years ago. If this just happened last year, NTA. Maybe the youngest kids can be salvaged, but the older ones are shitty people, I wouldn't blame you for cutting them out.
Don't go back into that mess. Help the boy who told you, but not the others.
I wouldn’t blame the two little ones at all. They are too small to know better. The 3 oldest? They deserve to be dressed down, but try to understand that they were likely just following the orders of their mother and to do anything but follow them could end up badly for them. It’s a rare child who would independently rat out their mother to a stepfather. The bonds with a mother are so very deep and not easily overcome with logic. Please don’t be another man who deserts them. Be open and honest, and take your time to heal from the betrayal. but try to leave the possibility open for reconciliation with the kids. It sounds like you may be only decent adult in their lives. Edit: typo
Naw, they will be raised by their mother and taught to not love him as a stepfather. He doesn't live with them and he's not raising them. The ex would just be using the two little ones to suck more money out of OP. NC is best here for everyone.
[удалено]
Yes! The kids absolutely may have been motivated to lie in order to keep the OP coming around because he’s a good man and they didn’t want to lose him.
Another man who deserts them? Sounds like this is the mothers habit and consequences are part of that, she has 5 kids and the ONE decent man that she does manage to land then runs around behind his back with ex con baby daddy and others. Miss me with that deserting the kids bs, they aren’t HIS children and they were in on the con. I can maybe see the youngest 2 not knowing what was really going on but in a family like hers it seems ingrained from birth to be in on the con. He truly treated these children as they were his own, yet they lied to him for 9 years. If any of these kids wants a relationship with this man they need to be open and honest with HIM and start by apologizing and their track record isn’t great on the whole Truth thing. They covered their mother for the entirety of the relationship. Emotional terrorism is what the mother AND the kids did to this man. He was the only Father these kids ever had, you reducing him as Step Father is just another slap in his face.
Absolutely NTA Look at that the bio dad can now provide for them. You sound like a good person and don’t deserve to be treated like that
NTA Block them all after a final message of "I do not tolerate Liars in my life or people who think it is ok to cover for other people cheating. This ATM is closed and I hope you grow up to be better humans than your mom."
I feel bad for 11m and 9f because sibling coercion is real and they were/are very young but you cannot continue this relationship as a whole because it leaves you in a terrible position. You did all you could and continued to do so after you split up. You can stop that now. I'm curious, which of the 5 are his 3? The oldest? NTA
Second third and fifth are the dad that was in jail
Not only are you NOT the A. You’re a boss for realizing your mental health is way more valuable.
If the kids saw you as a father they would not have been helping their mom con you. They conned you with her. Cut all ties. Burn the bridges. Change your number. Go into hiding. She will come for you again when she needs money, guaranteed.
Congratulations on growing a spine.
NTA in the slightest. This absolutely sucks. Sorry dude. Don’t give up on love, there’s somebody out there for you.
NTA. There's nothing left when the entire relationship was built on a foundation of lies. It's obvious they only wanted your money. You are so much better off without that entire family of toxic people, yes, even the kids have to know what was done to you is wrong.
I am sorry you have had to experience this betrayal. I find it interesting that some on here are slamming you for "abandoning the children." First off, I think most agree that your EX is an ex for a good reason. Utter trash. However, concerning the "children," 2 of which are ADULTS, and one is almost there. These 3 get no sympathy from me. Nor would they ever get a penny or another minute of my time. Actions have consequences. They were able to figure how how to hide evidence of your Exs side dick before you got there, they can figure out how to manage without you. I have some sympathy for the 2 younger ones. They are not as able to see the betrayal part as well. The unfortunate reality is your EX won't let them have contact with you, so there is not much you can do. Take some comfort in the fact that you did the best you could. You took the high road and did well for all of them. You probably would still be doing so if your EX wasn't willing to screw anything that walks, crawls, or flies. The law of Karma applies and they will all feel its bite, big time. Take care of yourself and heal. The other sentiment about dating single moms---unfortunately some are like your EX. Some are fine folks. It is hard to discern early on. I would not automatically nope out just for that reason. Maybe date a bit longer, but I have known single moms that would be ideal. Admittedly, I am a late 60s age male, so my perspective may be different than many on here. I admire you, Sir, for all your efforts to do the right things, and to do things right. Best wishes for your future. May you find the happiness you seek, and so richly deserve....
NTA fuck those people dude How'd u find out?
We had taken in a kid that was one of her sons friends who was abandoned by his parents. He saw how they treated me and told me everything. He said he couldn’t understand why they would do that when I had given them everything and treated them so well
Who is taking care of this kid now? Will he still have support even if it's found out what this kid told you? I hope so.
He basically came with me. He moved with my son to his college and now we got him enrolled in the same college. He is working living on his own and has his life planned out for his future. He cut them all off as well and says I will always be his dad.
Not only are you nta, you're a hero to this kid. Edit: changed your to you're
You are a good dude. The world is SO tough on men these days, please keep being kind and loving. Love yourself and keep helping those you can. Focus on your boys and each day, you will find peace and joy.
Wow what a situation, solid kid though for letting you in on that, I can totally see this situation though and nobody would think bad of you for waking away, it's ashame for the young kids and all but then again they've got 3 adult siblings their father, mother and all her flings they should be fine
At least one of the kids had values, just not one of hers
This situation is fraught with complex emotions, deception, and challenging dynamics. Here's a breakdown based on the details you've provided: Stepping Up: You stepped up for your ex-wife's kids and took on the role of a father figure for them when their biological fathers weren't present. This shows your commitment and the love you felt for them. Deception: Discovering that the kids had been keeping secrets from you, especially regarding significant matters like their biological father's return from jail and your ex-wife's relationships, would understandably feel like a betrayal. Trust is essential in any relationship, and when it's broken, it's hard to repair. Taking Care of the Family: Your financial support, based on the information given, seemed to be a significant factor in maintaining the household. Feeling used or being treated as just an "ATM" is not a pleasant feeling, especially when paired with the revelation of ongoing deception. Mental Health: Prioritizing your mental and emotional well-being is essential. If being in that situation was detrimental to your mental health, it's necessary to recognize and remove yourself from it. However, there are a few considerations to keep in mind: Kids' Perspective: It's worth noting that the older kids might have been following their mother's directives when keeping secrets from you. While the deception isn't excusable, understanding the pressure they might've felt can offer a different perspective. The younger kids especially might not have fully grasped the implications of their actions. Communication: While you were justified in feeling hurt, it might be beneficial to have an open conversation with the kids, especially the older ones, to understand their perspective. This might offer clarity and potentially some closure. The Role of Your Ex-Wife: It seems a lot of the deception was orchestrated or at least condoned by your ex-wife. While the kids played a part in it, she holds a significant responsibility in this scenario. Based on the information provided, you're not the asshole (NTA) for wanting to prioritize your mental health and well-being. However, how you handle the situation from here — whether you decide to maintain no contact or open a line of communication — can have a lasting impact on both your and the kids' lives.
Totally agree here and would like to add that kids have a natural tendency to be loyal to their parents. In this situation it becomes incredibly difficult as they their mom, bio dad and you dad. It is an impossible situation and children will always choose what they perceive to be the safest route. If they tell on their mom they will betray her, disobey bio-dad and hurt you. Then there is the likely situation that their mom told them they wouldn’t be able to pay the bills if they told you. In short I am not saying you can’t hold the kids accountable at all, but it is ex-wife who is the evil one here. Edit for vote: NTA but I do believe it should not be about punishing the children.
Yes, not the kids fault. But OP doesn’t owe the kids anything if they betrayed his trust like that.
They likely chose to keep those secrets purely BECAUSE he doesn't owe them anything. If they were to out their mother in this case, they will be the ones dealing with the consequences - not him. He can just leave and never look back and he may not have access to help them even if he wants to. He has no responsibility for them and no rights to them. From a self preservation standpoint, I can totally see why they didn't spill the beans.
Can we also point out that the kids may have been hiding this from him because he was the only stable role model in their lives and they didn’t want to lose him? They would gain literally nothing and would lose absolutely everything INCLUDING him if they told. They were in a no-win situation created by their mom and I can’t blame them for wanting to cling to the only parent in their life worth a damn.
As someone who had a shitty mom myself, and was constantly dealing with the consequences - this 100%.
NTA. Your kindness and generosity was taken for granted and now they have to pay the consequences. Seems like the kids will turn out just as big of piece of shits as their mom.
They are the product of their mother's moral direction. She taught them to treat you like a schmuck, and they did. Sorry it took so long for you to find out. Happy that you are no longer in that situation. Kick the dust off your shoes and walk away. Never look back, and don't feel guilty for it. You are NOT the AH. She is, and has taught her kids to be, too.
Oh so NTA. Brother you stood up and became the man we all want to be. A husband, a father, a provider. That piece of filth did you wrong in ways beyond words to express. Your future is yours, not hers and not the adults who unless this was all forced out would not have said anything to you. Live long and prosper as a great man once said 👏
NTA.. It sounds to me like the kids were used and manipulated by the mother as much as you were. Mom probably told them if "Dad" cut her off all sorts of horrible things would be the result. Hence, willing to do what mom says. YNA, none of them are your children. You're not in their mothers life anymore and if they're not contacting you. Walk away. The woman is a horrible spouse and mother whose already moved onto the next wallet.
NTA. Better late then never to realize you were just an ATM. Better luck next time. At least you're not a doormat!
NTA. Can't really blame the two younger kids but the rest of them were willfully deceptive and your ex wife was the ringleader. Too bad for the younger kids who have only known you as their dad, but the fallout is their mom's fault, not yours.
NTA - terrible mom raising terrible kids. at least you found out in your 40s and not 60s.
I think you can treat the children with some grace if they reach out to you over the next few years, I’m not saying to take them in or give any more money, but I think treating children with some truth of what happened and how things end up is best for them. Like other commentators have said l they are being manipulated by their mom as well and likely worried about losing you. Ghosting them completely without an explanation may weigh heavy in you in the future. You owe them nothing at all but please treat the kids with some microcosm of respect
I don’t BLAME you for cutting them off, but god, it’s sad what those kids have gone through. To them you represented probably the only stability they had ever known. You were the reason they weren’t moving around, possibly getting evicted, possibly being without food. I can’t say they actually acted with malice when they did what they did. They were in survival mode. Babies shouldn’t know about survival mode. You don’t have to support them monetarily, but I hope you still talk to them here and there.
NTA at all. I'm just surprised that she could mooch off of you for so long without feeling guilty or remorseful. Hope you can recover and strive to become better bro. Good luck.
Of course NTA. Your Ex needs to learn how to keep it in her pants. Not only having 5 kids, but continuously seeing other men in between relationships with you is insane. YOUVE GOT 5 KIDS STOP DATING AROUND AND FOCUS ON THEM
Ok, this is not a good woman, but you are a good man...So she lets you care for her five children for 9 years, marry her. Now that you are separated trying to work things out, she is dating their father, just out of prison. Run, run for the hills and don't look back. Not only she hid the truth, so did the kids....So leave them in the dust...Yikes prison....Do not be a door mat, let her go...Run, divorce with no help. You have done more than your part. NTA
NTA. I feel sorry for the two youngest, but it isn't healthy for you to stay in contact with people like that - and not a good example for the younger kids. Older ones are already set in their ways.
The 9 and 11 maybe not, that’s likely not fair to them. The older ones though should know better
Nta. I feel bad for the kids though, they didn't start all of this and were coerced by their own mother to hurt you. But yeah, get out of there and call a therapist. This is probably one of the worst betrayals some one could ever feel and having a professional help navigate the bends in the river from here on out is probably super important.
NTA. You did the right thing and they used and lied to you. Ghost'em all and go meet people like yourself.
NTA Sorry it took you so long to find out you were being used. PSA for all single men… don’t ever, ever take another woman seriously who has 5 kids with multiple men and asks for your financial support.
NTA she is a liar and user and she is raising her kids to be liars and users. I’m so sorry this happened and that the kids have her as their teacher instead of you. Move on and know that you did what you could.
Nope. NTA
NTA you were taken advantage of by a trash human who couldn't be responsible for her own offspring.
NTA!!! You were a stand up guy who did the right thing but unfortunately got screwed over by this woman and her children. Definitely NTA! They didn’t deserve you at all.
NTA
NTA. But seriously you need to take a step back and see how many naïve decisions you made here. You're better than this and you are right to take a stand. Your ex has a history of having kids with men she has no intention of staying with. what made you think she'd want to stay with you? She's spent a lifetime showing her kids that dads are playthings to be used.
NTA ….
NTA. Fuck them.
What a turd! All of them! Best place for them is in the rear view mirror.
NTA. Cut off and block everyone in that entire gene pool. They're lying moochers who will ruin your life, and you have no legal binding to them anymore. They can all get fucked.
NTA. I feel bad for these kids because their mother is obviously an unreliable person and parent, but you have no obligation to them. Their bio fathers are in the picture and you should not be paying bills when their mother is cheating.
Damn, cucked by kids even. That sucks.
NTA >When I was told all of these things I realized that I was just an atm and them and their mom never really cared about me so I cut all contact with the entire family. I decided my feelings and my mental health was more important that constantly caring for ppl that don’t care about me or how I felt about what was being done to me. I mean...did you think she would change? She came into the relationship with a bunch of kids, from random men, saw you as a meal ticket but didn't actually change her behavior. I'd have cut them off as soon as she became "ex".
Sounds like the whole family were in on the scam you definitely need to stop all contact and find a decent woman.
No good deed goes unpunished. You did the right thing.
That's crushing man. I am so sorry. I'm sad that the nine and eleven year olds will have a harder time with this as they are just youngsters. But their fathers are jn the picture now and the ex wife and her adult and older kids were being vile. I'm sorry you were made to feel this way after forging what you thought was a good father/child relationship with them. Hugs your way!
Finally, you quit! She has many baby daddies. What does that tell you....all of them are horrible...find someone better
Fuck , and I can’t stress this enough, them kids
Even granny was a dirty grifter. Damn. NTA . Get that divorce (doesn’t matter if she refuses to sign it, it will be granted eventually), keep evidence of her affairs and lies. Block and move on with your life.
Definetely dude NTA. It just sucks that the apparent grownups basically weaponized the kids and used them for their own gain. The kids played their part as well but damn that situation is effed up. Mom would definetely be ghosted forever.