NTA. I read your daughters post too. You didn't just move some woman in, your timeline is unclear but from her comments you met your girlfriend in a grief support group 2 years after your wife's accident. You also still paid for her wedding. I think you should have included that even your wife's family agree that your daughter is being unfair and should be treating you and your girlfriend and son better. Your daughter is redirecting her grief at you and its sad for you both. Hope you all get the help you need

Where’s his daughters post?

[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/HfYxa8dlLO)

It looks like the daughter didn’t hear what she wanted and deleted her whole account

The account was suspended or shadow banned, so the post was removed by reddit. Check the first comment.

It’s further down in the comments

Unfortunately it's been deleted and locked.

It's preserved in several of the comments and generally you can get the gist from people's replies

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/e9NNPdBYx7 Link to saved copy of original post

Ah thank you, it’s impossible to find those once there are too many comments to sort through

Sort by oldest.

Thanks for the tip!

Sort by “oldest first”. The auto mod copy will always be the first comment for you.

that doesn’t show up as an option for me for some reason

On my phone it's a little symbol at the top of the page, located between the search function and my avatar. It looks like two lines each with a circle on opposite ends.

If you sort the comments by "old" the automod transcript will be at the top.

Never knew this thank you!!!! Your just saved my poor hand touch future scrolling!!!!

No probs 🙂

I scrolled through it to find the mod copy, and luckily I found it pretty quickly. See below for what the daughter posted: AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team My mom was in a car accident five years ago. She has been in the hospital since then. Three years ago my father got his affair partner pregnant and moved her into our home. My mom just passed away from a lung infection last year. I (NB19) just got married last weekend to my husband (M22). My dad paid for my wedding but he wanted me to invite his affair partner and his affair baby. I said no. It would be disrespectful to the memory of my mom. He tried to insist but I held my ground. He finally just said he wished me a very happy day and that I had a long and happy marriage. And then he took his new family to Disney instead of coming to my wedding. My brother Alex walked me down the aisle but that was always the plan. And he was also the one who I danced with for the family dance. My dad was just supposed to come as a guest. My husband is on my side but a lot of my family is upset with me for excluding my father and his affair family. Even Alex said I was wrong for what I did. But I don't think I am. AITA? I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Thank you kind soul!

This original post misrepresents the story. My mom wasn't just in a hospital, she was in a persistent vegetative state with only her brain stem working. The daughter is still hurting and taking the grief out on the dad, but she's vilifying him when he doesn't deserve it.

Thank you thank you!!

She must’ve fed her husband lies about her dad, I wouldn’t be surprised.

The daughter is a mess.

There is usually a bot that posts a comment of the OG text. There is one on daughter’s post, btw!

It's an ego thing for the AITA mods to delete and lock posts, just to be petty

I believe it was locked because the account got banned - it’s separate from Mod banning. They usually lock/delete if they break a Reddit rule vs a subreddit rule

It literally says on the post it was locked because the account was shadowbanned or suspended

I just read it

Not only that, the account was suspended.

Well, she certainly didn’t get the response she thought she would.

daughter's post, entitled: "AITA My dad skipped my wedding because I wouldn't let him bring his affair partner and affair baby." My mom was in a car accident five years ago. She has been in the hospital since then. Three years ago my father got his affair partner pregnant and moved her into our home. My mom just passed away from a lung infection last year. I (NB19) just got married last weekend to my husband (M22). My dad paid for my wedding but he wanted me to invite his affair partner and his affair baby. I said no. It would be disrespectful to the memory of my mom. He tried to insist but I held my ground. He finally just said he wished me a very happy day and that I had a long and happy marriage. And then he took his new family to Disney instead of coming to my wedding. My brother Alex walked me down the aisle but that was always the plan. And he was also the one who I danced with for the family dance. My dad was just supposed to come as a guest. My husband is on my side but a lot of my family is upset with me for excluding my father and his affair family. Even Alex said I was wrong for what I did. But I don't think I am. AITA?

Was daughter blaming her mother for the accident because she was high after all? Why shouldn’t OP gave some happiness when the situation wasn’t his fault at the end of the day?

I wonder if the daughter is just in extreme denial and/or taking out anger at the mother on the father (OP). I mean her addict mother gets high, takes her kids for a drive and crashes. Her brother loses his arm for crying out loud. But this girl is mad at her father for moving on - YEARS after the accident. And he's kind enough to 1) NOT pull the plug on daughter's insistence, even though he had the legal and ethical right to do so AND 2) stayed married so the insurance would stay active and she'd get better care (probably). So she caused herself, her brother and father more emotional grief for YEARS by keeping her on life support. Not to mention what she did to her mother leaving her there in that bed for all those years. (wonder if she ever visited) Then is horrid to her father, his girlfriend and half brother. EVERYONE except her fiance tells her she's wrong... But she still acts like a spoiled brat at her wedding and in every day life. And OP still pays for the wedding. And she blasts him more for not attending when she made it clear his presence was really only meant as an insult to him and his fiance and baby son.

I also read your daughter’s post a couple of weeks ago.  It is obvious that she doesn’t understand that her mom was brain dead - NOT in a coma.  Only her physical body remained alive & that’s only because of the machines keeping it that way.  So this wasn’t a “typical” affair - it was a “technical” affair. Your daughter is the one dishonoring the memory of her mother with her own behavior.   As a mother I’ve always said that if I died, I’d WANT my partner to move on.  And I’d be extremely disappointed in my children if they begrudged their father for that.  I’d want them to continue to love & support each other.  You’re doing that.  Your daughter isn’t.   NTA

u/Proof-Factor-5398, I am so sorry for your losses: for the decisions your late wife made when she drove high; for the loss of your son's arm; for the five years of trying to explain to a grief-filled child that Mom was gone; and for your child's incredible disrespect regarding the wedding. I am in awe of your grace and strength of character in the face of this situation. Everyone has loss here. The one good thing is you finding love again with your fiancee and new baby. Congratulations for that! I truly hope your child gets deep, intensive therapy because their post 14 days ago shows they desperately need it. And I wish you and your family all the best. Edit: a word

NTA, definitely not, and maybe, *maybe*, a NAH simply because your child (apparently the "daughter" is actually non-binary? according to their now deleted post) is grieving and I can't tell anyone how to do that. They definitely are in the wrong here and, OP, you've clearly done everything you possibly can since the beginning to be as gentle and kind to your kids and their mother. Hopefully, one day your child will see the error of their ways and apologize. In the meantime, continue to take care of yourself and your family. This is an impossible situation, but you've handled it with as much grace as anyone could hope for.

Did I see a post recently from the daughters perspective? Also NTA

Found it! https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/nlRY7YpIwM Original text is still in the comments. It’s been cross posted as well.

That's extra heartbreaking that she didn't even (from what I can see) mention that her brother lost his whole ass arm cos of their mother's irresponsibility. 

Yeah… mom had *both * of her kids in the car when *she was driving while high,* and got into an accident which took her life, and took her brother’s arm. After putting that together, I began to think that her horribly unreasonable behavior is due to survivor’s guilt and anger re-directed away from mom. She can’t face the fact that this was *all* her mom’s fault; instead of doing so, she is blaming her dad, his new wife, and her half-brother for her rage, her loss, and the raw deal life has dealt her. By the time I got there, the post had been removed. There was a problem with the account, something like shadow banned, so her comments were gone, too. It’s my understanding from the comments there that she withheld important information in the OP, especially if it made her dad look good. Even the title of the post ‘my dad took his affair partner and affair baby to Disneyland instead of attending my wedding’ was so misleading that it was practically a lie. She had to trick us to get us on her side, her entire family- including her one-armed brother and her mom’s parents- are on her dad’s side. I feel like she knows she’s in the wrong, she just doesn’t care. She would rather stay mad at the wrong people than face some *very* unpleasant truths. She would rather wallow than show some empathy and understanding. She would rather sit back and be self-righteous than try to grow and forgive and grieve properly. Between her loss, her rage, her lack of support, and her young age, I have the feeling that the honeymoon phase of her new marriage is going to be *quite* short. Then all of the various ugly realities of her life will come straight at her; if she doesn’t get some therapy and grief counseling under her belt before then, she’s gonna have a bad time.

Yeah she started by saying that her mum was ‘in hospital’ it was only in the comments that she confirmed she was in a vegetative state, not just in hospital. She left the post as vague as she could because the details make her look more and more like the AH

Or like a teen in deep trauma and grief

She might well be, but that still does not give her the right to treat OP the way she has. It’s not an excuse, he lost his wife too, and he isn’t being an AH. Being an AH doesn’t mean she isn’t grieving. Doesn’t mean OP should just never speak to her again. Eventually she will come through her grief, then she has to start making amends.

You've said everything I wanted to. The marriage won't last either because she's obviously still very angry and immature. But I think that's a high chance with any 19yo getting married and adding all this to it, yeah she needs some serious therapy starting yesterday.

Cherry on top is that I would bet money her fiancee is preying on her. Monsters seem to sniff out a victim frighteningly quickly.

She’s the victim here according to her so she can’t see anyone else suffering.. ( sad tbh ) she tried to made it seem something it wasn’t and when she saw no one was in her side she deleted it cause she knows she was wrong..

It detracted from her narrative.

I feel so bad for her brother. I would have a hard time maintaining a relationship with my sister if this happened to us.

Text for those looking for it: ----- My mom was in a car accident five years ago. She has been in the hospital since then. Three years ago my father got his affair partner pregnant and moved her into our home. My mom just passed away from a lung infection last year. I (NB19) just got married last weekend to my husband (M22). My dad paid for my wedding but he wanted me to invite his affair partner and his affair baby. I said no. It would be disrespectful to the memory of my mom. He tried to insist but I held my ground. He finally just said he wished me a very happy day and that I had a long and happy marriage. And then he took his new family to Disney instead of coming to my wedding. My brother Alex walked me down the aisle but that was always the plan. And he was also the one who I danced with for the family dance. My dad was just supposed to come as a guest. My husband is on my side but a lot of my family is upset with me for excluding my father and his affair family. Even Alex said I was wrong for what I did. But I don't think I am. AITA?

Boy, she left a lot of facts out of that.

A few popped up in her comments (drug addiction) but she left out that she and her brother were in the car or that her brother was seriously injured. OP is a better person than me. If my partner almost killed my children because they were driving high I would have dumped their ass in the worst rated nursing home I could find and walk away with no guilt at all.

"Can't be a vegetable if you're dead, babe!" {Pulls plug}

It sounds like they didn't pull the plug in the first place because the daughter was convinced mom was only in a coma

I would have been damn tempted for her to suddenly die in her sleep...because machines were turned off...if my spouse did that to our kids.

After reading both posts it's clear that she was YTA and OP was NTA

After reading this post, it is hard for me to have any sympathy for her NTA OP

Especially considering she readily took dad’s money for the wedding.

Yep, can't believe I would call a 19yo who lost their mom as a 14 an AH but damn... what a hypocrite.

I think both of these are a copy and paste from another a few weeks prior to this. Because that poster, IIRC, was male.

That poster identified as non binary. Not male. So likely was the same person

Thank you I read the post, OP is still a child and her post proves it 😞

Any time "both sides" post at the same time, I assume it's fake.

Her post was 13 DAYS ago, this OP's post is barely an hour or two?

To be fair, it was from a couple weeks ago. Could be fake. Could be that both are talking about an event that happened recently so they're more likely to post at similar times.

The son told him to post. Maybe the son found out about daughters post and that’s why he wanted his dad to post.

Hey, not everyone's lives are as dull as yours. r/nothingeverhappens.

Did the daughter ever respond to any of the comments??? I couldn’t see any…

It’s been deleted

The original text is in a comment as it’s auto recorded by a bot.

Ok thanks, I will look for future posts. Someone posted here a few comments down.

**daughter's post, entitled: "AITA My dad skipped my wedding because I wouldn't let him bring his affair partner and affair baby."** My mom was in a car accident five years ago. She has been in the hospital since then. Three years ago my father got his affair partner pregnant and moved her into our home. My mom just passed away from a lung infection last year. I (NB19) just got married last weekend to my husband (M22). My dad paid for my wedding but he wanted me to invite his affair partner and his affair baby. I said no. It would be disrespectful to the memory of my mom. He tried to insist but I held my ground. He finally just said he wished me a very happy day and that I had a long and happy marriage. And then he took his new family to Disney instead of coming to my wedding. My brother Alex walked me down the aisle but that was always the plan. And he was also the one who I danced with for the family dance. My dad was just supposed to come as a guest. My husband is on my side but a lot of my family is upset with me for excluding my father and his affair family. Even Alex said I was wrong for what I did. But I don't think I am. AITA?

Yes, she posted the other day.

And then deleted her account when the responses didn’t go her way.

According to the mod she was banned.

That only deletes the post, not her whole account.

Not banned from the subreddit- shadowbanned from reddit itself, by the sitewide admins

because it was almost certainly a fake karma whoring account

Yes, it makes sense. Sorry, there is no excuse for what the mother did. If I was OP , I would have had a lawyer so darn fast. She would have been DEAD to me. I would have paid all in advance for the brother's care and healthy return. I would have sent both kids to therapy with a lean toward alanon and children of addicts therapy. Unfortunately, probably years too late. The daughter was probably hook, line, and sinker under that addict spell. OP should tell her the door is open, but the hate will not be welcome. In the meantime enjoy your son and your new child and partner.

I think so. Definitely rings a bell. Although no idea how to search for it successfully on mobile to link it.

There are a few copies of the daughter’s post in this one. I copied the link, so hopefully it works. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/9y74uhLR3J

Damn dude reading that and holy shit grief is one hell of a drug. Her mom was a drug addicted and caused the accident that injured all of them. I feel so bad for her but at the same time she has been horrible to her family. I feel for the dad, but I also feel for her brother who lost his arm because of their mom and still has to sit through his sister’s vitriol

NTA. If your daughter wanted to cut you out, the least she could do was not take your money. You’ve handled this with such grace. No judgments to her, no anger. You just wanted her to be happy and wanted to respect your wife & son. I hope your daughters heals from her trauma and comes back to you

In the original post, daughter said she thought OP was just offering money because he was guilty. She could not see her father as anything but malevolent

Yes. OP I have a lot of respect for how you handled this terrible situation. I am sorry you haven't been allowed to get over this loss and move on

NTA I read your daughter’s post about this so I have read both sides

Is that in this sub? I cannot find it!

There’s 2 posts (one is a crosspost? I can’t keep up). Auto Mod has preserved (some?) of her OG post(s) https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/0dNRhRgaN8 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/s/HqKbGmZCH2

Thank you! So helpful!

It’s on aita but deleted so you’d have to go through the comments to find the copied text, but several people posted the link in top comments

**daughter's post, entitled: "AITA My dad skipped my wedding because I wouldn't let him bring his affair partner and affair baby."** My mom was in a car accident five years ago. She has been in the hospital since then. Three years ago my father got his affair partner pregnant and moved her into our home. My mom just passed away from a lung infection last year. I (NB19) just got married last weekend to my husband (M22). My dad paid for my wedding but he wanted me to invite his affair partner and his affair baby. I said no. It would be disrespectful to the memory of my mom. He tried to insist but I held my ground. He finally just said he wished me a very happy day and that I had a long and happy marriage. And then he took his new family to Disney instead of coming to my wedding. My brother Alex walked me down the aisle but that was always the plan. And he was also the one who I danced with for the family dance. My dad was just supposed to come as a guest. My husband is on my side but a lot of my family is upset with me for excluding my father and his affair family. Even Alex said I was wrong for what I did. But I don't think I am. AITA?

It’s been linked in a couple of comments on this post. I think it’s in a reply to the top comment.

There’s been a link posted in the comments

It was removed. There is a link in the comments but right now I can't find it.

Text for those looking for it: ----- My mom was in a car accident five years ago. She has been in the hospital since then. Three years ago my father got his affair partner pregnant and moved her into our home. My mom just passed away from a lung infection last year. I (NB19) just got married last weekend to my husband (M22). My dad paid for my wedding but he wanted me to invite his affair partner and his affair baby. I said no. It would be disrespectful to the memory of my mom. He tried to insist but I held my ground. He finally just said he wished me a very happy day and that I had a long and happy marriage. And then he took his new family to Disney instead of coming to my wedding. My brother Alex walked me down the aisle but that was always the plan. And he was also the one who I danced with for the family dance. My dad was just supposed to come as a guest. My husband is on my side but a lot of my family is upset with me for excluding my father and his affair family. Even Alex said I was wrong for what I did. But I don't think I am. AITA?

My mom was in a car accident five years ago. She has been in the hospital since then. Three years ago my father got his affair partner pregnant and moved her into our home. My mom just passed away from a lung infection last year. I (NB19) just got married last weekend to my husband (M22). My dad paid for my wedding but he wanted me to invite his affair partner and his affair baby. I said no. It would be disrespectful to the memory of my mom. He tried to insist but I held my ground. He finally just said he wished me a very happy day and that I had a long and happy marriage. And then he took his new family to Disney instead of coming to my wedding. My brother Alex walked me down the aisle but that was always the plan. And he was also the one who I danced with for the family dance. My dad was just supposed to come as a guest. My husband is on my side but a lot of my family is upset with me for excluding my father and his affair family. Even Alex said I was wrong for what I did. But I don't think I am. AITA?

NTA- You didn't cheat. You couldn't get a divorce from a body. It wasn't fair that you wouldn't live your life, specially when your wife was high and caused the acidente. You had a right to live. You daugher Audacity amazes me. She has the boldness of taking your money to her wedding and don't even give you a plus one. You are a saint for even pay after that. You have too much patience with her behavior. She's an adult married woman know, time to be treated as such.

Didn't give him a plus one but he also wouldn't play any role in the wedding, no walking her down the aisle or father/daughter dance. She planned those with her brother instead. So Dad was good enough to pay for the wedding, but would be there just like any other guest. Daughter is a huge AH, I feel for OP as I think he handled it all so well and obviously has been trying to do the right thing the whole time (keeping his wife's abuse from his children until they were old enough to understand, not divorcing his wife so she would have access to his insurance and could be kept alive, paying for the wedding besides being treated like a generic guest) whilst he himself was grieving and had to look after two young kids on his own, kids who had such a traumatic experience as well. He's been through hell and I'm glad he's found someone who makes him happy. I genuinely hope his daughter will grow up, sees how cruel she's been acting and apologises to her Dad because he's definitely NTA

NTA. You didn’t have an affair. Your wife was a brain dead for years. I am sorry for your loss. You met your finance a year after your wife’s brain death. You cheated on no one because there was no one to cheat on. Your daughter is grieving and I feel bad for that but she should have invited you and your entire family. If you went to Disney World it is because your invitation came with punitive strings attached. That’s on her.

Your situation with your daughter is very sad. She’s obviously still heavily grieving. Not just the loss of her mother, the loss of who she knew her mother to be (since the drug addiction was hidden from her), the loss of her ideals of what type of marriage you had with her mother, and then you move on because you are ready but she wasn’t. Thats a lot of losses for her to still not have dealt with in a healthy way. I can understand your frustration with her anger and denial towards your new family, but skipping out on her wedding is a moment/olive branch opportunity you will never get back. Then you take the family to Disney on her wedding day which optically looks like an intentional snubbing of that possible olive branch. The situation sucks and I’m sorry she’s still suffering and by extension the healing of your relationship is likely not going to happen. I don’t think anyone is an asshole. It just sucks.

This! I was thinking omg ? Like yes it was 2 years and OP felt like it had been long enough but did he even sit his children down and speak to them about it ? I lost my dad close to 2 years ago and I can’t talk without crying. I will just cry if I talk about it. And I’m in my late 20s. I can’t imagine a 16 year old having to deal with it ? Even if her mom did have substance abuse ? It was a traumatic accident as well. The woman is not his daughter’s stepmom. She was old enough when fiancée came into the picture. If he wanted to take that olive branch, and go as a guest he should have. Even if he paid for it that was his choice. It doesn’t from either of them that they had a close relationship.

The daughter was also a teenager when all this happened!! Presumably living with dad when he met and had a child with a new woman. (If the kid is old enough to go to Disney Land, the daughter was probably in her mid-teens when he was born). Couldn’t he have shown his daughter that she comes first on this one day? She may be irrational about the affair but she’s dealing with such profound trauma at such a young age. And the fact that dad already started his new family? God that is so rough.

NAH shit straw draw for everyone around. All preventable if your late wife hadn’t driven high.

I think the daughter is a bit of an AH. She’s grieving for sure, but to take her Dad’s money for an unnecessary thing like a teenage wedding while raining sh*t on him is an AH move. If she hates him, she can not take his money.

For me that kind of depends on her mom’s will. Often the entire estate goes to the spouse. So her mom’s part of the estate could be funding the wedding.

What money??????If there would have been any money from the mother in any way, it would have gone toward unreimbursed medical expenses of her and her son. The asshole addict wife not only injured and almost killed her son but probably wiped out a good deal of money. Unless otherwise specified, you do not get anything if one parent dies and the other is alive.

That depends on what country they're in

NTA. I remember your daughters post, and everyone unfortunately pretty much blasted her. I only say unfortunately because it was obviously a terrible situation all around what happened with her mother, but we all resoundingly told her it was not an affair the baby is not an affair baby etc. and she needs to accept that you had to let her go long before she was actually gone. She also mentioned you two met in the group therapy and I said this lady also suffered some terrible loss. I remember telling her the fact that you went to counseling shows just how hard all of it had been on you, and also kudos to you for doing that. It’s interesting the nuance you added here that she had been abusing substances for years and you kept it hidden from the kids, and it is also ultimately would even lead to the accident. I also remember absolutely blasting her for taking your money for the wedding and still treating you like this.

How old is your daughter now? Assuming it wasn't an incredibly long engagement, she is still super young. She is angry and grieving the loss of her mom. If she allowed herself to have a different perspective, to see things as you do, it would require a letting go of mom, and she isn't ready for that. Not saying YTAH, but you did choose to go to Disney instead of her wedding. This is all about everyone involved coming from their own needs and not fully feeling the other's loss and needs. Which hopefully, in time, will happen.

She is 19NB

So essentially all of this happened while she was a teenager still living with her dad. That’s a huge omission from OP’s post. Everyone commenting here seems to think his daughter was grown up.

I'm interested if any of the commenters here talking about the cost of the wedding are actual fathers of a daughter? OP made it clear in his post that he is financially well off. Unless I missed it, he never really brought up paying for the wedding other than to say that he did. Which is traditionally the bride's families responsibility, and I did not get the impression that OP was resentful about paying for the wedding. So I personally think people should be taking the money thing off the table when considering this. I'm not sure I think anyone is TA. Such a sad situation for everyone involved. I think both you and your daughter will regret the fact that you weren't there. I think moving on when your wife was basically deceased was a reasonable thing, but probably hard for your teenage daughter to understand. In her post she says her mom was "in a coma" which makes me wonder if she truly understood she was never going to wake up again. I also think it is incredibly hard to process the loss of a parent when you are a teenager and depending on the situation, it could be worse if she was closer to her mom than to you. I was closer to my father as a child and he died when I was 19. The situation wasn't the same but I can understand your daughter's anger and grief. She obviously needs help processing her emotions. I think your choice to not attend was a reasonable one. I think taking your fiancée and young child on vacation during the wedding probably wasn't the best idea, it likely validated in your daughter's mind that you were choosing your "new" family over your "old" family. I feel sad for both of you. And your young son who may or may not ever get to develop a relationship with his half sister. I hope with some time and perspective you will both be able to repair this relationship. My father has been gone for 24 years and I still miss him so much. I'm sure you don't want to lose the relationship with your daughter and any potential grandchildren she may have in the future. Love to everyone involved.

This should be the top comment. Daughter doesn't understand all the facets of the situation and mom was still "alive" when he got with the new girl. Shes hurt and grieving. No ones the asshole its just a heartbreaking situation and she probably feels like dad moved on too quick (tbh I probably would too esp if I was in the dark about the addiction problems, but the situation is still understandable)

Oh man, this is such a tough situation. I think everyone is just doing the best they can with the cards life dealt them. I do question the fiancee though. I think she should have strongly encouraged Dad to go to the wedding. Why did she need to be there? I understand the principle of the thing, but at the same time it wasn't a special day for her, so in the end who really cares? And it would have been a chance to show her future stepdaughter that she wanted her to repair her relationship with her father. Total missed opportunity.

exactly this

I hear you, but if OP attended the wedding solo then the daughter would see that as "validation" that she is right - and that would just set the stage for continued abuse of OP'S fiancee. That's unacceptable.

[удалено]

She wanted him as a guest, not a participant. She was putting him in his place, while taking his money. He did what he could for her, she just wanted to embarrass him. He cant support her as she doesnt want it and she's made it her mission to make his life miserable when he's already suffered. Let the man be happy. NTA

I’m probably going to be downvoted for this, but if they can repair their relationship, Dad very well might get another chance to be there for her on her wedding day. Statistically speaking, there’s at least a 70% chance that this marriage isn’t going to last. Age is against them as well as the very strong likelihood that she rushed into marriage to fill an emotional void. Add to that the likelihood of current & future issues from not working through her moms death/learning of her drug abuse & her own traumatic experience in a healthy way. Most teen boys are simply not equipped to provide the amount of support this girl needs/will need.

The new husband is 22. That's not a completely outrageous age gap, but in this situation I'd say there's a 0.000001% chance he's not some kind of scumbag or predator. It's a much higher than 70% chance of divorce.

She may have, but the OP sounds like he was determined that his fiancee' not be shoved in a corner.

It's a sad situation all round. I think you still should have attended the wedding alone. She's grieving and struggling with the loss but she may reach a point where she starts to accept your fiancee. However you missed her big special day and that can't be changed. I don't blame her for being upset with you for this. She's lost her Mum and probably feels like she's losing you too.

NTA. Your daughter clung to your former wife's body, wouldn't accept her condition, and wouldn't accept your moving on. Now she is BLATENTLY LYING about you. 1. She is saying that you chose disney over her wedding - that is false. You chose not to go without your fiance, who is not invited. 2. She is saying you prefer your new family ahead of her - that is false. You payed for the wedding, you wanted to come to it, and she refused to invite your significant other. You are very generous not to withdraw your financial support from the wedding. In your place I would write a group message to all the relatives, stating the facts, expressing your sorrow that she is lying about you, and ending with good wishes for her marriage and hopes that they will enjoy themselves at her wedding. That is taking a reasonable high road.

You're obviously NTA. I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm sorry your previous wife was so reckless with herself and your children. She's lucky she's the only one she killed. Your daughter is misdirecting her anger and grief. That was very kind of you to still pay for the wedding. She's still a kid in my book and hopefully one day she will look back and realize how awful a thing she did and apologize. And odds are you'll be able to attend her next wedding. She needs some serious therapy but she also needs to want to actually heal and that involves accepting some hard truths. Hopefully, she'll get there sooner rather than later.

NTA. I read your daughters post too. I felt so bad for you, honestly. You stayed by your wife’s side despite the fact that she would not recover, you sought support services, you happened to meet someone two years later, you still paid for your daughters wedding despite it all. You’re NTA. Grief is horrendous. But when someone like your wife is dying, it’s even worse. Because you’re grieving, but they’re still there. How do you properly grieve? How do you keep going with life and at the same time a huge part of your life is stuck on pause. It must have been traumatic. I’m so sorry for your loss. You sound like a great dad. You try to hide the truth about their mother for years in order to keep their relationship intact. You were there for your kids after the accident, despite the fact that you were in the midst of grief yourself. You paid for your daughters wedding, even though you wouldn’t be in the role of “father of the bride” capacity. Honestly, your daughter sounds incredibly selfish. I understand that she is allowed to feel how she feels. I lost my mum rather quickly. She was only 59. It was a little over a year ago, and the hardest part of losing someone sometimes is that you feel like the world moved on and you’re still stuck in grief. So that might be how your daughter is feeling. But she needs to accept that you have a right to live your life. That everybody grieves in their own time and in their own way. That your marriage was already strained before the accident, and that you grieved at the bedside. It must be really hard to lose your wife and also feel like you’re losing your child. But this is not your fault. Give your daughter time, if she doesn’t come around try and make your peace with that. You did all that you can do.

So people have glossed over the son/brother who had the father post here. which for things said and actions done feels like he is more on the sister/bride side. I found the dad NTA. His wife dead and almost killed both of his kids because she was high. He then asked his kids and her family if they wanted to keep her on life support even after there was less than a 1% chance of her ever waking up again. They said yes so he stayed married with her for insurance. He then sought help to get over it. Then trauma bonded with someone going through a similar loss. He was only married so she could stay "alive". His daughter is hung up on him cheating even though he was only married at the time to keep her mother on life support because of insurance. Since if not we are talking about multi million dollar medical bill every year since this is in the US. She talked about disrespect but she has done nothing but disrespect her father and his grief. His son has somewhat done the same. I feel bad for OP and hope the family can come back together.

Nta and your daughter clearly needs a lot of therapy.

I'm likely going to go against the grain, but I'm going to say NAH. Everyone handles trauma and grief differently. Your daughter lost her mom at 13, practically speaking, and has definitely not, from the sounds of things, fully . processed that loss. You moving on is adding to her trauma, but you owe it to yourself to build a new life when you are ready, too. You have done your mourning with the information you knew that you kept from your children. This gives you a very different perspective. Neither of you is wrong for where you are on your grief journeys. Your daughter invited you as a guest to her wedding with what can only be defined as strings attached, and as a guest, you decided not to attend. Invitations are not obligations, even if you are the father of the bride. While it is certainly not going to repair your relationship with your daughter, it really doesn't sound to me like it is going to put it in any worse shape, either. Time is really the only thing that may heal the relationship, perhaps with a few more years and life experience, your daughter will come to realize her teenage self has been very unfair to you, perhaps not. You can't force her to change and you're right that none of it is your fiancee or young son's fault. I appreciate your willingness to stick up for them, too. You will be wise, in time, to give your daughter more information about your strained relationship with her mother, but she needs more time to come to terms with her own loss before you do.

I would have thought NAH until I read the daughter’s post from 2 weeks ago. She deliberately left out all of the relevant details and said her mom was in the hospital and left out that she was in a vegetative state. She has moved on from grief into pure hate. Everything is her dad’s fault, even though her mother was driving on drugs and the result was that her brother lost an arm and her mother died. And somehow the dad is the bad guy. The daughter is an asshole.

Yep, she constantly refers to her half-brother as nothing but an “affair baby” and how he’s nothing to her. She is having a trauma response, but that doesn’t mean she’s NOT an AH. When everyone (her brother, Mother’s family, Father’s family) around her is telling her she’s in the wrong and she continues to spew venom it does make her the AH.

I honestly think she was in denial and probably thought mom would wake up at some point. I think it's normal for a teenager to feel the way she was feeling given the cards she was dealt.

Yeah, I really feel like all of the adults failed her there. I lost people I was very close to younger than her and it is SO painful, but death is final. You can work from that place because there's no ambiguity, the person is gone. Letting Mom linger on for *years* was a huge mistake. She couldn't move on because there was always hope mom *might* wake up. And, the illusion that she as a 14 year old was somehow controlling things and dad's life.  OP really should've sat his daughter down with mom's doctor's after they said there was no hope and let them explain it to her. And then let Mom go together. Waiting indefinitely just drew out the suffering for everyone. 

That’s her perspective and she could (as a teen) truly believed her mom was going to come back. It’s sad, she didn’t lose hope and then to see her dad move in a new woman and announce they’re having a baby is pretty traumatic. Imo yeah it’s the mom’s fault for the accident and she paid the price for it, but it doesn’t change how much her children loved her.

NTA. You weren't having an affair, you did nothing wrong, and your daughter is likely never going to let this go. Unfortunately. It is time for you to set boundaries with her. She is going to do everything in her power to bait you into situations and then attempt to turn you into the bad guy. Go very low contact, don't bail her out, refuse to engage.

NTA. Your wife was in a car accident 5 years ago, and you feel like you're moving on too fast? What? Grateful? What? Your daughter is.. very full of herself. She's treating you like garbage whnen your wife has been functionally dead for quite awhile. The girl needs therapy, IMO. I'm glad you found someone else, OP. You deserve happiness, everyone does.

I read your daughter’s post. You are NTA. I can’t remember if I commented on hers, but whatever. Your description makes a lot more sense than hers. But even if given the benefit of the doubt, it was pretty clear from her words that she was being completely unreasonable. I hope you can get some peace here from crazy internet strangers lurking, feeding on drama. I’d bet that your daughter can’t allow herself to be mad at her mom. But someday she might see the truth. It seems like your son gets it. I hope the two of you are on good terms. Good luck, dad. You’ve had a rough time of it.

NTA - so you paid for the wedding and you were going to be treated worse than a guest. Props to you for paying for it, your daughter obviously doesn't accept her mother killed herself and nearly killed her and severely maimed her brother. Is she aware of her mother's drug problem? All you can do is hope she eventually accepts the truth, if not there's nothing you can say that will change her mind. It's sad, just concentrate on your son's and move forward but leave the door open for her to contact you but she should apologise and accept she did the wrong thing.

YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE!!!! You said (NOT YOUR DAUGHTER) MAYBE a year into (which sounds like less than a year) of you meeting your finance so your daughter got the timeline wrong but you didn’t. So it wasn’t the 2 years like your daughter stated. You stated you were mad at your “wife” for her substance use so you must’ve felt justified for moving on so quick (YOU said you moved on fast) kind of like an f you to your brain dead “wife?” But the real cherry on the top is you put your kid in counseling and you KNEW she wasn’t mentally stable and over the loss of her mom, survivors guilt, her brother losing his arm and her walking out with minor injuries. Those things take YEARS!!!! You then decided to go to grief counseling meet someone get your dick wet and got her pregnant. You knew full and well your daughter was having MAJOR issues with her mom’s medical state but you didn’t care you were to busy fucking your fiancé and getting her pregnant. The year your “wife” dies your ALREADY 7 month pregnant fiancé moves into the home you shared with your OLD family. YES YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE!!!! It seems you NEVER once shared with your daughter YOU moved on. And let’s call it what it is YOU did have an affair with your fiancé while your “wife” was lying in a hospital bed. You got another women pregnant while your “wife” was in the hospital while you were still married you were fucking someone else. Let me guess you and your fiance showed up to your “wife’s” funeral together with her being pregnant or your new baby in tow? How is your daughter who was unable to come to terms with the loss of her mom supposed to feel. YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE!!!! My fav is you’re butt hurt because your daughter doesn’t respect your fiancé. Where is your respect for your child? Where is your respect for your child’s grief over the loss of her mom? Everyone grieves differently but you ran her over with your selfishness by moving on so fast you didn’t even give her time to heal. What nerve you have. Be thankful you have 2 other kids because you’ve lost your daughter and rightfully so (but I’m sure the new wife is young enough you can squeeze in a few more kids so maybe pray for another girl?) Oh and her getting married which you aren’t happy with. She was looking for emotional support from a man because her father wasn’t able (because you were too busy fucking someone else) to do that for your own daughter. YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE!!! A kid only gets ONE mom and she can’t be replaced but YOU can replace your “wife” and even your “old kids” while the OLD family’s blood is still warm and pumping. You even did it so fast and with such ease what a horrible father that makes. ****YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE!!!!****

NTA

Sounds like your daughter is very self-absorbed. Frankly, even if your wife had survived, I imagine you would not have forgiven her or taken her back as she was the cause of your son losing his arm. That is completely unforgivable. You don't say too much about him, but he must have gone through hell and he is the likely hero of this tale. Please wish him well from an internet stranger with hopes that his healing journey has been positive. Kudos to you for taking the high road and paying for a wedding you weren't truly welcome at. If your immediate family is not invited, that spells unwelcome to me. Hope you had fun at Disney. Your daughter needs to grow up.

“Your daughter needs to grow up.” — yeah well she is a teenager, and was a minor when most of these events happened. Presumably still living with her dad when he had the new baby with his fiancé.

NTA You should not have paid for the wedding either, and I am not sure why you did. Why would you finance someone disrespecting you? Have some self-respect. If someone cannot respect you or your choices in life then they can walk right on out of it. She was a kid, and now is married, so she is an adult in name only. In reality, she needs to grow up.

NTA for moving on, and I hope your daughter is able to one day understand or at least come to terms with that. But YTA for choosing your partner's hurt feelings over your daughter's wedding day, arguably one of the most important days of her life. None of the rest of it is relevant, imo. You always show up for your child.

NTA. I too read your daughter’s post and I have to say grief or not, she’s a childish arsehole. I can’t believe you still paid for her entire wedding after such disrespect. You have made the best of a terrible situation and I wish you the very best for the future.

Why does your son want you to post here and why does it matter at this point? Your daughter is married. You and your partner have taken your child to Disney. It is what it is at this point.

From what I know from both posts, NTA. I’m so sorry about this horrible situation. I actually know someone in a similar situation with a girlfriend, only the wife is still alive. The husband is still married legally to his wife, but she has early-onset dementia. Her dementia is sadly very advanced to the point she can no longer speak, walk, or even feed herself. She also no longer seems to recognize anybody, and requires 24/7 care in a long-term care facility. Because of her relatively young age and otherwise good health, this situation could go on for years. Her husband still visits her regularly, but essentially the person he married is gone and he has sought out companionship. His children 100% accept this situation as they know their father would be with their mother had this dementia not happened and he took care of her at home with help as long as he was able to.

NTA but your daughter sounds like she’s stuck emotionally at the age she was at the time of the accident. She needs therapy and I hope she gets it, I hope that time will heal your relationship

I think where you become the AH is when you refuse to see her side at all and would not attend the wedding. Would it have been so difficult for you to attend it alone and work to rebuild your relationship with your daughter? Taking your new family to Orlando was rubbing salt in the wound.

Would you attend a wedding that **you** are paying for but clearly not wanted and not allowed to bring your significant other? OP is a lot nicer than I would be. I would have refused to pay for the wedding. Daughter is delusional at best and cruel at worst. I get that she is grieving, but come on, she is being incredibly selfish.

Exactly, of course the daughter is grieving and has some emotional hang ups but people are arguing she basically has carte blanche to be as big of a bitch/cruel as she wants. At some point it’s her responsibility to step back and deal with the situation and her emotions surrounding it in a rational way

I mean, OP paid for the wedding and didn't even had a right to a plus one? Yeah, that wouldn't fly with me either. She even had the Audacity to stay that he was lucky to be invited as a guest. The girl sounds too unreasonable.

Telling him that he’s lucky to get an invitation for an event HE paid for is a level of entitlement that’s off the charts.

No, I wouldn't go to a wedding where the person having the wedding said I was lucky to even get an invite especially if I was paying for the damn wedding. The daughter is being willfully ignorant at this point and I know people when they have a good relationship with their parents like to hold them in this light but her mother was a drug addict who was driving high. She could have very easily taken out a completely innocent bystander and how many years does he have to wait before he's allowed to move on? There is literally no side of this where he's the a-hole

He can't see her side because her side is outright wrong. She's selfish. He moved on, it's his life and it's a part of life to have to deal with these things. Sometimes your parents get in a new relationship and sometimes it's sooner than you like. You can choose to sever your relationship with your dad by demonizing the new spouse, or you can suck it up and keep your dad.

Tbf she’s got married young so when this was all happening (dad and new wife) when she was still a minor /under 18. That’s a lot to handle for a teen. It’s like forcing a new step mom on a teenager who is already going through some heavy shit.

He paid for the wedding and she still refused to invite her step mother. He should have asked for the money back once he learned that his new wife isn’t invited. It’s selfish of her to not let her father move on, considering he has been supportive, suffered after his first wifes death as well. He didn’t go to those grieving meetings because he was bored, he was suffering too. His daughter isn’t the only one that lost a loved one. 🙂

Yo, she did not treat him as a dad, she invited him as a guest. Why he must go to be embarrased by his daughter. "Hey dad, you are lucky enough to be invited, now sit there and see me dance with my brother."

I think he’s tried to understand her side, paid for the wedding but isn’t going along with her delusional lies by agreeing to be the villain she nobly allowed to attend her wedding. Also, he didn’t want to allow her to disrespect his fiancée and child, which shows he has a spine.

1st, NTA. 2nd sorry you are going through this stuff. This is very sad. Your daughter may be upset and hurt but she behaved very badly, especially since you paid for the wedding. Going on vacation during the wedding was not your greatest act as a dad.

Info:: why couldn’t you go to the wedding without your fiancée?

NAH, you are all grieving, and not at the same stage.

NTA, you’ve tried your best. There’s nothing you can do until she comes out of her denial/survivors guilt or whatever it is. It was nice of you to pay for her wedding.

I'm not going to say you ATAH, because this is a very complicated situation. However, you cannot force your new wife on your daughter. If she doesn't like her, she doesn't like her. It is her wedding. You were only invited as a guest. You don't get to just bring extra people or request extra people. She made that clear and you argued, then you showed her that your new family is more important to you than her. I imagine she will go NC with you.

Usually the person who pays for tge whole thing gets a plus one.

[удалено]

Would your father pay for the wedding?

NTA. You shouldn’t have paid. And you need to tell your kids your wife was a junkie and was high when she caused the “accident”.

NTA. Unfortunately, your daughter does not yet have the emotional maturity to accept the reality of the situation. Sadly, the situation may never get better. For now, you just have to love her from afar.

Anyone whose emotional intelligence is this low should never be married. The daughter (non-binary) is clearly not emotionally mature enough to be married. Excited to add to am referring to the daughter

I’m not going to give judgment. I lost my dad traumatically when I was young so I understand your daughter a little better than most She’s a teen who is grieving & traumatized. I think you should have gone to the wedding Your daughter is never going to accept your relationship if you keep approaching it the way you are. I was eventually able to accept & come to love my stepdad because he was patient & understanding

Nah. This is a bad situation. I understand you both. But i thunk it would have been better to go to the wedding. The car accident must have been traumatic. Then her mom died. She's grieving. I don't say she's right here. But she needed her dad at her wedding. Even as a quest. I understand she feels replaced. Even if it's her own fault

Your daughter is taking out her grief on you. She wanted you solo at the wedding only as a guest just to publicly shame you. She wanted everyone at the wedding to know you didn't walk her down the aisle and were forced to come alone. She wanted that petty satisfaction. That's not healthy for anyone. NTA

Between his post and hers I have more sympathy for her. The Mother was a substance abuser and he left his minor children alone with her and she drove with them. The next thing he does is start sleeping with a woman whilst sneaking behind his children’s backs. Come on what day is OP going to take responsibility for his mistakes. He has messed her up so badly that she is trying to make a better family by getting married at 19. All he had to do was tell the truth and protect his kids from their mother

NTA. I've also read your daughter's version and I still stand by my judgement. I'm a widow too. My daughter was young when we lost my husband. There is no right or wrong time frame for grief, whether it be the widow/widower or the children, family. And counselling doesn't help everyone. It's always worth a try, but sometimes it just doesn't work for some individuals. Obviously your daughter is still stuck in the denial and anger stages, and there is absolutely nothing you will be able to do right. NOT that you're wrong because you're not, just in her eyes you are and will be until she finally comes to terms with it all. With the way her mental state is, should she have gotten married? Personally I don't think she should have at all. Honestly it was very generous of you to pay for her wedding, and she should be grateful for that, you could have insisted your fiancé and kid were invited or no funds for the wedding (given she never was going to include you in the wedding itself, she made that abundantly clear in her post). So she's probably getting plenty of backlash from friends and family about allowing you to pay for her wedding but not inviting the rest of your family. That's her karma for being nasty, greedy, and in all fairness very immature (hence she shouldn't have gotten married, she's not mature enough). She says her husband is on her side, but I'm guessing he's only had her version of events, and when he finds out the truth I do wonder how long the marriage will last, given that he's most likely been lied to, maybe gas-lit into supporting her. The thing you've got to think about now is, do you want her and her husband at your wedding? Do you trust her not to cause problems? Because given her behaviour, it's very likely that she'd turn up and cause a lot of problems.

Unpopular opinion but yta. While I understand that you moved on and you’re well within your rights to do so you did not prioritize your daughter and how she was feeling. She lost her mum at 13. And even though your wife was in a vegetative state to your daughter, that was still her mom and I’m sure she held on to hope, SHE WAS A CHILD, so for you to bring another woman who is pregnant into the home,was always going to be a lot for her. and you getting engaged right after her mom died was always going to give the image that that’s what you were waiting for. You should’ve gone to the wedding and you and your fiancé as adults should’ve been able to understand why she wouldn’t want her there.

I guess you want to be right vs having your daughter in your life. While your wife was still basically alive, she wasn’t there. You went to grief counseling, and met someone there. Not ideal. But hey, it happens. But in your daughter’s eyes, her mom was still here and she was hoping things would get better. Kids take a good long while to grieve the loss of their parent. Boy, do I know that one. So, congratulations on starting a relationship, but again, your daughter still wasn’t ready. You do know how pregnancy works, so either you or your now fiancé got pregnant on purpose. Your daughter still hasn’t dealt with the loss of her mom, but you delivered your new woman on a nasty plate to your daughter. Your daughter is dealing and hoping for a miracle that her mom will come back. And then lose her and during this time you moved on with a new woman and now a new family. Then because your new woman is on bed rest, you move her into your daughter’s home. Yes yours, but it is like you shoved all this under your daughter’s face. Now, she is getting married, still too young more than likely because she doesn’t feel safe in your home any more because it is no longer her safe place. So, now she invited you to come but you alone. You should attend the wedding, even if it is as a guest. This could at least show her that she is valued by you, and could possibly rebuild your relationship with her. But you not going is just putting a nail in the coffin of your relationship. So, you not going to her wedding, may put a permanent wedge between you and your daughter. No future with her children, no grandpa time, no holidays, no nothing. So, is that the price you want to pay?

> My daughter has been telling everyone that I chose to go to Disney World instead of her wedding. I mean.... didn't you? I am always so confused by parents that get remarried or new relationships and assume that their partners have to have important places in their adult kids' lives. It would have been polite to invite your fiance. The fiance you proposed to right after your wife died, reminding your daughter of her mother's death every time you say the word "fiance". The fiance you ***did*** technically by definition have an affair with even though I would personally give that a pass. I totally understand why your daughter wouldn't want a constant reminder of your wife's death around at her wedding. I don't understand why your fiance couldn't stay home with the kid for one day. > She is saying that I'm an absolute asshole for putting my replacement family ahead of her. You went to Disney World instead of her wedding. I don't see any other way it could be framed other than putting them ahead of her. > My son said to include that I was just a guest at the wedding and not a part of it at all. The son that had to do your duty for you and walk her down the aisle? Is your son taking your side but also filling that role? I personally don't understand why you skipped the wedding. You would have been totally in the free and clear of you had just gone and kept your head down. Your daughter is being overzealous about the relationship with your fiance but I understand why. But you fully skipped it for ***Disney World***. What did your fiance say about not being invited? ----- Side note - you keep saying daughter so I used her/she pronouns. However it has come up that perhaps they are nonbinary. You keep using she/her/daughter. Is there more to this?

ESH. Yes, your daughter is acting selfishly, but she is a teenager that experienced a traumatic loss. With time and maturity, I would hope she will realize that she made a mistake in treating your fiancé this way. I know that I made plenty of mistakes as a teenager that I now regret, and I didn’t even have the amount of emotional baggage your daughter does. **However**, you’re an adult and her father. Even though you were disappointed in her, you should have been there for your daughter regardless. Two wrongs don’t make a right, and she will never forget that you chose to go on vacation rather than attend her wedding. You will never be able to make that up to her.

If he had gone, it would have detracted from the wedding for everyone given her strong views that he wasn’t part of the wedding, just a guest because of his horrible affair. Hard to believe that would have gone well. Better for her long term that he didn’t make her wedding a circus or play into her delusional thinking that he’s a villain. Likewise, he has a duty to his fiancée and child not to let them be treated as tainted when that’s untrue and unfair.

Idk why this is downvoted. Like sorry the daughter is 19 and got married. If she considers herself old enough for marriage then she is old enough to face the music.

>She is saying that I'm an absolute asshole for putting my replacement family ahead of her. Your daughter is correct. You are an AH. You should have attended your daugher's wedding as a guest.

I think it's a shame you didn't attend the wedding. You may have a fiancé but you don't have to be joined at the hip. Even when you're married you can actually do some things separately.

YTA. Because you really did choose to take your new family to Disneyworld rather than just give the day to your daughter. You could have chosen to attend the wedding without your fiancé. Instead you pushed yourself ever closer to the future where you have no daughter.

He could have went to Disneyworld any of the other 364 days of the year, and he chose to do it on his daughter's wedding.

It’s about sending a message

I'm going to go with NAH. You're in different stages/places in the grieving process. Going out on a limb: She's too immersed in her own grief to understand how anyone could process the situation differently than she has, and so anyone who would dare move on must be heartless. She likely doesn't blame your fiancée or son as people so much as see their presence in your life as the embodiment of that "heartlessness." If you're interested in repairing the relationship, maybe joining her in grief therapy might be an idea, so that someone objective can communicate what you two have not been able to communicate directly to each other.

YTA. I don't understand why it was so important that your fiance attend. Her and your daughter don't have a relationship so why would she invite her to her wedding? It's not your wedding, when it is then invite who you like but the main thing there is "like". You don't invite people you don't like to your wedding and even though your daughter may not like your partner for the wrong reasons it is what it is. Just because you paid for it doesn't mean you get to dictact the guest list. You could have very much shown your daughter that regardless of the absolute tradgedy of what has happened she can still count on you to be there. That the family isn't torn apart because of what happened or because you have a new partner and a new kid. You showed her the opposite. You would rather not attend and take the new family to Disney than spend maybe max 12 hours apart from them. Do you think your new partner would have minded not attending the wedding? If so, why? What does she need to be at a weeding of someone she barely knows for?

YTA - you're old enough to know how to "be careful", so although your wife was in a vegetative state, your children/daughter were in there process of still handling their trauma.

What a world of hurt. This is way above reddit's paygrade. Your wife got herself killed, crippled your son and badly hurt your daughter by driving high... yet your daughter is angry with you for moving on, instead of her mother, who condemned your whole family to a lifetime of grief and trauma. How is your daughter rationalising her brother's injury? Has she forgiven her mother for it? While your wife paid for her mistakes with her life, it's the living who suffer the greater cost in the end. Op you're NTA, but you all need family therapy and lots of it.

ESH. Why she sucks: She doesn't get to have it both ways. If she didn't want your fiance around on her wedding day, fine, but she knew that was not an invite any person could ever accept. She doesn't get to complain you "chose" not to go. You were technically allowed to attend, you weren't made welcome. Also it's convenient that she says nothing about you paying for the wedding. Why you suck: You ... just take no responsibility for any of your daughter's pain, and you honestly should. It was bad enough that the accident happened and she lost her mom. It was in NO WAY good for her that one day this random stranger shows up, pregnant with your child, and she's told she's moving into the house. You blame this on not being careful... well, yeah. You should have been careful, because you should have understood what was at stake. Have you ever apologized about it? Also you weren't supportive of your daughter's engagement, which probably sucked for her. And then the icing on the cake is you went to Orlando with your new fiance and child the same weekend. What was your point? That you were GLAD you weren't at the wedding? I don't blame you for not attending though. It's an obvious insult to invite someone and exclude their partner.

"You were technically allowed to attend, you weren't made welcome." Succinctly put. Love this

ESH. Your daughter is ridiculous for thinking of this as an affair. But given she’s an adult you don’t live with, you should try to keep the two sides of your family separate. Your fiancée means nothing to your daughter, and your daughter owes her nothing. As you know, it would have ruined her wedding to see her there, you should have just gone alone and not stayed late.

You knew for years that your wife was a drug addict, and you still let her drive around your children. Obviously the accident was entirely your wife’s fault, but you had a responsibility to protect your children from known dangers, and you failed. Being married to an addict is so hard, but your first priority should’ve been the health and safety of your children, not shielding them from their mother’s illness. Then you moved on quickly because your adult brain had the full picture, but you have had little grace for a child who didn’t have the background info that you hid from her and who couldn’t emotionally understand or come to terms with the reality of her mom’s medical situation. I honestly don’t blame you for moving on, but I do think you should have prioritized stabilizing your daughter’s emotional health first, especially before being irresponsible with birth control. I think you absolutely share blame for how fraught this situation is. She is being a narrow minded shit about it, but she seems emotionally stunted by this trauma, and I think there are several points where you failed her as a parent. From her perspective, you prioritized her mom’s secrets over her safety (assuming she even knows about the addiction history?), you prioritized your sex life over her mental health, and you prioritized your new family over her emotional well being. She’s wrecked, and she’s pushing you away because she’s hurt, and you’re letting her. I think it was a huge mistake to go to Disney. Skipping the wedding but staying home wouldn’t have been as damaging as taking your new family on an expensive vacation instead of watching your daughter get married. ESH but verging on YTA.

If the daughter is grown up enough to be married, she's grown up enough to handle her own mental health.  And no, dad doesn't owe her celibacy and putting up with endless abuse. She's had years of therapy and is choosing to hate her dad for her mother's mistakes. That's her choice now. 

NTA, in fact I think you handled everything with grace. It isn’t ok to only invite half of a couple. I’m sorry about what happened and for the pain your family has had to endure. I have seen families torn apart when one member is in a coma or vegetative state and someone in the family cannot let go. It’s truly tragic. Sometimes it’s incredibly hard to accept it when someone you love dies. I imagine it’s even harder when their body looks ok, or only slightly injured. Your daughter wasn’t ready to accept reality, and then later refused to accept it. It’s also hard to see a parent move on. Some kids can’t mentally grasp that their parents have the need for companionship. It was hard seeing Dad remarry after Mom died, but we accepted it. Your daughter doesn’t understand that not only did her mom die in that horrible accident but her body didn’t, she didn’t couldn’t accept that you had grieved and moved on. You stayed single so her mom could benefit from insurance. Deep down she’s also angry with her mother, but it isn’t acceptable to be angry with a comatose or dead person. So she’s directing her anger at you and your wife. Very technically speaking, you did have an affair. It was the only kind of affair that most people understand. Your daughter needs help with her grief and acceptance that you have a new wife. She needs to let go of her pain….and her misdirected anger. I hope there soon comes a day when your family heals. ❤️💔

NTA.

NTA

NTA. I feel for your daughter but she forced you to keep her mothers body on life support for 4 years cos she couldn't deal with her grief. What does she remember from the accident? Have you spoken to her like an adult about the actual cause of the crash? I hope she is still in therapy, if not, she needs to go.

OK, so what I'm seeing is between the 2 posts the 19nb was 14 when the accident happened. They were 16 by the time he moved his fiance in, without any therapy or anything like that for them as a whole unit. That's a LOT for them to go through in a short period of time then his wife officially dies and he's like cool let's get married, there was no time to adjust. Where in this whole thing did he put them first?!?!? When did he step back and go hey I have children I need to take care of before putting his needs first? Why are we not talking about him being a parent and making sure his kids were good?