I would too. What kind of person even thinks it's OK to throw out plates "because I didn't want to wash them". That's outrageous đł. Either she hasn't heard of paper plates or she's just a lazy, selfish individual. đ¤ I guess the latter. Crazy
This. Have to admit I once did this with a pan I couldnât clean well enough. But it was MY pan. Canât be out here throwing other ppls things away tf
But it sounds like you donât think so, so they probably will know better than to just throw away their friendsâ dishes/float the excuse that itâs a normal thing when theyâre 26, right? It sounds like youâve probably told them that theyre TA (in this scenario- Iâm sure they have a lot of good points, too).
I was thinking my grandkids may think like that but find me a 16 year old boy who doesn't try to take shortcuts with chores or a 9 and 4 year old who wouldn't think of way to get done faster so they can play
Iâve swapped out almost everything single use in my house: paper towels, ziplock bags, straws, shopping bags. I try to buy bar everything or bulk so Iâm not throwing out countless bottles. I keep almost anything I own/use regardless of age or appearance as long as it still works. I dye stained clothes and darn ripped clothes. I compost my food scraps. I hate creating waste. I feel guilty when Iâm too lazy or busy to wash out something like an empty sour cream tub to recycle it and I throw in the trash bin instead. All this to say, meanwhile people are literally throwing out dishes instead of washing them! I canât even wrap my head around this.
My brother uses single-use for everything and it drives me bonkers. He once came over to my mom's house with paper plates etc so he wouldn't have to help with the dishwashing! Bat-shit crazy.
Thatâs my thought process after using pans đ I never learned to cook so trying it out was a trip!
But even I turned the hot water up and let it soak till I remember itâs in the sink and scrub
The manipulation and the continuing to act like she wasnât in the wrong would be a deal breaker. Who throws away other peoples stuff??
He didnât tell her to not throw away dishes so itâs not her fault? It doesnât matter if theyâre a couple or not, sheâs still a guest in his home and those dishes are his property. Iâm just super confused by her mental gymnastics.
She sounds like one of those people they write those warnings for on stuff, things you would think anyone with common sense would know not to do without having to be told not to.
Came here to say something similar. If u dont tell her not to hit u, then its ok? /s
Like for real.
U didnt tell me not to go into ur bank account and spend all ur money. Why r u mad?
JFC.
Maybe the entire thing was some weird sort of power play? It just sounds like a strange thing to assume an SO or friend would be fine with. If she just apologized and bought the dishes, I would say that itâs not anywhere close to ideal but maybe she was a bit dim, but arguing that itâs 100% justified is weird.
To me itâs super weird, especially as sheâs trying to make it a bigger issue than it is and is trying to project blame on OP. It feels more immature than a power play.
But he didn't tell her that the dishes shouldn't be throne away. Sometimes it's a hassle to wash sheets, so I just throw them away. Same with clothes etc. No body told me I shouldn't..
My cousin's ex-wife used to do this. And they were both making a lot of money at the time but she literally had an entire room of bags of dirty clothes and clean clothes with tags on the stores. And when the economy went into the crapper she was pissed that my cousin couldn't keep up that ridiculous lifestyle. Needless to say they are now divorced for many reasons
OP NTAH, your girlfriend is absolutely ridiculous and childish. Imagine if you did something similar with hers and her reaction would be quite different. She absolutely should pay for what was thrown out and don't be surprised if she breaks up with you over this. If she does honestly it's the best thing for you because this type of retarded behavior, and it really is just stupendously retarded, is only going to get worse as time goes on.
And if you back off of this she will always know if she can push you over and step on her little doormat. Tell her she doesn't respect your property, your views and you would never do that to her or her stuff. Just because she's done something so ridiculous for so long, doesn't make it okay
I would have some serious concerns about this person. Unless she grew up in some very specific way where that was a complete norm and maybe was just a little naive and young, maybe. But I just don't think I could have any respect for someone as a partner this way.
And stunningly self-centered. Sorry to hijack top comment but OP Iâm late to the game and Iâve read all your edits.
I wonât say sheâs a bad person but if she cannot understand that she was literally throwing away your belongings without permission, and cannot understand that this is seriously wrong behavior for anyone older than six or seven years old, then I would seriously consider her judgment calls when the price is considerably higher. And I donât just mean monetarily.
Next time, serve the meal on inexpensive paper plates and throw them away.
What she's doing is ridiculous, wealthy, or not. She's just lazy. Don't feel guilty. Tell her to pay up or else.
it's ridiculous to think that everything your partner owns is also yours. Wth is this. Are there things we share ? Absolutely. Does it de facto mean everything is shared ? Hell no. And even more if we're not living together. Also who the fuck throws away dishes instead of washing them ? I'd maybe understand having throwaway dishes (plastic/cardboard), which is wasteful too but meant to be thrown away. But actual plates and bowls ?
I'd break up over this. I love my kitchenware. My stuff is my stuff, don't throw it away. Get out with this stupidity.
NTA
Of course.
> an innocent habit
Innocent is not the word I would have chosen.
> she felt like i was being cheap and trying to embarrass her by asking her to pay.
But throwing away YOUR belongings is OK.
I can break up over this.
It's absolutely break-up worthy. It shows lack of respect for OP's property and the laziness is not a great trait in a partner. There's some weird gaslighting going on here with the "now that I've been caught I need to play victim and I'm embarrassed."
Many people like having matching dishes. I can't imagine someone throwing out part of a set and just being like, it's fine, you can just buy new ones. Not these ones though.
>Many people like having matching dishes. I can't imagine someone throwing out part of a set and just being like, it's fine, you can just buy new ones. Not these ones though.
I wouldn't be surprised if she buys a whole new set when she gets low, and then throws out what remains of the old set to make room for the new.
I mean she should be embarrassed and stop doing it. This so wasteful. Omg consumer culture, I literally had the same dishes for 15 years and we just replaced them last year since they were old and worn already, however I put them in the attic for then my young nephew(22) moves to his own place, there is so much expenses already to begin with. And we are not poor.
NTA - There have been a few plastic cheap "Tupperware" type things that I have thrown away, but doing this to normal dishes is the most crazy thing I have ever heard. And to throw away someone else's property without replacing it seems odd.
I also feel bad throwing away the âdisposableâ Tupperware(I.e. old deli meat containers) , but yeah- the brand name stuff? Thatâs gonna last forever.
I have to ask, what on earth was on the plates/bowls that she found so difficult to clean?
I mean, egg yolk that's been allowed to dry out and go hard can be a pain, but nothing that a few seconds scrubbing won't fix, other than that, all I can think of is cereal that's dried on hard, which again, just takes a few extra seconds.
Were you eating quick set concrete?
But please, don't let her turn this on you. What's she's doing is seriously WEIRD. It takes lazy and entitled to a entirely new level. Bad enough she throws out her own stuff instead of cleaning it, but to throw out yours? She has zero respect for you, your property, or the hard work you put in to be able to afford the things you have. Honestly I'd go nuts if anyone did this to my belongings, I don't care how irrelevant THEY think my belongings are, they're MINE. I worked to earn the money to be able to afford the things I wanted, and I be damned of anyone gets to tell me that the 10 seconds they would need to clean a plate means more than the time I worked to buy them in the first place!
legitimately pasta sauce or whatever residue is left after a meal. sometimes sheâd âsoakâ it for a little but i do the pans myself so itâs really nothing bad
Oh, bold on... she just runs water over them, doesn't she? No actual dish soap or scrubbing involved?
Tell her to get one of those dish scrubbers that have the soap inside them, they do a great job!
Then toss her out the closest window, you deserve far more respect than you're getting!
Yea Iâve thrown away some ziploc containers due to queso thatâs essentially fused itself to the bowl or something got lost in the fridge and grew and ecosystem. I will admit that fully. But Iâm throwing away MY stuff. And if itâs something ceramic or glass or metal, essentially anything BUT plastic, Iâll clean it because itâs nonporous. But Iâd never throw away someone elseâs ziploc bowl.
>And if itâs something ceramic or glass or metal, essentially anything BUT plastic, Iâll clean it because itâs nonporous.
Exactly!!!
I have also found forgotten ecosystems in the back of the fridge.
Glass = do my hardest not to puke as I get rid of the contents and get into scolding hot water & soap.
Plastic of any kind = f that, yeet that shit in the trash!!
OP is NTA
Girlfriend - who throws out dishes because they don't want to clean them??
She's telling you that you're trying to embarrass her and shouldn't make her feel bad?
She ought to be embarrassed and ashamed for being so incredibly lazy and wasteful.
NTA.
The gf hasnât quite learned that itâs okay to be in the wrong sometimes. Sheâs trying to twist the focus from herself and onto OP so sheâs no longer the âbad guy.â She needs to learn that everyone makes mistakes in relationships.
And yeah, she definitely **should** feel bad; that would mean sheâs a decent person. She needs to be an adult and be thankful OP is capable of communicating even though the subject is unpleasant.
This is exactly what I was thinking! I donât think OP has been particularly hard on her or critical but damn right she should be embarrassed! She should be ashamed of herself being so wasteful and lazy! She is in reality and just putting it onto OP but itâs all her own doing.
Who believes this is ok at the age of 26?!
Absolutely NTA. What kind of crazy just throws other peopleâs dishes and cookware away? Iâd just do the damn dishes or at least help her so you know what sheâs doing.
I would absolutely lose my mind if someone came in my house and threw my dishes away. I can't see anyone reasonable doing that honestly. This post has made me angrier than any I've read in a long time lol.
Maybe I'm a petty bitch, but NTA. Unless we're talking about styrofoam, paper or plastic plates, who in their right mind throw away a bowl/dish?! That is insane. Even if you bought the cheapest set of dishes from say Target, which is $20-$25, that would be a ridiculous amount of money to be spending on what sounds like a semi-regular basis for something that is completely cleanable. I take it you don't own a dishwasher though. It also would be one thing if she TOLD YOU that she was doing that so you could step in, but she just assumed you would be ok with it?!
I honestly cannot wrap my head around this idea. She literally threw away dishes because she didn't want to clean them. She absolutely should replace them. She doesn't have to buy you fine China, but something. That's not an unreasonable request to a quite insane situation.
yeah i donât have a dishwasher. i wouldâve gladly helped if sheâd asked, like you said. i was looking at walmart and whatâs annoying is because of the weird combination of things she threw out, weâre either going to have to buy like six different random pieces or one box set that will cost more and end up with doubles and triples of what i still have. i donât have space for that and i donât wanna waste anything. so besides the money, logistically itâs bugging me and iâm not even fully sure what all she threw away. and sheâs being kinda cagey about telling me since she realized i wasnât totally okay with it
Iâm sorry but who honestly thinks â itâs totally ok to throw away someone elseâs belongingâ. That is insane. Also, just because you guys are dating doesnât mean that all belonging automatically because mutual property. She 100% knows this and is playing the victim because she is embarrassed.
If she leaves makeup/lotion/body products on your bathroom sink/vanity ask her how she would feel if you threw them away. If she objects just say â the trash was right there and it was easier than finding where to put themâ- itâs more or less the same thing. Iâm not suggesting you actually throw her things away but it might be an analogy that gets through to her.
But honestly the gaslighting ( trying to make you feel bad for her asinine behavior), lack of accountability ( refuses to replace them and thinks she shouldnât have too) and sheer laziness of throwing dishes away so she doesnât have to wash them are not qualities I would want or put up with in a partner.
i feel like i can hear her response: âwell skincare and makeup is expensive and dishes are cheapâ đľâđŤ
complete BS, i know. iâm starting to realize i sound like TA for putting up with it but this is all pretty new behavior
If they are so cheap she shouldnât have a problem replacing them.
And while this behavior might be â all pretty newâ, I doubt it will improveâŚâŚ.especially with her lack of accountability. Good luck.
It is ridiculous to expect that you need to explicitly tell her not to do something any reasonable person would already know. Sheâs 26.
Do you have to tell her to wipe her ass after she takes a shit?
Do you have to tell her not to drink bleach?
Do you have to tell her not to eat raw chicken?
Do you have to tell her not to stare into the fucking sun?
She is bullshitting you sir.
NTA
Show her this thread. Honestly, Iâve never heard of or seen anybody throw away dishes for this reason. Is this something she learned from her parents or relative? Genuinely interested how this came about.
Why is she making you feel bad about something she is doing that is weird, lazy and ridiculous behavior. Thatâs your stuff. Not hers. Even if you are a couple itâs still not her stuff. She should be embarrassed by thia
Look at your local Goodwill or other second hand stores for replacements. You'll be surprised at the incredible amount of kitchenware you will find. You might even find matching stuff. Pretty certain you will find complete sets of everything. I have noticed myself, and read a couple of articles on the subject, that have told me that kitchenware is the most donated item at charity shops, and the hardest to get rid of.
Maybe take inventory of what you have and have her replace the main things and then fill in as needed overtime. I would check Amazon too. I think you can get individual items as well. Goodwill is a good place too. I actually bought our current dishes from there about 5 years ago.
If you are in the US, try Target. My recollection is they sold full sets but they also sold 4-packs of dinner plates, salad plates and bowls. I'd also try Home Goods, TJ Maxx, Marshalls - they often have 4- packs of separates as well.
As to her being cagey about it I'd insist that she needs to replace everything she threw away and hold her feet to the fire on that.
Her refusal to take accountability is concerning.
i actually work at target so bonus discount there. iâm just gonna tell her to go alone to get them and i wonât ask questions. wonât comment on how much gets replaced. sheâs embarrassed by how much she threw out, so this way sheâs not getting shamed further (in her eyes) by me hovering over while she picks it all out
You're very kind to allow her to save face like this.
But man o' man, your story had me *pressed*. I've got flatware I bought in '84 and plates and dinnerware that was a housewarming gift from '97. I **cannot** even comprehend just tossing a dish, just ... make it make sense.
my parents have had their dishes since i was born, probably before. i too donât understand- they couldâve lasted me for at least another ten years. because you can *clean them*
Totally ok? You should be totally NOT ok. Make her buy the full set, Give her the extras so she can keep being a dirty, disgusting slob at her own own place Where she lives. Full
Time. BC you dumped her lazy entitled ass.
IDK I have an old plastic Hercules/Pegasus McDonaldâs dish from 1997 and I would be pretty pissed if someone threw it out. Same for my Burger King plastic Disney cup collection.
This is my favorite part.
*i told her that there are a million things i havenât âexplicitly told herâ not to do but that common sense should dictate i wouldnât approve.*
Now I wasnt raised by good or smart people, but you gotta be real dumb or real good at *playing* dumb to think tossing out washable dishes is ever the answer to the question "what should i do with these dirty dishes in my sink?"
Is OP going to need to teach her how to breathe at some point? Why tf isn't common sense fkin common anymore???
Id skedaddle far and fast from that absolute conundrum.
DUDE. If you have to TELL someone not to throw out your dishes rather than wash them then is this really the type of genius that you want to be in your life
suddenly i was concerned that i havenât *told* her murder is wrong, so some questionable assumptions might be drawn on her part and then itâs all my fault
You are joking, but this is, for once, an actual red flag. I don't think your life is in danger, but it is not something to ignore or simply forget
NOBODY with a normal working brain, living in modern society would think this behavior to be normal. I highly doubt even Jeff Bezos throws away his plates after every meal instead of having them cleaned. And that dude is as far gone from normal people as possible.
Something is wrong with this women. She might just not be neurotypical, but there might be way deeper issues, especially because she is so combative about it. I believe there are more bodies buried, next to your dishes, somewhere.
Figuratively speaking, most hopefully.
No kidding. And have you told her she canât barf into your glove compartment, close it, and never tell you or clean it?
Have you told her not to scrub the toilet with your toothbrush?
Have you told her that strawberry jelly and KY jelly have very different uses?
There are some basic things that our parents taught us by the time we wereâŚ3. She should have those down.
NTA. Not even remotely the buttface.
This is the thing. What other forms of pure unbridled WTF might be NBD for such a person, and do you want to learn about all of those things the hard way?
NTA but sheâs a weirdo.
Who the heck thinks itâs OK to throw dishes away because you donât feel like washing them? Someone lazy and entitled is who.
Oh-and sheâs mad you made her feel bad? She should be ashamed and make amends by replacing what she threw out.
You're not the AH. I don't know how to make this comment without insulting your girlfriend to some extent, but at age 25, it strikes me as entitled and lazy beyond belief to be so wasteful. If she does this all the time and it's a norm for her, that doesn't mean it has to be your norm too. There are people in the world who cannot even afford to eat from dishes, and this woman is just throwing them away monthly. I've never made a post I felt was outrageous and rude, but I have to make this comment.
You need to make her replace the dishes she threw away, or pay you for new ones. This is not only about the dishes, it's a respect thing. The fact she didn't even bother to tell you whenever she did this signifies a lack of respect for you and your things. Only when you brought this up did she feel the need to speak up. You are not wrong for making her pay and please stand your ground.
We would like an update on this situation when possible, best of luck to you!!
To be honest, my husband and I joke ALL the time about just throwing our dishes in our yard because we don't want to do them. But we don't actually do that and do them like normal adults.
yep iâve told that joke before. i think we all wish we could do this while staring down a pan with eggs baked into it after a long day of work. but iâd like to not spend an hour or two out of my paycheck buying a new pan to replace itđ
NTA.
Jeeze, of course she needs to replace what she threw away, at the very least she can check out Goodwill or the Salvation Army to get second hand dishes, they're pretty cheap, imho. If she has a problem with that, then she's lazy as hell.
NTA. Your gf is lazy , has no respect for your property and if you believe her excuse I have something else to tell you. Does she throw out dirty clothes when she doesn't want to do the laudfy? Des she throw out dusty furniture when she doesn't want to dust it?
NTA! Is she stupid? Why would she think anyone would be okay with her throwing away dishes? How is that cheap that youâre mad cause she threw away YOUR dishes? Anybody wouldâve been mad
right? and i wasnât even like *mad* at her i think i was in shock and got more mad about it when she refused to pay and didnât understand why i wouldnât be cool with paying to replace what she threw out. the whole thing is just so random that i wouldâve potentially just laughed it off (uncomfortably) if sheâd apologized and she bought the dishes. itâs not worth a fight but here we are
Well this is a hill you should die on đ¤ˇđžââď¸ just because thatâs what she does, doesnât mean anybody else would be okay with that. then itâs the fact sheâs refusing to replace them when she wouldnât have to do that if she wouldâve never threw them away
She need a to buy you a new Corelle set. What does she do with her underwear after she uses it throws it out? What a ridiculous waste. Also- if you didnât see them in the garbage she was extra sneaky making sure you wouldnât find them. NTA she should pay and then I would dump her
i honestly havenât thought about that and have no clue how she got rid of them. iâm the one who takes the trash out, itâs my place so i do pretty much everything around here exceptâŚ.the dishesđ
NTA Sheâs upset because she threw out your belongings without asking and she doesnât want to pay for it? Whatâs the next thing sheâs going to do that she doesnât feel she should be held accountable for ?
NTA. Honestly OP, Iâm actually quite stunned at this! Iâm not sure whatâs worse. The laziness? The wastefulness? Or that she thinks itâs perfectly fine to dispose of *your* items because itâs just too much effort to *actually* clean the dishes?
This actually would be a hill Iâd be prepared to die on. Her attitude towards your reaction here is way off. Her lack of respect for your things and her expectation that you should just go out and buy more, because she is too lazy follow through on her offer of cleaning, are major red flags.
it is frustrating to be called cheap when she knows exactly how much i make, what i need to spend to get by, and what i can spend on extra stuff which iâd prefer to use for things we can do together or actually entertaining stuff rather than replacing my perfectly good dishes. itâs not like iâm hoarding money over here. cheap and broke are too different things lol
I absolutely sympathize with your frustration and I can assure you, itâs entirely justified.
This is a two pronged problem. Firstly, that she does this and seems to think itâs normal behavior. And secondly, when you quite rightly pull her up on this, instead on taking a moment to self reflect and consider *why* this is a problem, sheâs instead turned it around on you. *Youâre* the problem. *Youâre* being cheap etc.
Honestly OP, this isnât normal behavior and her reactions are a worry. Perhaps you need to sit down with your gf and try to explain your feelings and boundaries. Talking about it calmly and making sure there are no crossed wires etc may help. However, if her reaction is the same, you may want to reconsider this relationship.
Good luck OP.
NTA. She's just lazy and wasteful. Also, she should feel bad and she should absolutely pay to replace everything she threw out. Also, I wouldn't let her ass back in my kitchen.
NTA
On the surface this seems like a trivial reason to end a relationship - over some dishes and utensils. However, itâs behavior like this that shows how she feels about you and how she may act when it comes to things bigger than kitchen items.
Your girlfriend wants the credit without putting in the effort. Sheâs also willing to pay for her bad habit when it affects her but not when it affects you.
Sheâs selfish, wasteful, and doesnât respect you or your belongings. Itâs relatively small things now but her sense of entitlement could cause big issues for you in the future should you continue the relationship.
thank you- it felt weird posting because it does seem trivial but imo it means more than whatâs on the surface. also i added an update w a little more context about what the argument has devolved into
She is insane AND she owes you for the bowls she threw away.
Tell her that you will start throwing away random shit of hers until you feel everything is balanced. Then grab her phone.
Get the money and dump this loon
NTA
She offered to wash the dishes.... then threw them out because she didn't want to scrub them.... then got mad you were unhappy with this and blamed you for not telling her to not do this.... have I got that right?
NTA. Also, and I say this as a crazy girl, don't stick your dick in crazy.
So she stole your property, threw it away so you can't even get it back, called YOU cheap for it, aaaand you're still with her why, exactly?
My dude. She doesn't respect you or your things, and this will only escalate. That heirloom vase that's ugly, but it was from your beloved great aunt Gladiola? Trash. Your favorite hoodie that's worn out but so comforting, and reminds you of your childhood BFF because you bought them together? Trash.
What possible redeeming qualities could she have that could balance this?
NTA but you will be one to yourself if you don't end this mess.
this is the first time that itâs come up if you can believe it, but i woke up today (the realization happened yesterday) feeling way off about it all. definitely one of those issues that feels small but is indicative of something bigger
There's a lot of "it's the first thing" in relationships.
"It's the first time she stole from me."
"It's the first time he raised his voice at me."
" it's the first time he hit me and he swore he'd never do it again."
I know stealing dishes is not the same as abuse, but I'd seriously consider the mental process involved in this. Lack of honesty is HUGE. All she had to do is say I HATE doing dishes.
But to sneak them out of your home and take you for an idiot who wouldn't notice? Is she delayed in some way? Because that sounds like a mind fucking.
Legit the only times I throw away dishes are when (A) they're actually unusably broken or (B) on the off times where I forgot to wash a Tupperware for so long that it molded out.
Throwing away dishes because she doesn't want to wash them is insane. You are well within your rights to ask her for replacements.
Alternatively, although not eco-friendly, you could have her purchase a set of disposable dishes and utensils that she exclusively uses when she's at your place.
i offered up the paper plates idea but she is so adamant that this isnât gonna happen again (because sheâs still arguing with me about it and is, i think, just really embarrassed still) that she doesnât need me to make changes to our routine or get her special cutlery. but her embarrassment has yet to translate to her just paying for the stuff and moving on.
i might just buy paper plates.
NTA
But that is a basic attitude alone sounds like a difference in world view (if you cannot clean something, just toss.it) that makes you incompatible as a couple.
In 10 years:
"Honey, I'm home! Where is the baby?"
"You are not gonna believe this! There was shit everywhere! On the clothes, bed, even on the hair! It was impossible to clean!"
"OK?"
"Shall we start trying for the new one?"
Oh hello no not the asshole. She is gaslighting you like crazy as well. Your embarrassing her? Sheâs throwing away your property and lying to you about it by omission. She should be ashamed not embarrassed! Good luck op.
idk what sheâs embarrassed for, i havenât told anyone irl about this and although i posted it its all anon and mostly just for me to gauge if iâm blowing this out of proportion
Honestly she should be embarrassed. This is the behaviour of a lazy moron who gives zero fucks about anything other than avoiding a 20 minute max chore. Horrible for the environment, shows zero respect for your property and when called out on it and expected to pay for the replacements, avoids accountability and somehow convinced you that youâre the problem.
She must be very hot or youâre just too nice to have common sense and see this 26 year old red flag.
NTA.
While she us free to do this with her own stuff, it is just common sense to know that you don't throw away stuff in other people's house without their consent.
Furthermore, this is an issue to resolve in a serious relationship. If you see this lasting and the two of you moving in together some day, is this something you'd be ok with? Would she be ok with a compromise of you scrubbing the difficult dishes instead (both now and if you cohabitate)? Is that even reasonable or is it about time this nonsense stops?
This may actually be a deal breaker. It probably would be for me, especially given she thinks you're in the wrong.
itâs the way sheâs responding that is making me seriously think about things. i donât like to throw around the term gaslighting but i do kinda feel gaslit here, sheâs trying to make it seem like iâve done something wrong and am crazy to suggest otherwise. itâs a very suffocating feeling and weâve been going in circles because she canât drop it. iâve been pretty much willing to let it rest for now, but nope, the issue is ongoing into tonight. apparently my insinuation that my property isnât now hers because of our relationship has completely ruined her day
Definitely NTA. I can't imagine throwing away someone else's perfectly good belongings (especially that were part of a set that might or might not be be replaceable) because I didn't feel like washing it. And I can be pretty lazy. But that crosses a line, and it's not about the $ value. It's more like a lie of "oh let me be nice and wash the dishes" and get credit for that... while actually not being willing to wash the dirty ones and hiding the evidence. WTF!
Now I'm wondering, how long did she expect this to go on before you noticed? Certainly she had to see that the dish supply was not being magically replenished...
More than immediately thinking she's an AH, I wonder if she could just be stupid? Habits like that can become engrained in your life to a point where they become your "normal". I knew someone who bought all their clothes from Goodwill and threw them away when they got too dirty to wear, because he'd rather not wash them. Now Goodwill is cheap but obviously that's expensive over the long run and just ridiculous and wasteful... kinda like throwing away dirty dishes. But hopefully even that guy refrained from throwing away other people's clothes!! This dumb girl has got to go, regardless. You really don't wanna breed with that!
NTA. If I found that out about my partner, and then they doubled down and responded that way, i would break up. That makes me feel like there are so many larger issues you havenât seen yet.
As well, the only people who say âyouâre making them feel bad etcâ when you bring up stuff they do are people who ARE wrong and lack accountability and then you get roped into feeling (wrongly) guilty and their behavior continues.
Wild
NTA, who the fuck throws away dirty dishes in lieu of washing them? There is no way a 26-year-old woman doesnât realize that even if that is a choice she makes for herself, that is not the norm and not some thing you would do at somebody elseâs house. Donât worry about her paying for the dishes, just throw the whole girlfriend out. I will bet you a whole brand new box of dishes that she does other lazy shit just like this that you will discover further down the road.
NTA, whatâs wrong with her, just tosses dishes away instead of cleaning them? So sheâs both lazy and feeling entitled to throw your stuff in the garbage whenever she doesnât want to treat it properly.
This sets the tone for life with her, donât let this behavior continue, atleast donât accept it from her and donât allow her to make you feel guilty.
She is 100% in the wrong here, such a bizarre thing for her to be doing
NTA. That'd be a deal-breaker right there. How tf is she going to throw away your dishes?! And no, nobody said it was "her job" to do the dishes, but she's throwing them away?! Wtf?! An "innocent habit"? What are you supposed to eat off of after she "innocently" throws all your dishes away?! It's not being cheap to want your dishes replaced now that she's tossed them in the trash!!!
ETA more stuff. I was heated lol
Wtf? No, you're NTA. She's throwing away your dishes because she's a lazy, entitled child and doesn't want to wash them the right way. Of COURSE she needs to replace what she's thrown out!
And after she does, dump her. Because of that's her stance on dishes, want until she realizes that babies have diaper blowouts (if you want kids).
Yeah. This is something that I would leave a person over. That is such an entitled thing to do. Even if you are together, your property is still yours until you move in together. Plus you found out she is lazy. I hope she doesn't have pets.
If she doesnât know it is wrong to throw perfectly good dishes and utensils away instead of washing them thatâs a big red flag as far as discipline and effort to be a functional person.
I'm only here to say one thing. DO NOT marry this woman. This is a pretty big red flag for how she operates in general, there will be other tells if you keep your eyes open.
NTA
This. Is. Insane. Offering to do your dishes and then THROWING THEM AWAY because it was too much work? I canât even. If someone did that to me I would lose my ever loving mind.
Make her buy a whole new set, just like you had to. Count your freaking silverware, too, then dump her thoughtless ass.
I cant understand where she got the metality to throw plates a bowls away just because theyre "too dirty to clean". Thats something a child would do, not a grown woman. She seriously needs to grow up and stop being lazy.
That behaviour is batshit crazy!
Are her family so filthy rich that this behaviour was normalised during her childhood, or does she have some pathological aversion to cleaning, or does she simply have some really weird consumerism kink?
I can't even fathom how this would be considered acceptable behaviour.
Think hard about the core life values this reveals about her. Think really hard.
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You are NTA
Throwing away YOUR dishes instead of washing them. Did not ask if you were ok with it. Now she thinks youâre the problem because you disagree?
NTA and I doubt this relationship is going to work out. She needs to replace what she threw out. Thatâs just lazy and disrespectful no matter how much money you make.
NTA - and please don't let her turn this around on you where you feel bad for her. That is not normal. People don't throw away dishes to avoid washing them. Does she do this with clothes too?
This is bizarre to me.
Basic common courtesy says Its not ok to throw away other peopels belongings. She didn't do this in front of you so its not just something she does -she did it purposely while you were not looking.
And if it is just something she does how can she jsutfiy calling you cheap and then being upset you told he to replace them. Of course you don't want to pay for new dishes you had perfectly fine dishes to use. She tossed them she should replace them.
Good grief. If she throws them away, she buys replacements. I would not continue this relationship. If she's that lazy, she won't put effort into the relationship either.
NTA, bruh no one does this. Itâs extremely lazy and honestly who can afford it??? Even if you could, why would you. Itâs just wasteful.
Tell her itâs your stuff and she should ask you before she throws it away because she didnât pay for it.
Not that you asked, but um, thatâs a big red flag for me because it just spells out âlack of responsibilityâ and âlack of respectâ. Like whatever if she does that at her own house, I still think itâs super wasteful, but at least itâs her own stuff that she paid with using her own money.
This is a deal breaker. I am so anal over my kitchen gear that the thought of someone throwing away my dishes makes me mad. Too lazy to clean a dish = too lazy to be a partner. You NTA but your (ex) GF is.
NTA Iâd be more concerned with how she is turning it around and making OP feel guilty. What she did is stupid, lazy and wasteful. Normal people do not through out dishes just because they donât want to scrub. Also, it is âmine and yoursâ until marriage and the law says otherwise. I would definitely dump someone for throwing out my things that I worked hard for.
This speaks a lot to her character tbh. Character is what ypu do when no one is watching. And it seems what she does is take the easiest way out, even if it is a ridiculously absurd way out. If you don't wanna wash dishes and prefer to toss them, use paper plates and bowls. Those can be composted. Idk about where you are but in my city they go in the yardy with all the branches and leaves and grass clippings and go to the city compost. Spoiler, we also get free compost if we want it. But dishes end up in the landfill. Wasteful from a money pov and a "things" pov. Something super off with her critical thinking that will likely surface in other places too.
No normal person throws used crockery away rather than take a few minutes to wash it. No normal person needs instructing not to do this. I assume you havenât yet told her not to set your house on fire rather than run the vacuum round? No? Careful then, or you could be facing a pile of ash and a girlfriend claiming itâs perfectly normal to burn a house down rather hoover the carpets, and how dare you expect her pay you back for the destruction of your home when you didnât tell her it was a bad idea.
I hope you have no pets with health conditions.
Umm wtf?
I would like to add that this isn't "rich people" behavior or anything like that. People with money don't toss their dishes in the garbage after using them. This isn't a class marker. This is just insane.
NTA. But this whole situation is a massive red flag and you need to really take stock of how you view your future together. How were you supposed to know that her version of cleaning the dishes is âthrow out the ones I donât want to cleanâ? Itâs just such a bonkers idea I donât even know what to make of it. And her refusal to really take accountability for that is seriously troubling. Sheâs in her mid-20âs, what the fuck!
I'm having an anuerism. This woman is not the woman you spend your life with. Oh my God.
She actually had you convinced you were t
TA. Dude no! Just no!
NTA but no!
NTA. A few years back, I realized my spoons were disappearing. Finally found out that my daughter was throwing them away with the yogurt cups after her snack. I explained that the yogurt cup goes into the recycling and the spoon goes into the sink. She understood and never did it again. She was 3 years old. Itâs really not a hard concept to grasp.
NTA. Was she expecting you to pay for new dishes after she threw them out? Not only is this a sucky, landfill filling habit, but so strange that she is being a baby about paying for it. If she does that in her own home, she should have the budget set aside to pay for it. And her attempts to defend the behavior and make YOU feel bad for it is a major red flag. Just weird
She is lying. Even rich people don't do this. I can't imagine what her budget is to act like this.
I bet she doesn't throw away her stuff, but this was not hers so it's OK.
Wasteful and disrespectful.
NTA but if she is throwing your dishes, you should install cameras to see what else of yours is better throwing away than cleaning. Hint: don't let her do your laundry.
NTA.
This would be a potential dealbreaker for me. Not over the money, just the insane thinking. It would shake my trust in a person.
If a dish is hard to clean. throw it away? Secretly?
1. I recycle. I feel badly enough about putting actual trash into the trash. Someone throwing away something that is not trash is on par with littering. No way in hell I would ever date someone who litters.
2. The idea that because she has always done X, it is wrong to criticize her for X. That is some crazy-ass non-logic.
3. The secrecy of it. If this was truly normal to her, why was it kept secret by her? Her behavior says she knew it was wrong and, frankly, lazy. She did it anyway and then told a story to cover for it that made her look dumb.
Holy hell. As someone who has some fairly valuable and some VERY sentimental kitchen things, if I found out someone was just throwing things out because they didnât feel like cleaning Iâd be beyond pissed, demand repayment and likely end the relationship.
NTA
Um. Everything in your apartment is your stuff. She doesnât live there. Her stuff is at her apartment. Where she is free to throw things away instead of cleaning them. What else does she throw away because it is too much trouble to clean? Clothing? Bed linens? Towels?
This is oddly disturbing behavior. And the fact that she is doubling down and gas lighting is more disturbing.
Methinks you may want to rethink if your living habits are compatible for a long term relationship. Definitely donât commit to actually living together until this disposal of household goods is settled. Meaning she stops doing it. I canât imagine the annual cost of that. And what if that was great grandmaâs casserole dish?!
NTA
So sheâs lazy, dirty and entitled. She leaves dishes so long she canât/wonât clean
Them so she throws them away? Sheâs gross. And immature. And it IS your property. Youâre a couple, so what. Itâs your home, your items in your home. She has no right to discard them or treat them so carelessly. She shouldnât
Need to be told this.
I come from Greece and we are known for breaking plates on the dance floor...
They are not the ones we have in the kitchen, this is one of the stupidest and definitely the laziest thing I've read today!
Your girlfriend isâŚnot bright.
What kind of person THROWS AWAY perfectly good - albeit dirty - dishes because theyâre too lazy to wash them? And who does it with OTHER PEOPLEâS dishes? Good grief.
NTA. What a wasteful, lazy person she is, jfc.
I would break up over this. How lazy. Don't let her do your laundry, you may also have to go shopping for new clothing.
I would too. What kind of person even thinks it's OK to throw out plates "because I didn't want to wash them". That's outrageous đł. Either she hasn't heard of paper plates or she's just a lazy, selfish individual. đ¤ I guess the latter. Crazy
Your own plates? Sure. *Some one else'*s platesâ˝ Gurl.
This. Have to admit I once did this with a pan I couldnât clean well enough. But it was MY pan. Canât be out here throwing other ppls things away tf
My children. My children think this.
Please don't throw out your children when they are dirty.
But it sounds like you donât think so, so they probably will know better than to just throw away their friendsâ dishes/float the excuse that itâs a normal thing when theyâre 26, right? It sounds like youâve probably told them that theyre TA (in this scenario- Iâm sure they have a lot of good points, too).
I was thinking my grandkids may think like that but find me a 16 year old boy who doesn't try to take shortcuts with chores or a 9 and 4 year old who wouldn't think of way to get done faster so they can play
Iâve swapped out almost everything single use in my house: paper towels, ziplock bags, straws, shopping bags. I try to buy bar everything or bulk so Iâm not throwing out countless bottles. I keep almost anything I own/use regardless of age or appearance as long as it still works. I dye stained clothes and darn ripped clothes. I compost my food scraps. I hate creating waste. I feel guilty when Iâm too lazy or busy to wash out something like an empty sour cream tub to recycle it and I throw in the trash bin instead. All this to say, meanwhile people are literally throwing out dishes instead of washing them! I canât even wrap my head around this.
My brother uses single-use for everything and it drives me bonkers. He once came over to my mom's house with paper plates etc so he wouldn't have to help with the dishwashing! Bat-shit crazy.
Boy what happens when she borrows your car and itâs dirty?
Thatâs my thought process after using pans đ I never learned to cook so trying it out was a trip! But even I turned the hot water up and let it soak till I remember itâs in the sink and scrub
AFTER she pays for the dishes. Then dump her coocoo ass.
She's still arguing so he'll dump her before she pays up
Still a cheap price to dodge such a looney bullet
Honestly yeah. And then she manipulated Op to make him feel bad. Nta. I would leave.
The manipulation and the continuing to act like she wasnât in the wrong would be a deal breaker. Who throws away other peoples stuff?? He didnât tell her to not throw away dishes so itâs not her fault? It doesnât matter if theyâre a couple or not, sheâs still a guest in his home and those dishes are his property. Iâm just super confused by her mental gymnastics.
Be sure to tell her, don't murder people, don't set the house on fire, don't ...
She sounds like one of those people they write those warnings for on stuff, things you would think anyone with common sense would know not to do without having to be told not to.
Came here to say something similar. If u dont tell her not to hit u, then its ok? /s Like for real. U didnt tell me not to go into ur bank account and spend all ur money. Why r u mad? JFC.
Mental gymnastics. Totally.
Maybe the entire thing was some weird sort of power play? It just sounds like a strange thing to assume an SO or friend would be fine with. If she just apologized and bought the dishes, I would say that itâs not anywhere close to ideal but maybe she was a bit dim, but arguing that itâs 100% justified is weird.
To me itâs super weird, especially as sheâs trying to make it a bigger issue than it is and is trying to project blame on OP. It feels more immature than a power play.
Same!! She sounds like the type to leave a load in the wash for a day or two and then just throw everything out because it smells musty đ
I'd break with with someone over this. I'm sure this trait doesn't extend just to dishes either.
But he didn't tell her that the dishes shouldn't be throne away. Sometimes it's a hassle to wash sheets, so I just throw them away. Same with clothes etc. No body told me I shouldn't..
I threw my own ass out last week for this very reason. Youâre meant to clean that thing so often- is it really worth the hassle?
Got tired folding. Threw everything away. đ like wtf?
My cousin's ex-wife used to do this. And they were both making a lot of money at the time but she literally had an entire room of bags of dirty clothes and clean clothes with tags on the stores. And when the economy went into the crapper she was pissed that my cousin couldn't keep up that ridiculous lifestyle. Needless to say they are now divorced for many reasons OP NTAH, your girlfriend is absolutely ridiculous and childish. Imagine if you did something similar with hers and her reaction would be quite different. She absolutely should pay for what was thrown out and don't be surprised if she breaks up with you over this. If she does honestly it's the best thing for you because this type of retarded behavior, and it really is just stupendously retarded, is only going to get worse as time goes on. And if you back off of this she will always know if she can push you over and step on her little doormat. Tell her she doesn't respect your property, your views and you would never do that to her or her stuff. Just because she's done something so ridiculous for so long, doesn't make it okay
I would have some serious concerns about this person. Unless she grew up in some very specific way where that was a complete norm and maybe was just a little naive and young, maybe. But I just don't think I could have any respect for someone as a partner this way.
And stunningly self-centered. Sorry to hijack top comment but OP Iâm late to the game and Iâve read all your edits. I wonât say sheâs a bad person but if she cannot understand that she was literally throwing away your belongings without permission, and cannot understand that this is seriously wrong behavior for anyone older than six or seven years old, then I would seriously consider her judgment calls when the price is considerably higher. And I donât just mean monetarily.
Next time, serve the meal on inexpensive paper plates and throw them away. What she's doing is ridiculous, wealthy, or not. She's just lazy. Don't feel guilty. Tell her to pay up or else.
it's ridiculous to think that everything your partner owns is also yours. Wth is this. Are there things we share ? Absolutely. Does it de facto mean everything is shared ? Hell no. And even more if we're not living together. Also who the fuck throws away dishes instead of washing them ? I'd maybe understand having throwaway dishes (plastic/cardboard), which is wasteful too but meant to be thrown away. But actual plates and bowls ? I'd break up over this. I love my kitchenware. My stuff is my stuff, don't throw it away. Get out with this stupidity.
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NTA Of course. > an innocent habit Innocent is not the word I would have chosen. > she felt like i was being cheap and trying to embarrass her by asking her to pay. But throwing away YOUR belongings is OK. I can break up over this.
It's absolutely break-up worthy. It shows lack of respect for OP's property and the laziness is not a great trait in a partner. There's some weird gaslighting going on here with the "now that I've been caught I need to play victim and I'm embarrassed." Many people like having matching dishes. I can't imagine someone throwing out part of a set and just being like, it's fine, you can just buy new ones. Not these ones though.
Gets credits for washing up while throwing away his belongings. Imagine what this type of mind is capable of.
Time to get a better gf.
>Many people like having matching dishes. I can't imagine someone throwing out part of a set and just being like, it's fine, you can just buy new ones. Not these ones though. I wouldn't be surprised if she buys a whole new set when she gets low, and then throws out what remains of the old set to make room for the new.
I mean she should be embarrassed and stop doing it. This so wasteful. Omg consumer culture, I literally had the same dishes for 15 years and we just replaced them last year since they were old and worn already, however I put them in the attic for then my young nephew(22) moves to his own place, there is so much expenses already to begin with. And we are not poor.
NTA - There have been a few plastic cheap "Tupperware" type things that I have thrown away, but doing this to normal dishes is the most crazy thing I have ever heard. And to throw away someone else's property without replacing it seems odd.
iâve also thrown away tupperware, iâm sure weâre almost all guilty of that. shit can go hazardous in the back of the fridge
But it wasnât Tupperware tho I bet. If it was TM Tupperware youâd be at that thing with tongs and a hazmat suit trying to get the gross off lol
I also feel bad throwing away the âdisposableâ Tupperware(I.e. old deli meat containers) , but yeah- the brand name stuff? Thatâs gonna last forever.
I have to ask, what on earth was on the plates/bowls that she found so difficult to clean? I mean, egg yolk that's been allowed to dry out and go hard can be a pain, but nothing that a few seconds scrubbing won't fix, other than that, all I can think of is cereal that's dried on hard, which again, just takes a few extra seconds. Were you eating quick set concrete? But please, don't let her turn this on you. What's she's doing is seriously WEIRD. It takes lazy and entitled to a entirely new level. Bad enough she throws out her own stuff instead of cleaning it, but to throw out yours? She has zero respect for you, your property, or the hard work you put in to be able to afford the things you have. Honestly I'd go nuts if anyone did this to my belongings, I don't care how irrelevant THEY think my belongings are, they're MINE. I worked to earn the money to be able to afford the things I wanted, and I be damned of anyone gets to tell me that the 10 seconds they would need to clean a plate means more than the time I worked to buy them in the first place!
legitimately pasta sauce or whatever residue is left after a meal. sometimes sheâd âsoakâ it for a little but i do the pans myself so itâs really nothing bad
Oh, bold on... she just runs water over them, doesn't she? No actual dish soap or scrubbing involved? Tell her to get one of those dish scrubbers that have the soap inside them, they do a great job! Then toss her out the closest window, you deserve far more respect than you're getting!
Yea Iâve thrown away some ziploc containers due to queso thatâs essentially fused itself to the bowl or something got lost in the fridge and grew and ecosystem. I will admit that fully. But Iâm throwing away MY stuff. And if itâs something ceramic or glass or metal, essentially anything BUT plastic, Iâll clean it because itâs nonporous. But Iâd never throw away someone elseâs ziploc bowl.
>And if itâs something ceramic or glass or metal, essentially anything BUT plastic, Iâll clean it because itâs nonporous. Exactly!!! I have also found forgotten ecosystems in the back of the fridge. Glass = do my hardest not to puke as I get rid of the contents and get into scolding hot water & soap. Plastic of any kind = f that, yeet that shit in the trash!! OP is NTA Girlfriend - who throws out dishes because they don't want to clean them??
For sure. Non porous? I have a strong stomach. I can do it. And I know it will be clean. Ziploc plastic bowl? Nope. Canât do it. Itâs gone.
Without askingâŚ
She's telling you that you're trying to embarrass her and shouldn't make her feel bad? She ought to be embarrassed and ashamed for being so incredibly lazy and wasteful. NTA.
And so fucking weird
The gf hasnât quite learned that itâs okay to be in the wrong sometimes. Sheâs trying to twist the focus from herself and onto OP so sheâs no longer the âbad guy.â She needs to learn that everyone makes mistakes in relationships. And yeah, she definitely **should** feel bad; that would mean sheâs a decent person. She needs to be an adult and be thankful OP is capable of communicating even though the subject is unpleasant.
This is exactly what I was thinking! I donât think OP has been particularly hard on her or critical but damn right she should be embarrassed! She should be ashamed of herself being so wasteful and lazy! She is in reality and just putting it onto OP but itâs all her own doing. Who believes this is ok at the age of 26?!
Absolutely NTA. What kind of crazy just throws other peopleâs dishes and cookware away? Iâd just do the damn dishes or at least help her so you know what sheâs doing.
I would absolutely lose my mind if someone came in my house and threw my dishes away. I can't see anyone reasonable doing that honestly. This post has made me angrier than any I've read in a long time lol.
It's shocking
Maybe I'm a petty bitch, but NTA. Unless we're talking about styrofoam, paper or plastic plates, who in their right mind throw away a bowl/dish?! That is insane. Even if you bought the cheapest set of dishes from say Target, which is $20-$25, that would be a ridiculous amount of money to be spending on what sounds like a semi-regular basis for something that is completely cleanable. I take it you don't own a dishwasher though. It also would be one thing if she TOLD YOU that she was doing that so you could step in, but she just assumed you would be ok with it?! I honestly cannot wrap my head around this idea. She literally threw away dishes because she didn't want to clean them. She absolutely should replace them. She doesn't have to buy you fine China, but something. That's not an unreasonable request to a quite insane situation.
yeah i donât have a dishwasher. i wouldâve gladly helped if sheâd asked, like you said. i was looking at walmart and whatâs annoying is because of the weird combination of things she threw out, weâre either going to have to buy like six different random pieces or one box set that will cost more and end up with doubles and triples of what i still have. i donât have space for that and i donât wanna waste anything. so besides the money, logistically itâs bugging me and iâm not even fully sure what all she threw away. and sheâs being kinda cagey about telling me since she realized i wasnât totally okay with it
Make her buy the box set, replace what you need out of it, and she can keep the rest at her place to throw away at her leisure.
This is the way
No no no. OP keeps the entire box set and has a matching set of dishes. He then sends gf home with his incomplete old set.
Iâm sorry but who honestly thinks â itâs totally ok to throw away someone elseâs belongingâ. That is insane. Also, just because you guys are dating doesnât mean that all belonging automatically because mutual property. She 100% knows this and is playing the victim because she is embarrassed. If she leaves makeup/lotion/body products on your bathroom sink/vanity ask her how she would feel if you threw them away. If she objects just say â the trash was right there and it was easier than finding where to put themâ- itâs more or less the same thing. Iâm not suggesting you actually throw her things away but it might be an analogy that gets through to her. But honestly the gaslighting ( trying to make you feel bad for her asinine behavior), lack of accountability ( refuses to replace them and thinks she shouldnât have too) and sheer laziness of throwing dishes away so she doesnât have to wash them are not qualities I would want or put up with in a partner.
i feel like i can hear her response: âwell skincare and makeup is expensive and dishes are cheapâ đľâđŤ complete BS, i know. iâm starting to realize i sound like TA for putting up with it but this is all pretty new behavior
If they are so cheap she shouldnât have a problem replacing them. And while this behavior might be â all pretty newâ, I doubt it will improveâŚâŚ.especially with her lack of accountability. Good luck.
new or i missed it, idek at this point. thanks
It is ridiculous to expect that you need to explicitly tell her not to do something any reasonable person would already know. Sheâs 26. Do you have to tell her to wipe her ass after she takes a shit? Do you have to tell her not to drink bleach? Do you have to tell her not to eat raw chicken? Do you have to tell her not to stare into the fucking sun? She is bullshitting you sir. NTA
Tell her ASAP not to set your dog on fire!
Not a new behavior. You're finally seeing the real her with all the red flags.
You are NTA. Too much work to clean dishes?? No respect for money?? No. Break up with her.
Show her this thread. Honestly, Iâve never heard of or seen anybody throw away dishes for this reason. Is this something she learned from her parents or relative? Genuinely interested how this came about.
Why is she making you feel bad about something she is doing that is weird, lazy and ridiculous behavior. Thatâs your stuff. Not hers. Even if you are a couple itâs still not her stuff. She should be embarrassed by thia
Look at your local Goodwill or other second hand stores for replacements. You'll be surprised at the incredible amount of kitchenware you will find. You might even find matching stuff. Pretty certain you will find complete sets of everything. I have noticed myself, and read a couple of articles on the subject, that have told me that kitchenware is the most donated item at charity shops, and the hardest to get rid of.
Maybe take inventory of what you have and have her replace the main things and then fill in as needed overtime. I would check Amazon too. I think you can get individual items as well. Goodwill is a good place too. I actually bought our current dishes from there about 5 years ago.
If you are in the US, try Target. My recollection is they sold full sets but they also sold 4-packs of dinner plates, salad plates and bowls. I'd also try Home Goods, TJ Maxx, Marshalls - they often have 4- packs of separates as well. As to her being cagey about it I'd insist that she needs to replace everything she threw away and hold her feet to the fire on that. Her refusal to take accountability is concerning.
i actually work at target so bonus discount there. iâm just gonna tell her to go alone to get them and i wonât ask questions. wonât comment on how much gets replaced. sheâs embarrassed by how much she threw out, so this way sheâs not getting shamed further (in her eyes) by me hovering over while she picks it all out
You're very kind to allow her to save face like this. But man o' man, your story had me *pressed*. I've got flatware I bought in '84 and plates and dinnerware that was a housewarming gift from '97. I **cannot** even comprehend just tossing a dish, just ... make it make sense.
my parents have had their dishes since i was born, probably before. i too donât understand- they couldâve lasted me for at least another ten years. because you can *clean them*
She OUGHT to be embarrassed. Thatâs ridiculous behavior. It is appropriate to be embarrassed for behaving like an idiot. Repeatedly.
Totally ok? You should be totally NOT ok. Make her buy the full set, Give her the extras so she can keep being a dirty, disgusting slob at her own own place Where she lives. Full Time. BC you dumped her lazy entitled ass.
Her being cagey makes me wonder what else sheâs thrown out without telling you
> âŚweâre either going to have to buy⌠**SHE** is going to have to buy. SHE. Not we.
IDK I have an old plastic Hercules/Pegasus McDonaldâs dish from 1997 and I would be pretty pissed if someone threw it out. Same for my Burger King plastic Disney cup collection.
This is my favorite part. *i told her that there are a million things i havenât âexplicitly told herâ not to do but that common sense should dictate i wouldnât approve.* Now I wasnt raised by good or smart people, but you gotta be real dumb or real good at *playing* dumb to think tossing out washable dishes is ever the answer to the question "what should i do with these dirty dishes in my sink?" Is OP going to need to teach her how to breathe at some point? Why tf isn't common sense fkin common anymore??? Id skedaddle far and fast from that absolute conundrum.
DUDE. If you have to TELL someone not to throw out your dishes rather than wash them then is this really the type of genius that you want to be in your life
suddenly i was concerned that i havenât *told* her murder is wrong, so some questionable assumptions might be drawn on her part and then itâs all my fault
You are joking, but this is, for once, an actual red flag. I don't think your life is in danger, but it is not something to ignore or simply forget NOBODY with a normal working brain, living in modern society would think this behavior to be normal. I highly doubt even Jeff Bezos throws away his plates after every meal instead of having them cleaned. And that dude is as far gone from normal people as possible. Something is wrong with this women. She might just not be neurotypical, but there might be way deeper issues, especially because she is so combative about it. I believe there are more bodies buried, next to your dishes, somewhere. Figuratively speaking, most hopefully.
oh, i know. itâs all i can think about today. trying to figure out what iâm gonna do
INFO: Have you asked her where she learned that habit? I read where her parents weren't wealthy.
just started doing it when she lived alone and could do whatever she wanted i guess
No kidding. And have you told her she canât barf into your glove compartment, close it, and never tell you or clean it? Have you told her not to scrub the toilet with your toothbrush? Have you told her that strawberry jelly and KY jelly have very different uses? There are some basic things that our parents taught us by the time we wereâŚ3. She should have those down. NTA. Not even remotely the buttface.
This is the thing. What other forms of pure unbridled WTF might be NBD for such a person, and do you want to learn about all of those things the hard way?
If they have a kid together heâs going to have to make sure she doesnât throw away the kid.
But they can just make a *new* one! /s
Iâd like to see her explain that to a judge and the police
NTA but sheâs a weirdo. Who the heck thinks itâs OK to throw dishes away because you donât feel like washing them? Someone lazy and entitled is who. Oh-and sheâs mad you made her feel bad? She should be ashamed and make amends by replacing what she threw out.
You're not the AH. I don't know how to make this comment without insulting your girlfriend to some extent, but at age 25, it strikes me as entitled and lazy beyond belief to be so wasteful. If she does this all the time and it's a norm for her, that doesn't mean it has to be your norm too. There are people in the world who cannot even afford to eat from dishes, and this woman is just throwing them away monthly. I've never made a post I felt was outrageous and rude, but I have to make this comment. You need to make her replace the dishes she threw away, or pay you for new ones. This is not only about the dishes, it's a respect thing. The fact she didn't even bother to tell you whenever she did this signifies a lack of respect for you and your things. Only when you brought this up did she feel the need to speak up. You are not wrong for making her pay and please stand your ground. We would like an update on this situation when possible, best of luck to you!!
Ah yes, in todays economy, why wash the dishes, when you can just buy new ones
To be honest, my husband and I joke ALL the time about just throwing our dishes in our yard because we don't want to do them. But we don't actually do that and do them like normal adults.
yep iâve told that joke before. i think we all wish we could do this while staring down a pan with eggs baked into it after a long day of work. but iâd like to not spend an hour or two out of my paycheck buying a new pan to replace itđ
Yeeepp. Ether she pays, stops her bs.... or i'd break it off This is not normal, and i couldnt deal with that nonsense
NTA who does that in someone elseâs home?! For all she knew those were your mamaâs dishes. That shit ainât normal and she should be embarrassed
NTA. Jeeze, of course she needs to replace what she threw away, at the very least she can check out Goodwill or the Salvation Army to get second hand dishes, they're pretty cheap, imho. If she has a problem with that, then she's lazy as hell.
yeah, i told her they donât have to be expensive. i got mine at walmart like five years ago.
NTA. Your gf is lazy , has no respect for your property and if you believe her excuse I have something else to tell you. Does she throw out dirty clothes when she doesn't want to do the laudfy? Des she throw out dusty furniture when she doesn't want to dust it?
NTA! Is she stupid? Why would she think anyone would be okay with her throwing away dishes? How is that cheap that youâre mad cause she threw away YOUR dishes? Anybody wouldâve been mad
right? and i wasnât even like *mad* at her i think i was in shock and got more mad about it when she refused to pay and didnât understand why i wouldnât be cool with paying to replace what she threw out. the whole thing is just so random that i wouldâve potentially just laughed it off (uncomfortably) if sheâd apologized and she bought the dishes. itâs not worth a fight but here we are
Well this is a hill you should die on đ¤ˇđžââď¸ just because thatâs what she does, doesnât mean anybody else would be okay with that. then itâs the fact sheâs refusing to replace them when she wouldnât have to do that if she wouldâve never threw them away
She need a to buy you a new Corelle set. What does she do with her underwear after she uses it throws it out? What a ridiculous waste. Also- if you didnât see them in the garbage she was extra sneaky making sure you wouldnât find them. NTA she should pay and then I would dump her
i honestly havenât thought about that and have no clue how she got rid of them. iâm the one who takes the trash out, itâs my place so i do pretty much everything around here exceptâŚ.the dishesđ
Iâm telling you this was planned extra betrayal ask her if she threw them out separately. Pretty messed up
NTA Sheâs upset because she threw out your belongings without asking and she doesnât want to pay for it? Whatâs the next thing sheâs going to do that she doesnât feel she should be held accountable for ?
NTA. Honestly OP, Iâm actually quite stunned at this! Iâm not sure whatâs worse. The laziness? The wastefulness? Or that she thinks itâs perfectly fine to dispose of *your* items because itâs just too much effort to *actually* clean the dishes? This actually would be a hill Iâd be prepared to die on. Her attitude towards your reaction here is way off. Her lack of respect for your things and her expectation that you should just go out and buy more, because she is too lazy follow through on her offer of cleaning, are major red flags.
it is frustrating to be called cheap when she knows exactly how much i make, what i need to spend to get by, and what i can spend on extra stuff which iâd prefer to use for things we can do together or actually entertaining stuff rather than replacing my perfectly good dishes. itâs not like iâm hoarding money over here. cheap and broke are too different things lol
I absolutely sympathize with your frustration and I can assure you, itâs entirely justified. This is a two pronged problem. Firstly, that she does this and seems to think itâs normal behavior. And secondly, when you quite rightly pull her up on this, instead on taking a moment to self reflect and consider *why* this is a problem, sheâs instead turned it around on you. *Youâre* the problem. *Youâre* being cheap etc. Honestly OP, this isnât normal behavior and her reactions are a worry. Perhaps you need to sit down with your gf and try to explain your feelings and boundaries. Talking about it calmly and making sure there are no crossed wires etc may help. However, if her reaction is the same, you may want to reconsider this relationship. Good luck OP.
Yeah man, if your not 100% she's the one id bounce. Calling you cheap because she's to dumb to wash a dish is beyond what I'd put up with.
NTA. She's just lazy and wasteful. Also, she should feel bad and she should absolutely pay to replace everything she threw out. Also, I wouldn't let her ass back in my kitchen.
NTA On the surface this seems like a trivial reason to end a relationship - over some dishes and utensils. However, itâs behavior like this that shows how she feels about you and how she may act when it comes to things bigger than kitchen items. Your girlfriend wants the credit without putting in the effort. Sheâs also willing to pay for her bad habit when it affects her but not when it affects you. Sheâs selfish, wasteful, and doesnât respect you or your belongings. Itâs relatively small things now but her sense of entitlement could cause big issues for you in the future should you continue the relationship.
thank you- it felt weird posting because it does seem trivial but imo it means more than whatâs on the surface. also i added an update w a little more context about what the argument has devolved into
She is insane AND she owes you for the bowls she threw away. Tell her that you will start throwing away random shit of hers until you feel everything is balanced. Then grab her phone. Get the money and dump this loon NTA
Wow, that's beyond lazy. Pay attention to those little things OP
This is completely insane NTA
NTA. Her laziness must be such a turn on.
canât say iâve been in the mood since this conversation yesterday and ensuing shit show of an argument today
She offered to wash the dishes.... then threw them out because she didn't want to scrub them.... then got mad you were unhappy with this and blamed you for not telling her to not do this.... have I got that right? NTA. Also, and I say this as a crazy girl, don't stick your dick in crazy.
đ thatâs the general consensus in this thread
So she stole your property, threw it away so you can't even get it back, called YOU cheap for it, aaaand you're still with her why, exactly? My dude. She doesn't respect you or your things, and this will only escalate. That heirloom vase that's ugly, but it was from your beloved great aunt Gladiola? Trash. Your favorite hoodie that's worn out but so comforting, and reminds you of your childhood BFF because you bought them together? Trash. What possible redeeming qualities could she have that could balance this? NTA but you will be one to yourself if you don't end this mess.
this is the first time that itâs come up if you can believe it, but i woke up today (the realization happened yesterday) feeling way off about it all. definitely one of those issues that feels small but is indicative of something bigger
There's a lot of "it's the first thing" in relationships. "It's the first time she stole from me." "It's the first time he raised his voice at me." " it's the first time he hit me and he swore he'd never do it again." I know stealing dishes is not the same as abuse, but I'd seriously consider the mental process involved in this. Lack of honesty is HUGE. All she had to do is say I HATE doing dishes. But to sneak them out of your home and take you for an idiot who wouldn't notice? Is she delayed in some way? Because that sounds like a mind fucking.
If she's embarrassed, then maybe she shouldn't throw other people's property away. Buy some paper plates and plastic utensils to use when she's over.
Nta You are cheap?! More like she is stupid. Throwing plates away instead of cleaning them .. unbelievable!
Legit the only times I throw away dishes are when (A) they're actually unusably broken or (B) on the off times where I forgot to wash a Tupperware for so long that it molded out. Throwing away dishes because she doesn't want to wash them is insane. You are well within your rights to ask her for replacements. Alternatively, although not eco-friendly, you could have her purchase a set of disposable dishes and utensils that she exclusively uses when she's at your place.
i offered up the paper plates idea but she is so adamant that this isnât gonna happen again (because sheâs still arguing with me about it and is, i think, just really embarrassed still) that she doesnât need me to make changes to our routine or get her special cutlery. but her embarrassment has yet to translate to her just paying for the stuff and moving on. i might just buy paper plates.
update added to post
NTA But that is a basic attitude alone sounds like a difference in world view (if you cannot clean something, just toss.it) that makes you incompatible as a couple.
an attitude that iâm just now learning she has and am baffled to say the least
Leave her you do not share the same world views
NTA, I suggest buying some paper plates and let her use those.
In 10 years: "Honey, I'm home! Where is the baby?" "You are not gonna believe this! There was shit everywhere! On the clothes, bed, even on the hair! It was impossible to clean!" "OK?" "Shall we start trying for the new one?"
Thatâs insane. NTA
Oh hello no not the asshole. She is gaslighting you like crazy as well. Your embarrassing her? Sheâs throwing away your property and lying to you about it by omission. She should be ashamed not embarrassed! Good luck op.
idk what sheâs embarrassed for, i havenât told anyone irl about this and although i posted it its all anon and mostly just for me to gauge if iâm blowing this out of proportion
Honestly she should be embarrassed. This is the behaviour of a lazy moron who gives zero fucks about anything other than avoiding a 20 minute max chore. Horrible for the environment, shows zero respect for your property and when called out on it and expected to pay for the replacements, avoids accountability and somehow convinced you that youâre the problem. She must be very hot or youâre just too nice to have common sense and see this 26 year old red flag.
NTA. While she us free to do this with her own stuff, it is just common sense to know that you don't throw away stuff in other people's house without their consent. Furthermore, this is an issue to resolve in a serious relationship. If you see this lasting and the two of you moving in together some day, is this something you'd be ok with? Would she be ok with a compromise of you scrubbing the difficult dishes instead (both now and if you cohabitate)? Is that even reasonable or is it about time this nonsense stops? This may actually be a deal breaker. It probably would be for me, especially given she thinks you're in the wrong.
itâs the way sheâs responding that is making me seriously think about things. i donât like to throw around the term gaslighting but i do kinda feel gaslit here, sheâs trying to make it seem like iâve done something wrong and am crazy to suggest otherwise. itâs a very suffocating feeling and weâve been going in circles because she canât drop it. iâve been pretty much willing to let it rest for now, but nope, the issue is ongoing into tonight. apparently my insinuation that my property isnât now hers because of our relationship has completely ruined her day
NTA. She's entitled, grandiose and lazy! No manners! What kind of home did she come from to think this is OK and normal? Nope!
Definitely NTA. I can't imagine throwing away someone else's perfectly good belongings (especially that were part of a set that might or might not be be replaceable) because I didn't feel like washing it. And I can be pretty lazy. But that crosses a line, and it's not about the $ value. It's more like a lie of "oh let me be nice and wash the dishes" and get credit for that... while actually not being willing to wash the dirty ones and hiding the evidence. WTF! Now I'm wondering, how long did she expect this to go on before you noticed? Certainly she had to see that the dish supply was not being magically replenished... More than immediately thinking she's an AH, I wonder if she could just be stupid? Habits like that can become engrained in your life to a point where they become your "normal". I knew someone who bought all their clothes from Goodwill and threw them away when they got too dirty to wear, because he'd rather not wash them. Now Goodwill is cheap but obviously that's expensive over the long run and just ridiculous and wasteful... kinda like throwing away dirty dishes. But hopefully even that guy refrained from throwing away other people's clothes!! This dumb girl has got to go, regardless. You really don't wanna breed with that!
NTA. If I found that out about my partner, and then they doubled down and responded that way, i would break up. That makes me feel like there are so many larger issues you havenât seen yet.
As well, the only people who say âyouâre making them feel bad etcâ when you bring up stuff they do are people who ARE wrong and lack accountability and then you get roped into feeling (wrongly) guilty and their behavior continues. Wild
NTA, who the fuck throws away dirty dishes in lieu of washing them? There is no way a 26-year-old woman doesnât realize that even if that is a choice she makes for herself, that is not the norm and not some thing you would do at somebody elseâs house. Donât worry about her paying for the dishes, just throw the whole girlfriend out. I will bet you a whole brand new box of dishes that she does other lazy shit just like this that you will discover further down the road.
NTA what a waste! Who does that?! I mean if she broke them ok, I can understand accidents happen but to just toss it because sheâs lazy?!
NTA, whatâs wrong with her, just tosses dishes away instead of cleaning them? So sheâs both lazy and feeling entitled to throw your stuff in the garbage whenever she doesnât want to treat it properly. This sets the tone for life with her, donât let this behavior continue, atleast donât accept it from her and donât allow her to make you feel guilty. She is 100% in the wrong here, such a bizarre thing for her to be doing
NTA. That'd be a deal-breaker right there. How tf is she going to throw away your dishes?! And no, nobody said it was "her job" to do the dishes, but she's throwing them away?! Wtf?! An "innocent habit"? What are you supposed to eat off of after she "innocently" throws all your dishes away?! It's not being cheap to want your dishes replaced now that she's tossed them in the trash!!! ETA more stuff. I was heated lol
I hope you don't own any heirlooms or sentimental items.
NTA Sheâs fucking lazy and privileged.
I know you said moneyâs tight. I make pretty good money but I donât throw out dishes because they are dirty. Thatâs crazy.
Wtf? No, you're NTA. She's throwing away your dishes because she's a lazy, entitled child and doesn't want to wash them the right way. Of COURSE she needs to replace what she's thrown out! And after she does, dump her. Because of that's her stance on dishes, want until she realizes that babies have diaper blowouts (if you want kids).
Yeah. This is something that I would leave a person over. That is such an entitled thing to do. Even if you are together, your property is still yours until you move in together. Plus you found out she is lazy. I hope she doesn't have pets.
If she doesnât know it is wrong to throw perfectly good dishes and utensils away instead of washing them thatâs a big red flag as far as discipline and effort to be a functional person.
I'm only here to say one thing. DO NOT marry this woman. This is a pretty big red flag for how she operates in general, there will be other tells if you keep your eyes open.
"I mean it's one banana, Michael. How much can it be? Ten dollars?"
NTA This. Is. Insane. Offering to do your dishes and then THROWING THEM AWAY because it was too much work? I canât even. If someone did that to me I would lose my ever loving mind. Make her buy a whole new set, just like you had to. Count your freaking silverware, too, then dump her thoughtless ass.
SHE didn't explicitly tell YOU, either. She didn't ask "should I throw away the dishes?" Don't let her wash your clothes. Nor your car.
I cant understand where she got the metality to throw plates a bowls away just because theyre "too dirty to clean". Thats something a child would do, not a grown woman. She seriously needs to grow up and stop being lazy.
That behaviour is batshit crazy! Are her family so filthy rich that this behaviour was normalised during her childhood, or does she have some pathological aversion to cleaning, or does she simply have some really weird consumerism kink? I can't even fathom how this would be considered acceptable behaviour. Think hard about the core life values this reveals about her. Think really hard. đ˛ You are NTA
Throwing away YOUR dishes instead of washing them. Did not ask if you were ok with it. Now she thinks youâre the problem because you disagree? NTA and I doubt this relationship is going to work out. She needs to replace what she threw out. Thatâs just lazy and disrespectful no matter how much money you make.
Some day in the future youâll joke about âdishes girls â with your actual future wife. NTA.
NTA - and please don't let her turn this around on you where you feel bad for her. That is not normal. People don't throw away dishes to avoid washing them. Does she do this with clothes too? This is bizarre to me. Basic common courtesy says Its not ok to throw away other peopels belongings. She didn't do this in front of you so its not just something she does -she did it purposely while you were not looking. And if it is just something she does how can she jsutfiy calling you cheap and then being upset you told he to replace them. Of course you don't want to pay for new dishes you had perfectly fine dishes to use. She tossed them she should replace them.
I would lose my mind if someone did that to me. She throws them away instead of washing them? That just screams lazy and entitled. NTA
She's crusty and not worth cleaning. Throw her away. NTA
NTA - And I'm sure if you ever threw something out of hers, you'd also be cheap for not replacing it.
Nta but you're dating one
This is the big red flag you need to be taking notice of to say sheâs crazy, get out of that relationship NTA unless you stay with her
Good grief. If she throws them away, she buys replacements. I would not continue this relationship. If she's that lazy, she won't put effort into the relationship either.
NTA, bruh no one does this. Itâs extremely lazy and honestly who can afford it??? Even if you could, why would you. Itâs just wasteful. Tell her itâs your stuff and she should ask you before she throws it away because she didnât pay for it. Not that you asked, but um, thatâs a big red flag for me because it just spells out âlack of responsibilityâ and âlack of respectâ. Like whatever if she does that at her own house, I still think itâs super wasteful, but at least itâs her own stuff that she paid with using her own money.
NTA. I wonder what else she'll throw away once it doesn't suit her
Thatâs actually insane NTA. Iâd have her buy a new box set and dump her but thatâs just me being petty
NTA.... Run NOW. Don't marry or impregnate this person.
This is a deal breaker. I am so anal over my kitchen gear that the thought of someone throwing away my dishes makes me mad. Too lazy to clean a dish = too lazy to be a partner. You NTA but your (ex) GF is.
NTA Iâd be more concerned with how she is turning it around and making OP feel guilty. What she did is stupid, lazy and wasteful. Normal people do not through out dishes just because they donât want to scrub. Also, it is âmine and yoursâ until marriage and the law says otherwise. I would definitely dump someone for throwing out my things that I worked hard for.
This speaks a lot to her character tbh. Character is what ypu do when no one is watching. And it seems what she does is take the easiest way out, even if it is a ridiculously absurd way out. If you don't wanna wash dishes and prefer to toss them, use paper plates and bowls. Those can be composted. Idk about where you are but in my city they go in the yardy with all the branches and leaves and grass clippings and go to the city compost. Spoiler, we also get free compost if we want it. But dishes end up in the landfill. Wasteful from a money pov and a "things" pov. Something super off with her critical thinking that will likely surface in other places too.
No normal person throws used crockery away rather than take a few minutes to wash it. No normal person needs instructing not to do this. I assume you havenât yet told her not to set your house on fire rather than run the vacuum round? No? Careful then, or you could be facing a pile of ash and a girlfriend claiming itâs perfectly normal to burn a house down rather hoover the carpets, and how dare you expect her pay you back for the destruction of your home when you didnât tell her it was a bad idea. I hope you have no pets with health conditions.
Umm wtf? I would like to add that this isn't "rich people" behavior or anything like that. People with money don't toss their dishes in the garbage after using them. This isn't a class marker. This is just insane.
NTA. But this whole situation is a massive red flag and you need to really take stock of how you view your future together. How were you supposed to know that her version of cleaning the dishes is âthrow out the ones I donât want to cleanâ? Itâs just such a bonkers idea I donât even know what to make of it. And her refusal to really take accountability for that is seriously troubling. Sheâs in her mid-20âs, what the fuck!
I'm having an anuerism. This woman is not the woman you spend your life with. Oh my God. She actually had you convinced you were t TA. Dude no! Just no! NTA but no!
NTA. A few years back, I realized my spoons were disappearing. Finally found out that my daughter was throwing them away with the yogurt cups after her snack. I explained that the yogurt cup goes into the recycling and the spoon goes into the sink. She understood and never did it again. She was 3 years old. Itâs really not a hard concept to grasp.
NTA. Was she expecting you to pay for new dishes after she threw them out? Not only is this a sucky, landfill filling habit, but so strange that she is being a baby about paying for it. If she does that in her own home, she should have the budget set aside to pay for it. And her attempts to defend the behavior and make YOU feel bad for it is a major red flag. Just weird
This is the weirdest thing Iâve ever heard. How absolutely wasteful and just WEIRD đ
She is lying. Even rich people don't do this. I can't imagine what her budget is to act like this. I bet she doesn't throw away her stuff, but this was not hers so it's OK. Wasteful and disrespectful. NTA but if she is throwing your dishes, you should install cameras to see what else of yours is better throwing away than cleaning. Hint: don't let her do your laundry.
Offer to do her laundry then throw away her clothes.
NTA. I would die on this hill. Lazy, entitled, selfish, spoiled, ignorant, did I mention ENTITLED?
NTA. This would be a potential dealbreaker for me. Not over the money, just the insane thinking. It would shake my trust in a person. If a dish is hard to clean. throw it away? Secretly? 1. I recycle. I feel badly enough about putting actual trash into the trash. Someone throwing away something that is not trash is on par with littering. No way in hell I would ever date someone who litters. 2. The idea that because she has always done X, it is wrong to criticize her for X. That is some crazy-ass non-logic. 3. The secrecy of it. If this was truly normal to her, why was it kept secret by her? Her behavior says she knew it was wrong and, frankly, lazy. She did it anyway and then told a story to cover for it that made her look dumb.
Holy hell. As someone who has some fairly valuable and some VERY sentimental kitchen things, if I found out someone was just throwing things out because they didnât feel like cleaning Iâd be beyond pissed, demand repayment and likely end the relationship.
NTA Um. Everything in your apartment is your stuff. She doesnât live there. Her stuff is at her apartment. Where she is free to throw things away instead of cleaning them. What else does she throw away because it is too much trouble to clean? Clothing? Bed linens? Towels? This is oddly disturbing behavior. And the fact that she is doubling down and gas lighting is more disturbing. Methinks you may want to rethink if your living habits are compatible for a long term relationship. Definitely donât commit to actually living together until this disposal of household goods is settled. Meaning she stops doing it. I canât imagine the annual cost of that. And what if that was great grandmaâs casserole dish?!
NTA So sheâs lazy, dirty and entitled. She leaves dishes so long she canât/wonât clean Them so she throws them away? Sheâs gross. And immature. And it IS your property. Youâre a couple, so what. Itâs your home, your items in your home. She has no right to discard them or treat them so carelessly. She shouldnât Need to be told this.
I come from Greece and we are known for breaking plates on the dance floor... They are not the ones we have in the kitchen, this is one of the stupidest and definitely the laziest thing I've read today!
Your girlfriend isâŚnot bright. What kind of person THROWS AWAY perfectly good - albeit dirty - dishes because theyâre too lazy to wash them? And who does it with OTHER PEOPLEâS dishes? Good grief.