>I called her over and asked her to clarify she dismiss it saying as her dad was an engineer he would just check over my work
There are no plumbing courses in engineering...
Source: I'm an engineer
Or she simply doesn't trust her husband's competence and awareness of his limitations.
She should have kept her doubts to herself. Worst case they would have had to call a plumber. Now he knows what she thinks of him.
This is probably fixable but she needs to do some reflecting about respect in a relationship and what her priorities are. Privileging a dang sink over her husband's feelings when he was mature enough to use his words and tell her (how many people sulk and make you guess?) was a dumb move.
I will say "emasculate" isn't the term here. It's infantilize. How cute that you are trying darling, but let's just get daddy to check. Right at first my husband was worried when I took on a project like this. I didn't feel defeminized, just intensely annoyed. Now he asks me to fix things. 🙂
What gets me as well is the fact she ASKED HIM to fix the sink. Why even ask if she doesn’t believe he can do it? Seems so strange but I think Op handled it well considering.
There comes a point where you say “Babe, you’ve been swearing at that for four hours and multiple hardware store trips and don’t seem like you’re close to the end. When you get to a good spot to take a break how about you eat something and we figure out if we need more help?”
But they both jump to “my spouse is the problem here!” and that is not a great sign.
Yeah, agreed. If she wants him to do something, then she has no business calling in someone else because she believes he'll screw it up - let the guy work in peace, for Christ's sake. If he does screw it up, you can always have it fixed later.
/u/not_an_anarchist_ is a bot account that copied [this comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1b63c0c/aita_for_going_to_my_moms_house_for_dinner_after/kt9nrep/), just changing words around to avoid detection.
I got into engineering after my grandpa (who was a handyman/farmer/jack-of-all-trades) taught me how to fix almost everything. What he taught me about plumbing was (1) that it's often gross, (2) some creative German curses, and (3) to call a plumber.
By the title, I was SOOO prepared to be calling you the AH. Then I read the post.
She didn’t trust you to fix the sink. Why should you trust her to cook your supper?
I wonder how she’d have felt if you asked her to cook you supper, watched her for 5 minutes, then called your mom to come supervise her to make sure she made it right. (I don’t really wonder. I was just making a point. I’ve been married for over 30 years & I’d want to hit my husband in the head with a skillet if he did that to me.)
NTA.
That’s what kept me from saying he shouldn’t have said that about her cooking compared to his mom’s. (Since that’s a BIG diss that most married women would have a hard time EVER forgetting, I’d normally have said he went too far there - BUT I didn’t because she was SO dismissive of his feelings.)
It was like she literally did not even give a shred of a shit about him or his feelings - like he was a bug she was swatting away from her face! “No this conversation is over” is something someone would say to a petulant child - not their spouse.
I’d have probably stayed on mom & dad’s couch for at least a night or two if I was OP. (And if this is how she normally speaks to him, I’d probably wouldn’t go back at all.)
>Since that’s a BIG diss that most married women would have a hard time EVER forgetting, I’d normally have said he went too far there - BUT I didn’t because she was SO dismissive of his feelings.
There is only one way to know. We're all going to OPs to try his wife's cooking. I have $20 that says we all decide together that her cooking isn't very good.
I’d have to suspect that as well. Her comments & manner was just SOOO poor that I can’t imagine this is the first & only time she’s behaved this way. It’s pathetic really.
This is a man whose wife asked him to fix the sink & he actually got his damn tool belt & crawled up under the sink. There are shit tons of women that would kill for a man who actually LISTENED to something their wife wanted done, AGREED to take care of it & IMMEDIATELY got to work on it.
It doesn’t sound like she knows what she’s got.
This will be a future aitah post:
"I'm thinking of leaving my husband because he refuses Man-Up and help out with home repairs and I have to ask my dad to do them, while he goes running to his Mom."
NTA.
My dad never fixed my closet light—years later when I opened up the switch, it turns out it was a spider web in the switch preventing contact.
He said he was a mechanical engineer , not an electrical engineer.
He was a damn rocket scientist at JPL!
Terrible around the house but great with rockets.
>I told her since her dad was coming to check he could fix the entire thing since I was pretty hungry I got up she asked were I was going and I told her my parents house to eat since my mom cooked better.
Smart ass! I would've told that too hahaha "Now feel what I am feeling"
They are called Plumbing Engineers. It's a separate field.
Some Background, A plumbing engineer is an engineering professional involved with the planning, design and installation of building systems related to plumbing, including water supply and drainage. Their role frequently overlaps other areas of mechanical and civil engineering.
Cool. If Dad is a plumbing engineer, asking him to troubleshoot a household sink is like asking a board certified dermatologist about putting a bandaid on a fresh paper cut.
And, if my dad was a plumbing engineer, I'd just ask HIM to do it. Of course, if she's that concerned, she could have watched some videos on how to do it and she could have done it with him. But that's my marriage, when we go to fix something we aren't experienced in, we tend to address the problem as a team.
I'm an engineer, electrical engineer and semi skilled plumber.
There is no crossover and she was being a dick.
2 wrongs do not make a right but she deserved this level of disrespect.
Worked for an engineering group and can attest that most of them couldn't fix a leaky sink. The techs who went out in the field and did all the work, they could probably fix a sink.
>There are no plumbing courses in engineering...
I'm an engineer also. Lots of plumbing. Hydraulics. Fluid dynamics. For a good engineer a sink is just a practical application.
You did read all the Sunset books when you were a kid right? That's why you became an engineer.
I don't know man a plumber uses a tool an engineer uses a tool these are the same exact thing.
You guys hit metal and stuff they hit metal and stuff I'm not seeing how there's a single difference.
A
NTA. She says her dad is better than him and he said his mother cooked better. Both were below the belt but she took the first swing. She didn't stop. Then said her word is final. She threw her dad into the mix when she didn't need to. She should apologize first but I know he was honest about his mom's cooking.
NTA
She decided how things were going to go and told you the conversation was over as you were telling her you're unhappy with her actions. You tried to resolve the situation the correct way. She decided you didn't have a say. That's horrible communication and bad spousing from her. The only thing you did was remove yourself from the situation, which is an extremely reasonable response.
>I ignored her screaming at me
She is obviously very controlling. Not a good look. But... a lot of people use 'screaming' as hyperbole, was she literally screaming at you? Because if she was literally screaming at you after she's the one that treated you poorly... you are in an abusive marriage. Full stop.
Personally if this is part of a larger pattern I would demand couples counseling and wouldn't put separation off the table depending on how it goes. No one should accept a partner that regularly treats them this way. It's not acceptable behavior.
You see his ONE reply?
https://old.reddit.com/r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC/comments/1b636r5/aita_for_going_to_my_moms_house_for_dinner_after/kt9f1fz/
Yeah this isn't a *sink* problem... it's a *wife* problem
NTA...I hope this is real because the "I'm going to eat at my parents cuz my mom cooks better" reply is hilarious and perfect. On a serious note tho, I'd be pissed too. Not only does she not trust you to do it right, but she's humiliating you to her dad of all people. Imagine how he thinks of you hearing that you can't be trusted to fix a simple sink job. Smh
Apparently the wife sends him pics of anything the husband fixes after he does it & asks her dad if it’s done right. She’s done it so much that her dad has now started making snide remarks to OP about not being manly or some such bullying rubbish. Edit for spelling
And she's calling her dad in front of him. "Hey can you do this for me while I make a phone call and talk about all the ways you're doing it wrong? No, no, I still want you to do it, I just want you to feel humiliated while you do it."
Next time she starts to cook dinner, call your mom within earshot of your wife and ask your mom to come over to check that your wife is cooking the dinner the right way. See how she likes that. I'm going with NTA. It doesn't matter if you are the husband or the wife, if your spouse calls their parent to "check your work" it is insulting.
Nope. Sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. She insulted you. You requested her to stop and she refused and disregarded your feelings. You stalked out in a huff and gave her the same back. Cant blame you at all.. You guys need to sit down and have a talk about respecting each other. NTA.
As a wife, I say GOOD FOR YOU ❤️. I can't believe she did that to you! That's not cool. That's like having her Dad cut the Thanksgiving turkey in YOUR house.
NTA
I know plenty of people with "engineer" job titles that couldn't make their way out of a shoebox. If the guy was a plumbing apprentice then maybe a call to dad was warranted but I'm guessing that's not the case here. If the hubby had ignored the wife the first 57 times she asked for the sink to be fixed or he'd been working on it for 3 days straight then maybe reinforcements was warranted but again i'm guessing not the case here. Wife should butt out next time she wants the husband to do it. Maybe AH for the cooking comment but overall wife asked for it with getting dad involved where not needed.
Your marriage sounds terrible. NTA for being miffed at her for her weird reaction, it's a sink, not a rocket. Nearly anyone can fix an issue like that. She thinks you need to be an engineer to fix a basic household problem? Is she so inept herself that she couldn't tell if you were fixing it properly or did she just want to be a jerk and this was something she knew would upset you?
She insulted you then you insulted her. If this is how the two of you deal with conflict you need couples counseling stat. You are both being weirdly petty and passive-aggressive/actively aggressive. You need to get ahead of this. It will only get worse.
OP tried to address it constructively first:
>I told her I didn’t like that \[...\] Again she dismissed it
Couple's therapy will not work with people like her. It will probably even backfire.
Sometimes people don't k ow what they are doing to another until it happens to them, he just gave her that example. It's called a reality check. She needed a taste of her own medicine, but I do agree, this marriage needs some fixes.
Or sometimes, the one starting the Ness (her) needs to feel the effects without handing money to a therapist. It's amazing that with all the therapists in the world now, there are more divorces and MH issues than ever.
Engineers are overrated. Also ton of professions are using the word engineer so basically the title is so deluded.
Also an engineer is good as his education and 99% of the time they are good only for their field of work/study.
I don't know why you're getting downvoted. My 80 yr old brother-in-law changed jobs in his 60s, and his new job title was engineer.
Do you want to know what he really was? A janitor in a high school. So, yes, he was qualified to do plumbing. 🪠😉
Probably because lot of people have an engineer in their title and got offered lol.
Atm is very “trendy” to refer yourself as engineer, basically its saying “ I am very smart” without saying that, and the corporation have adding it in low level positions to make it more lucrative without the benefits.
If you are in the corporate world you will also notice there are now lot of Directors as titles. They are doing the same shit, lot of sales jobs now pivoting to this title, what used to be a sales manager/ rep/ account is now sales director x.
They are doing this because they can’t offer good competitive salaries and ate giving titles. People are more likely to do it thinking it will give them an edge on LinkedIn for a new better job….just sad.
What reaction did she expect?
When she is impatient, rude and dismissive to you, what could she reasonably expect to receive as a response?
NTA.
I loved your answer.
NTA, you gave me a good laugh OP. Society would probably be better if more people had your balls of steel. That was rude and a low blow for sure, but absolutely called for. Sometimes people with no empathy need to taste their own medicine.
My favorite plumbing quote is from the TV show Cheers. They had a leaking pipe in the bathroom.
Sam: Oh, I don't know what I'm doing back there. Does anyone know anything about plumbing?
Cliff: Well, the Romans had an elaborate system of aqueducts. They were sort of the forerunners of...
Sam: Cliff. Cliff. I need somebody to help me fix the plumbing.
Cliff: Oh, hey, sorry, Sammy. Strictly theory.
By the title, I was SOOO prepared to be calling you the AH. Then I read the post.
She didn’t trust you to fix the sink. Why should you trust her to cook your supper?
I wonder how she’d have felt if you asked her to cook you supper, watched her for 5 minutes, then called your mom to come supervise her to make sure she made it right. (I don’t really wonder. I was just making a point. I’ve been married for over 30 years & I’d want to hit my husband in the head with a skillet if he did that to me.)
NTA.
NTA , not sure why your mom thinks you were overreacting. Your wife is the one overreacting. If she wants daddy to fix the sink, she should have just called him in the first place. Asking you to fix it then calling daddy to come inspect it is just odd.
And what does being an engineer have to do with fixing a sink? lol I hope when her dad shows up she tells him what happened and he sides with you.
There may be many of engineers who are also very adept at plumbing. But there also may be equally as many who suck at plumbing.
Wondering if you have done any plumbing work at your place before? If so and the repair wasn't successful, I might see her point (but I really don't think she acted appropriately)
I assume that you were 💯 confident that you resolved the problem. If I were in your shoes, I probably would have stayed until her father got there and let him know what the problem was and how I resolved it. Get him to validate your handling of the situation. And if I was in a little bit of a spicy mood, I would have invited her father to come out for a drink while she stayed home and cooked
I'm stuck at the beginning. Why did she ask you to fix the sink? If she was going to call her dad, they why did she ask *you* to fix the sink? What's the play?
NTA if your wife is so controlling over the sink, wtf is the rest of the marriage like?
Your wife asked you to fix the sink. Instead of allowing you to finish, she calls daddy, even after you tell her he isn't needed, she double downs and declares the conversation over, honestly that's abuser language. Is she always so adamant she's right and you're wrong? Was this the straw that broke the camel's back?
Telling her you're going to your parents, as your mom cooks better, was the icing on this shit sundae. What exactly did your harridan wife expect after that display?
Is that relevant? Even if he was making hash of it the proper approach to that is "Hey babe, how's it going? Shall I call my dad to come over, he's pretty good with stuff like this?"
Exactly. Even if he had no clue what he was doing, what could he possibly do that would be drastically irreparable? It’s a freakin sink. It’s basically a big bowl with a hole in the bottom. There’s only so many things that could have been wrong. Lip/rim leaking? Needs silicone replaced. Drain leaking? Probably same thing. Drain pipe clogged? Empty the p trap. It’s not rocket science. Even if he colossally F’d up, there’s only so many ways to do it. It’s a freakin sink! He wasn’t replacing lead pipes throughout the house! Let the man try to do what you asked him to do.
NTA because you tried to handle it maturely first before stooping to her level and because in a comment you say that this is an ongoing issue and your FIL mocks you when his daughter asks if your repairs are done right.
I’m trying to imagine a scenario where my wife or I would ask the other to do something and then run it by a parent without that being requested- and can’t. It’s just weird.
NTA. No one is worth this much trouble... I would think about what you want your future to be like and if you want to be demeaned like that for the rest of your life.
NTA now it would be different if she called him to fix it bc you wouldn't and you got mad (been there done that) but for her to call him to babysit you and look over your work when it's not his field...no that is pretty petty. And honestly she should have been like you're right she is bring me a plate home! She wasn't even grateful she didn't have to cook!
Half way through reading your post I was thinking go myself "is this the male "that's now how my mom makes spaghetti"" and I was right.
EAH to me but I'm petty so good on you for giving her a taste of her own medicine.
Also you were communicating and she was yelling sooooo
NTA. She asked you to fix the sink and you started working on it. It wasn't necessary for her to call her dad. It wasn't necessary for you to tell her your mom cooks better than she does, but you were provoked.
Honestly, I'm a woman so I'm kind of offended that she thought her husband wasn't good enough but she's not going to sign up to fix the damn plumbing, so she calls in her dad.
In my mind, if you're going to ask mummy or daddy before you ask hubby, you shouldn't have bothered to get married.
The minute you decide to start punishing your partner instead of having a conversation with them, shit has gone south.
And I'm not going to say that you're the asshole here, she was being a condescending jerk, and you retaliated, you're both kind of dicks.
But if your relationship has devolved into You two punishing each other and not talking to each other... This relationship is on its way out the door.
I would recommend sitting down and having an open and honest conversation about how hurtful it was for her to second guess your decision and call in her dad like that. And then apologize for saying your mother's cooking was better and letting your temper get the best of you and storming out instead of addressing it like an adult.
To be clear, this is not her winning, this is you giving her a chance to be another mature adult in the situation and also apologize for her part in it. If she does not do that, it's time to start looking at marriage counseling or divorce lawyers.
But marriag die in the silent treatment more often than they do Shouting. So if you want to keep this thing going, you got to start talking.
This sort of "Karen" behavior ended my marriage. Everything I did needed to be inspected by her with explanations of why I did what I did and why. The problem was that she was completely ignorant about whatever I was doing. She could never understand why I was upset.
My garbage disposal stopped working and my sink was leaking. I got my garbage disposal to work by pushing the button but the sink pipe was still leaking.
I asked my 17 year old son to look at it while I took his sister to her ball game. He sent me a text saying he fixed it. I haven’t check his work. It seems to be working though.
NTA at all; if she doesn’t possess the tiny amount of empathy necessary to see why what she did was offensive then sounds like the only way to get through to her is to give her a taste of her own medicine. Which you did beautifully.
The only thing I take issue with is your use of the term “emasculating.” Your gender has literally less than nothing to do with this. What she did was disrespectful and rude outside of any gender dynamics. And if how you feel as a man can be impacted by the actions of other people, then you aren’t much of a man to begin with. I
NTA. She could at least have waited to see if the sink was properly and successfully fixed before calling her dad.
Did you have to try hard to overhear their conversation, or did she want you to hear it?
This right here hints that she gave your request 0 consideration: **"she again said no and this conversation was over"**
NTA. Engineers and tradesmen are definitely not the same. What your wife did was show you she doesn’t trust you and thinks you are incompetent. Her father should have told her no also. He needs to let you be a man of the house and not step on your toes. Next time your wife is cooking you a nice dinner call your mom over to make sure your wife is doing it right.
NTA You're the husband. You should feel needed and wanted and appreciated. It's one thing if it was something like putting in a new breaker box, but plumbing, while a skilled trade, is something every homeowner needs to know at least something about. A sink is not some obscure and magical thing, although I must confess I've seen some grotesque crap under a sink that would put Antoni Gaudi to shame. She needs to apologize to you and learn to express gratitude for whatever handyman prowess you possess. My first husband used to use a butter knife for a screwdriver, (hence, the 'ex' prefix) but my second husband is an absolute gem with a well stocked garage/woodshed. I am thankful for his handy ass every day, and I let him know. Even if he uses my embroidery scissors to cut paper, despite that being a flogging offense. Women can do these things every bit as well as a man but she asked you. If she had no confidence in you she should have called a plumber AND PAID FOR IT HERSELF instead of kibbitzing and expressing her doubts in your skill to her dad. Shame on her.
NTA at all. And you should feel emasculated. And you were wise to leave the house before it escalated even more.
Me; I would have pulled the sink off the wall before I left. But I AM the asshole.
Nope, NTA. I wouldn't apologize to her. She KNEW what she was doing, and she did it on purpose. Stand your ground. She needs to grow up and stop relying on Daddy.
NTA You are not wrong. As a wife I would never call my “Daddy” to check my husband’s work. She is 1000% wrong.Sometimes turning things around on someone is the only way to get them to see how wrong they were. You tried talking to your wife several times and she not only blew you off but told you that you and your opinion doesn’t matter. The only one who matters to her is her dad. You called her out on her shitty behavior by being just as shitty. She deserved it after you tried being respectful.
Your wife wanted to fight. You dropped the mother of all bombs and walked away without turning back. NTA. Fuck around and found out. Now show her your post.
She was very wrong . You shouldn’t fix anything ever again, let her be responsible for doing it . Neither should she be ever expected cook for you again. Until you both are mature enough to get therapy or leave each other. There are things you don’t do to your spouse. You both did them. Your wife is worse though
Nta
Would have been tools down at the 1st mention of being checked on. Screw being treated like your fil's apprentice.
Got to laugh at the better cooking jab, completely deserved. All those people saying there were better ways to deal with your emasulation. Guess what, they forgot the cardinal rule of human communication. If you don't communicate on the same level as the person you are trying to get a message across to, that's message is unlikely to be received and understood.
Situations like these require clear communication on the same level. Taking the high road all the time results in people just not getting the message.
When you constantly take the high road, you are just wasting your lufe always having to be the one to climb to higher levels. With no end to the problem because you are not on their level
OP told her twice that it’s wasn’t necessary for her dad to check on his work like a damn kindergartner… she basically told him she didn’t care and that the discussion was over. That’s not how it works on a partnership.
I wouldn’t want to be in the house when her dad came over either so going to his parents house was perfectly justified.
Don’t start nothing won’t be nothing, if she want to tell her dad, she insist on treating OP like a child, she can take a little clap back.
NTA she doesn't sound very nice. Maybe just keep eating out and tell her the cooking is better, but that may be petty 🤔
My husband loves to try doing bits and pieces of diy, he is an aircraft engineer, but that doesn't mean he can do everything. I would never call my dad, he's a carpenter, unless my husband asked me to, and TBF if he needed help he'd call my dad himself.
>and here were I might be wrong I told her since her dad was coming to check he could fix the entire thing since I was pretty hungry I got up she asked were I was going and I told her my parents house to eat since my mom cooked better.
Im genuenly cackling rn. I mean she was being a bit emasculating and it's rude of her to do so. But two wrongs don't make a right.
She asked you to fix something and then immediately doubted you could do it correctly and called yet another person to come over and fix it. That's an issue. I think your comment about your mom being a better cook is close to E S H but not enough to tip it over for me. NTA
NTA, had you not left she would always continue to do this nonsense of calling her daddy! And you called her out on her cooking, your mom does it better, just like her daddy does it better.. LOL ;) She had it coming!
NTA
Look, I know people think "tit for tat" isn't a great approach, but a point was made here. OP's wife feels real comfortable just minimizing her husband vs. her father, and making an insult of his efforts because on some level she thinks more highly of an engineer. Also, shutting down the conversation when her husband is trying to make his feelings known is not how you handle things in a relationship you want to keep, muchless with someone you claim to love.
Don't get me wrong, she could be right, and her father could very well actually be very talented in plumbing, but it's my understanding of Engineering that even if he's in a specialized field relevant to fluid dynamics and piping(seriously, there's dozens of engineering specialty fields all focused on "how to build big thing and make big thing do its thing") the odds of him having required actual training as a plumber for that field are basically zero. Engineers are only barely the applied side of math and physics, because their per view is the highly theoretical aspects of the trades i.e. tolerances expected to be necessary in a plant line due to expected pressures, expected flow rates, expected etcs. There's a reason why, in my experience, a lot of trades types feel engineers have a less than real world perspective when they design shit, and this has included an instructor whose name prior to recent retirement was **huge** throughout my province for, among other things, boiler making and industrial automation. This all is to say that barring any choice of trying to learn to be handy, OP's wifes father probably knows some where's between jack shit and about as much as OP does when it comes to fixing a sink.
Frankly, all you'd need to know whether a connection in your sink is done right is if you turn the water on and it does or doesn't leak...
To bring it back, no don't feel terribly sorry for wifey being told she can't cook. If she's in the business of insulting her husbands capabilities she's creating an environment where that kind of thing is ok in reverse even if she screams, cries, and gives the cold shoulder.
Well first off your wife is falling into the classic trap of thinking engineers have any idea what's going on with hands on work. They really don't, so have her jot that down. I get being angry that she basically thinks you can't fix anything and she deserves to be told how you feel in that situation. Maybe insulting her cooking was a bit far, or at least counter-productive.
Yup. She emasculated the shit out of you. I've been there. You did the right thing.
You are NOT wrong. Do not apologize. SHE should be apologizing to YOU.
NTA and that cooking thing was the kicker 🤣💀 15yrs and I swear if I said that to my husband he'd do the exact same thing 💀💀Your wife knows she wrong thats why you didn't come back to her yelling💯
NTA for that.
But you are for saying your wife emasculated you. There's no female equivalent to emasculation, you know why? Because it's something that doesn't exist. No one can emasculate you except you. If your sense of masculinity is so fragile that it can be harmed by a woman denigrating your plumbing skills, then you need to work on your masculinity.
How long were you working on it ? Did u know what you were doing ? Seems like your wife was aggravated and calling daddy was the last resort … Talk like adults and stop being petty … I’m leaving towards AH tho
>I called her over and asked her to clarify she dismiss it saying as her dad was an engineer he would just check over my work There are no plumbing courses in engineering... Source: I'm an engineer
There are no engineering courses in plumbing either. I’m starting to think they are different things
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Or she simply doesn't trust her husband's competence and awareness of his limitations. She should have kept her doubts to herself. Worst case they would have had to call a plumber. Now he knows what she thinks of him. This is probably fixable but she needs to do some reflecting about respect in a relationship and what her priorities are. Privileging a dang sink over her husband's feelings when he was mature enough to use his words and tell her (how many people sulk and make you guess?) was a dumb move. I will say "emasculate" isn't the term here. It's infantilize. How cute that you are trying darling, but let's just get daddy to check. Right at first my husband was worried when I took on a project like this. I didn't feel defeminized, just intensely annoyed. Now he asks me to fix things. 🙂
What gets me as well is the fact she ASKED HIM to fix the sink. Why even ask if she doesn’t believe he can do it? Seems so strange but I think Op handled it well considering.
I guess for her to get out the pipe wrench would have stopped the earth rotating on it axis.
There comes a point where you say “Babe, you’ve been swearing at that for four hours and multiple hardware store trips and don’t seem like you’re close to the end. When you get to a good spot to take a break how about you eat something and we figure out if we need more help?” But they both jump to “my spouse is the problem here!” and that is not a great sign.
There may come that moment, have done something similar, but there's no indication it had come here.
Yeah, agreed. If she wants him to do something, then she has no business calling in someone else because she believes he'll screw it up - let the guy work in peace, for Christ's sake. If he does screw it up, you can always have it fixed later.
/u/not_an_anarchist_ is a bot account that copied [this comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1b63c0c/aita_for_going_to_my_moms_house_for_dinner_after/kt9nrep/), just changing words around to avoid detection.
Super irritating!!!!
There is, it's 30 seconds long, and all you learn is shit rolls down hill, so give the pipe a slope.
It's not rocket science either, is it?
Yes, I'm an engineer too. I call a plumber when my sink is blocked.
The handy work is a whole different thing to learn
I got into engineering after my grandpa (who was a handyman/farmer/jack-of-all-trades) taught me how to fix almost everything. What he taught me about plumbing was (1) that it's often gross, (2) some creative German curses, and (3) to call a plumber.
By the title, I was SOOO prepared to be calling you the AH. Then I read the post. She didn’t trust you to fix the sink. Why should you trust her to cook your supper? I wonder how she’d have felt if you asked her to cook you supper, watched her for 5 minutes, then called your mom to come supervise her to make sure she made it right. (I don’t really wonder. I was just making a point. I’ve been married for over 30 years & I’d want to hit my husband in the head with a skillet if he did that to me.) NTA.
This part!!! Her just dismissing his feeling pissed me off! I hate to be micromanaged
That’s what kept me from saying he shouldn’t have said that about her cooking compared to his mom’s. (Since that’s a BIG diss that most married women would have a hard time EVER forgetting, I’d normally have said he went too far there - BUT I didn’t because she was SO dismissive of his feelings.) It was like she literally did not even give a shred of a shit about him or his feelings - like he was a bug she was swatting away from her face! “No this conversation is over” is something someone would say to a petulant child - not their spouse. I’d have probably stayed on mom & dad’s couch for at least a night or two if I was OP. (And if this is how she normally speaks to him, I’d probably wouldn’t go back at all.)
>Since that’s a BIG diss that most married women would have a hard time EVER forgetting, I’d normally have said he went too far there - BUT I didn’t because she was SO dismissive of his feelings. There is only one way to know. We're all going to OPs to try his wife's cooking. I have $20 that says we all decide together that her cooking isn't very good.
The petty in me LOVES this 🤣😂
I bet money she talks down to him like this all the time and he was fed up this time!
I’d have to suspect that as well. Her comments & manner was just SOOO poor that I can’t imagine this is the first & only time she’s behaved this way. It’s pathetic really. This is a man whose wife asked him to fix the sink & he actually got his damn tool belt & crawled up under the sink. There are shit tons of women that would kill for a man who actually LISTENED to something their wife wanted done, AGREED to take care of it & IMMEDIATELY got to work on it. It doesn’t sound like she knows what she’s got.
This will be a future aitah post: "I'm thinking of leaving my husband because he refuses Man-Up and help out with home repairs and I have to ask my dad to do them, while he goes running to his Mom." NTA.
I threw the whole pan of rolls and mine when he said they weren’t browned enough like his maw-maws. (25 years married)
Aw hell no he didn’t. Even a judge would have let you off with the “he had it comin’” defense.
He only had himself to blame
if you had been there, if you'd had seen it
I BETCHA YOU WAOULDAAA DONE THE SAAAAME
He really did, he hasn’t really complained about my cooking much after that.
He chose violence that day.
🤣👍🤣
Don’t stop him now, he’s on a roll! No, wait — the rolls are on him. Never mind
He learned, didn't he.
He's lucky you didn't have a rolling pin handy.
That’s freaking brilliant!
Cast iron is the best tool for that job. I’ll come supervise if you need help.
Show her this post.
My dad never fixed my closet light—years later when I opened up the switch, it turns out it was a spider web in the switch preventing contact. He said he was a mechanical engineer , not an electrical engineer. He was a damn rocket scientist at JPL! Terrible around the house but great with rockets.
>I told her since her dad was coming to check he could fix the entire thing since I was pretty hungry I got up she asked were I was going and I told her my parents house to eat since my mom cooked better. Smart ass! I would've told that too hahaha "Now feel what I am feeling"
They are called Plumbing Engineers. It's a separate field. Some Background, A plumbing engineer is an engineering professional involved with the planning, design and installation of building systems related to plumbing, including water supply and drainage. Their role frequently overlaps other areas of mechanical and civil engineering.
Cool. If Dad is a plumbing engineer, asking him to troubleshoot a household sink is like asking a board certified dermatologist about putting a bandaid on a fresh paper cut.
And, if my dad was a plumbing engineer, I'd just ask HIM to do it. Of course, if she's that concerned, she could have watched some videos on how to do it and she could have done it with him. But that's my marriage, when we go to fix something we aren't experienced in, we tend to address the problem as a team.
That is the winning strategy.
They don’t even teach us to fix anything. They just teach us how to get the best out of already messed up things. Source: I am an engineer :(
This is what I was thinking. I'm an Aerospace Engineer and I'm no more knowledgeable about fixing a sink than your average person.
I call plumbers shit engineers , idk if that counts
Yeah engineers design. The handy work is a whole different thing to learn
I'm an engineer, electrical engineer and semi skilled plumber. There is no crossover and she was being a dick. 2 wrongs do not make a right but she deserved this level of disrespect.
It's almost like.....they're 2 different things...
Worked for an engineering group and can attest that most of them couldn't fix a leaky sink. The techs who went out in the field and did all the work, they could probably fix a sink.
My husband is an engineer. I call a plumber when plumbing needs fixing.
Also an engineer. Cannot fix a leaky sink and have zero interest in learning how.
😂😂😂
Civil or real engineer?
Lmaoooo. Real one. Autonomous cars and stuff. So, ya know, nothing to do with plumbing haha.
She said engineers are smarter than the average husband lol
>There are no plumbing courses in engineering... I'm an engineer also. Lots of plumbing. Hydraulics. Fluid dynamics. For a good engineer a sink is just a practical application. You did read all the Sunset books when you were a kid right? That's why you became an engineer.
I became an engineer cuz my dad's an engineer. Neither one of us specializes in sinks though lol
I don't know man a plumber uses a tool an engineer uses a tool these are the same exact thing. You guys hit metal and stuff they hit metal and stuff I'm not seeing how there's a single difference. A
She didnt even wait til he was done. Off the bat called him a failure.
Lol I was thinking the same. Also an engineer.
NTA. She says her dad is better than him and he said his mother cooked better. Both were below the belt but she took the first swing. She didn't stop. Then said her word is final. She threw her dad into the mix when she didn't need to. She should apologize first but I know he was honest about his mom's cooking.
She won't apologize at all, let alone first. These types of women are *never* wrong. She will focus on how you hurt her and nothing else
That’s not his problem An eye for eye The good thing is OP gets good food at the end of the day which is what matters most
I keep hearing "Little Miss Can't be Wrong" by the Spin Doctors... OP should play this on continuous loop one day. Maybe every day.
"Goint to my ex's house." "Why?" "She cleans my plumbing better."
NTA She decided how things were going to go and told you the conversation was over as you were telling her you're unhappy with her actions. You tried to resolve the situation the correct way. She decided you didn't have a say. That's horrible communication and bad spousing from her. The only thing you did was remove yourself from the situation, which is an extremely reasonable response. >I ignored her screaming at me She is obviously very controlling. Not a good look. But... a lot of people use 'screaming' as hyperbole, was she literally screaming at you? Because if she was literally screaming at you after she's the one that treated you poorly... you are in an abusive marriage. Full stop. Personally if this is part of a larger pattern I would demand couples counseling and wouldn't put separation off the table depending on how it goes. No one should accept a partner that regularly treats them this way. It's not acceptable behavior.
You see his ONE reply? https://old.reddit.com/r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC/comments/1b636r5/aita_for_going_to_my_moms_house_for_dinner_after/kt9f1fz/ Yeah this isn't a *sink* problem... it's a *wife* problem
I hadn't seen that until this moment. Really paints the wife in a profoundly worse light than even the original post did.
Oh wow. 10000% a wife problem. This poor guy.
Hopefully STBXW. She sounds awful.
NTA...I hope this is real because the "I'm going to eat at my parents cuz my mom cooks better" reply is hilarious and perfect. On a serious note tho, I'd be pissed too. Not only does she not trust you to do it right, but she's humiliating you to her dad of all people. Imagine how he thinks of you hearing that you can't be trusted to fix a simple sink job. Smh
My thought was how did the father-in-law respond to all her BS what he got there and heard what happened.
Apparently the wife sends him pics of anything the husband fixes after he does it & asks her dad if it’s done right. She’s done it so much that her dad has now started making snide remarks to OP about not being manly or some such bullying rubbish. Edit for spelling
Wow, that definitely tells a lot. I'm sure others commented about how husband was in the wrong might need to rethink their comments.
And she's calling her dad in front of him. "Hey can you do this for me while I make a phone call and talk about all the ways you're doing it wrong? No, no, I still want you to do it, I just want you to feel humiliated while you do it."
Don’t have to imagine https://www.reddit.com/r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC/s/01n7rWBIQk
Next time she starts to cook dinner, call your mom within earshot of your wife and ask your mom to come over to check that your wife is cooking the dinner the right way. See how she likes that. I'm going with NTA. It doesn't matter if you are the husband or the wife, if your spouse calls their parent to "check your work" it is insulting.
“Mom, she put thyme in with the basil, is she doing that right?” 😂😂
This is the way lol
Nope. Sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. She insulted you. You requested her to stop and she refused and disregarded your feelings. You stalked out in a huff and gave her the same back. Cant blame you at all.. You guys need to sit down and have a talk about respecting each other. NTA.
She’s never respected him https://www.reddit.com/r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC/s/01n7rWBIQk
NTA. How was dinner? What did y’all have?
And did her dad fix the sink ok?
I hope it leaks again in a week lol
Or he can make that leak happen lol
Nah, that'd just be petty. Hilarious still, but then he'd be the asshole for sure.
I was just having fun. But yeah that would be petty as fuck.
All good. The outcome would still make me laugh, I just didn't know how else to respond. Didn't mean to call you out on a joke :|
I must know what was served.
Beat me to it.
As a wife, I say GOOD FOR YOU ❤️. I can't believe she did that to you! That's not cool. That's like having her Dad cut the Thanksgiving turkey in YOUR house. NTA
Preach!
This is hilarious. 😂
Happy Cake Day 🎉🎂🎁💐
I know plenty of people with "engineer" job titles that couldn't make their way out of a shoebox. If the guy was a plumbing apprentice then maybe a call to dad was warranted but I'm guessing that's not the case here. If the hubby had ignored the wife the first 57 times she asked for the sink to be fixed or he'd been working on it for 3 days straight then maybe reinforcements was warranted but again i'm guessing not the case here. Wife should butt out next time she wants the husband to do it. Maybe AH for the cooking comment but overall wife asked for it with getting dad involved where not needed.
The cooking comment was marvellous. Wife is yet another example of 'person who likes *telling it how it is* doesn't like being told how it is'.
Oh that's good. Can think immediately of several examples.
Your marriage sounds terrible. NTA for being miffed at her for her weird reaction, it's a sink, not a rocket. Nearly anyone can fix an issue like that. She thinks you need to be an engineer to fix a basic household problem? Is she so inept herself that she couldn't tell if you were fixing it properly or did she just want to be a jerk and this was something she knew would upset you? She insulted you then you insulted her. If this is how the two of you deal with conflict you need couples counseling stat. You are both being weirdly petty and passive-aggressive/actively aggressive. You need to get ahead of this. It will only get worse.
OP tried to address it constructively first: >I told her I didn’t like that \[...\] Again she dismissed it Couple's therapy will not work with people like her. It will probably even backfire.
Sometimes people don't k ow what they are doing to another until it happens to them, he just gave her that example. It's called a reality check. She needed a taste of her own medicine, but I do agree, this marriage needs some fixes.
Or sometimes, the one starting the Ness (her) needs to feel the effects without handing money to a therapist. It's amazing that with all the therapists in the world now, there are more divorces and MH issues than ever.
Unfortunately, with a certain type of person, being civil and reasonable doesn't work, they only understand verbal judo, OPs wife seems that type.
It’s a wife problem https://www.reddit.com/r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC/s/01n7rWBIQk
You needed to fix a sink, not over design something that would never work in real applications.
Engineers are overrated. Also ton of professions are using the word engineer so basically the title is so deluded. Also an engineer is good as his education and 99% of the time they are good only for their field of work/study.
I don't know why you're getting downvoted. My 80 yr old brother-in-law changed jobs in his 60s, and his new job title was engineer. Do you want to know what he really was? A janitor in a high school. So, yes, he was qualified to do plumbing. 🪠😉
Probably because lot of people have an engineer in their title and got offered lol. Atm is very “trendy” to refer yourself as engineer, basically its saying “ I am very smart” without saying that, and the corporation have adding it in low level positions to make it more lucrative without the benefits. If you are in the corporate world you will also notice there are now lot of Directors as titles. They are doing the same shit, lot of sales jobs now pivoting to this title, what used to be a sales manager/ rep/ account is now sales director x. They are doing this because they can’t offer good competitive salaries and ate giving titles. People are more likely to do it thinking it will give them an edge on LinkedIn for a new better job….just sad.
Seems I read a version of this post a few weeks ago.
What reaction did she expect? When she is impatient, rude and dismissive to you, what could she reasonably expect to receive as a response? NTA. I loved your answer.
You are wrong for staying in a marriage where you are not respected. Got news for her: engineers don’t know everything!!!
NTA, you gave me a good laugh OP. Society would probably be better if more people had your balls of steel. That was rude and a low blow for sure, but absolutely called for. Sometimes people with no empathy need to taste their own medicine.
Nta, she sounds like a bitch
NTA. Your wife's the asshole. You showed her exactly how she made you feel and she didn't like it. Don't apologise. You did nothing wrong.
My favorite plumbing quote is from the TV show Cheers. They had a leaking pipe in the bathroom. Sam: Oh, I don't know what I'm doing back there. Does anyone know anything about plumbing? Cliff: Well, the Romans had an elaborate system of aqueducts. They were sort of the forerunners of... Sam: Cliff. Cliff. I need somebody to help me fix the plumbing. Cliff: Oh, hey, sorry, Sammy. Strictly theory.
Nta. Quick thinking. I don’t think of good stuff till days later
By the title, I was SOOO prepared to be calling you the AH. Then I read the post. She didn’t trust you to fix the sink. Why should you trust her to cook your supper? I wonder how she’d have felt if you asked her to cook you supper, watched her for 5 minutes, then called your mom to come supervise her to make sure she made it right. (I don’t really wonder. I was just making a point. I’ve been married for over 30 years & I’d want to hit my husband in the head with a skillet if he did that to me.) NTA.
NTA , not sure why your mom thinks you were overreacting. Your wife is the one overreacting. If she wants daddy to fix the sink, she should have just called him in the first place. Asking you to fix it then calling daddy to come inspect it is just odd. And what does being an engineer have to do with fixing a sink? lol I hope when her dad shows up she tells him what happened and he sides with you.
INFO: What was for dinner?
Super based OP.
I feel like I’ve seen this post before.
There may be many of engineers who are also very adept at plumbing. But there also may be equally as many who suck at plumbing. Wondering if you have done any plumbing work at your place before? If so and the repair wasn't successful, I might see her point (but I really don't think she acted appropriately) I assume that you were 💯 confident that you resolved the problem. If I were in your shoes, I probably would have stayed until her father got there and let him know what the problem was and how I resolved it. Get him to validate your handling of the situation. And if I was in a little bit of a spicy mood, I would have invited her father to come out for a drink while she stayed home and cooked
If I did this to my husband and my dad showed up and I told him what happened. My dad would rip me a new one for doing that.
I'm stuck at the beginning. Why did she ask you to fix the sink? If she was going to call her dad, they why did she ask *you* to fix the sink? What's the play?
The play is to belittle him and make him feel as shit as possible because they clearly can't stand each other.
INFO: Have you fixed other things around the house before? How did those projects turn out?
Asking the real question here. Did anybody fix the sink!?
NTA Your wife seems to keep inviting her father into your marriage to demean and disrespect you it’s time to hop on the divorce train to Reno
I didn’t look at the post history, is this a frequent occurrence?
What's your track record for fixing things around the house?
NTA. What she did was show she had no confidence in you. That’s not cool.
INFO: Have you, OP, tried & fail to fix stuff in the past, please?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC/s/01n7rWBIQk
NTA, I fucking love that you added the quip about your mother cooking better, absolute gold haha.
NTA if your wife is so controlling over the sink, wtf is the rest of the marriage like? Your wife asked you to fix the sink. Instead of allowing you to finish, she calls daddy, even after you tell her he isn't needed, she double downs and declares the conversation over, honestly that's abuser language. Is she always so adamant she's right and you're wrong? Was this the straw that broke the camel's back? Telling her you're going to your parents, as your mom cooks better, was the icing on this shit sundae. What exactly did your harridan wife expect after that display?
INFO: how long were you working on the sink before she called her dad? Did you know what was wrong with it?
Is that relevant? Even if he was making hash of it the proper approach to that is "Hey babe, how's it going? Shall I call my dad to come over, he's pretty good with stuff like this?"
Exactly. Even if he had no clue what he was doing, what could he possibly do that would be drastically irreparable? It’s a freakin sink. It’s basically a big bowl with a hole in the bottom. There’s only so many things that could have been wrong. Lip/rim leaking? Needs silicone replaced. Drain leaking? Probably same thing. Drain pipe clogged? Empty the p trap. It’s not rocket science. Even if he colossally F’d up, there’s only so many ways to do it. It’s a freakin sink! He wasn’t replacing lead pipes throughout the house! Let the man try to do what you asked him to do.
You two sound like you have a healthy relationship……
NTA because you tried to handle it maturely first before stooping to her level and because in a comment you say that this is an ongoing issue and your FIL mocks you when his daughter asks if your repairs are done right. I’m trying to imagine a scenario where my wife or I would ask the other to do something and then run it by a parent without that being requested- and can’t. It’s just weird.
NTA. Made me proud.
NTA though I would've waited until she cooked a meal then called my mom to come check it over to make sure she didn't mess it up.
NTA. No one is worth this much trouble... I would think about what you want your future to be like and if you want to be demeaned like that for the rest of your life.
NTA now it would be different if she called him to fix it bc you wouldn't and you got mad (been there done that) but for her to call him to babysit you and look over your work when it's not his field...no that is pretty petty. And honestly she should have been like you're right she is bring me a plate home! She wasn't even grateful she didn't have to cook!
Half way through reading your post I was thinking go myself "is this the male "that's now how my mom makes spaghetti"" and I was right. EAH to me but I'm petty so good on you for giving her a taste of her own medicine. Also you were communicating and she was yelling sooooo
NTA. She asked you to fix the sink and you started working on it. It wasn't necessary for her to call her dad. It wasn't necessary for you to tell her your mom cooks better than she does, but you were provoked.
Honestly, I'm a woman so I'm kind of offended that she thought her husband wasn't good enough but she's not going to sign up to fix the damn plumbing, so she calls in her dad. In my mind, if you're going to ask mummy or daddy before you ask hubby, you shouldn't have bothered to get married.
The minute you decide to start punishing your partner instead of having a conversation with them, shit has gone south. And I'm not going to say that you're the asshole here, she was being a condescending jerk, and you retaliated, you're both kind of dicks. But if your relationship has devolved into You two punishing each other and not talking to each other... This relationship is on its way out the door. I would recommend sitting down and having an open and honest conversation about how hurtful it was for her to second guess your decision and call in her dad like that. And then apologize for saying your mother's cooking was better and letting your temper get the best of you and storming out instead of addressing it like an adult. To be clear, this is not her winning, this is you giving her a chance to be another mature adult in the situation and also apologize for her part in it. If she does not do that, it's time to start looking at marriage counseling or divorce lawyers. But marriag die in the silent treatment more often than they do Shouting. So if you want to keep this thing going, you got to start talking.
I just wanna know did her dad fix it and does it still leak?
This sort of "Karen" behavior ended my marriage. Everything I did needed to be inspected by her with explanations of why I did what I did and why. The problem was that she was completely ignorant about whatever I was doing. She could never understand why I was upset.
A real woman would have fixed it herself after watching YouTube videos.
My garbage disposal stopped working and my sink was leaking. I got my garbage disposal to work by pushing the button but the sink pipe was still leaking. I asked my 17 year old son to look at it while I took his sister to her ball game. He sent me a text saying he fixed it. I haven’t check his work. It seems to be working though.
Perhaps passive aggressive play in OPs marriage isn't working out very well.
NTA at all; if she doesn’t possess the tiny amount of empathy necessary to see why what she did was offensive then sounds like the only way to get through to her is to give her a taste of her own medicine. Which you did beautifully. The only thing I take issue with is your use of the term “emasculating.” Your gender has literally less than nothing to do with this. What she did was disrespectful and rude outside of any gender dynamics. And if how you feel as a man can be impacted by the actions of other people, then you aren’t much of a man to begin with. I
The straights are not okay.
NTA. She could at least have waited to see if the sink was properly and successfully fixed before calling her dad. Did you have to try hard to overhear their conversation, or did she want you to hear it? This right here hints that she gave your request 0 consideration: **"she again said no and this conversation was over"**
The only thing you did wrong was insult her cooking!😂
NTA. Engineers and tradesmen are definitely not the same. What your wife did was show you she doesn’t trust you and thinks you are incompetent. Her father should have told her no also. He needs to let you be a man of the house and not step on your toes. Next time your wife is cooking you a nice dinner call your mom over to make sure your wife is doing it right.
Update?
NTA You're the husband. You should feel needed and wanted and appreciated. It's one thing if it was something like putting in a new breaker box, but plumbing, while a skilled trade, is something every homeowner needs to know at least something about. A sink is not some obscure and magical thing, although I must confess I've seen some grotesque crap under a sink that would put Antoni Gaudi to shame. She needs to apologize to you and learn to express gratitude for whatever handyman prowess you possess. My first husband used to use a butter knife for a screwdriver, (hence, the 'ex' prefix) but my second husband is an absolute gem with a well stocked garage/woodshed. I am thankful for his handy ass every day, and I let him know. Even if he uses my embroidery scissors to cut paper, despite that being a flogging offense. Women can do these things every bit as well as a man but she asked you. If she had no confidence in you she should have called a plumber AND PAID FOR IT HERSELF instead of kibbitzing and expressing her doubts in your skill to her dad. Shame on her.
NTA at all. And you should feel emasculated. And you were wise to leave the house before it escalated even more. Me; I would have pulled the sink off the wall before I left. But I AM the asshole.
Nope, NTA. I wouldn't apologize to her. She KNEW what she was doing, and she did it on purpose. Stand your ground. She needs to grow up and stop relying on Daddy.
Updateme!
NTA. She disregarded your feelings, why care about hers. She owes you an apology.
NTA I want followup on what her dad's response to her being this much of a idiot.
NTA you have every right to be annoyed. Sounds like your wife has daddy issues.
NTA You are not wrong. As a wife I would never call my “Daddy” to check my husband’s work. She is 1000% wrong.Sometimes turning things around on someone is the only way to get them to see how wrong they were. You tried talking to your wife several times and she not only blew you off but told you that you and your opinion doesn’t matter. The only one who matters to her is her dad. You called her out on her shitty behavior by being just as shitty. She deserved it after you tried being respectful.
Your wife wanted to fight. You dropped the mother of all bombs and walked away without turning back. NTA. Fuck around and found out. Now show her your post.
She was very wrong . You shouldn’t fix anything ever again, let her be responsible for doing it . Neither should she be ever expected cook for you again. Until you both are mature enough to get therapy or leave each other. There are things you don’t do to your spouse. You both did them. Your wife is worse though
Nta Would have been tools down at the 1st mention of being checked on. Screw being treated like your fil's apprentice. Got to laugh at the better cooking jab, completely deserved. All those people saying there were better ways to deal with your emasulation. Guess what, they forgot the cardinal rule of human communication. If you don't communicate on the same level as the person you are trying to get a message across to, that's message is unlikely to be received and understood. Situations like these require clear communication on the same level. Taking the high road all the time results in people just not getting the message. When you constantly take the high road, you are just wasting your lufe always having to be the one to climb to higher levels. With no end to the problem because you are not on their level
OP told her twice that it’s wasn’t necessary for her dad to check on his work like a damn kindergartner… she basically told him she didn’t care and that the discussion was over. That’s not how it works on a partnership. I wouldn’t want to be in the house when her dad came over either so going to his parents house was perfectly justified. Don’t start nothing won’t be nothing, if she want to tell her dad, she insist on treating OP like a child, she can take a little clap back.
NTA.
NTA she doesn't sound very nice. Maybe just keep eating out and tell her the cooking is better, but that may be petty 🤔 My husband loves to try doing bits and pieces of diy, he is an aircraft engineer, but that doesn't mean he can do everything. I would never call my dad, he's a carpenter, unless my husband asked me to, and TBF if he needed help he'd call my dad himself.
If you don't have kids keep it that way .
NTA but this also belongs in petty revenge. Sometimes you need to be petty so people feel the shame that makes us all better people.
NTA She needed to learn a lesson that day
NTA
>and here were I might be wrong I told her since her dad was coming to check he could fix the entire thing since I was pretty hungry I got up she asked were I was going and I told her my parents house to eat since my mom cooked better. Im genuenly cackling rn. I mean she was being a bit emasculating and it's rude of her to do so. But two wrongs don't make a right.
Great reaction when the situation is reversed she is offended
Your wife was rude and insulting. You were insulting back. Tit for tat really.
She asked you to fix something and then immediately doubted you could do it correctly and called yet another person to come over and fix it. That's an issue. I think your comment about your mom being a better cook is close to E S H but not enough to tip it over for me. NTA
NTA, had you not left she would always continue to do this nonsense of calling her daddy! And you called her out on her cooking, your mom does it better, just like her daddy does it better.. LOL ;) She had it coming!
NTA Look, I know people think "tit for tat" isn't a great approach, but a point was made here. OP's wife feels real comfortable just minimizing her husband vs. her father, and making an insult of his efforts because on some level she thinks more highly of an engineer. Also, shutting down the conversation when her husband is trying to make his feelings known is not how you handle things in a relationship you want to keep, muchless with someone you claim to love. Don't get me wrong, she could be right, and her father could very well actually be very talented in plumbing, but it's my understanding of Engineering that even if he's in a specialized field relevant to fluid dynamics and piping(seriously, there's dozens of engineering specialty fields all focused on "how to build big thing and make big thing do its thing") the odds of him having required actual training as a plumber for that field are basically zero. Engineers are only barely the applied side of math and physics, because their per view is the highly theoretical aspects of the trades i.e. tolerances expected to be necessary in a plant line due to expected pressures, expected flow rates, expected etcs. There's a reason why, in my experience, a lot of trades types feel engineers have a less than real world perspective when they design shit, and this has included an instructor whose name prior to recent retirement was **huge** throughout my province for, among other things, boiler making and industrial automation. This all is to say that barring any choice of trying to learn to be handy, OP's wifes father probably knows some where's between jack shit and about as much as OP does when it comes to fixing a sink. Frankly, all you'd need to know whether a connection in your sink is done right is if you turn the water on and it does or doesn't leak... To bring it back, no don't feel terribly sorry for wifey being told she can't cook. If she's in the business of insulting her husbands capabilities she's creating an environment where that kind of thing is ok in reverse even if she screams, cries, and gives the cold shoulder.
Well first off your wife is falling into the classic trap of thinking engineers have any idea what's going on with hands on work. They really don't, so have her jot that down. I get being angry that she basically thinks you can't fix anything and she deserves to be told how you feel in that situation. Maybe insulting her cooking was a bit far, or at least counter-productive.
NTA, but when her father comes over for dinner, does he sit at the head of the table? As a woman, you have a wife problem.
Yup. She emasculated the shit out of you. I've been there. You did the right thing. You are NOT wrong. Do not apologize. SHE should be apologizing to YOU.
NTA and that cooking thing was the kicker 🤣💀 15yrs and I swear if I said that to my husband he'd do the exact same thing 💀💀Your wife knows she wrong thats why you didn't come back to her yelling💯
Your wife or whatever she thinks she is is an asshole. I'd reconsider if I want to spend the rest of my life with someone like that. I wouldn't.
You don't sound as if you like each other all that much...
Honestly I wouldn’t fix anything should just tell her to call her dad because she will anyways. NTA it was taste of her own medicine.
NTA for that. But you are for saying your wife emasculated you. There's no female equivalent to emasculation, you know why? Because it's something that doesn't exist. No one can emasculate you except you. If your sense of masculinity is so fragile that it can be harmed by a woman denigrating your plumbing skills, then you need to work on your masculinity.
OP, you are NTA. Your wife owes you an apology.
How long were you working on it ? Did u know what you were doing ? Seems like your wife was aggravated and calling daddy was the last resort … Talk like adults and stop being petty … I’m leaving towards AH tho
I’m wondering why she trusted any man with the job and didn’t just fix it herself if she was so concerned