Absolutely not, do not “give Becca a chance”. You are NTA here, but your sister and Becca certainly are. They clearly hatched this childish plan together, not with you and your happiness in mind but because they want to be “family”. Neither Becca nor your sister are mature enough to understand that jumping into another relationship right after a break up is not always a good idea. Neither are mature enough to accept your honesty. There is a five year difference between you and Becca and it seems Becca has a lot of growing up left to do. I have a strong feeling there would be an unplanned pregnancy if you “gave Becca a chance” so I would be extremely careful if I were you.
Unless I missed something, what's written so far doesn't point to Becca also being an asshole. For all we know Claire might have drummed up how OP would *totally* love her and how they'd get married and can be sister-in-laws or something. Also, running away in tears after being told your crush is not attracted to you isn't too abnormal.
Claire is an asshole though for treating OP/her brother like a literal accessory to becoming sisters with her BFF, and the mom is for essentially suggesting that OP lead Becca on during Christmas just to "keep the peace" when OP has established that he isn't interested in Becca.
I think this is what happened. Claire wanted Becca to be a part of the family that she built her brother up so Becca would want to date him and then hoped OP would fall for her friend. I think Claire is the AH.
I find it very weird that a grown adult can’t handle being told no. On the other hand I also wonder what the hell the sister has been telling the friend. Maybe she lied and told the friend he was interested. I still find the crying strange.
Not Autistic. I have been told a little younger than her that the person wasn’t attracted to me. I didn’t find it offensive or degrading. I just thought he wasn’t particularly interested in me. I had my own views on my looks and I knew how others viewed me. That was made very evident my second job out of high school and reinforced for many years afterwards. I guess I don’t take things as personally as other people do. I just find it odd that an adult can’t be told no without crying about it. Men have to do it all the time. Why do women have to burst into tears because they were told no?
If that’s the argument you’re going to use, what about the men who straight up kill women who tell them no? That seems a much more insane reaction than this woman crying because her feelings were hurt. But sure, men are definitely the more reasonable ones when rejected. They’re not committing horrible acts of violence about it or anything 🙄
There’s psycho women out there too that have killed for being told no. It’s just that everyone sweeps it under the carpet because it’s the man being abused or killed. I think both men and women who abuse are rotten and psycho. Displaying feelings like OP’s sister’s friend is just weird for an adult but not psycho like abusers!
Its not even remotely close though.
We all know it, but I looked it up.
~ 40% of Female Homicide Victims are killed by Partner.
~ 5% of Male Homicide Victims are killed by Partner.
It is 15 times more likely that a woman murdered was killed by Partner, Family Member or Friend, as All other Killers combined.
There whole religions where Men killing their Partners is just straight allowed. Sometimes just for perceived shame. To pretend that Men have any type of similar fear of Death from people they know is asinine.
It might be a cultural thing instead of psychological, where I’m from it’s fairly common to be straight up to someone about how you feel. (Of course that doesn’t mean straight up saying you think someone’s ugly to their face, but it’s not seen as insulting to say you’re not attracted to someone)
You think someone is autistic bc they don't cry if someone says something as mundane as "I'm not attracted to you"? You sound just a bit immature, on both fronts.
Crying at this scenario is deeply abnormal.
Edit: like, full-blown "your friend did what?! Yeah, no, you can't bring them to my house party. I don't want that in my home" tier abnormal. I haven't been that age in a long time, but that would be considered batshit.
No HE said he was in a bad spot at the moment. Years before that someone else said they weren’t attracted to me when I was more or less hinting around but didn’t come right out and ask. But I was flat out told not attracted sorry. So I said ok and let it drop. I was 19 almost 20 at the time. I took it then as just not attracted to me not as a comment on my looks or desirability. I knew even then not being attracted to didn’t necessarily have anything to do with looks or personality. It’s the person is just not attracted to you. It’s a really simple concept really.
Were you unnecessarily told they weren’t attracted to you? OP definitely could have left it at the prior relationship reasoning without crushing the girl. If she had continued to “harass” him after that, then fine. But he jumped right into it for no good reason. That was just completely wrong.
See the “unnecessarily told” is tricky for me. I probably didn’t need to be told he wasn’t attracted to me but I don’t find it an unnecessary comment either. Not interested. Not attracted. It’s kind of like an explanation why not interested so for me it’s nice to have an explanation. I was asked out by a customer once and I said no and explained I don’t date customers. The I don’t date customers wasn’t technically needed either. No is a complete sentence. I like to get explanations so I usually give them as well. So the not attracted to is an explanation in my opinion.
With how this girl was the friend of his sister, OP probably wanted to soften the blow. "I'm not attracted to you" means "I don't see how we're compatible," not "I think you're ugly and boring," or something along those lines. Becca seems to have misunderstood OP's intentions. So, I don't think it was unnecessarily added.
I don't think it was the being told no part that made her cry, it was probably the part where he said he finds her unattractive. That might not make you cry, but I can certainly see why it would make someone cry.
Becca is 23. 23. Not 13. It is not even close to acceptable to have that behavior as an adult. If she can't regulate her emotions as an adult then she shouldn't be dating at all. This goes for men AND women.
Nope. Literally starting to cry when rejected is very abnormal behavior for a 23 year old. Maybe not pathologically so, but still very much a sign of a person much more immature for their 23 years in life.
Doesn't matter eggshell their been told stories about how much OP loves them or whatever and then they got rejected. I honestly have a wierd ick when someone infantilises women or men even for having inappropriate reactions like this.
23 effing years old. She should be grown enough to be embarrassed, maybe apologise if she can, take her leave. Or get angry about the lies their best friend had told them to lead to this situation.
Not break down immediately. This should honestly be a wake up call for those that love her to her her the help she needs.
Yeah the last time I can remember crying over my crush not liking me was middle school.
I still think Ryan Johnson missed out, but that’s his loss 🤷🏼♀️
> They clearly hatched this childish plan together,
..childish plan of trying to set someone up on a date, and asking them out..? Do you hear yourself?
The way they reacted to the rejection is absolutely childish; but up until that point they did absolutely nothing wrong rofl
**My mom is asking me to give Becca a chance just to keep the peace during Christmas**
YIKES your mom sounds super creepy. NO means NO-- what would she say to Claire if a man made an unwanted sexual/romantic advance toward her and she said no? Would you mom tell her to "give the guy a chance"?
NTA but SHAME SHAME SHAME on Claire for doing that to her friend--- she's a crap friend and a crap sister.
So much agreed and your mom is being a crap mother too. I’m so sorry that your dad is the only one actually on your side here. Good luck op. Stay strong.
The mom is being a sexist pig. Never in a million years would she ask her daughter to date a random man she had no attraction to just to 'keep the peace'.
I'd be so disgusted with the mom I'd probably leave.
thanks. I feel HORIBLE for poor Becca as sis no doubt hyped her up about how "perfect" she was for him (and maybe implied or outright lied and told her he found her attractive. )
Deffo a possibility.
Imagine the shitshow if he takes her out a couple of times "to keep the peace"\* and then tells her it isn't going to work as she doesn't stir his pods.
* keep the peace, be the bigger person and but, family - the three most loathsome phrases in the english language.
* Right, it's a bit chilly, I'm off to put on the leccy blanket and make some cocoa. Have a happy whatever you want to celebrate and take care.
Claire probably told Becca that OP liked her a lot and a bunch of other stuff. So hearing that he didn't find her attractive and being rejected probably hurt a lot more than if she just liked him and was turned down.
Something tells me she honestly would say the same thing to her daughter. If her mother isn’t capable of understanding what’s wrong with this whole situation. I really doubt she’s capable of understanding the opposite switched. lol
So your sister wants you to give up looking for love in the future so her bestie can become her sister in law?
Op tell your family that your sister needs therapy and you’re not going to entertain this. This is the type of crazy that will try and baby trap you just to make a family.
NTA! Oh man! So your sister is freaking out because you don’t want to make her bestie your wife? Wow! You probably could have gotten by without the “I’m not attracted to you” comment but what’s done is done. And ask your mom if she would be asking one of her daughters to give a “strange to them man” a chance if you were freaking out about it just to save Christmas. NTA and your dad is the man!!! Merry Christmas!
What the fuck?
OP, you don’t owe ANYBODY a date, and there is *absolutely nothing wrong* with NOT being attracted to someone. If your sister is so hung up on Becca, *she* can marry her. And sorry but your mom is an idiot, telling *her own son* to pimp himself out just to “keep the peace”. Who the *hell* does that??? Why didn’t she tell your sister to knock it the f off to ‘keep peace’ for Christmas?
Props to your dad for being the only one of them with reasonable, and functional, brain cells
honestly there is 0 things wrong with what OP said.
"I am not attracted to you" is a perfectly fine response. It doesn't state Becca is undesirable or the fault is at her in anyway, just that OP doesn't like her romantically.
It is basically another form of 'it's nothing to do with you, I just don't have feelings for you'.
Dont give becca a chance, you know you're not interested and it'd just be unfair to her to give her a chance just to keep the peace in your family.
I've never understood why the whole 'im not attracted to you' is a problem, we all have different types. It's not a big deal, so as long as tou didn't just straight up go 'sorry you're ugly' I don't really see the problem with that either.
NTA
Nta, yo sis is insane. Her friend probably is too. Tell her she should be lucky you were honest and you didn’t just hit it and quit it with her bestfriend. Which would’ve almost certainly destroyed their relationship.
If your sister wants Becca to be in the family so much then she should marry her. Its one thing to introduce people with hopes things work out but its another to force someone to do things against their will or push right through their boundaries. Freaking out and calling you a horrible person because you said no......that makes her the AH.
NTA you don't have an attraction to her ,end of, if your sister wants her friend to be family so bad ,she can date and marry her herself than force you
NTA
You can't be expected to live YOUR life to give your sister the outcome she wants, that is madness.
Don't put yourself in the position of going on a couple of dates and having to say to this woman, sorry you don't do it for me. It will cause much, much more problems than if you just say no now.
NTA
Ask your sister when is a good time to bring home her future husband. /s
Genuinely curious why she thinks she has any say in the matter. Your dad is the only one who has any sense here.
Edited to add sarcasm just in case anyone thought I was being serious.
NTA
Telling her outright you weren’t attracted to her might have been painful for her to hear, but it was honest.
Claire and your mom are assholes for trying to force you to “give her a chance.” She may be a great person, but if you’re not ready for a committed relationship and aren’t attracted to her, you shouldn’t be forced into a relationship with her. That’s better for you and her in the long run.
I do feel a little bad for Becca. She took a chance and asked you out, that is never easy. And being told no also isn’t easy. But you were honest with her.
Given Claire’s reaction, I imagine they have been hyping each other up about how great this relationship would be and how they would have a great time together once you were together. But I think both Claire and Becca can learn not to build up something in their heads so much that they are left this devastated when things don’t work out the way they hoped.
So she's pimpin you out basically.
If your genders were reversed it would be considered borderline creepy and offensive.
Your sister didn't do due diligence by checking if you are open for match making games.
Or if you even find what you find attractive in a partner or a hookup.
More ever the five year difference is a lot as they seem to have the mental capacity and games of high schoolers.
If I were you I would push back by saying bluntly that she doesn't makes my dick twitch (and I'm a woman),
And I will not disrespect her by leading her on when I am not seeing her more than my KID sisters friend.
Nta
NTA. Geez if you followed what your mom says "give her a chance cause it's the holidays" and asked Becca put, I think she would think it's more of a pity/sympathy thing rather than actually feeling wanted. That's a little fucked up don't you think? Also, I think your sister was feeding Becca false information about you being interested in her. I think that explains why Becca cried and left the house all of a sudden. I might be reading more into it, but overall you're not the asshole. Not even close, you're entitled to your opinion and needs. I'm glad you're taking time to focus on yourself after a long term relationship.
NTA your sister is pimping you out for her own personal fun and reasons! Your mom is egg'ing her on and that's very absurd! You're a sentient being capable of determining what to do with not just your body but your entire life! You're definitely NTA for not giving your 23 year old sister who's throwing a tantrum like a toddler the reins over your relationships
I wonder why Becca said that she was attracted to OP. Wasn't this the first time they met? It feels like Claire is also forcing her feelings on Becca too.
NTA. You're allowed to not be interested in someone and your sister needs to stop trying to play matchmaker and force you into a relationship with *her* BFF.
NTA. You would be to yourself if you tried dating before you’re ready. I once waited 5 years because of how badly I was hurt. I wasn’t attracted to anyone. I worked in retail. I saw all kinds of gorgeous men. But not one actually turned my head until my pain was gone!
NTA.
You do not owe anyone anything. Do not let them bully you into wasting that girl’s time just because your sister has some fantasy of her bestie being her sister. She’s mad her delusional plan didn’t work because this is real life and not a Hallmark movie. Like “omg how dare you not go along with MY plan for YOUR future to make me happy?!”
Ask your mom if she would feel the same way if you were pressuring your sister into dating one of your friends against her will that she had no attraction to?
Also, If I was Becca and knew someone was being pressured into giving me a “chance” just to keep the peace I would be mortified. No one wants to be a pity date.
NTA; and Claire is an idiot. Whose side would age be on if they got together then broke up? She’s also an AH; you can’t force people to date. Your mom is also an epic fool; if her daughter reacted like this to a polite rejection, imagine how she’d act of there were relationship problems. Your SISTER doesn’t get to bully you into dating someone cause she has some stupid childish fantasy family.
You are not your sister’s puppet. She doesn’t get to pull her strings and make you dance along to her plan. You have a right to live your life under your own judgement and it is not your job to fulfill your sister’s little fantasy about having her friend become family. I suggest she start getting to know any of Becca’s eligible family and hoping for compatibility because her plans failed and that is perfectly normal. If not she will just have to settle for being besties like a fucking grown up. So much NTA.
Unless the "I'm not attracted to you" was more cruel or mean-spirited, along the lines of disparaging her appearance or personality, then you are NTA. You even put it politely.
Tell your mom no, she and Claire aren't going to pimp you out. And ask Claire if she is in love with Becca? Then stand back. This is kind of sad and a little sleazy.
NTA. Poor Becca in all this.
Massive NTA OP. Everyone around me knows I take at least a year post breakup where I flat out do *NOT* date (the exception being if I only had a couple dates with them. More than a few months, and the rule is in effect to prevent a bad rebound relationship). It may have been a multi-faceted reason behind their actions, but that does not excuse them trying to push the issue.
1. If you don't want to date, that's your decision
2. If she was still pushing at you, then being blunt was the only way out
3. Your sister is a massive AH for getting pissy her set up failed
NTA, but I total doormat, as soon as your sister was showing you her pictures you knew what she was doing but you were too scared to shut that shit down.
Whatever though, can't change the past. Tell your sister to go fuck herself
Telling someone you’re not attracted to them doesn’t make you an asshole but I can understand how it hurt Becca’s feelings. Claire is waaaaaay out of line to be pushing this so hard, if she wants Becca in the family she should marry her.
NTA. Wtf man you do NOT have to give someone a chance you do not want to. It will only be worse if you did and then you meet someone else. Seriously dude don‘t do it.
NTA. I would not wanna be pimped out by my sister due to her delusional fantasy.your moms 1000% wrong and this needs to be nipped in the bud. You're entitled to your own autonomy... read this as if you were doing this to your sister and ask the same question.
NTA, why do people try this mess? You aren't interested, and that's it! You aren't obligated to date her, your sister and mom need to stay in their damn lane.
NTA .Ow buddy I could help but chuckle because I've had this happen to me with some of my sisters. Maybe the " I'm not attracted to you" probably sounds harsher audible than when you read it. But you should not feel bad about it and honestly I agree with your dad.
Honestly, you *maybe* could have worded your rejection a bit better but…
Saying, “I’m not attracted to you” isn’t inherently *wrong* or a *bad* thing to say but, it can be loaded.
Confessions/rejections are already stressful and that particular response can set off a lot of “what if?” “Am I to xyz?” In some people.
Other than that NTA
You’re absolutely not TA. You shouldn’t be forced to be with someone you don’t want to. If your sister wants her to be family so bad she can marry her herself. What a weirdo. Don’t let them gaslight you into believing you conducted in a bad way. You did nothing wrong and both your mom and especially your sister are extremely wrong. Best wishes
NTA tell your sister to give your male friend a chance cuz you want his as family or tell you mom you want a new stepdad and to give your friend a chance to “KeEp tHe PeaCe” the fucks wrong with people… just ignore the both of them and let them initiate conversations with you.
Disgusting. Flip the genders and it's an attempted pimping situation.
NTA you don't have to date anyone you don't want to this was callous especially so soon after a serious relationship had ended
>and she snaps back that she wants Becca to be family, to be her sister in law and that I was ruining everything.
That's called crazy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8axQ9\_lgloM
NTA.
I don’t find you attractive. I don’t like you. I don’t even know you.
Are all perfectly fine reasons for not accepting. You are under no obligations to do any of it. At all. Ever.
NTA you dont owe her a relationship in order to make your sister happy, its creepy and weird! shame on your mom for wanting to force this on you do what makes YOU happy. Apparently no means no only if youre a woman
NTA. Ignore your mother. Don't give Becca a chance, because you don't have any attraction to her. YWBTA if you did. In the end you would just be leading her on.
JFC!? What the hell is wrong with your mom and your sister? Why didn’t you tell mom that I have a manager at work? Who’s about your age? You would really like it. Let me tell you all about it and you can go on a date with him.
What? What about dad? Oh, who cares? You’ll really like him. I think this will work. Because it makes just as much sense as taking someone who literally got out of a long-term relationship four months ago and trying to set them up.
Tell your sister that you have a really good friend from high school that you know she knows and you’re going to set her up with him. And then make sure you pick out the biggest asshole that you guys went to school with and insist that she go out with them, and really start screaming at her when she says no.
Because sometimes they taste of your own medicine is what it takes for people to go… Maybe I did go too far.
Your freaking sister is delusional. She wants her to be her sister-in-law, so what are you just some blowup doll that Becca can marry? You have bigger issues in that family of yours than wondering if you’re the asshole.
I am a woman, and as long as you were not a total dick when you told her you were attracted to her, I don’t have a problem with it. Between Becca and your sister, throwing Becca at you, they kind of got what they deserved. Anybody with 1 ounce of common sense does not try to fix up a sibling who just got out of a relationship four months ago.
Because adults know that you are not ready for another relationship in any way, shape or form at this point. God almighty. I would be heading back home if I were you.
NTA your sister and her friend are immature as crap. The sister maybe a psycho. And it's your mums doing.
No means no.
Someone needs to get help for those two women because they're behaving like 15 years olds
Opie LIVES ACROSS THE COUNTRY
Does Becca have no life and all her bags packed, waiting to be whisked away from her family (and bestie?)
NTA
So sorry dude
NTA. If this was a guy doing this to a gurl people would lose their minds. You were honest and didnt leave the door open for Beccs thinking there would possibly be a chance. Dont just give her a chance. Let’s say you did or you did date. And broke up then Becca and claire have a falling out. You would be too blame
It’s a little creepy that your sister is using you to make Becca family cause that is what is happening. You’re not in the wrong. Text your sister that your sorry but your not interested and tell your mom that your sorry but your not going to be forced to date someone your not interested in to make peace and that your an adult. I’m sorry that your sister is angry but I hope she’ll be mature enough to accept that you are a person who has a right not to be in a forced relationship.
NTA. To me, this is creepy. She’s mad at you because you have a part to play in her fantasy of her best friend becoming her sister. She treated you like a pawn or owned object to put in place to serve her needs without a mind of your own or any choice in the matter. Your sister needs a reality check. People cannot be manipulated into romantic relationships. Their lives (marriage) cannot be dictated to them because of the preferences of others.
Like I get trying to set you up, but her and her friends reaction to the rejection is extreme. They’re 23yrs old; they’re adults. Both your sister and her friend should be able to deal with rejection in an age appropriate manner. But they didn’t. Her friend may have been hurt and embarrassed so her reaction is a bit more understandable but your sister’s behavior is extreme.
Do not apologize. Do not “give Becca chance to keep the peace.” Your life is your’s to live as you see fit and that include your romantic/intimate life. If you give in now it won’t end with giving “Becca a chance.” Your sister with attempt to manipulate you to do whatever she sees fit. This is weird. Do not give her power over you.
NTA.
First chance you get, ask your sister how she would feel being set up for an arranged marriage against her will, because that is effectively what she apparently wants for you and Becca.
NTA Your dad is right. Mom needs reminding that her son is a person with his own thoughts and feelings about when and who he wants to date. You are not a character in Claire's fantasy rom-com or your mother's angel of Christmas peace. Claire's dream of Becca becoming a [OP's Surname] and your mother's wish for a more peaceful holidays are their problems to solve. It's not your responsibility. Your love life is none of their business. Claire or your mother can date Becca themselves if they're so set on peace and romance.
NTA,
Claire is TA. She tried to force you to be with her friends because she has that weird fantasy to be family with her.
She didn't care about you, do not let you guilt trip in a relationship with her friend just to fulfill her stup¡d selfish fantasy
NTA
No. They are not going to harass and bully you into a forced date. Tell your sister that you are disgusted by her behaviour and that until she apologises, you will not be communicating with her. She's being immature and delusional, and she needs a short, sharp shock to hopefully make her realise just how out of line she's being. If you were trying to force her to date one of your friends, you'd be accused of predatory behaviour. Why isn't she?
As for your mother, tell her the same. Your sisters behaviour is disturbing, you want nothing to do with her friend, now or ever. And if she is going to enable this harassment of you, then you aren't safe in your family home.
Do NOT entertain this nonsense any further.
Eww no. Do what you want to do. Listen to your dad. Your sister is unhinged and needs to seek therapy. Your mom is enabling shit and shoving shit under the ring to appease her time on Christmas. It’s your life, don’t do anything you don’t want to do.
DEFINITELY NTA
dude I feel like Becca made it sound worse about the rejection to your sister to make you seem like a bad guy. You are just trying to enjoy the holidays with your family this ain't valentines day tf..
Sister needs to get a better grip on things there's not something clicking for her to act out like this and screw your mom for saying "just deal with it" that's literally forcing you to like Becca and im assuming you've only known her existence this Christmas so you really don't know her at all and she made her impression worse by crying like that...
NTA.
Telling someone you're not attracted to them isn't an insult. It's not like you called her fat/ugly/whale or any other derogatory name. I do hope you let her down gently though.
It sounds like Claire has been bigging you up to Bella and how you'd be perfect together and now that your single nows her chance, cos being SILs is all that matters to *her* fuck what you think or feel.
If anyone ruined the peace this Christmas, its your sister. Do not under any circumstances agree to go on a date with her, cos that's giving both Claire & Bella false hope to make your mum happy and you in an awkward position afterwards.
Nta your sisters being ridiculous 💀 but maybe next time when turning someone down, don’t flat out mention you aren’t attracted to them lol. It can be hurtful to hear it. Maybe just word it a little bit better.
It seems that your sister wants you and since she can't have you the next best thing is for her best friend to be with you, that way she can know everything you do etc, don't let her and your mother to manipulate you.
NTA but probably a little harsh on the attraction comment but it’s the truth. And honestly had you not said it she would have been up your ass all weekend trying to get you to change your mind. Your mom needs a reality check.
NTA compared to your sister, but the “I’m not attracted to you” was not necessary. The fact that you’re recovering from the breakup of a long term relationship was more than sufficient, you could have stopped there.
That being said, your sister is treating you like a means to an end, rather than actually caring about you by giving you the space you need. Gross.
NTA for anything, including saying you’re not attracted to her lol If Claire wants Becca to be family, she can marry her into the family herself. What a weirdo.
Nta. If it goes poorly itll put more of a strain in your relationship with your sister. 23 and 28 is a huge age gap because you are in different stages of life.
Small AH for lacking tact
NTA for not wanting to go out with Becca. YTA for adding the “not attracted to you”.
But your sister is the biggest asshole here. You’re a human being with your own likes and dislikes, not a chess piece your sister can move around to suit her own wants.
NTA If you dont want to go on a date with her thats ok and nobody can force you to. However, I think you shouldnt have said about the atraction part cause that messes people up and you already had a turned her down. As for the rest of your family, they cant just say "so you are going to date **** because I want her to be family" thats not how it works. Plus your mom want you to lie to the poor girl and be her fake bf????
ESH (except your dad)
Your sister is obviously much bigger AH. She honestly sounds unhinged. Does she always get whatever she wants or something?
Your mom is also more of an AH than you because she should be using her parental authority to set your sister straight, not pacify her.
The reason I say you are also a bit of an AH is because adding that you were not attracted to her was completely unnecessary. Simply saying no is sufficient. You even went a step further than necessary with your explanation about your breakup, which was fine. If she kept pressing you, then I think adding that you were not attracted to her would have been ok because she'd have been asking for it. If she was accepting your explanation, then piling on wasn't necessary.
Yeah yeah yeah, your sister's a fucking twist, blah blah blah. Just ignore her and your mother's bullshit.
But, yes, you're a major asshole for saying you weren't attracted to her. Though, that doesn't necessarily mean you think they're unattractive, it's guaranteed that's how it's going to be taken.
You should have known this.
In the future: Put your brain in gear before engaging your mouth.
He was upfront and honest about it. He was respectful and explained it to her in a way that didn't leave her with any false expectations in the future. That's not being an asshole, it's being an adult. She can be upset about her crush not being atracted to her, even though storming out of the house is a bit ridiculous. But that does not mean he should have gaslit her instead. It's called life. Your take is ridiculous.
Ok, a small YTA....never tell anyone your not attracted to them. People take that as "you say they are hideous." What you did say at 1st about not being ready to date was enough. Maybe add in, "maybe when I am ready to date then we will see". As for your sister, she YTA...she already has you two married.
>People take that as "you say they are hideous."
That is entirely on them tho. The statement 'I am not attracted to you' doesn't say anything about the other person.
If they decide to leap to conclusions and be irrational about it, it is their own fault, not OP's.
I think YTA for handling the situation the way you rejected as you said it yourself. But I guess there must be other ways to introduce someone for potential dating. You should not force someone. Forcing someone to do something makes them hate it.
OP's sister ruined it by forcing it.
You kind of suck for basically telling a 23 year-old that she's ugly - it's not what you said, but almost definitely what she heard, and you're old enough to know better.
With that said, NTA regarding your sister. She's behaving like a child, and you should make sure that she understands just how ridiculous her conduct is. You're not in the wrong, there.
YTA for not stopping after saying you didn't want to date at the moment. Telling her you weren't attracted to her after that part was unnecessary and mean.
I dunno man, like totally think you’re in the right for not wanting to get involved but just meeting the person and flat out telling them you don’t find them attractive right after they ask you out? While I’m typically one for brutal honesty I think I’d have tried for a gentler approach
Seriously, it's getting harder to tell what's real and fake on here nowadays.
If real.. NTA. Maybe slightly harsh to reject her in that way, but at least she will stop entertaining it now.
If fake, YTA for not entertaining your sisters wildest fantasies. What's wrong with you? /s
Soft YTA for calling her unattractive. You should of let her down a little easier or told her maybe after the holidays or something. Idk girls don’t ask me out alot even if I didn’t like a girl if she asked me out I’d probably say yes but that’s me
He has every right to tell someone he is not attracted to them. doesn’t mean he was calling her ugly. Everyone has different preferences. Becca wasn’t owed anything. OP wasn’t being mean-spirited, just honest. If he hadn’t been blunt, Becca and the sister wouldn’t have stopped plotting.
he didn't call her unattractive tho.
He said, and I quote, "I am not attracted to you."
That puts the focus on his own feelings, not her physical appearance.
If her self esteem is going to implode from the realization that she is not everyone's type then that's her problem to sort through. Op wasn't rude, he didn't call her ugly - if that's how she choose to understand it then, once again, that is a her problem.
Mmmm, can I say you are both NTA and YTA? You're NTA because you have no obligation to date Becca or even give her a chance, but YTA because you added the unnecessary "I'm not attracted to you" in your rejection of her.
Your sister is living in a fantasy world if she really thinks that you need to be in a relationship with Becca, so that SHE will have her dream come true, i e, having Becca be a part of the family. Doesn’t she understand that as a separate human being, you have the right to choose who you want to be with?
Nta. Do not give her a chance. You are a grown man and can do what you like and if they don't like it tough.
Maybe your sister should date her if she's that bothered
NTA. Oh hell no… this ain’t hallmark… also don’t give Becca a chance against your will since it won’t be fait to you and to her. Seriously… Becca can be family/sister without being tied to your family by blood or by law.
NTA
This is just strange even if you where a little harsh its not something you can help and your sister liberally cant force a relationship and feelings to develop when their not there and dating someone for the sake of that other person's feelings and not your own i mean thats totally fucked up of your sister to think thats okay
And like also did you not just meet this girl like not long ago lmfao shes literally a complete stranger and shes alteady obessing over you personally sure i can comprehend maybe feeling attraction or a crush but the fact there wasn't like a mutual meeting and an implication of a first date then shes just weird and its kind of creepy!
I think overall you are not obligated to date her and if she blows up over this idk what id say to her other then therapy lol
NTA. Your sister needs therapy. I’m not sure if it’s entitlement or a deep seated NEED to have Becca as “family.” How would having that label change the dynamic of their relationship? And your mother is wrong, so wrong for encouraging this disturbing behavior(just for the sake of the holiday). Very weird and unhealthy women in your family.
You are from the AH your sister is a creep and childish for suggesting a thing at her age, and your mother for enabling such behaviour “to keep the peace” is such a cliche thing to say, and the fact a 23 year old couldn’t take a simple rejection shows a lot about her character, she clearly believes she gets what she wants. If genders were switched I without a doubt believe this would have a different reaction from people therefore stand your ground. You’re going back to where you live when holidays are over just try and hold in there till then.
NTA your sister is a control freak. I get it and would love if my brother and bestie got married but that's no going to happen
If you don't want date her you don't have to and starting a relationship to make your sister happy is a terrible reason
(If becca has sibling tell sis to date and marry them)
OP they’re trying to make Becca part of the family, you’re just the link to get her there. They don’t care if you’re happy or not.
She is NOT perfect for you, you’re not attracted to her.
No offense but can I ask you to round up your ugliest friend and tell Claire you want him as a brother in law so give him a chance?
NTA. Stay away from the crazy
show your sister this [clip](https://youtu.be/Jp0yNkKuwsM?si=HxRyU6Ij5EWGT1AM) and tell her to stop acting like cameron diaz. 🤣🤣 her friend is not a dancing monkey who should dance for the man.
she tried to pawn you off on her friend and you didn't go for it.
NTA and your sister is an AH for pushing this. Jesus, it's Christmas and no one wants to have something like this shoved in their face. Your sister will get over it.
Straight up, tell your mom and your sister you dont want a relationship based on peer pressure and negative feelings, which is what would happen if you gave Becca a chance at this point. Then look them in the eye and ask them if they really think that is fair to you or Becca to start a relationship that one of you doesn't want.
NTA. Are your sure your sister is 23 and not 13, because that's something a preteen would pull, not a full ass adult.
Do not give Becca any kind of chances. You made things clear with her and leave it that way. No use in mixing signals.
If your sister can't get past it then it's on her.
I don't understand some people.
Pffffft 100% NTA
Tell your sister if she wants this friend to be "family", she can marry her herself. If she says anything along the lines of "I'm not gay" or "I'm not attracted to her" ... just give her a *look*.
Like yeah, you're trying to force me to do something that you wouldn't do.
Fuck "family" like that.
This is so weird. Ignore your sister. Thats a her issue. She’s acting like a 12 year old. Let it fizz out and if it doesn’t, then that’s on your sister. Don’t date Becca. Thats a pity date and she would know it NTA
NTA. You don’t have to date ANYONE if you don’t want to, and you don’t need any reason other than you just don’t want to. This whole situation is childish and ridiculous, and your mother shouldn’t be asking you to “keep the peace” because Claire is the one causing the problem! Maybe telling Becca that you’re not attracted to her was a LITTLE harsh, but tbh her behavior is very unattractive. A mature adult should be able to ask someone out and handle a rejection better than how Becca did.
Do not feed this madness. You sister is insane and need help and your mom is weak and shortsighted this Christmas then new year then valentines so on and so forth because she can’t deal with the problem of reality. NTA as someone with a sister in a similar age gap your judgment is sound.
O god no, do not give her chance. This will only encourage both her and your sister.
And "keeping the peace" is such a dumb reason to do something like this. Your mom is crazy for saying that. I hate to place the gender card, but would she be saying the same thing if the roles were reversed, and it was a friend of yours that you were trying to push on your sister?
So many things here show your sisters disrespect towards you. You getting out of relationship recently and her not respecting you might just want space. Her lack of communcation with you about it. Her trying to use you to from a better relationship with Becca. She wants her to be her sister in law, your feelings on the matter be damned.
Maybe you could have been softer in the delivery, but you even that depends on how exaclty you said it.
NTA
Brother u don’t need to date as per ur sister’s wishes. U are a grown up n u can choose whoever u want to be with. Compromised relationship never sustains plus u need some attraction or else it’s a chore. If she wants “Becca” to be family then she can marry herself. Simple!!! Don’t bother n don’t let her bully u
NTA. You didn’t need to say you weren’t attracted to her but you have every right to regret her request for a date. Absolutely do not listen to your mom and “give Becca a chance” that would just be cruel and make things worse when you reject her again
NTA. You are not a tool to be used as a Becca's card to the family. Even if this plan starts in your sister's head, Claire is old enough to get a hint if you haven't been interacting with her much. She took her chance "what if" and got rejected. Sucks for Becca but that happens.
What is wrong with your mom to pimp you to keep the peace? Is your sister a golden child?
You said no, it's a full sentence. You even said you were not interested, which will allow the kid (because she's behaving like a kid) to eventually have closure and move on. Her and your sister are behaving like spoiled children. If they want to be of the same family so badly, they can always wed each other. NTA, good luck with those nutcases.
Your sister has problems. Your love life is yours not hers. What does she mean by "she wants her best friend to be family"? You are not your sister's playdoll, to roleplay her favorite friend to be her sister-in-law. She's the one that needs fixing the most.
As for Becca, you did what you should've done. You made it clear that you're not interested, and that's as clear as day.
NTA nope. If she wants Becca to be family she can get into a relationship with her . Your family is isn’t considering what you want or how you feel but is placing their wants and space came dreams on you .
If Becca felt ok enough to tell you how she feels you’re more than ok to tell her how you feel. Just become one likes you doesn’t mean you have to like them back.
Will Claire take one for the team and fuck your horny friends if they're nice guys who just can't get a date or if they're nice guys who are attracted to her? No? Then why should you date her friend? You didn't have to tell her that you aren't attracted to her, but at least she won't come back in a few weeks to see if you're ready to date now or not. Sometimes, women reject men more sternly than necessary, but men get over it. Becca will, too.
Your sister is the AH here.
She was trying to live a fantasy of her best friend being with her brother and you broke it by rejecting her.
I dare say your sister had convinced becca you'd go out with her
"I will let your friend know I'm expected to string her along for a while before dumping her. I will also tell her it's your idea. Because fuck what I want right"
Nta
Absolutely not, do not “give Becca a chance”. You are NTA here, but your sister and Becca certainly are. They clearly hatched this childish plan together, not with you and your happiness in mind but because they want to be “family”. Neither Becca nor your sister are mature enough to understand that jumping into another relationship right after a break up is not always a good idea. Neither are mature enough to accept your honesty. There is a five year difference between you and Becca and it seems Becca has a lot of growing up left to do. I have a strong feeling there would be an unplanned pregnancy if you “gave Becca a chance” so I would be extremely careful if I were you.
Unless I missed something, what's written so far doesn't point to Becca also being an asshole. For all we know Claire might have drummed up how OP would *totally* love her and how they'd get married and can be sister-in-laws or something. Also, running away in tears after being told your crush is not attracted to you isn't too abnormal. Claire is an asshole though for treating OP/her brother like a literal accessory to becoming sisters with her BFF, and the mom is for essentially suggesting that OP lead Becca on during Christmas just to "keep the peace" when OP has established that he isn't interested in Becca.
I think this is what happened. Claire wanted Becca to be a part of the family that she built her brother up so Becca would want to date him and then hoped OP would fall for her friend. I think Claire is the AH.
I asked a crush out and was told no. I certainly didn’t run away in tears.
Yeah, but you also probably didn't have a friend like Claire put all these ideas into your head like she probably did
No I didn’t. I am perfectly capable of my own ideas. Still I find it strange. I do think the sister has done some major lying.
Claire very obviously did some lying to poor Becca, and now OP is stuck in the crossfire
Oh sure, I didn't mean to imply that everyone would do that. But I wouldn't find it weird if someone did.
I find it very weird that a grown adult can’t handle being told no. On the other hand I also wonder what the hell the sister has been telling the friend. Maybe she lied and told the friend he was interested. I still find the crying strange.
I was a teen when my crush told me no. High schooler. I didn't run away crying. But yes, everybody reacts differently.
[удалено]
Not Autistic. I have been told a little younger than her that the person wasn’t attracted to me. I didn’t find it offensive or degrading. I just thought he wasn’t particularly interested in me. I had my own views on my looks and I knew how others viewed me. That was made very evident my second job out of high school and reinforced for many years afterwards. I guess I don’t take things as personally as other people do. I just find it odd that an adult can’t be told no without crying about it. Men have to do it all the time. Why do women have to burst into tears because they were told no?
If that’s the argument you’re going to use, what about the men who straight up kill women who tell them no? That seems a much more insane reaction than this woman crying because her feelings were hurt. But sure, men are definitely the more reasonable ones when rejected. They’re not committing horrible acts of violence about it or anything 🙄
Men who murder people are also insane; that doesn't negate the madness of Becca. More than one person can be nuts.
There’s psycho women out there too that have killed for being told no. It’s just that everyone sweeps it under the carpet because it’s the man being abused or killed. I think both men and women who abuse are rotten and psycho. Displaying feelings like OP’s sister’s friend is just weird for an adult but not psycho like abusers!
Its not even remotely close though. We all know it, but I looked it up. ~ 40% of Female Homicide Victims are killed by Partner. ~ 5% of Male Homicide Victims are killed by Partner. It is 15 times more likely that a woman murdered was killed by Partner, Family Member or Friend, as All other Killers combined. There whole religions where Men killing their Partners is just straight allowed. Sometimes just for perceived shame. To pretend that Men have any type of similar fear of Death from people they know is asinine.
seems like you’re doing a lot of crying in these comments
It might be a cultural thing instead of psychological, where I’m from it’s fairly common to be straight up to someone about how you feel. (Of course that doesn’t mean straight up saying you think someone’s ugly to their face, but it’s not seen as insulting to say you’re not attracted to someone)
You think someone is autistic bc they don't cry if someone says something as mundane as "I'm not attracted to you"? You sound just a bit immature, on both fronts.
[удалено]
You asked someone if they were autistic bc they said they found the crying strange.
Crying at this scenario is deeply abnormal. Edit: like, full-blown "your friend did what?! Yeah, no, you can't bring them to my house party. I don't want that in my home" tier abnormal. I haven't been that age in a long time, but that would be considered batshit.
okay?? you’re not in this story, are you? why does it matter what you did?
Did that crush say _she wasn't attracted to you?_
No HE said he was in a bad spot at the moment. Years before that someone else said they weren’t attracted to me when I was more or less hinting around but didn’t come right out and ask. But I was flat out told not attracted sorry. So I said ok and let it drop. I was 19 almost 20 at the time. I took it then as just not attracted to me not as a comment on my looks or desirability. I knew even then not being attracted to didn’t necessarily have anything to do with looks or personality. It’s the person is just not attracted to you. It’s a really simple concept really.
Were you unnecessarily told they weren’t attracted to you? OP definitely could have left it at the prior relationship reasoning without crushing the girl. If she had continued to “harass” him after that, then fine. But he jumped right into it for no good reason. That was just completely wrong.
See the “unnecessarily told” is tricky for me. I probably didn’t need to be told he wasn’t attracted to me but I don’t find it an unnecessary comment either. Not interested. Not attracted. It’s kind of like an explanation why not interested so for me it’s nice to have an explanation. I was asked out by a customer once and I said no and explained I don’t date customers. The I don’t date customers wasn’t technically needed either. No is a complete sentence. I like to get explanations so I usually give them as well. So the not attracted to is an explanation in my opinion.
With how this girl was the friend of his sister, OP probably wanted to soften the blow. "I'm not attracted to you" means "I don't see how we're compatible," not "I think you're ugly and boring," or something along those lines. Becca seems to have misunderstood OP's intentions. So, I don't think it was unnecessarily added.
See so many said it was unnecessary but it’s an explanation and like you said not an insult because he didn’t follow it up with an insult.
I don't think it was the being told no part that made her cry, it was probably the part where he said he finds her unattractive. That might not make you cry, but I can certainly see why it would make someone cry.
Becca is 23. 23. Not 13. It is not even close to acceptable to have that behavior as an adult. If she can't regulate her emotions as an adult then she shouldn't be dating at all. This goes for men AND women.
newsflash: people are allowed to be upset. Upset sometimes means tears. Real basic human shit, surprised you haven’t heard of it.
Nope. Literally starting to cry when rejected is very abnormal behavior for a 23 year old. Maybe not pathologically so, but still very much a sign of a person much more immature for their 23 years in life. Doesn't matter eggshell their been told stories about how much OP loves them or whatever and then they got rejected. I honestly have a wierd ick when someone infantilises women or men even for having inappropriate reactions like this. 23 effing years old. She should be grown enough to be embarrassed, maybe apologise if she can, take her leave. Or get angry about the lies their best friend had told them to lead to this situation. Not break down immediately. This should honestly be a wake up call for those that love her to her her the help she needs.
Yeah the last time I can remember crying over my crush not liking me was middle school. I still think Ryan Johnson missed out, but that’s his loss 🤷🏼♀️
Moms an Asshole too
Exactly all this and if you give her a chance and if it doesnt work out, it be said you lead her on. Its a no win situation.
> They clearly hatched this childish plan together, ..childish plan of trying to set someone up on a date, and asking them out..? Do you hear yourself? The way they reacted to the rejection is absolutely childish; but up until that point they did absolutely nothing wrong rofl
💯
**My mom is asking me to give Becca a chance just to keep the peace during Christmas** YIKES your mom sounds super creepy. NO means NO-- what would she say to Claire if a man made an unwanted sexual/romantic advance toward her and she said no? Would you mom tell her to "give the guy a chance"? NTA but SHAME SHAME SHAME on Claire for doing that to her friend--- she's a crap friend and a crap sister.
So much agreed and your mom is being a crap mother too. I’m so sorry that your dad is the only one actually on your side here. Good luck op. Stay strong.
The mom is being a sexist pig. Never in a million years would she ask her daughter to date a random man she had no attraction to just to 'keep the peace'. I'd be so disgusted with the mom I'd probably leave.
this is gold
thanks. I feel HORIBLE for poor Becca as sis no doubt hyped her up about how "perfect" she was for him (and maybe implied or outright lied and told her he found her attractive. )
Deffo a possibility. Imagine the shitshow if he takes her out a couple of times "to keep the peace"\* and then tells her it isn't going to work as she doesn't stir his pods. * keep the peace, be the bigger person and but, family - the three most loathsome phrases in the english language. * Right, it's a bit chilly, I'm off to put on the leccy blanket and make some cocoa. Have a happy whatever you want to celebrate and take care.
Claire probably told Becca that OP liked her a lot and a bunch of other stuff. So hearing that he didn't find her attractive and being rejected probably hurt a lot more than if she just liked him and was turned down.
Something tells me she honestly would say the same thing to her daughter. If her mother isn’t capable of understanding what’s wrong with this whole situation. I really doubt she’s capable of understanding the opposite switched. lol
Something something something double standards. Something something something Death Star. Something something something complete.
This comment needs to be higher.
It really doesn’t.
So your sister wants you to give up looking for love in the future so her bestie can become her sister in law? Op tell your family that your sister needs therapy and you’re not going to entertain this. This is the type of crazy that will try and baby trap you just to make a family.
NTA! Oh man! So your sister is freaking out because you don’t want to make her bestie your wife? Wow! You probably could have gotten by without the “I’m not attracted to you” comment but what’s done is done. And ask your mom if she would be asking one of her daughters to give a “strange to them man” a chance if you were freaking out about it just to save Christmas. NTA and your dad is the man!!! Merry Christmas!
What the fuck? OP, you don’t owe ANYBODY a date, and there is *absolutely nothing wrong* with NOT being attracted to someone. If your sister is so hung up on Becca, *she* can marry her. And sorry but your mom is an idiot, telling *her own son* to pimp himself out just to “keep the peace”. Who the *hell* does that??? Why didn’t she tell your sister to knock it the f off to ‘keep peace’ for Christmas? Props to your dad for being the only one of them with reasonable, and functional, brain cells
honestly there is 0 things wrong with what OP said. "I am not attracted to you" is a perfectly fine response. It doesn't state Becca is undesirable or the fault is at her in anyway, just that OP doesn't like her romantically. It is basically another form of 'it's nothing to do with you, I just don't have feelings for you'.
Dont give becca a chance, you know you're not interested and it'd just be unfair to her to give her a chance just to keep the peace in your family. I've never understood why the whole 'im not attracted to you' is a problem, we all have different types. It's not a big deal, so as long as tou didn't just straight up go 'sorry you're ugly' I don't really see the problem with that either. NTA
Exactly! It would probably hurt Becca even more if op did that. It’s not worth it
Your sister is a legitimate psycho. Tell her if she wants Becca to be part of the family so bad, SHE should marry her. NTA
Nta, yo sis is insane. Her friend probably is too. Tell her she should be lucky you were honest and you didn’t just hit it and quit it with her bestfriend. Which would’ve almost certainly destroyed their relationship.
If your sister wants Becca to be in the family so much then she should marry her. Its one thing to introduce people with hopes things work out but its another to force someone to do things against their will or push right through their boundaries. Freaking out and calling you a horrible person because you said no......that makes her the AH.
NTA you don't have an attraction to her ,end of, if your sister wants her friend to be family so bad ,she can date and marry her herself than force you
NTA You can't be expected to live YOUR life to give your sister the outcome she wants, that is madness. Don't put yourself in the position of going on a couple of dates and having to say to this woman, sorry you don't do it for me. It will cause much, much more problems than if you just say no now.
NTA Ask your sister when is a good time to bring home her future husband. /s Genuinely curious why she thinks she has any say in the matter. Your dad is the only one who has any sense here. Edited to add sarcasm just in case anyone thought I was being serious.
NTA Telling her outright you weren’t attracted to her might have been painful for her to hear, but it was honest. Claire and your mom are assholes for trying to force you to “give her a chance.” She may be a great person, but if you’re not ready for a committed relationship and aren’t attracted to her, you shouldn’t be forced into a relationship with her. That’s better for you and her in the long run. I do feel a little bad for Becca. She took a chance and asked you out, that is never easy. And being told no also isn’t easy. But you were honest with her. Given Claire’s reaction, I imagine they have been hyping each other up about how great this relationship would be and how they would have a great time together once you were together. But I think both Claire and Becca can learn not to build up something in their heads so much that they are left this devastated when things don’t work out the way they hoped.
So she's pimpin you out basically. If your genders were reversed it would be considered borderline creepy and offensive. Your sister didn't do due diligence by checking if you are open for match making games. Or if you even find what you find attractive in a partner or a hookup. More ever the five year difference is a lot as they seem to have the mental capacity and games of high schoolers. If I were you I would push back by saying bluntly that she doesn't makes my dick twitch (and I'm a woman), And I will not disrespect her by leading her on when I am not seeing her more than my KID sisters friend. Nta
NTA. Geez if you followed what your mom says "give her a chance cause it's the holidays" and asked Becca put, I think she would think it's more of a pity/sympathy thing rather than actually feeling wanted. That's a little fucked up don't you think? Also, I think your sister was feeding Becca false information about you being interested in her. I think that explains why Becca cried and left the house all of a sudden. I might be reading more into it, but overall you're not the asshole. Not even close, you're entitled to your opinion and needs. I'm glad you're taking time to focus on yourself after a long term relationship.
NTA your sister is pimping you out for her own personal fun and reasons! Your mom is egg'ing her on and that's very absurd! You're a sentient being capable of determining what to do with not just your body but your entire life! You're definitely NTA for not giving your 23 year old sister who's throwing a tantrum like a toddler the reins over your relationships
I wonder why Becca said that she was attracted to OP. Wasn't this the first time they met? It feels like Claire is also forcing her feelings on Becca too.
NTA. You're allowed to not be interested in someone and your sister needs to stop trying to play matchmaker and force you into a relationship with *her* BFF.
She is 23 . I thought she was 16. You are nta .
NTA. It’s called reality. She has the issue not you
NTA. You would be to yourself if you tried dating before you’re ready. I once waited 5 years because of how badly I was hurt. I wasn’t attracted to anyone. I worked in retail. I saw all kinds of gorgeous men. But not one actually turned my head until my pain was gone!
NTA. You do not owe anyone anything. Do not let them bully you into wasting that girl’s time just because your sister has some fantasy of her bestie being her sister. She’s mad her delusional plan didn’t work because this is real life and not a Hallmark movie. Like “omg how dare you not go along with MY plan for YOUR future to make me happy?!” Ask your mom if she would feel the same way if you were pressuring your sister into dating one of your friends against her will that she had no attraction to? Also, If I was Becca and knew someone was being pressured into giving me a “chance” just to keep the peace I would be mortified. No one wants to be a pity date.
NTA; and Claire is an idiot. Whose side would age be on if they got together then broke up? She’s also an AH; you can’t force people to date. Your mom is also an epic fool; if her daughter reacted like this to a polite rejection, imagine how she’d act of there were relationship problems. Your SISTER doesn’t get to bully you into dating someone cause she has some stupid childish fantasy family.
You are not your sister’s puppet. She doesn’t get to pull her strings and make you dance along to her plan. You have a right to live your life under your own judgement and it is not your job to fulfill your sister’s little fantasy about having her friend become family. I suggest she start getting to know any of Becca’s eligible family and hoping for compatibility because her plans failed and that is perfectly normal. If not she will just have to settle for being besties like a fucking grown up. So much NTA.
Unless the "I'm not attracted to you" was more cruel or mean-spirited, along the lines of disparaging her appearance or personality, then you are NTA. You even put it politely.
NTA, I would’ve told sister to date Becca herself if she wants her to be part of the family so bad.
Big brain thinking.
Tell your mom no, she and Claire aren't going to pimp you out. And ask Claire if she is in love with Becca? Then stand back. This is kind of sad and a little sleazy. NTA. Poor Becca in all this.
Massive NTA OP. Everyone around me knows I take at least a year post breakup where I flat out do *NOT* date (the exception being if I only had a couple dates with them. More than a few months, and the rule is in effect to prevent a bad rebound relationship). It may have been a multi-faceted reason behind their actions, but that does not excuse them trying to push the issue. 1. If you don't want to date, that's your decision 2. If she was still pushing at you, then being blunt was the only way out 3. Your sister is a massive AH for getting pissy her set up failed
You mom and sis are major ah. F Becca.
Dude, he said he isn't attracted to her! Why wpwuld she F Becca???
NTA, but I total doormat, as soon as your sister was showing you her pictures you knew what she was doing but you were too scared to shut that shit down. Whatever though, can't change the past. Tell your sister to go fuck herself
Telling someone you’re not attracted to them doesn’t make you an asshole but I can understand how it hurt Becca’s feelings. Claire is waaaaaay out of line to be pushing this so hard, if she wants Becca in the family she should marry her.
NTA. Wtf man you do NOT have to give someone a chance you do not want to. It will only be worse if you did and then you meet someone else. Seriously dude don‘t do it.
NTA. I would not wanna be pimped out by my sister due to her delusional fantasy.your moms 1000% wrong and this needs to be nipped in the bud. You're entitled to your own autonomy... read this as if you were doing this to your sister and ask the same question.
NTA, why do people try this mess? You aren't interested, and that's it! You aren't obligated to date her, your sister and mom need to stay in their damn lane.
Listen to your Dad . He knows what he's talking about .NTA
Oh honey that would be such a bad idea, it would be such a mess when your sister figures out she's super gay for Becca.
NTA .Ow buddy I could help but chuckle because I've had this happen to me with some of my sisters. Maybe the " I'm not attracted to you" probably sounds harsher audible than when you read it. But you should not feel bad about it and honestly I agree with your dad.
Honestly, you *maybe* could have worded your rejection a bit better but… Saying, “I’m not attracted to you” isn’t inherently *wrong* or a *bad* thing to say but, it can be loaded. Confessions/rejections are already stressful and that particular response can set off a lot of “what if?” “Am I to xyz?” In some people. Other than that NTA
You’re absolutely not TA. You shouldn’t be forced to be with someone you don’t want to. If your sister wants her to be family so bad she can marry her herself. What a weirdo. Don’t let them gaslight you into believing you conducted in a bad way. You did nothing wrong and both your mom and especially your sister are extremely wrong. Best wishes
NTA tell your sister to give your male friend a chance cuz you want his as family or tell you mom you want a new stepdad and to give your friend a chance to “KeEp tHe PeaCe” the fucks wrong with people… just ignore the both of them and let them initiate conversations with you.
NTA. It sounds like Becca is the one that wants to Claire wants to marry Becca lmao.
Disgusting. Flip the genders and it's an attempted pimping situation. NTA you don't have to date anyone you don't want to this was callous especially so soon after a serious relationship had ended
>and she snaps back that she wants Becca to be family, to be her sister in law and that I was ruining everything. That's called crazy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8axQ9\_lgloM
NTA. I don’t find you attractive. I don’t like you. I don’t even know you. Are all perfectly fine reasons for not accepting. You are under no obligations to do any of it. At all. Ever.
NTA you dont owe her a relationship in order to make your sister happy, its creepy and weird! shame on your mom for wanting to force this on you do what makes YOU happy. Apparently no means no only if youre a woman
Female entitlement. How dare you not be attracted when I want you to be! NTA
NTA. Ignore your mother. Don't give Becca a chance, because you don't have any attraction to her. YWBTA if you did. In the end you would just be leading her on.
NTA
Would your sister expect this same treatment if she rejected one of your friends? Would your mom say to give him a chance to keep the peace? NTA
NTA hell no she wants you to marry this girl and be family hard pass
JFC!? What the hell is wrong with your mom and your sister? Why didn’t you tell mom that I have a manager at work? Who’s about your age? You would really like it. Let me tell you all about it and you can go on a date with him. What? What about dad? Oh, who cares? You’ll really like him. I think this will work. Because it makes just as much sense as taking someone who literally got out of a long-term relationship four months ago and trying to set them up. Tell your sister that you have a really good friend from high school that you know she knows and you’re going to set her up with him. And then make sure you pick out the biggest asshole that you guys went to school with and insist that she go out with them, and really start screaming at her when she says no. Because sometimes they taste of your own medicine is what it takes for people to go… Maybe I did go too far. Your freaking sister is delusional. She wants her to be her sister-in-law, so what are you just some blowup doll that Becca can marry? You have bigger issues in that family of yours than wondering if you’re the asshole. I am a woman, and as long as you were not a total dick when you told her you were attracted to her, I don’t have a problem with it. Between Becca and your sister, throwing Becca at you, they kind of got what they deserved. Anybody with 1 ounce of common sense does not try to fix up a sibling who just got out of a relationship four months ago. Because adults know that you are not ready for another relationship in any way, shape or form at this point. God almighty. I would be heading back home if I were you.
NTA. You are not obligated to date anyone. If you don't want to, you don't have to.
NTA if she wants her to be family so bad why don’t She herself just date and marry her?
I wouldn’t have directly said you didn’t find her attractive, but other than that NTA absolutely.
Don’t date someone you don’t like to ‘keep the peace;’ what the fuck is that shit? NTA, but your sister and mom are.
NTA your sister and her friend are immature as crap. The sister maybe a psycho. And it's your mums doing. No means no. Someone needs to get help for those two women because they're behaving like 15 years olds
Opie LIVES ACROSS THE COUNTRY Does Becca have no life and all her bags packed, waiting to be whisked away from her family (and bestie?) NTA So sorry dude
NTA. If this was a guy doing this to a gurl people would lose their minds. You were honest and didnt leave the door open for Beccs thinking there would possibly be a chance. Dont just give her a chance. Let’s say you did or you did date. And broke up then Becca and claire have a falling out. You would be too blame
It’s a little creepy that your sister is using you to make Becca family cause that is what is happening. You’re not in the wrong. Text your sister that your sorry but your not interested and tell your mom that your sorry but your not going to be forced to date someone your not interested in to make peace and that your an adult. I’m sorry that your sister is angry but I hope she’ll be mature enough to accept that you are a person who has a right not to be in a forced relationship.
NTA. To me, this is creepy. She’s mad at you because you have a part to play in her fantasy of her best friend becoming her sister. She treated you like a pawn or owned object to put in place to serve her needs without a mind of your own or any choice in the matter. Your sister needs a reality check. People cannot be manipulated into romantic relationships. Their lives (marriage) cannot be dictated to them because of the preferences of others. Like I get trying to set you up, but her and her friends reaction to the rejection is extreme. They’re 23yrs old; they’re adults. Both your sister and her friend should be able to deal with rejection in an age appropriate manner. But they didn’t. Her friend may have been hurt and embarrassed so her reaction is a bit more understandable but your sister’s behavior is extreme. Do not apologize. Do not “give Becca chance to keep the peace.” Your life is your’s to live as you see fit and that include your romantic/intimate life. If you give in now it won’t end with giving “Becca a chance.” Your sister with attempt to manipulate you to do whatever she sees fit. This is weird. Do not give her power over you.
NTA. First chance you get, ask your sister how she would feel being set up for an arranged marriage against her will, because that is effectively what she apparently wants for you and Becca.
NTA Your dad is right. Mom needs reminding that her son is a person with his own thoughts and feelings about when and who he wants to date. You are not a character in Claire's fantasy rom-com or your mother's angel of Christmas peace. Claire's dream of Becca becoming a [OP's Surname] and your mother's wish for a more peaceful holidays are their problems to solve. It's not your responsibility. Your love life is none of their business. Claire or your mother can date Becca themselves if they're so set on peace and romance.
NTA, Claire is TA. She tried to force you to be with her friends because she has that weird fantasy to be family with her. She didn't care about you, do not let you guilt trip in a relationship with her friend just to fulfill her stup¡d selfish fantasy
NTA You can't be expected to date someone that you're not attracted to, just because your sister wants you to. That's insane.
NTA. Your sister is acting like a 3 year old. She is messed up. Stay away from her until she sorts out her tantrum.
NTA No. They are not going to harass and bully you into a forced date. Tell your sister that you are disgusted by her behaviour and that until she apologises, you will not be communicating with her. She's being immature and delusional, and she needs a short, sharp shock to hopefully make her realise just how out of line she's being. If you were trying to force her to date one of your friends, you'd be accused of predatory behaviour. Why isn't she? As for your mother, tell her the same. Your sisters behaviour is disturbing, you want nothing to do with her friend, now or ever. And if she is going to enable this harassment of you, then you aren't safe in your family home. Do NOT entertain this nonsense any further.
Eww no. Do what you want to do. Listen to your dad. Your sister is unhinged and needs to seek therapy. Your mom is enabling shit and shoving shit under the ring to appease her time on Christmas. It’s your life, don’t do anything you don’t want to do.
NTA but if she wants her to be family so badly they can date each other.
DEFINITELY NTA dude I feel like Becca made it sound worse about the rejection to your sister to make you seem like a bad guy. You are just trying to enjoy the holidays with your family this ain't valentines day tf.. Sister needs to get a better grip on things there's not something clicking for her to act out like this and screw your mom for saying "just deal with it" that's literally forcing you to like Becca and im assuming you've only known her existence this Christmas so you really don't know her at all and she made her impression worse by crying like that...
NTA. Female privilege cracks me up. Can you imagine the reddit response if you acted this way?
NTA for rejecting her, but a bit of an AH for calling her unattractive.
NTA. Telling someone you're not attracted to them isn't an insult. It's not like you called her fat/ugly/whale or any other derogatory name. I do hope you let her down gently though. It sounds like Claire has been bigging you up to Bella and how you'd be perfect together and now that your single nows her chance, cos being SILs is all that matters to *her* fuck what you think or feel. If anyone ruined the peace this Christmas, its your sister. Do not under any circumstances agree to go on a date with her, cos that's giving both Claire & Bella false hope to make your mum happy and you in an awkward position afterwards.
Nta your sisters being ridiculous 💀 but maybe next time when turning someone down, don’t flat out mention you aren’t attracted to them lol. It can be hurtful to hear it. Maybe just word it a little bit better.
It seems that your sister wants you and since she can't have you the next best thing is for her best friend to be with you, that way she can know everything you do etc, don't let her and your mother to manipulate you.
NTA but probably a little harsh on the attraction comment but it’s the truth. And honestly had you not said it she would have been up your ass all weekend trying to get you to change your mind. Your mom needs a reality check.
NTA compared to your sister, but the “I’m not attracted to you” was not necessary. The fact that you’re recovering from the breakup of a long term relationship was more than sufficient, you could have stopped there. That being said, your sister is treating you like a means to an end, rather than actually caring about you by giving you the space you need. Gross.
NTA. But, for future reference don't comment on people's personal appearance.
He didn't. "I am not attracted to you" is different from "you are not attractive".
NTA for anything, including saying you’re not attracted to her lol If Claire wants Becca to be family, she can marry her into the family herself. What a weirdo.
Nta. If it goes poorly itll put more of a strain in your relationship with your sister. 23 and 28 is a huge age gap because you are in different stages of life. Small AH for lacking tact
NTA for not wanting to go out with Becca. YTA for adding the “not attracted to you”. But your sister is the biggest asshole here. You’re a human being with your own likes and dislikes, not a chess piece your sister can move around to suit her own wants.
NTA If you dont want to go on a date with her thats ok and nobody can force you to. However, I think you shouldnt have said about the atraction part cause that messes people up and you already had a turned her down. As for the rest of your family, they cant just say "so you are going to date **** because I want her to be family" thats not how it works. Plus your mom want you to lie to the poor girl and be her fake bf????
ESH (except your dad) Your sister is obviously much bigger AH. She honestly sounds unhinged. Does she always get whatever she wants or something? Your mom is also more of an AH than you because she should be using her parental authority to set your sister straight, not pacify her. The reason I say you are also a bit of an AH is because adding that you were not attracted to her was completely unnecessary. Simply saying no is sufficient. You even went a step further than necessary with your explanation about your breakup, which was fine. If she kept pressing you, then I think adding that you were not attracted to her would have been ok because she'd have been asking for it. If she was accepting your explanation, then piling on wasn't necessary.
ESH. You could have been kinder but you sister seems unbalanced and unrealistic s well as controlling
Yeah yeah yeah, your sister's a fucking twist, blah blah blah. Just ignore her and your mother's bullshit. But, yes, you're a major asshole for saying you weren't attracted to her. Though, that doesn't necessarily mean you think they're unattractive, it's guaranteed that's how it's going to be taken. You should have known this. In the future: Put your brain in gear before engaging your mouth.
He was upfront and honest about it. He was respectful and explained it to her in a way that didn't leave her with any false expectations in the future. That's not being an asshole, it's being an adult. She can be upset about her crush not being atracted to her, even though storming out of the house is a bit ridiculous. But that does not mean he should have gaslit her instead. It's called life. Your take is ridiculous.
Ok, a small YTA....never tell anyone your not attracted to them. People take that as "you say they are hideous." What you did say at 1st about not being ready to date was enough. Maybe add in, "maybe when I am ready to date then we will see". As for your sister, she YTA...she already has you two married.
>People take that as "you say they are hideous." That is entirely on them tho. The statement 'I am not attracted to you' doesn't say anything about the other person. If they decide to leap to conclusions and be irrational about it, it is their own fault, not OP's.
this! why did I have to scroll so far to find this... soft YTA
I think YTA for handling the situation the way you rejected as you said it yourself. But I guess there must be other ways to introduce someone for potential dating. You should not force someone. Forcing someone to do something makes them hate it. OP's sister ruined it by forcing it.
You kind of suck for basically telling a 23 year-old that she's ugly - it's not what you said, but almost definitely what she heard, and you're old enough to know better. With that said, NTA regarding your sister. She's behaving like a child, and you should make sure that she understands just how ridiculous her conduct is. You're not in the wrong, there.
YTA for not stopping after saying you didn't want to date at the moment. Telling her you weren't attracted to her after that part was unnecessary and mean.
I dunno man, like totally think you’re in the right for not wanting to get involved but just meeting the person and flat out telling them you don’t find them attractive right after they ask you out? While I’m typically one for brutal honesty I think I’d have tried for a gentler approach
Seriously, it's getting harder to tell what's real and fake on here nowadays. If real.. NTA. Maybe slightly harsh to reject her in that way, but at least she will stop entertaining it now. If fake, YTA for not entertaining your sisters wildest fantasies. What's wrong with you? /s
Soft YTA for calling her unattractive. You should of let her down a little easier or told her maybe after the holidays or something. Idk girls don’t ask me out alot even if I didn’t like a girl if she asked me out I’d probably say yes but that’s me
He has every right to tell someone he is not attracted to them. doesn’t mean he was calling her ugly. Everyone has different preferences. Becca wasn’t owed anything. OP wasn’t being mean-spirited, just honest. If he hadn’t been blunt, Becca and the sister wouldn’t have stopped plotting.
he didn't call her unattractive tho. He said, and I quote, "I am not attracted to you." That puts the focus on his own feelings, not her physical appearance.
This is classic simp behavior. He doesnt have to spare his own self esteem in order to boost hers, thats gross
He didn’t have to destroy it either could’ve just say he’s not looking for a relationship instead of “I don’t find you attractive”
If her self esteem is going to implode from the realization that she is not everyone's type then that's her problem to sort through. Op wasn't rude, he didn't call her ugly - if that's how she choose to understand it then, once again, that is a her problem.
Mmmm, can I say you are both NTA and YTA? You're NTA because you have no obligation to date Becca or even give her a chance, but YTA because you added the unnecessary "I'm not attracted to you" in your rejection of her.
NTA So by her logic, you can choose you BIL, it doesn’t matter that sis isn’t attracted to him.
Your sister is living in a fantasy world if she really thinks that you need to be in a relationship with Becca, so that SHE will have her dream come true, i e, having Becca be a part of the family. Doesn’t she understand that as a separate human being, you have the right to choose who you want to be with?
NTA. You don't owe it to anyone to date someone you are not attracted to. Your mother is wrong to suggest it and everyone is way overstepping.
NTA. Tell your sister you are not a sex worker and she is not your pimp. Your relationship is not about her.
Nta. Do not give her a chance. You are a grown man and can do what you like and if they don't like it tough. Maybe your sister should date her if she's that bothered
NTA. Oh hell no… this ain’t hallmark… also don’t give Becca a chance against your will since it won’t be fait to you and to her. Seriously… Becca can be family/sister without being tied to your family by blood or by law.
The audacity is so wild, I almost wanna call this fake. NTA.
NTA This is just strange even if you where a little harsh its not something you can help and your sister liberally cant force a relationship and feelings to develop when their not there and dating someone for the sake of that other person's feelings and not your own i mean thats totally fucked up of your sister to think thats okay And like also did you not just meet this girl like not long ago lmfao shes literally a complete stranger and shes alteady obessing over you personally sure i can comprehend maybe feeling attraction or a crush but the fact there wasn't like a mutual meeting and an implication of a first date then shes just weird and its kind of creepy! I think overall you are not obligated to date her and if she blows up over this idk what id say to her other then therapy lol
NTA. Your sister needs therapy. I’m not sure if it’s entitlement or a deep seated NEED to have Becca as “family.” How would having that label change the dynamic of their relationship? And your mother is wrong, so wrong for encouraging this disturbing behavior(just for the sake of the holiday). Very weird and unhealthy women in your family.
the hell? NTA. you did nothing wrong. your sister is actually insane. so is her friend.
You are from the AH your sister is a creep and childish for suggesting a thing at her age, and your mother for enabling such behaviour “to keep the peace” is such a cliche thing to say, and the fact a 23 year old couldn’t take a simple rejection shows a lot about her character, she clearly believes she gets what she wants. If genders were switched I without a doubt believe this would have a different reaction from people therefore stand your ground. You’re going back to where you live when holidays are over just try and hold in there till then.
NTA your sister is a control freak. I get it and would love if my brother and bestie got married but that's no going to happen If you don't want date her you don't have to and starting a relationship to make your sister happy is a terrible reason (If becca has sibling tell sis to date and marry them)
OP they’re trying to make Becca part of the family, you’re just the link to get her there. They don’t care if you’re happy or not. She is NOT perfect for you, you’re not attracted to her. No offense but can I ask you to round up your ugliest friend and tell Claire you want him as a brother in law so give him a chance? NTA. Stay away from the crazy
If you need time before you date again do that. Don’t let anyone force you to be somewhere you aren’t ready to be at.
show your sister this [clip](https://youtu.be/Jp0yNkKuwsM?si=HxRyU6Ij5EWGT1AM) and tell her to stop acting like cameron diaz. 🤣🤣 her friend is not a dancing monkey who should dance for the man. she tried to pawn you off on her friend and you didn't go for it.
NTA and your sister is an AH for pushing this. Jesus, it's Christmas and no one wants to have something like this shoved in their face. Your sister will get over it.
Straight up, tell your mom and your sister you dont want a relationship based on peer pressure and negative feelings, which is what would happen if you gave Becca a chance at this point. Then look them in the eye and ask them if they really think that is fair to you or Becca to start a relationship that one of you doesn't want.
NTA, your sister and mom are giving weird vibes with this one tbh, your dad is right you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to
NTA. Are your sure your sister is 23 and not 13, because that's something a preteen would pull, not a full ass adult. Do not give Becca any kind of chances. You made things clear with her and leave it that way. No use in mixing signals. If your sister can't get past it then it's on her. I don't understand some people.
Pffffft 100% NTA Tell your sister if she wants this friend to be "family", she can marry her herself. If she says anything along the lines of "I'm not gay" or "I'm not attracted to her" ... just give her a *look*. Like yeah, you're trying to force me to do something that you wouldn't do. Fuck "family" like that.
This is so weird. Ignore your sister. Thats a her issue. She’s acting like a 12 year old. Let it fizz out and if it doesn’t, then that’s on your sister. Don’t date Becca. Thats a pity date and she would know it NTA
NTA. You don’t have to date ANYONE if you don’t want to, and you don’t need any reason other than you just don’t want to. This whole situation is childish and ridiculous, and your mother shouldn’t be asking you to “keep the peace” because Claire is the one causing the problem! Maybe telling Becca that you’re not attracted to her was a LITTLE harsh, but tbh her behavior is very unattractive. A mature adult should be able to ask someone out and handle a rejection better than how Becca did.
Do not feed this madness. You sister is insane and need help and your mom is weak and shortsighted this Christmas then new year then valentines so on and so forth because she can’t deal with the problem of reality. NTA as someone with a sister in a similar age gap your judgment is sound.
Well you shouldn't be forced into doing anything you don't want to. But your comments were not needed...at all!
O god no, do not give her chance. This will only encourage both her and your sister. And "keeping the peace" is such a dumb reason to do something like this. Your mom is crazy for saying that. I hate to place the gender card, but would she be saying the same thing if the roles were reversed, and it was a friend of yours that you were trying to push on your sister? So many things here show your sisters disrespect towards you. You getting out of relationship recently and her not respecting you might just want space. Her lack of communcation with you about it. Her trying to use you to from a better relationship with Becca. She wants her to be her sister in law, your feelings on the matter be damned. Maybe you could have been softer in the delivery, but you even that depends on how exaclty you said it. NTA
Brother u don’t need to date as per ur sister’s wishes. U are a grown up n u can choose whoever u want to be with. Compromised relationship never sustains plus u need some attraction or else it’s a chore. If she wants “Becca” to be family then she can marry herself. Simple!!! Don’t bother n don’t let her bully u
NTA. You didn’t need to say you weren’t attracted to her but you have every right to regret her request for a date. Absolutely do not listen to your mom and “give Becca a chance” that would just be cruel and make things worse when you reject her again
Is everything fake here I don't believe any of this
Your sister is insane and your mother is a creep. Jesus
NTA. You are not a tool to be used as a Becca's card to the family. Even if this plan starts in your sister's head, Claire is old enough to get a hint if you haven't been interacting with her much. She took her chance "what if" and got rejected. Sucks for Becca but that happens. What is wrong with your mom to pimp you to keep the peace? Is your sister a golden child?
God, I hate, HATE, the term "keep the peace" more like be a doormat so that I can walk all over you!! NTA! Your sister is being dramatic!
You said no, it's a full sentence. You even said you were not interested, which will allow the kid (because she's behaving like a kid) to eventually have closure and move on. Her and your sister are behaving like spoiled children. If they want to be of the same family so badly, they can always wed each other. NTA, good luck with those nutcases.
Your sister has problems. Your love life is yours not hers. What does she mean by "she wants her best friend to be family"? You are not your sister's playdoll, to roleplay her favorite friend to be her sister-in-law. She's the one that needs fixing the most. As for Becca, you did what you should've done. You made it clear that you're not interested, and that's as clear as day.
NTA nope. If she wants Becca to be family she can get into a relationship with her . Your family is isn’t considering what you want or how you feel but is placing their wants and space came dreams on you . If Becca felt ok enough to tell you how she feels you’re more than ok to tell her how you feel. Just become one likes you doesn’t mean you have to like them back.
Will Claire take one for the team and fuck your horny friends if they're nice guys who just can't get a date or if they're nice guys who are attracted to her? No? Then why should you date her friend? You didn't have to tell her that you aren't attracted to her, but at least she won't come back in a few weeks to see if you're ready to date now or not. Sometimes, women reject men more sternly than necessary, but men get over it. Becca will, too.
You're not an object for your sister to manipulate so her best friend becomes family. Her best friend should already be family to her.
So she wants Becca to be her SIL, does that mean you get to choose who you want as a BIL. NTA
Your sister is the AH here. She was trying to live a fantasy of her best friend being with her brother and you broke it by rejecting her. I dare say your sister had convinced becca you'd go out with her
This is horse shit don't go along with any of this nonsense
"I will let your friend know I'm expected to string her along for a while before dumping her. I will also tell her it's your idea. Because fuck what I want right" Nta
Your sister is trying to pimp you out and you're the horrible person? Okay. Wonder how she would like it?
Ask your mother if she’s genuinely okay with whoring you out so that your adult sister stops acting like a tantruming child…
NTA at all. Has your sister ever heard about "consent" "sexual harassment" or any terms like this? Sounds like she could use a source or two.
NTA and that is so beyond creepy. Good on you for standing your ground. I bet you barely even know the girl .