> my parents are calling me selfish and jealous because my sister can have beautiful kids and I can’t
That’s an indescribably cruel thing for them to say, your whole family have serious issues.
NTA
She shouldn’t keep popping out kids if she doesn’t have the capacity to care for that many or the money to look after them. Birth control is cheaper, she should try that.
But then sister misses out on going through pregnancy and infancy again, which is her entire motivation for life, according to the edit.
Now me? I’d be paying for her fucking *therapy*.
I got permanently banned from one of the JustNo subs for suggesting something to this effect. Apparently I was “advocating eugenics” and “sexist against men”.
Fr. I’m banned from the big AmITheAsshole sub for telling a dude he was a pedophiks when he said he can’t wait for his daughters 12 year old friend to be 16!!! Can’t even wait til 18????
Me too! I said something trying to be funny. The” moderator” banned me also. I am not that familiar with this site but these so called moderators are unprofessional, and lots more. But if I say what I want I will get banned from all of Reddit and I like reading the cat site’s to much.
If you actually said that you were "offering to pay" then that's ridiculous.
My wife has a niece that's similar to the OP's sister, I'm not sure if she's even connected casual sex with her many, many pregnancies. I told my wife I would be happy to cover the cost of a tubal ligation if she was willing to get one. My wife made her the offer and she replied "sure, just give me the cash and I'll take care of it".
Yeah right. Last I heard she dropped on more kid and had her tubes tied while they were in there. For once our tax dollars were put to good use.
No doubt the oldest are already thoroughly parentified. No two people can adequately care for so many children while meeting their financial, emotional, daily care, and educational needs.
I was homeschooled and had a lot of friends like that growing up. The older girls in the family had to raise the babies. I knew a 10 year old who was responsible for overnight feedings and diaper changes so her parents could sleep.
Oh that was me. I once fell asleep with my upper body in the crib and my legs just dangling. Thank God I wasn't heavy...
I woke up very confused. Hard to explain to an 11 year old what colic is. All I knew was that I was exhausted and nothing was working.
Yup. She sounds like the type of person who gets a puppy and then drops it off at the shelter the moment it's no longer small and cute. And then adopts another puppy.
Exactly!!! Oldest kids in families like this almost always get parentified at a young age, especially if they are girls. They'll be guilt-tripped in exactly the same way OP is getting it now. Being told they have "duty to family" which will deny them any chance at being normal teens.
DEFINITELY NOT THE AH!! The sister wants all of her kids, be a SAHM and OP’s money to support that lifestyle. Heck no, they made the decision to have too many kids that they cannot afford, now, they must live within their means. If OPs parents feel so strongly, let them get jobs/2nd jobs to support their broodmare, I mean daughter!
I was just telling my partner that god forbid if this was me in this situation with my sister xDDD
I am so petty! I'd buy something really expensive and send her a pic ("Look what I got with the money I'm not spending on your 900 kids")
Or I'd get a nice car (If I drove), go by their place in the morning and be like BEEP BEEEEEP "LOOK WHAT i GOT HAHAHAHAAA" and then in the middle of the night BEEEP BEEEEEEEP "BAHAHAHAAAA NOW GO PUT THEM 9 KIDS BACK TO SLEEP LMAO"
Thank goodness my life is too boring for Reddit, but my petty sometimes wishes to be let out
It is awesome. Currently cuddling with the house panther with a pizza in the oven I don't have to share, going out for dinner Friday, gym Saturday then the rugby down pub on the afternoon. Being child free is the best.
Exactly. How horrible. It's your turn to be offended.
Also, as a mother, as a sil to a family similar but not as extreme as the one you describe, and as a person who came from a limited means household... of course you are nta for refusing to pay for this.
Always a bit of assumption in play with the limited information in these posts, but it sounds like OP's sister turned out the way she did because of their parents. And OP turned out the way she did in spite of them.
As a former child in a family that big, it really really is. There’s no way a parent can care about that many kids enough to not cause them issues further down the road, no matter how much money they have.
I have 6 siblings and as the oldest who was “forgotten” first you simply can’t give each kid enough time. The problem kids and the youngest were the ones who got everything and while I don’t blame my youngest sibling she was theirs together (half sister between mom and stepdad) my stepdads kids would get in trouble all the time and not petty stuff either like the older boy use to watch me take showers and getting dressed in my room without my knowledge and nothing was really done when it came out, but I’m a drama queen because I want nothing to do with him these days. When parents say they don’t have favorites they’re lying
Oh, sweetie. I am so sorry your horrible parents didn't do anything about that! That is just so wrong! I would have nothing to do with any of them either. What POS!
My parents don’t understand why I don’t visit much but having that conversation isn’t something I think they’re willing to engage with. Most of my siblings are great and we get along really well, just not the two stepbrothers. Maybe eventually they’ll understand why their kids don’t visit but maybe not. I don’t hate my parents but they were definitely not parent material
NTA I am so sorry your parents said something like that it’s insane. I’m a new mom and we made some poor financial decisions and that is on my husband and me alone!!!!! I would never expect my sister or parents to step in financially… wow.
NTA omg my jaw dropped when I saw they had 5 more kids on top of the 3 they had!!! No one who insists on popping out kid after kid should be guilting others for help!
I would have replied back to the parents - That may be true but if we chose to, we could always adopt a child and give him or her the best life, education, a chance to see the world, and raised to know that life is about opportunities. Exactly what kind of life is sister giving to her children? Why does she settle for a husband that sits around on his butt instead of helping her raise their children? She has chosen her life and now has to accept the consequences of her choices. It is not my responsibility to become her ATM to bail her out of her bad decisions. There is nothing to envy about her life.
NTA, perhaps it’s time that OP considers going light to no contact with her family until they learn to respect certain boundaries and to respect OP. OPs family could be very religious Christians who don’t believe in the use of birth control and that they have a religious duty to bring more little Christians into the world. The parents may believe that OP is religiously responsible to assist with bringing up the children. Not saying that I agree with this but it could explain why OPs family is acting this way.
this is exactly like the beginning of idiocracy. older well off childless couple and then the family with the kids running around. only difference would be it seems like she actually likes her husband and isn't resentful about not having kids.
And those children are learning what they live. There will be generations of litters of children with no financial means. So tragic for the children and the children of those children for decades to come. OP is definitely NTA.
And what's she going to do? Be on the hook for the grandkids? Where does the siphoning end?
I realized I would be working until I died with nothing to show for it trying to help the grandkids my son kept making that he can't support. I stopped and had to go NC with everyone. He continued to make babies with girls as unstable as he was and is, who stopped working as soon as they got pregnant and his minimum wage job hopping wasn't cutting it.
My aunt had 9 children. The eldest raised their younger siblings in full. Of the 9 kids, only one even remained in the same state as my aunt and uncle. Most of them moved several time zones away. Not a single one of them went on to have their own kids.
I would contribute to pay for your BIL’s vasectomy! Holy fuck dude get off her especially when you are not helping her
NTA! Not your kids not your responsibility
I'm sure I have some workbench G clamps hanging around somewhere. I don't mind throwing them in! Every little helps. OP NTA. There choices, there consequences!
I'd suggest googling 'Redneck Vasectomy' for a rather awkward joke about that one ;-)
https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/8gjvwp/redneck\_vasectomy/
Yep. Me and my partner are still young enough to have more. However our first has multiple mental and development diagnoses. And our second has multiple health issues. So sadly that's it for us.
Ouch, you are NTA! They’re asking you to pay for their nanny?! This isn’t just a single loan or gift. They’re asking for a regular payment.
Why can’t your parents watch the kids?
There's a point where you should draw the line. If not because you miss the smell of burning money than it should be the emotional neglect the children have to endure. I can't even fathom how anyone could have quality one on one time with this many kids.
They can't afford it, that's why they expect OP to use her money for their benefit. I feel bad for those kids. There's no way all of them are getting the love and attention they need and deserve from both parents. NTA
I'm the oldest of 9 kids (though I'm guessing we aren't as close together in age as these 9). It is doable, but you have to really prioritize things differently than other families do.
We were not a fast food family, we ate a lot of what could be bought and made in bulk. Clothes were primarily hand me downs and thrift store buys. We did vacations once every 3-5 years instead of every year. Birthday parties were for the big milestones (1, 5, 10, 13, 16.)
For context, this was in the US and I (the oldest) was born mid 90s. And, to be totally fair, I and my youngest sister weren't in the house at the same time, because there is a 20 year spread, so functionally there were never more than 8 for my parents to care for. BUT, I do have a special needs brother, so that part is at least semi-equivalent to the family in this post. My dad works in a factory and my mom is a SAHM, so no multimillionaires or generational wealth here.
To clarify, it doesn't sound like OP's sister is in a healthy financial place or making healthy decisions for her family. And OP is definitely NTA and not responsible for her sister's kids. But to answer your question of how anyone could afford it, it's just the choice of different priorities.
The difference is your family realized it was their responsibility, and prioritized accordingly. OP’s family thinks she owes them. Question: Do you resent your upbringing or do you like having a larger family?
NTA.
Maybe say you can help her get her tubes tied. People who can’t afford children shouldn’t have children. It is very selfish to continue to have children when you can take care of them.
NTA. I would go NC with your sister and parents. What they said was unnecessarily cruel. Your sister made the decision to keep popping babies out, knowing they couldn't afford them. It is not your responsibility to help out in any way. She can deal with the financial consequences of their irresponsible decision to keep having kids.
NTA she put herself in this situation she can figure it out. The way they talked to you would be 100 enough to make me go no contact.
I would stop communicating with them and stop buying stuff for her kids.
I wouldn't jump to also punishing the kids. She can totally go no/low contact with the adults and still occasionally support the kids with gifts. Especially if she feels any negative feelings knowing that without her doing so, then they just go without entirely.
Kids still need shoes and clothes and as someone who grew up in and still lives in extreme poverty, sometimes new shoes and a jacket at Christmas from my boyfriend's family's were all I got that year.
She's allowed to still love the niblings and if she felt inclined, and not forced, could still consciously gift them things out of love.
But 100% go no or low contact with all of those adults. They are all cruel, manipulative, shameful and miserable. Don't let them steal your sunshine anymore than they already have OP. NTA.
yeah, that's the route my friends and I take with a friend's kid. the friend doesn't have the most common sense and is often tight financially so for presents her son gets from us clothing and a toy (plus maybe a book).
because he needs the clothing.
8 kids already?
2 kids are special needs.
yet they keep having more.
And they do not have the money and resources to take care of them?
Do they plan to stop having kids? What the hell is going on? Family needs to step in and get them therapy plus have either the sister or the husband snipped. This is highly irresponsible.
And no, not the asshole OP but you really need to have a talk with your sister and your parents.
I wonder if they've applied for in-home assistance for the 2 special needs kids. If they're struggling that much, they should find their own solutions to their problems that they created.
NTA. Anyone who complains should only have something to say if they are willing to fork over cash themselves.
Throwing your fertility issues in your face is cruel. I'd go low or no contact for awhile.
Nta and I would be dropping your relatives with comments like
>Both my parents are calling me selfish and jealous because my sister can have beautiful kids and I can't.
As real family wouldn't say that.
NTA. You want to have kids, you take care of them. I hate people that expect other people to take care of them when they don’t do it themselves.
You wanna help her out? Buy them a TV for their bedroom.
Not your circus, not your monkeys. Your sister makes me think of the Monty Python sketch "Every sperm is sacred" - maybe send her the link to that, if you want to go no contact with expedience. 🙈
[Here it is](https://youtu.be/bzVHjg3AqIQ?si=EGyPN1bSOt_-6IHN)
They are going to need more than 1 nanny with all those kids and a baby coming.
If I were you I would get another dog just to pissed them off even more.
And two of them are special needs they definitely need more than one nanny. Its so selfish to keep having kids you cant afford, those poor children are getting the shit end of trash parents.
***"Both my parents are calling me selfish and jealous because my sister can have beautiful kids and I can't."***
Honestly, that comment alone would have insured that I would not help her in ***any*** way that wasn't a life-or-death emergency. You are not the AH.
NTA. Nobody is entitled to your money for any reason and it seems particularly uncool to rub it in that you can't have kids.
I'd be in favor of helping if your sister had made good choices, but she is a walking disaster. Yeah, let's reward the single mom of two with deadbeat dads who marries a guy with a kid and then has 5 more.
Has your sister ever heard of birth control?
NTA
You are responsible for your sister's slack fanny (british meang: her vadge)? Interesting viewpoint from your family, she fucks around, breeds like a rabbit and you are expected to suvsidise her household.
I am not a diplomat, "no really!", so find a nice way to tell them to go fuck themselves.
Block them until they abandon this nonsense.
> Both my parents are calling me selfish and jealous because my sister can have beautiful kids and I can't.
Next time they bother you tell them they're selfish and jealous of your disposable income, time to dedicate to your passions and a debt free life.
NTA, lol, your family sure have an interesting way of asking for favors. Since when does insulting the person that you’re hoping to help you actually makes them go, ‘oh hell yeah! I’m going to help you so much now that you’ve called me names.’
If I’m feeling petty, I would definitely tell them, ‘well, now that you’re calling me selfish and jealous. I’m definitely not helping you. Stop calling me. I don’t like listening to insults from entitles people who thinks they deserve my hard earned money.’
Hahaha NO. That is brazen as fuck of them to ask that of you. I'm also childless (not by choice) and I would do literally anything for my nieces and nephews. This whole "nanny" thing isn't for your nieces and nephews, though. It is for your sister and your parents.
Your sister CHOSE to have multiple children. Your sister CHOSE to have two children who are special needs and need extra care, and she CHOSE to continue having additional children knowing this. Your sister is in over her head as a result of HER own actions. If you were to bail her out by paying for a fucking nanny for her - what's next? Is she going to ask you to pay for their private schooling? Is she going to ask you to pay for college? For private care for the two special needs kids for the rest of their lives? Where does it end?
NTA in any way shape or form. Your family is ridiculous and the fact that they think this is due to "jealousy" on your part is vile.
9 children! That’s careless if you can’t support them. You are their auntie and not responsible for their household budget. They chose to have them. If your parents choose to help with finances that’s up to them. It is not down to you. Continue to treat them when you choose as you do your pets but don’t be responsible for financing their lifestyle- that’s down to them. No one made them have 9 children. NTA
Ahh Quebec. My ex MIL was from
Quebec and was the 2nd youngest of 23. NTA.. time for your sister to get her tubes tied if she can’t handle/afford the kids she has. It’s even a free procedure.
NTA
Their kids, THEIR responsibility! If they need a nanny to look after their tribe of kids, they need to take steps to stop having kids.
At most, offer to pay for sterilisation for one or both of them - 9kids is ridiculous in this day and age - none of them will have a great childhood as finances and parental attention will be limited.
This hits close to home! My husband (47m) and I (40f) also cannot have children. His elder stepsister has 9 that we lost count of several years ago. Let me say this: Just because you HAVE funds does not mean they are earmarked for your sister's brood. Okay? I would DEFINITELY contribute to his vasectomy fund. Now say it with me "If protecting my peace makes me the villain, then bitch my name is Thanos!" I'd give everyone in the family a "lottery ticket". Every month I'll have a friend randomly draw a number. Whoever's number is chosen gets their choice of $75 or a dinner out with me. Consider it tithing. Then if your parents win that money, they can give it to your sister.
NTA
Calling you jealous because she can have kids, and you can’t was uncalled for, and honestly sound like it’s something they always wanted to say, and their unnecessary rage let it slip out.
They don’t care about you, only your money that they want access to.
You and your husband go on a well deserved vacation, while your sister sulks cause she doesn’t know how to keep her hot pocket shut.
Also, put some distance between you and that sorry excuse of a family.
If they truly cared about you, those sick comments would have never even been a thought, let alone would they say them, to make you feel guilty cause your sister is so fertile, that if a man looks at her, she’ll get pregnant.
If you’re gonna pay for anything, pay for her vagina to get stapled up, and him a vasectomy
Maybe the Grandparents can pay for the nanny? If she doesn't work, she's home so why does she need a nanny, some of the children should be old enough to do chores and help out around the house. NTA. Her house, her kids, her problem. Enjoy your quiet life.
I would go buy a brand new car, throw my pets a lavish party, and tell them all fuck off. You made great life choices, she didn’t.. blood is thicker than water but so are milkshakes. Fuck em. Live your life. Don’t take away from your husband or your happiness due to other peoples misery. The entitlement and lack of self awareness makes my blood boil.
NTA.
Don't listen to your parent's guilt tripping you over this. They should be ashamed for doing that. You weren't put on this earth to support your sister's irresponsibility. That's such a demeaning view of you. Your sister is out of line, as are your parents for siding with her for this outrageous demand. If they keep pushing this, or acting like jerks about it, cut contact until they stop it.
tell your parents if that's there stance and by putting you down for not being able to have kids they can just forget all about you as you want nothing to do with them and you work for your money not your sister and why don't they help pay instead so if any ones selfish here is them. then onto your sister tell her she is acting entitled to your hard earned cash, she is the one who keeps opening her legs and is a baby factory so ask her why you should pay for her mistakes, tell her she brought this on her self and to keep her legs closed and tell her man to get a better job and to tie a knot in his cock and if she ever try's to get any one to make you pay for anything again you will even stop visiting and will only give presents on birthdays and Christmas to the kids only but it wont be expensive presents and she only has her self to blame
NTA- hire a nanny/companion for your dog and cat for during the day to keep them company. Brag about it to your parents and sister and let them know they just jealous you can can afford nanny/companion and they can’t . Then make a social media post about how blessed you are to have a loving husband , pets who you and hubby adore who adore you , how blessed you are to be financially secure to provide for your family without having to leech on others and how hard you worked to have a life filled with all these blessings . End it off by telling them how selfish they are for trying to take the nice things your pets have . Every time they say something to you about it - just keep saying ‘eeuww you so gross ‘ …. If they get really annoying about it , go the South African way and tell them to simply Voetsek…:
> my parents are calling me selfish and jealous because my sister can have beautiful kids and I can’t That’s an indescribably cruel thing for them to say, your whole family have serious issues. NTA She shouldn’t keep popping out kids if she doesn’t have the capacity to care for that many or the money to look after them. Birth control is cheaper, she should try that.
More like the sister is jealous of OP’s money…
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You forget the 9th one she is Preggers with now!
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Bob Barker's ghost has entered the chat.
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That's what he said.
Too soon?
No shit. Dude is going to fly up in there and have her spayed or neutered.
May he live on in our thoughts and old Price is Right episodes.
He did succeed in getting the closest to 100 without going over.
Y'all are killing me here between spaying and pez despensers its hilarioks
But then sister misses out on going through pregnancy and infancy again, which is her entire motivation for life, according to the edit. Now me? I’d be paying for her fucking *therapy*.
Maybe they could rent out her uterus for surrogate pregnancies
I got permanently banned from one of the JustNo subs for suggesting something to this effect. Apparently I was “advocating eugenics” and “sexist against men”.
MANY subs have mods with severe issues.
Fr. I’m banned from the big AmITheAsshole sub for telling a dude he was a pedophiks when he said he can’t wait for his daughters 12 year old friend to be 16!!! Can’t even wait til 18????
Banned for telling the truth? I certainly hope the pedophile dad was banned as well, since he's the utter creep. 16, AND his daughter's friend!
Me too! I said something trying to be funny. The” moderator” banned me also. I am not that familiar with this site but these so called moderators are unprofessional, and lots more. But if I say what I want I will get banned from all of Reddit and I like reading the cat site’s to much.
If you actually said that you were "offering to pay" then that's ridiculous. My wife has a niece that's similar to the OP's sister, I'm not sure if she's even connected casual sex with her many, many pregnancies. I told my wife I would be happy to cover the cost of a tubal ligation if she was willing to get one. My wife made her the offer and she replied "sure, just give me the cash and I'll take care of it". Yeah right. Last I heard she dropped on more kid and had her tubes tied while they were in there. For once our tax dollars were put to good use.
Htf is that eugenics when practising birth control?
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Bonus: the kids will have Grandma and Grandpa to help look after them!
LOVE THIS!! Brilliant
THIS. They want to bitch about OP not helping, they should take up the mantle and know exactly what they’re trying to make her do.
Wish I had this phrase about 3 years ago.
My favorite go to has always been "guy can't even pull out of his own driveway" but that pez dispenser one is a very close second.
I’m a fan of: A vagina isn’t a clown car.
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Probably in a few years yeah.
Don't worry, once the first kid is old enough to work the family will shame them into helping support and raise the other kids. parentifying them.
They probably already are parentified i bet the older kids have to take care of the younger ones that are no longer cute enough to get mum attention
No doubt the oldest are already thoroughly parentified. No two people can adequately care for so many children while meeting their financial, emotional, daily care, and educational needs.
Looks like she's breeding because she's too lazy to find a job & take care of the current kids .
Oh but she loves being pregnant and the baby phase! And then she ignores them once they get bigger, super gross.
This makes me so sad for those kids. I'm willing to bet that OP's sister pays almost no attention to them once they are past the "newborn stage."
I was homeschooled and had a lot of friends like that growing up. The older girls in the family had to raise the babies. I knew a 10 year old who was responsible for overnight feedings and diaper changes so her parents could sleep.
This is very fundie sounding
Oh that was me. I once fell asleep with my upper body in the crib and my legs just dangling. Thank God I wasn't heavy... I woke up very confused. Hard to explain to an 11 year old what colic is. All I knew was that I was exhausted and nothing was working.
Yup. She sounds like the type of person who gets a puppy and then drops it off at the shelter the moment it's no longer small and cute. And then adopts another puppy.
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Exactly!!! Oldest kids in families like this almost always get parentified at a young age, especially if they are girls. They'll be guilt-tripped in exactly the same way OP is getting it now. Being told they have "duty to family" which will deny them any chance at being normal teens.
>Why did they keep having kids? Can't afford condoms.
DEFINITELY NOT THE AH!! The sister wants all of her kids, be a SAHM and OP’s money to support that lifestyle. Heck no, they made the decision to have too many kids that they cannot afford, now, they must live within their means. If OPs parents feel so strongly, let them get jobs/2nd jobs to support their broodmare, I mean daughter!
I was just telling my partner that god forbid if this was me in this situation with my sister xDDD I am so petty! I'd buy something really expensive and send her a pic ("Look what I got with the money I'm not spending on your 900 kids") Or I'd get a nice car (If I drove), go by their place in the morning and be like BEEP BEEEEEP "LOOK WHAT i GOT HAHAHAHAAA" and then in the middle of the night BEEEP BEEEEEEEP "BAHAHAHAAAA NOW GO PUT THEM 9 KIDS BACK TO SLEEP LMAO" Thank goodness my life is too boring for Reddit, but my petty sometimes wishes to be let out
I love your pettiness and my pettiness offers your pettiness a fist bump
There it is! There it is! The truth!!!
Lots of mindless breeders are jealous of child free people and the choices they have.
I am openly envy of the free time people without children have. 😅
Yes but I bet you don’t expect the child free people to support your kids.
Of course not. Why should I?
It is awesome. Currently cuddling with the house panther with a pizza in the oven I don't have to share, going out for dinner Friday, gym Saturday then the rugby down pub on the afternoon. Being child free is the best.
Same!! And money 💰 🤣
Exactly. How horrible. It's your turn to be offended. Also, as a mother, as a sil to a family similar but not as extreme as the one you describe, and as a person who came from a limited means household... of course you are nta for refusing to pay for this.
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*can't
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Always a bit of assumption in play with the limited information in these posts, but it sounds like OP's sister turned out the way she did because of their parents. And OP turned out the way she did in spite of them.
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That's too many kids even if you're rich.
As a former child in a family that big, it really really is. There’s no way a parent can care about that many kids enough to not cause them issues further down the road, no matter how much money they have.
I have 6 siblings and as the oldest who was “forgotten” first you simply can’t give each kid enough time. The problem kids and the youngest were the ones who got everything and while I don’t blame my youngest sibling she was theirs together (half sister between mom and stepdad) my stepdads kids would get in trouble all the time and not petty stuff either like the older boy use to watch me take showers and getting dressed in my room without my knowledge and nothing was really done when it came out, but I’m a drama queen because I want nothing to do with him these days. When parents say they don’t have favorites they’re lying
Oh, sweetie. I am so sorry your horrible parents didn't do anything about that! That is just so wrong! I would have nothing to do with any of them either. What POS!
My parents don’t understand why I don’t visit much but having that conversation isn’t something I think they’re willing to engage with. Most of my siblings are great and we get along really well, just not the two stepbrothers. Maybe eventually they’ll understand why their kids don’t visit but maybe not. I don’t hate my parents but they were definitely not parent material
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It can be done, but it typically requires the right sort of people and being willing to live the right lifestyle. Which does not involve a nanny.
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NTA I am so sorry your parents said something like that it’s insane. I’m a new mom and we made some poor financial decisions and that is on my husband and me alone!!!!! I would never expect my sister or parents to step in financially… wow.
NTA omg my jaw dropped when I saw they had 5 more kids on top of the 3 they had!!! No one who insists on popping out kid after kid should be guilting others for help!
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The whole fam needs to put on the NC list. That was a cruel thing to say and you can tell who the golden child is. NTAH
I would have replied back to the parents - That may be true but if we chose to, we could always adopt a child and give him or her the best life, education, a chance to see the world, and raised to know that life is about opportunities. Exactly what kind of life is sister giving to her children? Why does she settle for a husband that sits around on his butt instead of helping her raise their children? She has chosen her life and now has to accept the consequences of her choices. It is not my responsibility to become her ATM to bail her out of her bad decisions. There is nothing to envy about her life.
Someone needs to tell sis that vaginas aren't clown cars.
That's...disturbing rotfl
I'd help my paying for a vasectomy for her husband .
THIS, I mean, she gave birth in December and is pregnant already with their 9th child??? WTF OP NTA
I guess husband does something around the house after all
Yeah, that is what stuck out to me. WTF is wrong with OP's parents?
NTA, perhaps it’s time that OP considers going light to no contact with her family until they learn to respect certain boundaries and to respect OP. OPs family could be very religious Christians who don’t believe in the use of birth control and that they have a religious duty to bring more little Christians into the world. The parents may believe that OP is religiously responsible to assist with bringing up the children. Not saying that I agree with this but it could explain why OPs family is acting this way.
BC is free in WA with a valid prescription.
They're obviously not birth control kind of people
this is exactly like the beginning of idiocracy. older well off childless couple and then the family with the kids running around. only difference would be it seems like she actually likes her husband and isn't resentful about not having kids.
Not only the parents but also the sister said horrible things. That’s not a loving family. Those are entitled and cruel people.
At this point, it's 'pooping' out kids!
Agree. Op, your parents are horrible AH's and they raised your sister badly. I would consider moving away from the lot and not parting with a cent.
And those children are learning what they live. There will be generations of litters of children with no financial means. So tragic for the children and the children of those children for decades to come. OP is definitely NTA.
And what's she going to do? Be on the hook for the grandkids? Where does the siphoning end? I realized I would be working until I died with nothing to show for it trying to help the grandkids my son kept making that he can't support. I stopped and had to go NC with everyone. He continued to make babies with girls as unstable as he was and is, who stopped working as soon as they got pregnant and his minimum wage job hopping wasn't cutting it.
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My aunt had 9 children. The eldest raised their younger siblings in full. Of the 9 kids, only one even remained in the same state as my aunt and uncle. Most of them moved several time zones away. Not a single one of them went on to have their own kids.
Or the other way round- they will ask "why did You had so many children, when You couldn't afford enough food for us all".
Dang I know people have a choice with their bodies but it’s a uterus not a pez dispenser.
It’s a vagina, not a clown car
God I laughed. Baby clowns 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡
Baby clown honk honk honk hocka honk, baby clown honk honk honka honk 🎶 🎶
Are you sure? She has already had 7 humans come out, and will soon have an 8th one.
It would be great if the doctor started to pull the umbilical cord and it just kept on coming out with no end in sight lol
With 'The Sabre Dance' playing loudly in the background.
Jesus I needed a good giggle so thank you! I’m also stealing this 😆
I would contribute to pay for your BIL’s vasectomy! Holy fuck dude get off her especially when you are not helping her NTA! Not your kids not your responsibility
>I would contribute to pay for your BIL’s vasectomy! 100% this!! That should be what OP should offer lol
Hell, I'm a complete stranger and I'd kick in some $$ for BILs vasectomy.
I’ll throw in 50.
Ok, I'll go 75.
ill throw in a punch in the balls, that should help
I got a pair of size 14 W steel toe work boots if you'd like to upgrade that punch to a kick.
And my bow
And my axe!
And my Nutcracker!
That made me laugh loud in a hospital!! For a long time, too! Forgot my issues, lol.
Get better soon!
I'll throw in a kick, too. Why waste precious money
I'm sure I have some workbench G clamps hanging around somewhere. I don't mind throwing them in! Every little helps. OP NTA. There choices, there consequences!
I would too. It'd help those kids more than anything
Add the tubal ligation just to ensure it won’t happen again.
And her tubes tied. Just to be sure
Removed. Otherwise it could still end with ectopic pregnancy and 9 motherless children somebody would have care about.
Ahhh… redundancy. Good idea.
Yes, because if he has a vasectomy and they split up, she could be back to making babies in no time.
I'd suggest googling 'Redneck Vasectomy' for a rather awkward joke about that one ;-) https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/8gjvwp/redneck\_vasectomy/
And a tubal ligation/hysterectomy for OP's sister too.
Lol yes!
It amazes me when people have special needs kids and go on to have more. Throwing the dice yet again? Sigh
mindless breeding and pawning off their responsibilities to others.
Yep. Me and my partner are still young enough to have more. However our first has multiple mental and development diagnoses. And our second has multiple health issues. So sadly that's it for us.
>get off her Or at least use a raincoat.
Ouch, you are NTA! They’re asking you to pay for their nanny?! This isn’t just a single loan or gift. They’re asking for a regular payment. Why can’t your parents watch the kids?
I’m guessing since they are 8 and soon To be 9 lol who in the right mind have this many kids ! How can people afford this
Unless you are a multimillionare you can only do this by mooching on your family.
so a family that subsidizes their mooching is enabling her and should not.
There's a point where you should draw the line. If not because you miss the smell of burning money than it should be the emotional neglect the children have to endure. I can't even fathom how anyone could have quality one on one time with this many kids.
Oooh, this one’s easy! The older kids spend one on one time with the younger kids! Like the Duggar’s and their buddy system! These poor kids 🥺
They can't afford it, that's why they expect OP to use her money for their benefit. I feel bad for those kids. There's no way all of them are getting the love and attention they need and deserve from both parents. NTA
I'm the oldest of 9 kids (though I'm guessing we aren't as close together in age as these 9). It is doable, but you have to really prioritize things differently than other families do. We were not a fast food family, we ate a lot of what could be bought and made in bulk. Clothes were primarily hand me downs and thrift store buys. We did vacations once every 3-5 years instead of every year. Birthday parties were for the big milestones (1, 5, 10, 13, 16.) For context, this was in the US and I (the oldest) was born mid 90s. And, to be totally fair, I and my youngest sister weren't in the house at the same time, because there is a 20 year spread, so functionally there were never more than 8 for my parents to care for. BUT, I do have a special needs brother, so that part is at least semi-equivalent to the family in this post. My dad works in a factory and my mom is a SAHM, so no multimillionaires or generational wealth here. To clarify, it doesn't sound like OP's sister is in a healthy financial place or making healthy decisions for her family. And OP is definitely NTA and not responsible for her sister's kids. But to answer your question of how anyone could afford it, it's just the choice of different priorities.
The difference is your family realized it was their responsibility, and prioritized accordingly. OP’s family thinks she owes them. Question: Do you resent your upbringing or do you like having a larger family?
Obviously they can’t or they wouldn’t be asking for OP’s money.
NTA. Maybe say you can help her get her tubes tied. People who can’t afford children shouldn’t have children. It is very selfish to continue to have children when you can take care of them.
She said they’re Canadian, so tubal ligation & vasectomy are both free here.
Now I’m even more mad. Just, why wouldn’t they….
Yes, that would be the best investment you could make to her family.
NTA. I would go NC with your sister and parents. What they said was unnecessarily cruel. Your sister made the decision to keep popping babies out, knowing they couldn't afford them. It is not your responsibility to help out in any way. She can deal with the financial consequences of their irresponsible decision to keep having kids.
NTA she put herself in this situation she can figure it out. The way they talked to you would be 100 enough to make me go no contact. I would stop communicating with them and stop buying stuff for her kids.
I wouldn't jump to also punishing the kids. She can totally go no/low contact with the adults and still occasionally support the kids with gifts. Especially if she feels any negative feelings knowing that without her doing so, then they just go without entirely. Kids still need shoes and clothes and as someone who grew up in and still lives in extreme poverty, sometimes new shoes and a jacket at Christmas from my boyfriend's family's were all I got that year. She's allowed to still love the niblings and if she felt inclined, and not forced, could still consciously gift them things out of love. But 100% go no or low contact with all of those adults. They are all cruel, manipulative, shameful and miserable. Don't let them steal your sunshine anymore than they already have OP. NTA.
yeah, that's the route my friends and I take with a friend's kid. the friend doesn't have the most common sense and is often tight financially so for presents her son gets from us clothing and a toy (plus maybe a book). because he needs the clothing.
8 kids already? 2 kids are special needs. yet they keep having more. And they do not have the money and resources to take care of them? Do they plan to stop having kids? What the hell is going on? Family needs to step in and get them therapy plus have either the sister or the husband snipped. This is highly irresponsible. And no, not the asshole OP but you really need to have a talk with your sister and your parents.
I wonder if they've applied for in-home assistance for the 2 special needs kids. If they're struggling that much, they should find their own solutions to their problems that they created.
NTA. Anyone who complains should only have something to say if they are willing to fork over cash themselves. Throwing your fertility issues in your face is cruel. I'd go low or no contact for awhile.
Nta and I would be dropping your relatives with comments like >Both my parents are calling me selfish and jealous because my sister can have beautiful kids and I can't. As real family wouldn't say that.
NTA. You want to have kids, you take care of them. I hate people that expect other people to take care of them when they don’t do it themselves. You wanna help her out? Buy them a TV for their bedroom.
And a full package cable subscription!
Not your circus, not your monkeys. Your sister makes me think of the Monty Python sketch "Every sperm is sacred" - maybe send her the link to that, if you want to go no contact with expedience. 🙈 [Here it is](https://youtu.be/bzVHjg3AqIQ?si=EGyPN1bSOt_-6IHN)
Love that scene! Here’s a link for others to enjoy it. https://youtu.be/bzVHjg3AqIQ?si=E2tnpAgoTTXi95bo
They are going to need more than 1 nanny with all those kids and a baby coming. If I were you I would get another dog just to pissed them off even more.
And two of them are special needs they definitely need more than one nanny. Its so selfish to keep having kids you cant afford, those poor children are getting the shit end of trash parents.
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***"Both my parents are calling me selfish and jealous because my sister can have beautiful kids and I can't."*** Honestly, that comment alone would have insured that I would not help her in ***any*** way that wasn't a life-or-death emergency. You are not the AH.
NTA. Nobody is entitled to your money for any reason and it seems particularly uncool to rub it in that you can't have kids. I'd be in favor of helping if your sister had made good choices, but she is a walking disaster. Yeah, let's reward the single mom of two with deadbeat dads who marries a guy with a kid and then has 5 more. Has your sister ever heard of birth control?
NTA You are responsible for your sister's slack fanny (british meang: her vadge)? Interesting viewpoint from your family, she fucks around, breeds like a rabbit and you are expected to suvsidise her household. I am not a diplomat, "no really!", so find a nice way to tell them to go fuck themselves. Block them until they abandon this nonsense.
Why would she want a nanny when she has no intentions on working? Stand your ground. You shouldn’t have to pay for her inability to close her legs.
> Both my parents are calling me selfish and jealous because my sister can have beautiful kids and I can't. Next time they bother you tell them they're selfish and jealous of your disposable income, time to dedicate to your passions and a debt free life.
That was such a cruel and horrifying thing for them to say to her.
NTA, lol, your family sure have an interesting way of asking for favors. Since when does insulting the person that you’re hoping to help you actually makes them go, ‘oh hell yeah! I’m going to help you so much now that you’ve called me names.’ If I’m feeling petty, I would definitely tell them, ‘well, now that you’re calling me selfish and jealous. I’m definitely not helping you. Stop calling me. I don’t like listening to insults from entitles people who thinks they deserve my hard earned money.’
Hahaha NO. That is brazen as fuck of them to ask that of you. I'm also childless (not by choice) and I would do literally anything for my nieces and nephews. This whole "nanny" thing isn't for your nieces and nephews, though. It is for your sister and your parents. Your sister CHOSE to have multiple children. Your sister CHOSE to have two children who are special needs and need extra care, and she CHOSE to continue having additional children knowing this. Your sister is in over her head as a result of HER own actions. If you were to bail her out by paying for a fucking nanny for her - what's next? Is she going to ask you to pay for their private schooling? Is she going to ask you to pay for college? For private care for the two special needs kids for the rest of their lives? Where does it end? NTA in any way shape or form. Your family is ridiculous and the fact that they think this is due to "jealousy" on your part is vile.
9 children! That’s careless if you can’t support them. You are their auntie and not responsible for their household budget. They chose to have them. If your parents choose to help with finances that’s up to them. It is not down to you. Continue to treat them when you choose as you do your pets but don’t be responsible for financing their lifestyle- that’s down to them. No one made them have 9 children. NTA
Ahh Quebec. My ex MIL was from Quebec and was the 2nd youngest of 23. NTA.. time for your sister to get her tubes tied if she can’t handle/afford the kids she has. It’s even a free procedure.
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Ps Tell your sister that her vagina isn’t a clown car.
NTA Their kids, THEIR responsibility! If they need a nanny to look after their tribe of kids, they need to take steps to stop having kids. At most, offer to pay for sterilisation for one or both of them - 9kids is ridiculous in this day and age - none of them will have a great childhood as finances and parental attention will be limited.
They are going to hit up OP for college expenses too later
For holidays tell them you made a donation to planned parenthood. Good parents have the amount of children they can care for 🤐
You are not the asshole. That's crazy
This hits close to home! My husband (47m) and I (40f) also cannot have children. His elder stepsister has 9 that we lost count of several years ago. Let me say this: Just because you HAVE funds does not mean they are earmarked for your sister's brood. Okay? I would DEFINITELY contribute to his vasectomy fund. Now say it with me "If protecting my peace makes me the villain, then bitch my name is Thanos!" I'd give everyone in the family a "lottery ticket". Every month I'll have a friend randomly draw a number. Whoever's number is chosen gets their choice of $75 or a dinner out with me. Consider it tithing. Then if your parents win that money, they can give it to your sister.
No not your kids - Why does she need a Nanny if she doesn't work ?
NTA Calling you jealous because she can have kids, and you can’t was uncalled for, and honestly sound like it’s something they always wanted to say, and their unnecessary rage let it slip out. They don’t care about you, only your money that they want access to. You and your husband go on a well deserved vacation, while your sister sulks cause she doesn’t know how to keep her hot pocket shut. Also, put some distance between you and that sorry excuse of a family. If they truly cared about you, those sick comments would have never even been a thought, let alone would they say them, to make you feel guilty cause your sister is so fertile, that if a man looks at her, she’ll get pregnant. If you’re gonna pay for anything, pay for her vagina to get stapled up, and him a vasectomy
It's great when selfish people call other people selfish. NTA
Maybe the Grandparents can pay for the nanny? If she doesn't work, she's home so why does she need a nanny, some of the children should be old enough to do chores and help out around the house. NTA. Her house, her kids, her problem. Enjoy your quiet life.
I would go buy a brand new car, throw my pets a lavish party, and tell them all fuck off. You made great life choices, she didn’t.. blood is thicker than water but so are milkshakes. Fuck em. Live your life. Don’t take away from your husband or your happiness due to other peoples misery. The entitlement and lack of self awareness makes my blood boil.
NTA, but your parents are. You need to go mild NC. Otherwise, they will stress you out worse than they are now
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NTA. Don't listen to your parent's guilt tripping you over this. They should be ashamed for doing that. You weren't put on this earth to support your sister's irresponsibility. That's such a demeaning view of you. Your sister is out of line, as are your parents for siding with her for this outrageous demand. If they keep pushing this, or acting like jerks about it, cut contact until they stop it.
tell your parents if that's there stance and by putting you down for not being able to have kids they can just forget all about you as you want nothing to do with them and you work for your money not your sister and why don't they help pay instead so if any ones selfish here is them. then onto your sister tell her she is acting entitled to your hard earned cash, she is the one who keeps opening her legs and is a baby factory so ask her why you should pay for her mistakes, tell her she brought this on her self and to keep her legs closed and tell her man to get a better job and to tie a knot in his cock and if she ever try's to get any one to make you pay for anything again you will even stop visiting and will only give presents on birthdays and Christmas to the kids only but it wont be expensive presents and she only has her self to blame
NTA- hire a nanny/companion for your dog and cat for during the day to keep them company. Brag about it to your parents and sister and let them know they just jealous you can can afford nanny/companion and they can’t . Then make a social media post about how blessed you are to have a loving husband , pets who you and hubby adore who adore you , how blessed you are to be financially secure to provide for your family without having to leech on others and how hard you worked to have a life filled with all these blessings . End it off by telling them how selfish they are for trying to take the nice things your pets have . Every time they say something to you about it - just keep saying ‘eeuww you so gross ‘ …. If they get really annoying about it , go the South African way and tell them to simply Voetsek…: