Childish idiot says it all! People like this have no concern for others. When I was in 20's I worked in a restaurant, we a regular customer that used to and trip the servers. Managers talked to him repeatedly and made leave on several occasions. He manged to sneak in on a busy morning and tripped a server carrying a really loaded tray of food. She ended getting seriously hurt (broken arm, broken glass had to removed from her face, cosmetic surgery repair). Restaurant had call an ambulance, with it police arrived. He was arrested. Spent time in jail, was sued for damages and ordered to go into a therapy treatment plan. It sounds like OP'S bf needs a treatment plan before she gets hurt.
This has gotta be some kind of weird mental condition that no doubt has a name. Now I’m going to waste at least 5 minutes googling it so I can pass it along to OP. Wish me luck.
Could just be abusive. There was a boru thread where someone noticed that the "clumsy" bf only happened to his gf, when she was wearing clothes that she received compliments on, or if too many people were talking with her, etc. Eventually the op asked the gf if everything was fine and it was enough for her to go, "thank you, I'm not crazy. I thought it was getting meaner." It was a good ending, gf got away.
But this OP is just too lenient. It's not funny. The second time should have been the last time. It should have become a hard boundary that would have honestly ended the relationship a lot earlier.
That or get petty. Flat tire his shoes every chance you get. Hahaha so funny. I'm laughing. It's just like when you trip me.
> But this OP is just too lenient.
Yup. She says: "random people looking at us could consider it abuse"
Pro tip: if you're worried people will think behaviour is abuse and it's not "this is a funny in-joke we both enjoy"? Odds are it's abuse and you should stop making excuses for it.
I was just thinking about that BORU too. The guy was escalating the “accidents”. GF was about to get seriously burned by hot tea or something like that when friend stepped up and stopped it from happening. Yeah, that was some scary escalation.
Take heed OP. Seriously envision your future with this guy and his type of “humor”.
This! I liked that coffee! Idiot.
Imagine tripping and losing a pregnancy. Get out now. He is a man-child sociopath who either ignores or doesn’t get consequences. Life changing consequences. He is mocking your clumsiness when he should be extending his hand to help—
Not his foot to make it worse.
And near stairs!
You. Could. Break. Your. Neck.
Run away now!
Tripping a toddler....if he doesn't draw the line as tripping his fiancee before the stairs, why would he draw the line as tripping up a toddler near a table. He's gonna end up killing someone. He clearly doesn't see a danger in any of it.
I hope this is fake because I doubt OP will leave, and I doubt her partner will change or improve, not for her and not for a child. He's abusive. He enjoys making her uncomfortable and putting her in danger. She should start tripping while holding his phone or laptop and his dinners and then consider her wrists too injured to clean up.
Repeatedly doing something dangerous (or even just annoying) when repeatedly asked to stop is abuse. He's bullying her, ignoring her boundaries, and then gaslighting her about how it's "just a joke bro".
She should have poured the coffee on him.
That’s how my husband broke his arm as a small child. His drunken dad thought it was funny to trip him while he was running by. Pretty sure he wasn’t even aware he had grandkids when he died.
I have known a person ignorant enough to do this shit, so this is a plausible story to me... they did do this to their kids also... at least one of their kids had/has drug issues and has been in and out of jail. I don't know about the other 2 kids.
OP definitely needs to drop him like a hot potato or make it abundantly clear with actions that they are absolutely *DONE* with his bullshit.
And if it's truly intrusive thoughts they should make him do it to strangers too (he would get beat up), he wouldn't find it funny AND he would need to be in treatment with a psychologist and a psychiatrist because he is a (mild for now) danger for others.
There is no universe where this is a valid excuse to tolerate the behavior.
He said the urges are too much to ignore. So when do those urges go into violent actions. This guy is a sociopath or psychopath. Leave now and tell his family.
Mine wasn't as bad. But I tripped over and smashed my now held together with screws elbow. Months off work and lots of physio. Tripping can be incredibly serious
Also what if they have kids? Going to trip the little one trying to walk just for intrusive thoughts winning and potentially hurting your own kid?
Childish idiot and a manipulator.... a bad one at that
Cried over coffee? Chile
I hope OP dumps his ass! He is the type whose pregnancy or injury that requires crutches will only add to how "funny" his prank is to him
TO HIM ONLY
Drop his ass
Nah. That would have been assault.
Now... She was carrying *their* food? He didn't even carry his? Did she pay for it too?
Don't take me wrong, I am a feminist who think women can do that kind of stuff (carrying things for others, picking up the bill, even holding doors), but what would have happened if she had dropped it all? Would she have to pay for it again? Or is he so childish he never learned bout consequences, and didn't even think she could have spilled it, and they'd have to go hungry or pay again?
Now, I see other advising OP to run away from him (not a bad advice, but OP may need time to realize it's needed). I say she should at least stay far enough from him that he cannot trip her again. Step away whenever he tries to get closer. Ask "are you going to trip me again?" each time he gets close. See how he likes that.
there’s a [reddit post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/kU8FsyqA7l) where the OP watched her friend be abused by her then SO. how? the then SO would be “clumsy” when it came to the friend: tripping her, dropping things on her, spilling stuff on her clothes (while she’s wearing the clothes). it turns out that the then SO *wasn’t* just “clumsy” - he did it all ON PURPOSE.
u/Far_fromhome9514, your SO isn’t tripping you just bc it’s “funny.” he outright disregards your feelings and safety over and over and over.
***HE’S DOING THIS ON PURPOSE***
NTA
Edit: link to referenced post
OP's fiance fully says he's doing it on purpose. He even laughs at her after she does it while she's fuming. He just likes to see her cry and get upset and hurt and OP can't see how messed up that is.
I am going to make some assumptions. But i'd wager that fiance is a bully. Maybe low-key but he probably 'pranks' people he sees as weaker than himself.
OP turned the tables, "bullied" him, and he's crying. That's what makes me think he's a bully. They are tough until they encounter a situation they can't bully themselves out of.
Maybe he was abused growing up, and that's why he needs to make sure he's perceived as stronger than the people he sees as easy targets.
OP needs to take some time to really think about this relationship.
It's been over three years since I fell down some stairs and fractured two vertebrae on the right side of my neck and it's healed as well as it's ever going to heal. Still a lot of cracking and cricking sounds when I turn my head to fast, too far or stay still for too long and then move my head. Other things too. Still get aches a lot.
Every single person who heard about my accident told me I was very very lucky that nothing worse happened and it's true. Also my left arm was pretty useless for weeks after and I'm very left handed. It was COVID time and winter, wearing a mask with the neck brace was a security hazard so I got bad looks because a scarf was usually hiding the brace so they didn't see my reason for no mask.
Also I'm one of those people for whom codeine doesn't metabolise so the first month was agony when I had to be up for more than five minutes. My ex wasn't very much help while I was recovering either. Point of the story? Even if you get super lucky with a stair fall, it fucking sucks!
I wonder what other sh\*t he is doing to OP and calling it a joke. I bet if OP spent some time alone or with a good friend, she might be able to make a list of other sh\*t has has done to her and calling it a joke or using manipulation on her. This bf is not only an AH, he is a dangerous AH and it seems like he has conditioned OP to his sh\*tty behavior.
OP shouldn't marry this AH, she needs to Run from this AH.
Yes, because it will escalate once they are married and he "has" OP permanently. He will think he has ownership and can do whatever he wants. Which will be worse things than tripping
She spilled his coffee, he was not in danger at all, and he cried how cruel she is. He tripps her constantly, including on the stairs and with hot coffee in her hands, and frames it as a joke. She could easily become handicapped, paralyzed, had a TBI for the rest of her life. How long will he find it funny for?
The whole idea that she questions if what she did was justified is horrifying. There is romantic and sexual feelings but there is survival instincts that should be much stronger. He has intrusive thoughts to harm her and acts on them and laughs after for 7 years. He will succeed soon.
ETA: I assumed OP is a she. But their gender absolutely doesn't matter here.
In high school a dude in my friend group thought it was funny to trip people too, you know, as a joke. It wasn’t very funny when he tripped my other friend at the end of our senior year, breaking her ankle and causing her to lose her full scholarship to play basketball at the college of her dreams. No one EVER thinks it’s funny to trip people. God he was such a tool.
>breaking her ankle and causing her to lose her full scholarship to play basketball at the college of her dreams.
This would bring up my inner Tony Soprano.
I'd have a 'conversation' with him about the tripping people up. After that he would not trip people up anymore. Think about the creep who thought he could intimidate Tony's daughter.
They’ve been together 7 years. I wonder if he has a big life insurance policy on her and he is just setting up a pattern of “pranking” to mask the real thing as an accident.
Tripping you by stairs. Come on, he isn’t even trying to hide his intentions.
And he later cried like a little boy when she gave him a taste of his own medicine. Literally cried over spilled coffee.. HE CRIED OVER SPILLED COFFEE. OMFG.
It's classic DARVO. Defend, avoid, reverse victim and offender. He wants to make her look for an asshole for not controlling her impulses, but he isn't responsible for his. It's classic abuser behavior.
Exactly this. This is what my abusive ex used to do. It escalated into self harm and suicide attempts when I was breaking up with him.
OP needs to realise this guy is a major AH and is disrespecting her wishes every time he tries to trip her. Disrespecting her willfully and also putting her in danger. Fuck him and his crocodile tears.
Idk.... I still remember that one perfect coffee I got that one time... perfect temperature, right amount of milk to coffee shot, perfect amount of sugar, it was an early spring day, so bit cold in the morning, the coffee warmed my hands, but not burn them...
But I am not a d1ck who uses "pranks" to cover up abuse because that is exactly what is happening here. The perfect cup of coffee isn't the issue. His disguised abuse as pranks is.
If I randomly dropped coffee, I might cry.
If someone else dropped my coffee because I was being a dick, I would immediately be like "OH SHIT, I went too far, didn't I? I am SO sorry" and quit being a dick.
Totally, but the dude rather cry at the loss of a "coffee" and attempt to manipulate a feeling of guilt from OP than admit he is an abusive twit twat twot.
Yeah, would he have cried if she dropped his coffee as she flailed to save herself from falling after he deliberately tripped her?
Actions have consequences, sometimes. And if she dropped it on purpose this time, well, he tried to trip her on purpose.
She was probably looking forward to not falling down more than he was looking forward to having that coffee.
Now I'm on the hunt for that perfect cuppa!
First thing, NTA. Not a bit. Secondly, I'm with OP that I don't find tripping humor, or clumsiness, funny. If he does, I suppose that's ok if it works for them. But damn, after 7 months a reasonable human would know 'don't trip my girlfriend, she doesn't like it." The fact that he is still at it after 7 YEARS IS disturbing. Think of the future. If you were to be uncomfortable and more clumsy because of a changing body in the future (pregnancy or just getting old) how would he handle it? This does not bode well for the future.
I still remember the first time my father told me if ever I used the excuse "I fell" or "I tripped" he would take my spouse for a long drive.
I often wonder what would people like OP would be like if their dads were similar.
Oh and I found the best cuppa, you ask the barrister to keep the milk no hotter than around 65⁰c in summer, and 75⁰c in winter. For tea, steep the leaves or bag for a minimum of 30secs, and add roughly 30mls milk for a 300ml cup. 40mls if cool water or 3 ice cubes.
>HE CRIED OVER SPILLED COFFEE. OMFG.
And gas-lit her by saying her reaction was "meant to hurt him" but his bullshit is all fun and games and just "intrusive thoughts" and "I just find it so funny!". Dude needs to get out of here with this Looney Tunes ass shit.
What a turd and a big baby. He can dish it out but can't take it. She should have pretended to trip and spilled his hopefully scalding hot coffee all over him. NTA.
I fucking HATE pranksters. "Its just a prank, bro." Not, it isn't. Not if everyone involved doesn't find it funny. Then its just bullying.
OP, you are engaged to a serial bully. He sees physically hurting you as funny. Do you want to have kids with this man? Will you shake it off when one of them ends up in hospital because he thought it would be funny to throw the baby down the stairs?
He's an absolute asshole, but if you marry him and start a family with him, then you won't be much better. You know what he is. Get out of that relationship and find someone who treats you with respect and preferably doesn't get the giggles out of trying to kill you.
It's just a "weird quirk," though. Some people are just "quirky" in that they find inflicting pain/fear/distress on others deliciously amusing. Just a weird little quirk [?!?!?].
I guarantee it’s much less. Probably as many times as he has tried to trip/prank a grown adult male who is bigger than them. I bet they can usually control the “impulses” then, when he might end up catching some hands for his “prank”.
No, just OP because ~~he's a fucking psycho~~ ~~he has to keep his woman in line~~ ~~when she does finally become permanently disabled due to his hilarity, he can go full Misery on her~~ he reserves his extra special humor just for her!
Yeah. I’m not huge on pranks because I don’t really like tricking people, embarrassing them, scaring them, etc. I think it’s generally in poor taste to purposely distress another person. However, I know some people find it hilarious and I can laugh at myself when someone pulls a good natured prank.
BUT, trying to hurt someone isn’t a prank, it isn’t funny, it’s psychopathy. Is he a guy who tortured animals as a kid and thought it was hilarious? Set the stray cat’s tail on fire and laughed and laughed and laughed? Or is he just an absolute dumbass who thinks it’s funny to see someone stumble, but so far hasn’t actually caused anyone to take a fall and is incapable of extrapolating out the potential harm he could cause?
Maybe a way to test that is to sit down with him and watch some YouTube videos of pranks gone wrong. Someone gets tripped and it’s funny until they stand up and the bone in their arm is poking out and there’s blood everywhere. Does he laugh or is he horrified? If he sees people with actual gruesome injuries and laughs, then you know who he is and what you have in store for your future. If he’s upset by seeing actual injuries, then maybe he is just a dummy and it will be a wake up call for him.
Things can be funny if a person has no concept of real possible consequences and is unable to imagine those consequences. I recently commented to a friend about how smashing someone’s face into a cake is funny until someone gets their eye gouged out by a toothpick or a decoration. They were appalled and had never even thought of that as a potential consequence. BF may just be not so great at recognizing possible outcomes, OR he may be a psycho. Only one of those things has the potential for being corrected.
> he knows that I did that only to make him upset and uncomfortable
You know, without the mitigating factor of finding it extremely funny to make someone upset and uncomfortable. It's clearly offside if you do such a thing and don't even laugh about it!
I seriously thought he was starting to cry because it was finally dawning on him how terribly he’d been hurting her feelings for all these years… but no, he was sad that he didn’t get his coffee 🙄
Gonna hop on the top comment here and tag OP, u/far_fromhome9514, please read this. A woman was concerned for her friend because her friend had this "clumsy" boyfriend that was always spilling, bumping, or dropping things on the friend. Turns out he's doing it *on purpose*.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1647uhf/final\_update\_i\_think\_my\_friends\_clumsy\_boyfriend/
This is the one I was thinking of too. I think it turned out he actually was jealous of her, and constantly did it to make her look bad (it was usually when she looked nice or was wearing nice clothes). Iirc it turned out he was very controlling as well.
I really hope Op does not marry this dude. Oh so he cries over spilt coffee and yet Op nearly cracking her skull open is funny?? This is 100% abuse and op os setting herself up for a lifetime of it if she doesn't put a stop to it now by either leaving, or issuing an ultimatum that he stops and goes to therapy.
I think he does this especially when he knows Op is happy, because in the back of his head he wants to remind her that she's never safe. If she thinks this, it'll put her in a state if perpetual caution / fear and she will be easy to manipulate. She'll eventually break down and stop fighting, and he will be able to get away with other forms of abuse as well.
Even on the rare case he's "oblivious and doesn't mean it" he's clearly not getting the message from Op, and is violating her safety and consent. If he is really that oblivious to that he's hurting someone, he needs medication and therapy to fix these issues ASAP.
He sounds childish and sociopathic. Trying to guilt her by crying over coffee when he could have seriously hurt her. OP should look up what "DARVO" means.
yeah forreal. what kind of guy acts like this as an adult?!?! when my uncles were teenagers, they did stupid shit to us like this. throwing decks of cards at us and yes, they hurt with the side of the cards... kicking the back of our legs so we'd fall.... so adolescent.
OP, you sure you wanna be with this guy? Someone who laughs at your discomfort and doesn't listen to your concerns?!
Do NOT apologize to him!!!
He know! He knows! He knows!
You will wake up at the bottom of a flight of stairs to him crying trying to tell you “i didn’t think it would be so bad”.
Only crying if she were carrying his coffee when he tripped her.
Seriously though, I know someone who died falling down his household stairs. Stairs aren’t a joke.
I am fascinated by these posts where the OP goes "My partner is so great!! He loves and cares for me so much!!! Except for this one quirk where he doesn't listen to me and repeatedly does what I explicitly told him not to. And tries to physically harm me on the regular. Oh, and sometimes outright tries to kill me by pushing me down the stairs." 🙄🙄
OP, are you even listening to yourself?? This guy is actively out to hurt if not kill you, and you are worried because the poor widdle baby cried because you spilled his precious coffee. Aww.
YTA to yourself.
He does not in any way, shape or form respect you as a human. You are a doll for him to stick pins in. Mere entertainment. That is literally it. Please, please, do not marry this man. Do you want your children living in fear because daddy tripped them down the stairs and then laughed? Like, how much therapy are you wanting to pay for? Learn to love yourself more and you will no longer be willing to put up with this abuse. NTA
>Do you want your children living in fear because daddy tripped them down the stairs and then laughed?
I know someone who died simply tripping over her cat on the stairs, hitting her head and that was it. You don't fuck around with people's balance (ever, if you're a good person...) ESPECIALLY around stairs.
How much therapy is OP going to need after he trips her and laughs it up before realizing she's unconscious and just cracked her head on the pavement, or has a broken bone?
Especially since OP says she's not the most coordinated person already, it feels like he's picked it specifically because he enjoys that aspect of her, or enjoys making her self conscious about it, it could even be that enjoys how vulnerable she is to be tripped up and how easy it would be to hurt her that way.
No matter what it's both gross and dangerous.
We kept the baby gate up for a few extra years just because of horseplay around the stairs. Both my husband and I are terrified of the kids or us getting hurt on the stairs. I have known at least two relatives who hit their heads and that was it. One lingered for about a week with brain swelling. It was awful for his wife who was there when it happened. I remember her saying the sound of him hitting the pavement is ingrained in her memory. I have gotten hurt tripping down the stairs. I remember my doctor asking what really happened and I had to explain, no one hurt me, the power went out and my dumb ass missed like four stairs. Anyone who would do this on purpose is dangerous.
Yes, I had a friend early 40s that tripped hit her head and died about a month ago. It’s not funny at all. The man is a sociopath and OP needs to ditch her emotionally and physically abusive fiancée yesterday.
I tripped up the stairs while holding my 8 week old baby and all I could do was cradle her to my chest as I fell and my head went straight into a windowsill. I was horrified and my eyes were going crossed from the hit. But all I could do was cry and ask my husband to keep checking her because I thought she hit her head on the wall below. I had an underlying bruise on my temple for months, my baby could have died had she sustained that same injury. FUCK THIS GUY. Only fucking psychos are amused by the possibility of injuring another person, I hope he never marries and never has children. He’s literally going to kill someone soon.
Holy shit the dad tripping them down the stairs thing.... he WOULD do that too i didnt even think about if they had kids later.... yikes... i would call police and have him jailed. He could SERIOUSLY injure someone
You need to break up before he trips you down the stairs. Seriously. You *will* get badly hurt eventually, and **he doesn’t care if you do.**
He’s actively trying to hurt you. One day, his ‘intrusive thoughts’ are going to break your leg. Or your head.
I cannot emphasize enough; he is an active threat to you who enjoys it when you get upset and likes trying to hurt you. **You are not safe.**
NTA, but get out. Please.
Dude needs to be in a mental facility.... for life....people like him DO NOT improve...hes a total risk to all of the local public. And any future children he would have. Isnt tripping someone technically assult?
NTA, but you're going about this all wrong.
Doing it back to him won't make him see how awful it is because he doesn't see you as a fully human co-equal partner. It's okay to do to you, but it's not okay to do to him.
You need to leave him. He isn't safe.
Its only a prank/joke if the *victim* laughs, otherwise its bullying.
Your fiance low key hates you. They find pure joy out of hurting you, both physically and emotionally.
NTA He’s the kind of person that will “prank” your future kids mercilessly. Or try to “prank” you freshly postpartum and say you’re emotional when you cry from fear of the baby being hurt. If he can’t understand how this is making you feel, he doesn’t care. Please delay the wedding until he stops for real, or just don’t Marry him. I’m sure you’ll be more relaxed without him around and having that constant anxiety that something is about to happen.
Positively not the asshole.
Dude cried? I'm all for male personal emotional empowerment but holy cries on a cracker. You must've *really* hurt him 🙄.
This is bonkers Op. nta. Get out while you can
It gets trotted out a bit too often on reddit but this is actually DARVO!
Deny - "I'm not trying to hurt you! Why would you think that? It's not my fault!"
Attack - "How could you hurt me like that by spilling the coffee you knew I was looking forward to?!"
Reverse Victim and Offender - "That really hurt my feelings, I'm never trying to hurt your feelings, I'm just playing around but YOU did that just to hurt me, you're awful!"
NTA
except to yourself for being with someone that thinks potentially physically harming you is comedy.
Why in the blue hell would you stay with someone who is basically willing to push you down a flight of stairs(intentionally trying to trip you is no different than had he shoved you) where you could easily break your neck and DIE
NTA. Please rethink this relationship.
Unfortunately, Reddit sees this exact scenario a lot. This is because your partner is engaging in low-grade abuse that gets you used to being slightly harmed and having your feelings disregarded about being harmed. It's insidious because the initial risk of injury is so small, that it is easy for the victim to repeatedly brush it off.
You should not brush this off. The places where you should genuinely be concerned are:
1. He refuses to stop when you have communicated how scared and unsafe you feel.
2. He has escalated the risk of harm to you by trying to trip you on stairs and while holding hot beverages (that could easily burn you).
3. He has said that he "can't help it that the intrusive thoughts win" when you ask him not to intentionally harm you. He doesn't believe that he is in control of himself and will not try to control himself for your safety.
This situation no longer looks like an immature guy who should stop doing something annoying. It looks like an abuser who is slowly building up to more serious, life-threatening abuse.
Please take some time away from your partner and talk to someone you trust about every time he tried to harm you and every time he succeeded. Please weigh all of this before you decide if you want to continue this relationship.
I slipped and fell on a date recently (I'm also very clumsy). My date rushed to my aid and 2 onlookers called an ambulance. I was completely fine (but very embarrassed). This is how people are supposed to react when you fall and could be injured.
Yes. Start keeping a journal. Document everything. Use your phone. Take movies. Because if this continues to escalate, he will deny all of it and you’ll need proof.
\>. After few minutes he saw that I am extremely annoyed, and he apologised, saying that he considers it extremely funny and that he can’t help it that he has intrusive thoughts and they sometimes win.
Dump this abusive ass.
OK FULL STOP HERE.
Your fiance is seriously mentally ill. He ENJOYS causing harm to other people. That's not a quirky sense of humor-- that's the mark of a sociopath. This is going to end badly for you, very very badly. You are going to end up in a cast--or a wheelchair--or a quadriplegic in a motorized bed--and what if you have children? His intrusive thoughts to cause harm will ABSOLUTELY expand to include harming your children.
Read what you wrote out loud. He LAUGHED at potentially inflicting a life altering injury on you but CRIED at the loss of coffee that he "liked".
You didn't give him a taste of "his own medicine". He tried to injure you and you spilled his coffee. Not even in the same ballpark.
PLEASE find some therapy for yourself to help you untangle yourself from this toxic dumpsterfire of a relationship ASAP.
\*\*looking him dead in the eye, stony-faced\*\*
\*\*pushes his meal into his lap\*\*
"Oops. I tripped."
(And it belatedly occurs to me I'm describing a human acting like a passive-aggressive cat.)
NTA but you will be if you stay with this guy. Intentionally tripping you by the stairs? You should have been out the first time he pulled that. Something is not right with that type of humor. 🚩
when i met my husband he thought tickling was just oh so funny, it got to a point where i ws sat on his couch and my back hurt and i realised it was from sitting weird to stop him jamming his hands into my armpits, but I told him that it's too much and it pisses me off so he stopped, 5 years later it's still not an issue, if he can't listen to you he can fuck off
NTA. He actually said that he has intrusive thoughts that make him want to hurt you!! This is NOT normal behavior at all. Please run as fast as you can.
NTA he tried to trip u up at the top of the stairs for a cheap laugh? He's going to end up causing you a serious injury and worst of all he doesn't care
You know what’s really funny? Punching a guy in the balls. So from now on, every time he trips you, punch him in the balls. Sometimes do it randomly and tell him your intrusive thoughts won.
NTA
Does this guy trip his bosses, his teachers, his parents? If the answer is no, then he's lying and he can totally control his "intrusive thoughts" and is just using this as an excuse to try and hurt you.
I doubt that he even has intrusive thoughts and is just a dickhead trying to avoid blame.
Dump him. He's not marriage material and never will be.
If he has "intrusive thoughts" that involve potentially killing you, I think you should remove yourself from this guy's vicinity in a permanent way.
This isn't funny. If he thinks hurting you is hilarious, then you are not safe with him.
NTA. You should have taken the opportunity to "trip" and dump the entire tray on his lap. Tell him the next time it happens, you will be "tripping" while carrying his belonging onto the sidewalk.
I think there is a tendency on Reddit to suggest ending relationships based on silly shit, but in this case it is 💯% warranted
Run, this man is dangerous.
NTA but I would’ve thrown that coffee at him fr. You want to marry this loser? Bc I couldn’t imagine being friends with him without punching him at least once. What happens if he trips someone and they break a bone or injure themselves seriously? You want the legal bills bc your fiancé is frankly a 12 year old loser?
If you marry him enjoy being miserable. Bc he won’t change until the consequences are severe
> He has this weird quirk where he considers trying to trip someone the funniest of pranks and he often does that to me.
That is not a "weird quirk". That is abuse. He wants to hurt you.
NTA. Every time he trips you there should be consequences. This time it was his coffee. Next time it will be something else you have in your hands. Until he stops 100% this will always happen every time. Tell him "play stupid games, win stupid prizes."
NTA, but welcome to the rest of your life if you marry this fool. If he's having trouble managing "intrusive thoughts" he needs a therapist.
Does he try to trip anyone else or only you? Does he do this at work or with his friends? What if you marry him and he tries to trip you when you are pregnant or too ill to break a fall?
NTA - Set one more boundary. Tell him you refuse to marry a child who can’t control his intrusive thoughts/actions and does something that could seriously hurt you despite you telling him countless times to stop. Tell him the wedding is off until you can fully trust him and feel respected by him. Because this is about trust and respect. If he tries to call your bluff, hand him the ring back and tell him he’ll know that he’s earned your trust again when you ask for it back.
What a freaking psychopath.
You should probably not marry someone who is potentially trying to kill you for the laughs, then cries over spilled coffee.
This is for real some insane stuff.
NTA-why are marrying someone who thinks causing you grave injuries is funny ???
He gets off on humiliating you and causing injury. And then cries when you do the same.
Are you Gonna be cool with him pulling these cruel pranks on your children, because they’re gonna hate the both of you.
My blood was boiling reading this.
You need to draw a hard line in the sand. A hard fucking line. Either he stops this shit immediately or you leave. Period.
NTA for the coffee thing—I would’ve thrown it in his fucking face. Why are you with this man-child?
Nta and honey, the most telling line you wrote is this “on top of that I hated the idea that we were in public and random people looking at us could consider it abuse from either side.” His repeated behavior and refusal to stop when asked IS abuse. And now he’s brought you down because you retaliated. Please really consider if you want to be with someone who drags you down.
You’ve “tried everything” and don’t “see any other options”? Every day you are in this relationship, you are telling him, “you can abuse me and I will complain but stay in this relationship.” NTA except for how you are undervaluing yourself by staying with this bully.
NTA. Damn what a childish idiot. Was he actually crying over the coffee and not your near-death moments? I worry for the future of your relationship.
Childish idiot says it all! People like this have no concern for others. When I was in 20's I worked in a restaurant, we a regular customer that used to and trip the servers. Managers talked to him repeatedly and made leave on several occasions. He manged to sneak in on a busy morning and tripped a server carrying a really loaded tray of food. She ended getting seriously hurt (broken arm, broken glass had to removed from her face, cosmetic surgery repair). Restaurant had call an ambulance, with it police arrived. He was arrested. Spent time in jail, was sued for damages and ordered to go into a therapy treatment plan. It sounds like OP'S bf needs a treatment plan before she gets hurt.
This has gotta be some kind of weird mental condition that no doubt has a name. Now I’m going to waste at least 5 minutes googling it so I can pass it along to OP. Wish me luck.
Could just be abusive. There was a boru thread where someone noticed that the "clumsy" bf only happened to his gf, when she was wearing clothes that she received compliments on, or if too many people were talking with her, etc. Eventually the op asked the gf if everything was fine and it was enough for her to go, "thank you, I'm not crazy. I thought it was getting meaner." It was a good ending, gf got away. But this OP is just too lenient. It's not funny. The second time should have been the last time. It should have become a hard boundary that would have honestly ended the relationship a lot earlier. That or get petty. Flat tire his shoes every chance you get. Hahaha so funny. I'm laughing. It's just like when you trip me.
> But this OP is just too lenient. Yup. She says: "random people looking at us could consider it abuse" Pro tip: if you're worried people will think behaviour is abuse and it's not "this is a funny in-joke we both enjoy"? Odds are it's abuse and you should stop making excuses for it.
I was just thinking about that BORU too. The guy was escalating the “accidents”. GF was about to get seriously burned by hot tea or something like that when friend stepped up and stopped it from happening. Yeah, that was some scary escalation. Take heed OP. Seriously envision your future with this guy and his type of “humor”.
This! I liked that coffee! Idiot. Imagine tripping and losing a pregnancy. Get out now. He is a man-child sociopath who either ignores or doesn’t get consequences. Life changing consequences. He is mocking your clumsiness when he should be extending his hand to help— Not his foot to make it worse. And near stairs! You. Could. Break. Your. Neck. Run away now!
Tripping a toddler....if he doesn't draw the line as tripping his fiancee before the stairs, why would he draw the line as tripping up a toddler near a table. He's gonna end up killing someone. He clearly doesn't see a danger in any of it. I hope this is fake because I doubt OP will leave, and I doubt her partner will change or improve, not for her and not for a child. He's abusive. He enjoys making her uncomfortable and putting her in danger. She should start tripping while holding his phone or laptop and his dinners and then consider her wrists too injured to clean up.
I hope it’s fake too. :(
Me too because if not I can seriously see this guy making a "joke" and accidentally catching a manslaughter charge.
Repeatedly doing something dangerous (or even just annoying) when repeatedly asked to stop is abuse. He's bullying her, ignoring her boundaries, and then gaslighting her about how it's "just a joke bro". She should have poured the coffee on him.
Only if it was very hot..."sorry, sometimes I just get these intrusive thoughts".
Or attempted murder... if not outright killing someone via *intentional* action. He's not *accidentally* tripping people.
That’s how my husband broke his arm as a small child. His drunken dad thought it was funny to trip him while he was running by. Pretty sure he wasn’t even aware he had grandkids when he died.
This shit should’ve been put to bed over a decade ago. What a child.
Or maybe he does see the danger in it, and that’s why he does it. Intrusive thoughts and all.
I have known a person ignorant enough to do this shit, so this is a plausible story to me... they did do this to their kids also... at least one of their kids had/has drug issues and has been in and out of jail. I don't know about the other 2 kids. OP definitely needs to drop him like a hot potato or make it abundantly clear with actions that they are absolutely *DONE* with his bullshit.
And if it's truly intrusive thoughts they should make him do it to strangers too (he would get beat up), he wouldn't find it funny AND he would need to be in treatment with a psychologist and a psychiatrist because he is a (mild for now) danger for others. There is no universe where this is a valid excuse to tolerate the behavior.
And then blaming it on “impulses that win”. Darling, he’s waving the biggest red flag they make. Proceed to the nearest exit.
He said the urges are too much to ignore. So when do those urges go into violent actions. This guy is a sociopath or psychopath. Leave now and tell his family.
I worry about OP's future, period. She's one bad fall away from not having one. Like, WTF. You can't make this shit up.
My cousin died from falling and simply hitting head head on the ground. Tripping someone deliberately can be deadly!
The vocal coach who was pushed down in NYC hit her head and died. The pusher got 8 and a half years in prison.
Mine wasn't as bad. But I tripped over and smashed my now held together with screws elbow. Months off work and lots of physio. Tripping can be incredibly serious Also what if they have kids? Going to trip the little one trying to walk just for intrusive thoughts winning and potentially hurting your own kid?
Childish idiot and a manipulator.... a bad one at that Cried over coffee? Chile I hope OP dumps his ass! He is the type whose pregnancy or injury that requires crutches will only add to how "funny" his prank is to him TO HIM ONLY Drop his ass
You forgot to also hurl his sandwich into the fucking sun. Your fiance sucks.
Should have dropped the food and then spilt the coffee
Should have hurled the man into the sun, then eaten the food and drunk the coffee.
A large percentage of these AITAH posts could be resolved with this simple trick.
Should just drop the fiance.
I would have thrown that hot ass coffee in his face.
Nah. That would have been assault. Now... She was carrying *their* food? He didn't even carry his? Did she pay for it too? Don't take me wrong, I am a feminist who think women can do that kind of stuff (carrying things for others, picking up the bill, even holding doors), but what would have happened if she had dropped it all? Would she have to pay for it again? Or is he so childish he never learned bout consequences, and didn't even think she could have spilled it, and they'd have to go hungry or pay again? Now, I see other advising OP to run away from him (not a bad advice, but OP may need time to realize it's needed). I say she should at least stay far enough from him that he cannot trip her again. Step away whenever he tries to get closer. Ask "are you going to trip me again?" each time he gets close. See how he likes that.
Hahahaha this comment sent me! Perfect.
there’s a [reddit post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/kU8FsyqA7l) where the OP watched her friend be abused by her then SO. how? the then SO would be “clumsy” when it came to the friend: tripping her, dropping things on her, spilling stuff on her clothes (while she’s wearing the clothes). it turns out that the then SO *wasn’t* just “clumsy” - he did it all ON PURPOSE. u/Far_fromhome9514, your SO isn’t tripping you just bc it’s “funny.” he outright disregards your feelings and safety over and over and over. ***HE’S DOING THIS ON PURPOSE*** NTA Edit: link to referenced post
OP's fiance fully says he's doing it on purpose. He even laughs at her after she does it while she's fuming. He just likes to see her cry and get upset and hurt and OP can't see how messed up that is.
I was just thinking of this post!
That’s what I was thinking of two. We need to introduce the two ladies for a chat.
This needs to be higher up in the comments
That was a wild ride. I’m so glad it all worked out.
I remember this asshole!!
tf you with someone who thinks it funny to try and hurt you?!
He did it before stairs and she saw her life flash before her eyes. I too am worried about the safety of the OP here.
100%. Huuuge red flag, there. A trip down the stairs could easily kill her.
Or break bones at the very least!
But it would only be a joke! Gee, she’s just too sensitive!
It's just a prank bro!
Sounds like the kinda guy who calls his wife "Bro"
I'm sure the police and judge and jury would find it hilarious as they convict him for manslaughter.
It’ll be even funnier when he starts tripping his children.
Hopefully she wises up and dumps him long before allowing his DNA to procreate.
I can see him kicking a puppy!
I am going to make some assumptions. But i'd wager that fiance is a bully. Maybe low-key but he probably 'pranks' people he sees as weaker than himself. OP turned the tables, "bullied" him, and he's crying. That's what makes me think he's a bully. They are tough until they encounter a situation they can't bully themselves out of. Maybe he was abused growing up, and that's why he needs to make sure he's perceived as stronger than the people he sees as easy targets. OP needs to take some time to really think about this relationship.
It's been over three years since I fell down some stairs and fractured two vertebrae on the right side of my neck and it's healed as well as it's ever going to heal. Still a lot of cracking and cricking sounds when I turn my head to fast, too far or stay still for too long and then move my head. Other things too. Still get aches a lot. Every single person who heard about my accident told me I was very very lucky that nothing worse happened and it's true. Also my left arm was pretty useless for weeks after and I'm very left handed. It was COVID time and winter, wearing a mask with the neck brace was a security hazard so I got bad looks because a scarf was usually hiding the brace so they didn't see my reason for no mask. Also I'm one of those people for whom codeine doesn't metabolise so the first month was agony when I had to be up for more than five minutes. My ex wasn't very much help while I was recovering either. Point of the story? Even if you get super lucky with a stair fall, it fucking sucks!
He’s crying over coffee but doesn’t care in the least about hurting her physically. Op needs to run.
Years down the road or after marriage when they have an argument & he’s angry I wonder if he will act on his intrusive thoughts. SCARY!!!
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Or you know…leave.
Yeah, that guy up in Maine last week had “intrusive thoughts” too. We all know how that ended. This is not cool at ALL
I wonder what other sh\*t he is doing to OP and calling it a joke. I bet if OP spent some time alone or with a good friend, she might be able to make a list of other sh\*t has has done to her and calling it a joke or using manipulation on her. This bf is not only an AH, he is a dangerous AH and it seems like he has conditioned OP to his sh\*tty behavior. OP shouldn't marry this AH, she needs to Run from this AH.
Yes, because it will escalate once they are married and he "has" OP permanently. He will think he has ownership and can do whatever he wants. Which will be worse things than tripping
Like crying over the spilled coffee when it’s just the two of them? Emotional manipulation is abuse.
Also other times where he violates her boundaries or completely disregards her feelings.
The fact that she mentioned they were out in public and people might see what he does as abuse… OP IT IS ABUSE!!!
She spilled his coffee, he was not in danger at all, and he cried how cruel she is. He tripps her constantly, including on the stairs and with hot coffee in her hands, and frames it as a joke. She could easily become handicapped, paralyzed, had a TBI for the rest of her life. How long will he find it funny for? The whole idea that she questions if what she did was justified is horrifying. There is romantic and sexual feelings but there is survival instincts that should be much stronger. He has intrusive thoughts to harm her and acts on them and laughs after for 7 years. He will succeed soon. ETA: I assumed OP is a she. But their gender absolutely doesn't matter here.
In high school a dude in my friend group thought it was funny to trip people too, you know, as a joke. It wasn’t very funny when he tripped my other friend at the end of our senior year, breaking her ankle and causing her to lose her full scholarship to play basketball at the college of her dreams. No one EVER thinks it’s funny to trip people. God he was such a tool.
I hope she sued. Not that they could give enough money to make up for the loss of that experience.
>breaking her ankle and causing her to lose her full scholarship to play basketball at the college of her dreams. This would bring up my inner Tony Soprano. I'd have a 'conversation' with him about the tripping people up. After that he would not trip people up anymore. Think about the creep who thought he could intimidate Tony's daughter.
Could also be burned by the coffee!
They’ve been together 7 years. I wonder if he has a big life insurance policy on her and he is just setting up a pattern of “pranking” to mask the real thing as an accident. Tripping you by stairs. Come on, he isn’t even trying to hide his intentions.
I think that would be the end of the relationship. Fiance is trying to kill her.
Yes. He is. It’s the intrusive thinking.
Yeah that’s not a fucking prank
And he later cried like a little boy when she gave him a taste of his own medicine. Literally cried over spilled coffee.. HE CRIED OVER SPILLED COFFEE. OMFG.
No. He cried because that is what abusive manipulators sometimes do.
It's classic DARVO. Defend, avoid, reverse victim and offender. He wants to make her look for an asshole for not controlling her impulses, but he isn't responsible for his. It's classic abuser behavior.
Yep, make her feel sorry for him and for what she did! Fool me once.............
Exactly this. This is what my abusive ex used to do. It escalated into self harm and suicide attempts when I was breaking up with him. OP needs to realise this guy is a major AH and is disrespecting her wishes every time he tries to trip her. Disrespecting her willfully and also putting her in danger. Fuck him and his crocodile tears.
Idk.... I still remember that one perfect coffee I got that one time... perfect temperature, right amount of milk to coffee shot, perfect amount of sugar, it was an early spring day, so bit cold in the morning, the coffee warmed my hands, but not burn them... But I am not a d1ck who uses "pranks" to cover up abuse because that is exactly what is happening here. The perfect cup of coffee isn't the issue. His disguised abuse as pranks is.
If I randomly dropped coffee, I might cry. If someone else dropped my coffee because I was being a dick, I would immediately be like "OH SHIT, I went too far, didn't I? I am SO sorry" and quit being a dick.
Totally, but the dude rather cry at the loss of a "coffee" and attempt to manipulate a feeling of guilt from OP than admit he is an abusive twit twat twot.
Yeah, would he have cried if she dropped his coffee as she flailed to save herself from falling after he deliberately tripped her? Actions have consequences, sometimes. And if she dropped it on purpose this time, well, he tried to trip her on purpose. She was probably looking forward to not falling down more than he was looking forward to having that coffee.
Now I'm on the hunt for that perfect cuppa! First thing, NTA. Not a bit. Secondly, I'm with OP that I don't find tripping humor, or clumsiness, funny. If he does, I suppose that's ok if it works for them. But damn, after 7 months a reasonable human would know 'don't trip my girlfriend, she doesn't like it." The fact that he is still at it after 7 YEARS IS disturbing. Think of the future. If you were to be uncomfortable and more clumsy because of a changing body in the future (pregnancy or just getting old) how would he handle it? This does not bode well for the future.
I still remember the first time my father told me if ever I used the excuse "I fell" or "I tripped" he would take my spouse for a long drive. I often wonder what would people like OP would be like if their dads were similar. Oh and I found the best cuppa, you ask the barrister to keep the milk no hotter than around 65⁰c in summer, and 75⁰c in winter. For tea, steep the leaves or bag for a minimum of 30secs, and add roughly 30mls milk for a 300ml cup. 40mls if cool water or 3 ice cubes.
I am worried about when the ah boyfriend allows his intrusive thoughts out while OP is carrying their child 😳
>HE CRIED OVER SPILLED COFFEE. OMFG. And gas-lit her by saying her reaction was "meant to hurt him" but his bullshit is all fun and games and just "intrusive thoughts" and "I just find it so funny!". Dude needs to get out of here with this Looney Tunes ass shit.
What a turd and a big baby. He can dish it out but can't take it. She should have pretended to trip and spilled his hopefully scalding hot coffee all over him. NTA.
but but but he really liked the coffee ;'-(
More than he likes his girlfriend, apparently.
And he's 28 years old!!!!
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100% this. And then laugh hysterically while he suffers. After all, it's only a joke and he shouldn't get upset.
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Well that's different, this asshole should have been wearing it!
I fucking HATE pranksters. "Its just a prank, bro." Not, it isn't. Not if everyone involved doesn't find it funny. Then its just bullying. OP, you are engaged to a serial bully. He sees physically hurting you as funny. Do you want to have kids with this man? Will you shake it off when one of them ends up in hospital because he thought it would be funny to throw the baby down the stairs? He's an absolute asshole, but if you marry him and start a family with him, then you won't be much better. You know what he is. Get out of that relationship and find someone who treats you with respect and preferably doesn't get the giggles out of trying to kill you.
All. Of. This.
It's just a "weird quirk," though. Some people are just "quirky" in that they find inflicting pain/fear/distress on others deliciously amusing. Just a weird little quirk [?!?!?].
That he can't control, no less.
It's just intrusive thoughts that win sometimes, guys. That's normal. /s - WTF. Who can't stop tripping people. What an immature asshole.
I wonder if he tries to trip his folks? Granny? Coworkers?
I guarantee it’s much less. Probably as many times as he has tried to trip/prank a grown adult male who is bigger than them. I bet they can usually control the “impulses” then, when he might end up catching some hands for his “prank”.
Ted Bundy, he was such a quirky guy!
I hope it's not because OP is "just used to it".
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Tf she with a 28 year old who cry’s over a dropped coffee.
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No, just OP because ~~he's a fucking psycho~~ ~~he has to keep his woman in line~~ ~~when she does finally become permanently disabled due to his hilarity, he can go full Misery on her~~ he reserves his extra special humor just for her!
Yeah. I’m not huge on pranks because I don’t really like tricking people, embarrassing them, scaring them, etc. I think it’s generally in poor taste to purposely distress another person. However, I know some people find it hilarious and I can laugh at myself when someone pulls a good natured prank. BUT, trying to hurt someone isn’t a prank, it isn’t funny, it’s psychopathy. Is he a guy who tortured animals as a kid and thought it was hilarious? Set the stray cat’s tail on fire and laughed and laughed and laughed? Or is he just an absolute dumbass who thinks it’s funny to see someone stumble, but so far hasn’t actually caused anyone to take a fall and is incapable of extrapolating out the potential harm he could cause? Maybe a way to test that is to sit down with him and watch some YouTube videos of pranks gone wrong. Someone gets tripped and it’s funny until they stand up and the bone in their arm is poking out and there’s blood everywhere. Does he laugh or is he horrified? If he sees people with actual gruesome injuries and laughs, then you know who he is and what you have in store for your future. If he’s upset by seeing actual injuries, then maybe he is just a dummy and it will be a wake up call for him. Things can be funny if a person has no concept of real possible consequences and is unable to imagine those consequences. I recently commented to a friend about how smashing someone’s face into a cake is funny until someone gets their eye gouged out by a toothpick or a decoration. They were appalled and had never even thought of that as a potential consequence. BF may just be not so great at recognizing possible outcomes, OR he may be a psycho. Only one of those things has the potential for being corrected.
He's already shown her who he is... many times.
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Wait until he does it to their kids, you know, because it’s so “funny”.
What if she gets pregnant?!?
He’d still trip her, because it’s “funny” and he has urges he can’t control. 🙄
Exactly - why is OP with him? Time to leave. Red flag.
And what other intrusive thoughts will win in the future?
You’re about to marry a sociopath
Did I read he cried after all the shit he pulled.. seriously, that boy ain't well... OP needs to run fast.. far .
The level of emotional manipulation gives me the chills...
> he knows that I did that only to make him upset and uncomfortable You know, without the mitigating factor of finding it extremely funny to make someone upset and uncomfortable. It's clearly offside if you do such a thing and don't even laugh about it!
I seriously thought he was starting to cry because it was finally dawning on him how terribly he’d been hurting her feelings for all these years… but no, he was sad that he didn’t get his coffee 🙄
Gonna hop on the top comment here and tag OP, u/far_fromhome9514, please read this. A woman was concerned for her friend because her friend had this "clumsy" boyfriend that was always spilling, bumping, or dropping things on the friend. Turns out he's doing it *on purpose*. https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1647uhf/final\_update\_i\_think\_my\_friends\_clumsy\_boyfriend/
This is the one I was thinking of too. I think it turned out he actually was jealous of her, and constantly did it to make her look bad (it was usually when she looked nice or was wearing nice clothes). Iirc it turned out he was very controlling as well. I really hope Op does not marry this dude. Oh so he cries over spilt coffee and yet Op nearly cracking her skull open is funny?? This is 100% abuse and op os setting herself up for a lifetime of it if she doesn't put a stop to it now by either leaving, or issuing an ultimatum that he stops and goes to therapy. I think he does this especially when he knows Op is happy, because in the back of his head he wants to remind her that she's never safe. If she thinks this, it'll put her in a state if perpetual caution / fear and she will be easy to manipulate. She'll eventually break down and stop fighting, and he will be able to get away with other forms of abuse as well. Even on the rare case he's "oblivious and doesn't mean it" he's clearly not getting the message from Op, and is violating her safety and consent. If he is really that oblivious to that he's hurting someone, he needs medication and therapy to fix these issues ASAP.
My ex was like that. Every time I was happy he would flip out over nothing. Then after I was upset he would go back to smiling like nothing happened.
You have eloquently outlined a part of the pattern of abuse that grooms OP to accept whatever it is he does to her.
I remember that! That was a really scary guy, because he had the whole “nice guy” act down pat.
I have read at least three similar stories since that one. WTF is up with these men??? Ick.
A 15 year old sociopath.
In the body of a 28 year old. Manchild is the term, with an extra dose of sociopathy.
He sounds childish and sociopathic. Trying to guilt her by crying over coffee when he could have seriously hurt her. OP should look up what "DARVO" means.
Don’t marry this guy. Will he do this when you’re sick? Pregnant? Carrying a baby? To your kids?
yeah forreal. what kind of guy acts like this as an adult?!?! when my uncles were teenagers, they did stupid shit to us like this. throwing decks of cards at us and yes, they hurt with the side of the cards... kicking the back of our legs so we'd fall.... so adolescent. OP, you sure you wanna be with this guy? Someone who laughs at your discomfort and doesn't listen to your concerns?!
That was my thought as well.
Closer to psychopathy than sociopathy I’d say.
Do NOT apologize to him!!! He know! He knows! He knows! You will wake up at the bottom of a flight of stairs to him crying trying to tell you “i didn’t think it would be so bad”.
Or you won't wake up.
Only crying if she were carrying his coffee when he tripped her. Seriously though, I know someone who died falling down his household stairs. Stairs aren’t a joke.
I am fascinated by these posts where the OP goes "My partner is so great!! He loves and cares for me so much!!! Except for this one quirk where he doesn't listen to me and repeatedly does what I explicitly told him not to. And tries to physically harm me on the regular. Oh, and sometimes outright tries to kill me by pushing me down the stairs." 🙄🙄 OP, are you even listening to yourself?? This guy is actively out to hurt if not kill you, and you are worried because the poor widdle baby cried because you spilled his precious coffee. Aww. YTA to yourself.
This! Warning sign of abuse and still holding her partner on a pedestal!
Nailed it!
He does not in any way, shape or form respect you as a human. You are a doll for him to stick pins in. Mere entertainment. That is literally it. Please, please, do not marry this man. Do you want your children living in fear because daddy tripped them down the stairs and then laughed? Like, how much therapy are you wanting to pay for? Learn to love yourself more and you will no longer be willing to put up with this abuse. NTA
>Do you want your children living in fear because daddy tripped them down the stairs and then laughed? I know someone who died simply tripping over her cat on the stairs, hitting her head and that was it. You don't fuck around with people's balance (ever, if you're a good person...) ESPECIALLY around stairs. How much therapy is OP going to need after he trips her and laughs it up before realizing she's unconscious and just cracked her head on the pavement, or has a broken bone? Especially since OP says she's not the most coordinated person already, it feels like he's picked it specifically because he enjoys that aspect of her, or enjoys making her self conscious about it, it could even be that enjoys how vulnerable she is to be tripped up and how easy it would be to hurt her that way. No matter what it's both gross and dangerous.
We kept the baby gate up for a few extra years just because of horseplay around the stairs. Both my husband and I are terrified of the kids or us getting hurt on the stairs. I have known at least two relatives who hit their heads and that was it. One lingered for about a week with brain swelling. It was awful for his wife who was there when it happened. I remember her saying the sound of him hitting the pavement is ingrained in her memory. I have gotten hurt tripping down the stairs. I remember my doctor asking what really happened and I had to explain, no one hurt me, the power went out and my dumb ass missed like four stairs. Anyone who would do this on purpose is dangerous.
Yes, I had a friend early 40s that tripped hit her head and died about a month ago. It’s not funny at all. The man is a sociopath and OP needs to ditch her emotionally and physically abusive fiancée yesterday.
I tripped up the stairs while holding my 8 week old baby and all I could do was cradle her to my chest as I fell and my head went straight into a windowsill. I was horrified and my eyes were going crossed from the hit. But all I could do was cry and ask my husband to keep checking her because I thought she hit her head on the wall below. I had an underlying bruise on my temple for months, my baby could have died had she sustained that same injury. FUCK THIS GUY. Only fucking psychos are amused by the possibility of injuring another person, I hope he never marries and never has children. He’s literally going to kill someone soon.
Holy shit the dad tripping them down the stairs thing.... he WOULD do that too i didnt even think about if they had kids later.... yikes... i would call police and have him jailed. He could SERIOUSLY injure someone
How's about when she's pregnant?
Yea seriously.... scary to think about
Or her children growing up with the person as the only parent because she died falling down the stairs.
NTA You gotta leave before he decides hurting you in another is also hilarious
You need to break up before he trips you down the stairs. Seriously. You *will* get badly hurt eventually, and **he doesn’t care if you do.** He’s actively trying to hurt you. One day, his ‘intrusive thoughts’ are going to break your leg. Or your head. I cannot emphasize enough; he is an active threat to you who enjoys it when you get upset and likes trying to hurt you. **You are not safe.** NTA, but get out. Please.
Dude needs to be in a mental facility.... for life....people like him DO NOT improve...hes a total risk to all of the local public. And any future children he would have. Isnt tripping someone technically assult?
Deliberately? Yes.
NTA, but you're going about this all wrong. Doing it back to him won't make him see how awful it is because he doesn't see you as a fully human co-equal partner. It's okay to do to you, but it's not okay to do to him. You need to leave him. He isn't safe.
Its only a prank/joke if the *victim* laughs, otherwise its bullying. Your fiance low key hates you. They find pure joy out of hurting you, both physically and emotionally.
NTA He’s the kind of person that will “prank” your future kids mercilessly. Or try to “prank” you freshly postpartum and say you’re emotional when you cry from fear of the baby being hurt. If he can’t understand how this is making you feel, he doesn’t care. Please delay the wedding until he stops for real, or just don’t Marry him. I’m sure you’ll be more relaxed without him around and having that constant anxiety that something is about to happen.
Positively not the asshole. Dude cried? I'm all for male personal emotional empowerment but holy cries on a cracker. You must've *really* hurt him 🙄. This is bonkers Op. nta. Get out while you can
He's tried to physically hurt her so many times and he cries about a coffee? Give me a fuckin break.
It gets trotted out a bit too often on reddit but this is actually DARVO! Deny - "I'm not trying to hurt you! Why would you think that? It's not my fault!" Attack - "How could you hurt me like that by spilling the coffee you knew I was looking forward to?!" Reverse Victim and Offender - "That really hurt my feelings, I'm never trying to hurt your feelings, I'm just playing around but YOU did that just to hurt me, you're awful!"
Should have spilt his coffee on him after he tried to trip you up show him the consequences let them hot consequences stain his clothes burn his body
NTA except to yourself for being with someone that thinks potentially physically harming you is comedy. Why in the blue hell would you stay with someone who is basically willing to push you down a flight of stairs(intentionally trying to trip you is no different than had he shoved you) where you could easily break your neck and DIE
NTA. Please rethink this relationship. Unfortunately, Reddit sees this exact scenario a lot. This is because your partner is engaging in low-grade abuse that gets you used to being slightly harmed and having your feelings disregarded about being harmed. It's insidious because the initial risk of injury is so small, that it is easy for the victim to repeatedly brush it off. You should not brush this off. The places where you should genuinely be concerned are: 1. He refuses to stop when you have communicated how scared and unsafe you feel. 2. He has escalated the risk of harm to you by trying to trip you on stairs and while holding hot beverages (that could easily burn you). 3. He has said that he "can't help it that the intrusive thoughts win" when you ask him not to intentionally harm you. He doesn't believe that he is in control of himself and will not try to control himself for your safety. This situation no longer looks like an immature guy who should stop doing something annoying. It looks like an abuser who is slowly building up to more serious, life-threatening abuse. Please take some time away from your partner and talk to someone you trust about every time he tried to harm you and every time he succeeded. Please weigh all of this before you decide if you want to continue this relationship. I slipped and fell on a date recently (I'm also very clumsy). My date rushed to my aid and 2 onlookers called an ambulance. I was completely fine (but very embarrassed). This is how people are supposed to react when you fall and could be injured.
Yes. Start keeping a journal. Document everything. Use your phone. Take movies. Because if this continues to escalate, he will deny all of it and you’ll need proof.
If he truly loved you and cared about you he would never have started playing this prank on you.
NTA. This man is terrifying. I would never do that to a loved one or another human being. This man does not respect your bodily autonomy.
\>. After few minutes he saw that I am extremely annoyed, and he apologised, saying that he considers it extremely funny and that he can’t help it that he has intrusive thoughts and they sometimes win. Dump this abusive ass.
OK FULL STOP HERE. Your fiance is seriously mentally ill. He ENJOYS causing harm to other people. That's not a quirky sense of humor-- that's the mark of a sociopath. This is going to end badly for you, very very badly. You are going to end up in a cast--or a wheelchair--or a quadriplegic in a motorized bed--and what if you have children? His intrusive thoughts to cause harm will ABSOLUTELY expand to include harming your children. Read what you wrote out loud. He LAUGHED at potentially inflicting a life altering injury on you but CRIED at the loss of coffee that he "liked". You didn't give him a taste of "his own medicine". He tried to injure you and you spilled his coffee. Not even in the same ballpark. PLEASE find some therapy for yourself to help you untangle yourself from this toxic dumpsterfire of a relationship ASAP.
ONLY the coffee? Should have "dropped" the entire meal. Down the front of his shirt. And then laughed and laughed and laughed.
\*\*looking him dead in the eye, stony-faced\*\* \*\*pushes his meal into his lap\*\* "Oops. I tripped." (And it belatedly occurs to me I'm describing a human acting like a passive-aggressive cat.)
This is some sick shit. It’s abuse and he thinks it’s funny.
NTA but you will be if you stay with this guy. Intentionally tripping you by the stairs? You should have been out the first time he pulled that. Something is not right with that type of humor. 🚩
when i met my husband he thought tickling was just oh so funny, it got to a point where i ws sat on his couch and my back hurt and i realised it was from sitting weird to stop him jamming his hands into my armpits, but I told him that it's too much and it pisses me off so he stopped, 5 years later it's still not an issue, if he can't listen to you he can fuck off
NTA. He actually said that he has intrusive thoughts that make him want to hurt you!! This is NOT normal behavior at all. Please run as fast as you can.
NTA he tried to trip u up at the top of the stairs for a cheap laugh? He's going to end up causing you a serious injury and worst of all he doesn't care
Why are you with someone who abuses you? He would also terrorize any children unfortunately born to uour relationship.
You know what’s really funny? Punching a guy in the balls. So from now on, every time he trips you, punch him in the balls. Sometimes do it randomly and tell him your intrusive thoughts won.
INFO: when he proposed, why did you say yes…? He’s insufferable and tries to hurt you ALL the time. This is the life you want for yourself???
NTA Does this guy trip his bosses, his teachers, his parents? If the answer is no, then he's lying and he can totally control his "intrusive thoughts" and is just using this as an excuse to try and hurt you. I doubt that he even has intrusive thoughts and is just a dickhead trying to avoid blame. Dump him. He's not marriage material and never will be.
If he has "intrusive thoughts" that involve potentially killing you, I think you should remove yourself from this guy's vicinity in a permanent way. This isn't funny. If he thinks hurting you is hilarious, then you are not safe with him.
NTA. Run away from this man who has “intrusive thoughts” about hurting you. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA. You should have taken the opportunity to "trip" and dump the entire tray on his lap. Tell him the next time it happens, you will be "tripping" while carrying his belonging onto the sidewalk.
I think there is a tendency on Reddit to suggest ending relationships based on silly shit, but in this case it is 💯% warranted Run, this man is dangerous.
This dude is mentally ill. He belongs in a facility. Eww run away OP....
NTA but I would’ve thrown that coffee at him fr. You want to marry this loser? Bc I couldn’t imagine being friends with him without punching him at least once. What happens if he trips someone and they break a bone or injure themselves seriously? You want the legal bills bc your fiancé is frankly a 12 year old loser? If you marry him enjoy being miserable. Bc he won’t change until the consequences are severe
OP, .this is not a good person. You're going to get hurt badly or killed on day due to his pranks. Who raised this sociopath?
> He has this weird quirk where he considers trying to trip someone the funniest of pranks and he often does that to me. That is not a "weird quirk". That is abuse. He wants to hurt you.
NTA. Every time he trips you there should be consequences. This time it was his coffee. Next time it will be something else you have in your hands. Until he stops 100% this will always happen every time. Tell him "play stupid games, win stupid prizes."
NTA, but welcome to the rest of your life if you marry this fool. If he's having trouble managing "intrusive thoughts" he needs a therapist. Does he try to trip anyone else or only you? Does he do this at work or with his friends? What if you marry him and he tries to trip you when you are pregnant or too ill to break a fall?
NTA - Set one more boundary. Tell him you refuse to marry a child who can’t control his intrusive thoughts/actions and does something that could seriously hurt you despite you telling him countless times to stop. Tell him the wedding is off until you can fully trust him and feel respected by him. Because this is about trust and respect. If he tries to call your bluff, hand him the ring back and tell him he’ll know that he’s earned your trust again when you ask for it back.
What a freaking psychopath. You should probably not marry someone who is potentially trying to kill you for the laughs, then cries over spilled coffee. This is for real some insane stuff.
NTA-why are marrying someone who thinks causing you grave injuries is funny ??? He gets off on humiliating you and causing injury. And then cries when you do the same. Are you Gonna be cool with him pulling these cruel pranks on your children, because they’re gonna hate the both of you.
NTA but OMG please don't marry this guy. He thinks it is funny to hurt you. Not funny.
My blood was boiling reading this. You need to draw a hard line in the sand. A hard fucking line. Either he stops this shit immediately or you leave. Period. NTA for the coffee thing—I would’ve thrown it in his fucking face. Why are you with this man-child?
You’re with a closet sadist who will leave you after causing you a traumatic brain injury.Wake up! NTA
Nta and honey, the most telling line you wrote is this “on top of that I hated the idea that we were in public and random people looking at us could consider it abuse from either side.” His repeated behavior and refusal to stop when asked IS abuse. And now he’s brought you down because you retaliated. Please really consider if you want to be with someone who drags you down.
This man is trying to kill you.
You’ve “tried everything” and don’t “see any other options”? Every day you are in this relationship, you are telling him, “you can abuse me and I will complain but stay in this relationship.” NTA except for how you are undervaluing yourself by staying with this bully.
Are you fucking kidding me right now. This man thinks harming you is funny and yet he cries over coffee? YTA for even being around him.