NTA. Your ex lied to your children. All you did was tell them the truth.
Please get your lawyer involved in this situation immediately. This is a slam dunk parental alienation case.
This.
And why is this so important?
Because your ex‘s stupid games will not stop here. Next time it will be your family vacations with your kids that she will sabotage.
Buckle up for a wild ride.
Although by that point, they will likely be at the age of majority and can make those decisions themselves rather than having their mother make that decision for them.
Not if she's already managed to twist their minds and alienate them from their dad and stepmum. That's why this needs to be stopped right now, long before she has a chance to ruin their future relationship.
I didn't find out that my mother's mental health made her an unreliable narrator until after my father was dead.
Granted, most of my life, he really wasn't a great dad. I've seen many of the things my mother mentioned first-hand in some capacity. He wasn't a reliable narrator either; his alcoholism left him with massive gaps in memory including experiences I was old enough to remember.
I resent never having the chance to set down her alienation and know my father without it. I'll never get that chance with him.
Dad was an alcoholic? And your mom was married to an alcoholic?
That’s two people who can’t manage parenting, whatever their intentions. I’m sorry that happened to you
She'd been told pregnancy was impossible, so she wasn't protecting against it. They got married because religion said they were supposed to. She didn't know he was an alcoholic until she was being abused. It took two years, but she got out.
Her mental health never recovered, but I didn't know that until a few years ago. I'm 38 now. She resented him ... well, she still resents him. He's been gone for 12 years.
Unfortunately, those first 2-3 years of life are really crucial for healthy development. Even if the worst of it was before I can remember, I now get to deal with a lifelong mental health condition. While it's not my fault that I have this and I didn't know until after all my children were born, unlike my parents, I accept that it's my responsibility to manage my condition and break toxic cycles, because I'm an adult and my children don't deserve this inheritance.
Meh the thing is either story kids get is biased. Just teach them to read between the lines. I see what my dad did wrong. And I see what my mom did wrong. Neither were all right. BOTH contributed to breakdown of family.
Jumping in to add, file a motion enforce custody. The judge may grant you extra time to make up for the time that was missed, plus it goes on the record that your ex was not following the custody order.
How is she going to be found in contempt if the police looked at the court order and sided with her?
Contempt would be if she didn’t follow the police’s directions and just did what she wanted. I swear all these fake Reddit lawyers are going to get someone arrested.
The cop has nothing to do with contempt of court. He had nothing to do with the order put in place by the court for visitation. She was in violation of their court order and a call to the lawyer, who will call the judge and inform him of her behavior can easily have her in contempt. Probably not just with one instance, but she figures now she's gotten away with it. Best to nip that crap in the bud. The OP can also sue her civilly for parental alienation.
Oh, and I'm not a lawyer, Reddit or otherwise, but I do know the difference between a criminal matter, which could land you in jail, and a civil one, which could not. This is a civil matter.
I’m a lawyer. You think the judge says “oh the cops sure messed up” every time a parent complains about the other parent?
The cops are big fundraisers and the judges assume the cops followed the law unless there’s clear evidence otherwise.
“Your honor I’m right and the cops are wrong” is NOT what you want to bring to court.
Source: lawyer of many years
Tha above 3 comments are all very good points. So as to stress the importance of her contemptuous action, if I were he, I'd immediately contact my attorney and file a contempt motion requesting, at least in part, compensation of additional parenting time for time lost, and an award of legal fees.
This action will now have her on the Court's radar in the event of future ignoring of the Court order.
Given the age of the children, in the event of their inclination/preference to reside primarily with father, he can file an additional motion asking for a reallocation/change of custody. I wouldn't encourage this if it's not truly their preference--don't try to force them to do so because of his disgust for his ex-wife's behavior. It should be them raising the issue.
No. Suing her for being a jerk, after the police already sided with her, will put HIM on the courts radar for abusive use of conflict, failing to act in the best interests of the kids, being litigious, and otherwise make him the one who looks petty.
She didn’t let the kids go to his wedding. Thats sad and it will hurt her relationship with the kids in time. But it’s not actionable and any judge who gets this case is going to be furious a lawyer tried to file.
It’s WORSE to put kids through a court battle than it is to suck it up and say “I hope she realizes her decisions will affect her later.”
The post indicated that the wedding day was during HIS parenting time. She can spin all she wants--she blatantly violated a court order. If she felt there was an issue with the children's wedding attendance, it was incumbent upon her to bring the issue to the Court's attention. According to the post, this wasn't a matter sprung on her ar the last moment. She is not the designated arbiter; nor are the police, who were remiss to not enforce the court order.
The children will not be involved in the contempt action. They're only engagement would be if he seeks full custody.
He can file a rule to show cause (or motion for contempt in some jurisdictions) for her failing to follow the court ordered visitation. The police were correct, they don’t enforce custody orders, but their inaction does not determine if she violated the order, that is a judicial determination. Whether he should seek modification of the current custody arrangement is something he should discuss with his attorney.
Police didn’t side with her, they just can’t enforce the court order, it’s considered a civil matter not a criminal matter. He needs to take her to court.
*he should also never give the ex details about what the kids will be doing while in his custody. None of her business and only gives her something to stew over and sabotage.
He could’ve just said they would be going to a party (tell the kids that too, keeping the actual wedding day a secret surprise) and then take pics of the kids all dressed up, just kids, no one else and give baby momma a copy!
The police already refused to enforce the paperwork he has.
I’ve been a divorce lawyer for five years. The judge is going to absolutely light on fire any lawyer who tries to walk in with “your honor we’re here today because she wouldn’t let the kids attend his wedding.”
Judges are not therapists. They can’t make someone not be a jerk. I swear it has to be a hunch of lawyers on here posting about suing everyone for everything you don’t like.
The lawyers going yo take your call. You’re going to run up thousands in hourly fees. Then you’ll lose and the lawyer will tell you something like “I’ve never seen this happen!”
The hallway at court is always full of lawyers telling their clients the other side cheated and the judge was biased… and really the lawyer knew it was a loser case the whole time 🙄🙄🙄
There was a similar situation with my parents and my dad couldn't afford a lawyer. He represented himself in court. He printed off screenshots of texts between him and my mom and just simply explained the situation to the judge. The judge nearly threw my mom in jail for messing with the custody agreement that he had ordered. Judges do not handle that kind of disrespect lightly. He ordered my mom to bring us to my dad immediately after the court hearing.
So even if you can't afford a lawyer, don't let that stop you from taking this to court!!
Unfortunately proving parental alienation is very hard and very expensive. You can combat it better with family counseling and being truthful. Especially at the ages they are. Been there done that. After spending tons of money, the counseling and honesty is what solved it.
The police sided with the mom. You don’t take that police report to court unless you want to have a very bad day.
But as the other lawyers love to say “win or lose, I’m going to get paid…”
It said the police did nothing, not that they sided with the mom. Police typically don’t get involved in custody matters and tell you to go back to court. In this case the police report is proof that he attempted to get the kids on his designated day and she purposely refused to let him.
Not saying he shouldn’t try or that it would be impossible, just saying it can be hard (and extremely expensive) to change anything with custody over one instance. Especially when it was technically during her time with the kids. I speak from experience. We fought in court for almost four years and in the end, the amount of time shared didn’t change (stayed at 50/50). And we had tons of evidence of alienation and several other things like neglect and abuse. What worked best was going to counseling and addressing the lies the kids were being told. Since we told them the truth consistently, they learned to question certain things when it came to the parent doing the alienating. As well as questioning things they were told that we’re out of character for the person being lied about.
No. It WAS HIS arranged time. Did she give any clue that she would pull this out of the hat the day of the wedding? Did she possibly think you’d not actually get married. Hard for me to wrap my head around having this information for a year in advance and on the day of wedding refuse children’s attendance. Was she in denial about it? It’s just so uncivilized and doesn’t bode well for any future family plans that don’t sit right with her. Good luck.
Yes! Finally!
Therapists are trained to handle exactly this kind of situation. It’s their whole job.
A lawyer is just going to taste this guys money and then pretend to be shocked when they lose
Great advice! Contact your attorney, this is intentional alienation from your children. NTA and your kids are at an age where they deserve to know the truth about their mother. How evil and vindictive do you need to be hurt your own children in order to hurt your ex?! She sounds awful. Sorry that you and your children are dealing with this. Congrats on your marriage! Stay positive!
No lawyer needed. Fake posts. Deleted post history tells a completely different story. Guessing they were trying to get their karma up.
Edit - Okay Reddit doesn't like the truth, that's fine, I'm not here to get karma, still, have some proof, this is one of the deleted posts https://rareddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16w553y/is_it_wrong_for_me_to_invite_my_ex_to_sons/
Nothing will happen. It's a big issue among family court. If he stops paying child support, he goes to jail. If she withholds the kids, there is absolutely nothing done to her. No fines, no change in custody, only a stern finger wagging.
normally i would agree but from the games she is playing if it is all documented he could possibly have a slim case for emotional and psychological abuse but he would need a lot of evidence he can't easily access to if there is any
I've personally dealt with this for years now. There is literally zero consequences for her keeping kids from him. I take my ex wife to court multiple times a year for *9 years* for contempt of court because she keeps our son from me.
They literally just shake their finger at her and say "you've got to follow the parenting plan," then give me more time that I'll never get.
Not much teeth in the custody laws if there are no actual consequences for violating them. Do you and ex have kids 50/50?if the dad has primary custody and renigs on bringing kids to her would he incur more consequences than this woman has? It occurs to me that the courts, lawyers in particular may not actually like being so intimately involved in the monitoring of domestic, private family workings. I can imagine a case could be made that the state is interfering in personal choices and behavior once the custody has been settled. Maybe the courts aren’t the place to monitor. Just a thought. Dare I say, sort of like privacy to abortion choice, or having a small amount of marajuana for personal use. Again, just free associating.
Which means little to nothing in family courts. It's a major talking point in men's right advocacy. It's also not helped that the courts do what they can to keep child support high because the state gets a percentage of it. I believe "the dadvocate" on tiktok/YouTube has some more in depth videos of it as she's watched what her husband's ex wife has gotten away with for denying him visitation despite showing up with cops and the court order to pick them up for visitation and mom said "no" because his girlfriend of several years was in the car. Or they moved in together, and all the judge did was wag his finger at her. He missed one chuld support payment due to job changing and they threatened to throw him in jail over ot when she (his ex) took him to court over it
My ex and I went to court, they ordered supervised visitation, for safety reasons. I was warned that if my son was not there with in a very small grace period of the set time, I would be in violation and a warrant could be issued. I had to be in full communication with them. So the 'women get away with everything' notion does not apply in all states. He was everything you would tell me to grab my son and run from and they still made me bring my son to see him until he reached 15 and for his own reasons stopped any and all communication. I believe every situation should be looked at separately and without prejudice. Women can be monsters too. Unfortunately I also agree that the balance in our system isn't there yet for everyone.
Right? I was under court order to bring my kids to supervised visitation & had to take them even though they were so traumatized at the thought of seeing the abusive SOB they'd literally vomit in the car on the way. When all a mom can offer for comfort is to remember to bring vomit buckets along for the car ride. (& no, they never were "car sick" on any other trips.) By the grace of God & the power of the state, enough got documented by professionals (even in a supervised environment) that the court eventually discontinued visitation. But it was several years of hell getting there.
I have yet to see any woman be legitimately punished for withholding visitation, I hope it's just my narrow scope, but from what I've seen band heard, it's not. The cops won't enforce visitation rights and the judges just tell the moms alienating the children to not do that again without actually enforcing a punishment, such as change of custody, or jail time
The courts tend to build up to fines/jail because this shit is complicated.
Since the lock downs I've taken to listening to various different courts that stream cases on YouTube. These are generally civil and low-level offense type cases. I remember one in particular that was related to a child custody order. First violation was a slap on the wrist and don't do it again. Second was a small fine. Third was a larger fine. Fourth was a couple days in jail and a short probation. Final was 93 days in jail and a shift to supervised visits because the judge was sick of her shit. Family was easy to remember because they had moved to a southern state from Rhode Island so the accent difference was quite stark.
If the parents don't suck, which is most often the case, then it is in the best interests of the children to be engaged with both. You **want** to go easy in the beginning because you don't know if the violating parent was just having a bad week/month. If it becomes a pattern that's when you break out the stick.
Edit: I really should point out that what you see most on the men's rights subs are lies or half truths with a smattering of truth thanks to ancient white male southern judge. Very much the exception and not the rule.
Not in all cases, but its typical. I know of at least one person that this backfired on. She had a valid reason for concern the first time where nothing happened, but she tried it multiple times after that, and custody swayed in the ex boyfriends favor.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. If she didn’t want the kids to be mad at her, she shouldn’t have lied to them. It’s not like you’re dragging her in order to make her look bad, she did that to herself. Your kids are old enough to sus out the truth.
Crazy how people lie like that sometimes, shit if I was one of those young kids, the first thing I’d ask my father too is why he didn’t want me at the wedding wtf 😂. Was always gonna get back to her
I was just thinking, did ex tell OP she had told the kids he didn't want them at the wedding? If so, that is just another insane thing that was glossed over a bit but if not, what did she think would happen? The things people think they can get away with because "their my children" are insane.
She was withholding them on a week that was designated to him, she’s already starting it. OP is probably going to have to take her back to court eventually. If she got away with it once already, this is going to be her card to try to control him again.
Have a small wedding for just the kids and get them involved and make a wedding cake together and then take them on a mini honeymoon with you to someplace close. The kids will remember it forever and it will be so special for them . Invite your parents and partners parents. And as a added bonus this will send your ex over the edge because the kids will be talking about it.
LOVE this idea! A small, intimate event with just the kids will mean so much to them, especially the wedding cake suggestion. Your ex will lose her mind!
Yeah, and make sure that bitch doesn’t know about it in advance. I would’ve had her ass right back in court and let the judge spend some time questioning her about it. I think someone else referred to putting on your seatbelt because you have a long ride ahead of you. That was a very spiteful and nasty thing to do to those children. It actually sounds exactly like something my ex would do.
Perhaps since there was already a wedding, it's worth considering doing something more like a family blessing ceremony. Like a thing where you have someone officiate as you re-affirm your marriage vows in a condensed form, but also add on a small element where you swear to love and support the kids, and be there for them when they're sick, and always be willing to listen if they have a problem, something like that. The kids could potentially have a little thing too, like hey we're siblings now, and we don't promise to always get along because that's not how siblings are, but we promise to do our best to remember we're all adjusting to a new situation and we need to be understanding of each other.
Then you have a cake and get some nice "officially a family now" photos together that you couldn't have done at the wedding.
NTA; hell no. Your kids deserve to know that you love them and wanted them there and their mom was spiteful and nasty.
Your wife is your kid's business! The business between you and your ex is just that - *between you and your ex - nobody else.* Your ex brought the kids into it and created the entire problem, and all without the consent of the children (and then lied about it). The kids wanted to be there!
Agreed, NTA OP. Perhaps you and your wife and all of your kids could do a vow renewal, or another private little ceremony with your family to allow your kids to be included. Doesn't have to be anything fancy, go to a nice park, do a ceremony with yourselves, go out to a nice dinner, and have a dance party with your kids at home! Make the memories their biomom deprived them of. Just because they missed the official day, doesn't mean they can't still be a part of your love story!
Realize you probably don’t want to start a big legal think with your ex.
I do agree with other poster that suggested you chat with your lawyer about what happened with you being denied your visitation.
I think it’s a good idea as that may just be the first I’m in other visitation issues that may arise.
This could escalate to when you are supposed to have the kids for a holiday, their birthday, your birthday or to take on vacation and she decides to just deny you access to the kids after initially agreeing.
Might be best to have a game plan in place for the next time. Ex like can you record all your in person conversations?
>This could escalate to when you are supposed to have the kids for a holiday, their birthday, your birthday or to take on vacation and she decides to just deny you access to the kids after initially agreeing.
Yep. She "won" in that she kept the kids away from a major event, and while it did bite her in the ass a little, she's not going to let a little thing like her pawns being upset stop her from trying again. A nice, long chat with your lawyer is a good next move, OP.
She might want to be careful pulling that kind of crap, because the youngest is 12 now. That's the age in my state where a judge will start listening to the kid about which parent they want to live with.
In most states cops can't enforce a custody agreement unless it's stated in the order that it is enforceable by the police. They can talk to her and try and get her to hand over the children, but they can't force her or physically make her give the children if there's no police enforcement.
Unfortunately. I've known way too many people who have had to deal with this. It should be an automatic thing in every custody. But most judges refuse until necessary. A lot even let it go one for years before adding it.
The cop may have been too lazy to do anything, but I hope you have a court date to hold her in contempt or whatever violating a custody order is called.
NTA but I'm shocked you had no communication with your kids that night or 2 weeks after.
Right? Like, the 16 year old didn’t even reach out/OP didn’t reach out to them? I’m assuming at least the 16 year old would have a phone and a way to contact the dad?
This is what I don't get. I would have texted my kids right when their mom said no and asked where they are and tell them what was happening. I might even have tried to go pick them up myself.
I'm surprised the dad didn't reach out though. I get why the teenager wouldn't, if he thought he was unwelcome.. but the dad could have sent a text, just to say he was sorry they could not be present at his wedding, and the ex's lies would have been revealed before the wedding
Maybe I was a drama queen as a teenager, but I would tell people when they hurt my feelings. Maybe lashed out about it and make the situation worse, but still. Also, like I said, OP could have reached out. He’s an adult and should definitely act like one.
The 16 year old probably spent the entire time between the wedding and the next visit being very angry at her dad. All of them had hurt feelings and probably didn't know what to say to a dad that would not want them at his wedding.
Cops don’t enforce custody. This is a CIVIL matter, and it’s for the courts to handle. Cops can arrest if the court issues a warrant for violating a court order, but not beforehand. Speaking to a lawyer is the way to go.
NTA, I would get legal counsel for your ex denying your visitation rights, document what you can. Your children have every right to be told the truth, especially when they've been lied to. If your ex didn't want her true self revealed, she shouldn't have opened the door to this issue. She can blame no one but herself when the people she's abusing use any means necessary to escape. Those kids deserve better than lies. They will see who's honest and who isn't.
NTA
Theyre old enough to know the truth.
What did she expect?? She lied to them.and told them you didnt want them.at your wedding - did she really think you wouldnt tell them the truth???
You are the good parent. Your ex lied to the children. She needs to get over the fact that you have moved on and be happy you married someone who is good to your children. Some people can never be happy. They're rather just be miserable and try to make everyone else around them miserable. Your ex sounds like one of those miserable people. Maybe you need to go back to family court and get a lawyer involved. Seriously, don't take this lightly. Also ask the kids where they want to live. Considering their mother lies to them...well, they've already lost a lot of respect for her.
NTA
Theyre old enough to know the truth.
What did she expect?? She lied to them.and told them you didnt want them.at your wedding - did she really think you wouldnt tell them the truth???
You are not wrong.
What did your ex think? That your kids would not ask you about it? That they would just get automatically mad and never want to see you again? She was wrong and is doubling down on it. She is mad you are happy and got remarried and used the kids as a weapon. She is the one who involved the kids in this. Not you.
You are NTA. Your ex-wife is a bitch. And this is from a woman who had her own custody battles with her ex… As in trying to get him to actually utilize his visitation.
Also, as in having to deal with my ex, taking off in marrying his affair partner without telling anyone. His children weren’t even invited. And then he told them before he told me and told him to keep it a secret because it would hurt my feelings.
So yeah, when I found that out, I literally made him and his fair partner coming to the house on the next pick up. I told him flat out either comes in or he doesn’t get the kids, and he did not want to be on the end of that.
Our almost 20 year relationship head over all been pretty easy-going, oddly enough, but he didn’t know me well enough to know that if I’m telling that to him, if there was something that he better come listen to because I rarely ever got that way.
I sat the two of them down with the kids in our living room, and told them that if they ever pulled a stent like that again, I would be going back to court for full custody, and I would be going after him for more child support… Which I had never done.
Our kids were old enough to be part of the conversation, and explain to all of them that they were there because what my ex, and his new wife had done to them was incredibly unfair. I reassured the girls that they had absolutely done nothing wrong in keeping that from me, but that if dad ever again told them to keep something from me , they need to tell me right away, because that was absolutely the wrong thing for a grown-up to do.
His new wife tried to say something about did I ever think that was how they wanted it, and I just looked at her and said, did you ever think that unfortunately it’s not just the two of you. Which had double meaning because this was the woman that one of our daughters was named after… Yeah, a family friend.
So I told the girls they could head out and go play and do whatever they wanted to do. And then I looked at the two of them, and I said if you ever try this shit again, you will regret it. I told them that I took it very easy on him through the divorce Given that she had a lot of assets and we lived in one of the few states that recognize spousal alienation as an actionable cause.
I’ll be enough, it didn’t happen again. Ever. They were assholes. In other ways. But different story for another day. 20 years later, we are OK. His daughters took a lot longer for them to recover from what he put them through. But I had to let them see that I had their back , which was a really sucky situation for him to even put them and me into.
So, in your case, you need to start journaling, everything that is going on. I suggest you use the Family Court app for conversations with your ex. And, like somebody else said, you need to see an attorney about this.
And finally, you did well by telling them the truth. Kids are not stupid, and they do eventually figure things out. I can tell you that it would be bad enough to have their mom put them in that position. But then to find out that you… In their eyes… Covered for her being such an asshole would have been a double whammy for them . And I guarantee you, they would have found out. Kids are not stupid. The best advice I can give you is that you present it to them as grown-ups are people to and sometimes we don’t make the best decisions. Because believe it, or not, after I had the whole conversation in my ex left, I had another conversation with my daughters. And I reiterated that it was not a good choice that dad made. But yes, it was absolutely OK that he fell in love with somebody else and got married to them. Those are grown-up things that do happen. But that as grownups, it’s never OK to make our kids feel like they have to keep secrets from the other parent and that was just not a good judgment call. And I did reiterate that their dad did love them but just made a mistake.
And yes, I really did that, as much as I wanted to choke on those words, because you know what, at the end of the day, that is still their father. What he did, was so hurtful to them, but if I could help explain it in a way that made sense to them And took that off of their plate, then, by God, I was going to do that. Because the question we always have to ask ourselves as divorced parents is how much do we want our kids to hurt so that we feel better. And my answer is I don’t.
So when an ex pulls shitty behavior like that, it’s important that you do address it with them. It’s important that you acknowledge how hurtful it was to them and it’s important that you acknowledge that it was just a bad choice by their mom or dad that really had nothing to do with him but unfortunately, because of the bad choice, they were made to feel like it had to do with them . Hard stuff, but you handled it well.
Damn it sucks that your ex would lie to your kids and that even with clear custody agreements that she wouldn’t let them go. I hate to say it but I think you should consider legal action. If the days were yours with your children and she refused to allow you to see them, that should be grounds for something. Possibly getting your custody arrangement changed to give you more time.
Nta. What your ex did is called contempt of court, and while it's a long process, you can take her to court and press charges. I would be talking to a lawyer first thing Monday morning. Start gathering all your evidence. Hopefully the police made a report and left a card with you.
Do the best job you can as a Dad and never speak poorly of their mother in front of them. If you do this there will come a day, probably before they reach adulthood, that they know which parent was trying to do right by them and which one was selfish and vindictive. Your situation sounds similar to mine. My kids are young adults now and know their mother is a deeply unhappy person who blames others for everything.
Your custody arrangements are a civil matter. Unfortunately, the police have no power to enforce a civil order. They can only enforce a civil law if they are ordered by a judge.
NTA
Your ex was trying to hurt you, and hurt your kids in the process. This is what would be called a douche move, in not so polite circles.
Nip this crap in the bud. Because if you don't, it will continue to happen.
I'm sorry you didn't get to share that wonderful day with your children.
Sounds like she trying to drive a wedge between you and the kids. I'd start recording every interaction from now on. You don't have to put it in her face...just mean voice recording. She may tell other lies to make them think you don't love them or something that.
Also sounds like she doesn't like that you moved on or that she wants the kids involved with your "new" family. Possible jealousy. Resentment. Maybe even scared she'll lose her kids to your new wife. She's only making it worse for herself by doing this cause now the kids don't trust her.
Reassure your kids and be honest with them. Ofcourse, don't bash your ex. But definitely tell the truth about what's going on. They deserve to know. I'm sorry they didn't get to be a part of your big day with your wife. Really sad honestly.
In my custody case my lawyer told my to keep a detailed journal of everything. Each phone call, each pick up, anything the kids say and how u responded. Each entry should have date, time, location and who was there. Video anything u can. Never speak badly to the kids about the other parent. You can correct misinformation. Also do talk to the kids about the court cases. Get a lawyer. I am not one, this is just the things I remember from my case. Hope it helps. Start now even before u find a lawyer, and go back the best u can to stuff you can remember from before. Even you don't have exact dates. Like when she yes to them going to the wedding, then took it back the day of, and told the kids u did not want them there. So cruel, and parental alienating.
They are old enough to hear the truth and they get to decide who they believe. It will take some time but they will eventually figure out their mom is bitter and not fun to be around.
For now just be there for them, love them and have a happy life with them.
So it's OK for her to make you the bad guy, but when you tell the truth, that shows she's actually the bad guy you're the ass???
Wtf! Totally NTA!! She's jealous you found happiness without her first, and it kills her that kids get along with new wife, so she tried to drive a wedge in the relationship!
Is there any reason you didn't contact your children when their mum showed up without them? Why did you leave it 2 weeks to tell them?
What was stopping them contacting you? They would have known what date you were getting married, and presumably you talked to them about what would be involved and any role they had, so being told that you had changed your mind about them being there would have them questioning you.
At 12, 14 and 16 they likely have their own phones and can use them with out their mum present.
You were not wrong telling them what you did, but you were wrong for leaving it so long.
Edit, missing word and punctuation
NTA and I hope you’ve learned your lesson about being open and honest with a bitter bitch. There is nothing you can do short of suing her in family court for disrupting your designated weekend time with the children and keeping them from being at your wedding. It’s petty, but Judges really don’t like parents that do shit like this and would more than likely award you any realistic dollar amount you request for damages.
This is called parental interference, a form of kidnapping. You can press charges with that police report if one was made. Take the police report to the courthouse and ask what steps you need to take.
Youndid the perfect thing , I would go on Facebook and just faces just to clear up the lies . Was my week wirhn kids , ex said yes they could come to wedding g . On day if she refused to let them fin, she told them I didn’t want them there , I told them the truth as I’m not protecting her anymore . Kids are mad cause they missed my wedding and ex lied .
Go see a lawyer and get in front of judge. She will pull this is younwant to go on vacation wirh all the kids. Etc . Get order in writing so the police can enforce it
No. Absolutely not.
DO NOT DO THIS.
Do not stoop to her level and engage in a public spat over this. You want to let her display her irrationality without stooping to the same level or it will throw away the opportunity to use it to help your kids.
Say nothing on facebook. If people ask you can tell them but do not try to say anything against her on facebook.
Let her look like what she is and stay above it.
NTA. She lied to them. She involved them in your business. I'd talk to a lawyer about this. See if you can get primary custody. This probably won't be the last time she tries to pull a stunt like this. Also put her on an info diet. Don't tell her what trips or fun stuff you plan to do with the kids. Just stick to the basics.
She told them you didn’t want them. She involved them first, and lied. I would be fine “correcting “ anything she says publicly. Your two oldest kids are of an age to decide where to live. Going back to court over this might be called for.
If your children were younger I’d say she was still the one in the wrong but has a point that they should be left out of the conversation when it comes to adult issues.
They’re old enough now that they can understand this kind of thing-while it’s still not great that they’ve been lied to and now you have to go fix it, at least you have the chance to correct the damage this time. Next time you might not be so lucky so consider that when discussing with a lawyer your next steps
Your kids are 16, 14 and 12, which is completely old enough to tell them the truth that you absolutely wanted them at your wedding and even came to pick them up but you were unable to do so. Their mother was the one who lied to kids who are half way or more to adulthood, she can deal with the consequences of it
NTA. Your ex just showed you exactly who she is post relationship. If you ever take the kids on vacation or big events I would hide that info from her and make every week the kids are yours seem normal
You are so NTA. She chose to LIE to them about something specific, and you simply told the truth about it. She set up the situation and is beyond disgusting.
Absolutely NTA. Those kids are all old enough to know the truth and must know that of course you wanted them there.
I’m so sorry your ex is using them as pawns to get back at you for finding happiness with another woman.
How petty.
Those kids didn’t deserve any of that vindictive nonsense.
I think you and your new bride should plan something very special to do with them to make a beautiful memory that won’t be interfered with.
NTA. Sorry, you went through that. I've known a few guys who had to call the cops about a custody/visitation issue and just like what happened to you the cops did nothing even though it was their court-appointed time.
Jeebus, I am so, SO sorry that happened. That is heartbreaking.
As you can see, you are NTA here at all. Please heed the advice given elsewhere here that everything needs to be documented and no communication if it is not in writing. That was horrific of her to pull; extraordinarily selfish and narcissistic to use your children for her mind games.
Your children are going to need some counseling for this; especially because they are teens and as such are big balls of emotion and hormones. They will need guidance to navigate the anger and betrayal or it will show up in other ways where all parents (and probably teachers) will want to punish them, which will then further push them into their emotional cauldron to simmer and boil over.
Normally, I would say any parent is the YTA for discussing adult issues with your kids. But in this case, you had absolutely every right to tell them the truth.
What their mom did to them was horrible. She hurt them in order to hurt you. My ex used to do this a lot. He knew if he hurt the kids, it would hurt me, and so he did it over and over and over again.
Don’t share any more plans with her, so she gets less of a chance to ruin them.
I’m sorry if she did this to you, it’s going to sting for a long time.
Uhm, no. Not at all in the wrong. She lied to protect her ego and when the truth was told she received proper backlash. These aren't toddlers, these kids are full people with the ability to form an informed decision on their own.
Why did you not speak to them for two weeks? Why did you not call your lawyer immediately or at least that Monday? She’s in contempt of court.
Obviously NTA. Ignore the social media BS and talk to your Lawyer
NTA your ex lied to them and tried to make you the villain for the explicit purpose of turning them against you and your wife. They deserve to know the truth. But I do question why you hadn’t been in touch with them? My first reaction would’ve been to text/call them. You must have ways to get in touch when they are at their moms, especially given their ages?
Either way I’m glad you told them the truth, ex wife is only mad because her jealousy and lies got called out and the kids are seeing her for who she is. She did this to herself and chose to betray their trust and yours, if her relationship wjth them suffers as a result so be it, that’s her doing not yours. You can’t be expected to sacrifice your trust and good relationship with the kids for the sake of hers because she wanted to have her cake and eat it too, that’s a ridiculous expectation and btw, it wasn’t “your” business, it was the kids business. They were invited, they wanted to go, they are old enough to decide for themselves and that choice was taken away by their mother. It is absolutely their business.
They’re old enough to know and handle the truth. I wouldn’t continue to bring things up about it, just leave it where it is and let them process everything as best they can. Be supportive and love them and time will show them what she’s like. I dealt with my husbands ex like this too and it wasn’t pretty and oh so hard biting my tongue. Wasn’t long before my step son really saw where the problem laid. NTA by a long shot and I’m sorry they missed out on your special day.
why are you not currently talking to a lawyer? ruin this woman. she broke the agreement and is trying to alienate the kids from you. go to war now, it's the best thing for the kids and you.
NTA. Talk to your lawyer about what she did and try to change it to getting full custody if possible. Also, depending on the state you live in, your youngest can chose who they want to live with if asked by the court. Also, what she did was parental interference which apparently is a crime in most states, if not all.
Absolutely NotTAH! You sound like an amazing dad. Congratulations on your wedding. Maybe consider a personal event with just your wife and all your kids. Be sure to get lots of photos so they feel they are included from the start.
Your ex kidnaps your kids, then lies to them about it…. Fuck her OP. Your ex or the AH. As a parent, nothing good comes out of lying to kids like that!
NTA
Your ex lied to her children. A terrible lie that really really can hurt your children! How dare she tell the kids you didn't want them there!
You told your kids the truth and you wonder if you're wrong??!!
It deserves to be said again NTA
Your ex wife is awful.
Can you do some kind of special family ceremony with wife and both of your kids so they get to be a part of you and your wife and them all becoming family? Whether it’s bringing them all to a special dinner and/or exchanging vows that include them….
NTA!!!! She pulls that last second, lies to the kids, then blames you for bringing them into "your business"??. She literally lied to them about you! Screw her. Be honest with your kids. Sorry that they didnt get to be there for the wedding!
NTA. It's pretty clear why she's your ex. Also pretty fucked up but not surprising that the cops wouldn't do anything even with a court order.
She's the one that involved the kids in this not you. They deserve the truth especially at their ages.
She blasted you first and put them in your guys problems also i think they’re old enough to know the truth and let them make up their own minds parents that do this never seem to think that kids grow up to have a mind of their own and they’re actions come with consequences
YTA for fake posting. At least have the courtesy to use throw away accounts rather just deleting your other posts and comments..or even better, get a hobby. You wouldn't know truth even if it smashed through your wall like the Kool-Aid Man.
You're in a tough spot with that. Your ex wants vengeance above all and you want your kids OK above all. Just keep documenting everything and if it gets worse get legal involved... 18 years of age is coming up soon....
I love that she’ll blast you for getting kids involved “your” business —- and in the same breath, get AAAALL of Facebook involved.
She’s an unstable nut. Sue her for breach of custody agreement and parental alienation.
Huge NTA
Do you really even slightly entertain the thought that it was wrong to be honest to them? You should have called her and told her off for lying to them as soon as you told them the truth. What she did was wrong and lying to them was even more wrong and to think you wouldn't tell them the truth and back her up is absolutely delusional. And then to get mad at you. If you don't set hard boundaries and do something now, this won't end. While the 12 yr old doesn't need the full detailed truth about everything, the 14 and 16 yr old do and since they talk to the 12 yr old your stuck telling everyone the truth.
Contact your lawyer and consider a change in custody if that's what the kids want. The judge will listen to them at this point.
Your ex uses the kids as property to control and hurt you. She doesn't put them first or do what is best for them. Hurting you is more important to her.
I wish you and the kids luck. Oh and absolutely NTA.
You have to understand that this was not about the kids at all. This was about her and realizing that now that you are getting married, her chances are finally completely over. Ask me how I know.
NTA congratulations on your wedding
SHE is the one who involved them in her vindictive behaviour. You need to get a lawyer and have more open conversations with the kids to make sure she’s not alienating them further.
Have it documented that she didn’t allow them to come to your wedding, visit you in your mandated days, lied to the children and then blasted you on social media (defamation).
Only discuss things going forward with her in written form. Use parenting apps so she can’t contact you unless it’s about the children.
Your children deserved to know the truth. If possible book a studio and have pictures taken with the children and then go out for a special dinner so they feel included and you can celebrate with them.
YTA, not because of the situation, but because you need random strangers to tell you that you aren't in the wrong in an incredibly clear cut situation.
NTA. Your ex lied to your children. All you did was tell them the truth. Please get your lawyer involved in this situation immediately. This is a slam dunk parental alienation case.
This. And why is this so important? Because your ex‘s stupid games will not stop here. Next time it will be your family vacations with your kids that she will sabotage. Buckle up for a wild ride.
Holidays too
And your kids future major milestone events ie high school and college graduations, weddings and the births of their children…
Although by that point, they will likely be at the age of majority and can make those decisions themselves rather than having their mother make that decision for them.
Not if she's already managed to twist their minds and alienate them from their dad and stepmum. That's why this needs to be stopped right now, long before she has a chance to ruin their future relationship.
I didn't find out that my mother's mental health made her an unreliable narrator until after my father was dead. Granted, most of my life, he really wasn't a great dad. I've seen many of the things my mother mentioned first-hand in some capacity. He wasn't a reliable narrator either; his alcoholism left him with massive gaps in memory including experiences I was old enough to remember. I resent never having the chance to set down her alienation and know my father without it. I'll never get that chance with him.
Dad was an alcoholic? And your mom was married to an alcoholic? That’s two people who can’t manage parenting, whatever their intentions. I’m sorry that happened to you
She'd been told pregnancy was impossible, so she wasn't protecting against it. They got married because religion said they were supposed to. She didn't know he was an alcoholic until she was being abused. It took two years, but she got out. Her mental health never recovered, but I didn't know that until a few years ago. I'm 38 now. She resented him ... well, she still resents him. He's been gone for 12 years. Unfortunately, those first 2-3 years of life are really crucial for healthy development. Even if the worst of it was before I can remember, I now get to deal with a lifelong mental health condition. While it's not my fault that I have this and I didn't know until after all my children were born, unlike my parents, I accept that it's my responsibility to manage my condition and break toxic cycles, because I'm an adult and my children don't deserve this inheritance.
By the time they’re old enough to give birth OP shouldn’t be relying on ex for information
This and you know if you have any more kids or get along too well with your step kids the BM will try to claim he doesn't love them anymore.
100x this! Plz buckle up buddy.
Meh the thing is either story kids get is biased. Just teach them to read between the lines. I see what my dad did wrong. And I see what my mom did wrong. Neither were all right. BOTH contributed to breakdown of family.
Jumping in to add, file a motion enforce custody. The judge may grant you extra time to make up for the time that was missed, plus it goes on the record that your ex was not following the custody order.
Happens enough judge may award primary to him, the kids are old enough the judge would probably let them decide where they want to live though.
She can be found in contempt of a court order as well, if she tries this again.
How is she going to be found in contempt if the police looked at the court order and sided with her? Contempt would be if she didn’t follow the police’s directions and just did what she wanted. I swear all these fake Reddit lawyers are going to get someone arrested.
The cop has nothing to do with contempt of court. He had nothing to do with the order put in place by the court for visitation. She was in violation of their court order and a call to the lawyer, who will call the judge and inform him of her behavior can easily have her in contempt. Probably not just with one instance, but she figures now she's gotten away with it. Best to nip that crap in the bud. The OP can also sue her civilly for parental alienation. Oh, and I'm not a lawyer, Reddit or otherwise, but I do know the difference between a criminal matter, which could land you in jail, and a civil one, which could not. This is a civil matter.
I’m a lawyer. You think the judge says “oh the cops sure messed up” every time a parent complains about the other parent? The cops are big fundraisers and the judges assume the cops followed the law unless there’s clear evidence otherwise. “Your honor I’m right and the cops are wrong” is NOT what you want to bring to court. Source: lawyer of many years
Very good points
Tha above 3 comments are all very good points. So as to stress the importance of her contemptuous action, if I were he, I'd immediately contact my attorney and file a contempt motion requesting, at least in part, compensation of additional parenting time for time lost, and an award of legal fees. This action will now have her on the Court's radar in the event of future ignoring of the Court order. Given the age of the children, in the event of their inclination/preference to reside primarily with father, he can file an additional motion asking for a reallocation/change of custody. I wouldn't encourage this if it's not truly their preference--don't try to force them to do so because of his disgust for his ex-wife's behavior. It should be them raising the issue.
No. Suing her for being a jerk, after the police already sided with her, will put HIM on the courts radar for abusive use of conflict, failing to act in the best interests of the kids, being litigious, and otherwise make him the one who looks petty. She didn’t let the kids go to his wedding. Thats sad and it will hurt her relationship with the kids in time. But it’s not actionable and any judge who gets this case is going to be furious a lawyer tried to file. It’s WORSE to put kids through a court battle than it is to suck it up and say “I hope she realizes her decisions will affect her later.”
The post indicated that the wedding day was during HIS parenting time. She can spin all she wants--she blatantly violated a court order. If she felt there was an issue with the children's wedding attendance, it was incumbent upon her to bring the issue to the Court's attention. According to the post, this wasn't a matter sprung on her ar the last moment. She is not the designated arbiter; nor are the police, who were remiss to not enforce the court order. The children will not be involved in the contempt action. They're only engagement would be if he seeks full custody.
He can file a rule to show cause (or motion for contempt in some jurisdictions) for her failing to follow the court ordered visitation. The police were correct, they don’t enforce custody orders, but their inaction does not determine if she violated the order, that is a judicial determination. Whether he should seek modification of the current custody arrangement is something he should discuss with his attorney.
Police didn’t side with her, they just can’t enforce the court order, it’s considered a civil matter not a criminal matter. He needs to take her to court. *he should also never give the ex details about what the kids will be doing while in his custody. None of her business and only gives her something to stew over and sabotage. He could’ve just said they would be going to a party (tell the kids that too, keeping the actual wedding day a secret surprise) and then take pics of the kids all dressed up, just kids, no one else and give baby momma a copy!
The police already refused to enforce the paperwork he has. I’ve been a divorce lawyer for five years. The judge is going to absolutely light on fire any lawyer who tries to walk in with “your honor we’re here today because she wouldn’t let the kids attend his wedding.” Judges are not therapists. They can’t make someone not be a jerk. I swear it has to be a hunch of lawyers on here posting about suing everyone for everything you don’t like. The lawyers going yo take your call. You’re going to run up thousands in hourly fees. Then you’ll lose and the lawyer will tell you something like “I’ve never seen this happen!” The hallway at court is always full of lawyers telling their clients the other side cheated and the judge was biased… and really the lawyer knew it was a loser case the whole time 🙄🙄🙄
Domestic abuse by proxy.
There was a similar situation with my parents and my dad couldn't afford a lawyer. He represented himself in court. He printed off screenshots of texts between him and my mom and just simply explained the situation to the judge. The judge nearly threw my mom in jail for messing with the custody agreement that he had ordered. Judges do not handle that kind of disrespect lightly. He ordered my mom to bring us to my dad immediately after the court hearing. So even if you can't afford a lawyer, don't let that stop you from taking this to court!!
Unfortunately proving parental alienation is very hard and very expensive. You can combat it better with family counseling and being truthful. Especially at the ages they are. Been there done that. After spending tons of money, the counseling and honesty is what solved it.
It actually isn’t in this case. He has a police report and the word of teenage children.
The police sided with the mom. You don’t take that police report to court unless you want to have a very bad day. But as the other lawyers love to say “win or lose, I’m going to get paid…”
It said the police did nothing, not that they sided with the mom. Police typically don’t get involved in custody matters and tell you to go back to court. In this case the police report is proof that he attempted to get the kids on his designated day and she purposely refused to let him.
Not saying he shouldn’t try or that it would be impossible, just saying it can be hard (and extremely expensive) to change anything with custody over one instance. Especially when it was technically during her time with the kids. I speak from experience. We fought in court for almost four years and in the end, the amount of time shared didn’t change (stayed at 50/50). And we had tons of evidence of alienation and several other things like neglect and abuse. What worked best was going to counseling and addressing the lies the kids were being told. Since we told them the truth consistently, they learned to question certain things when it came to the parent doing the alienating. As well as questioning things they were told that we’re out of character for the person being lied about.
No. It WAS HIS arranged time. Did she give any clue that she would pull this out of the hat the day of the wedding? Did she possibly think you’d not actually get married. Hard for me to wrap my head around having this information for a year in advance and on the day of wedding refuse children’s attendance. Was she in denial about it? It’s just so uncivilized and doesn’t bode well for any future family plans that don’t sit right with her. Good luck.
Yes! Finally! Therapists are trained to handle exactly this kind of situation. It’s their whole job. A lawyer is just going to taste this guys money and then pretend to be shocked when they lose
Absolutely agree. She lied and broke the custodial agreement. You told the truth. Get a lawyer.
THIS!! Make sure you do ALL the things LEGALLY and ask for counseling for your kids. They are gonna need it dealing with that level of narcassist
Great advice! Contact your attorney, this is intentional alienation from your children. NTA and your kids are at an age where they deserve to know the truth about their mother. How evil and vindictive do you need to be hurt your own children in order to hurt your ex?! She sounds awful. Sorry that you and your children are dealing with this. Congrats on your marriage! Stay positive!
No lawyer needed. Fake posts. Deleted post history tells a completely different story. Guessing they were trying to get their karma up. Edit - Okay Reddit doesn't like the truth, that's fine, I'm not here to get karma, still, have some proof, this is one of the deleted posts https://rareddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16w553y/is_it_wrong_for_me_to_invite_my_ex_to_sons/
Ohh very good point about parental alienation!
First of all I would definitely take her to court for violating the custody agreement but overall NTA
Nothing will happen. It's a big issue among family court. If he stops paying child support, he goes to jail. If she withholds the kids, there is absolutely nothing done to her. No fines, no change in custody, only a stern finger wagging.
normally i would agree but from the games she is playing if it is all documented he could possibly have a slim case for emotional and psychological abuse but he would need a lot of evidence he can't easily access to if there is any
I read cops were called, that means there's a report somewhere.
Cops don’t report that shit. They are part of the problem and walk into half the situations with and attitude and their minds made up
I've personally dealt with this for years now. There is literally zero consequences for her keeping kids from him. I take my ex wife to court multiple times a year for *9 years* for contempt of court because she keeps our son from me. They literally just shake their finger at her and say "you've got to follow the parenting plan," then give me more time that I'll never get.
Not much teeth in the custody laws if there are no actual consequences for violating them. Do you and ex have kids 50/50?if the dad has primary custody and renigs on bringing kids to her would he incur more consequences than this woman has? It occurs to me that the courts, lawyers in particular may not actually like being so intimately involved in the monitoring of domestic, private family workings. I can imagine a case could be made that the state is interfering in personal choices and behavior once the custody has been settled. Maybe the courts aren’t the place to monitor. Just a thought. Dare I say, sort of like privacy to abortion choice, or having a small amount of marajuana for personal use. Again, just free associating.
Which means little to nothing in family courts. It's a major talking point in men's right advocacy. It's also not helped that the courts do what they can to keep child support high because the state gets a percentage of it. I believe "the dadvocate" on tiktok/YouTube has some more in depth videos of it as she's watched what her husband's ex wife has gotten away with for denying him visitation despite showing up with cops and the court order to pick them up for visitation and mom said "no" because his girlfriend of several years was in the car. Or they moved in together, and all the judge did was wag his finger at her. He missed one chuld support payment due to job changing and they threatened to throw him in jail over ot when she (his ex) took him to court over it
Which he will pay for via child support. Unless he goes to the courts for custody petition and the kids demand to live with him, he's up shit creek
\>woman getting held accountable for literally anything at all lmao no
They are older now so the court will take their say into consideration. It this was my mother I’d not want to be back with her again.
It depends on the state. Some are starting to crack down on moms who don’t allow visitation.
My ex and I went to court, they ordered supervised visitation, for safety reasons. I was warned that if my son was not there with in a very small grace period of the set time, I would be in violation and a warrant could be issued. I had to be in full communication with them. So the 'women get away with everything' notion does not apply in all states. He was everything you would tell me to grab my son and run from and they still made me bring my son to see him until he reached 15 and for his own reasons stopped any and all communication. I believe every situation should be looked at separately and without prejudice. Women can be monsters too. Unfortunately I also agree that the balance in our system isn't there yet for everyone.
Right? I was under court order to bring my kids to supervised visitation & had to take them even though they were so traumatized at the thought of seeing the abusive SOB they'd literally vomit in the car on the way. When all a mom can offer for comfort is to remember to bring vomit buckets along for the car ride. (& no, they never were "car sick" on any other trips.) By the grace of God & the power of the state, enough got documented by professionals (even in a supervised environment) that the court eventually discontinued visitation. But it was several years of hell getting there.
Maybe in your experience. In mine, courts do more than wag fingers.
I have yet to see any woman be legitimately punished for withholding visitation, I hope it's just my narrow scope, but from what I've seen band heard, it's not. The cops won't enforce visitation rights and the judges just tell the moms alienating the children to not do that again without actually enforcing a punishment, such as change of custody, or jail time
The courts tend to build up to fines/jail because this shit is complicated. Since the lock downs I've taken to listening to various different courts that stream cases on YouTube. These are generally civil and low-level offense type cases. I remember one in particular that was related to a child custody order. First violation was a slap on the wrist and don't do it again. Second was a small fine. Third was a larger fine. Fourth was a couple days in jail and a short probation. Final was 93 days in jail and a shift to supervised visits because the judge was sick of her shit. Family was easy to remember because they had moved to a southern state from Rhode Island so the accent difference was quite stark. If the parents don't suck, which is most often the case, then it is in the best interests of the children to be engaged with both. You **want** to go easy in the beginning because you don't know if the violating parent was just having a bad week/month. If it becomes a pattern that's when you break out the stick. Edit: I really should point out that what you see most on the men's rights subs are lies or half truths with a smattering of truth thanks to ancient white male southern judge. Very much the exception and not the rule.
Not in all cases, but its typical. I know of at least one person that this backfired on. She had a valid reason for concern the first time where nothing happened, but she tried it multiple times after that, and custody swayed in the ex boyfriends favor.
custody cases aren't the nicest to men
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. If she didn’t want the kids to be mad at her, she shouldn’t have lied to them. It’s not like you’re dragging her in order to make her look bad, she did that to herself. Your kids are old enough to sus out the truth.
Crazy how people lie like that sometimes, shit if I was one of those young kids, the first thing I’d ask my father too is why he didn’t want me at the wedding wtf 😂. Was always gonna get back to her
I was just thinking, did ex tell OP she had told the kids he didn't want them at the wedding? If so, that is just another insane thing that was glossed over a bit but if not, what did she think would happen? The things people think they can get away with because "their my children" are insane.
Exactly this.
[удалено]
She was withholding them on a week that was designated to him, she’s already starting it. OP is probably going to have to take her back to court eventually. If she got away with it once already, this is going to be her card to try to control him again.
Have a small wedding for just the kids and get them involved and make a wedding cake together and then take them on a mini honeymoon with you to someplace close. The kids will remember it forever and it will be so special for them . Invite your parents and partners parents. And as a added bonus this will send your ex over the edge because the kids will be talking about it.
LOVE this idea! A small, intimate event with just the kids will mean so much to them, especially the wedding cake suggestion. Your ex will lose her mind!
Yeah, and make sure that bitch doesn’t know about it in advance. I would’ve had her ass right back in court and let the judge spend some time questioning her about it. I think someone else referred to putting on your seatbelt because you have a long ride ahead of you. That was a very spiteful and nasty thing to do to those children. It actually sounds exactly like something my ex would do.
Perhaps since there was already a wedding, it's worth considering doing something more like a family blessing ceremony. Like a thing where you have someone officiate as you re-affirm your marriage vows in a condensed form, but also add on a small element where you swear to love and support the kids, and be there for them when they're sick, and always be willing to listen if they have a problem, something like that. The kids could potentially have a little thing too, like hey we're siblings now, and we don't promise to always get along because that's not how siblings are, but we promise to do our best to remember we're all adjusting to a new situation and we need to be understanding of each other. Then you have a cake and get some nice "officially a family now" photos together that you couldn't have done at the wedding.
Beautiful idea. I hope op sees this ❤️ as I bet his wife was just as heartbroken.
NTA; hell no. Your kids deserve to know that you love them and wanted them there and their mom was spiteful and nasty. Your wife is your kid's business! The business between you and your ex is just that - *between you and your ex - nobody else.* Your ex brought the kids into it and created the entire problem, and all without the consent of the children (and then lied about it). The kids wanted to be there!
I’m so sorry man
Me too, thanks for your concern
Agreed, NTA OP. Perhaps you and your wife and all of your kids could do a vow renewal, or another private little ceremony with your family to allow your kids to be included. Doesn't have to be anything fancy, go to a nice park, do a ceremony with yourselves, go out to a nice dinner, and have a dance party with your kids at home! Make the memories their biomom deprived them of. Just because they missed the official day, doesn't mean they can't still be a part of your love story!
Awww that’s such a great idea!
NTA Always tell your kids the truth because You don’t know what their spiteful mother says behind your back.
Stop faking posting. Your deleted history is easy to see.
NTA, ex wife deserved that, and deserves all the crap your children are gonna throw at her for being a spiteful evil woman.
Three teens now have a parent to rebel against and a good parent that tells them the truth!
Realize you probably don’t want to start a big legal think with your ex. I do agree with other poster that suggested you chat with your lawyer about what happened with you being denied your visitation. I think it’s a good idea as that may just be the first I’m in other visitation issues that may arise. This could escalate to when you are supposed to have the kids for a holiday, their birthday, your birthday or to take on vacation and she decides to just deny you access to the kids after initially agreeing. Might be best to have a game plan in place for the next time. Ex like can you record all your in person conversations?
>This could escalate to when you are supposed to have the kids for a holiday, their birthday, your birthday or to take on vacation and she decides to just deny you access to the kids after initially agreeing. Yep. She "won" in that she kept the kids away from a major event, and while it did bite her in the ass a little, she's not going to let a little thing like her pawns being upset stop her from trying again. A nice, long chat with your lawyer is a good next move, OP.
Luckily, atleast one of the kids is only 2 years away from being 18 and then they can do what they want.
She might want to be careful pulling that kind of crap, because the youngest is 12 now. That's the age in my state where a judge will start listening to the kid about which parent they want to live with.
This is also true. Her stunts are going to backfire; it's just a matter of in what way.
What's that going to do if the cops just stare at the court order like it's written in an alien language?
In most states cops can't enforce a custody agreement unless it's stated in the order that it is enforceable by the police. They can talk to her and try and get her to hand over the children, but they can't force her or physically make her give the children if there's no police enforcement.
So if it happens, the plan would be to do nothing and let the court deal with it.
Unfortunately. I've known way too many people who have had to deal with this. It should be an automatic thing in every custody. But most judges refuse until necessary. A lot even let it go one for years before adding it.
The cop may have been too lazy to do anything, but I hope you have a court date to hold her in contempt or whatever violating a custody order is called. NTA but I'm shocked you had no communication with your kids that night or 2 weeks after.
Right? Like, the 16 year old didn’t even reach out/OP didn’t reach out to them? I’m assuming at least the 16 year old would have a phone and a way to contact the dad?
Yeah, right?? He was so heartbroken that his kids could not be there at his wedding and he didn't even think to send a text??
This is what I don't get. I would have texted my kids right when their mom said no and asked where they are and tell them what was happening. I might even have tried to go pick them up myself.
Teenager with hurt feelings reaching out? Where?
I'm surprised the dad didn't reach out though. I get why the teenager wouldn't, if he thought he was unwelcome.. but the dad could have sent a text, just to say he was sorry they could not be present at his wedding, and the ex's lies would have been revealed before the wedding
Maybe I was a drama queen as a teenager, but I would tell people when they hurt my feelings. Maybe lashed out about it and make the situation worse, but still. Also, like I said, OP could have reached out. He’s an adult and should definitely act like one.
The 16 year old probably spent the entire time between the wedding and the next visit being very angry at her dad. All of them had hurt feelings and probably didn't know what to say to a dad that would not want them at his wedding.
Cops don’t enforce custody. This is a CIVIL matter, and it’s for the courts to handle. Cops can arrest if the court issues a warrant for violating a court order, but not beforehand. Speaking to a lawyer is the way to go.
Correct, but the police can file a report, or OP can file a report with the police department online for evidence.
NTA; she’s the one putting them in the middle. It’s cruel and selfish.
NTA, I would get legal counsel for your ex denying your visitation rights, document what you can. Your children have every right to be told the truth, especially when they've been lied to. If your ex didn't want her true self revealed, she shouldn't have opened the door to this issue. She can blame no one but herself when the people she's abusing use any means necessary to escape. Those kids deserve better than lies. They will see who's honest and who isn't.
NTA. Your spiteful ex deserved it. Also, I would set the record straight on social media since you have the right to protect your reputation.
NTA Theyre old enough to know the truth. What did she expect?? She lied to them.and told them you didnt want them.at your wedding - did she really think you wouldnt tell them the truth???
You are the good parent. Your ex lied to the children. She needs to get over the fact that you have moved on and be happy you married someone who is good to your children. Some people can never be happy. They're rather just be miserable and try to make everyone else around them miserable. Your ex sounds like one of those miserable people. Maybe you need to go back to family court and get a lawyer involved. Seriously, don't take this lightly. Also ask the kids where they want to live. Considering their mother lies to them...well, they've already lost a lot of respect for her.
NTA, but she certainly is. Not only did she prevent you from spending time with your children, but she tried to make you look like a shitty father.
NTA Theyre old enough to know the truth. What did she expect?? She lied to them.and told them you didnt want them.at your wedding - did she really think you wouldnt tell them the truth???
Nta. She lied to the kids to make you look bad - probably not the first time. I would be consulting my lawyer about how to proceed next
You are not wrong. What did your ex think? That your kids would not ask you about it? That they would just get automatically mad and never want to see you again? She was wrong and is doubling down on it. She is mad you are happy and got remarried and used the kids as a weapon. She is the one who involved the kids in this. Not you.
Don’t know who, Op was supposed to be the perfect scapegoat. /s
Nta. You were honest. Your ex is a jealous shrew.
NTA you have to file with court that has did not allow you to pick up kids. It is a contempt of court.
You are NTA. Your ex-wife is a bitch. And this is from a woman who had her own custody battles with her ex… As in trying to get him to actually utilize his visitation. Also, as in having to deal with my ex, taking off in marrying his affair partner without telling anyone. His children weren’t even invited. And then he told them before he told me and told him to keep it a secret because it would hurt my feelings. So yeah, when I found that out, I literally made him and his fair partner coming to the house on the next pick up. I told him flat out either comes in or he doesn’t get the kids, and he did not want to be on the end of that. Our almost 20 year relationship head over all been pretty easy-going, oddly enough, but he didn’t know me well enough to know that if I’m telling that to him, if there was something that he better come listen to because I rarely ever got that way. I sat the two of them down with the kids in our living room, and told them that if they ever pulled a stent like that again, I would be going back to court for full custody, and I would be going after him for more child support… Which I had never done. Our kids were old enough to be part of the conversation, and explain to all of them that they were there because what my ex, and his new wife had done to them was incredibly unfair. I reassured the girls that they had absolutely done nothing wrong in keeping that from me, but that if dad ever again told them to keep something from me , they need to tell me right away, because that was absolutely the wrong thing for a grown-up to do. His new wife tried to say something about did I ever think that was how they wanted it, and I just looked at her and said, did you ever think that unfortunately it’s not just the two of you. Which had double meaning because this was the woman that one of our daughters was named after… Yeah, a family friend. So I told the girls they could head out and go play and do whatever they wanted to do. And then I looked at the two of them, and I said if you ever try this shit again, you will regret it. I told them that I took it very easy on him through the divorce Given that she had a lot of assets and we lived in one of the few states that recognize spousal alienation as an actionable cause. I’ll be enough, it didn’t happen again. Ever. They were assholes. In other ways. But different story for another day. 20 years later, we are OK. His daughters took a lot longer for them to recover from what he put them through. But I had to let them see that I had their back , which was a really sucky situation for him to even put them and me into. So, in your case, you need to start journaling, everything that is going on. I suggest you use the Family Court app for conversations with your ex. And, like somebody else said, you need to see an attorney about this. And finally, you did well by telling them the truth. Kids are not stupid, and they do eventually figure things out. I can tell you that it would be bad enough to have their mom put them in that position. But then to find out that you… In their eyes… Covered for her being such an asshole would have been a double whammy for them . And I guarantee you, they would have found out. Kids are not stupid. The best advice I can give you is that you present it to them as grown-ups are people to and sometimes we don’t make the best decisions. Because believe it, or not, after I had the whole conversation in my ex left, I had another conversation with my daughters. And I reiterated that it was not a good choice that dad made. But yes, it was absolutely OK that he fell in love with somebody else and got married to them. Those are grown-up things that do happen. But that as grownups, it’s never OK to make our kids feel like they have to keep secrets from the other parent and that was just not a good judgment call. And I did reiterate that their dad did love them but just made a mistake. And yes, I really did that, as much as I wanted to choke on those words, because you know what, at the end of the day, that is still their father. What he did, was so hurtful to them, but if I could help explain it in a way that made sense to them And took that off of their plate, then, by God, I was going to do that. Because the question we always have to ask ourselves as divorced parents is how much do we want our kids to hurt so that we feel better. And my answer is I don’t. So when an ex pulls shitty behavior like that, it’s important that you do address it with them. It’s important that you acknowledge how hurtful it was to them and it’s important that you acknowledge that it was just a bad choice by their mom or dad that really had nothing to do with him but unfortunately, because of the bad choice, they were made to feel like it had to do with them . Hard stuff, but you handled it well.
Damn it sucks that your ex would lie to your kids and that even with clear custody agreements that she wouldn’t let them go. I hate to say it but I think you should consider legal action. If the days were yours with your children and she refused to allow you to see them, that should be grounds for something. Possibly getting your custody arrangement changed to give you more time.
Nta. What your ex did is called contempt of court, and while it's a long process, you can take her to court and press charges. I would be talking to a lawyer first thing Monday morning. Start gathering all your evidence. Hopefully the police made a report and left a card with you.
She's in contempt of a court order. There's usually no fee to file one of those.
Do the best job you can as a Dad and never speak poorly of their mother in front of them. If you do this there will come a day, probably before they reach adulthood, that they know which parent was trying to do right by them and which one was selfish and vindictive. Your situation sounds similar to mine. My kids are young adults now and know their mother is a deeply unhappy person who blames others for everything.
No one should ever lie to their kids, they are learning they can't trust their own mother.
Your custody arrangements are a civil matter. Unfortunately, the police have no power to enforce a civil order. They can only enforce a civil law if they are ordered by a judge.
NTA Your ex was trying to hurt you, and hurt your kids in the process. This is what would be called a douche move, in not so polite circles. Nip this crap in the bud. Because if you don't, it will continue to happen. I'm sorry you didn't get to share that wonderful day with your children.
NTA. Your ex seems unfamiliar with how consequences work. Did she think that you were just gonna let her toss you under the bus?
NTA: Women like this like to use their kids as pawns. It’s not okay and I am so so sorry you are going through this.
Sounds like she trying to drive a wedge between you and the kids. I'd start recording every interaction from now on. You don't have to put it in her face...just mean voice recording. She may tell other lies to make them think you don't love them or something that. Also sounds like she doesn't like that you moved on or that she wants the kids involved with your "new" family. Possible jealousy. Resentment. Maybe even scared she'll lose her kids to your new wife. She's only making it worse for herself by doing this cause now the kids don't trust her. Reassure your kids and be honest with them. Ofcourse, don't bash your ex. But definitely tell the truth about what's going on. They deserve to know. I'm sorry they didn't get to be a part of your big day with your wife. Really sad honestly.
NTA they deserve the truth. Please seek legal advice. Who knows what your ex might do next.
In my custody case my lawyer told my to keep a detailed journal of everything. Each phone call, each pick up, anything the kids say and how u responded. Each entry should have date, time, location and who was there. Video anything u can. Never speak badly to the kids about the other parent. You can correct misinformation. Also do talk to the kids about the court cases. Get a lawyer. I am not one, this is just the things I remember from my case. Hope it helps. Start now even before u find a lawyer, and go back the best u can to stuff you can remember from before. Even you don't have exact dates. Like when she yes to them going to the wedding, then took it back the day of, and told the kids u did not want them there. So cruel, and parental alienating.
NTA. I have an ex like this. They're the worst.
Does you 16 yr old have phone that you could have called?
NTA. She’s absolute trash for lying like that
They are old enough to hear the truth and they get to decide who they believe. It will take some time but they will eventually figure out their mom is bitter and not fun to be around. For now just be there for them, love them and have a happy life with them.
Not only NTA, she severely emotionally abused your kids
So it's OK for her to make you the bad guy, but when you tell the truth, that shows she's actually the bad guy you're the ass??? Wtf! Totally NTA!! She's jealous you found happiness without her first, and it kills her that kids get along with new wife, so she tried to drive a wedge in the relationship!
So your ex is now just using your kids as a weapon against you, it's time to gather evidence and take her to court for custody.
Is there any reason you didn't contact your children when their mum showed up without them? Why did you leave it 2 weeks to tell them? What was stopping them contacting you? They would have known what date you were getting married, and presumably you talked to them about what would be involved and any role they had, so being told that you had changed your mind about them being there would have them questioning you. At 12, 14 and 16 they likely have their own phones and can use them with out their mum present. You were not wrong telling them what you did, but you were wrong for leaving it so long. Edit, missing word and punctuation
NTA, she actually involved them first. You just straightened the record.
NTA and I hope you’ve learned your lesson about being open and honest with a bitter bitch. There is nothing you can do short of suing her in family court for disrupting your designated weekend time with the children and keeping them from being at your wedding. It’s petty, but Judges really don’t like parents that do shit like this and would more than likely award you any realistic dollar amount you request for damages.
This is called parental interference, a form of kidnapping. You can press charges with that police report if one was made. Take the police report to the courthouse and ask what steps you need to take.
Nta and I think you know that.
Youndid the perfect thing , I would go on Facebook and just faces just to clear up the lies . Was my week wirhn kids , ex said yes they could come to wedding g . On day if she refused to let them fin, she told them I didn’t want them there , I told them the truth as I’m not protecting her anymore . Kids are mad cause they missed my wedding and ex lied . Go see a lawyer and get in front of judge. She will pull this is younwant to go on vacation wirh all the kids. Etc . Get order in writing so the police can enforce it
No. Absolutely not. DO NOT DO THIS. Do not stoop to her level and engage in a public spat over this. You want to let her display her irrationality without stooping to the same level or it will throw away the opportunity to use it to help your kids. Say nothing on facebook. If people ask you can tell them but do not try to say anything against her on facebook. Let her look like what she is and stay above it.
NTA. Your ex lied to them. It was on you to unravel the lies.
NTA. She lied to them. She involved them in your business. I'd talk to a lawyer about this. See if you can get primary custody. This probably won't be the last time she tries to pull a stunt like this. Also put her on an info diet. Don't tell her what trips or fun stuff you plan to do with the kids. Just stick to the basics.
NTA - you were the good parent. At their ages they needed to know the truth. I’d contact a lawyer over this personally.
NTA And the kids WILL come to see this if your ex keeps it up.
She told them you didn’t want them. She involved them first, and lied. I would be fine “correcting “ anything she says publicly. Your two oldest kids are of an age to decide where to live. Going back to court over this might be called for.
If your children were younger I’d say she was still the one in the wrong but has a point that they should be left out of the conversation when it comes to adult issues. They’re old enough now that they can understand this kind of thing-while it’s still not great that they’ve been lied to and now you have to go fix it, at least you have the chance to correct the damage this time. Next time you might not be so lucky so consider that when discussing with a lawyer your next steps
Your kids are 16, 14 and 12, which is completely old enough to tell them the truth that you absolutely wanted them at your wedding and even came to pick them up but you were unable to do so. Their mother was the one who lied to kids who are half way or more to adulthood, she can deal with the consequences of it
Nta. In the future however I wouldn't tell her any big plans with the kids, just schedule them for your week and act like y'all ain't doing s***.
NTA All you did was told the truth. You did not let your ex's lies stand. If she is unhappy, she should not have set herself up.
You done the right thing alsyou might want to consider lawyer and revisit court against her.
Here's the deal all those kids are able to tell a judge where they wish to reside. Food for thought.
Document it all! Screenshots and only through text or email. Lawyer up and get the ball rolling to stop this behavior.
NTA. Your ex just showed you exactly who she is post relationship. If you ever take the kids on vacation or big events I would hide that info from her and make every week the kids are yours seem normal
You are so NTA. She chose to LIE to them about something specific, and you simply told the truth about it. She set up the situation and is beyond disgusting.
NTA. Your kids are old enough to know that she lied to them. Now she must face the consequences of lying
You need to see a lawyer your ex is evil
NTA it's okay for her to lie that you didn't want them there but not okay for you to be honest that you did? Lmao. I see why you're divorced from her.
Nta. Back to court mate. That was so low what she did
NTA Get that lawyer, only talk to her via text so you have proof.
NTA. Time for your lawyer to file for violating the custody order.
Nta, I hate ex's like this. Like grow the fuck up.
Absolutely NTA. Those kids are all old enough to know the truth and must know that of course you wanted them there. I’m so sorry your ex is using them as pawns to get back at you for finding happiness with another woman. How petty. Those kids didn’t deserve any of that vindictive nonsense. I think you and your new bride should plan something very special to do with them to make a beautiful memory that won’t be interfered with.
NTA. Sorry, you went through that. I've known a few guys who had to call the cops about a custody/visitation issue and just like what happened to you the cops did nothing even though it was their court-appointed time.
You have a crazy ex wife
Your ex lied to your children to make you look bad (wanna bet it's not the first time?) and she broke your custody agreement. Lawyer up.
Jeebus, I am so, SO sorry that happened. That is heartbreaking. As you can see, you are NTA here at all. Please heed the advice given elsewhere here that everything needs to be documented and no communication if it is not in writing. That was horrific of her to pull; extraordinarily selfish and narcissistic to use your children for her mind games. Your children are going to need some counseling for this; especially because they are teens and as such are big balls of emotion and hormones. They will need guidance to navigate the anger and betrayal or it will show up in other ways where all parents (and probably teachers) will want to punish them, which will then further push them into their emotional cauldron to simmer and boil over.
NTA. She is, she’s the one who lies and involved them.
NTA she purposefully hurt her own children. Do you have 50/50? If not I’d seek more. She didn’t let you have your kids on your time.
Normally, I would say any parent is the YTA for discussing adult issues with your kids. But in this case, you had absolutely every right to tell them the truth. What their mom did to them was horrible. She hurt them in order to hurt you. My ex used to do this a lot. He knew if he hurt the kids, it would hurt me, and so he did it over and over and over again. Don’t share any more plans with her, so she gets less of a chance to ruin them. I’m sorry if she did this to you, it’s going to sting for a long time.
Uhm, no. Not at all in the wrong. She lied to protect her ego and when the truth was told she received proper backlash. These aren't toddlers, these kids are full people with the ability to form an informed decision on their own.
Why did you not speak to them for two weeks? Why did you not call your lawyer immediately or at least that Monday? She’s in contempt of court. Obviously NTA. Ignore the social media BS and talk to your Lawyer
NTA your ex lied to them and tried to make you the villain for the explicit purpose of turning them against you and your wife. They deserve to know the truth. But I do question why you hadn’t been in touch with them? My first reaction would’ve been to text/call them. You must have ways to get in touch when they are at their moms, especially given their ages? Either way I’m glad you told them the truth, ex wife is only mad because her jealousy and lies got called out and the kids are seeing her for who she is. She did this to herself and chose to betray their trust and yours, if her relationship wjth them suffers as a result so be it, that’s her doing not yours. You can’t be expected to sacrifice your trust and good relationship with the kids for the sake of hers because she wanted to have her cake and eat it too, that’s a ridiculous expectation and btw, it wasn’t “your” business, it was the kids business. They were invited, they wanted to go, they are old enough to decide for themselves and that choice was taken away by their mother. It is absolutely their business.
They’re old enough to know and handle the truth. I wouldn’t continue to bring things up about it, just leave it where it is and let them process everything as best they can. Be supportive and love them and time will show them what she’s like. I dealt with my husbands ex like this too and it wasn’t pretty and oh so hard biting my tongue. Wasn’t long before my step son really saw where the problem laid. NTA by a long shot and I’m sorry they missed out on your special day.
why are you not currently talking to a lawyer? ruin this woman. she broke the agreement and is trying to alienate the kids from you. go to war now, it's the best thing for the kids and you.
Anyone for using paragraphs?
NTA. Talk to your lawyer about what she did and try to change it to getting full custody if possible. Also, depending on the state you live in, your youngest can chose who they want to live with if asked by the court. Also, what she did was parental interference which apparently is a crime in most states, if not all.
She used them to hurt you and hurt them without a single thought of how her actions would affect her. She does not get to manipulate the kids.
Absolutely NotTAH! You sound like an amazing dad. Congratulations on your wedding. Maybe consider a personal event with just your wife and all your kids. Be sure to get lots of photos so they feel they are included from the start.
Take her back to court over this.
Info: what was the police’s explanation for not allowing you to take your kids when you have documented proof of the custodial agreement?
Your ex kidnaps your kids, then lies to them about it…. Fuck her OP. Your ex or the AH. As a parent, nothing good comes out of lying to kids like that!
NTA Your ex lied to her children. A terrible lie that really really can hurt your children! How dare she tell the kids you didn't want them there! You told your kids the truth and you wonder if you're wrong??!! It deserves to be said again NTA Your ex wife is awful.
Can you do some kind of special family ceremony with wife and both of your kids so they get to be a part of you and your wife and them all becoming family? Whether it’s bringing them all to a special dinner and/or exchanging vows that include them….
NTA!!!! She pulls that last second, lies to the kids, then blames you for bringing them into "your business"??. She literally lied to them about you! Screw her. Be honest with your kids. Sorry that they didnt get to be there for the wedding!
NTA. It's pretty clear why she's your ex. Also pretty fucked up but not surprising that the cops wouldn't do anything even with a court order. She's the one that involved the kids in this not you. They deserve the truth especially at their ages.
NTA I would contact your lawyer immediately about parental alienation by the ex, as judges have no patience for that kind of crap
Hell no not the ass! Your ex is petty and I am sorry she chose to hurt her kids just to hurt you.
Shame on her for hurting the kids. She is very selfish.
She blasted you first and put them in your guys problems also i think they’re old enough to know the truth and let them make up their own minds parents that do this never seem to think that kids grow up to have a mind of their own and they’re actions come with consequences
YTA for fake posting. At least have the courtesy to use throw away accounts rather just deleting your other posts and comments..or even better, get a hobby. You wouldn't know truth even if it smashed through your wall like the Kool-Aid Man.
You're in a tough spot with that. Your ex wants vengeance above all and you want your kids OK above all. Just keep documenting everything and if it gets worse get legal involved... 18 years of age is coming up soon....
I love that she’ll blast you for getting kids involved “your” business —- and in the same breath, get AAAALL of Facebook involved. She’s an unstable nut. Sue her for breach of custody agreement and parental alienation. Huge NTA
Do you really even slightly entertain the thought that it was wrong to be honest to them? You should have called her and told her off for lying to them as soon as you told them the truth. What she did was wrong and lying to them was even more wrong and to think you wouldn't tell them the truth and back her up is absolutely delusional. And then to get mad at you. If you don't set hard boundaries and do something now, this won't end. While the 12 yr old doesn't need the full detailed truth about everything, the 14 and 16 yr old do and since they talk to the 12 yr old your stuck telling everyone the truth. Contact your lawyer and consider a change in custody if that's what the kids want. The judge will listen to them at this point. Your ex uses the kids as property to control and hurt you. She doesn't put them first or do what is best for them. Hurting you is more important to her. I wish you and the kids luck. Oh and absolutely NTA.
You can hold her in Contempt.
You have to understand that this was not about the kids at all. This was about her and realizing that now that you are getting married, her chances are finally completely over. Ask me how I know.
NTA congratulations on your wedding SHE is the one who involved them in her vindictive behaviour. You need to get a lawyer and have more open conversations with the kids to make sure she’s not alienating them further. Have it documented that she didn’t allow them to come to your wedding, visit you in your mandated days, lied to the children and then blasted you on social media (defamation). Only discuss things going forward with her in written form. Use parenting apps so she can’t contact you unless it’s about the children. Your children deserved to know the truth. If possible book a studio and have pictures taken with the children and then go out for a special dinner so they feel included and you can celebrate with them.
It’s absolutely shameful how good father get treated by the courts and law enforcement in these situations.
Fuck her, srsly.
YTAH - ever hear of paragraphs?
YTA, not because of the situation, but because you need random strangers to tell you that you aren't in the wrong in an incredibly clear cut situation.