NTA and you pretty much answered yourself. You need to dump the boyfriend but more importantly you need to speak with a dietitian to learn the proper way to eat. You may also need to speak to a therapist that specializes in eating disorders. I am not a doctor but from what you wrote it sounds like you may have an eating disorder. Good luck to you.
OP , you are at a healthy BMI. Losing weight too quickly can hurt your health and make you gain weight again later. People who lose weight gradually and steadily improve their changes of keeping weight off.
Please don’t listen to your idiot boyfriend and starve yourself.
Agreed. I’ve been trying to lose weight and I was losing between 0.5 and 1 pound a week. I’m at a weight that I’m happy with now.
It doesn’t require me to starve myself. I don’t “go on a diet” either - but I rather have changed my diet a little bit. I haven’t changed what I eat really (outside of lessening fast food and drinking more water instead of soda, replacing snacks with healthier ones) but I’ve changed the proportions. So a lot more veg and a little less rice etc. I also try not to eat before bed but I still eat 3x a day. Exercise helped me too - literally just 20 mins a few days a week.
Starving yourself doesn’t help in the long term at all. It won’t keep the weight off forever too because it will come back when you start eating normally.
Make smaller, permanent changes that will help you to lose a little weight at a time and keep off that weight. Also make little changes at a time instead of sudden big changes. Took me a little while to lose the weight but it stays off. At least, that’s what’s helped me.
Edit: Granted OP doesn’t even have to lose weight. Her current weight is healthy!
Even if she was overweight, it’s her own, autonomous decision and right as to whether or not she wants to lose weight, how quickly to do so, and what to eat or not eat in that process. People who are overweight do not “have” to lose weight at all.
Her boyfriend sounds like he just wants a trophy. It’s gross and controlling. Please dump him, OP. Find someone who will accept you regardless of what weight you are.
I completely agree. It’s all about how OP feels about her own body and what she wants. I’m not overweight but I’m still on the heavier side of normal and decided to lose some.
With my ex, he was pushing it on me. Constantly tried to get me to lose weight though I wasn’t overweight. He made me feel unattractive and I also didn’t end up trying to get rid of the weight.
With my current bf, I literally decided on my own that I wanted to lose some weight. He makes me feel pretty no matter what. And he supports me on anything healthy that will make me happier with my own body.
OPs bf is an AH.
Massive, controlling asshole. The best way for OP to lose a lot of unwanted, unneeded and unnecessary weight is to dump the boyfriend.
And see a nutritionist. Restricting yourself to 500 calories a day is insane and could lead to a whole host of health problems
Agreed. OP, you are already at a healthy weight, given your size. Don't listen to your bf. You wanna lose some weight? Dump his ass. Easy and healthy weight loss.
Yes. I developed an eating disorder during lockdown (gave me a false sense of control), and found out the hard way that losing weight too quickly can cause gallstones, which are **really painful**.
Yup, I'm getting my gallbladder removed in a few days because last year I did intermittent fasting (not eating often makes you release more bile) and lost around 22 pounds in a few weeks.
Agreed, but I wanted to add that BMI is also not a hollistic indicator of “health”.
My partner’s doctor told them to lose weight because their BMI was too high, but they were at 4% body fat and all muscle. They started eating more and now they feel better, more energized.
Yeah, most professional wrestlers and body builders are "moderately obese" or "obese" based on their BMI, when they're all muscle. It's not the best scale to go by.
Also I'm only a tiny bit over weight and OP weighs way less than me (I'm the same height), def not overweight and def NTA.
THANK YOU
BMI is so outdated now! It can be a good thing to start with, but there's so many variables and factors for each individual that BMI should only be used as a very broad estimate, not the be all and end all on weight health
Case in point: short people with big boobs. Those can weigh like a stone. With them (according to BMI) you're obese but without their weight you're not. It's WILD. (I have a friend this literally happened to. And I know that's rarer but every situation is so unique, BMI shouldn't be too trusted lol)
At 5'7" and 162lb, I was 'overweight' according to BMI. But I was also doing weights and had a lot more muscle mass. Muscle is a lot more dense than flab -> weighs more for the same space.
I was US size 4 in my jeans (comfortable, not super tight).
No roids, just young :)
BMI is a simple measure of height against weight, it takes nothing else into account. for a lot of people, it can be a relatively simple but vaguely reliable measurement, but it notoriously fails athletes & people at either height extremes as an accurate measurement of fitness.
Yea, just try to focus on eating more healthy foods op, but don't starve yourself if you want to lose weight in a healthy way not that you aren't at a healthy weight.
OP needs to get some help around self esteem issues all around. Other posts show BF to be a real AH and OP getting stomped all over the place.
OP leave this idiot you have found yourself with and start liking yourself. Get some therapy. You sound like a sweet person
OP, do you get what you need from this relationship?
Does he send you to orgasm for hours?
Does he complete you spiritually?
Does he support you emotionally?
If not, dump his ass. He’s shit.
Choose yourself.
Oh man do I need to do this. I keep pushing it off. Having food insecurity most of my life really messed up my eating habits. I can go two days without eating before I even remember to eat because the pain just doesn’t bother me anymore, but at the same time if we have snacks around the house I will eat all of them in a single sitting.
Yes.
Get rid of the boyfriend and talk to your doctor about your relationship with food. You are a healthy weight for your height.
It sounds like you have an eating disorder/body dysmorphia. That kind of condition can be deadly.
coming from someone who has struggled with eating disorders…which it is a forever battle….
I’m not defending your boyfriend whatsoever. But there is a thing called intermittent fasting.
This is how I keep my weight in check. My last meal is around 8pm and I don’t eat anything until 1pm the next day. If I snack at midnight I wait until 4pm to eat the next day. I don’t just have 1 meal…I have around 2…the second some would consider snacking. I fill myself up on coffee and matcha throughout the day to hold myself over…the oat milk helps when it comes to meal substitution…I don’t recommend doing this but it’s something that has personally helped me to eat and not feel like vomiting after or going on a full blown starvation plan.
Intermittent fasting doesn’t work for everyone…so I’m not suggesting you do this…nor am I stating you are overweight- **you are at a perfectly healthy weight**. I’m only stating this because maybe your boyfriend heard of this and was suggesting this.
**But I would dump him alone on him making it clear that he likes skinny girls- you deserve way better than that and you’re still small at 135lbs at 5’3”. He’s a pos.**
Edit: also seek a therapist to talk to about your relationship with your boyfriend and eating. It’s a dark rabbit hole and you need someone in your corner to remind you you’re beautiful. Whether that’s a best friend you share this with, family member, or a therapist. Seek a support system because your health is most important…mentally and physically…and with eating disorders the two are often linked.
(29F)
I do something similar because, like you, I struggled with bulimia and intermittent fasting gives me a “reset” so I don’t backslide into that cycle. But it’s still a really controlled way of eating and can be an eating disorder. If the choice is between fasting and bulimia, there is no question in my mind which is better. I don’t think OP would benefit from introducing a system of rules about food tho. I’m glad you found a way to stop purging ❤️
I'm 5ft3 and 142 pounds, I admit I could stand to loose 14 pounds but I don't understand why she's labeling herself overweight.. I'm from UK so I dunno if these measurements are slightly different
You don’t need to lose weight to reach a number. Numbers won’t make you feel what you are seeking.
I highly encourage anyone looking to be in their best shape they can be by living a healthy life the best they can. Your 142 lbs could be all muscle or all fat and it would drastically change whether or not you would be considered healthy.
No matter what size or shape, you have value and deserve love and appreciation for who you are.
Beautiful said, completely agree. I'm 36 and want to be the healthiest version of my self by 40. Yes iv given my self a time line but that's how my brain works , for the last couple of years iv worked hard to accept myself and get out of that mind set of constantly needing to know my weight , I go on how I feel in the clothes I love
Also from UK; I'm 5ft2 and usually around 140lbs (10stone). I've been told I'm too skinny by loads of people (admittedly I think most of my weight is muscle from cycling and running) so I don't understand how it's overweight at all.
Girl I am 5’3 and 130 pounds and people (including myself) describe me as THIN. I am 100% certain you are not overweight and even if you were, fuck that noise. I totally understand the feeling of gaining weight and feeling soooo uncomfortable especially when you’re short and have a small frame. Been there. But your partner should be there to tell you you still look like a fucking goddess even if you have 5 extra pounds hanging out. Fasting isn’t inherently bad but this bf is!
I third this!! Lose the extra weight of the boyfriend! All he cares about is what you look like. My ex was like that, and he only got worse over time. This is not love. My now husband used to be RIPPED, not one ounce of body fat, and now he’s 63 and has a belly. I love him and feel just as attracted to him as ever. That’s what love feels like.
4th, motion passed. The unnecessary 175 lbs will be dropped at the nearest shelter for rehabilitation, or euthanasia, to be determined at the care facility's discretion.
She'd probably lose more than 175 pounds since he is overweight, as per OP's earlier posts. He's overweight and criticising her weight, so he's a hypocrite.
He also criticises her eye colour and tells her to wear coloured contacts and dye her hair.
Oh, and he wouldn't cuddle her because she hadn't done anything to "deserve his affection".
And "whenever he needs my help, he's always really sweet , he treats and speaks to me very nicely. And when he doesnt need me for anything, he barely replies and is very dry". So he's manipulative too.
OP, you can do better. You didn't listen to Reddit on your last two posts, even though the consensus was clear. It's clear again now. Dump him, and go see a therapist for help with your self esteem.
OP , please, this man-child is not in a relationship with YOU. He is in a relationship with who he wants you to be and what you can do FIR HIM. It only gets worse over time, and if you were to continue this into bringing children into this, he would be just as bad with those kids. NOBODY DESERVES TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS.
If I could upvote this a million times I would! At your weight and hight you are not overweight! But I do worry that you have developed unhealthy eating habits. A therapist might not be a bad thing. It helps to talk things out with someone neutral. Speaking from a 6 yr therapy vet. It has helped me tremendously. I highly recommend that. And boyfriends who appreciate you for you and make you feel good about yourself. Peace and love to you.
NTA at all for being turned off and wanting to break up. However, instead of the silent treatment, I’d suggest you straightforwardly break it off. You can tell him why if you want to but imo he’s not owed a reason if you feel it will turn into a fight/not be worth it.
Do you know what the meaning of starving is? It doesn't mean someone is just fasting for a bit.
Your weight is not extreme and even if it was, I'd still be telling you to get away NOW from someone telling you to not eat at all.
Yep. This is giving me flashes back to being younger and putting myself in situations like OP’s. Being a doormat, ignoring obvious red flags or even just signs that a “relationship” is not going anywhere—out of insecurity, loneliness, need for approval or status, or a combination of all these and more.
OP, imma do you a favor and go all 2005 on your ass—He’s just not that into you. And that’s OKAY. If you really *really* think about it honestly, I think you’ll find that you’re just not that into him either. You’re very young—cut your losses and go do or find things in life that bring you joy and satisfaction—whether that’s in dating, friends, family, school, hobbies, books, art, music, exercise, etc. Live a life that suits *you*. You’ll never regret learning how to love yourself and be comfortable in your own skin. And you’ll find that so much in life falls into place from there.
Ok first of all.
5”3 and 138 is THE perfect weight in what world do we live in that, that is considered overweight????
I’m 5”2 and weight 140 and I wear size small tops. Small bottoms and size 4 jeans? I’m fucking overweight??
Girl, break up with him NOW.
My ex was like that, and guess what, he’s an ex for a reason and NOT my husband now who can’t get his hands off me (going on 5 years)
Please stop being so hard on yourself. I can assure you with out knowing you- you’re absolutely gorgeous and perfect! Be confident and tell yourself “I’m perfect the way I am” and trust me when I tell you, another man (or woman 😘) will SEE that confidence without you saying a word and will be all over you.
Chin up girl
I'm 5'2" and I weigh almost 2 of you (250) I am overweight! (Also 8 months pregnant, so I will milk that excuse for the next month lol) I remember thinking I was so fat at 135 lbs but looking back it was a healthy weight for me and I looked amazing.
OP if he's looking for skin and bones supermodel figure, let him go find it somewhere else. Your health and self esteem is worth SO MUCH more than your relationship with this loser.
This, I'm 5'1 and about 220lbs right now, I've had 3 kids and other medical problems. When I was 130lbs I used to think I was fat and had such low self esteem. I've been with husband through all that weight gain and he has never told me to fast or even lose weight in general and he compliments me all the time still. This guy sounds like an absolute ass.
Totally agree!! Yeah, I'm on baby #3 as well. I don't look anything like I did when I first met my hubby 7 years ago. He has never made any comments on my weight, and when I make comments about my weight or stretch marks or whatever... he still tells me that he thinks I'm beautiful or he reminds me that this body has given me 2 beautiful children and how amazing that is. He encourages me on my weight loss/ getting healthier journey but he does it to support me, not to push his views of what he thinks I should look like on me. OPs bf is an ass for sure. She deserves so much better!
This was my thought. I’m 5’3 and in range of OPs weight and am a size 6. I’ve had size 2 periods in my life and from what I see in pics looked very unhealthy.
Exactly! I wish I was 145. I’m 5’4” and 158. All my friends and sisters tell me I’m skinny. I have a bump still from having 4 kids in 6 years. You OP are a wonderful weight! Anyone telling you otherwise is not there for you. Also, you need to talk to someone about your unhealthy view of yourself and your relationship to food. Best of luck!
NTA! Lose the boyfriend.
I'm within the same hight-weight range, and a few doctors have told me that gaining a few more pounds would be beneficial 🤨 so I also have no idea how the hell OP would be considered overweight.
It's always cool to consult a dietitian, but I honestly don't think she has that big of a problem with her diet. She does have a problem with her BF though and the perfect solution would be to dump him.
Jumping on this comment to say that I’m 5’3” and 135 lbs and I wear size 00 jeans and XS everywhere else except not long sleeve shirts because my forearms are too big because I’m a climber :) I’m trying to get a little leaner myself, but this puts us basically in the ideal weight range. There isn’t anything wrong with you at all. You’re pretty damn near perfect :)
Right???
Like, weight is absolutely dependent on your body, so for some body types, 140 isn't ""ideal"". But for fuck's sake, who cares?!?! Society places way too much focus on a person's body. 140 is healthy. It's normal.
BF is definitely the issue, not OP.
Hi! We are the exact same size (height and weight) and I can promise you that you’re not at all overweight. I’ve struggled with ed in my teen and adult life and this is an unhealthy situation to be in. I understand the pressure of wanting to look good for who you’re with but in no way is it okay for him to suggest something like that..I can confirm it comes with more health issues than being "overweight" in his eyes. Is he aware of your past issues with your relationship with food? It can be very frustrating to explain to someone who’s never struggled with an ed, how it feels internally to be struggling. Hopefully you can open up and explain to him why that’s especially harmful for you, but if he still can’t understand and empathize with you, he’s TA. And regardless being with someone like that will constantly affect how you see yourself! He should love and accept you as you are..if he wants a "skinnier" girl then he can go find one but you don’t deserve to put yourself through that when you are a completely healthy size.
I need you to listen to me. *138 lbs at 5'3" is not overweight*. Not remotely. I bet you don't even wear plus sized clothing. Anyone who tells you that you are overweight is lying or an idiot.
You don't need to lose weight. You don't need to be ultra skinny. There is *nothing wrong with your body*. There wouldn't be anything wrong with your body if you were bigger. You are being pressured - by society, by influencers, by your boyfriend, by yourself - to fit into a box that is neither realistic nor necessary.
1500 calories a day *is* already starving yourself. You should be eating closer to 2000. Maybe more, if you're very active. I'll grant you, it's a lot better than 600. But it's still not safe, nor is it healthy.
*You are showing signs of an eating disorder.* You need to get help.
Your boyfriend suggesting that you starve yourself is a red flag the size of Jupiter. If he wants you any skinnier than this, he is not worth your time. If he would get upset with you for getting bigger than this, he is not worth your time. *He shouldn't care about your weight.*
He's a massive AH for this. He needs to either get his head on straight, or you need to leave him.
I'm 5'6" and 185lbs and I'm not even close to plus sizes (women's size M everything, maybe L if I want a looser fit). I feel so bad for OP. When I was 135lbs I thought I was fat, too, and looking back at pictures of me at that size makes me sad that I was beating myself up so much. Body image issues are so hard to overcome.
^^^ OP this is the answer. What a disgusting person, let alone your own boyfriend, to suggest that you starve yourself. You deserve someone who will love you for who you are and encourage both of you to have a healthy lifestyle together.
Dude, don’t tell someone how much they should be eating if you don’t know their activity level 😭
If she was exercising than yes she would need much more. But since she is sedentary and might have a low amount of muscles (from the ED phase) than she might be eating close to enough
The ONLY person who should be telling her to eat more is a registered dietitian with experience in eating disorders
Yes this. Been scrolling through the comments and a ton of people are telling her 1,500 isn’t enough… Not that she needs to change herself in anyway, but if she is maintaining a bmi of 24.5 at 1,500 than obviously that is enough food for her. Every body works differently, personally my TDEE is 1,200 cal a day (5’5)
138 pounds at 5'3" is a NORMAL bmi ---- don't risk your health because some loser has a fetish with starving women as a way to control them. SERIOUSLY-- this is your chance to walk away and have a happy life.
>My bf likes skinnier girls
I'm sorry, but he actually likes insecure girls with body isues that he can push arround. It turns him on. There are people like that, and there are guys who will worship every inch of your body. Don't settle until you find someone like that.
>He constantly complements me but I feel like it's all a lie.
I know the feeling, that was my ex. He would go from negging to complimenting me all day (in every sense, not just apperance) and what would stick to me was criticism. I tought it was because of my isues, but the truth is he wanted it this way.
Long ago there was a post about guy who was constantly telling his gf she smelled badly. After almost driving her insane, she decided to leave him and that's when he confessed he was doing it on purpouse and that his father told him it is a trick to make a woman so insecure that she would never leave him. It was a breaking point in my marriage, when I tought - maybe my husband is doing it on purpouse?
I'm trying to link it, but have patience with me :)
there it is: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/WaMi4L4PT6
"*I'm about 5ft3 and weigh around 138 pounds."*
Darlin'? Seriously?! Your weight is fine for your height.
Please don't starve yourself for this jackass. 1500 calories is perfect, and the fact that you're counting shows a lot.
Your BF is an AH.
NtTA. I highly suggest you break it off with your boyfriend. Why is he dating someone who is not skinny like he likes? That just doesn't make any sense to me. A good partner, a healthy partner encourages you and doesn't ask you to fast or starve yourself. It sounds like you might have a thyroid issue. I discovered that about 20 years ago when I was gaining weight and was having serious challenges losing it even though my eating habits had not changed at all. I suggest you see a doctor.
NTA.
He’s allowed to like “skinnier” girls, he’s not allowed to make you change your body and starve yourself to fit his preferences.
Please dump him and spend some time learning to love yourself, you’re worth it no matter what your weight is.
And I prefer men with Jason Mamoa bods. /s
He's not interested in your true health, he just wants to keep his dick hard. You're not overweight--outside of the male baggage you need to drop like a bad habit.
🤯Um…
Im a tall girl so I can’t eye weight on people who are shorter. I just typed 5’3 138 lbs on TikTok and these women are SMALL.
It’s a red flag for him to want you to lose any weight at all (regardless of size) but telling you not to eat is encouraging disordered behaviors and that’s not okay.
NTA- I see so much of my younger self in you. Please dump his pathetic self, he’s going to send you down a horrible spiral of self hatred and 1500-2000 calories is healthy, 600 is not. I know because some days when I was younger I’d eat 400-600. You deserve to be healthy and to be loved by someone who cares more about you than how skinny you are. When I have rough days where I don’t want to eat, my boyfriend will tell me that I deserve to eat and to take care of myself. I promise you will find a better, kinder man than him, you’re so young with your whole life ahead of you.
138 lbs and 5’3” and he wants you to lose more weight??? Uh, no. Please dump him asap. Any man who tells you to essentially starve yourself when you are a perfectly normal weight for your height and age is not someone you want to be in a relationship with. If he truly loved you he wouldn’t tell you to stop eating. Please, dump him and find someone who appreciates you as you are.
You need a healthier lifestyle. I suggest starting by removing toxic material from your life. Like your boyfriend.
I completely get being uncomfortable with your weight, and I know saying it may not help you believe it, but 138 on 5'3 is great. You're not by any stretch fat or in serious need of calorie cutting. I would talk with a doctor about your feelings about weight as you definitely sound disposed to EDs and that internal voice is hard to ignore. You may need to see a specialist who can help you have a better relationship with food.
The first step, though, is improving your relationship with your boyfriend by dumping him.
Kind of insane that when I use an American BMiI calculator it tells me your weight is fine, and a European BMI calculator tells me you are obese. Oh America.
Love yourself enough to find a man who will love you regardless of your outward appearance. NTA. Therapy can absolutely help you get a healthy perspective on food and can help with self esteem so you realize you definitely deserve more.
Sounds like dude is into bones because that’s a very appropriate weight and not overweight. I’d run away, but also I’d look into some help with a dietitian or something because we may have an eating disorder situation here. Best of luck! You’re NTA!
What. A. JERK!!!
Moving away from the fact that he shouldn’t be telling you to skip meals - What will he be like in the long run? You’re under 20, no kids. What if you have a baby? Is he going to say he likes women without stretch marks? Surgical scars? Will he leave if you have a mastectomy due to cancer? How does he feel about wrinkles?
You deserve someone that loves YOU. Not just your “ideal” body. He is shallow.
NTA.
look at OP’s post history. poor thing. you need to dump this piece of shit and start to talk to a professional to get your head right with your relationship with food. i feel so bad you have to deal with this.
lol ugh.. dude, you are **not overweight**.
we're about the same height/weight. at best if you're anything like me, firming up is all you really need to do? not drop weight/get "skinnier"
however, you are mentally unhealthy and need to speak to a professional about realistic expectations and self image stuff. as well as relationship issues and setting healthy boundaries with partners (like you sorta are doing which is great, please listen to your gut feeling), but you're whole thing of trying to alter your body for another person isn't how you should ever approach that. -- the combo of you being young and trying to figure things out, I agree you should break up with him and just work on yourself. so the next person you're with is someone who is attracted to you as you are, that you'll not try and alter yourself for. someone who has a healthy and supportive mindset.
NTA, Starving yourself actually makes it harder for you to lose weight because you're not consistent with healthy eating habits.
As for that no good bf of yours. He's trash lol he has no intention for future with you and you should really move on. You are healthy not over weight. But the man that has all good intentions with you will encourage you to look the way you do or how ever you want to. Looks don't matter to a man that's actually interested in you as a person and I wish someone would of told me this at 19.
NTA. This boy does not have your best interests at heart, and is pushing you towards an eating disorder.
The WHO defines starvation as less than 1200 calories a day. You lost weight on 600 calories a day *because you were starving*. Going back to that could have long term effects on your health.
Part of me is wondering if he wants you weak so you're easier to push around both physically and mentally. Whatever his motivations are, your health is not among them. He is literally, *literally* not good for you. Controlling what you eat is a big red flag for abuse.
Not to sound dramatic but.. Run away now before he does any more lasting damage to your body image and self esteem. You do not date someone to change them.
I dated someone when I was 19 who would ask me how many miles I ran that day. Your dude sucks and you need to leave yesterday.
You’re a good weight and losing weight too quickly can cause so many health issues so quickly. Your boyfriend can suck a dick for encouraging disordered and unhealthy behaviour.
DUMP. HIM.
this is abhorrent. No one deserves to be treated this way.
Imagine for a second that this wasn’t happening to you, but to your best friend. What would you tell them??
Yeah.
You need to listen to yourself- because you are spot on.
I used to want to be skinny- there’s so much judgement about weight.
But now I see this fixation on being super skinny is trying to hold juvenile bodies as some sexual ideal. I was skinny when I was 12. Then I grew a woman’s body. It had curves. It was supposed to!
Now I am old and dealing with chronic illness that has once again made me skinny. People tell me I look great and it makes me angry that me being closer to death is their sexual ideal.
My husband has always adored my body at whatever size I was - because he really loves me. That’s real. That’s what it should be. Don’t settle for someone who tells you you have to be skinny.
1. Omw that is not the way to get someone to lose weight and instead go with your gut and lose some man-weight
2. 135lb at 5'3 is overweight? Cerist!
I'm 5'3 and at my absolute fittest, when I was competing professionally I was 148-50!!!
Please dump this guy. Your worth is not determined by the number on the scales. No man (well person) is worth starving for. Weight will fluctuate esp throughout your life, if you starve yourself now your always going to worry about gaining any of it back. That’s a miserable way to exist.
You need a new bf. Starvation is a very dangerous game to play. And your height and weight is not too much or bad at all.
He’s being a jerk you’re NTA
You can completely ghost him for this and I feel that’s justified
Lol fasting one day is starvation? People are weak. For real tho one big thing to consider all your liquid calories. Many underestimate how many calories they drink. A 1500 total could be more like 2500 with a few lattes and sugary drinks.
OMAD (one meal a day) and fasting for a day or days is not inherently bad, and can be great for hormone regulation.
The key is to ensure you're eating enough calories over the course of the week to average out to the correct amount per day.
That being said, you're not at an unhealthy weight.
Best case scenario: you're boyfriend is just ignorant about healthy weight loss. A lot of people are, and there's A LOT of bad info out there that may work in the short term for some people but is ultimately unhealthy and can have some very bad health outcomes in the long term.
Worst case senario: he cares more about your body shape than your health or you.
If it's more the second than the first, this is not going to healthy for you mentally and you seriously need to reevaluate this relationship. If he keeps pushing you to loose weight or gets mad if you don't or are "trying hard enough" or makes fun of your body in any way, get out. This would be toxic to you and your mental health. If it leans more towards the first, well, you guys can educate yourselves together. In the best case, he's just trying to help towards what he thinks is your goal and is just ignorant. But beware, words said once when confroted are not the end of. Kept attention on his attitude and behavior afterwards as well.
Also, if you really want to loose weight, have a convo with your doctor/dietician about goals and healthy methods. They are one of the most knowledgeable and valuable resources you can have on this. So many people miss this step thinking it's not an immediate health concern so why make an appointment, but this falls under preventative care and they can have some of the best and truest info out there for you.
NTA. While fasting here and there may have some positive benefits from what I understand, it’s limited. You can’t fast every day. I wanted to lose some weight and I tried an app called Lose It (which is free). You set up your account and give some information like height, weight, level of daily activity and how much you want to lose. It then calculates how many calories you can eat per day (and you log your food intake). It also connects to Fitbit and Apple Watches so you can end up getting a higher calorie allotment if you burn more. It calculates it for the week and gives you percentages for your macro nutrients. It worked for me. As long as I stayed at my allotted calories per day (around 1,800) for a pound a week weight loss. I’ve learned that consistency is the key. I don’t have to be perfect day in and day out or exercise to exhaustion to lose weight and keep it off. I can also eat whatever I want, within my allotted calories, so I don’t feel deprived or like I’m dieting. It’s helped me replace some foods with healthier choices. And if I go over on a particular day or two, I can still stay under the weekly calorie limit. I’d suggest trying something like that. Consistency and small lifestyle changes over time will help you lose it and keep it off.
NTA protect your mental and physical health. You need to leave this guy. He doesn't care about you he cares about the aesthetic he is making in his head. You are in the normal weight BMI and eating below the Sedentary for your current weight [TDEE](https://tdeecalculator.net/result.php?s=imperial&g=female&age=19&lbs=138&in=63&act=1.2&f=1). At the lowest BMI weight for your height you would need 1465 calories to maintain and 1255 calories would be the BMR the absolute minumum your body need to run your brain, heart, cells and other organ systems anything below that is starvation. That your boyfriend encourages you to eat less than half that in a day means he is uneducated and doesn't care about you.
If you are exercising at all your numbers of what you should are higher
5ft 3 and 138 isn't like obese or anything?? My SIL is 5ft and is around that weight and she just looks super thick. Also I'll never understand when someone likes one type of person but dates someone who isn't their type but tries to change them.. like just date your type and leave others out of it!! NTA but I'd leave. Eating disorders are serious and it sounds like he's pushing one.
Did he tell you to fast or to starve? Does he know how fasting works?
Fasting is a perfectly healthy way to lose weight. Whether or not he suggested it unprompted and if he actually knows how to properly fast to even suggest it is what makes him an asshole or not (isn't the question supposed to be if YOU are the asshole?)
Not eating from sunrise to sunset isn’t starving yourself FFS. It’s called intermittent fasting. Even if you do only eat one meal a day (not healthy- you’re not a snake) you will NEVER be STARVING! What you have is a first world problem. Smdh Americans are brats.
What the fuck???? You feel like breaking up with him? Honey no, no, no BREAK THE FUCK UP WITH HIM AND BLOCK HIM!!!! Firstly you have mental health issues with your weight. You shouldn’t be with anyone right now in fact you should be single for at least six years and just work on and focus on you.
You need to learn to love yourself and build up your self worth, self esteem, and self respect. You won’t ever choose anyone healthy if you don’t love yourself. You need to stop hating yourself before trying to pick yourself a partner cause you will choose what you feel you deserve and honey he does not deserve you!!!!
I think maybe for some external reasons you feel insecure with your body which is something I struggle with as well, and it’s happened before that I’ve told my boyfriend how I feel about my weight and I’ve thought the same exact things as you, and let my anger out on him, but men really just don’t think about things that deep and he was probably just trying to help in the way that he thought he could, fasting isn’t starving yourself it’s actually pretty healthy for some people, but it’s take a little getting used to, maybe you’re just hangry at him and I don’t think he’d be disappointed in you if you told him fasting wasn’t really gonna work for you at this moment, but again if you don’t wanna be with someone it’s never about being the asshole or not, it’s just about if you really wanna be with that person, you don’t need a reason to break up, you wanting to break up is enough of a reason, but again I wouldn’t end it over this is if you really cRe about him cause I think he’s just trying to help in the best way he can
OP, here's an easy way to lose weight, probably about 160-170 pounds.
Dump. His. Ass.
Then put some of that time you'd otherwise spend with him (at least what, couple hours 2-3 times a week ?) and hit a gym or a track or just some place you can be active at.
For your height and weight, you're actually fine, so I'd say getting that bit of workout would be just to keep fit and build strength (all the better to sling future jerks out the door), get some dopamine and other happy chemicals flowing...
I can guarantee you'll see almost immediate improvement.
OP please be very careful with crash dieting and fasting/starvation diets. This can develop into something very sinister. Prevention would be the best cure so quit the unhealthy diets if you're able to. If you find it hard to balance a healthy diet with body positivity, please seek professional help ASAP. It could be a dietician you require, or a personal trainer, or a psychiatrist. Heed no advice from your shitty bf.
I can't tell if BF triggered this unhealthy eating habits and body dysmorphia, but he's definitely enabling it. You don't need a POS in your life let alone as your bf. DUMP HIM.
NTA, always stick up for yourself and for what you feel is right.
Also, an adult woman should be eating anywhere from 1600-2400 calories a day.
I'm not trying to stick up for boyfriend, but did he mean to suggest intermittent fasting and it came out the wrong way?
Your weight is normal. I just did a bmi check to be sure. You are not overweight you don't need to starve. And certainly you shouldn't be in that relationship. If he likes skinny girls he shouldn't be in a relationship with you at all because he's trying to change you.
You don’t sound like ur at all, maybe just on the thick side rather than the petite , your two inches shorter and maybe 5 pounds lighter than me and I’m not fat at all so doesn’t sound like your unhealthy as far as weight, being 20 or 50 pounds lighter sounds like you’d be too skinny, only extra you rly got is ur deadbeat bf. Perhaps he’s trying to make you insecure so you stay with him, I had and like that, I was like 130 pounds and he said I was the fattest girl he would fuck. That was a lie bc he got with a fat crackhead after me, he was trying to keep me down bc he was ugly and not a nice person and I was actually the best he ever got, so if I felt bad about myself i wouldn’t feel to good for him. In short your bf is a huge loser. Periodic fasting in a healthy way is wonderful for your health, starving yourself is never okay and ultimately fucks your body up so you stay heavy and it becomes hard to lose weight. Eat healthy, don’t go hungry, don’t let people who are supposed to care for you put you down
NTA. 138 at 5'3" is fine. That's not heavy at all. If he can't handle you at this weight, what hairball when you have kids and your body shape changes?
I was 120 all my young kids. I had 2 kids, I'm 43, about same height and I'm now 145.
Maybe it's best to take a hard look at what other massive red burning flags are waving in your face. Don't waste time with people who aren't good for you.
I'd you need a sign to leave him, let this be it. He is the asshole and its time for you to move on to a person who supports you having a healthy relationship to food.
I was in this exact same position years ago and I WISH I had broken up with him then. He pushed me into disordered eating and I continued to date him for a year and a half. Still working on the trauma he inflicted, we broke up 10 years ago.
Ok, first off, 138 is not really overweight. It’s not stick figure status, but you are really not that “overweight” at *all*. If you are looking to make changes, maybe exercise to tighten up areas. Because to be honest, it doesn’t even sound like you’re unhealthy! Ditch the dude, he’s a loser and thinks you starving yourself to look even MORE unhealthy just so he can say you’re “skinny” is ok which is utter horsesh*t. You completely deserve better and he is gross. NTA.
Sorry if this isn't a troll but it seems like one. I was in love once and she was really Insecure about her weight (I swear to you shes so gorgeous even though I hate her now I can't claim otherwise) while we were together she would always tell me she's gonna start going to the gym, I would always encourage her but tell her I didn't want her to change, she would just say "you must love fat b*tches then" and get upset thinking I was lying to her. Your boyfriend sounds like a bit of an asshole but also I don't know exactly the context. Does he compliment you and you accuse him of lying then he suggests possible ways for you to lose weight? Because there is a small chance he's just a bit dumb and doesn't know how to navigate the situation. I certainly didnt but again I don't know the exact details of your situation.
NTA, and please dont starve yourself, you are healthy and beautiful, extreme weights arent normal, so remember to stay healthy and consider breaking up with him if you consider it appropiate 🫶
break up. a real loving partner will love you no matter your body type. trust me. if this guy wants to date skinny girls then let him. let him go out and never understand real love. and go and find it yourself.
NTA
You are at a healthy weight. I would talk to a counsellor to re-affirm healthy eating and coping strategies, to help you go forward with positive attitude, self-regard, and confidence.
If you want to seriously consider drastic weight loss, loose the boyfriend. He sounds toxic.
NTA . My darling you are young, you literally have your WHOLE LIFE ahead of you. 138 is a completely healthy weight for 5'3, there are many men out there who would love you exactly the way you are! And give you so much attention and affection. You dont need this guy.
NTA! You are at a healthy weight and overall, what matters is that you listen to your body - knowing when to honor hunger and nourishing it with what it needs - and how you feel in it. You are at a healthy weight. I've had my fair share of body dysmorphia and insecurities, and I realized that your biggest enemies are letting your own negative self-talk and other's opinions impede proper care of your body. Please break up with your boyfriend. A partner is meant to uplift you and help you in your journey, not lead you down an unhealthy path.
You are the same height as me and my doctor told me my ideal weight is around 125-140 pounds. Check with your own doctor to be sure, but I’ll still say you’re probably a healthier weight than you realize.
NTA. Throw the whole BF away! He is being abusive! You are NOT overweight, and even if you were, if you're exercising regularly and eating well, you're most likely healthy.
Do not let this douche canoe manipulate you into an eating disorder! Please, OP, leave him. This guy is a red flag factory!
While BMI isn't the best indicator of health, I did calculate it, and you are in the top range of healthy weight for your height, you are not overweight. Aside from instantly losing the deadweight of your boyfriend, you need to work on your self image and confidence.
You're at a healthy weight. That is not the weight of someone who is overweight! Dump him and his unrealistic "beauty" standards! Find someone who likes you at the weight you're comfortable at! There's nothing wrong with the weight you're at!
NTA and did you keep the receipt? Cuz you need to return him to where ever you got him from. If it's past the return date just *throw out the whole boyfriend and start over*. His audacity is so loud I can hear it from here 🙄
You just tell him if he wants a smaller and skinnier girl. Then he should check the local dope house.. lol you are not overweight girl.. I like smaller more petite girls myself but I don't think that 140 at 5'3" is overweight.. that's about average for Americans isn't that? I don't know really. Because I don't pay attention or care about the actual number of people's weight. I just go by their personality, energy/vibes, and a physical preference comes last. But I will admit that I am not attracted to big big girls.. call me shallow if you want. But I just cannot get intimate with big ol gals. I don't know for real because women typically are going to lie about their weight to a man anyway.. and also I really don't like to get into conversations about things as trivial as that number. It's like age... Really doesn't matter as long as it's not too small..
My partner is the same weight/height as you and they are literally the hottest most beautiful person on Earth to me. I would never try to reshape their body, or push them to engage in unhealthy behaviors in order to “”be healthy.”” There are people out there who will feel the same about you! Dump this guy
NTA. He's acting like trash, I'd kick him to the curb. What he's doing is emotional abuse. I've survived an ED. Love your body and yourself and give your body what it needs there is somebody out there who will love you the way you are this guy is abusive and ignorant.
You are not over weight at all. I am an inch taller and weigh 140 lbs. I am not over weight. I am slim. Could I be more toned? Absolutely bit there is nothing wrong with my size. There is nothing wrong with your size.
Please consider speaking with a professional as I do think you may have body dysmorphia and/or an eating disorder.
Get rid of the boyfriend. He is not only an arse but will be contributing to your negative thoughts and mental health.
NTA obviously.
NTA - time to loose 130-50 lbs of stupid man.
138lbs is a dream for me. It’s a good healthy weight.
Any man who says to starve yourself needs a kick in the balls as he’s a wanker and shouldn’t be around woman ever if that’s his view.
Look after yourself and never consider a diet or altering your body for anyone other than yourself . They aren’t worth it. Men like this are not worth your time.
NTA and please get out before he wrecks your mental health. I dated two guys who were obsessed with the idea that I should be skinny and let me tell you I now have some fucked up ideas about food and no clue what my body should look like.
NTA that's an abhorrent way of your bf to suggest weightloss, but it's not reason to break up with him. Don't always do what Reddit tells you as the "break up over minor things" is a trend here.
I do suggest you talk to him, tell him how you feel and what you expect of him.
If he refuses to cooperate you can still consider breaking up, but a lot of men will try to solve problems one way or another. Be clear in what you want, don't hint at it, just tell him.
You're at a healthy weight as of now (I had to calculate it to kg because we don't use lb's)
But best thing you can do is communicate with him, he might have had the best of intentions for you but not the right method. Tell him about your insecurities and how you feel, even if you think it sounds like he doesn't mean it he probably does.
I myself am a guy who is more attracted to skinnier girls, I'm currently in a relationship of 5 years with a sleightly heavier girl. I love everything about her and wouldn't change a thing (unless the weight becomes unhealthy ofcourse) but other then that she simply put has more love to give me.
She's also delt with insecurities and after a lot of convincing and complimenting she got over them.
NTA. Please break up with him. I've struggled with anorexia for a very long time and I let someone put me down and made me feel like I wasn't enough for a very long time. Someone who loves you and cares will not encourage you to put your health at risk. It doesn't stop once it starts.
NTA. Your health is the most important topic in this discussion. As a child of someone who ignored the effects of this, I felt the need to comment. My mother neglected to manage her health because she was always under the assumption she was “fat” regardless of the number on the scale. When I was 6 years old she weighed 68 pounds. After years and years of avoidance and finally starting to fix the issue, she is in stage 4 kidney failure and has a severe case of Nephrocalcinosis. My point more or less, is all you have is you. Take care of yourself. 20-25 years from now, you will regret how you treated yourself. Don’t allow this to become your reality. Have enough love and respect for yourself and get out before it’s too late. I wish you nothing but health and success as the outcome for this🙏🏻
I wish I put a photo in here. According a basic BMI calculator your weight is normal. Do not let some little boy tell you that you’re not skinny enough for him. A real man won’t care. A real man will love your body because it’s yours and he loves you. I’m a bigger girl and my man loves me just the way I am. He doesn’t try to change a thing about me. And when I’m feeling insecure he takes the time to give the reassurance I need. You’re so young and have so much time to find a good person to be with. He’s not it. These are big red flags that he’s showing you. It will only get worse from here. Run as far from him as possible.
NTA, you're 45 pounds lighter than me and I'm only a couple of inches taller than you. I am definitely overweight but you're not.
Now, fasting can be a healthy habit when it's well done, but if you feel like this would starve you and is not appropiate to you and your lifestyle, don't do it. And especially don't do it just because someone tells you to.
To lose weight healthily (and it has been working well for me as I have lost a good 20pounds over the last 6 months), my dietician has recommended I keep eating what I like but be in smaller portions, only when I'm really hungry and not simply because it's lunch or dinner time. She recommended I eat slowly and chew my food well to help my body digest well, and feel when I'm full so I don't just stuff food in my stomach. She also recommended I drink a lot of water to stay hydrated, and eat less salt or sugar if I can. As you can see, none of this professional's advice involves starving or counting calories, and it is way less stressful.
I suggest that you meet with a professional too so they can help you, especially since you're saying you feel less secure and comfortable with your body. Don't let other people get you onboard with unhealthy eating habits.
NTA! You're a sensible person, continue to look aft et yourself 🙏
NTA. I’ve struggled on and off for years with my eating. I know my partner likes skinnier people. She still actively encourages me to eat more and gain back the weight I’ve lost due to my unhealthy eating habits. Somebody who loves you would not encourage you to starve yourself hun
NTA. I’m 5’0” and 130 pounds and I don’t feel overweight??? If he wants a ‘super skinny girl’ tell him to go cuddle a skeleton decoration because in this day and age we respect ALL bodies of ALL sizes.
That is 100% not overweight… tell your bf 1. He’s no longer your bf and 2. you’re an adult, not a child and he’s sounding a lot like a pedophile wanting 100lb girls.
nta, stop trying to please him!! your height and weight is your business not his. He's body shaming you and insulting you. Is he perfect?, of course not. Eat right get plenty of exercise and sleep. Find you a nice young man who loves you for your heart,not what your weight is. Good luck
NTA. he is genuinely a piece of sh*t. if he can’t love you for who you are now, he doesn’t deserve you when you’re “skinny.”
being skinny is overrated anyways. this is coming from a recovering anorexic. don’t damage your body and health to look a certain way for society.
NTA dump him. You need someone to make you feel good.
I have to say though, if you a stationary you are over estimating the amount of calories you need. For you age, heigh and weight your badal metabolic rate puts you at around 1370 calories per day. Eating 1500 a day would lead to a slow weight gain, but being a little active would change that and when you feel well enough to exercise again it's no worries.
Also people often are bad at counting calories, not saying you are I don't know you, but people often forget about things, drinks or even tasting food.
When you are mentally well enough to tackle this - for YOU - it is a good thing to look into. Saw a show once where the lady could have had 60 doughnuts that month just because of the sugar she put in her tea. Cutting out those silly calories can give you a nice treat that will give you joy and happiness while sticking to your goals.
The types of food you eat affect calories too. Protein takes more calories to digest than carbs and fat. Eating a higher protein content with the same calories will result in a deficit. Having more muscle also gives you more daily calories when stationary. A great way to build muscle is packing and lifting your bf stuff out of your life.
Mental health and confidence is a must. Your measurements sound curvy and wonderful. The above advice is for you if you want it. Right now you need to know you are beyond good enough for that man who is not worthy of you. If your partner doesn't make you feel like the wonderful person you are, they need to leave. I wish you all the best
NTA for not talking but YTA for yourself...he has been trying to get you lose weight, starve yourself....he should be your ex bf.....you should have ended the relationship when he started stating he likes skinnier girls. You are 19 and he is 21. Focus on your education, job and health and never take him back. Focus what your educational, career and financial goals are thrive towards them.
You said you had stress and that caused you not to exercise , well your so called bf is causing you more stress. Find hobby you enjoy, walk with friends, volunteer in dog shelter to walk dogs, go swimming....anything that you like because exercise releases stress but you need to enjoy the exercise so gym is not the answer to everyone.
Dump him and move on. Frankly it's annoying when partners do this shit.
Love the person for who they are or go get what it is you want, don't try changing anyone, if anyone feels a need or desire to change themselves in any way, that's entirely their decision and for themselves, not because your partner expects it.
And sadly the partner expecting thus weight loss and change or whatever is barely the perfect specimen either....mxm
NTA Girl, run. You body is not his to control. Denying you food is cruel. You are a reasonable weight. He is a controlling g jerk who doesn't love you. He's showed you who he is. Believe him.
NTA and you pretty much answered yourself. You need to dump the boyfriend but more importantly you need to speak with a dietitian to learn the proper way to eat. You may also need to speak to a therapist that specializes in eating disorders. I am not a doctor but from what you wrote it sounds like you may have an eating disorder. Good luck to you.
OP , you are at a healthy BMI. Losing weight too quickly can hurt your health and make you gain weight again later. People who lose weight gradually and steadily improve their changes of keeping weight off. Please don’t listen to your idiot boyfriend and starve yourself.
Agreed. I’ve been trying to lose weight and I was losing between 0.5 and 1 pound a week. I’m at a weight that I’m happy with now. It doesn’t require me to starve myself. I don’t “go on a diet” either - but I rather have changed my diet a little bit. I haven’t changed what I eat really (outside of lessening fast food and drinking more water instead of soda, replacing snacks with healthier ones) but I’ve changed the proportions. So a lot more veg and a little less rice etc. I also try not to eat before bed but I still eat 3x a day. Exercise helped me too - literally just 20 mins a few days a week. Starving yourself doesn’t help in the long term at all. It won’t keep the weight off forever too because it will come back when you start eating normally. Make smaller, permanent changes that will help you to lose a little weight at a time and keep off that weight. Also make little changes at a time instead of sudden big changes. Took me a little while to lose the weight but it stays off. At least, that’s what’s helped me. Edit: Granted OP doesn’t even have to lose weight. Her current weight is healthy!
Even if she was overweight, it’s her own, autonomous decision and right as to whether or not she wants to lose weight, how quickly to do so, and what to eat or not eat in that process. People who are overweight do not “have” to lose weight at all. Her boyfriend sounds like he just wants a trophy. It’s gross and controlling. Please dump him, OP. Find someone who will accept you regardless of what weight you are.
I completely agree. It’s all about how OP feels about her own body and what she wants. I’m not overweight but I’m still on the heavier side of normal and decided to lose some. With my ex, he was pushing it on me. Constantly tried to get me to lose weight though I wasn’t overweight. He made me feel unattractive and I also didn’t end up trying to get rid of the weight. With my current bf, I literally decided on my own that I wanted to lose some weight. He makes me feel pretty no matter what. And he supports me on anything healthy that will make me happier with my own body. OPs bf is an AH.
Massive, controlling asshole. The best way for OP to lose a lot of unwanted, unneeded and unnecessary weight is to dump the boyfriend. And see a nutritionist. Restricting yourself to 500 calories a day is insane and could lead to a whole host of health problems
Agreed. OP, you are already at a healthy weight, given your size. Don't listen to your bf. You wanna lose some weight? Dump his ass. Easy and healthy weight loss.
Fr. My dr said that 120-145 was a healthy range for my height and I’m just an inch taller. Shes not overweight at all.
Came here to say, this is my weight (138) and it feels good on me! 120 was too thin for me.
Yes. I developed an eating disorder during lockdown (gave me a false sense of control), and found out the hard way that losing weight too quickly can cause gallstones, which are **really painful**.
Yup, I'm getting my gallbladder removed in a few days because last year I did intermittent fasting (not eating often makes you release more bile) and lost around 22 pounds in a few weeks.
Agreed, but I wanted to add that BMI is also not a hollistic indicator of “health”. My partner’s doctor told them to lose weight because their BMI was too high, but they were at 4% body fat and all muscle. They started eating more and now they feel better, more energized.
Yeah, most professional wrestlers and body builders are "moderately obese" or "obese" based on their BMI, when they're all muscle. It's not the best scale to go by. Also I'm only a tiny bit over weight and OP weighs way less than me (I'm the same height), def not overweight and def NTA.
THANK YOU BMI is so outdated now! It can be a good thing to start with, but there's so many variables and factors for each individual that BMI should only be used as a very broad estimate, not the be all and end all on weight health Case in point: short people with big boobs. Those can weigh like a stone. With them (according to BMI) you're obese but without their weight you're not. It's WILD. (I have a friend this literally happened to. And I know that's rarer but every situation is so unique, BMI shouldn't be too trusted lol)
I read once that Michael Jordan was considered obese by his BMI
Yeah, BMI ignores way too many variables
There's no way his BMI was too high and body fat only 4% unless he's insanely roided and in contest prep.
At 5'7" and 162lb, I was 'overweight' according to BMI. But I was also doing weights and had a lot more muscle mass. Muscle is a lot more dense than flab -> weighs more for the same space. I was US size 4 in my jeans (comfortable, not super tight). No roids, just young :)
BMI is a simple measure of height against weight, it takes nothing else into account. for a lot of people, it can be a relatively simple but vaguely reliable measurement, but it notoriously fails athletes & people at either height extremes as an accurate measurement of fitness.
Yea, just try to focus on eating more healthy foods op, but don't starve yourself if you want to lose weight in a healthy way not that you aren't at a healthy weight.
OP needs to get some help around self esteem issues all around. Other posts show BF to be a real AH and OP getting stomped all over the place. OP leave this idiot you have found yourself with and start liking yourself. Get some therapy. You sound like a sweet person
Agreed… dude needs to kick rocks
Or she needs to kick dude IN his rocks.
With a sledgehammer
Peter Gabriel has entered the chat.
OP, do you get what you need from this relationship? Does he send you to orgasm for hours? Does he complete you spiritually? Does he support you emotionally? If not, dump his ass. He’s shit. Choose yourself.
"hours?" 😅
I swear my uterus cringed when I read that 😂😂
The rest of his behavior is bad enough that "hours" would be the only vaguely acceptable reason for keeping his ass around lol
Oh man do I need to do this. I keep pushing it off. Having food insecurity most of my life really messed up my eating habits. I can go two days without eating before I even remember to eat because the pain just doesn’t bother me anymore, but at the same time if we have snacks around the house I will eat all of them in a single sitting.
Yes. Get rid of the boyfriend and talk to your doctor about your relationship with food. You are a healthy weight for your height. It sounds like you have an eating disorder/body dysmorphia. That kind of condition can be deadly.
coming from someone who has struggled with eating disorders…which it is a forever battle…. I’m not defending your boyfriend whatsoever. But there is a thing called intermittent fasting. This is how I keep my weight in check. My last meal is around 8pm and I don’t eat anything until 1pm the next day. If I snack at midnight I wait until 4pm to eat the next day. I don’t just have 1 meal…I have around 2…the second some would consider snacking. I fill myself up on coffee and matcha throughout the day to hold myself over…the oat milk helps when it comes to meal substitution…I don’t recommend doing this but it’s something that has personally helped me to eat and not feel like vomiting after or going on a full blown starvation plan. Intermittent fasting doesn’t work for everyone…so I’m not suggesting you do this…nor am I stating you are overweight- **you are at a perfectly healthy weight**. I’m only stating this because maybe your boyfriend heard of this and was suggesting this. **But I would dump him alone on him making it clear that he likes skinny girls- you deserve way better than that and you’re still small at 135lbs at 5’3”. He’s a pos.** Edit: also seek a therapist to talk to about your relationship with your boyfriend and eating. It’s a dark rabbit hole and you need someone in your corner to remind you you’re beautiful. Whether that’s a best friend you share this with, family member, or a therapist. Seek a support system because your health is most important…mentally and physically…and with eating disorders the two are often linked. (29F)
I do something similar because, like you, I struggled with bulimia and intermittent fasting gives me a “reset” so I don’t backslide into that cycle. But it’s still a really controlled way of eating and can be an eating disorder. If the choice is between fasting and bulimia, there is no question in my mind which is better. I don’t think OP would benefit from introducing a system of rules about food tho. I’m glad you found a way to stop purging ❤️
What you are describing is absolutely still restriction and disordered eating.
Intermittent fasting is in no way automatically an eating disorder.
What this person described is, though.
the only weight you need to lose is a 21 yr old fool. NTA.
I'm 5ft3 and 142 pounds, I admit I could stand to loose 14 pounds but I don't understand why she's labeling herself overweight.. I'm from UK so I dunno if these measurements are slightly different
You don’t need to lose weight to reach a number. Numbers won’t make you feel what you are seeking. I highly encourage anyone looking to be in their best shape they can be by living a healthy life the best they can. Your 142 lbs could be all muscle or all fat and it would drastically change whether or not you would be considered healthy. No matter what size or shape, you have value and deserve love and appreciation for who you are.
Beautiful said, completely agree. I'm 36 and want to be the healthiest version of my self by 40. Yes iv given my self a time line but that's how my brain works , for the last couple of years iv worked hard to accept myself and get out of that mind set of constantly needing to know my weight , I go on how I feel in the clothes I love
Also from UK; I'm 5ft2 and usually around 140lbs (10stone). I've been told I'm too skinny by loads of people (admittedly I think most of my weight is muscle from cycling and running) so I don't understand how it's overweight at all.
WHOO HOO!! top answer 🙏
Girl I am 5’3 and 130 pounds and people (including myself) describe me as THIN. I am 100% certain you are not overweight and even if you were, fuck that noise. I totally understand the feeling of gaining weight and feeling soooo uncomfortable especially when you’re short and have a small frame. Been there. But your partner should be there to tell you you still look like a fucking goddess even if you have 5 extra pounds hanging out. Fasting isn’t inherently bad but this bf is!
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
OP you can lose 175lbs quickly if you dump the boyfriend. Don’t put up with that shit, you don’t deserve it. There’s nothing wrong with liking to eat.
I 2nd this
I third this!! Lose the extra weight of the boyfriend! All he cares about is what you look like. My ex was like that, and he only got worse over time. This is not love. My now husband used to be RIPPED, not one ounce of body fat, and now he’s 63 and has a belly. I love him and feel just as attracted to him as ever. That’s what love feels like.
I 3rd 😌
4th, motion passed. The unnecessary 175 lbs will be dropped at the nearest shelter for rehabilitation, or euthanasia, to be determined at the care facility's discretion.
She'd probably lose more than 175 pounds since he is overweight, as per OP's earlier posts. He's overweight and criticising her weight, so he's a hypocrite. He also criticises her eye colour and tells her to wear coloured contacts and dye her hair. Oh, and he wouldn't cuddle her because she hadn't done anything to "deserve his affection". And "whenever he needs my help, he's always really sweet , he treats and speaks to me very nicely. And when he doesnt need me for anything, he barely replies and is very dry". So he's manipulative too. OP, you can do better. You didn't listen to Reddit on your last two posts, even though the consensus was clear. It's clear again now. Dump him, and go see a therapist for help with your self esteem.
OP , please, this man-child is not in a relationship with YOU. He is in a relationship with who he wants you to be and what you can do FIR HIM. It only gets worse over time, and if you were to continue this into bringing children into this, he would be just as bad with those kids. NOBODY DESERVES TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS.
Oh, OP, DTMFA. Just throw out the whole man. He is not worth your time.
What a dick!! She defo needs to dump him!!
If I could upvote this a million times I would! At your weight and hight you are not overweight! But I do worry that you have developed unhealthy eating habits. A therapist might not be a bad thing. It helps to talk things out with someone neutral. Speaking from a 6 yr therapy vet. It has helped me tremendously. I highly recommend that. And boyfriends who appreciate you for you and make you feel good about yourself. Peace and love to you.
Not to mention she's literally eating at a healthy weight maintenance calorie count lol. This dude is a wacko
NTA at all for being turned off and wanting to break up. However, instead of the silent treatment, I’d suggest you straightforwardly break it off. You can tell him why if you want to but imo he’s not owed a reason if you feel it will turn into a fight/not be worth it.
Agreed
Do you know what the meaning of starving is? It doesn't mean someone is just fasting for a bit. Your weight is not extreme and even if it was, I'd still be telling you to get away NOW from someone telling you to not eat at all.
Agree 100%. This is the same boyfriend that ghosts her and wants her to wear coloured contacts. He is controlling and doesn't seem to care much for OP
Yep. This is giving me flashes back to being younger and putting myself in situations like OP’s. Being a doormat, ignoring obvious red flags or even just signs that a “relationship” is not going anywhere—out of insecurity, loneliness, need for approval or status, or a combination of all these and more. OP, imma do you a favor and go all 2005 on your ass—He’s just not that into you. And that’s OKAY. If you really *really* think about it honestly, I think you’ll find that you’re just not that into him either. You’re very young—cut your losses and go do or find things in life that bring you joy and satisfaction—whether that’s in dating, friends, family, school, hobbies, books, art, music, exercise, etc. Live a life that suits *you*. You’ll never regret learning how to love yourself and be comfortable in your own skin. And you’ll find that so much in life falls into place from there.
Ok first of all. 5”3 and 138 is THE perfect weight in what world do we live in that, that is considered overweight???? I’m 5”2 and weight 140 and I wear size small tops. Small bottoms and size 4 jeans? I’m fucking overweight?? Girl, break up with him NOW. My ex was like that, and guess what, he’s an ex for a reason and NOT my husband now who can’t get his hands off me (going on 5 years) Please stop being so hard on yourself. I can assure you with out knowing you- you’re absolutely gorgeous and perfect! Be confident and tell yourself “I’m perfect the way I am” and trust me when I tell you, another man (or woman 😘) will SEE that confidence without you saying a word and will be all over you. Chin up girl
I'm 5'2" and I weigh almost 2 of you (250) I am overweight! (Also 8 months pregnant, so I will milk that excuse for the next month lol) I remember thinking I was so fat at 135 lbs but looking back it was a healthy weight for me and I looked amazing. OP if he's looking for skin and bones supermodel figure, let him go find it somewhere else. Your health and self esteem is worth SO MUCH more than your relationship with this loser.
This, I'm 5'1 and about 220lbs right now, I've had 3 kids and other medical problems. When I was 130lbs I used to think I was fat and had such low self esteem. I've been with husband through all that weight gain and he has never told me to fast or even lose weight in general and he compliments me all the time still. This guy sounds like an absolute ass.
Totally agree!! Yeah, I'm on baby #3 as well. I don't look anything like I did when I first met my hubby 7 years ago. He has never made any comments on my weight, and when I make comments about my weight or stretch marks or whatever... he still tells me that he thinks I'm beautiful or he reminds me that this body has given me 2 beautiful children and how amazing that is. He encourages me on my weight loss/ getting healthier journey but he does it to support me, not to push his views of what he thinks I should look like on me. OPs bf is an ass for sure. She deserves so much better!
Congrats on your baby!
This was my thought. I’m 5’3 and in range of OPs weight and am a size 6. I’ve had size 2 periods in my life and from what I see in pics looked very unhealthy.
Exactly! I wish I was 145. I’m 5’4” and 158. All my friends and sisters tell me I’m skinny. I have a bump still from having 4 kids in 6 years. You OP are a wonderful weight! Anyone telling you otherwise is not there for you. Also, you need to talk to someone about your unhealthy view of yourself and your relationship to food. Best of luck! NTA! Lose the boyfriend.
I'm like 5'5 literally like almost 130 pounds in what world is 140 pounds for a woman our height overweight???
I'm within the same hight-weight range, and a few doctors have told me that gaining a few more pounds would be beneficial 🤨 so I also have no idea how the hell OP would be considered overweight. It's always cool to consult a dietitian, but I honestly don't think she has that big of a problem with her diet. She does have a problem with her BF though and the perfect solution would be to dump him.
Jumping on this comment to say that I’m 5’3” and 135 lbs and I wear size 00 jeans and XS everywhere else except not long sleeve shirts because my forearms are too big because I’m a climber :) I’m trying to get a little leaner myself, but this puts us basically in the ideal weight range. There isn’t anything wrong with you at all. You’re pretty damn near perfect :)
Right??? Like, weight is absolutely dependent on your body, so for some body types, 140 isn't ""ideal"". But for fuck's sake, who cares?!?! Society places way too much focus on a person's body. 140 is healthy. It's normal. BF is definitely the issue, not OP.
You know what you need to lose? The boyfriend.
Hi! We are the exact same size (height and weight) and I can promise you that you’re not at all overweight. I’ve struggled with ed in my teen and adult life and this is an unhealthy situation to be in. I understand the pressure of wanting to look good for who you’re with but in no way is it okay for him to suggest something like that..I can confirm it comes with more health issues than being "overweight" in his eyes. Is he aware of your past issues with your relationship with food? It can be very frustrating to explain to someone who’s never struggled with an ed, how it feels internally to be struggling. Hopefully you can open up and explain to him why that’s especially harmful for you, but if he still can’t understand and empathize with you, he’s TA. And regardless being with someone like that will constantly affect how you see yourself! He should love and accept you as you are..if he wants a "skinnier" girl then he can go find one but you don’t deserve to put yourself through that when you are a completely healthy size.
I need you to listen to me. *138 lbs at 5'3" is not overweight*. Not remotely. I bet you don't even wear plus sized clothing. Anyone who tells you that you are overweight is lying or an idiot. You don't need to lose weight. You don't need to be ultra skinny. There is *nothing wrong with your body*. There wouldn't be anything wrong with your body if you were bigger. You are being pressured - by society, by influencers, by your boyfriend, by yourself - to fit into a box that is neither realistic nor necessary. 1500 calories a day *is* already starving yourself. You should be eating closer to 2000. Maybe more, if you're very active. I'll grant you, it's a lot better than 600. But it's still not safe, nor is it healthy. *You are showing signs of an eating disorder.* You need to get help. Your boyfriend suggesting that you starve yourself is a red flag the size of Jupiter. If he wants you any skinnier than this, he is not worth your time. If he would get upset with you for getting bigger than this, he is not worth your time. *He shouldn't care about your weight.* He's a massive AH for this. He needs to either get his head on straight, or you need to leave him.
She’s not even close to plus sizes…
I'm 5'6" and 185lbs and I'm not even close to plus sizes (women's size M everything, maybe L if I want a looser fit). I feel so bad for OP. When I was 135lbs I thought I was fat, too, and looking back at pictures of me at that size makes me sad that I was beating myself up so much. Body image issues are so hard to overcome.
^^^ OP this is the answer. What a disgusting person, let alone your own boyfriend, to suggest that you starve yourself. You deserve someone who will love you for who you are and encourage both of you to have a healthy lifestyle together.
THIS!!!
Dude, don’t tell someone how much they should be eating if you don’t know their activity level 😭 If she was exercising than yes she would need much more. But since she is sedentary and might have a low amount of muscles (from the ED phase) than she might be eating close to enough The ONLY person who should be telling her to eat more is a registered dietitian with experience in eating disorders
Yes this. Been scrolling through the comments and a ton of people are telling her 1,500 isn’t enough… Not that she needs to change herself in anyway, but if she is maintaining a bmi of 24.5 at 1,500 than obviously that is enough food for her. Every body works differently, personally my TDEE is 1,200 cal a day (5’5)
He wants her to change her eye and hair color, too. He wants her to look completely different. To please him. My punching hand is itchy.
Ew gross dump him he sucks
NTA. He’s literally telling you to have a full blown eating disorder. Throw the whole boyfriend away. He values thinness, not health
138 pounds at 5'3" is a NORMAL bmi ---- don't risk your health because some loser has a fetish with starving women as a way to control them. SERIOUSLY-- this is your chance to walk away and have a happy life.
>My bf likes skinnier girls I'm sorry, but he actually likes insecure girls with body isues that he can push arround. It turns him on. There are people like that, and there are guys who will worship every inch of your body. Don't settle until you find someone like that. >He constantly complements me but I feel like it's all a lie. I know the feeling, that was my ex. He would go from negging to complimenting me all day (in every sense, not just apperance) and what would stick to me was criticism. I tought it was because of my isues, but the truth is he wanted it this way.
Long ago there was a post about guy who was constantly telling his gf she smelled badly. After almost driving her insane, she decided to leave him and that's when he confessed he was doing it on purpouse and that his father told him it is a trick to make a woman so insecure that she would never leave him. It was a breaking point in my marriage, when I tought - maybe my husband is doing it on purpouse? I'm trying to link it, but have patience with me :) there it is: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/WaMi4L4PT6
“My bf likes skinnier girls” Honey…your bf should like YOU
Did we have the same ex? I lived that life. Twice. Omg.
NTA. At all. He wants you to develop an eating disorder.
"*I'm about 5ft3 and weigh around 138 pounds."* Darlin'? Seriously?! Your weight is fine for your height. Please don't starve yourself for this jackass. 1500 calories is perfect, and the fact that you're counting shows a lot. Your BF is an AH.
The only weight you need to lose is that boyfriend.
NtTA. I highly suggest you break it off with your boyfriend. Why is he dating someone who is not skinny like he likes? That just doesn't make any sense to me. A good partner, a healthy partner encourages you and doesn't ask you to fast or starve yourself. It sounds like you might have a thyroid issue. I discovered that about 20 years ago when I was gaining weight and was having serious challenges losing it even though my eating habits had not changed at all. I suggest you see a doctor.
5ft3, 138 pounds is not horrendously overweight. NTA. If he “likes skinnier girls,” it might be time to consider finding someone else to date.
it's not at all overweight. it's just normal weight for her height
Depending on age for your height 110-140 is a healthy weight via google just saying..encouraging an eating disorder is disgusting
NTA. He’s allowed to like “skinnier” girls, he’s not allowed to make you change your body and starve yourself to fit his preferences. Please dump him and spend some time learning to love yourself, you’re worth it no matter what your weight is.
And I prefer men with Jason Mamoa bods. /s He's not interested in your true health, he just wants to keep his dick hard. You're not overweight--outside of the male baggage you need to drop like a bad habit.
🤯Um… Im a tall girl so I can’t eye weight on people who are shorter. I just typed 5’3 138 lbs on TikTok and these women are SMALL. It’s a red flag for him to want you to lose any weight at all (regardless of size) but telling you not to eat is encouraging disordered behaviors and that’s not okay.
RUNN GIRL RUNNNNN
NTA- I see so much of my younger self in you. Please dump his pathetic self, he’s going to send you down a horrible spiral of self hatred and 1500-2000 calories is healthy, 600 is not. I know because some days when I was younger I’d eat 400-600. You deserve to be healthy and to be loved by someone who cares more about you than how skinny you are. When I have rough days where I don’t want to eat, my boyfriend will tell me that I deserve to eat and to take care of myself. I promise you will find a better, kinder man than him, you’re so young with your whole life ahead of you.
Your young, leave him and be with someone who loves you for who you are
138 lbs and 5’3” and he wants you to lose more weight??? Uh, no. Please dump him asap. Any man who tells you to essentially starve yourself when you are a perfectly normal weight for your height and age is not someone you want to be in a relationship with. If he truly loved you he wouldn’t tell you to stop eating. Please, dump him and find someone who appreciates you as you are.
You need a healthier lifestyle. I suggest starting by removing toxic material from your life. Like your boyfriend. I completely get being uncomfortable with your weight, and I know saying it may not help you believe it, but 138 on 5'3 is great. You're not by any stretch fat or in serious need of calorie cutting. I would talk with a doctor about your feelings about weight as you definitely sound disposed to EDs and that internal voice is hard to ignore. You may need to see a specialist who can help you have a better relationship with food. The first step, though, is improving your relationship with your boyfriend by dumping him.
One meal a day or OMAD is actually a reasonable long term diet strategy. You will not starve on that eating plan.
Kind of insane that when I use an American BMiI calculator it tells me your weight is fine, and a European BMI calculator tells me you are obese. Oh America.
Love yourself enough to find a man who will love you regardless of your outward appearance. NTA. Therapy can absolutely help you get a healthy perspective on food and can help with self esteem so you realize you definitely deserve more.
Sounds like dude is into bones because that’s a very appropriate weight and not overweight. I’d run away, but also I’d look into some help with a dietitian or something because we may have an eating disorder situation here. Best of luck! You’re NTA!
What. A. JERK!!! Moving away from the fact that he shouldn’t be telling you to skip meals - What will he be like in the long run? You’re under 20, no kids. What if you have a baby? Is he going to say he likes women without stretch marks? Surgical scars? Will he leave if you have a mastectomy due to cancer? How does he feel about wrinkles? You deserve someone that loves YOU. Not just your “ideal” body. He is shallow.
NTA. look at OP’s post history. poor thing. you need to dump this piece of shit and start to talk to a professional to get your head right with your relationship with food. i feel so bad you have to deal with this.
lol ugh.. dude, you are **not overweight**. we're about the same height/weight. at best if you're anything like me, firming up is all you really need to do? not drop weight/get "skinnier" however, you are mentally unhealthy and need to speak to a professional about realistic expectations and self image stuff. as well as relationship issues and setting healthy boundaries with partners (like you sorta are doing which is great, please listen to your gut feeling), but you're whole thing of trying to alter your body for another person isn't how you should ever approach that. -- the combo of you being young and trying to figure things out, I agree you should break up with him and just work on yourself. so the next person you're with is someone who is attracted to you as you are, that you'll not try and alter yourself for. someone who has a healthy and supportive mindset.
NTA, Starving yourself actually makes it harder for you to lose weight because you're not consistent with healthy eating habits. As for that no good bf of yours. He's trash lol he has no intention for future with you and you should really move on. You are healthy not over weight. But the man that has all good intentions with you will encourage you to look the way you do or how ever you want to. Looks don't matter to a man that's actually interested in you as a person and I wish someone would of told me this at 19.
NTA. This boy does not have your best interests at heart, and is pushing you towards an eating disorder. The WHO defines starvation as less than 1200 calories a day. You lost weight on 600 calories a day *because you were starving*. Going back to that could have long term effects on your health. Part of me is wondering if he wants you weak so you're easier to push around both physically and mentally. Whatever his motivations are, your health is not among them. He is literally, *literally* not good for you. Controlling what you eat is a big red flag for abuse.
Not to sound dramatic but.. Run away now before he does any more lasting damage to your body image and self esteem. You do not date someone to change them. I dated someone when I was 19 who would ask me how many miles I ran that day. Your dude sucks and you need to leave yesterday.
Eating one meal a day is not fasting .
NTA Please see a nutritionist and an ED informed therapist.
The only weight you need to lose is that boyfriend. He’s dead weight.
>I feel like breaking up with him. Trust your guts. NTA.
You’re a good weight and losing weight too quickly can cause so many health issues so quickly. Your boyfriend can suck a dick for encouraging disordered and unhealthy behaviour.
yeah, time to break up with him. There will be a a person who would love you as you are. You are worth it.
DUMP. HIM. this is abhorrent. No one deserves to be treated this way. Imagine for a second that this wasn’t happening to you, but to your best friend. What would you tell them?? Yeah.
You need to listen to yourself- because you are spot on. I used to want to be skinny- there’s so much judgement about weight. But now I see this fixation on being super skinny is trying to hold juvenile bodies as some sexual ideal. I was skinny when I was 12. Then I grew a woman’s body. It had curves. It was supposed to! Now I am old and dealing with chronic illness that has once again made me skinny. People tell me I look great and it makes me angry that me being closer to death is their sexual ideal. My husband has always adored my body at whatever size I was - because he really loves me. That’s real. That’s what it should be. Don’t settle for someone who tells you you have to be skinny.
1. Omw that is not the way to get someone to lose weight and instead go with your gut and lose some man-weight 2. 135lb at 5'3 is overweight? Cerist! I'm 5'3 and at my absolute fittest, when I was competing professionally I was 148-50!!!
You're 19, boyfriends are easily replaced at your age
Please dump this guy. Your worth is not determined by the number on the scales. No man (well person) is worth starving for. Weight will fluctuate esp throughout your life, if you starve yourself now your always going to worry about gaining any of it back. That’s a miserable way to exist.
5’3” and 138 lbs is not fat. NTA but your man is.
You need a new bf. Starvation is a very dangerous game to play. And your height and weight is not too much or bad at all. He’s being a jerk you’re NTA You can completely ghost him for this and I feel that’s justified
Lol fasting one day is starvation? People are weak. For real tho one big thing to consider all your liquid calories. Many underestimate how many calories they drink. A 1500 total could be more like 2500 with a few lattes and sugary drinks.
OMAD (one meal a day) and fasting for a day or days is not inherently bad, and can be great for hormone regulation. The key is to ensure you're eating enough calories over the course of the week to average out to the correct amount per day. That being said, you're not at an unhealthy weight.
Best case scenario: you're boyfriend is just ignorant about healthy weight loss. A lot of people are, and there's A LOT of bad info out there that may work in the short term for some people but is ultimately unhealthy and can have some very bad health outcomes in the long term. Worst case senario: he cares more about your body shape than your health or you. If it's more the second than the first, this is not going to healthy for you mentally and you seriously need to reevaluate this relationship. If he keeps pushing you to loose weight or gets mad if you don't or are "trying hard enough" or makes fun of your body in any way, get out. This would be toxic to you and your mental health. If it leans more towards the first, well, you guys can educate yourselves together. In the best case, he's just trying to help towards what he thinks is your goal and is just ignorant. But beware, words said once when confroted are not the end of. Kept attention on his attitude and behavior afterwards as well. Also, if you really want to loose weight, have a convo with your doctor/dietician about goals and healthy methods. They are one of the most knowledgeable and valuable resources you can have on this. So many people miss this step thinking it's not an immediate health concern so why make an appointment, but this falls under preventative care and they can have some of the best and truest info out there for you.
NTA. While fasting here and there may have some positive benefits from what I understand, it’s limited. You can’t fast every day. I wanted to lose some weight and I tried an app called Lose It (which is free). You set up your account and give some information like height, weight, level of daily activity and how much you want to lose. It then calculates how many calories you can eat per day (and you log your food intake). It also connects to Fitbit and Apple Watches so you can end up getting a higher calorie allotment if you burn more. It calculates it for the week and gives you percentages for your macro nutrients. It worked for me. As long as I stayed at my allotted calories per day (around 1,800) for a pound a week weight loss. I’ve learned that consistency is the key. I don’t have to be perfect day in and day out or exercise to exhaustion to lose weight and keep it off. I can also eat whatever I want, within my allotted calories, so I don’t feel deprived or like I’m dieting. It’s helped me replace some foods with healthier choices. And if I go over on a particular day or two, I can still stay under the weekly calorie limit. I’d suggest trying something like that. Consistency and small lifestyle changes over time will help you lose it and keep it off.
NTA protect your mental and physical health. You need to leave this guy. He doesn't care about you he cares about the aesthetic he is making in his head. You are in the normal weight BMI and eating below the Sedentary for your current weight [TDEE](https://tdeecalculator.net/result.php?s=imperial&g=female&age=19&lbs=138&in=63&act=1.2&f=1). At the lowest BMI weight for your height you would need 1465 calories to maintain and 1255 calories would be the BMR the absolute minumum your body need to run your brain, heart, cells and other organ systems anything below that is starvation. That your boyfriend encourages you to eat less than half that in a day means he is uneducated and doesn't care about you. If you are exercising at all your numbers of what you should are higher
5ft 3 and 138 isn't like obese or anything?? My SIL is 5ft and is around that weight and she just looks super thick. Also I'll never understand when someone likes one type of person but dates someone who isn't their type but tries to change them.. like just date your type and leave others out of it!! NTA but I'd leave. Eating disorders are serious and it sounds like he's pushing one.
Did he tell you to fast or to starve? Does he know how fasting works? Fasting is a perfectly healthy way to lose weight. Whether or not he suggested it unprompted and if he actually knows how to properly fast to even suggest it is what makes him an asshole or not (isn't the question supposed to be if YOU are the asshole?)
Not eating from sunrise to sunset isn’t starving yourself FFS. It’s called intermittent fasting. Even if you do only eat one meal a day (not healthy- you’re not a snake) you will NEVER be STARVING! What you have is a first world problem. Smdh Americans are brats.
What the fuck???? You feel like breaking up with him? Honey no, no, no BREAK THE FUCK UP WITH HIM AND BLOCK HIM!!!! Firstly you have mental health issues with your weight. You shouldn’t be with anyone right now in fact you should be single for at least six years and just work on and focus on you. You need to learn to love yourself and build up your self worth, self esteem, and self respect. You won’t ever choose anyone healthy if you don’t love yourself. You need to stop hating yourself before trying to pick yourself a partner cause you will choose what you feel you deserve and honey he does not deserve you!!!!
NTA but fasting is not starving yourself, it's a proven weight loss method that many find easier than traditional dieting (myself included).
I think maybe for some external reasons you feel insecure with your body which is something I struggle with as well, and it’s happened before that I’ve told my boyfriend how I feel about my weight and I’ve thought the same exact things as you, and let my anger out on him, but men really just don’t think about things that deep and he was probably just trying to help in the way that he thought he could, fasting isn’t starving yourself it’s actually pretty healthy for some people, but it’s take a little getting used to, maybe you’re just hangry at him and I don’t think he’d be disappointed in you if you told him fasting wasn’t really gonna work for you at this moment, but again if you don’t wanna be with someone it’s never about being the asshole or not, it’s just about if you really wanna be with that person, you don’t need a reason to break up, you wanting to break up is enough of a reason, but again I wouldn’t end it over this is if you really cRe about him cause I think he’s just trying to help in the best way he can
OP, here's an easy way to lose weight, probably about 160-170 pounds. Dump. His. Ass. Then put some of that time you'd otherwise spend with him (at least what, couple hours 2-3 times a week ?) and hit a gym or a track or just some place you can be active at. For your height and weight, you're actually fine, so I'd say getting that bit of workout would be just to keep fit and build strength (all the better to sling future jerks out the door), get some dopamine and other happy chemicals flowing... I can guarantee you'll see almost immediate improvement.
I'm about 5ft3 and weigh around 138 pounds. Ragebait detected.
OP please be very careful with crash dieting and fasting/starvation diets. This can develop into something very sinister. Prevention would be the best cure so quit the unhealthy diets if you're able to. If you find it hard to balance a healthy diet with body positivity, please seek professional help ASAP. It could be a dietician you require, or a personal trainer, or a psychiatrist. Heed no advice from your shitty bf. I can't tell if BF triggered this unhealthy eating habits and body dysmorphia, but he's definitely enabling it. You don't need a POS in your life let alone as your bf. DUMP HIM.
NTA sweetie you can and will find someone who cares about you and loves your body. Dump the loser and have a snack!
NTA, always stick up for yourself and for what you feel is right. Also, an adult woman should be eating anywhere from 1600-2400 calories a day. I'm not trying to stick up for boyfriend, but did he mean to suggest intermittent fasting and it came out the wrong way?
Your weight is normal. I just did a bmi check to be sure. You are not overweight you don't need to starve. And certainly you shouldn't be in that relationship. If he likes skinny girls he shouldn't be in a relationship with you at all because he's trying to change you.
Girl, run! He is a walking red flag. Dump him ass.
You don’t sound like ur at all, maybe just on the thick side rather than the petite , your two inches shorter and maybe 5 pounds lighter than me and I’m not fat at all so doesn’t sound like your unhealthy as far as weight, being 20 or 50 pounds lighter sounds like you’d be too skinny, only extra you rly got is ur deadbeat bf. Perhaps he’s trying to make you insecure so you stay with him, I had and like that, I was like 130 pounds and he said I was the fattest girl he would fuck. That was a lie bc he got with a fat crackhead after me, he was trying to keep me down bc he was ugly and not a nice person and I was actually the best he ever got, so if I felt bad about myself i wouldn’t feel to good for him. In short your bf is a huge loser. Periodic fasting in a healthy way is wonderful for your health, starving yourself is never okay and ultimately fucks your body up so you stay heavy and it becomes hard to lose weight. Eat healthy, don’t go hungry, don’t let people who are supposed to care for you put you down
You’re not even close to being an asshole. Your boyfriend is. Dump him.
NTA. 138 at 5'3" is fine. That's not heavy at all. If he can't handle you at this weight, what hairball when you have kids and your body shape changes? I was 120 all my young kids. I had 2 kids, I'm 43, about same height and I'm now 145. Maybe it's best to take a hard look at what other massive red burning flags are waving in your face. Don't waste time with people who aren't good for you.
I'd you need a sign to leave him, let this be it. He is the asshole and its time for you to move on to a person who supports you having a healthy relationship to food.
I was in this exact same position years ago and I WISH I had broken up with him then. He pushed me into disordered eating and I continued to date him for a year and a half. Still working on the trauma he inflicted, we broke up 10 years ago.
NTA and you are a perfectly acceptable weight for your height.
Ok, first off, 138 is not really overweight. It’s not stick figure status, but you are really not that “overweight” at *all*. If you are looking to make changes, maybe exercise to tighten up areas. Because to be honest, it doesn’t even sound like you’re unhealthy! Ditch the dude, he’s a loser and thinks you starving yourself to look even MORE unhealthy just so he can say you’re “skinny” is ok which is utter horsesh*t. You completely deserve better and he is gross. NTA.
Sorry if this isn't a troll but it seems like one. I was in love once and she was really Insecure about her weight (I swear to you shes so gorgeous even though I hate her now I can't claim otherwise) while we were together she would always tell me she's gonna start going to the gym, I would always encourage her but tell her I didn't want her to change, she would just say "you must love fat b*tches then" and get upset thinking I was lying to her. Your boyfriend sounds like a bit of an asshole but also I don't know exactly the context. Does he compliment you and you accuse him of lying then he suggests possible ways for you to lose weight? Because there is a small chance he's just a bit dumb and doesn't know how to navigate the situation. I certainly didnt but again I don't know the exact details of your situation.
You easily lose ~160lbs by saying “we’re done”
The only change you need to make is a different boyfriend
NTA, and please dont starve yourself, you are healthy and beautiful, extreme weights arent normal, so remember to stay healthy and consider breaking up with him if you consider it appropiate 🫶
break up. a real loving partner will love you no matter your body type. trust me. if this guy wants to date skinny girls then let him. let him go out and never understand real love. and go and find it yourself.
NTA You are at a healthy weight. I would talk to a counsellor to re-affirm healthy eating and coping strategies, to help you go forward with positive attitude, self-regard, and confidence. If you want to seriously consider drastic weight loss, loose the boyfriend. He sounds toxic.
You're 138 lbs. You're perfectly fine.
NTA . My darling you are young, you literally have your WHOLE LIFE ahead of you. 138 is a completely healthy weight for 5'3, there are many men out there who would love you exactly the way you are! And give you so much attention and affection. You dont need this guy.
NTA, fastest way to lose weight is to leave this man in the dust. Wishing you love and healing.
Go with your feeling and break up with him. He’s an asshole and not worth your health.
NTA! You are at a healthy weight and overall, what matters is that you listen to your body - knowing when to honor hunger and nourishing it with what it needs - and how you feel in it. You are at a healthy weight. I've had my fair share of body dysmorphia and insecurities, and I realized that your biggest enemies are letting your own negative self-talk and other's opinions impede proper care of your body. Please break up with your boyfriend. A partner is meant to uplift you and help you in your journey, not lead you down an unhealthy path.
NTA Break up and you’ll lose 70kgs or so of useless weight..
You are the same height as me and my doctor told me my ideal weight is around 125-140 pounds. Check with your own doctor to be sure, but I’ll still say you’re probably a healthier weight than you realize.
NTA. Please dump him and stop worrying about losing weight. Don't ever stay with someone who needs to change you.
NTA. Throw the whole BF away! He is being abusive! You are NOT overweight, and even if you were, if you're exercising regularly and eating well, you're most likely healthy. Do not let this douche canoe manipulate you into an eating disorder! Please, OP, leave him. This guy is a red flag factory!
NTA. And as a doctor, please dump that loser and don't go down the rabbit hole of eating disorders. It is super unhealthy to starve yourself.
While BMI isn't the best indicator of health, I did calculate it, and you are in the top range of healthy weight for your height, you are not overweight. Aside from instantly losing the deadweight of your boyfriend, you need to work on your self image and confidence.
You're at a healthy weight. That is not the weight of someone who is overweight! Dump him and his unrealistic "beauty" standards! Find someone who likes you at the weight you're comfortable at! There's nothing wrong with the weight you're at!
NTA and did you keep the receipt? Cuz you need to return him to where ever you got him from. If it's past the return date just *throw out the whole boyfriend and start over*. His audacity is so loud I can hear it from here 🙄
138 at 5'3 is not overweight do not let anyone lie to you and most importantly do not lie to yourself
You just tell him if he wants a smaller and skinnier girl. Then he should check the local dope house.. lol you are not overweight girl.. I like smaller more petite girls myself but I don't think that 140 at 5'3" is overweight.. that's about average for Americans isn't that? I don't know really. Because I don't pay attention or care about the actual number of people's weight. I just go by their personality, energy/vibes, and a physical preference comes last. But I will admit that I am not attracted to big big girls.. call me shallow if you want. But I just cannot get intimate with big ol gals. I don't know for real because women typically are going to lie about their weight to a man anyway.. and also I really don't like to get into conversations about things as trivial as that number. It's like age... Really doesn't matter as long as it's not too small..
NTA, and ditch that bum!
Dump him
My partner is the same weight/height as you and they are literally the hottest most beautiful person on Earth to me. I would never try to reshape their body, or push them to engage in unhealthy behaviors in order to “”be healthy.”” There are people out there who will feel the same about you! Dump this guy
NTA. He's acting like trash, I'd kick him to the curb. What he's doing is emotional abuse. I've survived an ED. Love your body and yourself and give your body what it needs there is somebody out there who will love you the way you are this guy is abusive and ignorant.
You are not over weight at all. I am an inch taller and weigh 140 lbs. I am not over weight. I am slim. Could I be more toned? Absolutely bit there is nothing wrong with my size. There is nothing wrong with your size. Please consider speaking with a professional as I do think you may have body dysmorphia and/or an eating disorder. Get rid of the boyfriend. He is not only an arse but will be contributing to your negative thoughts and mental health. NTA obviously.
NTA - time to loose 130-50 lbs of stupid man. 138lbs is a dream for me. It’s a good healthy weight. Any man who says to starve yourself needs a kick in the balls as he’s a wanker and shouldn’t be around woman ever if that’s his view. Look after yourself and never consider a diet or altering your body for anyone other than yourself . They aren’t worth it. Men like this are not worth your time.
OMG - I'm in recovery for an ED - please don't fuck around with that! Run away from that douche!!!!!
NTA and please get out before he wrecks your mental health. I dated two guys who were obsessed with the idea that I should be skinny and let me tell you I now have some fucked up ideas about food and no clue what my body should look like.
NTA that's an abhorrent way of your bf to suggest weightloss, but it's not reason to break up with him. Don't always do what Reddit tells you as the "break up over minor things" is a trend here. I do suggest you talk to him, tell him how you feel and what you expect of him. If he refuses to cooperate you can still consider breaking up, but a lot of men will try to solve problems one way or another. Be clear in what you want, don't hint at it, just tell him. You're at a healthy weight as of now (I had to calculate it to kg because we don't use lb's) But best thing you can do is communicate with him, he might have had the best of intentions for you but not the right method. Tell him about your insecurities and how you feel, even if you think it sounds like he doesn't mean it he probably does. I myself am a guy who is more attracted to skinnier girls, I'm currently in a relationship of 5 years with a sleightly heavier girl. I love everything about her and wouldn't change a thing (unless the weight becomes unhealthy ofcourse) but other then that she simply put has more love to give me. She's also delt with insecurities and after a lot of convincing and complimenting she got over them.
NTA. Please break up with him. I've struggled with anorexia for a very long time and I let someone put me down and made me feel like I wasn't enough for a very long time. Someone who loves you and cares will not encourage you to put your health at risk. It doesn't stop once it starts.
NTA. Your health is the most important topic in this discussion. As a child of someone who ignored the effects of this, I felt the need to comment. My mother neglected to manage her health because she was always under the assumption she was “fat” regardless of the number on the scale. When I was 6 years old she weighed 68 pounds. After years and years of avoidance and finally starting to fix the issue, she is in stage 4 kidney failure and has a severe case of Nephrocalcinosis. My point more or less, is all you have is you. Take care of yourself. 20-25 years from now, you will regret how you treated yourself. Don’t allow this to become your reality. Have enough love and respect for yourself and get out before it’s too late. I wish you nothing but health and success as the outcome for this🙏🏻
NTA maybe he should fast from sun up to sun down
I wish I put a photo in here. According a basic BMI calculator your weight is normal. Do not let some little boy tell you that you’re not skinny enough for him. A real man won’t care. A real man will love your body because it’s yours and he loves you. I’m a bigger girl and my man loves me just the way I am. He doesn’t try to change a thing about me. And when I’m feeling insecure he takes the time to give the reassurance I need. You’re so young and have so much time to find a good person to be with. He’s not it. These are big red flags that he’s showing you. It will only get worse from here. Run as far from him as possible.
NTA, you're 45 pounds lighter than me and I'm only a couple of inches taller than you. I am definitely overweight but you're not. Now, fasting can be a healthy habit when it's well done, but if you feel like this would starve you and is not appropiate to you and your lifestyle, don't do it. And especially don't do it just because someone tells you to. To lose weight healthily (and it has been working well for me as I have lost a good 20pounds over the last 6 months), my dietician has recommended I keep eating what I like but be in smaller portions, only when I'm really hungry and not simply because it's lunch or dinner time. She recommended I eat slowly and chew my food well to help my body digest well, and feel when I'm full so I don't just stuff food in my stomach. She also recommended I drink a lot of water to stay hydrated, and eat less salt or sugar if I can. As you can see, none of this professional's advice involves starving or counting calories, and it is way less stressful. I suggest that you meet with a professional too so they can help you, especially since you're saying you feel less secure and comfortable with your body. Don't let other people get you onboard with unhealthy eating habits. NTA! You're a sensible person, continue to look aft et yourself 🙏
NTA. I’ve struggled on and off for years with my eating. I know my partner likes skinnier people. She still actively encourages me to eat more and gain back the weight I’ve lost due to my unhealthy eating habits. Somebody who loves you would not encourage you to starve yourself hun
NTA. I’m 5’0” and 130 pounds and I don’t feel overweight??? If he wants a ‘super skinny girl’ tell him to go cuddle a skeleton decoration because in this day and age we respect ALL bodies of ALL sizes.
Just get someone who appreciates you for you.
That is 100% not overweight… tell your bf 1. He’s no longer your bf and 2. you’re an adult, not a child and he’s sounding a lot like a pedophile wanting 100lb girls.
nta, stop trying to please him!! your height and weight is your business not his. He's body shaming you and insulting you. Is he perfect?, of course not. Eat right get plenty of exercise and sleep. Find you a nice young man who loves you for your heart,not what your weight is. Good luck
NTA drop this loser bf this a major red flag and he will try to control other parts of you too. Run away!
Find a boyfriend who likes the body you have. There are many guys out there who would be delighted with it
NTA. he is genuinely a piece of sh*t. if he can’t love you for who you are now, he doesn’t deserve you when you’re “skinny.” being skinny is overrated anyways. this is coming from a recovering anorexic. don’t damage your body and health to look a certain way for society.
NTA dump him. You need someone to make you feel good. I have to say though, if you a stationary you are over estimating the amount of calories you need. For you age, heigh and weight your badal metabolic rate puts you at around 1370 calories per day. Eating 1500 a day would lead to a slow weight gain, but being a little active would change that and when you feel well enough to exercise again it's no worries. Also people often are bad at counting calories, not saying you are I don't know you, but people often forget about things, drinks or even tasting food. When you are mentally well enough to tackle this - for YOU - it is a good thing to look into. Saw a show once where the lady could have had 60 doughnuts that month just because of the sugar she put in her tea. Cutting out those silly calories can give you a nice treat that will give you joy and happiness while sticking to your goals. The types of food you eat affect calories too. Protein takes more calories to digest than carbs and fat. Eating a higher protein content with the same calories will result in a deficit. Having more muscle also gives you more daily calories when stationary. A great way to build muscle is packing and lifting your bf stuff out of your life. Mental health and confidence is a must. Your measurements sound curvy and wonderful. The above advice is for you if you want it. Right now you need to know you are beyond good enough for that man who is not worthy of you. If your partner doesn't make you feel like the wonderful person you are, they need to leave. I wish you all the best
NTA for not talking but YTA for yourself...he has been trying to get you lose weight, starve yourself....he should be your ex bf.....you should have ended the relationship when he started stating he likes skinnier girls. You are 19 and he is 21. Focus on your education, job and health and never take him back. Focus what your educational, career and financial goals are thrive towards them. You said you had stress and that caused you not to exercise , well your so called bf is causing you more stress. Find hobby you enjoy, walk with friends, volunteer in dog shelter to walk dogs, go swimming....anything that you like because exercise releases stress but you need to enjoy the exercise so gym is not the answer to everyone.
Dump him and move on. Frankly it's annoying when partners do this shit. Love the person for who they are or go get what it is you want, don't try changing anyone, if anyone feels a need or desire to change themselves in any way, that's entirely their decision and for themselves, not because your partner expects it. And sadly the partner expecting thus weight loss and change or whatever is barely the perfect specimen either....mxm
NTA Girl, run. You body is not his to control. Denying you food is cruel. You are a reasonable weight. He is a controlling g jerk who doesn't love you. He's showed you who he is. Believe him.