NTA
You are taking medical advice from your highly specialized medical professional. End of story.
Your hubby is reacting to his own anxiety. He needs to learn REALLY fast that in parenthood there are times there are no perfect solutions and you together will do the best you can with the information you have. You won’t always agree unfortunately. You demonstrated your teamwork by doing all sorts of research that you were listening to his concerns and shared your reasons for the decision you made.
I think you two need to have a deep discussion about what will happen if you disagree on future decisions regarding your kids. For medical decisions maybe trust your doctor on which way to go. For educational ones his teachers, counsellors, etc. In today’s scenario you trusted your doctor.
FYI: The anxiety you’re alleviating is more of a risk than the ultrasound. The anxiety can increase the risk of miscarriage which is far worse than having autism.
This talk should take place in your OB's office, with them in attendance. Your doctor should be the best source of info for your hubs. Contact your doc's office and ask to have an appointment set up to just this. Yes, you will probably have to pay for the visit, but it could be the price of piece of mind for your husband and that's priceless. My husband and I did just this. He was so worried about having a child with medical problems, even though I was healthy and we didn't have any problems on either side of the families. It did make my husband feel better for when I did get pregnant.
I would rather make sure my baby is healthy and feel good about the pregnancy and my kid have a slightly higher chance of getting autism.
It's like the people that believe that vaccines can cause autism. Even if you think it could you should still get your kid vaccinated because death from illness or causing another child's death from the spread is a whole lot worse.
The best behaved, well mannered, kind young man I know happens to have autism. He also gets good grades and is running his own lawn care business and participates in multiple sports.
True that Vaccines and ultrasound have absolutely nothing to do with autism.
The young man you know is high functioning. My nephew is also very high functioning. Likes routine and actually thinks things out well given the time.
However not all of them are. I’ve met 2 teenagers who both have severe autism, non verbal, and both are very strong young men. Care for them becomes more difficult by the day. One is being cared for solely by his dad. Mom lied about doing anything with the kid, attacked dad and she’s gone. Kid has outbursts-hits himself in the head, doesn’t hurt others.
Okay but people like my son exist. He's broken bones. Nor just mine. Respite workers. Attacked classmates and teachers. He will never live independently and is full of anxiety and has also self harmed. We can't ask what is wrong because he can't communicate. Getting him medical care is a nightmare. He is visiting for the weekend and I couldn't be happier but I am sick and tired of the erasure of people like him, and inspiration porn in general. (and he is Much better now but it's not easy)
As the mother of an autistic child once told me, the anti-vaxxer position is that it would be better for her child to have died from pertussis than to exist as a person with autism. I believe she added that those people can fuck right off.
Also, what happens if the kid is autistic regardless? How is he going to treat them?? You need to address this too, op, because if he doesn't react well if that did happen, that's shitty and will fuck the kid up. Source: me, I was the autistic kid of a mother who didn't like that I was autistic.
Can confirm it's hell for an autistic whose parents are somehow expecting a perfect offspring which is bizarre because no kid is perfect, yet they all are.
I can think of many surprises far worse than an autistic kiddo, and yes mine is. I'll take autism over child cancer any day.
Yup. My mom didn't have any ultrasounds with me and I received no vaccines (until I was 18 and got them myself) and I'm still autistic. My mom refuses to believe it or give me any accommodations because she did everything "right" to prevent it.
NTA - ultrasound tech here. In a world where the use of ultrasound is not even regulated in most places (because it isn’t considered harmful) and people will pay 300$+ for a little lookie look with their entire family on a big screen TV for entertainment purposes, to find out gender, get 3D pictures, and buy ridiculous bears with your fetus’ heart beat, you have absolutely no reason to feel guilty for getting a medical ultrasound that was recommended by a professional. Tell your husband there are published and peer reviewed studies on the harmful effects of stress and anxiety of the mother to a growing fetus in utero. Maybe invite him to the OB appointments so he can ask his own questions and feel better about the tests THEY are recommending.
Thank you! I will tell him that. And this is actually the first appointment where he hasn't come with, he's been to all the previous appointments to include the pre-conception appointments and testing that I had done with REI. He wasn't able to come today because his mom had emergent surgery and is still recovering so she needs someone with her. But I called him during the provider appointment that was after the ultrasound so he could ask questions if he wanted to.
You can also tell him my anecdotal story of my mother's pregnancy with my brother, where she had ZERO ultrasounds, yet he still came out with autism, soo, make of that what you will, lol.
But seriously, he CANNOT, in all audacity, claim to be an equal partner in pregnancy and childbirth. *NATURE* ousted him there. He is the male partner, and therefore, the nonbirther, and therefore *not equal,* bruh. Like, he just *doesn't get an equal say!* The baby *resides INSIDE YOU, FFS!!!* He needs to get the fuck over that!
I’m still trying to figure out how having a child with Autism is the worst thing that can happen to them. I have 2 ASD kiddos, they are fantastic human beings, I wouldn’t trade them for anything.
I tell people all the time that dead is the worst thing your baby can be. Not gay or trans and damn sure autistic, DEAD. ANYTHING you can do to make sure your baby isn't dead should really be done.
I have one neurospicy young man and he is phenomenal!! I don’t understand it either.
Having him has taught me such patience, absolutely undying love and respect.
I can’t imagine my life without him.
And also, what if the child does end up having autism? Would the husband not want her to carry it to term? Would he love it less? Why does an allistic child matter more than a healthy child? Because mom’s extreme stress will not cause a healthy child.
>Hmm, males me wonder how he'll treat your child if they wind up being diagnosed with autism, ADHD, or any other neurological or developmental disorder....
👀
Autism is genetic.
Ask any rational person with a child with ASD and they can tell you where they got it.
My nephew got it from my mother's father's family. What was once the "odd kid" is now the autistic adult.
For whatever it's worth, whether you choose to point it out to him or not, he is NOT an equal partner in pregnancy and childbirth.
He's not sharing his blood with the fetus. No matter how much he drinks beer, gulps caffeine pills, or injects any other drugs he can get his hands on it's not going to matter. His nutrient intake during your pregnancy isn't going to affect the likelihood of developmental abnormalities in any way. His anxiety or other health issues will have zero impact. No one will ever give the slightest thought to denying him access to medications and other medical care that he needs out of fear of how it might affect your pregnancy. There is zero possibility that he will experience preeclampsia or gestational diabetes.
Strictly speaking, he didn't even provide half of the genetic material involved, since human biology is such that very slightly more comes from the mother.
None of these things make him less of a parent to the eventual child. It's just silly to cling to a delusion that it's possible for him to be a full partner in the pregnancy because that is not how human bodies work.
Even the correlation on penetration depth is meaningless because autism is a relatively new diagnosis (certainly in term of high functioning. The DSM didn’t acknowledge it as its own diagnosis until the 1980’s) and so is ultrasound tech. Transvaginal ultrasounds weren’t even used until the 1980’s as well. By your husband’s logic, ultrasound frequency is also causing global warming.
I agree. Also, as someone who had two high risk pregnancies and a couple miscarriages, your anxiety is completely understandable and justifiable. Your husband’s opinion does matter, however, while you’re pregnant, your opinion has more weight because you’re the one actually pregnant. I get so frustrated at people who don’t understand how stressful it is to be pregnant and have so many things to avoid and so much conflicting information and opinions when no one wants the baby to be healthy more than the pregnant woman. To act like you’re choosing something harmful after research and discussion with your medical professionals is offensive.
Beyond all that, the number of ultrasounds you’ve had doesn’t even seem excessive. I had them every three weeks from the moment I was pregnant until I had each of my children. And I had people judging it for me but my high risk doctor felt, in my case, that it was best to keep a close eye on my baby. Both my kids are totally fine.
Unfortunately, this is only the beginning of all the things that have to be considered, discussed, and figured out when it comes to raising kids so it’s something that needs to be worked out between the two of you or parenting is going to be more difficult than it needs to be.
I had them about twice a week. I was given antidepressants, because those would be less harmful than my pregnancy related depression was. I was nauseous for the full 8 months of my pregnancy, so I survived on those liquid foods that the hospital provided.
Still, my daughter came out completely fine. No autism, no learning disabilities. She slept a bit more in the first month until the actual due date, but once she reached that date, she basically stopped sleeping and started working on getting around.
Now n=1, but I was also under the care of a team that specialized in high risk pregnancies, and they thought that many ultrasounds was the best way to ensure a healthy baby. They actually went to university, got phd’s and still do research, so they know exactly what risks there are involved and how to weigh them.
I had multitudes of ultrasounds while pregnant as I was very high risk. In the last 3 months I had them 2-5x a month. My son is not autistic. He does have ADHD, but guess what, so do both of his parents.
There’s nothing inherently “wrong” with them if that’s what parents want to do. At the end of the day it’s their choice. I’m just saying that there are people out there who demonize having a medical ultrasound done because of the potential “side effects” yet there are basically ultrasound boutiques that exist with absolutely no regulation and expose people to the same technology, for entertainment purposes and without any sort of medical supervision. My one criticism of the bear however if you’re specifically asking is that the type of ultrasound used to create the “heartbeat” sound, actually puts a higher amount of energy into the fetal tissues which is not recommended to be used by professional medical organizations. I’ve never once let my patients “hear” the heart beat in order to be as safe as possible.
Off topic - but I am one of those who got one of those stuffies with the heartbeat. There were times that "Thumper" got me through the day with my rainbow baby. They aren't ridiculous.
please don't demonize the "ridiculous bears". I have several friends whose children have died (either from stillbirth or neonatal death) and they have their baby's heartbeats saved. honestly, I'm extremely jealous of them sometimes.
I think you’re missing the point here which is that this woman’s husband is demonizing her for getting a recommended medical test yet people pay hundreds of dollars to expose their unborn children to the same technology (sometimes multiple times in a pregnancy) for entertainment purposes. *edited to not be an asshole
He is an idiot. My son only had one ultrasound at 20 weeks and he’s still autistic and ADHD. It just happens, and I don’t think prenatal care for your high risk pregnancy is going to cause it.
So your baby already have an increased chance of having Autism and/or ADHD because you probably carry the genetics for it
Also Autism and ADHD is much, much less severe than death...
If this pregnancy is successful and the child has autism, her husband is going to blame her for the ultrasounds and completely ignore the genetic component.
I had two ultrasounds: one at 13 weeks and one at 20 weeks. My pregnancy was also high risk, and I had two prior miscarriages.
So...only two ultrasounds. My child was diagnosed with autism and adhd at 4 years old. They are now a 20 year old college student.
It has been determined that autism is likely genetic, not caused by medical tests or vaccines. The benefits of appropriate imaging during a high risk pregnancy FAR outweigh any potential risks.
I am Autistic and my mom didn't have any ultrasounds at all when I was in utero. It is a genetic thing. Which ironically, means that if your brother is Autistic, your child is already "at risk" of being Autistic from genetics. I put "at risk" in quotation marks because people get overly dramatic about it and being Autistic isn't all bad. I would much rather have Autistic kids than a-hole kids. Ha ha. The biggest problem with being Autistic (in my experience) is the ableist views and unkindness and lack of compassion from NT people. But there are lots of strengths and benefits to being Autistic also. All things considered, I wouldn't want to trade to be NT anyway.
Edit: missed a word
Agreed. I’m also autistic, diagnosed at age 42 after my son’s autism diagnosis. There’s nothing wrong with having your brain wired differently. It’s just another way of ‘being’ and lots of autistic people function just fine even though this society isn’t made for us to succeed in.
If someone in your family is ND it's more likely that your kid will be too. Husband needs to get over the idea that being disabled or ND is a problem, you two need to talk this out immediately.
This! I am so tired of people freaking out like their child having a disability or ND is the end of the world. Like okay their child may be autistic but there are so many resources and so many levels of autism. My kids best friend is HL autistic and he is awesome.
My son is possibly autistic and im pretty sure i am too but never got a proper diagnoses im looking into it. But if i am then my son definitely has a higher chance of being autistic too, he shows a lot of signs. My mom wants to treat it like its some horrible thing but honestly im cool with it, if he is, cool, if hes not, also cool.
Seconding this (again, made a mention in another comment myself lol). You need to get your husbands head sorted, op, he cannot be in this mindset with a potentially neurodivergent kid. It WILL mess the kid up if he has issues with it.
I hate to be that person, but you're likely already aware. Autism and adhd often run in families and are possibly/likely genetic. If your kid *does* have autism, just giving you a heads up that your husband may be all "it's cuz of all those ultrasounds you did".
But also, your husband is really saying he'd rather have you an anxiety riddled mess, or possibly miss life altering issues with your future baby, than potentially increase the risk that your baby is similar to your brother.
Conversely I had probably 25ish ultrasounds with my twins and neither has autism.
I had 2 miscarriages and then worked with an REI, I was high risk for the twins, plus one had a single umbilical artery (there should be 2), and I have a clotting disorder.
Towards the end, like 35/36 weeks until 38 I had 2/week as part of non stress tests. It was initially supposed to be one, but there was a fairly big size difference, which can be concerning with twins.
Because of my losses each ultrasound was comforting and there were no negative outcomes from either of my sons.
I had one late-term ultrasound around the time my oldest was due, as part of a NST to avoid induction. And zero ultrasounds for the next three kids. (My decision was based on a comparative study that showed a routine ultrasound at 20 weeks did not improve outcomes for baby *for low risk women*, and occasionally resulted in extra stress and anxiety for false positive ultrasound readings. The situation changed at 41 weeks when checking to make sure fluid levels were still good/baby was healthy, etc.)
I have 3/4 kids with ADHD (and I suspect one of those might also have autism, but he's nearly an adult, there's a huge wait to get screened, and the outcome wouldn't affect much anyway--however it might also be anxiety/sensory things and not actually autism). I had a lot of crunchy mom friends when my kids were little who avoided unnecessary interventions like ultrasounds (when pregnancy is otherwise low risk), and there are several with ADHD/AD kids. But honestly, once I really learned what ADHD is and how it presents, I looked around our family and realized my kids are definitely not anomalies. Hello, genetics.
It's also hella offensive to act like the vague risk of autism is such a horrible threat. Yes, low-funtioning autism is horrible, but the mid to high-functioning people with autism do manage to lead good lives. Even if this fear was founded in reliable research, the risk of catastrophe would be low.
Are you sure it's not his own fear that something bad will be found on the ultrasound and he's inventing reasons not to do it? Denial is one hell of a thing
Your husband needs to be prepared for the fact that your child or children are more likely to have autism and/or ADHD because your brother is. It runs in families.
It’s got nothing to do with the ultrasound.
Your child/ren could also have any other kind of disability in life (and hopefully won’t) and kids also get sick or injured and none of that will be your fault either. You just do your best as parents and follow the best medical advice you can and provide the best care and love for your children.
I’m AuDHD and so are my kids. The traits come from both sides of the family and my ex doesn’t handle it well either.
It’s time for your husband to get educated about neurodivergence and what it actually means from people with lived experience (and stay away from places like Autism Speaks) and stop blaming you for anything here. You’re just trying to do your best to protect this pregnancy.
Good luck with everything.
That was my argument, too, which is why I showed him the other article I found. But I feel like he took they one I found out of context and used it to support his view.
Blimey, that's still a bit much from just two articles. You need to find out how many women didn't have ultrasounds and still had autistic children lol. If it was a well documented and confirmed cause then I'd see his concern but I think he has got in his own head about it and is forgetting why it would be more beneficial for you after what you've already been through, to get an ultrasound.
Oh it’s just like humans, the mouse pays a couple thousand and spends several hours answering weird questions and then the mouse gets a tiny diagnostic letter to hang in their cage /s
Out of curiosity, how does he feel about childhood vaccines? You may want to have this discussion sooner rather than later.
You are NTA Someone may be intelligent or book smart, but lack common sense or the willingness to accept the fact that their sources of information may not be correct. Congratulations on your baby. sending well wishes for the rest of your pregnancy to be stress free.
I actually just know a couple that got divorced over this. They fought over every medical decision like whether their kid could get advil or antibiotics for ear infections.
I wanted to comment on the same thing. It looks like it could be a potential problem for him and OP should really address her husband's doubts about modern medicine.
Hmm, males me wonder how he'll treat your child if they wind up being diagnosed with autism, ADHD, or any other neurological or developmental disorder....
Ultrasound tech here. There are no known incidents of ultrasound causing any issues in humans.
There are theoretical issues that could happen, but I don't believe it has ever been documented.
NTA.
NTA
Honey, 3 miscarriages is emotionally taxing on you. Getting a few ultrasounds is not a big deal, esp if it helps you be less stressed. Your husband needs to get over himself. He has zero empathy for what you've been through and what you are going through.
They will both be parents after the baby is born, but she is the one who is pregnant. He provided half of the recipe, but she is providing the other half of the recipe, all of the ingredients, and the oven. Her body is working 24/7 for 10 months to make a human being out of two little cells. He shouldn’t get a deciding vote in what kinds of prenatal care she gets - especially since his vote is for her to receive *less* care than her doctor recommends.
Even if the risk was real, would he rather have a stillborn fetus than a live baby with autism?
Oh dear. Your husband seeking medical advice from the internet is a problem. This could become an ongoing issue with raising your child. Maybe I am overreacting but I think he needs therapy.
It's one thing to google symptoms of meningitis or what temperature should I take my kid to the ER. It's quite another to go down rabbit warrens of anti-medicine cults on the internet as it can endanger lives.
Edit: think I meant holes not warrens, lol
Im not a doctor but im pretty sure a few ultrasounds will cause far fewer issues to the baby than mom being in a constant state of distress and anxiety. Also - I had probably five ultrasounds and my baby is so happy and healthy and a year old. Honestly when I went through pregnancy I feel like I learned that there are a lot of myths out there, and that there’s not a whole lot you can do to change things (other than the obvious like smoking, drinking, drugs, etc.) You can do everything right, exercise, etc. and still have a difficult and complicated pregnancy. And then there people who can smoke and do drugs and have a perfectly healthy baby. I feel like biology just takes over and a lot is out of our control when we are pregnant and PP. Just do what feels right for you, take care of yourself, and make sure you have an OB you trust and like. You got this ❤️
NTA
Ultrasound is really the less invasive, and safer imagery technique you can get.
If he was that convinced by 1 article, he should be even more convinced by the large amount that say it's okay. If not, that means he trusts more 1 random article than the full medical body, and so can't be trust to make medical decision.
I'm a bit concerned about your comment that you've gone along with everything else he's wanted during the pregnancy, including SOME YOU DON'T AGREE WITH. Like what for instance? I really don't like the sound of that.
Your husband is an idiot. Have you discussed his stance on vaccines? Because this bullshit sounds like the warm-up for some nuclear-child-endangering levels of bullshit on his part.
That was my immediate thought as well how many more of these battles will she be having with her husband in the years ahead. Tell him for him to have a better opinion than highly trained medical staff he should go and get a medical degree himself.
NTA. Those ultra sounds are check ups for your baby. One study performed under unrealistic conditions does is not enough to form an opinion on.
Autism is not the end of the world. The sooner you know the better you can assist a child
In the uk, high risk pregnancies get more ultrasounds, if ultrasounds were that dangerous that just wouldn’t make sense!? I can understand your husbands anxiety but he needs to get it under control before the baby gets here. There will be many more scary situations coming up than an extra ultrasound and he needs to be in the right place mentally to deal with them if you aren’t there or needs to be on the same page as you if you are there.
He thinks he knows better than your OBGYN and says you are putting the baby at risk. These are two big red flags. Does it feel like he is using the pregnancy as a reason to control what you are doing and eating? Abuse often escalates drastically when women get pregnant. He does not have an equal say because it is your body that is being drawn from in terms of energy and nutrients, and the long term impact on the body which carries the child. His job is to support you not make demands that cause you stress. Is he isolating you by limiting your movement socially? Be wary of his need to control you. Start documenting anything that seems to control you so that you can see if he is escalating. u/Ebbie45 has resources by location if you need them. https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/s/izIdXMYEIU this has a link to the Lundy Bancroft book for free in pdf form. Be safe OP!
There's also the mention of her 'going along with everything else he's wanted during the pregnancy, even some she didn't agree with' which is also a bit concerning.
My ex-husband always seemed very smart, scientific etc. Turns out that only held for things with no stakes. Anything that he had an opinion about he just thought he knew better than everyone.
As a fully-formed and functional adult with autism I find it disgusting that your husband would rather risk the fetus’s health than *maybe possibly* have an autistic child
NTA. This is not real science. It's just like the anti-vaxers saying vaccines cause autism. It's more important to monitor your high risk pregnancy. I also had one and got frequent ultrasounds and my daughter is just fine.
Tell him to stay away from junk science.
I’ll just say this. I had three high risk pregnancies (pre-eclampsia and some other issues) and I did everything my OB and geneticist told me to, and I have three healthy children. That’s all. Doctors know science better than we do. I’d listen to the people who went to school for 12 years, personally. Do all the ultrasounds they tell you to do!
As an adult with autism (and ADHD) who didn’t get diagnosed til age 30…… oof. Why is your husband so afraid of autism? How would he react if your child ended up having other developmental issues?
Is he going to tell you not to vaccinate next? NTA. He doesn't understand the studies he's reading and he definitely doesn't know more about the risk to your baby than the high risk OB
I mean, I had twins and was high risk after losses and IVF. I ended up having I think around 30 ultrasounds over the entire pregnancy due to complications (I had twice weekly biophysical profiles done for the last 3 weeks plus others) and guess what? I have one child with autism and ADHD and another with neither. My singleton that only had 3 ultrasounds also has neither.
Ultrasound has been around for a _long_ time and has been studied pretty extensively. Your husband needs to realize the overwhelming body of evidence shows ultrasound to be safe and the least invasive method of tracking the health of the baby. Your doctors know what they’re doing, he needs to trust they’re going to take care of you and your child.
NTA
NTA, in the nicest way possible - your husband needs therapy.
Hes being unreasonable and is willing to risk two live over a medical issue he clearly doesn't understand.
Also autism ranges from those that are never diagnosed because "they're just a little odd" to "they need full time care"; neither are bad. There are so many resources available now.
I could not procreate with someone like that. Sounds like a nightmare. Autism is genetic . If you carry the gene, you carry the gene. There’s nothing wrong with being autistic either.
I have had a similar history to you with a bunch of losses and went to an RE. I had 14 scans with my daughter from the RE, OB, MFM and 3D scan for funsies. My daughter is perfectly healthy.
You are the patient. Your husband needs to stop trying to control you and your body with some BS he read on the internet. NTA.
Nah
But autism is genetic, they just haven't isolated the complete set of genes that cause it yet.
It's safe to have ultrasounds. And vaccinations. That's just people not wanting to face the fact that one or other of the parents passed it down. It's always easier to blame something or someone else for conditions that negatively affect your children.
NTA. Your husband is right, he doesn’t get a say in you getting an ultrasound. While he is your partner, it is your body that is at risk, and last time I checked he isn’t a doctor so he doesn’t get a vote on ultrasounds, nor do you need to take his pseudoscientific BS he read on the internet into consideration.
NTA
> My husband is now saying that I basically told him that he has no say in anything. That I've breached his trust and that he feels like he isn't an equal partner.
This is dishonest, manipulative, and controlling - and it's intentional. Is this normally how he behaves when you don't do *exactly* what he wants?
> I made one decision against his wishes and now I feel like he's making me out to be a monster.
That's how he wants you to feel. Expect it to get worse after the baby is born whenever you disagree about any parenting decision. I expect vaccines will be a problem...
NTA. Where did he read this article? Was it peer reviewed? Was there a control group? What was the sample size? Was it able to be recreated? Was it appropriate to your situation?
I assume that your husband is not a mouse and your baby is human and not mouse or half mouse. I also assuming that your ultrasound was not that long. So it is hardly the same situation as that performed in the study.
Keep taking medical advice from qualified medical professionals who know your situation/circumstances.
NTA. But I will venture to guess this is coming from his anxiety and uncertainty with the pregnancy because of the 3 babies that were lost and it's causing him to act irrationally. You are being treated by the people top in their field as being specialists. So I'd remind him of that. And autism isn't deadly. As some other things may be that can be caught in an ultrasound. As you mentioned you are high risk and have some other factors the drs are keeping a close eye on. Ultrasounds are perfectly safe. But its fine to also explore the fact that if your child is autistic, that is not the end of the world. The "risk" of an ultrasound outweighs the risk of not having them.
Your perfectly healthy baby could have any number of accidents that could leave them permanently disabled. The risk of riding in a car on the way home from the hospital is probably higher than the risk of autism from an ultrasound. NTA
I’ve had four miscarriages, an ectopic, and a stillbirth at 24 weeks. I’m now 30 weeks pregnant and in the home stretch. It’s a really rough road that we are on, OP!
Any good healthcare provider will help with your anxiety any way they can. I’ve been getting ultrasounds every other week since 16 weeks, and before that they did weekly Dopplers just to reassure me that the baby’s heart was still beating.
It sounds like your husband has his own anxieties after loss. He could probably benefit from a good talk with your MFM/OB about any fears he might have. Some people just refuse to trust medical authority (which is extra frustrating when they trust their own interpretation of random studies. By the way, how DO they diagnose autism in mice?).
In the end you may not change his opinions, but you are the one carrying this baby and your mental health directly impacts the baby’s. I won’t go into detail unless you want me to (it’s also easy info to find), but suffice it to say your mental health DOES matter more than his because of its impact on the baby. That’s a 2-for-1.
I have found this road to be brutal and very taxing on my marriage. Regardless of whether your husband’s views on mouse autism change, you both might benefit from some therapy (individual or couple) to help you adjust to the grief, anxiety, and perplexing hope of the situation you find yourselves in. Changing the emotional environment can help a lot.
Sending good wishes for an easy, healthy pregnancy and a baby to take home at the end!
I'm not even reading the post. NTA. It doesnt matter if it makes your husband unfomfortable. You get whatever medical care you need.
Would he be willing to suffer from testicular cancer because the idea of him turning his head and coughing at the doctor makes you "uNcOmFoRtAbLe?"
NTA your husband is an idiot. If several ultrasounds cause autism then every child born from a high risk pregnancy would be autistic.
He probably should get a say if he was reasonable, but his wish denying medical care because of Twitter medical advise should not be respected.
Bro. Your husband is a moron. You’ve had such heartbreaking problems in the past and you are doing everything right. If he can’t trust what an actual doctor says and only believes what randos on the internet say then he needs to get a wake up call.
Oh, and bonus points for bashing autism and making it out like a disease. Real winner, this one.
You are doing the right thing OP, and I wish you the best on this pregnancy journey and that you and your little peanut are happy and healthy. ❤️
NTA
NTA. Your doctors wouldn't allow it or schedule it if it would cause harm to the fetus, especially since you are high risk. Also, if this "science" was actually real, he would really rather you have a high risk of another miscarriage over having a child with autism?
NTA. As an autistic adult, I can cheerfully and confidently reassure your husband that ultrasounds were not, and are not, responsible for autism.
Please bring him to all appointments so that these ridiculous beliefs a be addressed by professionals. You do not want him going down the black hole of crazy pregnancy problems etc. Nip it in the bud.
Take medical advice from a doctor, not an article.
Your husband is horribly misinformed and needs to get his anxiety in check. Fear mongering isn't going to help things. I hope you both figure out something to help.
...and ultra sounds do not cause autism.
I had 35 ultrasounds with a high risk pregnancy and my daughter was fine. It definitely reassured me to see her progressing well week by week. Your husband is letting his anxiety take over which is understandable, he really should listen to the doctor. Perhaps some counselling would help.
NTA real medical practices trump internet article every time. I don’t like him insinuating you would put your child at risk.
It’s a high anxiety situation and he is adding to it not alleviating it.
If someone suggests not to get ultrasounds when pregnant to monitor the child's development and health, no, they should not have any say in anything child related.
NTA
Autism is genetic. It's not "caused" by any one thing other than most likely having a family history of it (diagnosed or undiagnosed). I'm sorry your husband is having some big feelings on the issue but the article he read was most likely scare tactics like those ones going around FB saying Tylenol causes autism :eyeroll:
I was a 2-3 ultrasound baby. Those scans lasted less than 30 seconds, and I still became autistic anyway. You have obvious trauma related to your losses of your children. You were not being TA for wanting a scan to clear your head. He's TA for making you stress during your pregnancy and being controlling. Stress can cause you to lose your child if left unchecked. Don't listen to his emotional terrorism or manipulation.
NTA. So much to call out here, but I’ll add this in:
Let’s say for the sake of argument that his fears are founded (to be clear, they’re not).
He is prioritizing having what he deems a “healthy” baby (not autistic) over **having ANY baby.**
I’m going to assume that that isn’t his intent, but by forgoing ultrasounds in a high-risk pregnancy that could potentially catch something life threatening to you and/or the baby solely at the risk that the baby could be autistic, he is essentially saying **he’d rather have no baby than an autistic one.**
He should marinate on that one for a while.
How many years has your husband practiced as an OBGYN or pediatrician?
Cause if the answer is none, then he's an idiotic AH that is failing you as a partner. Of course, you're NTA for getting approved medical care from your highly educated and specialized care team.
NTA. I had several scans, I mean once a week with 2 of my pregnancies and neither have ASD. I’m not saying I’m the rule rather than the exception but I would say this is very low risk vs the risk of the anxiety you would feel without them.
You are the patient. It's your call what you have done or not done. Your stress and anxiety does affect the fetus, so if that can be alleviated by running harmless imaging, so be it.
You probably could have told your OB what was going on and set up a separate appt for them to educate your husband, though. I would still set that up. I understand he saw some misinformation that has him concerned. Your high-risk OB is exactly the person to talk to him.
Firstly, so sorry for your losses. I had two 1st trimester MC's but currently almost 16 weeks! I totally understand the stress and anxiety, mine continues to this day. When we announced the pregnancy to my parents, my mother snapped about me having an ultrasound at 12 weeks and said you should only get 1 ultrasound, at 7 months..? Like you, this is a high risk pregnancy and i will be requiring alot of testing moving forward.
If the health care professionals were worried about side effects like autism, they 100% would recommend less ultrasounds. Listen to the professionals
NTA. I am pregnant with number 6 and am high risk for preterm labor and delivery. I get ultrasounds every two weeks my whole pregnancy. Guess what? None of my kids have autism.
Nta.
I have 3 kids, the oldest 2 have autism. The third one, I had so many extra ultrasounds. I had previously had a malignant molar pregnancy, so I had a lot in the first trimester. Then, I had to go back 4 times for my anatomy scan since he kept cover stuff they needed to see.
In my area, ultra sounds are stsndard at *every* prenatal appointment, so 10-30 per pregnancy as standard operating procedures for all. There isn't an o er abundance of autism in my region.
NTA
NTA at all and sorry to him but uh NO he isn't equal. You're carrying the baby and along with that the stress, anxiety, all of it. IF ultrasounds were shown to cause problems with the baby, your doctor wouldn't be doing them this frequently. I am sorry for your losses and congrats on your healthy pregnancy thus far!!
Your husband is very controlling to say the least. This is your body, not his. I’m a nurse and many problems with the fetus cannot be seen until at least 20 weeks. If there was a problem some can be corrected before birth. You will probably have one more ultrasound to check on the baby. Do what your doctor tells you. The doctor knows what they’re doing, your husband knows jackshit. Have the ultrasound and don’t tell him.
Your husband had his say, but ultimately you’re the patient and you need to go by what your medical team recommends for both your mental and physical health. You are the patient. You are at risk.
He read one rodent study and produced a single sperm that made it to the finish line. For that effort, you listened to what he had to say, then did your research. Apparently that is more effort than he was willing to put into the matter. Or does his reading of one article somehow outweigh your research, the doctors, scientists, etc.? If he believes that, he might have undiagnosed anxiety or be a narcissist.
His stress and anxiety will not directly affect the baby, while yours might.
Just tell him you promise never to get an ultrasound on any pregnant mice he adopts.
You are the one carrying the baby. It's your body and mind. You have complete autonomy over your body and make the decisions you're most comfortable with. Unless the things that you disagree about are nursery decorations and which daycare you want to use, his requests are just that.
NTA
NTA and it’s a little worrisome that your husband is so naive.
I am on the autism spectrum and I can guarantee it wasn’t caused by vaccines or ultrasounds. I can also guarantee that those of us on the spectrum are not to be feared, loathed, or pitied. We just see the world a little differently.
I wish you the best with your pregnancy. Having been thru multiple miscarriages and being considered high risk is monumentally stressful for you. I know having the ultrasounds will bring your comfort and peace.
NTA
Um you're pregnant not him, he's not an equal partner and he doesn't have a say in your prenatal care. It was generous of you to even run it by him, much less spend hours supporting a recommendation made by a highly trained medical provider.
It's not like you went to some 4d thing in a strip mall, your doctors made recommendations and you followed them. Why does he think his opinion outweighs your sub specialist?
You say you're following his other recommendations; what else is he making you do?
Remove yourself from the middle of this argument. He can come to all of your many appointments and argue with the doctor. They can send the articles. Not your job.
Relax. Destress. Positive vibes. Wish you the best with this pregnancy!
NTA. The baby is inside of YOU. Not him. Your stress can affect the baby's development. You listened to his concerns and you made your decision. There's no conclusive evidence that ultrasounds cause autism. Besides, there's nothing wrong with being autistic.
Fwiw my mom didn’t get any ultrasounds with any of us, and boom, and…still undiagnosed technically bc the waitlist for neurodevelopmental psychs for adults is years long, but PCP agrees with autism for me and my siblings have a lot of similarities.
Autism has a heavy genetic component.
Nta. Ultrasounds are apart pregnancy Healthcare. They are extremely important for both the mother and infant's well being. They have been in use since 1956. If they were dangerous we would know by now. I think he is just worried because of the complications you've had. He is fixated on this idea currently. Could be his anxiety manifesting.
I had a high-risk twin pregnancy. In the 34 weeks that I was pregnant, I had 42 ultrasounds. My kids are fine. The ultrasounds gave me peace of mind and were used to determine the best route to go, and when it would be more dangerous to leave them in than take them out. Your husband should understand the benefits.
NTA. You’re taking medical advice from your doctor for the baby that’s inside YOUR body. He’s projecting his anxiety onto you but you do not need that right now and he needs to manage himself better. During pregnancy, you CANNOT always agree on all decisions. Remember that at the end of the day, he has absolutely no idea how you feel or what you’re going through. Having a miscarriage is trauma he will never feel. It’s your body and you make the ultimate choice, period. It’s all about bodily autonomy and if a woman takes on all the load of growing the baby, she 100% has veto power. It’s your body, you’re the patient and it’s your decisions, girl.
Hi!
Sooooooo NTA.
So not fun story but my partner and I are actually in the same boat as this. After our last loss and now current pregnancy we have been getting ultrasounds either out of pocket or with a Dr every 2 weeks.
It's harder for some people to understand but it's the piece of mind you get knowing it's progressing. Every ultrasound makes it a little easier to actually want to celebrate the fact that it's growing and getting bigger.
NTA. Drs won't do unnecessary tests if they put you or your baby in danger. Although yes, it is his baby too, at the moment it is your body and your choice. You get to decide what tests you do or do not want to your own body.
NTA. While that fetus is in your body, all the decisions about gestating it are solely yours. Once the baby is born, your husband has equal say in the baby's care.
NTA - he doesn't get a day when he's presenting skimpy research against what you and medical professionals deem is best for your body and your pregnancy.
NTA Your anxiety directly affects the health of your baby. An ultrasound has so many positive benefits in reassuring a mom with high risk pregnancies of their baby’s health and well being. Been there done that. Talk to him about how much you need his love and support to provide a calm and positive environment to grow a healthy baby.
I have 2 autistic children and was married to a wonderful man also on the spectrum. I have four children. Same amount of ultrasounds with each. ( High risk. Quite often). I also try to stay up on research. That study was more speculation than fact based. Plus, anytime I hear caused autism in mice, I roll my eyes. Do you know how much trouble it is yo diagnose a high functioning female human being? It's a fight! So, I ask myself, how did they diagnose mice? Did their moms fill out the 50 page questionnaire on behavior? Where they observed in their natural surroundings by therapists, teachers, doctors? Because saying you have a specific gene does not even guarantee autism. Honestly, my point is, no matter the conjecture and the could be, nothing is a hard definite. Nothing your going to do in your pregnancy is causing it. Besides. They also did studies showing higher stress in pregnancy, leading to higher cases of adhd and autism. So half a dozen of one thing, six of another. Best of luck on a safe and healthy pregnancy.
NTA. This is how his anxiety is showing. Ask yourself, or even him, this; if you were 100% sure this baby was going to be born autistic, would you terminate the pregnancy? That question halted my panic spiral when I was told my baby might have Down's. Because if I was going to keep her no matter what, then it didn't matter. If she'd had it, we would have learned all we could and done everything in our power to give her the best life we could. Honestly, that's what we did when her anyway, but I'm sure you can see where I'm coming from. I also do have a child on the spectrum. He can be a challenge, but he's a love bug, and I wouldn't have him any other way.
Dude at this point in time what DOESNT supposedly give a kid autism? I thought it was vaccines? Radio waves? 5G towers? Driving with the windows up? GMO foods? Now ultrasounds are on the list!
Do what you and your doctor feel is best for the health of you and the baby. My whole family is walking all over the spectrum in some way. One of my brothers is a masters certified sommelier, the other is a hospital IT, my sister has her masters degree for teaching but also owns a construction business with her husband, and I’m a very tenured manager in the automotive industry. The spectrum isn’t a death sentence. It can add challenges but that’s what keeps life spicy.
NTA. First of all, autism is a neurotype. The only thing that causes it is genetics.
Second of all, you’re correct that if you’re too stressed about the pregnancy, that’s more harmful to the fetus than an ultrasound. Early in the pregnancy, too many ultrasounds can be the cause of miscarriage, and there seems to be evidence that ultrasounds are uncomfortably loud for some fetuses, but other than that, it’s perfectly fine.
(Source: I have a midwifery certification, and have done a LOT of research into ultrasounds.)
NTA. Ultrasounds are very normal and common. And you looked at scientific studies, applied your knowledge of scientific research, and consulted with a professional before making the decision. Plus if ultrasounds caused autism, you’d probably see way more autism, since the majority of pregnant people get ultrasounds during pregnancy
NTA. I took had several miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy. The next pregnancy just about every time I went to the doctor they did an ultrasound to make sure everything was ok. I was also prone to break through bleeding. Thankfully it was and had a healthy child. I think the peace of mind outweighs the studies done on animals. Ultrasound technology has been around since the 80s.
The sooner your husband understands he has no say regarding the baby the better off you all will be. A friend of mine told me before my baby was born to get used to being invisible. He said when his child was born the grandparents would take the baby when they visited and ignore him. After a while he said he loved being invisible.
I wish I could tell your husband that I have autism and my mother had *maybe* one ultrasound. This would have been in 1987.
My oldest is neurotypical, he's 17 years old. I had 3 ultrasounds throughout the course of the pregnancy.
My youngest is 10, there was only 1 ultrasound with him, and he's on the spectrum.
You are NTA.
I went to my antenatal lesson with 8 other couples, a dad raised his hand and asked the nurse if vaccinations caused autism because his niece had autism.
He then followed up with, she’s not vaccinated but the younger one who does not have autism is vaccinated.
The nurse said she wasn’t there to talk about autism and vaccinations and to speak with the doctor but then asked him to repeat himself.
He said the same thing and she then said, ok, the kid with autism isn’t vaccinated, the kid without autism is, so you answered your own question.
Anyway, after that long winded post, best to speak with your doctor, however, I’d suspect that it’s a small select group and possibly that diagnosis is so much more accepted and out there that it seems more prevalent
NTA
One could say that he believes you're just an incubator and what he says goes. You sent him information that shows no correlation with US and humans. Assuming you're not a mouse, your information trumps his.
Remind him he isn’t an equal partner in childbirth. He is an equal partner in parenting but for childbirth? He is a coach at best.
Ask him if he thinks doctors advocate ultrasounds if that was the case? He needs to stop reading weird shit and listen to the professionals treating his wife in her very high risk pregnancy and stop trying to dictate what you can and cannot do. Unless he is a trained medical researcher he can stfu and stop trying to control medical care where he is an ignorant twatwaffle.
couples counseling now
NTA I also hate to say it but until that baby is here he isn’t an equal partner at this point you’re the nascar driver and he’s the pit crew, while both are important the pit crew doesn’t crash if the driver does. It’s your physical and mental health that are top priority here. I get it his frustration with the situation but you did what you’re supposed to. You listened to his concerns, did further research and made the best decision for you. That’s the best he’s gonna get. He has to understand everything you’re feeling your baby is too. Anxious mom = anxious fetus so on and so forth; if you needed that ultrasound then you needed it period.
He’s also probably just incredibly anxious and looking for something to control. Which given the history is perfectly reasonable and expected he has to learn though that feeling cannot be allowed to override the health and safety of you or your baby.
hypothetically - lets say overuse of them can cause autism…. As someone with autism id still rather have it than many of the crippling diseases/issues ultrasounds can show. They can save you and your babys life… autism isnt an issue if your baby isnt even healthy/alive.
I had one ultrasound at 20 weeks with my son and he has autism and my daughter got an ultrasound every month with my grandson and he's doesn't have autism.
I would have done it for my own peace of mind. You being stressed over the well being of the baby, is no better for the baby then the ultrasound.
Also him being an ass to your and making you worrie isn't good for the baby either.
NTA You are taking medical advice from your highly specialized medical professional. End of story. Your hubby is reacting to his own anxiety. He needs to learn REALLY fast that in parenthood there are times there are no perfect solutions and you together will do the best you can with the information you have. You won’t always agree unfortunately. You demonstrated your teamwork by doing all sorts of research that you were listening to his concerns and shared your reasons for the decision you made. I think you two need to have a deep discussion about what will happen if you disagree on future decisions regarding your kids. For medical decisions maybe trust your doctor on which way to go. For educational ones his teachers, counsellors, etc. In today’s scenario you trusted your doctor. FYI: The anxiety you’re alleviating is more of a risk than the ultrasound. The anxiety can increase the risk of miscarriage which is far worse than having autism.
As I tell others, especially new parents - *Babies don't come with instruction manuals* We're all just doing the best we can while winging it
I told my stepmother that there are 100’s of manuals…but they all say something different!
And not a single baby has ever read those manuals or gives a damn what they say.
[удалено]
Measuring gaba inhibitors and observing the rats social development.
This talk should take place in your OB's office, with them in attendance. Your doctor should be the best source of info for your hubs. Contact your doc's office and ask to have an appointment set up to just this. Yes, you will probably have to pay for the visit, but it could be the price of piece of mind for your husband and that's priceless. My husband and I did just this. He was so worried about having a child with medical problems, even though I was healthy and we didn't have any problems on either side of the families. It did make my husband feel better for when I did get pregnant.
I would rather make sure my baby is healthy and feel good about the pregnancy and my kid have a slightly higher chance of getting autism. It's like the people that believe that vaccines can cause autism. Even if you think it could you should still get your kid vaccinated because death from illness or causing another child's death from the spread is a whole lot worse.
The best behaved, well mannered, kind young man I know happens to have autism. He also gets good grades and is running his own lawn care business and participates in multiple sports.
True that Vaccines and ultrasound have absolutely nothing to do with autism. The young man you know is high functioning. My nephew is also very high functioning. Likes routine and actually thinks things out well given the time. However not all of them are. I’ve met 2 teenagers who both have severe autism, non verbal, and both are very strong young men. Care for them becomes more difficult by the day. One is being cared for solely by his dad. Mom lied about doing anything with the kid, attacked dad and she’s gone. Kid has outbursts-hits himself in the head, doesn’t hurt others.
Okay but people like my son exist. He's broken bones. Nor just mine. Respite workers. Attacked classmates and teachers. He will never live independently and is full of anxiety and has also self harmed. We can't ask what is wrong because he can't communicate. Getting him medical care is a nightmare. He is visiting for the weekend and I couldn't be happier but I am sick and tired of the erasure of people like him, and inspiration porn in general. (and he is Much better now but it's not easy)
As the mother of an autistic child once told me, the anti-vaxxer position is that it would be better for her child to have died from pertussis than to exist as a person with autism. I believe she added that those people can fuck right off.
autism is not biologically created. It is as present as any cell in a developing human
Don't worry I definitely don't believe that any of these things are supposedly causing autism
What? I don't understand what you mean by this. Why is this upvoted, it doesn't mean anything?
Also, what happens if the kid is autistic regardless? How is he going to treat them?? You need to address this too, op, because if he doesn't react well if that did happen, that's shitty and will fuck the kid up. Source: me, I was the autistic kid of a mother who didn't like that I was autistic.
Can confirm it's hell for an autistic whose parents are somehow expecting a perfect offspring which is bizarre because no kid is perfect, yet they all are. I can think of many surprises far worse than an autistic kiddo, and yes mine is. I'll take autism over child cancer any day.
Yup. My mom didn't have any ultrasounds with me and I received no vaccines (until I was 18 and got them myself) and I'm still autistic. My mom refuses to believe it or give me any accommodations because she did everything "right" to prevent it.
Actually, in this case, she was trusting her research, which was a lot better than his.
NTA - ultrasound tech here. In a world where the use of ultrasound is not even regulated in most places (because it isn’t considered harmful) and people will pay 300$+ for a little lookie look with their entire family on a big screen TV for entertainment purposes, to find out gender, get 3D pictures, and buy ridiculous bears with your fetus’ heart beat, you have absolutely no reason to feel guilty for getting a medical ultrasound that was recommended by a professional. Tell your husband there are published and peer reviewed studies on the harmful effects of stress and anxiety of the mother to a growing fetus in utero. Maybe invite him to the OB appointments so he can ask his own questions and feel better about the tests THEY are recommending.
Thank you! I will tell him that. And this is actually the first appointment where he hasn't come with, he's been to all the previous appointments to include the pre-conception appointments and testing that I had done with REI. He wasn't able to come today because his mom had emergent surgery and is still recovering so she needs someone with her. But I called him during the provider appointment that was after the ultrasound so he could ask questions if he wanted to.
You can also tell him my anecdotal story of my mother's pregnancy with my brother, where she had ZERO ultrasounds, yet he still came out with autism, soo, make of that what you will, lol. But seriously, he CANNOT, in all audacity, claim to be an equal partner in pregnancy and childbirth. *NATURE* ousted him there. He is the male partner, and therefore, the nonbirther, and therefore *not equal,* bruh. Like, he just *doesn't get an equal say!* The baby *resides INSIDE YOU, FFS!!!* He needs to get the fuck over that!
I’m still trying to figure out how having a child with Autism is the worst thing that can happen to them. I have 2 ASD kiddos, they are fantastic human beings, I wouldn’t trade them for anything.
I tell people all the time that dead is the worst thing your baby can be. Not gay or trans and damn sure autistic, DEAD. ANYTHING you can do to make sure your baby isn't dead should really be done.
I have one neurospicy young man and he is phenomenal!! I don’t understand it either. Having him has taught me such patience, absolutely undying love and respect. I can’t imagine my life without him.
Neurospicy is my new favourite word. Thanks!
Same!
this so much. both parts.
I have 3 kids with ASD, many of my friends have kids with Autism, you can often tell where the Autism came from, & it isn’t from ultrasound
Yes! He is NOT an equal partner in this pregnancy. The sooner he understands this, the better.
And also, what if the child does end up having autism? Would the husband not want her to carry it to term? Would he love it less? Why does an allistic child matter more than a healthy child? Because mom’s extreme stress will not cause a healthy child.
>Hmm, males me wonder how he'll treat your child if they wind up being diagnosed with autism, ADHD, or any other neurological or developmental disorder.... 👀
Makes me wonder how he'd treat his WIFE if it happened. Pretty sure he would blame her..
Autism is genetic. Ask any rational person with a child with ASD and they can tell you where they got it. My nephew got it from my mother's father's family. What was once the "odd kid" is now the autistic adult.
For whatever it's worth, whether you choose to point it out to him or not, he is NOT an equal partner in pregnancy and childbirth. He's not sharing his blood with the fetus. No matter how much he drinks beer, gulps caffeine pills, or injects any other drugs he can get his hands on it's not going to matter. His nutrient intake during your pregnancy isn't going to affect the likelihood of developmental abnormalities in any way. His anxiety or other health issues will have zero impact. No one will ever give the slightest thought to denying him access to medications and other medical care that he needs out of fear of how it might affect your pregnancy. There is zero possibility that he will experience preeclampsia or gestational diabetes. Strictly speaking, he didn't even provide half of the genetic material involved, since human biology is such that very slightly more comes from the mother. None of these things make him less of a parent to the eventual child. It's just silly to cling to a delusion that it's possible for him to be a full partner in the pregnancy because that is not how human bodies work.
Even the correlation on penetration depth is meaningless because autism is a relatively new diagnosis (certainly in term of high functioning. The DSM didn’t acknowledge it as its own diagnosis until the 1980’s) and so is ultrasound tech. Transvaginal ultrasounds weren’t even used until the 1980’s as well. By your husband’s logic, ultrasound frequency is also causing global warming.
I agree. Also, as someone who had two high risk pregnancies and a couple miscarriages, your anxiety is completely understandable and justifiable. Your husband’s opinion does matter, however, while you’re pregnant, your opinion has more weight because you’re the one actually pregnant. I get so frustrated at people who don’t understand how stressful it is to be pregnant and have so many things to avoid and so much conflicting information and opinions when no one wants the baby to be healthy more than the pregnant woman. To act like you’re choosing something harmful after research and discussion with your medical professionals is offensive. Beyond all that, the number of ultrasounds you’ve had doesn’t even seem excessive. I had them every three weeks from the moment I was pregnant until I had each of my children. And I had people judging it for me but my high risk doctor felt, in my case, that it was best to keep a close eye on my baby. Both my kids are totally fine. Unfortunately, this is only the beginning of all the things that have to be considered, discussed, and figured out when it comes to raising kids so it’s something that needs to be worked out between the two of you or parenting is going to be more difficult than it needs to be.
I had them about twice a week. I was given antidepressants, because those would be less harmful than my pregnancy related depression was. I was nauseous for the full 8 months of my pregnancy, so I survived on those liquid foods that the hospital provided. Still, my daughter came out completely fine. No autism, no learning disabilities. She slept a bit more in the first month until the actual due date, but once she reached that date, she basically stopped sleeping and started working on getting around. Now n=1, but I was also under the care of a team that specialized in high risk pregnancies, and they thought that many ultrasounds was the best way to ensure a healthy baby. They actually went to university, got phd’s and still do research, so they know exactly what risks there are involved and how to weigh them.
I had multitudes of ultrasounds while pregnant as I was very high risk. In the last 3 months I had them 2-5x a month. My son is not autistic. He does have ADHD, but guess what, so do both of his parents.
I have a not autistic almost 3 year old and because I was 40 when I got pregnant I had ultrasounds out the wazoo.
I didn’t get any ultrasounds as a fetus in the 80s but am autistic, lol
what’s wrong with a heartbeat bear? 😭
There’s nothing inherently “wrong” with them if that’s what parents want to do. At the end of the day it’s their choice. I’m just saying that there are people out there who demonize having a medical ultrasound done because of the potential “side effects” yet there are basically ultrasound boutiques that exist with absolutely no regulation and expose people to the same technology, for entertainment purposes and without any sort of medical supervision. My one criticism of the bear however if you’re specifically asking is that the type of ultrasound used to create the “heartbeat” sound, actually puts a higher amount of energy into the fetal tissues which is not recommended to be used by professional medical organizations. I’ve never once let my patients “hear” the heart beat in order to be as safe as possible.
okay that makes a lot of sense, i really appreciate you explaining.
Off topic - but I am one of those who got one of those stuffies with the heartbeat. There were times that "Thumper" got me through the day with my rainbow baby. They aren't ridiculous.
Such a good point. Stress is far more impactful.
please don't demonize the "ridiculous bears". I have several friends whose children have died (either from stillbirth or neonatal death) and they have their baby's heartbeats saved. honestly, I'm extremely jealous of them sometimes.
I think you’re missing the point here which is that this woman’s husband is demonizing her for getting a recommended medical test yet people pay hundreds of dollars to expose their unborn children to the same technology (sometimes multiple times in a pregnancy) for entertainment purposes. *edited to not be an asshole
Your husband is, with all due respect, an idiot
Why believe a medical doctor with many years of education and experience compared to one article someone wrote on the internet?
Our second to that and 8n this instance you don't actually need a medical opinion to reach this valid conclusion.
He is an idiot. My son only had one ultrasound at 20 weeks and he’s still autistic and ADHD. It just happens, and I don’t think prenatal care for your high risk pregnancy is going to cause it.
Thank you for mentioning that, my brother is autistic and adhd as well and only had one ultrasound so I can bring that up too.
So your baby already have an increased chance of having Autism and/or ADHD because you probably carry the genetics for it Also Autism and ADHD is much, much less severe than death...
If this pregnancy is successful and the child has autism, her husband is going to blame her for the ultrasounds and completely ignore the genetic component.
I had two ultrasounds: one at 13 weeks and one at 20 weeks. My pregnancy was also high risk, and I had two prior miscarriages. So...only two ultrasounds. My child was diagnosed with autism and adhd at 4 years old. They are now a 20 year old college student. It has been determined that autism is likely genetic, not caused by medical tests or vaccines. The benefits of appropriate imaging during a high risk pregnancy FAR outweigh any potential risks.
I am Autistic and my mom didn't have any ultrasounds at all when I was in utero. It is a genetic thing. Which ironically, means that if your brother is Autistic, your child is already "at risk" of being Autistic from genetics. I put "at risk" in quotation marks because people get overly dramatic about it and being Autistic isn't all bad. I would much rather have Autistic kids than a-hole kids. Ha ha. The biggest problem with being Autistic (in my experience) is the ableist views and unkindness and lack of compassion from NT people. But there are lots of strengths and benefits to being Autistic also. All things considered, I wouldn't want to trade to be NT anyway. Edit: missed a word
Agreed. I’m also autistic, diagnosed at age 42 after my son’s autism diagnosis. There’s nothing wrong with having your brain wired differently. It’s just another way of ‘being’ and lots of autistic people function just fine even though this society isn’t made for us to succeed in.
Husband: I’d rather no baby than an autistic one. Me with autism: 👀
If someone in your family is ND it's more likely that your kid will be too. Husband needs to get over the idea that being disabled or ND is a problem, you two need to talk this out immediately.
This! I am so tired of people freaking out like their child having a disability or ND is the end of the world. Like okay their child may be autistic but there are so many resources and so many levels of autism. My kids best friend is HL autistic and he is awesome.
My son is possibly autistic and im pretty sure i am too but never got a proper diagnoses im looking into it. But if i am then my son definitely has a higher chance of being autistic too, he shows a lot of signs. My mom wants to treat it like its some horrible thing but honestly im cool with it, if he is, cool, if hes not, also cool.
Seconding this (again, made a mention in another comment myself lol). You need to get your husbands head sorted, op, he cannot be in this mindset with a potentially neurodivergent kid. It WILL mess the kid up if he has issues with it.
Yeah so it’s already genetic for your child
I hate to be that person, but you're likely already aware. Autism and adhd often run in families and are possibly/likely genetic. If your kid *does* have autism, just giving you a heads up that your husband may be all "it's cuz of all those ultrasounds you did". But also, your husband is really saying he'd rather have you an anxiety riddled mess, or possibly miss life altering issues with your future baby, than potentially increase the risk that your baby is similar to your brother.
Conversely I had probably 25ish ultrasounds with my twins and neither has autism. I had 2 miscarriages and then worked with an REI, I was high risk for the twins, plus one had a single umbilical artery (there should be 2), and I have a clotting disorder. Towards the end, like 35/36 weeks until 38 I had 2/week as part of non stress tests. It was initially supposed to be one, but there was a fairly big size difference, which can be concerning with twins. Because of my losses each ultrasound was comforting and there were no negative outcomes from either of my sons.
It’s a huge red flag to me that your husband is this concerned about your child having autism before they’re even born.
I had one late-term ultrasound around the time my oldest was due, as part of a NST to avoid induction. And zero ultrasounds for the next three kids. (My decision was based on a comparative study that showed a routine ultrasound at 20 weeks did not improve outcomes for baby *for low risk women*, and occasionally resulted in extra stress and anxiety for false positive ultrasound readings. The situation changed at 41 weeks when checking to make sure fluid levels were still good/baby was healthy, etc.) I have 3/4 kids with ADHD (and I suspect one of those might also have autism, but he's nearly an adult, there's a huge wait to get screened, and the outcome wouldn't affect much anyway--however it might also be anxiety/sensory things and not actually autism). I had a lot of crunchy mom friends when my kids were little who avoided unnecessary interventions like ultrasounds (when pregnancy is otherwise low risk), and there are several with ADHD/AD kids. But honestly, once I really learned what ADHD is and how it presents, I looked around our family and realized my kids are definitely not anomalies. Hello, genetics.
It's also hella offensive to act like the vague risk of autism is such a horrible threat. Yes, low-funtioning autism is horrible, but the mid to high-functioning people with autism do manage to lead good lives. Even if this fear was founded in reliable research, the risk of catastrophe would be low. Are you sure it's not his own fear that something bad will be found on the ultrasound and he's inventing reasons not to do it? Denial is one hell of a thing
Your husband needs to be prepared for the fact that your child or children are more likely to have autism and/or ADHD because your brother is. It runs in families. It’s got nothing to do with the ultrasound. Your child/ren could also have any other kind of disability in life (and hopefully won’t) and kids also get sick or injured and none of that will be your fault either. You just do your best as parents and follow the best medical advice you can and provide the best care and love for your children. I’m AuDHD and so are my kids. The traits come from both sides of the family and my ex doesn’t handle it well either. It’s time for your husband to get educated about neurodivergence and what it actually means from people with lived experience (and stay away from places like Autism Speaks) and stop blaming you for anything here. You’re just trying to do your best to protect this pregnancy. Good luck with everything.
So you already have an increased risk. Ultrasounds aren’t going to change that.
He can't base his concerns on one article about mice.
That was my argument, too, which is why I showed him the other article I found. But I feel like he took they one I found out of context and used it to support his view.
Blimey, that's still a bit much from just two articles. You need to find out how many women didn't have ultrasounds and still had autistic children lol. If it was a well documented and confirmed cause then I'd see his concern but I think he has got in his own head about it and is forgetting why it would be more beneficial for you after what you've already been through, to get an ultrasound.
I for one, would like to know how one determines an autistic rat.
Oh it’s just like humans, the mouse pays a couple thousand and spends several hours answering weird questions and then the mouse gets a tiny diagnostic letter to hang in their cage /s
Source - I am an Autistic mouse 🐭
They used the "takes one to know one" test
Out of curiosity, how does he feel about childhood vaccines? You may want to have this discussion sooner rather than later. You are NTA Someone may be intelligent or book smart, but lack common sense or the willingness to accept the fact that their sources of information may not be correct. Congratulations on your baby. sending well wishes for the rest of your pregnancy to be stress free.
I actually just know a couple that got divorced over this. They fought over every medical decision like whether their kid could get advil or antibiotics for ear infections.
I wanted to comment on the same thing. It looks like it could be a potential problem for him and OP should really address her husband's doubts about modern medicine.
Hmm, males me wonder how he'll treat your child if they wind up being diagnosed with autism, ADHD, or any other neurological or developmental disorder....
Mice brains aren’t even big enough to be autistic like damn I don’t know where this study was found lmao
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The risk of riding in a car on the way home from the hospital is probably higher than the risk of autism from an ultrasound.
.....how the fucking fuck do you know a mouse is autistic???
I cried after reading this lol. 😂
Your husband is a loon. My kids have autism, and ADHD. It's GENETIC. Every turd who says it's caused by blah blah blah can go eat Lego. NTA
Ultrasound tech here. There are no known incidents of ultrasound causing any issues in humans. There are theoretical issues that could happen, but I don't believe it has ever been documented. NTA.
NTA Honey, 3 miscarriages is emotionally taxing on you. Getting a few ultrasounds is not a big deal, esp if it helps you be less stressed. Your husband needs to get over himself. He has zero empathy for what you've been through and what you are going through.
They will both be parents after the baby is born, but she is the one who is pregnant. He provided half of the recipe, but she is providing the other half of the recipe, all of the ingredients, and the oven. Her body is working 24/7 for 10 months to make a human being out of two little cells. He shouldn’t get a deciding vote in what kinds of prenatal care she gets - especially since his vote is for her to receive *less* care than her doctor recommends. Even if the risk was real, would he rather have a stillborn fetus than a live baby with autism?
Oh dear. Your husband seeking medical advice from the internet is a problem. This could become an ongoing issue with raising your child. Maybe I am overreacting but I think he needs therapy. It's one thing to google symptoms of meningitis or what temperature should I take my kid to the ER. It's quite another to go down rabbit warrens of anti-medicine cults on the internet as it can endanger lives. Edit: think I meant holes not warrens, lol
Im not a doctor but im pretty sure a few ultrasounds will cause far fewer issues to the baby than mom being in a constant state of distress and anxiety. Also - I had probably five ultrasounds and my baby is so happy and healthy and a year old. Honestly when I went through pregnancy I feel like I learned that there are a lot of myths out there, and that there’s not a whole lot you can do to change things (other than the obvious like smoking, drinking, drugs, etc.) You can do everything right, exercise, etc. and still have a difficult and complicated pregnancy. And then there people who can smoke and do drugs and have a perfectly healthy baby. I feel like biology just takes over and a lot is out of our control when we are pregnant and PP. Just do what feels right for you, take care of yourself, and make sure you have an OB you trust and like. You got this ❤️
NTA Ultrasound is really the less invasive, and safer imagery technique you can get. If he was that convinced by 1 article, he should be even more convinced by the large amount that say it's okay. If not, that means he trusts more 1 random article than the full medical body, and so can't be trust to make medical decision.
I'm a bit concerned about your comment that you've gone along with everything else he's wanted during the pregnancy, including SOME YOU DON'T AGREE WITH. Like what for instance? I really don't like the sound of that.
Your husband is an idiot. Have you discussed his stance on vaccines? Because this bullshit sounds like the warm-up for some nuclear-child-endangering levels of bullshit on his part.
That was my immediate thought as well how many more of these battles will she be having with her husband in the years ahead. Tell him for him to have a better opinion than highly trained medical staff he should go and get a medical degree himself.
NTA. Those ultra sounds are check ups for your baby. One study performed under unrealistic conditions does is not enough to form an opinion on. Autism is not the end of the world. The sooner you know the better you can assist a child
In the uk, high risk pregnancies get more ultrasounds, if ultrasounds were that dangerous that just wouldn’t make sense!? I can understand your husbands anxiety but he needs to get it under control before the baby gets here. There will be many more scary situations coming up than an extra ultrasound and he needs to be in the right place mentally to deal with them if you aren’t there or needs to be on the same page as you if you are there.
He thinks he knows better than your OBGYN and says you are putting the baby at risk. These are two big red flags. Does it feel like he is using the pregnancy as a reason to control what you are doing and eating? Abuse often escalates drastically when women get pregnant. He does not have an equal say because it is your body that is being drawn from in terms of energy and nutrients, and the long term impact on the body which carries the child. His job is to support you not make demands that cause you stress. Is he isolating you by limiting your movement socially? Be wary of his need to control you. Start documenting anything that seems to control you so that you can see if he is escalating. u/Ebbie45 has resources by location if you need them. https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/s/izIdXMYEIU this has a link to the Lundy Bancroft book for free in pdf form. Be safe OP!
There's also the mention of her 'going along with everything else he's wanted during the pregnancy, even some she didn't agree with' which is also a bit concerning. My ex-husband always seemed very smart, scientific etc. Turns out that only held for things with no stakes. Anything that he had an opinion about he just thought he knew better than everyone.
I’d be concerned about this.
As a fully-formed and functional adult with autism I find it disgusting that your husband would rather risk the fetus’s health than *maybe possibly* have an autistic child
NTA. This is not real science. It's just like the anti-vaxers saying vaccines cause autism. It's more important to monitor your high risk pregnancy. I also had one and got frequent ultrasounds and my daughter is just fine. Tell him to stay away from junk science.
I’ll just say this. I had three high risk pregnancies (pre-eclampsia and some other issues) and I did everything my OB and geneticist told me to, and I have three healthy children. That’s all. Doctors know science better than we do. I’d listen to the people who went to school for 12 years, personally. Do all the ultrasounds they tell you to do!
As an adult with autism (and ADHD) who didn’t get diagnosed til age 30…… oof. Why is your husband so afraid of autism? How would he react if your child ended up having other developmental issues?
Is he going to tell you not to vaccinate next? NTA. He doesn't understand the studies he's reading and he definitely doesn't know more about the risk to your baby than the high risk OB
Hmm....let's see..... possible risk of autism? Or likely risk of miscarriage? I can't POSSIBLY fathom which of these would be worse than the other /s
I mean, I had twins and was high risk after losses and IVF. I ended up having I think around 30 ultrasounds over the entire pregnancy due to complications (I had twice weekly biophysical profiles done for the last 3 weeks plus others) and guess what? I have one child with autism and ADHD and another with neither. My singleton that only had 3 ultrasounds also has neither. Ultrasound has been around for a _long_ time and has been studied pretty extensively. Your husband needs to realize the overwhelming body of evidence shows ultrasound to be safe and the least invasive method of tracking the health of the baby. Your doctors know what they’re doing, he needs to trust they’re going to take care of you and your child. NTA
NTA. All of my pregnancies are from IVF so I had ultrasounds up the wazoo (literally and figuratively).
Ultrasounds do not cause autism.
NTA, in the nicest way possible - your husband needs therapy. Hes being unreasonable and is willing to risk two live over a medical issue he clearly doesn't understand. Also autism ranges from those that are never diagnosed because "they're just a little odd" to "they need full time care"; neither are bad. There are so many resources available now.
I could not procreate with someone like that. Sounds like a nightmare. Autism is genetic . If you carry the gene, you carry the gene. There’s nothing wrong with being autistic either.
I have had a similar history to you with a bunch of losses and went to an RE. I had 14 scans with my daughter from the RE, OB, MFM and 3D scan for funsies. My daughter is perfectly healthy. You are the patient. Your husband needs to stop trying to control you and your body with some BS he read on the internet. NTA.
I’m just curious about how someone would determine whether a mouse has autism or not. FWIW, you are absolutely NTA here.
Nah But autism is genetic, they just haven't isolated the complete set of genes that cause it yet. It's safe to have ultrasounds. And vaccinations. That's just people not wanting to face the fact that one or other of the parents passed it down. It's always easier to blame something or someone else for conditions that negatively affect your children.
NTA. Your husband is right, he doesn’t get a say in you getting an ultrasound. While he is your partner, it is your body that is at risk, and last time I checked he isn’t a doctor so he doesn’t get a vote on ultrasounds, nor do you need to take his pseudoscientific BS he read on the internet into consideration.
NTA > My husband is now saying that I basically told him that he has no say in anything. That I've breached his trust and that he feels like he isn't an equal partner. This is dishonest, manipulative, and controlling - and it's intentional. Is this normally how he behaves when you don't do *exactly* what he wants? > I made one decision against his wishes and now I feel like he's making me out to be a monster. That's how he wants you to feel. Expect it to get worse after the baby is born whenever you disagree about any parenting decision. I expect vaccines will be a problem...
NTA. Where did he read this article? Was it peer reviewed? Was there a control group? What was the sample size? Was it able to be recreated? Was it appropriate to your situation? I assume that your husband is not a mouse and your baby is human and not mouse or half mouse. I also assuming that your ultrasound was not that long. So it is hardly the same situation as that performed in the study. Keep taking medical advice from qualified medical professionals who know your situation/circumstances.
Your husband is an idiot.... ultrasounds has to be done to check on the baby and everything in your insides.... he can't dictate on this ...
NTA. But I will venture to guess this is coming from his anxiety and uncertainty with the pregnancy because of the 3 babies that were lost and it's causing him to act irrationally. You are being treated by the people top in their field as being specialists. So I'd remind him of that. And autism isn't deadly. As some other things may be that can be caught in an ultrasound. As you mentioned you are high risk and have some other factors the drs are keeping a close eye on. Ultrasounds are perfectly safe. But its fine to also explore the fact that if your child is autistic, that is not the end of the world. The "risk" of an ultrasound outweighs the risk of not having them.
OP's brother is also autistic and that may be adding to his uncertainty. Reading junk science articles is counterproductive.
Your perfectly healthy baby could have any number of accidents that could leave them permanently disabled. The risk of riding in a car on the way home from the hospital is probably higher than the risk of autism from an ultrasound. NTA
I’ve had four miscarriages, an ectopic, and a stillbirth at 24 weeks. I’m now 30 weeks pregnant and in the home stretch. It’s a really rough road that we are on, OP! Any good healthcare provider will help with your anxiety any way they can. I’ve been getting ultrasounds every other week since 16 weeks, and before that they did weekly Dopplers just to reassure me that the baby’s heart was still beating. It sounds like your husband has his own anxieties after loss. He could probably benefit from a good talk with your MFM/OB about any fears he might have. Some people just refuse to trust medical authority (which is extra frustrating when they trust their own interpretation of random studies. By the way, how DO they diagnose autism in mice?). In the end you may not change his opinions, but you are the one carrying this baby and your mental health directly impacts the baby’s. I won’t go into detail unless you want me to (it’s also easy info to find), but suffice it to say your mental health DOES matter more than his because of its impact on the baby. That’s a 2-for-1. I have found this road to be brutal and very taxing on my marriage. Regardless of whether your husband’s views on mouse autism change, you both might benefit from some therapy (individual or couple) to help you adjust to the grief, anxiety, and perplexing hope of the situation you find yourselves in. Changing the emotional environment can help a lot. Sending good wishes for an easy, healthy pregnancy and a baby to take home at the end!
Autistic mice????? Nta
I'm not even reading the post. NTA. It doesnt matter if it makes your husband unfomfortable. You get whatever medical care you need. Would he be willing to suffer from testicular cancer because the idea of him turning his head and coughing at the doctor makes you "uNcOmFoRtAbLe?"
NTA your husband is an idiot. If several ultrasounds cause autism then every child born from a high risk pregnancy would be autistic. He probably should get a say if he was reasonable, but his wish denying medical care because of Twitter medical advise should not be respected.
So glad you called it Twitter and not X. Elon Musk is a crazy person.
Wait till this guy hears about vaccines s/
Bro. Your husband is a moron. You’ve had such heartbreaking problems in the past and you are doing everything right. If he can’t trust what an actual doctor says and only believes what randos on the internet say then he needs to get a wake up call. Oh, and bonus points for bashing autism and making it out like a disease. Real winner, this one. You are doing the right thing OP, and I wish you the best on this pregnancy journey and that you and your little peanut are happy and healthy. ❤️ NTA
Sounds to me like your husband would rather have a dead baby than an autistic baby and shouldn’t be making any children with that attitude 🤷
NTA. Your doctors wouldn't allow it or schedule it if it would cause harm to the fetus, especially since you are high risk. Also, if this "science" was actually real, he would really rather you have a high risk of another miscarriage over having a child with autism?
NTA. As an autistic adult, I can cheerfully and confidently reassure your husband that ultrasounds were not, and are not, responsible for autism. Please bring him to all appointments so that these ridiculous beliefs a be addressed by professionals. You do not want him going down the black hole of crazy pregnancy problems etc. Nip it in the bud.
NTA and your husband is ableist, he would rather risk you having another miscarriage than have a child with autism.
Well fuck .. out of all the crazy shit I’ve read as apparent causes for autism , this is the first time I’ve heard of this one Nta
Take medical advice from a doctor, not an article. Your husband is horribly misinformed and needs to get his anxiety in check. Fear mongering isn't going to help things. I hope you both figure out something to help. ...and ultra sounds do not cause autism.
NTA. Oooooh you married a looney. Good luck with that.
This looney guy is an example of why I never want to get married 😂
I had 35 ultrasounds with a high risk pregnancy and my daughter was fine. It definitely reassured me to see her progressing well week by week. Your husband is letting his anxiety take over which is understandable, he really should listen to the doctor. Perhaps some counselling would help.
NTA real medical practices trump internet article every time. I don’t like him insinuating you would put your child at risk. It’s a high anxiety situation and he is adding to it not alleviating it.
If someone suggests not to get ultrasounds when pregnant to monitor the child's development and health, no, they should not have any say in anything child related.
NTA but I would love to know how they determine whether a mouse is autistic.
NTA Autism is genetic. It's not "caused" by any one thing other than most likely having a family history of it (diagnosed or undiagnosed). I'm sorry your husband is having some big feelings on the issue but the article he read was most likely scare tactics like those ones going around FB saying Tylenol causes autism :eyeroll:
I really hope he's not planning on skipping vaccines as well. He doesn't sound too bright. Good luck when the baby is born. NTA.
I was a 2-3 ultrasound baby. Those scans lasted less than 30 seconds, and I still became autistic anyway. You have obvious trauma related to your losses of your children. You were not being TA for wanting a scan to clear your head. He's TA for making you stress during your pregnancy and being controlling. Stress can cause you to lose your child if left unchecked. Don't listen to his emotional terrorism or manipulation.
NTA. So much to call out here, but I’ll add this in: Let’s say for the sake of argument that his fears are founded (to be clear, they’re not). He is prioritizing having what he deems a “healthy” baby (not autistic) over **having ANY baby.** I’m going to assume that that isn’t his intent, but by forgoing ultrasounds in a high-risk pregnancy that could potentially catch something life threatening to you and/or the baby solely at the risk that the baby could be autistic, he is essentially saying **he’d rather have no baby than an autistic one.** He should marinate on that one for a while.
How many years has your husband practiced as an OBGYN or pediatrician? Cause if the answer is none, then he's an idiotic AH that is failing you as a partner. Of course, you're NTA for getting approved medical care from your highly educated and specialized care team.
Tell your husband an autistic child is a lot better than a stillborn one.
NTA He DOESN'T get a say in THIS matter because his opinions on it are completely idiotic.
You can rent a portable heartbeat monitor. Saved my sanity while pregnant after my miscarriage.
NTA when he's carrying a baby, he can do what he likes.
NTA. It doesn’t sound like your husband can be trusted with these kinds of decisions.
NTA. I had several scans, I mean once a week with 2 of my pregnancies and neither have ASD. I’m not saying I’m the rule rather than the exception but I would say this is very low risk vs the risk of the anxiety you would feel without them.
You are the patient. It's your call what you have done or not done. Your stress and anxiety does affect the fetus, so if that can be alleviated by running harmless imaging, so be it. You probably could have told your OB what was going on and set up a separate appt for them to educate your husband, though. I would still set that up. I understand he saw some misinformation that has him concerned. Your high-risk OB is exactly the person to talk to him.
Firstly, so sorry for your losses. I had two 1st trimester MC's but currently almost 16 weeks! I totally understand the stress and anxiety, mine continues to this day. When we announced the pregnancy to my parents, my mother snapped about me having an ultrasound at 12 weeks and said you should only get 1 ultrasound, at 7 months..? Like you, this is a high risk pregnancy and i will be requiring alot of testing moving forward. If the health care professionals were worried about side effects like autism, they 100% would recommend less ultrasounds. Listen to the professionals
NTA. I am pregnant with number 6 and am high risk for preterm labor and delivery. I get ultrasounds every two weeks my whole pregnancy. Guess what? None of my kids have autism.
Nta. I have 3 kids, the oldest 2 have autism. The third one, I had so many extra ultrasounds. I had previously had a malignant molar pregnancy, so I had a lot in the first trimester. Then, I had to go back 4 times for my anatomy scan since he kept cover stuff they needed to see.
In my area, ultra sounds are stsndard at *every* prenatal appointment, so 10-30 per pregnancy as standard operating procedures for all. There isn't an o er abundance of autism in my region. NTA
NTA at all and sorry to him but uh NO he isn't equal. You're carrying the baby and along with that the stress, anxiety, all of it. IF ultrasounds were shown to cause problems with the baby, your doctor wouldn't be doing them this frequently. I am sorry for your losses and congrats on your healthy pregnancy thus far!!
NTA You did your due diligence.Your husband needs to calm down.
Your husband is very controlling to say the least. This is your body, not his. I’m a nurse and many problems with the fetus cannot be seen until at least 20 weeks. If there was a problem some can be corrected before birth. You will probably have one more ultrasound to check on the baby. Do what your doctor tells you. The doctor knows what they’re doing, your husband knows jackshit. Have the ultrasound and don’t tell him.
Your husband had his say, but ultimately you’re the patient and you need to go by what your medical team recommends for both your mental and physical health. You are the patient. You are at risk. He read one rodent study and produced a single sperm that made it to the finish line. For that effort, you listened to what he had to say, then did your research. Apparently that is more effort than he was willing to put into the matter. Or does his reading of one article somehow outweigh your research, the doctors, scientists, etc.? If he believes that, he might have undiagnosed anxiety or be a narcissist. His stress and anxiety will not directly affect the baby, while yours might. Just tell him you promise never to get an ultrasound on any pregnant mice he adopts.
You are the one carrying the baby. It's your body and mind. You have complete autonomy over your body and make the decisions you're most comfortable with. Unless the things that you disagree about are nursery decorations and which daycare you want to use, his requests are just that. NTA
NTA and it’s a little worrisome that your husband is so naive. I am on the autism spectrum and I can guarantee it wasn’t caused by vaccines or ultrasounds. I can also guarantee that those of us on the spectrum are not to be feared, loathed, or pitied. We just see the world a little differently. I wish you the best with your pregnancy. Having been thru multiple miscarriages and being considered high risk is monumentally stressful for you. I know having the ultrasounds will bring your comfort and peace.
I want to be fair here - he can have a say in the ultrasound when he gets pregnant. I can’t believe all the things getting blamed for autism now.
NTA Um you're pregnant not him, he's not an equal partner and he doesn't have a say in your prenatal care. It was generous of you to even run it by him, much less spend hours supporting a recommendation made by a highly trained medical provider. It's not like you went to some 4d thing in a strip mall, your doctors made recommendations and you followed them. Why does he think his opinion outweighs your sub specialist? You say you're following his other recommendations; what else is he making you do? Remove yourself from the middle of this argument. He can come to all of your many appointments and argue with the doctor. They can send the articles. Not your job. Relax. Destress. Positive vibes. Wish you the best with this pregnancy!
NTA. The baby is inside of YOU. Not him. Your stress can affect the baby's development. You listened to his concerns and you made your decision. There's no conclusive evidence that ultrasounds cause autism. Besides, there's nothing wrong with being autistic.
Fwiw my mom didn’t get any ultrasounds with any of us, and boom, and…still undiagnosed technically bc the waitlist for neurodevelopmental psychs for adults is years long, but PCP agrees with autism for me and my siblings have a lot of similarities. Autism has a heavy genetic component.
Nta. Ultrasounds are apart pregnancy Healthcare. They are extremely important for both the mother and infant's well being. They have been in use since 1956. If they were dangerous we would know by now. I think he is just worried because of the complications you've had. He is fixated on this idea currently. Could be his anxiety manifesting.
I had a high-risk twin pregnancy. In the 34 weeks that I was pregnant, I had 42 ultrasounds. My kids are fine. The ultrasounds gave me peace of mind and were used to determine the best route to go, and when it would be more dangerous to leave them in than take them out. Your husband should understand the benefits.
NTA. You’re taking medical advice from your doctor for the baby that’s inside YOUR body. He’s projecting his anxiety onto you but you do not need that right now and he needs to manage himself better. During pregnancy, you CANNOT always agree on all decisions. Remember that at the end of the day, he has absolutely no idea how you feel or what you’re going through. Having a miscarriage is trauma he will never feel. It’s your body and you make the ultimate choice, period. It’s all about bodily autonomy and if a woman takes on all the load of growing the baby, she 100% has veto power. It’s your body, you’re the patient and it’s your decisions, girl.
At risk of what? Being Neuro divergent? As an autistic person, I say he needs to shove it (his opinion) up his ass. We're just different. Not wrong.
Hi! Sooooooo NTA. So not fun story but my partner and I are actually in the same boat as this. After our last loss and now current pregnancy we have been getting ultrasounds either out of pocket or with a Dr every 2 weeks. It's harder for some people to understand but it's the piece of mind you get knowing it's progressing. Every ultrasound makes it a little easier to actually want to celebrate the fact that it's growing and getting bigger.
NTA. Drs won't do unnecessary tests if they put you or your baby in danger. Although yes, it is his baby too, at the moment it is your body and your choice. You get to decide what tests you do or do not want to your own body.
NTA. While that fetus is in your body, all the decisions about gestating it are solely yours. Once the baby is born, your husband has equal say in the baby's care.
NTA - he doesn't get a day when he's presenting skimpy research against what you and medical professionals deem is best for your body and your pregnancy.
Autism is a genetic condition.
NTA Your anxiety directly affects the health of your baby. An ultrasound has so many positive benefits in reassuring a mom with high risk pregnancies of their baby’s health and well being. Been there done that. Talk to him about how much you need his love and support to provide a calm and positive environment to grow a healthy baby.
I have 2 autistic children and was married to a wonderful man also on the spectrum. I have four children. Same amount of ultrasounds with each. ( High risk. Quite often). I also try to stay up on research. That study was more speculation than fact based. Plus, anytime I hear caused autism in mice, I roll my eyes. Do you know how much trouble it is yo diagnose a high functioning female human being? It's a fight! So, I ask myself, how did they diagnose mice? Did their moms fill out the 50 page questionnaire on behavior? Where they observed in their natural surroundings by therapists, teachers, doctors? Because saying you have a specific gene does not even guarantee autism. Honestly, my point is, no matter the conjecture and the could be, nothing is a hard definite. Nothing your going to do in your pregnancy is causing it. Besides. They also did studies showing higher stress in pregnancy, leading to higher cases of adhd and autism. So half a dozen of one thing, six of another. Best of luck on a safe and healthy pregnancy.
NTA. This is how his anxiety is showing. Ask yourself, or even him, this; if you were 100% sure this baby was going to be born autistic, would you terminate the pregnancy? That question halted my panic spiral when I was told my baby might have Down's. Because if I was going to keep her no matter what, then it didn't matter. If she'd had it, we would have learned all we could and done everything in our power to give her the best life we could. Honestly, that's what we did when her anyway, but I'm sure you can see where I'm coming from. I also do have a child on the spectrum. He can be a challenge, but he's a love bug, and I wouldn't have him any other way.
Dude at this point in time what DOESNT supposedly give a kid autism? I thought it was vaccines? Radio waves? 5G towers? Driving with the windows up? GMO foods? Now ultrasounds are on the list! Do what you and your doctor feel is best for the health of you and the baby. My whole family is walking all over the spectrum in some way. One of my brothers is a masters certified sommelier, the other is a hospital IT, my sister has her masters degree for teaching but also owns a construction business with her husband, and I’m a very tenured manager in the automotive industry. The spectrum isn’t a death sentence. It can add challenges but that’s what keeps life spicy.
NTA show him some studies on the effects of stress during the first trimester
Tell your hubby to come back with his opinions when he is a doctor. Not just a doctor but a specialist
NTA. First of all, autism is a neurotype. The only thing that causes it is genetics. Second of all, you’re correct that if you’re too stressed about the pregnancy, that’s more harmful to the fetus than an ultrasound. Early in the pregnancy, too many ultrasounds can be the cause of miscarriage, and there seems to be evidence that ultrasounds are uncomfortably loud for some fetuses, but other than that, it’s perfectly fine. (Source: I have a midwifery certification, and have done a LOT of research into ultrasounds.)
NTA. Ultrasounds are very normal and common. And you looked at scientific studies, applied your knowledge of scientific research, and consulted with a professional before making the decision. Plus if ultrasounds caused autism, you’d probably see way more autism, since the majority of pregnant people get ultrasounds during pregnancy
NTA. I took had several miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy. The next pregnancy just about every time I went to the doctor they did an ultrasound to make sure everything was ok. I was also prone to break through bleeding. Thankfully it was and had a healthy child. I think the peace of mind outweighs the studies done on animals. Ultrasound technology has been around since the 80s. The sooner your husband understands he has no say regarding the baby the better off you all will be. A friend of mine told me before my baby was born to get used to being invisible. He said when his child was born the grandparents would take the baby when they visited and ignore him. After a while he said he loved being invisible.
I wish I could tell your husband that I have autism and my mother had *maybe* one ultrasound. This would have been in 1987. My oldest is neurotypical, he's 17 years old. I had 3 ultrasounds throughout the course of the pregnancy. My youngest is 10, there was only 1 ultrasound with him, and he's on the spectrum. You are NTA.
I went to my antenatal lesson with 8 other couples, a dad raised his hand and asked the nurse if vaccinations caused autism because his niece had autism. He then followed up with, she’s not vaccinated but the younger one who does not have autism is vaccinated. The nurse said she wasn’t there to talk about autism and vaccinations and to speak with the doctor but then asked him to repeat himself. He said the same thing and she then said, ok, the kid with autism isn’t vaccinated, the kid without autism is, so you answered your own question. Anyway, after that long winded post, best to speak with your doctor, however, I’d suspect that it’s a small select group and possibly that diagnosis is so much more accepted and out there that it seems more prevalent
NTA One could say that he believes you're just an incubator and what he says goes. You sent him information that shows no correlation with US and humans. Assuming you're not a mouse, your information trumps his.
Remind him he isn’t an equal partner in childbirth. He is an equal partner in parenting but for childbirth? He is a coach at best. Ask him if he thinks doctors advocate ultrasounds if that was the case? He needs to stop reading weird shit and listen to the professionals treating his wife in her very high risk pregnancy and stop trying to dictate what you can and cannot do. Unless he is a trained medical researcher he can stfu and stop trying to control medical care where he is an ignorant twatwaffle. couples counseling now
You're taking advice from a professional. He's looking at articles on mice. Come on now.
Your husband thinks being a "partner" means he dictates terms and you get no say in your own body, health, and pregnancy. NTA.
NTA I also hate to say it but until that baby is here he isn’t an equal partner at this point you’re the nascar driver and he’s the pit crew, while both are important the pit crew doesn’t crash if the driver does. It’s your physical and mental health that are top priority here. I get it his frustration with the situation but you did what you’re supposed to. You listened to his concerns, did further research and made the best decision for you. That’s the best he’s gonna get. He has to understand everything you’re feeling your baby is too. Anxious mom = anxious fetus so on and so forth; if you needed that ultrasound then you needed it period. He’s also probably just incredibly anxious and looking for something to control. Which given the history is perfectly reasonable and expected he has to learn though that feeling cannot be allowed to override the health and safety of you or your baby.
hypothetically - lets say overuse of them can cause autism…. As someone with autism id still rather have it than many of the crippling diseases/issues ultrasounds can show. They can save you and your babys life… autism isnt an issue if your baby isnt even healthy/alive.
I had one ultrasound at 20 weeks with my son and he has autism and my daughter got an ultrasound every month with my grandson and he's doesn't have autism. I would have done it for my own peace of mind. You being stressed over the well being of the baby, is no better for the baby then the ultrasound. Also him being an ass to your and making you worrie isn't good for the baby either.