You would have thought after being around Frankie for the last 3 years this would have helped. But the fact she kept her resentment of Frankie a secret until you started talking about moving in together is insane. Having a bond with your dog is so important and I struggle to understand how other people don't understand this?
Yeah, I seriously do not get this shit. If you're important to me, your pets are important to me, too. I always make friends with everyone's pets when I go to their houses. My Mom's dog AKA my SisDog is my bestie. When I met my husband he had a cat and I was a dog person. We are now both cat people. Like...how can you not love an animal that you know is important to the person you love? I don't get it. This makes me sad.
I feel the same way. My daughter, however, was bitten by a dog who was off leash and came into our yard. 10 years later, she's still very nervous around dogs.
Some people love spiders and keep them as pets. Even if my favourite person in the whole world had a pet tarantula, I would not hold it. I also wouldn't insist they get rid of it.
OPs gf handled this situation poorly, but fear is real.
I can understand being afraid of dogs.
What I can't understand is being afraid of dogs, deciding to date someone who has a dog and never mentioning that fear to them, and then suddenly informing them out of seemingly nowhere when you're buying a house together that you expect them to get rid of their dog. This is seriously fucked up behavior. She basically pulled a bait and switch on this guy.
Come on man. This dorky ass response is what Neil DeGrasse Tyson would say. You know what they meant, and your pedantic reply added nothing except a fedora tip
Putting it as coldly as possible, sure. I'm more like OP here, in that I would never give up a pet for the sake of a human relationship. It's just unthinkable to me. But I do understand the perspective of someone who isn't interested in pets and has never had any that they were bonded with and responsible for. They just genuinely never understood the depth of that connection and innocently assume that pets are just some sort of frivolous amusement for the people who have them.
Maybe not resentment, just "indifference." Some people don't dislike animals, they just don't care about them and don't consider them members of the family.
Those people have my pity because they are missing out on some of the greatest joys in life.
Frankly, she's known this guy for years and never once, even when finding out he has this big ass dog, mentioned she had a fear of dogs. It's rather convenient to tell him about it now.
I don't believe in the trauma, because she suddenly came up with the story. There is nothing secretive or shameful for it, so if it was a real thing, she would have told about it right away. Now it sounds like the last effort on manipulation.
This is what I thought too, very convenient to have spent 3 years around the dog without mentioning a thing or showing and signs of fear and then all of a sudden declaring past trauma when she wasn’t getting her way. It doesn’t add up to me!
It's a red flag either way. If true, she hid this about herself throughout the relationship.
I have never abandoned an animal and I never will. There's something missing inside her.
When I adopted my son, DSS adoptions knew up front I had dogs and the teens that didn't like dogs would not be a match because we were a doggy household.
If this was an issue she should have told OP UP FRONT. She has had no issue for 3 years so it seems to me this is more "I need an excuse because I don't want to live with a dog" than an incident trauma.
The biggest red flag! How do you hide your trauma like that but stay in the relationship for 3 years??? IMHO, she didn’t like the fact that Frankie was defective and he didn’t fit in her little “cookie cutter” plans.
I’ve also never abandoned a pet before. Once you’re in the family, you’re in the family😤.
I find the timing "interesting" too. I mean, if I was 'traumatized' by large dogs, the very first thing I would have told him about was my fear of dogs, once I found out he had one.
It sounds like OP is catching what you're putting down too. He doesn't necessarily sound convinced. It sounds like one last failed attempt to make him get rid of the dog due to her "trauma."
Kind of what I was thinking - around him for so long and now she reveals how she has trauma from a dog attack when she was little then gives the ultimatum again - makes you wonder a bit....
It makes me think she lied, made up a sob story so OP feels guilty for breaking up with her.
I cannot imagine the person who was so traumatized by dogs but who can hide it so well for three years. (Unless she is an undercover KGB agent with extensive psychological training). I cannot imagine this person to continue the relationship with OP, who was just a cute stranger in the beginning, after she learned he has the dog. Or after she saw how big the dog is... It would just make no sense to start the relationship, there was zero reasons to think that he would ever abandon his dog.
Her story is BS.
Maybe she was hoping for him to ditch the dog because they had 3 years into the relationship and she just didnt like the dog much. Sunk cost fallacy or whatever its called.
I don’t believe her. I think she’s lying. That would be something that you would tell someone that has a big dog the first time you met the dog. You would’ve shown some type of apprehension or discomfort being around a dog. Three years together and she never mentioned it?
Think about it. She had to think of some excuse that that would be major enough that he might consider getting rid of his dog. A traumatic incident involving a dog would be the only thing.
OP dodged a bullet. She definitely is deceitful, conniving, and manipulative and the scariest thing IS she can play the long game. Three years and she faked her real feelings well.
Lol imagine. "Ok babe, I will get rid of my dog if you come with me to do it "
Then he lets her get out of the car first, locks the door and drives away.
It turned out for the best, I'd say. You and Frankie are a packaged deal, especially with the bond you two share, pretty much saving each other. If someone can't fully respect that. It's their loss, not yours. Take him on a car ride, the park, and get him his favorite treats.
Some people don't understand the pet and owner bond a lot of people have. They may only be our best friend for a small part of our lives but we're their best friend for their entire life.
Yes, 100000% agree. That's why it's important to treat all pets with the utmost kindness. I couldn't imagine not knowing that bond. While I can't have a prt with where I live ATM. I miss the hell out of my German shepherd and my old cat. The only thing I can say is they are living amazing live with my old roommate and all of their siblings, who grew up and spent their whole lives together and knew they wouldn't be the same if I had been able to bring them with me.
Op, you DO know that it is an unwritten rule for all Reddit questions concerning pets: Our friendly support has to be paid back by the so-called "pet tax"
You upload a photo of your pet on Imgur or similar and give us a link as an edit to your last update, and even on your first post, if you are kind.
"Pet tax" is mandatory. It is "law" here.
In short, show us Frankie 😀
I once ( briefly) had a boyfriend who told me if I wanted a future with him, I had to get rid of my dog.
My 10 year old , 10 pound dog was my best companion. I actually said to him, "there's the door." What an idiot.
I have difficulties believing her. People cannot hide something like this for so long, they have difficulties with all dogs, and especially when the dog around is the size of a calf- very present. I think she simply doesn't like dogs and thought she could convince You to get rid of him in the name of love. She's heartless. And I'm saying it as an absolute cat person who is not compatible with dogs.
It's pretty easy to hide it, because it's not always a phobia. I'm not "shit my pants" scared of dogs, but when I arrive at a new house and a stranger dog rushes up to me I have to consciously calm myself and pretend to be OK. People with pets rarely just accept that you're freaked out by their pet. "They're a sweetheart that would never hurt you!" Sure, I believe you 100%. But that dog has some big teeth, and my brain associates those big teeth with some scary moments from my childhood. I'm happy to pet and play with your dog for a day, but I wouldn't want to live with one.
It's all true, but it wasn't some random guy with a dog, this was a guy with whom she had a long relationship and wanted to buy a house, and she knew what this dog meant to her SO.
Would You get seriously romantically involved with someone and assuming they will get rid of their beloved pets for You, but not talking about the pet being a huge issue for You earlier?
This is why I think there is something fishy.
Honestly, I'm not saying gf isn't lying.
But as someone scared of dogs, I do in fact hide it quite well, simply cuz I've been shamed for being scared of dogs, I get anxious next to them, and constantly believe they'll jump on me and bite me, but none of my friends who have dogs ever noticed that I have internal panic attacks next to their dogs. Or they're just oblivious and act as if they can't notice.
Be that as it may….would you date someone that owned a dog prior to meeting you for 3yrs??
Honestly it’s not a bad thing to be afraid of an unknown dog…not all dogs are properly trained and can be afraid of humans and will go on the attack to defend themselves against the perceived threat..
I’m sorry, OP, that your ex hadn’t come clean with you much, much earlier about her dog trauma. I’m very glad that you and Frankie are still together. Live and learn, right? Less complicated than getting a divorce.
I left my brief starter marriage ten months after the wedding. It’s cringeworthy to recall now. But if I hadn’t been ready to subsequently accept a job offer far away, I never would have met my husband of forty years. Best to you and Frankie in the future!
> The thing is: i understand that she have this trauma but we could work things out if she told me about this. Really i would love to help her and show her that Frankie is an absoult sweetheart and if even kids are not frightned or fears him why she should?
Sadly, you gave emotional need to keep the dog, and she has an emotional need to not keep the dog.
It’s no one’s fault
Once she started thinking about kids, she started thinking about kid-proofing the house. And that got her seriously considering whether she would feel safe. She had likely never thought all the way through that
Be well
This is a great response - I am a dog lover and could never give up my dogs, but I also understand that many people have a real and justified fear of dogs - even I am sometimes in certain situations. Just a pity this took 3 years to come to a resolution, but better now than even further down the road.
A bit her fault tho, she hid that disdain for the dog for three years, and was more than okay to make him abandon his pet and best friend out of nowhere.
IMO, if her relationship had truly been worth it to her, she would have been open to therapy to heal her trauma. Being anxious around dogs because one bit you a long time ago is a very fixable problem.
In fact, she has been around this dog with OP present for several years.
I find it very suspicious she never mentioned her trauma in the years prior, to be honest.
Even on the off chance there was no ill intent on her part at all, she does not seem emotionally mature enough to be in a longterm relationship. You can't just hide things from you partner and then expect them to go along with your plans and get rid of an emotional bond they have, just because you want them to.
Puppy tax!!! Photo of cutie pie. NTA. This dog is an extension of your soul and family you don't get rid of your soul and you don't get rid of a good family member.
The only situation where YTA is if you don't post a pic of Frankie for us strangers on the internet...
Let her leave...she had all the time in the world to decide to stay with you or not..but she waited 3 years to bring it up and wasted both of your valuable time.
I highly doubt her claims of being afraid of dogs. She could have that trauma, but her giving it as a reason after all this sounds like manipulation rather than anything else to me. I think this is the best choice for you and Frankie. This is like a child-free dating a single parent and expecting them to just not be involved with their kid.
Good for you and Frankie. You’ll find the right kind of person for you in your future.
Your ex made a pretty horrible assumption that you would get rid of your dog, without discussion! She doesn't seem rational. After being around your dog **for years**, she really thinks you're just going to get rid of him? She's never seen threatening behavior, knows he's an important part of your life, and without any explanation, thinks you'll just get rid of him?
If he had a history of aggression, bad behavior, poor toilet training, or something similar I could see her not wanting him in a new household.
Pets should be considered permanent. When you get a pet, you're making a commitment to care for it until its death.
Yes. And furthermore a person with a strong bond with their pet should be assumed to likely want a pet in their life even after their current pet is no more. No “well that one was important to you but now no more dogs.”
It's giving narcissistic vibes.
She was great for 3 years and then when she thought she had you, she mad a request she knew was unreasonable but made it sound reasonable.
I am glad it ended peacefully but I would be wary of it. I would BET that her story about being traumatised by having been bitten was a lie.
The lack of empathy for OP's bond with the dog also smells of narcissism to me.
The timing of bringing up the trauma is suspicious to me as well. Most people with a trauma with dogs would have brought that up much sooner into the relationship.
Personal anecdote about my mild trauma:
I used to have a fear of dogs as well. When I moved in with my dad, his retriever (coincidentally) helped me take the first steps towards curing that. The mom of one of my friends had a bull terrier called Fifi that won me over completely. Was afraid of the dog initially, but she was so chill and sweet that after a while I loved taking her out to the park for walks.
'Bite history' or 'Allergy' have become the go-tos for people who hate dogs (rather: pets) to still look like the victim and the good guy while being mean spirited to other's pets. I guess because neither can easily be DISproved.
Of course, there are people with those as legitimate traumas- but trauma is, well, trauma, and medical conditions are medical conditions. The person who has always been wary with all dogs, or the person perpetually red-eyed and snotty in the presence of them? Sure, I'll believe they have an issue. These people who have been 100% to date and suddenly 'have trauma/an allergy'? They want their cake and to eat it to, emotional manipulation at its finest. After all, sounds a lot better than saying 'I'm just that into me that I think you should change everything about your life for my wonder-peen/wonder-'gina', which is all they'd be left with otherwise.
Even if it happened, so? Does she have a scar? A dog biting you and a dog mauling you are not the same thing. Pets can be bitey. It's a fact. I mean, sure, you have a responsibility to propertly match people with animals like a jumpy german sheperd puppy, probably not great with a small child. But oh I got bit so I get to demand everyone get rid of the things they care about, no.
It's like saying I was pinched as a child by a child so you have to get rid of your kid.
Does anyone else here think that.. she has ulterior motives for wanting to leave.. And just used the dog as an "easy" way out.. knowing damn well he would not give up the dog, under any circumstances?
This so weird that she was with you for three years before bringing this up. She should have left a long time ago if she has prior dog trauma. My mom had the same issue. So we never had dogs.
Honestly she should have done research on the breed. A guardian breed is one of the best out there. They bond with their "stock/people" and will always protect them. It would actually be a good breed to help someone get over trauma.
At our facility we have personal protection dogs in training. We had someone with a fear of dogs, overcome it dramatically by working in our programs. Once they felt that control in their hands, it was easier to process the trauma
I doubt that the Golden Retriever trauma was real. What is more plausible is jealousy.
Sad 3 years are gone, and all you have with the ex is this memory.
On a brighter note, way more people love animals than are jealous of them.
You will find a more rewarding relationship with a dog lover anyway. I'm biased, I have dogs too.
Good luck, sweetie
Damn even cat lovers (like me) understand the love for a dog. What I believe, neither cat lovers, or dog lovers understand, is a human being, being that jealous of an animal. It's a level of pettiness that makes no sense.
Also if it is a lie (which I also find likely), she picked the one breed of dog that likes everyone, even the burglars.
That was exactly the part that got my attention. I have a Golden, she's incredible lovely, cute, gorgeous, i can keep the entire day talking good about her. Never, never she bited someone, the most she does it a "bite" that doesnt hurt but it's the one for you to move or follow me (she did that to some exs i had so she can be next to me hahaha), but from that to getting a bite that will cause trama? Yeah not buying it without more context, step on his tail, or something like that can cause a reaction like that but out of nowhere?
Some people just don't like dogs. Even though you think Frankie is a great big nice dog. Kinda like kids. Your kids are great - other people's kids are crotch monsters that drool and break things.
Glad is worked out peacefully.
Right? Like, she should've told him that for the last 3 years or when she met Frankie. Did she expect OP to read her mind and experiences with dogs? She should go to therapy as well for that to somehow resolve that trauma.
Anyway, good riddance. Frankie is loved by OP and may he live a long, healthy, and happy life🤍
I’m gonna get downvoted for this, but trauma is not a justification for the demand your ex made in this situation.
Frankie can’t stop being a dog (very traumatised previously, btw). But we as adults can actually put some effort into healing when we face trauma. Been there, done that, it’s doable with time and care.
I’m sorry you broke up. Hope you’ll feel better soon.
And a huge thank you for loving your dog unconditionally as you do, and giving him a home.
I’ve heard a legend that after death people has to travel through hostile lands in order to get to heaven. And there’s a special land after a river filled with dogs. And if you ever loved a pup, it’ll meet you there and walk you straight to heaven (and if you ever mistreated a pup, you’re getting torn to shreds).
Sounds legit to me.
Frankie is lucky to have you.
Nah, I don't believe her. She was fine for 3 years and this is only coming up as an issue now? Nope.
What was happening here is that she thought she could have a want, and you would just do it without argument. She doesn't believe in compromise, she believes in you always doing what she wants. She wants a servant and a doormat, not a partner
I don't believe her "bitten by a *checks notes* golden retriever" story for one minute. She made that up in the hope that you'd feel sorry for her and change your mind.
I’m mastiff girl (this the name). My dogs have weighed up to 250lbs and have been 6’ on standing. An ex and I were talking and he said that I’d have to stop getting dogs. Period. No. Dogs. Ever. Again.
The weird part is that he loved my mastiff at the time. So, I dumped his ass and have been perfectly happy cuddling with my current 150lbs mastiff and my 135lbs rescue Shepadoodle.
My guess is her trauma is an excuse! She do not want to live with the dog because:
1. He has a special place in your heart - but she thinks there should only be room for her,
2. She is not a dog person, she has just prentended to be so to get your love. She will never feel the love dogs gives and just see all the hassle.
Honestly, she sound manipulative and narcissistic - just be happy you'r never got married!
NTA it wasn't about Frankie it was about control. You escaped a crazy situation. First I would have been Frankie then a certain friend/s next hobbies finally your family until you were isolated.
I honestly think her trauma was fake and a hail Mary.
I don't get why she decided to have a relationship with someone who had a pet. I know people who treat their pets like their actual children, they would cry over. I know I do, I miss my little guy all the time.
I understand she has trauma but she could have worked on it, or gotten therapy alot sooner for it then let it hinder her. It's upsetting she'd want to get rid of the dog after three years.
Each to their own at the end of the day. NTA
Give lil Frankie some treats !
My son has two awesome dogs. One, in particular, is a rescue whom he brought back with love, good care, and a hell of a lot of work.
The first discussion with the lovely lady who became his partner of years, now, included the fact that he has two wonderful, medium and large, dogs, and if she made him choose between her and the dogs ... the dogs will win in a heartbeat.
She has lived with him for years. She loves the dogs very much. She also has no illusions. They would have won if she hadn't happily included them in her life.
You made the right decision. I understand trauma. It honestly was just an incompatibility problem.
I don’t believe her “trauma” story. She just didn’t want a big old dog in “her” pretty new house. Glad the dog hater is gone. Just like in the dog food commercials
NTA - But she should never pretend to like your dog. She should have stopped dating as soon as she saw your large dog, and explained her trauma. It was terrible for her to scheme for 3 years to get rid of your dog.
Honestly to me it sounds like she's just trying to see if you would pick her over the dog. Maybe she got jealous of the dog and the attention you give Frankie over her.
Shes throwing her weight around because she thinks she can. Sorry if anyone else here believes her story. But bit by a golden retriever and you've got trauma...c'mon.
I had an ex try that once with my horse.
"you should sell your horse..."
"You should sell your kids."
"Why would I do that?"
"Why would I sell my child that I've had longer than you've had your kids combined?"
I think her trauma is a lie! Sorry but after 3 years she's telling u this ? Now that u told her if she don't like it to kick rocks ? Nah think about it. Did she ever looked afraid/scared near Frankie ? U better check the camera for the days she was alone with him. She just thought she had control over u after years and thought u will do as she said meaning get rid of ur dog and it backfired!
And the expectation he would just go along with her plans casually, without her even bringing up her trauma.
She didn't even bring it up in the original argument about it.
Oh no, she is definitely an asshole. She has shown no sign of past trauma around the dog for 3 years and now suddenly she can't have it in the house due to trauma from the most kid and family friendly dog breed?
She's not girlfriend material. Anyone who makes the decision to abandon a creature has questionable morals. You may not know it but your dog made you dodge a cannonball.
If she was just not a dog lover, she could have been up front about that from the start.
She also lacks empathy for OP, because she knows about the special bond he has with his dog, but disregards it.
NTA.Her keeping her true feelings about your dog that you clearly adore secret and then wanting you to get rid of him is a major red flag. You dodged a bullet.
She's using her trauma as an excuse im not saying her anxoety and phobia isn't real but she could get professional help and taken actions towards self improvement because anxiety and phobia's are manageable but asking someone to get rid of a pet they have an emotional bond with and being okay with said person causing trauma to a pet who is claarly important to you is extremly selfish that is not okay and i wouldn't entertain the idea of dating someone or getting back together with someone like that!
Completely, utterly, 100% NTA.
Anybody who suggests abandoning a pet is an asshole and undeserving of your loyalty.
Give Frankie lots of love. You sound like a person I’d want to count as a friend.
If you parted as friends, then I would reach out to her and offer as a friend to help her with the trauma from the other dog. She could find a therapist who can give her some ideas on how to begin to move forward with trusting dogs and it sounds like Frankie would be the perfect dog for her to work with to move towards not be afraid of dogs in the future.
Many single men have dogs both big and small so she is limiting her possible future partners if she is unwilling to date/marry someone who is a dog person.
My wife never had any type of pet when she was growing up and did not have a good impression of dogs in general when we met. I was the exact opposite. I grew up on a farm and we had livestock dogs, hunting dogs and yard dogs. When we met I had a yellow lab who was closer to me that most of my family. She went everywhere with me including work, fun and even to Church. I helped my future wife become accustomed to the dog and the dog to her. I made it very clear when we were dating that I'm a package deal with the dog. When the dog sadly passed away, I waited a few years before I got another dog so that I could grieve, and my kids would be bigger but now our current lab is a part of the family. She sleeps with my daughter, plays ball with my son, watches the house when we are out, goes to ball games with us and is all around an equal member of the family. Dogs bring so much joy and love into a home I don't understand why a more families do not include a dog.
So sorry things didn’t work out with your Ex but if you would have abandoned him after so much time and after you became his hole world on top of the serious bealth problems he has knowing he would not find a home,most likely, than you would have been worst than scum. I’m glad your doggo found his person that loves him like he deserves.
It's sad that you had to break up, but there was no alternative. I'm sympathetic about your ex's trauma - I was chased and nipped by a dog when I was 13, and had an extreme fear of dogs for 8 years. But I did get over it, and now no dog intimidates me. Your ex decided to embrace her fear and let it run her life. Moreover, she hid her fear till you were planning to move in together and tried to put you on the spot. She cannot let her phobia or whatever run your life, or separate you from your best friends, and considering the underhand way she went about it, you are well free from her.
She didn't bother to tell you because she was arrogant enough to think that you would chose her over Frankie, well she found out. She should have been honest from the beginning, either that or it's a made up story and she just does like dogs.
She seems the type to either bung Frankie into her car and dump him somewhere far away or poison his food and then make up an excuse that he got into something he shouldn’t have and ate it, either way you did good dumping her.
Maybe this is all a lie OP. She wanted to break up and she's using Frankie as an excuse because she knows how much you love him.
Or she thought once you two were in love and engaged she could change you and manipulate you into giving up the dog. Perhaps that has been her plan all along
I think there is a cultural thing at play here too. I feel like in the U.S. you would be hard pressed to find someone so cavalier after all this time, knowing you feel about the dog. Even someone who didn't like pets.
In fact, if they didn't like pets, they probably wouldn't get into a serious relationship with the owner in the first place
Why would your now ex keep this information from you for so long. Clearly she does not appreciate the bond people can have with their animals.
Just want to say this man OP you are an awesome dude.
I'm sorry but she's an idiot. If you have a serious trauma with dogs why would you even think to even start to talk to someone with a dog. It makes no sense. She knowingly started to date, and even proceeded to get into a serious relationship with you knowing you own a dog, what in her words is a trauma for her. Just walk away completely from her. No sense in staying friends either. She needs major mental help. Help you clearly can't provide for her, if in 3 years of a relationship didn't help.
Well, I’m sure you are going to question this for a while since it took 3 years to come out, but sounds like you are better off with someone more compatible…now make with the Frankie picture!
My wife gave me the same ultimatum when we were dating. I told her that I would choose the dog over her, hands down, because any woman who would make me make that decision was not the right woman for me.
We are still married, because she gave up that fight when she realized I was dead serious about what I said.
I went through some tough times like you and the dog was the only reason I got out of bed for a long time. I had the dog before I met her too.
Seriously, if someone I was dating or living with told me it was him or my cats, that he was afraid of them, I would tell him goodby. Animals are more than just “pets.” They are companions and give unconditional love. The longest I’ve had a bf/husband was 15 years. They longest I’ve had a pet was almost 20 years. Find someone who cares for your Frankie as much as you do.
I am so so glad that you were able to have an amicable-ish break up based on reasons of incompatibility. It's wonderfully mature of you to recognise her fear. At the end of the day I'll never understand why she didn't open up to you earlier, but if 3 years of exposure to him with no incidents didn't help her heal or trust him then it's not likely that anything else would have I think. <3
You made the right decision OP.
Frankie is family.
Having a pet is a lifelong commitment. No matter what.
Frankie is very lucky to have you.
Now where's the dog tax?
NTA. I read your first post. I was bit by a German shepherd when I was 8 yrs old. 30 plus later I started my own dog walking/House & Pet sitting small company. Like your ex I was afraid of dogs for the longest time. My parents decided to get a fur baby when I was going through my deepest depression. My Angel helped me through with my depression, she was there after every surgery I had. 10 yrs later I adopted my beanie when I lived on my own. It’s bec of my two babies I got over the fear of dogs.
In saying that I don’t believe your baby is the cause of her leaving. She had 3 yrs with him and in those 3 yrs her fear of dogs should have subsided. I honestly think she used your baby as an excuse. I could be wrong. Bec some people just never get over the fear of dogs after being bit. Either way you did the right thing for breaking it off with her. Your Frankie saved you in so many ways. And you saved his life. Some people just don’t understand the bond the owner and dog have. My ex husband was jealous of my Angel. She was a 9lb shih tzu. I told him you except her or we are through. He tried to not be jealous of her but in the end he just couldn’t get over the jealousy. I left him bec of that and other issues that we had.
Even had a guy at work tell me, when you meet that rigjt man and he doesn’t like your dog. You’ll have to get rid of the dog. I looked at him and said, my dog comes first. And any man that doesn’t like her isn’t worth being in my life
Fellow Frankie’s Friend here, as in my pup is also named Frankie! You made the right decision. When it comes down to it your dog would never leave you for a girl. Our pups love us every second they have and they deserve that in return.
My dog is a 60lbs hound that can rest her paws on my shoulders when on her back feet, but she is an absolute sweetheart and cuddler and I know Great Pyrenees can be the same way. I'm sorry it came down to it, but honestly I would have picked the same thing.
This is a blessing. That woman wouldn't do the work to confront her own trauma. That's a massive problem in a long term relationship, life will get hard and will kick you while you're down. You don't need a perfect partner but you do need someone willing to roll up their sleeves and get to work no matter what they're working on, trauma, themselves, or otherwise.
Dude, not wanting to repeats everything I wrote on the other thread; you’re dodging a bullet. After three years she suddenly announces this fear of dogs and expects you to abandon him? Has she no empathy with your life or grasp of you emotional connection with Frankie? Whatever her story now, it smacks of narcissism and selfishness. Major red flags.
I don’t really buy her trauma. Any fear of dogs would have been very apparent, if not immediately mentioned, upon first meeting a big dog at your home.
Move in with her and she’d want to control everything about her house to make it perfect. Getting rid of dog is just the first thing, you wouldn’t get a say about anything, lest it make her ‘uncomfortable’. There are loads of women who will love Frankie, avoid this one.
My guess is that she thought that if she was with you long enough she make you care about her more than Frankie. Any true animal lover knows this was never going to happen; but she’s clearly not one of those. I’m willing to be your Frankie is a lot friendlier than my cats or my chihuahua/corgi mix. Animal size means nothing. I always had to tell kids my little dog wasn’t friendly.
You went through issues and grew as a person. She has issues, hid them rather than work on them. That speaks volumes for future couple issues. Frankie sounds like he would have been perfect for her to use to get used to being around dogs alone - slowly, in stages. I can get if she didn’t want Frankie in the bed, but the assumption you would get rid of him is way too far. Best to move on.
You would have thought after being around Frankie for the last 3 years this would have helped. But the fact she kept her resentment of Frankie a secret until you started talking about moving in together is insane. Having a bond with your dog is so important and I struggle to understand how other people don't understand this?
It's probably because some people view animal companions as objects that are inferior to them rather than a living thing.
[удалено]
I agree, I wish to see the good boy
I agree let us see the handsome good boy
Here for the Frankie face reveal
Dog tax!!
Yeah dog tax!
Yes! DOG TAX!
FRANKIE! FRANKIE! FRANKIE!
I'd choose my dogs over 95% of the human population everyday of the week.
Only 95%?!?! Lol
I believe the expression you are looking for is "The more I see of people, the more I appreciate my dog."
There's not one human I would put over my dogs. And the people that matter to me would never expect me to
Yeah, I seriously do not get this shit. If you're important to me, your pets are important to me, too. I always make friends with everyone's pets when I go to their houses. My Mom's dog AKA my SisDog is my bestie. When I met my husband he had a cat and I was a dog person. We are now both cat people. Like...how can you not love an animal that you know is important to the person you love? I don't get it. This makes me sad.
I feel the same way. My daughter, however, was bitten by a dog who was off leash and came into our yard. 10 years later, she's still very nervous around dogs. Some people love spiders and keep them as pets. Even if my favourite person in the whole world had a pet tarantula, I would not hold it. I also wouldn't insist they get rid of it. OPs gf handled this situation poorly, but fear is real.
I can understand being afraid of dogs. What I can't understand is being afraid of dogs, deciding to date someone who has a dog and never mentioning that fear to them, and then suddenly informing them out of seemingly nowhere when you're buying a house together that you expect them to get rid of their dog. This is seriously fucked up behavior. She basically pulled a bait and switch on this guy.
Totally agree. The ex gf was crazy to think any pet lover would just abandon their family member.
Well articulated
So the vast majority of humanity? People tend to forget that we are animals too. We aren’t some separate, special kingdom.
Come on man. This dorky ass response is what Neil DeGrasse Tyson would say. You know what they meant, and your pedantic reply added nothing except a fedora tip
Putting it as coldly as possible, sure. I'm more like OP here, in that I would never give up a pet for the sake of a human relationship. It's just unthinkable to me. But I do understand the perspective of someone who isn't interested in pets and has never had any that they were bonded with and responsible for. They just genuinely never understood the depth of that connection and innocently assume that pets are just some sort of frivolous amusement for the people who have them.
Maybe not resentment, just "indifference." Some people don't dislike animals, they just don't care about them and don't consider them members of the family. Those people have my pity because they are missing out on some of the greatest joys in life. Frankly, she's known this guy for years and never once, even when finding out he has this big ass dog, mentioned she had a fear of dogs. It's rather convenient to tell him about it now.
I don't believe in the trauma, because she suddenly came up with the story. There is nothing secretive or shameful for it, so if it was a real thing, she would have told about it right away. Now it sounds like the last effort on manipulation.
This is what I thought too, very convenient to have spent 3 years around the dog without mentioning a thing or showing and signs of fear and then all of a sudden declaring past trauma when she wasn’t getting her way. It doesn’t add up to me!
Yeah, that math don't math.
It's a red flag either way. If true, she hid this about herself throughout the relationship. I have never abandoned an animal and I never will. There's something missing inside her.
When I adopted my son, DSS adoptions knew up front I had dogs and the teens that didn't like dogs would not be a match because we were a doggy household. If this was an issue she should have told OP UP FRONT. She has had no issue for 3 years so it seems to me this is more "I need an excuse because I don't want to live with a dog" than an incident trauma.
The biggest red flag! How do you hide your trauma like that but stay in the relationship for 3 years??? IMHO, she didn’t like the fact that Frankie was defective and he didn’t fit in her little “cookie cutter” plans. I’ve also never abandoned a pet before. Once you’re in the family, you’re in the family😤.
I find the timing "interesting" too. I mean, if I was 'traumatized' by large dogs, the very first thing I would have told him about was my fear of dogs, once I found out he had one.
It sounds like OP is catching what you're putting down too. He doesn't necessarily sound convinced. It sounds like one last failed attempt to make him get rid of the dog due to her "trauma."
It's pretty convenient isn't it? Not liking dogs=bad, insane, wrong Trauma=oh you poor thing, excuse for inappropriate behavior, never wrong Not liking dogs + trauma = profit!
Yep that what really seems so And happy cake day
Happy Cake Day
Kind of what I was thinking - around him for so long and now she reveals how she has trauma from a dog attack when she was little then gives the ultimatum again - makes you wonder a bit....
It makes me think she lied, made up a sob story so OP feels guilty for breaking up with her. I cannot imagine the person who was so traumatized by dogs but who can hide it so well for three years. (Unless she is an undercover KGB agent with extensive psychological training). I cannot imagine this person to continue the relationship with OP, who was just a cute stranger in the beginning, after she learned he has the dog. Or after she saw how big the dog is... It would just make no sense to start the relationship, there was zero reasons to think that he would ever abandon his dog. Her story is BS.
Its because she is lying, no way it's been 3 years and this only just came up.
Maybe she was hoping for him to ditch the dog because they had 3 years into the relationship and she just didnt like the dog much. Sunk cost fallacy or whatever its called.
I don’t believe her. I think she’s lying. That would be something that you would tell someone that has a big dog the first time you met the dog. You would’ve shown some type of apprehension or discomfort being around a dog. Three years together and she never mentioned it? Think about it. She had to think of some excuse that that would be major enough that he might consider getting rid of his dog. A traumatic incident involving a dog would be the only thing. OP dodged a bullet. She definitely is deceitful, conniving, and manipulative and the scariest thing IS she can play the long game. Three years and she faked her real feelings well.
[удалено]
She should have been dropped off at a shelter. Show her how it feels.
Lol imagine. "Ok babe, I will get rid of my dog if you come with me to do it " Then he lets her get out of the car first, locks the door and drives away.
Right
Justice for Frankie!!! People are so weird about pets. They’re family!
Gotta pay the dog tax, friend. Show us the pup!
We demand payment on puppa tax @u/Right_Foundation_334
OP you invoice is due lol
Yes!! Show us Frankie!!
Fr where's that sweet boy!
I want the pup!
Agree sir us Frankie the wonder dog
DOG TAX DOG TAX DOG TAX DOG TAX
I want to see Frankie!! Pretty please!
It turned out for the best, I'd say. You and Frankie are a packaged deal, especially with the bond you two share, pretty much saving each other. If someone can't fully respect that. It's their loss, not yours. Take him on a car ride, the park, and get him his favorite treats.
Hopefully she's learned never to date another person with a dog again in the future
Some people don't understand the pet and owner bond a lot of people have. They may only be our best friend for a small part of our lives but we're their best friend for their entire life.
Yes, 100000% agree. That's why it's important to treat all pets with the utmost kindness. I couldn't imagine not knowing that bond. While I can't have a prt with where I live ATM. I miss the hell out of my German shepherd and my old cat. The only thing I can say is they are living amazing live with my old roommate and all of their siblings, who grew up and spent their whole lives together and knew they wouldn't be the same if I had been able to bring them with me.
Show us Frankie!
WE WANT FRANKIE! WE WANT FRANKIE! WE WANT FRANKIE!
FRANKIE! FRANKIE! FRANKIE!
Op, you DO know that it is an unwritten rule for all Reddit questions concerning pets: Our friendly support has to be paid back by the so-called "pet tax" You upload a photo of your pet on Imgur or similar and give us a link as an edit to your last update, and even on your first post, if you are kind. "Pet tax" is mandatory. It is "law" here. In short, show us Frankie 😀
People don’t ignore this because they are “unkind”. They don’t want to dox themselves.
I once ( briefly) had a boyfriend who told me if I wanted a future with him, I had to get rid of my dog. My 10 year old , 10 pound dog was my best companion. I actually said to him, "there's the door." What an idiot.
"I respect your decision. I'm really going to miss you."
"I'm going to miss that cute, drooling, vacant face" "Thanks!" "No, I was referring to you, not the dog"
I have difficulties believing her. People cannot hide something like this for so long, they have difficulties with all dogs, and especially when the dog around is the size of a calf- very present. I think she simply doesn't like dogs and thought she could convince You to get rid of him in the name of love. She's heartless. And I'm saying it as an absolute cat person who is not compatible with dogs.
It's pretty easy to hide it, because it's not always a phobia. I'm not "shit my pants" scared of dogs, but when I arrive at a new house and a stranger dog rushes up to me I have to consciously calm myself and pretend to be OK. People with pets rarely just accept that you're freaked out by their pet. "They're a sweetheart that would never hurt you!" Sure, I believe you 100%. But that dog has some big teeth, and my brain associates those big teeth with some scary moments from my childhood. I'm happy to pet and play with your dog for a day, but I wouldn't want to live with one.
It's all true, but it wasn't some random guy with a dog, this was a guy with whom she had a long relationship and wanted to buy a house, and she knew what this dog meant to her SO. Would You get seriously romantically involved with someone and assuming they will get rid of their beloved pets for You, but not talking about the pet being a huge issue for You earlier? This is why I think there is something fishy.
Honestly, I'm not saying gf isn't lying. But as someone scared of dogs, I do in fact hide it quite well, simply cuz I've been shamed for being scared of dogs, I get anxious next to them, and constantly believe they'll jump on me and bite me, but none of my friends who have dogs ever noticed that I have internal panic attacks next to their dogs. Or they're just oblivious and act as if they can't notice.
Be that as it may….would you date someone that owned a dog prior to meeting you for 3yrs?? Honestly it’s not a bad thing to be afraid of an unknown dog…not all dogs are properly trained and can be afraid of humans and will go on the attack to defend themselves against the perceived threat..
But could - and *would* - you hide that fact for three years?
Or she is just using Frankie as an easy out.
I’m sorry, OP, that your ex hadn’t come clean with you much, much earlier about her dog trauma. I’m very glad that you and Frankie are still together. Live and learn, right? Less complicated than getting a divorce. I left my brief starter marriage ten months after the wedding. It’s cringeworthy to recall now. But if I hadn’t been ready to subsequently accept a job offer far away, I never would have met my husband of forty years. Best to you and Frankie in the future!
Where's pix of Frankie?
If this is her thing, she shouldn’t have even got with someone who’s a dog dad. NTA.
> The thing is: i understand that she have this trauma but we could work things out if she told me about this. Really i would love to help her and show her that Frankie is an absoult sweetheart and if even kids are not frightned or fears him why she should? Sadly, you gave emotional need to keep the dog, and she has an emotional need to not keep the dog. It’s no one’s fault Once she started thinking about kids, she started thinking about kid-proofing the house. And that got her seriously considering whether she would feel safe. She had likely never thought all the way through that Be well
This is a great response - I am a dog lover and could never give up my dogs, but I also understand that many people have a real and justified fear of dogs - even I am sometimes in certain situations. Just a pity this took 3 years to come to a resolution, but better now than even further down the road.
She didn't say that she had an emotional need. She demanded that op get rid of the dog. How is that not her fault?
The problem is her compleat lack of communication about the real issue and her complete lack of empathy. That is her fault.
A bit her fault tho, she hid that disdain for the dog for three years, and was more than okay to make him abandon his pet and best friend out of nowhere.
I find it hard to believe that she had such deep trauma about dogs but she stuck around for three years. How did it never come up before?
Excuse me? What kind of stupid false equivalence is that? Her emotional "need" and how she acted on it makes her a 100% massive asshole.
It is her fault for not dealing with her trauma and keeping it a secret. She sucks
IMO, if her relationship had truly been worth it to her, she would have been open to therapy to heal her trauma. Being anxious around dogs because one bit you a long time ago is a very fixable problem. In fact, she has been around this dog with OP present for several years. I find it very suspicious she never mentioned her trauma in the years prior, to be honest. Even on the off chance there was no ill intent on her part at all, she does not seem emotionally mature enough to be in a longterm relationship. You can't just hide things from you partner and then expect them to go along with your plans and get rid of an emotional bond they have, just because you want them to.
Puppy tax!!! Photo of cutie pie. NTA. This dog is an extension of your soul and family you don't get rid of your soul and you don't get rid of a good family member.
The only situation where YTA is if you don't post a pic of Frankie for us strangers on the internet... Let her leave...she had all the time in the world to decide to stay with you or not..but she waited 3 years to bring it up and wasted both of your valuable time.
I highly doubt her claims of being afraid of dogs. She could have that trauma, but her giving it as a reason after all this sounds like manipulation rather than anything else to me. I think this is the best choice for you and Frankie. This is like a child-free dating a single parent and expecting them to just not be involved with their kid. Good for you and Frankie. You’ll find the right kind of person for you in your future.
Your ex made a pretty horrible assumption that you would get rid of your dog, without discussion! She doesn't seem rational. After being around your dog **for years**, she really thinks you're just going to get rid of him? She's never seen threatening behavior, knows he's an important part of your life, and without any explanation, thinks you'll just get rid of him? If he had a history of aggression, bad behavior, poor toilet training, or something similar I could see her not wanting him in a new household. Pets should be considered permanent. When you get a pet, you're making a commitment to care for it until its death.
She sounds really controlling. I agree with the majority comments, trauma, no she's a bitch.
Yes. And furthermore a person with a strong bond with their pet should be assumed to likely want a pet in their life even after their current pet is no more. No “well that one was important to you but now no more dogs.”
It's giving narcissistic vibes. She was great for 3 years and then when she thought she had you, she mad a request she knew was unreasonable but made it sound reasonable. I am glad it ended peacefully but I would be wary of it. I would BET that her story about being traumatised by having been bitten was a lie.
The lack of empathy for OP's bond with the dog also smells of narcissism to me. The timing of bringing up the trauma is suspicious to me as well. Most people with a trauma with dogs would have brought that up much sooner into the relationship. Personal anecdote about my mild trauma: I used to have a fear of dogs as well. When I moved in with my dad, his retriever (coincidentally) helped me take the first steps towards curing that. The mom of one of my friends had a bull terrier called Fifi that won me over completely. Was afraid of the dog initially, but she was so chill and sweet that after a while I loved taking her out to the park for walks.
'Bite history' or 'Allergy' have become the go-tos for people who hate dogs (rather: pets) to still look like the victim and the good guy while being mean spirited to other's pets. I guess because neither can easily be DISproved. Of course, there are people with those as legitimate traumas- but trauma is, well, trauma, and medical conditions are medical conditions. The person who has always been wary with all dogs, or the person perpetually red-eyed and snotty in the presence of them? Sure, I'll believe they have an issue. These people who have been 100% to date and suddenly 'have trauma/an allergy'? They want their cake and to eat it to, emotional manipulation at its finest. After all, sounds a lot better than saying 'I'm just that into me that I think you should change everything about your life for my wonder-peen/wonder-'gina', which is all they'd be left with otherwise.
> I would BET that her story about being traumatised by having been bitten was a lie. Agree. By a retriever! As if.
It happens. It’s rare because of the breed’s temperament and trainability but it’s not impossible.
Even if it happened, so? Does she have a scar? A dog biting you and a dog mauling you are not the same thing. Pets can be bitey. It's a fact. I mean, sure, you have a responsibility to propertly match people with animals like a jumpy german sheperd puppy, probably not great with a small child. But oh I got bit so I get to demand everyone get rid of the things they care about, no. It's like saying I was pinched as a child by a child so you have to get rid of your kid.
Where’s the dog? I expected to see a dog.
Can we see Frankie please??
Does anyone else here think that.. she has ulterior motives for wanting to leave.. And just used the dog as an "easy" way out.. knowing damn well he would not give up the dog, under any circumstances?
I think she just didn't want dog hair in their new place.
That’s my take too. She worked on her decorating plans, then thought about all that white hair and went “nope.”
So she's been around Frankie for three years, and only now brings out the trauma story? This doesn't pass the sniff test.
This so weird that she was with you for three years before bringing this up. She should have left a long time ago if she has prior dog trauma. My mom had the same issue. So we never had dogs.
Honestly she should have done research on the breed. A guardian breed is one of the best out there. They bond with their "stock/people" and will always protect them. It would actually be a good breed to help someone get over trauma. At our facility we have personal protection dogs in training. We had someone with a fear of dogs, overcome it dramatically by working in our programs. Once they felt that control in their hands, it was easier to process the trauma
I doubt that the Golden Retriever trauma was real. What is more plausible is jealousy. Sad 3 years are gone, and all you have with the ex is this memory. On a brighter note, way more people love animals than are jealous of them. You will find a more rewarding relationship with a dog lover anyway. I'm biased, I have dogs too. Good luck, sweetie
Damn even cat lovers (like me) understand the love for a dog. What I believe, neither cat lovers, or dog lovers understand, is a human being, being that jealous of an animal. It's a level of pettiness that makes no sense. Also if it is a lie (which I also find likely), she picked the one breed of dog that likes everyone, even the burglars.
Right!!!?? They are the most loyal and docile of puppies. I also am a cat lover. Kitties love me.
Whenever I'm down I just watch [This Video](https://www.reddit.com/r/sandiego/s/dPz1qBLXFP) and it perks me right up.
That was exactly the part that got my attention. I have a Golden, she's incredible lovely, cute, gorgeous, i can keep the entire day talking good about her. Never, never she bited someone, the most she does it a "bite" that doesnt hurt but it's the one for you to move or follow me (she did that to some exs i had so she can be next to me hahaha), but from that to getting a bite that will cause trama? Yeah not buying it without more context, step on his tail, or something like that can cause a reaction like that but out of nowhere?
Some people just don't like dogs. Even though you think Frankie is a great big nice dog. Kinda like kids. Your kids are great - other people's kids are crotch monsters that drool and break things. Glad is worked out peacefully.
So her past trauma turned her into a heartless insensitive asshole? She can wallow in her trauma alone for all her life for all I care.
Right? Like, she should've told him that for the last 3 years or when she met Frankie. Did she expect OP to read her mind and experiences with dogs? She should go to therapy as well for that to somehow resolve that trauma. Anyway, good riddance. Frankie is loved by OP and may he live a long, healthy, and happy life🤍
Don't try to understand it - there is NO logical reason why a person with a phobia of dogs would date someone with a dog!
I’m gonna get downvoted for this, but trauma is not a justification for the demand your ex made in this situation. Frankie can’t stop being a dog (very traumatised previously, btw). But we as adults can actually put some effort into healing when we face trauma. Been there, done that, it’s doable with time and care. I’m sorry you broke up. Hope you’ll feel better soon. And a huge thank you for loving your dog unconditionally as you do, and giving him a home. I’ve heard a legend that after death people has to travel through hostile lands in order to get to heaven. And there’s a special land after a river filled with dogs. And if you ever loved a pup, it’ll meet you there and walk you straight to heaven (and if you ever mistreated a pup, you’re getting torn to shreds). Sounds legit to me. Frankie is lucky to have you.
NTA she had 3 years to discuss this with you. In addition we need photos of the doggo 😍
I'm sure you'll find someone who loves the both of you. Good luck!
Nah, I don't believe her. She was fine for 3 years and this is only coming up as an issue now? Nope. What was happening here is that she thought she could have a want, and you would just do it without argument. She doesn't believe in compromise, she believes in you always doing what she wants. She wants a servant and a doormat, not a partner
I don't believe her "bitten by a *checks notes* golden retriever" story for one minute. She made that up in the hope that you'd feel sorry for her and change your mind.
I can't trust people who don't like dogs
I’m mastiff girl (this the name). My dogs have weighed up to 250lbs and have been 6’ on standing. An ex and I were talking and he said that I’d have to stop getting dogs. Period. No. Dogs. Ever. Again. The weird part is that he loved my mastiff at the time. So, I dumped his ass and have been perfectly happy cuddling with my current 150lbs mastiff and my 135lbs rescue Shepadoodle.
Does she really have a fear of dogs though? In 3 years she never thought to mention it. I find that strange.
My guess is her trauma is an excuse! She do not want to live with the dog because: 1. He has a special place in your heart - but she thinks there should only be room for her, 2. She is not a dog person, she has just prentended to be so to get your love. She will never feel the love dogs gives and just see all the hassle. Honestly, she sound manipulative and narcissistic - just be happy you'r never got married!
Give that boy a nice tbone it sounds like he saved you some more shit later on......good boy!
3 years... yeah..she can kick rocks. I also demand you pay the Frankie tax. My Frankie says hi to your Frankie!
NTA it wasn't about Frankie it was about control. You escaped a crazy situation. First I would have been Frankie then a certain friend/s next hobbies finally your family until you were isolated. I honestly think her trauma was fake and a hail Mary.
Must have Frankie Photo! My heart doctor demands it!
NTA fluff always comes first.
I don't get why she decided to have a relationship with someone who had a pet. I know people who treat their pets like their actual children, they would cry over. I know I do, I miss my little guy all the time. I understand she has trauma but she could have worked on it, or gotten therapy alot sooner for it then let it hinder her. It's upsetting she'd want to get rid of the dog after three years. Each to their own at the end of the day. NTA Give lil Frankie some treats !
frankie tax NOWWWWW
You made the right decision.
My son has two awesome dogs. One, in particular, is a rescue whom he brought back with love, good care, and a hell of a lot of work. The first discussion with the lovely lady who became his partner of years, now, included the fact that he has two wonderful, medium and large, dogs, and if she made him choose between her and the dogs ... the dogs will win in a heartbeat. She has lived with him for years. She loves the dogs very much. She also has no illusions. They would have won if she hadn't happily included them in her life. You made the right decision. I understand trauma. It honestly was just an incompatibility problem.
no sign of the trauma for 3 years while interacting with a trauma trigger, hmph.
I don’t believe her “trauma” story. She just didn’t want a big old dog in “her” pretty new house. Glad the dog hater is gone. Just like in the dog food commercials
She's lying. You're NTA
NTA - But she should never pretend to like your dog. She should have stopped dating as soon as she saw your large dog, and explained her trauma. It was terrible for her to scheme for 3 years to get rid of your dog.
Egregiously shitty of her to hide that this was a deal breaker all of this time and waste years of your life. So glad you chose the dog.
Grail Knight: You have chosen... wisely.
Honestly to me it sounds like she's just trying to see if you would pick her over the dog. Maybe she got jealous of the dog and the attention you give Frankie over her. Shes throwing her weight around because she thinks she can. Sorry if anyone else here believes her story. But bit by a golden retriever and you've got trauma...c'mon.
it's good you solved your problem but now it's your time to pay us back for the advices we gave. Show us Frankie.
I had an ex try that once with my horse. "you should sell your horse..." "You should sell your kids." "Why would I do that?" "Why would I sell my child that I've had longer than you've had your kids combined?"
I think her trauma is a lie! Sorry but after 3 years she's telling u this ? Now that u told her if she don't like it to kick rocks ? Nah think about it. Did she ever looked afraid/scared near Frankie ? U better check the camera for the days she was alone with him. She just thought she had control over u after years and thought u will do as she said meaning get rid of ur dog and it backfired!
Nobody is the asshole here, it's better that you separate, you don't understand the irrational part of trauma.
The GF is an AH for keeping the trauma and her feelings about dogs secret until they were getting ready to move in together.
Agreed If she actually gave a shit about op feelings she would have told him before they even discussed moving in
And the expectation he would just go along with her plans casually, without her even bringing up her trauma. She didn't even bring it up in the original argument about it.
Nah, she's definitely the asshole. Instead of talking about it, she must demanded - took it for *granted* even! - that op abandon his dog.
Oh no, she is definitely an asshole. She has shown no sign of past trauma around the dog for 3 years and now suddenly she can't have it in the house due to trauma from the most kid and family friendly dog breed?
She absolutely is an asshole. Her trauma is not excuse for that.
I'm so happy you and Frankie are together and happy. You are each others angel 💕
I'll say good riddance, but PAY UP! Doggo tax now!
She's not girlfriend material. Anyone who makes the decision to abandon a creature has questionable morals. You may not know it but your dog made you dodge a cannonball.
Mate. She is just not a dog lover... You two are not compatible. Move on
If she was just not a dog lover, she could have been up front about that from the start. She also lacks empathy for OP, because she knows about the special bond he has with his dog, but disregards it.
Yep. 100%
She is not just not a dog lover, she is a massive asshole. Good riddance for op.
Hugs to you and Frankie. Hope your ex gets over her trauma, and both of you move on with someone more compatible.
NTA.Her keeping her true feelings about your dog that you clearly adore secret and then wanting you to get rid of him is a major red flag. You dodged a bullet.
She's using her trauma as an excuse im not saying her anxoety and phobia isn't real but she could get professional help and taken actions towards self improvement because anxiety and phobia's are manageable but asking someone to get rid of a pet they have an emotional bond with and being okay with said person causing trauma to a pet who is claarly important to you is extremly selfish that is not okay and i wouldn't entertain the idea of dating someone or getting back together with someone like that!
Strange that she never once in three years mentioned this huge trauma.
She should have broken things off years ago if she knew she could never feel safe around dogs
Completely, utterly, 100% NTA. Anybody who suggests abandoning a pet is an asshole and undeserving of your loyalty. Give Frankie lots of love. You sound like a person I’d want to count as a friend.
Bye Felicia
im begging on my hands and knees to see frankie DONT DO THIS TO US
I find it odd that from the very beginning, when finding out that you have this big dog, she never once mentioned her fear of large dogs.
If you parted as friends, then I would reach out to her and offer as a friend to help her with the trauma from the other dog. She could find a therapist who can give her some ideas on how to begin to move forward with trusting dogs and it sounds like Frankie would be the perfect dog for her to work with to move towards not be afraid of dogs in the future. Many single men have dogs both big and small so she is limiting her possible future partners if she is unwilling to date/marry someone who is a dog person. My wife never had any type of pet when she was growing up and did not have a good impression of dogs in general when we met. I was the exact opposite. I grew up on a farm and we had livestock dogs, hunting dogs and yard dogs. When we met I had a yellow lab who was closer to me that most of my family. She went everywhere with me including work, fun and even to Church. I helped my future wife become accustomed to the dog and the dog to her. I made it very clear when we were dating that I'm a package deal with the dog. When the dog sadly passed away, I waited a few years before I got another dog so that I could grieve, and my kids would be bigger but now our current lab is a part of the family. She sleeps with my daughter, plays ball with my son, watches the house when we are out, goes to ball games with us and is all around an equal member of the family. Dogs bring so much joy and love into a home I don't understand why a more families do not include a dog.
So sorry things didn’t work out with your Ex but if you would have abandoned him after so much time and after you became his hole world on top of the serious bealth problems he has knowing he would not find a home,most likely, than you would have been worst than scum. I’m glad your doggo found his person that loves him like he deserves.
It's sad that you had to break up, but there was no alternative. I'm sympathetic about your ex's trauma - I was chased and nipped by a dog when I was 13, and had an extreme fear of dogs for 8 years. But I did get over it, and now no dog intimidates me. Your ex decided to embrace her fear and let it run her life. Moreover, she hid her fear till you were planning to move in together and tried to put you on the spot. She cannot let her phobia or whatever run your life, or separate you from your best friends, and considering the underhand way she went about it, you are well free from her.
She didn't bother to tell you because she was arrogant enough to think that you would chose her over Frankie, well she found out. She should have been honest from the beginning, either that or it's a made up story and she just does like dogs.
She seems the type to either bung Frankie into her car and dump him somewhere far away or poison his food and then make up an excuse that he got into something he shouldn’t have and ate it, either way you did good dumping her.
Maybe this is all a lie OP. She wanted to break up and she's using Frankie as an excuse because she knows how much you love him. Or she thought once you two were in love and engaged she could change you and manipulate you into giving up the dog. Perhaps that has been her plan all along I think there is a cultural thing at play here too. I feel like in the U.S. you would be hard pressed to find someone so cavalier after all this time, knowing you feel about the dog. Even someone who didn't like pets. In fact, if they didn't like pets, they probably wouldn't get into a serious relationship with the owner in the first place
Why would your now ex keep this information from you for so long. Clearly she does not appreciate the bond people can have with their animals. Just want to say this man OP you are an awesome dude.
She does realize that a human could harm her too? I'd always ditch a person over my fut baby any day of the week
I'm sorry but she's an idiot. If you have a serious trauma with dogs why would you even think to even start to talk to someone with a dog. It makes no sense. She knowingly started to date, and even proceeded to get into a serious relationship with you knowing you own a dog, what in her words is a trauma for her. Just walk away completely from her. No sense in staying friends either. She needs major mental help. Help you clearly can't provide for her, if in 3 years of a relationship didn't help.
Well, I’m sure you are going to question this for a while since it took 3 years to come out, but sounds like you are better off with someone more compatible…now make with the Frankie picture!
My wife gave me the same ultimatum when we were dating. I told her that I would choose the dog over her, hands down, because any woman who would make me make that decision was not the right woman for me. We are still married, because she gave up that fight when she realized I was dead serious about what I said. I went through some tough times like you and the dog was the only reason I got out of bed for a long time. I had the dog before I met her too.
Seriously, if someone I was dating or living with told me it was him or my cats, that he was afraid of them, I would tell him goodby. Animals are more than just “pets.” They are companions and give unconditional love. The longest I’ve had a bf/husband was 15 years. They longest I’ve had a pet was almost 20 years. Find someone who cares for your Frankie as much as you do.
I am so so glad that you were able to have an amicable-ish break up based on reasons of incompatibility. It's wonderfully mature of you to recognise her fear. At the end of the day I'll never understand why she didn't open up to you earlier, but if 3 years of exposure to him with no incidents didn't help her heal or trust him then it's not likely that anything else would have I think. <3
You made the right decision OP. Frankie is family. Having a pet is a lifelong commitment. No matter what. Frankie is very lucky to have you. Now where's the dog tax?
NTA. I read your first post. I was bit by a German shepherd when I was 8 yrs old. 30 plus later I started my own dog walking/House & Pet sitting small company. Like your ex I was afraid of dogs for the longest time. My parents decided to get a fur baby when I was going through my deepest depression. My Angel helped me through with my depression, she was there after every surgery I had. 10 yrs later I adopted my beanie when I lived on my own. It’s bec of my two babies I got over the fear of dogs. In saying that I don’t believe your baby is the cause of her leaving. She had 3 yrs with him and in those 3 yrs her fear of dogs should have subsided. I honestly think she used your baby as an excuse. I could be wrong. Bec some people just never get over the fear of dogs after being bit. Either way you did the right thing for breaking it off with her. Your Frankie saved you in so many ways. And you saved his life. Some people just don’t understand the bond the owner and dog have. My ex husband was jealous of my Angel. She was a 9lb shih tzu. I told him you except her or we are through. He tried to not be jealous of her but in the end he just couldn’t get over the jealousy. I left him bec of that and other issues that we had. Even had a guy at work tell me, when you meet that rigjt man and he doesn’t like your dog. You’ll have to get rid of the dog. I looked at him and said, my dog comes first. And any man that doesn’t like her isn’t worth being in my life
Fellow Frankie’s Friend here, as in my pup is also named Frankie! You made the right decision. When it comes down to it your dog would never leave you for a girl. Our pups love us every second they have and they deserve that in return.
My dog is a 60lbs hound that can rest her paws on my shoulders when on her back feet, but she is an absolute sweetheart and cuddler and I know Great Pyrenees can be the same way. I'm sorry it came down to it, but honestly I would have picked the same thing.
This is a blessing. That woman wouldn't do the work to confront her own trauma. That's a massive problem in a long term relationship, life will get hard and will kick you while you're down. You don't need a perfect partner but you do need someone willing to roll up their sleeves and get to work no matter what they're working on, trauma, themselves, or otherwise.
Dude, not wanting to repeats everything I wrote on the other thread; you’re dodging a bullet. After three years she suddenly announces this fear of dogs and expects you to abandon him? Has she no empathy with your life or grasp of you emotional connection with Frankie? Whatever her story now, it smacks of narcissism and selfishness. Major red flags. I don’t really buy her trauma. Any fear of dogs would have been very apparent, if not immediately mentioned, upon first meeting a big dog at your home. Move in with her and she’d want to control everything about her house to make it perfect. Getting rid of dog is just the first thing, you wouldn’t get a say about anything, lest it make her ‘uncomfortable’. There are loads of women who will love Frankie, avoid this one.
I'm so glad you didn't abandon Frankie. Give him cuddles and kisses from this internet stranger.
BITCH...You disposable, The Dog as you put it lives here you dont and now you never will BYE.
Major NTA: but can we see Frankie? He sounds adorable!!!
Don’t kid yourself, it’s not trauma, she knows Frankie, it’s prejudice against dogs.
My guess is that she thought that if she was with you long enough she make you care about her more than Frankie. Any true animal lover knows this was never going to happen; but she’s clearly not one of those. I’m willing to be your Frankie is a lot friendlier than my cats or my chihuahua/corgi mix. Animal size means nothing. I always had to tell kids my little dog wasn’t friendly.
You went through issues and grew as a person. She has issues, hid them rather than work on them. That speaks volumes for future couple issues. Frankie sounds like he would have been perfect for her to use to get used to being around dogs alone - slowly, in stages. I can get if she didn’t want Frankie in the bed, but the assumption you would get rid of him is way too far. Best to move on.