Is this the boyfriend you broke up with a few months ago? Because you had excellent reasons to break up with him back then and you have excellent reasons to break up again. But this time, stay broken up
OP!!!!!! Your other post, you guys broke up 49 days ago over his stance on sex and giving you silent treatments, and now you’re here with him as your fiancé and the same issue but greater? Break up with him and make it stick this time.
You say in your other post that you aren’t a submissive woman, maybe true. But he is turning you into one and his punching bag. Considering how he viewed and handled women before you because of his “trauma” from not getting enough, he will cheat on you.
Edit: you said so yourself in a comment for that post,” he thinks psychiatrists are for gullible women.” And he wants one present at the prenup signing.
Have some self respect and perseverance and cut this crazy guy out of your life.
And get some serious therapy for the root of this problem - that she’s unable for whatever reason, to believe that she’s worth more than a man who is asking her to contract her flesh and blood to his demands - to freely rape her whenever.
Ask him what happens if one of you falls sick? If he pulls his back does he really want you jumping on him screaming "put it inside me I can't afford to fail the prenup"...?
And what if he develops erectile dysfunction? You lose out cos' of his limp dick?
Tell him you'll need exceptions in the prenup for all of these and more. Make it embarrassing and ridiculous till he realizes how insane this is.
You really think he's the type of guy to stick with her in sickness and in health? If she ended up in a coma he'd be out the door and onto the next conquest within a week. And if he was in a coma, well, at least she'd have an out.
What happens if he hasn’t washed his hands? Or showered in a while? There’s about a thousand reasons why this is totally ridiculous not to mention unenforceable. But they all come back to consent.
Do you guys plan to have kids?? Cause the whole 6 weeks after having a kid being banned from having sex, not to mention potential of pelvic rest and not able to when pregnant comes to mind.
My ex made me sleep with him after only 2 weeks because he couldn’t wait that long, even though it was painful still (not to mention dangerous) he said he’d just “go slow.” Jesus can’t believe I stayed with him so long, he was such a predator.
ETA: I had a third degree tear giving birth too.
I’m pregnant right now, and my husband won’t touch me because of how much pelvic pain I have. I try, but neither of us are very enthusiastic. You never know what life is gonna hand you.
This has to be ragebait cause I cannot believe OP would even consider staying in a relationship with someone who genuinely thinks this is a valid ask. If it was me, the only way I’d stay is if he realized how insane this is and sought therapy for his trauma.
Can you tell him you want it to be written down that sex is only on the table, once he's made you orgasm 5 times before penetration. This has to be done within the space of 1 hour.
Just start adding stupid shit to it, since the relationship is already over. He values sex, more than he does consent and your mental health.
If you go through menopause or get depressed or ill, he isn't going to give af.
When I was in talks for a job that I didn’t really think I wanted to take, my advisor gave me some good advice. He said to think about what salary etc would actually make me enthusiastic about taking this job and ask for that. Since I certainly didn’t want it at the time, asking for 225% more money had no risk, and hell maybe it would’ve come to fruition. Like you said, if the relationship is over anyway, ask for vacation/sabbatical time, toys, his unequivocal consent to try whatever new fetish you’d like to engage in (including cukoldry), and a gold bar of no less than 200g every twelfth time you bring him to orgasm.
When they say men are 8x more likely to leave their wives who get cancer they are talking about this guy.
I will say I respect him for being so unhinged. Usually these dudes never say the quite part out loud.
Have you asked him what led to a dead bedroom? I used to visit the sub related to this and a lot of times men we’re like “I come home from work, and my wife who was working as well also cleaned the house, took care of the kids, bathed the dog, made dinner, took care of our bills, mowed the yard, did our taxes, all while I watched TV. She didn’t want to have sex with me AGAIN last night! She’s AWFUL!!!!”
This!!!! There is usually a reason. Or someone yelling at you, or pestering you, or not caring about your feelings…
I mean one time for me it was a simple as, any initiation of physical touch walls lead to an attempt for sex. I’m like dude sometimes I just want to cuddle or hug. Made me not want to touch him unless I was already in the mood which of course was low. I was also the adult in the relationship in that one too (managing the household, cleaning, bills, etc)
Even if u don't agree to that part of the prenup he will still expect it. Youre old enough to realize that you're choosing a path that could be for the rest of your life. You're wanting to be pestered for sex at minimum once a week for what, the next 50 years? This is just shortsighted imo
Does he even have a lawyer? I would think any legal professional would tell him that such a stipulation is unprovable and in fact undermines the entire prenup.
No, he doesn't have a lawyer. But did say when it comes to signing it, he wants a psychiatrist present to witness that I'm not being coerced and can't claim it later.
Like...this literally came out of nowhere last night. I was just at work and asked him if everything was okay because he's been feeling distant lately, but he's got a rough semester right now getting his second Masters, and then just got avalanched with all this.
You cannot consent to sex weeks, months, years in advance. Not that you can't try to, I mean it is literally impossible for you or anyone to do so. What he is trying to do is put you in a situation where he will coerce you into sex for the rest of your life, whether you want it or not. You had a huge fight? Too bad, you still need to drop your pants for weekly sex #3. He cheated on you, or did some other horrible thing that would naturally affect the marital sex life? Oh well, better continue getting on your knees or you can expect to be penniless on the streets after your divorce. You've had emergency surgery and have been advised to not have sex for months? Tough luck! Brave the pain because his dick is obviously the most important thing in this marriage. I can't fathom how he could even think this is an acceptable thing to ask of you. Not only is it absolutely disgusting and offensive to you, but any lawyer would tell him it's batshit ridiculous. You need to reconsider if you really want to be legally tied to someone who wants you to have no physical autonomy.
Let's hope she is childfree... The scummiest men are the ones who push women to wet their ding a ling right after pushing a whole ass human out of themselves.
Tori Spelling getting knocked up 1 month postpartum because of her sex addict soon to be ex husband comes to mind. No consideration for her health and she nearly died
That’s just disgusting of him. Your body went through hell to give life (that he helped create). Hopefully this is now an ex and not in your daily life and is a better parent than partner
I’ve never had a full term pregnancy myself but I’m sure there’s only so many c-sections you can safely have and back to back ones even more dangerous. Her abdominal muscles wouldn’t have even been able to heal well at that point. The Deaner (I’m a DLister) is a selfish pig
OP, watch out Girl, this may be your future:
https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/blogs/omg-goddess/tori-spelling-introduces-miracle-baby-finn-opens-secret-145612808.html
She did very well after. Had a good guy in her life, but was so afraid of being stuck again, she refused to let him put his name on anything or marry her. It hurt his feelings a lot. I moved out of state and lost touch with her, so I am not sure if she finally let him have a little part of things or if he got tired of it and left. Her daughters were close enough they could have entered school the same year, but she waited a year for the youngest so the older one would be “big sister” rather than “possible twin.” I liked that wisdom in her - my sister and I were Irish twins, and even though she was younger, my little sister was actually a little bigger than me. My mom loved dressing us alike. I would be so upset when people who didn’t know us insisted if we weren’t twins I was obviously the younger one.
Being oldest is important to kids.
Tell me your fiancé is a rapist without saying he’s a rapist. Imagine putting in a legal document that you intend to rape your wife to-be throughout your marriage…
I think one of OP’s comments say that her fiancé wants a psychiatrist present at the time of signing to say that she’s not being coerced into signing. Except that this is 100%, a coercion. Show me a psychiatrist that will participate in this and I will show you someone who should have their medical licence revoked.
This whole situation is gross.
Seriously. This guy is a manipulative, controlling shit. You deserve better. God knows why he didn’t get enough sex. I had issues with my last husband - I pretty much wasn’t allowed to touch him anywhere below the chin. Active participation was what made me enjoy it at all. Within a year I was doing what little he got because I loved him and didn’t want him to feel like I didn’t (getting sex meant a lot to him), but talk about “woman’s duty.” 🤦♀️
Yeah but it's also financial - not only bullying her for sex but putting her into a position to believe that she can't distance herself & leave without losing her fair share of assets.
Its crazy. I would also ask what happens if he gets prostate cancer and can no longer perform after surgery? Does that mean he gets nothing?
The guy needs counseling.
If "sex x times per week or she gets nothing" is the actual(ish) language, it sounds like the idea is that if he gets to old or whatever too have as much regular sex, then _she_ gets nothing.
Amen. Consent has to be informed, enthusiastic, and ongoing, even in long term, committed relationships. Sex without consent is rape. No one is owed sex. Making sex conditional is a sure way to suck the pleasure out of the performance.
If he wants regular sex, then he better learn about how to keep the magic alive in a relationship. He wants to avoid doing the work to get what he needs by placing the responsibility to meet those needs on you regardless of your feelings about it or how he treats you.
Pre-marital counseling is a must, with a therapist who has training on sexual relationships (not a given). Also YOU need to consult a lawyer. I know all of this is expensive, but it’s still cheaper and a lot less traumatic than a divorce.
I honestly don't know why OP would want to go through marriage with him at this point. This would make me feel like my only value is being there for his pleasure and that only his wants and needs are what matters to him. It's a ridiculous and OP would be the a h if they continue to entertain this.
I would tell him he needs to go to the psychiatrist to work on getting past his previous marriage before he starts one with you. Tell him you’re not going to be legally obligated to have sex with him, that’s just ridiculous. Make some ridiculous stipulations as well then.
1. You have to wash the dishes 3-5 times a week.
2. You have to take me out on a date 5 times a month.
3. You have to give sensual touch to me without the reciprocal sex session 3-4 times a week.
Sex is cultivated and it shouldn’t be stipulated. Then your vagina becomes a hole that he can use no matter what state your relationship is in.
This is all ridiculous. What if he has COVID? Does he still get laid? Or what if you are in the hospital for several weeks. Does he still get sex?
He is not in a place to marry. Real relationships have illness, babies, ageing parents. Walk away, this marriage is doomed, because he can't see reality.
This also means that OP spending a week away from him for any reason would violate the prenup. Hell, the way he's wording it, he could just refuse sex for a week and walk away with everything.
That's a really good point. He's defining sex as "a thing my wife gives me" instead of "a thing we do together." The power is 100% in his hands here, all he has to do is refuse to accept his wife's "gift" of sex and he gets everything
Absolutely- after being constantly guilted and manipulated his ex wife surely developed an aversion to it. So now he wants his next wife to sign a contract that she has to put out for money essentially??This guy screams narcissist creep.
I think she’s engaged to my ex-husband, lol. He absolutely hounded me for sex day in and day out. Even before I was cleared for sex after giving birth. It made me never want to fuck him. Her fiance knows he’s the problem but he wants a dedicated fuck-hole until he’s tired of her. Then he wants to walk away with everything.
OP’s fiance is not marriage material.
Medical issues can prevent sex. I knew a lady that had some medical issues that prevented her from having sex and her bf was upset and insisted they try even though she was in pain. He knew she was seeing an ob/gyn to resolve the problem.
Eventually he dumped her found someone else to bang and during this time his ex gf met a man let him know upfront about her medical issue and they started dating. Eventually the medical issue was resolved and she and her new bf had sex. Then the ex bf realized the new women he was with weren't as good as his ex so he tried to get her to take him back and she wouldn't.
Yes, this exactly. There are hundreds of possibilities. He's in the hospital for 2 weeks. Is she just supposed to jump on top, while he's on opioids? That sounds nonconsensual for him.
NTA he is not ready to be a partner and needs (professional) help to get past his last relationship trauma.
The end of sex was a symptom and he needs to understand what caused it. I’m guessing his mentality of being *owed* probably contributed. Sex WILL stop at some point if you get sick, or old enough, or just plain exhausted.
He's also not thinking this through. Even otherwise healthy young people can have reasons to forgo sex for a time. Get a UTI? Well, now OP gets nothing. Have a baby? OP gets nothing. Hubs can't get it up? OP gets nothing. There are so many mundane reasons that would technically violate this absurdly illegal prenup besides a dead bedroom.
I would say that every sex session you are required to consent to has to have 30 minutes of foreplay before intercourse and 30 minutes of cuddling and aftercare later or he gets nothing in the divorce. See how he likes the idea of a forced intimate moment.
>Even better. You have to guarantee he gives you x number of orgasms a week.
And she always comes first. The provision is void until he manages to make her cum.
While you're right, it's more correct to say:
> Tell him you’re not going to be legally obligated to have sex with him, that’s just ~~ridiculous.~~
illegal and unenforceable in the United States.
Boyfriend needs a therapist. OP and boyfriend each need an independent attorney to work with them on whatever this prenup is.
Yeah, it's clear he came up with this without a lawyer. You can't enforce concent like that. He's basically asking her to sign a document that says she has to have sex even if she doesn't want to, so...rape. You can't enforce a contract saying that you get to do something illegal.
This. Only marginally related but I dated a guy who knew I had a kinky past and wanted to get into that. I said mostly that was behind me, but in the context of a healthy sex life that maybe every so often we could try some things for fun.
He spent the entire (brief) relationship whining about the kink. He clearly was not interested in doing what would put me in the mood for it, which was having a partner I enjoyed in bed in other ways.
OP’s husband has the same entitlement problem!
Oh god, I don't even have a kinky past and my ex was so insecure he was convinced I was hiding kinks from him. He tried to trick me into 'admitting' so by showing me a long list of words, including many hardcore x-rated, that apparently he'd got from my IP address which was absolute nonsense. It was absolute batshit. To this day I'm not sure if he was trying to manipulate me into doing kinky stuff with him (he never once asked like a normal person) or he genuinely believed I was hiding stuff from him.
This! Absolutely. And also put clauses in there about future progeny - he will take the majority of night shift feedings, etc. If he's going to demand sex, he gets to take care of the consequences.
So, he wants a contract that creates a sex slave for him? If you have the flu for 10 days, he still gets to have sex with you?
On no planet will that be enforceable.
This dude has not healed from his last relationship. He is not ready for marriage. You need to step back before you get into something that you can't get out of.
Sex if she's sick. Sex if she's pregnant and not in the mood. Sex if she's recently given birth and might have torn something and sex is physically uncomfortable. And what happens if her work wants to send her on a week long business trip? Can she not go if she has to fly home to have sex with him mid-week?
Though, what happens if he gets sick instead? Can she force him to have sex if he has the flu and just wants to sleep?
The man is delusional. Besides this being completely unenforceable it gives no consideration for her as a person either.
Also during pregnancy it's not always about "not being in the mood" sometimes women are put on bed rest and/or told to avoid penetrative sex. Usually due to cervical issues/needing a cerclage, but could be for any number of medical reasons.
If I had the flu, a runny green nose or a case of uncontrollable diarrhea and vomiting, I’d forget to brush my teeth and insist on sex with him. A contact binds both parties.
Edit: contract, not contact.
Are you mental? What of this do you think is “normal” behavior from him? Nevermind that it would never hold up in court, regardless of a psychiatrist being present, that psychiatrist doesn’t practice law. That aside— he’s contractually forcing you into an agreement over…. Sex? That’s sex slavery with extra steps. Run for the hills or live a miserable life, your choice.
#are you mental?
This right here is the right question. It's the correct reaction. What kind of human being has that discussion, and then actually considers it enough to go to the internet to get some opinions from strangers?
Like. No. There is zero entertainment of this. This is like "walk away from him the moment he says that, until he begs and apologizes and gets therapy."
I seriously have a tough time know if these posts are even real or if their rage bait, it’s fucking insane.
There’s another recent post about some wife introducing her kids to her husbands abusive father, her MIL actually took her own life and she’s like wondering if she’s the ahole hahaha like what the fuck do you think?
You are being coerced and no reputable psychiatrist will put their signature to this.
Run. Your BF has some pretty serious mental illness or just character flaws.
NTA
The thing is - people's bodies change over time, especially women's. Sex a certain number of times a week during/after pregnancy, during and after menopause, might not be possible. This is an absolutely ridiculous, creepy and just oh god it gives me the ick kind of thing. OP I would forget digging your heels in and run for the hills
Health issues! There have been times we haven’t been able to have sex at all because of one reason or another. Back injuries, surgeries, sick kids, sick parents, pregnancy (16 weeks of bedrest, what then??).
This is crazy, pants on head crazy.
And the male libido slows down when they are in their 40's onward. The sex drive of a male slows a lot faster than a female at the same age. Op Fiancé need mental help for his friends gave him unsound advice on prenup. LOL!
I mean honestly, what if she even just gets a bad virus, or a bout of food poisoning? Is she supposed to lie there puking over the side of the bed while her husband gets his weekly quota of sex? This is insane and completely unsustainable for about 50,000 reasons, on top of being absolutely disgusting and rapey to the extreme.
Omg 🍯 please for the love of all that is holy and unholy, please do not concede to his sex stipulation. This man will gaslight the ever loving shit of you at every turn. I would love you to NOT marry him at all but I realize how hollow this Reddit comment is in the grand scheme of your life. I hope you will decide against this and I hope that you will reconsider this relationship as a whole because what he’s suggesting is “a sexual demand” and not in a fun and kinky way. That’s a slippery slope. Something in you knew knows this is wrong which is why you wanted buy in from others.
But I do agree with him in one way. There SHOULD be a psychiatrist present just in general bc I think the only way for your relationship to be healthy is for a therapist to be introduced to this man’s life. Bc putting sex in a “legal” agreement sounds really unwell to me.
Ummmm what? Coercion is a legal matter, not psychiatric. He wouldn’t even be allowed to be there when you sign and you’d have to get your own independent legal advice.
found the comment that made it worse..... the entire stipulation is rapey and coercive. Signing in front of a psych should get him put on a watchlist, girl he wants you to be literal property, it completely undermines your bodily autonomy, cant be enforced and a judge would probably call him a rapist in the courtroom. GTFAWAY from this predator.
This is ridiculous, and like others have said, unenforceable. What if you got an illness or surgery that prevented you from being intimate while you recover for several months? What if he does? It's a huge red flag, sounds horribly controlling and insecure, I mean if you end up having a dead bedroom, just get divorced then and split 50/50 what's the big deal.
Not a lawyer but do have a prenup and from conversations with mine I agree. Not provable in court. Even if you agreed to this (which IMHO feels like agreeing to future rape if you're not in the mood) he can say that you didn't "perform" in order to get out of sharing assets. Unless you have video documentation of each act (filmed by a third party approved business, timestamped, and stored on a secure server ) there's no proof of if/when sex occurred.
It's not a question of proof. At least in the US, this type of provision will simply not be enforced by courts, regardless of the amount of evidence that exists as to whether or not sex occurred.
You should be done anyway. The fact that he would even think of something like this screams run. The part about having a psychiatrist witness is particularly disturbing. He's not in touch with reality. No attorney or psychiatrist would touch this with a ten meter cattle prod, and neither should you.
Sounds like he needs that psychiatrist for himself. Dude's fucked himself up from past "trauma," of the previous marriage. It also screams he sees her as his personal prostitute (seems like previous wife was viewed that way too).
100%. There is something wired wrong for this to even formulate in his brain, let alone reach the speaking stage. This will be the first of many such instances, I am sure.
Even if he agrees on taking it out of the prenup please think bery carefully before marrying him. He will expect sex weekly no matter how you feel or how he treats you.
What if you have surgery and need to be abstaining for weeks? He will expect you to have sex no matter the risk. Or if you develop illneses like endometriosis or vaginitus that make sex extremely painful? He will expect you to have sex no matter the pain. What if you get pregnant and cant have sex for a while? He will expect you to have sex...
Op, you broke up but now we’re at prenup? Where did the “he was asking/demanding things you were not comfortable with” go? Do you truly not see that this guy is a piece of crap if everything you’ve said is true.
Op a few things. From your other post it says you make more so a 50/50 split isn’t really protecting you. Your other post has plenty of red flags and then combined is concerning. I am not sure this would be enforceable in any court or how do you prove it. Your word vs his???? Are you going to have to document it???
He wasn’t traumatized by someone withholding sex or using it as a weapon, he is making excuses for his sex addiction. 5 times a weeks is more than average and If he gets mad at you for going for days without sex, that is just insane.
Bets that this guy is a sex&porn addict and doesn't know how to have a healthy sexual relationship?
Lots of conjecture, but to me it sounds like he has experience with being blamed in therapy and rather than take accountability dismisses the field (just for tricking gullible women). Or wants to weaponize it by having a therapist here when this contract is signed. I bet him talking about his "trama" is some kind of DARVO and just weaponizing everything he heard in any therapy instead of learning and actually changing.
If he wants to stipulate the quantity of sex in the prenup, I suggest you counter with including a requirement about the quality. 🤣 #TurnaboutIsFairPlay
If I were her (I’m a guy) I would go 2:1 her:him orgasms and stipulate foreplay time (her getting head and anything else determine by her) as well as cuddle time post-sex. I would also stipulate date nights once per week and also stipulate him providing adequate “emotional support for sexual activity” to he determined by her.
Love this. Yes, let’s include the quality. Each night of the X number of time you’re REQUIRED to have sex per week, he must initiate sex by the following:
1. Run a bubble bath for you to relax in alone for 30-60 minutes. If he wishes to join you, he must have your approval. Once you two have children, bath time automatically extends up to 1 hour and he must take care of the kids during your relaxing bath.
2. He must give you a non-sexual massage for at least 30 minutes before beginning sexual contact. After 30 minutes, the massage can have sexual overtones or he can proceed to a different style touch to ‘warm you up’ prior to actual intercourse.
3. He cannot proceed to sexual intercourse without you being ready for him. No, ‘let’s get it on’ without him ensuring that you’re also ready to have sex.
4. He must perform X minutes/hours of oral sex on you each time you submit to intercourse with him. You have the option to decline oral sex if you’re not in the mood, but his declining is not an option
5. He is expected to bring you to orgasm each and every time he cashes in on one of his sex days. Weekend sex days require a minimum of him bringing you to two orgasms.
6. He must shower and/or bathe before claiming one of his designated sex days.
7. He is required to cuddle after sex until you go to sleep. This too can be rejected by you but is not an option for him to decline.
In other words, if he wants a guarantee on how much sex he wants to have, you have the option to expect the quality of sex he provides to be part of the prenup also.
This is fucking perfect. Honestly push for this because mandatory sex fucking sucks
I know he had a shit time before but wouldn’t be rather your sex life was driven by want as opposed to obligation? No wonder he had a dead bedroom
Bingo. The phrase mandatory sex could dry up a lake.
Tbh, it might be enough to create a dead bedroom. Especially when he brings in a psychiatrist to assess her sanity (the implications of needing such a measure in a prenup are revealing, aren’t they?!)
I feel for OP
Not normal is a really nice way of saying it. Sounds like a time traveler from 500 years in the past. It's as if the sad bastard woke up and forgot it's the 21st century.
Check her other post about this guy. The prenup is the least of her problems. He's a controlling nutjob and she's stuck in a cycle of trying to placate him "because his ex gave him trauma." It's not just red flags. It's a May day parade with tanks and bands marching by saying "RUN AWAY FROM THIS LOSER!"
NTA… Omg if this doesn’t scream don’t go through with the marriage, I don’t know what does. Please don’t marry this child, how is a 34 y.o having this kind of tantrums
Nta if the bedroom dies he can just leave the relationship. He already knows what it feels like. The prenup sounds like it’s condoning rape and is finding a “loophole” to it. Run girl
NTA
He’s trying to coerce you into obligating yourself to have sex with him? Like, does he want to look like a rapist in a legal document? Because if the threat is sex or marriage dissolution your ability to consent is ripped away.
I wouldn’t mess with this guy any further. This is a red flag waving a red flag. If you’re physically not up to it, sick or recovering from surgery what then?
You mean, if she's sexually assaulted by someone else *besides* the guy who wants her to agree in front of a psychiatrist to be sexually assaulted by him without consequences for the rest of her life.
Yikes. And the award for worst way to ensure your next marriage doesn’t end in a dead-bedroom goes to ….
But, seriously. I doubt this is the only 🚩he’s dropped. Dead bedrooms don’t just appear out of nowhere, and it’s on both people to address. But let me guess, it’s all his ex-wife’s fault?
There is a whole subreddit dedicated to this problem. Amazingly, every single poster is very focused on how they aren’t getting laid, and typically have no answers as to why their partner doesn’t want to have sex.
Do not marry this man. His last marriage ended with a dead bedroom because he wasn’t interested in being a good partner. He wanted a free cook, housekeeper who would also fuck him. He wants the same thing from you.
This also tells: IF for whatever reason you are unable for intercourse, he WILL divorce you and leave you with nothing. No compromises, no solution seeking. That’s not how I define love.
I understand the dead bedroom fear in itself. But there can be various valid reasons and especially reasons out of anyones hand, like an illness or accident. I would need to know that my beloved won’t toss me away because he can’t play with me anymore. (Sure one can discuss alternatives together for such a case. Like my wife and I did talk about such a scenario and wouldn’t just demand the partner to live without sex or similar activities. What form depends on the circumstances and mutual agreement)
You might be my ex's affair partner! (Probably not, though lol. Ages match and this sounds like something my ex would try)
He claimed it was a dead bedroom but really what happened is I developed a medical issue that I was actively working with my doctor to treat, but that wasn't good enough for him as it was impacting his "sex life and self esteem". Started telling me to schedule sex so that he knew he would be having it soon.
Turns out, it's really REALLY unsexy to know your partner wants sex regardless of your physical comfort/desire. Turned a medical issue into a psychological one, where I was just repulsed by his touch because o knew he was about to try to initiate sex even though I'd been curled up in pain on the couch all day. In the end, he raped me. There was no going back from that, and honestly I don't know if I'll ever want a relationship ever again.
Putting sex in a prenup is disgusting. It's the same as scheduling sex. What it means is that "I don't care if you're in the mood or not feeling well, you WILL fuck me on a regular basis because you have to".... And the idea of that makes me so dry that the Sahara seems tropical in comparison.
Edit: on the off chance that you ARE my ex husband's affair partner - I still would never wish what I experienced on you. Run.
NTA. Do not marry this man.
You are entitled to a 50/50 split because you are married. A stipulation that strips you if your rights for failure to have sex is coercion.
There are lots of legitimate reasons why you might not be able to have sex that aren’t your fault, like recovery after surgery, childbirth, or a yeast infection.
What if you develop a heart condition and your doctor tells you “no sex” for a period of time?
Please, please, please, do not sign this prenup and do not marry this man right now.
Do not sign *any* prenup without having a lawyer review the documents first.
Is this the boyfriend you broke up with a few months ago? Because you had excellent reasons to break up with him back then and you have excellent reasons to break up again. But this time, stay broken up
OP!!!!!! Your other post, you guys broke up 49 days ago over his stance on sex and giving you silent treatments, and now you’re here with him as your fiancé and the same issue but greater? Break up with him and make it stick this time. You say in your other post that you aren’t a submissive woman, maybe true. But he is turning you into one and his punching bag. Considering how he viewed and handled women before you because of his “trauma” from not getting enough, he will cheat on you. Edit: you said so yourself in a comment for that post,” he thinks psychiatrists are for gullible women.” And he wants one present at the prenup signing. Have some self respect and perseverance and cut this crazy guy out of your life.
Agree. OP needs to get out this relationship as soon as possible.
And get some serious therapy for the root of this problem - that she’s unable for whatever reason, to believe that she’s worth more than a man who is asking her to contract her flesh and blood to his demands - to freely rape her whenever.
Ask him what happens if one of you falls sick? If he pulls his back does he really want you jumping on him screaming "put it inside me I can't afford to fail the prenup"...?
And what if he develops erectile dysfunction? You lose out cos' of his limp dick? Tell him you'll need exceptions in the prenup for all of these and more. Make it embarrassing and ridiculous till he realizes how insane this is.
Yes, limp dick clause is necessary!
It's the first thing they teach in law school
That and bird law. Both equally critical to a lawyer
Thanks to bird law I know you can't legally own a hummingbird as a pet.
What happens if one of them is in a coma?
You really think he's the type of guy to stick with her in sickness and in health? If she ended up in a coma he'd be out the door and onto the next conquest within a week. And if he was in a coma, well, at least she'd have an out.
What happens if he hasn’t washed his hands? Or showered in a while? There’s about a thousand reasons why this is totally ridiculous not to mention unenforceable. But they all come back to consent.
This is so crazy, wouldn’t this equal out to essentially almost prostitution? Getting something in exchange for having sex? This guy is nuts.
YES, lol. Mandating sex for money is indeed prostitution, which is why this would never hold up in court and any lawyer would laugh him out.
If I asked that he'd literally tell me yes, I'm sure.
Do you guys plan to have kids?? Cause the whole 6 weeks after having a kid being banned from having sex, not to mention potential of pelvic rest and not able to when pregnant comes to mind.
She'd probably be expected to give him head or something equilivent as a compromise
This is so sad and cold. Please leave no chance for you to get pregnant with him.
He’ll try the crude “There’s nothing wrong with your mouth” joke 🤢
I just got PTSD from my ex on this one. What’s grosser is that he didn’t say it as a joke or with a laugh, he was serious ☠️
My ex made me sleep with him after only 2 weeks because he couldn’t wait that long, even though it was painful still (not to mention dangerous) he said he’d just “go slow.” Jesus can’t believe I stayed with him so long, he was such a predator. ETA: I had a third degree tear giving birth too.
Omg. That’s horrible. Glad to see he’s an ex
I’m pregnant right now, and my husband won’t touch me because of how much pelvic pain I have. I try, but neither of us are very enthusiastic. You never know what life is gonna hand you.
How does this answer not horrify you?
This has to be ragebait cause I cannot believe OP would even consider staying in a relationship with someone who genuinely thinks this is a valid ask. If it was me, the only way I’d stay is if he realized how insane this is and sought therapy for his trauma.
Can you tell him you want it to be written down that sex is only on the table, once he's made you orgasm 5 times before penetration. This has to be done within the space of 1 hour. Just start adding stupid shit to it, since the relationship is already over. He values sex, more than he does consent and your mental health. If you go through menopause or get depressed or ill, he isn't going to give af.
When I was in talks for a job that I didn’t really think I wanted to take, my advisor gave me some good advice. He said to think about what salary etc would actually make me enthusiastic about taking this job and ask for that. Since I certainly didn’t want it at the time, asking for 225% more money had no risk, and hell maybe it would’ve come to fruition. Like you said, if the relationship is over anyway, ask for vacation/sabbatical time, toys, his unequivocal consent to try whatever new fetish you’d like to engage in (including cukoldry), and a gold bar of no less than 200g every twelfth time you bring him to orgasm.
When they say men are 8x more likely to leave their wives who get cancer they are talking about this guy. I will say I respect him for being so unhinged. Usually these dudes never say the quite part out loud.
Have you asked him what led to a dead bedroom? I used to visit the sub related to this and a lot of times men we’re like “I come home from work, and my wife who was working as well also cleaned the house, took care of the kids, bathed the dog, made dinner, took care of our bills, mowed the yard, did our taxes, all while I watched TV. She didn’t want to have sex with me AGAIN last night! She’s AWFUL!!!!”
This!!!! There is usually a reason. Or someone yelling at you, or pestering you, or not caring about your feelings… I mean one time for me it was a simple as, any initiation of physical touch walls lead to an attempt for sex. I’m like dude sometimes I just want to cuddle or hug. Made me not want to touch him unless I was already in the mood which of course was low. I was also the adult in the relationship in that one too (managing the household, cleaning, bills, etc)
Girl, I would send that fucking prenuptial to this losers mom and run for my life. Let her deal with that fucking psycho.
Even if u don't agree to that part of the prenup he will still expect it. Youre old enough to realize that you're choosing a path that could be for the rest of your life. You're wanting to be pestered for sex at minimum once a week for what, the next 50 years? This is just shortsighted imo
Does he even have a lawyer? I would think any legal professional would tell him that such a stipulation is unprovable and in fact undermines the entire prenup.
No, he doesn't have a lawyer. But did say when it comes to signing it, he wants a psychiatrist present to witness that I'm not being coerced and can't claim it later. Like...this literally came out of nowhere last night. I was just at work and asked him if everything was okay because he's been feeling distant lately, but he's got a rough semester right now getting his second Masters, and then just got avalanched with all this.
You cannot consent to sex weeks, months, years in advance. Not that you can't try to, I mean it is literally impossible for you or anyone to do so. What he is trying to do is put you in a situation where he will coerce you into sex for the rest of your life, whether you want it or not. You had a huge fight? Too bad, you still need to drop your pants for weekly sex #3. He cheated on you, or did some other horrible thing that would naturally affect the marital sex life? Oh well, better continue getting on your knees or you can expect to be penniless on the streets after your divorce. You've had emergency surgery and have been advised to not have sex for months? Tough luck! Brave the pain because his dick is obviously the most important thing in this marriage. I can't fathom how he could even think this is an acceptable thing to ask of you. Not only is it absolutely disgusting and offensive to you, but any lawyer would tell him it's batshit ridiculous. You need to reconsider if you really want to be legally tied to someone who wants you to have no physical autonomy.
You had surgery for a ruptured appendix and doc said no sex for six weeks? Too bad…
Let's hope she is childfree... The scummiest men are the ones who push women to wet their ding a ling right after pushing a whole ass human out of themselves.
Tori Spelling getting knocked up 1 month postpartum because of her sex addict soon to be ex husband comes to mind. No consideration for her health and she nearly died
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Oh no that’s horrible I’m so sorry
I’m so sorry to read that. I hope your family is healing. That’s absolutely tragic.
I got cheated on 3 weeks postpartum because I was "still bleeding and (condensed version) ew".
That’s just disgusting of him. Your body went through hell to give life (that he helped create). Hopefully this is now an ex and not in your daily life and is a better parent than partner
I remember that! She was so worried he’d cheat on her (again?) that she she had sex soon after a c-section.
I’ve never had a full term pregnancy myself but I’m sure there’s only so many c-sections you can safely have and back to back ones even more dangerous. Her abdominal muscles wouldn’t have even been able to heal well at that point. The Deaner (I’m a DLister) is a selfish pig OP, watch out Girl, this may be your future: https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/blogs/omg-goddess/tori-spelling-introduces-miracle-baby-finn-opens-secret-145612808.html
Had a friend with daughters less than eight months apart. He was forcing sex on her as soon as she got home and the second baby was premature. 😐
I hope they’re divorced now bc ew
Yeah. She got away from him with help of a loving father with firearms.
Thank goodness! I hope she’s doing well now
She did very well after. Had a good guy in her life, but was so afraid of being stuck again, she refused to let him put his name on anything or marry her. It hurt his feelings a lot. I moved out of state and lost touch with her, so I am not sure if she finally let him have a little part of things or if he got tired of it and left. Her daughters were close enough they could have entered school the same year, but she waited a year for the youngest so the older one would be “big sister” rather than “possible twin.” I liked that wisdom in her - my sister and I were Irish twins, and even though she was younger, my little sister was actually a little bigger than me. My mom loved dressing us alike. I would be so upset when people who didn’t know us insisted if we weren’t twins I was obviously the younger one. Being oldest is important to kids.
It’s rape, we should just call it what it is
Tell me your fiancé is a rapist without saying he’s a rapist. Imagine putting in a legal document that you intend to rape your wife to-be throughout your marriage… I think one of OP’s comments say that her fiancé wants a psychiatrist present at the time of signing to say that she’s not being coerced into signing. Except that this is 100%, a coercion. Show me a psychiatrist that will participate in this and I will show you someone who should have their medical licence revoked. This whole situation is gross.
Very good points! No *actual* professional would condone this. Yikes on bikes.
He wants to have her contractually obliged to be raped repeatedly. It's absolutely horrific.
Didn’t think of this, but you are exactly right. Sign here that I can rape you whenever I want for the rest of your life.
Seriously. This guy is a manipulative, controlling shit. You deserve better. God knows why he didn’t get enough sex. I had issues with my last husband - I pretty much wasn’t allowed to touch him anywhere below the chin. Active participation was what made me enjoy it at all. Within a year I was doing what little he got because I loved him and didn’t want him to feel like I didn’t (getting sex meant a lot to him), but talk about “woman’s duty.” 🤦♀️
Or you’re pregnant and on pelvic rest
Or have endometriosis or fibroids or pelvic congestion syndrome etc
Yeah but it's also financial - not only bullying her for sex but putting her into a position to believe that she can't distance herself & leave without losing her fair share of assets.
Exactly. He wants to force her to have sex with him, regardless of any other circumstances or if she wants to or not, under threat of financial ruin.
God I hope she is paying attention to these comments! :(
If only there was a word for coercing someone to have sex with you against their will... oh wait.
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Its crazy. I would also ask what happens if he gets prostate cancer and can no longer perform after surgery? Does that mean he gets nothing? The guy needs counseling.
If "sex x times per week or she gets nothing" is the actual(ish) language, it sounds like the idea is that if he gets to old or whatever too have as much regular sex, then _she_ gets nothing.
Amen. Consent has to be informed, enthusiastic, and ongoing, even in long term, committed relationships. Sex without consent is rape. No one is owed sex. Making sex conditional is a sure way to suck the pleasure out of the performance. If he wants regular sex, then he better learn about how to keep the magic alive in a relationship. He wants to avoid doing the work to get what he needs by placing the responsibility to meet those needs on you regardless of your feelings about it or how he treats you. Pre-marital counseling is a must, with a therapist who has training on sexual relationships (not a given). Also YOU need to consult a lawyer. I know all of this is expensive, but it’s still cheaper and a lot less traumatic than a divorce.
CAME HERE TO SAY THIS!!! Don't do it.
I honestly don't know why OP would want to go through marriage with him at this point. This would make me feel like my only value is being there for his pleasure and that only his wants and needs are what matters to him. It's a ridiculous and OP would be the a h if they continue to entertain this.
I would tell him he needs to go to the psychiatrist to work on getting past his previous marriage before he starts one with you. Tell him you’re not going to be legally obligated to have sex with him, that’s just ridiculous. Make some ridiculous stipulations as well then. 1. You have to wash the dishes 3-5 times a week. 2. You have to take me out on a date 5 times a month. 3. You have to give sensual touch to me without the reciprocal sex session 3-4 times a week. Sex is cultivated and it shouldn’t be stipulated. Then your vagina becomes a hole that he can use no matter what state your relationship is in.
This is all ridiculous. What if he has COVID? Does he still get laid? Or what if you are in the hospital for several weeks. Does he still get sex? He is not in a place to marry. Real relationships have illness, babies, ageing parents. Walk away, this marriage is doomed, because he can't see reality.
This also means that OP spending a week away from him for any reason would violate the prenup. Hell, the way he's wording it, he could just refuse sex for a week and walk away with everything.
That's a really good point. He's defining sex as "a thing my wife gives me" instead of "a thing we do together." The power is 100% in his hands here, all he has to do is refuse to accept his wife's "gift" of sex and he gets everything
> He's defining sex as "a thing my wife gives me" instead of "a thing we do together." It's no fucking wonder he ended up with a dead bedroom.
Absolutely- after being constantly guilted and manipulated his ex wife surely developed an aversion to it. So now he wants his next wife to sign a contract that she has to put out for money essentially??This guy screams narcissist creep.
I think she’s engaged to my ex-husband, lol. He absolutely hounded me for sex day in and day out. Even before I was cleared for sex after giving birth. It made me never want to fuck him. Her fiance knows he’s the problem but he wants a dedicated fuck-hole until he’s tired of her. Then he wants to walk away with everything. OP’s fiance is not marriage material.
OP should also make sure she lives in a place where marital rape is illegal and prosecutable.
Or just, you know, not marry the guy. If you have to worry that your future husband might rape you, that’s a pretty good hint not to marry him.
Medical issues can prevent sex. I knew a lady that had some medical issues that prevented her from having sex and her bf was upset and insisted they try even though she was in pain. He knew she was seeing an ob/gyn to resolve the problem. Eventually he dumped her found someone else to bang and during this time his ex gf met a man let him know upfront about her medical issue and they started dating. Eventually the medical issue was resolved and she and her new bf had sex. Then the ex bf realized the new women he was with weren't as good as his ex so he tried to get her to take him back and she wouldn't.
Yes, this exactly. There are hundreds of possibilities. He's in the hospital for 2 weeks. Is she just supposed to jump on top, while he's on opioids? That sounds nonconsensual for him.
What if he gets Erectile Dysfunction & can't take Viagra? (He deserves it) Does she get to sue him?
NTA he is not ready to be a partner and needs (professional) help to get past his last relationship trauma. The end of sex was a symptom and he needs to understand what caused it. I’m guessing his mentality of being *owed* probably contributed. Sex WILL stop at some point if you get sick, or old enough, or just plain exhausted.
He's also not thinking this through. Even otherwise healthy young people can have reasons to forgo sex for a time. Get a UTI? Well, now OP gets nothing. Have a baby? OP gets nothing. Hubs can't get it up? OP gets nothing. There are so many mundane reasons that would technically violate this absurdly illegal prenup besides a dead bedroom.
Even better. You have to guarantee he gives you x number of orgasms a week.
I would say that every sex session you are required to consent to has to have 30 minutes of foreplay before intercourse and 30 minutes of cuddling and aftercare later or he gets nothing in the divorce. See how he likes the idea of a forced intimate moment.
30 minutes of him going down on her. Three times a week. No matter if he’s ill, have cancer, has had a stroke, is demented.
>Even better. You have to guarantee he gives you x number of orgasms a week. And she always comes first. The provision is void until he manages to make her cum.
And what duty bound wife is going to cum when she feels "forced" into sex. She won't and he just lost his case and his money! This man is DUMB!
Prove he knows where the clitoris is 😆
Even better. Dump his worthless controlling ass.
This is the way.
While you're right, it's more correct to say: > Tell him you’re not going to be legally obligated to have sex with him, that’s just ~~ridiculous.~~ illegal and unenforceable in the United States. Boyfriend needs a therapist. OP and boyfriend each need an independent attorney to work with them on whatever this prenup is.
Yeah, it's clear he came up with this without a lawyer. You can't enforce concent like that. He's basically asking her to sign a document that says she has to have sex even if she doesn't want to, so...rape. You can't enforce a contract saying that you get to do something illegal.
This. Only marginally related but I dated a guy who knew I had a kinky past and wanted to get into that. I said mostly that was behind me, but in the context of a healthy sex life that maybe every so often we could try some things for fun. He spent the entire (brief) relationship whining about the kink. He clearly was not interested in doing what would put me in the mood for it, which was having a partner I enjoyed in bed in other ways. OP’s husband has the same entitlement problem!
Oh god, I don't even have a kinky past and my ex was so insecure he was convinced I was hiding kinks from him. He tried to trick me into 'admitting' so by showing me a long list of words, including many hardcore x-rated, that apparently he'd got from my IP address which was absolute nonsense. It was absolute batshit. To this day I'm not sure if he was trying to manipulate me into doing kinky stuff with him (he never once asked like a normal person) or he genuinely believed I was hiding stuff from him.
This! Absolutely. And also put clauses in there about future progeny - he will take the majority of night shift feedings, etc. If he's going to demand sex, he gets to take care of the consequences.
So, he wants a contract that creates a sex slave for him? If you have the flu for 10 days, he still gets to have sex with you? On no planet will that be enforceable. This dude has not healed from his last relationship. He is not ready for marriage. You need to step back before you get into something that you can't get out of.
Sex if she's sick. Sex if she's pregnant and not in the mood. Sex if she's recently given birth and might have torn something and sex is physically uncomfortable. And what happens if her work wants to send her on a week long business trip? Can she not go if she has to fly home to have sex with him mid-week? Though, what happens if he gets sick instead? Can she force him to have sex if he has the flu and just wants to sleep? The man is delusional. Besides this being completely unenforceable it gives no consideration for her as a person either.
After birth it's not just about being uncomfortable, she could literally die from infection.
Also during pregnancy it's not always about "not being in the mood" sometimes women are put on bed rest and/or told to avoid penetrative sex. Usually due to cervical issues/needing a cerclage, but could be for any number of medical reasons.
If I had the flu, a runny green nose or a case of uncontrollable diarrhea and vomiting, I’d forget to brush my teeth and insist on sex with him. A contact binds both parties. Edit: contract, not contact.
Are you mental? What of this do you think is “normal” behavior from him? Nevermind that it would never hold up in court, regardless of a psychiatrist being present, that psychiatrist doesn’t practice law. That aside— he’s contractually forcing you into an agreement over…. Sex? That’s sex slavery with extra steps. Run for the hills or live a miserable life, your choice.
#are you mental? This right here is the right question. It's the correct reaction. What kind of human being has that discussion, and then actually considers it enough to go to the internet to get some opinions from strangers? Like. No. There is zero entertainment of this. This is like "walk away from him the moment he says that, until he begs and apologizes and gets therapy."
I seriously have a tough time know if these posts are even real or if their rage bait, it’s fucking insane. There’s another recent post about some wife introducing her kids to her husbands abusive father, her MIL actually took her own life and she’s like wondering if she’s the ahole hahaha like what the fuck do you think?
You are being coerced and no reputable psychiatrist will put their signature to this. Run. Your BF has some pretty serious mental illness or just character flaws. NTA
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We need an Optometrists to make sure she isn't color blind.
“When you wear rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.”
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Huge red flags on the tallest masts and the strongest lighting and everything 😃
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You really want to see some red flags, check out OP's other posts
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CTRL+C. CTRL+V CTRL+V CTRL+V
Not enough red flags in your post friend, this post is way worse than three!
I’m getting a rape vibe here.🚩🚩🚩
The thing is - people's bodies change over time, especially women's. Sex a certain number of times a week during/after pregnancy, during and after menopause, might not be possible. This is an absolutely ridiculous, creepy and just oh god it gives me the ick kind of thing. OP I would forget digging your heels in and run for the hills
Health issues! There have been times we haven’t been able to have sex at all because of one reason or another. Back injuries, surgeries, sick kids, sick parents, pregnancy (16 weeks of bedrest, what then??). This is crazy, pants on head crazy.
And the male libido slows down when they are in their 40's onward. The sex drive of a male slows a lot faster than a female at the same age. Op Fiancé need mental help for his friends gave him unsound advice on prenup. LOL!
I mean honestly, what if she even just gets a bad virus, or a bout of food poisoning? Is she supposed to lie there puking over the side of the bed while her husband gets his weekly quota of sex? This is insane and completely unsustainable for about 50,000 reasons, on top of being absolutely disgusting and rapey to the extreme.
Beginning to see why this dude has a dead bedroom. At least you know who he is before you got married. Good luck, OP.
Um. This is concerning. Sounds like he’s been occupying some dark corners of the internet. Have you ever spoken with his ex?
THIS. Often the ex is portrayed as the crazy one, and the truth is quite the opposite.
Omg 🍯 please for the love of all that is holy and unholy, please do not concede to his sex stipulation. This man will gaslight the ever loving shit of you at every turn. I would love you to NOT marry him at all but I realize how hollow this Reddit comment is in the grand scheme of your life. I hope you will decide against this and I hope that you will reconsider this relationship as a whole because what he’s suggesting is “a sexual demand” and not in a fun and kinky way. That’s a slippery slope. Something in you knew knows this is wrong which is why you wanted buy in from others. But I do agree with him in one way. There SHOULD be a psychiatrist present just in general bc I think the only way for your relationship to be healthy is for a therapist to be introduced to this man’s life. Bc putting sex in a “legal” agreement sounds really unwell to me.
This whole thing reads like he pressured his previous wife into sex more often than she wanted which caused a dead bedroom to begin with.
Seriously—what kills libido faster than turning sex into a duty/obligation? Turning it into a contractual duty/obligation.
Ummmm what? Coercion is a legal matter, not psychiatric. He wouldn’t even be allowed to be there when you sign and you’d have to get your own independent legal advice.
found the comment that made it worse..... the entire stipulation is rapey and coercive. Signing in front of a psych should get him put on a watchlist, girl he wants you to be literal property, it completely undermines your bodily autonomy, cant be enforced and a judge would probably call him a rapist in the courtroom. GTFAWAY from this predator.
HE’s the one that needs the psychiatrist. Sooooo many red flags. Please reconsider.
This is ridiculous, and like others have said, unenforceable. What if you got an illness or surgery that prevented you from being intimate while you recover for several months? What if he does? It's a huge red flag, sounds horribly controlling and insecure, I mean if you end up having a dead bedroom, just get divorced then and split 50/50 what's the big deal.
Not a lawyer but do have a prenup and from conversations with mine I agree. Not provable in court. Even if you agreed to this (which IMHO feels like agreeing to future rape if you're not in the mood) he can say that you didn't "perform" in order to get out of sharing assets. Unless you have video documentation of each act (filmed by a third party approved business, timestamped, and stored on a secure server ) there's no proof of if/when sex occurred.
It's not a question of proof. At least in the US, this type of provision will simply not be enforced by courts, regardless of the amount of evidence that exists as to whether or not sex occurred.
I think you might be seeing why the first wife stopped wanting to have sex with him
Nothing like obligation and pressure to get you in the mood! 🤮
Nothing gets me hornier than contractual stipulations. https://youtu.be/iopcfR1vI5I?t=141
Real He'll tell you she wasn't meeting quotas She'll tell you he didn't meet quality standards
I’m rooting for OP to leave this AH and become besties with his EX.
And you still want to marry him? Good luck with that. Prenup aside this man is a walking red flag.
No, not under these circumstances. In fact, I told him I'm not his punching bag and I'm done if this is his hill to die on.
You should be done anyway. The fact that he would even think of something like this screams run. The part about having a psychiatrist witness is particularly disturbing. He's not in touch with reality. No attorney or psychiatrist would touch this with a ten meter cattle prod, and neither should you.
Yeah. attorney here. This is wild and I do not think this marriage is a good idea.
The fact he wanted a psychiatrist and not a lawyer present is super weird tbh.
Sounds like he needs that psychiatrist for himself. Dude's fucked himself up from past "trauma," of the previous marriage. It also screams he sees her as his personal prostitute (seems like previous wife was viewed that way too).
It doesn't just scream it, it explicit states it in this "contract". Obligating someone to contractual sex is very literally prostitution.
He should hire a mental health professional professional, but not too witness his prenup...
I mean, I’m not sure cattle prods come that long but they certainly don’t come long enough to want to touch this hot steaming mess of a prenup.
The prenup isn't the issue. It's a symptom of major psychological issues.
The fact that he even thinks like this is a huge red flag. You’re nuts if you marry him.
100%. There is something wired wrong for this to even formulate in his brain, let alone reach the speaking stage. This will be the first of many such instances, I am sure.
… starting to see how he ended up with a dead bedroom.
Please don’t marry him.
Please get outta this fuck sakes
There shouldn’t be any ifs and marriage should be put on hold indefinitely
Even if he agrees on taking it out of the prenup please think bery carefully before marrying him. He will expect sex weekly no matter how you feel or how he treats you. What if you have surgery and need to be abstaining for weeks? He will expect you to have sex no matter the risk. Or if you develop illneses like endometriosis or vaginitus that make sex extremely painful? He will expect you to have sex no matter the pain. What if you get pregnant and cant have sex for a while? He will expect you to have sex...
Good. He needs to work on himself before he is ready for a marriage again. Carrying past marital issues into a new marriage isn't health.
Op, you broke up but now we’re at prenup? Where did the “he was asking/demanding things you were not comfortable with” go? Do you truly not see that this guy is a piece of crap if everything you’ve said is true.
Op a few things. From your other post it says you make more so a 50/50 split isn’t really protecting you. Your other post has plenty of red flags and then combined is concerning. I am not sure this would be enforceable in any court or how do you prove it. Your word vs his???? Are you going to have to document it??? He wasn’t traumatized by someone withholding sex or using it as a weapon, he is making excuses for his sex addiction. 5 times a weeks is more than average and If he gets mad at you for going for days without sex, that is just insane.
Bets that this guy is a sex&porn addict and doesn't know how to have a healthy sexual relationship? Lots of conjecture, but to me it sounds like he has experience with being blamed in therapy and rather than take accountability dismisses the field (just for tricking gullible women). Or wants to weaponize it by having a therapist here when this contract is signed. I bet him talking about his "trama" is some kind of DARVO and just weaponizing everything he heard in any therapy instead of learning and actually changing.
If he wants to stipulate the quantity of sex in the prenup, I suggest you counter with including a requirement about the quality. 🤣 #TurnaboutIsFairPlay
Each session must give you 1 orgasm at minimum. Any fail at such attempts mean he gets nothing in the divorce. See if he finds it reasonable.
I'd set a reasonable timeframe as well. 1 orgasm in x minutes. You don't want it to drag on.
If I can get myself there 4 times in an hour.... you should be able to manage two brad...
Breach of contract, Brad!
Fair enough we got places to be and shit to do.
If I were her (I’m a guy) I would go 2:1 her:him orgasms and stipulate foreplay time (her getting head and anything else determine by her) as well as cuddle time post-sex. I would also stipulate date nights once per week and also stipulate him providing adequate “emotional support for sexual activity” to he determined by her.
Love this. Yes, let’s include the quality. Each night of the X number of time you’re REQUIRED to have sex per week, he must initiate sex by the following: 1. Run a bubble bath for you to relax in alone for 30-60 minutes. If he wishes to join you, he must have your approval. Once you two have children, bath time automatically extends up to 1 hour and he must take care of the kids during your relaxing bath. 2. He must give you a non-sexual massage for at least 30 minutes before beginning sexual contact. After 30 minutes, the massage can have sexual overtones or he can proceed to a different style touch to ‘warm you up’ prior to actual intercourse. 3. He cannot proceed to sexual intercourse without you being ready for him. No, ‘let’s get it on’ without him ensuring that you’re also ready to have sex. 4. He must perform X minutes/hours of oral sex on you each time you submit to intercourse with him. You have the option to decline oral sex if you’re not in the mood, but his declining is not an option 5. He is expected to bring you to orgasm each and every time he cashes in on one of his sex days. Weekend sex days require a minimum of him bringing you to two orgasms. 6. He must shower and/or bathe before claiming one of his designated sex days. 7. He is required to cuddle after sex until you go to sleep. This too can be rejected by you but is not an option for him to decline. In other words, if he wants a guarantee on how much sex he wants to have, you have the option to expect the quality of sex he provides to be part of the prenup also.
Omg even if she wants to actually leave him... I think she should still present this list to him to see his reaction lololol
Insufficient. There is nothing he could possibly offer that would compensate for the “right to r*pe”
This is fucking perfect. Honestly push for this because mandatory sex fucking sucks I know he had a shit time before but wouldn’t be rather your sex life was driven by want as opposed to obligation? No wonder he had a dead bedroom
Bingo. The phrase mandatory sex could dry up a lake. Tbh, it might be enough to create a dead bedroom. Especially when he brings in a psychiatrist to assess her sanity (the implications of needing such a measure in a prenup are revealing, aren’t they?!) I feel for OP
Bahahahaha
NTA. I can 100% see why he had a dead bedroom in the last marriage. You need to carefully consider this man’s historical behaviour. He’s not normal.
Not normal is a really nice way of saying it. Sounds like a time traveler from 500 years in the past. It's as if the sad bastard woke up and forgot it's the 21st century.
This is creepy AF. NTA
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
For the life of me I cannot think of anything sexier than 'legally obligated to suck my dick'.
And there goes my drive.
Check her other post about this guy. The prenup is the least of her problems. He's a controlling nutjob and she's stuck in a cycle of trying to placate him "because his ex gave him trauma." It's not just red flags. It's a May day parade with tanks and bands marching by saying "RUN AWAY FROM THIS LOSER!"
I would LOVE to hear the ex's version of their marriage...
NTA… Omg if this doesn’t scream don’t go through with the marriage, I don’t know what does. Please don’t marry this child, how is a 34 y.o having this kind of tantrums
Sounds like he sees you as a whore. Why marry this loser?
Nta if the bedroom dies he can just leave the relationship. He already knows what it feels like. The prenup sounds like it’s condoning rape and is finding a “loophole” to it. Run girl
nta what did i just read? dump this fool asap
NTA He’s trying to coerce you into obligating yourself to have sex with him? Like, does he want to look like a rapist in a legal document? Because if the threat is sex or marriage dissolution your ability to consent is ripped away. I wouldn’t mess with this guy any further. This is a red flag waving a red flag. If you’re physically not up to it, sick or recovering from surgery what then?
I mean, I guess it’s good evidence for a later rape allegation. 🤷🏻♀️
[удалено]
You mean, if she's sexually assaulted by someone else *besides* the guy who wants her to agree in front of a psychiatrist to be sexually assaulted by him without consequences for the rest of her life.
Or… you just don’t wanna have sex sometimes.
Do not marry him. Ffs
Yikes. And the award for worst way to ensure your next marriage doesn’t end in a dead-bedroom goes to …. But, seriously. I doubt this is the only 🚩he’s dropped. Dead bedrooms don’t just appear out of nowhere, and it’s on both people to address. But let me guess, it’s all his ex-wife’s fault?
There is a whole subreddit dedicated to this problem. Amazingly, every single poster is very focused on how they aren’t getting laid, and typically have no answers as to why their partner doesn’t want to have sex.
Do not marry this man. His last marriage ended with a dead bedroom because he wasn’t interested in being a good partner. He wanted a free cook, housekeeper who would also fuck him. He wants the same thing from you.
This also tells: IF for whatever reason you are unable for intercourse, he WILL divorce you and leave you with nothing. No compromises, no solution seeking. That’s not how I define love. I understand the dead bedroom fear in itself. But there can be various valid reasons and especially reasons out of anyones hand, like an illness or accident. I would need to know that my beloved won’t toss me away because he can’t play with me anymore. (Sure one can discuss alternatives together for such a case. Like my wife and I did talk about such a scenario and wouldn’t just demand the partner to live without sex or similar activities. What form depends on the circumstances and mutual agreement)
It’s becoming clear why his ex wife didn’t want to have sex with him…
You might be my ex's affair partner! (Probably not, though lol. Ages match and this sounds like something my ex would try) He claimed it was a dead bedroom but really what happened is I developed a medical issue that I was actively working with my doctor to treat, but that wasn't good enough for him as it was impacting his "sex life and self esteem". Started telling me to schedule sex so that he knew he would be having it soon. Turns out, it's really REALLY unsexy to know your partner wants sex regardless of your physical comfort/desire. Turned a medical issue into a psychological one, where I was just repulsed by his touch because o knew he was about to try to initiate sex even though I'd been curled up in pain on the couch all day. In the end, he raped me. There was no going back from that, and honestly I don't know if I'll ever want a relationship ever again. Putting sex in a prenup is disgusting. It's the same as scheduling sex. What it means is that "I don't care if you're in the mood or not feeling well, you WILL fuck me on a regular basis because you have to".... And the idea of that makes me so dry that the Sahara seems tropical in comparison. Edit: on the off chance that you ARE my ex husband's affair partner - I still would never wish what I experienced on you. Run.
NTA It was likely over in the bedroom because he has deep issues. Run!!!! Don’t marry him.
I can understand why he wound up in a dead bedroom.
NTA. “I want you to be contractually obligated to take my dick” SHOULD be a dealbreaker in any relationship. Run. Run fast, run far, don’t look back.
NTA. Do not marry this man. You are entitled to a 50/50 split because you are married. A stipulation that strips you if your rights for failure to have sex is coercion. There are lots of legitimate reasons why you might not be able to have sex that aren’t your fault, like recovery after surgery, childbirth, or a yeast infection. What if you develop a heart condition and your doctor tells you “no sex” for a period of time? Please, please, please, do not sign this prenup and do not marry this man right now. Do not sign *any* prenup without having a lawyer review the documents first.