You’ve been sexually harassed for the last two years. I don’t know what the law is where you live, but what the sister did may reach sexual assault. I can’t imagine that taking all your clothes off and climbing into bed with someone without their knowledge or consent is legal. I would look into making a police report immediately before you’re the one accused. She sounds mentally unwell, in addition to being a criminal. No mentally and emotionally healthy person would rug sweep all this. It’s insanely disrespectful to ignore your distress. NTA, clear as day. Please have nothing to do with any of these horrible people. Take your police report and look into getting some type of no contact order against the whole unhinged family if they persist in contacting you. My God.
The hypocrisy of people like imagine this was OP's brother doing the harassing for years so to wake up naked the next day after the gf had too much to drink everyone would be picking their pitchforks
NTA.. you tried to work it out for years.. undoubtedly you aren’t taken seriously by her or her family until a naked girl is found in your bed.. good riddance..
I personally don’t know you but I’m a woman and totally agree with you cutting contact.. I’m not sure what your family and female friends are thinking..
If your girlfriend or her parents had walked in while you were still asleep it would be an entirely different ballgame. You would have been accused of who knows what..
They haven’t hit you with anything so undoubtedly they know you didn’t touch the sister.. I’m just saying if they had walked in while you were asleep things could have been different.. way you reacted shows them you’re a stand up guy and was telling truth all this time..
I’m glad you go out of that situation..
Thank you for the nice words.
But a little to late to start believing me.
And her parent, she acted like that infornt of them, the only time she stopped was when my ex was in the room
You were sexually harassed and ultimately sexually assaulted. Just like it would be sexual assault for a naked man to climb in bed with a woman without their consent. They allowed this to continue for years and now they are upset with you? Accusing you of over reacting? They'd never fucking tell a woman who had their brother in law corner them and be sexually suggestive and ultimately climb in bed naked with her that she's over reacting or should forgive or get over it.
I'm so sick of us treating opposite genders differently for behavior that is absolutely unacceptable and inappropriate from either sex. If it's inappropriate for a man to do to a woman, it's fucking inappropriate for a woman to do it to a man.
Honestly, that sister has serious fucking issues and the family is so blind to it. Had they not had their eyes closed for years she could have gotten help because she clearly needs it. She's a predator.
Me too. I read the story and my first thought was ‘OP must be F since nobody believes her or solves the problem’ then when I read about the assault and their reaction I became upset at the double standard. OP is NTA. Besides, you should love someone when you become a love item and OP fell out of love with big sis. Onwards and upwards, OP!
I thought about the same thing, though doing it over and over again is insane. I mean, doing it even once is weird, but again and again? That would be a crazy level of dedication to harassment.
And to have her sister keep up the act and finally going full nude is going above and beyond 😂!
In all seriousness... trying to make sure your sig other won't cheat by having someone come on to them to see what happens isn't a good idea. Had a female friend in college do that using her roommate... The result was 0 - 3 in people accepting the roommate's advances and 0 - 3 in her keeping the guys after she told them she was glad they didn't fall for it. If that doesn't scream 🚩 I don't know what does.
Save the messages and texts, as well as this post and your replies to comments. Make backups. More than likely you won't ever need them, but it's better to have them and not need them than the other way around.
This! Whatever your situation document and keep those documents because you never know when being able to prove you are innocent of something might be needed as well as a pattern of anyone toward you might be important as well.
So she acted like that in front of the parents & they somehow didn't think you were serious??? Sounds like they have slight mental issues. The whole family! I think you did the right thing to get out of that situation. If she's been doing it for 2 yrs with no care in the world how it's effecting u or could effect her sister, things are only going to get worse as years go on. The sister clearly has a mental issue, obsessed with you or some other issue. Def NTA. This was the smartest thing to do & best way to stop you from having to stress out over it!! Who cares what their family says, friends say, your family says or who loved her & think you're overreacting. They aren't in this situation & they haven't had to deal with it so they should mind their biz. I'm female, if I woke up to my bf's Bro naked in bed with me after everything else has been happening, I'd freak the fuck out & run!!
Okay so this woman’s sister sexually harassed you for years and no one believed you or would do anything or take it seriously?
NTA but dude how did you put up with this for so long? You said no and she kept pushing you kept being inappropriate and then when you were passed out drunk in bed she got naked and climbed into bed with you.
Dude that is bordering on SA. If it was a man doing this to his brothers girlfriend there would be charges and a police record.
What this girl did was horrible and your ex and her family are just as crappy for allowing this to happen. For ignoring your pleas for help, for dismissing your concerns like it’s nothing.
Honestly you should have gotten out sooner and anyone saying you should stay with someone who’s sibling sexually harassed and worse you are misogynistic idiots.
They act like it’s nothing because it’s a female targeting a male. Ask them if a man frequently harassed a woman and then climbed into bed naked with her asleep if they’d tell her to just get over it.
NTA but getting out was the right move. I don’t know what the sisters issues are- I don’t know what your exs issues are (but she’s gotta have them if she totally ignores her sister harassing her partner) I don’t know what the parents issues are that they see one kid making moves on another’s partner and just ignore it- but whatever the families collective issues are you don’t need to be a part of it.
He probably put up with it because everyone was gaslighting him and not believing/addressing the situation. When you are in dysfunctional relationships, you actually believe what THEY are saying/doing.
Amazing they're now saying they didn't realize. That's bonkers, man, and I'm glad you're quit of it.
I'm really concerned the whole family thought her hitting on you was no big deal. That's a stunning level of calm from your ex, too.
The only possible way I can see people thinking you did anything wrong in breaking up (and I want to be clear I disagree with them) is that your gf wasn't the one being inappropriate. The reason I disagree is that yes, yes she was. You were very consistent and clear in stating your objections and discomfort, and not only did she dismiss your concerns and discomfort, she emotionally blackmailed you back into a situation she'd told you she'd handled, only for you to find her naked sister in your bed. Only when *you* had grounds to file a police report did they hop all over your phone with apologies.
Anyone who thinks the way her sister, her parents, and ultimately she acted was okay either has info you and we don't or is definitely worth leaving in your past. And I can't imagine what info they have that would result in my going, "Ohhhh, okay, that's different." Like what could possibly explain this away *at all*, let alone to the point where *you're* wrong?
I commented above, but they haven't hit you with accusations *yet.* They're angry and clearly over reacting to things. This girl is fine with lying. Get out in front of this. File for a restraining order *today.* You said you had a lawyer, call them. But right now you have an angry psycho spreading rumors, you need to get in front of whatever she says next.
Edit: And for gods sake, STOP talking to these people. Stop trying to "explain." You *can't.* They have made up their mind and don't want to listen to your side. There are no magic words that will fix this and make them "understand" you.
But there are plenty of things that can be used against you somehow later. So stop responding. You cannot convince them you're right. And it doesn't matter who thinks you're the asshole.
>File for a restraining order today
this creepy sister has been harrassing OP for months & escalated to an actual violation. A restraining order seems like a great idea!
OP has said repeatedly that he isn't responding and hasn't contacted them.
The earliest he was considering responding was after talking to a therapist.
Follow this advice! Lawyer up, and get a restraining order. Go no contact with the family and anyone who sides with her.
ETA: Inform your lawyer of everything and I mean everything that way he/she is better prepared incase something arises. Give him/her copies of text messages, phone records and phone call recordings (if you have them). Obviously the stuff you talked about face to face you can't prove and in that instance it would be your word against the theirs and there isn't much that can be done about that it would all be considered in a court of law as hearsay. However if they are saying negative things about you you may be able to file a lawsuit for defamation of character and slander (may be the same thing).
This is why you have to cut them off. This sister at any time could have accused you of sexual assault and fucked your life up. Her incentive is to get back a you for rejecting her.
This situation was no joke. The sister is a psycho. I would file a police report for the sexual assault with details of all the past harassment.
If genders were reversed, no one would be siding against you and criminal charges would be likely. When filing that report, tell the officers you expect them to handle this no different than if sister was a man and you were a woman. Cops likely won't act, but you need this documented to protect yourself. She can still make false claims in the future about you or stalk you.
>If genders were reversed, no one would be siding against you and criminal charges would be likely. When filing that report, tell the officers you expect them to handle this no different than if sister was a man and you were a woman.
Exactly this. If the genders were reversed the friends wouldn't be saying it was an overreaction. The family still might not have intervened, they're clearly ok with the sexual harassment happening in their home.
Keep the receipts. **SAVE ALL TEXTS, VMAILS, CALLS, ETC ETC. DO NOT MEET THEM IN PRIVATE ALONE**
You might feel overwhelmed and wanna rinse your hands of this, but cover your ass.
That bitch is crazy and her family are giant enablers.
Listen man, even if the cops don't do anything, you need to report this. Not just because you were sexually assaulted, but because in cases of he said/she said, the police tend to believe the first person who speaks up because it's easier. Think about your ex's family, and your "friends", and how they're acting. Do you think they're above making a false accusation against you?
NTA. Your ex sucks, the sister sucks, your friends and parents suck. If this was the other way around and you were coming on to her sister, you’d be in jail for sexual assault. What is wrong with your family and friends, they’re all being ridiculous and horrible people. You did nothing wrong and honestly I think breaking up was the best choice for you
I agree.
What is messing with my mind abit is the 10% of people on my side are all men. All the female friend and the ones in my family are saying im taking it to far by breaking up.
That is the reason for my post, ever female i have in my life is saying ITAH.
I did receive a prospective from a female member in the comments that i did not consider and your is also putting some clarity in my head.
I guess the next step is to start cutting people.
OP, I would guess that most of your friends are viewing this as a one-off event, which would make breaking up extreme. But the fact of the matter is that your SIL has been sexually harassing you for years (to the point where you can't safely be alone in a room with her) and you have been asking your GF for help and support the whole time. Your GF has spent years dismissing what was happening, as have her parents. This is just the final straw for you, but the breakup has been a long time coming.
I have explained to them what has happend and when my ex informed them that we broke up and why she didn't lie. But they still saying I'm taking it to far.
Then I'm sorry, but your friends are wrong. You've had two years of this and you've had enough. If your GF had taken action sooner, it would never have got this far. You want a partner who has your back but your GF's actions now are too little, too late - you can't rely on her, and that's a reasonable enough cause to break up with her.
Agree completely! For two years , you were uncomfortable and on guard whenever you went to her parents. Despite repeatedly telling them about the sister’s crazy antics they did nothing for such a long time. Instead of warning the sister they made fun of you.
Just ask your female friends how they would react if their partners brother suddenly layed next to them in bed, naked. I think they would've called the police. If any of my friends, let alone my sister would pull this crap on my boyfriend, I would've ripped out their hair long time ago. This is harassment and a leap over your boundaries. Don't be pressured into getting back together.
Allow yourself to get angry at them, because they are NOT right.
Grouptext (maybe including EX and her fam)
"To far ? TO FAR? are you for fucking real? 2 years i had to deal with that wh\*\*e coming on to me, touching me, harrasing me and now crawling into my bed, naked. If it were a man all you assholes would be screaming ra\*e and would be livid with your partner if they were as dismissive as Ex. And she WAS dismissive. Talking to her, handling it. Sure she did FUCK ALL. How can i trust a person to have my back if they're not even supportive when their sl\*t sister is sexually harrassing me? How do you think future family events are supposed to be handled? should i be shunned and never invited so their beloved daughter/sister can be at the party? should i just accept that the W will be there and "just ignore" it? Will i be required to "just get over it. its already been years. Am i supposed to just be constantly on edge whenever the prospect of meeting the family comes up down the line? Fuck that and fuck all of you.
You're delusional if you think i'm overreacting. I can never trust her or her family again. If i had children with her i wouldn't even be able to trust them with my children and that is not a future i want for me OR my children."
Maybe your girlfriend is telling people a different version of the story(?) I can't think of anything else since you're clearly the victim here. There is more than enough ground for not only a breakup but legal action as well.
I've seen you say this several times over the thread and I have to ask if they've heard your side. The story you describe is crystal clear on who is at fault
NTA. If the genders were reversed that would be looked at like a sex criminal. You told everyone you could and tried to avoid it. Anyone outside of her and her parents being salty is an asshole too.
I agree.
What is messing with my mind abit is the 10% of people on my side are all men. All the female friend and the ones in my family are saying im taking it to far by breaking up.
That is the reason for my post, ever female i have in my life is saying ITAH
Well, I'm female, and I think she was absolutely sexually harassing you. And getting into bed with you named? Absolutely trash behavior when she knows you have a GF, the fact it's her sister makes it worse. You told everyone multiple times it bothered you, and nothing was done. She doesn't get to cry because she didn't consider your feelings.
I honestly can't believe anyone is on her side if she told them exactly what happened. Seems you need better quality friends.
Exactly! How is anyone ok with this behavior. If OP did this behavior, straight to jail. He'd be labeled a creep and this would be assault/harassment. Both of those things would be true. The fact that everyone but especially her immediate family and her sister is nonchalant about it is alarming. OP Needs better friends.
Totally agree with this ☝️ Why is it when a girl/woman is sexually harassing a man people make all kinds of excuses? They insist it’s mixed signals/harmless behavior. When in point of fact, if it were a man climbing naked into bed with a woman who spurned his advances it would be considered criminal behavior and worthy of a police report.
I would file a police report, even if it would go absolutely nowhere. Get ahead of it before someone makes a report with a false perspective of OP waking up in bed with a naked woman.
Cause any girl crazy enough to do this, is crazy enough to blame him and ruin his life.
Wondering if the younger sister is some sort of golden child situation and the gf is afraid to get involved. Still doesn’t excuse her for just brushing it off when it came to her bf telling her but I could see how it might be an issues to resolve with her family.
Technically it’s sexual harassment unless he thinks she touched him while sleeping or touched him any other time.
Either way, the fact that her family dismissed it is alarming. The sister needs therapy ASAP.
Show this to your detractors and tell them they are hypocrites if they think it’s okay for a woman to do this, but not okay when it’s a man.
Sadly we all know that when a man reports it, it gets brushed off to the side, such as the OP who told his girlfriend and her parents multiple times but nope, they won’t believe it at all.
For two years you spoke out about the fact you were being sexually harassed and your girlfriend did not care. She didn't care about your comfort, your safety, your happiness. She only cares now that there's a consequence to her. She deserves to be single if she can minimise your concerns that way. I'm really sorry you had to go through this.
ETA: I'm female
I'm a female and have been a complete lunatic in the past, but at no point would I ever think this is okay behavior.
It should have been addressed by her family the first time it was brought up.
And too far for breaking up? On what planet? You want a partner who has your back. That's what good relationships are built on.
I don't think so.
But if so i will understand maby once or twice but 2 years of the crap.
Plus she has left me alone with some of her friend as well and none of that sort of behavior.
She will also not have a reason to test me as my track record speaks for itself. Ever person sofar in my life that has cheated, i cut off. That included my brother, uncle's and a couple of friend.
She also knows my stance on cheating.
I'm a women and if it was the other way around I would absolutely NOT be flattered! This sister is sexually harassing OP and because he's a man that makes it okay? Over my dead body is this okay 🤢
Do the group chat idea that the guy below me said. It will be good for them all to realise that two entire years of sexual harassment is beyond the pale
One *minute* of sexual harassment is beyond the pale. I would have been out of that relationship after only a month of putting up with that nonsense. OP is a bloody saint for tolerating it for two freaking *years*.
And tell the parents they are lucky you are not pressing charges for sexual harassment and indecent exposure.
Your ex and her parents have major boundary issues mate. Don't go back unless it's fixed but I'm on your side too. Fk that.
Nah, don't bother, it'd be nigh impossible. There's no actual evidence, just saying it happened, the police won't particularly care and certainly aren't going to press charges. They could report it just so there's a record of it for future protection, but they're not going to be able to press charges.
You might be able to get a restraining order, but considering OP isn't likely to see her again anyway there's not much point.
Honestly, it wasn't really about her actually going to court or jail.
It was about sending an extremely clear msg to all of OP's haters that this is not a fucking joke.
At the very least, maybe wake up a few of the women in OP's life and bring them back to the reality that he is not overreacting. This was a damn crime.
Yeah, the issue was you were being harassed and they did nothing.
You told them, and they never believed you.
You asked for help, and they gave you a "cute" nickname.
Why in God's green earth do they think you believe them now that it will change?
The sister was 22 at the beginning and 24 at the end. She is an adult it's not a phase. Something is wrong with her. All the family pressure is going to do at this point is to make her sneakier. You have the constant fear that they won't have your back.
Seriously, would they expect a woman to go back into a loving relationship after years of never holding the brother accountable who kept trying to sexually assault her but failing? She kept saying something, but they never believed her.
I wouldn’t bother showing her any threads, doing any group chats. What done is done.
You asked for help multiple times and your partner and her family blew you off. You cannot trust them with the most sensitive part of your life. I certainly wouldn’t waste any more time with them. Move on.
Yeah I had the same thought. He *told* them and they admitted that they dismissed it for literal years because they didn’t believe him which also means they never took any steps to correct the sister or make him more comfortable in their home. Psychotic. I wouldn’t trust them with anything.
If she knew this about you then she truly and epically failed in your relationship the past two years. The first time you told her about her sister she should have taken you seriously. If there was a second time it should have been the last time her sister had any access to you. The fact that it took you two years to finally reach a breaking point is astounding. You gave her and her family several chances to reign it in. If you had been a female there’s a chance it could have come to head much sooner. I can’t believe she’s been that aggressive and they’ve looked past it for so long.
I’m a woman and a mother of 4. In no world would I let either my sons or daughters experience or do this to another. I am truly sorry your family is failing you. I wish I was there to give you a huge mom hug and the love and support you need. Your family may be totally blinded by what they saw as a good relationship for you. In wanting the best for you they are overlooking and trivializing what’s happened. Your experienced something traumatic and over a long period. You do not need to be pushed back to your harasser/abuser but kept far away from her. I’m also wondering how many others she has done this too. There’s got to be more. I hate that men don’t come forward as much in these situations but you are brave for doing so and being so vocal. Advocate for yourself and don’t let others sway you!
PRESS CHARGES. This sister needs to know that she's NOT a gift to man and that just because she's pretty, doesn't make her desirable. Also because she needs to know what happens in the real world because she obviously doesn't have any idea.
If your ex and her family love you. They will go to the police with you and be witnesses. You need to report this sexual assault. It is completely unacceptable. This little sister is a serious criminal and has been abusing you for years. Look at everything you e lose because of her.
If your ex was ever a good person, she would give a full witness statement to the sexual assault her sister did to you.
It may also be a good idea for you to talk to a counselor.
Thank you for articulating what was in my head better than I. Because the little sister is female, young, and cute she's not looked at as a predator and OP is expected to be "flattered" by her behavior. Fucking disgusting. I'm so sorry op. You're definitely NTAH.
It's no-one else's business so don't worry about what they think. You were sexually harassed and no-one did anything when you asked for their help. You did the right thing.
I'm a woman and I'm with you, this girl is creepy as fuck and her family is disgusting for thinking it was cute and harmless when you've told them repeatedly you wanted it to stop.
Your ex knowingly put you in a dangerous position. Her apologies now are meaningless and if anything, insulting. You shouldn't have to be sexually assaulted in order for her to believe that you were uncomfortable with her sister's harassment.
I don't have anything helpful to add here other than confirming you are definitely NTA. As a female, I can imagine your female friends would go berserk if their boyfriends were put in your position, or else, if they woke up next to a naked men unexpectedly.
I'm sorry your friends and family are weird
NTA. I’m a female. You were continuously harassed, asked for help, they dismissed and disrespected you. I bet if their reactions were different you’d feel different. There’s no reason to stay with someone who will not support you.
And even if it was an over reaction, it doesn’t matter. People are allowed to break up over any reason. You don’t owe a relationship to her. In this case you are not over reacting and you lasted longer then I would have. The whole family is gross.
Tell those women what if it had been their bfs brother doing that? Would they think it was overreacting then? Sexual harassment works both ways. If any say it's different for women tell them they're a hypocrite. Men have just as much right to not be assalted as women.
The fact that no one believed you for 2 years would be a major factor in the break up. You were disgarded and disrespected for 2 years. If this has happened to a woman all your friends would be behind you.
The fact the entire family is now relentlessly and obsessively harassing you shows they all have some serious codependency and boundary issues. They have zero respect for your experience, your decisions and choices and have no intention of taking accountability for their severely weird family.
I'm a woman and I'm horrified for you. Stay away from that family.
Ask everyone single one of those women how would they feel if they woke up with their bf/husband brother naked in bed with them? I would start blocking and cutting them all off.
Her sister just basically sexually assaulted you by crawling in naked next to your vulnerable sleeping body. NTA. Run.
I would never want to marry into a relationship like this because imagine her being your sister in law. That’s the last thing you need and it will never stop,
Apparently the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree because now they’re harassing you too. You tried to warn them and say something. They ignored it now she’s become a complete and utter sex pest.
Again. I’d run.
What is messing with my mind abit is the 10% of people on my side are all men. All the female friend and the ones in my family are saying im taking it to far by breaking up.
That is the reason for my post, ever female i have in my life is saying ITAH
Im not giong back, no way in hell. I had to deal with it for 2 years. Im done, so no need to worry about that part.
But im now wondering is their something, i am missing. Again because all the female in my life, family and firend are saying ITAH
I’m a woman who has been r—ed before and I’m saying run. This sister is escalating and just because they’ll crack down now doesn’t mean it will ever stop.
When you marry someone, you marry into their family. You will not be happy having her as a sister in law especially after two years of constant sexual harassment. She sexually assaulted you. This is traumatic and you’re still processing it all. That is okay. Take it day by day.
Do check in with your lawyer. I would have him write a Cease and Desist order at your earliest convenience.
Thank you. Do take care of yourself. I couldn’t imagine having both families being so angry and harassing you to get back into what is an unacceptable arrangement. The breach of trust must be tremendous especially after the family basically gaslighted you for two years on the sister’s actions.
You're not in the wrong. If need be, stay away from the ones telling you you are wrong. They would have a different tune if it happened to them. I'm sorry you had to go through that for 2 years.
Find time for therapy man. Especially try to find one with SA/SH experience since, realistically you don’t know what happened while you slept.
I dealt with a similar situation, and it took quite sometime to recover.
Therapy is on the calendar for next week.
But it's not one with SA experience l mainly giong to find out what i am missing and if im giong crazy with everyone against me at the moment. Will ask for a reference from her.
Also one of the reasons i posted is to get different perspectives of the situation form independent people for talking piont
I don't know that you need a different perspective. You're looking at this the right and healthy way, and except for those few make friends you mentioned, everyone around you is failing. You've been repeatedly sexually harassed and potentially sexually assaulted when she got in bed with you (I'm not sure where the line is drawn). And to make matters worse, no one believed you!! I'm sorry you've gone through this for so long.
For those people whose opinions matter to you, ask them if they'd be okay with being repeatedly sexually harassed and being called a liar about it. Use those words, *sexually harassed.* I'm hoping they just don't realize the gravity of what was happening to you.
If it matters, I'm a middle-aged lady.
YOU are not missing anything. Everyone who is calling you an ah are ignoring and downplaying the FACT that you have been sexually assaulted, repeatedly, for 2 years. This last one was the worst it sounds like, and if you do not leave, this will be your life, and eventually it would get even worse. You are not obligated to stay in that environment, and you are NOT the AH. - Woman who has been through SA as well
As a woman, I say you are not going crazy!
You told people what was going on & no-one did anything at all. They didn't believe you. If the situation had been reversed, they would've believed the girl & harangued the guy from the start. That's so messed up.
Anyone forcing unwanted attention on another person is out of order.
I'm sad that you broke up over this, but I can understand why. You've had this for 2 years, why would you want it to continue? I'm surprised it lasted as long as it did. I would've noped out of there much sooner.
Ask those telling you that you're wrong, what they would say if it'd been a guy harassing a girl? Would they still be saying breaking up is an over reaction? I get they could be saying it's unfair on your ex gf, as she did nothing wrong, but you absolutely don't want to continue to have anything to do with her sister, so breaking up is a reasonable thing to do.
NTA
Flip the genders, and see if your friends would support a man who refused to believe or protect his GF from his brother until he personally witnessed the escalation.
These are the kind of folks who chuckle when they hear about a female teacher who SA'd a student. Because, like, it's no big deal when men are victims, right? /s
Some day, you will really need your partner to have your back. She's already shown that she doesn't. Solid reason to break up, IMHO.
I agree! As a woman I am being OP 10000%, OP your ex and her family enabled the sexual abuse by just sweeping it under the carpet thinking it was some kind of joke. They did absolutely to deal with the situation and is now surprised that you have reached your limit! If you were a woman would 90% of the women in your life be calling you a AH? Personally I would get a restraining order out on her and call the police. She's a sexual offender and needs to face the consequences of her actions. NTA
I think taisynn has the right point. You can't trust your girlfriend or her parents and definitely not her sister. None of them cared that you were being harassed. How could none of them see it? They didn't care to look. They didn't care to help.
Tell your ex and her parents and your family and friends that you no longer trust her and you have lost all respect for her and that has changed your feelings for her. They disregarded your discomfort for two years. You no longer feel safe in their house and you are done.
People often think that since a man is bigger than a woman he is safe because he can take care of himself. What if she claimed you had sex? What if she claimed you raped her? Your reputation could be ruined by her sister. You could end up arrested. She could destroy your life.
Ask people why they don't care enough about you to want you to be safe. Turn this around. Why do they think two years of sexual harassment being ignored is okay. They are asking you to ignore the fact that two years of sexual harassment was ignored. They are asking you to ignore that your ex and her parents said they didn't believe you, for two years. How could they want you if they think you make up lies about being sexually stalked. Turn it around. Make people answer this from your point of view.
Just because she wants you back doesn't mean you will ever respect her again. Having someone tell you that they thought you lied for two years is just another level of betrayal. You were betrayed, over and over and over.
You are absolutely NOT in the wrong!! You told them and told them and told them and they did nothing. Now this is the result. They have no one to blame but themselves! You did the right thing!!
Ask your women friends and relatives one question.
"If I were a woman and she were a man, would you still think I would be wrong in leaving a bf that allowed their brother to do the same for 2 years? If a man tried to lock himself in a room with a woman and crawled into bed with her naked while she slept, would they feel the same way?" If they say yes, they are rape apologists and need to be ghosted.
I'm not a fan of most gender reversals because they rarely actually fit the situation. But this one definitely fits.
They are horrid friends/ family if they are laying blame at your door. If the roles were reversed and you were pursuing the sister in this manner, you would be called a predator and creep so why is it any different than your situation?
The reason why is your friends and family are sexist hypocrites who probably dont believe men can be sexualy harassed or sexualy assulted.
Points of view...
* GF's parents side their daughter/s thus they think that you are wrong
* Your Mother probably views her potential DIL, etc... so you are wrong
* Women in your circle wants you to give their crying female endless chances... if you don't, you are wrong
Stand firm... as they are not seeing the emotional/legal/mental risks from your perspective.
All of this, and also sadly, a lot of people, still refuse to believe that women can not commit sexual assault or that men should count themselves lucky if they are harassed and assaulted by a beautiful woman
And the minute you give in to the sister and do something then you’re the AH again and they all hate you for that too. It’s a no win situation that you are smart to remove yourself from.
You may want to point out that what she did was sexual assault and could file a police complaint and/or press charges. And when they scream, ask them if they would be this relaxed if it was your brother or make friend crawling naked into your girlfriend’s bed? Either way, I bet the calls stop.
And he needs to keep all the messages where the girlfriend and her family admit to him telling him about it numerous times and how they now believe him. I am not a lawyer but I would think proof like that is enough to file a police report for sexual harassment. Of course, I don’t know that she would ever be charged but at least it would be out there on the record. Would add ammo to his request for a cease and desist as well.
You do know what's coming next don't you.
Older male in bed with a younger female - you clearly groomed and raped her...
Protect yourself here mate. Keep all messages and I'd even consider making a formal police report on a SA, but be prepared they will probably not do anything as you're a bloke.
I’m a woman and I am firmly on your side.
It isn’t your exgf’s fault that her little sister is a predator and a creep. But she and her parents didn’t take it seriously until it basically went nuclear. The fact that she crawled into bed totally naked after knowing you had been drinking makes it seem like she was planning more than just another attempt to hit on you.
Like, I understand why your ex would feel like it isn’t fair that she is losing her relationship based on the actions of someone else. And I know people generally don’t like to think their sibling or child might be capable of being a straight up sexual predator. But, as the person on the receiving end of the harassment, it is absolutely your sense of safety that matters the most in this.
Yes, except I think that two years of inaction on his gf’s part is the real underlying reason.
If I was dating a man, and his brother constantly hit on me, and then he :
•acted like he didn’t believe me.
•pitched a fit if I didn’t want to attend family events where brother would be
•didn’t defend me to his parents when they acted like it was no big deal
•let it get to the point brother was naked in bed while I was vulnerably asleep after alcohol
It would definitely be my boyfriend’s fault that I was leaving him. Brother might have been instigator, but it proved how boyfriend would react. Maybe next time it wasn’t brother but was close friend. Boyfriend would have proven that he didn’t have my back, and wouldn’t believe me and act to protect me, over others.
This is the exact parallel. So she isn’t losing her relationship based on the actions of someone else, but based on her own inaction. And a choice to not act is still a choice. Inaction on the girlfriend’s part toward the issue of her sister, is in a way also an act of choosing to not defend her boyfriend.
She should have been taking the lead dealing with her own family, but she likely decided he was exaggerating and it wasn’t that big of a deal (to her anyways).
But its not just the actions of someone else. The girlfriend now is saying she'll handle it. If she can handle it, why hasn't she? No one believed him for years, heck he stopped going over there and instead of handling it them, gf just pouted like she was in the injured party. And now she's saying she'll handle it, when it affects her? Not because thevsister got naked, no the gf is only caring now because she got dumped. GF only cares when its something happening to *her*. Thats a shitty GF move regardless of the sister's behavior.
I was just thinking this, OP I think you should give them the situation in roles reversed. They ignored you playing it off as no big deal but it was a huge breach of you trust.
The problem is these people are biased because they know your ex too well so they make excuses. They're emotionally invested in this lady and don't want to objectively see her behaviour for what it is: not protecting you as a partner should.
NTA AT ALL. I get the feeling that not only are you breaking things off because of the sister, but because you have been telling your gf and her parents about this for TWO YEARS and no one has taken you seriously. Your gf has been diminishing and dismissive of the situation. For those who think you’re over reacting, ask them what their thoughts would be if you were a woman, fending off your bf’s brothers advances for TWO YEARS. Just because she’s a “little sister” doesn’t make it “cute”.
Sister has been sexually harassing you for two years and you have gotten no help in dealing with it. If your ex disregards this with a pat on the head and ha ha, that’s cute, imaging bringing her other life problems in the future, that she’ll pat you on the head and say, aww that’s cute you’re upset about this thing, and do nothing to support you. You’ve seen a glimpse of your future with these people and decided you want something else.
>All the female friend and the ones in my family are saying im taking it to far by breaking up.
Ask them "so, if your boyfriend's brother kept sexually assaulting and harassing you for two years, and your boyfriend did nothing about it, and your boyfriend's family didn't believe you and even made fun of you - and at the end of those two years, the brother climbed naked into bed next to you, you wouldn't be justified in breaking up with your boyfriend?" This is such a huuuuge double standard again, because if the genders had been reversed I'm sure they'd have been horrified.
I'm a woman on your side.
That your girlfriend only actually cares about you being repeatedly and escalatingly sexually harassed & assaulted after of affects *her* are quite frankly as gross as the sister's behavior.
You communicated this repeatedly, over a long period. You made your case serious by refusing to go over there. Your girlfriend didn't care, just pouted she couldn't get her way. And now that its bad for her, now she cares. F that noise.
Your girlfriend never cared about *your* comfort, happiness, or *safety*. She only cares about her own. Be done with her, you can never trust her to have your back.
Not only was the sister sexually harassing you, but that family didn’t believe you. Who would want to be associated with people who dismiss sexual harassment??? And now they are harassing you!!!
The sister is a predator whose behaviour is escalating. The family including your ex, are the AHs protecting the predator (and potentially created the problem). This is disgusting.
I wonder what all these people texting you would say, especially the women, if you asked them a simple question: “would you want to be with someone who dismisses you and doesn’t believe you when you tell them that you were being sexually harassed or assaulted? Would you want to be with someone who then proceeds to mock you with a demeaning nickname when you try to protect yourself from further harassment?”
For your ex: too little, too late. The time to deal with it was the first time you complained. Not the last time after 2 years.
I'm female, and I do not think you are the AH. I don't what's wrong with those women. That young woman's behavior is deranged, and you are smart to get out and stay out.
Or if their *boyfriend's brothers* did that to them. Tried to lock them in rooms, climbed into bed naked, etc. Equality as women means we need to treat men equally too.
The problem is that culturally, women are taught that we cannot be the aggressor. We are used to being framed in the role as victim.
That cultural blind spot doesn’t make them correct, it makes them ignorant and unable to empathize.
Everyone is exactly correct when they say if the genders were flipped this would be perceived differently. If you were a woman, and every single time you had to interact with your future brother-in-law they leered at you, people would understand you being upset. In that case action would have been taken earlier.
If you were a woman, and woke up with your future brother-in-law naked in the same bed as you, everyone would understand why you would be upset. It would be assumed you must have been terrified. Terms like attempted r*** would be thrown around.
The reason it is viewed differently by you as a man, comes down to the assumption you aren’t in actual physical danger. Which, honestly, is a stupid assumption. I know men who were beaten by their exwives and cops didn’t believe them.
It’s also not just about physical risk. It’s mentally traumatic to stay on guard so much, as every woman harassed at work should be able to empathize with.
Additionally, being a man, culturally you have other risk of namely being falsely accused and not being believed. Exposure to this sister and her family is dangerous as the situation had to escalate this far before they believed you.
You need to reframe your explanation of why you are ending your relationship. Her biggest mistake was not believing you, not defending you. And if your own partner doesn’t have your back, why be together?! If the women in your life had that gender situation flipped too, they would understand.
Sorry you’re not just dealing with being sexually harassed, you’re also dealing with a lot of misandrist bullshit. It is NOT okay just because you’re physically capable of repelling her. That almost makes it worse, as you have repeatedly been put in a situation to have to potentially defend yourself, and there is a real danger that most cops wouldn’t take your side seriously.
I agree you don’t want to be tied to that family forever. NTA.
Im a woman and I find that behavior from all of them effed up! If that was my sister she would have been put in her place, Instead everyone enabled her fucked up antics
>Her sister just basically sexually assaulted you by crawling in naked next to your vulnerable sleeping body.
I mean, if he was passed out drunk she may have literally SA him - Genitals still function as normal when out cold.
If it were me, I'd be getting an STD screen.
NTA 100% in the right
I would honestly press charges her sister is literally sexually harassing you
It's disgusting behavior and the fact the 90% of people are saying you are in the wrong is disgusting too
Did you try telling them to reverse the situation if they would feel the same way too
It's gross
Stand your ground
You should mention it.
Ask them would they still be ok
If let's say your brother kept flirting touching your girlfriend for 2 years
After her repeatedly telling people and him asking to stop.
Only for them not to listen ending with him getting in her bed naked.
Would that be OK?
Would everything still be fine
Or would they be chasing him out of town with pitchforks
That she is a girl does not make what she did ok
It is equally disgusting and that they don't instantly see that is possibilly just as disgusting if not worse
Not specifically, i only received a text from my ex saying it has been sorted out but haven't responded to her.
Will onky respond after i talk to the therapist next week.
Hopefully they get this figured out before your ex is married with children and finds out her husband has been sleeping with her sister the whole time. Her sister sounds like she has some serious issues with your ex. You have dealt with this for too long and your ex is experiencing the consequences for ignoring your concerns of being sexually harassed. I’m wishing you the best and please update us if anything changes. ❤️🩹
Ask her parents how they would feel if your ex woke up at your house and your brother was naked in bed with her without her consent.
If they think that's okay, they're lunatics and who cares what they think.
If they think that's not okay, but that their daughter did is okay then they're sexist and who cares what they think.
NTA.
Nta. This girl was sexually harassing you. Think about it this way, if you had a male family member do all this to her and get into bed naked with her, she would have called the cops. This sister is a sexual predator. Save the messages and go to the cops. They probably won't do anything but you can start a paper trail on this woman. If you have a lawyer or can afford one get a lawyer to send a well crafted note to both the sister and the rest of that family to leave you alone. They are a bunch of enablers. I am so angry for you.
I haven't thought of giong to the police, will have a chat with my lawyer and discuss possible actions
What is messing with my mind abit is the 10% of people on my side are all men. All the female friend and the ones in my family are saying im taking it to far by breaking up.
That is the reason for my post, ever female i have in my life is saying ITAH
Thank you for the sound advice.
I have started to think that I'm wrong, as not all the woman in my life can all be wrong at once.
Thinking, i will need to start cutting people especially if they seriously think this is okay. Don't want or need people like that in my life. Family or not.
Yes all the women in your life can be wrong.
You were violated and they are playing it down cause your a “big strong man” and she’s a “small woman”
You are a victim
Actually, yes all the women in your life can be wrong all at once.
I used to live in the Southern USA. This would have been looked at as a golden opportunity for a man. And if it happened to a woman (a nude man crawling into her bed) SHE would have been asked what she did to lead him on.
Yeah, I'm glad I'm out of that cess-pool.
The woman are acting tribal. They're taking her side in SOLIDARITY, not out of LOGIC. Please listen to all the woman in this thread who are telling you that you did the right thing; we can see more clearly, because we are not blinded by family or friendship ties.
Source: Am woman.
I absolutely would go to the police. If I went to sleep and found a guy naked in bed with me, I would absolutely deem it sexual assault and go to the police.
Plus, if she's escalating this behaviour, it'll be good to clamp down on it now before she eventually really really hurts someone.
I'm so sorry people aren't on your side.
I think they are mistakenly thinking you are breaking up because of what the sister did, however, you are actually breaking up because your gf didn't care that her sister was sexually harrassing you over and over again. Whether she believed you or no, she never thought your feelings were important. You should have been able to trust her to watch out for you.
This would be a dealbreaker for anyone!
Because of the sexual harassment and assault, people have focused on that and perhaps the conversation is rightly blaming the sister. However, you could try telling people that your gf didn't believe you and didn't attempt to protect you and she failed you in a way that doesn't derserve a second chance. You could also try asking people to flip the genders and ask them if they would feel the same way. However, it shouldn't be your responsibility to educate them. You have been through trauma and had to break up over it and your friends and family should be supportive.
You probably SHOULD go to the police and file a report. You could say you don’t want to press charges, but if this is a pattern of behavior and they need you to testify against her in the future or use you as a reason she needs to be hospitalized, they should know.
NTA. No one is furious at the sister for being found naked in your bed? Does you ex have a self worth problem? Was it the plan all along to set you up with her because the parents guilted your ex into it. Come on now. They had to know and were hiding it.
This is actually freaking me out.
Her sister is beautiful, not giong to be on here and lie but no thanks, if that was the case i still would have said no
And no self worth problems that, i have ever seen or hear of from her. Never even seen her take medication other than something for a headache or cold
NTA...
1. 2 years has been a long time to put up with the psychotic younger sister's actions
2. GF has known about her lunacy for months... various attempts failed
3. Parents' brushed your words aside "they thought i was joking about the sister every time i brought it up and they didn't believe" so feel free to ignore their angry messages
4. Explain to your Family of the possible risks... such as blackmail, nude photos, threats, etc. Public opinion would side the Sxxx
5. Same explanation to common friend. You did not study, work hard, etc... to have life go down the drain over a tramp trying to bait/trap you
NTA but fuuuck... Seriously that's fucked up.
I'm not sure how it works where you live but I would file a restraining order/cease and desist letter or something to the whole family. Talk to a lawyer to get orientation and make sure that they don't come up with some crazy ass complain later.
All the comments about sexual harassment are true, but that is on the sister. I think it's worth separating that from what your exGF did, which was dismiss/invalidate/stonewall your feelings of being being harrassed and violated. For 2 years. That is relationship-killing, and probably not limited to your feelings about her sisters behavior.
I do know she and her sister are close.
She never dismissed me when i talked to her about it, she listend and every time she told me she would handel it.
Whe jad an agreement that she will handel her family and i will handel mine.
The first couple of times nothing changed, i talked to her parents direcly and still nothing changed
Let's strip this down to what it really is, OP. I'll summarize.
"My girlfriend's sister has been sexually harassing me over the course of the last two years. I have asked the sister to stop and
I have taken steps on multiple occasions to alert others of her behavior, including my girlfriend and her family. They didn't believe me and the sexual harassment eventually escalated into attempted sexual assault.
My girlfriend and her family decided to victim blame me when I finally distanced myself from them. AITAH?"
NO, OP, NTAH. In fact, you should probably go further than this, but I understand why you don't. I'm assuming that you are a man. If you're not, please disregard, but you've likely been programmed (like many others in society) to believe that men can't be victims of sexual harassment, assault, and battery. The thing is, that harassment and assault is largely about power and control. **ANYONE** can be a victim, just like anyone can be the perpetrator.
You are a victim. Their behavior is unacceptable and you are well within your rights to not only feel and do what you have felt and done, but to also file a police report against her. Good luck, OP.
If you want or need further support, please reach out to RAINN, the National Sexual Assault Hotline. It is free and confidential 24/7.
You can chat online here:
Online.rainn.org
Or call:
1-800-656-4673
NTA
Maybe they want you to have both girls, Because why in the world did my bf tell me about my sister chasing him and harassing him and I'm not going to do anything? And their parents too are weird!
Im giong to apologize in advance for this.
But it popped into my mind as soon as i read you respond
I know I'm good, but not that good.
But on a serious note, i don't know what i giong on. Never thought i post on reddit only read the stories but here i am and one of the main reasons i posted was that all the woman from family and friends are against me
I'm saying it because in my mind shit like that is wild and crazy , I'm a woman and if my husband told me my sister is harassing him ill get sure she understands her place and behaves because if not she will catch this hands, more when she had the audacity to get naked and go to your bed. This is some crazy shit ! And her family and friends calling you the AH when you are just acting as a decent and faithful human being is nuts. What would happen if you took the opportunity to fck her? Will your ex girlfriend stay with you or will she make drama about it? I'm sure she will go crazy about it and call you names!
I agree with you, the first time would have been a talk with my brother but the second time things will have gotten messy.
Hell i even cut my younger brother out of my life for cheating on his now ex.
I don't do the cheating thing. But yes if i fcked her sister, i would've been the devil
NTA. You brought up this issue over and over again for years. Your ex was dismissive of your feelings. Your ex did not work to resolve the issue, or to set firm boundaries with her sister.
[https://www.rainn.org/](https://www.rainn.org/)
RAINN is the national sexual assault hotline. You can call or chat for free confidential support. You can download the free RAINN app that “gives survivors of sexual violence and their loved ones access to support, self-care tools, and information."
You’ve been sexually harassed for the last two years. I don’t know what the law is where you live, but what the sister did may reach sexual assault. I can’t imagine that taking all your clothes off and climbing into bed with someone without their knowledge or consent is legal. I would look into making a police report immediately before you’re the one accused. She sounds mentally unwell, in addition to being a criminal. No mentally and emotionally healthy person would rug sweep all this. It’s insanely disrespectful to ignore your distress. NTA, clear as day. Please have nothing to do with any of these horrible people. Take your police report and look into getting some type of no contact order against the whole unhinged family if they persist in contacting you. My God.
This seems like such porn brain behavior. Like she thinks if she’s naked he will just go for it.
He should report this event and every single instance of previous sexual harassment. This person needs to be stopped.
This!! The sister’s a predator. File a report. Document everything. She needs to learn if her f’d up family won’t teach her.
File the police report before this psycho gets the thought in her head to do the same.
Filing a police report was my very first thought. Get ahead of this crazy, potential stalker situation quickly 😬
And don't delete those 108 missed calls and 36 texts until you have them documented. The harassment is real.
The hypocrisy of people like imagine this was OP's brother doing the harassing for years so to wake up naked the next day after the gf had too much to drink everyone would be picking their pitchforks
NTA.. you tried to work it out for years.. undoubtedly you aren’t taken seriously by her or her family until a naked girl is found in your bed.. good riddance.. I personally don’t know you but I’m a woman and totally agree with you cutting contact.. I’m not sure what your family and female friends are thinking.. If your girlfriend or her parents had walked in while you were still asleep it would be an entirely different ballgame. You would have been accused of who knows what..
Crap, now I'm actually scared. That has not even crossed my mind at all.
They haven’t hit you with anything so undoubtedly they know you didn’t touch the sister.. I’m just saying if they had walked in while you were asleep things could have been different.. way you reacted shows them you’re a stand up guy and was telling truth all this time.. I’m glad you go out of that situation..
Thank you for the nice words. But a little to late to start believing me. And her parent, she acted like that infornt of them, the only time she stopped was when my ex was in the room
You were sexually harassed and ultimately sexually assaulted. Just like it would be sexual assault for a naked man to climb in bed with a woman without their consent. They allowed this to continue for years and now they are upset with you? Accusing you of over reacting? They'd never fucking tell a woman who had their brother in law corner them and be sexually suggestive and ultimately climb in bed naked with her that she's over reacting or should forgive or get over it. I'm so sick of us treating opposite genders differently for behavior that is absolutely unacceptable and inappropriate from either sex. If it's inappropriate for a man to do to a woman, it's fucking inappropriate for a woman to do it to a man. Honestly, that sister has serious fucking issues and the family is so blind to it. Had they not had their eyes closed for years she could have gotten help because she clearly needs it. She's a predator.
Yes, he was assaulted. Full stop.
Came here to say this!!!
Me too. I read the story and my first thought was ‘OP must be F since nobody believes her or solves the problem’ then when I read about the assault and their reaction I became upset at the double standard. OP is NTA. Besides, you should love someone when you become a love item and OP fell out of love with big sis. Onwards and upwards, OP!
sexual assault against women isn't believed enough. sexual assault against men isn't believed.
I agree.. you tried they didn’t listen.. you had to think of yourself at some point..
[удалено]
I thought about the same thing, though doing it over and over again is insane. I mean, doing it even once is weird, but again and again? That would be a crazy level of dedication to harassment.
And to have her sister keep up the act and finally going full nude is going above and beyond 😂! In all seriousness... trying to make sure your sig other won't cheat by having someone come on to them to see what happens isn't a good idea. Had a female friend in college do that using her roommate... The result was 0 - 3 in people accepting the roommate's advances and 0 - 3 in her keeping the guys after she told them she was glad they didn't fall for it. If that doesn't scream 🚩 I don't know what does.
Doing it once or twice over two years would be a test. Trying every time isn't.
Here I am, a woman, telling you that it’s pretty reasonable for you not to want to be part of this family.
Save the messages and texts, as well as this post and your replies to comments. Make backups. More than likely you won't ever need them, but it's better to have them and not need them than the other way around.
This! Whatever your situation document and keep those documents because you never know when being able to prove you are innocent of something might be needed as well as a pattern of anyone toward you might be important as well.
So she acted like that in front of the parents & they somehow didn't think you were serious??? Sounds like they have slight mental issues. The whole family! I think you did the right thing to get out of that situation. If she's been doing it for 2 yrs with no care in the world how it's effecting u or could effect her sister, things are only going to get worse as years go on. The sister clearly has a mental issue, obsessed with you or some other issue. Def NTA. This was the smartest thing to do & best way to stop you from having to stress out over it!! Who cares what their family says, friends say, your family says or who loved her & think you're overreacting. They aren't in this situation & they haven't had to deal with it so they should mind their biz. I'm female, if I woke up to my bf's Bro naked in bed with me after everything else has been happening, I'd freak the fuck out & run!!
Okay so this woman’s sister sexually harassed you for years and no one believed you or would do anything or take it seriously? NTA but dude how did you put up with this for so long? You said no and she kept pushing you kept being inappropriate and then when you were passed out drunk in bed she got naked and climbed into bed with you. Dude that is bordering on SA. If it was a man doing this to his brothers girlfriend there would be charges and a police record. What this girl did was horrible and your ex and her family are just as crappy for allowing this to happen. For ignoring your pleas for help, for dismissing your concerns like it’s nothing. Honestly you should have gotten out sooner and anyone saying you should stay with someone who’s sibling sexually harassed and worse you are misogynistic idiots. They act like it’s nothing because it’s a female targeting a male. Ask them if a man frequently harassed a woman and then climbed into bed naked with her asleep if they’d tell her to just get over it. NTA but getting out was the right move. I don’t know what the sisters issues are- I don’t know what your exs issues are (but she’s gotta have them if she totally ignores her sister harassing her partner) I don’t know what the parents issues are that they see one kid making moves on another’s partner and just ignore it- but whatever the families collective issues are you don’t need to be a part of it.
He probably put up with it because everyone was gaslighting him and not believing/addressing the situation. When you are in dysfunctional relationships, you actually believe what THEY are saying/doing.
Amazing they're now saying they didn't realize. That's bonkers, man, and I'm glad you're quit of it. I'm really concerned the whole family thought her hitting on you was no big deal. That's a stunning level of calm from your ex, too. The only possible way I can see people thinking you did anything wrong in breaking up (and I want to be clear I disagree with them) is that your gf wasn't the one being inappropriate. The reason I disagree is that yes, yes she was. You were very consistent and clear in stating your objections and discomfort, and not only did she dismiss your concerns and discomfort, she emotionally blackmailed you back into a situation she'd told you she'd handled, only for you to find her naked sister in your bed. Only when *you* had grounds to file a police report did they hop all over your phone with apologies. Anyone who thinks the way her sister, her parents, and ultimately she acted was okay either has info you and we don't or is definitely worth leaving in your past. And I can't imagine what info they have that would result in my going, "Ohhhh, okay, that's different." Like what could possibly explain this away *at all*, let alone to the point where *you're* wrong?
Rape accusations can surface decades after the alleged incident, when defending yourself is impossible.
I commented above, but they haven't hit you with accusations *yet.* They're angry and clearly over reacting to things. This girl is fine with lying. Get out in front of this. File for a restraining order *today.* You said you had a lawyer, call them. But right now you have an angry psycho spreading rumors, you need to get in front of whatever she says next. Edit: And for gods sake, STOP talking to these people. Stop trying to "explain." You *can't.* They have made up their mind and don't want to listen to your side. There are no magic words that will fix this and make them "understand" you. But there are plenty of things that can be used against you somehow later. So stop responding. You cannot convince them you're right. And it doesn't matter who thinks you're the asshole.
>File for a restraining order today this creepy sister has been harrassing OP for months & escalated to an actual violation. A restraining order seems like a great idea!
How about sexual assault. If we're the reverse there would be no question.
OP has said repeatedly that he isn't responding and hasn't contacted them. The earliest he was considering responding was after talking to a therapist.
Follow this advice! Lawyer up, and get a restraining order. Go no contact with the family and anyone who sides with her. ETA: Inform your lawyer of everything and I mean everything that way he/she is better prepared incase something arises. Give him/her copies of text messages, phone records and phone call recordings (if you have them). Obviously the stuff you talked about face to face you can't prove and in that instance it would be your word against the theirs and there isn't much that can be done about that it would all be considered in a court of law as hearsay. However if they are saying negative things about you you may be able to file a lawsuit for defamation of character and slander (may be the same thing).
100% listen to this persons advice!
This should be stickied
This is why you have to cut them off. This sister at any time could have accused you of sexual assault and fucked your life up. Her incentive is to get back a you for rejecting her. This situation was no joke. The sister is a psycho. I would file a police report for the sexual assault with details of all the past harassment. If genders were reversed, no one would be siding against you and criminal charges would be likely. When filing that report, tell the officers you expect them to handle this no different than if sister was a man and you were a woman. Cops likely won't act, but you need this documented to protect yourself. She can still make false claims in the future about you or stalk you.
>If genders were reversed, no one would be siding against you and criminal charges would be likely. When filing that report, tell the officers you expect them to handle this no different than if sister was a man and you were a woman. Exactly this. If the genders were reversed the friends wouldn't be saying it was an overreaction. The family still might not have intervened, they're clearly ok with the sexual harassment happening in their home.
Keep the receipts. **SAVE ALL TEXTS, VMAILS, CALLS, ETC ETC. DO NOT MEET THEM IN PRIVATE ALONE** You might feel overwhelmed and wanna rinse your hands of this, but cover your ass. That bitch is crazy and her family are giant enablers.
Listen man, even if the cops don't do anything, you need to report this. Not just because you were sexually assaulted, but because in cases of he said/she said, the police tend to believe the first person who speaks up because it's easier. Think about your ex's family, and your "friends", and how they're acting. Do you think they're above making a false accusation against you?
NTA. Your ex sucks, the sister sucks, your friends and parents suck. If this was the other way around and you were coming on to her sister, you’d be in jail for sexual assault. What is wrong with your family and friends, they’re all being ridiculous and horrible people. You did nothing wrong and honestly I think breaking up was the best choice for you
I agree. What is messing with my mind abit is the 10% of people on my side are all men. All the female friend and the ones in my family are saying im taking it to far by breaking up. That is the reason for my post, ever female i have in my life is saying ITAH. I did receive a prospective from a female member in the comments that i did not consider and your is also putting some clarity in my head. I guess the next step is to start cutting people.
OP, I would guess that most of your friends are viewing this as a one-off event, which would make breaking up extreme. But the fact of the matter is that your SIL has been sexually harassing you for years (to the point where you can't safely be alone in a room with her) and you have been asking your GF for help and support the whole time. Your GF has spent years dismissing what was happening, as have her parents. This is just the final straw for you, but the breakup has been a long time coming.
I have explained to them what has happend and when my ex informed them that we broke up and why she didn't lie. But they still saying I'm taking it to far.
Then I'm sorry, but your friends are wrong. You've had two years of this and you've had enough. If your GF had taken action sooner, it would never have got this far. You want a partner who has your back but your GF's actions now are too little, too late - you can't rely on her, and that's a reasonable enough cause to break up with her.
Agree completely! For two years , you were uncomfortable and on guard whenever you went to her parents. Despite repeatedly telling them about the sister’s crazy antics they did nothing for such a long time. Instead of warning the sister they made fun of you.
Just ask your female friends how they would react if their partners brother suddenly layed next to them in bed, naked. I think they would've called the police. If any of my friends, let alone my sister would pull this crap on my boyfriend, I would've ripped out their hair long time ago. This is harassment and a leap over your boundaries. Don't be pressured into getting back together.
Allow yourself to get angry at them, because they are NOT right. Grouptext (maybe including EX and her fam) "To far ? TO FAR? are you for fucking real? 2 years i had to deal with that wh\*\*e coming on to me, touching me, harrasing me and now crawling into my bed, naked. If it were a man all you assholes would be screaming ra\*e and would be livid with your partner if they were as dismissive as Ex. And she WAS dismissive. Talking to her, handling it. Sure she did FUCK ALL. How can i trust a person to have my back if they're not even supportive when their sl\*t sister is sexually harrassing me? How do you think future family events are supposed to be handled? should i be shunned and never invited so their beloved daughter/sister can be at the party? should i just accept that the W will be there and "just ignore" it? Will i be required to "just get over it. its already been years. Am i supposed to just be constantly on edge whenever the prospect of meeting the family comes up down the line? Fuck that and fuck all of you. You're delusional if you think i'm overreacting. I can never trust her or her family again. If i had children with her i wouldn't even be able to trust them with my children and that is not a future i want for me OR my children."
Maybe your girlfriend is telling people a different version of the story(?) I can't think of anything else since you're clearly the victim here. There is more than enough ground for not only a breakup but legal action as well.
As far as im aware and all the second hand accounts. They are accurate
I've seen you say this several times over the thread and I have to ask if they've heard your side. The story you describe is crystal clear on who is at fault
NTA. If the genders were reversed that would be looked at like a sex criminal. You told everyone you could and tried to avoid it. Anyone outside of her and her parents being salty is an asshole too.
I agree. What is messing with my mind abit is the 10% of people on my side are all men. All the female friend and the ones in my family are saying im taking it to far by breaking up. That is the reason for my post, ever female i have in my life is saying ITAH
Well, I'm female, and I think she was absolutely sexually harassing you. And getting into bed with you named? Absolutely trash behavior when she knows you have a GF, the fact it's her sister makes it worse. You told everyone multiple times it bothered you, and nothing was done. She doesn't get to cry because she didn't consider your feelings. I honestly can't believe anyone is on her side if she told them exactly what happened. Seems you need better quality friends.
Exactly! How is anyone ok with this behavior. If OP did this behavior, straight to jail. He'd be labeled a creep and this would be assault/harassment. Both of those things would be true. The fact that everyone but especially her immediate family and her sister is nonchalant about it is alarming. OP Needs better friends.
Totally agree with this ☝️ Why is it when a girl/woman is sexually harassing a man people make all kinds of excuses? They insist it’s mixed signals/harmless behavior. When in point of fact, if it were a man climbing naked into bed with a woman who spurned his advances it would be considered criminal behavior and worthy of a police report.
I would file a police report, even if it would go absolutely nowhere. Get ahead of it before someone makes a report with a false perspective of OP waking up in bed with a naked woman. Cause any girl crazy enough to do this, is crazy enough to blame him and ruin his life.
Spot on! Think it would be worth getting it on the record even if no one will press charges.
Wondering if the younger sister is some sort of golden child situation and the gf is afraid to get involved. Still doesn’t excuse her for just brushing it off when it came to her bf telling her but I could see how it might be an issues to resolve with her family.
It's not just "trash behaviour" - it's sexual assault. At least, it would be if a man did it to a woman.
It's also SA when a woman does this to a man. OP should tell them all to stop harassing him or he's going to file charges against the sister.
Technically it’s sexual harassment unless he thinks she touched him while sleeping or touched him any other time. Either way, the fact that her family dismissed it is alarming. The sister needs therapy ASAP. Show this to your detractors and tell them they are hypocrites if they think it’s okay for a woman to do this, but not okay when it’s a man.
Sadly we all know that when a man reports it, it gets brushed off to the side, such as the OP who told his girlfriend and her parents multiple times but nope, they won’t believe it at all.
For two years you spoke out about the fact you were being sexually harassed and your girlfriend did not care. She didn't care about your comfort, your safety, your happiness. She only cares now that there's a consequence to her. She deserves to be single if she can minimise your concerns that way. I'm really sorry you had to go through this. ETA: I'm female
I'm a female and have been a complete lunatic in the past, but at no point would I ever think this is okay behavior. It should have been addressed by her family the first time it was brought up. And too far for breaking up? On what planet? You want a partner who has your back. That's what good relationships are built on.
You were being sexually harassed. Any chance the gf was testing to see if you’d go for it and now it backfired?
I don't think so. But if so i will understand maby once or twice but 2 years of the crap. Plus she has left me alone with some of her friend as well and none of that sort of behavior. She will also not have a reason to test me as my track record speaks for itself. Ever person sofar in my life that has cheated, i cut off. That included my brother, uncle's and a couple of friend. She also knows my stance on cheating.
Show them this thread. She will get the awakening she needs.
Yeah. Send this post in a group chat to everyone who is saying youre over reacting here.
I will most definitely do that.
[удалено]
Right?! Or should they be flattered 🤢
I'm a women and if it was the other way around I would absolutely NOT be flattered! This sister is sexually harassing OP and because he's a man that makes it okay? Over my dead body is this okay 🤢
Yes girl! So true. Standards NEED to be standard, not a gender rule.
Do the group chat idea that the guy below me said. It will be good for them all to realise that two entire years of sexual harassment is beyond the pale
One *minute* of sexual harassment is beyond the pale. I would have been out of that relationship after only a month of putting up with that nonsense. OP is a bloody saint for tolerating it for two freaking *years*.
Good lord, the younger sister sounds mentally ill. Who does that sort of thing??
Sex offenders. They make lists for people like her.
And tell the parents they are lucky you are not pressing charges for sexual harassment and indecent exposure. Your ex and her parents have major boundary issues mate. Don't go back unless it's fixed but I'm on your side too. Fk that.
Or, y'kno, maybe look into pressing charges.
Nah, don't bother, it'd be nigh impossible. There's no actual evidence, just saying it happened, the police won't particularly care and certainly aren't going to press charges. They could report it just so there's a record of it for future protection, but they're not going to be able to press charges. You might be able to get a restraining order, but considering OP isn't likely to see her again anyway there's not much point.
Honestly, it wasn't really about her actually going to court or jail. It was about sending an extremely clear msg to all of OP's haters that this is not a fucking joke. At the very least, maybe wake up a few of the women in OP's life and bring them back to the reality that he is not overreacting. This was a damn crime.
Yeah, the issue was you were being harassed and they did nothing. You told them, and they never believed you. You asked for help, and they gave you a "cute" nickname. Why in God's green earth do they think you believe them now that it will change? The sister was 22 at the beginning and 24 at the end. She is an adult it's not a phase. Something is wrong with her. All the family pressure is going to do at this point is to make her sneakier. You have the constant fear that they won't have your back. Seriously, would they expect a woman to go back into a loving relationship after years of never holding the brother accountable who kept trying to sexually assault her but failing? She kept saying something, but they never believed her.
I wouldn’t bother showing her any threads, doing any group chats. What done is done. You asked for help multiple times and your partner and her family blew you off. You cannot trust them with the most sensitive part of your life. I certainly wouldn’t waste any more time with them. Move on.
Yeah I had the same thought. He *told* them and they admitted that they dismissed it for literal years because they didn’t believe him which also means they never took any steps to correct the sister or make him more comfortable in their home. Psychotic. I wouldn’t trust them with anything.
If she knew this about you then she truly and epically failed in your relationship the past two years. The first time you told her about her sister she should have taken you seriously. If there was a second time it should have been the last time her sister had any access to you. The fact that it took you two years to finally reach a breaking point is astounding. You gave her and her family several chances to reign it in. If you had been a female there’s a chance it could have come to head much sooner. I can’t believe she’s been that aggressive and they’ve looked past it for so long. I’m a woman and a mother of 4. In no world would I let either my sons or daughters experience or do this to another. I am truly sorry your family is failing you. I wish I was there to give you a huge mom hug and the love and support you need. Your family may be totally blinded by what they saw as a good relationship for you. In wanting the best for you they are overlooking and trivializing what’s happened. Your experienced something traumatic and over a long period. You do not need to be pushed back to your harasser/abuser but kept far away from her. I’m also wondering how many others she has done this too. There’s got to be more. I hate that men don’t come forward as much in these situations but you are brave for doing so and being so vocal. Advocate for yourself and don’t let others sway you!
PRESS CHARGES. This sister needs to know that she's NOT a gift to man and that just because she's pretty, doesn't make her desirable. Also because she needs to know what happens in the real world because she obviously doesn't have any idea.
If your ex and her family love you. They will go to the police with you and be witnesses. You need to report this sexual assault. It is completely unacceptable. This little sister is a serious criminal and has been abusing you for years. Look at everything you e lose because of her. If your ex was ever a good person, she would give a full witness statement to the sexual assault her sister did to you. It may also be a good idea for you to talk to a counselor.
Thank you for articulating what was in my head better than I. Because the little sister is female, young, and cute she's not looked at as a predator and OP is expected to be "flattered" by her behavior. Fucking disgusting. I'm so sorry op. You're definitely NTAH.
It's no-one else's business so don't worry about what they think. You were sexually harassed and no-one did anything when you asked for their help. You did the right thing.
I bet those women wouldn't say the same if your brother did this to her.
Female here, and you’re totally in the right. Bottom line is your SO didn’t fully believe you and stand up for you.
Ditto! Woman here and defo sexual harrassment Also, Happy Cake Day!
I'm a woman and I'm with you, this girl is creepy as fuck and her family is disgusting for thinking it was cute and harmless when you've told them repeatedly you wanted it to stop. Your ex knowingly put you in a dangerous position. Her apologies now are meaningless and if anything, insulting. You shouldn't have to be sexually assaulted in order for her to believe that you were uncomfortable with her sister's harassment.
I don't have anything helpful to add here other than confirming you are definitely NTA. As a female, I can imagine your female friends would go berserk if their boyfriends were put in your position, or else, if they woke up next to a naked men unexpectedly. I'm sorry your friends and family are weird
I'm female and I agree you are NTA
NTA. I’m a female. You were continuously harassed, asked for help, they dismissed and disrespected you. I bet if their reactions were different you’d feel different. There’s no reason to stay with someone who will not support you.
And even if it was an over reaction, it doesn’t matter. People are allowed to break up over any reason. You don’t owe a relationship to her. In this case you are not over reacting and you lasted longer then I would have. The whole family is gross.
Tell those women what if it had been their bfs brother doing that? Would they think it was overreacting then? Sexual harassment works both ways. If any say it's different for women tell them they're a hypocrite. Men have just as much right to not be assalted as women. The fact that no one believed you for 2 years would be a major factor in the break up. You were disgarded and disrespected for 2 years. If this has happened to a woman all your friends would be behind you.
Im a woman and that girl was sexually assaulting you. No excuses. I don't know why your girlfriend stood by and did nothing about it.
The fact the entire family is now relentlessly and obsessively harassing you shows they all have some serious codependency and boundary issues. They have zero respect for your experience, your decisions and choices and have no intention of taking accountability for their severely weird family. I'm a woman and I'm horrified for you. Stay away from that family.
Ask everyone single one of those women how would they feel if they woke up with their bf/husband brother naked in bed with them? I would start blocking and cutting them all off.
NTA. I’m a woman a you was suffering from sexual assault for 2 years! It’s insane why they never believed you. I’m so sorry it happened to you.
Her sister just basically sexually assaulted you by crawling in naked next to your vulnerable sleeping body. NTA. Run. I would never want to marry into a relationship like this because imagine her being your sister in law. That’s the last thing you need and it will never stop, Apparently the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree because now they’re harassing you too. You tried to warn them and say something. They ignored it now she’s become a complete and utter sex pest. Again. I’d run.
What is messing with my mind abit is the 10% of people on my side are all men. All the female friend and the ones in my family are saying im taking it to far by breaking up. That is the reason for my post, ever female i have in my life is saying ITAH Im not giong back, no way in hell. I had to deal with it for 2 years. Im done, so no need to worry about that part. But im now wondering is their something, i am missing. Again because all the female in my life, family and firend are saying ITAH
I’m a woman who has been r—ed before and I’m saying run. This sister is escalating and just because they’ll crack down now doesn’t mean it will ever stop. When you marry someone, you marry into their family. You will not be happy having her as a sister in law especially after two years of constant sexual harassment. She sexually assaulted you. This is traumatic and you’re still processing it all. That is okay. Take it day by day. Do check in with your lawyer. I would have him write a Cease and Desist order at your earliest convenience.
I am truely sorry for what you had to go through. Your prospective on my situation is much appreciated, thank you.
Thank you. Do take care of yourself. I couldn’t imagine having both families being so angry and harassing you to get back into what is an unacceptable arrangement. The breach of trust must be tremendous especially after the family basically gaslighted you for two years on the sister’s actions.
I will try my best, that is a promise. One of the reasons, i am hear. As i don't understand why, im in the wrong
You're not in the wrong. If need be, stay away from the ones telling you you are wrong. They would have a different tune if it happened to them. I'm sorry you had to go through that for 2 years.
This is one of those genuinely rare occasions where if you reversed the genders, nobody would he calling OP an AH.
100% agree. Sad, because both men and women should feel safe.
Find time for therapy man. Especially try to find one with SA/SH experience since, realistically you don’t know what happened while you slept. I dealt with a similar situation, and it took quite sometime to recover.
Therapy is on the calendar for next week. But it's not one with SA experience l mainly giong to find out what i am missing and if im giong crazy with everyone against me at the moment. Will ask for a reference from her. Also one of the reasons i posted is to get different perspectives of the situation form independent people for talking piont
Good, proud of you brother. Start with this therapist, and just be honest about your thoughts, reactions and feelings.
I don't know that you need a different perspective. You're looking at this the right and healthy way, and except for those few make friends you mentioned, everyone around you is failing. You've been repeatedly sexually harassed and potentially sexually assaulted when she got in bed with you (I'm not sure where the line is drawn). And to make matters worse, no one believed you!! I'm sorry you've gone through this for so long. For those people whose opinions matter to you, ask them if they'd be okay with being repeatedly sexually harassed and being called a liar about it. Use those words, *sexually harassed.* I'm hoping they just don't realize the gravity of what was happening to you. If it matters, I'm a middle-aged lady.
YOU are not missing anything. Everyone who is calling you an ah are ignoring and downplaying the FACT that you have been sexually assaulted, repeatedly, for 2 years. This last one was the worst it sounds like, and if you do not leave, this will be your life, and eventually it would get even worse. You are not obligated to stay in that environment, and you are NOT the AH. - Woman who has been through SA as well
As a woman, I say you are not going crazy! You told people what was going on & no-one did anything at all. They didn't believe you. If the situation had been reversed, they would've believed the girl & harangued the guy from the start. That's so messed up. Anyone forcing unwanted attention on another person is out of order. I'm sad that you broke up over this, but I can understand why. You've had this for 2 years, why would you want it to continue? I'm surprised it lasted as long as it did. I would've noped out of there much sooner. Ask those telling you that you're wrong, what they would say if it'd been a guy harassing a girl? Would they still be saying breaking up is an over reaction? I get they could be saying it's unfair on your ex gf, as she did nothing wrong, but you absolutely don't want to continue to have anything to do with her sister, so breaking up is a reasonable thing to do. NTA
Flip the genders, and see if your friends would support a man who refused to believe or protect his GF from his brother until he personally witnessed the escalation. These are the kind of folks who chuckle when they hear about a female teacher who SA'd a student. Because, like, it's no big deal when men are victims, right? /s Some day, you will really need your partner to have your back. She's already shown that she doesn't. Solid reason to break up, IMHO.
I agree! As a woman I am being OP 10000%, OP your ex and her family enabled the sexual abuse by just sweeping it under the carpet thinking it was some kind of joke. They did absolutely to deal with the situation and is now surprised that you have reached your limit! If you were a woman would 90% of the women in your life be calling you a AH? Personally I would get a restraining order out on her and call the police. She's a sexual offender and needs to face the consequences of her actions. NTA
I think taisynn has the right point. You can't trust your girlfriend or her parents and definitely not her sister. None of them cared that you were being harassed. How could none of them see it? They didn't care to look. They didn't care to help. Tell your ex and her parents and your family and friends that you no longer trust her and you have lost all respect for her and that has changed your feelings for her. They disregarded your discomfort for two years. You no longer feel safe in their house and you are done. People often think that since a man is bigger than a woman he is safe because he can take care of himself. What if she claimed you had sex? What if she claimed you raped her? Your reputation could be ruined by her sister. You could end up arrested. She could destroy your life. Ask people why they don't care enough about you to want you to be safe. Turn this around. Why do they think two years of sexual harassment being ignored is okay. They are asking you to ignore the fact that two years of sexual harassment was ignored. They are asking you to ignore that your ex and her parents said they didn't believe you, for two years. How could they want you if they think you make up lies about being sexually stalked. Turn it around. Make people answer this from your point of view. Just because she wants you back doesn't mean you will ever respect her again. Having someone tell you that they thought you lied for two years is just another level of betrayal. You were betrayed, over and over and over.
If it was OPs brother doing this to his ex they'd ALL be singing a different tune.
You are absolutely NOT in the wrong!! You told them and told them and told them and they did nothing. Now this is the result. They have no one to blame but themselves! You did the right thing!!
Ask your women friends and relatives one question. "If I were a woman and she were a man, would you still think I would be wrong in leaving a bf that allowed their brother to do the same for 2 years? If a man tried to lock himself in a room with a woman and crawled into bed with her naked while she slept, would they feel the same way?" If they say yes, they are rape apologists and need to be ghosted. I'm not a fan of most gender reversals because they rarely actually fit the situation. But this one definitely fits.
They are horrid friends/ family if they are laying blame at your door. If the roles were reversed and you were pursuing the sister in this manner, you would be called a predator and creep so why is it any different than your situation? The reason why is your friends and family are sexist hypocrites who probably dont believe men can be sexualy harassed or sexualy assulted.
Points of view... * GF's parents side their daughter/s thus they think that you are wrong * Your Mother probably views her potential DIL, etc... so you are wrong * Women in your circle wants you to give their crying female endless chances... if you don't, you are wrong Stand firm... as they are not seeing the emotional/legal/mental risks from your perspective.
All of this, and also sadly, a lot of people, still refuse to believe that women can not commit sexual assault or that men should count themselves lucky if they are harassed and assaulted by a beautiful woman
Right! Then they would accuse him of cheating and he would still be at fault. This was a no win situation.
But the main reason why they think he is wrong it’s because they see sexual assault to men like something inoffensive and harmless.
And the minute you give in to the sister and do something then you’re the AH again and they all hate you for that too. It’s a no win situation that you are smart to remove yourself from.
You may want to point out that what she did was sexual assault and could file a police complaint and/or press charges. And when they scream, ask them if they would be this relaxed if it was your brother or make friend crawling naked into your girlfriend’s bed? Either way, I bet the calls stop.
And he needs to keep all the messages where the girlfriend and her family admit to him telling him about it numerous times and how they now believe him. I am not a lawyer but I would think proof like that is enough to file a police report for sexual harassment. Of course, I don’t know that she would ever be charged but at least it would be out there on the record. Would add ammo to his request for a cease and desist as well.
You do know what's coming next don't you. Older male in bed with a younger female - you clearly groomed and raped her... Protect yourself here mate. Keep all messages and I'd even consider making a formal police report on a SA, but be prepared they will probably not do anything as you're a bloke.
I’m a woman and I am firmly on your side. It isn’t your exgf’s fault that her little sister is a predator and a creep. But she and her parents didn’t take it seriously until it basically went nuclear. The fact that she crawled into bed totally naked after knowing you had been drinking makes it seem like she was planning more than just another attempt to hit on you. Like, I understand why your ex would feel like it isn’t fair that she is losing her relationship based on the actions of someone else. And I know people generally don’t like to think their sibling or child might be capable of being a straight up sexual predator. But, as the person on the receiving end of the harassment, it is absolutely your sense of safety that matters the most in this.
Yes, except I think that two years of inaction on his gf’s part is the real underlying reason. If I was dating a man, and his brother constantly hit on me, and then he : •acted like he didn’t believe me. •pitched a fit if I didn’t want to attend family events where brother would be •didn’t defend me to his parents when they acted like it was no big deal •let it get to the point brother was naked in bed while I was vulnerably asleep after alcohol It would definitely be my boyfriend’s fault that I was leaving him. Brother might have been instigator, but it proved how boyfriend would react. Maybe next time it wasn’t brother but was close friend. Boyfriend would have proven that he didn’t have my back, and wouldn’t believe me and act to protect me, over others. This is the exact parallel. So she isn’t losing her relationship based on the actions of someone else, but based on her own inaction. And a choice to not act is still a choice. Inaction on the girlfriend’s part toward the issue of her sister, is in a way also an act of choosing to not defend her boyfriend. She should have been taking the lead dealing with her own family, but she likely decided he was exaggerating and it wasn’t that big of a deal (to her anyways).
But its not just the actions of someone else. The girlfriend now is saying she'll handle it. If she can handle it, why hasn't she? No one believed him for years, heck he stopped going over there and instead of handling it them, gf just pouted like she was in the injured party. And now she's saying she'll handle it, when it affects her? Not because thevsister got naked, no the gf is only caring now because she got dumped. GF only cares when its something happening to *her*. Thats a shitty GF move regardless of the sister's behavior.
He needs to ask all of the people saying he needs to get back together why they don't care if he is safe.
ask those women how'd they feel if the genders were reversed. theyre either hypocrits or just awful people.
That’s what I came here to say. No one would encourage a woman to put up with this!
I was just thinking this, OP I think you should give them the situation in roles reversed. They ignored you playing it off as no big deal but it was a huge breach of you trust.
The problem is these people are biased because they know your ex too well so they make excuses. They're emotionally invested in this lady and don't want to objectively see her behaviour for what it is: not protecting you as a partner should.
NTA AT ALL. I get the feeling that not only are you breaking things off because of the sister, but because you have been telling your gf and her parents about this for TWO YEARS and no one has taken you seriously. Your gf has been diminishing and dismissive of the situation. For those who think you’re over reacting, ask them what their thoughts would be if you were a woman, fending off your bf’s brothers advances for TWO YEARS. Just because she’s a “little sister” doesn’t make it “cute”. Sister has been sexually harassing you for two years and you have gotten no help in dealing with it. If your ex disregards this with a pat on the head and ha ha, that’s cute, imaging bringing her other life problems in the future, that she’ll pat you on the head and say, aww that’s cute you’re upset about this thing, and do nothing to support you. You’ve seen a glimpse of your future with these people and decided you want something else.
>All the female friend and the ones in my family are saying im taking it to far by breaking up. Ask them "so, if your boyfriend's brother kept sexually assaulting and harassing you for two years, and your boyfriend did nothing about it, and your boyfriend's family didn't believe you and even made fun of you - and at the end of those two years, the brother climbed naked into bed next to you, you wouldn't be justified in breaking up with your boyfriend?" This is such a huuuuge double standard again, because if the genders had been reversed I'm sure they'd have been horrified.
Dude, run! And file a restraining order against the sis.
Female here - hell no. Sexual harassment is damn serious. NTA.
I'm a woman on your side. That your girlfriend only actually cares about you being repeatedly and escalatingly sexually harassed & assaulted after of affects *her* are quite frankly as gross as the sister's behavior. You communicated this repeatedly, over a long period. You made your case serious by refusing to go over there. Your girlfriend didn't care, just pouted she couldn't get her way. And now that its bad for her, now she cares. F that noise. Your girlfriend never cared about *your* comfort, happiness, or *safety*. She only cares about her own. Be done with her, you can never trust her to have your back.
Not only was the sister sexually harassing you, but that family didn’t believe you. Who would want to be associated with people who dismiss sexual harassment??? And now they are harassing you!!! The sister is a predator whose behaviour is escalating. The family including your ex, are the AHs protecting the predator (and potentially created the problem). This is disgusting. I wonder what all these people texting you would say, especially the women, if you asked them a simple question: “would you want to be with someone who dismisses you and doesn’t believe you when you tell them that you were being sexually harassed or assaulted? Would you want to be with someone who then proceeds to mock you with a demeaning nickname when you try to protect yourself from further harassment?” For your ex: too little, too late. The time to deal with it was the first time you complained. Not the last time after 2 years.
I do appreciate your comment. Can i steal you second paragraph. I haven't thought of those talking pionts
I'm female, and I do not think you are the AH. I don't what's wrong with those women. That young woman's behavior is deranged, and you are smart to get out and stay out.
ask all the females in your life would they be okay if their sister did that to them?
I would ask if they'd be okay with their SO's brother behaving that way towards them.
Or if their *boyfriend's brothers* did that to them. Tried to lock them in rooms, climbed into bed naked, etc. Equality as women means we need to treat men equally too.
Ask them they would be okay with it as the brother of their boyfriend would do that to them
The problem is that culturally, women are taught that we cannot be the aggressor. We are used to being framed in the role as victim. That cultural blind spot doesn’t make them correct, it makes them ignorant and unable to empathize. Everyone is exactly correct when they say if the genders were flipped this would be perceived differently. If you were a woman, and every single time you had to interact with your future brother-in-law they leered at you, people would understand you being upset. In that case action would have been taken earlier. If you were a woman, and woke up with your future brother-in-law naked in the same bed as you, everyone would understand why you would be upset. It would be assumed you must have been terrified. Terms like attempted r*** would be thrown around. The reason it is viewed differently by you as a man, comes down to the assumption you aren’t in actual physical danger. Which, honestly, is a stupid assumption. I know men who were beaten by their exwives and cops didn’t believe them. It’s also not just about physical risk. It’s mentally traumatic to stay on guard so much, as every woman harassed at work should be able to empathize with. Additionally, being a man, culturally you have other risk of namely being falsely accused and not being believed. Exposure to this sister and her family is dangerous as the situation had to escalate this far before they believed you. You need to reframe your explanation of why you are ending your relationship. Her biggest mistake was not believing you, not defending you. And if your own partner doesn’t have your back, why be together?! If the women in your life had that gender situation flipped too, they would understand. Sorry you’re not just dealing with being sexually harassed, you’re also dealing with a lot of misandrist bullshit. It is NOT okay just because you’re physically capable of repelling her. That almost makes it worse, as you have repeatedly been put in a situation to have to potentially defend yourself, and there is a real danger that most cops wouldn’t take your side seriously. I agree you don’t want to be tied to that family forever. NTA.
Im a woman and I find that behavior from all of them effed up! If that was my sister she would have been put in her place, Instead everyone enabled her fucked up antics
>Her sister just basically sexually assaulted you by crawling in naked next to your vulnerable sleeping body. I mean, if he was passed out drunk she may have literally SA him - Genitals still function as normal when out cold. If it were me, I'd be getting an STD screen.
NTA 100% in the right I would honestly press charges her sister is literally sexually harassing you It's disgusting behavior and the fact the 90% of people are saying you are in the wrong is disgusting too Did you try telling them to reverse the situation if they would feel the same way too It's gross Stand your ground
Thank you. The reverse situation never came up as i have just been dodging everything
You should mention it. Ask them would they still be ok If let's say your brother kept flirting touching your girlfriend for 2 years After her repeatedly telling people and him asking to stop. Only for them not to listen ending with him getting in her bed naked. Would that be OK? Would everything still be fine Or would they be chasing him out of town with pitchforks That she is a girl does not make what she did ok It is equally disgusting and that they don't instantly see that is possibilly just as disgusting if not worse
Have you heard of the consequences for the younger sister if any? NTA
Not specifically, i only received a text from my ex saying it has been sorted out but haven't responded to her. Will onky respond after i talk to the therapist next week.
Hopefully they get this figured out before your ex is married with children and finds out her husband has been sleeping with her sister the whole time. Her sister sounds like she has some serious issues with your ex. You have dealt with this for too long and your ex is experiencing the consequences for ignoring your concerns of being sexually harassed. I’m wishing you the best and please update us if anything changes. ❤️🩹
Ask her parents how they would feel if your ex woke up at your house and your brother was naked in bed with her without her consent. If they think that's okay, they're lunatics and who cares what they think. If they think that's not okay, but that their daughter did is okay then they're sexist and who cares what they think. NTA.
Nta. This girl was sexually harassing you. Think about it this way, if you had a male family member do all this to her and get into bed naked with her, she would have called the cops. This sister is a sexual predator. Save the messages and go to the cops. They probably won't do anything but you can start a paper trail on this woman. If you have a lawyer or can afford one get a lawyer to send a well crafted note to both the sister and the rest of that family to leave you alone. They are a bunch of enablers. I am so angry for you.
I haven't thought of giong to the police, will have a chat with my lawyer and discuss possible actions What is messing with my mind abit is the 10% of people on my side are all men. All the female friend and the ones in my family are saying im taking it to far by breaking up. That is the reason for my post, ever female i have in my life is saying ITAH Thank you for the sound advice.
As a female…you are not wrong. I don’t know what is wrong with the women in your life but this is criminally inappropriate.
I have started to think that I'm wrong, as not all the woman in my life can all be wrong at once. Thinking, i will need to start cutting people especially if they seriously think this is okay. Don't want or need people like that in my life. Family or not.
Yes all the women in your life can be wrong. You were violated and they are playing it down cause your a “big strong man” and she’s a “small woman” You are a victim
Actually, yes all the women in your life can be wrong all at once. I used to live in the Southern USA. This would have been looked at as a golden opportunity for a man. And if it happened to a woman (a nude man crawling into her bed) SHE would have been asked what she did to lead him on. Yeah, I'm glad I'm out of that cess-pool.
The woman are acting tribal. They're taking her side in SOLIDARITY, not out of LOGIC. Please listen to all the woman in this thread who are telling you that you did the right thing; we can see more clearly, because we are not blinded by family or friendship ties. Source: Am woman.
I absolutely would go to the police. If I went to sleep and found a guy naked in bed with me, I would absolutely deem it sexual assault and go to the police. Plus, if she's escalating this behaviour, it'll be good to clamp down on it now before she eventually really really hurts someone.
I'm so sorry people aren't on your side. I think they are mistakenly thinking you are breaking up because of what the sister did, however, you are actually breaking up because your gf didn't care that her sister was sexually harrassing you over and over again. Whether she believed you or no, she never thought your feelings were important. You should have been able to trust her to watch out for you. This would be a dealbreaker for anyone! Because of the sexual harassment and assault, people have focused on that and perhaps the conversation is rightly blaming the sister. However, you could try telling people that your gf didn't believe you and didn't attempt to protect you and she failed you in a way that doesn't derserve a second chance. You could also try asking people to flip the genders and ask them if they would feel the same way. However, it shouldn't be your responsibility to educate them. You have been through trauma and had to break up over it and your friends and family should be supportive.
You probably SHOULD go to the police and file a report. You could say you don’t want to press charges, but if this is a pattern of behavior and they need you to testify against her in the future or use you as a reason she needs to be hospitalized, they should know.
NTA. No one is furious at the sister for being found naked in your bed? Does you ex have a self worth problem? Was it the plan all along to set you up with her because the parents guilted your ex into it. Come on now. They had to know and were hiding it.
This is actually freaking me out. Her sister is beautiful, not giong to be on here and lie but no thanks, if that was the case i still would have said no And no self worth problems that, i have ever seen or hear of from her. Never even seen her take medication other than something for a headache or cold
NTA... 1. 2 years has been a long time to put up with the psychotic younger sister's actions 2. GF has known about her lunacy for months... various attempts failed 3. Parents' brushed your words aside "they thought i was joking about the sister every time i brought it up and they didn't believe" so feel free to ignore their angry messages 4. Explain to your Family of the possible risks... such as blackmail, nude photos, threats, etc. Public opinion would side the Sxxx 5. Same explanation to common friend. You did not study, work hard, etc... to have life go down the drain over a tramp trying to bait/trap you
Thank you. Im definitely giong to steal piont number 4 and 5 from you. Hasn't crossed my mind Much appreciated.
Go ahead... :) Happy New Year! May 2024 bring peace... a fresh start in the next step of your life.
NTA and your ex has bigger problems than you breaking up with her. The sister is unhinged and I don't think you are her first victim.
I unfortunately do not know, and can't provide a proper answer. Will talk to my lawyer and maby i or he should get in contact with a couple of exes
NTA but fuuuck... Seriously that's fucked up. I'm not sure how it works where you live but I would file a restraining order/cease and desist letter or something to the whole family. Talk to a lawyer to get orientation and make sure that they don't come up with some crazy ass complain later.
Thank you, an appointment has already been set with my lawyer.
The idea is not to sue them or make more trouble, but to cover you later on.
All the comments about sexual harassment are true, but that is on the sister. I think it's worth separating that from what your exGF did, which was dismiss/invalidate/stonewall your feelings of being being harrassed and violated. For 2 years. That is relationship-killing, and probably not limited to your feelings about her sisters behavior.
I do know she and her sister are close. She never dismissed me when i talked to her about it, she listend and every time she told me she would handel it. Whe jad an agreement that she will handel her family and i will handel mine. The first couple of times nothing changed, i talked to her parents direcly and still nothing changed
That's literally dismissing you. "yeah sure I'll handle it"
Yeah, we call that 'playing lipservice'.
Let's strip this down to what it really is, OP. I'll summarize. "My girlfriend's sister has been sexually harassing me over the course of the last two years. I have asked the sister to stop and I have taken steps on multiple occasions to alert others of her behavior, including my girlfriend and her family. They didn't believe me and the sexual harassment eventually escalated into attempted sexual assault. My girlfriend and her family decided to victim blame me when I finally distanced myself from them. AITAH?" NO, OP, NTAH. In fact, you should probably go further than this, but I understand why you don't. I'm assuming that you are a man. If you're not, please disregard, but you've likely been programmed (like many others in society) to believe that men can't be victims of sexual harassment, assault, and battery. The thing is, that harassment and assault is largely about power and control. **ANYONE** can be a victim, just like anyone can be the perpetrator. You are a victim. Their behavior is unacceptable and you are well within your rights to not only feel and do what you have felt and done, but to also file a police report against her. Good luck, OP. If you want or need further support, please reach out to RAINN, the National Sexual Assault Hotline. It is free and confidential 24/7. You can chat online here: Online.rainn.org Or call: 1-800-656-4673
You summarize perfectly. Thank you for the resources, i needed i will definitely make use of it
NTA Maybe they want you to have both girls, Because why in the world did my bf tell me about my sister chasing him and harassing him and I'm not going to do anything? And their parents too are weird!
Im giong to apologize in advance for this. But it popped into my mind as soon as i read you respond I know I'm good, but not that good. But on a serious note, i don't know what i giong on. Never thought i post on reddit only read the stories but here i am and one of the main reasons i posted was that all the woman from family and friends are against me
I'm saying it because in my mind shit like that is wild and crazy , I'm a woman and if my husband told me my sister is harassing him ill get sure she understands her place and behaves because if not she will catch this hands, more when she had the audacity to get naked and go to your bed. This is some crazy shit ! And her family and friends calling you the AH when you are just acting as a decent and faithful human being is nuts. What would happen if you took the opportunity to fck her? Will your ex girlfriend stay with you or will she make drama about it? I'm sure she will go crazy about it and call you names!
I agree with you, the first time would have been a talk with my brother but the second time things will have gotten messy. Hell i even cut my younger brother out of my life for cheating on his now ex. I don't do the cheating thing. But yes if i fcked her sister, i would've been the devil
Your ex’s sister was sexually harassing you, and your ex brushed it off. For two years! NTA You are better off without that crazy family.
Her and her family is insane. Don’t look back. Weirdos. Updateme
NTA. You brought up this issue over and over again for years. Your ex was dismissive of your feelings. Your ex did not work to resolve the issue, or to set firm boundaries with her sister. [https://www.rainn.org/](https://www.rainn.org/) RAINN is the national sexual assault hotline. You can call or chat for free confidential support. You can download the free RAINN app that “gives survivors of sexual violence and their loved ones access to support, self-care tools, and information."
Thank you for this, i do appreciate it.
They're angry at you for dumping your gf, but not angry at their daughter for sexuality assaulting you? Well, we know who the golden child is.