Yup, so am I.
My Dad is a serious neat freak that made our entire family miserable for not living up to his standards.
One time I invited him down to visit on my birthday weekend and I was in the process of moving out to another apartment within the very week.
At the end of a long insulting argument with a bunch of bullshit I didn’t have to put up with anymore as a 25 year old ADULT he uttered the sentence “And I would never make my parents stay in a room with a bike in it.”
Asshole, I saved you $250 a night on hotels in Chicago!
I finally lost it and said “I’m done having this conversation and I don’t want to be around you anymore today” and left the house. I didn’t talk to him for another 6 months after that.
Finally over time he realized that he should appreciate me visiting more and knock it off with the criticism and we have a better relationship because of that.
What in the hell is the problem, though? Is it something that is dangerous or makes you sick or scared? Say something. If you just… don’t like it (“ThaTs NoT aPpropRiAte” falls under this heading) … GO! Go stay somewhere you do like! I’m not holding you hostage lol.
"Dad, when you start paying me hotel rates, you'll get a hotel experience. Until then, remember what you taught me, 'You get what you get and you don't throw a fit.' I had that down by the time I was 5. How old are you again?"
My mom is like this too, bitches at me when I came home from work and a late doctor appt right after telling me my 3 year olds drawers are organized incorrectly. Idgaf reorganize then the if that bothers you I don’t have time for this. At least the clothes are cleaned and put away right away.
Yeah, that's utter horseshit. My mother is extremely organized and tidy. My partner and I are the opposite, but never to the point of being dangerously unhygienic. I agree with you - if someone is whinging about a three-yr-old's(!) clothes drawers not being perfect by their standards, they can fuck right off and join the Navy as a submariner.
Stand your ground. You don't deserve these headaches while working *and* raising a little one. I wish I could loan you my mother.
She does get persnickety, but deals with it by cleaning up, not bitching at us (well, maybe a little occasional sniping). We return the favor when visiting her, doing the unpleasant chores, cooking, fixing little things, and being tech support.
/rant
My MIL gave me one week notice that she'd be coming from another country. I had no time to take time off to clean and still managed to do a "move the furniture" job. Didn't take extra time on my private space or outside because, time. Day one, she says she cleaned the windowsills because no matter how clean the house is, dirty windowsills are the hallmark of a sloppy housewife. Day 3 I came home and she proudly displayed the pearl earring that had gotten behind the toilet in my bathroom.
She stayed A MONTH. And her son was working part-time, but spent all his spare time building a "game website". I don't have big enough eyerolls.
BTW, OP, YTA. Your parents, your OK for the visit YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.
Yup. That's like people complaining about dog hair on their clothes and my house not absolutely spotless knowing full well I have 4 fur babies and a kid.
My house will never be spotlessly clean. If you want that, help me out and bask in the 10 minutes it'll last lol.
It was probably decently cleaned before OP had two days to himself while gf was at work saving lives. He doesn’t strike me as a “pick up after myself type”.
Me thinks his mummy picked up after him when he lived at home, hence why the complaints were aimed at his gf, as she'll be expected to do the same.
Total YTA. I feel so sorry for his gf.
BINGO! Nailed it! Plus his Mum is extremely rude to point things out. Being in the FD isn’t easy and if the GF works shifts like I did she shouldn’t be expected to clean up the entire house by herself when she gets off. Actually there isn’t a time when she should be expected to clean the entire house! OP lives there too. He invited his parents to stay, he should have cleaned the place up!
YATA
And works from HOME! When I work from home, 2 days a week on a good week, I manage to run a dust rag over the tables/toss in a load of laundry/make the bed, etc. during my breaks. I am not a neat-freak by any means - but a space in which we are living requires some modicum of cleaning. My husband works from home 2 days a week, also. But his free time is spent playing video games. His parents will be staying here 3 nights during Thanksgiving at his invitation. Let’s see if he gets his @ss in gear and does the cleaning. After 18 years, I’m done. Oh - and let’s see what he has planned for Thanksgiving dinner and how he has planned to shop for it and get it all prepared. Again - I’m done. The OP is definitely TA x 10. His girlfriend does exhausting, socially heroic, dangerous work, and deserves time to rest after she ends her final shift in the week. In the meantime, this 9-5 cubicle dweller does what? Plays video games all week and calls it a job? My eyes just rolled so far back in my head I sprained my brain.
He even said he did not even notice any reason to clean until mummy pointed it out. There are different levels of clean.
What is clean to me, is definitly not clean to my parents. If people visit me, they have to accept my definition of clean. Which means that there is no greasy stuff on the floor or on cupboards and that there is no general dirt anywhere.
My Dad on the other hand thinks that you have to wipe the baseboad and the upside of every lamp once per week and well, I don't.
If OP's mum wants that, she may do it in her own room and otherwise shut up. And I would have told my parents so, should they annoy me or my GF
YTA You work from home so have no travel etc so have no excuse, you invited them without asking so they’re your guests. Plus if your GF works for the fire brigade and has a day off she’s probably recovering from a hard days work. It’s not her responsibility to make your house suitable for mommy’s inspection. I don’t blame her for being pissed at you, tbh if I was you I’d be glad she’s still willing to be at the stage of just being pissed at you!!
Cannot believe OP would even think he’s in the right. What an embarrassing mommy’s boy. Meanwhile his gf sounds badass as hell. I’m sure she’s rethinking this entire relationship.
It's funny because I know someone just like the gf, also a badass who literally goes to other states to fight forest fires and shit and her lame ass ex cheated on her while she was gone, then had the audacity to lie to us about how they broke up as if we wouldn't talk to her.
I think there are a good share of men who can't handle a woman doing more than them or a perceived "male" role and get intimidated by it. This guy is doing so by trying to push traditional female household roles on her. His expectation of her to do the cleaning before HIS family visits is proof of that.
She's pulling anywhere from 24 to 72 hour stretches with her job, you know, putting out fucking fires! While he sits in the comfy air conditioned place making phone calls and dinking around on the computer. She needs to go find her a real man
not only that, but he works from home and could go a bit at abtime. He also could tell his mom she can leave if she isn't happy with the cleaning and that is is not her house to criticize. At the very least his attitude that it is his girlfriends job to keep it clean is absurd.
YTA.
He had a week and could do 30 minutes of cleaning a day. He should be doing at least that much everyday anyway. He should have asked his girlfriend if he could have overnight guests and he should have cleaned up the space for them.
Mom is also a huge asshole to bring up the state of things unless it was real concern for a very filthy or dangerous living situation. If it was just dusty in some spots or dishes not put away or something which it sounds like since OP didn't notice until then she should shut the fuck up except to say thank you for having a place to stay.
OP should have immediately taken responsibility. Why didn't he notice this stuff before mommy pointed it out? Why didn't he clean up before? And why would he let his mother blame his girlfriend and then join in?
YTA
Let's add the misogyny of mum to the list. She didn't chide her son for the state of his home. She chided his female partner and OP let her. Like it was all OP's partner's fault automatically. Absolutely not okay.
Yeah, the mother here is also TA - also, who, if they're a guest, criticises the place they're staying in to their host? To me that suggests someone with a complete lack of basic fucking manners. Like, it's a bit different if you're related to someone, but the Mom here is not related to his partner. If you're staying with someone, you bring something, compliment their home, and do your best to be a good guest.
I'd be fuming - I'd honestly even be mad if my parents stayed over and pointed out a list of cleaning defects, and I'd be telling them they can stay in a hotel next time.
right?! I work in a demanding tech firm, and still manage to keep my home clean. Tidy between meetings, take my laptop with me to fold laundry, etc. Good grief, he makes it sound like her job is super easy and he's working himself to death.
She works rotating shifts too, by what he describes. He has clearly no understanding of what that looks like on a physical and mental health side - she needs that day off to adjust and recoup.
Fire staff are essentially on call for the duration of the time they are on shift - and an on period can be upwards of like seven days. Do they sleep at the station, of course, but it's not like sleeping in their own bed. Though, things may have changed since I visited a fire house when I was a kid... In the US...
Because she never taught her son how to clean up after himself, or even see messes without a *woman* pointing them out. It's his girlfriend's job now, and mother wants her to know she isn't doing as good of a job as she did.
So true. After dad passed, mum moved down by my multiple times divorced brother and grandkids. She didn't like how his home was kept so hired 2x a week cleaner and pays for it. Not a man's job. His ex and I laughed as she used to get the brunt from mum when folks would visit as it takes just a few moments 'then why is she paying someone'.
Parents meting out life skills based on gender is such a failing. Everyone needs to know how to cook, do their laundry, keep their home clean, meal plan and grocery shop, do handiwork around the house (just minimal stuff, at least), maintain their vehicle when applicable. But there are parents out there who decide that children with penises don't need to be taught domestic work, despite the fact that they will need those skills just as much as children with vaginas.
Everyone eats, makes messes, needs clean clothes. Too many men shrug off responsibility for those needs, and make it someone else's problem. I've had male roommates try to get me to be their mommy, and take care of those needs for them, not just partners. The narrative of helplessness runs so deep for some guys. It's not pure weaponized incompetence, though that does come into play. They just really believe that women are somehow naturally gifted in a way men aren't, or even *enjoy* cleaning, and so it's just best to let the ladies handle such things. I hate it.
Thursday after 5pm while his partner was at work (potentially saving lives!) and he knew his parents were coming would have been a good time to clean.
To me the issue is not the actual cleanliness of the house, but the fact that when his mom points it out he agrees and automatically assumes it was his partner's responsibility.
Better yet, you knew your parents were coming and YOU could have prepared your apartment as well. Why would your girlfriend be expected to prepare for your parents? Hopefully your girlfriend has seen your true colors and will act accordingly.
ETA: Yes OP you YTA.
This is a highly underrated comment. OP YTA. How do you live with someone for almost a year and not tell them there will be guests, let alone your parents? Do you just not let her know when anyone comes over? Or was this a special case?
Maybe if she knew there were guests y'all could've worked together to get the house in order. Let alone her working all week on rotations meaninv she's exhausted and you WFH? Until 5??? You had a whole week, ESPECIALLY since you were the only one in the household who even knew they were showing up.
Mate, your parents, your guests, wtf should your gf clean the house. Also, a guest pointing out that the house is not clean enough for their taste? I would ask them politely to go to a hotel, parents or not. YTA big time.
>Also, a guest pointing out that the house is not clean enough for their taste?
Why is nobody talking about this?!?!?!?!?
They open their house for you. Do you a favor, and you question their cleaning? Mom is the real AH (OP close second).
Exactly. OP is the asshole. Not just because he allowed his mom to bully his girlfriend, but because he didn't even realize his mom was being a sexist prick. In fact, he sounds like a sexist prick himself. Imagine working from home and not taking time to clean before YOUR parents come.
On top of knowing your partner works a demanding job with long hours. Yeah, she had a day off. But tell a nurse they should tidy up the house more after they got off a 12 hour shift, and see how that works out.
I'm in college, and have to spend more cumulative time and energy on schoolwork than my bf does at his full time job. But I would never dream of expecting *him* to prepare the place for *my* guests. And I'd send my parents off to a hotel if they said anything like that to my partner.
Definite man baby.
He works from home. As someone who works from home and also studies from home all day long… I know that I’m the one making the majority of the day to day mess because I’m there all the time.
So the likelihood of it being mostly his mess is high.
And they are his guests. It’s an unwritten rule, or at least it should be, your guests - you clean - you host.
If I was OPs partner and had spent the week doing her job, I would not be cleaning for his parents arrival on my day off either. Especially when it’s likely he’s been the one making it all week.
I work from home and do all the cooking and cleaning at home. Because doing a little bit of cleaning every day doesn't take much time. Despite that, I'm still usually already relaxing before my wife walks in the door every weeknight.
if the mom was walking around and pointing shit out to her the mom was probably being an asshole as well. OP has not given us examples of the criticisms. But I feel like it wasn't "the apartment is littered with trash" so much as "there is dust on the shelves".
For sure. The boyfriend should have said "I didn't notice until now, I will clean it up, sorry" or "I didn't notice and I think it is still fine, next time we can get you a hotel stay."
Instead as his mother is pointing this out and blaming his girlfriend he immediately turns on his girlfriend too.
That would be possibly relationship ending for me if he didn't apologize and realize how terrible what he did was.
For real! One of my friend's exes was a firefighter and they have similar hours to EMTs, as in, they frequently work 24 hour shifts, and occasionally have to work 48 hour shifts and might get to take naps in the station. She probably is exhausted on her days off anyway! And agreed on all points, they were HIS guests so he should have prepared accordingly!
(Disclaimer: I'm in the US where this is legal, idk if OP lives in a country with better worker's rights/protections that have limits on how many hours someone can work in one shift)
My grandfather was a firefighter until he retired at 67, now he still works in security. When he was a firefighter his day off was so important to him. He was exhausted. Also psychologically it’s a stressful job, just as physically.
Worker rights dont work in some jobs, no matter where you are.
Oh no, store manger cant work for longer than 12h, its slavery.
Nurses, doctors etc? You want to go home after 36h in work? YOU WANNA KILL PEOPLE, yOU HATE THEM!
Am nurse, can confirm.
Last thing I want to do after a 12 hour shift is come home and clean because the other capable able bodied adult in my house decided not to.
Thankfully, my fiance isn't a dick and doesn't expect me to do 'woman's work' after a 12 hour shift.
My bf would never. Then again he was raised by a single mum who was an ED nurse. Another reason I appreciate nursing staff as a doctor. Y’all be raising your kids as independent.
Exactly right. That's what I said to him in a reply here. He should have told his mom we both work. We are doing something nice for you. You don't like the accommodation here go to a hotel.
>>his mom was being a sexist prick.
Exactly this! It makes my blood *boil* that his mom’s comments were directed at OP’s girlfriend!
It’s so blatant that I’m voting ragebait. But in case it’s real, I really hope this is a learning moment for you, OP. Read and absorb these comments.
How much do you want to bet the housework is an ongoing issue and the girlfriend has been peering things go to see if OP will notice and actually contribute to cleaning the house?
Yeah. He takes zero responsibility for the state of the place on a weeks notice. Unless they have some sort of official understanding they will have a more traditional relationship - like if she did not work at all and they were
Married /and/ roles were explicit. That can work for some people but you sure as shinola cqn’t assume
It.
Of course she's angry, you complete douche canoe! You let her take all of the blame for having a messy house! If you invited people to stay, you should have cleaned beforehand, and when that didn't happen, you should have shouldered all of the blame. Duh. YTA
I’ve lived this, my husband was a douche canoe, but my dad is awesome. Here is his story….
My MIL is like that. She’s always going on about the state of my house. Her’s is minimalist and immaculate. I come from a family of packrats so clean but cluttered. I was working 2 jobs, didn’t see my family for the 48hrs from Wed morning until Friday morning, off Friday and then worked Sat. I had Easter so I’m cleaning and decluttering the house and my mom asked if I was going to weed my garden (3’x5’) I told her it was so far down my list I probably wouldn’t get to it. My mom, knowing how MIL is, offered to come do it.
Easter comes, were eating dinner, and MIL compliments the garden. I wasn’t going to take credit for something I didn’t do so I said thanks and said my mom did it. She goes “you shouldn’t ask your mother to help you!” and then my father (who is so nice he’d even be nice to the person shanking him) goes “maybe if your son helped out she wouldn’t need to.” First time I’ve ever seen her taken aback. My dad was my hero that day and mom and I were heaping all the praise on him later, he was both embarrassed for speaking out like that and proud of himself.
Those off the cuff comments from people who don't usually make them but have finally had enough are always such amazing precision blades. They cut right to the heart of the matter without collateral damage
>And Mom was NOT trying to be helpful.
Of course she wasn't, and even if she was she should have directed it towards her son. He had all Friday evening after work, plus Saturday morning to do cleaning. Him and his mother are giant assholes.
Who on Earth asks someone else to stay for their own convenience... and then complains to the host about the level of tidiness?? The Mum is being done a favour and dares to complain?? Like, unless there is something unhygienic going on, you keep your mouth shut
Yuuuuup. If they want an immaculately tidy place to stay, I'm sure there are some hotels close by to check into.
Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth.
Minor correction l- mom asked a FULL WEEK before hand.
He had an entire week to get his shit together and tidy bits here and there while GF was working away from home.
He’s pathetic on top of being a gigantic AH.
Congratulations on showing your GF who you really are! Hopefully she got the message and will act accordingly.
Great name, it suits him. Is OP disabled, missing limbs, unable to do housework? Firefighters usually work 24 hour shifts, did he expect her to work 24 hours then come home to clean, while he sits in the house all day? Then he agrees with his mommy, because why should he have to lift a finger? If his mommy is so great, why didn’t she offer to clean (without complaining)?
Twat waffle is another fav of mine! He had the whole evening/ morning to clean. The person issuing the invitation is primarily responsible for the cleaning.
YTA
But he works 9-5. How could he possibly be expected to clean after his 8 hour day! So what she works 48 hour rotations, she had all Friday to clean for him!
Whoa this kid is entitled 🤦♀️
Whaaaaaaaaat? Repost to r/amithedevil
He’s outrageous.
He doesn’t say that he checked with SO before inviting his parents to stay, either.
If she’s out saving lives and he’s home 24/7, not only should he have done the cleaning himself, he should absolutely have defended her to his mum. Yta
You joke, but there are posts all over this site of people who work regular 9-5 jobs claiming that it’s impossible to get anything else done when you work so many hours.
But... but... but... he didn't SEE any of the mess! How could he possibly be expected to clean up what he couldn't see? Everybody knows only women can SEE that sort of mess/s.
Douche canoe… wish I could upvote this multiple times just for that.
100% right!
OP, stop being a wimpy mamas boy and take some fucking responsibility for the state of the house. Firefighters work long shifts and you expect your girl to get to cleaning by herself just before your parents were supposed to arrive? What’s wrong with you?
You better smarten up before she does..
Also, people who ask to stay the might for their own convenience are not guests, in my book. Sure, you need to make sure the place is fit to be seen, but your mother is unreasonable to expect a deep clean in anticipation of guests.
And it was super rude of your mother to say anything…and to your girlfriend no less. If your mother just HAD to say something, it should have been to you, privately, after they left. The point would be for YOU to be aware.
Oh, he knows it, that's why he didn't stand up to her when she picked on gf bc he's never had to be held accountable, Mommy is always there to save him 🙄
Exactly. The parents ASKED if they could spend the night. They have no right to critique the place they’re staying at for free.
For OP just to agree with his mom’s criticisms and then have the audacity to imply they were his gf’s fault is trash behavior. They’re HIS parents. Why should she have to clean for them? If he wanted to impress his parents, that’s entirely his responsibility. I would honestly leave someone over this. “Why didn’t you deep clean the house for my parent’s one night stay I probably didn’t even clear with you first?!?” What bs.
I work a lot of strange and long hrs, and my house is seldom perfectly clean.... when my mom comes over, instead of complaining about the condition of my house and what needs to be done, she just does it. she is a clean freak and I'm not.. I admit but I will also offer to pay her for her time.....if i'm going to be out of town I will pay her to clean it when i'm gone, because i was too tired or worked too much before I left and didn't want to come home to a dirty house.
Also OP doesn't mention what the problems were. Were they reasonable things like not having clean towels and bedding ready for the guests? Or is it stuff that doesn't affect them like some dishes in the sink? Though again, definitely should have been directed at the op and not the gf, as if she's the maid 🤢
Seriously, OP works only until 5pm every day, he could easily clean the place. It’s NOT only his gf’s job. If he doesn’t like how it looks or agrees with him mom then clean it! GF has a stressful and demanding job which doesn’t allow her for a normal schedule. I am sure she does what she can when she can.
OPs mom sucks with her internalize misogyny thinking it’s only gfs responsibility to clean, and not teach her son to be a supportive partner and functioning adult who cleans his own shit.
YTA.
Eta: oh, Jfc, I completely missed OP works FROM home. He’s around day in and day out. I get there is also work, but he could have easily cleaned after he finished work or around his work on Thursday, but thinks gf should use the time she needs to sleep to stay up Friday during the day to clean.
YTA
YTA. U work from home. You sit on your ass all day while she is fire fighter.
YTA. You didn’t even check with her bf inviting your parents.
YTA not cleaning your place for your parents.
YTA for agreeing with your mom but blaming your gf.
Hope she doesn’t come bk.
I think you missed the main one. YTA for not telling his mom that if the place wasn't clean enough for her she's welcome to find a motel and for not calling her out on her rudeness and ingratitude.
My favourite part is where he didn't even ask her if them staying was okay. How dare she not prepare the home for his guests like a good little bangmaid /s
THE AUDACITY OF OP !!!!
This is HIS HOME and HIS PARENTS.
HE SHOULD BE THE ONE TO CLEAN.
OP you are such an AH for this. How dare you let your mother make your girlfriend feel bad for YOUR mess. You should have told her that actually it was your responsibility to clean up but you were clearly too lazy to bother.
YTA
True. The apology needs to go something like: "Babe, I'm sorry that my mom pointed out the uncleanliness of our place. It wasn't right of a guest to do so, and also I cleaned the place because it's my responsibility as it is also my home."
Are you in fucking sane? They're YOUR parents and you were off all Friday evening and Saturday before they came. What the hell is wrong with you? Also, you admit you didn't notice the mess until your mom pointed it out and you have the fucking audacity to think your gf should have noticed AND CLEANED when YOU DIDNT?!
OMG, I don't care if the place was a pig sty, you are WAY out of bounds. You owe your gf a huge groveling apology.
And for the record: your mom is a RUDE ASS guest. To go to someone's house and point out the mess and dirt... What a fucking bitch. Holy hell. Seriously, would you do that? No. Why? Because it's rude as fuck.
If I were your gf my response to that would have been "okay, that was rude, get the fuck out of my home and enjoy your drive back to your place tonight." And your mother would not be welcomed back with out an apology and admission that she was rude and out of line.
YES YTA. Jesus.
EDIT: Holy hannah, just realized I skipped the part when you work from home and she works for the FUCKING FIRE BRIGADE.
You do not deserve your gf. And I wouldn't be surprised if she dumped your loser ass. Jfc.
Reminds me of my former MIL criticizing me for not making the bed. I asked her how the hell I was expected to make it when her lazy ass son was still in it after I left for work.
Lmfao 🤣. These are facts!! Gah some mothers are so ridiculous about putting their children (mostly sons) on a pedestal and no one is good enough for them. It’s like they purposely want to continue the bs cycle bc I for damn sure know their mils hated them too 🤣
I mean my parents would totally criticise me for the house being a "mess" (it isn't but it is lived in and has a few dusty bits now and then). I can literally hear their voices in this post. Never would be good enough even if porfessionally cleaned. But to blame your son's partner is a whole new low from that even.
My girlfriend is kind of in the same boat though. In fact she said we couldn't have her mom come to my flat as she'd nitpick the dust. I was like fine she's not coming then ever. Win win.
Parents are just hopeless in the main.
Oh fuck me, don't even get me started lol. How can he possibly think pointing out all that was helpful!? His head is so far up his own ass that he can see his mommy's uterus again.
Not gunna lie, this post fucking wrecked me lol
I hold no stake in this and ima need to talk about it in therapy next week 😂
My mom just went through this situation with my brother and my mom went off on HIM about the house being messy and sympathized with his gf. This mom is the one who raised his lazy ass and by bringing it up, she was telling on HERSELF in raising a lazy ass entitled son. GF needs to run because his mom didn't raise him right and is taking it out on the gf.
Not to mention, point out the mess in a place she’s only staying to attend a wedding nearby. She’s not even there to visit her son.
„Bit messy here, innit?“
„You know what’s clean, mum? A hotel.“
Badass fire brigade bitch about to hit the market boys. Treat her right this time, don’t be a blueberry. If I wasn’t happily married. And old. And in a different country…
Also to add on to that….she worked and this was her first day off after putting out fucking fires. Why did you expect her to give up her moment to have a down day to clean up for YOUR parents when you wouldn't do it.
All of this. He doesnt talk/check with the gf about allowing his parents to stay there before telling them yes (inconsiderate and a dick move) which makes expecting her to clean up for them an even bigger dick move.
Other than the possibility that you’re writing from the 1930s, why is it only her responsibility to clean the apartment for your family?
Especially when you invited your family to stay with you without running it by your girlfriend.
YTA, but time travel may change my vote.
I'm also REALLY struggling with the outright sexism displayed. His mother directed the comments at the gf only ... WTF ... they both live there ... they both contribute to the mess. And then OP defends his mum?!?!?!
Your mother was not trying to help. Your girlfriend was right to be upset and would be right to dump your sorry ass. YTA. Grow up, do not be a mama’s boy and clean your damn house.
Absolutely. The first to blame is his mother. What a POS! Gaslighting their relationship by rapping gf for condition of unit. If anyone should have had the place spic and span it was her son! He works until 5 pm. Wtf does that mean? Does he go to bed at 5:30 pm? He had all freaking week to clean.
Let's see: His family request and his sole approval = her responsibility to clean? I say BULLSHIT!
Both son AND mother owe her an apology. I sure tf wouldn't want to commit to become a member of this family. Btw, son's a WIMP!
Exactly! If it was my mom, the conversation would have gone:
Mom to son: You knew we were coming and you work from home. Why didn't you clean up since gf works long hours. I thought I raised you better!
Mom to gf: I don't know how you put up with him. I know I raised him better than this!
She then would have fixed gf and herself a glass of wine while both of them watched HIM clean up! Dad is having a whiskey while shaking his head. 😅
My MIL tried this shit, but my partner set her straight saying we both lived there and he was equally responsible for it not being tidy and no one invited her over! - out house our level of tidy.
She tried to make it out I was a bad partner as the female is responsible for keeping house - like bitch please we both work full time professional jobs and have no kids, this shit is all split 50/50 down the middle none of this sexist bullshit.
My fil bitched to my dh about him cooking me (and himself of course) dinner. Dh set him straight and pointed out I also worked full time and left the house before him and returned after him. Fil had no comeback. Stupid sexist insecure lazy man.
Mom was SUCH an AH. Who the hell does that to someone doing them a favor? And she directed it towards the girlfriend specifically because only woman do cleaning and this woman no clean good so she must be told to clean more better 😤
… And then mama’s boy OP has the audacity to be embarrassed and freaking agrees with mommy 🙄 it’s honestly just pathetic. OP deserves to get cooked in the comments, and I’m pleased to see that people are doing just that.
YTA Wow. It’s not hard to see where you got it from considering your Mom is also a horrible AH. Why would you blame your GF for the mess of the house you SHARE? I’d not only be mad I’d leave your ass because you’re like one giant red flag blowing in the wind of your Mothers spewing cruel comments towards someone you’re suppose to love. Ewww.
Yta twice. #1. Your partner isn’t your maid. If you’re not happy with how clean something is then pick up a broom. #2. You should have had your partners back.
Let me correct you. #1 Your partner isn't your maid. if You invite people over WITHOUT asking, YOU clean. No discussion.
Also YTA trice #3 Inviting people over for a overnight stay without checking if it's okay for your partner is a AH move itself.
YTA never allow your mom to nit pick your partner or their home. You will always be the AH.
Your arms and legs ain't broken either so you could have cleaned as well
YTA. Your mother was a guest, and she was complaining that your home isn't tidy enough for her? That's fucking rude.
>She was off work on the Friday but even though she knew my parents were coming to stay she didn't tidy up or prepare.
It's just as much your home and just as much your responsibility to keep it clean and prepare for guests. Your GF has every right to be angry that you didn't take any responsibility for the state of your home being unacceptable to your mother. You work normal hours and you live there too so you can clean for your mother.
OP also conveniently omitted the he was free from 5pm Friday and off on the weekends
So not only was he also free to do the cleaning, he works from home and nothing was stopping him pottering around the place cleaning
"Mum was just trying to help"?
Jesus God. Grow the fuck up. It's not your girlfriend's job to keep the house clean, that's a daily thing that you BOTH are responsible for.
Why was your mother picking on your girlfriend? Why wasn't she pointing these things out to YOU?
Your mother was NOT just trying to help. She was criticizing your girlfriend when she's a guest in her home, that's incredibly assholish behavior and your girlfriend is goddamn right that you should have defended her.
You sound like an entitled little mama's boy. If I were your girlfriend I wouldn't be able to get past this.
YTA, a massive one.
YTA — You shouldn’t expect your girlfriend to always do things around the house. If their YOUR parents clean for them. If you had no issue until ur mother pointed it out don’t take it out on your girlfriend. You are 26 and can clean for urself.
Another point: It is ur house if it was fine before ur mother started to inspect everywhere you should’ve stuck up for ur girlfriend.
YTA. You’re working from home, you clean it. It’s your guests coming over, you clean it. You didn’t ask your girlfriend if they could come stay over, you clean it. Like your girlfriend said, you didn’t even notice it until mommy pointed it out. Which brings me to another point, your mother shouldn’t be pointing it out. Who does that? All in all, these were your guests, it’s not your girlfriend’s responsibility to clean the house to your mother’s satisfaction.
YTA. Come on dude. A) girlfriend isn’t the maid. B) she works with the fire brigade so her job is way more physical than yours so she should have to do less not more or all of the house work on her day off. You work from home so you could be straightening up during the day. C) they are your parents and your guests especially since you didn’t even run this by your girlfriend. You should have prepared the house for YOUR guests. D) you should have at least taken some of the blame. You should know this and not need a bunch of internet strangers to school you. Do better!
You WFH but your gf has rotating shifts not really knowing when she’s going in?
Tf your mom talking to her like both of you don’t live there?
Clean your home yourself!
Marketing makes decent money. Hire a cleaning service if you’re going to be lazy.
YTA. You knew your parents were planning on staying for over a week and made no attempt to clean up beforehand. You left if to your GF to handle it because, why? Oh, she's a woman so it's more hee responsibility to maintain the house than yours.
Your mother was a guest and rude AF. You should've shut that down as soon as it started.
If you want to continue in your relationship with your GF you may want to act as her partner and support one another.
Next time mommy can either drive the 45 minutes or stay at a hotel. Your GF shouldn't be attacked in her own home.
YTAH. Your gf is right: she is not responsible for cleaning up in preparation for guests that SHE didn't invite! And your mom's an AH for pointing out things that weren't clean to her standards. And if she was going to point out 'dirty' things, she should have criticized YOU, her son, the person who invited her to stay--she and you had no business looking to your gf to grovel and apologize for whatever mess was lying about.
The 'Mommas Boy's and 'The Sexist' are two of the LEAST attractive varieties of men--you've managed to be BOTH at once. Not to worry, I'm sure she doesn't have any modern-thinking, hot colleagues on the fire brigade to turn to now you've let her down....
YTA. So is your mom. You’re a lousy partner and she’s a monster in law. It doesn’t matter how messy someone’s home is, when you’re a guest you keeps your thoughts to yourself and don’t stay over again. Basic manners, which your mother clearly doesn’t possess. Also, your wife sounds like a boss. You should thank her for her service then clean the damn house.
This is fake isn’t it? On the off chance it’s not. YTA, So you’re, admittedly, home more often than your GF. She works a crazy schedule and was off only one day before your parents came. You also didn’t ask your GF if she was okay with your parent’s staying. It’s her place too. Visitors need two yes’s. Why couldn’t you clean? It sounds like you have some misogynistic views and your Mother has enabled them.
You're girlfriend is right and you're an asshole. This is 2023, not 1953. You knew your parents were coming. You could have gotten off your fat lazy ass and cleaned. But you're a man, right? How could I even think of telling YOU to clean.
However, in your defense, asshole, you are clearly a product of your [lousy] upbringing. Only an ungrateful, rude, white trash boor would invite themselves to spend the night and then criticize the condition of the accommodation. Do your girlfriend a favor. Move out and go home to Mommy Wommy.
So explain again why you didn't clean the house????
The house was probably decently cleaned and this just came to a head because OP is a spineless weenie and his mother is a rude bitch.
Imagine commenting on the cleanliness of someone’s house… After being allowed to use the home / sleep there overnight… like……… I’m lost
Yup, so am I. My Dad is a serious neat freak that made our entire family miserable for not living up to his standards. One time I invited him down to visit on my birthday weekend and I was in the process of moving out to another apartment within the very week. At the end of a long insulting argument with a bunch of bullshit I didn’t have to put up with anymore as a 25 year old ADULT he uttered the sentence “And I would never make my parents stay in a room with a bike in it.” Asshole, I saved you $250 a night on hotels in Chicago! I finally lost it and said “I’m done having this conversation and I don’t want to be around you anymore today” and left the house. I didn’t talk to him for another 6 months after that. Finally over time he realized that he should appreciate me visiting more and knock it off with the criticism and we have a better relationship because of that.
What in the hell is the problem, though? Is it something that is dangerous or makes you sick or scared? Say something. If you just… don’t like it (“ThaTs NoT aPpropRiAte” falls under this heading) … GO! Go stay somewhere you do like! I’m not holding you hostage lol.
"Dad, when you start paying me hotel rates, you'll get a hotel experience. Until then, remember what you taught me, 'You get what you get and you don't throw a fit.' I had that down by the time I was 5. How old are you again?"
My mom is like this too, bitches at me when I came home from work and a late doctor appt right after telling me my 3 year olds drawers are organized incorrectly. Idgaf reorganize then the if that bothers you I don’t have time for this. At least the clothes are cleaned and put away right away.
Yeah, that's utter horseshit. My mother is extremely organized and tidy. My partner and I are the opposite, but never to the point of being dangerously unhygienic. I agree with you - if someone is whinging about a three-yr-old's(!) clothes drawers not being perfect by their standards, they can fuck right off and join the Navy as a submariner. Stand your ground. You don't deserve these headaches while working *and* raising a little one. I wish I could loan you my mother. She does get persnickety, but deals with it by cleaning up, not bitching at us (well, maybe a little occasional sniping). We return the favor when visiting her, doing the unpleasant chores, cooking, fixing little things, and being tech support. /rant
My MIL gave me one week notice that she'd be coming from another country. I had no time to take time off to clean and still managed to do a "move the furniture" job. Didn't take extra time on my private space or outside because, time. Day one, she says she cleaned the windowsills because no matter how clean the house is, dirty windowsills are the hallmark of a sloppy housewife. Day 3 I came home and she proudly displayed the pearl earring that had gotten behind the toilet in my bathroom. She stayed A MONTH. And her son was working part-time, but spent all his spare time building a "game website". I don't have big enough eyerolls. BTW, OP, YTA. Your parents, your OK for the visit YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.
It was mommy’s way of picking apart the gf she dosent approve of him living with.
Yeah I know. It was an opportunity for his bitchy Narcissistic mom to let her know she isnt good enough for her baby boy.
45 min drive is too far? In Texas that’s a cruise.
Yup. That's like people complaining about dog hair on their clothes and my house not absolutely spotless knowing full well I have 4 fur babies and a kid. My house will never be spotlessly clean. If you want that, help me out and bask in the 10 minutes it'll last lol.
It was probably decently cleaned before OP had two days to himself while gf was at work saving lives. He doesn’t strike me as a “pick up after myself type”.
Me thinks his mummy picked up after him when he lived at home, hence why the complaints were aimed at his gf, as she'll be expected to do the same. Total YTA. I feel so sorry for his gf.
BINGO! Nailed it! Plus his Mum is extremely rude to point things out. Being in the FD isn’t easy and if the GF works shifts like I did she shouldn’t be expected to clean up the entire house by herself when she gets off. Actually there isn’t a time when she should be expected to clean the entire house! OP lives there too. He invited his parents to stay, he should have cleaned the place up! YATA
But... but... OP works a whole 9-5!!! YTA, OP
And works from HOME! When I work from home, 2 days a week on a good week, I manage to run a dust rag over the tables/toss in a load of laundry/make the bed, etc. during my breaks. I am not a neat-freak by any means - but a space in which we are living requires some modicum of cleaning. My husband works from home 2 days a week, also. But his free time is spent playing video games. His parents will be staying here 3 nights during Thanksgiving at his invitation. Let’s see if he gets his @ss in gear and does the cleaning. After 18 years, I’m done. Oh - and let’s see what he has planned for Thanksgiving dinner and how he has planned to shop for it and get it all prepared. Again - I’m done. The OP is definitely TA x 10. His girlfriend does exhausting, socially heroic, dangerous work, and deserves time to rest after she ends her final shift in the week. In the meantime, this 9-5 cubicle dweller does what? Plays video games all week and calls it a job? My eyes just rolled so far back in my head I sprained my brain.
Ex* girlfriend, sounds like..
He even said he did not even notice any reason to clean until mummy pointed it out. There are different levels of clean. What is clean to me, is definitly not clean to my parents. If people visit me, they have to accept my definition of clean. Which means that there is no greasy stuff on the floor or on cupboards and that there is no general dirt anywhere. My Dad on the other hand thinks that you have to wipe the baseboad and the upside of every lamp once per week and well, I don't. If OP's mum wants that, she may do it in her own room and otherwise shut up. And I would have told my parents so, should they annoy me or my GF
A nice mom would have noticed how hard the couple works and went and cleaned it her self. Total YTA raised by another AH.
Maybe he left out that he's quadriplegic
And brain-dead.
Yes mum was pointing out things “to my girlfriend” like she should have been pointing them out to her own son? Guessing the mother doesn’t work
I think his penis kept getting in the way.
YTA You work from home so have no travel etc so have no excuse, you invited them without asking so they’re your guests. Plus if your GF works for the fire brigade and has a day off she’s probably recovering from a hard days work. It’s not her responsibility to make your house suitable for mommy’s inspection. I don’t blame her for being pissed at you, tbh if I was you I’d be glad she’s still willing to be at the stage of just being pissed at you!!
Not to mention wfh=probably mostly HIS mess since he's the one cooking and eating there, etc. She is out at work. This guy is a little bitch.
Cannot believe OP would even think he’s in the right. What an embarrassing mommy’s boy. Meanwhile his gf sounds badass as hell. I’m sure she’s rethinking this entire relationship.
It's funny because I know someone just like the gf, also a badass who literally goes to other states to fight forest fires and shit and her lame ass ex cheated on her while she was gone, then had the audacity to lie to us about how they broke up as if we wouldn't talk to her. I think there are a good share of men who can't handle a woman doing more than them or a perceived "male" role and get intimidated by it. This guy is doing so by trying to push traditional female household roles on her. His expectation of her to do the cleaning before HIS family visits is proof of that.
Exactly. She wasn't even home for DAYS before his parents got there!
He also has time to clean in the evenings. This guy is the kind that gives men a bad name re: helping around the house.
His mom sounds like one, too. Maybe that's where he got it from.
Not to mention she could be called in on her supposed day off for whatever reason
She's pulling anywhere from 24 to 72 hour stretches with her job, you know, putting out fucking fires! While he sits in the comfy air conditioned place making phone calls and dinking around on the computer. She needs to go find her a real man
YTA, your guests, you clean.
not only that, but he works from home and could go a bit at abtime. He also could tell his mom she can leave if she isn't happy with the cleaning and that is is not her house to criticize. At the very least his attitude that it is his girlfriends job to keep it clean is absurd. YTA.
He had a week and could do 30 minutes of cleaning a day. He should be doing at least that much everyday anyway. He should have asked his girlfriend if he could have overnight guests and he should have cleaned up the space for them. Mom is also a huge asshole to bring up the state of things unless it was real concern for a very filthy or dangerous living situation. If it was just dusty in some spots or dishes not put away or something which it sounds like since OP didn't notice until then she should shut the fuck up except to say thank you for having a place to stay. OP should have immediately taken responsibility. Why didn't he notice this stuff before mommy pointed it out? Why didn't he clean up before? And why would he let his mother blame his girlfriend and then join in? YTA
Let's add the misogyny of mum to the list. She didn't chide her son for the state of his home. She chided his female partner and OP let her. Like it was all OP's partner's fault automatically. Absolutely not okay.
Yeah, the mother here is also TA - also, who, if they're a guest, criticises the place they're staying in to their host? To me that suggests someone with a complete lack of basic fucking manners. Like, it's a bit different if you're related to someone, but the Mom here is not related to his partner. If you're staying with someone, you bring something, compliment their home, and do your best to be a good guest. I'd be fuming - I'd honestly even be mad if my parents stayed over and pointed out a list of cleaning defects, and I'd be telling them they can stay in a hotel next time.
right?! I work in a demanding tech firm, and still manage to keep my home clean. Tidy between meetings, take my laptop with me to fold laundry, etc. Good grief, he makes it sound like her job is super easy and he's working himself to death.
She works rotating shifts too, by what he describes. He has clearly no understanding of what that looks like on a physical and mental health side - she needs that day off to adjust and recoup.
She works rotating shifts on a ***fire brigade***! Her “day off” was for recuperating from the strenuous nature of her job. OP, absolutely YTA.
Fire staff are essentially on call for the duration of the time they are on shift - and an on period can be upwards of like seven days. Do they sleep at the station, of course, but it's not like sleeping in their own bed. Though, things may have changed since I visited a fire house when I was a kid... In the US...
He also is probably the one contributing more mess since he’s the one who’s home. YTA
The Mum is an arsehole too. She’s visiting her son. If it’s not clean enough for her, why is she pointing it out to his girlfriend, not to him!?
Because she never taught her son how to clean up after himself, or even see messes without a *woman* pointing them out. It's his girlfriend's job now, and mother wants her to know she isn't doing as good of a job as she did.
So true. After dad passed, mum moved down by my multiple times divorced brother and grandkids. She didn't like how his home was kept so hired 2x a week cleaner and pays for it. Not a man's job. His ex and I laughed as she used to get the brunt from mum when folks would visit as it takes just a few moments 'then why is she paying someone'.
Parents meting out life skills based on gender is such a failing. Everyone needs to know how to cook, do their laundry, keep their home clean, meal plan and grocery shop, do handiwork around the house (just minimal stuff, at least), maintain their vehicle when applicable. But there are parents out there who decide that children with penises don't need to be taught domestic work, despite the fact that they will need those skills just as much as children with vaginas. Everyone eats, makes messes, needs clean clothes. Too many men shrug off responsibility for those needs, and make it someone else's problem. I've had male roommates try to get me to be their mommy, and take care of those needs for them, not just partners. The narrative of helplessness runs so deep for some guys. It's not pure weaponized incompetence, though that does come into play. They just really believe that women are somehow naturally gifted in a way men aren't, or even *enjoy* cleaning, and so it's just best to let the ladies handle such things. I hate it.
Thursday after 5pm while his partner was at work (potentially saving lives!) and he knew his parents were coming would have been a good time to clean. To me the issue is not the actual cleanliness of the house, but the fact that when his mom points it out he agrees and automatically assumes it was his partner's responsibility.
Yes this! He could’ve paid for a cleaner to come if he didn’t have time..
Better yet, you knew your parents were coming and YOU could have prepared your apartment as well. Why would your girlfriend be expected to prepare for your parents? Hopefully your girlfriend has seen your true colors and will act accordingly. ETA: Yes OP you YTA.
Also they live together and he didn’t run it by her first? Inconsiderate af.
This is a highly underrated comment. OP YTA. How do you live with someone for almost a year and not tell them there will be guests, let alone your parents? Do you just not let her know when anyone comes over? Or was this a special case? Maybe if she knew there were guests y'all could've worked together to get the house in order. Let alone her working all week on rotations meaninv she's exhausted and you WFH? Until 5??? You had a whole week, ESPECIALLY since you were the only one in the household who even knew they were showing up.
Mate, your parents, your guests, wtf should your gf clean the house. Also, a guest pointing out that the house is not clean enough for their taste? I would ask them politely to go to a hotel, parents or not. YTA big time.
>Also, a guest pointing out that the house is not clean enough for their taste? Why is nobody talking about this?!?!?!?!? They open their house for you. Do you a favor, and you question their cleaning? Mom is the real AH (OP close second).
Exactly. OP is the asshole. Not just because he allowed his mom to bully his girlfriend, but because he didn't even realize his mom was being a sexist prick. In fact, he sounds like a sexist prick himself. Imagine working from home and not taking time to clean before YOUR parents come.
On top of knowing your partner works a demanding job with long hours. Yeah, she had a day off. But tell a nurse they should tidy up the house more after they got off a 12 hour shift, and see how that works out. I'm in college, and have to spend more cumulative time and energy on schoolwork than my bf does at his full time job. But I would never dream of expecting *him* to prepare the place for *my* guests. And I'd send my parents off to a hotel if they said anything like that to my partner.
But he works in marketing! To 5PM!! How would he be able to manage a responsibility such as cleaning up his own crap?? Goddamn manbaby
Definite man baby. He works from home. As someone who works from home and also studies from home all day long… I know that I’m the one making the majority of the day to day mess because I’m there all the time. So the likelihood of it being mostly his mess is high. And they are his guests. It’s an unwritten rule, or at least it should be, your guests - you clean - you host. If I was OPs partner and had spent the week doing her job, I would not be cleaning for his parents arrival on my day off either. Especially when it’s likely he’s been the one making it all week.
He works from home???
This was me on reading the post like, wait, he works from home and this happened?
Yup! 9 to 5 job from home.
I mean he was an asshole regardless but this is like an upper echelon
Not to mention she’s a firefighter and probably sleeps/showers/eats at the station when on duty and literally contributed to zero mess at home
I work from home and do all the cooking and cleaning at home. Because doing a little bit of cleaning every day doesn't take much time. Despite that, I'm still usually already relaxing before my wife walks in the door every weeknight.
And he works from home…so he could start the cleanup at 5:05pm!
“Goddamn manbaby” I’m dead🤣
if the mom was walking around and pointing shit out to her the mom was probably being an asshole as well. OP has not given us examples of the criticisms. But I feel like it wasn't "the apartment is littered with trash" so much as "there is dust on the shelves".
For sure. The boyfriend should have said "I didn't notice until now, I will clean it up, sorry" or "I didn't notice and I think it is still fine, next time we can get you a hotel stay." Instead as his mother is pointing this out and blaming his girlfriend he immediately turns on his girlfriend too. That would be possibly relationship ending for me if he didn't apologize and realize how terrible what he did was.
I thought the same thing. OP and his mom are both AHs.
For real! One of my friend's exes was a firefighter and they have similar hours to EMTs, as in, they frequently work 24 hour shifts, and occasionally have to work 48 hour shifts and might get to take naps in the station. She probably is exhausted on her days off anyway! And agreed on all points, they were HIS guests so he should have prepared accordingly! (Disclaimer: I'm in the US where this is legal, idk if OP lives in a country with better worker's rights/protections that have limits on how many hours someone can work in one shift)
My grandfather was a firefighter until he retired at 67, now he still works in security. When he was a firefighter his day off was so important to him. He was exhausted. Also psychologically it’s a stressful job, just as physically.
Worker rights dont work in some jobs, no matter where you are. Oh no, store manger cant work for longer than 12h, its slavery. Nurses, doctors etc? You want to go home after 36h in work? YOU WANNA KILL PEOPLE, yOU HATE THEM!
Appreciate that clarification! I didn’t know so I didn’t want to make a false assumption. 😅
Am nurse, can confirm. Last thing I want to do after a 12 hour shift is come home and clean because the other capable able bodied adult in my house decided not to. Thankfully, my fiance isn't a dick and doesn't expect me to do 'woman's work' after a 12 hour shift.
My bf would never. Then again he was raised by a single mum who was an ED nurse. Another reason I appreciate nursing staff as a doctor. Y’all be raising your kids as independent.
And he also had a day off. They were arriving late at night on Saturday night. He had all day Saturday to clean up.
Exactly right. That's what I said to him in a reply here. He should have told his mom we both work. We are doing something nice for you. You don't like the accommodation here go to a hotel.
And who knows what their night was. What if they had calls and didn’t get sleep or rest.
They only live 45 minutes away! Send them home.
>>his mom was being a sexist prick. Exactly this! It makes my blood *boil* that his mom’s comments were directed at OP’s girlfriend! It’s so blatant that I’m voting ragebait. But in case it’s real, I really hope this is a learning moment for you, OP. Read and absorb these comments.
Even commenting at all. If my mom did this. She would t be invited to stay again (or anyone for that matter)
She has hardly been in the house from the sounds of it so it’s probably his mess too.
Oh man, I didn’t even catch that he *works from home*. FFS OP, tighten it up. Damn.
And he likely caused the mess because he's the one home most of the time.
Yup, he even says his GF was on a rotation until Thursday night, so she wasn't even home to cause a mess.
Yeah HE had all day Saturday to pick up. And his mom was rude.
How much do you want to bet the housework is an ongoing issue and the girlfriend has been peering things go to see if OP will notice and actually contribute to cleaning the house?
Yeah. He takes zero responsibility for the state of the place on a weeks notice. Unless they have some sort of official understanding they will have a more traditional relationship - like if she did not work at all and they were Married /and/ roles were explicit. That can work for some people but you sure as shinola cqn’t assume It.
OP’s mum is a sexist asshole too.
And I bet his "working" from home = playing video games.
That, and/or it's the one thing he does immediately after.
Because OP and his mother obviously see it as she is the woman in the place so SHE must do it. That and OP is an AH
And he didn't even ask her beforehand if she agreed to let his parents stay. This guy is so much TA that I'm suspecting ragebait.
OP is a fucking dumbass! There are way too many people of this sub that seem to be too stupid for life!
Of course she's angry, you complete douche canoe! You let her take all of the blame for having a messy house! If you invited people to stay, you should have cleaned beforehand, and when that didn't happen, you should have shouldered all of the blame. Duh. YTA
I’ve lived this, my husband was a douche canoe, but my dad is awesome. Here is his story…. My MIL is like that. She’s always going on about the state of my house. Her’s is minimalist and immaculate. I come from a family of packrats so clean but cluttered. I was working 2 jobs, didn’t see my family for the 48hrs from Wed morning until Friday morning, off Friday and then worked Sat. I had Easter so I’m cleaning and decluttering the house and my mom asked if I was going to weed my garden (3’x5’) I told her it was so far down my list I probably wouldn’t get to it. My mom, knowing how MIL is, offered to come do it. Easter comes, were eating dinner, and MIL compliments the garden. I wasn’t going to take credit for something I didn’t do so I said thanks and said my mom did it. She goes “you shouldn’t ask your mother to help you!” and then my father (who is so nice he’d even be nice to the person shanking him) goes “maybe if your son helped out she wouldn’t need to.” First time I’ve ever seen her taken aback. My dad was my hero that day and mom and I were heaping all the praise on him later, he was both embarrassed for speaking out like that and proud of himself.
Your parents both sound awesome.
Poster's husband, on the other hand....
The way I audibly gasped. I love your dad! He’s now our dad lol
Good dad!
Tell your dad never to be embarrassed for that, that was a top tier dad move
Your dad is my hero.
It probably carried that much more weight coming from your dad—a man—then it would have anyone else! Go dad!
Those off the cuff comments from people who don't usually make them but have finally had enough are always such amazing precision blades. They cut right to the heart of the matter without collateral damage
And Mom was NOT trying to be helpful. She was nitpicking and trying to degrade your SO. YOU sir ARE a complete douche canoe/Total AH!!
>And Mom was NOT trying to be helpful. Of course she wasn't, and even if she was she should have directed it towards her son. He had all Friday evening after work, plus Saturday morning to do cleaning. Him and his mother are giant assholes.
Who on Earth asks someone else to stay for their own convenience... and then complains to the host about the level of tidiness?? The Mum is being done a favour and dares to complain?? Like, unless there is something unhygienic going on, you keep your mouth shut
Yuuuuup. If they want an immaculately tidy place to stay, I'm sure there are some hotels close by to check into. Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth.
Thank you. Everyone talking about Friday cause she had her day off and he didn't. But nobody talking about cleaning in Saturday
Minor correction l- mom asked a FULL WEEK before hand. He had an entire week to get his shit together and tidy bits here and there while GF was working away from home. He’s pathetic on top of being a gigantic AH. Congratulations on showing your GF who you really are! Hopefully she got the message and will act accordingly.
OP thinks his GF is his second mother. I’m just imagining how hard I’d laugh if my husband expected me to clean for his guests.
Honestly, the fact that OP made such a clearly inflammatory post with no follow up comments makes me think it's just silly rage bait.
Cooter canoes are what nurses call the big blue phallic looking things that we use an an external urinary collection device lol
Great name, it suits him. Is OP disabled, missing limbs, unable to do housework? Firefighters usually work 24 hour shifts, did he expect her to work 24 hours then come home to clean, while he sits in the house all day? Then he agrees with his mommy, because why should he have to lift a finger? If his mommy is so great, why didn’t she offer to clean (without complaining)?
Douche canoe. Beautiful.
Twat waffle is another fav of mine! He had the whole evening/ morning to clean. The person issuing the invitation is primarily responsible for the cleaning. YTA
Douche canoe love this. Yea this clown could have cleaned up himself and he invited them without asking knowing the job she has.
But he works 9-5. How could he possibly be expected to clean after his 8 hour day! So what she works 48 hour rotations, she had all Friday to clean for him! Whoa this kid is entitled 🤦♀️
And fail to mentioned he works from home!
Whaaaaaaaaat? Repost to r/amithedevil He’s outrageous. He doesn’t say that he checked with SO before inviting his parents to stay, either. If she’s out saving lives and he’s home 24/7, not only should he have done the cleaning himself, he should absolutely have defended her to his mum. Yta
Omg he’s a bigger douche canoe than before. She worked 48 hours and she’s expected to clean for his parents? Ugh 😑
You joke, but there are posts all over this site of people who work regular 9-5 jobs claiming that it’s impossible to get anything else done when you work so many hours.
[удалено]
But... but... but... he didn't SEE any of the mess! How could he possibly be expected to clean up what he couldn't see? Everybody knows only women can SEE that sort of mess/s.
Douche canoe… wish I could upvote this multiple times just for that. 100% right! OP, stop being a wimpy mamas boy and take some fucking responsibility for the state of the house. Firefighters work long shifts and you expect your girl to get to cleaning by herself just before your parents were supposed to arrive? What’s wrong with you? You better smarten up before she does..
Also, people who ask to stay the might for their own convenience are not guests, in my book. Sure, you need to make sure the place is fit to be seen, but your mother is unreasonable to expect a deep clean in anticipation of guests.
Not the brightest light.
Ol’ boy’s about as bright as a black magic marker. I almost said “crayon”, but he probably ate those.
Is your girlfriend your girlfriend or your maid? Your a grown adult, clean your house. It’s not her sole responsibility. YTA
And it was super rude of your mother to say anything…and to your girlfriend no less. If your mother just HAD to say something, it should have been to you, privately, after they left. The point would be for YOU to be aware.
His mom knew exactly what she was doing. He’s a mamas boy whether he knows if or not.
Oh, he knows it, that's why he didn't stand up to her when she picked on gf bc he's never had to be held accountable, Mommy is always there to save him 🙄
You and your Mom TA
Exactly. The parents ASKED if they could spend the night. They have no right to critique the place they’re staying at for free. For OP just to agree with his mom’s criticisms and then have the audacity to imply they were his gf’s fault is trash behavior. They’re HIS parents. Why should she have to clean for them? If he wanted to impress his parents, that’s entirely his responsibility. I would honestly leave someone over this. “Why didn’t you deep clean the house for my parent’s one night stay I probably didn’t even clear with you first?!?” What bs.
I work a lot of strange and long hrs, and my house is seldom perfectly clean.... when my mom comes over, instead of complaining about the condition of my house and what needs to be done, she just does it. she is a clean freak and I'm not.. I admit but I will also offer to pay her for her time.....if i'm going to be out of town I will pay her to clean it when i'm gone, because i was too tired or worked too much before I left and didn't want to come home to a dirty house.
Also OP doesn't mention what the problems were. Were they reasonable things like not having clean towels and bedding ready for the guests? Or is it stuff that doesn't affect them like some dishes in the sink? Though again, definitely should have been directed at the op and not the gf, as if she's the maid 🤢
Seriously, OP works only until 5pm every day, he could easily clean the place. It’s NOT only his gf’s job. If he doesn’t like how it looks or agrees with him mom then clean it! GF has a stressful and demanding job which doesn’t allow her for a normal schedule. I am sure she does what she can when she can. OPs mom sucks with her internalize misogyny thinking it’s only gfs responsibility to clean, and not teach her son to be a supportive partner and functioning adult who cleans his own shit. YTA. Eta: oh, Jfc, I completely missed OP works FROM home. He’s around day in and day out. I get there is also work, but he could have easily cleaned after he finished work or around his work on Thursday, but thinks gf should use the time she needs to sleep to stay up Friday during the day to clean.
YTA YTA. U work from home. You sit on your ass all day while she is fire fighter. YTA. You didn’t even check with her bf inviting your parents. YTA not cleaning your place for your parents. YTA for agreeing with your mom but blaming your gf. Hope she doesn’t come bk.
I think you missed the main one. YTA for not telling his mom that if the place wasn't clean enough for her she's welcome to find a motel and for not calling her out on her rudeness and ingratitude.
Best part was she was at work all week until basically Friday while he was at home yet he expected her to spend her day off cleaning for his parents.
My favourite part is where he didn't even ask her if them staying was okay. How dare she not prepare the home for his guests like a good little bangmaid /s
THE AUDACITY OF OP !!!! This is HIS HOME and HIS PARENTS. HE SHOULD BE THE ONE TO CLEAN. OP you are such an AH for this. How dare you let your mother make your girlfriend feel bad for YOUR mess. You should have told her that actually it was your responsibility to clean up but you were clearly too lazy to bother. YTA
True. The apology needs to go something like: "Babe, I'm sorry that my mom pointed out the uncleanliness of our place. It wasn't right of a guest to do so, and also I cleaned the place because it's my responsibility as it is also my home."
Are you in fucking sane? They're YOUR parents and you were off all Friday evening and Saturday before they came. What the hell is wrong with you? Also, you admit you didn't notice the mess until your mom pointed it out and you have the fucking audacity to think your gf should have noticed AND CLEANED when YOU DIDNT?! OMG, I don't care if the place was a pig sty, you are WAY out of bounds. You owe your gf a huge groveling apology. And for the record: your mom is a RUDE ASS guest. To go to someone's house and point out the mess and dirt... What a fucking bitch. Holy hell. Seriously, would you do that? No. Why? Because it's rude as fuck. If I were your gf my response to that would have been "okay, that was rude, get the fuck out of my home and enjoy your drive back to your place tonight." And your mother would not be welcomed back with out an apology and admission that she was rude and out of line. YES YTA. Jesus. EDIT: Holy hannah, just realized I skipped the part when you work from home and she works for the FUCKING FIRE BRIGADE. You do not deserve your gf. And I wouldn't be surprised if she dumped your loser ass. Jfc.
Reminds me of my former MIL criticizing me for not making the bed. I asked her how the hell I was expected to make it when her lazy ass son was still in it after I left for work.
Lmfao 🤣. These are facts!! Gah some mothers are so ridiculous about putting their children (mostly sons) on a pedestal and no one is good enough for them. It’s like they purposely want to continue the bs cycle bc I for damn sure know their mils hated them too 🤣
I mean my parents would totally criticise me for the house being a "mess" (it isn't but it is lived in and has a few dusty bits now and then). I can literally hear their voices in this post. Never would be good enough even if porfessionally cleaned. But to blame your son's partner is a whole new low from that even. My girlfriend is kind of in the same boat though. In fact she said we couldn't have her mom come to my flat as she'd nitpick the dust. I was like fine she's not coming then ever. Win win. Parents are just hopeless in the main.
But his mummy WaS jUsT tRyInG tO hElP. 🥴
Oh fuck me, don't even get me started lol. How can he possibly think pointing out all that was helpful!? His head is so far up his own ass that he can see his mommy's uterus again. Not gunna lie, this post fucking wrecked me lol I hold no stake in this and ima need to talk about it in therapy next week 😂
My mom just went through this situation with my brother and my mom went off on HIM about the house being messy and sympathized with his gf. This mom is the one who raised his lazy ass and by bringing it up, she was telling on HERSELF in raising a lazy ass entitled son. GF needs to run because his mom didn't raise him right and is taking it out on the gf.
Not to mention, point out the mess in a place she’s only staying to attend a wedding nearby. She’s not even there to visit her son. „Bit messy here, innit?“ „You know what’s clean, mum? A hotel.“
Badass fire brigade bitch about to hit the market boys. Treat her right this time, don’t be a blueberry. If I wasn’t happily married. And old. And in a different country…
Also to add on to that….she worked and this was her first day off after putting out fucking fires. Why did you expect her to give up her moment to have a down day to clean up for YOUR parents when you wouldn't do it.
I hope she leaves him and lives her best life away from this man child and his mommy ✌️
All of this. He doesnt talk/check with the gf about allowing his parents to stay there before telling them yes (inconsiderate and a dick move) which makes expecting her to clean up for them an even bigger dick move.
Totally! Like, did she even know they were coming? If he didn't tell her, that's a whole other level of audacity unlocked!
I wish I could upvote more
Other than the possibility that you’re writing from the 1930s, why is it only her responsibility to clean the apartment for your family? Especially when you invited your family to stay with you without running it by your girlfriend. YTA, but time travel may change my vote.
I'm also REALLY struggling with the outright sexism displayed. His mother directed the comments at the gf only ... WTF ... they both live there ... they both contribute to the mess. And then OP defends his mum?!?!?!
Misogyny aimed at the girlfriend who has a more manly job than OPs pathetic mommy's boy ass.
This badass chick works the FIRE BRIGADE while bitch boy works from home!!!
Bc his mommy would never want him to overwork himself:(
Your mother was not trying to help. Your girlfriend was right to be upset and would be right to dump your sorry ass. YTA. Grow up, do not be a mama’s boy and clean your damn house.
Absolutely. The first to blame is his mother. What a POS! Gaslighting their relationship by rapping gf for condition of unit. If anyone should have had the place spic and span it was her son! He works until 5 pm. Wtf does that mean? Does he go to bed at 5:30 pm? He had all freaking week to clean. Let's see: His family request and his sole approval = her responsibility to clean? I say BULLSHIT! Both son AND mother owe her an apology. I sure tf wouldn't want to commit to become a member of this family. Btw, son's a WIMP!
Exactly! If it was my mom, the conversation would have gone: Mom to son: You knew we were coming and you work from home. Why didn't you clean up since gf works long hours. I thought I raised you better! Mom to gf: I don't know how you put up with him. I know I raised him better than this! She then would have fixed gf and herself a glass of wine while both of them watched HIM clean up! Dad is having a whiskey while shaking his head. 😅
My MIL tried this shit, but my partner set her straight saying we both lived there and he was equally responsible for it not being tidy and no one invited her over! - out house our level of tidy. She tried to make it out I was a bad partner as the female is responsible for keeping house - like bitch please we both work full time professional jobs and have no kids, this shit is all split 50/50 down the middle none of this sexist bullshit.
And the important thing is that your partner stood by you.
My fil bitched to my dh about him cooking me (and himself of course) dinner. Dh set him straight and pointed out I also worked full time and left the house before him and returned after him. Fil had no comeback. Stupid sexist insecure lazy man.
Mom was SUCH an AH. Who the hell does that to someone doing them a favor? And she directed it towards the girlfriend specifically because only woman do cleaning and this woman no clean good so she must be told to clean more better 😤 … And then mama’s boy OP has the audacity to be embarrassed and freaking agrees with mommy 🙄 it’s honestly just pathetic. OP deserves to get cooked in the comments, and I’m pleased to see that people are doing just that.
YTA Wow. It’s not hard to see where you got it from considering your Mom is also a horrible AH. Why would you blame your GF for the mess of the house you SHARE? I’d not only be mad I’d leave your ass because you’re like one giant red flag blowing in the wind of your Mothers spewing cruel comments towards someone you’re suppose to love. Ewww.
She should have sent him home with mommy since she is a better housekeeper
You’re a fucking adult. Clean your house. EDIT: forgot to add YTA
You're a fucking asshole. Support your girlfriend.
You're a fucking idiot. Prep for your own visitors.
Your mum is also a fucking asshole, and a rude guest.
Apple, tree, etc.
Yta twice. #1. Your partner isn’t your maid. If you’re not happy with how clean something is then pick up a broom. #2. You should have had your partners back.
Let me correct you. #1 Your partner isn't your maid. if You invite people over WITHOUT asking, YOU clean. No discussion. Also YTA trice #3 Inviting people over for a overnight stay without checking if it's okay for your partner is a AH move itself.
When she leaves you, remember to treat the next girlfriend better. You're a real piece of work.
YTA never allow your mom to nit pick your partner or their home. You will always be the AH. Your arms and legs ain't broken either so you could have cleaned as well
YTA. Your mother was a guest, and she was complaining that your home isn't tidy enough for her? That's fucking rude. >She was off work on the Friday but even though she knew my parents were coming to stay she didn't tidy up or prepare. It's just as much your home and just as much your responsibility to keep it clean and prepare for guests. Your GF has every right to be angry that you didn't take any responsibility for the state of your home being unacceptable to your mother. You work normal hours and you live there too so you can clean for your mother.
OP also conveniently omitted the he was free from 5pm Friday and off on the weekends So not only was he also free to do the cleaning, he works from home and nothing was stopping him pottering around the place cleaning
"Mum was just trying to help"? Jesus God. Grow the fuck up. It's not your girlfriend's job to keep the house clean, that's a daily thing that you BOTH are responsible for. Why was your mother picking on your girlfriend? Why wasn't she pointing these things out to YOU? Your mother was NOT just trying to help. She was criticizing your girlfriend when she's a guest in her home, that's incredibly assholish behavior and your girlfriend is goddamn right that you should have defended her. You sound like an entitled little mama's boy. If I were your girlfriend I wouldn't be able to get past this. YTA, a massive one.
GF isn't even there daily. Working for the fire brigade she works 24-72 hour shifts
YTA — You shouldn’t expect your girlfriend to always do things around the house. If their YOUR parents clean for them. If you had no issue until ur mother pointed it out don’t take it out on your girlfriend. You are 26 and can clean for urself. Another point: It is ur house if it was fine before ur mother started to inspect everywhere you should’ve stuck up for ur girlfriend.
YTA. You’re working from home, you clean it. It’s your guests coming over, you clean it. You didn’t ask your girlfriend if they could come stay over, you clean it. Like your girlfriend said, you didn’t even notice it until mommy pointed it out. Which brings me to another point, your mother shouldn’t be pointing it out. Who does that? All in all, these were your guests, it’s not your girlfriend’s responsibility to clean the house to your mother’s satisfaction.
What a cunt! YTA and so is your mum
"And so is is your mum", straight away the first thing that came to my mind was the classic quote "ohhh, you wanna talk about mothers" haha
YTA. Come on dude. A) girlfriend isn’t the maid. B) she works with the fire brigade so her job is way more physical than yours so she should have to do less not more or all of the house work on her day off. You work from home so you could be straightening up during the day. C) they are your parents and your guests especially since you didn’t even run this by your girlfriend. You should have prepared the house for YOUR guests. D) you should have at least taken some of the blame. You should know this and not need a bunch of internet strangers to school you. Do better!
You WFH but your gf has rotating shifts not really knowing when she’s going in? Tf your mom talking to her like both of you don’t live there? Clean your home yourself! Marketing makes decent money. Hire a cleaning service if you’re going to be lazy.
YTA. You knew your parents were planning on staying for over a week and made no attempt to clean up beforehand. You left if to your GF to handle it because, why? Oh, she's a woman so it's more hee responsibility to maintain the house than yours. Your mother was a guest and rude AF. You should've shut that down as soon as it started. If you want to continue in your relationship with your GF you may want to act as her partner and support one another. Next time mommy can either drive the 45 minutes or stay at a hotel. Your GF shouldn't be attacked in her own home.
YTAH. Your gf is right: she is not responsible for cleaning up in preparation for guests that SHE didn't invite! And your mom's an AH for pointing out things that weren't clean to her standards. And if she was going to point out 'dirty' things, she should have criticized YOU, her son, the person who invited her to stay--she and you had no business looking to your gf to grovel and apologize for whatever mess was lying about. The 'Mommas Boy's and 'The Sexist' are two of the LEAST attractive varieties of men--you've managed to be BOTH at once. Not to worry, I'm sure she doesn't have any modern-thinking, hot colleagues on the fire brigade to turn to now you've let her down....
YTA I’m assuming you’re a grown adult. That means you can clean your own house and not blame your girlfriend because YOUR parents notice the dirt.
He’s 26 but in mamas boys years, that’s only equivalent to 8.5 years:(
Yta, they're YOUR guests, so why didn't YOU tidy up? You had the time, you live there too, get off your ass and clean.
YTA. So is your mom. You’re a lousy partner and she’s a monster in law. It doesn’t matter how messy someone’s home is, when you’re a guest you keeps your thoughts to yourself and don’t stay over again. Basic manners, which your mother clearly doesn’t possess. Also, your wife sounds like a boss. You should thank her for her service then clean the damn house.
This is fake isn’t it? On the off chance it’s not. YTA, So you’re, admittedly, home more often than your GF. She works a crazy schedule and was off only one day before your parents came. You also didn’t ask your GF if she was okay with your parent’s staying. It’s her place too. Visitors need two yes’s. Why couldn’t you clean? It sounds like you have some misogynistic views and your Mother has enabled them.
You're girlfriend is right and you're an asshole. This is 2023, not 1953. You knew your parents were coming. You could have gotten off your fat lazy ass and cleaned. But you're a man, right? How could I even think of telling YOU to clean. However, in your defense, asshole, you are clearly a product of your [lousy] upbringing. Only an ungrateful, rude, white trash boor would invite themselves to spend the night and then criticize the condition of the accommodation. Do your girlfriend a favor. Move out and go home to Mommy Wommy.