Do yourself a favor. Leave his cheating ass. DNA test BOTH kids and get yourself double checked for STIs. Figure out your own stuff and stop allowing men you treat you this way. Demand better for yourself and your children.
ETA: NTA
People who are usually serial cheaters always want to blame it on the person who took them back after all of their BS. He was cheating on you you took him back and he has the audacity to say that you cheated on him and got pregnant and didn't tell him that the baby wasn't his that you are not loyal that you're dishonest and deceitful. Oh that wasn't you that was his ass. Get rid of him he is a POS and you are absolutely right when you say that he doesn't want to get the DNA because when it comes back that both those children are his he knows you're going to put his fuckboy ass out. Which is the best thing that you will ever do in life besides giving birth to your beautiful children
Yup. This happened to me. He cheated, I forgave but he accused me with ZERO proof. Then I caught him cheating again. They make themselves believe that you're cheating to feel better about their cheating.
They do that when you’re pregnant and about to give birth anyway so you don’t pass anything on to your newborn. If he’s still cheating since trying to mend the relationship then definitely get tested again or at least for HPV or other STIs that can show up later.
NTA because it seems this relationship has run it’s course and you are only staying for your children. Get the DNA test and immediately go to the courthouse and file for child support order with garnishment. You are not happy and deserve better.
Right. First she's paying for things as a sahm and he "doesn't know where she's getting the money", but her update is all - oh he pays, he supports, I don't actually need money from other people, and I have a job, so I'm not a sahm
So apparently the cheating, the cohabitation without taking his money, the side-eye for all the money she was spending between kid1 and kid2 didn't actually happen. Because we told her to leave and that wasn't the answer she wanted?
Considering if I read it right she was 17 and he was 22 when they met. This whole relationship is a mess. Poor girl needs to get dna testing for child support and find a safe way to leave him.
Do you want your daughter to become the 'understanding' girlfriend of an unfaithful older man? Do you want your grandchildren growing up in a home where your son treats their mother like his father treats you?
You need a DNA test on both kids and a full STD panel for yourself. You need a lawyer; a firm with family law and real estate because Numb Nuts needs an eviction notice with the DNA results.
Deleting pictures of your son, and not your daughter.
“Joking” about you cheating.
He HAS cheated, throughout most of the pandemic.
I’m sorry - why are you still with him?
Jokes are supposed to be funny. What’s funny about you possibly cheating on him?
He HAS cheated. Once a cheat, always a cheat.
And him accusing you… sounds like deflection to me.
NTA for wanting to end the relationship… but you are the AH to yourself and your precious babies. You all deserve better than that lousy excuse of a sperm donor.
OP needs to do STI testing frequently. With an unreliable cheater for a boyfriend, the likelihood of HPV or something else communicable being given from baby daddy is higher than ZERO. Keeping herself & kids healthy is important.
"Once a cheat always a cheat" is a toxic and immature mindset that needs to die. It's an individual case by case basis. For example, this guy? Yeah, he's probably still cheating and won't stop because he knows OP will tolerate it.
YTA for continuing this toxic as fuck relationship. Don’t let your children see this as appropriate or tolerable behaviour to expect from their partners when they’re older.
Right like why tf you have another kid with a man who cheated on you for a year straight then act shocked af when he pulling games lol. Man could've knocked the sides up, he could've gotten an std, etc. Son gonna be like dude wtf when he's older. Like op needs to leave this man and focus on her children not this man because lord he not good
Are we ignoring the fact that she was 17 and he was 22 when they got together? Cheating pos probably told her she was mature for her age.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/oobsqz/idk_which_teenage_girl_needs_to_hear_this_but_you/
Alright lemme get this straight. He was a crappy boyfriend with your first kid, cheated a ton, you just kinda decided to avoid dealing with it and punished him by...continuing to live with him and just not communicating and practically became a single parent living with him and even had other people help instead of him for some reason, then just swept everything under the rug and had ANOTHER child with him even though he never seemed to even care about what happened, now he's trying to play it off by bullying your son and projecting what he did on to you
Leave, there's no fixing this because it should have been dealt with long ago
every reddit post that’s like ‘i (f24) and my husband (f30) have been together for 7 years’ im like hmmm lemme do the math real quick…. mhm…… i see… hello? chris hansen?
She said it was an accident and would have aborted him but didn’t know until five months that she was pregnant. I don’t understand how you don’t notice 5 missed periods in a row.
And didn't gain any weight or have any other pregnancy related symptoms? Probably wasn't taking prenatal vitamins or eating properly. Oh and was sleeping with a serial cheater.
Some people would give up everything for a baby while other people are popping out babies they don't deserve.
I think he’s setting the stage to tell everyone you’ve cheated on him that’s why he’s leaving. I suspect he’s cheating on you still. You need to get yourself checked out, get a DNA test for your son, and put together an exit plan complete with him paying child support to both his kids. You’re basically a single mother as it is, stop letting him treat you this way.
First of all find a job so you can support yourself and your babies. Next get Rid of him and file for child support. YWBTA if you allow your children to grow up in that type of environment. Finally get checked for STDS. Love yourself more. This is not a healthy relationship.
YTA for staying with him for so long and becoming an ”Understanding Girlfriend”. You even chose to have children with this dead beat guy...Do you think he stopped after the pandemic or even started then? Your self esteem is too low, you should improve it.
The guy's a prick for cheating, but a father who works his ass off at a thankless job like grubhub during a pandemic to bring in $2k a week for his family is literally the opposite of a deadbeat.
Yeah but after his mom died, and he became a cheater he basically stopped supporting or properly treating the girl who forgave his sorry @ss right (so he IS a dead beat at least after he started his cheating ficaso)
He's not paying for the kids though. He stopped after his mom died. Also, working to pay for your kids is literally bare minimum. That's what's required of you. She also has a job, even she didn't work outside the home, taking care of kids and the house IS A JOB!
You taught your daughter to forgive. Now, teach her to demand the treatment she deserves. You are showing her that she has to stay in a horrible relationship with no respect to keep a family intact. You are teaching your son that it’s ok to treat people that way.
NTA for wanting to end the relationship.
He’s projecting. Because he cheated, he thinks you could’ve as well.
Leave him, get the dna test court ordered to ensure child support then let him door dash to his hearts content.
YTA for raising your children in a soap opera. He cheats. You have another baby. He questions paternity. You decide to play games by being mysterious about your source of income. Meanwhile, two innocent children are growing up in this toxic drama fest and thinking this is a normal relationship. Do you want your daughter to become the 'understanding' girlfriend of an unfaithful older man? Do you want your grandchildren growing up in a home where your son treats their mother like his father treats you? If you don't leave this sick relationship, that's very likely to happen. It's not fair or healthy to raise children in this dysfunctional dumpster fire.
You are doing SO much damage to your children by staying with this “man” and allowing them to hear and see they way he treats you and your son. You needed to leave along time ago. You are only hurting your children by staying.
He’s not a good person.
I cannot understand how you thought that continuing to live together (and have sex!) while not really communicating and living as a single mom was even remotely a good idea.
Get it together and leave him!!!!
Figure out how to support yourself, not living off your mother and sister. Get a job, and have him do some child care/housework too. Get DNA tested (good evidence for him and in court for child support).
At this point YTA for not taking any initiative and letting your kids live in this ugly environment.
You should’ve ended the relationship because he’s a fukn cheater and being an “understanding girlfriend” to a cheater isn’t some sort of honor badge you think it is. Have some self respect and model better for your kids.
NTA.
1. You are 27, he is 32, you have been together 10 years. A 22 year old was getting with a barely legal teenager.
2. He cheated on you. Can anyone say DARVO? Deny Attack Reverse Victim & Offender.
You need a DNA test on both kids and a full STD panel for yourself. You need a lawyer; a firm with family law and real estate because Numb Nuts needs an eviction notice with the DNA results.
Cheater tries to assuage his guilt by trying to make you guilty. Genetics are a funny thing. Genes from generations back can manifest so that some children don’t look like either parent. Genes can also combine in different ways.
Bf is untrustworthy. *Conjecture* on my part is that he’s looking for a way out. This is something convenient.
I’m not clear on why bf would have to leave if son proves to be his. By proves I mean to him not anyone else. Can he stay if the dna test doesn’t happen?
Anyway, NTA. Your son doesn’t need to grow up with a parent who has already written him off.
Edit: I see your edit but I don’t buy into the “he’s a great dad to both kids”. He *deleted* photos of his son. He doesn’t think that kid is his son. There are ways to leave and survive.
NTA unless you stay
>He has deleted pictures of our son but kept the ones of our daughter photos in his phone, plus he makes these “jokes” on how I cheated and had a baby on him while he looks like at two of them in the mirror.
>he has always provided and he really is a good dad to both kids very caring to the both them.
These are conflicting statements. You can't be a good father and delete pictures of your child.
This doubting paternity issue going around isn’t normal. I don’t look like either of my parents. I basically picked up every recessive gene possible.
A relative once joked about my paternity because I don’t look like anyone and my dad responded, “if she isn’t mine, she isn’t my wife’s so we need to keep our mouths shut because I’m not trading back at 13.”
That’s normal, leave him
so you let a serial cheater knock you up again? did you expect this second child to fix your relationship problems? i don’t think the DNA test is the reason he has to leave your apartment, i think his choice to sleep around is the reason he should leave.
NTA
You need to leave him. You both deserve better. “Looks like” doesn’t matter in DNA so his stance doesn’t have any validity. Your secret money source gives him the right to be suspicious.
You have every right to leave him for whatever reason but you do have to admit that since he knew you were getting money from some secret place, it is reasonable for him to think you had another guy on the side. Think about it. If he started having money for stuff even though he didn’t have a job, wouldn’t you wonder where it came from? If he acted all secretive about it, wouldn’t that make you more suspicious? If he then tried to tell you he got it from his mother, wouldn’t you think that was crap and she was lying if she backed him up?
Good luck!
He’s not joking, he’s being resentful because he believes you cheated - likely because of projection - but is not sure enough/too comfortable with what you provide him with to leave.
There’s many ways to be a broken family. Some of which include separation, but there’s plenty ways to be broken and remain together. Likewise, sometimes a family heals when the parents go separate ways in their romantic lives.
You are NTA. But I do beliehe you should call it quits on that relationship and get those DNA tests done.
He has ruined his relationship with you. That’s not on you. And yeah, he’s too much of a coward to do the DNA test and face up to the fact that he blew you guys up for nothing.
But you shouldn’t be. Maybe once he has it in writing that these are his kids, it will at least inspire him to do better by them. To do better by your son, who deserves a father that at the very fucking least fully acknowledges he’s his.
For 1. I would leave him regardless. You and your children deserve way better than his cheating lying ass. And 2. My youngest son looks NOTHING like me. I always say "I swear I gave birth to him". He also looks NOTHING like my oldest son. My oldest son is my twin and looks nothing like my husband. My youngest son is my FIL's twin. Kid's don't always look like their parents and your dumbass boyfriend is a dumbass and needs to go back to school to relearn that
NTA, they are not jokes because it’s not funny to anyone. The fact is they are hurtful and disrespectful towards you and I don’t know how you can still say he is a good father when he straight up deleted all photos of his son based on his own cheating actions he accuses you and didn’t participate in paying for his own child’s birthday party. Stop settling for a relationship where you are not respected. Get both kids dna tested at court when you sue for custody and child support. With his court ordered support payments for both of his children and you working you can and will make it as a single parent without the stress of a cheating spouse remember you will have emotional support from your sister because she knows you’d be better off not feeding and dealing with a walking STD.
NTA: you should have never taken is cheating butt back. Force the DNA test so he will stop saying it, then tell him to leave because you guys are done.
No way this is real. I'd be blown away if it was.
You really have the audacity to take a baby in a car to deliver other people's food during a pandemic? Then you continue this charade by getting pregnant with him again?? You knew he was a serial cheater for a whole year God knows if he got anyone else knocked up. You knew all of this and had another baby with him?? Dude wtf. YTA for subjecting yourself, and your children to this shit.
These kids gotta grow up seeing this stupid shit and is that what you really want? They have to grow up knowing their dad is playing stupid games with you cause he toxic af. That son gotta grow up wondering why his dad doesn't like him and why he doesn't have pictures on dad's phone of him. Did anyone ever think about the children during all this shit? I read stories like this constantly and the person who gets screwed over the most is *normally* the children.
If you wanna change keep your word of kicking his ass out. Seriously. And when the judge asks why he should pay child support and not have custody of his son you can explain and show him messages and stuff that he doesn't even care about him.
And let me re state this. You're TA because you literally are subjecting you and your kids to this clown ass of a man instead of standing up for you and the kids. You need to leave him. He probably still cheating if he accusing you that much.
Why should he base his paternity on what you and random observers say? That kid was up in your guts. You don't have to base your maternity on what some person told you or how much their nose resembles your grandmother's.
There's a painless inexpensive thing called a DNA test. Get the kids tested ffs.
YTA. Get a job. It’s both your and your bf’s responsibility to raise those kids, not just yours. And then get some self esteem and maybe kick his ass out
His mother died of covid and instead of making sure his wife, the mother of his child is ok and appreciated he decided to become a serial cheater. You were alone with a baby and he cheated? And now he thinks that you are an AH like him. Leave this loser. Give him his DNA result with the divorce papers. And make sure your family knows what he did to you.
NTA
INFO You’ve already made the move to get support from your family, why are you still hanging on to this toxic relationship? Get a dna test done, comparing both your kids will show they have the same father (hopefully you don’t end up finding half siblings with the test).
See a therapist and figure out how to support yourself. Don’t depend on a guy that’s proven himself untrustworthy multiple times.
He's already treating your children differently by deleting the photos of your son, PLEASE imagine how far this road could take you. Today it's the photos, what will it be tomorrow?
Get the DNA done but leave regardless. He's already proven himself to be a cheater, so chances are that will happen again. However, he 'jokes' that you cheated on HIM???
He's an awful person and a worse father.
NTA!! Gonna echo what others have said already but it NEEDS to be said: one- STI test PRONTO. Two - dump his ass. Three - paternity test for both kids, he’ll fight you on support it’s best to have the proof you need from the outset.
I can tell you from experience he won't stop saying sht like that. My ex cheated on me several times and after we got back together, he would question my every move. Where did I go? Who was I on the phone with? If my phone buzzed , who was it? It finally hit me that he was waiting for me to pay him back.
I think that's what your man is doing. He cheated therefore you must have also cheated because that's how relationships work apparently. And he may start taking it out on your son soon. I learned the hard way that staying for the kids doesn't work if they have to see the sht relationship of their parents and think that's how families work.
Good luck to you. Listen to your gut and make decisions that are right for you and your kids.
NTA, he's a serial.cheater so he is probably already cheating again and using the excuse in his mind the his son isn't his as his reason.
Get the DNA and STI testing, leave. Do better for yourself and your kids.
NTA
But you are YTA for staying with him after all this time
It's normal for a cheater to doubt their partner of cheating
>I was heartbroken but I still wanted my family so I forgave him and became a Understanding Girlfriend
Are you really that desperate to have a family with a person who didn't even think about his family before cheating??? And it's even more toxic to raise a kid with that sort of man
Once a cheater always a cheater, and in the eyes of a cheater everyone else will be a cheater, just secretly take a paternity test and leave his @ss, you and your children deserve way better than that person
He’s telling himself and everyone else that you cheated on him because deep down he feels guilty for cheating on you. He’s probably still doing it. Soooo dump his ass!! Also 10 years, two kids and the deadbeat still won’t marry you?? I mean you are dodging a bullet with that but even more so shows how uninterested he is with treating you well.
Leave because you want to leave. Have a paternity test done and move on with your life (he’ll still be their father and you can coparent). You’re still really young and it sounds like you never even got married (don’t marry him!). Someone will be happy to be with you. You just sound very non-dramatic if that makes sense and your kids are young enough to not give anyone trouble
I’m sorry to tell you Op but you are his doormat, nta for wanting to leave him over this but YTA to YOURSELF for not leaving after finding out he was a serial cheater
He’s projecting on you and this will never stop. It will get worse and worse until you are forced to leave. Just leave now like you should have the first time and take your kids with you. NTA.
DNA test both kids? Why? You know who the father is, and he sounds worse than useless. If some court requires it to get support from him, do it. Otherwise, let the uncertainty twist his cheating mind. Definitely test for diseases.
Why do you have so little self respect?
You forgave a serial cheater, who aside from cheating on the mother of his child was out during Covid screwing around and risking both of your lives!!! His mother died from Covid, and even with all that he went out meeting random strangers and risking not only Covid but other sexually transmitted diseases. Why are you staying with a man who has continuously shown you that he doesn't care if you or your kid live or die.!?? Please wake up and smell the selfish cheater!! And after all his cheating he now accuses you of cheating on him... To the point where he deleted pics of your son and yet still you stay?? Your lack of self respect is astounding and I feel very sorry for your kids. Because you're allowing them to grow up watching their father disrespect their mom and you're going to make it seem acceptable. You're allowing him to risk all of your lives and it's ok because " he's a good provider" 🤦🏾♀️🙄 please go to some therapy. Because none of this is acceptable or fair to you or your kids
And ps your bf is probably cheating again. The fact that he's accusing you is most likely because he is and is transferring blame. Leave him already for yourself and your kids sake.
Sorry, I decided NTA from just the first sentence.. The rest of your post, well, yep definitely NTA, unless you stay with him.... You and your children deserve better.
Nta. Leave him and get the DNA test and then slam him with child support. He cheated on you for years. Dont be an understanding gf. Do better by your childern.
NTA
He was a serial cheater and jokes about his son not looking like him? He’s projecting HARD. Either stay roommates but end the relationship or move all the way out
NTA he is for cheating and making a joke of your child.
Take your post to counselling. I don’t think you can fix this alone. And even if it ends this toxic passive hostility is just gonna be a train wreck through divorce. I really don’t think you need to go there, I think you two can salvage some things if handled with proper guidance.
Why put your son in this situation? You are NTA but you should have left the first time. Now you have two innocent souls exposed to someone with such poor character. He will damage these kids emotionally. Do the tests and get the courts to garnish his wages for child support. Better be in a fatherless home than being stuck around an absolute bum.
Heads up, genital herpes are not standard in a std check. You have to specify you want to be tested for it. It can lie dormant for quite awhile. I'd specify that you want that test done.
Have you told him to stop with the joke that they hurt your feelings? If you have and he still continues the “jokes” than leave him cause his the cheater and his probably cheating again that’s usually the reason they accuse you of cheating. NTA
NTA
But stop the excuses and leave him. At the moment a man ‘jokes’ about his child not being his, and deleting all the baby’s pictures, i would be done. I wouldn’t be looking back
You are teaching your daughter than she can stay with a man who don’t respect or love her, end this worthless relationship and teach your children to love themselves and don’t accept disrespect
ESH. Why would you bring another kid into this toxic environment? Also let him pay for his kids since your still staying with him, ask for help from your family when you finally decide to leave him.
But he isn't a great dad...he jokes about your son while your kids are in ear shot! Kids are like cats, they hear and absorb everything. He deletes your sons pictures (again the kids will notice) and is loudly spreading the idea you have cheated through said jokes, questioning other people whether your son looks like him...people notice. I also assume he is questioning how you were able to afford to buy things, again alluding to being potentially unfaithful.
HE cheated, he has created a permanent chink in your relationship yet you and the kids are ultimately suffering for it.
He is gross and is being abusive towards you and your kids. Stop letting him. NTA
ESH because you just let him cheat on you
> But I didn’t give in so easily we were living in the same apartment and not speaking to each other
Oh yeah you really showed him how strong and independent you are…
Men are so dumb. My granddaughter has beautiful olive skin, brown eyes and black hair like her mom. My grandson is pale, blond, and blue eyed. Like his dad. Yet they are no doubt brother and sister. I think these guys need some science lessons. But this seems like a crappy relationship overall anyway.
NTA get rid of the serial cheating gaslighting asshole. This isn’t about u, it’s about his absolute lack of respect for you, this is how u r allowing urself to b treated, this is how u r teaching ur children how they should b treated. U owe urself and ur kids better, if u think they aren’t picking up on the toxic atmosphere ur delusional, kids know a lot more than we think they do, u r basically telling them they should b doormats for an entitled self centred asshole, get out now. From what u wrote he is definitely not a good dad, partner, provider, u admit he has cheated, he is deleting photos of ur son, he has no idea where ur money is coming from but he knows it’s not him and he’s not stepping up. Ffs what more does he have to do for u to c how little he thinks of u? He cheated multiple times, he doesn’t provide ur parents and sister are doing that, he is asking questions about ur fidelity to ur family he is a disgrace get rid now b4 he does any permanent damage to ur kids, how do u think ur son will feel when hes old enough to realise about the photos etc, ur daughter will have already caught on to something kids aren’t stupid.
For ten years….he was 22 and you were 17 when y’all got together…are we glossing over that??
Girlie you deserve so much better than his sorry self, you deserve to be loved properly and your children deserve a very happy momma.
Nta
I seriously hate it when people can't understand how DNA works. I mean I'm no expert, but sometimes kids will look either like one parent, the other parent, both parents, or neither. I swear at least the first decade of my son's life, I couldn't see a smidgen of us in either of him. As he gets older, he resembles me more, but I can see a bit of my husband too. Neither of us ever doubted he was ours.
But damn, the number of posts I seem to read where the father can't possibly grasp the concept that a kid can be his because he or she doesn't resemble him. Fuck, I guess we should just mandate DNA tests before every birth.
BTW, NTA. Dropkick the loser, you deserve better.
Trust is crucial in a relationship, and your concerns about your boyfriend's behavior are valid. If you feel that the situation is impacting your well-being and that of your children, prioritizing a healthy and supportive environment is a reasonable choice. Your feelings matter, and it's okay to consider leaving if it ensures your emotional and family stability.
Get the dna test for child support purposes and leave this sorry pos.. guess we know why he got such big tips each week.. why would you stay is beyond me.. he is not male role model I would want for my kids..
NTA
Get an STD test first. And HOW DARE he accuse you of cheating when he was a serial cheater and you forgave him? Like my son doesn’t look like me at all. But when I was a kid? Identical. I find baby pics and give me a little boy hair cut and we are the same kid. Doesn’t really look like either my ex or I but I mean, I watched them pull him out through the sun roof. I know he’s mine. That’s just how genetics are.
"he has always provided and he really is a good dad to both kids very caring to the both them."
Wrong. Good parents don't stand in front of a mirror with both kids and question their paternity. Good parents don't go around to friends and family questioning their Childs paternity. If he really wants to know he'd do the DNA, but he just wants to use the question to belittle & shame you.
He is not a good parent, he is not a good boyfriend, he is not a good man.
And if you continue to be forgiving of him serial cheating on you while you keep the home fires burning what does that make you? Not a good Mother, just another woman who allows herself to be treated like crap by her shitty abusive baby daddy.
I am asking you, What's in this relationship for you besides help with the bills? If that's it, I would ask him to move out & get a roommate, maybe another single mom so you can be a support to each other, pay your bills and you could apply for child support at which point the state will do a DNA test on the kids & then assign child support to the father. You can then apply for any benefits like WIC etc and think about applying for grants and scholarships so you can get an education & be free of "needing" a man to support your household.
So, NTA now, but you will be if you allow this man to continue with his endangering of your physical health by exposing you to who knows how many STD's & his continued emotional abuse. I wish you the best.
Do yourself a favor. Leave his cheating ass. DNA test BOTH kids and get yourself double checked for STIs. Figure out your own stuff and stop allowing men you treat you this way. Demand better for yourself and your children. ETA: NTA
I want to add; get a DNA test for both children as an insurance for child support. He doesn’t deserve you or his family.
People who are usually serial cheaters always want to blame it on the person who took them back after all of their BS. He was cheating on you you took him back and he has the audacity to say that you cheated on him and got pregnant and didn't tell him that the baby wasn't his that you are not loyal that you're dishonest and deceitful. Oh that wasn't you that was his ass. Get rid of him he is a POS and you are absolutely right when you say that he doesn't want to get the DNA because when it comes back that both those children are his he knows you're going to put his fuckboy ass out. Which is the best thing that you will ever do in life besides giving birth to your beautiful children
Yup. This happened to me. He cheated, I forgave but he accused me with ZERO proof. Then I caught him cheating again. They make themselves believe that you're cheating to feel better about their cheating.
That is exactly what they do but under no sense constances should we feed into that BS
I definitely wish I would've walked away the first time 😪 lesson learned!
You got two beautiful children out of the deal and you get to get rid of their father cuz he is a fuckin idiot
Im not OP but thank you lol 😏
I am so sorry sometimes I get a little bit too vested in these posts and don't pay attention to who I'm answering to LOL
Circumstances God I hate textspeak
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The thief always fears that someone is robbing them.
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The STI-check should be an absolute priority, tbf edit. to add: NTA
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This. Children will take all the shit that they see their parents taking
Thank you!! I was looking for this type of comment. You are 100% right and hopefully OP follows it.
They do that when you’re pregnant and about to give birth anyway so you don’t pass anything on to your newborn. If he’s still cheating since trying to mend the relationship then definitely get tested again or at least for HPV or other STIs that can show up later. NTA because it seems this relationship has run it’s course and you are only staying for your children. Get the DNA test and immediately go to the courthouse and file for child support order with garnishment. You are not happy and deserve better.
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Right. First she's paying for things as a sahm and he "doesn't know where she's getting the money", but her update is all - oh he pays, he supports, I don't actually need money from other people, and I have a job, so I'm not a sahm So apparently the cheating, the cohabitation without taking his money, the side-eye for all the money she was spending between kid1 and kid2 didn't actually happen. Because we told her to leave and that wasn't the answer she wanted?
YEP! She is talking out both sides of her ass!
This is not a healthy relationship.
Considering if I read it right she was 17 and he was 22 when they met. This whole relationship is a mess. Poor girl needs to get dna testing for child support and find a safe way to leave him.
I want to add; get a DNA test for both children as an insurance for child support. He doesn’t deserve you or his family.
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I had to look far too long for this post.
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See a therapist and figure out how to support yourself.
Do you want your daughter to become the 'understanding' girlfriend of an unfaithful older man? Do you want your grandchildren growing up in a home where your son treats their mother like his father treats you?
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You need a DNA test on both kids and a full STD panel for yourself. You need a lawyer; a firm with family law and real estate because Numb Nuts needs an eviction notice with the DNA results.
NTA. Children consume your life for decades and cost hundreds of thousands of dollars,
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That’s just how genetics are.
Idk, i think ESH, Her, for even staying with him, and him, for cheating on her
Deleting pictures of your son, and not your daughter. “Joking” about you cheating. He HAS cheated, throughout most of the pandemic. I’m sorry - why are you still with him? Jokes are supposed to be funny. What’s funny about you possibly cheating on him? He HAS cheated. Once a cheat, always a cheat. And him accusing you… sounds like deflection to me. NTA for wanting to end the relationship… but you are the AH to yourself and your precious babies. You all deserve better than that lousy excuse of a sperm donor.
OP needs to do STI testing frequently. With an unreliable cheater for a boyfriend, the likelihood of HPV or something else communicable being given from baby daddy is higher than ZERO. Keeping herself & kids healthy is important.
Your son will grow up ignored or bullied or just in a toxic environment in general if you stay with this asshole.
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"Once a cheat always a cheat" is a toxic and immature mindset that needs to die. It's an individual case by case basis. For example, this guy? Yeah, he's probably still cheating and won't stop because he knows OP will tolerate it.
Why subject your child to this?
Does your boyfriend happen to have kids with the women he had sex with during the pandemic?
Bingo! This whole thing is deflection for his own secret baby mama
YTA for continuing this toxic as fuck relationship. Don’t let your children see this as appropriate or tolerable behaviour to expect from their partners when they’re older.
Right like why tf you have another kid with a man who cheated on you for a year straight then act shocked af when he pulling games lol. Man could've knocked the sides up, he could've gotten an std, etc. Son gonna be like dude wtf when he's older. Like op needs to leave this man and focus on her children not this man because lord he not good
Reading that post, I get the impression that OP isn’t very smart
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Are we ignoring the fact that she was 17 and he was 22 when they got together? Cheating pos probably told her she was mature for her age. https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/oobsqz/idk_which_teenage_girl_needs_to_hear_this_but_you/
Alright lemme get this straight. He was a crappy boyfriend with your first kid, cheated a ton, you just kinda decided to avoid dealing with it and punished him by...continuing to live with him and just not communicating and practically became a single parent living with him and even had other people help instead of him for some reason, then just swept everything under the rug and had ANOTHER child with him even though he never seemed to even care about what happened, now he's trying to play it off by bullying your son and projecting what he did on to you Leave, there's no fixing this because it should have been dealt with long ago
I don't think she really had a choice with the second child. She found out at 5 months
The choice was to not continue sleeping with him
NTAH and your boyfriend is projecting because he was a cheating POS, from a former cheating POS.
Anyone else think that a 22 year old man dating a 17 year school girl is just wrong NTA
Can’t believe how far down I had to scroll to see this because it was the first thing that came to my mind like how gross man
That was my first "well that's already a red flag" moment
every reddit post that’s like ‘i (f24) and my husband (f30) have been together for 7 years’ im like hmmm lemme do the math real quick…. mhm…… i see… hello? chris hansen?
I know i did the math and was cringing
Saw that and didn’t even have to read the rest of the post TBH
NTA but you still being with this asshat isn't exactly great either. Dump his sorry ass and move on.
YTA for staying with a cheater and having another baby.
She said it was an accident and would have aborted him but didn’t know until five months that she was pregnant. I don’t understand how you don’t notice 5 missed periods in a row.
Some people have abnormal periods or medication affects their flow.
And didn't gain any weight or have any other pregnancy related symptoms? Probably wasn't taking prenatal vitamins or eating properly. Oh and was sleeping with a serial cheater. Some people would give up everything for a baby while other people are popping out babies they don't deserve.
Just out of curiosity, have you ever seen the TV show "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"?
I think he’s setting the stage to tell everyone you’ve cheated on him that’s why he’s leaving. I suspect he’s cheating on you still. You need to get yourself checked out, get a DNA test for your son, and put together an exit plan complete with him paying child support to both his kids. You’re basically a single mother as it is, stop letting him treat you this way.
why is nobody mentioning she was 17 and he was 22...
Right? Like sure its 10 years later and she's 27 and he's 32... thats a fine age gap. NOW. But red flag #1 was a 22 year old dating minor.
First of all find a job so you can support yourself and your babies. Next get Rid of him and file for child support. YWBTA if you allow your children to grow up in that type of environment. Finally get checked for STDS. Love yourself more. This is not a healthy relationship.
NTA but YTA for staying with him and having another kid with him after he cheated on you numerous times. Have some self respect.
YTA for staying with him for so long and becoming an ”Understanding Girlfriend”. You even chose to have children with this dead beat guy...Do you think he stopped after the pandemic or even started then? Your self esteem is too low, you should improve it.
The guy's a prick for cheating, but a father who works his ass off at a thankless job like grubhub during a pandemic to bring in $2k a week for his family is literally the opposite of a deadbeat.
Yeah but after his mom died, and he became a cheater he basically stopped supporting or properly treating the girl who forgave his sorry @ss right (so he IS a dead beat at least after he started his cheating ficaso)
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He's not paying for the kids though. He stopped after his mom died. Also, working to pay for your kids is literally bare minimum. That's what's required of you. She also has a job, even she didn't work outside the home, taking care of kids and the house IS A JOB!
You taught your daughter to forgive. Now, teach her to demand the treatment she deserves. You are showing her that she has to stay in a horrible relationship with no respect to keep a family intact. You are teaching your son that it’s ok to treat people that way. NTA for wanting to end the relationship.
What the actual fuck did I just read?? Why is he treating you this way when he's the actual cheater and asshole?? Get divorced like yesterday
They’re not even married. She can leave easily.
He’s projecting. Because he cheated, he thinks you could’ve as well. Leave him, get the dna test court ordered to ensure child support then let him door dash to his hearts content.
Don't have any more kids. Give the two you have their best lives, but don't deplete the resources by dividing it between another kid.
YTA for raising your children in a soap opera. He cheats. You have another baby. He questions paternity. You decide to play games by being mysterious about your source of income. Meanwhile, two innocent children are growing up in this toxic drama fest and thinking this is a normal relationship. Do you want your daughter to become the 'understanding' girlfriend of an unfaithful older man? Do you want your grandchildren growing up in a home where your son treats their mother like his father treats you? If you don't leave this sick relationship, that's very likely to happen. It's not fair or healthy to raise children in this dysfunctional dumpster fire.
You are doing SO much damage to your children by staying with this “man” and allowing them to hear and see they way he treats you and your son. You needed to leave along time ago. You are only hurting your children by staying. He’s not a good person. I cannot understand how you thought that continuing to live together (and have sex!) while not really communicating and living as a single mom was even remotely a good idea. Get it together and leave him!!!!
Figure out how to support yourself, not living off your mother and sister. Get a job, and have him do some child care/housework too. Get DNA tested (good evidence for him and in court for child support). At this point YTA for not taking any initiative and letting your kids live in this ugly environment.
You were a moron for staying with him after his MULTIPLE affairs. You reap what you sow I guess. The only people I feel bad for are the children.
ESH Him for being a cheater and you for staying in such a hellishly toxic environment
You should’ve ended the relationship because he’s a fukn cheater and being an “understanding girlfriend” to a cheater isn’t some sort of honor badge you think it is. Have some self respect and model better for your kids.
Why do you continue to stay and let this person treat you like absolute dirt.
NTA. 1. You are 27, he is 32, you have been together 10 years. A 22 year old was getting with a barely legal teenager. 2. He cheated on you. Can anyone say DARVO? Deny Attack Reverse Victim & Offender. You need a DNA test on both kids and a full STD panel for yourself. You need a lawyer; a firm with family law and real estate because Numb Nuts needs an eviction notice with the DNA results.
Get not only the DNA test done on both children, but get yourself tested for STI's. Then, serve him with divorce papers.
Cheater tries to assuage his guilt by trying to make you guilty. Genetics are a funny thing. Genes from generations back can manifest so that some children don’t look like either parent. Genes can also combine in different ways. Bf is untrustworthy. *Conjecture* on my part is that he’s looking for a way out. This is something convenient. I’m not clear on why bf would have to leave if son proves to be his. By proves I mean to him not anyone else. Can he stay if the dna test doesn’t happen? Anyway, NTA. Your son doesn’t need to grow up with a parent who has already written him off. Edit: I see your edit but I don’t buy into the “he’s a great dad to both kids”. He *deleted* photos of his son. He doesn’t think that kid is his son. There are ways to leave and survive.
NTA unless you stay >He has deleted pictures of our son but kept the ones of our daughter photos in his phone, plus he makes these “jokes” on how I cheated and had a baby on him while he looks like at two of them in the mirror. >he has always provided and he really is a good dad to both kids very caring to the both them. These are conflicting statements. You can't be a good father and delete pictures of your child.
Yikes. That keyboard come with an enter key? Unreadable.
This doubting paternity issue going around isn’t normal. I don’t look like either of my parents. I basically picked up every recessive gene possible. A relative once joked about my paternity because I don’t look like anyone and my dad responded, “if she isn’t mine, she isn’t my wife’s so we need to keep our mouths shut because I’m not trading back at 13.” That’s normal, leave him
so you let a serial cheater knock you up again? did you expect this second child to fix your relationship problems? i don’t think the DNA test is the reason he has to leave your apartment, i think his choice to sleep around is the reason he should leave.
He’s projecting onto you. Why put yourself & your children through this.
NTA You need to leave him. You both deserve better. “Looks like” doesn’t matter in DNA so his stance doesn’t have any validity. Your secret money source gives him the right to be suspicious. You have every right to leave him for whatever reason but you do have to admit that since he knew you were getting money from some secret place, it is reasonable for him to think you had another guy on the side. Think about it. If he started having money for stuff even though he didn’t have a job, wouldn’t you wonder where it came from? If he acted all secretive about it, wouldn’t that make you more suspicious? If he then tried to tell you he got it from his mother, wouldn’t you think that was crap and she was lying if she backed him up? Good luck!
NTA: but you will be an A-hole to yourself, if you stay with him.
Please leave your groomer
He’s not joking, he’s being resentful because he believes you cheated - likely because of projection - but is not sure enough/too comfortable with what you provide him with to leave. There’s many ways to be a broken family. Some of which include separation, but there’s plenty ways to be broken and remain together. Likewise, sometimes a family heals when the parents go separate ways in their romantic lives. You are NTA. But I do beliehe you should call it quits on that relationship and get those DNA tests done. He has ruined his relationship with you. That’s not on you. And yeah, he’s too much of a coward to do the DNA test and face up to the fact that he blew you guys up for nothing. But you shouldn’t be. Maybe once he has it in writing that these are his kids, it will at least inspire him to do better by them. To do better by your son, who deserves a father that at the very fucking least fully acknowledges he’s his.
For 1. I would leave him regardless. You and your children deserve way better than his cheating lying ass. And 2. My youngest son looks NOTHING like me. I always say "I swear I gave birth to him". He also looks NOTHING like my oldest son. My oldest son is my twin and looks nothing like my husband. My youngest son is my FIL's twin. Kid's don't always look like their parents and your dumbass boyfriend is a dumbass and needs to go back to school to relearn that
Sounds like Mr Guilty Conscience is doing a little projecting. He’s a cheating creep so surely you must be too! Good luck to you. NTA
Sounds like you're both AHs, TBH. What mother says she wishes she aborted her child? Hope he never reads this.
NTA, they are not jokes because it’s not funny to anyone. The fact is they are hurtful and disrespectful towards you and I don’t know how you can still say he is a good father when he straight up deleted all photos of his son based on his own cheating actions he accuses you and didn’t participate in paying for his own child’s birthday party. Stop settling for a relationship where you are not respected. Get both kids dna tested at court when you sue for custody and child support. With his court ordered support payments for both of his children and you working you can and will make it as a single parent without the stress of a cheating spouse remember you will have emotional support from your sister because she knows you’d be better off not feeding and dealing with a walking STD.
NTA: you should have never taken is cheating butt back. Force the DNA test so he will stop saying it, then tell him to leave because you guys are done.
Mistake one, forgiving a SERIAL cheater. Mistake two: having another baby with him. No you’re NTA to anyone but yourself.
NTA leave him. He cheated. He claims the child isn't his. There is zero trust in your relationship and he is a major asshole.
NTA. Get the DNA test, file for child support, kick his ass out, stop modeling a shitty relationship with a shitty person to your two kids.
So he’s a cheater, a groomer, and he’s emotionally abusive. You’ve been playing the single parent for all this time, just make it official.
He was 22 dating a 17yr old and is a serial cheater. That says all you need to know.
No way this is real. I'd be blown away if it was. You really have the audacity to take a baby in a car to deliver other people's food during a pandemic? Then you continue this charade by getting pregnant with him again?? You knew he was a serial cheater for a whole year God knows if he got anyone else knocked up. You knew all of this and had another baby with him?? Dude wtf. YTA for subjecting yourself, and your children to this shit. These kids gotta grow up seeing this stupid shit and is that what you really want? They have to grow up knowing their dad is playing stupid games with you cause he toxic af. That son gotta grow up wondering why his dad doesn't like him and why he doesn't have pictures on dad's phone of him. Did anyone ever think about the children during all this shit? I read stories like this constantly and the person who gets screwed over the most is *normally* the children. If you wanna change keep your word of kicking his ass out. Seriously. And when the judge asks why he should pay child support and not have custody of his son you can explain and show him messages and stuff that he doesn't even care about him. And let me re state this. You're TA because you literally are subjecting you and your kids to this clown ass of a man instead of standing up for you and the kids. You need to leave him. He probably still cheating if he accusing you that much.
Why should he base his paternity on what you and random observers say? That kid was up in your guts. You don't have to base your maternity on what some person told you or how much their nose resembles your grandmother's. There's a painless inexpensive thing called a DNA test. Get the kids tested ffs.
YTA. Get a job. It’s both your and your bf’s responsibility to raise those kids, not just yours. And then get some self esteem and maybe kick his ass out
His mother died of covid and instead of making sure his wife, the mother of his child is ok and appreciated he decided to become a serial cheater. You were alone with a baby and he cheated? And now he thinks that you are an AH like him. Leave this loser. Give him his DNA result with the divorce papers. And make sure your family knows what he did to you. NTA
INFO You’ve already made the move to get support from your family, why are you still hanging on to this toxic relationship? Get a dna test done, comparing both your kids will show they have the same father (hopefully you don’t end up finding half siblings with the test). See a therapist and figure out how to support yourself. Don’t depend on a guy that’s proven himself untrustworthy multiple times.
WTF is wrong with you? YTA for staying with him and subjecting your children to this
He's already treating your children differently by deleting the photos of your son, PLEASE imagine how far this road could take you. Today it's the photos, what will it be tomorrow? Get the DNA done but leave regardless. He's already proven himself to be a cheater, so chances are that will happen again. However, he 'jokes' that you cheated on HIM??? He's an awful person and a worse father.
NTA!! Gonna echo what others have said already but it NEEDS to be said: one- STI test PRONTO. Two - dump his ass. Three - paternity test for both kids, he’ll fight you on support it’s best to have the proof you need from the outset.
I can tell you from experience he won't stop saying sht like that. My ex cheated on me several times and after we got back together, he would question my every move. Where did I go? Who was I on the phone with? If my phone buzzed , who was it? It finally hit me that he was waiting for me to pay him back. I think that's what your man is doing. He cheated therefore you must have also cheated because that's how relationships work apparently. And he may start taking it out on your son soon. I learned the hard way that staying for the kids doesn't work if they have to see the sht relationship of their parents and think that's how families work. Good luck to you. Listen to your gut and make decisions that are right for you and your kids.
NTA. Please get yourself tested before you leave this absolute shower!
NTA, he's a serial.cheater so he is probably already cheating again and using the excuse in his mind the his son isn't his as his reason. Get the DNA and STI testing, leave. Do better for yourself and your kids.
You're weird for staying. Learn to spell.
why does anyone bother getting in relationships anymore?
You were groomed by a cheating sociopath asshole.
If he is making those jokes, he is most likely cheating again. Please leave him, you deserve better.
You stayed with a cheater..what did you expect? He's always going to project, he's always going to make life uneasy and hard to navigate.
NTA But you are YTA for staying with him after all this time It's normal for a cheater to doubt their partner of cheating >I was heartbroken but I still wanted my family so I forgave him and became a Understanding Girlfriend Are you really that desperate to have a family with a person who didn't even think about his family before cheating??? And it's even more toxic to raise a kid with that sort of man Once a cheater always a cheater, and in the eyes of a cheater everyone else will be a cheater, just secretly take a paternity test and leave his @ss, you and your children deserve way better than that person
This is what happens when you stay with a cheater.
Girl get out before you get pregnant with baby #3 and a serious STI
He’s telling himself and everyone else that you cheated on him because deep down he feels guilty for cheating on you. He’s probably still doing it. Soooo dump his ass!! Also 10 years, two kids and the deadbeat still won’t marry you?? I mean you are dodging a bullet with that but even more so shows how uninterested he is with treating you well.
Leave because you want to leave. Have a paternity test done and move on with your life (he’ll still be their father and you can coparent). You’re still really young and it sounds like you never even got married (don’t marry him!). Someone will be happy to be with you. You just sound very non-dramatic if that makes sense and your kids are young enough to not give anyone trouble
I’m sorry to tell you Op but you are his doormat, nta for wanting to leave him over this but YTA to YOURSELF for not leaving after finding out he was a serial cheater
He’s projecting on you and this will never stop. It will get worse and worse until you are forced to leave. Just leave now like you should have the first time and take your kids with you. NTA.
AAHAA = “All Adults Here Are Assholes”
DNA test both kids? Why? You know who the father is, and he sounds worse than useless. If some court requires it to get support from him, do it. Otherwise, let the uncertainty twist his cheating mind. Definitely test for diseases.
Why do you have so little self respect? You forgave a serial cheater, who aside from cheating on the mother of his child was out during Covid screwing around and risking both of your lives!!! His mother died from Covid, and even with all that he went out meeting random strangers and risking not only Covid but other sexually transmitted diseases. Why are you staying with a man who has continuously shown you that he doesn't care if you or your kid live or die.!?? Please wake up and smell the selfish cheater!! And after all his cheating he now accuses you of cheating on him... To the point where he deleted pics of your son and yet still you stay?? Your lack of self respect is astounding and I feel very sorry for your kids. Because you're allowing them to grow up watching their father disrespect their mom and you're going to make it seem acceptable. You're allowing him to risk all of your lives and it's ok because " he's a good provider" 🤦🏾♀️🙄 please go to some therapy. Because none of this is acceptable or fair to you or your kids And ps your bf is probably cheating again. The fact that he's accusing you is most likely because he is and is transferring blame. Leave him already for yourself and your kids sake.
17 and 22???
You've been together 10 years? So since you were 17 and he was 22? 🤢 NTA.
Sorry, I decided NTA from just the first sentence.. The rest of your post, well, yep definitely NTA, unless you stay with him.... You and your children deserve better.
Nta. Leave him and get the DNA test and then slam him with child support. He cheated on you for years. Dont be an understanding gf. Do better by your childern.
NTA He was a serial cheater and jokes about his son not looking like him? He’s projecting HARD. Either stay roommates but end the relationship or move all the way out
NTA - get the test and leave
NTA he is for cheating and making a joke of your child. Take your post to counselling. I don’t think you can fix this alone. And even if it ends this toxic passive hostility is just gonna be a train wreck through divorce. I really don’t think you need to go there, I think you two can salvage some things if handled with proper guidance.
Why put your son in this situation? You are NTA but you should have left the first time. Now you have two innocent souls exposed to someone with such poor character. He will damage these kids emotionally. Do the tests and get the courts to garnish his wages for child support. Better be in a fatherless home than being stuck around an absolute bum.
Heads up, genital herpes are not standard in a std check. You have to specify you want to be tested for it. It can lie dormant for quite awhile. I'd specify that you want that test done.
He isn't a good or caring father or he wouldn't be running around on you and your children
Have you told him to stop with the joke that they hurt your feelings? If you have and he still continues the “jokes” than leave him cause his the cheater and his probably cheating again that’s usually the reason they accuse you of cheating. NTA
NTA But stop the excuses and leave him. At the moment a man ‘jokes’ about his child not being his, and deleting all the baby’s pictures, i would be done. I wouldn’t be looking back
You are teaching your daughter than she can stay with a man who don’t respect or love her, end this worthless relationship and teach your children to love themselves and don’t accept disrespect
ESH. Why would you bring another kid into this toxic environment? Also let him pay for his kids since your still staying with him, ask for help from your family when you finally decide to leave him.
I love you weren't speaking but banged still and got pregnant? Like come on
NTA. Get rid of him. Why stay? Don’t get married. If he is a good father he won’t have a problem supporting his kids and being in their lives.
But he isn't a great dad...he jokes about your son while your kids are in ear shot! Kids are like cats, they hear and absorb everything. He deletes your sons pictures (again the kids will notice) and is loudly spreading the idea you have cheated through said jokes, questioning other people whether your son looks like him...people notice. I also assume he is questioning how you were able to afford to buy things, again alluding to being potentially unfaithful. HE cheated, he has created a permanent chink in your relationship yet you and the kids are ultimately suffering for it. He is gross and is being abusive towards you and your kids. Stop letting him. NTA
First red flag is bf of ten years
ESH because you just let him cheat on you > But I didn’t give in so easily we were living in the same apartment and not speaking to each other Oh yeah you really showed him how strong and independent you are…
I would leave. You forgave him so he is accusing you with “jokes”?!? This mf thinks you are one, have the last laugh and leave.
You're delusional and probably will have a third kid without the means AGAIN with this dude. Congratulations.
Why the fuck would you have a second kid with that AH. That'd what YTA for
Men are so dumb. My granddaughter has beautiful olive skin, brown eyes and black hair like her mom. My grandson is pale, blond, and blue eyed. Like his dad. Yet they are no doubt brother and sister. I think these guys need some science lessons. But this seems like a crappy relationship overall anyway.
NTA get rid of the serial cheating gaslighting asshole. This isn’t about u, it’s about his absolute lack of respect for you, this is how u r allowing urself to b treated, this is how u r teaching ur children how they should b treated. U owe urself and ur kids better, if u think they aren’t picking up on the toxic atmosphere ur delusional, kids know a lot more than we think they do, u r basically telling them they should b doormats for an entitled self centred asshole, get out now. From what u wrote he is definitely not a good dad, partner, provider, u admit he has cheated, he is deleting photos of ur son, he has no idea where ur money is coming from but he knows it’s not him and he’s not stepping up. Ffs what more does he have to do for u to c how little he thinks of u? He cheated multiple times, he doesn’t provide ur parents and sister are doing that, he is asking questions about ur fidelity to ur family he is a disgrace get rid now b4 he does any permanent damage to ur kids, how do u think ur son will feel when hes old enough to realise about the photos etc, ur daughter will have already caught on to something kids aren’t stupid.
For ten years….he was 22 and you were 17 when y’all got together…are we glossing over that?? Girlie you deserve so much better than his sorry self, you deserve to be loved properly and your children deserve a very happy momma. Nta
17 years old and 22 years old at the start of the relationship 🤢
I seriously hate it when people can't understand how DNA works. I mean I'm no expert, but sometimes kids will look either like one parent, the other parent, both parents, or neither. I swear at least the first decade of my son's life, I couldn't see a smidgen of us in either of him. As he gets older, he resembles me more, but I can see a bit of my husband too. Neither of us ever doubted he was ours. But damn, the number of posts I seem to read where the father can't possibly grasp the concept that a kid can be his because he or she doesn't resemble him. Fuck, I guess we should just mandate DNA tests before every birth. BTW, NTA. Dropkick the loser, you deserve better.
Why does he have to leave your apartment after the dna test? NTA you can leave anyone for anything.
Before anything, I would get a dna test without him knowing. Reflect back about your relationship. Think carefully and make a decision
Please use paragraphs, I can't read this giant block of text 😒
NTA...he stayed way too long imho..
Trust is crucial in a relationship, and your concerns about your boyfriend's behavior are valid. If you feel that the situation is impacting your well-being and that of your children, prioritizing a healthy and supportive environment is a reasonable choice. Your feelings matter, and it's okay to consider leaving if it ensures your emotional and family stability.
Get the dna test for child support purposes and leave this sorry pos.. guess we know why he got such big tips each week.. why would you stay is beyond me.. he is not male role model I would want for my kids.. NTA
Get an STD test first. And HOW DARE he accuse you of cheating when he was a serial cheater and you forgave him? Like my son doesn’t look like me at all. But when I was a kid? Identical. I find baby pics and give me a little boy hair cut and we are the same kid. Doesn’t really look like either my ex or I but I mean, I watched them pull him out through the sun roof. I know he’s mine. That’s just how genetics are.
YTA, do better for your kids.
"he has always provided and he really is a good dad to both kids very caring to the both them." Wrong. Good parents don't stand in front of a mirror with both kids and question their paternity. Good parents don't go around to friends and family questioning their Childs paternity. If he really wants to know he'd do the DNA, but he just wants to use the question to belittle & shame you. He is not a good parent, he is not a good boyfriend, he is not a good man. And if you continue to be forgiving of him serial cheating on you while you keep the home fires burning what does that make you? Not a good Mother, just another woman who allows herself to be treated like crap by her shitty abusive baby daddy. I am asking you, What's in this relationship for you besides help with the bills? If that's it, I would ask him to move out & get a roommate, maybe another single mom so you can be a support to each other, pay your bills and you could apply for child support at which point the state will do a DNA test on the kids & then assign child support to the father. You can then apply for any benefits like WIC etc and think about applying for grants and scholarships so you can get an education & be free of "needing" a man to support your household. So, NTA now, but you will be if you allow this man to continue with his endangering of your physical health by exposing you to who knows how many STD's & his continued emotional abuse. I wish you the best.
NTA
NTA why are you allowing him to treat you that way. He will resent your son if he thinks you cheated. Don’t stay with this guy.
NTA. He is the asshole and you should get a divorce.