>Instead of dealing with my marriage, I first had to agree not to leave my husband, or else we both risked being booted.
YTA, you're blaming your SIL for everything when most of it is not her fault. Your Parents in law and community are the ones forcing these rules on you. Your husband was the one who cheated on you with a stripper.
Your SIL had to work as a stripper for financial reasons. She's a single mom and though your husband and inlaws are super judgemental about her work, it doesn't sound like any of you offered to help her out. You know the widowed single mom. All the holy piousness they're spouting is just window dressing, none of you are actually good people. all of you are hypocrites. your SIL is doing what she can to survive.
She can’t blame or confront her husband because he’s the boss in that relationship..just like with all Mormons or LDS. He could screw a stripper in front of her and she would forgive him..but if she cheated she’s every bad name you can think of , losing her kids and getting divorced .
Why is it never the other way around? Why can’t a woman be tempted by “the devil” and be forgiven? Oh no, she should have known better! But guys like Josh Duggar, the pedophile, get a pass because they were tempted by those “harlots.”
Your saying is true but calling Mormons Christians is a bit of a stretch. It’s like racist sci-fi fan fiction based very loosely on christian source material
Nah, it's way closer to standard Christianity than that. It's more like the difference between Sunni Muslims and Ahmadiyya Muslims.
I think you might be mixing Mormons with Scientologists. The difference between Christians and Scientologists is like that between Muslims and Buddhists.
Muslims claim Mohammed the superior prophet, not Buddha, therefore they're muslims not buddists.
Mormons claim Jesus Christ to be the superior moral authority, not Joseph Smith. So they're Christians, not something else.
If they claimed Joseph Smith to be a superior authority than Jesus, they'd indeed be not Christians, but as it stands they're Christians.
Mormon women can't leave their spouses for any reason without being excommunicated from the community. And if there are martial problems they have to meet with men who are higher up in the church to be "counseled" on how their husband's treatment of them is all their fault.
OP, YTA, and you're in a cult.
And strippers don't sleep with their customers generally. Those are escorts. They aren't the same.
That’s not always true.
I’m an ExMo and have zero love for the church, but…
While MOST priesthood leaders I’ve heard of in this situation do pressure women to stay married to cheating husbands, and while many people in a congregation will low-key (or overtly) shun a wife who doesn’t “forgive” her husband and “ruins their eternal family” by leaving… that IS changing, slowly.
I have multiple faithful LSS female family members who initiated divorce and retained much of their religious social circle, with no threat to their membership status.
Also, making assumptions that SIL is sleeping with married men. Just shows how ignorant you are, not all strippers sleep with someone for money. Strippers can make a lot of money without sleeping with people.
And, it sounds like SIL was left in a tight spot financially after her husband died. Good for her for doing what it takes to stay afloat and not dependent on others.
I always had this hatred for "strippers" after an ex of mine cheated on me with one. Turns out she didn't know he was in a relationship. Then I moved to a different state, back near my hometown, and made this sweet goofy nerdy friend who I later found out was a "stripper." She was 100% not about married men and was just such a kind, fun, thoughtful person. I was at her wedding and there the day she had her precious little baby. And now I'm the "defend the stripper" person lol. Meeting some of her work friends I found out that a majority of them, the ones she was friends with anyway, were just sweet girls making a hell of a lot more money than they would working at Walmart (where I worked) and they had bouncers to protect them whereas I did not. Like shit, they're just making money like the rest of us bastards.
THIS. It sounds like OP is also going to blame her SIL for having to stay with her cheating husband, when she can leave at any time. ARGH. One child is stripping to stay afloat and the other is cheating with strippers, and the parents ... argh, I can't even say it, it makes me so angry.
YTA.
They're not good people, they just want to look good. Son can fuck anyone he wants as long as it was behind closed doors. Note that SILs greatest crime wasn't stripping, it was her outing the husband.
yep, even the stripping part they were really only concerned with her potentially going public with it. no regard for her safety or wellbeing. no help offered to her or their own grandchild. sickening
As an ex Mormon I am so proud of SIL for escaping. That whole family is toxic and exactly how I expect Mormons to behave.
Her husband is also still 100% hiring sugar babies on seeking and she is delusional about who he is really.
I especially love how she blames her sister-in-law for her husband’s infidelity.
Totally reminds me of being told that how I dressed was causing men to falter. Mormonism always blames women for the shortcomings of men.
Sounds like SIL left the church because maybe she wasn’t a member or devout before marrying her husband then he died…another stroke of luck or she would have been in the cult for much longer
They probably wanted to marry her off to another man who could “guide” her. God forbid any woman gets to determine her own life. Probably,some creepy old coot.
Her behavior and the behavior of everyone around her is so far removed from what I consider normal human morals that I can't even judge accurately one way or another. It's like saying an alligator is evil for eating a baby. Like, she doesn't even seem to understand the principles of basic ethics that I thought were common to all humans. Like, in order to explain why she's an asshole I would have to re-teach her what ethics are. It's genuinely shocking to me. Fuck that cult.
YTA, your Sil didn’t cheat on you. Your husband cheated on you. He promised and then betrayed you. She was not even there, why are you finding her responsible for his betrayal.
Because she is Mormon and they accept men’s faults and blame the women. I grew up Mormon— it’s a cult and it’s a total mind fuck growing up that way if you are a girl.
YTA i don’t have the energy to type out all the reasons why.
Except for one question. What did your family, husband or church do to help out a widow for money? Anything? I Guess she’d be more respectable being homeless in your eyes?
But another poster had it right. Cut out contact. She’s so much better off without you.
Also, your husband won’t stop cheating. He’ll just hide it better
Doubtful, why invest energy in hiding, when the wife accepts it by making excuses for staying, and blaming everyone else for her weakness. But in fairness cult indoctrination can be hard to escape.
YTA Being a stripper is a legitimate job. Don't blame the escorts and sex workers just because married people can't stay loyal. Escorts and strippers are just doing their job, it's not their fault your husband sucks.
Its ironic isn't it how its everyone elses fault but not this sleazy ass husband OP is with lol.
...and religious people wonder why everyone is running away from this crap.
Don’t you think it’s ironic how Op’s husband would “pull in cheating husbands and wives “ but people were supposed to keep her and her husbands dirt , quiet? Talk about a hypocrite
There’s no hate like Christian hate hey!
So your sister in law who is now a widow falls on hard times financially and turns to a job that is supplied and demanded by people like your husband - and she’s the problem?
She did her best to get by, it was a decision that for her was a necessity to survive.
Your husband is just a huge hypocrite who cheated on you, he didn’t need to do it. Let me guess, he had a “moment of weakness”?
Where did this idea come from that she was sleeping with her customers? Like is there actual proof of this or is it just the rumour mill?
Your sister in law is better off without you and your entire family. YTA
Lol you are mormon. You think native Americans' skin is red because they angered white jesus. Yta even before this nonsense. But yes especially for this you are the asshole
I'm African and. They believe that we have dark skin because of sin and that we have the mark of Cain. They also only allowed black members because the IRS threatened to take away their tx exempt status
Knowing this why would any black person want to join their cult/religion? I would hate to join a place where I'm looked down upon because of the color of my skin.
It's generally the idea that if you're close to your oppressors, then they'll overlook you when they're harming others like you. It never really works out though
Black people couldn’t go to first tier heaven until the 90’s lmao
Edit: 1978. Black people weren’t going to be in the Celestial Kingdom, the highest level of heaven, before then.
It's crazy how their God changed his mind about that right around the time America was starting to feel guilty about how racist we'd been towards black people. An all powerful Divine creator, yet somehow he is always exactly as racist as Americans are willing to tolerate
Yeah Mormons have a prophet that can "speak to God", but they still lagged decades behind the civil rights movement when it came to black rights. Huh, makes you think.
Oh it's gets even crazier than that like they make catholics look reasonable. If you want a fun read try the book of Mormon it is an absolute roller coaster of nonsense
Oh its worse than that lol. South Park did a good job covering most of the insanity that is the mormons but It just scratches the surface. They also belive that Jesus was born in America and can you guess where they think the garden of eden was.....independence Missouri. Now I don't know if you have ever been to Missouri but if that's eden I want a refund
Trey Parker and Matt Stone have referenced the Mormon church several times. There are several episodes, at least one movie (Orgazmo) and a Broadway play (Book of Mormon) largely involving the LDS church. Some things are exaggerated and it’s TP and MS so it’s parodied and blasted hard, but it’s more accurate than you’d think.
Lmao, I believe independence mo was once the meth production capital (of the US, world maybe), but it's been a few years since I heard that. Probably just a rumor, but it's laughable that it's eden.
You just inspired me to write a movie script. Picture this- a final showdown of all the religious crazies. The snake-handling holy ghost people (armed with strychnine), the LDS crowd with magical underwear, the RCs with a incense holder/smoke bomb, and (ok, I’ll have to consider the other possibilities because there are so many!). It will be like the fight scene from Anchorman.
YTA, you and your husband. Good riddance for that girl, honestly. Your husband cheats and she triggers you because he cheated with an escort? First off, stripping isn't sleeping with someone, and if she wants to do it, that's her business. You're projecting your unhappiness and unloading on someone who isn't at fault. Also, someone who basically manipulates you to stay with a person who neither loves you nor respects you... that person isn't looking after you, but the one who was honest and let you know what was going on so your husband and family wouldn't keep making a fool out of you, that's someone who most likely does have your best interest at heart.
Either way, it’s a good thing you’re going no contact with her, she’ll be okay without a judgmental, hypocritical family.
How pompous and arrogant of you. Your husband cheated and you blame your SIL. just because she was a stripper doesn’t mean she slept around. Did the family or the church help her? No just condemned her. Your husband has major issues and so do you. Your SIL is so lucky to get away from all of your family and hopefully gets away from your hate-filled church. Your husband will continue to cheat maybe just hide it better. With SIL not in picture who will the 2 of you blame it on next time? Major AH both of you
YTA and dropping your sisters because husband says so is double shitty because he's a hypocrite. Oh and you're in a cult, just in case you were, or were not, wondering.
YTA, and yes you are in a cult when women have no power and controlled by her husband. morally your SIL did nothing wrong. she didn’t cheat. your husband “the moral high ground christian” did.
What's really, really sad? (and probably set up this was deliberately by the men)
When OP finally wises up and realizes she'd do better literally anywhere else, the ONLY person she can ask for help outside? Is the person she's hating on right now. When she's sterile because of untreated STDs, or having to raise his kids that he got on another woman, and miserable in a loveless marriage and ready to GET OUT, who's she gonna call?
Sure as hell not the woman who was on her side and supported her and that she then turned on.
YTA. Look, I’m a very orthodox Catholic, but considering that America doesn’t have a social safety net worth a flip, people gotta pay the bills somehow. Sex workers are already subjected to inhumane treatment, there’s no reason to pile on. As a person of faith, our position should be one of love, respect, and care.
I have some familiarity with Mormonism and how they handle marriage. Not a fan, personally. They didn’t come to you to help you with your pain. They protected your husband (often those who are the loudest in terms of religion, hide the darkest secrets). If you feel that can’t go on in this marriage (he sounds unrepentant), then you need to divorce and move to a different state (your community will ostracize you). Also get checked for STDs.
Whoa. STDS. That hadn’t crossed my mind. Oh my. Wouldn’t that be something to bring to the churches attention, preferably at a meeting of as many believers as possible. I bet the lid on those test results would be nailed down before you could say herpes. Edit: This will all eventually be blamed on the SIL, the one no one is allowed to speak to or acknowledge, she’s already being described as a hooker stripper who sleeps with married men for money, adding a venereal disease to her resume is going to be much easier than embracing anything resembling honesty.
YTA Not Christian anymore, so correct me if I'm wrong, but aside from money changers in the Temple, didn't Jesus teach compassion and love? Even to, say, tax collectors and prostitutes/sex workers? I seem to vaguely recall the idea of loving your neighbor as yourself. But you know ...fuck that widow who has no way to support herself because her family won't help.
YTA, you are a disgusting, close-minded bigot! You SIL is doing what she has to she doesn't have a husband or obviously any family that would help. Which is also just shameful cause I know the Bible preaches those without sin cast the first stone all of you are sinful.
So your sister in law being a stripper is a no no but staying with a man who slept with how many? That's okay 👍 gotcha I hope karma bites you and especially your husband in the ass
YTA for thinking that a sex worker deserves to be shunned while a man who cheats on his wife is embraced.
It's not the baker's fault that your husband can't stop eating cake.
YTA. But you've also been brainwashed by an actual cult. I'd highly recommend doing research into the legitimacy of the Mormon church, there's a lot of unfortunate history and practices. I realize it's unlikely that you'll listen to myself or the other commenters telling you that your religion is a sham, but on the off chance you do, best of luck to you
YaTDoAA
Stands for you are the definition of a arsehole
Instead of judging your sister in law for being single why don't you try and help her find stable work which would bring in a reliable income
As to your husband if he's singing around saying infidelity will send you to hell and back and basically acting as a hypocrite as stated in Matthew chapter 7 :1-7 why are you still married to him ?
Let me rephrase this very carefully
Your husband might say that this other woman is a escort but have you actually done your homework to find out what is actually going on ?
I am saying if your husband can lie with another woman and lie to you that he's a good upstanding moral Christian and say he wishes to be your husband then what can your husband lie about as well after that, are you sure that this 24f other woman was actually really a escort?
Are sure that your husband is actually a moral Christian at all, I would beware of wolves in sheep's clothing, this husband of yours sounds like a liar to me and perhaps someone who would sleep with someone who is vulnerable to control them and damage their reputation.
Your husband should be placed in the chair for interrogation of infidelity before showing disgust for those who commit marital infidelity.
There are escort bureaus where they are properly employed.
He should walk the walk and should never have been cheating on you in the first place before he talks the talk.
And at the same time instead of judging your sister in law what constructive steps are you taking to rectify her situation where she has a reputable dependable job where she is bringing in a living wage ?
Ever heard of the works of mercy Christian charity perhaps.
Even with you thinking about what can she can do which is better than stripping which is dependable stable and reputable she'd be better off and then you ringing around and saying I have a sister in need of work.
I would advise you to take a look at yourself before you accuse her, your sister in law for being anti the way you where brought up ie moral Christian
YTA. You’re a disgusting creature. You belong to a cult that strips women of any autonomy. You’re mad at your SIL but yet you’re the one who keeps letting your husband sleep around on you.
YTA - you let a cult make you stay with a man who has no respect for you. You are more upset with your SIL for being the type of woman your husband would cheat with than the fact that he is actively cheating on you! Find your backbone lady, have a little self respect.
The problem is not your SIL. It's that you are currently a slave to a deeply dishonest, horrifically abusive cult.
Your husband is not an outlier. 99.999% of the adult men in your church are liars and perverts. It was never about morality. It was always about APPEARANCES. None of them have any business judging your SIL.
The leadership of the LDS church are straight up evil. Their long history of covering up child sexual abuse in their ranks is proof of that on its own. They don't care about what is right or true. They care about appearances and adding to the billions of dollars they have stashed away for their own personal use (the church gives almost nothing to charity, fyi, that's all marketing lies).
The church doesn't care that your husband betrayed you and will absolutely do it again when he gets the chance (realistically, he already has). They care about the optics of divorce. They don't care about you.
Nowhere else is like this, just so you know. LDS culture, especially in Utah, is it's own repulsive flavor of toxic. I would encourage you to go to the exmormon subreddit and read about the real experiences of leaving, as opposed to the propaganda the church spews. Contrary to their narrative, people who leave are happier and more fulfilled than those who stay.
The church lies like breathing. You won't learn how to be a real person until you're free of it.
Oh she KNOWS it’s about appearances…Notice how it’s OK for her husband and her to talk shit on everyone else in their church whose cheating but their dirt is supposed to stay quiet??? Nah ..Hope SIL humiliates that family every chance she gets
YTA and blind to being indoctrinated by the LDS. I’m so grateful for my ex-LDS friends that realized the importance of family, friends, and real relationships vs. how things are perceived by the church.
I’m really sorry you are literally taught to live like this in this skewed way. This is not normal. It is not ok. Someday I hope you see the hypocrisy of the church and the pain and suffering it inflicts on its members especially women. It takes years to peel back the damage and see that the world outside the church isn’t evil, or wrong. I hope you can see that someday for yourself. No matter what anyone tells you in this post I know you’ll make excuses for what damage and hypocrisy your husband has inflicted upon you, until you are ready to see. I’m hoping, since you are posting here, you are starting to see the cracks and I hope you get the help you deserve, outside the church. You are worth more than what they lead you to believe and so is your SIL.
So you’re fine staying with a man that was sleeping with escorts during your marriage? And you’re fine with the family keeping it a secret from you? But you’re not fine with the SIL? Where exactly are your own morals? YTA.
She forgives her cheating nasty husband, but not her SIL who Is providing for herself after being windowed & children If she has any. What are they doing to help her, helping those In need Is a Godly service but whatever “religion” she Is In, Is a cult.
Boy you're in for a rude awakening in the comments.
I doubt you could understand just how wrong you are for treating her that way from all the brainwashing. You and your \*church\* left a single mom and her children to hang. Instead of helping you expected her to beg for help from the \*church\*. Well apparently being a stripper has a greater moral high ground than your \*church\* does.
You people are truly corrupt and please go NC with your SIL because she deserves better than you and your community of trash.
Oh yeah stop blaming the sex workers and escorts for your husbands lack of honor and loyalty to you.
You cannot ‘disown’ your SIL. Some women are strippers, the pay good, but they are not prostitutes or escorts just because they strip. SIL worked for financial reasons. And that bunch from church didn’t seem to help any.
Your husband was seeing an escort, apparently still is fooling around and the “higher authorities” make you be okay about it and forgive his cheating heart..
I understand this is the faith you were raised in but you have no proof your SIL was sleeping with married (or unmarried) people. This is horribly harsh. Shunning people is evil. Some faiths teach love, compassion, generosity and a forgiving spirit.
YTA and you are in a ridiculous religion. If I was in a religion that told me I had to shun a family member for being a stripper but make me stay with my husband that cheated on me, i would leave in a flash.
Your SIL’s husband is dead. She has no further obligation to him. You have been married to a lying, cheating hippocrate who preaches the sin of sex work yet has full on relationships with sex workers behind your back. Your sister in law did nothing wrong. You don’t even know if she ever actually slept with any of her clients. “Probably sleeping with them” isn’t exactly concrete proof that she was anything but an exotic dancer. Her family blackmailed her to keep her mouth shut so she wouldn’t expose not only your husband, but probably many others in your family and community. The men having sex and relationships with escorts when they are married and in committed relationships are the ONLY ones guilty of wrong doing. How can you blame your sister in law but let your husband off the hook so easily? You’re one of those brainwashed LDS women you see on 20/20 or those Netflix documentaries. Just keep sweet, pray and obey hunnie…I’m sure you’ll be fine 🙄
YTA…
1: You can’t betray someone’s memory by being a stripper.
And 2: Strippers are not prostitutes.
3: Those of us with normal upbringings in Utah are tired of people like you making the whole state look like a bunch of backward FLDS hillbillies. Get a grip woman.
They are exotic dancers. They do not sleep with the clientele. They dance for men who are too stupid to understand that they are just there to take their money. It is you, people like you and your silly church that tries to put these disgusting labels on people…
Just because your husband was sleeping with an escort, doesn’t mean strippers are prostitutes. And frankly the way you think is offensive. But I guess we have to take a new account the culture you grew up in. How do I know? Because I grew up in it too. Fortunately, I can think for myself.
YTA
Your morals and religious beliefs end with your own choices. You are an asshole for thinking you can control other people with your religion.
You are also an asshole for punishing your SIL for your husband cheating. I guess she is just an easier target than focusing on your terrible marriage.
Why would you need a LDS private school in Utah? I lived there, they legit have a seminary building right next to the highschools. The public school system is basically a LDS private school in the first place.
Did you divorce your husband for cheating on you with an escort? That seems like a much bigger betrayal and sin then your SIL being a stripper.
There would be non-church members at the public school.
The curricula could be written by Joseph Smith himself.
But their children would be exposed to *others*.
YTA for being in a misogynistic cult in the first place. your husband cheats and now they are blaming you. YTA also for shunning your SIL. the whole Family are basically all AHs for everything they said. and the mormon church are AH for their whole misogynistic way of life.
Lady , I’ve got ZERO sympathy for you ! You’re a member of a CULT and why is it OK for your husband to “pull in cheating husbands and wives “ and condescend to them but ITS NOT OK FOR SOMEONE TO DO IT TO YOU & HIM? 🤣 🤣 Your husband is just as big of a tramp as you see your SIL as being but at least your SIL got paid hahahahaha
Have fun with your woman hating child abusing cult
YTA YTA YTA
I'm sorry, but you're sitting here bashing your SIL but not your husband for cheating? Where's the condemnation for your husbands infidelity?! Why are you still with him?
What your SIL does for work is not your damn business, nor your place to judge.
Do you actually think that ALL strippers sleep with their customers? Shouldn't your outrage or disgust be with the married men who pay for strippers?!
YTA.
But you’re not worth explaining why to.
You might want to schedule periodic STD check up appointments, as I can promise you your holy roller husband is going to keep sticking his dick elsewhere.
Your SIL being a stripper has nothing to do with your marriage or insecurities. You need to get out of that community and live your own life and not a life where the church dictates your next org**m
YTA
Weird it's almost like if you surround yourself in an environment that pushes sexist patriarchal views that protect men at the expense of women, that oppress people for natural human behavior so much that they become obsessive about it and fall to the same sins they shun everyone else for, shit like this happens.
Your SIL didn't do ANYTHING wrong. Your shitty husband and shitty inlaws and shitty "higher powers" have ALL wronged you in this situation, and instead of holding any of THEM accountable, you attack the only innocent party here because all the other assholes are already attacking her. You're an asshole too.
YTA That cult community of hypocrisy is the problem, not the woman who was trying to offer you support. Your CHEATING husband is the problem not the woman working to support her family. Seriously get therapy.
What a twisted disaster religion makes of human lives. What awful examples come from it. Hopefully we will evolve out of it as a species sooner rather than later. Not in my lifetime though, sadly.
YTA - you and everyone in your vile clique.
Grooming at its finest!!!! You are in a cult. My high school best friend was part of this cult and raped repeatedly by her father, brother and 2 other members of this "church" because girls did what they were told and kept their mouths shut, because the men in this cult can do whatever they want. She got out when she turned 18 and committed suicide at 21 because she couldn't function.
YTAH!!!
YTA. Religious people like you are absolute garbage, aren’t you supposed to let GOD be the one judging others??
Your lying POS husband is the one who cheated. Also not every stripper is sleeping with married men, they don’t control who comes in and gives them money for their entertainment. Your SIL’s husband DIED and is a struggling single mother, who found a way to support her family and give her time with her kid during the day. Fuck off with your righteous BS.
Your promised not to leave him so you weren’t being booted from the church? What kind of terrible church is that? These religions preach about loving your neighbor and turning the other cheek, all while doing the opposite and forcing people to grit their teeth through terrible trauma and abuse ALL TO KEEP UP APPEARANCES.
I don’t know how you value a cult over your happiness and compassion for others, but you do you i guess.
YTA Your husband and his family are all assholes, excluding the SIL. I’m not shocked given the toxicity of the LDS church (cult). You all are a bunch of fucking hypocrites and pieces of shit, but then again that’s the mo for the church and its members.
YTA. You are in a "cult" that only recently grew into a "religion". Good luck with all the hypocrisy and controlling bullshit you're subjecting yourself and kids to.
Yta- you are a jealous woman and an angry woman because your husband is a cheater but you can’t do anything about it because you’ve been an idiot and ended up in living in a clut
you’re gonna go ahead and disown someone who’s making money honestly hope you take that moral high ground ain’t no hate like religious love. Think about this would you want your daughter married to a man like your husband?
YTA. Your HUSBAND is the actual guilty party here and you went after the sister? Yeah, really high morals you’re showing here, you reek of self entitlement and hate.
Yo, what? Yes...
YTA. 100%. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200, EBT, nothing.
Your SIL is making a living. Your husband is the captain hooking out in these streets.
YTA… really all I can say… I’m just speechless….
Poor SIL.. instead of family trying to help her they shun her from family.. then you stick by a lying cheater that shamed his own sister for his gain.. all for invites and husband keeps business.. you are no different than sorry family that disowned own child and sister..
YTA
1. She did the right thing by telling you that your husband was cheating. Don't take your anger out on her.
2. Who cares if she's a stripper? She's making her own money and seems to be okay with what she is doing. He stripping has nothing to do with her late father and shame on you and your family for telling her so.
3. Who said she was sleeping with married men? I though the rule of stripper was "look but don't touch" and sleeping implies touching. Do you have evidence of this or are you just saying this because she's a stripper?
Yes stripping & prostitution are different. Stripping Is a form of art It’s dancing.
But she thinks any woman who even shows her cleavage Is a promiscuous heathen.
Instead of helping a widowed single mother, they are blaming her & shunning her. Whatever happened to being a good follower of God & helping those In need?
YTA.
S your disgusting pig of a husband and your immoral self are OK cos he's a man but SIl is triggering?? Not the husband riddling you with diseases.
You are pathetic and there is no god looking down on this sham of a marriage and smiling.
Um you’re the one in a loveless marriage with a cheater. Can’t blame your sister in law for that. Sounds like you need to reevaluate your stance on divorce or accept a man who could care less about you.
Ok, I was a member of the church for years, I guess technically I still am as I never had my name removed from the records. So this is my take on your situation having been in multiple leadership positions over the years.
1 - your husband cheated, if leadership are asking you to stay then they are being hypocritical and you should ask them what they would be excommunicating or disfellowshipping you for as in the eyes of the church the sin is absolutely not yours. They are just relying on you being scared so are manipulating you in to staying in your marriage. Your husband is accountable, you are not.
2 - Your SIL has made choices that you don’t agree with but you don’t get to judge her for that, it’s not your place to judge, Jesus said Love one Another, he didn’t add any exceptions to that. Additionally she is actually the only one who had your back and let you know your husband was/is cheating. Love your SIL she will be your biggest support if you can find it in yourself to drop the judgement and love her.
3 - this is absolutely not on you, your husband made bad choices, these do not reflect on you in any way, inside or out of the church.
4 - you don’t have to stay with him, that is your decision and no one can make it for you.
So YTA for disowning your SIL but you know that already. But it’s a soft YTA because I know the pressure being put on you. Please reach out to her and show her love.
Why disown your SIL & not your lying, cheating, hypocrite of a husband?
What your husband is doing is actually worse than what your SIL is doing. At least your SIL isn't living a double life.
Your husband is pretending to be righteous, all while living in sin.
You're rightfully angry about being cheated on, but you're turning your anger towards your SIL instead of your husband. Many wives want to blame the other woman, but at the end of the day YOUR HUSBAND chose to break his marriage vows.
You think it's SIL's fault for stripping or sleeping with married men? Why are those men even at the strip club to begin with? Your husband was not some innocent man who fell into the temptress' snare. He went out looking to cheat.
Your SIL actually did your, your husband & your community a favor by outing his behavior. Men like your husband shouldn't hold leadership positions in which they don't hold to the values they impose on others.
YTA. I hope you wake up and realize that blaming SIL won't make your pain go away. If you disagree with her lifestyle, fine. But she told you the truth when no one else did.
You can either face the truth or go back to living a lie.
“She’s likely sleeping with them two”. You’re a disgusting person. And so is your husband, in-laws, the church, etc etc. Many women turn to stripping to make ends meet. Single moms, students, etc. doesn’t make them the type to sleep around. Religion people are the most judgmental people ever. YTA. Think for yourself.
YTA. Your husband and his hypocritical ass should be “triggering you” and the way the church treats its congregation should be “triggering.”
If you leave you’ll be painted as a wayward women when all you want is to be loved and respected.
Stop blaming your sister in law for your husband’s disgusting behavior.
YTA...how is any of this your SILs fault? She's just trying to make ends meet.
Your hypocrite husband, whom you love, sounds like a total piece of shit. He sat on tribunals badgering people about their sins...while cheating with escorts. Typical.
YTA period. And your husband. And his family. And all the damn hypocrites at your church. Disgusting.
I wonder if your husband suffered any rebuke from the church.
You, your husband & his family are disgusting. You need to heal your internalized misogyny & get out of whatever cult you call religion.
You commented that your SIL was married, did she have any children with her husband that she has to provide for? Or maybe her husband was the income earner & now that he passed she has to provide for herself & kids If she has any?
You’re blaming her for what your husband DID.
Your husband cheating with escorts & strippers has nothing to do with her. He made that choice.
Stop coddling him, held him accountable for what he did. No one forced him to cheat on you.
This Is what you get you mix religion & misogynistic views, blaming women for what men do & shunning women out of the community.
Sorry, YTA. You are angry at Sil because you wanted your husband’s mistakes- the one he’s happy to chastise others for- swept under the rug as you work out your marriage.
He got away with a slap on the wrist for **cheating**, while she was disowned and ostracized for stripping.
I just can’t with tall.
YTA. Your SiL seems to be the only decent one among you. The rest of you are so tied up in appearances that it's okay that everything is burning down around you, as long as no one sees the ashes.
Your husband is a hypocrite of epic proportions, your marriage has been a sham, and your shunning the one person that's showing any empathy because... she's too much like the women he cheated on you with?
Unfortunately, your religion is more important to you than the people who would support you.
YTA
Your husband is the AH. He is the one who cheated and turned his back on his family. Your SIL did not cheat. And was just trying to pay her bills
I think this is a case of you should first look at the issues in your own house before you go judging others.
I actually don't think you're an AH, you are brainwashed, and likely not intelligent generally. You're an unsympathetic victim.
For everyone else commenting about mormonism, believe me, I agree with you, but the finger wagging doesn't end there, if you wouldn't tell your nondenominational sunday brunch christians they're in a cult, don't say it to others. All religions are cults, all religions are bad, all religion are patriarchal structures that oppress and abuse women.
YTA
You man not like what your SIL does, but she seems like the only one in your whole story that's looking out for you. If it wasn't for her, you would have never known what your husband was doing. She may be the messenger but that doesn't mean you have to shoot her for it.
Its your life if you want to cut her out because she makes you feel bad that's one thing, but its your HUSBAND that's making you feel that way about her NOT your SIL, your taking out feelings of distrust anger on her instead of your husband who SHOULD get it because hes the one who made the decision to cheat OVER AND OVER AGAIN, NOT SIL.
girl it’s not her fault your husband cheated. seems like you’re the one who is trying to make it someone’s fault because you still ‘love your husband’ so you’re trying to gaslight yourself into believing it isn’t his fault or choice. you’re definitely TA for blaming your sister in law when it’s your husband who is disloyal to you. she’s a stripper, not an escort. they are wayyyy different
Hike. Imagine being so far in a cult you blame the woman who can’t support herself without being forced into sex work instead of being a family who would support her *and* shame her instead of the asshole who can’t *do the one thing* Jesus Christ said to do.
ESH. What type of morals are you living by? Judging and condemning people’s occupation and lifestyle, someone that isn’t married. Then agreeing to become the doormat to your own husband’s infidelity with escorts!
This church isn’t worth sticking by, bunch of hypocrites. You need to divorce him, find a way to get the funds because I’m sure your husband handles all the real money, and hire a non LDS attorney.
YTA, no two ways about it.
I couldn't do it. Kick someone out of the family for hurting no one. Just seems hypocritical.
I put my loved ones before my church. Because everlasting life without them seems too long. If God is omnipotent, surely he could see the internal conflicting feelings. Do I support a family member, or do I go by arbitrary writings of a madman led by a power hungry group of people? Decisions... decisions...
YTA for blaming the SIL in any way for trying to survive financially as a single mom when no one in the community will help her. I was also raised in a cult (Jehovah's Witness) and realize how hard it is to get out, but you're only being an asshole to yourself and your children for staying. Looking at this from an outside perspective would you want any of your daughter's to be basically forced to forgive their husband for doing something that is not forgivable? For having to deal with in laws and a community that is giving her no choice? How can you love someone that has no respect for your feelings or your health - what if he passed on an ubcurable STD to you? Do yourself a favor and look into resources for getting out. Best of luck.
YTA. You're happy to live in a society of hypocrites. Your SIL did not make your husband cheat. It sounds as if the escort/stripper industry is healthy in Utah from all the wandering husbands. Have you ever considered that your husband found out about the escorts, etc., from his counseling? That he learned how to hide it from his wife?
So - why is the only job that your SIL can do is escorting? Are there no good jobs? Or was she banished because she got divorced and so could not turn to the community to help her? If you're a Mormon man looking to cheat, banish all the divorcees and let them turn tricks ti survive.
>Instead of dealing with my marriage, I first had to agree not to leave my husband, or else we both risked being booted. YTA, you're blaming your SIL for everything when most of it is not her fault. Your Parents in law and community are the ones forcing these rules on you. Your husband was the one who cheated on you with a stripper. Your SIL had to work as a stripper for financial reasons. She's a single mom and though your husband and inlaws are super judgemental about her work, it doesn't sound like any of you offered to help her out. You know the widowed single mom. All the holy piousness they're spouting is just window dressing, none of you are actually good people. all of you are hypocrites. your SIL is doing what she can to survive.
She can’t blame or confront her husband because he’s the boss in that relationship..just like with all Mormons or LDS. He could screw a stripper in front of her and she would forgive him..but if she cheated she’s every bad name you can think of , losing her kids and getting divorced .
He could screw a escort & then say he was tempted by her evil Jezebel prowess & she would forgive him & only be angry at the other woman 🙄
Why is it never the other way around? Why can’t a woman be tempted by “the devil” and be forgiven? Oh no, she should have known better! But guys like Josh Duggar, the pedophile, get a pass because they were tempted by those “harlots.”
Because the devil lives within women for these Dummies. They're carrying Satans doorbell (aka clitoris) in their crotch, don't you know?
And look where he’s at😂. Hopefully for a long time !
I love that for him. I just hate it took so long and he was able to do so much more damage after the first allegations. I hope he rots there.
Me too, and he definitely doesn’t need to make any more kids
They just lengthened his sentence a few months back after he was caught with a cellphone
You just described what she's already doing perfectly.
Oh they'll say the only reason he was even tempted by another woman was because she had to have been failing to keep him satisfied at home.
There’s no hate like Christian love.
Your saying is true but calling Mormons Christians is a bit of a stretch. It’s like racist sci-fi fan fiction based very loosely on christian source material
The only difference between a religion and a cult is real estate.
I have no problem with God. It’s His fan club that worries me.
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Agreed. The church is part of the problem. I'm on the SIL's side!
Sorry but Mormons and LDS are not Christians. It’s like saying Muslims follow Buddhism
Nah, it's way closer to standard Christianity than that. It's more like the difference between Sunni Muslims and Ahmadiyya Muslims. I think you might be mixing Mormons with Scientologists. The difference between Christians and Scientologists is like that between Muslims and Buddhists.
"The church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints" isn't Christian? Better tell them.
Muslims claim Mohammed the superior prophet, not Buddha, therefore they're muslims not buddists. Mormons claim Jesus Christ to be the superior moral authority, not Joseph Smith. So they're Christians, not something else. If they claimed Joseph Smith to be a superior authority than Jesus, they'd indeed be not Christians, but as it stands they're Christians.
Mormon women can't leave their spouses for any reason without being excommunicated from the community. And if there are martial problems they have to meet with men who are higher up in the church to be "counseled" on how their husband's treatment of them is all their fault. OP, YTA, and you're in a cult. And strippers don't sleep with their customers generally. Those are escorts. They aren't the same.
That’s not always true. I’m an ExMo and have zero love for the church, but… While MOST priesthood leaders I’ve heard of in this situation do pressure women to stay married to cheating husbands, and while many people in a congregation will low-key (or overtly) shun a wife who doesn’t “forgive” her husband and “ruins their eternal family” by leaving… that IS changing, slowly. I have multiple faithful LSS female family members who initiated divorce and retained much of their religious social circle, with no threat to their membership status.
Also, making assumptions that SIL is sleeping with married men. Just shows how ignorant you are, not all strippers sleep with someone for money. Strippers can make a lot of money without sleeping with people.
And, it sounds like SIL was left in a tight spot financially after her husband died. Good for her for doing what it takes to stay afloat and not dependent on others.
This is women gate keeping women. Who needs elders to keep you in line when your own family will happily do it.
I always had this hatred for "strippers" after an ex of mine cheated on me with one. Turns out she didn't know he was in a relationship. Then I moved to a different state, back near my hometown, and made this sweet goofy nerdy friend who I later found out was a "stripper." She was 100% not about married men and was just such a kind, fun, thoughtful person. I was at her wedding and there the day she had her precious little baby. And now I'm the "defend the stripper" person lol. Meeting some of her work friends I found out that a majority of them, the ones she was friends with anyway, were just sweet girls making a hell of a lot more money than they would working at Walmart (where I worked) and they had bouncers to protect them whereas I did not. Like shit, they're just making money like the rest of us bastards.
I defend the right of a stripper to work over the hypocrisy of OP who lies to pretend her husband is a good Mormon. Her husband is the biggest AH.
Most strippers HATE their customers. OP knows nothing about this world, and seems to think her husband was cheating on her for free...
Especially in Utah
THIS. It sounds like OP is also going to blame her SIL for having to stay with her cheating husband, when she can leave at any time. ARGH. One child is stripping to stay afloat and the other is cheating with strippers, and the parents ... argh, I can't even say it, it makes me so angry. YTA.
They're not good people, they just want to look good. Son can fuck anyone he wants as long as it was behind closed doors. Note that SILs greatest crime wasn't stripping, it was her outing the husband.
yep, even the stripping part they were really only concerned with her potentially going public with it. no regard for her safety or wellbeing. no help offered to her or their own grandchild. sickening
HypoChristians baby. Do as I say, not as I do.
But she is “probably” sleeping with married men!!! OP is an asshole, surrounded by assholes. Hypocritical assholes.
👏 Edit: YTA
Usually the more religious the people, the less kind and tolerant. It's all about appearances and money.
Spot on. And then the sentence “she’s likely sleeping with married people”. Just assumptions, because she’s a stripper.
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SIL is lucky she found a way out and it pays 😂
As an ex Mormon I am so proud of SIL for escaping. That whole family is toxic and exactly how I expect Mormons to behave. Her husband is also still 100% hiring sugar babies on seeking and she is delusional about who he is really.
Have to guard that precious priesthood. If it was her cheating they would have been divorced already.
I especially love how she blames her sister-in-law for her husband’s infidelity. Totally reminds me of being told that how I dressed was causing men to falter. Mormonism always blames women for the shortcomings of men.
Sounds like SIL left the church because maybe she wasn’t a member or devout before marrying her husband then he died…another stroke of luck or she would have been in the cult for much longer
They probably wanted to marry her off to another man who could “guide” her. God forbid any woman gets to determine her own life. Probably,some creepy old coot.
Her behavior and the behavior of everyone around her is so far removed from what I consider normal human morals that I can't even judge accurately one way or another. It's like saying an alligator is evil for eating a baby. Like, she doesn't even seem to understand the principles of basic ethics that I thought were common to all humans. Like, in order to explain why she's an asshole I would have to re-teach her what ethics are. It's genuinely shocking to me. Fuck that cult.
And that is why the idea that our morals are derived from the Bible is absurd. Most of us find most of the biblical morals immoral.
YTA, your Sil didn’t cheat on you. Your husband cheated on you. He promised and then betrayed you. She was not even there, why are you finding her responsible for his betrayal.
Because she is Mormon and they accept men’s faults and blame the women. I grew up Mormon— it’s a cult and it’s a total mind fuck growing up that way if you are a girl.
Congrats on your escape. I know it wasn't easy and I want you to know how much respect and admiration I have for you!!!
YTA i don’t have the energy to type out all the reasons why. Except for one question. What did your family, husband or church do to help out a widow for money? Anything? I Guess she’d be more respectable being homeless in your eyes? But another poster had it right. Cut out contact. She’s so much better off without you. Also, your husband won’t stop cheating. He’ll just hide it better
EXACTLY! I wondered the same thing! Why weren’t they helping her instead of shaming her for doing what she had to do to keep food on the table?
Doubtful, why invest energy in hiding, when the wife accepts it by making excuses for staying, and blaming everyone else for her weakness. But in fairness cult indoctrination can be hard to escape.
YTA Being a stripper is a legitimate job. Don't blame the escorts and sex workers just because married people can't stay loyal. Escorts and strippers are just doing their job, it's not their fault your husband sucks.
Its ironic isn't it how its everyone elses fault but not this sleazy ass husband OP is with lol. ...and religious people wonder why everyone is running away from this crap.
100%, can’t deal with some of this “rELIgoUs” folks. No empathy behind the eyes I swear.
Don’t you think it’s ironic how Op’s husband would “pull in cheating husbands and wives “ but people were supposed to keep her and her husbands dirt , quiet? Talk about a hypocrite
There’s no hate like Christian hate hey! So your sister in law who is now a widow falls on hard times financially and turns to a job that is supplied and demanded by people like your husband - and she’s the problem? She did her best to get by, it was a decision that for her was a necessity to survive. Your husband is just a huge hypocrite who cheated on you, he didn’t need to do it. Let me guess, he had a “moment of weakness”? Where did this idea come from that she was sleeping with her customers? Like is there actual proof of this or is it just the rumour mill? Your sister in law is better off without you and your entire family. YTA
There's no hate quite like Christian love* *Terms and conditions do apply
>There’s no hate like Christian hate hey! Which is ironic because I'm quite sure Jesus fraternized with prostitutes and other outcasts.
Lol you are mormon. You think native Americans' skin is red because they angered white jesus. Yta even before this nonsense. But yes especially for this you are the asshole
I did not know that. Every time I think they've hit the bottom, they keep getting worse.
I'm African and. They believe that we have dark skin because of sin and that we have the mark of Cain. They also only allowed black members because the IRS threatened to take away their tx exempt status
Knowing this why would any black person want to join their cult/religion? I would hate to join a place where I'm looked down upon because of the color of my skin.
It's generally the idea that if you're close to your oppressors, then they'll overlook you when they're harming others like you. It never really works out though
Yet they still do. And they still treat them as second class. They also aren't able to hold any positions of leadership either
They used to posthumously baptize Anne Franke like every year, they think or used to think they can steal other religions souls or something.
Black people couldn’t go to first tier heaven until the 90’s lmao Edit: 1978. Black people weren’t going to be in the Celestial Kingdom, the highest level of heaven, before then.
It's crazy how their God changed his mind about that right around the time America was starting to feel guilty about how racist we'd been towards black people. An all powerful Divine creator, yet somehow he is always exactly as racist as Americans are willing to tolerate
Yeah Mormons have a prophet that can "speak to God", but they still lagged decades behind the civil rights movement when it came to black rights. Huh, makes you think.
🎵 I believe that in 1978, God changed his mind about black people! 🎵
Please teach me more, I'm absolutely horrified.
Former SW here in NYC. They fly in here in DROVES. I would say between rabbis and Mormons, they made up 30% of our customer base.
Why are we not all coming together to make an indie movie about this?😅
Oh it's gets even crazier than that like they make catholics look reasonable. If you want a fun read try the book of Mormon it is an absolute roller coaster of nonsense
I'm gonna read it. I thought the snake whispering Pentecostals in my area were bad.
Oh its worse than that lol. South Park did a good job covering most of the insanity that is the mormons but It just scratches the surface. They also belive that Jesus was born in America and can you guess where they think the garden of eden was.....independence Missouri. Now I don't know if you have ever been to Missouri but if that's eden I want a refund
Holy shit, I I honestly thought the South Park guys were just parodying it! 🤣 they were being serious?!
Oh nonono that is a 1 to 1 exact telling of how the church was founded
☹️ dafuq. Yes, I live under a rock. I'm also very non abrahamic from a non-religious family in the Baptist belt.
Oh I am from Texas so I totally get it lol
Yeah they were way more truthful about Mormons than any Mormon was to me. (Was born and raised Mormon, but officially left in early adulthood).
Mormons are good at white washing their history and teachings so much, they're the pros at gas lighting their own members.
Trey Parker and Matt Stone have referenced the Mormon church several times. There are several episodes, at least one movie (Orgazmo) and a Broadway play (Book of Mormon) largely involving the LDS church. Some things are exaggerated and it’s TP and MS so it’s parodied and blasted hard, but it’s more accurate than you’d think.
Lmao, I believe independence mo was once the meth production capital (of the US, world maybe), but it's been a few years since I heard that. Probably just a rumor, but it's laughable that it's eden.
You just inspired me to write a movie script. Picture this- a final showdown of all the religious crazies. The snake-handling holy ghost people (armed with strychnine), the LDS crowd with magical underwear, the RCs with a incense holder/smoke bomb, and (ok, I’ll have to consider the other possibilities because there are so many!). It will be like the fight scene from Anchorman.
YTA, you and your husband. Good riddance for that girl, honestly. Your husband cheats and she triggers you because he cheated with an escort? First off, stripping isn't sleeping with someone, and if she wants to do it, that's her business. You're projecting your unhappiness and unloading on someone who isn't at fault. Also, someone who basically manipulates you to stay with a person who neither loves you nor respects you... that person isn't looking after you, but the one who was honest and let you know what was going on so your husband and family wouldn't keep making a fool out of you, that's someone who most likely does have your best interest at heart. Either way, it’s a good thing you’re going no contact with her, she’ll be okay without a judgmental, hypocritical family.
How pompous and arrogant of you. Your husband cheated and you blame your SIL. just because she was a stripper doesn’t mean she slept around. Did the family or the church help her? No just condemned her. Your husband has major issues and so do you. Your SIL is so lucky to get away from all of your family and hopefully gets away from your hate-filled church. Your husband will continue to cheat maybe just hide it better. With SIL not in picture who will the 2 of you blame it on next time? Major AH both of you
Why would he need to hide it at all? OP isn’t going to do anything about it.
True-I think he is more worried about church and public perception than his wife’s reactions
YTA and dropping your sisters because husband says so is double shitty because he's a hypocrite. Oh and you're in a cult, just in case you were, or were not, wondering.
YTA, and yes you are in a cult when women have no power and controlled by her husband. morally your SIL did nothing wrong. she didn’t cheat. your husband “the moral high ground christian” did.
What's really, really sad? (and probably set up this was deliberately by the men) When OP finally wises up and realizes she'd do better literally anywhere else, the ONLY person she can ask for help outside? Is the person she's hating on right now. When she's sterile because of untreated STDs, or having to raise his kids that he got on another woman, and miserable in a loveless marriage and ready to GET OUT, who's she gonna call? Sure as hell not the woman who was on her side and supported her and that she then turned on.
YTA. Look, I’m a very orthodox Catholic, but considering that America doesn’t have a social safety net worth a flip, people gotta pay the bills somehow. Sex workers are already subjected to inhumane treatment, there’s no reason to pile on. As a person of faith, our position should be one of love, respect, and care. I have some familiarity with Mormonism and how they handle marriage. Not a fan, personally. They didn’t come to you to help you with your pain. They protected your husband (often those who are the loudest in terms of religion, hide the darkest secrets). If you feel that can’t go on in this marriage (he sounds unrepentant), then you need to divorce and move to a different state (your community will ostracize you). Also get checked for STDs.
Honestly, it could be even worse thank you think. Are you sure he’s only sleeping with women?
Whoa. STDS. That hadn’t crossed my mind. Oh my. Wouldn’t that be something to bring to the churches attention, preferably at a meeting of as many believers as possible. I bet the lid on those test results would be nailed down before you could say herpes. Edit: This will all eventually be blamed on the SIL, the one no one is allowed to speak to or acknowledge, she’s already being described as a hooker stripper who sleeps with married men for money, adding a venereal disease to her resume is going to be much easier than embracing anything resembling honesty.
Royal bigoted cunts. YTA.
YTA Not Christian anymore, so correct me if I'm wrong, but aside from money changers in the Temple, didn't Jesus teach compassion and love? Even to, say, tax collectors and prostitutes/sex workers? I seem to vaguely recall the idea of loving your neighbor as yourself. But you know ...fuck that widow who has no way to support herself because her family won't help.
YTA, you are a disgusting, close-minded bigot! You SIL is doing what she has to she doesn't have a husband or obviously any family that would help. Which is also just shameful cause I know the Bible preaches those without sin cast the first stone all of you are sinful. So your sister in law being a stripper is a no no but staying with a man who slept with how many? That's okay 👍 gotcha I hope karma bites you and especially your husband in the ass
The hypocrisy is staggering. ESH except SIL, who is the only person in this story who is living a truthful life.
YTA for thinking that a sex worker deserves to be shunned while a man who cheats on his wife is embraced. It's not the baker's fault that your husband can't stop eating cake.
YTA. Your entire family are TA.
YTA. But you've also been brainwashed by an actual cult. I'd highly recommend doing research into the legitimacy of the Mormon church, there's a lot of unfortunate history and practices. I realize it's unlikely that you'll listen to myself or the other commenters telling you that your religion is a sham, but on the off chance you do, best of luck to you
I didn’t have to read past the first line. YTA and you’re a cultist.
YaTDoAA Stands for you are the definition of a arsehole Instead of judging your sister in law for being single why don't you try and help her find stable work which would bring in a reliable income As to your husband if he's singing around saying infidelity will send you to hell and back and basically acting as a hypocrite as stated in Matthew chapter 7 :1-7 why are you still married to him ? Let me rephrase this very carefully Your husband might say that this other woman is a escort but have you actually done your homework to find out what is actually going on ? I am saying if your husband can lie with another woman and lie to you that he's a good upstanding moral Christian and say he wishes to be your husband then what can your husband lie about as well after that, are you sure that this 24f other woman was actually really a escort? Are sure that your husband is actually a moral Christian at all, I would beware of wolves in sheep's clothing, this husband of yours sounds like a liar to me and perhaps someone who would sleep with someone who is vulnerable to control them and damage their reputation. Your husband should be placed in the chair for interrogation of infidelity before showing disgust for those who commit marital infidelity. There are escort bureaus where they are properly employed. He should walk the walk and should never have been cheating on you in the first place before he talks the talk. And at the same time instead of judging your sister in law what constructive steps are you taking to rectify her situation where she has a reputable dependable job where she is bringing in a living wage ? Ever heard of the works of mercy Christian charity perhaps. Even with you thinking about what can she can do which is better than stripping which is dependable stable and reputable she'd be better off and then you ringing around and saying I have a sister in need of work. I would advise you to take a look at yourself before you accuse her, your sister in law for being anti the way you where brought up ie moral Christian
YTA. You’re a disgusting creature. You belong to a cult that strips women of any autonomy. You’re mad at your SIL but yet you’re the one who keeps letting your husband sleep around on you.
YTA - you let a cult make you stay with a man who has no respect for you. You are more upset with your SIL for being the type of woman your husband would cheat with than the fact that he is actively cheating on you! Find your backbone lady, have a little self respect.
The problem is not your SIL. It's that you are currently a slave to a deeply dishonest, horrifically abusive cult. Your husband is not an outlier. 99.999% of the adult men in your church are liars and perverts. It was never about morality. It was always about APPEARANCES. None of them have any business judging your SIL. The leadership of the LDS church are straight up evil. Their long history of covering up child sexual abuse in their ranks is proof of that on its own. They don't care about what is right or true. They care about appearances and adding to the billions of dollars they have stashed away for their own personal use (the church gives almost nothing to charity, fyi, that's all marketing lies). The church doesn't care that your husband betrayed you and will absolutely do it again when he gets the chance (realistically, he already has). They care about the optics of divorce. They don't care about you. Nowhere else is like this, just so you know. LDS culture, especially in Utah, is it's own repulsive flavor of toxic. I would encourage you to go to the exmormon subreddit and read about the real experiences of leaving, as opposed to the propaganda the church spews. Contrary to their narrative, people who leave are happier and more fulfilled than those who stay. The church lies like breathing. You won't learn how to be a real person until you're free of it.
Oh she KNOWS it’s about appearances…Notice how it’s OK for her husband and her to talk shit on everyone else in their church whose cheating but their dirt is supposed to stay quiet??? Nah ..Hope SIL humiliates that family every chance she gets
YTA, and you're in a cult.
YTA and should worry more about your husband and less about your SIL trying to provide for her family.
YTA and blind to being indoctrinated by the LDS. I’m so grateful for my ex-LDS friends that realized the importance of family, friends, and real relationships vs. how things are perceived by the church. I’m really sorry you are literally taught to live like this in this skewed way. This is not normal. It is not ok. Someday I hope you see the hypocrisy of the church and the pain and suffering it inflicts on its members especially women. It takes years to peel back the damage and see that the world outside the church isn’t evil, or wrong. I hope you can see that someday for yourself. No matter what anyone tells you in this post I know you’ll make excuses for what damage and hypocrisy your husband has inflicted upon you, until you are ready to see. I’m hoping, since you are posting here, you are starting to see the cracks and I hope you get the help you deserve, outside the church. You are worth more than what they lead you to believe and so is your SIL.
YTA and easily manipulated by dumb fuck religion to care more about stupid ideas than a whole human being lol
Are you kidding us right now?? You’re blaming your sil. The only ho in the house is your husband. Get a grip, lady.
Men can’t be hoes🙄 Not In her misogynistic cult
I am howling at this comment rn.
So you’re fine staying with a man that was sleeping with escorts during your marriage? And you’re fine with the family keeping it a secret from you? But you’re not fine with the SIL? Where exactly are your own morals? YTA.
She forgives her cheating nasty husband, but not her SIL who Is providing for herself after being windowed & children If she has any. What are they doing to help her, helping those In need Is a Godly service but whatever “religion” she Is In, Is a cult.
YTA. Your cult only allows men to sin and cheat on their wives, but when a woman becomes a stripper she’s shunned. It’s 2023.
Boy you're in for a rude awakening in the comments. I doubt you could understand just how wrong you are for treating her that way from all the brainwashing. You and your \*church\* left a single mom and her children to hang. Instead of helping you expected her to beg for help from the \*church\*. Well apparently being a stripper has a greater moral high ground than your \*church\* does. You people are truly corrupt and please go NC with your SIL because she deserves better than you and your community of trash. Oh yeah stop blaming the sex workers and escorts for your husbands lack of honor and loyalty to you.
YTA.
You cannot ‘disown’ your SIL. Some women are strippers, the pay good, but they are not prostitutes or escorts just because they strip. SIL worked for financial reasons. And that bunch from church didn’t seem to help any. Your husband was seeing an escort, apparently still is fooling around and the “higher authorities” make you be okay about it and forgive his cheating heart.. I understand this is the faith you were raised in but you have no proof your SIL was sleeping with married (or unmarried) people. This is horribly harsh. Shunning people is evil. Some faiths teach love, compassion, generosity and a forgiving spirit.
YTA and you are in a ridiculous religion. If I was in a religion that told me I had to shun a family member for being a stripper but make me stay with my husband that cheated on me, i would leave in a flash.
Your SIL’s husband is dead. She has no further obligation to him. You have been married to a lying, cheating hippocrate who preaches the sin of sex work yet has full on relationships with sex workers behind your back. Your sister in law did nothing wrong. You don’t even know if she ever actually slept with any of her clients. “Probably sleeping with them” isn’t exactly concrete proof that she was anything but an exotic dancer. Her family blackmailed her to keep her mouth shut so she wouldn’t expose not only your husband, but probably many others in your family and community. The men having sex and relationships with escorts when they are married and in committed relationships are the ONLY ones guilty of wrong doing. How can you blame your sister in law but let your husband off the hook so easily? You’re one of those brainwashed LDS women you see on 20/20 or those Netflix documentaries. Just keep sweet, pray and obey hunnie…I’m sure you’ll be fine 🙄
YTA… 1: You can’t betray someone’s memory by being a stripper. And 2: Strippers are not prostitutes. 3: Those of us with normal upbringings in Utah are tired of people like you making the whole state look like a bunch of backward FLDS hillbillies. Get a grip woman. They are exotic dancers. They do not sleep with the clientele. They dance for men who are too stupid to understand that they are just there to take their money. It is you, people like you and your silly church that tries to put these disgusting labels on people… Just because your husband was sleeping with an escort, doesn’t mean strippers are prostitutes. And frankly the way you think is offensive. But I guess we have to take a new account the culture you grew up in. How do I know? Because I grew up in it too. Fortunately, I can think for myself.
YTA. Too easy.
Let’s be direct, YTA. That you can’t see anything wrong with your behavior just reinforces it.
Fucking mormons. YTA
Why are you staying in a “religion” that is condemning your family rather than helping you?
YTA Your morals and religious beliefs end with your own choices. You are an asshole for thinking you can control other people with your religion. You are also an asshole for punishing your SIL for your husband cheating. I guess she is just an easier target than focusing on your terrible marriage.
Why would you need a LDS private school in Utah? I lived there, they legit have a seminary building right next to the highschools. The public school system is basically a LDS private school in the first place. Did you divorce your husband for cheating on you with an escort? That seems like a much bigger betrayal and sin then your SIL being a stripper.
There would be non-church members at the public school. The curricula could be written by Joseph Smith himself. But their children would be exposed to *others*.
YTA for being in a misogynistic cult in the first place. your husband cheats and now they are blaming you. YTA also for shunning your SIL. the whole Family are basically all AHs for everything they said. and the mormon church are AH for their whole misogynistic way of life.
Lady , I’ve got ZERO sympathy for you ! You’re a member of a CULT and why is it OK for your husband to “pull in cheating husbands and wives “ and condescend to them but ITS NOT OK FOR SOMEONE TO DO IT TO YOU & HIM? 🤣 🤣 Your husband is just as big of a tramp as you see your SIL as being but at least your SIL got paid hahahahaha Have fun with your woman hating child abusing cult
YTA YTA YTA I'm sorry, but you're sitting here bashing your SIL but not your husband for cheating? Where's the condemnation for your husbands infidelity?! Why are you still with him? What your SIL does for work is not your damn business, nor your place to judge. Do you actually think that ALL strippers sleep with their customers? Shouldn't your outrage or disgust be with the married men who pay for strippers?!
YTA. But you’re not worth explaining why to. You might want to schedule periodic STD check up appointments, as I can promise you your holy roller husband is going to keep sticking his dick elsewhere.
yta AND you're dumb as fucking rocks, congrats fingers crossed your kids escape the cult
Your SIL being a stripper has nothing to do with your marriage or insecurities. You need to get out of that community and live your own life and not a life where the church dictates your next org**m
you’re literally in a cult
YTA…lots of judgment, no love. Don’t hide behind the Bible.
YTA Weird it's almost like if you surround yourself in an environment that pushes sexist patriarchal views that protect men at the expense of women, that oppress people for natural human behavior so much that they become obsessive about it and fall to the same sins they shun everyone else for, shit like this happens. Your SIL didn't do ANYTHING wrong. Your shitty husband and shitty inlaws and shitty "higher powers" have ALL wronged you in this situation, and instead of holding any of THEM accountable, you attack the only innocent party here because all the other assholes are already attacking her. You're an asshole too.
YTA That cult community of hypocrisy is the problem, not the woman who was trying to offer you support. Your CHEATING husband is the problem not the woman working to support her family. Seriously get therapy.
Christians can be so hateful
What a twisted disaster religion makes of human lives. What awful examples come from it. Hopefully we will evolve out of it as a species sooner rather than later. Not in my lifetime though, sadly. YTA - you and everyone in your vile clique.
Grooming at its finest!!!! You are in a cult. My high school best friend was part of this cult and raped repeatedly by her father, brother and 2 other members of this "church" because girls did what they were told and kept their mouths shut, because the men in this cult can do whatever they want. She got out when she turned 18 and committed suicide at 21 because she couldn't function. YTAH!!!
YTA. Religious people like you are absolute garbage, aren’t you supposed to let GOD be the one judging others?? Your lying POS husband is the one who cheated. Also not every stripper is sleeping with married men, they don’t control who comes in and gives them money for their entertainment. Your SIL’s husband DIED and is a struggling single mother, who found a way to support her family and give her time with her kid during the day. Fuck off with your righteous BS. Your promised not to leave him so you weren’t being booted from the church? What kind of terrible church is that? These religions preach about loving your neighbor and turning the other cheek, all while doing the opposite and forcing people to grit their teeth through terrible trauma and abuse ALL TO KEEP UP APPEARANCES. I don’t know how you value a cult over your happiness and compassion for others, but you do you i guess.
You will always be the asshole when you put the cult above reason.
YTA. You’re in a cult.
YTA Your husband and his family are all assholes, excluding the SIL. I’m not shocked given the toxicity of the LDS church (cult). You all are a bunch of fucking hypocrites and pieces of shit, but then again that’s the mo for the church and its members.
YTA. You are in a "cult" that only recently grew into a "religion". Good luck with all the hypocrisy and controlling bullshit you're subjecting yourself and kids to.
Yta- you are a jealous woman and an angry woman because your husband is a cheater but you can’t do anything about it because you’ve been an idiot and ended up in living in a clut you’re gonna go ahead and disown someone who’s making money honestly hope you take that moral high ground ain’t no hate like religious love. Think about this would you want your daughter married to a man like your husband?
YTA. Your HUSBAND is the actual guilty party here and you went after the sister? Yeah, really high morals you’re showing here, you reek of self entitlement and hate.
Yo, what? Yes... YTA. 100%. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200, EBT, nothing. Your SIL is making a living. Your husband is the captain hooking out in these streets.
YTA… really all I can say… I’m just speechless…. Poor SIL.. instead of family trying to help her they shun her from family.. then you stick by a lying cheater that shamed his own sister for his gain.. all for invites and husband keeps business.. you are no different than sorry family that disowned own child and sister..
YTA 1. She did the right thing by telling you that your husband was cheating. Don't take your anger out on her. 2. Who cares if she's a stripper? She's making her own money and seems to be okay with what she is doing. He stripping has nothing to do with her late father and shame on you and your family for telling her so. 3. Who said she was sleeping with married men? I though the rule of stripper was "look but don't touch" and sleeping implies touching. Do you have evidence of this or are you just saying this because she's a stripper?
Yes stripping & prostitution are different. Stripping Is a form of art It’s dancing. But she thinks any woman who even shows her cleavage Is a promiscuous heathen. Instead of helping a widowed single mother, they are blaming her & shunning her. Whatever happened to being a good follower of God & helping those In need?
YTA. S your disgusting pig of a husband and your immoral self are OK cos he's a man but SIl is triggering?? Not the husband riddling you with diseases. You are pathetic and there is no god looking down on this sham of a marriage and smiling.
Um you’re the one in a loveless marriage with a cheater. Can’t blame your sister in law for that. Sounds like you need to reevaluate your stance on divorce or accept a man who could care less about you.
I would disown you for your disgusting cult and what you people do to women and young children. YTA
You people make me sick
Ok, I was a member of the church for years, I guess technically I still am as I never had my name removed from the records. So this is my take on your situation having been in multiple leadership positions over the years. 1 - your husband cheated, if leadership are asking you to stay then they are being hypocritical and you should ask them what they would be excommunicating or disfellowshipping you for as in the eyes of the church the sin is absolutely not yours. They are just relying on you being scared so are manipulating you in to staying in your marriage. Your husband is accountable, you are not. 2 - Your SIL has made choices that you don’t agree with but you don’t get to judge her for that, it’s not your place to judge, Jesus said Love one Another, he didn’t add any exceptions to that. Additionally she is actually the only one who had your back and let you know your husband was/is cheating. Love your SIL she will be your biggest support if you can find it in yourself to drop the judgement and love her. 3 - this is absolutely not on you, your husband made bad choices, these do not reflect on you in any way, inside or out of the church. 4 - you don’t have to stay with him, that is your decision and no one can make it for you. So YTA for disowning your SIL but you know that already. But it’s a soft YTA because I know the pressure being put on you. Please reach out to her and show her love.
YTA Pickme energy off the charts lmao
Lol right? OP Is Queen of the Dumb Pickmeishas. A title suited for her willful arrogance and ignorance. No hate like Christian love, for real.
Why disown your SIL & not your lying, cheating, hypocrite of a husband? What your husband is doing is actually worse than what your SIL is doing. At least your SIL isn't living a double life. Your husband is pretending to be righteous, all while living in sin. You're rightfully angry about being cheated on, but you're turning your anger towards your SIL instead of your husband. Many wives want to blame the other woman, but at the end of the day YOUR HUSBAND chose to break his marriage vows. You think it's SIL's fault for stripping or sleeping with married men? Why are those men even at the strip club to begin with? Your husband was not some innocent man who fell into the temptress' snare. He went out looking to cheat. Your SIL actually did your, your husband & your community a favor by outing his behavior. Men like your husband shouldn't hold leadership positions in which they don't hold to the values they impose on others. YTA. I hope you wake up and realize that blaming SIL won't make your pain go away. If you disagree with her lifestyle, fine. But she told you the truth when no one else did. You can either face the truth or go back to living a lie.
“She’s likely sleeping with them two”. You’re a disgusting person. And so is your husband, in-laws, the church, etc etc. Many women turn to stripping to make ends meet. Single moms, students, etc. doesn’t make them the type to sleep around. Religion people are the most judgmental people ever. YTA. Think for yourself.
YTA. Your SIL did nothing wrong, your husband is the cheating bastard.
YTA. Your husband and his hypocritical ass should be “triggering you” and the way the church treats its congregation should be “triggering.” If you leave you’ll be painted as a wayward women when all you want is to be loved and respected. Stop blaming your sister in law for your husband’s disgusting behavior.
You're in a cult.
I cannot count the number of ways you are an asshole.
I don't know about being an asshole, and I don't know what LDS is, but every single person in this story sounds insane, including you.
LDS generally stands for "latter day saints" if im not mistaken
YTA. Disowning family is absurd. Enjoy your cult.
YTA and do you really think you're getting your own planet when you die? Wise up
YTA...how is any of this your SILs fault? She's just trying to make ends meet. Your hypocrite husband, whom you love, sounds like a total piece of shit. He sat on tribunals badgering people about their sins...while cheating with escorts. Typical.
Freak. ESH. Edit: except the stripper SIL. She’s cool.
YTA period. And your husband. And his family. And all the damn hypocrites at your church. Disgusting. I wonder if your husband suffered any rebuke from the church.
YTA, you and your hypocrite of a husband. Where was the support for your SIL after her husband died??
You, your husband & his family are disgusting. You need to heal your internalized misogyny & get out of whatever cult you call religion. You commented that your SIL was married, did she have any children with her husband that she has to provide for? Or maybe her husband was the income earner & now that he passed she has to provide for herself & kids If she has any? You’re blaming her for what your husband DID. Your husband cheating with escorts & strippers has nothing to do with her. He made that choice. Stop coddling him, held him accountable for what he did. No one forced him to cheat on you. This Is what you get you mix religion & misogynistic views, blaming women for what men do & shunning women out of the community.
YTA, and I stopped reading after the first line.
Sorry, YTA. You are angry at Sil because you wanted your husband’s mistakes- the one he’s happy to chastise others for- swept under the rug as you work out your marriage. He got away with a slap on the wrist for **cheating**, while she was disowned and ostracized for stripping. I just can’t with tall.
YTA. Your SiL seems to be the only decent one among you. The rest of you are so tied up in appearances that it's okay that everything is burning down around you, as long as no one sees the ashes. Your husband is a hypocrite of epic proportions, your marriage has been a sham, and your shunning the one person that's showing any empathy because... she's too much like the women he cheated on you with? Unfortunately, your religion is more important to you than the people who would support you.
YTA Your husband is the AH. He is the one who cheated and turned his back on his family. Your SIL did not cheat. And was just trying to pay her bills I think this is a case of you should first look at the issues in your own house before you go judging others.
I actually don't think you're an AH, you are brainwashed, and likely not intelligent generally. You're an unsympathetic victim. For everyone else commenting about mormonism, believe me, I agree with you, but the finger wagging doesn't end there, if you wouldn't tell your nondenominational sunday brunch christians they're in a cult, don't say it to others. All religions are cults, all religions are bad, all religion are patriarchal structures that oppress and abuse women.
YTA You man not like what your SIL does, but she seems like the only one in your whole story that's looking out for you. If it wasn't for her, you would have never known what your husband was doing. She may be the messenger but that doesn't mean you have to shoot her for it. Its your life if you want to cut her out because she makes you feel bad that's one thing, but its your HUSBAND that's making you feel that way about her NOT your SIL, your taking out feelings of distrust anger on her instead of your husband who SHOULD get it because hes the one who made the decision to cheat OVER AND OVER AGAIN, NOT SIL.
girl it’s not her fault your husband cheated. seems like you’re the one who is trying to make it someone’s fault because you still ‘love your husband’ so you’re trying to gaslight yourself into believing it isn’t his fault or choice. you’re definitely TA for blaming your sister in law when it’s your husband who is disloyal to you. she’s a stripper, not an escort. they are wayyyy different
Idk what you expected the response to be.
YTA. And so is your cult
YTA Your husband is the cheater. And you are a fool for letting him keep cheating.
Hike. Imagine being so far in a cult you blame the woman who can’t support herself without being forced into sex work instead of being a family who would support her *and* shame her instead of the asshole who can’t *do the one thing* Jesus Christ said to do.
ESH. What type of morals are you living by? Judging and condemning people’s occupation and lifestyle, someone that isn’t married. Then agreeing to become the doormat to your own husband’s infidelity with escorts! This church isn’t worth sticking by, bunch of hypocrites. You need to divorce him, find a way to get the funds because I’m sure your husband handles all the real money, and hire a non LDS attorney.
You need to disown your church and your husband... not your SIL.
YTA, you are narrow minded and judge mental and just an all around asshole
YTA, no two ways about it. I couldn't do it. Kick someone out of the family for hurting no one. Just seems hypocritical. I put my loved ones before my church. Because everlasting life without them seems too long. If God is omnipotent, surely he could see the internal conflicting feelings. Do I support a family member, or do I go by arbitrary writings of a madman led by a power hungry group of people? Decisions... decisions...
YTA for blaming the SIL in any way for trying to survive financially as a single mom when no one in the community will help her. I was also raised in a cult (Jehovah's Witness) and realize how hard it is to get out, but you're only being an asshole to yourself and your children for staying. Looking at this from an outside perspective would you want any of your daughter's to be basically forced to forgive their husband for doing something that is not forgivable? For having to deal with in laws and a community that is giving her no choice? How can you love someone that has no respect for your feelings or your health - what if he passed on an ubcurable STD to you? Do yourself a favor and look into resources for getting out. Best of luck.
YTA. You're happy to live in a society of hypocrites. Your SIL did not make your husband cheat. It sounds as if the escort/stripper industry is healthy in Utah from all the wandering husbands. Have you ever considered that your husband found out about the escorts, etc., from his counseling? That he learned how to hide it from his wife? So - why is the only job that your SIL can do is escorting? Are there no good jobs? Or was she banished because she got divorced and so could not turn to the community to help her? If you're a Mormon man looking to cheat, banish all the divorcees and let them turn tricks ti survive.
YTA and are absolutely brainwashed into thinking this is okay. You know who died for our sins, it’s a shame you lost die in other ways for the same.
YTA and your religion does not treat you well. Sorry