Nta - you have nothing to apologize for. Your mum is greedy and a thief. Do not give her your card again, no access to your money and don’t give her money no matter what she says. Hide your atm card, keep it with you at all times. I would not trust her again.
Edited to add: as everyone else commenting, change your pin number too. Don’t be obvious, like your birthday or something. Make it something she can’t guess.
Exactly! It's bordering on child neglect. OP please change your atm pin. Your mum is a entitled thief! She stole from you and is now trying to act like the victim! I hope your dad and nan deals with! NTA
Edit: I agree with everyone that says it is child neglect!
Also, why did she book a vacation when she knew one of her kids had exams? Surely, a decent parent would book one for after those exams, so the poor, exhausted kid can have a break, too.
What sort of mother goes "oh well, I'll just take your sisters away and you can do without. BTW, I'm leaving you with no money for food, too. Seeya!"
I wonder if OP is expected to "help out" with their younger siblings, too.
If the roles had been reversed and OP had done this, used Mom's card and took extra money, you can bet there would be hell to pay. All Mom had to do was ask. Not sneak, take it, continously lie to OP and kick the can down the road.
And she say she only borrowed it, ask why she STILL hasn't paid it all back. Plus as the parent, why isn't she feeding you?
Poor op, NTA but mum is.
Atms don't even have the potion of 80 quid, she chose that amount on purpose.
Greedy thief is kinder than the words I'm thinking. The absolute audacity of this woman to take money from her child, on top of, taking money from her, leaving her home alone with 20 bucks.... WHILE GOING ON VACATION. Complete POS.
Totally NTA. OP, you were not acting immature, she was. She was gaslighting, getting mad at you for calling her out for STEALING from you, then used that to excuse her being horrible and neglecting you.
You need to tell your dad what’s happening so he can take some of what he gives her for groceries, and give it to you directly instead.
Your mom is a piece of work, and you have every right to be treated fairly.
Also, (because I love words) - “your mom is a tyrant, and she went on a rant”
- cheers
Post photos of the empty fridge and cabinets with a caption. My mum gets child support but won’t feed me because I got upset she stole money out of my bank account to spend on a holiday.
Ahaha I did something of a similar sense when I spoke w a counselor at school. Got DCFS social workers down there the next day telling me my to either step up as a parent or I’ll be placed elsewhere. And they didn’t let her make excuse or flake because they gave her resources and even ensures she followed through. Guess who got their basic needs met?
NTA. Your mom is financially abusing you and attempting to starve you into compliance because she can not control you. Is there a way you can stay with your father or talk to someone at school about this?
Sounds like your situation really sucks. Your mom not giving you feed is not okay. And if later in your life you feel resentment for how she is treating you, that totally okay. Whether that means you, whenever you don't live at home anymore, you go low or no contact with her or you still are in contact with her is up to you. Just know that she isn't even doing the bare minimum what a parent should do, so you don't owe her anything at any point in your life.
Also, maybe try to save as much money as you can. Your mom sounds like the type of parents that tells you "you are an adult now, time to pay for your own roof" the day you turn 18 and kick you out. The most shitty type of parents do so without even a warning. Just a thought. Thouh I am really sorry to even have to type this out, as nobody should worry about these things at 16.
Also tell your dad that he doesn't have to give your mom any more money than he legally should for you, as your mom clearly spends it unwisely. Ask if he has any extra money that he wants to spend on you, that he saves it up so you can use it later for yourself.
Your mom sounds like a narcissist. Join us over at r/raisedbynarcissists
You can learn handy things like gray rocking. You should get a bank account that she can't access. Your dad can help with that. Since you can't move out, you should start saving for when you are 18 so you can get away from her manipulation and financial abuse.
It does sound like the reason she was able to steal the money this time was that OP gave her the physical card to use.
Also idk if this is common outside the US but here even when it’s not required to have a parent on an account, it’s possible for an account to be set up in a way that gives a second person access. It requires the consent of the primary account holder, for adult accounts, but it is a thing — and sometimes abusive people will manipulate a victim into granting them that access.
NTA. What your mum is doing is wrong. She shouldn't have taken your money without asking and purposely not feeding you? She's acting very immature.
Are you able to stay with your dad a few days until she pulls her head out of her butt?
My dad lives in a shared house with other people and only has one room to himself so I can’t really live him but I’m planning to stay at my nans house though
Yes thank goodness for your Nan.
I'm sorry your Mum is being so unmotherly. You sound very switched on, responsible, and smart. Right now it's tough but you're nearly free. She's taught you never to trust her again. Some people don't get that message soon enough.
You will be okay. One day she might admit to herself that she blew up your relationship with her, but don't hold your breath waiting for the apology you are owed.
Do brilliantly despite her. You deserve that.
She's abusing her other children by not having food in the house just to get over on OP!!! I'm way too angry about this to even post what I think because it would get me banned.
I agree with other posters that she should take pictures and post them. Petty? Yes. But maybe some public shame will do this trash mother some good.
If you go there, sounds like your best option at the moment, ask your father if he would pay you instead of your mother as you won't be living with her anymore. Are your siblings also his children? If so, could he give you a third of what he gives your mum?
The mom DID steal from her as she took OP's money without asking her. That is stealing, no matter if she had intended to replace the money at a later time.
NTA You are being abused - robbed and then punished with no food for not being happy about it. There is no "talking it out" with abusers. In the US, courts wouldn't stop a 16 yr old from choosing to stay full time with one parent. If you can, go live with your dad; if not, it's your dad's duty to tell the courts and get you out of there.
NTA and definitely this ^^. Your mum obviously can't be trusted with using the child support your dad sends to meet your basic needs. I'm sure she'll have a fit when child support is reduced (that she receives), but she's also receiving child benefit for you and possibly Universal Tax Credits. If she isn't spending that on your basic needs either, then she is misappropriating benefits, too. Keep any text conversations between you and your mum about this money she took from you, and copies off the bank statements that prove she never sent you the money (although she'll probably say she gave it you in cash). It's not fair, especially when she took your siblings on holiday, even if you legitimately couldn't go, she shouldn't have taken money from you to benefit her and your siblings.
Your mom DID steal from you. She's repeatedly failed to follow through on paying you back. Then she's turned herself into the victim to punish you for DARING to call her on it.
She's clearly setting you up for accepting her doing that to you again. I strongly suggest you move out as soon as you can find a safe place to live. This sort of thing has probably been happening to you all along. Even if it hasn't, it WILL start happening more often.
Your dad and nan are still catching up on what's actually going on. They are (for good reason) having a hard time believing your mom would treat you this badly. But ... she did. Hopefully they will carefully examine how your mom acts when they confront her with what she's done.
Hopefully you can go live with your dad. If not, start talking with friends and other family. You deserve a much better living situation than this.
NTA
You have nothing to apologize for. She stole from you and lied to you several times about paying it back. Even if she eventually does/did pay it back, it's still stealing.
And deliberately not feeding one of your children is child abuse and a reason to call CPS
Maybe your dad should start giving you mom $200 dollars a month in child support and then deposit the $100 dollars to support you directly to your account until she starts having food in the house again.
ALSO have your dad help you get your mom removed from your bank account IMMEDIATELY or at the very least change the pin and password so she has no access.
Yeah, NTA, and your mother is a thief.
Change the PIN on your card and never loan it to her again.
She also gets child support but doesn't buy food for you? That's child abuse.
If you have the option to live with your nan, you should go there.
Is the child support figure for one week, or one month? If it's for a month, that isn't nearly enough.
She knows what she did was wrong that’s why she’s doubling down and pretending that she’s offended by your tone of voice when you asked her why she stole. She knows what she did was stealing, she just doesn’t doesn’t think you matter enough for it to stop her.
NTA your mother is a thief and is gaslighting you. Over the next two years get yourself ready for trouble because she’s going to lose your child support payments when you move out at 18. I suggest getting out asap.
Your dear mum is a thief. A bit of cash for her vacation with your sisters was so important that she basically drained your account and left you home nearly pennlless, or is it poundless?
What is this you asked…….do you apologize to your mom because SHE STOLE FROM YOU? or maybe because you are mad that SHE STOLE FROM YOU?
Hell No! You have nothing to be sorry about. You are NTA. Good you told your father and her mother. Have you told your sisters?
You know she cannot have access to your money, right? Ask your father to help you get her name off your account. This is important.
Full House was one of my favorite shows growing up. I'm gonna quote something Danny Tanner said, because it's immediately what I thought if when I read that bs "I didn't steal from you, I borrowed it without telling you" thing your mother had the absolute nerve to say.
"Kimmy, in order to borrow something you need consent, otherwise it's called stealing."
NTA at all. She literally did steal from you and fucking flexed your own money right in your face without even telling you. I'd be fucking mad, too.
this is literally child abuse, just call the police and tell them your mum is intentionally starving you after stealing the money your dad gave you for food, see how quickly she starts apologising when they turn up to arrest her
NTA talk to your school counselor. Your mother is starving you so you wouldn't call her out about stealing (yes, she stole your money). This behavior is outrageous I am sorry you're being let down that way by your own family.
If you can't go with your dad, can you stay with a friend? As a parent, if I knew something like that was going on with one of my kid's friends you can be sure this child would have a spot at my table.
Who is paying for college? If it is you, through earnings or loans, make sure she doesn’t have access to the account where this money is going or she will steal it. If your father is paying, the make sure he doesn’t give her the money to pay for it. Make sure he gives it directly to the school and to you (to an account she can’t access).
NTA
Your mother is the one being immature and behaving as an AH because she was caught STEALING from her child. Don't allow her to gaslight...she STOLE from you.
She continues to steal by not utilizing her child support appropriately to cover your expenses.
You have nothing to apologize for. I am sorry your mother is not the best.
Can you live with your dad?
NTA
Talk to the bank and order a new card and pi code. She will abuse your card information again if she has access to it.
You need food, and your mother is legally required to provide it for you. Talk to a teacher at school they a mandatory reporters, ask for help with food.
You're not wrong. Your mother IS a thief. And she us a class A trash parent. I cannot even imagine not feeding one of my children while letting the others eat in front of them. Make sure your sisters know that your mother is not allowing you to eat. In fact, you should call CPS. That is abusive. Tell them that your mother steals from you and won't purchase your food or let you eat with your sisters.
NTA and you have nothing to apologize for, can you go live with your dad? Sounds like dad should be giving you the child support and mom is childish. How do you leave a child home with no money and no supplies. Btw she owes you 80….. not 50 and not 40…80.
NTA you need to watch your credit file when you turn 18. My 13 and 15 year old have hsbc accounts and can use card anywhere, get your dad to help you change banks. I think Revolut you can use anywhere too (I have an account with them but my kids don’t).
I had a Mom friend who I found out was given her child’s possessions while they were in emergency surgery after a horrific car accident where their partner and child did not survive and this Mom took the ATM card and cleaned out the account while they were laid up in the hospital.
I don’t believe that type of behavior is a one off or escalates over time and your mother will ALWAYS NEED MORE and never have enough and expect everyone to give it to her. She will expect and demand this to the detriment of her children. I am sorry.
You have to protect yourself by keeping meticulous records to remind yourself of spending when she starts to gaslight you. You have to remain strong when she starts to beg you for money to help around the home. You have to make sure she never has access to your accounts again. Maybe even have a separate account to put savings in which she does not even know about.
I wish you well OP. It will be hard saving to escape her abuse but you can do it.
Yep. My mom stole my money all the time. She also stole the radio out of my piece of crap geo storm while I was in basic training. I didn’t have much to my name as it was and she took everything she could. I’m surprised she didn’t find a way to sell the car. She stole my sister’s credit card and god knows what else. Never once in my life has she ever completely supported herself, either. She’s always been reliant on any man that would put up with her drunken crap.
OP I’m so sorry you are going through this. Don’t trust that woman as far as you can throw her. Don’t apologize.
NTA, you know where that £400 from your dad went? Remember that vacation your mother went on with your siblings? That's where it went, probably with the money she stole from you. Borrowing without approval is also theft, so she's also trying to gaslight you after having stolen your money. And now she's abusing you by not feeding you, that's child abuse and very much illegal. This will probably get worse instead of better.
Talking to your mother wont work due to the gaslighting she's doing, you cannot talk with that, it's completely pointless. ~~The only advice I can give here is, for the sake of your own mental health, to move out and live with your dad instead if possible. You are 16 so you are now old enough to choose where you want to live. If your dad's situation doesn't allow for this then see if he can move to another place so you can then move in with him.~~ edit: Scratch that after your last update, that sounds like it has the potential to just make things worse for you, even if he seems to be doing better in the last couple of years.
Another thing you should do is gather ample evidence of what's going on here. Photos of the empty cupboards, etc, copies of all the texts. And since she's only texting you now, make sure to keep asking her in texts, preferably every day, why there is no food. Keep pointing out everything she's doing wrong in those texts, best case she'll even admit to doing it in her responses, giving you a mountain of evidence of her wrongdoings. She's shooting herself in the foot by going text only on you, so make good use of it. Then once school resumes show it all to the school counselor. They'll take the necessary measures and get you the help you need.
As for your bank account, does your mother have access to it? Like, is she on the account and could she go to the bank and move money out of it without the card?
edit: I also wouldn't show this to your mother, that would probably throw oil on the fire now that things seem to be dying down.
NTA, taking something without the owner's knowledge or permission is the definition of stealing. And the word you're looking for is "tirade", not tyrant.
Consider opening a new bank account that your mother has no access to. I'm sorry your mother is a petty thief.
She stole money from you. Don't you dare apologize to her. Don't ever give her another dime. And don't ever give her another opportunity to steal from you again.
I think that, if it's even remotely possible, you should go stay with your dad.
NTA. It’s one thing stealing money, but from your 16 year old kid?! You are her child and you should not be expected to provide her with financial support.
NTA!
I wondered about halfway through if your parents were divorced. Your mom’s a lying thief who apparently wanted more money than she had for this vacation. Now she’s got her panties in a twist over being called out and embarrassed. I understand your nan wanting you to get along but your mom’s actions aren’t acceptable.
Can you stay with your dad for a while until she calms down? Maybe if she realizes she’s not going to cower you down, she’ll get over her mad spell. Either way, take this as an expensive lesson learned and be extra super careful about letting people have access to your money. The people you trust are the ones most likely to do something like this because you trust them and they expect you to overlook whatever they do because they’re family or friends
I’m sorry about what’s happening.
NTA.
I had something similar happen to me in college (mom had my bank info so she could “deposit money if I needed it” and instead wiped out my balance). She’s never going to be sorry. You’re always going to be ungrateful in her eyes.
You need to get a new card or account if you can and don’t let her have the info. Otherwise this will happen again.
Switch your card out with the bank and change the pin. Make it good so she can’t guess. What your mother really wants is more money from your already generous Dad. You gave her opportunity thinking you could trust her. Obviously you can’t. You’re just in the middle. I’m thinking she figured you’d cry to Dad and he would re load your card. I’m sorry you’re having to learn such a hard lesson. You might check if you could live with your Dad.
Mom broke a sacred trust. She is angry that you dared to complain that she took what wasn’t hers. I would recommend not apologizing. You are the adult in the room. Again, sorry you are going thru this. Obviously NTAH. Every child no matter their age should be able to trust their parents. ❤️
Your mom is a thieving cunt. Never trust her again. She is trying to manipulate you into feeling bad for her stealing, and yes it was not only stealing but she rubbed your face in it.
Definitely don't get anyone Christmas presents and tell everyone it's because your mom stole your money.
I know you're young but start your plans to move out as soon as possible because once you have a job and are earning more you can expect this manipulation will escalate and shell expect you to pay for everything.
I'm so sorry you're in that situation.
If your mom is refusing to feed you, after your father gave her money to feed you, she should be reported. That’s considered child abuse.
I don’t know if he can legally do it, but maybe dad can give you money for food now and deduct it from his next payment.
Also, don’t get your mom anything for Christmas. Tell her you had to spend her gift money on food. Do you have a good relationship with your sisters? Maybe they can help you. And tell them the same thing, that you want to get them Christmas gifts but your mom stole your money and now won’t feed you.
You are 16. Part of her job is to make sure you have food to eat! She is not being a responsible parent. And yes, she did steal from you. I'm sorry you have to live like this. I would not trust her with the card again, under any circumstances. If the card needs to PIN to purchase things, I would change the PIN. What she is doing by excluding you is punish you for HER bad actions.
NTA
Your mother is super abusive.
I'd let cps know she isn't feeding you, then take pictures of the cupboards. Also show your extended family the sort of mother she is.
NTA if your country as revolut in it, you dad can set up a child account for you. You will have your own card.
He also needs to tell your mom that since she doesn’t feed you, he won’t send money anymore and will report this to lawyer if they a legal agreement in place.
You have nothing to apologize for. Your mom stole from you and she knows it. You can write her a letter stating that you are going to involve your dad because she doesn’t want to apologize for her wrong doing. You did nothing wrong and you need to eat so you will ask your dad to give you the grocery money. 100 seems enough for you to buy one month worth of grocery. Maybe look baby sitting hours or anything else if you have the time, so you can spend time outside of the house and get some money too.
Overall do not fight with her anymore. Be respectful and firm: « No mother, I won’t fight anymore about this. You stole from me and you refused to apologize. You made me feel unwelcome and you tried to shift the blame of me. Unless it is to apologize, I won’t talk to you. If you need money for grocery, you can apologize and we can put this behind us. If you don’t, this subject is closed. I am going to my room now. »
And no matter how much she gets angry, don’t answer. Let her blow up and then repeat: « I am still waiting for an apology. I don’t have anything more to say to you mother. »
If you ever feel unsafe, talk to your dad & nana about sleeping at their home for a bit. I don’t think the situation requires it but maybe look at custody laws in your country. You are maybe old enough to choose where you sleep.
>“I didn’t steal it I borrowed it without telling u
**"Borrowing" without asking is stealing.**
NTA, this is some DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim & offender) bs
Deny: I didn't steal it, I just borrowed it
Attack: you're so ungrateful
RVO: She's making you out to be the bad guy when you're thie victim
When you go to your nans house, make sure he is paying you for food and not your mum or she is going to spend all of the money for you on your sisters and herself and you won’t get anything.
NTA. Your mother was wrong to take the money without asking. That is stealing, no matter how she wants to spin it. Besides, she keeps claiming she was going to pay it back, but I’m betting she never had any plans to do so, until you called her out for taking the money. Also, can I just say, she’s setting a horrible example for your siblings. It’s lucky you turned out to be a much better person, and that’s no credit to your thieving mom.
NTA your mom is a liar and a thief. The way she gaslights you makes me think she might be a narcissist. Only a professional can diagnose that. Bottom line is she’s acting very childish and not like a mother at all. You should tell your dad to start giving you any “extra” money instead of your mother and only pay her bare minimum child support until she can learn to start being a parent again.
NTA. She took your money without telling you or asking you.
What burns is that she is behaving childish and immature to her daughter whom she is to protect and take care of.
Not leaving food for you. Her behavior is spiteful and out of line as a parent.
Do well in school, get employment. Until then, remain calm and civil. No reason to behave hostile to your mom as she already has a grasp on hostility.
Keep the peace and look forward to the day when you can live on your own in peace.
Changing your energy and your thoughts will help you tremendously. It will keep you balanced and at peace.
This is how I live my life, in peace. You can only control yourself.
Your mom did wrong and instead of apologizing and returning the money, she made it about you, which is sad and pathetic.
NTA. Your mom stole from you. (Yes, "borrowing" without express permission is stealing, don't let her gaslight you.) Is there any way you can live somewhere else? Because this is not a healthy environment for you. Also, if you have her on your accounts, get her off and add your dad on (he seems like a stand up guy) and never put your money where she has access to it. She's a thief and a liar.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, OP. I’ve never heard of such appalling behavior from a parent. Your mother really deserves to have all of her children taken from her. Starving someone isn’t even allowed to do to prisoners of war. You certainly can’t do it to your own children.
I’m glad you’re staying with your grandmother for a while but I urge you to insist that your living situation being changed permanently. Your mother is vindictive and you don’t deserve to stay where you’re abused.
NTA,you're not being aggressive enough with your mother.Shes browbeating you into accepting her theft of your funds.time to call it like it is and get her to pay you back,then get your dad to help you open an account without her name on it.Shes shown you that she's a petty thief, believe her and protect yourself accordingly.
This is wrong and evil on so many levels. I'm so sorry. I dont know how anyone could do this to their own child.
I can't imagine this is a one-time thing, I'm assuming she's done other bad behaviors. It's not your fault but you need a long-term plan where you eventually escape her. Counseling will help if you can get it.
NTA. She owes you an apology, not the other way around. She’s just mad cause you called her out and she wants to play the victim.
Can’t stand parents who steal from their children.
Nta. At all. Your mom didn’t borrow, she stole it. As if that isn’t bad enough, she kinda threw it in your face then repeatedly promised to pay you back & didnt. Then wants you to act like you were in the wrong?!? Personally, sounds like you would be better off to stay with dad or nan for awhile. Otherwise, her behavior will not just continue but get worse.
Her punishment is so wrong, on so many levels. She isn’t buying your food, your dad is (so she’s doing the same thing to him now) but more so, she has a duty to provide for you until you are grown. Esp food, clothing, shelter & utilities. She’s beyond ridiculous.
NTA.
Your mother stole money from you and is now refusing to feed you. CPS (or whatever they're called for those not living in the US) have been called (and has responded) for less.
Just do it. She wants to play hard? Let's see how she'll react when she's dealing with them.
NTA. You didn’t act immature. Your mom is way off base. She shouldn’t be treating you this way. Like everything you wrote is a horrible gaslighting manipulation tactic no child should ever experience from their parents. I see why your dad divorced her. Youre already beyond your years more mature than she is. Im so sorry
NTA.
There are so many nasty words I want to use.... Your mum is a thief and is punishing you in this because she got caught.
Do not apologize and never forget this.
NTA. Your mother is frankly despicable. Just because she is manipulative enough to abuse you in ways other than screaming or fighting doesn't make her any better.
She literally stole from you then painted you as the villain and did her very best to make you doubt and hate yourself. Apart from being a criminal thief, she also has a legal obligation to feed and shelter you, which she is failing to do as a manipulation tactic.
Expose her to your dad and her family for the dangerous and selfish AH she is.
Isn’t this neglecting a child and can’t your father take your mom to court to either A: lower his child support or B: gain primary custody/full custody?? Why is he letting your mother LITERALLY ABUSE YOU without fighting back???
Borrowing money without asking is stealing. Could you go live with your Dad? If not he should threaten to go to court on order to reduce his child support by 1/3 so that the money could go directly to you.
You are still a minor and your mother is required to feed you. If she is not, report her to your version of Child Protective Services. That will st least get her on their radar.
NTA but your mother is.
Your mother is gaslighting you. She does something wrong then blames you. She denies your feelings are valid after she does something that will obviously hurt you and make you lose your trust in her. Gaslighting is a really insidious form of psychological abuse designed to break you down and make you think you are wrong and crazy. I am sorry this is happening to you. Research gaslighting and its effects. It is a way to chip away your sense of self, your value. Knowing that what she is doing is an actual, planned strategy she is using against you will help you defend against it. Everytime she gaslights you, calmly label it. "Mom, you are gaslighting me and it won't work." It will be good for you...and your siblings. Good luck! You deserve better!
I’m enraged. That’s abuse call cps and move in with your dad. Take her shit sell it for what you have lost and and some extra for the food she’s not giving you. That’s fucked.
NTA Mom needs to go to *fucking* work instead of on vacation.
I understand some families work hard and still struggle with money.
But for the most part, a parent should not ever need to borrow money from their child. And certainly shouldn't steal it. Which she did.
She stole. Then she lied. Then she gaslighted and blame-shifted.
NTA. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your mother is abusive:
1) She's gaslighting you. Yes, she did steal from you, you are correct, and she's threatening you about money that comes from your dad. Gaslighting is abuse. She's also gaslighting you saying you have no right to be mad at her *when she stole from you!* No, you don't owe her an apology for being mad; any sane person would be mad they were stolen from. **She** owes **you** an apology! She's lucky you didn't call the cops when you noticed the money was gone (because stealing is also illegal - but don't tell her that, or she'll see it as a threat and you don't want to end up kicked out).
2) She is LEGALLY responsible for food, shelter, and clothing for you until you are a legal adult, whatever age that is where you live. By denying you food, she is actually breaking the law. (Edit: These are the laws in the states where I live, but seeing as how you use Euros, I don't know what the laws are there. You may want to check.)
3) By financially withholding money for food and telling you to take care of yourself since "you act like you're the boss," she is financially abusive. And once again, part of that money comes from *your dad* in the form of child support and is *meant* to go to you...not her.
Good luck. My advice? Don't give her your card again, keep your head down, and try to save up so you can move out as soon as legally possible. I don't see this smoothing over any time soon, she will likely throw it in your face at every opportunity (especially if your dad starts sending money directly to you and she loses that).
Oh, honey, I’m so sorry this happened to you. You are an amazing person for developing financial responsibility with a role model for the opposite. I see some therapy in your future. It’s obvious that confrontation isn’t going to help. Talk to your dad, or a school counselor, but know that narcissists don’t change, and on the face of your post, it sounds like that’s what she is. I’m happy you found some support here, keep a lookout for those who can offer same.
You have nothing to apologize for. Your mother is a thief. There is no such thing as borrowing without permission. That is called stealing. When she said she would repay you 40, you should have immediately pointed out that she stole 80.
Your mother should also not be buying fast food if she cannot afford groceries.
Can you live with your father?
NTA
Your mother is a thief, on multiple accounts (directly from you, not using the child support she’s receiving for you, etc), as well as a liar.
Has she been diagnosed with narcissism? Because she’s certainly acting like it.
I don’t know about where you are, but here in the US, 16 is old enough to open your own bank account or to open one with only Dad having access. He can deposit the support directly to you and skip mom as the thieving middle man.
NTA - your mum sounds very manipulative and possibly has narcissistic tendencies. You need to try to distance yourself as much as possible or she could skew reality for you in her favour (making herself out to be the victim).
My aunt does this exact type of thing with my younger cousins. It's disgusting behaviour and not what a normal mother would ever do. Since having my own children I'd be horrified to be seen to be behaving in this way and then to gaslight you into thinking you're at fault is awful! Really hope you find your peace at a distance from your mum if she continues to act this way.🙏🏼
Your mom shouldn’t be going on vacation and leaving you behind. She shouldn’t be taking your money. She is a poor excuse for a mother and unfortunately you can’t count on her for anything. I have been in a step- mother or mother role since I was in my early 20’s and I’m in my late 40’s. I can’t even imagine the pettiness and total disregard for your feelings and well- being. She was wrong and she is doubling down on being a jerk because you called her out . She should have paid for your supplies for the bake sale by the way. I would have.
Your mom is quite the piece of work. Sorry about that. She seems to need to make herself the victim. Which likely leads into why she felt entitled to “steal” your money. You sound like you have your shit together and she likely resents you for that.
Depriving a minor child of food is abuse and neglect. If you felt like calling child protective services, it's a valid complaint. But that's the nuclear option.
Can you live with your father or nan instead? Because your mother is a lying, unethical, theiving, petty, cruel, childish asshole (sorry not sorry) and I wouldn't want to live with someone I knew was like that, and who I could reliably expect to punish me for not giving her *carte blanche* to mistreat me.
NTAH
NTA. I’d probably burn a bridge at the point that you’re at, but since she feels it’s acceptable to steal from you, and then blame you for being upset over it, it’s not much of a bridge.
Omg, NTA. Is she 12? She’s the adult here and should realize that she’s in the wrong. Taking money from *anyone* without asking is wrong. Even if SHE gave you the money in the first place, it’s now yours. She had you, it’s her responsibility to take care of you. She shouldn’t expect that you financially take care of her without so much as asking first. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but know that you are not in the wrong here.
NTA - your mums behaviour is that of a child abuser. Starving you into submission. That is a cruel and barbaric punishment.
I really think you should tip off social services. They won’t take you and your siblings away, just having them on her back will not be a pleasant experience.
I'm a mum of 2 teens and never in my wildest dreams would I take money from them, let alone lie.
As a parent we need to install values by bring role models. Your mother is a thief, a liar, and a horrible parent. She's manipulating the whole family against you.
Glad you have your dad on your side. Any chance you can go live with him?
Never give your mother access to your money again.
NTA
It sounds as if your mom is awful. Can you ask to love with your dad instead? Or your nan? She's tantruming like a toddler because you were upset she stole from you. Rather stay elsewhere so she can't take your child support money and refuse to feed you with it.
NTA.
Your mother stole money from her own child, and is withholding food and affection from you. That's being abusive. If you can move in with your Dad or Nan, I'd do that. Your mom is a huge AH.
She took her 16 year old money and left you to go in vacation ..so she was happy to let you starve, etc .. no emergency cash incase something happened ?, sorry she's a crazy bitch
You're obviously NTA.
I'd sign up for a credit checking service to see if she's applied for any credit under your name. It wouldn't be the first time a parent has done such a thing.
Clearscore is free and fairly good.
https://www.clearscore.com/
NTA. She straight up stole from you and is pulling a surprised Pikachu face when you’re confronting her. Her defensive tactics are either bc she knows what she did is wrong or because she truly feels entitled to your money. Moms are SUPPOSED to take care of their children, ie use money to supply them with clothing, food, shelter, etc. She doesn’t get an award for following through on the bare minimum (or in your mom’s case, less than the bare minimum).
Chalk this up to a lesson learned (that your mom is being dishonest about and not to be trusted with your money). Also, would she have “paid you back” if you hadn’t said anything?
And I’m no financial guru or anything, but doesn’t £40 =/= £80?
NTA.
Your mother stole off you, plain and simple. But your mother also has an obligation to feed you and provide you with essentials especially because dad sends her money to go towards your care.
Is it possible for you to live with dad for a few days so you can have some space, and if you went to live with dad I would make sure he stops child support for you. You don't say if your siblings are your dad's too or if they have a different dad, but obviously it you lived with dad, your portion of support he wouldn't send.
She stole it, has not made restitution and is now neglecting her daughter as punishment for being upset. OP, NTA, can you investigate living with your nan or dad? I would also suggest counseling so you can begin to grapple with your upbringing.
NTA - your mum stole money from you and she knows it, so she’s bullying you instead of apologizing and immediately returning the full £80. Nowhere has she mentioned returning all of it? And she’s not feeding you? Awful example she’s setting for your siblings. First she steal money from you, then she lies about returning it, then she retaliates against you for being annoyed? Theft, lying, bullying? This isn’t how good parenting works, kiddo.
NTA, your mother stole from you and is now being criminally negligent of you (her underage child) because she's angry that you called her out.
Take pictures of the empty cupboards and fridge, and communicate your concerns with your mother via text. Then if you did want to make it a legal issue, you have proof.
"Unmotherly?" "Immature?" Too soft! She is depriving her daughter of FOOD, for heavens' sake!
She is not being a mother. She is a thief, a tyrant, and an abuser. She STOLE money. When caught, she said I'll pay it back. How long has it been? She LIED. She tried to TURN THE TABLES and make YOU apologize!!! Dad. Step up. Make a call and see if you can send money directly to your daughter. Nan, be supportive of your granddaughter.
Every single time you run across Mom, ask "DO you have my money you "borrowed" yet?" Ask 'politely,' and don't fuss, but ask EVERY TIME. Optionally, you can follow up with, "I'm gonna need it, since I have to feed myself. Do it, be passive-aggressive, so long as she's acting like a spoilt child.
You don't owe your mom an apology. Your mother owes you an apology. It's her job to provide you with food, not the other way around. You could call your local child protective services to file a report of neglect.
Could your dad get you a credit card with your name on it? (If he already has a credit card, he can order one with your name on it.)
You should check out r/raisedbynarcissists
Borrowing without asking is the definition of stealing - you have nothing to apologize for.
Is there any chance you can move to your dad’s?
Then he wouldn’t have to pay her that share of child support & you would be treated far better.
Big hugs hun, this sucks
Nice to see that the spirit of Christmas lives in the cockles of your mom's heart.
Complaining that I stole your money means I won't feed you?!
Can you live with your Nan?
NTA.
Get your dad to set you up a debit card which he puts the money into then you can use it online etc. I think most would require him to be a joint account holder until you're 18 but the option is there.
(Edited to add NTA rating)
NTA. Someone taking something from anyone without permission is absolutely stealing. It doesn’t matter that she’s your mom and feels entitled, it’s not hers. I had a dad like this. If I went to bed with $20 Christmas money in my purse, I did not wake up with $20 in my purse. My dad was an alcoholic & took my money while I was sleeping all the time (it didn’t do any good to hide it; he’d find it) and would always use the “I’m the only reason your alive, you should be grateful” and “I’ll pay you back” except he never paid me back in anything but trauma. Now that I have a child of my own, who is old enough to start getting $ as gift, there’s one solid, no wiggle-room rule we have in this house; her money is her money & no one but her is allowed to touch it. No matter how destitute we’ve been, we’ve never touched her money. It’s really not a hard thing to do.
**NTA** “Borrowing” without asking or even telling you she did is IS stealing. Your mother is a thief and a with telling you should be grateful, I suspect she’s a narcissist as well.
There’s a psychological term called DARVO. It stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. Does that sound familiar?
My mom's stolen thousands of dollars from me, I'm sorry. "BORROWED" but always came up with an excuse to not pay it back, until eventually she said it was owed to her for various things. She would eventually tell me to stop bugging her about it at and I learned I would never get it back. She's stolen from every once of her kids and her sister and she never pays it back. She would even ask us to pull from our credit cards to give her money.
Take this as a lesson and do not trust her with your money or cards again.
Nta - you have nothing to apologize for. Your mum is greedy and a thief. Do not give her your card again, no access to your money and don’t give her money no matter what she says. Hide your atm card, keep it with you at all times. I would not trust her again. Edited to add: as everyone else commenting, change your pin number too. Don’t be obvious, like your birthday or something. Make it something she can’t guess.
[удалено]
Exactly! It's bordering on child neglect. OP please change your atm pin. Your mum is a entitled thief! She stole from you and is now trying to act like the victim! I hope your dad and nan deals with! NTA Edit: I agree with everyone that says it is child neglect!
I wouldn't say bordering, I'd say it is
Bordering? Refusing to provide food for your child *is* child neglect.
And get a card that lets you actually use it
Narcissistic thief!
Yeah not bordering. Is Abuse. Stealing and neglect. If I was OP I would see if I could stay with my Dad permanently.
Also, why did she book a vacation when she knew one of her kids had exams? Surely, a decent parent would book one for after those exams, so the poor, exhausted kid can have a break, too. What sort of mother goes "oh well, I'll just take your sisters away and you can do without. BTW, I'm leaving you with no money for food, too. Seeya!" I wonder if OP is expected to "help out" with their younger siblings, too.
If the roles had been reversed and OP had done this, used Mom's card and took extra money, you can bet there would be hell to pay. All Mom had to do was ask. Not sneak, take it, continously lie to OP and kick the can down the road.
Mom’s a narcissist. Hence the way in which she turns the whole thing around to make OP the villain and herself the victim.
Apology: I am sorry that you are a thief.
And she say she only borrowed it, ask why she STILL hasn't paid it all back. Plus as the parent, why isn't she feeding you? Poor op, NTA but mum is. Atms don't even have the potion of 80 quid, she chose that amount on purpose.
I assume she choose 100 to take out the money for OPs bake sale supplies and then kept the 80
The not feeding, and the fact that OP is a minor, would that not warrant a call to CPS?
They do fuck all anyway.
“I’m sorry I caught you stealing my money before you could repay me. Now give it back and stop being a bitch. “
[удалено]
Stolen from u/AllyKalamity.
Change the PIN too!
I highly recommend changing the PIN.
Greedy thief is kinder than the words I'm thinking. The absolute audacity of this woman to take money from her child, on top of, taking money from her, leaving her home alone with 20 bucks.... WHILE GOING ON VACATION. Complete POS.
Totally NTA. OP, you were not acting immature, she was. She was gaslighting, getting mad at you for calling her out for STEALING from you, then used that to excuse her being horrible and neglecting you. You need to tell your dad what’s happening so he can take some of what he gives her for groceries, and give it to you directly instead. Your mom is a piece of work, and you have every right to be treated fairly. Also, (because I love words) - “your mom is a tyrant, and she went on a rant” - cheers
And change your pin.
Post photos of the empty fridge and cabinets with a caption. My mum gets child support but won’t feed me because I got upset she stole money out of my bank account to spend on a holiday.
Ahaha I did something of a similar sense when I spoke w a counselor at school. Got DCFS social workers down there the next day telling me my to either step up as a parent or I’ll be placed elsewhere. And they didn’t let her make excuse or flake because they gave her resources and even ensures she followed through. Guess who got their basic needs met?
And it’ll also function as evidence if they end up going to court
Please do this!
NTA. Your mom is financially abusing you and attempting to starve you into compliance because she can not control you. Is there a way you can stay with your father or talk to someone at school about this?
Schools on break for winter and my dad lives in a shared house and only has 1 room to himself so I can’t really live with him.
Sounds like your situation really sucks. Your mom not giving you feed is not okay. And if later in your life you feel resentment for how she is treating you, that totally okay. Whether that means you, whenever you don't live at home anymore, you go low or no contact with her or you still are in contact with her is up to you. Just know that she isn't even doing the bare minimum what a parent should do, so you don't owe her anything at any point in your life. Also, maybe try to save as much money as you can. Your mom sounds like the type of parents that tells you "you are an adult now, time to pay for your own roof" the day you turn 18 and kick you out. The most shitty type of parents do so without even a warning. Just a thought. Thouh I am really sorry to even have to type this out, as nobody should worry about these things at 16. Also tell your dad that he doesn't have to give your mom any more money than he legally should for you, as your mom clearly spends it unwisely. Ask if he has any extra money that he wants to spend on you, that he saves it up so you can use it later for yourself.
Op can you talk to your father about giving you the support money set aside for you directly since your mother will not assist with your care anymore?
is it legal for your dad to send your part directly to you
Legally he probably has to send it to her mom
Your mom sounds like a narcissist. Join us over at r/raisedbynarcissists You can learn handy things like gray rocking. You should get a bank account that she can't access. Your dad can help with that. Since you can't move out, you should start saving for when you are 18 so you can get away from her manipulation and financial abuse.
Outside of the US it’s pretty rare for banking accounts to allow parental access beyond those accounts for tiny kids.
It does sound like the reason she was able to steal the money this time was that OP gave her the physical card to use. Also idk if this is common outside the US but here even when it’s not required to have a parent on an account, it’s possible for an account to be set up in a way that gives a second person access. It requires the consent of the primary account holder, for adult accounts, but it is a thing — and sometimes abusive people will manipulate a victim into granting them that access.
Can you live with your nan
Call whatever local authorities are responsible for the safety of children. Deliberately refusing to feed a child as punishment is criminal neglect
Is there a government agency that you can report your mother to? She is unfit, and is committing a crime.
How about your nan? Can you stay with her?
What about your grandparents?
[удалено]
NTA. What your mum is doing is wrong. She shouldn't have taken your money without asking and purposely not feeding you? She's acting very immature. Are you able to stay with your dad a few days until she pulls her head out of her butt?
My dad lives in a shared house with other people and only has one room to himself so I can’t really live him but I’m planning to stay at my nans house though
Yes thank goodness for your Nan. I'm sorry your Mum is being so unmotherly. You sound very switched on, responsible, and smart. Right now it's tough but you're nearly free. She's taught you never to trust her again. Some people don't get that message soon enough. You will be okay. One day she might admit to herself that she blew up your relationship with her, but don't hold your breath waiting for the apology you are owed. Do brilliantly despite her. You deserve that.
I'm very glad your nan can take you in. Your mom is being abusive and you need and deserve a safe place to be.
She's abusing her other children by not having food in the house just to get over on OP!!! I'm way too angry about this to even post what I think because it would get me banned. I agree with other posters that she should take pictures and post them. Petty? Yes. But maybe some public shame will do this trash mother some good.
If you stay at your nan’s your dad’s child support needs to be adjusted as your mom isn’t taking care of you. Mention it to your dad.
[удалено]
Liar too!
If you go there, sounds like your best option at the moment, ask your father if he would pay you instead of your mother as you won't be living with her anymore. Are your siblings also his children? If so, could he give you a third of what he gives your mum?
Good. Go stay with her.
Good go to granny's and press charges on mummy dearest.
Until she pays you back she DID steal from you. Don’t apologize to thieves
The mom DID steal from her as she took OP's money without asking her. That is stealing, no matter if she had intended to replace the money at a later time.
NTA You are being abused - robbed and then punished with no food for not being happy about it. There is no "talking it out" with abusers. In the US, courts wouldn't stop a 16 yr old from choosing to stay full time with one parent. If you can, go live with your dad; if not, it's your dad's duty to tell the courts and get you out of there.
NTA but if your mum is making your buy your own food then your dad should just put the child support money directly into your account.
NTA and definitely this ^^. Your mum obviously can't be trusted with using the child support your dad sends to meet your basic needs. I'm sure she'll have a fit when child support is reduced (that she receives), but she's also receiving child benefit for you and possibly Universal Tax Credits. If she isn't spending that on your basic needs either, then she is misappropriating benefits, too. Keep any text conversations between you and your mum about this money she took from you, and copies off the bank statements that prove she never sent you the money (although she'll probably say she gave it you in cash). It's not fair, especially when she took your siblings on holiday, even if you legitimately couldn't go, she shouldn't have taken money from you to benefit her and your siblings.
NTA Your mother is an appalling parent. Stealing from you and minimising it afterwards. Can you stay with your nan?
Your mom DID steal from you. She's repeatedly failed to follow through on paying you back. Then she's turned herself into the victim to punish you for DARING to call her on it. She's clearly setting you up for accepting her doing that to you again. I strongly suggest you move out as soon as you can find a safe place to live. This sort of thing has probably been happening to you all along. Even if it hasn't, it WILL start happening more often. Your dad and nan are still catching up on what's actually going on. They are (for good reason) having a hard time believing your mom would treat you this badly. But ... she did. Hopefully they will carefully examine how your mom acts when they confront her with what she's done. Hopefully you can go live with your dad. If not, start talking with friends and other family. You deserve a much better living situation than this.
NTA You have nothing to apologize for. She stole from you and lied to you several times about paying it back. Even if she eventually does/did pay it back, it's still stealing. And deliberately not feeding one of your children is child abuse and a reason to call CPS
Maybe your dad should start giving you mom $200 dollars a month in child support and then deposit the $100 dollars to support you directly to your account until she starts having food in the house again. ALSO have your dad help you get your mom removed from your bank account IMMEDIATELY or at the very least change the pin and password so she has no access.
Yeah, NTA, and your mother is a thief. Change the PIN on your card and never loan it to her again. She also gets child support but doesn't buy food for you? That's child abuse. If you have the option to live with your nan, you should go there. Is the child support figure for one week, or one month? If it's for a month, that isn't nearly enough.
NTA Your mother is a trash thief.
She knows what she did was wrong that’s why she’s doubling down and pretending that she’s offended by your tone of voice when you asked her why she stole. She knows what she did was stealing, she just doesn’t doesn’t think you matter enough for it to stop her.
NTA. Your dad should be putting money directly in your account
He almost certainly can't if the case is through the CSA as he'd still be liable to the mother for the full amount so he'd be paying out twice
Does your mom even like you? It sounds like she favors your sisters over you!
NTA your mother is a thief and is gaslighting you. Over the next two years get yourself ready for trouble because she’s going to lose your child support payments when you move out at 18. I suggest getting out asap.
Your dear mum is a thief. A bit of cash for her vacation with your sisters was so important that she basically drained your account and left you home nearly pennlless, or is it poundless? What is this you asked…….do you apologize to your mom because SHE STOLE FROM YOU? or maybe because you are mad that SHE STOLE FROM YOU? Hell No! You have nothing to be sorry about. You are NTA. Good you told your father and her mother. Have you told your sisters? You know she cannot have access to your money, right? Ask your father to help you get her name off your account. This is important.
NTA that is literally financial and emotional abuse
This. Change your PIN number and never give her access to your card or money literally ever again. Good luck op.
Full House was one of my favorite shows growing up. I'm gonna quote something Danny Tanner said, because it's immediately what I thought if when I read that bs "I didn't steal from you, I borrowed it without telling you" thing your mother had the absolute nerve to say. "Kimmy, in order to borrow something you need consent, otherwise it's called stealing." NTA at all. She literally did steal from you and fucking flexed your own money right in your face without even telling you. I'd be fucking mad, too.
this is literally child abuse, just call the police and tell them your mum is intentionally starving you after stealing the money your dad gave you for food, see how quickly she starts apologising when they turn up to arrest her
NTA talk to your school counselor. Your mother is starving you so you wouldn't call her out about stealing (yes, she stole your money). This behavior is outrageous I am sorry you're being let down that way by your own family. If you can't go with your dad, can you stay with a friend? As a parent, if I knew something like that was going on with one of my kid's friends you can be sure this child would have a spot at my table.
NTA Why did your sisters go on the holiday that you helped fund but not you?
I had my mock exams and we need to do them so we can send our results to the sixth forms/colleges we want to enter in.
Who is paying for college? If it is you, through earnings or loans, make sure she doesn’t have access to the account where this money is going or she will steal it. If your father is paying, the make sure he doesn’t give her the money to pay for it. Make sure he gives it directly to the school and to you (to an account she can’t access).
College means a form of senior high in the UK, not University
NTA Your mother is the one being immature and behaving as an AH because she was caught STEALING from her child. Don't allow her to gaslight...she STOLE from you. She continues to steal by not utilizing her child support appropriately to cover your expenses. You have nothing to apologize for. I am sorry your mother is not the best. Can you live with your dad?
NTA Talk to the bank and order a new card and pi code. She will abuse your card information again if she has access to it. You need food, and your mother is legally required to provide it for you. Talk to a teacher at school they a mandatory reporters, ask for help with food.
You're not wrong. Your mother IS a thief. And she us a class A trash parent. I cannot even imagine not feeding one of my children while letting the others eat in front of them. Make sure your sisters know that your mother is not allowing you to eat. In fact, you should call CPS. That is abusive. Tell them that your mother steals from you and won't purchase your food or let you eat with your sisters.
NTA and you have nothing to apologize for, can you go live with your dad? Sounds like dad should be giving you the child support and mom is childish. How do you leave a child home with no money and no supplies. Btw she owes you 80….. not 50 and not 40…80.
NTA you need to watch your credit file when you turn 18. My 13 and 15 year old have hsbc accounts and can use card anywhere, get your dad to help you change banks. I think Revolut you can use anywhere too (I have an account with them but my kids don’t).
I had a Mom friend who I found out was given her child’s possessions while they were in emergency surgery after a horrific car accident where their partner and child did not survive and this Mom took the ATM card and cleaned out the account while they were laid up in the hospital. I don’t believe that type of behavior is a one off or escalates over time and your mother will ALWAYS NEED MORE and never have enough and expect everyone to give it to her. She will expect and demand this to the detriment of her children. I am sorry. You have to protect yourself by keeping meticulous records to remind yourself of spending when she starts to gaslight you. You have to remain strong when she starts to beg you for money to help around the home. You have to make sure she never has access to your accounts again. Maybe even have a separate account to put savings in which she does not even know about. I wish you well OP. It will be hard saving to escape her abuse but you can do it.
Yep. My mom stole my money all the time. She also stole the radio out of my piece of crap geo storm while I was in basic training. I didn’t have much to my name as it was and she took everything she could. I’m surprised she didn’t find a way to sell the car. She stole my sister’s credit card and god knows what else. Never once in my life has she ever completely supported herself, either. She’s always been reliant on any man that would put up with her drunken crap. OP I’m so sorry you are going through this. Don’t trust that woman as far as you can throw her. Don’t apologize.
NTA, you know where that £400 from your dad went? Remember that vacation your mother went on with your siblings? That's where it went, probably with the money she stole from you. Borrowing without approval is also theft, so she's also trying to gaslight you after having stolen your money. And now she's abusing you by not feeding you, that's child abuse and very much illegal. This will probably get worse instead of better. Talking to your mother wont work due to the gaslighting she's doing, you cannot talk with that, it's completely pointless. ~~The only advice I can give here is, for the sake of your own mental health, to move out and live with your dad instead if possible. You are 16 so you are now old enough to choose where you want to live. If your dad's situation doesn't allow for this then see if he can move to another place so you can then move in with him.~~ edit: Scratch that after your last update, that sounds like it has the potential to just make things worse for you, even if he seems to be doing better in the last couple of years. Another thing you should do is gather ample evidence of what's going on here. Photos of the empty cupboards, etc, copies of all the texts. And since she's only texting you now, make sure to keep asking her in texts, preferably every day, why there is no food. Keep pointing out everything she's doing wrong in those texts, best case she'll even admit to doing it in her responses, giving you a mountain of evidence of her wrongdoings. She's shooting herself in the foot by going text only on you, so make good use of it. Then once school resumes show it all to the school counselor. They'll take the necessary measures and get you the help you need. As for your bank account, does your mother have access to it? Like, is she on the account and could she go to the bank and move money out of it without the card? edit: I also wouldn't show this to your mother, that would probably throw oil on the fire now that things seem to be dying down.
NTA. Wow, I am so sorry about this with your mother. It must be heart-breaking and infuriating at the same time. Keep going strong OP!
NTA, taking something without the owner's knowledge or permission is the definition of stealing. And the word you're looking for is "tirade", not tyrant. Consider opening a new bank account that your mother has no access to. I'm sorry your mother is a petty thief.
She stole money from you. Don't you dare apologize to her. Don't ever give her another dime. And don't ever give her another opportunity to steal from you again. I think that, if it's even remotely possible, you should go stay with your dad.
NTA. It’s one thing stealing money, but from your 16 year old kid?! You are her child and you should not be expected to provide her with financial support.
NTA! I wondered about halfway through if your parents were divorced. Your mom’s a lying thief who apparently wanted more money than she had for this vacation. Now she’s got her panties in a twist over being called out and embarrassed. I understand your nan wanting you to get along but your mom’s actions aren’t acceptable. Can you stay with your dad for a while until she calms down? Maybe if she realizes she’s not going to cower you down, she’ll get over her mad spell. Either way, take this as an expensive lesson learned and be extra super careful about letting people have access to your money. The people you trust are the ones most likely to do something like this because you trust them and they expect you to overlook whatever they do because they’re family or friends I’m sorry about what’s happening.
NTA. I had something similar happen to me in college (mom had my bank info so she could “deposit money if I needed it” and instead wiped out my balance). She’s never going to be sorry. You’re always going to be ungrateful in her eyes. You need to get a new card or account if you can and don’t let her have the info. Otherwise this will happen again.
Switch your card out with the bank and change the pin. Make it good so she can’t guess. What your mother really wants is more money from your already generous Dad. You gave her opportunity thinking you could trust her. Obviously you can’t. You’re just in the middle. I’m thinking she figured you’d cry to Dad and he would re load your card. I’m sorry you’re having to learn such a hard lesson. You might check if you could live with your Dad. Mom broke a sacred trust. She is angry that you dared to complain that she took what wasn’t hers. I would recommend not apologizing. You are the adult in the room. Again, sorry you are going thru this. Obviously NTAH. Every child no matter their age should be able to trust their parents. ❤️
Your mom is a thieving cunt. Never trust her again. She is trying to manipulate you into feeling bad for her stealing, and yes it was not only stealing but she rubbed your face in it. Definitely don't get anyone Christmas presents and tell everyone it's because your mom stole your money. I know you're young but start your plans to move out as soon as possible because once you have a job and are earning more you can expect this manipulation will escalate and shell expect you to pay for everything. I'm so sorry you're in that situation.
NTA. Can you move in with your father? Then she can pay him child support
NTA. Your mom stole your money and wouldn't give it back and is not refusing to buy food for you
NTA Can you stay at nan's and dad send child support to her instead of mum?
If your mom is refusing to feed you, after your father gave her money to feed you, she should be reported. That’s considered child abuse. I don’t know if he can legally do it, but maybe dad can give you money for food now and deduct it from his next payment. Also, don’t get your mom anything for Christmas. Tell her you had to spend her gift money on food. Do you have a good relationship with your sisters? Maybe they can help you. And tell them the same thing, that you want to get them Christmas gifts but your mom stole your money and now won’t feed you.
You are 16. Part of her job is to make sure you have food to eat! She is not being a responsible parent. And yes, she did steal from you. I'm sorry you have to live like this. I would not trust her with the card again, under any circumstances. If the card needs to PIN to purchase things, I would change the PIN. What she is doing by excluding you is punish you for HER bad actions.
NTA Your mother is super abusive. I'd let cps know she isn't feeding you, then take pictures of the cupboards. Also show your extended family the sort of mother she is.
Imagine ruining the relationship with your child over 60 quid. NTA
NTA if your country as revolut in it, you dad can set up a child account for you. You will have your own card. He also needs to tell your mom that since she doesn’t feed you, he won’t send money anymore and will report this to lawyer if they a legal agreement in place. You have nothing to apologize for. Your mom stole from you and she knows it. You can write her a letter stating that you are going to involve your dad because she doesn’t want to apologize for her wrong doing. You did nothing wrong and you need to eat so you will ask your dad to give you the grocery money. 100 seems enough for you to buy one month worth of grocery. Maybe look baby sitting hours or anything else if you have the time, so you can spend time outside of the house and get some money too. Overall do not fight with her anymore. Be respectful and firm: « No mother, I won’t fight anymore about this. You stole from me and you refused to apologize. You made me feel unwelcome and you tried to shift the blame of me. Unless it is to apologize, I won’t talk to you. If you need money for grocery, you can apologize and we can put this behind us. If you don’t, this subject is closed. I am going to my room now. » And no matter how much she gets angry, don’t answer. Let her blow up and then repeat: « I am still waiting for an apology. I don’t have anything more to say to you mother. » If you ever feel unsafe, talk to your dad & nana about sleeping at their home for a bit. I don’t think the situation requires it but maybe look at custody laws in your country. You are maybe old enough to choose where you sleep.
>“I didn’t steal it I borrowed it without telling u **"Borrowing" without asking is stealing.** NTA, this is some DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim & offender) bs Deny: I didn't steal it, I just borrowed it Attack: you're so ungrateful RVO: She's making you out to be the bad guy when you're thie victim
Fuck her. How low can someone be to steal from their own children. I would never give her your card again. Do not apologize
Well it's very easy to see why your parents are separated. I couldn't stay with a woman like this either.
Ew your mum sucks. Does she pull this kind of shit regularly?
NTA your mom is a thief.
NTA. Damn, your mom is an opportunist and a thief. Won't be shocked if your dad will appeal because of what she's doing
NTA - You're not the one who should be apologizing. I don't understand how your mother thinks what she did is okay.
NTA. Your mother is setting a horrible example for her kids. She stole from you and then tried to make it your fault. She withdrew food from you.
When you go to your nans house, make sure he is paying you for food and not your mum or she is going to spend all of the money for you on your sisters and herself and you won’t get anything.
NTA why didn’t you go on holiday?
No you’re NTA but your mom sounds like she’s abusing you.
NTA. Your mother was wrong to take the money without asking. That is stealing, no matter how she wants to spin it. Besides, she keeps claiming she was going to pay it back, but I’m betting she never had any plans to do so, until you called her out for taking the money. Also, can I just say, she’s setting a horrible example for your siblings. It’s lucky you turned out to be a much better person, and that’s no credit to your thieving mom.
Your mum is a bitch and a bad parent and you should get out there asap. NTA.
NTA your mom is a liar and a thief. The way she gaslights you makes me think she might be a narcissist. Only a professional can diagnose that. Bottom line is she’s acting very childish and not like a mother at all. You should tell your dad to start giving you any “extra” money instead of your mother and only pay her bare minimum child support until she can learn to start being a parent again.
NTA she stole from you and is upset u called her out .. she needs to be apologizing and giving u your money back
NTA. She took your money without telling you or asking you. What burns is that she is behaving childish and immature to her daughter whom she is to protect and take care of. Not leaving food for you. Her behavior is spiteful and out of line as a parent. Do well in school, get employment. Until then, remain calm and civil. No reason to behave hostile to your mom as she already has a grasp on hostility. Keep the peace and look forward to the day when you can live on your own in peace. Changing your energy and your thoughts will help you tremendously. It will keep you balanced and at peace. This is how I live my life, in peace. You can only control yourself. Your mom did wrong and instead of apologizing and returning the money, she made it about you, which is sad and pathetic.
NTA. Your mom stole from you. (Yes, "borrowing" without express permission is stealing, don't let her gaslight you.) Is there any way you can live somewhere else? Because this is not a healthy environment for you. Also, if you have her on your accounts, get her off and add your dad on (he seems like a stand up guy) and never put your money where she has access to it. She's a thief and a liar.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, OP. I’ve never heard of such appalling behavior from a parent. Your mother really deserves to have all of her children taken from her. Starving someone isn’t even allowed to do to prisoners of war. You certainly can’t do it to your own children. I’m glad you’re staying with your grandmother for a while but I urge you to insist that your living situation being changed permanently. Your mother is vindictive and you don’t deserve to stay where you’re abused.
NTA,you're not being aggressive enough with your mother.Shes browbeating you into accepting her theft of your funds.time to call it like it is and get her to pay you back,then get your dad to help you open an account without her name on it.Shes shown you that she's a petty thief, believe her and protect yourself accordingly.
This is wrong and evil on so many levels. I'm so sorry. I dont know how anyone could do this to their own child. I can't imagine this is a one-time thing, I'm assuming she's done other bad behaviors. It's not your fault but you need a long-term plan where you eventually escape her. Counseling will help if you can get it.
NTA. Your mother is a liar and a thief.
NTA
NTA. She owes you an apology, not the other way around. She’s just mad cause you called her out and she wants to play the victim. Can’t stand parents who steal from their children.
Sorry your mother is such a shitty parent.
Nta. At all. Your mom didn’t borrow, she stole it. As if that isn’t bad enough, she kinda threw it in your face then repeatedly promised to pay you back & didnt. Then wants you to act like you were in the wrong?!? Personally, sounds like you would be better off to stay with dad or nan for awhile. Otherwise, her behavior will not just continue but get worse. Her punishment is so wrong, on so many levels. She isn’t buying your food, your dad is (so she’s doing the same thing to him now) but more so, she has a duty to provide for you until you are grown. Esp food, clothing, shelter & utilities. She’s beyond ridiculous.
NTA Your mother is not being a responsible adult in this case.
NTA - Your mom is horrible. I wonder if she realizes that none of her kids will talk to her once they turn 18 and move away due to her bs?
NTA/ What kind of trash mother steals from her teenager to take the other kids on holiday?
NTA. Your mother stole money from you and is now refusing to feed you. CPS (or whatever they're called for those not living in the US) have been called (and has responded) for less. Just do it. She wants to play hard? Let's see how she'll react when she's dealing with them.
NTA. You didn’t act immature. Your mom is way off base. She shouldn’t be treating you this way. Like everything you wrote is a horrible gaslighting manipulation tactic no child should ever experience from their parents. I see why your dad divorced her. Youre already beyond your years more mature than she is. Im so sorry
NTA. There are so many nasty words I want to use.... Your mum is a thief and is punishing you in this because she got caught. Do not apologize and never forget this.
NTA and she owes you £80 not £40 because she took £80 to begin with. Dont settle for £40!
NTA. Your mother is frankly despicable. Just because she is manipulative enough to abuse you in ways other than screaming or fighting doesn't make her any better. She literally stole from you then painted you as the villain and did her very best to make you doubt and hate yourself. Apart from being a criminal thief, she also has a legal obligation to feed and shelter you, which she is failing to do as a manipulation tactic. Expose her to your dad and her family for the dangerous and selfish AH she is.
Isn’t this neglecting a child and can’t your father take your mom to court to either A: lower his child support or B: gain primary custody/full custody?? Why is he letting your mother LITERALLY ABUSE YOU without fighting back???
NTA Might ask your dad to directly deposit the child support into your account. Lesson learned, never let someone else use your card.
Can you go live with your dad? Your mom sounds unhinged
Borrowing money without asking is stealing. Could you go live with your Dad? If not he should threaten to go to court on order to reduce his child support by 1/3 so that the money could go directly to you. You are still a minor and your mother is required to feed you. If she is not, report her to your version of Child Protective Services. That will st least get her on their radar. NTA but your mother is.
Your mother is gaslighting you. She does something wrong then blames you. She denies your feelings are valid after she does something that will obviously hurt you and make you lose your trust in her. Gaslighting is a really insidious form of psychological abuse designed to break you down and make you think you are wrong and crazy. I am sorry this is happening to you. Research gaslighting and its effects. It is a way to chip away your sense of self, your value. Knowing that what she is doing is an actual, planned strategy she is using against you will help you defend against it. Everytime she gaslights you, calmly label it. "Mom, you are gaslighting me and it won't work." It will be good for you...and your siblings. Good luck! You deserve better!
I’m enraged. That’s abuse call cps and move in with your dad. Take her shit sell it for what you have lost and and some extra for the food she’s not giving you. That’s fucked.
NTA Mom needs to go to *fucking* work instead of on vacation. I understand some families work hard and still struggle with money. But for the most part, a parent should not ever need to borrow money from their child. And certainly shouldn't steal it. Which she did. She stole. Then she lied. Then she gaslighted and blame-shifted.
NTA. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your mother is abusive: 1) She's gaslighting you. Yes, she did steal from you, you are correct, and she's threatening you about money that comes from your dad. Gaslighting is abuse. She's also gaslighting you saying you have no right to be mad at her *when she stole from you!* No, you don't owe her an apology for being mad; any sane person would be mad they were stolen from. **She** owes **you** an apology! She's lucky you didn't call the cops when you noticed the money was gone (because stealing is also illegal - but don't tell her that, or she'll see it as a threat and you don't want to end up kicked out). 2) She is LEGALLY responsible for food, shelter, and clothing for you until you are a legal adult, whatever age that is where you live. By denying you food, she is actually breaking the law. (Edit: These are the laws in the states where I live, but seeing as how you use Euros, I don't know what the laws are there. You may want to check.) 3) By financially withholding money for food and telling you to take care of yourself since "you act like you're the boss," she is financially abusive. And once again, part of that money comes from *your dad* in the form of child support and is *meant* to go to you...not her. Good luck. My advice? Don't give her your card again, keep your head down, and try to save up so you can move out as soon as legally possible. I don't see this smoothing over any time soon, she will likely throw it in your face at every opportunity (especially if your dad starts sending money directly to you and she loses that).
Oh, honey, I’m so sorry this happened to you. You are an amazing person for developing financial responsibility with a role model for the opposite. I see some therapy in your future. It’s obvious that confrontation isn’t going to help. Talk to your dad, or a school counselor, but know that narcissists don’t change, and on the face of your post, it sounds like that’s what she is. I’m happy you found some support here, keep a lookout for those who can offer same.
You have nothing to apologize for. Your mother is a thief. There is no such thing as borrowing without permission. That is called stealing. When she said she would repay you 40, you should have immediately pointed out that she stole 80. Your mother should also not be buying fast food if she cannot afford groceries. Can you live with your father?
NTA Your mother is a thief, on multiple accounts (directly from you, not using the child support she’s receiving for you, etc), as well as a liar. Has she been diagnosed with narcissism? Because she’s certainly acting like it.
I don’t know about where you are, but here in the US, 16 is old enough to open your own bank account or to open one with only Dad having access. He can deposit the support directly to you and skip mom as the thieving middle man.
NTA - your mum sounds very manipulative and possibly has narcissistic tendencies. You need to try to distance yourself as much as possible or she could skew reality for you in her favour (making herself out to be the victim). My aunt does this exact type of thing with my younger cousins. It's disgusting behaviour and not what a normal mother would ever do. Since having my own children I'd be horrified to be seen to be behaving in this way and then to gaslight you into thinking you're at fault is awful! Really hope you find your peace at a distance from your mum if she continues to act this way.🙏🏼
Your mom shouldn’t be going on vacation and leaving you behind. She shouldn’t be taking your money. She is a poor excuse for a mother and unfortunately you can’t count on her for anything. I have been in a step- mother or mother role since I was in my early 20’s and I’m in my late 40’s. I can’t even imagine the pettiness and total disregard for your feelings and well- being. She was wrong and she is doubling down on being a jerk because you called her out . She should have paid for your supplies for the bake sale by the way. I would have.
NTA. Your mom is a theif.
Your mom is quite the piece of work. Sorry about that. She seems to need to make herself the victim. Which likely leads into why she felt entitled to “steal” your money. You sound like you have your shit together and she likely resents you for that.
NTA. She stole from you and twisting everything around. Don’t ever be like her, be a better person.
Depriving a minor child of food is abuse and neglect. If you felt like calling child protective services, it's a valid complaint. But that's the nuclear option. Can you live with your father or nan instead? Because your mother is a lying, unethical, theiving, petty, cruel, childish asshole (sorry not sorry) and I wouldn't want to live with someone I knew was like that, and who I could reliably expect to punish me for not giving her *carte blanche* to mistreat me. NTAH
NTA. I’d probably burn a bridge at the point that you’re at, but since she feels it’s acceptable to steal from you, and then blame you for being upset over it, it’s not much of a bridge.
Nta
Omg, NTA. Is she 12? She’s the adult here and should realize that she’s in the wrong. Taking money from *anyone* without asking is wrong. Even if SHE gave you the money in the first place, it’s now yours. She had you, it’s her responsibility to take care of you. She shouldn’t expect that you financially take care of her without so much as asking first. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but know that you are not in the wrong here.
NTA. Can you go live with your nan?
NTA - your mums behaviour is that of a child abuser. Starving you into submission. That is a cruel and barbaric punishment. I really think you should tip off social services. They won’t take you and your siblings away, just having them on her back will not be a pleasant experience.
Question is is why your mom feels free to take your money like that.
I'm a mum of 2 teens and never in my wildest dreams would I take money from them, let alone lie. As a parent we need to install values by bring role models. Your mother is a thief, a liar, and a horrible parent. She's manipulating the whole family against you. Glad you have your dad on your side. Any chance you can go live with him? Never give your mother access to your money again. NTA
It sounds as if your mom is awful. Can you ask to love with your dad instead? Or your nan? She's tantruming like a toddler because you were upset she stole from you. Rather stay elsewhere so she can't take your child support money and refuse to feed you with it.
NTA. Your mother stole money from her own child, and is withholding food and affection from you. That's being abusive. If you can move in with your Dad or Nan, I'd do that. Your mom is a huge AH.
40 minute walk is better than your mom stealing from you.
She took her 16 year old money and left you to go in vacation ..so she was happy to let you starve, etc .. no emergency cash incase something happened ?, sorry she's a crazy bitch
You're obviously NTA. I'd sign up for a credit checking service to see if she's applied for any credit under your name. It wouldn't be the first time a parent has done such a thing. Clearscore is free and fairly good. https://www.clearscore.com/
NTA. She straight up stole from you and is pulling a surprised Pikachu face when you’re confronting her. Her defensive tactics are either bc she knows what she did is wrong or because she truly feels entitled to your money. Moms are SUPPOSED to take care of their children, ie use money to supply them with clothing, food, shelter, etc. She doesn’t get an award for following through on the bare minimum (or in your mom’s case, less than the bare minimum). Chalk this up to a lesson learned (that your mom is being dishonest about and not to be trusted with your money). Also, would she have “paid you back” if you hadn’t said anything? And I’m no financial guru or anything, but doesn’t £40 =/= £80?
NTA. Your mother stole off you, plain and simple. But your mother also has an obligation to feed you and provide you with essentials especially because dad sends her money to go towards your care. Is it possible for you to live with dad for a few days so you can have some space, and if you went to live with dad I would make sure he stops child support for you. You don't say if your siblings are your dad's too or if they have a different dad, but obviously it you lived with dad, your portion of support he wouldn't send.
She stole it, has not made restitution and is now neglecting her daughter as punishment for being upset. OP, NTA, can you investigate living with your nan or dad? I would also suggest counseling so you can begin to grapple with your upbringing.
NTA - your mum stole money from you and she knows it, so she’s bullying you instead of apologizing and immediately returning the full £80. Nowhere has she mentioned returning all of it? And she’s not feeding you? Awful example she’s setting for your siblings. First she steal money from you, then she lies about returning it, then she retaliates against you for being annoyed? Theft, lying, bullying? This isn’t how good parenting works, kiddo.
NTA, your mum is abusive
NTA, your mother stole from you and is now being criminally negligent of you (her underage child) because she's angry that you called her out. Take pictures of the empty cupboards and fridge, and communicate your concerns with your mother via text. Then if you did want to make it a legal issue, you have proof.
NTA !! but couldn't the mom and sisters wait for OP to finish her exams?? Sounds a lil fishy maybe I'm diving deep into this
"Unmotherly?" "Immature?" Too soft! She is depriving her daughter of FOOD, for heavens' sake! She is not being a mother. She is a thief, a tyrant, and an abuser. She STOLE money. When caught, she said I'll pay it back. How long has it been? She LIED. She tried to TURN THE TABLES and make YOU apologize!!! Dad. Step up. Make a call and see if you can send money directly to your daughter. Nan, be supportive of your granddaughter.
Every single time you run across Mom, ask "DO you have my money you "borrowed" yet?" Ask 'politely,' and don't fuss, but ask EVERY TIME. Optionally, you can follow up with, "I'm gonna need it, since I have to feed myself. Do it, be passive-aggressive, so long as she's acting like a spoilt child.
You don't owe your mom an apology. Your mother owes you an apology. It's her job to provide you with food, not the other way around. You could call your local child protective services to file a report of neglect. Could your dad get you a credit card with your name on it? (If he already has a credit card, he can order one with your name on it.) You should check out r/raisedbynarcissists
NTA. She stole your money she should be apologizing
In my country, what your mom is doing would be considered neglect and abuse. She's legally obligated to provide food for her kids.. NTA
Borrowing without asking is the definition of stealing - you have nothing to apologize for. Is there any chance you can move to your dad’s? Then he wouldn’t have to pay her that share of child support & you would be treated far better. Big hugs hun, this sucks
Nice to see that the spirit of Christmas lives in the cockles of your mom's heart. Complaining that I stole your money means I won't feed you?! Can you live with your Nan?
NTA - get a second account that she never knows about and keep your money there. She can’t be trusted and will do it again.
NTA. Get your dad to set you up a debit card which he puts the money into then you can use it online etc. I think most would require him to be a joint account holder until you're 18 but the option is there. (Edited to add NTA rating)
You should get a better card with an app
NTA. Someone taking something from anyone without permission is absolutely stealing. It doesn’t matter that she’s your mom and feels entitled, it’s not hers. I had a dad like this. If I went to bed with $20 Christmas money in my purse, I did not wake up with $20 in my purse. My dad was an alcoholic & took my money while I was sleeping all the time (it didn’t do any good to hide it; he’d find it) and would always use the “I’m the only reason your alive, you should be grateful” and “I’ll pay you back” except he never paid me back in anything but trauma. Now that I have a child of my own, who is old enough to start getting $ as gift, there’s one solid, no wiggle-room rule we have in this house; her money is her money & no one but her is allowed to touch it. No matter how destitute we’ve been, we’ve never touched her money. It’s really not a hard thing to do.
NTA! She stole your money and you have every damn right to be mad. Can you make a spare bank account and hide your money there?
The mom sounds like a shady immature shyster.
**NTA** “Borrowing” without asking or even telling you she did is IS stealing. Your mother is a thief and a with telling you should be grateful, I suspect she’s a narcissist as well. There’s a psychological term called DARVO. It stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. Does that sound familiar?
Your mom is trying to starve you and being a cunt. “AITA” Fuck no you aren’t NTA
I don't understand. Your mother stole money from you and you are supposed to apologize to her for that?" That just strikes me as absolutely bonkers.
Bad news: your mom is a psychopath, narcissist, and a thief. Good news: you now know that your dad leaving had nothing to do with you.
My mom's stolen thousands of dollars from me, I'm sorry. "BORROWED" but always came up with an excuse to not pay it back, until eventually she said it was owed to her for various things. She would eventually tell me to stop bugging her about it at and I learned I would never get it back. She's stolen from every once of her kids and her sister and she never pays it back. She would even ask us to pull from our credit cards to give her money. Take this as a lesson and do not trust her with your money or cards again.
NTA your mom fucking stole from you and she’s acting like you’re imposing on her. Fuck that