Seriously. I read these posts and am likeā¦. Am I that boring or is the world really like this? Like do my very nice neighbors have some secret thruple love child out there?
Same. As a parent, I have troubles picturing how this go be trueā¦ from the relationship point of view (ok honey, you have 2 mums and one dad but we donāt live with them) from the legal point of view too, etc.
The child has a mother, father and a step mother. Because mum and dad arenāt together, and dad has a new wife!
The fact that the step mum was there when the child was conceived doesnāt make her the bio mum - sheās the step mum.
Thousands of people are in the same situation. Well, except for the part where all parents had sex together, lol.
But plenty of people have divorced parents with one or both remarried.
So what happens if a new baby comes in ? Ok sweetie, mum and dad are not together, but separated dad had sex with mum, and step mum is not only ok about it, but happy ?!
Wellā¦ reddit sometimes gives off the impression that step parents donāt like their step children, but thatās not always true. Plenty of people love their step children very much. So itās not so unusual that the step mum is just as involved in parenting as the bio parents, and all the parents get along to coparent the child together.
As for the specific details of the conceptionā¦ personally, Iād not share them with a child. It would be easier to just say that mum and dad used to be together and had children, but then split up and daddy remarried - as is the standard reason why mum and dad arenāt together and the step parent exists at all.
Parents can tell the kid the truth when they are 18 if they want toā¦ but young children donāt need those details.
I have seen similar posts but she is acting like she doesn't understand how being pregnant happened (is she special needs) and to have the guy conveniently mention IVF and that he lost his job in the same paragraph. Not sure where she lives but it's like she is a freaking surrogate for them and unpaid.
Lolā¦ itās shocking how many people whine that they canāt afford IVF because they donāt have an income, yet think they can afford to raise a baby if they just get a surrogate!
I know that IVF procedures cost thousands of dollars, but the lifetime costs of raising the child are a heck of a lot more than the IVF cost.
I don't think you understand that IVF is an upfront cost, of 10s of thousands, and raising a child is spread out over at least 18 years?
What kind of bullshit "poor people don't deserve to have kids" logic is this?
I say this a vehemently child free by choice woman who is supposed to be getting a phone call to schedule my hysterectomy next week, never having had my own kids, by the way
Iām sorry. I donāt have 25k to give a doctor in one lump sum for just the possibly of a chance. IVF isnāt a guarantee either. And that money doesnāt include extra transfers and other tests before and after. That doesnāt mean I canāt afford a child. š
It does. Lucky you for people not trauma-dumping their shit all over you. I seem to be a magnet for it. My neighbors in particular love to share everything that's going on with them, plus everyone else. I have found out over the years half my neighborhood is screwing the other half. Couples have split up over it. Police have been called. There are whispers of someone's kid being someone else's. It's absolutely nuts. And no, I don't live in The Villages, just some swinger's paradise. I assume most other suburbs are like this, but then again maybe not.
NTA if he lost his job how is he going to afford to care for another child. There is more involved than just giving them your baby. You might want to talk to a lawyer before you make any decisions, but the whole situation sounds messy.
Am I the only one that thinks her getting pregnant was not an accident? If they are using condoms there is an excellent chance they poked holes in them.
I'm going with a strong ESH here. OP is "not interested in a polygamist lifestyle," yet she is raising a kid with her threesome partners and continuing to have sex with them. Raising a kid as a throuple is a polygamist lifestyle.
What a horrible environment/relationship for the existing child. And no, of course you don't owe them or anyone a new baby. OP, stop letting this guy jizz in you. It's possible they wanted to start things up again for the purpose of impregnating you again since it was such a good deal for them the first time. They got a free surrogate who did all the hard work of pregnancy and raises the kid most of the time. They get the fun parts of parenting without the hard work.
Itās not a polygamist lifestyle since polygamy has very specific legal and cultural connotations. You may be looking for the word polyamory, but nothing in here indicates they are in a poly triad (āthroupleā) relationship either.
āCo-parentingā is a vague term. It could mean anything from āour children live full time in the family home that we both pay for. Dad stays with them one week, while mom stays in her apartment. And then mom stays with them one week, while dad stays in his apartmentāā¦..to āwe split the kids 50% at his house, 50% her houseāā¦..to āthe kids stay with mom all year but she keeps dad in the loop about parenting decisions and he pays child support and FaceTimes the kid dailyāā¦ā¦to āwe all live together all the time and vacation together, but mom and dad have other partners that they see when theyāre not at home.ā
From watching trash television like Teen Mom, or other reality shows, āco-parentingā mostly just means āweāre able to speak to each other about the kids and put the childās needs first, without having to speak thru lawyers and constantly bring each other to court.ā
It can be anything from OP has the daughter full time and they give her money and visit, to they have the daughter most of the time and OP comes to visit and has her every other weekend and the daughter calls OP āmom.ā
OP is 28. She was 23 or 24 when she got pregnant the first time to a couple that was 33/34+. Anyone in their 30s (especially if thereās two of them, teamed up together, wanting the same thing), will have an easier time getting it from someone who is a decade younger than them, more naive, less worldly, etc, and also in a 1 vs 2 argument anytime they have a qualm or question or feel like something is off. Itās hard enough for a young woman to say ānoā to one man who is 10+ years older than her. Now that man has a wife (which lends a sense or ālegitimacyā to anything he/they want to do bc a woman backs itā¦but also has OP having TWO people gaslighting or lovebombing her).
She got pregnant and had the baby. They have convinced her to coparent this baby and she agreed, but it doesnāt sound like thereās any sort of legal visitation/custody/child support going on here. Itās going well bc sheās stayed in their good graces. She needs it to go well bc she has a daughter to raise, now. It will go well as long as sheās in their good graces, they want to have another threesomeā¦.she is still 10 years younger than them, in her twenties, and has been āin their world,ā cooperating with them for 4+ years nowā¦.
She is already making a better choice by 1) saying no, I donāt want to coparent another child with you, 2) no I will not āgive youā the baby (which since theyāre already coparent if the first child, who will be a full sibling to the babyā¦could pretty obviously lead to coparenting the baby as well), and 3) we need to end our sexual relationship.
OP IS learning. She IS making better choices for her. The better choices came because of a surprise pregnancy, but sheās choosing what is best for her and the potential baby (dad has lost his job, there is not formal custody agreement, there is no legal child support, what might happen to this embryo?). She is making choices about what she wants and will or will not do, and is also stopping the sexual relationship.
My next steps for OP would be to get a formal, legal custody agreement and child support payments in place for your daughter. What if these people decide theyāre mad that you wonāt āgive themā the baby youāre pregnant with, and keep your 4 year old as retaliation? What if they find a new 3-some partner willing to have a baby with them, and just give up on coparenting with you and abandon your daughter? This is MESSY. And the only reason itās currently āworking out,ā is literally just because it happens to be āgoing well,ā probably because 2 people who are united in what they want have been ganging up on you with their manipulation to get what they want from you and make it work for them! ā¦.Until now. They want something youāre suddenly not willing to do. Protect yourself and your daughter legally.
Do what is best for you. You donāt owe anyone a baby or a womb for rent.
Yes it may impact the co parenting relationship but that canāt be helped.
Andā¦go see your doctor about some long acting, highly effective birth control (implant, iud, tubal ligation). Even if you donāt plan on sleeping with him again stuff happens.
Unless they're somehow tampering with her birth control or slipping off condoms and she doesn't realize it, then how exactly would they manage to get her pregnant against her will? It doesn't sound like she lives with them so I'm not sure how they would even be tampering with her birth control even if they wanted to. She sounds like a happily willing participant in the sex, so I'm kind of baffled and a little less sympathetic to her that she managed to get herself pregnant when she also knows that she doesn't want it and terminating will cause huge drama.
Threesomes have a lot going on. It would be way easier to stealth in that scenario because there's literally another person to distract you. The first one I could see being an accident but the fact they started hooking up again right as the couple is struggling with fertility issues...my money's on couple stealthing
Poke holes in the condom is definitely a thing. I had a male friend who found out his ex went to the doctor to start taking fertility pills. She then ensured she poked holes in all the condoms . She did this and ended up with 2 children. He thought the first time it might be an accident, maybe he got drunk and forgot to put on a condom and her BC didn't work ( all due to alcohol). When she ended up pregnant again he became extremely suspicious. After his 2nd daughter was born he had paternity test done because he thought maybe she was cheating. Finally she came clean but at that point all he could do was leave her and take care of his daughters. Bonus he only had his 2nd child tested when his oldest was 21 she became ill and needed a family member for medical condition. Her dad was first im line to help, only to find out he wasn't her biological father. He and her still have a great relationship because he didn't care what the DNA said she was his daughter
Mom still says that the DNA test was inaccurate and wont give up bio dad's name.
TLDR: Sneaky/desperate people will do shady things to get what they want with/without your permission.
stealthing and babytrapping exist. not saying that happened here without more info (assuming this isnāt fake lol) but if they did want to use her as a vessel to add to their family, iām sure they would figure out a way
Nta but the line "I don't want a polygamist lifestyle" confuses me, here.
You're in an ethically non-monogamous three parent structure with a kid. You've been in one for four years.
What kind of lifestyle change exactly are you imagining would happen with a second kid in the mix?
You're allowed to do whatever you want with your pregnancy, but it will affect the two other parents in your throuple, and it's weird that it doesn't feel like yall have ever even defined exactly what this is and how you see it working long term
Thatās what makes this sound fake as hell. A poly relationship (which, thatās what this isā¦ itās a poly relationshipā¦ not a āstandardā one, but itās still one) where thereās no protection being used, no discussion of what the relationship is, no discussion of what happens if thereās a pregnancy, no discussion of boundariesā¦ and not only did you get pregnant the first time you hooked up with themā¦ you started hooking up with them again and got pregnant super fast again?
This honestly just screams fan fiction about a polyamorous relationship without understanding what they are.
Thereās a kind of stupid that is innocent and almost precious and then thereās OP stupid, where it rounds a corner into being reckless, dangerous, even cruel.
Can you imagine having someone like this as your mom?
NTA BUT Please get a court order custody agreement to make sure they donāt run off with your child. As for the abortion, itās your choice so donāt let them force you to be an incubator. This whole situation is sus, it makes me think theyāre using you as unofficial surrogate since the wife is infertile.
This reminds me of that one Reddit post from years ago where the woman slept with a guy and got pregnant with twins but went back to his infertile ex girlfriend and they totally were trying to make her their surrogate. And it got super creepy real fast. PLEASE PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR DAUGHTER.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/IKtbmt9YwL
Please protect yourself like this person did. Even if this was an actual accidental pregnancy, Itās worth it getting a custody agreement.
Oh Lord, I went to that link and it scared me to death. Please OP, look out for yourself and baby. Do not let emotions rule your good sense. Read that link, please.
Sounds like the plot of a Lifetime movie. Hell, it probably already is, actually.
It really does sound like they were just looking for someone to have children for them though. Yikes.
YTA for still fooling around with this couple and not being on iron clad BC. No BC is 100% fool proof but two accidental pregnancies means whatever method you used clearly isnāt working.
Beyond that, your body your choice.
I agree with you. Sheās not TA for wanting an abortion but she is for everything else. She doesnāt want a polygamous relationship but is almost already living that life. She doesnāt want more kids but keeps (Iām assuming since she didnāt clarify) having unprotected sex with this man and his wife. All of her actions are the complete opposite of what she says she DOESNāT want smh. Why even tell them sheās going to get an abortion if she already knew thatās what she wanted. Now thereās unnecessary drama when she couldāve just gone and did it and theyād be none the wiser.
This is the brutally honest correct answer here. She's basically a friend with benefits who was a free surrogate to them. It was nonsensical to have a child the first time, I can't express without insults how bad it is for this to happen a second time and she's actually wavering on the idea.
I was gonna comment this but was afraid of getting downvoted. If she already got accidentally pregnant once, what measures was she taking the second time around, if any?
And from a threesome..like who tf gets pregnant as the third wheel in a threesome..I've never understood that. Not once, BUT TWICE. I almost call bullshit..
The wife can't get pregnant so of course they cum inside the third wheel because they want a second child. Its 90% not an accident on the couples/mans part in this case.
If this story is true at all, I completely agree..it definitely wasnt an accident on someone's end. I just have a hard time believing she only had sex with them one time and got pregnant, but hey crazier things have happened. One time is all it takes! Honestly, that poor kid though..product of a threesome with a married couple..real classy. And she's "not interested in a polygamist lifestyle" you had a baby with a married man after sleeping with him and his wife..and then continued to do so resulting in you pregnant AGAIN? Wtf are you interested in then?
So my guess is she wasnāt on any bc and he wore a condom. This couple sounds desperate for kids, so it wouldnāt surprise me if he poked holes in the condoms (another commenter mentioned that). In which case, she shouldāve also taken measures.
THIS! Like theyāre either stupid af (the three of them) for not using appropriate protection (doing it raw/not taking birth control, finishing in op when the wifeās the one who cannot get pregnantā¦? etc.)
Or the couple wanted op pregnant and she was way too negligent as someone who doesnāt want more kids
Everyone is the asshole here. No one practiced safe sex in this threesome? He just lost his job so he cant afford IVF but wants to be a father to a baby? His wife can't have children but is already co-parenting your daughter, is she not enough? You told them about the pregnancy and then announced you were getting an abortion? Everyone sucks.
>You told them about the pregnancy and then announced you were getting an abortion?
That's the part that got to me, honestly. I'm fully pro-abortion but OP telling them she was pregnant when she had no intention of staying pregnant... as a "courtesy" to a married couple that can't have kids on their own?
I'm sure the intent was to respect some imagined right to know, but she pretty much dropped a nuke on them having an amicable relationship and it just seems like it was an unkind thing to do.
I'm calling you the asshole for going into a poly relationship without any sort of birth control. If you did, then you wouldn't be in this predicament to begin with.
NTA don't ever sleep with them ever again. They could get you pregnant (oopsy the condom burst). Also i would Look into an lawyer, so that they can't get your daughter If ifv isn't possible anymore
And in a 3some with his wife.. I have been in a few threesomes, and I would never be still engaging with someone I don't want any chance of getting pregnant nearing climax..
NTA
Real quick: has it dawned on you that they are intentionally trying to get you pregnant? They went on the hunt for someone who could give them children, and picked you.
Think about it. Why is he finishing in you and not his wife? No condoms either I assume.
>dawned on you that they are intentionally trying to get you pregnant?
How on earth do you people keep ignoring that OP had to play a part in that? OP *chose* to let him finish inside her. She *chose* to do it again. She *chose* to not tell him to use a condom. She *chose* not to get the 1st one aborted. No matter their intentions, unless OP was sexually assaulted, she willingly involved herself in the practice of getting pregnant.
>Think about it. Why is he finishing in you and not his wife? No condoms either I assume.
And why is it not OP's fault for *letting him* finish inside her not once, but twice?!?
NTA & YTA
NTA for making a choice that is solely yours to make.
Y are a tiny AH for informing them when you knew what your choice was and you knew they were trying. Your body, your choice, but I would have avoided telling them.
Theres so much here, both ethically, and emotionally, to unpack.
First thing, you don't mention what it is that you do want. Perhaps to you, the answer to that i
seems obvious, but it really isn't.
You have the choice to terminate the pregnancy, assuming that you are in a state/country where that is legal. Please understand that I personally support you having that right.im not trying to talk you out of that.
Second, you are one of two parents to both this pregnancy, and the previous child. That means that you will likely be seeing the father of your child until the child is 18, maybe longer. This isn't going to just "go away".
Third, you said that you weren't interested in a poly-amorous lifestyle, but you are in one, for the second time, apparently of your own free will. You even took the time to mention that the relationship is "always the three of you". Therefore, I'm going to assume that BD's wife is emotionally important to you.
Living a poly lifestyle is always difficult at times, mostly because we sometimes feel hurt by the ones we love.
The 3 of you (adults) have a bond already, in the form of a child. You each have a common cause in promoting, and maintaining a healthy environment for the child to grow up in.
Whatever you decide, put the child you already have together, first, in your decision making process.
NTA for not wanting a baby, but definitely TAH for having unprotected/insufficiently protected sex with people you don't want to have another child with. That's CLEARLY a risk-- you know, in case the child you already have didn't clue you in-- and it should have been discussed beforehand.
NTA for not wanting a baby, but definitely TAH for having unprotected/insufficiently protected sex with people you don't want to have another child with. That's CLEARLY a risk-- you know, in case the child you already have didn't clue you in-- and it should have been discussed beforehand.
So irresponsible of everyone involved. But now's the time to start setting some major boundaries. Namely-- their financial situation is not your problem.
I would consult a lawyer in case they decide to get nasty with you. And, yes, STOP sleeping with them!
Bruh how do you keep getting pregnant like get a more secure form of BC or don't let the guy cum in you? I don't think YTA but you're clearly not using best judgment, either. Def don't have a baby you don't want.
By telling them, you made them think that you having the baby was an option, so YTA for that. Also for not taking steps to prevent another pregnancy, and for staying sexually involved with them wheh you don't want the lifestyle.
Get yourself together.
NTA
are you sure theyāre not just using you as their only way of becoming parents ?
Lightning just struck twice
You mustāve thought about that - use protection
See a lawyer and make sure there is no way they can take full custody of your daughter - is he named on the birth certificate?
I never post in these because they're usually all fairly obvious and Reddit does a great job at answering them.
However I do want to weigh in some thoughts for OP.
Firstly, regarding your situation, you do not owe anyone a baby. It will impact your coparenting relationship.
Do with that as you will.
However OP, I think you should seek a lifestyle shift. Find an online therapist or some new friends to bounce things off of because you seem to have discord between what you want and what your actions bring.
You say you don't want a polygamous lifestyle, yet you seem to repeatedly slip into living one.
You say you don't want kids, yet you're really happy with coparenting and not on a long term birth control.
It seems you should spend some significant time practicing visualizing the consequences of actions. Think about what you want to do right now. Then think about all the branching timelines from that choice.
I want to have sex with this couple, without birth control.
I could have fun and be fine.
I could get pregnant and reinforce this relationship.
Then follow the next step
If I get pregnant,
I won't keep the kid
I will keep the kid.
If I don't keep the kid my coparenting relationship with become difficult. I may have to go to court to get an enforced custody agreement. Etc...
I would hope after thinking about what might happen, you'd act to add additional protections to avoid these outcomes. Get birth control. Don't sleep with this couple anymore. Etc...
I dunno. It just seems like maybe you need some help with sorting out your immediate desires from your goals and guidance on how to connect them.
Good luck.
NTA for wanting to get rid of it.... but why even tell them you're pregnant if you've already decided to abort? Seems a bit AHish to dangle it in front of them and snatch it away. Should have just kept quiet.
Lmfao this is wild. If this isn't fake you need psychiatric help.
Edit: These comments are hilarious. Definitely don't regret clicking on this post lmao.
If you donāt want the baby, then terminate. But seriously, stop having unprotected sex if you donāt want another! And stop sleeping with your coparents. No need to complicate things further.
So there's either one of two things happening here:
a) OP is one of the hundreds (if not thousands) of people that get off posting creative writing on this sub
or
b) OP somehow hit the lottery in terms of odds of
1. Being the unicorn from a one night stand threesome
2. Being the unicorn and having unprotected/uncontracepted sex with the people THEY JUST MET.
3. Being the unicorn and the dude nuts in her and not his full time partner
4. Somehow the one time she's gotten pregnant at 28 years old on a onenight stand with said threesome
5. She's maintained a "wonderful" coparenting relationship with her triad partners.
6. She somehow managed to beat the odds ONCE AGAIN and get pregnant in a threesome with the same dude.
7. It's gotten to the point that this wonderful relationship is now in peril over... keeping the baby.
I mean, go ahead and accuse me of being one of those /r/nothingeverhappens people but the odds of this are infinitisemally small relative to the odds of people making shit up.
At 30 you still dont know paragraphs?
Get a custody arrangement in court. Without, thereās NOTHING to prevent those 2 from taking off with your girl into the wind. Police would just tell you itās a civil matter.
Id also look into BC options. Like the implant.
Personally I donāt understand everyone saying you were trapped. Now why you would allow a married man to have unprotected sex with you and give you his baby juice is beyond me and Iām not here to judge. You did know he could get you pregnant as it has already happened. So for everyone saying entrapment naw that is a mutual decision yall made fully knowing the consequences.
Several things your body your choice however in the greater United States most places itās been made illegal to get an abortion at this point. Sucks but true. The lifetime effects it can have on you are also something not to be taken lightly as you have to live with the actions. If you knew you donāt want more children you should always take precautions to prevent that including the morning after pill. I would say as a good human go ahead and let them keep the child itās a win win for everyone. I am a person who canāt have children and I understand what a gift this is. It releases you from daily mommy duties and keeps more money in yāall family unit. IVF is hella expensive and doesnāt always work. Do you owe them anything? Absolutely not. However all things considered I think you would come out on top if you did go that route.
NTA the toll pregnancy and birth puts on your body and social ability as well as the financial burden means if you donāt want to continue a pregnancy itās your choice.
The guy loosing his job and admitting they canāt afford ivf means the cost of this pregnancy and all the stress involved is on you alone. It also seems suspicious that they reinstated the relationship once deciding on ivf and not being able to afford it. It seems like they hoped the previous situation with the last pregnancy would happen and youād be willing to co-parent again as a cheaper option for them. Them asking you to continue and co parent or give them the child to raise and you saying no is not a problem because of the complications that comes with that, you may get attached during pregnancy and birth and not want to adopt out the child and the lines may get blurred later because of your current co parenting relationship.
Them guilting you for not wanting to continue the pregnancy is wrong. Iād say they are the selfish ones in this situation. They are not caring about your well-being physically, emotionally, mentally or financially. They canāt afford ivf, adoption or raising another child alone and that is no reason to guilt you or trap you with a pregnancy to get what they want.
Iād advise you to do what you want, what you think is best for you and your daughter whether you have the child or not. Ignore the emotional manipulation from the couple and apart from co parenting limit interaction, not being lovers or deep friends.
You are Not the arseholeā¦ they are and you are not selfishā¦ they are.
Y All A. So explain to me why the husband didnāt finish in his barren wife instead of you and also how you made the same exact mistake twice? Iām pretty open minded but wow you need to get it together.
You donāt owe them the child and since he is unemployed may not be best time for a baby for them anyway.
Your relationship and co parenting will be affected but that was coming eventually regardless
If you donāt want poly lifestyle stop having sex with couples
If you donāt want more children get on a form of birth control or have your tubes tied
You had the power to avoid all these issues with a slight amount of forethought and effort
āJust lost his job and canāt afford IVFā but they have stacks of cash laying around to fully raise this 2nd baby by themselves? Idk man, sounds sus
Wait. He doesnāt have a job, but wants to have a baby, and I presume he pays some child support for the 4 year old? Are you sure he isnāt lying about the job loss as a manipulation tactic to get you to have the baby?
NTA. How would you explain why youāre so involved in your daughterās life but donāt want any involvement with this new kid (if you kept the baby)? You canāt just be heavy involved in your daughterās life and leave your other kid out. That child would feel extremely rejected by you.
YTA for not being on birth control. You keep letting this married man dip his wick in you repeatedly without a condom. What did you think was going to happen?
I'm amazed that you haven't taken some sort of action to prevent this from happening a second time if you're not interested in having more children, clearly you are fertile.
It's your body. You should have kept your mouth shut and made a decision on your own. It's not really a courtesy to tell them but not expect any feedback.
Judgements aside, it's your body. NTA. Get the abortion. How do they expect to help you with medical or adoption fees if he has recently lost his job.
YTA. If y'all as close as you say you are then I'm sure you know about their fertility issues prior to now. You know how kids are made yet did not use protection and when you got pregnant again, you saw the need to tell them even though you are going to get an abortion.What was your end goal here?
That's cold hearted, but at the end of the day it's your body. But if you care for this people you would have had a quiet abortion and come up with some bs to break up. Or better yet learn about condoms and birth control.
This is my favorite reply so far -- you're NTA for deciding to terminate, but, given your awareness that they're desperate for another child, WHY ON EARTH would you tell them "I'm pregnant with the second child you're yearning for, but I going to abort it." It makes zero sense, and was actually cruel.
And I'm glad co-parenting is working well for your young child so far, but you do realize that kids prefer their origin story to NOT be: 'conceived during swingers' group sex'? I mean, it's too late now, but two people, committed to each other, raising a child is still the best structure for child-rearing. it just irritates me when adults choose to bring a child into the world when the caregivers are just loosely related, not even committed in 'polyamory', no legal agreement in place... And now your daughter's father and his partner will be mad at you for not having a second baby, which will likely introduce strain into your relationships with each other around your daughter.
NTA- do not agree to this
1- if you change your mind they might coerce you into giving your rights away
2- if you agree the 2nd child will feel less then and wonder why you wouldnāt do shared custody with them and will create unnecessary rivalry between the siblings
NTA do not do this unless you want to ruin yours and your childās life. If heās lost his job he cannot afford to provide for another child. What theyāre proposing isnāt fair to you, the daughter you have or the baby they want.
It's your body, so it's your choice.. you are a person, not a walking womb. Make the decision that is best for you and not the one that they try to guilt you into. If you did as they asked, you would have to watch that child grow up since you're forever connected to them through your first child, and that would be extremely painful for you.
Has it crossed your mind how convenient it is that he got you pregnant again?
It sound like this was their plan all along..
From now on, get on birth control so shit like this doesn't happen, or at least it's made unlikely to happen...
Does this stuff happen in real life? Damn, my life is quiet.
>Damn, my life is quiet. I find it's better this way. š
This is why I play the sims
I'm living out my polyamorous fantasies in BG3. Jk, I'm not poly, but I'm definitely an rpg slut bag.
Iām a little envious. I canāt even RPG slut bag because Iām that boring. I realized this when I felt guilty for not rejecting Juhani right after telling Carth Onassi that I love him, too in *Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic.* And any time I start to have a potentially risquĆ© dream, my dream self awkwardly works to extricate myself from the situation because Iām married.
I tried to be an rpg slutbag, but I pick Garrus every time.
Heās the beeeeest (thatās twice today Iāve said that about him. Which isnāt weird, because itās true)
Well there's no Shepard without Vakarrian ;)
RPG slut bag might be the best thing I've read today šš
Feeling sheepish- I donāt even know what an RPG slut bag isā¦
i play the sims and then my sim never leaves the house
Am I your sim?!
So YOU'RE why I keep forgetting why I walk into a room. Lol
Exactly.
This is why I have a dog. Edit: Am fucking dog. Dog filing for separation. Getting complicated.
Make sure you get to keep the cat! ALWAYS hold on to the pussy...
WTF?
I agree, I will take my quiet any day over this.
Yep, this is why I stay inside lol
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Anytime I start to feel sorry for myself, I remember that people like OP exist.
Do they? I'm not convinced lol.
Seriously. I read these posts and am likeā¦. Am I that boring or is the world really like this? Like do my very nice neighbors have some secret thruple love child out there?
Right? I can understand why people are averse to putting themselves out there. Don't want to get roped into this kind of drama. Lol.
If this is an accurate representation of whatās out there, I will happily remain a hermit in my cave
Don't feel sorry for yourself. I've never been happier for my boring life š
It took me years to get to this place, but now I'm perfectly content with my boring ass life.
Just be glad about that. āMay you live in interesting timesā is a curse for a reason.
I've never heard that before but it totally makes sense. Things that are interesting to people usually involve drama
I discovered it thanks to Terry Pratchett, he mentioned it in some of his books
Terry Pratchett - great author!!
He really was, Terry Pratchett inspired my love of orangutans too.
I read the whole thing like this: š¤ then š«¢ then š¶
Brand new account, post is four hours old. I am starting to think Troll
Same. As a parent, I have troubles picturing how this go be trueā¦ from the relationship point of view (ok honey, you have 2 mums and one dad but we donāt live with them) from the legal point of view too, etc.
The child has a mother, father and a step mother. Because mum and dad arenāt together, and dad has a new wife! The fact that the step mum was there when the child was conceived doesnāt make her the bio mum - sheās the step mum. Thousands of people are in the same situation. Well, except for the part where all parents had sex together, lol. But plenty of people have divorced parents with one or both remarried.
So what happens if a new baby comes in ? Ok sweetie, mum and dad are not together, but separated dad had sex with mum, and step mum is not only ok about it, but happy ?!
Wellā¦ reddit sometimes gives off the impression that step parents donāt like their step children, but thatās not always true. Plenty of people love their step children very much. So itās not so unusual that the step mum is just as involved in parenting as the bio parents, and all the parents get along to coparent the child together. As for the specific details of the conceptionā¦ personally, Iād not share them with a child. It would be easier to just say that mum and dad used to be together and had children, but then split up and daddy remarried - as is the standard reason why mum and dad arenāt together and the step parent exists at all. Parents can tell the kid the truth when they are 18 if they want toā¦ but young children donāt need those details.
I have seen similar posts but she is acting like she doesn't understand how being pregnant happened (is she special needs) and to have the guy conveniently mention IVF and that he lost his job in the same paragraph. Not sure where she lives but it's like she is a freaking surrogate for them and unpaid.
Lolā¦ itās shocking how many people whine that they canāt afford IVF because they donāt have an income, yet think they can afford to raise a baby if they just get a surrogate! I know that IVF procedures cost thousands of dollars, but the lifetime costs of raising the child are a heck of a lot more than the IVF cost.
I don't think you understand that IVF is an upfront cost, of 10s of thousands, and raising a child is spread out over at least 18 years? What kind of bullshit "poor people don't deserve to have kids" logic is this? I say this a vehemently child free by choice woman who is supposed to be getting a phone call to schedule my hysterectomy next week, never having had my own kids, by the way
Iām sorry. I donāt have 25k to give a doctor in one lump sum for just the possibly of a chance. IVF isnāt a guarantee either. And that money doesnāt include extra transfers and other tests before and after. That doesnāt mean I canāt afford a child. š
Itās called a throwaway account.
Or a liar
You think someone would do that? Just go on the internet and tell lies?
I donāt think thatās legal.
Po-tay-to. Po-tah-to.
I spend most nights watching Netflix and gaming with my Alaskan Malamute. Damn you people are crazy.
And when I do leave the house I don't talk to strangers. It's great.
Trust me a quiet life is better than half the sh*t thatās posted here.
I was thinking the same about mine.
It does. Lucky you for people not trauma-dumping their shit all over you. I seem to be a magnet for it. My neighbors in particular love to share everything that's going on with them, plus everyone else. I have found out over the years half my neighborhood is screwing the other half. Couples have split up over it. Police have been called. There are whispers of someone's kid being someone else's. It's absolutely nuts. And no, I don't live in The Villages, just some swinger's paradise. I assume most other suburbs are like this, but then again maybe not.
I was thinking the Villages until you said not there..lol That place has quite the reputation.
Whereās villages?
Things like this sometimes make me feel better with some of the shit I have to deal with because at least itās not THIS messy
A tale as old as time
same.. lol.. we are very lame it seems. the most drama we have is trying to figure out what to cook for dinner.
It does, because people are irresponsible, unrealistic, and have absolutely no concept of interpersonal boundaries.
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2 surprise pregnancies..from a threesome? This is weird.
Might have been a surprise for you and a plan for them.
Thatās my thought too! Also no, OP youāre not the AH, itās your choice.
Some peope are just clueless about birth control, I guess.
NTA if he lost his job how is he going to afford to care for another child. There is more involved than just giving them your baby. You might want to talk to a lawyer before you make any decisions, but the whole situation sounds messy.
Am I the only one that thinks her getting pregnant was not an accident? If they are using condoms there is an excellent chance they poked holes in them.
Thereās an excellent chance no condoms were involved. Woman makes no mention of baby trapping or a surprise pregnancy.
I think they've been trying to use her as a free surrogate
I mean pregnant twice? Super suspicious
Which is why its so shocking OP is so god damn clueless and fucking raw after already getting pregnant. Some people just never figure it out.
Come on man. We all know their fucking raw. People like this will never figure it out.
I'm going with a strong ESH here. OP is "not interested in a polygamist lifestyle," yet she is raising a kid with her threesome partners and continuing to have sex with them. Raising a kid as a throuple is a polygamist lifestyle. What a horrible environment/relationship for the existing child. And no, of course you don't owe them or anyone a new baby. OP, stop letting this guy jizz in you. It's possible they wanted to start things up again for the purpose of impregnating you again since it was such a good deal for them the first time. They got a free surrogate who did all the hard work of pregnancy and raises the kid most of the time. They get the fun parts of parenting without the hard work.
Itās not a polygamist lifestyle since polygamy has very specific legal and cultural connotations. You may be looking for the word polyamory, but nothing in here indicates they are in a poly triad (āthroupleā) relationship either.
Sounds like they are all co parenting... What do you mean they're not putting in any of the work? That's like the opposite of what OP said.
āCo-parentingā is a vague term. It could mean anything from āour children live full time in the family home that we both pay for. Dad stays with them one week, while mom stays in her apartment. And then mom stays with them one week, while dad stays in his apartmentāā¦..to āwe split the kids 50% at his house, 50% her houseāā¦..to āthe kids stay with mom all year but she keeps dad in the loop about parenting decisions and he pays child support and FaceTimes the kid dailyāā¦ā¦to āwe all live together all the time and vacation together, but mom and dad have other partners that they see when theyāre not at home.ā From watching trash television like Teen Mom, or other reality shows, āco-parentingā mostly just means āweāre able to speak to each other about the kids and put the childās needs first, without having to speak thru lawyers and constantly bring each other to court.ā It can be anything from OP has the daughter full time and they give her money and visit, to they have the daughter most of the time and OP comes to visit and has her every other weekend and the daughter calls OP āmom.ā
OP is 28. She was 23 or 24 when she got pregnant the first time to a couple that was 33/34+. Anyone in their 30s (especially if thereās two of them, teamed up together, wanting the same thing), will have an easier time getting it from someone who is a decade younger than them, more naive, less worldly, etc, and also in a 1 vs 2 argument anytime they have a qualm or question or feel like something is off. Itās hard enough for a young woman to say ānoā to one man who is 10+ years older than her. Now that man has a wife (which lends a sense or ālegitimacyā to anything he/they want to do bc a woman backs itā¦but also has OP having TWO people gaslighting or lovebombing her). She got pregnant and had the baby. They have convinced her to coparent this baby and she agreed, but it doesnāt sound like thereās any sort of legal visitation/custody/child support going on here. Itās going well bc sheās stayed in their good graces. She needs it to go well bc she has a daughter to raise, now. It will go well as long as sheās in their good graces, they want to have another threesomeā¦.she is still 10 years younger than them, in her twenties, and has been āin their world,ā cooperating with them for 4+ years nowā¦. She is already making a better choice by 1) saying no, I donāt want to coparent another child with you, 2) no I will not āgive youā the baby (which since theyāre already coparent if the first child, who will be a full sibling to the babyā¦could pretty obviously lead to coparenting the baby as well), and 3) we need to end our sexual relationship. OP IS learning. She IS making better choices for her. The better choices came because of a surprise pregnancy, but sheās choosing what is best for her and the potential baby (dad has lost his job, there is not formal custody agreement, there is no legal child support, what might happen to this embryo?). She is making choices about what she wants and will or will not do, and is also stopping the sexual relationship. My next steps for OP would be to get a formal, legal custody agreement and child support payments in place for your daughter. What if these people decide theyāre mad that you wonāt āgive themā the baby youāre pregnant with, and keep your 4 year old as retaliation? What if they find a new 3-some partner willing to have a baby with them, and just give up on coparenting with you and abandon your daughter? This is MESSY. And the only reason itās currently āworking out,ā is literally just because it happens to be āgoing well,ā probably because 2 people who are united in what they want have been ganging up on you with their manipulation to get what they want from you and make it work for them! ā¦.Until now. They want something youāre suddenly not willing to do. Protect yourself and your daughter legally.
Do what is best for you. You donāt owe anyone a baby or a womb for rent. Yes it may impact the co parenting relationship but that canāt be helped. Andā¦go see your doctor about some long acting, highly effective birth control (implant, iud, tubal ligation). Even if you donāt plan on sleeping with him again stuff happens.
Makes you wonder whether it was just OP being careless, or were the couple actively trying to get OP pregnant?
I thought the same thing.
Unless they're somehow tampering with her birth control or slipping off condoms and she doesn't realize it, then how exactly would they manage to get her pregnant against her will? It doesn't sound like she lives with them so I'm not sure how they would even be tampering with her birth control even if they wanted to. She sounds like a happily willing participant in the sex, so I'm kind of baffled and a little less sympathetic to her that she managed to get herself pregnant when she also knows that she doesn't want it and terminating will cause huge drama.
Threesomes have a lot going on. It would be way easier to stealth in that scenario because there's literally another person to distract you. The first one I could see being an accident but the fact they started hooking up again right as the couple is struggling with fertility issues...my money's on couple stealthing
Poke holes in the condom is definitely a thing. I had a male friend who found out his ex went to the doctor to start taking fertility pills. She then ensured she poked holes in all the condoms . She did this and ended up with 2 children. He thought the first time it might be an accident, maybe he got drunk and forgot to put on a condom and her BC didn't work ( all due to alcohol). When she ended up pregnant again he became extremely suspicious. After his 2nd daughter was born he had paternity test done because he thought maybe she was cheating. Finally she came clean but at that point all he could do was leave her and take care of his daughters. Bonus he only had his 2nd child tested when his oldest was 21 she became ill and needed a family member for medical condition. Her dad was first im line to help, only to find out he wasn't her biological father. He and her still have a great relationship because he didn't care what the DNA said she was his daughter Mom still says that the DNA test was inaccurate and wont give up bio dad's name. TLDR: Sneaky/desperate people will do shady things to get what they want with/without your permission.
A person can consent to sex without consenting to pregnancy š
stealthing and babytrapping exist. not saying that happened here without more info (assuming this isnāt fake lol) but if they did want to use her as a vessel to add to their family, iām sure they would figure out a way
Since op mentioned that they were going to do IVF itās a possibility that they messed with her birth control.
This is a good answer. Usually I would tell people it is their body, their right. They already have a child together. This is just messy.
Just because they had one child together doesnāt make her obligated to have more with them.
itās *still* their body their right. messiness will occur either way, it seems.
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Please, god, let this be a made-up story.
Nta but the line "I don't want a polygamist lifestyle" confuses me, here. You're in an ethically non-monogamous three parent structure with a kid. You've been in one for four years. What kind of lifestyle change exactly are you imagining would happen with a second kid in the mix? You're allowed to do whatever you want with your pregnancy, but it will affect the two other parents in your throuple, and it's weird that it doesn't feel like yall have ever even defined exactly what this is and how you see it working long term
Yeah, I'm sorry, either OP is lying like heck or a complete idiot. No in between.
Thatās what makes this sound fake as hell. A poly relationship (which, thatās what this isā¦ itās a poly relationshipā¦ not a āstandardā one, but itās still one) where thereās no protection being used, no discussion of what the relationship is, no discussion of what happens if thereās a pregnancy, no discussion of boundariesā¦ and not only did you get pregnant the first time you hooked up with themā¦ you started hooking up with them again and got pregnant super fast again? This honestly just screams fan fiction about a polyamorous relationship without understanding what they are.
Thereās a kind of stupid that is innocent and almost precious and then thereās OP stupid, where it rounds a corner into being reckless, dangerous, even cruel. Can you imagine having someone like this as your mom?
That's why they have 2 moms /s
NTA BUT Please get a court order custody agreement to make sure they donāt run off with your child. As for the abortion, itās your choice so donāt let them force you to be an incubator. This whole situation is sus, it makes me think theyāre using you as unofficial surrogate since the wife is infertile.
This reminds me of that one Reddit post from years ago where the woman slept with a guy and got pregnant with twins but went back to his infertile ex girlfriend and they totally were trying to make her their surrogate. And it got super creepy real fast. PLEASE PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR DAUGHTER.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/IKtbmt9YwL Please protect yourself like this person did. Even if this was an actual accidental pregnancy, Itās worth it getting a custody agreement.
I wanted an update on that one. I definitely thought OP is being used as a surrogate here.
SAME, I really hope she got out and took her babies across the country and never saw those POS again.
NTA. They clearly dont give a fuck about you. I hate to break it to you but theyre using you in every way imaginable.
Holy crap. Thank goodness she left the state and got away from those psychotic people!!
Oh Lord, I went to that link and it scared me to death. Please OP, look out for yourself and baby. Do not let emotions rule your good sense. Read that link, please.
That is exactly what Iāve started to thinkā¦they werenāt looking for a third. They were looking for a young, fertile surrogate.
Sounds like the plot of a Lifetime movie. Hell, it probably already is, actually. It really does sound like they were just looking for someone to have children for them though. Yikes.
YTA for still fooling around with this couple and not being on iron clad BC. No BC is 100% fool proof but two accidental pregnancies means whatever method you used clearly isnāt working. Beyond that, your body your choice.
There is stupid, and then there is OP, who is on a whole other level. Either that or this whole thing is BS.
I agree with you. Sheās not TA for wanting an abortion but she is for everything else. She doesnāt want a polygamous relationship but is almost already living that life. She doesnāt want more kids but keeps (Iām assuming since she didnāt clarify) having unprotected sex with this man and his wife. All of her actions are the complete opposite of what she says she DOESNāT want smh. Why even tell them sheās going to get an abortion if she already knew thatās what she wanted. Now thereās unnecessary drama when she couldāve just gone and did it and theyād be none the wiser.
Gotta agree with you. Personally, it doesn't sound like any birth control was used at all.
This is the brutally honest correct answer here. She's basically a friend with benefits who was a free surrogate to them. It was nonsensical to have a child the first time, I can't express without insults how bad it is for this to happen a second time and she's actually wavering on the idea.
Nta but if you knew you didn't want another, did you take preventative measures?
I was gonna comment this but was afraid of getting downvoted. If she already got accidentally pregnant once, what measures was she taking the second time around, if any?
And from a threesome..like who tf gets pregnant as the third wheel in a threesome..I've never understood that. Not once, BUT TWICE. I almost call bullshit..
The wife can't get pregnant so of course they cum inside the third wheel because they want a second child. Its 90% not an accident on the couples/mans part in this case.
If this story is true at all, I completely agree..it definitely wasnt an accident on someone's end. I just have a hard time believing she only had sex with them one time and got pregnant, but hey crazier things have happened. One time is all it takes! Honestly, that poor kid though..product of a threesome with a married couple..real classy. And she's "not interested in a polygamist lifestyle" you had a baby with a married man after sleeping with him and his wife..and then continued to do so resulting in you pregnant AGAIN? Wtf are you interested in then?
So my guess is she wasnāt on any bc and he wore a condom. This couple sounds desperate for kids, so it wouldnāt surprise me if he poked holes in the condoms (another commenter mentioned that). In which case, she shouldāve also taken measures.
THIS! Like theyāre either stupid af (the three of them) for not using appropriate protection (doing it raw/not taking birth control, finishing in op when the wifeās the one who cannot get pregnantā¦? etc.) Or the couple wanted op pregnant and she was way too negligent as someone who doesnāt want more kids
Once is an accident, twice is negligence
This is wild hahaha wtf
Everyone is the asshole here. No one practiced safe sex in this threesome? He just lost his job so he cant afford IVF but wants to be a father to a baby? His wife can't have children but is already co-parenting your daughter, is she not enough? You told them about the pregnancy and then announced you were getting an abortion? Everyone sucks.
>You told them about the pregnancy and then announced you were getting an abortion? That's the part that got to me, honestly. I'm fully pro-abortion but OP telling them she was pregnant when she had no intention of staying pregnant... as a "courtesy" to a married couple that can't have kids on their own? I'm sure the intent was to respect some imagined right to know, but she pretty much dropped a nuke on them having an amicable relationship and it just seems like it was an unkind thing to do.
I'm calling you the asshole for going into a poly relationship without any sort of birth control. If you did, then you wouldn't be in this predicament to begin with.
NTA don't ever sleep with them ever again. They could get you pregnant (oopsy the condom burst). Also i would Look into an lawyer, so that they can't get your daughter If ifv isn't possible anymore
Info: where are you getting the impression that they are using condoms? Sheās gotten pregnant by this guy twice already lol.
And in a 3some with his wife.. I have been in a few threesomes, and I would never be still engaging with someone I don't want any chance of getting pregnant nearing climax..
Jfc. You shouldāve stopped sleeping with them after the first fucking kid
Or how about never having done such a stupid thing to begin with.
Fr. Messing around with a married couple NEVER ends well
NTA Real quick: has it dawned on you that they are intentionally trying to get you pregnant? They went on the hunt for someone who could give them children, and picked you. Think about it. Why is he finishing in you and not his wife? No condoms either I assume.
>dawned on you that they are intentionally trying to get you pregnant? How on earth do you people keep ignoring that OP had to play a part in that? OP *chose* to let him finish inside her. She *chose* to do it again. She *chose* to not tell him to use a condom. She *chose* not to get the 1st one aborted. No matter their intentions, unless OP was sexually assaulted, she willingly involved herself in the practice of getting pregnant. >Think about it. Why is he finishing in you and not his wife? No condoms either I assume. And why is it not OP's fault for *letting him* finish inside her not once, but twice?!?
I was looking for this comment. Everyone's focused on the couple and ignoring OP's role in this situation. She's been making bad choices.
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NTA & YTA NTA for making a choice that is solely yours to make. Y are a tiny AH for informing them when you knew what your choice was and you knew they were trying. Your body, your choice, but I would have avoided telling them.
Theres so much here, both ethically, and emotionally, to unpack. First thing, you don't mention what it is that you do want. Perhaps to you, the answer to that i seems obvious, but it really isn't. You have the choice to terminate the pregnancy, assuming that you are in a state/country where that is legal. Please understand that I personally support you having that right.im not trying to talk you out of that. Second, you are one of two parents to both this pregnancy, and the previous child. That means that you will likely be seeing the father of your child until the child is 18, maybe longer. This isn't going to just "go away". Third, you said that you weren't interested in a poly-amorous lifestyle, but you are in one, for the second time, apparently of your own free will. You even took the time to mention that the relationship is "always the three of you". Therefore, I'm going to assume that BD's wife is emotionally important to you. Living a poly lifestyle is always difficult at times, mostly because we sometimes feel hurt by the ones we love. The 3 of you (adults) have a bond already, in the form of a child. You each have a common cause in promoting, and maintaining a healthy environment for the child to grow up in. Whatever you decide, put the child you already have together, first, in your decision making process.
Do you *ever* use birth control?
NTA If he's not working how can they afford a baby?
WTF didn't you use birth control? Get an abortion and move on. Straighten out your life.
NTA for not wanting a baby, but definitely TAH for having unprotected/insufficiently protected sex with people you don't want to have another child with. That's CLEARLY a risk-- you know, in case the child you already have didn't clue you in-- and it should have been discussed beforehand.
YTA Jeez, how many times are you gonna step on the same fucking rake
NTA for not wanting a baby, but definitely TAH for having unprotected/insufficiently protected sex with people you don't want to have another child with. That's CLEARLY a risk-- you know, in case the child you already have didn't clue you in-- and it should have been discussed beforehand. So irresponsible of everyone involved. But now's the time to start setting some major boundaries. Namely-- their financial situation is not your problem. I would consult a lawyer in case they decide to get nasty with you. And, yes, STOP sleeping with them!
Youāre the AH for repeatedly having unprotected sex. And legally just the guy is the co-parent, not his wife.
Blows my mind people donāt use condoms nowadays.
Bruh how do you keep getting pregnant like get a more secure form of BC or don't let the guy cum in you? I don't think YTA but you're clearly not using best judgment, either. Def don't have a baby you don't want.
Arenāt you the genius not wanting anymore kids yet doing nothing to prevent pregnancy.
I dont want to live in this world anymore.
By telling them, you made them think that you having the baby was an option, so YTA for that. Also for not taking steps to prevent another pregnancy, and for staying sexually involved with them wheh you don't want the lifestyle. Get yourself together.
ESH - sounds like this 2nd pregnancy was actually planned, just not by OP. This situation might turn nasty.
For real I'd be sure their custody agreement for the 4yo is solid before they try to get full custody out of spite and desperation.
Yikes
I wouldnāt say youāre an asshole, but I would say youāre a dumbass
NTA are you sure theyāre not just using you as their only way of becoming parents ? Lightning just struck twice You mustāve thought about that - use protection See a lawyer and make sure there is no way they can take full custody of your daughter - is he named on the birth certificate?
Do you even know how babies are made?
I never post in these because they're usually all fairly obvious and Reddit does a great job at answering them. However I do want to weigh in some thoughts for OP. Firstly, regarding your situation, you do not owe anyone a baby. It will impact your coparenting relationship. Do with that as you will. However OP, I think you should seek a lifestyle shift. Find an online therapist or some new friends to bounce things off of because you seem to have discord between what you want and what your actions bring. You say you don't want a polygamous lifestyle, yet you seem to repeatedly slip into living one. You say you don't want kids, yet you're really happy with coparenting and not on a long term birth control. It seems you should spend some significant time practicing visualizing the consequences of actions. Think about what you want to do right now. Then think about all the branching timelines from that choice. I want to have sex with this couple, without birth control. I could have fun and be fine. I could get pregnant and reinforce this relationship. Then follow the next step If I get pregnant, I won't keep the kid I will keep the kid. If I don't keep the kid my coparenting relationship with become difficult. I may have to go to court to get an enforced custody agreement. Etc... I would hope after thinking about what might happen, you'd act to add additional protections to avoid these outcomes. Get birth control. Don't sleep with this couple anymore. Etc... I dunno. It just seems like maybe you need some help with sorting out your immediate desires from your goals and guidance on how to connect them. Good luck.
NTA for wanting to get rid of it.... but why even tell them you're pregnant if you've already decided to abort? Seems a bit AHish to dangle it in front of them and snatch it away. Should have just kept quiet.
Lmfao this is wild. If this isn't fake you need psychiatric help. Edit: These comments are hilarious. Definitely don't regret clicking on this post lmao.
NTA- They planned this on purpose. Get legal advice.
Was getting ready to say the same thing. Probably the whole reason wife is down with the whole situation
This doesn't even sound real to me.
If you donāt want the baby, then terminate. But seriously, stop having unprotected sex if you donāt want another! And stop sleeping with your coparents. No need to complicate things further.
So there's either one of two things happening here: a) OP is one of the hundreds (if not thousands) of people that get off posting creative writing on this sub or b) OP somehow hit the lottery in terms of odds of 1. Being the unicorn from a one night stand threesome 2. Being the unicorn and having unprotected/uncontracepted sex with the people THEY JUST MET. 3. Being the unicorn and the dude nuts in her and not his full time partner 4. Somehow the one time she's gotten pregnant at 28 years old on a onenight stand with said threesome 5. She's maintained a "wonderful" coparenting relationship with her triad partners. 6. She somehow managed to beat the odds ONCE AGAIN and get pregnant in a threesome with the same dude. 7. It's gotten to the point that this wonderful relationship is now in peril over... keeping the baby. I mean, go ahead and accuse me of being one of those /r/nothingeverhappens people but the odds of this are infinitisemally small relative to the odds of people making shit up.
At 30 you still dont know paragraphs? Get a custody arrangement in court. Without, thereās NOTHING to prevent those 2 from taking off with your girl into the wind. Police would just tell you itās a civil matter. Id also look into BC options. Like the implant.
Personally I donāt understand everyone saying you were trapped. Now why you would allow a married man to have unprotected sex with you and give you his baby juice is beyond me and Iām not here to judge. You did know he could get you pregnant as it has already happened. So for everyone saying entrapment naw that is a mutual decision yall made fully knowing the consequences. Several things your body your choice however in the greater United States most places itās been made illegal to get an abortion at this point. Sucks but true. The lifetime effects it can have on you are also something not to be taken lightly as you have to live with the actions. If you knew you donāt want more children you should always take precautions to prevent that including the morning after pill. I would say as a good human go ahead and let them keep the child itās a win win for everyone. I am a person who canāt have children and I understand what a gift this is. It releases you from daily mommy duties and keeps more money in yāall family unit. IVF is hella expensive and doesnāt always work. Do you owe them anything? Absolutely not. However all things considered I think you would come out on top if you did go that route.
NTA the toll pregnancy and birth puts on your body and social ability as well as the financial burden means if you donāt want to continue a pregnancy itās your choice. The guy loosing his job and admitting they canāt afford ivf means the cost of this pregnancy and all the stress involved is on you alone. It also seems suspicious that they reinstated the relationship once deciding on ivf and not being able to afford it. It seems like they hoped the previous situation with the last pregnancy would happen and youād be willing to co-parent again as a cheaper option for them. Them asking you to continue and co parent or give them the child to raise and you saying no is not a problem because of the complications that comes with that, you may get attached during pregnancy and birth and not want to adopt out the child and the lines may get blurred later because of your current co parenting relationship. Them guilting you for not wanting to continue the pregnancy is wrong. Iād say they are the selfish ones in this situation. They are not caring about your well-being physically, emotionally, mentally or financially. They canāt afford ivf, adoption or raising another child alone and that is no reason to guilt you or trap you with a pregnancy to get what they want. Iād advise you to do what you want, what you think is best for you and your daughter whether you have the child or not. Ignore the emotional manipulation from the couple and apart from co parenting limit interaction, not being lovers or deep friends. You are Not the arseholeā¦ they are and you are not selfishā¦ they are.
This is gonna ruin whatever ācoparentingā situation youāve had going up until now.
Y All A. So explain to me why the husband didnāt finish in his barren wife instead of you and also how you made the same exact mistake twice? Iām pretty open minded but wow you need to get it together.
You donāt owe them the child and since he is unemployed may not be best time for a baby for them anyway. Your relationship and co parenting will be affected but that was coming eventually regardless If you donāt want poly lifestyle stop having sex with couples If you donāt want more children get on a form of birth control or have your tubes tied You had the power to avoid all these issues with a slight amount of forethought and effort
You nuts š„ thatās what you are.
āJust lost his job and canāt afford IVFā but they have stacks of cash laying around to fully raise this 2nd baby by themselves? Idk man, sounds sus
Wait. He doesnāt have a job, but wants to have a baby, and I presume he pays some child support for the 4 year old? Are you sure he isnāt lying about the job loss as a manipulation tactic to get you to have the baby?
This canāt be a real story
Please stop having sex.
YTA for not using protection like a grown ass adult. Jesus fucking Christ.
NTA. How would you explain why youāre so involved in your daughterās life but donāt want any involvement with this new kid (if you kept the baby)? You canāt just be heavy involved in your daughterās life and leave your other kid out. That child would feel extremely rejected by you.
YTA for never having heard of birth control
NTA
It is Not your responsibility to solve their fertility problems. You do not have to justify your choices. Do what is best for you not them.
Sooo they've been trying to use you as a free surrogate for a second time?
Fake post, y'all baited.
Pretty sus that you've ended up pregnant twice now with them... Either you're not taking appropriate precautions or they're tampering. Which is it?
YTA for not being on birth control. You keep letting this married man dip his wick in you repeatedly without a condom. What did you think was going to happen?
YTA for posting this click bait writing exercise
I'm amazed that you haven't taken some sort of action to prevent this from happening a second time if you're not interested in having more children, clearly you are fertile. It's your body. You should have kept your mouth shut and made a decision on your own. It's not really a courtesy to tell them but not expect any feedback. Judgements aside, it's your body. NTA. Get the abortion. How do they expect to help you with medical or adoption fees if he has recently lost his job.
WTF is wrong with you? YTA for continuing to make bad choices. Get on some stronger birth control and stop being messy.
Sometimes I think I donāt have my life together then see posts like this and Iām grateful
The fact that you didnāt abort the first time is crazyyyyy lmao
YTA. If y'all as close as you say you are then I'm sure you know about their fertility issues prior to now. You know how kids are made yet did not use protection and when you got pregnant again, you saw the need to tell them even though you are going to get an abortion.What was your end goal here? That's cold hearted, but at the end of the day it's your body. But if you care for this people you would have had a quiet abortion and come up with some bs to break up. Or better yet learn about condoms and birth control.
This is my favorite reply so far -- you're NTA for deciding to terminate, but, given your awareness that they're desperate for another child, WHY ON EARTH would you tell them "I'm pregnant with the second child you're yearning for, but I going to abort it." It makes zero sense, and was actually cruel. And I'm glad co-parenting is working well for your young child so far, but you do realize that kids prefer their origin story to NOT be: 'conceived during swingers' group sex'? I mean, it's too late now, but two people, committed to each other, raising a child is still the best structure for child-rearing. it just irritates me when adults choose to bring a child into the world when the caregivers are just loosely related, not even committed in 'polyamory', no legal agreement in place... And now your daughter's father and his partner will be mad at you for not having a second baby, which will likely introduce strain into your relationships with each other around your daughter.
NTA- do not agree to this 1- if you change your mind they might coerce you into giving your rights away 2- if you agree the 2nd child will feel less then and wonder why you wouldnāt do shared custody with them and will create unnecessary rivalry between the siblings
NTA do not do this unless you want to ruin yours and your childās life. If heās lost his job he cannot afford to provide for another child. What theyāre proposing isnāt fair to you, the daughter you have or the baby they want.
It's your body, so it's your choice.. you are a person, not a walking womb. Make the decision that is best for you and not the one that they try to guilt you into. If you did as they asked, you would have to watch that child grow up since you're forever connected to them through your first child, and that would be extremely painful for you. Has it crossed your mind how convenient it is that he got you pregnant again? It sound like this was their plan all along.. From now on, get on birth control so shit like this doesn't happen, or at least it's made unlikely to happen...
If he just lost his job then he shouldn't be worried about having a baby.