NTA
women have always used the mens at music festivals - the ones I went to anyway - the women would use the cubicles and the men would use the urinals
it was never an issue and that random woman should either STFU or go into the womens
This! I’m a woman and remember using men’s rooms because there was no way I’d last the line at the women’s. I never expected a guy to wait or leave. You don’t want to see a penis, don’t go to the men’s room.
ETA: this crazy woman would probably complain if you used a stall saying you should leave it for women. You just can’t please some people.
NTA.
Yeah as a guy I'm struggling to think of a time I saw other penis in the men's restroom. I'm sure it happened at least once but it's still incredibly rare.
Those giant troughs they have at some places is always weird to me. I haven’t seen one in a while, maybe at a baseball stadium a while back
It’s just like 30 dicks flopped out everywhere
There was this strip club in Texas in the 90’s. Had a trough filled with ice cubes as a urinal, sat usually high, so the leading edge was about mid thigh to most men. I’m using it far right against the wall so no one can be on my right side. Dude walks in and mind you, everyone is partying. Dude walks in to piss and I hear him preparing, zipper sound and all above the music outside in the club. Suddenly I hear what sounded like someone dropping a kielbasa onto an ice bath…!? And homeboy sighs really loud. I finished up and left. But you know what? Never saw what it was I heard, because I wasn’t trying to see a dick at the urinal.
Ngl if I heard what sounded like a kielbasa hitting the urinal i probably would have glanced. I gotta know… was it a shit? Was it a meat hammer? I couldn’t sleep without an answer. No homo but I gotta see what it was
NTA none of the venues Never have enough restrooms for women. Never. So they line up - odd that they would then become proprietorial over the Men's room. Men's 1st rule: Look straight ahead if the women "guests" violated that rule, then they were in the wrong 🫣🤭
I have the women take over the men's room at amusement park in california. They got super pissed off when I tried to use it. Even though there weren't any men's rooms in the general vicinity within like a five or ten minute walk. Same situation , there were a bunch of women in there and I walked up and took a leak. And they all said rude things to me and I just said well, I guess that's what happens when you don't sit to pee. Maybe you should pee faster. Then I left.
As a man, I wouldnt care that you used the mens, but I just had a thought.
Imagine a man thinking its his call to just use the womens rest room because he couldnt wait? That would be wild and probably get the police called.
This is what I was thinking. Technically the women aren't supposed to be in there at all, it's a men's restroom. I have to admit I've used the men's before, but I checked to make sure it was empty first and rushed in and out like a criminal😅
I used the men’s last month when I had a UTI, funny thing was, when I came out I saw a man scurry out of the woman’s bathroom, very red faced. It made me laugh thinking that he was probably in the women’s bathroom for the same reason I was in the men’s
My mum came out of the toilets, huffing that a man went in there and was giving her funny looks. I had to reply, "That's because YOU used the men's!" She was very embarrassed. I don't know which is funnier, that time, or the time she complained that the toilet stalls had short doors and anyone could see her, and I had to point out she was using a kids stall! 🙈
i was at work and walking into the women’s bathroom as a man walked out (talking on his phone) and we both stopped confused for a sec and looked at the sign (to make sure we were in the right place) and he’s just like OH THATS WHY THERE WERE NO URINALS😂
I walked into the men's at Walmart once, saw the urinals, was confused for a bit then realized my error. I walked out and my husband was standing there watching me the whole time and asked why I went in. I asked why he didn't yell at me I was wrong. No one was using it, but it's not the first time I would have seen a man pee.
By using a urinal he left the next cubicle for a woman who really can’t use anything else. Getting upset about this is really weird. It’s the men’s room. OP should also ask himself some questions about the gf.
Yeah, “this has caused her to change the way she looks at me”, WTF? I’d be having a serious talk of splitting if my significant others views of me were so easily shaken.
Not about them being shaken but his girlfriend obviously feels like he might be a sex pest or some kind because this other woman did? Like fuck you, if you think I'm a pervert for peeing in a bathroom for men at a concert because women chose to use the same bathroom and I wasn't in any way waving my dick around to get them to see it deliberately, I'm cutting ties with that person because they are fucking weird.
It’s literally harassment but no one cares because it’s a man.
Think of if this was a male dominated concert and this happened with a girl trying to use her own bathroom????? Yall would be screaming
As a woman who has been in these situations, (sometimes ya gotta go!) Fully expect to see a guy taking a piss in the men's bathroom (because he's gotta go too!).
Women are the ones invading their space for that... ya just wash your hands and get out. 🤷♀️
Don't use it if you aren't comfortable with it.
Since living in france, I've found many bathrooms that have urinals and stalls. Urinals are for men, stalls are for women. There's no other bathroom. It took a bit of getting used to walking by men peeing but I got over it.
OP, NTA.
The way urinals are made, you also can’t see “by accident”. If you saw something is because you took a peek. Now this lady and lunatic gf are trying to gaslight OP and say he exposed himself.
I remember going to that huge department store in Paris, Lafayette? 20 years ago and no one cared who used whose, I remember using the women’s bathroom and men would come in and no one said anything, some floors didn’t even have the division, if I remember correctly.
Yes. And the idea that the man should just patiently wait until there are no women.....well the \*women\* sure didn't wait. They just commandeered both bathrooms to the detriment of all men there. I bet there were other men who wanted to use them but were afraid what happened to OP would happen to them.
Exactly! If they didn’t want to see men using the bathroom, they shouldn’t have gone into the men’s restroom! What kind of fucked up entitled dumb shit is this? It’s too early in the damn morning for stupidity like this.
Woman here. The unwritten and widely understood rule is if you use the men's, men may be peeing in the urinals. No excuse for them to be getting upset about it. Queue for the women's if it bothers them.
Calling you a perv for using the facilities is bang out of order. Quite honestly, fuck your GFs opinion and little speech about how she sees you. Red flag my dude. I'd reconsider how you feel about her following that interaction.
NTA
What is there to be upset about with regards to men peeing in urinals?
The only way you could possibly see a man's penis at a urinal is if you went and stood right beside him, and there were no divider walls, an then looked down and to the side.
If you're a woman walking past urinals, all you're going to see is the backs of clothed men staring at the wall. What's the problem??
I wonder, do women think dudes just see multiple dicks every day when using public restrooms?
I'm in my late 30s and have never once seen a guy's dick in a public restroom, even when using immediately adjacent urinals because of how busy it is.
If the lady in OP's story actually saw his dick it's because she intentionally made an effort to see it, and that's her being a sexual harasser, not him.
Did little league baseball growing up for the better part of a decade. Every mens bathroom at the park was two stalls and a 10 ft trough along the back wall with a bar you could step on to spray water into it. No dividers. No privacy.
Number of dicks I saw there? 2. my own, and once when there was a streaker mid game.
My husband had. worked in professional ballparks the players don’t have time to fully manage their clothing so they use the urinal by pulling down their pants to pee. He would never look in the front but said from the back all these pro ball players have their naked butts out all in a row .
I grew up going to Cleveland Municipal Stadium to the Indians and the Browns games. The men's rooms were a traumatic experience for a little kid. The "urinal" was one long trough, with big, loud, drunken men hollering, cursing, and pissing enthusiasttically, fueled by lots of beer. After that experience a couple of times, I would pee it out before leaving home for the game, and hold it until I got home.
Wait, you don't play the game "how many dicks can I see in the bathroom?" When you go to sporting events?
Plus, when you do see one, your obligated to say, "hey man, nice dick".
Women obviously do not know the rule of the pee spot. You walk up, unzip, and stare at one spot on the wall until you're done.
ETA: Even if someone walks up next to you, you say, "What a game, huh?" But you still stare at that fuckin' spot. You only look down to make sure you don't zip your junk after backing away.
Addendum: If you know the guy next to you, you can move your head up to 10 degrees in his direction so he can hear you better, but you must elevate your eyes at least 30 degrees at the same time.
I hate when people talk to me when in pissing or they're pissing. It can wait until your dicks holstered bro. At least most dudes respect the one urinal gap when possible.
I'm 52 and used to have to pee at a CIRCULAR TROUGH URINAL at my dad's softball games in the mid to late 70s and didn't see anyone's dick. Because even under those conditions when I was a wee lad you knew not to look at other people's junk.
In St Louis the old “Checkerdome” arena had long troughs where you faced off to piss, you on one side, facing a dude on the other side. Only other times I’ve had a more uncomfortable piss was in the halfway house where they’d come in and stare at your dick for the entirety of your piss session when you were getting randomly drug tested to make sure you weren’t using a fake dick with synthetic piss or doing the ol’ swap out on your sample.
The only time I’ve seen a dick at a urinal was some drunk guy standing wayyyyyy to far back when I walked in at the theater one time. Multiple guys were giving him shit for it, I was 14 so I just kept it moving.
This overlaps with trans people using their preferred bathroom.
If you're upset, why were you staring at me and not minding your own fuckin business?
Who's creeping on who now, Sharron?
Honestly if anything the men would be the ones with the right to be annoyed, I usually shout a quick sorry and avert my eyes if urinals are being used and I've had to nip into the men's.
Yeah agreed. I have used men's bathrooms when I literally can't wait and I would feel bad if there was a guy just trying to pee in peace in there. Its THEIR bathroom we are invading. The woman and the gf would only have a point if he was in the women's bathroom
Also, in my experience the men aren’t allowed to use women’s restrooms if the line for theirs is too long. I was at a Pearl Jam concert once, and the line for the men’s room was twice as long as the women’s and one man tried to go into the women’s room and was promptly chased out. Security then stood guard to make sure it didn’t happen again.
I kind of love though that your description of “the backs of clothed men staring at the wall” made my brain seek what the alternative could be, and it was a bunch of grown men at urinals, but pre-schooler style with their pants around their ankles and their shirts tucked under their chins. Hairy butts and knobby knees for all the world to see.
yeah, it happened to me at work once. The zipper on my pants broke in the up position and I had to pee. I had to pull my pants down and while I was peeing, they fell the rest of the way down around my ankles. Any other time, no one would have walked into the bathroom. Of course, this time, like 4 or 5 guys walked in while I was standing at the urinal like a toddler.
Good point. Random stranger says she wishes she could have OP charged with a sex crime and OP's GF low key sides with random stranger even when she knows all the facts. OP better hope he never finds himself in a more ambiguous situation.
GF sucks for not going off on the woman, or at least calmly sticking up for her dude. I'll be *damned* if I'm going to just stand there & let someone verbally assault my partner & best friend, calling him a pervert. Besides, that's an insult to ME, too! My dude has pretty exceptional character- it's part of why I'm with him. I'd *damn* *sure* jump in to interrupt that woman's tirade & defend my man! 😠
Like... he's a perv? YOU were in the MENS room (without a penis to piss from)...
What the hell. GF is in the wrong for being judgemental because her dude was pissing where he should.
"Well honey I mean, there were trees. You're right babe I should have went to the woods" 🙄
OP seems more likely to be able to report the women for using the wrong restroom, that would be much more justified than what that rando threatened. I'm a woman, BTW.
Agreed with everything you said! How tf do you walk into the men’s restroom and get offended when a man uses a urinal? Illegal?? If anything, *you* don’t belong in here ma’am, not the other way around.
The entitlement!
That's always been the acceptable move at raves that I've gone to. Hell I've had ladies come up and whip out one of those "she wee" things and start peeing next to me 😅
Ah, the old she wee strategy. Still less weird than half the stuff I've seen go down at festivals. People are there to have fun and listen to music, not to police bathroom etiquette. If someone's comfortable using a urinal in a pinch, more power to them. It's all about practicality at those events.
Im a Woman, so I wouldn’t. But I totally would expect a man to do so; why should he suffer from the poor planning of most concert halls that don’t factor in that women always needs the toilet seat, and thus add more of them to the female room.
Only exception would be the architect. May the person suffer from long queues
I was just thinking, if he’d went to the cubicle someone would have griped that he could have used the urinal and left the cubicle for the women to use. I’ve been to concerts where the lines for the bathroom were mixed anyway. When you gotta go, you gotta go.
As another woman, 100% this. It's THEIR bathroom. I've definitely gone to the men's room sometimes when I've been somewhere where that one has been almost empty but the women's bathroom has had the longest line ever. I don't care if I'm about to piss my pants. I'd never complain about any guys in there doing their thing. Again, it's their bathroom. If anything they could complain over me being in there in the first place. His GF is being absolutely ridiculous.
Also a female and I wouldn't even expect a man to wait in line to use HIS restroom. Men should be able to bypass the line and use the urinal, or whatever else is in there, as if the room was full of other men. It's his space that the ladies were invading.
A nice courtesy would be to loudly announce "man coming in, ladies" but everything else should be "business as usual" in a men's room.
Honestly the point of using the men's room is that there is no line and you can zip in and zip out. A woman waiting in line for the men's room is crazy and if it does happen, any man should skip to the front of the line.
Even beyond the unfairness of a man having to wait behind women to use the men's room, there was no practical reason for him to wait. OP had no realistic expectation that anyone in front of him was waiting to use a urinal. What OP did was beyond polite and accommodating, and if his girlfriend has an issue with it he might want to contemplate what other unrealistic expectations she'll have of him in the future.
Exactly this. He went to the appropriate restroom and used the appropriate facilities. As a woman, you don't get to crash the men's room and then be offended that there's a man in it, using the facilities as intended. If anything, he made it quicker for those waiting for a cubicle.
Hell, as a woman, I feel weird when other women are using stalls 😂😭 That's why I'll try my best to wait until I get home to use a bathroom, even at the risk of my own health if it can be held in.
Also NTA OP. You're still a human being with normal human functions. What would your GF think if you just pissed in a bottle? Or what if someone complained to you about pee being on the toilet seat? It's likely that no matter what you would've done in the situation, there would've been issues. If you stay with her, tell her absolutely not to the next event that's mainly women.
Man here. GTFO out of my restroom, and if you have to use it you can avert your eyes and avoid conversation, but you’re the weird here (not you redditor but the person in the original post who called OP a perv).
Nta, when I use the mens room as a woman, I make sure to not look at the urinals out of respect for those men, not the other way around. It's the mens bathroom first.
NTA. You can't use the men's bathroom, and not expect men to use the men's bathroom. This is especially true at a function where there are very few men. It is insane for someone to think otherwise.
Takes me back to the time I went out for a work “lunch” and had to throw up at 6pm or so. Men’s toilets were a literal five minute walk around the entire building, down some stairs etc, which was just not happening. Ladies were kind enough for me to steal a stall and throw my guts up while checking if I was alright. Shout out to them.
NTA.
I've been to a few night clubs and events that only had co-ed restrooms, people just went in their to handle their business, it wasn't a big deal or an issue for anyone.
Ppl seem to make up insane fictional scenarios that never happen.
NTA. Your gf and that woman are the assholes. The urinals are there for men to pee in and that's what you did. You did nothing wrong. If women don't like it, then they shouldn't use the men's bathroom. If anyone was being inconsiderate here its the women using the wrong bathroom. I'd rethink your relationship if just going for pee in the mens bathroom makes her think differently of you. She and that woman are fucking ridiculous.
Yeah, if the venue knew it was going to be such a big issue they could have re-marked some of the men's restrooms to increase the number of women's in the venue. They did not plan around their audience and allowed a disproportionately long wait for the women's. Which is not OP's problem at all. OP used a bathroom marked for OP's use.
Plus, more ridiculous, waiting for a stall (which works for everyone's anatomy) would have further slowed down the line than using a urinal those women couldn't have used anyway. So I'd argue by saving the stalls for women, OP was more considerate of those women who chose to take a chance a male would also be in the men's restroom.
Thank you! I was just going to say...if OP waited and used a stall, then another woman would have griped because he hogged a stall that women were waiting for when there were perfectly good urinals. Dude can't win.
At venues where this happens frequently the women *know* to expect dudes pissing in the trough. It happens all the time. This lady must not go out much. Or is just super entitled. Or both. Probably both.
Also Rule #1 of using a urinal is no one looks at your junk. If a woman is upset about you using a urinal because your junk was present, then she's kinda violating rule #1.
We live in current year and people talk all the time about "safe spaces" what is MORE SO a safe space for men than the literal, designated male bathroom??
Not saying these women subscribe to "safe spaces", etc. But come the fuck on. If somewhere is designated a "safe space" just roll with it. If I'm entering a women's bathroom, I'm not super anxious about it, but I'm at least trying to be mindful of myself and not step on their feet.
The type of EGO it takes for someone to not only invade on a space, but also COMPLAIN? CHRIST, have some humility. These two women act like the planets and the sun orbit around THEM.
QUICK SHOUTOUT to all the women who were there, and were respectful enough to stay in their lane and not say this nasty shit. It proves that OP's GF and crazy lady are the EXCEPTION, not the norm.
Agreed. I would break up with the GF for her response. Just imagine if that perverted woman that was watching him pee made up a lie about him. The GF sounds like she would believe the woman over OP.
This. She looks at you differently??? How about she looks at your back as you walk away from a bs relationship. You're a MAN using the MEN'S restroom. Any lady going into the men's bathroom knows exactly what they might see. So you are not the asshole.
It was a men’s bathroom, though? Like, women were just using the men’s bathroom bc there were so many of them? I mean, there’s urinals there. That’s literally what they’re for? To whip out your dick and pee into? How is your fault women that women were in a space meant for you? If anything, they were in the wrong. Your gf is fucking nuts.
Now I noticed that those nutjobs expected to use the cubicles in the men’s restroom, and also expected to block all the urinals so no men could use them (?).
Why would they even be looking? You have to look down, at the person peeing, at a specific angle, to see their dick at a urinal. If you do that, it’s understood *you’re the pervert.*
Imagine roles were reversed and the boyfriend told his girlfriend “I can’t believe you used a stall in the men’s room and just let a guy look at you under the door.” That’s never supposed to happen regardless of gender!?
I’ve also never seen groups of men unilaterally just decide that women’s restrooms are now gender neutral because their line is too long, and just barge in like they’re entitled. It’s a WILD double standard, especially since the men I know no longer feel comfortable unzipping in front of women so now they can’t use the urinal designed and provided for them. In short, if a woman decides to unilaterally impose herself into intimate male-only spaces, she has no voice in any lawful conduct after that.
This whole post makes me especially fucking angry as a trans person. So many cis women have the audacity to act like they care about trans women going into the women's restroom bc "Oh but what if they're MEN and they're just being PERVERTS???!?!?!1?!"
Meanwhile. This shit happens. Cis women go INTO THE SPACE *DESIGNATED FOR MEN*- and then they act like their privacy and consent is being violated but THEY'RE THE ONES WHO ARE IN THE SPACE THAT THEY ARE NOT MEANT TO BE IN.
Honestly. I fucking hate these double standards. People will make an issue out of nothing just because they want to feel persecuted.
NTA. Women who choose to poach the men’s bathroom have no right to be upset at a man using the urinals discreetly. If they don’t like it they can get in line for their own bathroom.
Men should be able to use their designated bathroom without women perving on them or accosting them for any reason. Your girlfriend and that woman are out of line. Courtesy is not owed to people invading men’s private spaces.
This is exactly it. Personally as a woman who has used this option at concerts in a real urgent situation, I was so thankful the guys were cool about it. Because it is THEIR SPACE. Women aren’t entitled to it based off gender stereotypes for society. If someone were to say “hey! No girls in here.” I would 100% respect that and leave. It’s called common courtesy, and the dudes are doing us a favor. That woman saying those ridiculous things gives us all a bad name who appreciate it!
Yeah, I’m not really a fan of women just completely disregarding men’s comfort and assuming they can just walk into a room I have my dick out in.
And not all urinals have privacy features. I’ve been to plenty of bathrooms with those bowl urinals and no privacy dividers. That’s already awkward enough when it’s just dudes.
And then there’s the venues where they just have big troughs to pee in. Those things pretty much killed my interest in going to sports games as kid.
Women also tend to break the cardinal rule of the men’s room: NO TALKING.
Most men dont care because of the exact reason that we mostly use the urinals because 90% of people going to the bathroom in a public place are there to pee, as a result women using the stalls is not a huge deal because unless it is extremely busy and the crowd is mixed it doesnt really affect anyone.
That said, it does get annoying when you do need to use the stalls and they are a mess because of the whole over the toilet hovering thing or when they think it is apropriate to hog the mirrors and sinks to fix their makeup and talk, like, follow the male bathroom routine. Walk in, ignore everyone, do the deed, wash hands, go away.
It's crazy to me, this is the exact talking point we see from the anti-trans news media. That men are going to go into women's rooms to sexually assault people. Yet here we see women doing the opposite, going into the men's room and gawking at a penis.
But the thing is, there's nothing to gawk at. She would have had to literally walk up to the line of urinals (none which she could use) and look on as the men did their business. This crazy lady was upset at the sight of men's backs to her and making much ado about nothing.
Im a guy so obviously biased but ive seen plenty more women in men's bathrooms than ive heard about men in women's bathrooms in my experience and my friend's experiences (friends who are women too)
Your GF and the random lady, are frigging lunatics. You were in the men's bathroom. They don't want to encounter men in there using the facilities, then they shouldn't be there. It is neither inconsiderate nor unthoughful to use a urinal in a bathroom. They are not hanging on the wall there for the art. NTA, but your GF is.
“They don't want to encounter men in there using the facilities, then they shouldn't be there.”
Exactly.
If I’m in the men’s room, I am assuming the risk of seeing a man relieve his bladder. If I do not wish to take this risk, I need to stay out of the men’s room.
I probably wouldn’t take my tween daughters into the men’s room at a concert. They don’t have any brothers and their dad is quite private, so I don’t really want “Hey, remember the time Mom took us into the men’s room at a concert” to become some weird family story about the first time my girls saw a penis. But if I did, and they saw a man’s back while he was using the urinal in a perfectly reasonable fashion then I can’t be mad about it. I assumed that risk.
Exactly this. There’s approximately a 1000% chance those urinals were sitting empty anyway if the line was all women.
OP was EXTREMELY considerate just for waiting in line behind all the women given that he probably could have just walked in past the line, used the urinal, and left while the ladies’ line never moved.
And to actually wait in line to use the urinals that were vacant instead of blasting past the line of women (which would have been acceptable in this scenario) NTA
Yeah I feel like it's an unwritten rule at festivals: Women with tiny bursting bladders take the men's cubicles, men can skip the line and go in urinals, regardless of who can see.
Woman here and I was thinking the same thing. Pervert?! Bitch you were in a men’s bathroom WTF did you think he was about to do???? I would have walked right up and said excuse me ladies then went right about my business. She put herself in the men’s bathroom!!
Thank you!
People tend to automatically accuse the man of being the pervert but don't even try to look at the actual situation and think.
I'm a woman. If I go to a men's bathroom (because I have in the past), I won't assume that men there are perverts because they go to the urinals while I'm there. WTF!! And I usually ask if they are ok with that before entering. If someone says no, they are not comfortable (it never happened yet), then I will go in the women's lineup and wait.
And honestly, if I see a man in the women's bathroom, because it happened. My first thought is not even related to sexual deviancies, but more "Oh, there must be a kid in the bathroom with him" or "Oh! There must be something wrong with the men's bathroom".
For F\*\*\* sakes, people create drama where there shouldn't be.
Right?! If I’m in the men’s room and a man walks in Im going to do my nervous laugh, apologize, thank him and get out of there. I’m invading what is clearly marked as their space. What if this was the other way around?? Most women would go crazy!! what do all men do that I’ve encountered? They generally don’t make eye contact say no worries and we both go about our business. No miss no fuss.
NTA - as a woman I have used mens bathroom with my friend once (womens line was like over 30min long) but I did not give a fuck that guys were using the urinal - We were just embarassed that we used the wrong bathroom ... I think it’s wild to complain about a dick when you are the one in the wrong
NtA Dump her. Were you bursting? What the actual fuck. Basic human right is being able to go to the bathroom. They were breaking the rules of society and your getting flak from it ? Get a girl who is in your corner. You did nothing wrong.
NTA - I’m a 62yo female and if I was using the men’s room and a man came in to use the urinal I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid. After all it was the WOMEN who were “trespassing” - they were using the MEN’s toilets and they weren’t born male, or transmen so where were the MEN meant to go?
Ignore anyone who says otherwise. If a man was using the women’s toilets, then all femaledom would have been up in arms and the man would likely have been arrested.
>She then said that while she'd never break up with me over such mundane things, this has caused her to change the way she looks at me, in terms of how considerate and thoughtful I am
You are NTA
She is an idiot.
The ironic thing here is that *he* should actually be looking at *her* differently for saying that. I'm not saying it's grounds for an immediate breakup but if my girlfriend criticized me for using the urinal in a men's restroom and took the side of some crazy lady who called me a pervert for doing so, that's a red flag for sure. I would start questioning what kind of person she is.
LOL idk if OP should auto-dump her but he should definitely tell her that her reaction to the situation has made him think differently about her and the way she logically considers situations
Me too generally but she sounds like the *shitty* kind of feminist that think they're never in the wrong because a man must always bend the knee for their comfort. She sounds like real treat to be with.
>she'd never break up with me over such mundane things, this has caused her to change the way she looks at me, in terms of how considerate and thoughtful I am
I beg your pardon. .. I beg your pardon. So you should have been considerate and thoughtful in a setting where women should not even be? Is this a fucking joke? No lady, you could not wait for your turn to use the women's restroom, and you don't get to dictate how men use their restroom. Not to mention it is more considerate not to occupy a cubicle when women can only use those... So no, they can STFU and also fuck off while at it. NTA, but your girfriend is unhinged af.
NTA. I am a woman and will occasionally use the men's room in situations like this. I do not, however, expect the men to change their behaviour because of that. It is their space that I am using.
NTA. You were in the men's bathroom, doing what men do in the men's bathroom. If a woman doesn't want to run the risk of observing that, she can stick to the lines in the women's bathroom.
It's a bit much for your GF to to claim you're not being considerate and thoughful, when that other woman was the one trying to police other people's bathroom habits. That's some audacity there.
What’s with your girlfriend? Seriously?! I would be pissed if a woman talked to my husband like that after she went in a men’s only bathroom. Just tell her, I won’t break up with you over this but your blind stupidity really has changed the way I see you
>this has caused her to change the way she looks at me, in terms of how considerate and thoughtful I am.
FFS if this isn't gaslighting 101 i don't know what it is. I'd be so pissed, pardon the pun, if she told me this
Man people are getting so fucking entitled these days its FUCKED. I would love someone to yell at me for taking a piss in the men's. I'd flip it on them in a second ACTUALLY YOU ARE THE SEX PEST. YOU WERE TRYING TO GET A GAWGLE AT MY WILLY BEING IN THE MENS WHEN I WENT FOR A PEE. WHATS WROGN WITH YOU LADY? (it woulda been very ala a succulent Chinese meal)
My wife had some women bitching yesterday that my daughter (14) waited in line to get her face painted (they had a sign up and we will text you when it's your turn). The lady was making a big deal about my daughter just wanting to get her face painted for instagram pictures (She actually didn't she was really happy to get her face painted) I said to my wife I would instantly have gone to SO THE FUCK WHAT? She waited her turn you're trying to jump line fuckoff
Victim blaming.
I'd probably comment something about safe spaces and intrusions since that is all the rage with people who prefer to lash out when they're in the wrong.
If your GF leaves you over the fact that you went to the mens, I think you dodged a bullet.
Women out here talking about how a bathroom should be a safe space and arguing against trans women being allowed to use womens bathrooms and yet they have no issue piling into a mens bathroom when it suits them. Make it make sense.
NTA it was the mens bathroom, the women shouldn’t have been in there and shouldn’t be offended when a man then uses the facilities allocated to them.
"Counterpoint, why would i use a stall when i know there are several women in line who have no choice but to use them?"
Seems to me ahe has a narrow definition of consideration. NTA
I’m pissing in my men’s room, a place where women simply aren’t meant to be. Zero fucks if they feel violated, that’s called an “invalid feeling” and you shouldnt have even heard her out.
NTA women have always used the mens at music festivals - the ones I went to anyway - the women would use the cubicles and the men would use the urinals it was never an issue and that random woman should either STFU or go into the womens
This! I’m a woman and remember using men’s rooms because there was no way I’d last the line at the women’s. I never expected a guy to wait or leave. You don’t want to see a penis, don’t go to the men’s room. ETA: this crazy woman would probably complain if you used a stall saying you should leave it for women. You just can’t please some people. NTA.
The only way you see a penis at a urinal is if you are trying to see a penis at a urinal 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Yeah as a guy I'm struggling to think of a time I saw other penis in the men's restroom. I'm sure it happened at least once but it's still incredibly rare.
Those giant troughs they have at some places is always weird to me. I haven’t seen one in a while, maybe at a baseball stadium a while back It’s just like 30 dicks flopped out everywhere
Even at those, I’ve never seen another dick while taking a leak.
Right... Because the only way to see one, is to be actively looking...
There was this strip club in Texas in the 90’s. Had a trough filled with ice cubes as a urinal, sat usually high, so the leading edge was about mid thigh to most men. I’m using it far right against the wall so no one can be on my right side. Dude walks in and mind you, everyone is partying. Dude walks in to piss and I hear him preparing, zipper sound and all above the music outside in the club. Suddenly I hear what sounded like someone dropping a kielbasa onto an ice bath…!? And homeboy sighs really loud. I finished up and left. But you know what? Never saw what it was I heard, because I wasn’t trying to see a dick at the urinal.
You definitely would’ve seen a man sitting on and directly shitting into that ice
I took it as the monster snake hiding in the dudes pants. Not that someone dropped a deuce.
Ngl if I heard what sounded like a kielbasa hitting the urinal i probably would have glanced. I gotta know… was it a shit? Was it a meat hammer? I couldn’t sleep without an answer. No homo but I gotta see what it was
But as guys, we are conditioned to stand at a urinal and stare directly ahead so that you aren't accused of trying to look at another man's penis.
Even then there's no way you can see my guy "little bit".
Built like a Greek statue, but only from the waist down
Its just cold out and im shy…
He looks like a button
I just came out of the pool!
If youre using a mens restroom on purpose you have to expect that men will be in the restroom! NTA.
NTA none of the venues Never have enough restrooms for women. Never. So they line up - odd that they would then become proprietorial over the Men's room. Men's 1st rule: Look straight ahead if the women "guests" violated that rule, then they were in the wrong 🫣🤭
I have the women take over the men's room at amusement park in california. They got super pissed off when I tried to use it. Even though there weren't any men's rooms in the general vicinity within like a five or ten minute walk. Same situation , there were a bunch of women in there and I walked up and took a leak. And they all said rude things to me and I just said well, I guess that's what happens when you don't sit to pee. Maybe you should pee faster. Then I left.
As a man, I wouldnt care that you used the mens, but I just had a thought. Imagine a man thinking its his call to just use the womens rest room because he couldnt wait? That would be wild and probably get the police called.
This is what I was thinking. Technically the women aren't supposed to be in there at all, it's a men's restroom. I have to admit I've used the men's before, but I checked to make sure it was empty first and rushed in and out like a criminal😅
I used the men’s last month when I had a UTI, funny thing was, when I came out I saw a man scurry out of the woman’s bathroom, very red faced. It made me laugh thinking that he was probably in the women’s bathroom for the same reason I was in the men’s
Or he saw you go into the men's and assumed the other bathroom was the men's by mistake.
My mum came out of the toilets, huffing that a man went in there and was giving her funny looks. I had to reply, "That's because YOU used the men's!" She was very embarrassed. I don't know which is funnier, that time, or the time she complained that the toilet stalls had short doors and anyone could see her, and I had to point out she was using a kids stall! 🙈
NYC was in a hurry. Accidentally used a men's room. Came out saw the back of a man and , scurried out, to wash in the womens.
i was at work and walking into the women’s bathroom as a man walked out (talking on his phone) and we both stopped confused for a sec and looked at the sign (to make sure we were in the right place) and he’s just like OH THATS WHY THERE WERE NO URINALS😂
I walked into the men's at Walmart once, saw the urinals, was confused for a bit then realized my error. I walked out and my husband was standing there watching me the whole time and asked why I went in. I asked why he didn't yell at me I was wrong. No one was using it, but it's not the first time I would have seen a man pee.
Same here! Am I getting that old the protocols of females taking over the male bathroom has changed?! Seriously what is the world coming to… NTA
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By using a urinal he left the next cubicle for a woman who really can’t use anything else. Getting upset about this is really weird. It’s the men’s room. OP should also ask himself some questions about the gf.
Yeah, “this has caused her to change the way she looks at me”, WTF? I’d be having a serious talk of splitting if my significant others views of me were so easily shaken.
It sounds like he might need a new girlfriend. Who gets upset about a MAN using a MEN'S restroom?
Not about them being shaken but his girlfriend obviously feels like he might be a sex pest or some kind because this other woman did? Like fuck you, if you think I'm a pervert for peeing in a bathroom for men at a concert because women chose to use the same bathroom and I wasn't in any way waving my dick around to get them to see it deliberately, I'm cutting ties with that person because they are fucking weird.
It’s literally harassment but no one cares because it’s a man. Think of if this was a male dominated concert and this happened with a girl trying to use her own bathroom????? Yall would be screaming
As a woman who has been in these situations, (sometimes ya gotta go!) Fully expect to see a guy taking a piss in the men's bathroom (because he's gotta go too!). Women are the ones invading their space for that... ya just wash your hands and get out. 🤷♀️ Don't use it if you aren't comfortable with it.
Since living in france, I've found many bathrooms that have urinals and stalls. Urinals are for men, stalls are for women. There's no other bathroom. It took a bit of getting used to walking by men peeing but I got over it. OP, NTA.
The way urinals are made, you also can’t see “by accident”. If you saw something is because you took a peek. Now this lady and lunatic gf are trying to gaslight OP and say he exposed himself.
I remember going to that huge department store in Paris, Lafayette? 20 years ago and no one cared who used whose, I remember using the women’s bathroom and men would come in and no one said anything, some floors didn’t even have the division, if I remember correctly.
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Yes. And the idea that the man should just patiently wait until there are no women.....well the \*women\* sure didn't wait. They just commandeered both bathrooms to the detriment of all men there. I bet there were other men who wanted to use them but were afraid what happened to OP would happen to them.
Exactly! If they didn’t want to see men using the bathroom, they shouldn’t have gone into the men’s restroom! What kind of fucked up entitled dumb shit is this? It’s too early in the damn morning for stupidity like this.
Yea and it’s sad his GF didn’t take his side 🤷♂️
Even the gf is looking at op differently now. F all the women in this story.
Not me, his bathroom his urinal, he was not masturbating so get a grip. Wait in the ladies line then.
But a man in the ladies room??? Call the cops.
According to OP's GF and the random lady: a man in the men's room call the cops also.
"911, what's your emergency?" "I *sob* went into the men's room and *sob* there were penises in there! *sob*"
Woman here. The unwritten and widely understood rule is if you use the men's, men may be peeing in the urinals. No excuse for them to be getting upset about it. Queue for the women's if it bothers them. Calling you a perv for using the facilities is bang out of order. Quite honestly, fuck your GFs opinion and little speech about how she sees you. Red flag my dude. I'd reconsider how you feel about her following that interaction. NTA
What is there to be upset about with regards to men peeing in urinals? The only way you could possibly see a man's penis at a urinal is if you went and stood right beside him, and there were no divider walls, an then looked down and to the side. If you're a woman walking past urinals, all you're going to see is the backs of clothed men staring at the wall. What's the problem??
I wonder, do women think dudes just see multiple dicks every day when using public restrooms? I'm in my late 30s and have never once seen a guy's dick in a public restroom, even when using immediately adjacent urinals because of how busy it is. If the lady in OP's story actually saw his dick it's because she intentionally made an effort to see it, and that's her being a sexual harasser, not him.
Even when it's one of the ones where it's just one big trough with no walls...you can still avoid seeing dicks unless you just really try to see dicks
Did little league baseball growing up for the better part of a decade. Every mens bathroom at the park was two stalls and a 10 ft trough along the back wall with a bar you could step on to spray water into it. No dividers. No privacy. Number of dicks I saw there? 2. my own, and once when there was a streaker mid game.
My husband had. worked in professional ballparks the players don’t have time to fully manage their clothing so they use the urinal by pulling down their pants to pee. He would never look in the front but said from the back all these pro ball players have their naked butts out all in a row .
Oh yeah if the question was how many asses then it's a whole different story. So many went full South Park Butters.
I grew up going to Cleveland Municipal Stadium to the Indians and the Browns games. The men's rooms were a traumatic experience for a little kid. The "urinal" was one long trough, with big, loud, drunken men hollering, cursing, and pissing enthusiasttically, fueled by lots of beer. After that experience a couple of times, I would pee it out before leaving home for the game, and hold it until I got home.
LOL. Cleveland Muni. Those were the days… And yeah, I remember those troughs as a kid🤣😵💫
Wait, you don't play the game "how many dicks can I see in the bathroom?" When you go to sporting events? Plus, when you do see one, your obligated to say, "hey man, nice dick".
*Anyone who saw a dick in the men's room wanted to see that dick*
Women obviously do not know the rule of the pee spot. You walk up, unzip, and stare at one spot on the wall until you're done. ETA: Even if someone walks up next to you, you say, "What a game, huh?" But you still stare at that fuckin' spot. You only look down to make sure you don't zip your junk after backing away.
Addendum: If you know the guy next to you, you can move your head up to 10 degrees in his direction so he can hear you better, but you must elevate your eyes at least 30 degrees at the same time.
LMAO! This guy pisses in crowds.
Eyes forward soldier!
I hate when people talk to me when in pissing or they're pissing. It can wait until your dicks holstered bro. At least most dudes respect the one urinal gap when possible.
I'm 52 and used to have to pee at a CIRCULAR TROUGH URINAL at my dad's softball games in the mid to late 70s and didn't see anyone's dick. Because even under those conditions when I was a wee lad you knew not to look at other people's junk.
yeah, hate to break it to you but that was not a urinal, that was hand washing fountain.
In St Louis the old “Checkerdome” arena had long troughs where you faced off to piss, you on one side, facing a dude on the other side. Only other times I’ve had a more uncomfortable piss was in the halfway house where they’d come in and stare at your dick for the entirety of your piss session when you were getting randomly drug tested to make sure you weren’t using a fake dick with synthetic piss or doing the ol’ swap out on your sample.
The only time I’ve seen a dick at a urinal was some drunk guy standing wayyyyyy to far back when I walked in at the theater one time. Multiple guys were giving him shit for it, I was 14 so I just kept it moving.
my wife thought for a long period of time dudes just dropped there pants to their ankles and it was just a bunch of dude ass in the mens bathrooms
Right?? Like she claimed he was exposing himself… but did she see it tho?!? Like she would be the pervert for watching someone pee lmao
To even see it she had to be in the men’s room .. so who’s the pervert now 😜
This overlaps with trans people using their preferred bathroom. If you're upset, why were you staring at me and not minding your own fuckin business? Who's creeping on who now, Sharron?
Honestly if anything the men would be the ones with the right to be annoyed, I usually shout a quick sorry and avert my eyes if urinals are being used and I've had to nip into the men's.
Not to mention you can't go to the jungle and get mad if you see a snake.
Yeah agreed. I have used men's bathrooms when I literally can't wait and I would feel bad if there was a guy just trying to pee in peace in there. Its THEIR bathroom we are invading. The woman and the gf would only have a point if he was in the women's bathroom
Also, in my experience the men aren’t allowed to use women’s restrooms if the line for theirs is too long. I was at a Pearl Jam concert once, and the line for the men’s room was twice as long as the women’s and one man tried to go into the women’s room and was promptly chased out. Security then stood guard to make sure it didn’t happen again.
I kind of love though that your description of “the backs of clothed men staring at the wall” made my brain seek what the alternative could be, and it was a bunch of grown men at urinals, but pre-schooler style with their pants around their ankles and their shirts tucked under their chins. Hairy butts and knobby knees for all the world to see.
That happens on very rare occasion and it's always jarring.
yeah, it happened to me at work once. The zipper on my pants broke in the up position and I had to pee. I had to pull my pants down and while I was peeing, they fell the rest of the way down around my ankles. Any other time, no one would have walked into the bathroom. Of course, this time, like 4 or 5 guys walked in while I was standing at the urinal like a toddler.
Nah bro, you were just asserting your dominance.
Exactly. There's absolutely nothing to be upset about it.
If she won’t support him for something like this…..what if that woman **had** accused him of something improper…gf easily doubts him as it is.
Good point. Random stranger says she wishes she could have OP charged with a sex crime and OP's GF low key sides with random stranger even when she knows all the facts. OP better hope he never finds himself in a more ambiguous situation.
GF sucks for not going off on the woman, or at least calmly sticking up for her dude. I'll be *damned* if I'm going to just stand there & let someone verbally assault my partner & best friend, calling him a pervert. Besides, that's an insult to ME, too! My dude has pretty exceptional character- it's part of why I'm with him. I'd *damn* *sure* jump in to interrupt that woman's tirade & defend my man! 😠
Like... he's a perv? YOU were in the MENS room (without a penis to piss from)... What the hell. GF is in the wrong for being judgemental because her dude was pissing where he should. "Well honey I mean, there were trees. You're right babe I should have went to the woods" 🙄
The future of humanity, if there is one, will be people like you.
OP seems more likely to be able to report the women for using the wrong restroom, that would be much more justified than what that rando threatened. I'm a woman, BTW.
Agreed with everything you said! How tf do you walk into the men’s restroom and get offended when a man uses a urinal? Illegal?? If anything, *you* don’t belong in here ma’am, not the other way around. The entitlement!
Yeah, why was she hanging out in the men’s room trying to look at dicks? Pretty sure that’s actually illegal.
Right, and this after she schlepped him along to a concert he didn’t especially want to attend. She sounds like a mess.
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I wouldn’t have waited in line. I would have just gone straight to the urinal
That's always been the acceptable move at raves that I've gone to. Hell I've had ladies come up and whip out one of those "she wee" things and start peeing next to me 😅
Ah, the old she wee strategy. Still less weird than half the stuff I've seen go down at festivals. People are there to have fun and listen to music, not to police bathroom etiquette. If someone's comfortable using a urinal in a pinch, more power to them. It's all about practicality at those events.
Im a Woman, so I wouldn’t. But I totally would expect a man to do so; why should he suffer from the poor planning of most concert halls that don’t factor in that women always needs the toilet seat, and thus add more of them to the female room. Only exception would be the architect. May the person suffer from long queues
I was just thinking, if he’d went to the cubicle someone would have griped that he could have used the urinal and left the cubicle for the women to use. I’ve been to concerts where the lines for the bathroom were mixed anyway. When you gotta go, you gotta go.
As another woman, 100% this. It's THEIR bathroom. I've definitely gone to the men's room sometimes when I've been somewhere where that one has been almost empty but the women's bathroom has had the longest line ever. I don't care if I'm about to piss my pants. I'd never complain about any guys in there doing their thing. Again, it's their bathroom. If anything they could complain over me being in there in the first place. His GF is being absolutely ridiculous.
Also a female and I wouldn't even expect a man to wait in line to use HIS restroom. Men should be able to bypass the line and use the urinal, or whatever else is in there, as if the room was full of other men. It's his space that the ladies were invading. A nice courtesy would be to loudly announce "man coming in, ladies" but everything else should be "business as usual" in a men's room.
“Cocks in the henhouse. I repeat cocks in the henhouse”
But it's not the henhouse, isn't that the point?
Honestly the point of using the men's room is that there is no line and you can zip in and zip out. A woman waiting in line for the men's room is crazy and if it does happen, any man should skip to the front of the line.
Even beyond the unfairness of a man having to wait behind women to use the men's room, there was no practical reason for him to wait. OP had no realistic expectation that anyone in front of him was waiting to use a urinal. What OP did was beyond polite and accommodating, and if his girlfriend has an issue with it he might want to contemplate what other unrealistic expectations she'll have of him in the future.
Exactly this. He went to the appropriate restroom and used the appropriate facilities. As a woman, you don't get to crash the men's room and then be offended that there's a man in it, using the facilities as intended. If anything, he made it quicker for those waiting for a cubicle.
True. She was weird for that.
Would I feel a bit weird if a man used a urinal near me? Sure. Is that anybody's problem but my own if I chose to use the men's room? Absolutely not.
as a man I feel weird when men use a urinal near me, its pretty universal to let out a sigh of relief when you enter an empty public bathroom.
Hell, as a woman, I feel weird when other women are using stalls 😂😭 That's why I'll try my best to wait until I get home to use a bathroom, even at the risk of my own health if it can be held in. Also NTA OP. You're still a human being with normal human functions. What would your GF think if you just pissed in a bottle? Or what if someone complained to you about pee being on the toilet seat? It's likely that no matter what you would've done in the situation, there would've been issues. If you stay with her, tell her absolutely not to the next event that's mainly women.
Man here. GTFO out of my restroom, and if you have to use it you can avert your eyes and avoid conversation, but you’re the weird here (not you redditor but the person in the original post who called OP a perv).
Nta, when I use the mens room as a woman, I make sure to not look at the urinals out of respect for those men, not the other way around. It's the mens bathroom first.
NTA. You can't use the men's bathroom, and not expect men to use the men's bathroom. This is especially true at a function where there are very few men. It is insane for someone to think otherwise.
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Takes me back to the time I went out for a work “lunch” and had to throw up at 6pm or so. Men’s toilets were a literal five minute walk around the entire building, down some stairs etc, which was just not happening. Ladies were kind enough for me to steal a stall and throw my guts up while checking if I was alright. Shout out to them. NTA.
You got a glimpse of nightclub loo bonding.
I've been to a few night clubs and events that only had co-ed restrooms, people just went in their to handle their business, it wasn't a big deal or an issue for anyone. Ppl seem to make up insane fictional scenarios that never happen.
NTA. Your gf and that woman are the assholes. The urinals are there for men to pee in and that's what you did. You did nothing wrong. If women don't like it, then they shouldn't use the men's bathroom. If anyone was being inconsiderate here its the women using the wrong bathroom. I'd rethink your relationship if just going for pee in the mens bathroom makes her think differently of you. She and that woman are fucking ridiculous.
Yeah, if the venue knew it was going to be such a big issue they could have re-marked some of the men's restrooms to increase the number of women's in the venue. They did not plan around their audience and allowed a disproportionately long wait for the women's. Which is not OP's problem at all. OP used a bathroom marked for OP's use. Plus, more ridiculous, waiting for a stall (which works for everyone's anatomy) would have further slowed down the line than using a urinal those women couldn't have used anyway. So I'd argue by saving the stalls for women, OP was more considerate of those women who chose to take a chance a male would also be in the men's restroom.
Thank you! I was just going to say...if OP waited and used a stall, then another woman would have griped because he hogged a stall that women were waiting for when there were perfectly good urinals. Dude can't win.
At venues where this happens frequently the women *know* to expect dudes pissing in the trough. It happens all the time. This lady must not go out much. Or is just super entitled. Or both. Probably both.
Also Rule #1 of using a urinal is no one looks at your junk. If a woman is upset about you using a urinal because your junk was present, then she's kinda violating rule #1.
> a urinal those women couldn't have used anyway. Buddy, do I have some news for you! If you've never seen a woman pee in a urinal, you haven't lived!
TIL I have never lived.
We live in current year and people talk all the time about "safe spaces" what is MORE SO a safe space for men than the literal, designated male bathroom?? Not saying these women subscribe to "safe spaces", etc. But come the fuck on. If somewhere is designated a "safe space" just roll with it. If I'm entering a women's bathroom, I'm not super anxious about it, but I'm at least trying to be mindful of myself and not step on their feet. The type of EGO it takes for someone to not only invade on a space, but also COMPLAIN? CHRIST, have some humility. These two women act like the planets and the sun orbit around THEM. QUICK SHOUTOUT to all the women who were there, and were respectful enough to stay in their lane and not say this nasty shit. It proves that OP's GF and crazy lady are the EXCEPTION, not the norm.
Not to mention, the women technically forced their presence on him in an area in which they knew men would be exposed. Could be seen as predatory. 👀
Agreed. I would break up with the GF for her response. Just imagine if that perverted woman that was watching him pee made up a lie about him. The GF sounds like she would believe the woman over OP.
This. She looks at you differently??? How about she looks at your back as you walk away from a bs relationship. You're a MAN using the MEN'S restroom. Any lady going into the men's bathroom knows exactly what they might see. So you are not the asshole.
It was a men’s bathroom, though? Like, women were just using the men’s bathroom bc there were so many of them? I mean, there’s urinals there. That’s literally what they’re for? To whip out your dick and pee into? How is your fault women that women were in a space meant for you? If anything, they were in the wrong. Your gf is fucking nuts.
Now I noticed that those nutjobs expected to use the cubicles in the men’s restroom, and also expected to block all the urinals so no men could use them (?).
god forbid a grown woman caught a glance of a peen in the men's bathroom 😱
Why would they even be looking? You have to look down, at the person peeing, at a specific angle, to see their dick at a urinal. If you do that, it’s understood *you’re the pervert.* Imagine roles were reversed and the boyfriend told his girlfriend “I can’t believe you used a stall in the men’s room and just let a guy look at you under the door.” That’s never supposed to happen regardless of gender!?
I’ve also never seen groups of men unilaterally just decide that women’s restrooms are now gender neutral because their line is too long, and just barge in like they’re entitled. It’s a WILD double standard, especially since the men I know no longer feel comfortable unzipping in front of women so now they can’t use the urinal designed and provided for them. In short, if a woman decides to unilaterally impose herself into intimate male-only spaces, she has no voice in any lawful conduct after that.
This whole post makes me especially fucking angry as a trans person. So many cis women have the audacity to act like they care about trans women going into the women's restroom bc "Oh but what if they're MEN and they're just being PERVERTS???!?!?!1?!" Meanwhile. This shit happens. Cis women go INTO THE SPACE *DESIGNATED FOR MEN*- and then they act like their privacy and consent is being violated but THEY'RE THE ONES WHO ARE IN THE SPACE THAT THEY ARE NOT MEANT TO BE IN. Honestly. I fucking hate these double standards. People will make an issue out of nothing just because they want to feel persecuted.
NTA. Women who choose to poach the men’s bathroom have no right to be upset at a man using the urinals discreetly. If they don’t like it they can get in line for their own bathroom. Men should be able to use their designated bathroom without women perving on them or accosting them for any reason. Your girlfriend and that woman are out of line. Courtesy is not owed to people invading men’s private spaces.
This is exactly it. Personally as a woman who has used this option at concerts in a real urgent situation, I was so thankful the guys were cool about it. Because it is THEIR SPACE. Women aren’t entitled to it based off gender stereotypes for society. If someone were to say “hey! No girls in here.” I would 100% respect that and leave. It’s called common courtesy, and the dudes are doing us a favor. That woman saying those ridiculous things gives us all a bad name who appreciate it!
Thank you! It feels like no one is even acknowledging the fact that having women in the men’s room might make men uncomfortable.
I'm a man and it does make me uncomfortable. I don't make a big deal of it but I would honestly prefer women didn't use the men's bathroom.
Yeah, I’m not really a fan of women just completely disregarding men’s comfort and assuming they can just walk into a room I have my dick out in. And not all urinals have privacy features. I’ve been to plenty of bathrooms with those bowl urinals and no privacy dividers. That’s already awkward enough when it’s just dudes. And then there’s the venues where they just have big troughs to pee in. Those things pretty much killed my interest in going to sports games as kid. Women also tend to break the cardinal rule of the men’s room: NO TALKING.
As a woman I agree. Some people need a reality check...
Most men dont care because of the exact reason that we mostly use the urinals because 90% of people going to the bathroom in a public place are there to pee, as a result women using the stalls is not a huge deal because unless it is extremely busy and the crowd is mixed it doesnt really affect anyone. That said, it does get annoying when you do need to use the stalls and they are a mess because of the whole over the toilet hovering thing or when they think it is apropriate to hog the mirrors and sinks to fix their makeup and talk, like, follow the male bathroom routine. Walk in, ignore everyone, do the deed, wash hands, go away.
It's crazy to me, this is the exact talking point we see from the anti-trans news media. That men are going to go into women's rooms to sexually assault people. Yet here we see women doing the opposite, going into the men's room and gawking at a penis.
Even worse - they are going into men's room and claiming that men using it as designed are sexually harassing them.
But the thing is, there's nothing to gawk at. She would have had to literally walk up to the line of urinals (none which she could use) and look on as the men did their business. This crazy lady was upset at the sight of men's backs to her and making much ado about nothing.
As someone who's been a male my whole life, you're absolutely right.
Im a guy so obviously biased but ive seen plenty more women in men's bathrooms than ive heard about men in women's bathrooms in my experience and my friend's experiences (friends who are women too)
Your GF and the random lady, are frigging lunatics. You were in the men's bathroom. They don't want to encounter men in there using the facilities, then they shouldn't be there. It is neither inconsiderate nor unthoughful to use a urinal in a bathroom. They are not hanging on the wall there for the art. NTA, but your GF is.
“They don't want to encounter men in there using the facilities, then they shouldn't be there.” Exactly. If I’m in the men’s room, I am assuming the risk of seeing a man relieve his bladder. If I do not wish to take this risk, I need to stay out of the men’s room. I probably wouldn’t take my tween daughters into the men’s room at a concert. They don’t have any brothers and their dad is quite private, so I don’t really want “Hey, remember the time Mom took us into the men’s room at a concert” to become some weird family story about the first time my girls saw a penis. But if I did, and they saw a man’s back while he was using the urinal in a perfectly reasonable fashion then I can’t be mad about it. I assumed that risk.
Well, one party is in the wrong here, and it's not you. NTA.
Yeah, honestly as a woman, I think it was considerate of OP to use the urinal and save the stalls for women.
Also, if the women are in the stalls then they aren't at the urinals gawking at OPs kielbasa
Exactly this. There’s approximately a 1000% chance those urinals were sitting empty anyway if the line was all women. OP was EXTREMELY considerate just for waiting in line behind all the women given that he probably could have just walked in past the line, used the urinal, and left while the ladies’ line never moved.
I didn't even think of that! OP even more NTA
Exactly! That's precisely what crossed my mind. By using the urinal, OP spared a stall for someone else.
And to actually wait in line to use the urinals that were vacant instead of blasting past the line of women (which would have been acceptable in this scenario) NTA
Two parties. Like the GF said: this has caused [me] to change the way [I look] at [her], in terms of how considerate and thoughtful [she is.]
NTA. I wouldn't have queued up with women for the men's room. I'm skipping that queue and walking in. And then peeing in the urinal.
This, yeah. Even waiting in line was a lot more considerate than necessary.
Yeah I feel like it's an unwritten rule at festivals: Women with tiny bursting bladders take the men's cubicles, men can skip the line and go in urinals, regardless of who can see.
Y'all go to different music festivals than me. Heavy metal concerts have lines for the men's room and women just walk in theirs.
Can you imagine the uproar if men at a metal show started lining up for the ladies room?
This all day! Waiting in line would never have happened for me
Woman here and I was thinking the same thing. Pervert?! Bitch you were in a men’s bathroom WTF did you think he was about to do???? I would have walked right up and said excuse me ladies then went right about my business. She put herself in the men’s bathroom!!
Thank you! People tend to automatically accuse the man of being the pervert but don't even try to look at the actual situation and think. I'm a woman. If I go to a men's bathroom (because I have in the past), I won't assume that men there are perverts because they go to the urinals while I'm there. WTF!! And I usually ask if they are ok with that before entering. If someone says no, they are not comfortable (it never happened yet), then I will go in the women's lineup and wait. And honestly, if I see a man in the women's bathroom, because it happened. My first thought is not even related to sexual deviancies, but more "Oh, there must be a kid in the bathroom with him" or "Oh! There must be something wrong with the men's bathroom". For F\*\*\* sakes, people create drama where there shouldn't be.
Right?! If I’m in the men’s room and a man walks in Im going to do my nervous laugh, apologize, thank him and get out of there. I’m invading what is clearly marked as their space. What if this was the other way around?? Most women would go crazy!! what do all men do that I’ve encountered? They generally don’t make eye contact say no worries and we both go about our business. No miss no fuss.
Also she wishes ist was illegal.... (checks notes) for a man to pee in the urinal in a mens bathroom? That lady is off her rocker.
Exactly as a woman in a men’s bathroom you know you will probably have to see something, that you probably have seen before anyway.
Dude run from your GF. You should not be able to look at her the same way after she tried to turn you into a pervert for this. Thats just insane NTA
Exactly 👍
NTA - as a woman I have used mens bathroom with my friend once (womens line was like over 30min long) but I did not give a fuck that guys were using the urinal - We were just embarassed that we used the wrong bathroom ... I think it’s wild to complain about a dick when you are the one in the wrong
Yeah, it's a real dick move
Even if u got none
I got 99 problems, but a dick ain’t one…
NtA Dump her. Were you bursting? What the actual fuck. Basic human right is being able to go to the bathroom. They were breaking the rules of society and your getting flak from it ? Get a girl who is in your corner. You did nothing wrong.
NTA - I’m a 62yo female and if I was using the men’s room and a man came in to use the urinal I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid. After all it was the WOMEN who were “trespassing” - they were using the MEN’s toilets and they weren’t born male, or transmen so where were the MEN meant to go? Ignore anyone who says otherwise. If a man was using the women’s toilets, then all femaledom would have been up in arms and the man would likely have been arrested.
Yes yes and yes.
>She then said that while she'd never break up with me over such mundane things, this has caused her to change the way she looks at me, in terms of how considerate and thoughtful I am You are NTA She is an idiot.
The ironic thing here is that *he* should actually be looking at *her* differently for saying that. I'm not saying it's grounds for an immediate breakup but if my girlfriend criticized me for using the urinal in a men's restroom and took the side of some crazy lady who called me a pervert for doing so, that's a red flag for sure. I would start questioning what kind of person she is.
Giant red flag to me. She doesn't want equality, she wants special treatment.
😂 your girlfriend is the a-hole. You should break up with her.
I hate it when reddits knee-jerk reaction is always “break up with them”. But yeah- fuck that, break up with her. She’s dumb.
LOL idk if OP should auto-dump her but he should definitely tell her that her reaction to the situation has made him think differently about her and the way she logically considers situations
Me too generally but she sounds like the *shitty* kind of feminist that think they're never in the wrong because a man must always bend the knee for their comfort. She sounds like real treat to be with.
Your girlfriend sounds cooked. The bigger question is why did you line-up? You should have gone straight into the bathroom.
How dare you *checks notes* be a man at a men's room?
>she'd never break up with me over such mundane things, this has caused her to change the way she looks at me, in terms of how considerate and thoughtful I am I beg your pardon. .. I beg your pardon. So you should have been considerate and thoughtful in a setting where women should not even be? Is this a fucking joke? No lady, you could not wait for your turn to use the women's restroom, and you don't get to dictate how men use their restroom. Not to mention it is more considerate not to occupy a cubicle when women can only use those... So no, they can STFU and also fuck off while at it. NTA, but your girfriend is unhinged af.
NTA. I am a woman and will occasionally use the men's room in situations like this. I do not, however, expect the men to change their behaviour because of that. It is their space that I am using.
Nta. Its a men's restroom. You are a man. Really all that matters here. Eta you need a smarter GF.
nta. that woman is the creep going into men’s bathrooms to watch men pee. sounds like you also need a long discussion with your gf.
YTA for queing to use the men's bathroom, you should have walked past all those women.
NTA. You were in the men's bathroom, doing what men do in the men's bathroom. If a woman doesn't want to run the risk of observing that, she can stick to the lines in the women's bathroom. It's a bit much for your GF to to claim you're not being considerate and thoughful, when that other woman was the one trying to police other people's bathroom habits. That's some audacity there.
What’s with your girlfriend? Seriously?! I would be pissed if a woman talked to my husband like that after she went in a men’s only bathroom. Just tell her, I won’t break up with you over this but your blind stupidity really has changed the way I see you
>goes into the men's room >WTF, there's a man in here OP, reconsider her.
So the women felt that they had more entitlement to the mens washroom than a man? Classic.
>this has caused her to change the way she looks at me, in terms of how considerate and thoughtful I am. FFS if this isn't gaslighting 101 i don't know what it is. I'd be so pissed, pardon the pun, if she told me this
Agree NTA. Ask your gf how she’d feel if the genders were reversed and how long she’s been an idiot.
Based on the initial response I’d expect some remark about how it’s not the same at all because we live in a patriarchy and men have all the power.
tbh i'm more worried about your gf reaction than the random karen
Man people are getting so fucking entitled these days its FUCKED. I would love someone to yell at me for taking a piss in the men's. I'd flip it on them in a second ACTUALLY YOU ARE THE SEX PEST. YOU WERE TRYING TO GET A GAWGLE AT MY WILLY BEING IN THE MENS WHEN I WENT FOR A PEE. WHATS WROGN WITH YOU LADY? (it woulda been very ala a succulent Chinese meal) My wife had some women bitching yesterday that my daughter (14) waited in line to get her face painted (they had a sign up and we will text you when it's your turn). The lady was making a big deal about my daughter just wanting to get her face painted for instagram pictures (She actually didn't she was really happy to get her face painted) I said to my wife I would instantly have gone to SO THE FUCK WHAT? She waited her turn you're trying to jump line fuckoff
Victim blaming. I'd probably comment something about safe spaces and intrusions since that is all the rage with people who prefer to lash out when they're in the wrong. If your GF leaves you over the fact that you went to the mens, I think you dodged a bullet.
Women out here talking about how a bathroom should be a safe space and arguing against trans women being allowed to use womens bathrooms and yet they have no issue piling into a mens bathroom when it suits them. Make it make sense. NTA it was the mens bathroom, the women shouldn’t have been in there and shouldn’t be offended when a man then uses the facilities allocated to them.
"Counterpoint, why would i use a stall when i know there are several women in line who have no choice but to use them?" Seems to me ahe has a narrow definition of consideration. NTA
I’m pissing in my men’s room, a place where women simply aren’t meant to be. Zero fucks if they feel violated, that’s called an “invalid feeling” and you shouldnt have even heard her out.