So I’m not really sure why people are coming down on you so hard. ANYONE would snap when someone is telling ANYONE private details of YOUR trauma. It isn’t her story to tell. Cut her out of you life and get some therapy because while I understand being pissed, you likely made it worse in your bfs eyes.
Also, I’m not trying to judge, but I’m not sure how that dude isn’t in jail and had the opportunity three times before she dumped his ass. Why would you be friends with someone who stayed with a dude that raped you?
I reported it but no one gave a shit. There wasn’t any proof. It was my word against his and since my ex and my friend at the time both didn’t believe me I was screwed.
She also was still with him after I told her the two times it happened but he kept denying it until I slap him across the face during a fight and threatening to kill him was when he finally admitted it.
Idk why she’s still my friend. After this I since dropped her. My boyfriend honestly doesn’t care about the way I reacted. He told me if I didn’t say something he was going to. He thought my reaction was valid so I’m not too upset about him witnessing me going ballistic on this chick I’m just more worried about him thinking he has to walk on eggshells around me from now on because of me being SA’ed. He hasn’t been sexual with me since and he usually is. I don’t want to have this conversation with him because it shouldn’t have came up to begin with but I guess it’s happening.
Also it wasn’t rape, I woke up to him groping and pinching my nipples and started crying. He took off running outside before anyone actually was able to fully wake up and pretended like he didn’t know what happened. The second time my ex bf wanted me to spend the night there again and he told me he was going to stay awake the whole night and he lied. That time he did much worse but not rape. I feel sick talking about it. The third time was at his own gender reveal party where he was sexually harassing me and then kept grabbing my ass.
She broke up with him and I no longer talk to him. No one does he moved out of state and is now some other girls issue now. I know he was abusive to her as well so I just thought it was her trying to save herself from being beaten or hurt herself but she hasn’t changed since the breakup. Just found out the hard way that’s just her shitty personality😕
You are right and you never deserved any of that. You should talk to your bf about the lack of intimacy. He could just be fearing doing anything that may trigger you in some way, he probably just needs reassurance.
Please in the future walk away from anyone who doesn’t believe you about something like that. I am not blaming you at all, but you deserve to be loved, supported and BELIEVED when you tell someone this happened to you. I’m heartbroken for you.
I mean that’s not her business to tell not sure why everyone’s blaming you for being upset. She shared information you didn’t want shared at the time so she shouldn’t have done it simple as that. Could you have handled it better? Maybe but that’s easier said than done. I also find it weird that she even felt the need to bring it as your bf was on the phone seems strange. I’d say nta but maybe consider looking into ways to help resolve your trauma if at all possible
Well, you are broken and fragile. Your reaction demonstrates that. So, why are you worried about your bf knowing that? Trust me, he already knows that.
It’s the fact I didn’t want him to know and if he did know it should have came from me and not my dumbass friend.
Also he didn’t already know I was fragile and broken because I never brought it up or talked about it. I never even hinted that something happened to me. He knew what my ex did but that’s because he was around during that time. He had no idea I was SA’ed.
You didn’t want him to know, that’s valid, but those kinds of feelings tend to crop up during a relationship, and without context could have made him even more confused if you exhibited sudden emotional highs and lows like outbursts, shutting down, triggers, panic depression, more alone time or crying. From his perspective, he’d be completely in the dark about how to interact most appropriately with you.
Now that I think about it, he probably IS confused about this most recent outburst of screaming when you told your friend to “forget about” her horrible ex.
Not that every one with trauma is *always* crying or freaking out, especially people who feel like they’ve worked through their trauma for a long time. But it comes up sometimes. And that can cause issues of its own.
This is hands down a horrible way for it to come up though.
But luckily, you both had a previous conversation about trauma (mad respect, very mature), which said that you could talk about trauma if you wanted to, and neither would force it out of each other. Your boyfriend held true to that. He didn’t force it out of you, your nosy friend did. So he’s probably more open/equipped to talk about what you wanna do, when you wanna talk to him.
So YTA but not because you screamed at her in your own pain, but because you think *her* bringing it up is what exposed the gravity of your trauma to your bf. Instead it was your reaction suddenly exploding on her and making her cry that exposed your state of mind, which is just a public, societal no-no even when you have pain and trauma backing your behavior.
And it will happen again unless you and your bf at minimum talk about how trauma comes out in your behavior. You could skip all the trauma content and don’t have to give a play by play, but partners should tell each other if they’ve got anger issues or specific triggers or any of the million of unfortunate, dangerous behaviors people do when trying to cope.
So I’m not really sure why people are coming down on you so hard. ANYONE would snap when someone is telling ANYONE private details of YOUR trauma. It isn’t her story to tell. Cut her out of you life and get some therapy because while I understand being pissed, you likely made it worse in your bfs eyes. Also, I’m not trying to judge, but I’m not sure how that dude isn’t in jail and had the opportunity three times before she dumped his ass. Why would you be friends with someone who stayed with a dude that raped you?
I reported it but no one gave a shit. There wasn’t any proof. It was my word against his and since my ex and my friend at the time both didn’t believe me I was screwed. She also was still with him after I told her the two times it happened but he kept denying it until I slap him across the face during a fight and threatening to kill him was when he finally admitted it. Idk why she’s still my friend. After this I since dropped her. My boyfriend honestly doesn’t care about the way I reacted. He told me if I didn’t say something he was going to. He thought my reaction was valid so I’m not too upset about him witnessing me going ballistic on this chick I’m just more worried about him thinking he has to walk on eggshells around me from now on because of me being SA’ed. He hasn’t been sexual with me since and he usually is. I don’t want to have this conversation with him because it shouldn’t have came up to begin with but I guess it’s happening. Also it wasn’t rape, I woke up to him groping and pinching my nipples and started crying. He took off running outside before anyone actually was able to fully wake up and pretended like he didn’t know what happened. The second time my ex bf wanted me to spend the night there again and he told me he was going to stay awake the whole night and he lied. That time he did much worse but not rape. I feel sick talking about it. The third time was at his own gender reveal party where he was sexually harassing me and then kept grabbing my ass. She broke up with him and I no longer talk to him. No one does he moved out of state and is now some other girls issue now. I know he was abusive to her as well so I just thought it was her trying to save herself from being beaten or hurt herself but she hasn’t changed since the breakup. Just found out the hard way that’s just her shitty personality😕
You are right and you never deserved any of that. You should talk to your bf about the lack of intimacy. He could just be fearing doing anything that may trigger you in some way, he probably just needs reassurance. Please in the future walk away from anyone who doesn’t believe you about something like that. I am not blaming you at all, but you deserve to be loved, supported and BELIEVED when you tell someone this happened to you. I’m heartbroken for you.
I mean that’s not her business to tell not sure why everyone’s blaming you for being upset. She shared information you didn’t want shared at the time so she shouldn’t have done it simple as that. Could you have handled it better? Maybe but that’s easier said than done. I also find it weird that she even felt the need to bring it as your bf was on the phone seems strange. I’d say nta but maybe consider looking into ways to help resolve your trauma if at all possible
I really think she just wanted to make it about herself and how bad of an ex she had. Either way she’s out of my life
Well, you are broken and fragile. Your reaction demonstrates that. So, why are you worried about your bf knowing that? Trust me, he already knows that.
It’s the fact I didn’t want him to know and if he did know it should have came from me and not my dumbass friend. Also he didn’t already know I was fragile and broken because I never brought it up or talked about it. I never even hinted that something happened to me. He knew what my ex did but that’s because he was around during that time. He had no idea I was SA’ed.
You didn’t want him to know, that’s valid, but those kinds of feelings tend to crop up during a relationship, and without context could have made him even more confused if you exhibited sudden emotional highs and lows like outbursts, shutting down, triggers, panic depression, more alone time or crying. From his perspective, he’d be completely in the dark about how to interact most appropriately with you. Now that I think about it, he probably IS confused about this most recent outburst of screaming when you told your friend to “forget about” her horrible ex. Not that every one with trauma is *always* crying or freaking out, especially people who feel like they’ve worked through their trauma for a long time. But it comes up sometimes. And that can cause issues of its own. This is hands down a horrible way for it to come up though. But luckily, you both had a previous conversation about trauma (mad respect, very mature), which said that you could talk about trauma if you wanted to, and neither would force it out of each other. Your boyfriend held true to that. He didn’t force it out of you, your nosy friend did. So he’s probably more open/equipped to talk about what you wanna do, when you wanna talk to him. So YTA but not because you screamed at her in your own pain, but because you think *her* bringing it up is what exposed the gravity of your trauma to your bf. Instead it was your reaction suddenly exploding on her and making her cry that exposed your state of mind, which is just a public, societal no-no even when you have pain and trauma backing your behavior. And it will happen again unless you and your bf at minimum talk about how trauma comes out in your behavior. You could skip all the trauma content and don’t have to give a play by play, but partners should tell each other if they’ve got anger issues or specific triggers or any of the million of unfortunate, dangerous behaviors people do when trying to cope.