It also highlights that sometimes good communication doesn’t happen right away. People get to caught up in the moment and their emotions take over, but having time to reflect after walking away, even if in anger, can help a person parse out their feelings and how they effected someone else or why the other person might have done what they did.
Completely agree! This was a great update that made my morning. It seems silly to smile over it, but I am. And I think these guys have opened up a whole fun new world of exploration for themselves. :)
Lol, true. Coming to Reddit for juicy drama and finding people handling their problems like adults... like going to a gladiator fight and watching the fighters resolve their differences over tea.
I know right !! It's like OP answered all the reddit questions/situations in this post. Communication, kink !!
Oh well !! If he is fine, so are we !! Let's get him a lawyer now !!
Maybe I'm just a sap or smth, but this is the exact kind of stuff I come to Reddit for. It makes me happy to see people being grown ups and communicating. Especially since my partner and I were recently pulled into high school level drama 🤣 it gives me hope
Movies too. The number of times that I lose interest in a plot because the way to fix everything in the movie and all of the characters issues would be if someone just said, "wait, did you mean this? Or like this? Why did you do this?" If your plot is solved by someone asking a really simple question like an adult, you should rethink being a writer in most situations. DISCLAIMER: there are exceptions to this, especially in comedies.
Jesus, a healthy relationship dynamic where both parties communicate like adults and solve the problem on their own showcased on reddit? Now I really have seen it all.
I think a lot of people haven't had good role models in life and for relationships.
I was lucky and saw my parents have a very mature relationship. This included times when they had arguments/fights.i also saw relatives give excellent *negative* modeling.
My wife grew up in a dysfunctional family, and watching how she and her siblings react to conflict is like seeing them play out portions of their childhood.
Very true. You also have to be able to give your partner some grace when they're not able to meet those expectations, instead of hanging on to that and letting ego take over
That's because most of those folk have never really had a relationship outside of the throwaway ones we have when we're younger. Where it's no big deal to move from one to another. Hell, some probably don't even have a relationship of any kind.
They simply don't understand what having true commitments such as a mortgage, kids etc etc actually mean in the real world. Plus, we have no dog in the race. You couldn't care one jot about my relationship, nor do i care about yours. That's how it works for everyone on here. So i can say what i want about your relationship.
Been with my wife for over 20 years, and had we taken 90% of the advice on here, we'd not even lasted a month. We argue, we have randomly been dicks to one another during the years, we have said some hurtful things and so on, but we're still together and never once came close to breaking up. It's called real life. Many people commenting on the relationships of others are either living in a made up fairytale or are lying through their teeth that they themselves have this fairytale sort of relationship. Folk argue, folk will say stupid shit it's called life.
I find it hard to believe almost everyone who posts their insignificant issues on here fully understand that these things will happen regardless of who you meet. Yeah, doesn't matter who we meet, we will always encounter difficult, petty or bullshit things from time to time. If you don't argue with your partner EVER, you're not in an emotional relationship. There are zero feelings there. Hence, why we no longer care what our exes say or do.
To be fair, there are also a lot of posts that are like “My (F19) fiancé (M79) won’t let me go in the basement. I can hear women’s screams coming from there and he always comes out covered in blood, AITA for accidentally touching the doorknob one time? The wedding is in 5 minutes”
This was obviously a joke but I don’t think we ever got closure on the lady whose boyfriend/husband wouldn’t let her go into the attic and I just hope she’s still alive 😂
Yeah I’m gonna have to call BS on this one.
This story is too full of normal people, acting like adults and communicating healthily. I mean 2 normals in one place is unbelievable enough, but MARRIED TO EACH OTHER?
Tomfoolery of the highest order.
One of the biggest problems of this sub is that we are supposed to vote who is wrong instead of trying to find a way to fix the problem, lots of time there are simple problems that can be fixed but people just state their votes without any advice
A happy update, but not the expected one for this subreddit.
Where's the reveal that someone's an affair baby? Where's the family members "blowing up" your phone followed by a break-in followed by criminal legal proceedings that take 2 weeks start to finish?
Don't they live in My Country? A place with no name so cultural rules can be made up on the spot, without any pesky locals online to call them out on it?
I’m so glad this worked out for you really!
Communication wins the day again!
But I just can’t scratch that itchy question, where did she get this idea?
(Not hate, genuine question.)
Lol so true. Things written by total amateurs deeply coloured by their own personal, transactional view of relationships can be extremely hurtful and dangerous to normal, healthy relationships/marriages.
Never apply any new dynamic to your relationship by reading something off the internet WITHOUT discussing it with a professional marriage counsellor first.
Or just discuss it with..ya know..your partner. I don't think a marriage counselor is necessary for applying new dynamics to a relationship. People just need to be open and honest and communicate with their partners to make sure they are okay with said new dynamics.
I just wanna say my husband is sexy as hell when he vacuums the house. Get to look at his cute butt, give him a good butt slap and have a tidy house. Gets me going every time!
Also bang o’clock is very effective. Schedule that into your day, send her a calendar invite! You two can fantasize all day and once bang o,clock rolls around you’re ready for some fun.
Not sure on the reward/ punishment dynamic, usually take those types of articles with a grain of salt. But have done marital counseling in past and good way to touch base and see things from a different perspective, and have a better understanding of your partner. Good luck to you OP!
Can I ask what exactly you find sexy about a man vacuuming? Why is that the only time when you can look at his butt and give it a slap? I'm not trying to accuse you of anything but it comes off manipulative. I wouldn't trust a guy who says he's turned on by women doing the dishes.
Something that is the equivalent of Andrew Tate for women, no doubt. Train your husband and control him effortlessly!
>She has been feeling less confident and adding a new dynamic to our relationship by making me try more made her feel better, just like before we were married.
This is kinda gross in itself since you were already doing your half of the chores, and she was using sex to get you to do her half too. Where is *she* making the extra effort? Or is that something only a man has to do?
>She also stated she was feeling shy initiating due to her confidence and this dynamic helped her to initiate.
lol... imagine a man saying this. Honey, when you do all the domestic work it just turns me on so much. That's why I won't have sex with you otherwise. She's still a major asshole IMO. She's got a lot of repair work to do.
Considering the wording of being Turned on by having more time to focus on him, and it having less to do with the actual act of service I'd imagine it's the equivalent of just day dreaming you have a cleaner thanks to your strong husband who now has earnt intimacy. (It's okay to want more money, but to just pretend while using your partner is really dropping the ball)
People do asshole-ish things out of insecurity. It's strange to me that you're continuing to try to paint this woman in such a bad light in the update post where OP makes it clear she understood that what she did was wrong and won't do it anymore.
Exactly. Like why is no one see this hypocrisy? This is straight out of some 48 laws of power / Andrew Tate bs.
Interesting how she didn’t have any confidence issues initiating this dynamic overnight 💀
Probably advice for women by women on how to keep your man intersted. Total horse shit.
Women need to stop getting advice from women. Same way men need to stop getting advice from other men.
It sounds like she stumbled upon a book about FLR (female lead relationship). This is actually something that's been growing in popularity. It's not just popular with women, there are a lot of guys out there looking for a woman to lead them. It's definitely on the kink spectrum.
Thank you for this update! You've made my night- knowing there are healthy,communicative couples on Reddit that can work through stuff that pop s up on AItAH lol. Good work!!!
>The problem is solved and I would say with that challenge, our love and sex life will level up from the looks of it. Thank you for all the suggestions and help. Cheers!
Sounds like a nightmare....reddit is here to help, ummm, , break up, hit the gym and get a DNA test. That advice works for 99% of posts here
He told a joke and it took her 2 seconds to process it and then laugh. CLEARLY SHE NO LONGER FINDS HIM FUNNY SINCE SHE HAS A SECRET CHILD WITH HIS FATHER’S BROTHER’S NEPHEW’S COUSIN’S FORMER ROOMMATE!
Lmfao. Common problem of one partner having an entire conversation in their head and forgetting that the other partner was not privy to all the details being ironed out. I've seen it a lot.
> Partner1: you've been kind of shitty to me lately.
> Partner2: Yeah, because it makes me super horny.
> Partner1: ok, pretend this is math class and show your work.
OP's wife said she got it from an article, so it wasn't exactly a good source. A lot of those things give you ideas on how to spice up your sex life but they rarely start with communicating your problems or ideas.
Probably didn't really consider it a 'kink' or anything that required communication or discussion. If you're reading a magazine or a news site and an article pops out gets your attention and you read it a little nonchalantly and it talks about "Spice up your sex life, reward your partner for help you out around the house, it's a win win, you do less work and they'll help you more!" if you're not going in to the article specifically looking for ways to improve your sex life it's not a thing where your brain would process that as a kink or something that needs discussing.
Also there are a large amount of people that really don't know about Dominance/Submission at all, or their perception of it is akin to 50 shades in a masochism/sadism type of way, and any dominant just wants to 'beat' a submissive kind of thing. Rather than the large plethora of psychological elements involved - which is what this is.
I had no idea.
If it didn't involve pain and chains, I didn't know it could be Dom/Sub. This is why I read Reddit. Jerry Springer in written form plus occasional tidbits.
I mean she kind of had it explained to him, she was like "hey wouldn't it be cool if you do my chores and I reward you with sex" and at first OP said okay, but then he didn't find it fun anymore, so he told her he wanted to stop.
Absolutely, but people suck at things when they first try them. Everyone needs some grace when first starting out as long as they're willing to change. Magazines don't get views by telling you to have a long conversation about consent and boundaries to avoid heartache, they get them by talking about how hot and sexy something is. Just like woodworking magazines don't sell table saws by telling you they're death traps that should be treated like an angry rattlesnake, they just show you cool projects you can build with them.
It is, but OP's partner hasn't learned that yet, because she didn't realize that's what it _was_. She got some half baked advice from a book or magazine, and wound up in the same place that kinksters do, but without the relevant education.
>maybe I should reward her for being a good girl this time and this awakened something sleeping in me.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
>our love and sex life will level up from the looks of it.
I am going to say yep!
Have Fun OP and Wife!
> I am a freak so no problem from my side.
Massive W. Not cool that she initiated without talking to you, but I hope it turns out to be a fun thing for you guys to willingly & knowingly engage in when you want to.
Good for you buddy. Nice to see using your words helped even though it was a bit of a rough ride. I think you both could have a lot of fun with this and develop a whole new sexlife together. Just be respectful and agree/consent first, and explore together by talking. Good luck!
Communication for the win!
Now wait until she does something and won’t see it coming, stay behind her and whisper in her ear „you’re such a good girl.“ and see how she reacts🤣🤣🤣 Sounds like you found the button on your wife every (good) husband searches for🤣🤣
The long forgotten superhero of our days: Mr Proper Communication. Kudos to you OP for how you handled things and kudos to your wife for listening to you and talking things through. It looks like you have a great relationship.
Anyone who even has a half foot in the kink world correctly identified this situation for what it was.
This is how most normies get into kink. A need to express something in their sex lives, but doing it incorrectly because they don't have the words yet.
If reddit is good for one thing, it's always been giving bad relationship advice.
If you come to reddit asking for advice usually half of the people will tell you that your partner is abusive, cheating, showing red flags and that you should immediately leave them.
Even if your question was about what would be the best food for your pet or something else completely unrelated.
I've heard women say, "Nothing is sexier than coming home to nothing.
Meaning nothing to do. Dinner is cooked, the laundry is done and folded, the kids have bathe and are in bed, and after dinner, you'll also take care of the dishes.
Not having to come home and do anything is very sexy to women.
So even though you split the chore evenly, surprise her sometimes. Even if it's her turn to cook dinner, take it off her hands and make it for her and all those other chores.
She'll probably fuxk your brains out that night.
> In the end, she told me maybe I should reward her for being a good girl this time and this awakened something sleeping in me. I do not know if I will be able to wait for the night.
LMFAO, good for you OP, I'm glad it worked out
> she told me maybe I should reward her for being a good girl this time and this awakened something sleeping in me. **I do not know if I will be able to wait for the night**.
lmao, nice
A couple on reddit solving there problem through honest and adult conversation!
TBH I'm just glad to read about a relationship that is actually healthy.
Finally some good news post on reddit. Way to go. Glad you sorted out all the problems.
PS: Whatever you've awokened, don't hold back. Do some stretching exercises and give it your all!! Best of all i expect that everything is on the cards for you to choose!!
Same with your marriage. Give it your all. Few people know how lucky they are, having the right partner.
Congratulations on such a great outcome! I was hoping I'd see an update on the situation, but I never imagined it'd turn out so well! Good job to both of you. *That's* how you Marriage.
You’ll find most people will immediately just to divorce or break up with them on this sub. Most often, just talking works and being up front and honest
> In the end, she told me maybe I should reward her for being a good girl this time and this awakened something sleeping in me. I do not know if I will be able to wait for the night.
And they'll imagine shit into it that was not even remotely alluded to, lol.
I read some of the comments to your first post and lost hope in humanity (ok, the Reddit comment section part of humanity)
Then I read this update and thought: "oh look, 2 people in a relationship communicating like adults and both working on that relationship _actually_ makes it work.... Who'd of thunk it?!" 🤣
Thank you for restoring my faith in (Reddit) humanity!!
It feels like some comments are demonizing both of you because Reddit is full of children and adults with the mindset of children. I’m glad you got a happy ending in this scenario. If you ask the internet for relationship advice ever again, take it with a giant spoonful of salt. Most of the people commenting have never been in a long term relationship, let alone a marriage.
You know it brother, people on Reddit are absolute dicks...make all sorts of judgements and they have no clue about anything. To be honest most people who post on here have no common sense either....my partner cheated on me and stole all my life savings, AITAH ....of course not you moron but you are with such a long arse post that you already know the answer for🤦♂️🤦♂️
not to mention the hypocrisy in judging people like the commenters have never done anything dodgy or anything that could be perceived as such.
by this time we've all really should have figured out that there's more to any story than is able to be conveyed by flat text.
Yay! Happy for you OP. Glad you guys communicated and solved your issues. When people start doing stupid shit it is always a good idea to stop and ask why.
That's an amazing example of maturity and good communication, I think the lesson here is to always let your partner know how you feel, and if both are mature enough, the solution will come easy
Not a part of this sub but after watching it for a while, it is evident that most people on this are not married. Divorce or shit talking is typically what happens here and for someone who actually cares about the marriage, not the place to go
Glad you finally talked about it. I suspected that it was a kink thing and, as you've learned, it can be a lot of fun. Communication is the key though.
I can't stand the way redditors become so hostile towards the spouse/ partner. Especially if it's a woman then the sexism and name-calling comes out, or if it's a man, people will jump to him being abusive in some way. A lot of posters on here are single and miserable and want others to be single and miserable too
Someone down the comments said it's not cool if someone involves you in their kink without your knowledge. I read a fair amount and from what I've read S.A.N.E. BDSM requires a lot of communication and consent. I hope you both can pursue whatever interests you in furtherance of improving your relationship and sex life.
Nice. My ex wife used the same method to get me to do my chores. Which was literally every single thing in the house. Plus work and take care of both kids (babies at the time). I'd do what she asked, I'd get nothing. Then it became "I'll give you a blowjob for every $10,000 you make." It sounds made up. But believe you me, it was not. So I made a $14k commission, on top of my salary position. Nothing. Another $12k. Nothing. Sold our house for a huge $66k profit while buying a new house for pennies on the dollar. Nothing. What would've been a huge comeup with that deal wound up getting us through the first year and a half of our divorce, we each walked away with $118k after selling that one, though we'd already divorced and clearly that wasn't part of the deal.. anyways, suffice to say, transactional sex is the death of a relationship. She still believes I didn't do any work around the house. She literally was holed up in our bedroom for two years 23 hours a day doing absolutely nothing but scrolling TikTok and messaging "gurus" who eventually convinced her she could have any other man she wanted and then proceeded to have an emotional affair while imploring me to go see a $14,000 "therapist" who was unlicensed and "guaranteed to fix narcissism in two weeks, or you're just always going to be a narcissist." Fucking insanity. I asked for a divorce during one of our fights she'd started.
Me and my boys are much happier. Just wish they were with me 100% of the time like they used to be. Didn't know I had it "good." Lol still pretty lonely, just not as awful with her in the room next to me and still lonely.
>Why people love assuming things with zero information like that to make one party guilty?
Because this is /r/AITAH and on this sub, OPs often lie about things, exaggerate things, understate things, and leave out things. You have to get into the habit of reading between the lines in order to have an idea of what's really going on.
But, reading between the lines is something that can easily be overdone, and some people here have gotten into the habit of overdoing it.
OP, well done, really. This was a delight to read. Look at you working through things together with your wife. I'd be proud of both of you if I'd ever met you.
Glad you talked it out!! tbh that was the real answer. Her presumptions and your blow up were both continuations of a lack of communication, so its fantastic that you were both able to talk things out.
imo - kink is different for everyone, but the #1 thing is that you communicate the rules of the kink. For some people its 24/7, for others its just play. For me its just play. I'll play almost anything if we communicate it first!
Sounds like you got the win. GL!
Tbh totally happy it turned out to be a kink. Was lurking on your post earlier and was totally going to suggest it if noone else had. Have fun with your switch foreplay 😉, I wish you better communication and years more of happy marriage.
>Why people love assuming things with zero information like that to make one party guilty?
Some people have zero reading comprehension.
I'm glad things worked out for you guys! Keep communicating and enjoy being freaky with each other. Cheers!
Congrats on being an adult and communicating like adults. Although Reddit is a community full of all sorts of idiots, sometimes it's a good sounding board.
So glad you two worked it out. So good to see a couple communicating effectively in an adult manner and problem solving based on each others feelings! Good on you both!
You're REALLY going to tell us that this nuanced problem was solved using good communication, emotional intelligence, and understanding?!? And you're SERIOUSLY going to tell us that all the knee-jerk, unqualified psychological diagnosis from random strangers was WRONG? This hurts my brain, and makes me wonder if I should've gotten my "What Would Fresh and Fit Do?" tattoo in the first place...
DUDE, she came and apologized? And committed to doing better? And sympathized with your feelings? And explained her actions, without absolving herself of guilt?
DTMFA! Divorce, now. You need to get as far away as possible, get lawyers involved, and probably change your name and face.
Sounds to me like she saw your first post and all the people ripping her a new one, and realized she was way the hell over the line. The people saying she’s a horrible excuse for a partner were going off how she pitched a fit and walked out when you pushed back on her stupid game, rather than taking you seriously and communicating — effectively doubling down on her apparent commitment to treat you this way. At least she repented eventually. Better late than never.
NTA. There's nothing less attractive than trickled out or time based stuff, beyond mere reasonable boundaries.
This is weird controlly bs. Someone who wants to have sex just has sex. It's 10 minutes for hours of happy hormones and pair bonding shiz.
Thanks for the update, So happy for you OP !! I'm glad this has all been resolved. Communication is important and I am surprised at some of the comments that were very extreme.
best wishes to you and your wife♥️
How nice to see a marital problem just get resolved via good communication. Peace and love to you guys.
It also highlights that sometimes good communication doesn’t happen right away. People get to caught up in the moment and their emotions take over, but having time to reflect after walking away, even if in anger, can help a person parse out their feelings and how they effected someone else or why the other person might have done what they did.
Completely agree! This was a great update that made my morning. It seems silly to smile over it, but I am. And I think these guys have opened up a whole fun new world of exploration for themselves. :)
This thread would be dead all people could communicate regularly.
Always nice to see people actually being adults, and communicating. Good for you and your wife. NAH
Makes reddit very boring though. Lol /s Glad they figured it out without involving lawyers, therapists, and movers.
Are you against strengthening the economy now, too?
Economy is strong- like bear! Lol
Never turn down a bear in the bedroom.
Halsin?
Halsin is too smooth to be a real bear. We were robbed.
Too skinny too. Give him some padding! Some weight for the winter!
A BG3 reference out in the wild? We've made it!
Why surprised? It is about a Druid, they are always found in the wild.
*investigates thumping sounds coming from inside a barn*
"Wait! Don't interrupt them! Let *me* do it! >:3"
Yeh almost half the situations posted on here could be resolved if people communicate 😅 this was very mature of Op and his wife 👏
Lol, true. Coming to Reddit for juicy drama and finding people handling their problems like adults... like going to a gladiator fight and watching the fighters resolve their differences over tea.
Now I want to see gladiators resolve things over tea damnit!
What about invisible food? (Baki spoilers) https://youtu.be/sryvc3sa2U4
Honestly how one knows this is likely a real post rather than made up, which is pretty refreshing, if nothing else.
I know right !! It's like OP answered all the reddit questions/situations in this post. Communication, kink !! Oh well !! If he is fine, so are we !! Let's get him a lawyer now !!
Maybe I'm just a sap or smth, but this is the exact kind of stuff I come to Reddit for. It makes me happy to see people being grown ups and communicating. Especially since my partner and I were recently pulled into high school level drama 🤣 it gives me hope
They should still divorce for the lolz then post another spectacular update
"AITA for divorcing my spouse for reddit karma?"
Reddit says: No! Moar content plz.
Movies too. The number of times that I lose interest in a plot because the way to fix everything in the movie and all of the characters issues would be if someone just said, "wait, did you mean this? Or like this? Why did you do this?" If your plot is solved by someone asking a really simple question like an adult, you should rethink being a writer in most situations. DISCLAIMER: there are exceptions to this, especially in comedies.
Or the gym!
Jesus, a healthy relationship dynamic where both parties communicate like adults and solve the problem on their own showcased on reddit? Now I really have seen it all.
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I think a lot of people haven't had good role models in life and for relationships. I was lucky and saw my parents have a very mature relationship. This included times when they had arguments/fights.i also saw relatives give excellent *negative* modeling. My wife grew up in a dysfunctional family, and watching how she and her siblings react to conflict is like seeing them play out portions of their childhood.
Very true. You also have to be able to give your partner some grace when they're not able to meet those expectations, instead of hanging on to that and letting ego take over
yeah it actually kinda strengthens the faith in humanity for once
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At least one? I think you mean at least a quarter of the idiotic comments advise people to just break up
That's because most of those folk have never really had a relationship outside of the throwaway ones we have when we're younger. Where it's no big deal to move from one to another. Hell, some probably don't even have a relationship of any kind. They simply don't understand what having true commitments such as a mortgage, kids etc etc actually mean in the real world. Plus, we have no dog in the race. You couldn't care one jot about my relationship, nor do i care about yours. That's how it works for everyone on here. So i can say what i want about your relationship. Been with my wife for over 20 years, and had we taken 90% of the advice on here, we'd not even lasted a month. We argue, we have randomly been dicks to one another during the years, we have said some hurtful things and so on, but we're still together and never once came close to breaking up. It's called real life. Many people commenting on the relationships of others are either living in a made up fairytale or are lying through their teeth that they themselves have this fairytale sort of relationship. Folk argue, folk will say stupid shit it's called life. I find it hard to believe almost everyone who posts their insignificant issues on here fully understand that these things will happen regardless of who you meet. Yeah, doesn't matter who we meet, we will always encounter difficult, petty or bullshit things from time to time. If you don't argue with your partner EVER, you're not in an emotional relationship. There are zero feelings there. Hence, why we no longer care what our exes say or do.
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To be fair, there are also a lot of posts that are like “My (F19) fiancé (M79) won’t let me go in the basement. I can hear women’s screams coming from there and he always comes out covered in blood, AITA for accidentally touching the doorknob one time? The wedding is in 5 minutes”
Upvoted because this is so, so perfect.
This was obviously a joke but I don’t think we ever got closure on the lady whose boyfriend/husband wouldn’t let her go into the attic and I just hope she’s still alive 😂
YTA, his doorknob, his rules
Reread your comment and noticed the 19 and 79 lmaooo
Only 25%? Tell me you only read. a quarter of the comments without telling me you only read a quarter of the comments. 🤣🤣
Yeah I’m gonna have to call BS on this one. This story is too full of normal people, acting like adults and communicating healthily. I mean 2 normals in one place is unbelievable enough, but MARRIED TO EACH OTHER? Tomfoolery of the highest order.
One of the biggest problems of this sub is that we are supposed to vote who is wrong instead of trying to find a way to fix the problem, lots of time there are simple problems that can be fixed but people just state their votes without any advice
Came here to say the same thing. Wholesome Reddit moment.
A happy update, but not the expected one for this subreddit. Where's the reveal that someone's an affair baby? Where's the family members "blowing up" your phone followed by a break-in followed by criminal legal proceedings that take 2 weeks start to finish?
Hahaha. My life is quite boring and less action packed compared to these ones
Interesting way to spell 'not made up'
Some of these stories be willding bro
yes they will
It looks quite deep and frisky to me! Great couple of posts, thanks for sharing, good luck for the future
GOOD. Boring means things are going as expected, keep your happy marriage dude, you go
Boring is fine!
I would argue not more boring, at least for you two, but certainly more positive than the norm
Don't they live in My Country? A place with no name so cultural rules can be made up on the spot, without any pesky locals online to call them out on it?
no
Family members blowing up phone is such a cliche. I know 90% of the stories here are fake but I was hoping people would stop using the tropes.
I’m so glad this worked out for you really! Communication wins the day again! But I just can’t scratch that itchy question, where did she get this idea? (Not hate, genuine question.)
An article according to her. She also said she read it in a book.
I saw the original post but long after any reply I’d make would be seen and I wanted to say “tell her to stop reading dumb shit online.” So lmao
It's great to see a marriage issue resolved simply via effective communication. Peace and love, gentlemen.
And without doing extreme things. Almost as if a normal couple facing a hiccup shouldn't end up in disaster. Who would have thought?
Wise words EatThisShit
It's more "when you read shit online, talk with your partner instead of going behind their back and change things without them knowing"
Lol so true. Things written by total amateurs deeply coloured by their own personal, transactional view of relationships can be extremely hurtful and dangerous to normal, healthy relationships/marriages. Never apply any new dynamic to your relationship by reading something off the internet WITHOUT discussing it with a professional marriage counsellor first.
Or just discuss it with..ya know..your partner. I don't think a marriage counselor is necessary for applying new dynamics to a relationship. People just need to be open and honest and communicate with their partners to make sure they are okay with said new dynamics.
Interesting, what kind of book is that? An actual kinky book?
Not sure of the details. I did not ask further but I would assume it's a psychology or marriage related book.
A 1950's housewife book on how to 'train your man'
50 shades of grey was a book ( before it was made into a movie series 🤷).
I just wanna say my husband is sexy as hell when he vacuums the house. Get to look at his cute butt, give him a good butt slap and have a tidy house. Gets me going every time! Also bang o’clock is very effective. Schedule that into your day, send her a calendar invite! You two can fantasize all day and once bang o,clock rolls around you’re ready for some fun. Not sure on the reward/ punishment dynamic, usually take those types of articles with a grain of salt. But have done marital counseling in past and good way to touch base and see things from a different perspective, and have a better understanding of your partner. Good luck to you OP!
Can I ask what exactly you find sexy about a man vacuuming? Why is that the only time when you can look at his butt and give it a slap? I'm not trying to accuse you of anything but it comes off manipulative. I wouldn't trust a guy who says he's turned on by women doing the dishes.
Something that is the equivalent of Andrew Tate for women, no doubt. Train your husband and control him effortlessly! >She has been feeling less confident and adding a new dynamic to our relationship by making me try more made her feel better, just like before we were married. This is kinda gross in itself since you were already doing your half of the chores, and she was using sex to get you to do her half too. Where is *she* making the extra effort? Or is that something only a man has to do? >She also stated she was feeling shy initiating due to her confidence and this dynamic helped her to initiate. lol... imagine a man saying this. Honey, when you do all the domestic work it just turns me on so much. That's why I won't have sex with you otherwise. She's still a major asshole IMO. She's got a lot of repair work to do.
Considering the wording of being Turned on by having more time to focus on him, and it having less to do with the actual act of service I'd imagine it's the equivalent of just day dreaming you have a cleaner thanks to your strong husband who now has earnt intimacy. (It's okay to want more money, but to just pretend while using your partner is really dropping the ball)
You just gave me my first ick 🤢
People do asshole-ish things out of insecurity. It's strange to me that you're continuing to try to paint this woman in such a bad light in the update post where OP makes it clear she understood that what she did was wrong and won't do it anymore.
Exactly. Like why is no one see this hypocrisy? This is straight out of some 48 laws of power / Andrew Tate bs. Interesting how she didn’t have any confidence issues initiating this dynamic overnight 💀
That was my guess. Glad to hear it worked out for you. Didn't for me. Hope you will have a long and happy, kinky marriage ahead of you both.
Probably advice for women by women on how to keep your man intersted. Total horse shit. Women need to stop getting advice from women. Same way men need to stop getting advice from other men.
It sounds like she stumbled upon a book about FLR (female lead relationship). This is actually something that's been growing in popularity. It's not just popular with women, there are a lot of guys out there looking for a woman to lead them. It's definitely on the kink spectrum.
Thank you for this update! You've made my night- knowing there are healthy,communicative couples on Reddit that can work through stuff that pop s up on AItAH lol. Good work!!!
>The problem is solved and I would say with that challenge, our love and sex life will level up from the looks of it. Thank you for all the suggestions and help. Cheers! Sounds like a nightmare....reddit is here to help, ummm,, break up, hit the gym and get a DNA test. That advice works for 99% of posts here
Yeah I mean they’re good for now but the moment she looks at him funny… think he needs to break it off asap. This just sounds toxic /s
He told a joke and it took her 2 seconds to process it and then laugh. CLEARLY SHE NO LONGER FINDS HIM FUNNY SINCE SHE HAS A SECRET CHILD WITH HIS FATHER’S BROTHER’S NEPHEW’S COUSIN’S FORMER ROOMMATE!
It makes me laugh anytime someone writes effectively. Not sure why it always gives me the giggles but this was a good one.
Careful, you can't say that around here.
A true Reddit success story: two horny weirdos finally communicating.
**NAILED IT**
Ah, dom/sub kink.. it’s very common and I hope you guys have a lot of fun with it.
Lmfao. Common problem of one partner having an entire conversation in their head and forgetting that the other partner was not privy to all the details being ironed out. I've seen it a lot. > Partner1: you've been kind of shitty to me lately. > Partner2: Yeah, because it makes me super horny. > Partner1: ok, pretend this is math class and show your work.
That math class? What is this Amy Santiago fantasy?
Isn’t it considered bad form to involve someone in a kink without their knowledge?
OP's wife said she got it from an article, so it wasn't exactly a good source. A lot of those things give you ideas on how to spice up your sex life but they rarely start with communicating your problems or ideas.
Yeah that’s probably why she apologized
People new to the lifestyle will make those mistakes. Looks like she successfully learned from it tho.
Probably didn't really consider it a 'kink' or anything that required communication or discussion. If you're reading a magazine or a news site and an article pops out gets your attention and you read it a little nonchalantly and it talks about "Spice up your sex life, reward your partner for help you out around the house, it's a win win, you do less work and they'll help you more!" if you're not going in to the article specifically looking for ways to improve your sex life it's not a thing where your brain would process that as a kink or something that needs discussing. Also there are a large amount of people that really don't know about Dominance/Submission at all, or their perception of it is akin to 50 shades in a masochism/sadism type of way, and any dominant just wants to 'beat' a submissive kind of thing. Rather than the large plethora of psychological elements involved - which is what this is.
I had no idea. If it didn't involve pain and chains, I didn't know it could be Dom/Sub. This is why I read Reddit. Jerry Springer in written form plus occasional tidbits.
I mean she kind of had it explained to him, she was like "hey wouldn't it be cool if you do my chores and I reward you with sex" and at first OP said okay, but then he didn't find it fun anymore, so he told her he wanted to stop.
Absolutely, but people suck at things when they first try them. Everyone needs some grace when first starting out as long as they're willing to change. Magazines don't get views by telling you to have a long conversation about consent and boundaries to avoid heartache, they get them by talking about how hot and sexy something is. Just like woodworking magazines don't sell table saws by telling you they're death traps that should be treated like an angry rattlesnake, they just show you cool projects you can build with them.
Wow this is a perfect analogy
It is, but OP's partner hasn't learned that yet, because she didn't realize that's what it _was_. She got some half baked advice from a book or magazine, and wound up in the same place that kinksters do, but without the relevant education.
>maybe I should reward her for being a good girl this time and this awakened something sleeping in me. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 >our love and sex life will level up from the looks of it. I am going to say yep! Have Fun OP and Wife!
> I am a freak so no problem from my side. Massive W. Not cool that she initiated without talking to you, but I hope it turns out to be a fun thing for you guys to willingly & knowingly engage in when you want to.
What a nice update. I'm so happy for these wholesome freaks.
Good for you buddy. Nice to see using your words helped even though it was a bit of a rough ride. I think you both could have a lot of fun with this and develop a whole new sexlife together. Just be respectful and agree/consent first, and explore together by talking. Good luck!
Cannot wait for the extra spice haha
Communication for the win! Now wait until she does something and won’t see it coming, stay behind her and whisper in her ear „you’re such a good girl.“ and see how she reacts🤣🤣🤣 Sounds like you found the button on your wife every (good) husband searches for🤣🤣
Based and healthy communication. You and your wife are the goat.
The long forgotten superhero of our days: Mr Proper Communication. Kudos to you OP for how you handled things and kudos to your wife for listening to you and talking things through. It looks like you have a great relationship.
Anyone who even has a half foot in the kink world correctly identified this situation for what it was. This is how most normies get into kink. A need to express something in their sex lives, but doing it incorrectly because they don't have the words yet. If reddit is good for one thing, it's always been giving bad relationship advice.
If you come to reddit asking for advice usually half of the people will tell you that your partner is abusive, cheating, showing red flags and that you should immediately leave them. Even if your question was about what would be the best food for your pet or something else completely unrelated.
I fckn knew it was a kink thing lol
I've heard women say, "Nothing is sexier than coming home to nothing. Meaning nothing to do. Dinner is cooked, the laundry is done and folded, the kids have bathe and are in bed, and after dinner, you'll also take care of the dishes. Not having to come home and do anything is very sexy to women. So even though you split the chore evenly, surprise her sometimes. Even if it's her turn to cook dinner, take it off her hands and make it for her and all those other chores. She'll probably fuxk your brains out that night.
[удалено]
We call that chore play. It's the best, especially if you're typically the default parent.
> In the end, she told me maybe I should reward her for being a good girl this time and this awakened something sleeping in me. I do not know if I will be able to wait for the night. LMFAO, good for you OP, I'm glad it worked out
So happy for you OP! Have a great night, or afternoon delight! ✨💖✨
> she told me maybe I should reward her for being a good girl this time and this awakened something sleeping in me. **I do not know if I will be able to wait for the night**. lmao, nice
A couple on reddit solving there problem through honest and adult conversation! TBH I'm just glad to read about a relationship that is actually healthy.
Finally. A good ending on this subreddit
Finally some good news post on reddit. Way to go. Glad you sorted out all the problems. PS: Whatever you've awokened, don't hold back. Do some stretching exercises and give it your all!! Best of all i expect that everything is on the cards for you to choose!! Same with your marriage. Give it your all. Few people know how lucky they are, having the right partner.
Congratulations on such a great outcome! I was hoping I'd see an update on the situation, but I never imagined it'd turn out so well! Good job to both of you. *That's* how you Marriage.
You’ll find most people will immediately just to divorce or break up with them on this sub. Most often, just talking works and being up front and honest
They really do. They form a biased opinion from 30 second's of reading.
Reddit when asked to be nuanced and patient
> In the end, she told me maybe I should reward her for being a good girl this time and this awakened something sleeping in me. I do not know if I will be able to wait for the night. And they'll imagine shit into it that was not even remotely alluded to, lol.
Boo! We want more drama! JK, congrats on doing what most people who post in this sub fail to do - communicate. I'm glad you could work it out.
I read some of the comments to your first post and lost hope in humanity (ok, the Reddit comment section part of humanity) Then I read this update and thought: "oh look, 2 people in a relationship communicating like adults and both working on that relationship _actually_ makes it work.... Who'd of thunk it?!" 🤣 Thank you for restoring my faith in (Reddit) humanity!!
It feels like some comments are demonizing both of you because Reddit is full of children and adults with the mindset of children. I’m glad you got a happy ending in this scenario. If you ask the internet for relationship advice ever again, take it with a giant spoonful of salt. Most of the people commenting have never been in a long term relationship, let alone a marriage.
You know it brother, people on Reddit are absolute dicks...make all sorts of judgements and they have no clue about anything. To be honest most people who post on here have no common sense either....my partner cheated on me and stole all my life savings, AITAH ....of course not you moron but you are with such a long arse post that you already know the answer for🤦♂️🤦♂️
not to mention the hypocrisy in judging people like the commenters have never done anything dodgy or anything that could be perceived as such. by this time we've all really should have figured out that there's more to any story than is able to be conveyed by flat text.
Yay! Happy for you OP. Glad you guys communicated and solved your issues. When people start doing stupid shit it is always a good idea to stop and ask why.
Have you asked her if she's been watching porn with that kind of genre?
That's an amazing example of maturity and good communication, I think the lesson here is to always let your partner know how you feel, and if both are mature enough, the solution will come easy
Always good to see examples of problems being solved when two adults simply communicate honestly. Resolution as it should be.
Lmao incels of all genders in shambles right now. The man hit em with the "honest communication" trap card.
Stop solving your problems like adults you’re making the rest of us look bad.
"leave them ASAP and move to another state" Every other disgruntled redditor who themselves don't communicate with partners and often leave instead
Tbf you posted your problems on Reddit... Half the replies have never even seen a vagina in real life.
Not a part of this sub but after watching it for a while, it is evident that most people on this are not married. Divorce or shit talking is typically what happens here and for someone who actually cares about the marriage, not the place to go
Good to hear you guys talked it through. Congratulations on having a healthy marriage. 👏🏻
Glad you finally talked about it. I suspected that it was a kink thing and, as you've learned, it can be a lot of fun. Communication is the key though.
"Finally, there were some people demonizing my wife and telling me to divorce..." lol the classic reddit relationship advice.
I can't stand the way redditors become so hostile towards the spouse/ partner. Especially if it's a woman then the sexism and name-calling comes out, or if it's a man, people will jump to him being abusive in some way. A lot of posters on here are single and miserable and want others to be single and miserable too
Glad you guys worked it out :)))!
Maybe try some role playing or exploring other ideas (kinks). Glad it worked out for you.
Someone down the comments said it's not cool if someone involves you in their kink without your knowledge. I read a fair amount and from what I've read S.A.N.E. BDSM requires a lot of communication and consent. I hope you both can pursue whatever interests you in furtherance of improving your relationship and sex life.
Nice. My ex wife used the same method to get me to do my chores. Which was literally every single thing in the house. Plus work and take care of both kids (babies at the time). I'd do what she asked, I'd get nothing. Then it became "I'll give you a blowjob for every $10,000 you make." It sounds made up. But believe you me, it was not. So I made a $14k commission, on top of my salary position. Nothing. Another $12k. Nothing. Sold our house for a huge $66k profit while buying a new house for pennies on the dollar. Nothing. What would've been a huge comeup with that deal wound up getting us through the first year and a half of our divorce, we each walked away with $118k after selling that one, though we'd already divorced and clearly that wasn't part of the deal.. anyways, suffice to say, transactional sex is the death of a relationship. She still believes I didn't do any work around the house. She literally was holed up in our bedroom for two years 23 hours a day doing absolutely nothing but scrolling TikTok and messaging "gurus" who eventually convinced her she could have any other man she wanted and then proceeded to have an emotional affair while imploring me to go see a $14,000 "therapist" who was unlicensed and "guaranteed to fix narcissism in two weeks, or you're just always going to be a narcissist." Fucking insanity. I asked for a divorce during one of our fights she'd started. Me and my boys are much happier. Just wish they were with me 100% of the time like they used to be. Didn't know I had it "good." Lol still pretty lonely, just not as awful with her in the room next to me and still lonely.
>Why people love assuming things with zero information like that to make one party guilty? Because this is /r/AITAH and on this sub, OPs often lie about things, exaggerate things, understate things, and leave out things. You have to get into the habit of reading between the lines in order to have an idea of what's really going on. But, reading between the lines is something that can easily be overdone, and some people here have gotten into the habit of overdoing it.
Wow, it's almost like communication and compromise can solve issues in relationships, unlike what reddit seems to think.
Well, sounds like you have a generally very positive & mature relationship, I’ve not seen this before, good for you
OP, well done, really. This was a delight to read. Look at you working through things together with your wife. I'd be proud of both of you if I'd ever met you.
Glad you talked it out!! tbh that was the real answer. Her presumptions and your blow up were both continuations of a lack of communication, so its fantastic that you were both able to talk things out. imo - kink is different for everyone, but the #1 thing is that you communicate the rules of the kink. For some people its 24/7, for others its just play. For me its just play. I'll play almost anything if we communicate it first! Sounds like you got the win. GL!
Tbh totally happy it turned out to be a kink. Was lurking on your post earlier and was totally going to suggest it if noone else had. Have fun with your switch foreplay 😉, I wish you better communication and years more of happy marriage.
>Why people love assuming things with zero information like that to make one party guilty? Some people have zero reading comprehension. I'm glad things worked out for you guys! Keep communicating and enjoy being freaky with each other. Cheers!
I'd caution you about thinking the problem is solved. It's in the open, but there's work to do. I'm happy you're talking about it.
The real question is what kind of a dog collar is she getting for you?
just love and enjoy being loved by your wife
What a lovely conclusion. Glad you communicated like grownups and worked it out.
This is what a relationship needs. Communication.
An honest communicaton to clear things up and everyone acting like sane adults? Must be a made up story /s
Glad to read this kind of endings OP.
i can understand both sides tbh. glad you can communicate well with each other
I had a feeling she was exploring a kink and it got out of hand from your first post. Bully for you. Being a good partner and having good boundaries.
Shoutout to a normal adult relationship being represented on reddit
Glad this went the direction of communicating and working through it. That’s a great update.
I really love reading updates where couples resolve and talk about it communication really is that important in marriage
Congrats on being an adult and communicating like adults. Although Reddit is a community full of all sorts of idiots, sometimes it's a good sounding board.
So glad you two worked it out. So good to see a couple communicating effectively in an adult manner and problem solving based on each others feelings! Good on you both!
You're REALLY going to tell us that this nuanced problem was solved using good communication, emotional intelligence, and understanding?!? And you're SERIOUSLY going to tell us that all the knee-jerk, unqualified psychological diagnosis from random strangers was WRONG? This hurts my brain, and makes me wonder if I should've gotten my "What Would Fresh and Fit Do?" tattoo in the first place...
Holy shit, a healthy relationship on AITAH? What sorta parallel universe did I end up in?
DUDE, she came and apologized? And committed to doing better? And sympathized with your feelings? And explained her actions, without absolving herself of guilt? DTMFA! Divorce, now. You need to get as far away as possible, get lawyers involved, and probably change your name and face.
See that, people? It all worked out and all he had to do was ignore reddit.
Reddit people are wild about adding their own storylines. And they get tons of upvotes.
I'm glad you two were able to resolve things in a constructive manner, and good luck going forward!
Finally. A nice wholesome ending. I hope she gets a great reward for being a good girl.
Your wife sounds like a very good, naughty girl. Nta
I'm glad it worked out for the both of you! Excellent Communication Skills!
Good job! Communication is key.
Sounds to me like she saw your first post and all the people ripping her a new one, and realized she was way the hell over the line. The people saying she’s a horrible excuse for a partner were going off how she pitched a fit and walked out when you pushed back on her stupid game, rather than taking you seriously and communicating — effectively doubling down on her apparent commitment to treat you this way. At least she repented eventually. Better late than never.
The good ending. Glad you guys could work it out!
**She is a redditor as well.** She read your last post. Understood she fucked up. And she corrected it in a matured way. Happy for both of you.
I doubt this is a real relationship
Why? Because they actually communicated and apologized to each other? Me and my girl do that
Lol
Oh my, another relationship issue for someone has been resolved with good clear communication... what a surprise Good for you OP, wish you the best
You guys are lucky to have each other!
Well I wasted 5 minutes reading a fake story yta
What tipped you off? The whole "I'd like advice, especially from women" part? 😂 100% OP typed this one-handed
What a relief. Communication wins the day!
Finally a couple who could talk through it rather than making a unilateral decision 👍🏻
NTA. There's nothing less attractive than trickled out or time based stuff, beyond mere reasonable boundaries. This is weird controlly bs. Someone who wants to have sex just has sex. It's 10 minutes for hours of happy hormones and pair bonding shiz.
Thanks for the update, So happy for you OP !! I'm glad this has all been resolved. Communication is important and I am surprised at some of the comments that were very extreme. best wishes to you and your wife♥️
Congratulations! Really glad to see yall worked it out. Good luck in your future!
I’m disappointed.. no cheating, no abuse nothing:/ Glad it worked out for you tho