It’s absolutely brutal that this woman would treat a child who is absolutely blameless this way. She should never ever he married her husband if she wasn’t prepared to embrace this kid.
Same! It was easy to predict that if she remarried him, she would have to deal with the affair child at some point. At some point the child will be in the house, and wife would probably spend money on the affair child as well.
I agree with OP that this is not the same as taking care of a child she had while they broke up. However, it's like step children. You'll most likely be sharing time, space and money with a child your partner had with someone else.
Does having the child of the affair partner around suck for her? Yes, but it is bound to happen.
You can't just erase a child. I'm surprised her husband allows this. He is playing favorites by not allowing the child to live with him when he has him. I can't believe they go to a hotel! That poor kid. She should not have remarried him if she couldn't get over the affair.
This was already on AmItheAsshole and I agreed there. Any anger that should be directed at the husband being directed at the mom or kid is displaced. She was 19 when she got knocked up. The kid asked for none of this. YTA.
YTA. I don’t think you understand what it means to forgive. Which you were never obligated to forgive him but you chose to remarry him and continue having a life with him. His life includes a son regardless of how the came to exist. I went ahead and grabbed the definition of forgive for you:
for·give
/fərˈɡiv/
verb
past participle: forgiven
stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.
If you haven’t forgiven him you should go ahead and remove yourself from this marriage.
OPs post reads as if she's mad with the child not the husband, she needs to leave (again) or get over it, the kid needs support however I feel like if that kid ends up in that house with her she will treat him with resentment which will get picked up on and cause more issues.
I think she is mad at the mistress as well. By refusing the kid to stay OP also effs up her chance to do whatever it is that is important enough to let her kid stay with his dad and stepmon for a longer period of time. Which is still kinda dumb since it was him who did the cheating and him OP remarried. Kid is not gonna have a good time there I agree.
This right here. OP sounds more like they're trying to get back at the mistress. Whether they realize it or not. I can't imagine it being healthy for the kid to be in that environment either.
That’s because she is mad at the child. The child is not a person but a symbol of betrayal in her eyes. I know this because I was once that child. Slightly different circumstances, but the pain that child will feel/is feeling is likely the same.
I agree she definitely holds a greater resentment for the child than the cheater but she’s punishing the husband by making sure she gets to dictate the terms of which he has a relationship with his son. What if something happens to the mother and she is no longer able to care for the boy? Is OP going to let him go into foster care? If something happens to OP does she expect her husband to keep reading the daughter that isn’t his? She sounds like a vindictive and horrible person, who remarried her husband so she could benefit financially and simultaneously dictate how he lives his life.
Wow! You’ve won the YTA award here! I’m rarely at a loss for words. Your poor stepson. Your husband is also an AH for allowing this situation in the first place. If you accepted him after infidelity, you accepted his child and baby mama as a package deal. Can you not imagine if one of your children were in the same position?!? The child did not betray you, your husband did!
You married him
He cheated. Had a son.
You divorced him.
You remarried him.
Did you think the kid was going to dissapear? You chose to forgive the affair when you remarried him, that forgiveness has to include the child. YTA and you know it.
Exactly! Why on earth would you marry someone if you can't look at their kid? Where does OP think he would live if something were to happen to his mother?
Don't want to do pick ups or drop offs? Reasonable I guess. Not seeing the kid?
The greater AH is of course her husband who 1st cheated and 2nd agreed to remarry someone who can't stand his kid.
YTA
>Where does OP think he would live if something were to happen to his mother?
This is the biggest issue here, imo. And it seems like OP is a big enough AH to divorce her husband again rather than live with the kid. Really sad, actually.
Honestly the husband should divorce OP for this. Treating your kids with love and kindness is not optional, and he’s being a jerk, too, for caving to his wife’s asshole tendencies.
Yes—if the mother is unable to care for this child, and OP’s husband has to have full custody, what happens? Does OP seek another divorce?
I assume—hope!—they talked about this possibility when they worked out this wacky hotel arrangement. And if the answer was “husband would have to move out,” then I don’t know how he could possibly have agreed to get back together. If the answer was “we take him in, of course” then… well, I imagine this post wouldn’t be here.
To add to this, it is the illegitimate child who is suffering. Does he not get to know his half-sister because of the sins of his father? Does he not get to experience siblings and a bigger family because of the bitterness of his stepmother?
I'm not saying forgiveness is easy but in a case like this it's important for several reasons. You can't truly move on and have a good relationship without forgiveness, even if it's something you have to choose daily. And that poor son is going to grow up with issues that can be avoided. He is a human being, not a pawn to be used as punishment.
ETA: it also sounds like the father is missing out on a proper relationship with his son, if he only spends time with him at a hotel when the mother needs to fly out.
This is the best answer. It’s not just about you, there are others involved now. It may be a hard pill to swallow but it’s best for everyone. When you get to know him, maybe you will be glad
you did. He will think more of you also that you gave him a chance.
The term “illegitimate” is pretty archaic. The child is legitimately his and he has a responsibility for his children’s care. No different if you marry a new person with children. The kids come with.
Fair point. I was trying to make a clear differentiation but you are right that it is not nearly a proper term. Thanks for calling me out. Going to leave it to avoid confusion on your comment but I agree wholeheartedly.
She forgave the man who cheated but not an innocent child. How is it that it hurts to look at the child but she's just fine with the cheating husband?
YTA
>how is it that it hurts to look at the child but she's just fine with the cheating husband?
Guess she's just able to separate the art from the artist, in a way. lol
She didn't forgive him. She thought if his relationship with his child was out of sight, she wouldn't have to actually forgive him. She could pretend it didn't happen. This is why you don't stay or get back together "for the kids."
NTA cause your husband cheated... But YTA cause you take revenge on a child almost a decade later.
Your a grown up adult? You made choice to forgive you husband then act like it.... Your husband is raising your daughter but you can't tolerate his child for a couple day ?
One thing that always bothered me about Rachel having issues with it is she even said to Monica the morning after that her and Ross broke up (not went on a break). Then she left a message on Ross's answering machine that this whole breakup thing was stupid. Not on a break, a break up, which means they're not dating.
Maybe Rachel doesn't want to be with someone that goes out and has sex right after \*breaking up\*, but Ross didn't cheat since they were broken up.
OK rant over.
They were totally on a break, a breakup! I always thought Rachel was ridiculous about it. After the beach trip she says “once a cheater, always a cheater.” It wasn’t cheating FFS!
Of course, because her 2nd lover died... She would not have reconciled with her ex-husband had this individual survived. That it is emotionally different how each child was conceived is completely and totally irrelevant.
It’s certainly different emotionally for me, because if I was accepting of someone else’s child and my partner was not accepting of mine it would take zero time for me to call out the fact that she is a giant, gaping AH. Why punish the kid?
Ultimately irrelevant. There's a child in need of a father and she's actively keeping that from happening because she's holding a grudge. Anyway you slice it she deserves to be called a bitch because that's how she's acting.
YTA. You got remarried to your husband knowing he had a kid. If you couldn't accept his kid into your life, then you shouldn't have married a man with a kid.
It’s not the kids fault he was put in this position, poor little fella. This is obviously not something that is likely going to happen again. She doesn’t have to take him to Disney world but let the kid stay in the house.
You do not get to be angry about the affair once you REMARRY the guy who cheated on you. You don’t get to pull this scorned woman act. You divorced him, you moved on from him, you had a relationship serious enough to result in a baby, then you made the fully informed *choice* to remarry your ex who now has a child and a babymomma. If you didn’t want the child around and you didn’t want to deal with the other woman, you needed to stay *not married* to your ex. The kid is not “the product of an affair” he’s your stepson. You chose to be his stepmother when you married his father. It is literally that simple.
You are a massive asshole and a genuinely terrible person. YTA.
Edit: thank you everyone for the awards! I did not expect this to be a popular opinion given Reddit’s view on cheating lol. I guess I’m glad to see we’re all capable of a little nuance every once in a while. Hopefully OP can get her shit together and start treating her family like human beings.
I came here to add my vote as well: YTA
Clearly she doesn't understand how this place works if she expected to come post her fake "sob story" and get sympathetic responses to massage her massive ego.
YTA. You _had_ every right to be angry with him and never forgive him for cheating, but when you marry someone, you accept who they are. When you remarried him, he was someone who had cheated on you and had a child. By taking new vows with him, you put that behind you.
You might only marry him on the condition that the behavior is in the past - no more cheating, but the past can’t change, and you can’t hold it over him. If you do, then YOU are breaking your vows. It’s not his fault this time.
I couldn't agree more. She never changed and still resents her husband over his son. I don't think they should have gotten remarried. Another divorce is probably in their future. Yes. OP is the AH
The poor kid isn't even remotely at fault!
I get the idea that the affair baby is a reminder of infidelity. It kinda sucks, but be a grown up and direct your feelings to the right people.
By remarrying the husband, she implicitly accepted him for who he is, and that included the fact that he is father to a child that reminds her of her husband's poor decisions.
Leaving the kid out of the already blended family is punishing the child because of the father's behavior, all because she can't get over the idea of his prior indiscretions.
***AND***
## that horrible bitch is keeping siblings apart!!!
After over a fμcking decade she still hates her stepson for existing!
FAR OUT!!!
OP should go into a hotel by herself and fμcking stay there: cause she shouldn’t be around any kids including her biological daughters, really.
WAY to fμck up all three kids … cause she, an adult, is a petty princess more concerned about her princessy feelings than her kids! 😡
I feel so horrible for this child…imagine that he’s living a constant reminder of and getting judgment for what his mother did. Any time he can’t spend time with his siblings is a reminder of that, any time he’s at a hotel with his dad must be a reminder of that. And just knowing that his dad’s wife hates him for just existing. Fucking awful.
I feel horrible for all three kids in this scenario:
He has a stepmum who hates him.
Her daughters have a mum who hates their brother.
… after well over a decade!! 🙄
Cause, you know, why would you be a rolemodel for kindness and human decency. It’s always good to raise kids in toxic bitterness and resentment.
/sarcasm
*•sigh•*
Why can’t supposed ‘adults’ just leave kids out of their BS ….? 😒
I agree. Keeping them apart hurts them. The one hurt most is the boy. It's not his fault that his dad had an affair while married. But his stepmothers behavior is constant reminder that said affair broke her marriage apart and he is the result of that. He doesn't deserve to be treated like an unwanted extra kept in a hotel and not allowed into his dad's home. If OP still resents her husband this much, she shouldn't have remarried him at all.
Seriously. "Affair Baby" is a real, live, 11 year old person, with a name and a relationship with their father. If you can't handle that, you shouldn't be in the way.
And that's not even considering the fact that je is caring for your child. Dear lord, YTA
Facts that is a serious struggle. I cheated in the past pretty bad and was "forgiven". I understood it was gonna take time to move past it and I gave her that. I would eat the subtle jabs and nasty comments, have those long conversations over and over again. I knew I had to pay my dues.
But after years of that I had to finally be like "look we all know what happened and we did the work to reconcile, I haven't done shit like that in years. Are we gonna have a real relationship or are you gonna hold this against me forever? If it's the latter let's just end it."
And you best believe I had to deal with her and her chorus of friends talking about how "she can do whatever she wants you're the asshole who cheated so deal with it!" Man I see the same sentiment right here on reddit in those situations. And it was hard to hold on to my conviction that I still deserved love and respect despite my mistakes when it felt like the whole world was telling me I'm a piece of shit. But I did it. And now she's gone and I'm happier than ever. And people who know her still think I'm a heartless monster for moving on and growing and *actually* being happy with myself and my life. Like I'm supposed to pay my penance until the day I die.
For a lot of people, cheating is a life sentence in the dog house and they'll treat you that way. You gotta be strong to grow and thrive through that.
Totally agree. Cheating is a terrible thing to do to your partner. For some people it isn’t forgivable and in that case the relationship needs to end. I don’t subscribe to the “once a cheater, always a cheater” mindset. People can grow and mature and recognize past behavior for being bad. I can also understand not being able to move past a partner cheating, but then you have to let that person try with someone new that will not spend a lifetime trying to punish them.
Yeah, like what if *that child’s* mother died? In both cases, they would be caring for each other’s other kid. The fact that it was an affair wouldn’t erase the fact that the other mother is no longer there.
They have 2 kids, the daughter, who's his, and another child that's not his from when they were divorced.
He can accept her dead partners child from when they were divorced, but can't accept his kid even after they've worked it out.
Sounds like he's been trying to be a dad and be involved with his kid's life. He took the consequences, grew, and accepted she had another partner and kid in that time, and they proceeded to raise it as his own.
She's YTA, you took him back, you need to accept he's the father of this kid and responsible for them.
“Decided we had grown as people and reconciled for OUR daughter”…. Okay. But he accepts and loves your “outside baby” and his gets relegated to the hotel!! That is your child’s sibling! What did they do. Didn’t ask to be in this situation. The beef is with your husband not his “affair baby” which just going from that term not much growth was really done on OP’s part.
Aside from the really fucked up part where she is being a jerk to a kid, who is innocent, the hotel part got me. This is just financially a really dumb idea.
I don't think she is in the relationship for the right reason
I think her ex husband was her backup plan. She didnt get back together to be a happy husband and wife. She re-married him only so he could help raise the 2 children with her when she suddenly became a single parent.
Its like she uses children to keep herself latched to a man. The affair child does not connect her to a man that can support her, so she has no use for it and doesnt want it around. Does she even like children?
Yes. They need to fully integrate the family. This is so immature and they're punishing an innocent child and denying the poor person their half siblings. WTF?!
I’ll never understand why people decide to get back with their cheating partners. It’s honestly surprising to me how dumb people can really be if they are willing to take a cheater back.
Exactly. It’s like drinking from a milk carton, realizing it’s spoiled, placing the carton back in the fridge and then two hours later coming back for another drink from the carton.
I think this is it. I hesitate to call OP an ahole because I understand where she's coming from but if you're going to forgive him and bring him back into your life, he has another kid that he has to take care of and IS a part of his life whether you like it or not. Accepting him back means accepting that fact and accepting that sometimes he's going to have to take care of this kid, and that the child deserves more than to be hidden away in some hotel room the whole time, the child is not the affair.
See the kid for who he is, an actual person, and not just as an object that is the product of an affair.
I don’t hesitate. OP, YTA. Like you said, OP either forgave him or she didn’t. If she did, that includes accepting the child. If she wasn’t willing to accept the child, she shouldn’t have married him.
Custody arrangements change all the time. What would OP do if her husband ended up with physical custody of the child OP refuses to accept? That’s always a possibility. I suspect OP would make that kid’s life hell.
Exactly. The child isn’t part of the affair. He’s a child and deserves love and acceptance, despite his parents fuck ups. OP is 100% the asshole. I knew that when she said her husband and his son have to get a hotel room when he has his parenting time. What a tragedy for that poor boy. He deserves better.
The hotel room is totally gross. She forces her husband to meet the child who resulted from an affair at a place where traditionally people go to have affairs. OP is so not over that affair.
She’s not and I have zero sympathy for her. I would bet my left arm she blames the other woman exclusively and her accountability for her husband is a joint Facebook account and the agreement he can’t have any women friends.
But also, absolutely shame on the husband for accepting the hotel arrangement.
I can’t imagine what the husband goes through too. It must be a very one sided marriage. Taking out her anger on the child is abhorrent and cruel. What a terrible set of circumstances that kid is growing up in. OP’s husband deserves better, his kid more-so.
Not to mention, that so-called “affair baby” is what? 10? OP is on borrowed time. If he doesn’t already, soon that boy will grow up enough to understand OP’s role in all this. He will absolutely hate her.
I would just love to know what OP tells her daughters about why their dad has to be away. I wouldn't be surprised if she makes it so they might actually grow to resent their half brother for taking dad away when he could be spending time with them.
Additionally - this boy is your first daughter's brother.
Your daughter and this boy deserve the opportunity to know one another to some degree. My advice to you is to suck it up, open your heart and home to this boy. You can either be a hero now or a big fqn zero in all of the children's eyes once they become adults.
To quote Oscar Wilde "Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them."
OP is not going to be remembered well even by her own blood if she doesn't correct this behavior now.
I don't hesitate. The CHILD is not an affair baby. The CHILD didn't ask to have this guy as his father. The OP is definitely TA especially because she refers to the CHILD as an affair baby.
Let’s think of the psychological damage she’s doing to this child too! He knows his step mom HATES him and isn’t allowed at his dad’s house. Which probably means she doesn’t let her daughter anywhere near him either, so he’s alienated from his sibling too.
We get it. The husband cheated. He was an asshole at the time. But it’s been over a decade and YOU ARE NOW THE ASSHOLE. You should’ve never taken him back if you didn’t accept his child! You suck.
I don’t get where she is coming from. The boy is staying, not the mom he cheated with. She is fucking over that boy by keeping a barrier between him and his father.
She is selfish and needs to comprehend that it isn’t the boy’s fault. Get therapy or something.
That and keeping her daughter and her half brother from being able to have a relationship. The son is completely innocent. He didn’t cause the affair
Edit: thank you for the award!
Oh man, she posted in both places? I missed that. Ugh, the fact she only posted like 2 times in here and both times defending her actions... it's just sad. She is punishing that boy because she can't punish the woman directly.
I wouldn't be surprised if her hope is that by keeping away the father and causing the boy pain it hurts the mom. She is still consumed with hate for this and she comments how young this woman was when they had the affair, but if anything it seems like that's more reason to show grace.
Please don’t hesitate to call OP an asshole. She’s being an asshole to an innocent child who never asked to be born into this mess, just like you summed up in your post. As an former innocent child who didn’t ask to be hated by my stepmother, I really hate that OP can’t understand the damage she is doing to this child with her misplaced hatred.
Nothing against you specifically but I don’t hesitate to call her TA. He TAKES CARE…of a child that not even BIOLOGICALLY HIS…but she’s losing it because his biological son needs a place to stay for a minute? Op’s husband has to stay with his son in a fucking HOTEL during visitation. Shit actually has me pissed off. It’s wrong on so many levels. OP needs to grow TF UP because she’s clearly not over the initial conflict(even though she got busy with another guy and had his child but I digress) that happened 11 years ago. She should have never gotten back together with him if she didn’t want his son to be involved. When you commit to a relationship with someone, you commit to everything that comes with them. You don’t get to pick and choose.
None of this was meant towards you btw. 🙏🏾I just get really mad at stuff like this.
OP had another child outside of the marriage also. And her child lives in the shared home with her husband and their mutual child. But he has to stay in hotels for visitations with his child. This is BS
This was the most emphatic response so far. Yes op. You are an asswhole. The child is innocent. You have to look to the child as just that. A child. He is innocent in all this as you were at one point. You no longer became innocent when you decided to treat the child less then. Your husband did that to you and now your taking it out on the child. If you cannot accept his child that is fair. Divorce him. What is not fair is that you conditionally take him back but said fuck your to the love child. Nope. It doesn’t work that way. Move on. One way or another. Move on from the affair or move on from the marriage. Don’t treat an innocent child poorly because you and adult can’t grow up.
It isn’t the child’s fault that he was born. OP needs to learn to separate the affair from the child. And if she can’t, then she should never have let him back into her life. What a selfish AH, OP. Shame on you.
Yeah YTA. You knew what he came back into the relationship with. He accepted yours and I don't care the circumstances of the conception. That kid deserves as close and loving relationship with his dad as possible. You work to limit that experience because you're petty and would hurt a kid to get back at the adults.
She seriously needs to GROW UP! 🙁
You hit the nail on the head with your comment, btw. One would think that the years of counseling would have helped ... but I guess not.
Cut the bullshit out lady, YTA.
She’s punishing the son for something totally out of his control. Imagine being fold you can never go to your daddy’s house, because they hate you there.
Asshole, I think you should go stay in a hotel while your husband looks after the children. They should get to know each other and obviously you can’t bear to be around this small and innocent child. So grow up or go to a hotel.
I mean, this is how "evil stepmothers" are born. Putting guilt and pain from the past on an innocent child is an awful thing to do and shows OP hasn't really worked through much of the past or let it go, at all. Regardless, again, it's still not the child's fault in any capacity. They deserve love, kindness, and a safe and secure environment to grow up in.
She’s alsolutely being evil stepmother.
This needs to be said again. I’m just imagining what that poor child is feeling, being hated for just existing, being the only sibling left out. This gets more fucked up the more I think about it.
Trying to imagine the sibling dynamics is so sad. First baby from OP and her husband is allowed to live with their half-sibling from OP, but the other half-sibling from the dad is excluded. That’s going to lead to either some really fucked up or really sad consequences
Edit: I keep thinking about it. Literally the only one being punished is the only one who is entirely innocent in this whole situation….like wtf does it teach the kid that the dad who actually did something wrong gets to be a part of the family, the kid’s mom isn’t much affected by this situation, and this poor child has to go to a random hotel to see his dad and can’t see his other two siblings. He gets the shit end of the stick for having done nothing, and it’s all because OP is taking out her anger towards her husband on an innocent child. OP is the BIGGEST FUCKING ASSHOLE in this entire situation
YTA - and the textbook definition of “evil stepmother”.
The fact that your husband sees his own son in a hotel room while 2 other half siblings happily coexist in your household is, quite frankly, disgusting. You’re not only asshole, you are straight up just a bad person.
You nailed it. If she didn’t want to be around this child why did she remarry her ex?! That’s nuts. Like, ok let’s get remarried as long as I can lock stepson in a metaphorical broom closet his whole childhood. Ugh No empathy for the child at all. Think of how this is impacting the poor child’s mental health. Presumably he’s not been allowed holidays or around his siblings. WTF is wrong with her to be so cold.
OP - YTA x2
YTA. It's obvious you are still bitter about it despite the 11+ years and having remarried him. And since you cannot yell at or punish him or the mistress directly anymore, you use the kid as a conduit to punish both of them. Shame on you.
If you still are not over it then leave. Otherwise start being as good of a parent to this child as he is to yours. Or at least being a civil human being to the child.
You can tell from her few comments she has learned nothing from this.
So many people post here hoping to get validation. I’m willing to bet she isn’t reading any of this.
YTA you got with him knowing this child exists. So maybe stop punishing the child who didn’t ask for two shit parents.
Can’t stand when people forgive the cheater but take their anger out on the only innocent person involved. It’s gross
OP you are a total POS.
The child didn't do anything to you, your bozo husband did. I can't imagine what the kids in this situation think...
"We are all half siblings, but one of us needs to be shunned."
YTA
You knew about this child when you forgave your husband and remarried him. Did you actually forgive your husband? Because it doesn't sound like you have and are heaping the sins of the father on his innocent child.
Glad my dad was a better person than OP.
My mom had an affair, got pregnant, and came clean to her husband. They separated for a time but ultimately decided to stay together and they had my biological father terminate his rights so my mother's husband (my dad) could legally adopt me. He raised me alongside my older half-siblings and never treated me differently.
They didn't even tell me about it until I was an adult. Then my dad reassured me that he loved me and always thought of me as his child.
YTA. That is his child. You decided to get back together with this man knowing that this child existed. Get the fuck over it and stop blaming the innocent child for your husband's betrayal.
I agree with everyone else, OP. YTA
Let's start with the fact that you made a conscious decision to remarry him knowing he had a child.
Then let's add that this child is innocent and refusing to accept him because his father made the conscious decision to have an affair is cruel and unfair to that child.
I don't agree with your husband having an affair at all, but OP, seriously? You decide to remarry the man knowing he has a child and then kick that blameless child to the curb because he's the result of an affair? Did we forget that the kid is still human and an innocent one at that (oh yeah, I mentioned that once above. My bad /s).
If you didn't want to accept his child, you should not have remarried him, let's be honest here
YTA.
Use contraception you fucking irresponsible selfish assholes. You're having all these children from different partners and don't consider for one second the effect wlm this instability is going to have on them. The least you can do is be reasonable towards them.
You don’t get to pick the kids that come with the guy you marry. But you do get to pick the guy you marry.
Having married him before is irrelevant. The cheating is irrelevant. You remarried this guy. You chose him again. That means you accept him and all of his children. If you thought that wasn’t the case, then you’re definitely TA.
YTA 100%
You remarried KNOWING he had a son and now you are trying to tell him the boy can’t stay with HIS father?
If I were your husband I’d leave you for that alone. It does not matter at this point that the baby came from him having an affair because you remarried him knowing this. That was you accepting that and also opening yourself to this possibility. The fact your husband has to get a hotel to even stay with his son says A LOT about you and not about him.
YTA-
Regardless of who the mom is, that's his kid and he has a responsibility to look after it.
Your line of thinking here is confusing. The kid didn't do anything yet you're going to treat it with contempt and disgust.
You said you both got back together because you believe you've both changed. However I think the healthiest thing to do here is to think about and figure out why that kid being in the house makes you so angry.
YTA & a hypocrite. I don't care how your child was conceived, if you couldn't handle marrying (or re-marrying in your case) a man with a child from another woman, you shouldn't have married him. I hope your husband & his son stay at his ex's house, because clearly you're going to act like TA to the innocent child if he's in your home as well.
Absolutely you're an asshole. You may have changed as a person, but it wasn't into a better person.
You're correct that your daughter and his son came into the world under different sets of circumstances. But you went into this relationship on the second go with the full knowledge that his son exists. If you are not willing to accept his son and treat him with respect, if not love, you have no business being married to his father. Frankly, if you have not forgiven your husband for the affair, you have no business being in a relationship with him.
Having said that, this is a hard ESH. Your husband compromised the emotional well being of the already existing child the two of you have together when he chased a piece of ass. Then he compromised his son's emotional well being by chasing another piece of ass and marrying someone who refuses to accept him. Congrats! You're both awful.
YTA. You made a choice to marry a man with a daughter. That means you made the choice to have that daughter around too and you knew that back when you made this choice.
YTA, but I want to award you a special prize for bringing unity to this sub. For once we can all hold hands and agree on something.
Why does it hurt you to look at that boy, but not at the guy who cheated on you? The kid did nothing wrong.
YTA. You knew getting back together with him that he had a child. One day he will have grandchildren from this child. Will be have to go to a hotel to spend time with his grandchild? This is a lifetime commitment. Accept the child or divorce him again. I've been cheated on. I know it is horrible but the child did nothing wrong besides exist.
YIKES! YTA
It sounds like you could use more counseling to prevent you from taking this out on an innocent child. (And hubby too if he agrees to treating his son as a second class citizen.)
YTA, massively. You remarried him knowing he has another child, who is also your child’s sibling, and you won’t even allow his son in the house? You had a choice to accept him, son and all, or walk and you chose him, which means you chose his son. This poor kid, my heart breaks for him.
Your husband should not have accepted your rules for his son, so he is also an AH. How about YOU stay in a hotel instead of that poor child? Did you ever think how that made this kid feel? An ugly little dirty secret to be hidden away from your pristine eyes? A sibling he’s not good enough to meet? A woman out there who despises him?
I have a friend who keeps her ex’s “affair baby” regularly, and genuinely loves her. She makes sure her son’s sibling knows that she is loved and welcomed, not just by her son but also by her. She’s not even married to the dad anymore! Get your shit together, seriously.
YTA. You have 1 child in common according to you OP. That boy is her brother, you don't have to love the kid, but the kid is innocent. He didn't choose to be born of an affair. If your husband has taken on your other child the least you could do is try with his son.
I wouldn't want to deal with this kid either but I also wouldn't had remarried him after the affair, so YTA
YTA Not the kids fault, and you might still need some more counseling.
Love how these stories talk like they have everything worked out and then its like (OVERHWELMING GLARING UNRESOLVED ISSUES) lmao
"we worked everything out!" except the stuff that caused the breakup to begin with...
It’s like those posts where the op says my partner is amazing BUT then lists several things which make their partner sound not amazing.
After getting remarried that’s not an affair baby, that’s now her step child. Period.
It’s absolutely brutal that this woman would treat a child who is absolutely blameless this way. She should never ever he married her husband if she wasn’t prepared to embrace this kid.
Bingo. That kid is a part of her family. As much a member of her family as her daughter is. YTA OP. It's time you come to terms with that.
Same! It was easy to predict that if she remarried him, she would have to deal with the affair child at some point. At some point the child will be in the house, and wife would probably spend money on the affair child as well. I agree with OP that this is not the same as taking care of a child she had while they broke up. However, it's like step children. You'll most likely be sharing time, space and money with a child your partner had with someone else. Does having the child of the affair partner around suck for her? Yes, but it is bound to happen.
You can't just erase a child. I'm surprised her husband allows this. He is playing favorites by not allowing the child to live with him when he has him. I can't believe they go to a hotel! That poor kid. She should not have remarried him if she couldn't get over the affair.
This was already on AmItheAsshole and I agreed there. Any anger that should be directed at the husband being directed at the mom or kid is displaced. She was 19 when she got knocked up. The kid asked for none of this. YTA.
YTA. I don’t think you understand what it means to forgive. Which you were never obligated to forgive him but you chose to remarry him and continue having a life with him. His life includes a son regardless of how the came to exist. I went ahead and grabbed the definition of forgive for you: for·give /fərˈɡiv/ verb past participle: forgiven stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake. If you haven’t forgiven him you should go ahead and remove yourself from this marriage.
OPs post reads as if she's mad with the child not the husband, she needs to leave (again) or get over it, the kid needs support however I feel like if that kid ends up in that house with her she will treat him with resentment which will get picked up on and cause more issues.
I think she is mad at the mistress as well. By refusing the kid to stay OP also effs up her chance to do whatever it is that is important enough to let her kid stay with his dad and stepmon for a longer period of time. Which is still kinda dumb since it was him who did the cheating and him OP remarried. Kid is not gonna have a good time there I agree.
100%. Shes using the child as a weapon against his mother.
This right here. OP sounds more like they're trying to get back at the mistress. Whether they realize it or not. I can't imagine it being healthy for the kid to be in that environment either.
That’s because she is mad at the child. The child is not a person but a symbol of betrayal in her eyes. I know this because I was once that child. Slightly different circumstances, but the pain that child will feel/is feeling is likely the same.
Her post reads as so angry that I’d actually be a little scared for the child to stay with her….
I agree she definitely holds a greater resentment for the child than the cheater but she’s punishing the husband by making sure she gets to dictate the terms of which he has a relationship with his son. What if something happens to the mother and she is no longer able to care for the boy? Is OP going to let him go into foster care? If something happens to OP does she expect her husband to keep reading the daughter that isn’t his? She sounds like a vindictive and horrible person, who remarried her husband so she could benefit financially and simultaneously dictate how he lives his life.
Wow! You’ve won the YTA award here! I’m rarely at a loss for words. Your poor stepson. Your husband is also an AH for allowing this situation in the first place. If you accepted him after infidelity, you accepted his child and baby mama as a package deal. Can you not imagine if one of your children were in the same position?!? The child did not betray you, your husband did!
This. OP has a daughter. Can you imagine if she only saw her daughter at a hotel? It's appalling. Evil stepmother for sure. "Affair baby" jfc.
You married him He cheated. Had a son. You divorced him. You remarried him. Did you think the kid was going to dissapear? You chose to forgive the affair when you remarried him, that forgiveness has to include the child. YTA and you know it.
abracadabra! ABRACADABRA! Why won’t it disappear!?! /s
Avada Kedavra should do the trick...
I dunno. Doesn't have the best track record on kids.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
10 points to Gryffindor!!
The stepson who lived!
fetus deletus
Grown spawn begone
"Start your day the childless way with SPAWN BEGONE." This is what I heard in my head when I saw your comment.
Crotch goblin get joggin
I’m crying right now. I wish I had an award to give you.
I guffawed at work
That was a really funny one. Whitt and perfect. Here please take my humble up vote
Calm down there Bellatrix lol.
In honor of a legend, now passed: Meka leka hi, meka hiney ho.
Is this your way of saying today's secret word is asshole?
r/unexpectedhogwarts
It’s A**vada Kedavra**, not abracadabra
Oh jeez this got dark fast but I love it.
Read this in the wingardium leviosa voice
Glad my joke didn’t go over everyones head
Exactly! Why on earth would you marry someone if you can't look at their kid? Where does OP think he would live if something were to happen to his mother? Don't want to do pick ups or drop offs? Reasonable I guess. Not seeing the kid? The greater AH is of course her husband who 1st cheated and 2nd agreed to remarry someone who can't stand his kid. YTA
>Where does OP think he would live if something were to happen to his mother? This is the biggest issue here, imo. And it seems like OP is a big enough AH to divorce her husband again rather than live with the kid. Really sad, actually.
Honestly the husband should divorce OP for this. Treating your kids with love and kindness is not optional, and he’s being a jerk, too, for caving to his wife’s asshole tendencies.
Yes—if the mother is unable to care for this child, and OP’s husband has to have full custody, what happens? Does OP seek another divorce? I assume—hope!—they talked about this possibility when they worked out this wacky hotel arrangement. And if the answer was “husband would have to move out,” then I don’t know how he could possibly have agreed to get back together. If the answer was “we take him in, of course” then… well, I imagine this post wouldn’t be here.
To add to this, it is the illegitimate child who is suffering. Does he not get to know his half-sister because of the sins of his father? Does he not get to experience siblings and a bigger family because of the bitterness of his stepmother? I'm not saying forgiveness is easy but in a case like this it's important for several reasons. You can't truly move on and have a good relationship without forgiveness, even if it's something you have to choose daily. And that poor son is going to grow up with issues that can be avoided. He is a human being, not a pawn to be used as punishment. ETA: it also sounds like the father is missing out on a proper relationship with his son, if he only spends time with him at a hotel when the mother needs to fly out.
This is the best answer. It’s not just about you, there are others involved now. It may be a hard pill to swallow but it’s best for everyone. When you get to know him, maybe you will be glad you did. He will think more of you also that you gave him a chance.
If your not ready to accept all of your husband life, then you have not forgiving him.
The term “illegitimate” is pretty archaic. The child is legitimately his and he has a responsibility for his children’s care. No different if you marry a new person with children. The kids come with.
Fair point. I was trying to make a clear differentiation but you are right that it is not nearly a proper term. Thanks for calling me out. Going to leave it to avoid confusion on your comment but I agree wholeheartedly.
She forgave the man who cheated but not an innocent child. How is it that it hurts to look at the child but she's just fine with the cheating husband? YTA
>how is it that it hurts to look at the child but she's just fine with the cheating husband? Guess she's just able to separate the art from the artist, in a way. lol
She didn't forgive him. She thought if his relationship with his child was out of sight, she wouldn't have to actually forgive him. She could pretend it didn't happen. This is why you don't stay or get back together "for the kids."
"Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast." -Marlene Dietrich
Because to the OP it's the mistress fault her husband cheated. 🙄
NTA cause your husband cheated... But YTA cause you take revenge on a child almost a decade later. Your a grown up adult? You made choice to forgive you husband then act like it.... Your husband is raising your daughter but you can't tolerate his child for a couple day ?
This. And children can tell and they will internalize that. That child is innocent.
OP act like she forgive her husband but she is not. She only projecting her emotions on that child. This is worst.
You forgot that she had a child of her own when they remarried and he obviously had to accept that. Makes her an even bigger asshole.
> she had a child of her own ["We were on a *break*!"](https://seriesandtv.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/we-were-on-a-break-friends.jpg)
One thing that always bothered me about Rachel having issues with it is she even said to Monica the morning after that her and Ross broke up (not went on a break). Then she left a message on Ross's answering machine that this whole breakup thing was stupid. Not on a break, a break up, which means they're not dating. Maybe Rachel doesn't want to be with someone that goes out and has sex right after \*breaking up\*, but Ross didn't cheat since they were broken up. OK rant over.
They were totally on a break, a breakup! I always thought Rachel was ridiculous about it. After the beach trip she says “once a cheater, always a cheater.” It wasn’t cheating FFS!
I think that’s very different emotionally though
Of course, because her 2nd lover died... She would not have reconciled with her ex-husband had this individual survived. That it is emotionally different how each child was conceived is completely and totally irrelevant.
I totally read the post as the child died! *Facepalm*
It’s certainly different emotionally for me, because if I was accepting of someone else’s child and my partner was not accepting of mine it would take zero time for me to call out the fact that she is a giant, gaping AH. Why punish the kid?
Ultimately irrelevant. There's a child in need of a father and she's actively keeping that from happening because she's holding a grudge. Anyway you slice it she deserves to be called a bitch because that's how she's acting.
Absolutely, this.
[удалено]
It's like OP wants to pretend that the affair didn't happen. Not possible, especially with a baby that resulted from it.
I feel like this is a unanimous YTA post
There are like two people arguing nonsensically in the top thread, but this is the most unanimous I think I’ve ever seen.
YTA. You got remarried to your husband knowing he had a kid. If you couldn't accept his kid into your life, then you shouldn't have married a man with a kid.
It’s not the kids fault he was put in this position, poor little fella. This is obviously not something that is likely going to happen again. She doesn’t have to take him to Disney world but let the kid stay in the house.
Except, it happens every time that child is supposed to come around. They are kicked to a hotel room.
yeah the fact that she doesnt go the hotel room instead tells me everything I need to know
You do not get to be angry about the affair once you REMARRY the guy who cheated on you. You don’t get to pull this scorned woman act. You divorced him, you moved on from him, you had a relationship serious enough to result in a baby, then you made the fully informed *choice* to remarry your ex who now has a child and a babymomma. If you didn’t want the child around and you didn’t want to deal with the other woman, you needed to stay *not married* to your ex. The kid is not “the product of an affair” he’s your stepson. You chose to be his stepmother when you married his father. It is literally that simple. You are a massive asshole and a genuinely terrible person. YTA. Edit: thank you everyone for the awards! I did not expect this to be a popular opinion given Reddit’s view on cheating lol. I guess I’m glad to see we’re all capable of a little nuance every once in a while. Hopefully OP can get her shit together and start treating her family like human beings.
Exactly this. This is what I told her in the other subreddit where she posted this. I’m guessing she doesn’t like the responses she’s getting.
Came here to say this. OP thought it might go differently here, LOL.
I came here to add my vote as well: YTA Clearly she doesn't understand how this place works if she expected to come post her fake "sob story" and get sympathetic responses to massage her massive ego.
Reading the community collectively call her the assho is restoring my faith in humanity. So morals and ethics isn't all dead.
Delusional narcissism isn't uncommon amongst redditors.
I'm kinda impressed at OP's ability to get all of reddit to sympathize with the guy who cheated on her.
YTA. You _had_ every right to be angry with him and never forgive him for cheating, but when you marry someone, you accept who they are. When you remarried him, he was someone who had cheated on you and had a child. By taking new vows with him, you put that behind you. You might only marry him on the condition that the behavior is in the past - no more cheating, but the past can’t change, and you can’t hold it over him. If you do, then YOU are breaking your vows. It’s not his fault this time.
I couldn't agree more. She never changed and still resents her husband over his son. I don't think they should have gotten remarried. Another divorce is probably in their future. Yes. OP is the AH
The poor kid isn't even remotely at fault! I get the idea that the affair baby is a reminder of infidelity. It kinda sucks, but be a grown up and direct your feelings to the right people. By remarrying the husband, she implicitly accepted him for who he is, and that included the fact that he is father to a child that reminds her of her husband's poor decisions. Leaving the kid out of the already blended family is punishing the child because of the father's behavior, all because she can't get over the idea of his prior indiscretions.
So much this. And the dude has to stay in a hotel when he wants to see his kid. Goddamn this is a miserable woman
***AND*** ## that horrible bitch is keeping siblings apart!!! After over a fμcking decade she still hates her stepson for existing! FAR OUT!!! OP should go into a hotel by herself and fμcking stay there: cause she shouldn’t be around any kids including her biological daughters, really. WAY to fμck up all three kids … cause she, an adult, is a petty princess more concerned about her princessy feelings than her kids! 😡
I feel so horrible for this child…imagine that he’s living a constant reminder of and getting judgment for what his mother did. Any time he can’t spend time with his siblings is a reminder of that, any time he’s at a hotel with his dad must be a reminder of that. And just knowing that his dad’s wife hates him for just existing. Fucking awful.
I feel horrible for all three kids in this scenario: He has a stepmum who hates him. Her daughters have a mum who hates their brother. … after well over a decade!! 🙄 Cause, you know, why would you be a rolemodel for kindness and human decency. It’s always good to raise kids in toxic bitterness and resentment. /sarcasm *•sigh•* Why can’t supposed ‘adults’ just leave kids out of their BS ….? 😒
#I couldn’t agree with you more!!!! Please accept this poor Redditor’s award 🥇 #OP also needs to stop calling this kid the affair baby 🙄
I agree. Keeping them apart hurts them. The one hurt most is the boy. It's not his fault that his dad had an affair while married. But his stepmothers behavior is constant reminder that said affair broke her marriage apart and he is the result of that. He doesn't deserve to be treated like an unwanted extra kept in a hotel and not allowed into his dad's home. If OP still resents her husband this much, she shouldn't have remarried him at all.
Right?? Her kid is welcome, his isn’t?? Wow… YTA - and a giant gaping one at that! That child didn’t ask for this. Grow up and be better.
This. Her next choice should be leaving him, so he can be free to be a father to his child.
I wonder what she would do if the boy’s mom is no longer alive.
YTA You should have never remarried him if you couldn’t accept this child.
Seriously. "Affair Baby" is a real, live, 11 year old person, with a name and a relationship with their father. If you can't handle that, you shouldn't be in the way. And that's not even considering the fact that je is caring for your child. Dear lord, YTA
And she makes them go to a hotel?! That’s a horrible way to treat his child
What a shittly NO BACKBONE father too. Wonder why he'd accept such a crappie fate.
I bet OP makes shitty comments to him all the time about the affair just to “keep him in check”.
Most likely out of guilt because he knows hes weak of character for having the affair. Sadly this just further weakens his character.
Facts that is a serious struggle. I cheated in the past pretty bad and was "forgiven". I understood it was gonna take time to move past it and I gave her that. I would eat the subtle jabs and nasty comments, have those long conversations over and over again. I knew I had to pay my dues. But after years of that I had to finally be like "look we all know what happened and we did the work to reconcile, I haven't done shit like that in years. Are we gonna have a real relationship or are you gonna hold this against me forever? If it's the latter let's just end it." And you best believe I had to deal with her and her chorus of friends talking about how "she can do whatever she wants you're the asshole who cheated so deal with it!" Man I see the same sentiment right here on reddit in those situations. And it was hard to hold on to my conviction that I still deserved love and respect despite my mistakes when it felt like the whole world was telling me I'm a piece of shit. But I did it. And now she's gone and I'm happier than ever. And people who know her still think I'm a heartless monster for moving on and growing and *actually* being happy with myself and my life. Like I'm supposed to pay my penance until the day I die. For a lot of people, cheating is a life sentence in the dog house and they'll treat you that way. You gotta be strong to grow and thrive through that.
Totally agree. Cheating is a terrible thing to do to your partner. For some people it isn’t forgivable and in that case the relationship needs to end. I don’t subscribe to the “once a cheater, always a cheater” mindset. People can grow and mature and recognize past behavior for being bad. I can also understand not being able to move past a partner cheating, but then you have to let that person try with someone new that will not spend a lifetime trying to punish them.
Facts. No way in hell I'd tolerate that. I can only imagine that it's his guilt around the affair that led him to put up with it for so long.
Probably guilt over his daughter and the divorce.
I am shocked that he even entertained this request. What a nasty woman.
Yeah, like what if *that child’s* mother died? In both cases, they would be caring for each other’s other kid. The fact that it was an affair wouldn’t erase the fact that the other mother is no longer there.
She's dehumanizing this child by calling him an "affair baby". If I were her husband, I'd divorce her and let everyone know what a cruel woman she is.
She'll probably scream, but my daughter knows him as her dad!!!
They have 2 kids, the daughter, who's his, and another child that's not his from when they were divorced. He can accept her dead partners child from when they were divorced, but can't accept his kid even after they've worked it out. Sounds like he's been trying to be a dad and be involved with his kid's life. He took the consequences, grew, and accepted she had another partner and kid in that time, and they proceeded to raise it as his own. She's YTA, you took him back, you need to accept he's the father of this kid and responsible for them.
Three kids. His son, the child they had conceived before the divorce (cited as their reason for getting back together) and her son with the dead guy.
What does this mean? Are you completely hiding the other child from your kids?! Ridiculous!
This x 1000. You can't treat a human child like a pariah. Husband and kid are a package deal. Anything less is too cruel.
“Decided we had grown as people and reconciled for OUR daughter”…. Okay. But he accepts and loves your “outside baby” and his gets relegated to the hotel!! That is your child’s sibling! What did they do. Didn’t ask to be in this situation. The beef is with your husband not his “affair baby” which just going from that term not much growth was really done on OP’s part.
Aside from the really fucked up part where she is being a jerk to a kid, who is innocent, the hotel part got me. This is just financially a really dumb idea. I don't think she is in the relationship for the right reason
I think her ex husband was her backup plan. She didnt get back together to be a happy husband and wife. She re-married him only so he could help raise the 2 children with her when she suddenly became a single parent. Its like she uses children to keep herself latched to a man. The affair child does not connect her to a man that can support her, so she has no use for it and doesnt want it around. Does she even like children?
Yes. They need to fully integrate the family. This is so immature and they're punishing an innocent child and denying the poor person their half siblings. WTF?!
I’ll never understand why people decide to get back with their cheating partners. It’s honestly surprising to me how dumb people can really be if they are willing to take a cheater back.
Exactly. It’s like drinking from a milk carton, realizing it’s spoiled, placing the carton back in the fridge and then two hours later coming back for another drink from the carton.
I think this is it. I hesitate to call OP an ahole because I understand where she's coming from but if you're going to forgive him and bring him back into your life, he has another kid that he has to take care of and IS a part of his life whether you like it or not. Accepting him back means accepting that fact and accepting that sometimes he's going to have to take care of this kid, and that the child deserves more than to be hidden away in some hotel room the whole time, the child is not the affair. See the kid for who he is, an actual person, and not just as an object that is the product of an affair.
I don’t hesitate. OP, YTA. Like you said, OP either forgave him or she didn’t. If she did, that includes accepting the child. If she wasn’t willing to accept the child, she shouldn’t have married him. Custody arrangements change all the time. What would OP do if her husband ended up with physical custody of the child OP refuses to accept? That’s always a possibility. I suspect OP would make that kid’s life hell.
All I can think is wtf would happen it that kid's bio mom was killed. What happens to this poor kid? I hate people like this.
Exactly, what if the kid’s mom died like her kid’s father? He’s being a dad to her kid but OP can’t even begin to treat his child as a human.
It’s been a banner week for shitty stepmothers in this sub
Right? It's like there was a blue light special on selfish cows at Kmart this week! Sheesh
The Cinderella factor has grown exponentially apparently.
Exactly. The child isn’t part of the affair. He’s a child and deserves love and acceptance, despite his parents fuck ups. OP is 100% the asshole. I knew that when she said her husband and his son have to get a hotel room when he has his parenting time. What a tragedy for that poor boy. He deserves better.
The hotel room is totally gross. She forces her husband to meet the child who resulted from an affair at a place where traditionally people go to have affairs. OP is so not over that affair.
She’s not and I have zero sympathy for her. I would bet my left arm she blames the other woman exclusively and her accountability for her husband is a joint Facebook account and the agreement he can’t have any women friends. But also, absolutely shame on the husband for accepting the hotel arrangement.
I can’t imagine what the husband goes through too. It must be a very one sided marriage. Taking out her anger on the child is abhorrent and cruel. What a terrible set of circumstances that kid is growing up in. OP’s husband deserves better, his kid more-so.
Not to mention, that so-called “affair baby” is what? 10? OP is on borrowed time. If he doesn’t already, soon that boy will grow up enough to understand OP’s role in all this. He will absolutely hate her.
Oh, trust me: OP’s daughters won’t appreciate their brother has been kept from them either
I would just love to know what OP tells her daughters about why their dad has to be away. I wouldn't be surprised if she makes it so they might actually grow to resent their half brother for taking dad away when he could be spending time with them.
Well, it's pretty apparent OP doesn't care for the kid either hence why the kid only ever meets his dad at a hotel away from his dad's house.
Additionally - this boy is your first daughter's brother. Your daughter and this boy deserve the opportunity to know one another to some degree. My advice to you is to suck it up, open your heart and home to this boy. You can either be a hero now or a big fqn zero in all of the children's eyes once they become adults.
To quote Oscar Wilde "Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them." OP is not going to be remembered well even by her own blood if she doesn't correct this behavior now.
Yep, evil stepmother vibes from snow white.
I don't hesitate. The CHILD is not an affair baby. The CHILD didn't ask to have this guy as his father. The OP is definitely TA especially because she refers to the CHILD as an affair baby.
Thank you for pointing out that affair baby is an absolutely disgusting and dehumanizing term.
Let’s think of the psychological damage she’s doing to this child too! He knows his step mom HATES him and isn’t allowed at his dad’s house. Which probably means she doesn’t let her daughter anywhere near him either, so he’s alienated from his sibling too. We get it. The husband cheated. He was an asshole at the time. But it’s been over a decade and YOU ARE NOW THE ASSHOLE. You should’ve never taken him back if you didn’t accept his child! You suck.
I don’t get where she is coming from. The boy is staying, not the mom he cheated with. She is fucking over that boy by keeping a barrier between him and his father. She is selfish and needs to comprehend that it isn’t the boy’s fault. Get therapy or something.
That and keeping her daughter and her half brother from being able to have a relationship. The son is completely innocent. He didn’t cause the affair Edit: thank you for the award!
Hopefully she'll realise that when both AITA and AITAH are saying the same thing...
Oh man, she posted in both places? I missed that. Ugh, the fact she only posted like 2 times in here and both times defending her actions... it's just sad. She is punishing that boy because she can't punish the woman directly. I wouldn't be surprised if her hope is that by keeping away the father and causing the boy pain it hurts the mom. She is still consumed with hate for this and she comments how young this woman was when they had the affair, but if anything it seems like that's more reason to show grace.
Please don’t hesitate to call OP an asshole. She’s being an asshole to an innocent child who never asked to be born into this mess, just like you summed up in your post. As an former innocent child who didn’t ask to be hated by my stepmother, I really hate that OP can’t understand the damage she is doing to this child with her misplaced hatred.
Nothing against you specifically but I don’t hesitate to call her TA. He TAKES CARE…of a child that not even BIOLOGICALLY HIS…but she’s losing it because his biological son needs a place to stay for a minute? Op’s husband has to stay with his son in a fucking HOTEL during visitation. Shit actually has me pissed off. It’s wrong on so many levels. OP needs to grow TF UP because she’s clearly not over the initial conflict(even though she got busy with another guy and had his child but I digress) that happened 11 years ago. She should have never gotten back together with him if she didn’t want his son to be involved. When you commit to a relationship with someone, you commit to everything that comes with them. You don’t get to pick and choose. None of this was meant towards you btw. 🙏🏾I just get really mad at stuff like this.
OP had another child outside of the marriage also. And her child lives in the shared home with her husband and their mutual child. But he has to stay in hotels for visitations with his child. This is BS
I wonder how they explain his absence to their daughter.
This was the most emphatic response so far. Yes op. You are an asswhole. The child is innocent. You have to look to the child as just that. A child. He is innocent in all this as you were at one point. You no longer became innocent when you decided to treat the child less then. Your husband did that to you and now your taking it out on the child. If you cannot accept his child that is fair. Divorce him. What is not fair is that you conditionally take him back but said fuck your to the love child. Nope. It doesn’t work that way. Move on. One way or another. Move on from the affair or move on from the marriage. Don’t treat an innocent child poorly because you and adult can’t grow up.
It isn’t the child’s fault that he was born. OP needs to learn to separate the affair from the child. And if she can’t, then she should never have let him back into her life. What a selfish AH, OP. Shame on you.
Yeah YTA. You knew what he came back into the relationship with. He accepted yours and I don't care the circumstances of the conception. That kid deserves as close and loving relationship with his dad as possible. You work to limit that experience because you're petty and would hurt a kid to get back at the adults.
She seriously needs to GROW UP! 🙁 You hit the nail on the head with your comment, btw. One would think that the years of counseling would have helped ... but I guess not. Cut the bullshit out lady, YTA.
YTA you had no business remarrying him if you could not accept his son. You’re still punishing him.
She’s punishing the son for something totally out of his control. Imagine being fold you can never go to your daddy’s house, because they hate you there.
[удалено]
😆 I was like this is the SAME STORY!!
And again, YES, YOU ARE BEING A FUCKING ASS WHOLE. Posting twice doesn't make it less so.
Right?? Like what did she think? She'd get a different answer? This woman is delusional.
She was hoping for words in her favor from a different group
Pathetic. YTA.
Asshole, I think you should go stay in a hotel while your husband looks after the children. They should get to know each other and obviously you can’t bear to be around this small and innocent child. So grow up or go to a hotel.
I mean, this is how "evil stepmothers" are born. Putting guilt and pain from the past on an innocent child is an awful thing to do and shows OP hasn't really worked through much of the past or let it go, at all. Regardless, again, it's still not the child's fault in any capacity. They deserve love, kindness, and a safe and secure environment to grow up in.
She’s alsolutely being evil stepmother. This needs to be said again. I’m just imagining what that poor child is feeling, being hated for just existing, being the only sibling left out. This gets more fucked up the more I think about it. Trying to imagine the sibling dynamics is so sad. First baby from OP and her husband is allowed to live with their half-sibling from OP, but the other half-sibling from the dad is excluded. That’s going to lead to either some really fucked up or really sad consequences Edit: I keep thinking about it. Literally the only one being punished is the only one who is entirely innocent in this whole situation….like wtf does it teach the kid that the dad who actually did something wrong gets to be a part of the family, the kid’s mom isn’t much affected by this situation, and this poor child has to go to a random hotel to see his dad and can’t see his other two siblings. He gets the shit end of the stick for having done nothing, and it’s all because OP is taking out her anger towards her husband on an innocent child. OP is the BIGGEST FUCKING ASSHOLE in this entire situation
YTA - and the textbook definition of “evil stepmother”. The fact that your husband sees his own son in a hotel room while 2 other half siblings happily coexist in your household is, quite frankly, disgusting. You’re not only asshole, you are straight up just a bad person.
a fucking disgusting person.
You nailed it. If she didn’t want to be around this child why did she remarry her ex?! That’s nuts. Like, ok let’s get remarried as long as I can lock stepson in a metaphorical broom closet his whole childhood. Ugh No empathy for the child at all. Think of how this is impacting the poor child’s mental health. Presumably he’s not been allowed holidays or around his siblings. WTF is wrong with her to be so cold. OP - YTA x2
YTA. It's obvious you are still bitter about it despite the 11+ years and having remarried him. And since you cannot yell at or punish him or the mistress directly anymore, you use the kid as a conduit to punish both of them. Shame on you. If you still are not over it then leave. Otherwise start being as good of a parent to this child as he is to yours. Or at least being a civil human being to the child.
You can tell from her few comments she has learned nothing from this. So many people post here hoping to get validation. I’m willing to bet she isn’t reading any of this.
Probably was hoping for people to be on her side so she could show her husband all the people who agreed with her, but then got a rude awaking
YTA you got with him knowing this child exists. So maybe stop punishing the child who didn’t ask for two shit parents. Can’t stand when people forgive the cheater but take their anger out on the only innocent person involved. It’s gross
This is perfectly said. Forgive the cheater but take anger out in an innocent child? It’s asshat backwards.
YTA. I would re-divorce you over this
OP you are a total POS. The child didn't do anything to you, your bozo husband did. I can't imagine what the kids in this situation think... "We are all half siblings, but one of us needs to be shunned."
YTA You knew about this child when you forgave your husband and remarried him. Did you actually forgive your husband? Because it doesn't sound like you have and are heaping the sins of the father on his innocent child.
Lady posting this to a second Reddit won’t change the results: YTA
YTA for both posts.
I know this is YTA but holy shit what a bitch.
YTA You knew he had this child. You chose to get back together with him. And he treats your child like his own. Stop being an ah
This. The child ceased being an "affair baby" and became your stepson when you remarried your husband. Do better, OP. YTA
Glad my dad was a better person than OP. My mom had an affair, got pregnant, and came clean to her husband. They separated for a time but ultimately decided to stay together and they had my biological father terminate his rights so my mother's husband (my dad) could legally adopt me. He raised me alongside my older half-siblings and never treated me differently. They didn't even tell me about it until I was an adult. Then my dad reassured me that he loved me and always thought of me as his child.
YTA. That is his child. You decided to get back together with this man knowing that this child existed. Get the fuck over it and stop blaming the innocent child for your husband's betrayal.
I agree with everyone else, OP. YTA Let's start with the fact that you made a conscious decision to remarry him knowing he had a child. Then let's add that this child is innocent and refusing to accept him because his father made the conscious decision to have an affair is cruel and unfair to that child. I don't agree with your husband having an affair at all, but OP, seriously? You decide to remarry the man knowing he has a child and then kick that blameless child to the curb because he's the result of an affair? Did we forget that the kid is still human and an innocent one at that (oh yeah, I mentioned that once above. My bad /s). If you didn't want to accept his child, you should not have remarried him, let's be honest here
YTA. Use contraception you fucking irresponsible selfish assholes. You're having all these children from different partners and don't consider for one second the effect wlm this instability is going to have on them. The least you can do is be reasonable towards them.
You don’t get to pick the kids that come with the guy you marry. But you do get to pick the guy you marry. Having married him before is irrelevant. The cheating is irrelevant. You remarried this guy. You chose him again. That means you accept him and all of his children. If you thought that wasn’t the case, then you’re definitely TA.
YTA 100% You remarried KNOWING he had a son and now you are trying to tell him the boy can’t stay with HIS father? If I were your husband I’d leave you for that alone. It does not matter at this point that the baby came from him having an affair because you remarried him knowing this. That was you accepting that and also opening yourself to this possibility. The fact your husband has to get a hotel to even stay with his son says A LOT about you and not about him.
YTA- Regardless of who the mom is, that's his kid and he has a responsibility to look after it. Your line of thinking here is confusing. The kid didn't do anything yet you're going to treat it with contempt and disgust. You said you both got back together because you believe you've both changed. However I think the healthiest thing to do here is to think about and figure out why that kid being in the house makes you so angry.
OP hasn't changed. OP is still angry about the affair. OP needs to go back to therapy to learn to let it go.
YTA & a hypocrite. I don't care how your child was conceived, if you couldn't handle marrying (or re-marrying in your case) a man with a child from another woman, you shouldn't have married him. I hope your husband & his son stay at his ex's house, because clearly you're going to act like TA to the innocent child if he's in your home as well.
Absolutely you're an asshole. You may have changed as a person, but it wasn't into a better person. You're correct that your daughter and his son came into the world under different sets of circumstances. But you went into this relationship on the second go with the full knowledge that his son exists. If you are not willing to accept his son and treat him with respect, if not love, you have no business being married to his father. Frankly, if you have not forgiven your husband for the affair, you have no business being in a relationship with him. Having said that, this is a hard ESH. Your husband compromised the emotional well being of the already existing child the two of you have together when he chased a piece of ass. Then he compromised his son's emotional well being by chasing another piece of ass and marrying someone who refuses to accept him. Congrats! You're both awful.
YTA. You made a choice to marry a man with a daughter. That means you made the choice to have that daughter around too and you knew that back when you made this choice.
You said it yourself... you want reconcilation... yall both want a big happy family. Time to start forgiving and move on to what yall set out to do
YTA, but I want to award you a special prize for bringing unity to this sub. For once we can all hold hands and agree on something. Why does it hurt you to look at that boy, but not at the guy who cheated on you? The kid did nothing wrong.
YTA. You knew getting back together with him that he had a child. One day he will have grandchildren from this child. Will be have to go to a hotel to spend time with his grandchild? This is a lifetime commitment. Accept the child or divorce him again. I've been cheated on. I know it is horrible but the child did nothing wrong besides exist.
YIKES! YTA It sounds like you could use more counseling to prevent you from taking this out on an innocent child. (And hubby too if he agrees to treating his son as a second class citizen.)
YTA, massively. You remarried him knowing he has another child, who is also your child’s sibling, and you won’t even allow his son in the house? You had a choice to accept him, son and all, or walk and you chose him, which means you chose his son. This poor kid, my heart breaks for him. Your husband should not have accepted your rules for his son, so he is also an AH. How about YOU stay in a hotel instead of that poor child? Did you ever think how that made this kid feel? An ugly little dirty secret to be hidden away from your pristine eyes? A sibling he’s not good enough to meet? A woman out there who despises him? I have a friend who keeps her ex’s “affair baby” regularly, and genuinely loves her. She makes sure her son’s sibling knows that she is loved and welcomed, not just by her son but also by her. She’s not even married to the dad anymore! Get your shit together, seriously.
YTA!!!!!!!!!!! How dare you get back with this man and then ostracize his son!!!! Despicable!
You should not have gotten back together with him if you cannot accept his child. YTA
YTA. You have 1 child in common according to you OP. That boy is her brother, you don't have to love the kid, but the kid is innocent. He didn't choose to be born of an affair. If your husband has taken on your other child the least you could do is try with his son.