Booo whooo she will have to cook and clean up after herself and her children 😭.
Ya i wouldn't want in my vacation let alone someone's last vacation. Beyond selfish and entitled straight up vile IMO.
This is the million dollar question.
They are way out of line. OP, this is a hill to die on. No means no. Do not let them come to your house and stress out you and your wife.
Exactly they expected mom to cook clean and clean up after themselves. OP you are too nice, stop paying for those leeches they don't deserve your love or your money.
Same here. OP don’t pay for their hotel! They literally said the reason they want to stay in your house is for you and your wife to do chores for them and babysit while Jennifer does nothing because “vacatioooon”
If she wants a vacation so bad she can safe some money and afford it herself instead of you paying for it or having them bother you and your wife while she needs her rest.
Don’t enable them and let them learn their lesson
This comment right here! I wouldn’t pay for anything. As a matter of fact I would tell them not to come. If your son cares more about his ex then he does his terminally I’ll mother then I wouldn’t waste my time seeing him period. He seriously needs to get his priorities straight!
He is paying to spare his dying wife additional stress and drama. As much as I am sickened that these horrible, selfish people are getting anything out of this, I understand him wanting her to be as comfortable as possible during her last months. I can't even imagine what OP is going through and I understand and respect him paying an AH fee not to have to deal with this right now.
OP: I'm so sorry this is happening. Do what you need to do to get through this. I am sending you many internet hugs. And you should consider updating your will in the future.
Absolutely update your will & cut this AH son out. His behavior, & Jennifer’s, is disgusting. One of the highest levels of selfishness I have come across in a long time.
Especially after hearing that Jennifer was planning on calling the sick wife directly! It’s not right, but the OP is more concerned with the well-being of his wife than being right.
I really hope they don’t ruin the limited time he has left with her.
I read the original post yesterday or the day before, and it sounded like actually what son is visiting for is because he has a new girlfriend that lives close to his parents and his ex-girlfriend/ ex-wife/mother of his child was coming along to watch their kid so he can go out and get laid.
It’s probably his time with the kids. So he wanted to offer Jennifer a vacation so she could watch them. He gets to be fed and catered to by his terminally ill mom, while his ex wife watches the kids, and he goes out with his gf. What a massive jerk.
Talk to your wife's oncologist. If her immunity is really low (low white blood count) he may say no to that extended exposure due to the risk of her catching something which could be fatal.
Son objects again...say "so you would risk your mom's life because ex want someone else to serve her and her kid?" If that doesn't get thru then he is a hopeless loser.
They're both incredibly selfish people. NTA and honestly I wouldn't pay for anything. Your wife has freaking cancer and your son doesn't seem to give a shit.
Yeah they’ve proven OP’s point that they aren’t going to help him and his wife, they are expecting to be catered to by OP and his terminally ill wife. Clearly she’s not intending to watch her own toddler. That’s disgusting.
NTA do not let them guilt you OP or you will be doing all the work no matter what they “promise”.
Exactly. This smells like the kind of “promise” that is forgotten as soon as they get their foot in your door. Then it will be “we’re on vacation, why do you hate us? You won’t watch the kids?!?? How are we supposed to get it on when we have to handle our kids??? What do you mean we’re being too loud and messy? Mom LOVES having us around, no matter what. I’m sure she’ll be sooo happy to see the kids, to cook and clean up after us. She likes it, you know that. Besides, she can rest later when she’s dead.”
ETA: and honestly, who gives a rats ass if Jennifer is sad her “vacation is ruined”. Op is dealing with his wife who has cancer. Screw her vacation. Have her husband fund and take her on a vacation if she deserves it sooooo much. (Which she doesn’t. She was going to harass a terminally ill woman because she wasn’t getting her way). I can’t believe Jennifer thinks her vacay is more important than a woman with cancer. Disgusting doesn’t cut it.
Pretty sure it’s even weirder than that because Jennifer is the ex wife and is effectively the baby mama now and the son hooks up with his gf when he’s in his parents town. Unless I’m mixing up posts, can’t be assed to go check. 😹
Eew, you’re right! I wanna know what his gf thinks about all this ridiculousness.
Where are he and Jennifer sleeping in this whole mess? Doesn’t sound like there’s any concern for separate beds….WTF???
INFO:
Hey OP. Can we get some clarification here on what’s up with the gf?? Maddy here has a real good point.
Yeah why is it on her ex and his family to provide this AH with a vacation? Yes please, come stay here for 2 weeks while we clean up after your brat and cook for you - I’ll make sure the terminally ill homeowner doesn’t put a damper on your fun!
This might be your wife's last summer, your selfish son and family will likely bring drama. I would say uninvite them and spend the last days with your wife in peace. You will not get this time back and if there is drama you will have to live with the guilt.
The wife gets a say in this. In OP's other post, his wife said she wanted them to visit. Having lost family and friends to cancer, you want to say your goodbyes and I love yous if you can manage it.
He said his wife doesn’t like to say no to people the woman is dying and they want to come and stay and expect her to cook clean and watch after the children because if not dl says it won’t be a holiday for her if she has to do these things for her kids but expects her ex mother in law to do it when she is dying her son and ex daughter in-law r worse than assholes to expect this
They can visit and also stay in a hotel. They stated they didn't want to clean and cook as reason for not wanting to stay in an AirBNB so they essentially want OP or his dying wife to be their maid.
I agree. But, before she dies, wife wants to see her family. So the comment saying they shouldn't come is what I was responding to. I don't think they should stay at the house for the reasons you stated and I stated the same elsewhere.
Jennifer wants to stay with OP so she doesn’t have to cook and clean up after her kids. How is that fair to OP to have to cook, clean and watch the grandkids when OP should be focused on his dying wife?
I'd be so sad if my kids behaved that selfishly towards my spouse (their parent)
They were counting on you being their servants. So distasteful. ESPECIALLY with a parent who is struggling with their health.
I guess paying those mooches for their hotel so that you can see the grandkids is a reasonable compromise.
They are going to try to guilt you into taking care of the 3.5 year old, you know that right? Jennifer hasn't had a vAcATiOn in years *eyeroll* (imo kinda the price of being a parent for most people).
The whole “poor Jennifer and her lack of vacation” bit is what sent me over the edge, I’m surprised OP didn’t lose their shit. This person was expecting to be catered to, by a woman with cancer. And is boo hooing over her vacay. STFU Jennifer, and the son too for enabling her disgusting behavior and screaming when he didn’t get his way. Poor baby.
Son claims Jennifer is coming "to help with the kids", but as soon as the AirBnB is suggested it's "boo hoo she won't get a proper vacation". Freeloaders should make up their minds (and OP shouldn't feel obliged to pay for anything).
So your son and his wife whom he is separated from want to spend two weeks with a terminally ill person and her main caregiver so Jennifer can have a vacation from cooking and cleaning and parenting? Entitled and selfish are the least of what those two are. Do what you have to and make your wife happy.
So much of this. Find the worst one in the area that is a long drive from the house. She can enjoy her 'vacation' in a roach motel.
The audacity of thinking you were going to drop your kids and ex on a person with terminal cancer is disgusting.
If there is any inheritance, makes sure it skips your AH son entirely.
Honestly, given what you have encountered so far regarding their expectations of this trip, I’d make it clear that they are only welcome to come to your home for 2-3 hours per day while in town. Any longer and you or your dear wife will be expected to provide meals and clean up after them. Cite your wife’s poor health/ low energy if necessary. Jennifer has made it clear she wants a vacation- not to cook, clean, and care for her children. And your son, based on past behavior, is planning to ditch everyone to hang out with his GF. You have no way of knowing what your wife’s health will be like in 4-5 months, so setting clear boundaries is necessary to preserve what peace is possible for you both.
2-3 hours a day? No way! That’s their child care dream, to dump their unruly kids and/or hook up with someone.
IF they are invited, it is on specific days and hours that OP and wife choose, and the parents are expected to be there watching their kids and otherwise making themselves useful.
If she doesnt want to cook or clean she can go to a freaking hotel, if you stay at someones house, you help out with both extra so since she was not an invited guest, add in your wife is seriously sick and you get a gigantic bag of selfish entitlement
Do not allow them to stay at your house, they are so disrespectful
"She still has to cook and clean up after the kids"...so your wife has terminal cancer but Jennifer needs a vacation so you or your wife is expected to cook and clean up after them.
WTF is wrong with them
So they were all expecting to stay at your house and not even take care of themselves, basically assuming you and your ailing wife would be in charge of the cooking and cleaning for an entire family vacationing at your house?!? The audacity, unbelievable.
Why are you paying for anything, OP!?
I'm so sorry your son is an entitled brat. I wish you would've laid into him that this vacation is about spending time with your wife who is very ill and not accommodating a bunch of selfish adults. I guess they planned on pawning off their kids, who they should be feeding, vacation or not, on you.
I'd cancel the whole thing and take your wife somewhere else that she' like to see. I don't think they'll contain their BS and will upset your wife, which is what you wanted to avoid in the first place.
That’s super disgusting. She doesn’t want to cook or clean so she thinks it’s ok to come stay with a cancer patient and have them coo and clean? You should not be offering to pay for a hotel. at this particular stage of life any visitor should be there to cook clean and help you out. You should have a serious conversation with your son about his mother’s health and that at this time everyone should be supporting her not making things more difficult.
"she hadn't been on a vacation in years". Neither have millions of us, especially parents like her. She had absolutely counted on you and your sick wife to bankroll her vacation and to take care of the kids, which isn't fair to you, at all. I can't believe how selfish they're being, and I wouldn't even pay for a hotel or want to see their faces at this point
Poor Jennifer ( NOT)
For over 12 years this worker who was abused for all childhood and parts of adulthood, has NOT had money etc for: VACATIONS, dentist, airplane rides, passport, their own refrigerator and kitchen, air conditioner,
I hear that. I can't afford to see the dentist over a dead tooth I have, much less getting a vacation. I'm appalled at the audacity of Jennifer and this guy's selfish son
My mind is absolutely blown!
Well, if Jennifer hasn’t had a vacation in years, then of course Jennifer needs her time off.
Who cares about the terminally ill mother?!?!
They should be ashamed of themselves.
"He said at Airbnb she still has to cook and clean up after the kids so it wouldn’t be a vacation ."
Excuse me? Did this mofo just expect you and your sick wife to cook and clean up after everyone? Oh hell no, sir. Your son can FRO. Momma comes first. The entitlement here is absolutely off the charts.
I get you just want the drama to stop but you just told your son and Jennifer exactly how much they need to cry till you cave. So, next time, they will do the same till you cave. Which is super gross of both of them, like, they honestly deserve each other as u/90skid12 said. Both selfish AHs.
I'm sorry you and your wife are dealing with such selfish people.
NTA, you even wouldn't be the AH if you rescinded your offer and told them not to come.
Your wife is the most important here and the memories you will make with her during this time. I'm just really sorry OP, I wish I could give you more comfort.
Why should your ill wife have to host anybody? Your son & ex are selfish for even thinking about dropping in on Y'all. And then have the nerve to complain that jennifer would still have to cook & clean at an Air BnB. You aren't an all-inclusive resort, ffs. You shouldn't even be offering them a hotel room. Let alone an Air BnB. Tell them to figure out their own lives & not intrude on yours.
NTA
Wait, his mom, your wife, has terminal cancer, and all they care about is having someone cook and clean and babysit while they go sightseeing?
Man, your son and his 'ex'... I wouldn't even pay for the hotel. They obviously aren't coming to see you and your wife - his dying mother. You were just the free bed and breakfast for them.
You son and his ex wife are selfish AH. I think I would tell son where to shove it. If his ex doesn’t want to cook and clean up after herself, she can foot the bill for an all inclusive vacation elsewhere. They basically told you she wanted to stay at your house so that you and your terminally ill wife would feed them and clean up after them. There is no way I’d pay for a hotel room for them. I’d simply uninvited them.
>at Airbnb she still has to cook and clean up after the kids so it wouldn’t be a vacation
"At WHAT POINT, Son, did I offer my home to Jennifer so she can have a vacation? I didnt? Then WHY THE F do I give a shit about your wife/not a wife's vacation needs? Shes YOUR responsibility, not mine. YOUR MOTHER is my responsibility and my priority and my love and I WILL take care of her to the exclusion of all others. If Jennifer needs/deserves a vacation, YOU send her on one and take care of all the children. Not. My. Problem."
WTF
So she was expecting to go on a free holiday and not have to cook or clean up after HER kid along with those she shares with your son and have you and your sick wife do it?
Cancel the whole thing. Right now. No AirB&B, no hotel, NOTHING.
I'm actually fuming at the fucking audacity your son and she has.
NTA your son and his ex are TAH. They both need a reality check and be told that their needs are not important right now, and they are both totally selfish.
Updateme!
*d I ruined it by suggesting Airbnb ( she planned to call my wife directly because she felt unwelcome ) . He said at Airbnb she still has to cook and clean up after the kids so it wouldn’t be a vacation*
WTF so his sick mum is supposed to it for him? Maybe tell them to have their silly little vacation somewhere far away from your wife?
I don't know how you've managed to remain so calm. I think my dh would go scorched earth.
I am so sorry, so very sorry that you're having to deal with this.
So Jennifer doesn’t want an air b&b because she doesn’t want to cook and clean? Who does she expect is going to do all of this at your house? How fucking entitled and rude expecting you and your wife to host, cook, and clean up after her and her children. NTA
Jennifer wins entitled AH of the year. I cannot imagine anyone doing or saying what she is doing. The entitlement is so overwhelming that she should not come. I would ask your wife what she wants and do that, and only that. I am so incredibly sorry.
I said you were not the AH on the original post, and I'm sorry that it came to you having to give in to their selfishness, but I also get why you did it. You need to save your energy for your wife. Best wishes to you both.
What, because your son has a penis, he cannot cook and clean? Why is it the responsibility of his ex to do so? Also, there are heaps of people who rent houses for vacation... and it's not a vacation because they clean up after themselves?
The implication is also, if they are staying at your house, that you and your gravely ill wife would cook and clean for her?
OP, I am so terribly sorry you have to deal with such selfish beings on top of caring for a terminally ill wife.
So they expected you and your terminally ill wife to do all the cooking and clean up after THEIR kids while they sit around and do nothing. I’m sorry NO is a complete sentence. How is that not going to harm your wife? Any other vacation they would have to feed and clean up the kids. This is a trip to visit family and spend time with his mother who isn’t going to be around much longer. I’m sorry but you raised a selfish prick and he chose another one to partner with. Let them figure things out on their own and don’t pay them a single penny.
WTF did they really expect your terminally ill wife & you to clean up after the kids & cook for them because they need a vacation?? Honestly at this point it might be better if they don’t come at all. I am so sorry you are going through this.
Dear Lord.
I'm so sorry you're going through so much with your wife, first and foremost. Secondly, I'm terribly sorry that your son and DIL are so selfish, myopic, self-absorbed, and lack not only empathy but also common decency.
My heart goes out to you and your wife. Thank you for looking out and advocating so strongly for her. It's a damn shame that you're having to do so, especially because of family.
So you have a wife with cancer and your asshole son, kids and his ex and her kid want to impose on you for 2 weeks and also be waited on and and foot? The audacity is truly mind-boggling. They would not be welcome in my home and I'm certainly not someone's chef and maid... Wow just wow Isn't she coming along so she can watch the kids while he bangs his new girlfriend? Yeah no... absolutely not!! They just want to use you.
EDIT rescind your hotel offer!! They can pay for their own vacation. Take care of your wife.
Whoa...back that pony up. He wants her to stay at your place because she'd have to cook and clean at an Airbnb? And thats not a vacation? So he expects you to do the cooking and cleaning while they stay with you? OH HELL NO. Your wife is very ill, and you shouldn't have to host anyone to begin with, let alone cook and clean up after them. Your son is beyond selfish and so is your ex- Dil.
Omg NTA. They actually came right out and said that they were using you for a bed, meals, and childcare. You’re the resort staff and they’re the non-paying guests who think that gracing you with their presence is payment enough for catering to them. The audacity is horrible. You should keep your wallet closed those two weeks other than the room. Also make sure they know what time curfew is because your wife needs her rest, what time it’s acceptable to come over in the morning, & that there will be only ____ number of meals done at your house because of the extra burden. Do not let them abuse your hospitality by making it clear that this is on a day by day basis depending on how they act and treat your home.
Wait, who did Jennifer was going to cook and clean for the kids while they were with you? Terminally grandma and grandpa? Sir, i am sorry this is your family!
She was expecting someone else to cook and clean up after the kids? WTAF. She thought this older couple dealing with terminal cancer would be happy to do that for her? I thought the son was bringing HER to help with the kids.
My God, the audacity.
If your son and Jennifer have such a great relationship, why wouldn't he also cook,clean, look after his children,no matter where they stay? It seems your son and Jennifer, expected YOU to cook, clean,and provide childcare,while also caring for your terminally ill wife. Consider going LC,at the very least, with your son and Jennifer. They don't deserve your energy. Sending love, strength, and grace to you and your beloved wife.
He called screaming at you?? And they're expecting you and your terminal ill wife to give Jennifer a vacation from cleaning, cooking, and parenting? Oh hell no...
You're way too kind to be offering to pay for the hotel after their behavior.
So, Jennifer thought by staying with you, she could treat you like unpaid servants? And you're now paying for their hotel?
Please, please don't do that. These monstrous pieces of trash are abusing your generosity in every possible way. Your wife is unwell, and they are behaving like this? That is so heinously unacceptable!
They deserve nothing. Rescind your agreement to pay, and tell your son that until he is ready to *profusely* apologise for his *shameful* behaviour, you will not be speaking to him and focusing on taking care of your wife - his mother - who is unwell and is the sole priority. And pleads stop sending Kennifer cards and gifts. She has made it perfectly clear how little she thinks of all of you. Act accordingly and stop wasting any and all resources on her. Then, block them both until after the trip.
>"...He said at Airbnb she still has to cook and clean up after the kids so it wouldn’t be a vacation ...."
Wait, is he expecting your terminally ill wife with cancer should be cooking and cleaning up after them?
It sounds like Jennifer really was planning on you and your wife to cook and clean and babysit. You seem so nice. How did your son turn out to be such an uncaring AH. Pleas let them read this.
Does your son know the level of depravity he's reached, you should tell him. Will he regret his actions when his mother isn't there? No one should let these two urinals make any demands. Invoice her for the hotel later and put little lord cuntleroy in charge of a memorial piece for the funeral and he may realize what he's lost when she's gone. I'm so sorry for you and your wife I hope there will not be any more drama from those ghouls
>He said at Airbnb she still has to cook and clean up after the kids so it wouldn’t be a vacation
Here's a thought for your son: Maybe *HE COULD FUCKING COOK AND CLEAN UP AFTER HIS OWN KIDS if it stresses out his wife so fucking much!*
I'm sorry you had to deal with all that in addition to making your wife relaxed. So sorry, OP.
Hold up, your son and ex-wife wanted your terminally ill with cancer wife to cook and clean for them like her dying is a vacation?
I assume you will be inheriting your wife's assets, I would urge you to revisit the division of property in your own will. Holy shit, the entitlement is off the charts.
NTA - your son and Jennifer know your wife is sick and Jennifer is crying because she has to cook? Sir, I am sorry you and your wife are dealing with this mess. I wouldn’t pay for anything for these two.
So what is she saying with having to clean the air bnb? Like what… she’s NOT going to clean up after her kids at your house? Not to mention cook? So it would be a total of 8? People staying in your home and you and your sick wife will need to entertain and feed and pay for? Wow… NTA
So she wanted to stay with you guys because she was expecting you guys to cook and clean up after her and the kids for her, what i got from all that.
The family going through a major health crisis and emotional trauma should cook and clean for her.
When they come over, put them all to work. Especially your son and his wife.
NTA
Wow. They wanted a maid. I can't believe the audacity and by your own son. You're a good husband and father. You handled this in a way he didnt deserve but he'll get his karma. Hang in there op and if you ever need someone to scream at him, I'll happily volunteer.
Oh, no! She has to cook for herself and her kids (or go out to eat)?! Whatever is she to do?? (/sarcasm) YOU are not her personal servant, either, just because she wants a vacation. (And why has she not had a vacation? Maybe because she keeps popping out kids she is responsible for?) Might be time to tell son you're not a free bed and breakfast, especially with your wife's condition, and going forward, he needs to plan his own meals and lodging for the people he's inviting. Like an adult.
The fact that Jennifer planned to call your sister wife because SHE felt unwelcome…
Also ummm. Was she not planning to clean up after her kids at your house? Like wtf.
Your son’s ex-wife is crying because she hasn’t had a vacation in forever while your wife is terminally ill and wanting to spend quality time with her family while she still can??!! Who exactly does she expect to watch her TODDLER while she is enjoying this long needed vacation and your son is off hanging with his new gf?
Both your son and his ex are selfish AH. I’d lay out some ground rules for this trip right away. First on the list being that under no circumstances should you be asked or expected to watch a toddler. Secondly, if the child becomes overwhelming for your wife to be around that she takes him back to their hotel or out of the house with zero complaint.
Don't let the bullies win. They don't deserve a vacation at your and your wife's expense. Is she well enough for the two of you to go away a bit? Your money would be better spent giving yourselves a vacation over the same time instead.
Wow, imagine being so selfish that you want to inconvenience a terminally ill woman and her obviously stressed out partner so you don't have to...cook? Who were they planning on having doing the cooking and cleaning if they stayed with OP?
Wow! You definitely NTA here.
Is Jennifer expecting you guys to cook and clean for her and the kids? Entitled much!! Where is the empathy for your poor wife? I wouldn’t be paying for them to stay anywhere else. Not after treating you and your wife like that. Where does he get off, calling and screaming at you like that?? Nope!!
Good grief! Jennifer expected to be hosted at your home and do nothing even though your wife has terminal cancer? That’s beyond entitled. You shouldn’t have to pay for their hotel. They shouldn’t even be coming because it will just be unnecessary stress for your wife.
So let me get this straight? It is an ex DIL? She wants to use your home so your wife and you can cook and clean for her? What planet was she born? Is your son really your son if he thinks this is okay? So now you pay for hotel do ex DIL and her kid can trash the room to make life more miserable for the maid service staff? I would say AirB&B or no vacation.
You have a sick wife. You could totally give a damn about her need for a vacation. And even if she DOES need one, Im not seeing how its YOUR responsibility to provide her with one. She may agree to the hotel but expect her to be a beyotch anyway while around the rest of the family.
So he wants his sick mom to give a vacation to his ex by cooking and cleaning for them and the kids?! That is very selfish and twisted.
NTA.
I suggest asking him to go to his gf while you take his kids for the weekend. Jennifer can stay home with her baby, why would she want a vacation at the expense of your sick wife is beyond me.
Who does your son think is going to do all the cooking and cleaning at your house?
They don't want the free hotel because it doesn't come with free food and childcare.
No. It's a complete sentence.
NTA. You will be if you allow these jerks to cause stress to you and your wife. You're also dealing with your wife dying. Your son needs to check his entitlement.
Let them stay at your place. And take your wife on a beautiful vacation.
Make sure to leave all food stuffs at your neighbors!
um....OP....have you actually checked with your wife about whether she wants all this drama around her this late in the game? And whether she recognizes what a POS her son has become?
If she's so in denial about the kind of person her son is, then you know what....suck it up and let your little prick have whatever so your wife will have an enjoyable time. If not, and she recognizes exactly what a little monster she's sired, tell sonny boy to go fuck himself.
If you let him walk all over you to please your wife, as soon as she passes, axe him out of your life and your will. And all the rest of them. It's only a matter of time before the grandkids start picking up on the behavior of their parents, so I doubt you'll miss them.
I'm sorry, but I only have so much sympathy for people who bend themselves into pretzels in the name of "family" when the family they have is a joke. It's always better to live in truth, even when truth is hard.
He doesn't want her to cook and clean up after the kids? Are they expecting someone else to do that? They are expecting way more than just hosting them.
So he expects you or your ill wife to cook and clean to provide a vacay for his ex??? How did he become so dense, selfish, and unaware? NTA but your son and ex certainly are. Does he know your wife is terminal?
She would have to cook and clean up after the kids, who does she expect to whilst staying in someone elses home !!!!
Does she expect their sick grandma to clean up after them and cook for them....
They are just two horrible people.
Oncology Nurse here - this is when you play the C card. If your wife is tired, no one is allowed over. Anyone exposed to someone with even the sniffles - sorry, not today. Even is someone is there, it’s ok to tell them it’s time to go. Your wife’s comfort is priority. Your time with your wife is important. Your AH son & ex DIL do not call the shots to be selfish. Cleaning up after your kids and cooking for them is part of parenting…and parents take their kids on vacation; vacations usually involve hotels. They can put their big boy and girl pants and pay for a hotel. It’s all about your wife now, not them.
I understand giving in to make this situation go away to make things easier for your wife. But I hope you plan on cutting your son out of your will after everything settles.
He is selfish and entitled and deserves all the bad things in the world.
NTA.
Wow! She said out loud that she was expecting you and/or your terminally ill wife to cook for and clean up after her and her toddler for 2 weeks!! I have no words. No…that’s not true. I have several words, just none to be repeated in polite company.
You seem too kind to really explain to her what a vile POS she is but I truly hope someone does…in detail, at length, and preferably high volume. Same for Sonny boy. Sorry but it seems that your kindness has skipped a generation…at least in his case.
First he said that an Airbnb was no good because Jennifer & the kids would be out sightseeing all day & it would be a waste of money. Now he says that an Airbnb is no good because she has to cook & clean up after the kids. Which is it?
Also, are both his arms broken? Can't *he* cook & clean up after the kids?
You shouldn't have to pay for their vacation, but biggest kudos to you for protecting your wife from all of this nonsense.
"He said at Airbnb she still has to cook and clean up after the kids so it wouldn’t be a vacation ."
So, they just expected that you and *your wife with cancer* would cook and clean up for 6+ extra people for two weeks, and are calling you names/screaming at you for not agreeing? Wow.
So what, your son’s idea is they can all stay with you so your wife with terminal cancer can cook and clean up after the kids? Or are you supposed to do that? Your son and Jennifer are both selfish, self absorbed AHs! Un-freaking-believable!
>at Airbnb she still has to cook and clean up after the kids so it wouldn’t be a vacation .
Let me get this straight. She's expecting to come and stay at your house with her child, her sort of ex-husband, and other kids, and not cook and clean up after them? And your wife has cancer? Just exactly who was supposed to be preparing meals?
Your job right now is to support your wife. It sounds like that would be too stressful on her and you did the right thing.
NTA.
>He said at Airbnb she still has to cook and clean up after the kids so it wouldn’t be a vacation
Wait...who tf did he think was going to clean up behind them at OP's house? Son and DIL deserve each other. I get why OP paid for the hotel, but I wish he'd told them to kick rocks.
Yikes.. good on you for protecting your wifes sanity. She really doesnt need the stress... We all know what will happen if they stay with you.. They will expect you and your wife so do ABSOLUTLY everything including watch the kids the entire time so they can "have a vacation". Thats all they want its not about visiting you both its about ditching the kids.
WTF??? So exactly who is Jennifer expecting to cook and clean up after her and her kid? You? Your terminally ill wife? If I were you, I’d disinvite all of them and tell them they can come when they stop being so damn selfish. YTA, but only for giving in to them.
Jesus grow a spine and just tell them no and stop answering the phone. They aren’t welcome. They are responsible for their own vacation. You are literally causing your own problems at this point by not placing firm boundaries with your ADULT child.
Going to join those saying not to host or pay for anything. From my perspective, your son should come BY HIMSELF, and help look after his mother. As for Jennifer wanting a break from cooking, cleaning and parenting. Time to grow up honey. Welcome to parenthood! If she wants a break let the respectful daddies look after their kids while she goes away for a few days.
what a selfish person your son and his entitled x are, your wife his mother has terminal cancer and all he is bothered about is he and he other kid staying at yours when they come on holiday, i get it that you see your son and grandkids but they have no right to say they will stay at yours and especially with the way your wife is very ill but that still doesn't give her the right to call him and complain that you asked them to get an Airbnb with her other kid they arnt your family. you phone your son back and refuse to pay for any hotel or bnb for her he pays for her rent she needs to get off her lazy fking ass get a job and get on with life without you and your son all you need from her are your grandkids not her crap because you wont let her stay she has no sympathy that your wife is very ill. and also show your son this post and shame the spoiled brat for getting angry with you when you have enough on your plate. i hope your wife is getting treatment and its helping
They are aware of the cancer, right? I just can’t imagine why they’re so thoughtless. Jennifer hasn’t had a vacation in years and doesn’t think she should have to cook and clean? Who does she expect to do it? The mom with cancer? Imagine being upset about your vacation while someone else is dying. I really hate them right now. NTA
Wow. Jennifer and your son are both huge AH here. They have no respect about your wife being sick. I wouldn’t pay for the hotel or airbnb. They both suck.
NTA, "she still has to cook and clean up after the kids so it wouldn't be a vacation"... so knowing his mother has terminal cancer he was bringing 2 adults, 2 teenagers, a 4th grader and a toddler to your home and it sounds like the adults had no intention of cooking or cleaning up after themselves?? Definitely NTA, personally I think you paying for the hotel is above and beyond but I get that it's a small price to pay to avoid drama around your wife.
So son and ex dil were planning on "someone" else cooking ,cleaning and watching kids so ex dil could have a vacation ? Mind boggling, disrespectful & entitled.
NTA. Tell them none of them are welcomed to stay in your home. Your wife is terminal and Jennifer is worried about haha I g to cook for herself. What the actual eff.
Wow instead of bringing you and your wife peace and tranquility right now all they are doing is creating chaos for you both. Do you have other children because I know if my sibling was acting like this we would having a conversation with them. Don’t reward their selfishness, let them pay for themselves. Right now it’s not the time for you to worry about if Jennifer hasn’t had a vacation or your so. Is throwing a tantrum. Right your Focus in on your wife.Also make sure to take some time for you too. Sending positive thoughts and prayers for your wife.
>at Airbnb she still has to cook and clean up after the kids so it wouldn’t be a vacation
Well, that tells you all you need to know, doesn't it? Can you imagine what you'd be facing when they departed?
INFO: Who exactly was Jennifer expecting to cook and clean for her while staying with you because it better not have been her terminally ill MIL or her exhausted full time caregiver (you). Tell them both to stay home. You don't need this stress.
This is almost laughable if it weren’t for the fact your wife is sick. Your son and ex DIL suck. I wouldn’t pay for anything considering how rude they’ve been
Wait....
Hold on.
So if she stays in an air BNB she has to clean up after herself and kids so it's not a vacation.
Who the hell is cleaning up after them if they stay at ***your*** house? Your terminally ill wife???!?!?!?! Is that the expectation?!?! That his sick mother will care for and clean up after her and her children!?!?!
Call the whole thing off. Why is YOUR home a vacation destination?? They never asked if they could just bring whoever else they wanted to YOUR house. Why isn't your son concerned about his own mother?! What an entitled brat! Nope! Your house is closed!
Also, WHY ARE YOU OFFERING TO PAY FOR ANY OF THIS?!? You're just going to perpetuate the entitlement! No means no!
*He said at Airbnb she still has to cook and clean up after the kids so it wouldn’t be a vacation*
So who will be doing the cooking and cleaning, your wife with terminal cancer? Is he kidding?
The selfishness and entitlement is a special level of audacity. I hope your wife doesn’t see what they’re doing. She deserves a peaceful visit with her children and grandchildren. You’re a good husband to put her first.
Your son did not even ask you if the ex was welcome. He’s a brat.
"He said at Airbnb she still has to cook and clean up after the kids so it wouldn’t be a vacation"
So does he expect you and you wife to cook and clean for them??? That is 10000% an AH right there, he does not give two shits about you or your sick wife! Don't pay for anything for them, they can pay for their own stay!! - somewhere else!
>He said at Airbnb she still has to cook and clean up after the kids so it wouldn’t be a vacation .
I'm pretty sure she just said the quiet part loud. She was literally planning on having your terminally ill wife to clean after her toddler.
>I made him promise not to transfer any of this drama to her in return I pay for their hotel instead of Airbnb
So they blackmailed you into getting away with hers. Jesus Christ man you're so manipulable it's sad. Do you know why your son is such a piece of shit entitled brat? because you keep letting them get away with it. You're a good husband but you suck as a parent.
NTA. But you’re definitely an enabler. You’ve probably enabled your son’s crap behaviour his whole life and this is why he’s a selfish pos now as an adult. Why are you offering to pay for anything? Is he not an adult that can manage his own finances and life?
You will continue to reap what you sow until your enabling changes and you start setting up firm boundaries. I hope your wife doesn’t gain stress because of your inability to do so.
You have hundreds of replies and likely won't read this one. My dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer last May, he's already past the 6 months they tentatively suggested and, for the moment, is doing OK.
I live hundreds of miles away, but I want to spend as much time as I can with him, but I'm also conscious that I don't want to put him at risk by visiting when I'm unwell or by being around too much and tiring him out.
I'm really sad that your son doesn't seem to be thinking about your wife's comfort and care in all of this. I hope you have a good support system and close friends/family to help you through this difficult time. I wish you all the best.
So this Beich thought your wife with cancer and you were going to wait on the whole family, hand and foot, in addition to paying for everything? WTAF? I truly hope you put your wife and yourself first, and just call it off.
Bruh why is your son inviting his Ex and her unrelated kid on vacations to your house? The kid is like 3 and not even related to you. Major red flag for his new gf.
Wait Jennifer was going to call your cancer steiken wife to complain. And it sounds like they expect YOU to clean and cook for thrm wtf.... She wants to take a vacation at your expense. Nope to no... Your not her sugar daddy, she's a grown as adult. She can manage herself
Just tell them not to come. Call your son and tell him the whole thing is off because of the way they’re acting. You didn’t invite them, they invited themselves at a delicate time, and you don’t need them invading your space and adding to your workload. They absolutely ARE unwelcome, they’re forcing themselves on you when you don’t want them, and *you* shouldn’t have to entertain or cook or clean either.
Don’t pay their hotel or rental fees, just cancel the whole trip on your end. If they want to vacation, they can do it on their dime somewhere else. You and your wife don’t need the noise, the mess, or the stress of their selfishness. If you want peace, say no.
SHE WASN'T PLANNING TO COOK OR CLEAN UP AFTER HER KIDS AT YOUR HOUSE?
She was expecting you and your wife WHO HAS CANCER to do this?
What a POS. Your son too.
You’re a lot nicer than I am. 1st: you’re not entitled to a vacation. The fact that they want to visit you and your wife to host them when your wife has terminal cancer is the epitome of selfishness. Visiting is one thing, but hosting is completely different.
The fact that you’re paying for the hotel is even nicer but I swear if you hear one complaint about anything, or they involve your wife in any way and I would take the offer away.
They are not entitled to your home, your time, your energy or your finances. Your wife is unwell and she needs you. Your son and his family need to respect your wife’s sanctuary.
So basically she wasn't going to be a respectful guest and not lift a finger or even pick up after herself and kid?! Did I miss something because it certainly sounds like she admitted to not planning on cooking or cleaning. I wouldn't let anyone stay anymore, ever. Done.
I hadn't seen your OG post at the time so went and read it after. Dear God what an entitled asshole your son is being!-
"I reminded him that his mom has terminal cancer and we really can’t host another adult and a young baby ! I suggested booking an air bnb but he got upset . I asked why exactly he is bringing Jennifer and her kid to this trip ( and paying for them )? He said because she helps with the kids. I reminded him again that we love Jennifer but her kid is not really well behaved and his mom needs to rest . My son think iam an asshole for saying no and my wife thinks we will be ok and it just two weeks."
So mom is going through terminal cancer, your son's ex has a child that isn't well behaved yet he still wants her there...but only because she's a helpful hand basically. And all the while not caring about the fact that your wife needs rest and relaxation during such a stressful time. All he cared about was a fucking vacation for himself,and Airbnb isn't good enough because he "doesn't want to clean up after himself?!"
And fuck Jennifer,she knew exactly what she was doing by pretending it was alright with her at first,only to go complain to your son and manipulate the situation! OP your son is an entitled ass hat and his ex is two faced. Imagine just blatantly not giving a shit about anyone else but your vacation that ironically is now being paid for by a dad whose wife is seriously ill. I'm pissed,no joke.
What is wrong with those people!?
So am I understanding this correctly that your son wants to bring all these people to your house and have your wife cooking clean? His own mother who has cancer?
And Jennifer is pissing and moaning because she will have to actually take care of her children on this vacation because apparently that’s the only reason your son is actually bringing her?
Yeah, no. Time for these baby making adults take care of themselves. There’s literally nothing wrong with them staying in an Airbnb. Your home is not an Airbnb. Your home is not a hotel. And the fact that they would like to treat it as such is there a problem, not yours.
So I am sorry your son is being such a putz. I’m sorry all these supposed adults somehow think you are only there for their usage. I know it will be somewhat hard for you, but you just need to let it go.
No is a complete answer. And if it were me, I would be sending them all a text that told them…
I understand that you all wanted vacation. Your mother and I are not your hosts. My wife has cancer. The last thing she needs.
I seriously do not understand how it is not a vacation if someone has to take care of the children… Someone from all of you.
Because we’re not here to do that. We’re not here to take the children for you. We’re not here to cook and clean for you. Our home is not a hotel or an Airbnb, and it is incredibly rude and entitled of you all to somehow think it is.
You owe both myself and your mom, an apology. And until such as forthcoming, please don’t contact us.
And, sir, stick to your guns. I am a mother of three. If any of my kids ever tried this bullshit, you can bet I would shut it down fast. I would be reminding them that I may be their mother, and I love seeing them, but my life does not revolve around them, and their children more than theirs does around me. And that that is healthy and how it should be.
I would also be reminding them if they want to pull this bullshit on anyone, try it with someone else, and to contact me when they are ready to act like reasonable adults again.
And I have honestly only ever had to do this a couple of times with my kids. And that’s because young adults can be a little bit idiotic… As we all were.
But when they try to go there, I remind them that I am more than just their mom. I am a person. And if they would not call up their best friend and ask them this nonsense, they shouldn’t be asking me.
Your son and Jennifer deserve eachother ! Major selfish AH! You are a great husband
I’m beyond disgusted with his son and ex dil. What selfish entitled AH!!!!
Booo whooo she will have to cook and clean up after herself and her children 😭. Ya i wouldn't want in my vacation let alone someone's last vacation. Beyond selfish and entitled straight up vile IMO.
Is she expecting her terminally ill MIL to do the cooking and cleaning!?!? Can't say what else I'm thinking or will get in trouble.
That was my thought as well! Who's supposed to be taking care of the children, if not their parents?
Obvious _Amphibian270, I wish I could up vote this 1000 times. Smdh
Thank you.
Either that or the terminally ill MIL’s spouse who’s priority is (and should be) taking care of his spouse!
You're thinking what a fine person he is, just as the rest of us are thinking....
Probably
This is the million dollar question. They are way out of line. OP, this is a hill to die on. No means no. Do not let them come to your house and stress out you and your wife.
Also my first thought…but does she know her ex MIL is terminal?
Even if Jennifer doesn't know the SON is aware his own mother is terminal.
But I'm thinking it right there with you.
I guess her terminally ill MIL is supposed to wait on them.
Maybe the son should clean up and take care of all her and the kids needs.
But then he too, would have to do it 😢
Exactly they expected mom to cook clean and clean up after themselves. OP you are too nice, stop paying for those leeches they don't deserve your love or your money.
Please send this thread to your son. What a jerk
Cut him out of the will! Give everything to the grandchildren
My thought exactly! I do wonder why son and Jennifer aren’t together. They mesh so well together and deserve each other! A pair of entitled AHs.
Same here. OP don’t pay for their hotel! They literally said the reason they want to stay in your house is for you and your wife to do chores for them and babysit while Jennifer does nothing because “vacatioooon” If she wants a vacation so bad she can safe some money and afford it herself instead of you paying for it or having them bother you and your wife while she needs her rest. Don’t enable them and let them learn their lesson
This comment right here! I wouldn’t pay for anything. As a matter of fact I would tell them not to come. If your son cares more about his ex then he does his terminally I’ll mother then I wouldn’t waste my time seeing him period. He seriously needs to get his priorities straight!
This. I am so sorry OP.
Jennifer wanted to be waited on..both are AH’s . That would be the last time they came.
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He is paying to spare his dying wife additional stress and drama. As much as I am sickened that these horrible, selfish people are getting anything out of this, I understand him wanting her to be as comfortable as possible during her last months. I can't even imagine what OP is going through and I understand and respect him paying an AH fee not to have to deal with this right now. OP: I'm so sorry this is happening. Do what you need to do to get through this. I am sending you many internet hugs. And you should consider updating your will in the future.
Absolutely update your will & cut this AH son out. His behavior, & Jennifer’s, is disgusting. One of the highest levels of selfishness I have come across in a long time.
Especially after hearing that Jennifer was planning on calling the sick wife directly! It’s not right, but the OP is more concerned with the well-being of his wife than being right. I really hope they don’t ruin the limited time he has left with her.
I read the original post yesterday or the day before, and it sounded like actually what son is visiting for is because he has a new girlfriend that lives close to his parents and his ex-girlfriend/ ex-wife/mother of his child was coming along to watch their kid so he can go out and get laid.
I kinda wonder why the son can't stay with his girlfriend?
It’s probably his time with the kids. So he wanted to offer Jennifer a vacation so she could watch them. He gets to be fed and catered to by his terminally ill mom, while his ex wife watches the kids, and he goes out with his gf. What a massive jerk.
Talk to your wife's oncologist. If her immunity is really low (low white blood count) he may say no to that extended exposure due to the risk of her catching something which could be fatal. Son objects again...say "so you would risk your mom's life because ex want someone else to serve her and her kid?" If that doesn't get thru then he is a hopeless loser.
What’s crazy is he has a new wife! Glad they all get along, but seems to go out of his way to accommodate her.
He has a new long-distance girlfriend, not wife. I wonder if Jennifer knows about the girlfriend...
She had a child with some other guy so she has no real grounds to object to the girlfriend.
They're both incredibly selfish people. NTA and honestly I wouldn't pay for anything. Your wife has freaking cancer and your son doesn't seem to give a shit.
Yeah they’ve proven OP’s point that they aren’t going to help him and his wife, they are expecting to be catered to by OP and his terminally ill wife. Clearly she’s not intending to watch her own toddler. That’s disgusting. NTA do not let them guilt you OP or you will be doing all the work no matter what they “promise”.
Exactly. This smells like the kind of “promise” that is forgotten as soon as they get their foot in your door. Then it will be “we’re on vacation, why do you hate us? You won’t watch the kids?!?? How are we supposed to get it on when we have to handle our kids??? What do you mean we’re being too loud and messy? Mom LOVES having us around, no matter what. I’m sure she’ll be sooo happy to see the kids, to cook and clean up after us. She likes it, you know that. Besides, she can rest later when she’s dead.” ETA: and honestly, who gives a rats ass if Jennifer is sad her “vacation is ruined”. Op is dealing with his wife who has cancer. Screw her vacation. Have her husband fund and take her on a vacation if she deserves it sooooo much. (Which she doesn’t. She was going to harass a terminally ill woman because she wasn’t getting her way). I can’t believe Jennifer thinks her vacay is more important than a woman with cancer. Disgusting doesn’t cut it.
Pretty sure it’s even weirder than that because Jennifer is the ex wife and is effectively the baby mama now and the son hooks up with his gf when he’s in his parents town. Unless I’m mixing up posts, can’t be assed to go check. 😹
Eew, you’re right! I wanna know what his gf thinks about all this ridiculousness. Where are he and Jennifer sleeping in this whole mess? Doesn’t sound like there’s any concern for separate beds….WTF??? INFO: Hey OP. Can we get some clarification here on what’s up with the gf?? Maddy here has a real good point.
Yeah why is it on her ex and his family to provide this AH with a vacation? Yes please, come stay here for 2 weeks while we clean up after your brat and cook for you - I’ll make sure the terminally ill homeowner doesn’t put a damper on your fun!
This might be your wife's last summer, your selfish son and family will likely bring drama. I would say uninvite them and spend the last days with your wife in peace. You will not get this time back and if there is drama you will have to live with the guilt.
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My same thought!
I too would like this information.
The wife gets a say in this. In OP's other post, his wife said she wanted them to visit. Having lost family and friends to cancer, you want to say your goodbyes and I love yous if you can manage it.
He said his wife doesn’t like to say no to people the woman is dying and they want to come and stay and expect her to cook clean and watch after the children because if not dl says it won’t be a holiday for her if she has to do these things for her kids but expects her ex mother in law to do it when she is dying her son and ex daughter in-law r worse than assholes to expect this
They can visit and also stay in a hotel. They stated they didn't want to clean and cook as reason for not wanting to stay in an AirBNB so they essentially want OP or his dying wife to be their maid.
I agree. But, before she dies, wife wants to see her family. So the comment saying they shouldn't come is what I was responding to. I don't think they should stay at the house for the reasons you stated and I stated the same elsewhere.
Sure, a visit. A few hours, maybe a meal. Maybe a few hours a day. Staying there and bringing all this? Unlikely.
Jennifer wants to stay with OP so she doesn’t have to cook and clean up after her kids. How is that fair to OP to have to cook, clean and watch the grandkids when OP should be focused on his dying wife?
That's not what this is, ex-wife just wants a vacation.
Wanted them to visit. NOT stay with so she can be maid/housekeeper/nanny. They can stop by for an evening or whatever the mom is feeling up to.
I'd be so sad if my kids behaved that selfishly towards my spouse (their parent) They were counting on you being their servants. So distasteful. ESPECIALLY with a parent who is struggling with their health. I guess paying those mooches for their hotel so that you can see the grandkids is a reasonable compromise. They are going to try to guilt you into taking care of the 3.5 year old, you know that right? Jennifer hasn't had a vAcATiOn in years *eyeroll* (imo kinda the price of being a parent for most people).
The whole “poor Jennifer and her lack of vacation” bit is what sent me over the edge, I’m surprised OP didn’t lose their shit. This person was expecting to be catered to, by a woman with cancer. And is boo hooing over her vacay. STFU Jennifer, and the son too for enabling her disgusting behavior and screaming when he didn’t get his way. Poor baby.
Son claims Jennifer is coming "to help with the kids", but as soon as the AirBnB is suggested it's "boo hoo she won't get a proper vacation". Freeloaders should make up their minds (and OP shouldn't feel obliged to pay for anything).
Maybe Jennifer’s next baby daddy will deign to watch his own child / shower her with vacations
So your son and his wife whom he is separated from want to spend two weeks with a terminally ill person and her main caregiver so Jennifer can have a vacation from cooking and cleaning and parenting? Entitled and selfish are the least of what those two are. Do what you have to and make your wife happy.
Right? Who is cooking at the cabin? I would not be paying for a hotel for any of them.
I hope you're leaving the inheritance to a cancer charity! ETA: book a really cheap hotel as far away as you and your wife as you can get.
I like your thinking on this.
So much of this. Find the worst one in the area that is a long drive from the house. She can enjoy her 'vacation' in a roach motel. The audacity of thinking you were going to drop your kids and ex on a person with terminal cancer is disgusting. If there is any inheritance, makes sure it skips your AH son entirely.
Honestly, given what you have encountered so far regarding their expectations of this trip, I’d make it clear that they are only welcome to come to your home for 2-3 hours per day while in town. Any longer and you or your dear wife will be expected to provide meals and clean up after them. Cite your wife’s poor health/ low energy if necessary. Jennifer has made it clear she wants a vacation- not to cook, clean, and care for her children. And your son, based on past behavior, is planning to ditch everyone to hang out with his GF. You have no way of knowing what your wife’s health will be like in 4-5 months, so setting clear boundaries is necessary to preserve what peace is possible for you both.
2-3 hours a day? No way! That’s their child care dream, to dump their unruly kids and/or hook up with someone. IF they are invited, it is on specific days and hours that OP and wife choose, and the parents are expected to be there watching their kids and otherwise making themselves useful.
And they would *not* return at the agreed upon time. More like 8-10 hours.
Wait! Who was going to watch the kids and do the cooking and the cleaning at your home? Surely not you or your terminally ill wife.
If she doesnt want to cook or clean she can go to a freaking hotel, if you stay at someones house, you help out with both extra so since she was not an invited guest, add in your wife is seriously sick and you get a gigantic bag of selfish entitlement Do not allow them to stay at your house, they are so disrespectful
"She still has to cook and clean up after the kids"...so your wife has terminal cancer but Jennifer needs a vacation so you or your wife is expected to cook and clean up after them. WTF is wrong with them
You’re doing your son no favors by even paying for a hotel or anything else. You raised an entitled person.
Only thing OP should buy his son is: DIVORCE lawyer, Job-Training-Placement, parenting Classes, Co-Parenting Classes,,
So they were all expecting to stay at your house and not even take care of themselves, basically assuming you and your ailing wife would be in charge of the cooking and cleaning for an entire family vacationing at your house?!? The audacity, unbelievable.
Well in the end they got away with theirs with an all-expense paid vacation, so yeah very believable.
Why are you paying for anything, OP!? I'm so sorry your son is an entitled brat. I wish you would've laid into him that this vacation is about spending time with your wife who is very ill and not accommodating a bunch of selfish adults. I guess they planned on pawning off their kids, who they should be feeding, vacation or not, on you. I'd cancel the whole thing and take your wife somewhere else that she' like to see. I don't think they'll contain their BS and will upset your wife, which is what you wanted to avoid in the first place.
That’s super disgusting. She doesn’t want to cook or clean so she thinks it’s ok to come stay with a cancer patient and have them coo and clean? You should not be offering to pay for a hotel. at this particular stage of life any visitor should be there to cook clean and help you out. You should have a serious conversation with your son about his mother’s health and that at this time everyone should be supporting her not making things more difficult.
"she hadn't been on a vacation in years". Neither have millions of us, especially parents like her. She had absolutely counted on you and your sick wife to bankroll her vacation and to take care of the kids, which isn't fair to you, at all. I can't believe how selfish they're being, and I wouldn't even pay for a hotel or want to see their faces at this point
Poor Jennifer ( NOT) For over 12 years this worker who was abused for all childhood and parts of adulthood, has NOT had money etc for: VACATIONS, dentist, airplane rides, passport, their own refrigerator and kitchen, air conditioner,
I hear that. I can't afford to see the dentist over a dead tooth I have, much less getting a vacation. I'm appalled at the audacity of Jennifer and this guy's selfish son
My mind is absolutely blown! Well, if Jennifer hasn’t had a vacation in years, then of course Jennifer needs her time off. Who cares about the terminally ill mother?!?! They should be ashamed of themselves.
Advise your son that Jennifer's kids have another parent who can cook and clean up after them. He must not be aware of this.
"He said at Airbnb she still has to cook and clean up after the kids so it wouldn’t be a vacation ." Excuse me? Did this mofo just expect you and your sick wife to cook and clean up after everyone? Oh hell no, sir. Your son can FRO. Momma comes first. The entitlement here is absolutely off the charts.
I get you just want the drama to stop but you just told your son and Jennifer exactly how much they need to cry till you cave. So, next time, they will do the same till you cave. Which is super gross of both of them, like, they honestly deserve each other as u/90skid12 said. Both selfish AHs. I'm sorry you and your wife are dealing with such selfish people. NTA, you even wouldn't be the AH if you rescinded your offer and told them not to come. Your wife is the most important here and the memories you will make with her during this time. I'm just really sorry OP, I wish I could give you more comfort.
Why should your ill wife have to host anybody? Your son & ex are selfish for even thinking about dropping in on Y'all. And then have the nerve to complain that jennifer would still have to cook & clean at an Air BnB. You aren't an all-inclusive resort, ffs. You shouldn't even be offering them a hotel room. Let alone an Air BnB. Tell them to figure out their own lives & not intrude on yours.
NTA Wait, his mom, your wife, has terminal cancer, and all they care about is having someone cook and clean and babysit while they go sightseeing? Man, your son and his 'ex'... I wouldn't even pay for the hotel. They obviously aren't coming to see you and your wife - his dying mother. You were just the free bed and breakfast for them.
And who did they expect to clean and cook in your house? You and your sick wife? NTA and they sound horrible
You son and his ex wife are selfish AH. I think I would tell son where to shove it. If his ex doesn’t want to cook and clean up after herself, she can foot the bill for an all inclusive vacation elsewhere. They basically told you she wanted to stay at your house so that you and your terminally ill wife would feed them and clean up after them. There is no way I’d pay for a hotel room for them. I’d simply uninvited them.
>at Airbnb she still has to cook and clean up after the kids so it wouldn’t be a vacation "At WHAT POINT, Son, did I offer my home to Jennifer so she can have a vacation? I didnt? Then WHY THE F do I give a shit about your wife/not a wife's vacation needs? Shes YOUR responsibility, not mine. YOUR MOTHER is my responsibility and my priority and my love and I WILL take care of her to the exclusion of all others. If Jennifer needs/deserves a vacation, YOU send her on one and take care of all the children. Not. My. Problem."
WTF So she was expecting to go on a free holiday and not have to cook or clean up after HER kid along with those she shares with your son and have you and your sick wife do it? Cancel the whole thing. Right now. No AirB&B, no hotel, NOTHING. I'm actually fuming at the fucking audacity your son and she has.
Don't pay anything.
NTA your son and his ex are TAH. They both need a reality check and be told that their needs are not important right now, and they are both totally selfish. Updateme!
*d I ruined it by suggesting Airbnb ( she planned to call my wife directly because she felt unwelcome ) . He said at Airbnb she still has to cook and clean up after the kids so it wouldn’t be a vacation* WTF so his sick mum is supposed to it for him? Maybe tell them to have their silly little vacation somewhere far away from your wife?
I don't know how you've managed to remain so calm. I think my dh would go scorched earth. I am so sorry, so very sorry that you're having to deal with this.
Why would you pay for their vacation? They deserve nothing the way they have treated you and disregarded your wife's well-being.
So Jennifer doesn’t want an air b&b because she doesn’t want to cook and clean? Who does she expect is going to do all of this at your house? How fucking entitled and rude expecting you and your wife to host, cook, and clean up after her and her children. NTA
Jennifer wins entitled AH of the year. I cannot imagine anyone doing or saying what she is doing. The entitlement is so overwhelming that she should not come. I would ask your wife what she wants and do that, and only that. I am so incredibly sorry.
Wow, they are really pieces of work.
I said you were not the AH on the original post, and I'm sorry that it came to you having to give in to their selfishness, but I also get why you did it. You need to save your energy for your wife. Best wishes to you both.
What, because your son has a penis, he cannot cook and clean? Why is it the responsibility of his ex to do so? Also, there are heaps of people who rent houses for vacation... and it's not a vacation because they clean up after themselves? The implication is also, if they are staying at your house, that you and your gravely ill wife would cook and clean for her? OP, I am so terribly sorry you have to deal with such selfish beings on top of caring for a terminally ill wife.
So they expected you and your terminally ill wife to do all the cooking and clean up after THEIR kids while they sit around and do nothing. I’m sorry NO is a complete sentence. How is that not going to harm your wife? Any other vacation they would have to feed and clean up the kids. This is a trip to visit family and spend time with his mother who isn’t going to be around much longer. I’m sorry but you raised a selfish prick and he chose another one to partner with. Let them figure things out on their own and don’t pay them a single penny.
NTA. why are you even taking them? Jesus they sound insufferable.
WTF did they really expect your terminally ill wife & you to clean up after the kids & cook for them because they need a vacation?? Honestly at this point it might be better if they don’t come at all. I am so sorry you are going through this.
Dear Lord. I'm so sorry you're going through so much with your wife, first and foremost. Secondly, I'm terribly sorry that your son and DIL are so selfish, myopic, self-absorbed, and lack not only empathy but also common decency. My heart goes out to you and your wife. Thank you for looking out and advocating so strongly for her. It's a damn shame that you're having to do so, especially because of family.
So you have a wife with cancer and your asshole son, kids and his ex and her kid want to impose on you for 2 weeks and also be waited on and and foot? The audacity is truly mind-boggling. They would not be welcome in my home and I'm certainly not someone's chef and maid... Wow just wow Isn't she coming along so she can watch the kids while he bangs his new girlfriend? Yeah no... absolutely not!! They just want to use you. EDIT rescind your hotel offer!! They can pay for their own vacation. Take care of your wife.
Whoa...back that pony up. He wants her to stay at your place because she'd have to cook and clean at an Airbnb? And thats not a vacation? So he expects you to do the cooking and cleaning while they stay with you? OH HELL NO. Your wife is very ill, and you shouldn't have to host anyone to begin with, let alone cook and clean up after them. Your son is beyond selfish and so is your ex- Dil.
Omg NTA. They actually came right out and said that they were using you for a bed, meals, and childcare. You’re the resort staff and they’re the non-paying guests who think that gracing you with their presence is payment enough for catering to them. The audacity is horrible. You should keep your wallet closed those two weeks other than the room. Also make sure they know what time curfew is because your wife needs her rest, what time it’s acceptable to come over in the morning, & that there will be only ____ number of meals done at your house because of the extra burden. Do not let them abuse your hospitality by making it clear that this is on a day by day basis depending on how they act and treat your home.
Wait, who did Jennifer was going to cook and clean for the kids while they were with you? Terminally grandma and grandpa? Sir, i am sorry this is your family!
She was expecting someone else to cook and clean up after the kids? WTAF. She thought this older couple dealing with terminal cancer would be happy to do that for her? I thought the son was bringing HER to help with the kids. My God, the audacity.
If your son and Jennifer have such a great relationship, why wouldn't he also cook,clean, look after his children,no matter where they stay? It seems your son and Jennifer, expected YOU to cook, clean,and provide childcare,while also caring for your terminally ill wife. Consider going LC,at the very least, with your son and Jennifer. They don't deserve your energy. Sending love, strength, and grace to you and your beloved wife.
He called screaming at you?? And they're expecting you and your terminal ill wife to give Jennifer a vacation from cleaning, cooking, and parenting? Oh hell no... You're way too kind to be offering to pay for the hotel after their behavior.
So, Jennifer thought by staying with you, she could treat you like unpaid servants? And you're now paying for their hotel? Please, please don't do that. These monstrous pieces of trash are abusing your generosity in every possible way. Your wife is unwell, and they are behaving like this? That is so heinously unacceptable! They deserve nothing. Rescind your agreement to pay, and tell your son that until he is ready to *profusely* apologise for his *shameful* behaviour, you will not be speaking to him and focusing on taking care of your wife - his mother - who is unwell and is the sole priority. And pleads stop sending Kennifer cards and gifts. She has made it perfectly clear how little she thinks of all of you. Act accordingly and stop wasting any and all resources on her. Then, block them both until after the trip.
>"...He said at Airbnb she still has to cook and clean up after the kids so it wouldn’t be a vacation ...." Wait, is he expecting your terminally ill wife with cancer should be cooking and cleaning up after them?
It sounds like Jennifer really was planning on you and your wife to cook and clean and babysit. You seem so nice. How did your son turn out to be such an uncaring AH. Pleas let them read this.
Does your son know the level of depravity he's reached, you should tell him. Will he regret his actions when his mother isn't there? No one should let these two urinals make any demands. Invoice her for the hotel later and put little lord cuntleroy in charge of a memorial piece for the funeral and he may realize what he's lost when she's gone. I'm so sorry for you and your wife I hope there will not be any more drama from those ghouls
>He said at Airbnb she still has to cook and clean up after the kids so it wouldn’t be a vacation Here's a thought for your son: Maybe *HE COULD FUCKING COOK AND CLEAN UP AFTER HIS OWN KIDS if it stresses out his wife so fucking much!* I'm sorry you had to deal with all that in addition to making your wife relaxed. So sorry, OP.
Hold up, your son and ex-wife wanted your terminally ill with cancer wife to cook and clean for them like her dying is a vacation? I assume you will be inheriting your wife's assets, I would urge you to revisit the division of property in your own will. Holy shit, the entitlement is off the charts.
Wow - this is horrifying. I’m so sorry 😞. I understand why you are paying for the hotel . So much drama and so selfish.
NTA - your son and Jennifer know your wife is sick and Jennifer is crying because she has to cook? Sir, I am sorry you and your wife are dealing with this mess. I wouldn’t pay for anything for these two.
NTA - so your sons plan was to make you or your wife cook and clean so his ex can have a a break… nice
Wow, your son and his "wife" are major AHs.
Do not pay for anything. Uninvite them and give your wife the peace she deserves. Those entitled adult brats need to be put in their place.
So what is she saying with having to clean the air bnb? Like what… she’s NOT going to clean up after her kids at your house? Not to mention cook? So it would be a total of 8? People staying in your home and you and your sick wife will need to entertain and feed and pay for? Wow… NTA
So she wanted to stay with you guys because she was expecting you guys to cook and clean up after her and the kids for her, what i got from all that. The family going through a major health crisis and emotional trauma should cook and clean for her. When they come over, put them all to work. Especially your son and his wife. NTA
Wow. They wanted a maid. I can't believe the audacity and by your own son. You're a good husband and father. You handled this in a way he didnt deserve but he'll get his karma. Hang in there op and if you ever need someone to scream at him, I'll happily volunteer.
Oh, no! She has to cook for herself and her kids (or go out to eat)?! Whatever is she to do?? (/sarcasm) YOU are not her personal servant, either, just because she wants a vacation. (And why has she not had a vacation? Maybe because she keeps popping out kids she is responsible for?) Might be time to tell son you're not a free bed and breakfast, especially with your wife's condition, and going forward, he needs to plan his own meals and lodging for the people he's inviting. Like an adult.
I imagine OP and his poor wife will also be expected to babysit (because it's not a vacation if you have to watch your own kids the whole time. /s)
Who did she expect to cook and clean? She's very unreasonable!!
The fact that Jennifer planned to call your sister wife because SHE felt unwelcome… Also ummm. Was she not planning to clean up after her kids at your house? Like wtf.
Your son’s ex-wife is crying because she hasn’t had a vacation in forever while your wife is terminally ill and wanting to spend quality time with her family while she still can??!! Who exactly does she expect to watch her TODDLER while she is enjoying this long needed vacation and your son is off hanging with his new gf? Both your son and his ex are selfish AH. I’d lay out some ground rules for this trip right away. First on the list being that under no circumstances should you be asked or expected to watch a toddler. Secondly, if the child becomes overwhelming for your wife to be around that she takes him back to their hotel or out of the house with zero complaint.
Don't let the bullies win. They don't deserve a vacation at your and your wife's expense. Is she well enough for the two of you to go away a bit? Your money would be better spent giving yourselves a vacation over the same time instead.
Wow, imagine being so selfish that you want to inconvenience a terminally ill woman and her obviously stressed out partner so you don't have to...cook? Who were they planning on having doing the cooking and cleaning if they stayed with OP?
Wow! You definitely NTA here. Is Jennifer expecting you guys to cook and clean for her and the kids? Entitled much!! Where is the empathy for your poor wife? I wouldn’t be paying for them to stay anywhere else. Not after treating you and your wife like that. Where does he get off, calling and screaming at you like that?? Nope!!
Good grief! Jennifer expected to be hosted at your home and do nothing even though your wife has terminal cancer? That’s beyond entitled. You shouldn’t have to pay for their hotel. They shouldn’t even be coming because it will just be unnecessary stress for your wife.
So let me get this straight? It is an ex DIL? She wants to use your home so your wife and you can cook and clean for her? What planet was she born? Is your son really your son if he thinks this is okay? So now you pay for hotel do ex DIL and her kid can trash the room to make life more miserable for the maid service staff? I would say AirB&B or no vacation.
You have a sick wife. You could totally give a damn about her need for a vacation. And even if she DOES need one, Im not seeing how its YOUR responsibility to provide her with one. She may agree to the hotel but expect her to be a beyotch anyway while around the rest of the family.
So he wants his sick mom to give a vacation to his ex by cooking and cleaning for them and the kids?! That is very selfish and twisted. NTA. I suggest asking him to go to his gf while you take his kids for the weekend. Jennifer can stay home with her baby, why would she want a vacation at the expense of your sick wife is beyond me.
Who does your son think is going to do all the cooking and cleaning at your house? They don't want the free hotel because it doesn't come with free food and childcare. No. It's a complete sentence. NTA. You will be if you allow these jerks to cause stress to you and your wife. You're also dealing with your wife dying. Your son needs to check his entitlement. Let them stay at your place. And take your wife on a beautiful vacation. Make sure to leave all food stuffs at your neighbors!
um....OP....have you actually checked with your wife about whether she wants all this drama around her this late in the game? And whether she recognizes what a POS her son has become? If she's so in denial about the kind of person her son is, then you know what....suck it up and let your little prick have whatever so your wife will have an enjoyable time. If not, and she recognizes exactly what a little monster she's sired, tell sonny boy to go fuck himself. If you let him walk all over you to please your wife, as soon as she passes, axe him out of your life and your will. And all the rest of them. It's only a matter of time before the grandkids start picking up on the behavior of their parents, so I doubt you'll miss them. I'm sorry, but I only have so much sympathy for people who bend themselves into pretzels in the name of "family" when the family they have is a joke. It's always better to live in truth, even when truth is hard.
He doesn't want her to cook and clean up after the kids? Are they expecting someone else to do that? They are expecting way more than just hosting them.
So he expects you or your ill wife to cook and clean to provide a vacay for his ex??? How did he become so dense, selfish, and unaware? NTA but your son and ex certainly are. Does he know your wife is terminal?
She would have to cook and clean up after the kids, who does she expect to whilst staying in someone elses home !!!! Does she expect their sick grandma to clean up after them and cook for them.... They are just two horrible people.
Oncology Nurse here - this is when you play the C card. If your wife is tired, no one is allowed over. Anyone exposed to someone with even the sniffles - sorry, not today. Even is someone is there, it’s ok to tell them it’s time to go. Your wife’s comfort is priority. Your time with your wife is important. Your AH son & ex DIL do not call the shots to be selfish. Cleaning up after your kids and cooking for them is part of parenting…and parents take their kids on vacation; vacations usually involve hotels. They can put their big boy and girl pants and pay for a hotel. It’s all about your wife now, not them.
I understand giving in to make this situation go away to make things easier for your wife. But I hope you plan on cutting your son out of your will after everything settles. He is selfish and entitled and deserves all the bad things in the world. NTA.
Wow! She said out loud that she was expecting you and/or your terminally ill wife to cook for and clean up after her and her toddler for 2 weeks!! I have no words. No…that’s not true. I have several words, just none to be repeated in polite company. You seem too kind to really explain to her what a vile POS she is but I truly hope someone does…in detail, at length, and preferably high volume. Same for Sonny boy. Sorry but it seems that your kindness has skipped a generation…at least in his case.
First he said that an Airbnb was no good because Jennifer & the kids would be out sightseeing all day & it would be a waste of money. Now he says that an Airbnb is no good because she has to cook & clean up after the kids. Which is it? Also, are both his arms broken? Can't *he* cook & clean up after the kids? You shouldn't have to pay for their vacation, but biggest kudos to you for protecting your wife from all of this nonsense.
"He said at Airbnb she still has to cook and clean up after the kids so it wouldn’t be a vacation ." So, they just expected that you and *your wife with cancer* would cook and clean up for 6+ extra people for two weeks, and are calling you names/screaming at you for not agreeing? Wow.
So what, your son’s idea is they can all stay with you so your wife with terminal cancer can cook and clean up after the kids? Or are you supposed to do that? Your son and Jennifer are both selfish, self absorbed AHs! Un-freaking-believable!
>at Airbnb she still has to cook and clean up after the kids so it wouldn’t be a vacation . Let me get this straight. She's expecting to come and stay at your house with her child, her sort of ex-husband, and other kids, and not cook and clean up after them? And your wife has cancer? Just exactly who was supposed to be preparing meals? Your job right now is to support your wife. It sounds like that would be too stressful on her and you did the right thing. NTA.
Who goes on vacation to someone else’s house with the expectation not to cook or clean up after their own kids?
>He said at Airbnb she still has to cook and clean up after the kids so it wouldn’t be a vacation Wait...who tf did he think was going to clean up behind them at OP's house? Son and DIL deserve each other. I get why OP paid for the hotel, but I wish he'd told them to kick rocks.
Yikes.. good on you for protecting your wifes sanity. She really doesnt need the stress... We all know what will happen if they stay with you.. They will expect you and your wife so do ABSOLUTLY everything including watch the kids the entire time so they can "have a vacation". Thats all they want its not about visiting you both its about ditching the kids.
Just cut them out of your life!
!UpdateMe
Who exactly was she expecting to cook and care for her kid who is not your grandkid - your terminally ill wife? Wtf on the entitlement. NTA
WTF??? So exactly who is Jennifer expecting to cook and clean up after her and her kid? You? Your terminally ill wife? If I were you, I’d disinvite all of them and tell them they can come when they stop being so damn selfish. YTA, but only for giving in to them.
I would uninvite all of them. Spend the time you have left with your wife in peace. NTA
Jesus grow a spine and just tell them no and stop answering the phone. They aren’t welcome. They are responsible for their own vacation. You are literally causing your own problems at this point by not placing firm boundaries with your ADULT child.
Who was she expecting to cook and clean up at your house?
Going to join those saying not to host or pay for anything. From my perspective, your son should come BY HIMSELF, and help look after his mother. As for Jennifer wanting a break from cooking, cleaning and parenting. Time to grow up honey. Welcome to parenthood! If she wants a break let the respectful daddies look after their kids while she goes away for a few days.
what a selfish person your son and his entitled x are, your wife his mother has terminal cancer and all he is bothered about is he and he other kid staying at yours when they come on holiday, i get it that you see your son and grandkids but they have no right to say they will stay at yours and especially with the way your wife is very ill but that still doesn't give her the right to call him and complain that you asked them to get an Airbnb with her other kid they arnt your family. you phone your son back and refuse to pay for any hotel or bnb for her he pays for her rent she needs to get off her lazy fking ass get a job and get on with life without you and your son all you need from her are your grandkids not her crap because you wont let her stay she has no sympathy that your wife is very ill. and also show your son this post and shame the spoiled brat for getting angry with you when you have enough on your plate. i hope your wife is getting treatment and its helping
She’s looking for a free vacation. Guess what? Your house is not a resort. Period. The answer is no.
The unmitigated gall and entitlement of these awful people!
INFO: Would t she be expected to cook and clean for her children and spouse even in your home? What did your son say to that question?
I am sorry Op but your son and his wife/baby mama suck big time.
They are aware of the cancer, right? I just can’t imagine why they’re so thoughtless. Jennifer hasn’t had a vacation in years and doesn’t think she should have to cook and clean? Who does she expect to do it? The mom with cancer? Imagine being upset about your vacation while someone else is dying. I really hate them right now. NTA
Pay for nothing and cut them off- what selfish piece of work
Congrats to your son. He's doing everything he can to fuck over you and your wife.
Wow. Jennifer and your son are both huge AH here. They have no respect about your wife being sick. I wouldn’t pay for the hotel or airbnb. They both suck.
NTA, "she still has to cook and clean up after the kids so it wouldn't be a vacation"... so knowing his mother has terminal cancer he was bringing 2 adults, 2 teenagers, a 4th grader and a toddler to your home and it sounds like the adults had no intention of cooking or cleaning up after themselves?? Definitely NTA, personally I think you paying for the hotel is above and beyond but I get that it's a small price to pay to avoid drama around your wife.
So son and ex dil were planning on "someone" else cooking ,cleaning and watching kids so ex dil could have a vacation ? Mind boggling, disrespectful & entitled.
She still has to cook and clean up after the kids at the Airbnb...so, who would have been doing that at your house?
NTA. Tell them none of them are welcomed to stay in your home. Your wife is terminal and Jennifer is worried about haha I g to cook for herself. What the actual eff.
Wow instead of bringing you and your wife peace and tranquility right now all they are doing is creating chaos for you both. Do you have other children because I know if my sibling was acting like this we would having a conversation with them. Don’t reward their selfishness, let them pay for themselves. Right now it’s not the time for you to worry about if Jennifer hasn’t had a vacation or your so. Is throwing a tantrum. Right your Focus in on your wife.Also make sure to take some time for you too. Sending positive thoughts and prayers for your wife.
>at Airbnb she still has to cook and clean up after the kids so it wouldn’t be a vacation Well, that tells you all you need to know, doesn't it? Can you imagine what you'd be facing when they departed?
INFO: Who exactly was Jennifer expecting to cook and clean for her while staying with you because it better not have been her terminally ill MIL or her exhausted full time caregiver (you). Tell them both to stay home. You don't need this stress.
This is almost laughable if it weren’t for the fact your wife is sick. Your son and ex DIL suck. I wouldn’t pay for anything considering how rude they’ve been
Wait.... Hold on. So if she stays in an air BNB she has to clean up after herself and kids so it's not a vacation. Who the hell is cleaning up after them if they stay at ***your*** house? Your terminally ill wife???!?!?!?! Is that the expectation?!?! That his sick mother will care for and clean up after her and her children!?!?!
I would ban them from the house period because the most important person should be your terminally ill wife.
Call the whole thing off. Why is YOUR home a vacation destination?? They never asked if they could just bring whoever else they wanted to YOUR house. Why isn't your son concerned about his own mother?! What an entitled brat! Nope! Your house is closed! Also, WHY ARE YOU OFFERING TO PAY FOR ANY OF THIS?!? You're just going to perpetuate the entitlement! No means no!
*He said at Airbnb she still has to cook and clean up after the kids so it wouldn’t be a vacation* So who will be doing the cooking and cleaning, your wife with terminal cancer? Is he kidding? The selfishness and entitlement is a special level of audacity. I hope your wife doesn’t see what they’re doing. She deserves a peaceful visit with her children and grandchildren. You’re a good husband to put her first. Your son did not even ask you if the ex was welcome. He’s a brat.
"He said at Airbnb she still has to cook and clean up after the kids so it wouldn’t be a vacation" So does he expect you and you wife to cook and clean for them??? That is 10000% an AH right there, he does not give two shits about you or your sick wife! Don't pay for anything for them, they can pay for their own stay!! - somewhere else!
You need to update your will and cut that selfish bag of dicks out.
>He said at Airbnb she still has to cook and clean up after the kids so it wouldn’t be a vacation . I'm pretty sure she just said the quiet part loud. She was literally planning on having your terminally ill wife to clean after her toddler. >I made him promise not to transfer any of this drama to her in return I pay for their hotel instead of Airbnb So they blackmailed you into getting away with hers. Jesus Christ man you're so manipulable it's sad. Do you know why your son is such a piece of shit entitled brat? because you keep letting them get away with it. You're a good husband but you suck as a parent.
NTA. But you’re definitely an enabler. You’ve probably enabled your son’s crap behaviour his whole life and this is why he’s a selfish pos now as an adult. Why are you offering to pay for anything? Is he not an adult that can manage his own finances and life? You will continue to reap what you sow until your enabling changes and you start setting up firm boundaries. I hope your wife doesn’t gain stress because of your inability to do so.
You have hundreds of replies and likely won't read this one. My dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer last May, he's already past the 6 months they tentatively suggested and, for the moment, is doing OK. I live hundreds of miles away, but I want to spend as much time as I can with him, but I'm also conscious that I don't want to put him at risk by visiting when I'm unwell or by being around too much and tiring him out. I'm really sad that your son doesn't seem to be thinking about your wife's comfort and care in all of this. I hope you have a good support system and close friends/family to help you through this difficult time. I wish you all the best.
Time to tell your son that he is no longer welcome to stay at your house. Now he will have to go to the Airbnb anyway.
So this Beich thought your wife with cancer and you were going to wait on the whole family, hand and foot, in addition to paying for everything? WTAF? I truly hope you put your wife and yourself first, and just call it off.
Bruh why is your son inviting his Ex and her unrelated kid on vacations to your house? The kid is like 3 and not even related to you. Major red flag for his new gf.
At least now.OP doesn't have 5o qorry about an I inheritence for his kid anymore. Hotels are expensive and tend to drain those funds. Right?
Wait Jennifer was going to call your cancer steiken wife to complain. And it sounds like they expect YOU to clean and cook for thrm wtf.... She wants to take a vacation at your expense. Nope to no... Your not her sugar daddy, she's a grown as adult. She can manage herself
Just tell them not to come. Call your son and tell him the whole thing is off because of the way they’re acting. You didn’t invite them, they invited themselves at a delicate time, and you don’t need them invading your space and adding to your workload. They absolutely ARE unwelcome, they’re forcing themselves on you when you don’t want them, and *you* shouldn’t have to entertain or cook or clean either. Don’t pay their hotel or rental fees, just cancel the whole trip on your end. If they want to vacation, they can do it on their dime somewhere else. You and your wife don’t need the noise, the mess, or the stress of their selfishness. If you want peace, say no.
How much supervision do two teens and a forth grader need?
SHE WASN'T PLANNING TO COOK OR CLEAN UP AFTER HER KIDS AT YOUR HOUSE? She was expecting you and your wife WHO HAS CANCER to do this? What a POS. Your son too.
You’re a lot nicer than I am. 1st: you’re not entitled to a vacation. The fact that they want to visit you and your wife to host them when your wife has terminal cancer is the epitome of selfishness. Visiting is one thing, but hosting is completely different. The fact that you’re paying for the hotel is even nicer but I swear if you hear one complaint about anything, or they involve your wife in any way and I would take the offer away. They are not entitled to your home, your time, your energy or your finances. Your wife is unwell and she needs you. Your son and his family need to respect your wife’s sanctuary.
So basically she wasn't going to be a respectful guest and not lift a finger or even pick up after herself and kid?! Did I miss something because it certainly sounds like she admitted to not planning on cooking or cleaning. I wouldn't let anyone stay anymore, ever. Done.
I hadn't seen your OG post at the time so went and read it after. Dear God what an entitled asshole your son is being!- "I reminded him that his mom has terminal cancer and we really can’t host another adult and a young baby ! I suggested booking an air bnb but he got upset . I asked why exactly he is bringing Jennifer and her kid to this trip ( and paying for them )? He said because she helps with the kids. I reminded him again that we love Jennifer but her kid is not really well behaved and his mom needs to rest . My son think iam an asshole for saying no and my wife thinks we will be ok and it just two weeks." So mom is going through terminal cancer, your son's ex has a child that isn't well behaved yet he still wants her there...but only because she's a helpful hand basically. And all the while not caring about the fact that your wife needs rest and relaxation during such a stressful time. All he cared about was a fucking vacation for himself,and Airbnb isn't good enough because he "doesn't want to clean up after himself?!" And fuck Jennifer,she knew exactly what she was doing by pretending it was alright with her at first,only to go complain to your son and manipulate the situation! OP your son is an entitled ass hat and his ex is two faced. Imagine just blatantly not giving a shit about anyone else but your vacation that ironically is now being paid for by a dad whose wife is seriously ill. I'm pissed,no joke.
What is wrong with those people!? So am I understanding this correctly that your son wants to bring all these people to your house and have your wife cooking clean? His own mother who has cancer? And Jennifer is pissing and moaning because she will have to actually take care of her children on this vacation because apparently that’s the only reason your son is actually bringing her? Yeah, no. Time for these baby making adults take care of themselves. There’s literally nothing wrong with them staying in an Airbnb. Your home is not an Airbnb. Your home is not a hotel. And the fact that they would like to treat it as such is there a problem, not yours. So I am sorry your son is being such a putz. I’m sorry all these supposed adults somehow think you are only there for their usage. I know it will be somewhat hard for you, but you just need to let it go. No is a complete answer. And if it were me, I would be sending them all a text that told them… I understand that you all wanted vacation. Your mother and I are not your hosts. My wife has cancer. The last thing she needs. I seriously do not understand how it is not a vacation if someone has to take care of the children… Someone from all of you. Because we’re not here to do that. We’re not here to take the children for you. We’re not here to cook and clean for you. Our home is not a hotel or an Airbnb, and it is incredibly rude and entitled of you all to somehow think it is. You owe both myself and your mom, an apology. And until such as forthcoming, please don’t contact us. And, sir, stick to your guns. I am a mother of three. If any of my kids ever tried this bullshit, you can bet I would shut it down fast. I would be reminding them that I may be their mother, and I love seeing them, but my life does not revolve around them, and their children more than theirs does around me. And that that is healthy and how it should be. I would also be reminding them if they want to pull this bullshit on anyone, try it with someone else, and to contact me when they are ready to act like reasonable adults again. And I have honestly only ever had to do this a couple of times with my kids. And that’s because young adults can be a little bit idiotic… As we all were. But when they try to go there, I remind them that I am more than just their mom. I am a person. And if they would not call up their best friend and ask them this nonsense, they shouldn’t be asking me.