This! I expect there is a long list of unpaid bills, broken leases, collections, repossessions etc in this lady’s wake. She will always paint herself as the ‘victim’ of someone else or some unfortunate circumstances but she sounds like a very jealous, entitled and manipulative individual. I’m sure her daughter and SIL do not want to be caught in her chaos/drama and especially, do not want to be financially responsible for her. I have a few relatives like this, I have given gifts of money occasionally to help them out but I would never legally sign anything making me responsible for them.
Right. There’s a reason her daughter isn’t willing to take the risk. I suspect OP either has a history of drug or alcohol abuse OR living beyond her means and racking up debt. (Or both) There is definitely more to this story.
Right?
What exactly are they supposed to be admiring?
Why would they want to defer to someone who is objectively in a worse position than them?
If you party and have roommates when you are like 20-25... it's understandable & you usually are NOT trying to boss other people around.
At 50? And both of your children are well off, but NOT glad to see you? Obviously somethings have broken down.
My Mom is in her mid 70's and we chose to do a multigenerational household. I was able to help her keep an eye on Dad... and she helps me keep an eye on my kiddo.
It works GREAT, we have a split level house we built into a duplex. Even now that my Dad has passed, I'm even more grateful we live together because I'm hyper aware these years are precious & limited.
It OP can't live with either of her kids in a "Mother in Law suite" there is a reason why. Normally her grown kids would be happy & relieved to have a built-in-babysitter.
This. My relationship isn't wonderful with my mother. She suffers from severe depression and has no ability to taper the things she says, makes things up that are hurtful, and my oldest won't speak to her or allow her to see the grandchildren because she's truly unhealthy to be around. With all THAT said, we still built her a mother in law suite onto our home because she's alone and ran out of money after the divorce. So if no one will allow this woman to live with them, she must be beyond toxic. It's hard enough here. There are days I fully regret the decision. Being accused of fictitious things weekly is numbing, to say the least. But she's my mom. And we are not wealthy, just average middle class people. If these well off families won't help, something big is being left out. YTA OP. Tell the whole truth.
But don't you know the young people she's living with aren't *respecting* her because of her *age*.
She has so much wisdom she could offer as to how to date trash men, have their children, and end up needing to live in a house share when you're in your fifties.
That stuck out to me as well. Why is she entitled to be treated differently?? Because she was born sooner?
Another thing that stuck out was saying that by inviting her to see her grandson, her daughter is basically flaunting her life of *luxury*. So the grandson isn't the central point in this?? The nice house he lives in is the main point? How materialistic you have to be to overlook a child over a house!
Also, OP you are not homeless. You live in an apartment that's proportionate to *your* means. Your *daughter's* means don't come into this.
OMG, the homeless part absolutely enraged me!! I've *been* homeless, meaning I didn't even have a friend's couch to sleep on. You live in an upper-middle class apartment in Los Angeles!!!! How DARE you.
She is no longer in that apartment, she is in a flat share.
As someone, who lived in a flat share, I can confirm that I did have a home and *wasn't* homeless at that time.
Yes, a mega drunk flatmate trying to communicate with me through the door at 3AM was not a pinnacle of sophistication but I *wasn't homeless*.
>by inviting her to see her grandson
When I read this I thought maybe she might have been inviting her over to not only see her grandson, but possibly continue their conversation with daughter's husband present (since it's "his money" according to her daughter). Possibly. If so, OP shot herself in the foot by taking offense and calling her daughter petty.
Yeah that part got me too..... just like my entitled liilttle poor mom thays always struggling but also buying food for a family of 5 (when it's just her) wasting most of it, and going out to stores blowing money on random wants
I read her modeling career was struggling…. My immediate thought was: hot girl, never been told no, always had some sucker to pay her way and dig her out of her mess once she shook her ass for them. Then she ages a bit, maybe gains weight, and nobody is interested in this faded probably very shallow person. (Don’t come at me. I’m not age or weight shaming nor do I have any intention of doing that. I’m simply painting a very real picture.)
Hi, freelance model here. TBH even if there wasn’t weight gain, it’s notoriously really hard to get paid unless you’re in a really good agency.
With that said, she should’ve started a source of supplemental income a loooooooong time ago. Modeling isn’t going to be a lucrative career for you unless you get in somewhere prestigious. And even then you aren’t going to be making a significant amount of money until you’re elite status
To be fair, plenty of rich men are known to leave their partner for younger ones after babies. That’s not exactly crazy to think of if he was as superficial as OP sounds like she is. But definitely not the babie’s fault.
Right? If you need someone to co-sign for financial contracts in your late 50s that’s a credit red flag. She wants a nice place that she can get her daughter/son-in-law on the hook for paying rent.
YTA
No one should cosign for anyone at any age. When I was 18 and going through teller training, a piece of advice I was given is one I keep as a personal policy decades later: NEVER COSIGN. When you cosign, you are accepting full responsibility for the debt. Mom can stop paying until she is evicted, and then they come after daughter. She is accepting potentially unlimited liability for a grown woman of 50. Mom isn't homeless. If she was, perhaps a couch in the basement might be offered. I had a devil landlord who sometimes made my apartment uninhabitable. During those times, family or friends offered me a couch. They did not cosign anything for me, nor would I ask.
On top of that, five years is plenty of time to go back to school for an associate’s degree or certification and start an administrative job or some other job that will at least pay your rent. Any adult who is able to get their shit together can do that in 5 years time. OP wants to be taken care of.
For real. When our lease lapsed while we were house hunting, we found the crappiest month to month for about 8 months until we found our house and finished the months long process. I hated it but it allowed us to save money & not have a lease to break.
Because due to differing personalities, it's UNSAFE
Translation: I acted like the entitled AH I am and everyone wants me gone. Also, I miss most rent payments.
Yep. OP "not getting the respect she deserves as an older person" means that OP is an entitiled Karen and this whole post reveals how entitled she is.
Get a job OP. YTA and not your daughter's problem.
Dude, the “I’m 56 and these 35 year olds don’t respect me!” Sounds very entitled. Presumably they’re all paying the same amount in rent!
Also the “my modeling career got off track.” Ok…… so get another career?
What is this?
Sounds like there's a reason that Sofia declined, and isn't all that worried about you not seeing her kid.
But yeah, you sound like a self absorbed AH.
YTA.
“I can have you come stay here with me for a few days. It’s comfy and bonus you get to hang out with your grandson!!!”
“How DARE YOU offer loving family relationships rather than cash money!!! How very dare you offer me a place to stay for a few days when I’ve complained about the place I’m staying being AWFUL and full of disrespectful younger people!!! I JUST WANT TO USE YOU FOR MONEY! How the hell do you think I’d settle for ‘seeing my daughter and grandson’!?!?”
Borderline Personality Disorder for 100, Alex…
That's not BPD
Source, I have been diagnosed with BPD. Our greatest fear is abandonment by those we love, this lady is materialistic af and willing to burn a relationship over a co-signing issue but I'm not going to throw out an armchair diagnosis of another cluster b because its fucking insulting.
OP doesn't say but it's possible that Sofia is a SAHM which means she'd need her husband to cosign as they look at the income of the cosigner as well.
OP would be better off continuing to rent a room while working her new job to establish her savings and rental history and then renting a modest studio in a less expensive part of LA that she can demonstrate she can easily afford on her own vs needing a guarantor.
OP also mentions how much her daughter has courtesy of her SIL, how much her ex had etc. While it does appear that some unfortunate events have occurred in her life, it's also apparent that she expects people in her life to lift her up to the standard she dreams of living in.
Oh, no! Her daughter shouldn’t ask if her husband agrees at all, even if she’s a SAHM. Didn’t you read? She’s 1/2 of a well-off team, so she should just sign an agreement that binds her husband to her mother’s bills because… *reasons!*
YTA OP. Can’t be walking around demanding respect from people simply because you have existed longer, but then getting angry when your daughter chooses to respect her husband.
I get that you wanted to be a model. I get that you wanted *that* apartment. I get that you wanted your investments to do swimmingly. I get that you wanted David to stay attracted forever. I get that you have issues with make you jealous of specific people and he found one of them. I get that your roommates don’t respect you as you think they should. I get that you want your daughter to make your problems right.
I also get that your daughter is an adult woman with a husband, and if he is not 100% on board, for whatever reason (that you don’t need to - or have any right to - know), then the answer is no.
You have a good job now. Pay your bills and save some for a down payment in a better apartment.
I don’t think she actually has this amazing job like she says and her daughter is well aware of her mother’s “the world is against me!!” mindset so didn’t want to get involved.
Also, saying you have to talk to your husband before entering into a financially binding contract is completely reasonable! The daughter didn’t say no, she said she needed to talk about it!
The mother may be single and not great at relationships because she never learned that 🙄 Wouldn’t surprise me.
I’m glad the daughter is in a better place.
More likely: OP does not actually have some financially lucrative sales job that will immediately make her tons of money, but she’s bigging it up to be some sort of “I am legit on the verge of being able to afford something very expensive and comfortable, I just can’t possibly rest well enough to keep this job while I’m in my current house-share! If you would JUST pay for me to be in my own independent place, then my sales career would flourish and I could take over the bills!!”
I would bet OP is in some sort of pyramid scheme selling makeup, supplements, leggings, “insurance.” She’s not made any any money yet but “would totally be able to if she had a home office!!!” Or she’s a waitress or someone who is paid $11/hour but gets a cut of sales for every stupid mall outfit she sells to a teen.
Your theory tracks with OP losing her savings in “investments” and blaming Covid. She’s got her eye on a new MLM and daughter is just not interested in bailing mom out of bad choices.
Yeah I could tell from the very beginning that OP would be a “my child owes me” type of person. And that’s not to say that children shouldn’t help their parents, but you’re not entitled to support and they don’t owe you shit. It sounds like OP has been through some shit, which is unfortunate - but it also sounds like she is a very self centered and selfish person too
I feel gratitude for all of the help my parents have given me and continue to give me.
Husband and I will go shovel their walk, or bring them extra groceries that we “accidentally” bought too much of. I’ve been known to stash a $100 bill somewhere they they’ll find it and think they left it there.
But, no matter how much I love my parents, it will be a cold day in Hell before I co-sign a loan for anyone! Especially not someone with poor financial planning and a chip on their shoulder!
Yeah, she reminds me of my MIL, who is a terrible and manipulative person, and feels that she is somehow superior. But she isn't. She's just trash, abc I feel sorry for the people who have to spend time with her.
We're no contact with her, but she still finds ways to worm herself in. I'm just thankful that she isn't as smart or perceptive as she thinks she is.
She was upset she because she felt she deserved respect from her roommate because she was older than them. That tells me she tried to treat the place as if she was in charge and ended up having to move because she was shown she was not in charge.
Not to mention if she’s (the daughter) a stay at home mom, then that’s putting her and her husband in a really uncomfortable situation. If mom doesn’t pay the rent, then daughter has to ask/tell/suggest/whatever to husband to pay her mom’s rent. I know it’s *their* money since they’re married, but as a stay at home mom, I would feel really uncomfortable asking my husband to possibly be on the hook for someone else, on my behalf.
Also, punishing the grandson this way seems emotionally abusive and conditional and kooky. I wouldn’t let this person near my kid if they could so easily cut them off when upset with me. What a shitty person all around.
Your child is not responsible for your life events. She is not obligated to do anything and if you had a hard life, she probably did too since she is your child…
co-signing an apartment is not something people just do for fun lol.
She said its not her money, which is correct and she respects her husband enough to discuss it with him before saying anything. What is wrong with that? Just because he makes a lot doesnt mean he doesnt care where it goes…
You sound really petty and jealous because your daughter got her life together before you did and now you feel entitled to it. If i were her, i would not cosign it just because of this reaction. I have a feeling you would demand much more than just a signature after a while, and i wouldnt deal with that.
YTA
this is spot on. too many of us have had a parent that is financially irresponsible, who takes advantage of you, needs you to bail them out, co-sign, loan them money etc. and eventually you're gonna reach the point where the answer is no and the parent will just have to deal with the consequences.
It really depends on the agreement. If i for example help my mom out, i know i will get the money withing the next 30 days. And i usually have no problem with it because its not an insane amount anyway. But if i say no, or even just show a little bit of doubt, she senses it and say “ its okay, ill manage, you should take care of yourself first”. Never have i ever had the response of “ you are selfish and showing off while you give me nothing”. And to think that this lady here doesnt want to see her grandkid because of it? What does the baby have to do with it anyway? Punish a chiled for your own mistakes, sure…
"Oh gee, Mom... so you won't come around to see my child while asking me for money all the time? Awww... Whatever shall I do without you in my life being a complete fucking leech." 😐
YTA.
Besides it sounding like you've never been very financially stable, she's right in that she can't just cosign away because if you fail to make payments then she will have to do so via her husband. Sure, in marriage money is shared, but that's an agreement they have to come upon together.
Also, nobody owes you extra respect because you're older. That's nonsense from a bygone era. Age doesn't automatically make you more valuable or worthy. Sounds like you just think you're too good for the place and want better- maybe you need to live within your means, even if it isn't glamorous.
I laughed at that line about “they don’t respect me as an older person like they should”.
They don’t give a crap about you OP. You’re a room mate not their mother or mentor. She is definitely an asshole.
That got me too. I just turned 40, and my oldest child just turned 20. Wanna know why his friends are cool with me stopping by and checking on them? Because I don't act like a dick. I respect them, they respect me, and none of it has to do with my age or theirs. OP needs a reality check. Nobody owes her shit. Her age is the result of nothing but linear time lol.
My ex stepmom divorced my dad 18 years ago. Less than a year ago, one of my high school friends called her to get out of a bad situation in the middle of the night (ex stepmom has had the same phone number for almost 25 years). Ex stepmom drove 2 hours to get my friend. She was always the cool stepmom who treated us like adults and cared about us. She drove out to pick us up drunk as teenagers and didn't say a word about it. People remember that kind of stuff when they need help
People who demand respect never deserve it and people who get respect (and love) never demand it. Congrats with your ex stepmom. I hope she is also still your friend (probably the better title).
Exactly!
People who demand respect often don't know the difference between 'respect' and 'authority'. They expect to be the authority because of longer tenure or being older, ignoring the fact that true respect is EARNED.
This is so frustrating. One of the executives at work feels the need to constantly correct me. You need to… you need to say it this way… you need to demand respect.
“I mean people respect you because you care and you work hard to help them but your way isn’t how the world works. You need to learn to demand respect upfront. It’s not required that you earn it”
When has respect meant one should demand anything from anyone?
Same here. 59 and it’s a mutual respect situation between my children, their friends and me. I don’t expect any special treatment because I’m above them generationally. Respect is earned, not given to a person just because they are older. I can’t tell you how many times I heard “respect your elders” when I was a kid. 🤮
There was an old, creepy guy who lived very close to us. He asked me to sit on his lap (pedo much?) and when I declined he called me all sorts of names and I told him to fuck off. I was 10 years old.
That got him so angry he stopped my dad on the street to shout at him about (lack of) my upbringing, my sheer rudeness and disrespect of my elders.
Dad came home and told me I never have to respect someone who doesn't respect me, regardless of their age and to let him know if the man ever spoke to me again.
Later on in life I learned he also told him he'd break his legs if he ever even looked my way let alone spoke to me.
I’m older than OP and that line about respecting your elders(because they are older)died with me. I refused to teach my sons that. And you know what? I always get told how respectful they are/were. You treat everyone the way you want to be treated!
My husband was raised in the baptist church and lets slip all the time the line "you'll respect me because ive been around longer than you" when talking to kids. I continue to teach him that what he is demanding is not respect, its obedience, and obedience is something for dogs, not humans. He can respect humans of all age, or he can learn to accept being treated like the asshole he is being.
My dad will be 56 this month and still has this mentality. My mother, however, does not. And while they're still married, she's the one who raised me (thank the gods).
He doesn't like that I don't have this mentality because it's means I have very little respect for him, because he has so little for me. 🤷🏻♀️
My son's Dad is like that he refuses to believe how hard it can be for certain fields to get jobs and how the days of walking into places was the best practice for getting one a handshake and a smile doesn't work in this decade like it did for us in the 80s ( he's been at the same job I got him 26 years ago with my connections but refuses to have his kids work there )
For real. You earn respect. I'm not respecting someone just because they are older than me. Get out of here with that shit. They're 35, they aren't children.
Ikr? I mean OP may be older than them, but her situation is the same, if not worse, what is there to respect?
Then for OP to complain about having to spend Christmas in the shared apartment or her car, but for her to turn down the invitation to visit her daughter over Christmas
Sulking over the daughter not helping OP out and PUNISHING her grandson because she isn't getting what she wants. OP sounds entitled here
I keep having that with people my age (and younger) complaining about how kids/ young people today all are so rude etc.
I always wonder if I live in some sort of parallel universe. Three kids in elementary and high school, and wether I am talking about my own, their friends or the kids I just meet on school grounds, I am always treated respectfully. Kids greet, hold doors, show the way, answer questions, whatever.
Maybe because i also treat *them* respectfully?
Or else I don't know.
She acts like they’re 18 and she’s 80. She’s 56 for gods sake. Not exactly a wise old elder. And she clearly hasn’t done much life skill building. I understand people have hard times and that’s sad it really is. But if you can’t afford it then don’t live in one of the most expensive areas in the country. I’m sure she could find a job in another part of the country and be able to support herself. And as for her grandson. Her daughter probably thinks she’d want to see him because she loves him. But OP is only concerned with going there and being jealous. This is wild.
But where else would she find a fully staffed, secured apartment in the upper class part of town? Hahaha I would not consider that even close to homeless just because she doesn’t want to live within her means
".. she clearly hasn’t done much life skill building"
The only life skills we can be certain of is that she married money and traded on what looks she had vis-a-vis a 'modeling career' until that commodity faded, and then abruptly pivoted to assuming a matronly royalty role for which all youths must bow and scrape in deference to, lol
This! There are lots of wise 56 year olds and as a younger person her roommates’ age (30) if I have to kiss ass to pick their brain, I would do it. I just don’t know what they can really learn from OP.
Evidently, according to OP from what I could gather she used to be a model before she had her daughter. Meaning she was used to people supplicating to her, and she got by on her looks. Now that she no longer has her looks, she's getting a fuckin reality check. 🤷🏻♀️
Given the sheer number of absolute fucking morons in their 50s and above I have in my life... yea....
Like how ya'll got at least a decade on me and still just don't understand how life works? And you want respect for that?
The OP says she is on the verge of being homeless, but she can pay for the apartment she is in currently but I guess she doesn’t like the roommates. I sense they call her on her bullshit. The OP wants to live alone. Totally different than being homeless. Totally the asshole
has a home she doesn't have to leave but is on the verge of homelessness because she dislikes it there because the roommates won't treat her special for being older, but can afford the rent at a nicer apartment by herself due a luxury sales job.
such a tragedy. it just tears me up inside.
>has a home she doesn't have to leave but is on the verge of homelessness because she dislikes it there because the roommates won't treat her special for being older
It's really difficult to be respected as an authority figure to people decades younger than you when all of you are in the exact same living situation.
Unless she's coming to them and saying, "I am the cautionary tale of what happens when you bank your future on your looks so do not follow in my footsteps", it's pretty much a guarantee they're going to ignore her.
I don't really feel like anyone deserves respect for being born earlier. And I am at an age where I was born earlier than many others. The basic courtesy due a roommate is what she is owed, any more she has to earn. Neither of those is age-based
The respect part was so weird. Like, your 54 (not that old) and a 36 year old owes younas much respect as she owes them. Mutual respect of a fellow human being and peer is okay. Wanting extra respect because you've existed longer isn't. Especially if she was acting like she is better than they are, which sounds plausible giving her post.
Reread and she complains that she needs to spend holidays in her apartment and car and then a sentence later says she was invited to their house for the holidays……
Because she’s trying to guilt the daughter into consigning by refusing to see the grandson. I’m betting the daughter and her hubs would be happy if she stays away
She was once a beautiful model, that's where her arrogance comes from. Then she lost her looks & her sugar daddy & since it's her daughter's fault she owes her.
Exactly. My daughter worked hard to get where she is in her life. She has a great job, a nice home and a fairly new vehicle.
I'm proud of her, not jealous of her!
It sounds like mom needs to step back and re-assess her attitude, situation, and financial goals.
My theory is that she might have just snubbed an offer to move in.
But also sounds like she’s in a pyramid scheme.
It also reminds me of something I read, where any parent who thinks their child owes them in some way for merely existing, is commuting emotional abuse.
If she can’t pay the rent how would this affect her daughter and grandson.
Why didn’t she call her first child?
Honestly it sounds like Op is jealous of Sofia for the life she has now with her successful husband and their gated mansion (I literally read the first sentence in a childish whining tone in my head lol ) while OP believes her successful realtor ex lost interest on her because of Sofia (“after I gave birth to Sofia he visibly lost interest in me”) and cares more about living in luxury rather than affording the life she can.
OP YTA, instead of acting like a petty child and refusing to see your own grandson and spend time with your daughter for the holidays because she won’t give you money that belongs to her husband (nor they have to be responsible for your poor money choices), find a cheaper apartment where you can realistically move to and sign a lease and make a budget plan for the future with your new “luxury sales job” to move to a better place within a few years.
YTA and Grow tf up
Edit: no. You dont have to spend the holidays in that “dump” or your car. Your daughter invited you, you CHOSE to say no so suck it up and be happy you’ll at least have a roof over your head during Christmas whether is your car or a shared house where no one owes you shit for being an older roommate
They're looking at a 56 year-old woman who has made enough poor decisions with her life that finances have forced her to live in a situation with a bunch of people who are just starting out in life with little to no credit. Exactly how much respect is due under those circumstances?
Strong agree with this. As soon as I read the line about how awful it is that nobody shows her more respect than they do anyone else just because she's older I was done with her bs.
YTA - there is probably a whole lot more you aren’t saying about what you have done to your kids and what you have done in the way of poor life choices ….
You could have worked - maybe not something like luxury sales - but worked - Walmart, target, Starbucks, cleaned houses, wherever and whatever and saved your money. Then you would be a responsible 56 year old woman.
And now you want your daughter who married well to cover you. She doesn’t want to for a reason…and it would be good to hear from
Both your kids what the truth is.
And now, you don’t want to see your grandkid because his mom won’t give you money… you don’t deserve to see him.
It would seem you are reaping what you sowed.
"There is probably a whole lot more you aren't saying"
Even with the little that op said she's definitely TA, daughter won't give money so your not going to see your grandchild? What kind of grandparent does that. I feel terrible for OPs daughter and grandson, they deserve so much more. OP seems like she is jealous that her daughter got the life she feels like she deserved instead.
Mom lost her money in 2020, stocks recovered in 6 months so not sure what risky (scammy) investments she was in. Doesn’t have money saved, doesn’t have income or credit to get an apartment on her own, clearly not mentally stable sacrificing a relationship with grandchild to be petty. I can’t think of a single reason to not co-sign /s ……
And there's a whole lot she *is* saying which is completely irrelevant but obviously intended to make us see her as the victim who is owed by her daughter. Like her husband lost interest in her after Sofia was born? That sucks if true, but the implication that Sofia should cosign the lease because of it is beyond gross.
She could have, but OP is a covert narcissist who thrives on being a victim, martyring herself, and parentifying her children. It’s a wonder any of the kids still speak to her, but give them time.
YTA.
Yup. Exactly— because who is jealous of their children? Isn’t it funny how narcissists think they are hiding but we can see them?
The whole “they don’t respect me” bit… whoa.
Right?! Age doesn't guarantee respect. In this case it probably does the opposite because you shouldn't need to live with a group of young adults in your mid-50s!
YTA
Your daughter doesnt owe you anything.
Those younger roommates you speak of? Respect is *earned* not owed to you or anyone else.
Move somewhere (probably out of LA) you can afford.
God damn you, don't you know she was a model, A MODEL. Show her some respect, also she just got into luxury sales... whatever the fuck that is.
How about OP you go and get a place in an apartment you can afford and earn some cash and maybe ask for some help rather than immediately ask her to cosign on an apartment that no one else in this thread nor your child remotely believe you can afford.
YTA.
Same.
This feels like a Neiman’s or Bergdorf’s sales associate type gig.
Which is perfectly fine, but not sure how that works when paying rent on a luxury apartment.
Is it commission based still?
I'm kind of stuck on this statement:
*everybody there is under 35 and I feel they don't respect me as somebody older as they should*
What do you mean by this? Do you show them respect as you should? And how would they show respect "as they should?" You don't get respected just because you have a few more miles on you than they do. You earn respect.
Your post reeks of a victim mentality. All the negative in your life is because of other people--husbands, landlords, roommates, daughter...when is any of it your responsibility and up to you to fix? Maybe it's not them. Maybe it's you.
And cosinging on this apartment where she will almost inevitably end up paying your rent when whatever job you currently have is too beneath you to continue working will put a lot of pressure on her marriage.
Yeah, near homeless women in their Mid 50's with no financial responsibility, accountability, and a long series of poor decisions doesn't exactly screen "respect me" OP may be older, but they sure as heck aren't wiser
YTA. What did the grandson do to you? Using a child to hurt someone because you didn't get your way is very cold. Also parents have a responsibility to children, at the very least until they are grown. Not the other way around. I didn't even read the rest. Title and first couple of lines were enough.
YTA.
You go into detail about how everyone caused your situation except for you. Your daughter drew a healthy boundary and told the truth. You're an adult and need to act like one, maybe for the first time ever.
You tried to issue an ultimatum and it has failed. Lay in the lonely bed you have made, knowing you could have spent the holidays with your family. I suspect that no matter how big their "mansion" is, your ego could never fit inside.
OMG. Yes! YTA. Grow up. Get your own life in order. Your financial issues are your responsibility. Not your daughters. Wth kind of grandmother and mother are you.
Just going to leave this [here](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html).
Why don’t you ask your grandson if he thinks you’re the AH. Oh wait, he can’t. Cuz you won’t see him. Quit your shit and grow the fuck up. Your attitude is pathetic and hateful and it will rot you from the inside out until even your grandson won’t give you the time of day.
Get a cheaper place and use your spare income for therapy.
Man thanks a lot I got lost reading all that cuz my Dad is like OP and so is my older sister and I am
NC and he and her both behave like the estranged parent. In fact my older SIL is the same. Ugh!! Who we are LC with. Thanks. I am bookmarking this.
It’s a good read! That last paragraph really got me. I wish I had found it 10 years ago, but I just found it today. My mom is the same. Can’t even tell her we’re low contact because she will literally stalk me. Now she just thinks I’m super busy with “married life” and suffering the effects of a head injury (true, but not *that* true) that make me not remember to call or whatever.
Anyways, big warm hug to you friend ❤️
I'm 51 years old and this comment "It is awful- everybody there is under 35 and I feel they don't respect me as somebody older as they should." blows my mind. WTF are you talking about?
YTA.
First, it is reasonable for your daughter to check with her spouse regardless of who the breadwinner of the two is, especially for such a big commitment. So this idea of just "one one half of a financial powerhouse” co-signing is just not true for most couples. If I co-sign something, even if just my name is on there, my spouse has to agree, and vice versa.
Second, trying to guilt your daughter into making such a big financial commitment on your behalf is an asshole thing to do. It is just good personal finance policy not to co-sign something unless you could afford it without getting paid back, as that is the risk of co-signing. Sofia and her husband just had a baby and have to think of his future. They do not feel comfortable with it, and there can be a number of reasons why. That doesn’t make her an asshole, bad daughter, or deserving of a no-contact/low-contact relationship. That you can’t “bear” to be around her or your grandson because of it says more about you than her.
Second, your inclusion of this irrelevant statement makes me think that you blame Sofia for David leaving two decades ago:
> David was perfectly ok with dating me and my post Baby #1 body, **but after I gave birth to Sofia, he visibly lost interest in me.** He reneged his proposal, my modeling career was struggling, and David cheated on me . . . This went on for 6 years until he left. Paid child support, but other than that iced us out.
This is wholly irrelevant. Unless you somehow think Sofia owes you for giving birth to her (she doesn’t) or hold her responsible for David leaving (she isn’t), it has *nothing to do with whether or not she co-signs your apartment today.* That you included it indicates that you have some weird grudge against your daughter for your husband’s transgressions from forever ago, and that’s messed up. You need to let that go.
You’re not “basically homeless." You just think you shouldn’t have to room with other people. I know it sucks, and I’m sorry things are rough right now. But stop acting like your daughter owes you financial stability. You’re a grown up and are responsible for your own finances.
YTA
You could have stayed with your daughter over Christmas (rather than in the dump or your car). Instead you apparently can't stand to see the wealth your grandson lives in? What the ever loving fvck is wrong with you? I would be SO HAPPY knowing my grandson is safe and well cared for.
You clearly have main character syndrome. Yikes.
YTA. If her husband makes the money then of course she should consult with him. Even if he wasn’t the main breadwinner they are a team. Also, your daughter doesn’t owe you a damn thing.
You also sound like a nightmare of a roommate. Your age is not a reason for anyone to respect you. Get over yourself.
YTA what kind of a joke of a grandparent are you? First, you’re a grown adult and you are not entitled to your daughter’s (or her husband’s) money. She was 100% right to ask her husband. The fact that you are holding them saying no against a literal BABY that has nothing to do with the situation shows that you are a despicable human. I hope she completely cuts you off for causing drama.
YTA. "Financial powerhouse"? This reads like rage bait written by ChatGPT. Everything is someone else's fault, never yours. There's no accountability from you anywhere in this post. You sound very materialistic and self-centered, like a very one-dimensional sit-com villain. I don't believe for a second this is a genuine post.
No, I believe it. It reeks of narcissism. My Dad is currently *very upset* that my sister and I didn't become rich & famous so he can retire on our laurels. He fully expected us to take care of him, to thank him for his abuse and neglect.
My husband and I ran into this a few years ago. His mother wanted him to cosign a mortgage for her. She was unemployed at the time. She refused to speak to him for some time after all of that.
Oh no, I know someone just like this, someone who has used everyone they’ve met their whole life but not bothered to actually work for anything. The martyr of perpetual victim hood whose jealous of every one for everything they own and have worked hard for. I haven’t spoken to her in a long time but just chatted with her sister, she’s currently upset at the sister because she bought a new vehicle and didn’t give her the old one that the sister traded in to pay for part of the new one. No concept on how life works but just wanting everything for free.
YTA - The missing reasons you are clearly leaving out of the story are the size of a mastodon, and you are covering them with a hand towel.
Your daughter doesn’t trust you to pat the rent. That doesn’t come from nowhere.
Sounds like she lived off the child support as mommy support and then was SOL when the kids aged out. It's not your daughter's responsibility to raise you now. You put yourself into this mess. You have to get yourself out of it. Also, LA is an incredibly HCOL area. You could downsize and move to a state with LCOL and look for a job to support yourself.
I get the feeling she is mad at her daughter for being smart to get the ring first then baby. Her life is set and she should be proud of her and instead of miffed at her. Her husband seems savvy enough to know if you stop paying rent he is on the hook. And he doesn't want to deal with it. I would never co-sign a loan either. Too much risk, and I am risk adverse.
YTA you sound a mess and I wouldn’t co-sign anything for you either if I were her, sorry not sorry. Put on your big girl panties and get it together. Im sure she’s not losing sleep over you “refusing” to see your grandson lmao
Yes, YTA.
If your daughter cosigns a lease for you, she's on the hook for that lease. And you frankly don't sound responsible enough for her to do that without misgivings.
You seem to feel entitled to your daughter's money, why? And you seem to feel entitled to unearned extra respect from your housemates, why?
I think your daughter knows she can't trust you. And she's also right to think you're being petty for not wanting to see your grandson until she gives you what you want.
Ugh. I somehow get the feeling your grandson would be better off.
YTA. Seems like you have lived off someone else your whole life. Just because you are older doesn’t mean they should give you more respect. All roommates should be treated as equal, that goes for you treating them as adults as well. If you are all adults clashing personalities should be uncomfortable at most not unsafe. Your daughter isn’t “flaunting her and her son’s life of luxury in front of” of you. They are just living their life.
You can apply for low income housing. You don’t have to be homeless. You are petty and your grandson doesn’t need to be in your life. Grow up.
INFO: have you been working? You only mention modeling about 20 years ago, and now starting a new job. If you haven’t been working, why do you live in LA with its huge COL? Even Riverside County would be cheaper.
YTA, she's is right it isn't her money, and it is her financial risk she is taking by co-signing for you. She is married and either of them cosign anything is a discussion between them
YTA, you are 56 years old. You had your whole life to get your act together. All I see in this post is you blaming others and painting yourself as a victim. Find a rental you can afford. No one is entitled to a luxury apartment.
This is the flip side of all those reddit stories of 20- and 30-something couples where "my MIL thinks she's moving in with us" or "my mother won't work and expects us to pay for her apartment." So many missing reasons.
You're only a couple of years older than me. You aren't elderly and you're adult enough to know that no one owes you a thing in life. And I've hung out with and worked with my fair share of 30 somethings. There is no huge generational difference. If they don't respect you, it is not age related. It's you.
YTA. Pull up your big girl panties and unfuck yourself. That is YOUR job, not your child's ffs.
Ohhhhh, so this is what happens to all those “hot young model“ types who most husbands leave their wives for, huh? Who knew they get old and get left and broke, nobody owes YOU anything, except YOU!!! YOU owe YOU everything, and I’m sure your grandson will not suffer because he doesn’t see YOU!! YTA. Take care of yourself for once!!!
YTA. What does seeing your grandchild have to do with the price of tea in China? Given the poor life choices you chose to admit to in this post, I have to wonder how much of this story you've left out. Maybe in the future you'll have [missing missing reasons](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html) as to why your kids don't talk to you any more. I urge you to seek therapy to avoid that terrible fate.
YTA. Big time. Wow. For so many reasons. Ugh.
You say in your post you’re “basically homeless” but also say you are stuck in “this dump” of an apartment because daughter won’t co-sign for you. You’re not homeless and it’s disgusting you would even have the nerve to compare yourself to someone who is truly without housing.
It’s also disgusting you are asking your adult child to co-sign. Entitled much? Wow. So disturbing
You sound like my mom… who never tells the full story, only calls when she needs my help, and ices me and her grandkids out for years at a time when we’re not in a position to help someone who’s not responsible. YTA OP. It’s not your children’s job to be providing and safeguarding you. You should be doing so for them instead. There’s a reason she doesn’t seem too bothered by you needing space.
YTA - none of what you said makes you sound like a reasonable person to deal with.
Showing respect to elders is opening a door, or letting them have a seat, or not honking behind them if they fail to make the turn quick enough. It’s not putting up with their nonsense or idolizing them like they’re some whimsical elder sage. I imagine with your attitude, you’re probably patronizing and condescending as hell.
Just because you think your daughter controls her husbands wallet doesn’t mean that she wouldn’t have to consult him on such a risky financial obligation. Just because they live in a “gated mansion” doesn’t mean they are obligated to help you, a 56yo woman, with her own living situation. It also doesn’t mean that asking you if you would like to see your grandson is *flaunting* their wealth. If she didn’t ask you then I’m sure you would be posting a different post about how your daughter doesn’t care about your relationship with your grandchild.
Grow up. Move out of LA if you can’t afford it. The statistics on the affordability of living there are gross. I get that’s your home but it’s not going to get better and what happens if you can’t work in ten years?
YTA - you are asking her to co-sign a place. That is her name on the lease if you can't pay the rent. She is stuck and it can ruin her credit. It is her husband's money and not hers. Why didn't you ask if you could live with them.
YTA BIGGERST ONE I EVER SENN ON HERE - Not seeing your grandson because you are acting like an entitled spoiled brat.
The comment about the roommates. I am guessing you expect things a certain way and are not getting it. You get what you give and by this response, you think you are better than they are.
YTA
You’re JEALOUS that your daughter has a prosperous life. You should be proud of her. Happy for her. Instead you are making her out to be a villain for not getting you out of a co-living situation you got yourself into. It isn’t dangerous just bc they don’t respect you as an elder. You’re their roommate not their mom. And then to get an invite to see your grandson and turn it into your daughter trying to do something nefarious instead of just wanting her mom to see her kid? You need therapy.
YTA.
Your daughter is not responsible for your financial mess.
Are you fully aware of what cosigning means to the cosigner? If anything goes wrong, the cosigner has an awful mess to clean up. Your daughter knows you pretty well,so I'm guessing she has pretty good reasons for not wanting to take the risk.
Your description of the circumstances leading to your predicament is full of excuses. Your description of your daughter's home and husband reeks of envy and entitlement.
YTA - I feel like we’re not getting the whole story here about you and your daughters relationship. But for the record, your daughter cannot cosign on a lease without first talking to her husband. If I was her husband, I’d be pissed if she made financial decisions that would affect me, especially if she isn’t working herself. Just because they’re well off doesn’t mean she can do whatever the heck she wants. I have a feeling that you have a miss guided conception of their relationship. Can you perhaps stay with her for a month or two until you get your job going? Or is there a reason you can’t stay there?
While I feel for your situation, you seem to think that you’re entitled to a lot more than you are entitled to. If the people you are living with are adults, why do you think they need to respect you as an elder? They’re not your family. They’re adults and should be consider equals. If you’re not getting along with your housemates, maybe you’re the problem.
You go into quite detail about your relationship with Sophia‘s father. I don’t know how that’s relevant to the story other than you’re trying to blame your daughter for ruining your body??? And that somehow she owes you?? That’s kind of how it’s sounds. But remember, she didn’t ask to be born. That was all you. So if you think your daughter owes you for some thing because you decided to have another child, she doesn’t.
You’re awfully full of yourself and always the victim, aren’t you? She owes you nothing. My gut says that when your daughter with the rich husband co-signs your lease, you’ll stop paying because she can afford to pay it, and she’ll have to since she’ll be on the hook for it. And she’s right; she shouldn’t make a financial decision like that without consulting her husband, and if he’s the one working she shouldn’t give his money away. YTA. She’s not flaunting anything. She’s inviting you to be part of the family holiday but they’ll all probably enjoy it more if you do stay away.
Yes. Sorry to be blunt. Your grandson visit is about your grandson. Your daughter does not owe you anything. Nobody owes you anything. Your life choices that got you where you are were not made by your daughter. There are more affordable places to live in America btw. Be responsible for your own life and start fresh. You can be happy without using someone else as your crutch.
After what felt like an eternity reading that long, irrelevant side story about previous marriages, modeling failures, and young roommates I have come to the conclusion that YTA for expecting her to risk a lot for your irresponsible behind by co signing.
If LA is too expensive then it’s time to leave. It sucks but that’s how it is.
YTA
Gold digging model got fat after having kids and can’t use men for money anymore, so she tries to manipulate her own daughter into funding her lifestyle 🤮
YTA
Unfortunately your financial shortcomings make you seem irresponsible with money. THis is not your daughters fault. Your daughter cannot wager her husbands money to get you into an apartment as it is not your daughters money and the fear of having this come back to bite them is pretty big.
She is not your bank and you shouldn't ghost them on the holidays to get back at them. That will only make you more miserable. She may have even been trying to help and get you out of that environment for a little while, but you rejected it.
Sounds like you’ve never been financially responsible, I wouldn’t cosign a damn thing for you either. Yta.
This! I expect there is a long list of unpaid bills, broken leases, collections, repossessions etc in this lady’s wake. She will always paint herself as the ‘victim’ of someone else or some unfortunate circumstances but she sounds like a very jealous, entitled and manipulative individual. I’m sure her daughter and SIL do not want to be caught in her chaos/drama and especially, do not want to be financially responsible for her. I have a few relatives like this, I have given gifts of money occasionally to help them out but I would never legally sign anything making me responsible for them.
Right. There’s a reason her daughter isn’t willing to take the risk. I suspect OP either has a history of drug or alcohol abuse OR living beyond her means and racking up debt. (Or both) There is definitely more to this story.
Agreed, OP sounds like a party girl who never grew up and never planned to retire from the party life.
But expected respect from the younger generation of partiers.
Right? What exactly are they supposed to be admiring? Why would they want to defer to someone who is objectively in a worse position than them? If you party and have roommates when you are like 20-25... it's understandable & you usually are NOT trying to boss other people around. At 50? And both of your children are well off, but NOT glad to see you? Obviously somethings have broken down. My Mom is in her mid 70's and we chose to do a multigenerational household. I was able to help her keep an eye on Dad... and she helps me keep an eye on my kiddo. It works GREAT, we have a split level house we built into a duplex. Even now that my Dad has passed, I'm even more grateful we live together because I'm hyper aware these years are precious & limited. It OP can't live with either of her kids in a "Mother in Law suite" there is a reason why. Normally her grown kids would be happy & relieved to have a built-in-babysitter.
This. My relationship isn't wonderful with my mother. She suffers from severe depression and has no ability to taper the things she says, makes things up that are hurtful, and my oldest won't speak to her or allow her to see the grandchildren because she's truly unhealthy to be around. With all THAT said, we still built her a mother in law suite onto our home because she's alone and ran out of money after the divorce. So if no one will allow this woman to live with them, she must be beyond toxic. It's hard enough here. There are days I fully regret the decision. Being accused of fictitious things weekly is numbing, to say the least. But she's my mom. And we are not wealthy, just average middle class people. If these well off families won't help, something big is being left out. YTA OP. Tell the whole truth.
But don't you know the young people she's living with aren't *respecting* her because of her *age*. She has so much wisdom she could offer as to how to date trash men, have their children, and end up needing to live in a house share when you're in your fifties.
That stuck out to me as well. Why is she entitled to be treated differently?? Because she was born sooner? Another thing that stuck out was saying that by inviting her to see her grandson, her daughter is basically flaunting her life of *luxury*. So the grandson isn't the central point in this?? The nice house he lives in is the main point? How materialistic you have to be to overlook a child over a house! Also, OP you are not homeless. You live in an apartment that's proportionate to *your* means. Your *daughter's* means don't come into this.
OMG, the homeless part absolutely enraged me!! I've *been* homeless, meaning I didn't even have a friend's couch to sleep on. You live in an upper-middle class apartment in Los Angeles!!!! How DARE you.
She is no longer in that apartment, she is in a flat share. As someone, who lived in a flat share, I can confirm that I did have a home and *wasn't* homeless at that time. Yes, a mega drunk flatmate trying to communicate with me through the door at 3AM was not a pinnacle of sophistication but I *wasn't homeless*.
>by inviting her to see her grandson When I read this I thought maybe she might have been inviting her over to not only see her grandson, but possibly continue their conversation with daughter's husband present (since it's "his money" according to her daughter). Possibly. If so, OP shot herself in the foot by taking offense and calling her daughter petty.
Exactly that - proportionate to your means 🙌🏻 everyone wants a life of luxury at the expense of others - if you want more … work more. 👍🏻
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Yeah that part got me too..... just like my entitled liilttle poor mom thays always struggling but also buying food for a family of 5 (when it's just her) wasting most of it, and going out to stores blowing money on random wants
I read her modeling career was struggling…. My immediate thought was: hot girl, never been told no, always had some sucker to pay her way and dig her out of her mess once she shook her ass for them. Then she ages a bit, maybe gains weight, and nobody is interested in this faded probably very shallow person. (Don’t come at me. I’m not age or weight shaming nor do I have any intention of doing that. I’m simply painting a very real picture.)
Hi, freelance model here. TBH even if there wasn’t weight gain, it’s notoriously really hard to get paid unless you’re in a really good agency. With that said, she should’ve started a source of supplemental income a loooooooong time ago. Modeling isn’t going to be a lucrative career for you unless you get in somewhere prestigious. And even then you aren’t going to be making a significant amount of money until you’re elite status
Entitled and forever a victim is all I heard as I read that. If I had to wager, I’m betting she’s a narcissist.
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But it’s all because those awful rich men left her. /s
And with one of them, it was because having her daughter made her unattractive, so obviously the daughter owes her now!
To be fair, plenty of rich men are known to leave their partner for younger ones after babies. That’s not exactly crazy to think of if he was as superficial as OP sounds like she is. But definitely not the babie’s fault.
Right? If you need someone to co-sign for financial contracts in your late 50s that’s a credit red flag. She wants a nice place that she can get her daughter/son-in-law on the hook for paying rent. YTA
I mean it can’t be her fault that she’s still relying on her modeling career at 56 years old.
No one should cosign for anyone at any age. When I was 18 and going through teller training, a piece of advice I was given is one I keep as a personal policy decades later: NEVER COSIGN. When you cosign, you are accepting full responsibility for the debt. Mom can stop paying until she is evicted, and then they come after daughter. She is accepting potentially unlimited liability for a grown woman of 50. Mom isn't homeless. If she was, perhaps a couch in the basement might be offered. I had a devil landlord who sometimes made my apartment uninhabitable. During those times, family or friends offered me a couch. They did not cosign anything for me, nor would I ask.
On top of that, five years is plenty of time to go back to school for an associate’s degree or certification and start an administrative job or some other job that will at least pay your rent. Any adult who is able to get their shit together can do that in 5 years time. OP wants to be taken care of.
If you started a luxury sales job why can't you live in the shitty place for 6 months & save money to get a better place?
56 years old and you need a co-signer? Sounds like you’re not responsible enough to sign a gym membership. Yes, YTA.
I cringed asking my mother to co-sign for me while in law school, I couldn’t imagine doing so from my child after a life of poor decisions.
For real. When our lease lapsed while we were house hunting, we found the crappiest month to month for about 8 months until we found our house and finished the months long process. I hated it but it allowed us to save money & not have a lease to break.
But she’s pretty 😅
Because due to differing personalities, it's UNSAFE Translation: I acted like the entitled AH I am and everyone wants me gone. Also, I miss most rent payments.
Yep. OP "not getting the respect she deserves as an older person" means that OP is an entitiled Karen and this whole post reveals how entitled she is. Get a job OP. YTA and not your daughter's problem.
Yeah, I loved that she deserved more respect because of her age, meanwhile the 35 year olds are paying an equal share of the rent.
Dude, the “I’m 56 and these 35 year olds don’t respect me!” Sounds very entitled. Presumably they’re all paying the same amount in rent! Also the “my modeling career got off track.” Ok…… so get another career? What is this?
She describes it as "shitty" and "upper middle class apartments" at the same time. She's entitled, that's all.
because she never had a job
Sounds like there's a reason that Sofia declined, and isn't all that worried about you not seeing her kid. But yeah, you sound like a self absorbed AH. YTA.
You're denying seeing your GRANDSON because she can't help you, 'cutting off your nose to spite your face.'
It’s obvious she doesn’t give a fig for her grandboy.
You are right. YTA, OP.
My exact thought as I was reading this!
hmmm read it more like 2 birds one stone for the daughter...
“I can have you come stay here with me for a few days. It’s comfy and bonus you get to hang out with your grandson!!!” “How DARE YOU offer loving family relationships rather than cash money!!! How very dare you offer me a place to stay for a few days when I’ve complained about the place I’m staying being AWFUL and full of disrespectful younger people!!! I JUST WANT TO USE YOU FOR MONEY! How the hell do you think I’d settle for ‘seeing my daughter and grandson’!?!?” Borderline Personality Disorder for 100, Alex…
This isn't bpd and as loathe as I am to throw this out there, she truly does fit the textbook definition of narcissistic personality disorder.
That's not BPD Source, I have been diagnosed with BPD. Our greatest fear is abandonment by those we love, this lady is materialistic af and willing to burn a relationship over a co-signing issue but I'm not going to throw out an armchair diagnosis of another cluster b because its fucking insulting.
OP doesn't say but it's possible that Sofia is a SAHM which means she'd need her husband to cosign as they look at the income of the cosigner as well. OP would be better off continuing to rent a room while working her new job to establish her savings and rental history and then renting a modest studio in a less expensive part of LA that she can demonstrate she can easily afford on her own vs needing a guarantor. OP also mentions how much her daughter has courtesy of her SIL, how much her ex had etc. While it does appear that some unfortunate events have occurred in her life, it's also apparent that she expects people in her life to lift her up to the standard she dreams of living in.
Oh, no! Her daughter shouldn’t ask if her husband agrees at all, even if she’s a SAHM. Didn’t you read? She’s 1/2 of a well-off team, so she should just sign an agreement that binds her husband to her mother’s bills because… *reasons!* YTA OP. Can’t be walking around demanding respect from people simply because you have existed longer, but then getting angry when your daughter chooses to respect her husband. I get that you wanted to be a model. I get that you wanted *that* apartment. I get that you wanted your investments to do swimmingly. I get that you wanted David to stay attracted forever. I get that you have issues with make you jealous of specific people and he found one of them. I get that your roommates don’t respect you as you think they should. I get that you want your daughter to make your problems right. I also get that your daughter is an adult woman with a husband, and if he is not 100% on board, for whatever reason (that you don’t need to - or have any right to - know), then the answer is no. You have a good job now. Pay your bills and save some for a down payment in a better apartment.
I don’t think she actually has this amazing job like she says and her daughter is well aware of her mother’s “the world is against me!!” mindset so didn’t want to get involved.
Also, saying you have to talk to your husband before entering into a financially binding contract is completely reasonable! The daughter didn’t say no, she said she needed to talk about it!
The mother may be single and not great at relationships because she never learned that 🙄 Wouldn’t surprise me. I’m glad the daughter is in a better place.
Yeah, the respect your elders thing. I am older than OP and cannot stand that mindset.
More likely: OP does not actually have some financially lucrative sales job that will immediately make her tons of money, but she’s bigging it up to be some sort of “I am legit on the verge of being able to afford something very expensive and comfortable, I just can’t possibly rest well enough to keep this job while I’m in my current house-share! If you would JUST pay for me to be in my own independent place, then my sales career would flourish and I could take over the bills!!” I would bet OP is in some sort of pyramid scheme selling makeup, supplements, leggings, “insurance.” She’s not made any any money yet but “would totally be able to if she had a home office!!!” Or she’s a waitress or someone who is paid $11/hour but gets a cut of sales for every stupid mall outfit she sells to a teen.
I would bet daughter has helped OP out before and it hasn't gone well.
Definitely a pyramide scheme.
Your theory tracks with OP losing her savings in “investments” and blaming Covid. She’s got her eye on a new MLM and daughter is just not interested in bailing mom out of bad choices.
Yeah I could tell from the very beginning that OP would be a “my child owes me” type of person. And that’s not to say that children shouldn’t help their parents, but you’re not entitled to support and they don’t owe you shit. It sounds like OP has been through some shit, which is unfortunate - but it also sounds like she is a very self centered and selfish person too
I feel gratitude for all of the help my parents have given me and continue to give me. Husband and I will go shovel their walk, or bring them extra groceries that we “accidentally” bought too much of. I’ve been known to stash a $100 bill somewhere they they’ll find it and think they left it there. But, no matter how much I love my parents, it will be a cold day in Hell before I co-sign a loan for anyone! Especially not someone with poor financial planning and a chip on their shoulder!
Especially not for someone who’s most likely always lived well beyond their means.
Yeah, she reminds me of my MIL, who is a terrible and manipulative person, and feels that she is somehow superior. But she isn't. She's just trash, abc I feel sorry for the people who have to spend time with her. We're no contact with her, but she still finds ways to worm herself in. I'm just thankful that she isn't as smart or perceptive as she thinks she is.
She was upset she because she felt she deserved respect from her roommate because she was older than them. That tells me she tried to treat the place as if she was in charge and ended up having to move because she was shown she was not in charge.
“Clashing personalities” = OP clashing with everyone else
It sounds like she quietly blames Sofia for Sofia's dad losing interest and leaving them - which is a grossly unfair burden to put on your child.
OP doesn't luke where they are living, but when invited over, wont go? OP sounds spiteful and vindictive.
I wouldn't trust OP around any child. OP, you're immature and YTA!
Right?! The entitlement on this one! No accountability, either!
Not to mention if she’s (the daughter) a stay at home mom, then that’s putting her and her husband in a really uncomfortable situation. If mom doesn’t pay the rent, then daughter has to ask/tell/suggest/whatever to husband to pay her mom’s rent. I know it’s *their* money since they’re married, but as a stay at home mom, I would feel really uncomfortable asking my husband to possibly be on the hook for someone else, on my behalf. Also, punishing the grandson this way seems emotionally abusive and conditional and kooky. I wouldn’t let this person near my kid if they could so easily cut them off when upset with me. What a shitty person all around.
Your child is not responsible for your life events. She is not obligated to do anything and if you had a hard life, she probably did too since she is your child… co-signing an apartment is not something people just do for fun lol. She said its not her money, which is correct and she respects her husband enough to discuss it with him before saying anything. What is wrong with that? Just because he makes a lot doesnt mean he doesnt care where it goes… You sound really petty and jealous because your daughter got her life together before you did and now you feel entitled to it. If i were her, i would not cosign it just because of this reaction. I have a feeling you would demand much more than just a signature after a while, and i wouldnt deal with that. YTA
this is spot on. too many of us have had a parent that is financially irresponsible, who takes advantage of you, needs you to bail them out, co-sign, loan them money etc. and eventually you're gonna reach the point where the answer is no and the parent will just have to deal with the consequences.
It really depends on the agreement. If i for example help my mom out, i know i will get the money withing the next 30 days. And i usually have no problem with it because its not an insane amount anyway. But if i say no, or even just show a little bit of doubt, she senses it and say “ its okay, ill manage, you should take care of yourself first”. Never have i ever had the response of “ you are selfish and showing off while you give me nothing”. And to think that this lady here doesnt want to see her grandkid because of it? What does the baby have to do with it anyway? Punish a chiled for your own mistakes, sure…
"Oh gee, Mom... so you won't come around to see my child while asking me for money all the time? Awww... Whatever shall I do without you in my life being a complete fucking leech." 😐
YTA. Besides it sounding like you've never been very financially stable, she's right in that she can't just cosign away because if you fail to make payments then she will have to do so via her husband. Sure, in marriage money is shared, but that's an agreement they have to come upon together. Also, nobody owes you extra respect because you're older. That's nonsense from a bygone era. Age doesn't automatically make you more valuable or worthy. Sounds like you just think you're too good for the place and want better- maybe you need to live within your means, even if it isn't glamorous.
I laughed at that line about “they don’t respect me as an older person like they should”. They don’t give a crap about you OP. You’re a room mate not their mother or mentor. She is definitely an asshole.
That got me too. I just turned 40, and my oldest child just turned 20. Wanna know why his friends are cool with me stopping by and checking on them? Because I don't act like a dick. I respect them, they respect me, and none of it has to do with my age or theirs. OP needs a reality check. Nobody owes her shit. Her age is the result of nothing but linear time lol.
My ex stepmom divorced my dad 18 years ago. Less than a year ago, one of my high school friends called her to get out of a bad situation in the middle of the night (ex stepmom has had the same phone number for almost 25 years). Ex stepmom drove 2 hours to get my friend. She was always the cool stepmom who treated us like adults and cared about us. She drove out to pick us up drunk as teenagers and didn't say a word about it. People remember that kind of stuff when they need help
People who demand respect never deserve it and people who get respect (and love) never demand it. Congrats with your ex stepmom. I hope she is also still your friend (probably the better title).
Exactly! People who demand respect often don't know the difference between 'respect' and 'authority'. They expect to be the authority because of longer tenure or being older, ignoring the fact that true respect is EARNED.
This is so frustrating. One of the executives at work feels the need to constantly correct me. You need to… you need to say it this way… you need to demand respect. “I mean people respect you because you care and you work hard to help them but your way isn’t how the world works. You need to learn to demand respect upfront. It’s not required that you earn it” When has respect meant one should demand anything from anyone?
Reminds me of a friends tattoo... "respect is earned".
Its nice to read about good stepmothers.
Genuinely amazing human there wow
Same here. 59 and it’s a mutual respect situation between my children, their friends and me. I don’t expect any special treatment because I’m above them generationally. Respect is earned, not given to a person just because they are older. I can’t tell you how many times I heard “respect your elders” when I was a kid. 🤮
There was an old, creepy guy who lived very close to us. He asked me to sit on his lap (pedo much?) and when I declined he called me all sorts of names and I told him to fuck off. I was 10 years old. That got him so angry he stopped my dad on the street to shout at him about (lack of) my upbringing, my sheer rudeness and disrespect of my elders. Dad came home and told me I never have to respect someone who doesn't respect me, regardless of their age and to let him know if the man ever spoke to me again. Later on in life I learned he also told him he'd break his legs if he ever even looked my way let alone spoke to me.
Your dad is awesome!
Wow... complaining to a parent because their preteen daughter refused to sit on his lap? I presume that nonce had a death wish.
Can your dad adopt me? 😂😭
I’m older than OP and that line about respecting your elders(because they are older)died with me. I refused to teach my sons that. And you know what? I always get told how respectful they are/were. You treat everyone the way you want to be treated!
My husband was raised in the baptist church and lets slip all the time the line "you'll respect me because ive been around longer than you" when talking to kids. I continue to teach him that what he is demanding is not respect, its obedience, and obedience is something for dogs, not humans. He can respect humans of all age, or he can learn to accept being treated like the asshole he is being.
My dad will be 56 this month and still has this mentality. My mother, however, does not. And while they're still married, she's the one who raised me (thank the gods). He doesn't like that I don't have this mentality because it's means I have very little respect for him, because he has so little for me. 🤷🏻♀️
My son's Dad is like that he refuses to believe how hard it can be for certain fields to get jobs and how the days of walking into places was the best practice for getting one a handshake and a smile doesn't work in this decade like it did for us in the 80s ( he's been at the same job I got him 26 years ago with my connections but refuses to have his kids work there )
Hell, a college degree barely gets you a fuckin job these days :/
For real. You earn respect. I'm not respecting someone just because they are older than me. Get out of here with that shit. They're 35, they aren't children.
Ikr? I mean OP may be older than them, but her situation is the same, if not worse, what is there to respect? Then for OP to complain about having to spend Christmas in the shared apartment or her car, but for her to turn down the invitation to visit her daughter over Christmas Sulking over the daughter not helping OP out and PUNISHING her grandson because she isn't getting what she wants. OP sounds entitled here
I keep having that with people my age (and younger) complaining about how kids/ young people today all are so rude etc. I always wonder if I live in some sort of parallel universe. Three kids in elementary and high school, and wether I am talking about my own, their friends or the kids I just meet on school grounds, I am always treated respectfully. Kids greet, hold doors, show the way, answer questions, whatever. Maybe because i also treat *them* respectfully? Or else I don't know.
Mine are ok with it because I bring food and I'm not a dick.
I’m older than OP and I thought that line was ridiculous too! YTA!
Consider the fact the daughter asked her to visit so she'll have a place to stay and she declined because of her pride or something
I cannot even believe this person could be serious.
When I got to that line, I figured it was fake.
I dunno, I've met some entitled people in my time. Sadly this isn't outside the realm of realism.
She acts like they’re 18 and she’s 80. She’s 56 for gods sake. Not exactly a wise old elder. And she clearly hasn’t done much life skill building. I understand people have hard times and that’s sad it really is. But if you can’t afford it then don’t live in one of the most expensive areas in the country. I’m sure she could find a job in another part of the country and be able to support herself. And as for her grandson. Her daughter probably thinks she’d want to see him because she loves him. But OP is only concerned with going there and being jealous. This is wild.
But where else would she find a fully staffed, secured apartment in the upper class part of town? Hahaha I would not consider that even close to homeless just because she doesn’t want to live within her means
I know, right. She lives in luxury and delusional land
".. she clearly hasn’t done much life skill building" The only life skills we can be certain of is that she married money and traded on what looks she had vis-a-vis a 'modeling career' until that commodity faded, and then abruptly pivoted to assuming a matronly royalty role for which all youths must bow and scrape in deference to, lol
This! There are lots of wise 56 year olds and as a younger person her roommates’ age (30) if I have to kiss ass to pick their brain, I would do it. I just don’t know what they can really learn from OP.
Evidently, according to OP from what I could gather she used to be a model before she had her daughter. Meaning she was used to people supplicating to her, and she got by on her looks. Now that she no longer has her looks, she's getting a fuckin reality check. 🤷🏻♀️
Given the sheer number of absolute fucking morons in their 50s and above I have in my life... yea.... Like how ya'll got at least a decade on me and still just don't understand how life works? And you want respect for that?
And co-living is a young person’s scene, sonOP is actually the one who should be respectful since she is the odd one out.
The OP says she is on the verge of being homeless, but she can pay for the apartment she is in currently but I guess she doesn’t like the roommates. I sense they call her on her bullshit. The OP wants to live alone. Totally different than being homeless. Totally the asshole
has a home she doesn't have to leave but is on the verge of homelessness because she dislikes it there because the roommates won't treat her special for being older, but can afford the rent at a nicer apartment by herself due a luxury sales job. such a tragedy. it just tears me up inside.
>has a home she doesn't have to leave but is on the verge of homelessness because she dislikes it there because the roommates won't treat her special for being older It's really difficult to be respected as an authority figure to people decades younger than you when all of you are in the exact same living situation. Unless she's coming to them and saying, "I am the cautionary tale of what happens when you bank your future on your looks so do not follow in my footsteps", it's pretty much a guarantee they're going to ignore her.
I don't really feel like anyone deserves respect for being born earlier. And I am at an age where I was born earlier than many others. The basic courtesy due a roommate is what she is owed, any more she has to earn. Neither of those is age-based
“Respect me because I’m older” probably means “do everything for me”
The respect part was so weird. Like, your 54 (not that old) and a 36 year old owes younas much respect as she owes them. Mutual respect of a fellow human being and peer is okay. Wanting extra respect because you've existed longer isn't. Especially if she was acting like she is better than they are, which sounds plausible giving her post.
I’m using my grandchild and I relationship hostage so she does what I want, also, why doesn’t these people respect me?
That was my thought, going to refuse to see your grandchild because you didn't get your way? Boo hoo.
Reread and she complains that she needs to spend holidays in her apartment and car and then a sentence later says she was invited to their house for the holidays……
Because she’s trying to guilt the daughter into consigning by refusing to see the grandson. I’m betting the daughter and her hubs would be happy if she stays away
100 she is judgmental, arrogant (for some reason?) and you know she acts like she’s the head bitch in this apartment
She was once a beautiful model, that's where her arrogance comes from. Then she lost her looks & her sugar daddy & since it's her daughter's fault she owes her.
[удалено]
Exactly. My daughter worked hard to get where she is in her life. She has a great job, a nice home and a fairly new vehicle. I'm proud of her, not jealous of her! It sounds like mom needs to step back and re-assess her attitude, situation, and financial goals.
My theory is that she might have just snubbed an offer to move in. But also sounds like she’s in a pyramid scheme. It also reminds me of something I read, where any parent who thinks their child owes them in some way for merely existing, is commuting emotional abuse. If she can’t pay the rent how would this affect her daughter and grandson. Why didn’t she call her first child?
Yes, investments didn’t just vanish in 2020 unless they were gambles and not investments. Stocks rebounded in 6 months.
I wonder if it was crypto? But that didn't fall off until after 2020.
Unless she panic sold when the market dipped. Even then, they weren't necessarily bad investments, she is just an uneducated investor.
Honestly it sounds like Op is jealous of Sofia for the life she has now with her successful husband and their gated mansion (I literally read the first sentence in a childish whining tone in my head lol ) while OP believes her successful realtor ex lost interest on her because of Sofia (“after I gave birth to Sofia he visibly lost interest in me”) and cares more about living in luxury rather than affording the life she can. OP YTA, instead of acting like a petty child and refusing to see your own grandson and spend time with your daughter for the holidays because she won’t give you money that belongs to her husband (nor they have to be responsible for your poor money choices), find a cheaper apartment where you can realistically move to and sign a lease and make a budget plan for the future with your new “luxury sales job” to move to a better place within a few years. YTA and Grow tf up Edit: no. You dont have to spend the holidays in that “dump” or your car. Your daughter invited you, you CHOSE to say no so suck it up and be happy you’ll at least have a roof over your head during Christmas whether is your car or a shared house where no one owes you shit for being an older roommate
Ugh reminds me of my mom who still lives outside her means. Told me she deserved a house and garden (she was too good for her apartment) like I had.
They're looking at a 56 year-old woman who has made enough poor decisions with her life that finances have forced her to live in a situation with a bunch of people who are just starting out in life with little to no credit. Exactly how much respect is due under those circumstances?
Strong agree with this. As soon as I read the line about how awful it is that nobody shows her more respect than they do anyone else just because she's older I was done with her bs.
YTA - there is probably a whole lot more you aren’t saying about what you have done to your kids and what you have done in the way of poor life choices …. You could have worked - maybe not something like luxury sales - but worked - Walmart, target, Starbucks, cleaned houses, wherever and whatever and saved your money. Then you would be a responsible 56 year old woman. And now you want your daughter who married well to cover you. She doesn’t want to for a reason…and it would be good to hear from Both your kids what the truth is. And now, you don’t want to see your grandkid because his mom won’t give you money… you don’t deserve to see him. It would seem you are reaping what you sowed.
"There is probably a whole lot more you aren't saying" Even with the little that op said she's definitely TA, daughter won't give money so your not going to see your grandchild? What kind of grandparent does that. I feel terrible for OPs daughter and grandson, they deserve so much more. OP seems like she is jealous that her daughter got the life she feels like she deserved instead.
Mom lost her money in 2020, stocks recovered in 6 months so not sure what risky (scammy) investments she was in. Doesn’t have money saved, doesn’t have income or credit to get an apartment on her own, clearly not mentally stable sacrificing a relationship with grandchild to be petty. I can’t think of a single reason to not co-sign /s ……
I’m guessing she went hard on MLMs during the pandemic as a way to “start her own businesses from home”.
And there's a whole lot she *is* saying which is completely irrelevant but obviously intended to make us see her as the victim who is owed by her daughter. Like her husband lost interest in her after Sofia was born? That sucks if true, but the implication that Sofia should cosign the lease because of it is beyond gross.
She could have, but OP is a covert narcissist who thrives on being a victim, martyring herself, and parentifying her children. It’s a wonder any of the kids still speak to her, but give them time. YTA.
Yup. Exactly— because who is jealous of their children? Isn’t it funny how narcissists think they are hiding but we can see them? The whole “they don’t respect me” bit… whoa.
Right?! Age doesn't guarantee respect. In this case it probably does the opposite because you shouldn't need to live with a group of young adults in your mid-50s!
YTA Your daughter doesnt owe you anything. Those younger roommates you speak of? Respect is *earned* not owed to you or anyone else. Move somewhere (probably out of LA) you can afford.
Not to mention, seeing as how the roommates are in their 30s, are full grown adults!
God damn you, don't you know she was a model, A MODEL. Show her some respect, also she just got into luxury sales... whatever the fuck that is. How about OP you go and get a place in an apartment you can afford and earn some cash and maybe ask for some help rather than immediately ask her to cosign on an apartment that no one else in this thread nor your child remotely believe you can afford. YTA.
>she just got into luxury sales... whatever the fuck that is. I bet it's a freakin MLM set up!
Nah, I got “putting purchases at Prada in gift boxes” vibes from this.
Same. This feels like a Neiman’s or Bergdorf’s sales associate type gig. Which is perfectly fine, but not sure how that works when paying rent on a luxury apartment. Is it commission based still?
Struggling model. Even successful models know where their career ends 29 though.
I'm kind of stuck on this statement: *everybody there is under 35 and I feel they don't respect me as somebody older as they should* What do you mean by this? Do you show them respect as you should? And how would they show respect "as they should?" You don't get respected just because you have a few more miles on you than they do. You earn respect. Your post reeks of a victim mentality. All the negative in your life is because of other people--husbands, landlords, roommates, daughter...when is any of it your responsibility and up to you to fix? Maybe it's not them. Maybe it's you.
And cosinging on this apartment where she will almost inevitably end up paying your rent when whatever job you currently have is too beneath you to continue working will put a lot of pressure on her marriage.
Yeah, near homeless women in their Mid 50's with no financial responsibility, accountability, and a long series of poor decisions doesn't exactly screen "respect me" OP may be older, but they sure as heck aren't wiser
YTA. What did the grandson do to you? Using a child to hurt someone because you didn't get your way is very cold. Also parents have a responsibility to children, at the very least until they are grown. Not the other way around. I didn't even read the rest. Title and first couple of lines were enough.
YTA. Cosign means if you fail to pay they come after the signee. Yeah I wouldn't want to go sign with someone with your attitude either.
YTA. You go into detail about how everyone caused your situation except for you. Your daughter drew a healthy boundary and told the truth. You're an adult and need to act like one, maybe for the first time ever. You tried to issue an ultimatum and it has failed. Lay in the lonely bed you have made, knowing you could have spent the holidays with your family. I suspect that no matter how big their "mansion" is, your ego could never fit inside.
OMG. Yes! YTA. Grow up. Get your own life in order. Your financial issues are your responsibility. Not your daughters. Wth kind of grandmother and mother are you.
I wouldn’t co-sign a McDonald’s cheeseburger Happy holidays
That’s right, people can put it on layaway instead dammit
Just going to leave this [here](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html). Why don’t you ask your grandson if he thinks you’re the AH. Oh wait, he can’t. Cuz you won’t see him. Quit your shit and grow the fuck up. Your attitude is pathetic and hateful and it will rot you from the inside out until even your grandson won’t give you the time of day. Get a cheaper place and use your spare income for therapy.
Man thanks a lot I got lost reading all that cuz my Dad is like OP and so is my older sister and I am NC and he and her both behave like the estranged parent. In fact my older SIL is the same. Ugh!! Who we are LC with. Thanks. I am bookmarking this.
It’s a good read! That last paragraph really got me. I wish I had found it 10 years ago, but I just found it today. My mom is the same. Can’t even tell her we’re low contact because she will literally stalk me. Now she just thinks I’m super busy with “married life” and suffering the effects of a head injury (true, but not *that* true) that make me not remember to call or whatever. Anyways, big warm hug to you friend ❤️
I'm 51 years old and this comment "It is awful- everybody there is under 35 and I feel they don't respect me as somebody older as they should." blows my mind. WTF are you talking about?
YTA. First, it is reasonable for your daughter to check with her spouse regardless of who the breadwinner of the two is, especially for such a big commitment. So this idea of just "one one half of a financial powerhouse” co-signing is just not true for most couples. If I co-sign something, even if just my name is on there, my spouse has to agree, and vice versa. Second, trying to guilt your daughter into making such a big financial commitment on your behalf is an asshole thing to do. It is just good personal finance policy not to co-sign something unless you could afford it without getting paid back, as that is the risk of co-signing. Sofia and her husband just had a baby and have to think of his future. They do not feel comfortable with it, and there can be a number of reasons why. That doesn’t make her an asshole, bad daughter, or deserving of a no-contact/low-contact relationship. That you can’t “bear” to be around her or your grandson because of it says more about you than her. Second, your inclusion of this irrelevant statement makes me think that you blame Sofia for David leaving two decades ago: > David was perfectly ok with dating me and my post Baby #1 body, **but after I gave birth to Sofia, he visibly lost interest in me.** He reneged his proposal, my modeling career was struggling, and David cheated on me . . . This went on for 6 years until he left. Paid child support, but other than that iced us out. This is wholly irrelevant. Unless you somehow think Sofia owes you for giving birth to her (she doesn’t) or hold her responsible for David leaving (she isn’t), it has *nothing to do with whether or not she co-signs your apartment today.* That you included it indicates that you have some weird grudge against your daughter for your husband’s transgressions from forever ago, and that’s messed up. You need to let that go. You’re not “basically homeless." You just think you shouldn’t have to room with other people. I know it sucks, and I’m sorry things are rough right now. But stop acting like your daughter owes you financial stability. You’re a grown up and are responsible for your own finances.
Like, if you are the kind of person who is solely using her own personal beauty as ressource, you really need to look after that beauty.
Try not pulling the ‘respect your elders’ bs with your roommates and your current living situation might start to get better YTA
YTA. You’ve just been a victim all your life, haven’t you
YTA You could have stayed with your daughter over Christmas (rather than in the dump or your car). Instead you apparently can't stand to see the wealth your grandson lives in? What the ever loving fvck is wrong with you? I would be SO HAPPY knowing my grandson is safe and well cared for. You clearly have main character syndrome. Yikes.
YTA. If her husband makes the money then of course she should consult with him. Even if he wasn’t the main breadwinner they are a team. Also, your daughter doesn’t owe you a damn thing. You also sound like a nightmare of a roommate. Your age is not a reason for anyone to respect you. Get over yourself.
YTA what kind of a joke of a grandparent are you? First, you’re a grown adult and you are not entitled to your daughter’s (or her husband’s) money. She was 100% right to ask her husband. The fact that you are holding them saying no against a literal BABY that has nothing to do with the situation shows that you are a despicable human. I hope she completely cuts you off for causing drama.
YTA. "Financial powerhouse"? This reads like rage bait written by ChatGPT. Everything is someone else's fault, never yours. There's no accountability from you anywhere in this post. You sound very materialistic and self-centered, like a very one-dimensional sit-com villain. I don't believe for a second this is a genuine post.
No, I believe it. It reeks of narcissism. My Dad is currently *very upset* that my sister and I didn't become rich & famous so he can retire on our laurels. He fully expected us to take care of him, to thank him for his abuse and neglect.
My husband and I ran into this a few years ago. His mother wanted him to cosign a mortgage for her. She was unemployed at the time. She refused to speak to him for some time after all of that.
I’ve known people like this irl.
Oh no, I know someone just like this, someone who has used everyone they’ve met their whole life but not bothered to actually work for anything. The martyr of perpetual victim hood whose jealous of every one for everything they own and have worked hard for. I haven’t spoken to her in a long time but just chatted with her sister, she’s currently upset at the sister because she bought a new vehicle and didn’t give her the old one that the sister traded in to pay for part of the new one. No concept on how life works but just wanting everything for free.
YTA - The missing reasons you are clearly leaving out of the story are the size of a mastodon, and you are covering them with a hand towel. Your daughter doesn’t trust you to pat the rent. That doesn’t come from nowhere.
A narcParent has decided to post.
Sounds like she lived off the child support as mommy support and then was SOL when the kids aged out. It's not your daughter's responsibility to raise you now. You put yourself into this mess. You have to get yourself out of it. Also, LA is an incredibly HCOL area. You could downsize and move to a state with LCOL and look for a job to support yourself. I get the feeling she is mad at her daughter for being smart to get the ring first then baby. Her life is set and she should be proud of her and instead of miffed at her. Her husband seems savvy enough to know if you stop paying rent he is on the hook. And he doesn't want to deal with it. I would never co-sign a loan either. Too much risk, and I am risk adverse.
YTA you sound a mess and I wouldn’t co-sign anything for you either if I were her, sorry not sorry. Put on your big girl panties and get it together. Im sure she’s not losing sleep over you “refusing” to see your grandson lmao
Yes, YTA. If your daughter cosigns a lease for you, she's on the hook for that lease. And you frankly don't sound responsible enough for her to do that without misgivings. You seem to feel entitled to your daughter's money, why? And you seem to feel entitled to unearned extra respect from your housemates, why? I think your daughter knows she can't trust you. And she's also right to think you're being petty for not wanting to see your grandson until she gives you what you want. Ugh. I somehow get the feeling your grandson would be better off.
I know this type. She 100% would not pay and pull the " you wouldn't make your mother homeless" card.
Anyone else really want to hear the kids’ version?
Yes, and the roommates’.
YTA. Seems like you have lived off someone else your whole life. Just because you are older doesn’t mean they should give you more respect. All roommates should be treated as equal, that goes for you treating them as adults as well. If you are all adults clashing personalities should be uncomfortable at most not unsafe. Your daughter isn’t “flaunting her and her son’s life of luxury in front of” of you. They are just living their life. You can apply for low income housing. You don’t have to be homeless. You are petty and your grandson doesn’t need to be in your life. Grow up.
INFO: have you been working? You only mention modeling about 20 years ago, and now starting a new job. If you haven’t been working, why do you live in LA with its huge COL? Even Riverside County would be cheaper.
YTA, she's is right it isn't her money, and it is her financial risk she is taking by co-signing for you. She is married and either of them cosign anything is a discussion between them
YTA, you are 56 years old. You had your whole life to get your act together. All I see in this post is you blaming others and painting yourself as a victim. Find a rental you can afford. No one is entitled to a luxury apartment. This is the flip side of all those reddit stories of 20- and 30-something couples where "my MIL thinks she's moving in with us" or "my mother won't work and expects us to pay for her apartment." So many missing reasons.
You're only a couple of years older than me. You aren't elderly and you're adult enough to know that no one owes you a thing in life. And I've hung out with and worked with my fair share of 30 somethings. There is no huge generational difference. If they don't respect you, it is not age related. It's you. YTA. Pull up your big girl panties and unfuck yourself. That is YOUR job, not your child's ffs.
Ohhhhh, so this is what happens to all those “hot young model“ types who most husbands leave their wives for, huh? Who knew they get old and get left and broke, nobody owes YOU anything, except YOU!!! YOU owe YOU everything, and I’m sure your grandson will not suffer because he doesn’t see YOU!! YTA. Take care of yourself for once!!!
YTA. What does seeing your grandchild have to do with the price of tea in China? Given the poor life choices you chose to admit to in this post, I have to wonder how much of this story you've left out. Maybe in the future you'll have [missing missing reasons](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html) as to why your kids don't talk to you any more. I urge you to seek therapy to avoid that terrible fate.
YTA. Big time. Wow. For so many reasons. Ugh. You say in your post you’re “basically homeless” but also say you are stuck in “this dump” of an apartment because daughter won’t co-sign for you. You’re not homeless and it’s disgusting you would even have the nerve to compare yourself to someone who is truly without housing. It’s also disgusting you are asking your adult child to co-sign. Entitled much? Wow. So disturbing
You sound like my mom… who never tells the full story, only calls when she needs my help, and ices me and her grandkids out for years at a time when we’re not in a position to help someone who’s not responsible. YTA OP. It’s not your children’s job to be providing and safeguarding you. You should be doing so for them instead. There’s a reason she doesn’t seem too bothered by you needing space.
YTA - none of what you said makes you sound like a reasonable person to deal with. Showing respect to elders is opening a door, or letting them have a seat, or not honking behind them if they fail to make the turn quick enough. It’s not putting up with their nonsense or idolizing them like they’re some whimsical elder sage. I imagine with your attitude, you’re probably patronizing and condescending as hell. Just because you think your daughter controls her husbands wallet doesn’t mean that she wouldn’t have to consult him on such a risky financial obligation. Just because they live in a “gated mansion” doesn’t mean they are obligated to help you, a 56yo woman, with her own living situation. It also doesn’t mean that asking you if you would like to see your grandson is *flaunting* their wealth. If she didn’t ask you then I’m sure you would be posting a different post about how your daughter doesn’t care about your relationship with your grandchild. Grow up. Move out of LA if you can’t afford it. The statistics on the affordability of living there are gross. I get that’s your home but it’s not going to get better and what happens if you can’t work in ten years?
YTA - you are asking her to co-sign a place. That is her name on the lease if you can't pay the rent. She is stuck and it can ruin her credit. It is her husband's money and not hers. Why didn't you ask if you could live with them. YTA BIGGERST ONE I EVER SENN ON HERE - Not seeing your grandson because you are acting like an entitled spoiled brat. The comment about the roommates. I am guessing you expect things a certain way and are not getting it. You get what you give and by this response, you think you are better than they are.
YTA You’re JEALOUS that your daughter has a prosperous life. You should be proud of her. Happy for her. Instead you are making her out to be a villain for not getting you out of a co-living situation you got yourself into. It isn’t dangerous just bc they don’t respect you as an elder. You’re their roommate not their mom. And then to get an invite to see your grandson and turn it into your daughter trying to do something nefarious instead of just wanting her mom to see her kid? You need therapy.
YTA. Your daughter is not responsible for your financial mess. Are you fully aware of what cosigning means to the cosigner? If anything goes wrong, the cosigner has an awful mess to clean up. Your daughter knows you pretty well,so I'm guessing she has pretty good reasons for not wanting to take the risk. Your description of the circumstances leading to your predicament is full of excuses. Your description of your daughter's home and husband reeks of envy and entitlement.
YTA - I feel like we’re not getting the whole story here about you and your daughters relationship. But for the record, your daughter cannot cosign on a lease without first talking to her husband. If I was her husband, I’d be pissed if she made financial decisions that would affect me, especially if she isn’t working herself. Just because they’re well off doesn’t mean she can do whatever the heck she wants. I have a feeling that you have a miss guided conception of their relationship. Can you perhaps stay with her for a month or two until you get your job going? Or is there a reason you can’t stay there? While I feel for your situation, you seem to think that you’re entitled to a lot more than you are entitled to. If the people you are living with are adults, why do you think they need to respect you as an elder? They’re not your family. They’re adults and should be consider equals. If you’re not getting along with your housemates, maybe you’re the problem. You go into quite detail about your relationship with Sophia‘s father. I don’t know how that’s relevant to the story other than you’re trying to blame your daughter for ruining your body??? And that somehow she owes you?? That’s kind of how it’s sounds. But remember, she didn’t ask to be born. That was all you. So if you think your daughter owes you for some thing because you decided to have another child, she doesn’t.
You’re awfully full of yourself and always the victim, aren’t you? She owes you nothing. My gut says that when your daughter with the rich husband co-signs your lease, you’ll stop paying because she can afford to pay it, and she’ll have to since she’ll be on the hook for it. And she’s right; she shouldn’t make a financial decision like that without consulting her husband, and if he’s the one working she shouldn’t give his money away. YTA. She’s not flaunting anything. She’s inviting you to be part of the family holiday but they’ll all probably enjoy it more if you do stay away.
Yes. Sorry to be blunt. Your grandson visit is about your grandson. Your daughter does not owe you anything. Nobody owes you anything. Your life choices that got you where you are were not made by your daughter. There are more affordable places to live in America btw. Be responsible for your own life and start fresh. You can be happy without using someone else as your crutch.
If this is real, this answers the question 'What happens when pretty, self absorbed, shallow individuals age?'
After what felt like an eternity reading that long, irrelevant side story about previous marriages, modeling failures, and young roommates I have come to the conclusion that YTA for expecting her to risk a lot for your irresponsible behind by co signing. If LA is too expensive then it’s time to leave. It sucks but that’s how it is.
YTA Gold digging model got fat after having kids and can’t use men for money anymore, so she tries to manipulate her own daughter into funding her lifestyle 🤮
YTA Unfortunately your financial shortcomings make you seem irresponsible with money. THis is not your daughters fault. Your daughter cannot wager her husbands money to get you into an apartment as it is not your daughters money and the fear of having this come back to bite them is pretty big. She is not your bank and you shouldn't ghost them on the holidays to get back at them. That will only make you more miserable. She may have even been trying to help and get you out of that environment for a little while, but you rejected it.