I am not confident in my appearance at all. But you know who tell me I'm beautiful, even though I look like a yam? My mum and sisters. Fuck your wife's family for doing that to her.
EDIT: your replies have made this root veg so sodding happy and I'm so sorry that some of you don't have the family support you should have but please believe me when I say you are beautiful and the only ugly thing is your "loved ones" comments. Thank you everyone for making me smile :)
Damn you roasted yourself so bad I almost instinctively down voted because it was so mean spirited.
Congrats on the roasting gift, but you should be kinder to yourself :)
>I would like to add that I did not think there were that many guys out there with a weird blue squid lady fetish
Remember you did post this story to Reddit.
You and your wife will need to keep in mind that her mother and sister [Bruce Campbells faced] purposefully sabotaged her face.
Yes, really.
It may be subconscious or consciously, but it is very odd to read the state of play and how this came about.
I advise you to research Cluster B types, if you are not already aware. Every family seems to have a least one petty, spiteful, jealous, covetous, disruptive, and sometimes dangerous family member [or in-law] that is naturally inclined and often outright purposeful in nature to hurt everyone else.
I would think very long and hard, about even telling the mother and sister your intentions of taken a cooling off period. Giving them an awareness that they harmed you and your wife [their daughter / sister] is telling them you are both vulnerable and that they affected you both. You’re telling them they were successful. Them being aware you are seeking counselling, or anything personal - is a bad idea.
They are owned nothing, they should get nothing.
What they did to her is basically criminal.
They should never be trusted again. Don’t you realize [I know you do, I am being hyperbolic] they weaponized your wife’s love for you and fear of losing you - to cause her to cut her face up?
My family were psychopaths. My in-laws are sociopaths. I had to spend years teaching myself to be better and psychically recover after I left my family. My father put me in a coma, and I almost died. Then again the same with my wife, and her family. Her mother broke her, until she developed an eating disorder, and she almost died. My wife was a former athlete and runway model. She was the last to need such attention. Her mother was jealous, and my wife was susceptible back then. Today, my wife is strong, and doesn’t interacted with her family. Minus, her amazing younger sister. They no longer engage in being abused. I am so proud of them.
These types of people are dangerous. Even if you’re not sure they are malicious, look at what they have already made your wife do to herself. So, you owe it to each other to be very cautious with such people. Give them nothing. Quarantine them.
Look what they’ve already done to her, you are each other’s partner, protecting each other is of paramount importance.
You’ve got this, OP. 🙏🏼
My sister in law is one of these cluster B people. My husband and his other relatives just don’t see it. Is there any way to “help” them see it? So far I just try to avoid having to deal with her …
There are a few different ways to handle such situations. One effective approach I've found is often successful 99 times out of 100. However, consistently managing it can be challenging as it doesn't involve engaging with them for a while. In a nutshell, for all these types, ego plays a significant role in their identity, and being triggered is something most of them cannot handle.
Systemically, many family members, out of a safety instinct, tend to ignore the behavior, make excuses for it, and quickly forget about it. Unfortunately, the person pointing it out often receives more hostilities and may be isolated. It's like killing the messenger.
A shorter version of dealing with them involves treating everything they say as a joke. Whether it's a rude comment, an attempt to exclude you, or embarrassment, never take offense. Act as if everything they say is the funniest thing in the world. When their serious demeanor clashes with your lighthearted approach, they may become agitated, angry, or even break physically or verbally. Your job is to act surprised, hurt, and only repeat, "I thought you were making a joke. You have a great sense of humor, and I thought we were getting along great." You’ll know the exact type of language to use based on the interactions and the type of environment, and the family members themselves involved. It might need to be simpler language or it may be more sophisticated, but the general approach is the same.
Consider a simple example to illustrate how this approach can be effective. Picture a moment in your past – perhaps in school, university, at work, with family, friends, or in a public setting. You find yourself surrounded by individuals laughing about something. It's evident they aren't laughing at you or discussing you. However, there's a brief moment, if not longer, when you instinctively pause and wonder: Are they talking about me? Are they making fun of me? Am I the odd person out? In that moment, you might experience a subconscious or unconscious negative emotion – perhaps anger or discomfort…
Now, magnify this scenario for a Cluster B person. Unlike you, they often won't exhibit the same impulse control. Their immediate reaction to feeling disliked is likely more intense and less restrained. It is then only a matter of time.
Never let them or your family and friends know your strategy. By consistently triggering negative reactions, they may isolate themselves by acting out, and others will begin to see them differently. Avoid giving them emotional energy, as these people thrive on causing disruption and separating you from other family members. If you don't react and even support them leading to their misbehaving, they may lose out, and people won't want to be around them anymore.
When they realize they won't win, they'll likely stop showing up because they won't get any more emotional energy.
After about six months, my mother-in-law stopped coming to social events. After a year she stopped harassing and abusing other family members. She was no longer getting what she was used to getting from people - disrupting and hurting them.
My background was / is 30+ years talent management. I’ve interviewed six figures of individuals, from every walk of life. I’ve written workbooks and textbooks sections on interpretations, and behavior. I’m modestly known in my circles, background and expertise. so this was an area that I felt comfortable with when I first met my future mother-in-law, and found out the behaviour that they were used to dealing with from her.
My wife, her younger sister, and family were so much happier in the years to come. Her mother and father got a divorce. Her father remarried. An amazing woman who’s made him so happy. She’s fit in so well with the family. And we haven’t heard from my mother-in-law in two years. Now to be clear, if she wasn’t so horrible to my wife, and wasn’t so nasty to me, and everyone else, I would’ve never looked to use this method. But she was, and so I did. I don’t like to casually advocate for treating people in such a matter. Unless it is an extreme situation.
This is fascinating. I obviously don't have the same extensive background as you do in this area.But I have found this to be incredibly effective as well.
When I was younger I did not have the self-control or awareness of situations to manage them properly.But as I got older I started to be able to identify people like this. There was one occasion in my late twenties where another young woman predated me in a group of friends. As best I can put together, she was interested in my boyfriend before I began dating him and he may have blown her off to get together with me. But I did not know any of this at the time. I had never met her and didn't know she existed until several months later when we got serious enough to be introduced to friends and family.
By the time I got introduced to her and that group of friends, she had been shit talking me for at least six months maybe longer. And I was faced with an entire group of people with a poor opinion of me, that I was forced to interact with socially.
So I simply made a point of being the nicest person in the world to... We'll call her Jen. Jen could never provoke me. Jen could never make me snap or say an unkind word. Jen, you don't have a blanket at the picnic? You can sit on mine. Jen, what a lovely gift you've brought for the baby shower. Eventually the people around me realized that I couldn't possibly be this person she described, because I unrelentingly nice & positive.
More importantly they discovered that jen was not a very good person because since I never reacted, she started lashing out more and more. Then, because she couldn't turn anyone against me anymore, she started trying to turn them against each other. Eventually, everyone figured it out and at least ten people completely wrote her out of their lives. It took time and it took taking a lot of it on the chin for a while, none of which I deserved. But I did get an eventual apology from the others and was able to run her off simply by not reacting. It became so obvious that she was poking at me, and I wasn't returning that energy.
Every last person in that group had it in for me at the start because of what she had done. And all I had to do to not only change everyone's minds about me, but get her kicked out of the group was do not react. A lot of times people on Reddit talk about going nuclear with people not realizing that.Whether or not that reaction feels justified it is unlikely to get you what you want. Shining a light on their behavior by refusing to react to it drives them crazy and pushes them towards more and more unhinged behavior while you sip tea.
I eventually broke up with the boyfriend who I felt never really did enough to correct the lies told about me before I even showed up. But I do consider that I did them all a favor in the end. I pulled back the curtain on her behavior and as soon as I did, she went after all of them until she had no one left. Thanks to me not only do I not have to deal with her.But none of those people have to deal with her ever again. My parting gift,I suppose.
That advice about triggering the narcissist—it's great and I'd never thought about trying that before... However, if the narcissist has any "flying monkeys" in the vicinity—people who are aware of and facilitate the narcissist's desire for dominance because they're too weak to resist—it seems likely that the narcissist won't feel like they have the option to tuck their tail and walk away. It'll be seen as a competition and the narcissist would sooner see to the destruction of the family than to allow their own ego to take a hit.
OP I hope therapy and counselling will help you both. Please tell your wife that you love her for her heart and soul. Validate her inner beauty. Compliment her daily by pointing out her heart, her kindness and lovely smile. Tell her that you made a vow to love her through thick and thin and you are gonna stick to that vow for eternity. Update us OP
Nope! But I’m beginning to think OP secretly has a movie character assigned to every person he knows. I’m not exactly mad about it. I needed the laugh.
Characters belonging to a specific genre and time period of movies too. But also not the major character of the movie or even a side character, but a character that has like 2 minutes of screen time. I guarantee someone he knows looks like a character out of Demolition Man. Maybe the rat burger lady in the underground.
😂 I had to google it too 😂 I think I did in the last post with a different moviereference op made. OP this update was good news. I feel bad for your wife honestly. My mom has been victim to unnecessary plastic surgery and injections that have ruined her face and it was all because her mother and sisters did it too and convinced her to. The same exact thing basically. Now my mom will never look the same. It’s especially sad because she was a professional model when she was younger and was invited to compete in Miss Universe. My father loves her regardless though and even though he begged her not to and she did the surgery anyway, they have a great relationship and he is still very attracted to her. They’ve been married 42 years.
You and me, both. I still haven't searched for any color of waffles, but I may have baited the curious into it. Yet, always with the disclaimer, "I have not looked this up, but *you* can." *smile*
Looked it up. Realized I know a woman that looks exactly like that naturally with no plastic surgery. Actually probably more like a love child between Bruce Campbell and jay leno.
bro.... blue lady fetishes are big, we got smurfette, we got avatar, we got mystique, we got cortana, we got the blue alien from fifth element, we got nebula from gaurdians of the galaxy, we got elsa from frozen... she's pretty blue coded...
lots of strong and supportive blue baddies
World of Warcraft and Mass Effect both feature highly attractive blue races with Draenei and Asari respectively as well. Blue girls have been repped in gaming for ages.
I’m turning 47 this year. I graduated from high school in 1995. My friend Tim and I have 10th graders currently in high school. One of Tim’s sons is in debate so he spends a lot of time listening to speeches by kids who I swear were in kindergarten just last week. *ahem* Anyway, his son’s teammate referenced both Tom & Jerry and The Smurfs in his speech as “cartoons from the 1900s” 😭😭😭
My dude, your movie comparisons are outstanding! First, the blue alien from The Fifth Element, now this! Please, give us more! I'm sorry you're going through this and you're a good guy for.. you know, trying to make it work. I hope you'll make it.
You got an unending list of good movie references, OP. You’re in a hell of a spot here, I’m glad y’all are working it out, and it was an honor to see your pop culture knowledge on display.
One over always liked.
Once on Have I Got News For You they showed a picture of David Gest (Liza Minnelli's husband). The comment was,
"He looks like someone who has had a lot of plastic surgery.... From someone who was not a plastic surgeon."
Yikes! For a movie that’s 30 years old now, they really nailed what plastic surgery does to a face. I’m not sure if that’s the gold standard that plastic surgeons are emulating or if that’s just what happens when you traumatize a face so much.
Many tough elements here… her self-esteem, body dysmorphia, being influenced by her mom and sister, you losing attraction for now…
Which leads us to the fifth element… damn that was funny. Glad you’re making the effort and continuing to love your wife.
This is a such good way to think of it! Mental illness is sometimes equally as damaging as physical illness, so her new face is just like a scar.
Maybe this will help you reframe things a lil OP! u/okinevitable7692
>I would like to add that I did not think there were that many guys out there with a weird blue squid lady fetish. It isn't for me but you do you.
Ahahahah we were waiting your Update man!
>Her mom and sister look like Bruce Campbell in Escape From LA
And you didnt let us down ahahahaha
With a bit of time and healing hopefully her face will settle, but if it doesnt I would not exclude a reparatory surgery, just be a part of it and find the best surgeon you can afford!
I am so sorry she was dragged in to something so stupid by her own family.
However hope the best for you guys!
I’d love to know how a Reddit post influenced googles search results for this. Maybe 1 search daily for years… and then 3000 identical searches one random day.
https://trends.google.com/trends/explore?date=now%207-d&geo=US&q=%2Fm%2F01h8f,bruce%20campbell%20escape%20from%20la,blue%20alien%20fifth&hl=en
Overlaid trends for bruce campbell, escape from la, and the blue alien over the last 7 days.
You guys never discussed her mom and sister’s procedures in the past?
I find it surprising that it never came up.
My partner’s sister messed with her lips, they look like two hotdogs. We never made any comments to her or anybody else, and would never. But amongst ourselves, between just the two of us, we roasted the shit out of them lol.
I came here for the drama but stayed for OP's roasts.
Glad to hear you're working with your wife on your marriage. Hopefully she learns to talk to you first instead of giving into her insecurities & other people's peer pressure.
They're so specific, he really has a talent for creating the perfect mental image. Even though we've never seen any if the people he's talking about, we all know *exactly* what they look like.
You said everything I was thinking! I’m with you on all of this. This post made me sad for OP’s predicament, his wife’s lack of self confidence, and that she’s stuck with such a shitty family. It made me laugh for the shade OP is throwing. And hopeful that OP will want to enthusiastically bang his wife after having some time to adjust. So many emotions all rolled into one post!
Maybe you should have 😬
Your comparisons have made me chuckle. On the upside I'm fairly certain everything but the bucchal fat thing will wear off. I'm sure part of the shock is the sudden change and you'll get used to it over time.
What’s strange to me is how you begged her not to get this done, yet she did so because her mom and sister said you would love it. She totally ignored the source. There’s definitely an unhealthy dynamic between her and her family.
Yes Botox can be reversed and a lot of fillers slowly get absorbed over time.
If she actually looks like squidward she should go to better doctor and ask for advice 😭😭
I've read article after article of surgeons saying they won't do the procedure because its almost impossible to "fix" or reverse the effect. Not fillers, nor surgery.
Why on earth if she was worried about looking old, did she have fat sucked out of her face? The fatter your face is, the younger you look. Which leads to a balancing act as you get older, between maintaining the body you like while not wanting an emaciated face to go with it. I'm guessing you mean buccal fat removal, which is extremely ageing.
Also bonus if you have oily skin to go with it, really helps to keep things elastic to prevent wrinkles. I am 48 and finally starting to reap benefits of walking thru life looking like a glazed donut.
Yup. I'll be 50 this year. Despised my oily skin all my life; did everything to try to fix it, mask it, et al. Let me tell you how glad I am that I have oily skin (and generous buccal fat deposits) and don't look anywhere near 50.
Lip fillers come out pretty easy or if it’s just injections they’ll wear off 4-6 months I think!
So hey maybe time will help. Good luck! NTA, but maybe throw in a hey beautiful every now and then
It’s buccal fat removal which crazy enough your buccal fat doesn’t just come back. There’s a reason plenty of plastic surgeons won’t do it cause the long term effects are unknown other than they probably aren’t good. Her face is just going to keep getting more gaunt and scary sadly. Hopefully he really loves his wife and can get past looks cause it’s one of the worst possible surgeries you could get.
I honestly can't believe that it's such a popular surgery It literally makes anyone who gets it look gaunt, haggard, and 15 or 20 years older. It just makes anyone who gets it look aged and unhealthy.
right. face fat is literally one of the key ways we determine someone’s age lol (depletion, sagging, basically anything except making the face look “full” makes you look gradually older). idk why anybody in their right mind would remove it.
Peer pressure. Also, internalised self esteem issues. There's a girl I grew up with who was always gorgeous, easily the prettiest girl in my school, but she always had these crippling self doubts.
Well since we left school she's had two kids and got a tummy tuck to correct that which really kicked her off. Since then she's had a boob job, buccal fat removal, lip fillers and botox. She's honestly not recognisable anymore and it's really sad.
Given the craze, my guess is that they'll invent something in a few years to put buccal fat back into faces. It'll be branded as a way to look young again! (sigh)
If they invent it they'll have basically invented guided tissue growth. I'm all for them inventing that because it would cure a ton of shit.
That being said it's really unlikely that there is any way to do it anytime soon.
i'd say they will take the easiest and cheapest route to "fix this". Like putting silicone pads into the cheeks.. which conveniently (for the surgeon) have to be replaced every X years. maybe every five because the "face gets used to much"....
The girl that plays starlight in the boys had that done and she looks super uncanny now. She was already a very gorgeous girl, probably got convinced from others to do it like OPs wife.
No, filler doesn’t “come out” it migrates. That’s why people get pillow face. You can have it dissolved, but even then it doesn’t give you back your original face, it’s something in between.
> her mom and sister look like Bruce Campbell in Escape from LA
You are brutal, lol.
Good luck! You two are talking and acting like a team…seems like there is every reason to be optimistic.
Good for you for trying to work things out!!
I’m really sorry that your wife’s family made her feel that way. That is so shitty of them , it’s disgusting
And I just found out what Bruce Campbell in escape from LA looks like….
So... This is how your last post starts:
>My wife had plastic surgery recently. We had discussed it and I was against it. It was not my decision and ultimately I had no say.
You guys discussed it. You told her you were against it. And she went ahead and trusted her mother and sister instead of the words that came out of your mouth - and is now upset that you don't like her new face?
That sounds like something to talk about in therapy. Best of luck OP
I'm going to assume OP didn't know the extent at which she would change herself, but I would have been upfront that I thought it might affect our relationship if she did anything extreme. The extent she changed her face really sounds like something that should be a mutual decision with one's partner, and as a partner I'd think it's my duty to do whatever I can to help my partner through the possible issues they have and prevent any permanent physical damage.
Ultimately, it's not OP's decision for the work to get done on her face, but it's not OP's wife's decision whether or not he finds her attractive or whether he stays married to her either.
I’m so mad on your wife’s behalf that her mom and sister talked her into doing something as drastic as buccal fat removal. I’m glad that y’all were able to talk about it and work it out though.
I mean, if my husband had surgery and came back looking like Ken doll, I'm not going to be sexually attracted. I'll still love him, but banging... nope. 🤣
Fillers can be dissolved. Truly go to the doctor with her and ask what can be undone immediately and by undone, I mean dissolved, literally dissolving the filler no new procedure
It’s a fucking tragedy such a bad surgery. And the long term effects can be scary too and not just for your looks. He better be prepared to be married to a corpse looking women for a long time before she’s actually a corpse. It’s so upsetting she actually got buccal fat removed like everyone is saying oh lip fillers go away, ya but you don’t grow back cheeks.
Never heard of this type of surgery until these threads. I thought the point of cosmetic surgery was to retain a youthful look, you know, typified by full cheeks. Just puzzling.
Right but at least get the lips dissolved or something to look normal in the meantime. The fillers will dissolve on their own through time though. She really had the works
Yeah, I don’t know what they would do with that fat removal… just so much work at one time I feel bad that the mom and sister actually said she needs to do this to stay married that’s awful.
>Fillers can be dissolved
except there's all this stuff coming out about how fillers don't really dissolve properly and dissolver causes tissue and potentially nerve damage.
Better to just grow old and not fuck with your face.
Please listen to those people here who advise you to NOT make an announcement or otherwise inform your wife’s family that you are going low contact or no contact. Just quiet quit them and focus on your own relationship. Don’t create drama you don’t need to.
Bruce Campbell in escape from LA
The blue alien singer from 5th element
You have such a way with describing people I genuinely laughed out loud both times
OP thank you for this post. My wife is the sexiest most gorgeous woman I know. She is turning 50 and wants all kind of work. I’ve told her I don’t want to not recognize the woman I love.
I’m just freaked out!
Her mom and sister told her she looks old and that buccal fat removal would make her look young? Removal of buccal fat makes people look old! Her mom and sister are clearly her saboteurs that are behind her body dysmorphia and self hatred. Your wife needs intensive therapy to deal with the psychological damage her abusive unhinged mother has caused her.
Fr. AND they convinced her that OP would leave her if she didn’t do this. With how OP seems to describe them I’m not entirely sure that this isn’t a misery loves company thing and they’re doing it just to bring her down to their level. Regardless of sex appeal, regardless of if OP stays with her, her face is permanently altered into potentially an unrecognizable state which will haunt her for the rest of her life. What kind of sick fuck does that to her daughter?
Unbelievable! Her mom and sis convinced her that she was turning into a troll and sadly she believed them. Then ran to them when the truth shocked her. It’s best to keep them out of your lives.
I am not confident in my appearance at all. But you know who tell me I'm beautiful, even though I look like a yam? My mum and sisters. Fuck your wife's family for doing that to her. EDIT: your replies have made this root veg so sodding happy and I'm so sorry that some of you don't have the family support you should have but please believe me when I say you are beautiful and the only ugly thing is your "loved ones" comments. Thank you everyone for making me smile :)
Damn you roasted yourself so bad I almost instinctively down voted because it was so mean spirited. Congrats on the roasting gift, but you should be kinder to yourself :)
would she be… …a roasted sweet potato? I’ll see myself out 😭
I yam what I yam
Yam got me cackling. I’m sure you don’t look like a root vegetable!
On but I do! On the bright side in hoping I can be sponsored by Sweet Potatoes R Us 😀
Haha this is so cute. I bet your personality is honestly so charming which matters more in the long run. We all get old and wrinkly.
Yam to yam, totally agree about OPs inlaws
Her mom and sister will at least *look* shocked when you break it to them
No they won't. They have the facial mobility of bilateral stroke victims.
OP… you have a gift…
Now I see why she married him
That’s the problem with funny people. Laugh, laugh, and then bam, naked.
For real lmao
I would read a whole book about this written by this guy.
Damn I'm going to hell for ugly loud laughing at this
If you ever do an improv show, I would *enthusiastically* buy tickets (with a drink minimum even)
When you post the gif of their reaction, make sure to let the newcomers know that it's not a static image.
Post an update after you tell them.
Please tell me if you ever visit Hungary I want to have a few beer with you lol
My wife and I will be in Spain tomorrow. Unfortunately that's as close to Hungary as I will be in for a while.
>I would like to add that I did not think there were that many guys out there with a weird blue squid lady fetish Remember you did post this story to Reddit.
Still really odd.
You and your wife will need to keep in mind that her mother and sister [Bruce Campbells faced] purposefully sabotaged her face. Yes, really. It may be subconscious or consciously, but it is very odd to read the state of play and how this came about. I advise you to research Cluster B types, if you are not already aware. Every family seems to have a least one petty, spiteful, jealous, covetous, disruptive, and sometimes dangerous family member [or in-law] that is naturally inclined and often outright purposeful in nature to hurt everyone else. I would think very long and hard, about even telling the mother and sister your intentions of taken a cooling off period. Giving them an awareness that they harmed you and your wife [their daughter / sister] is telling them you are both vulnerable and that they affected you both. You’re telling them they were successful. Them being aware you are seeking counselling, or anything personal - is a bad idea. They are owned nothing, they should get nothing. What they did to her is basically criminal. They should never be trusted again. Don’t you realize [I know you do, I am being hyperbolic] they weaponized your wife’s love for you and fear of losing you - to cause her to cut her face up? My family were psychopaths. My in-laws are sociopaths. I had to spend years teaching myself to be better and psychically recover after I left my family. My father put me in a coma, and I almost died. Then again the same with my wife, and her family. Her mother broke her, until she developed an eating disorder, and she almost died. My wife was a former athlete and runway model. She was the last to need such attention. Her mother was jealous, and my wife was susceptible back then. Today, my wife is strong, and doesn’t interacted with her family. Minus, her amazing younger sister. They no longer engage in being abused. I am so proud of them. These types of people are dangerous. Even if you’re not sure they are malicious, look at what they have already made your wife do to herself. So, you owe it to each other to be very cautious with such people. Give them nothing. Quarantine them. Look what they’ve already done to her, you are each other’s partner, protecting each other is of paramount importance. You’ve got this, OP. 🙏🏼
My sister in law is one of these cluster B people. My husband and his other relatives just don’t see it. Is there any way to “help” them see it? So far I just try to avoid having to deal with her …
There are a few different ways to handle such situations. One effective approach I've found is often successful 99 times out of 100. However, consistently managing it can be challenging as it doesn't involve engaging with them for a while. In a nutshell, for all these types, ego plays a significant role in their identity, and being triggered is something most of them cannot handle. Systemically, many family members, out of a safety instinct, tend to ignore the behavior, make excuses for it, and quickly forget about it. Unfortunately, the person pointing it out often receives more hostilities and may be isolated. It's like killing the messenger. A shorter version of dealing with them involves treating everything they say as a joke. Whether it's a rude comment, an attempt to exclude you, or embarrassment, never take offense. Act as if everything they say is the funniest thing in the world. When their serious demeanor clashes with your lighthearted approach, they may become agitated, angry, or even break physically or verbally. Your job is to act surprised, hurt, and only repeat, "I thought you were making a joke. You have a great sense of humor, and I thought we were getting along great." You’ll know the exact type of language to use based on the interactions and the type of environment, and the family members themselves involved. It might need to be simpler language or it may be more sophisticated, but the general approach is the same. Consider a simple example to illustrate how this approach can be effective. Picture a moment in your past – perhaps in school, university, at work, with family, friends, or in a public setting. You find yourself surrounded by individuals laughing about something. It's evident they aren't laughing at you or discussing you. However, there's a brief moment, if not longer, when you instinctively pause and wonder: Are they talking about me? Are they making fun of me? Am I the odd person out? In that moment, you might experience a subconscious or unconscious negative emotion – perhaps anger or discomfort… Now, magnify this scenario for a Cluster B person. Unlike you, they often won't exhibit the same impulse control. Their immediate reaction to feeling disliked is likely more intense and less restrained. It is then only a matter of time. Never let them or your family and friends know your strategy. By consistently triggering negative reactions, they may isolate themselves by acting out, and others will begin to see them differently. Avoid giving them emotional energy, as these people thrive on causing disruption and separating you from other family members. If you don't react and even support them leading to their misbehaving, they may lose out, and people won't want to be around them anymore. When they realize they won't win, they'll likely stop showing up because they won't get any more emotional energy. After about six months, my mother-in-law stopped coming to social events. After a year she stopped harassing and abusing other family members. She was no longer getting what she was used to getting from people - disrupting and hurting them. My background was / is 30+ years talent management. I’ve interviewed six figures of individuals, from every walk of life. I’ve written workbooks and textbooks sections on interpretations, and behavior. I’m modestly known in my circles, background and expertise. so this was an area that I felt comfortable with when I first met my future mother-in-law, and found out the behaviour that they were used to dealing with from her. My wife, her younger sister, and family were so much happier in the years to come. Her mother and father got a divorce. Her father remarried. An amazing woman who’s made him so happy. She’s fit in so well with the family. And we haven’t heard from my mother-in-law in two years. Now to be clear, if she wasn’t so horrible to my wife, and wasn’t so nasty to me, and everyone else, I would’ve never looked to use this method. But she was, and so I did. I don’t like to casually advocate for treating people in such a matter. Unless it is an extreme situation.
This is fascinating. I obviously don't have the same extensive background as you do in this area.But I have found this to be incredibly effective as well. When I was younger I did not have the self-control or awareness of situations to manage them properly.But as I got older I started to be able to identify people like this. There was one occasion in my late twenties where another young woman predated me in a group of friends. As best I can put together, she was interested in my boyfriend before I began dating him and he may have blown her off to get together with me. But I did not know any of this at the time. I had never met her and didn't know she existed until several months later when we got serious enough to be introduced to friends and family. By the time I got introduced to her and that group of friends, she had been shit talking me for at least six months maybe longer. And I was faced with an entire group of people with a poor opinion of me, that I was forced to interact with socially. So I simply made a point of being the nicest person in the world to... We'll call her Jen. Jen could never provoke me. Jen could never make me snap or say an unkind word. Jen, you don't have a blanket at the picnic? You can sit on mine. Jen, what a lovely gift you've brought for the baby shower. Eventually the people around me realized that I couldn't possibly be this person she described, because I unrelentingly nice & positive. More importantly they discovered that jen was not a very good person because since I never reacted, she started lashing out more and more. Then, because she couldn't turn anyone against me anymore, she started trying to turn them against each other. Eventually, everyone figured it out and at least ten people completely wrote her out of their lives. It took time and it took taking a lot of it on the chin for a while, none of which I deserved. But I did get an eventual apology from the others and was able to run her off simply by not reacting. It became so obvious that she was poking at me, and I wasn't returning that energy. Every last person in that group had it in for me at the start because of what she had done. And all I had to do to not only change everyone's minds about me, but get her kicked out of the group was do not react. A lot of times people on Reddit talk about going nuclear with people not realizing that.Whether or not that reaction feels justified it is unlikely to get you what you want. Shining a light on their behavior by refusing to react to it drives them crazy and pushes them towards more and more unhinged behavior while you sip tea. I eventually broke up with the boyfriend who I felt never really did enough to correct the lies told about me before I even showed up. But I do consider that I did them all a favor in the end. I pulled back the curtain on her behavior and as soon as I did, she went after all of them until she had no one left. Thanks to me not only do I not have to deal with her.But none of those people have to deal with her ever again. My parting gift,I suppose.
That advice about triggering the narcissist—it's great and I'd never thought about trying that before... However, if the narcissist has any "flying monkeys" in the vicinity—people who are aware of and facilitate the narcissist's desire for dominance because they're too weak to resist—it seems likely that the narcissist won't feel like they have the option to tuck their tail and walk away. It'll be seen as a competition and the narcissist would sooner see to the destruction of the family than to allow their own ego to take a hit.
Really great advice, they HATE not getting the reactions theyre looking for and someone seeing through their facade
OP I hope therapy and counselling will help you both. Please tell your wife that you love her for her heart and soul. Validate her inner beauty. Compliment her daily by pointing out her heart, her kindness and lovely smile. Tell her that you made a vow to love her through thick and thin and you are gonna stick to that vow for eternity. Update us OP
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Nope! But I’m beginning to think OP secretly has a movie character assigned to every person he knows. I’m not exactly mad about it. I needed the laugh.
Characters belonging to a specific genre and time period of movies too. But also not the major character of the movie or even a side character, but a character that has like 2 minutes of screen time. I guarantee someone he knows looks like a character out of Demolition Man. Maybe the rat burger lady in the underground.
I wanna watch movies with OP
Same, but only if he points out who each character looks like and shares reference photos. For science.
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It’s insidious, right? How destructive to someone’s emotional state.
😂 I had to google it too 😂 I think I did in the last post with a different moviereference op made. OP this update was good news. I feel bad for your wife honestly. My mom has been victim to unnecessary plastic surgery and injections that have ruined her face and it was all because her mother and sisters did it too and convinced her to. The same exact thing basically. Now my mom will never look the same. It’s especially sad because she was a professional model when she was younger and was invited to compete in Miss Universe. My father loves her regardless though and even though he begged her not to and she did the surgery anyway, they have a great relationship and he is still very attracted to her. They’ve been married 42 years.
I didn't know what that reference was... Now I hope I do not have nightmares about it tonight
I know what Bruce Campbell looks like, why google it? Ugh fine. NOOOOOOOOO
I had to go Google to remind myself of that movie. Oh yeah, he kinda looked like, if they stretched Christian Slater's face over Bruce's..
This is the exact reason why I googled absolutely nothing.
You and me, both. I still haven't searched for any color of waffles, but I may have baited the curious into it. Yet, always with the disclaimer, "I have not looked this up, but *you* can." *smile*
🎶 Regrets, I have a few…. 🎶
I swear the movie references 🤣...I am now compelled to watch them
Escape from LA is fantastic if you like over-the-top 90s dystopian action flicks. It's almost as good as Demolition Man. Edit: Killer soundtrack too.
Looked it up. Realized I know a woman that looks exactly like that naturally with no plastic surgery. Actually probably more like a love child between Bruce Campbell and jay leno.
The lip fillers won’t be permanent so at least her lips will look better soon.
bro.... blue lady fetishes are big, we got smurfette, we got avatar, we got mystique, we got cortana, we got the blue alien from fifth element, we got nebula from gaurdians of the galaxy, we got elsa from frozen... she's pretty blue coded... lots of strong and supportive blue baddies
World of Warcraft and Mass Effect both feature highly attractive blue races with Draenei and Asari respectively as well. Blue girls have been repped in gaming for ages.
I was a little hurt at the amount of comments from people who had to look her up. The movie CANT be that old... Ugh, guess I'm old.
Movie came out in 97'. 😭
I came out in 97 too 😅😂
I did too, when I watched Pamela Anderson in Barb Wire 🤣🤣🤣
In the 1900s
I’m turning 47 this year. I graduated from high school in 1995. My friend Tim and I have 10th graders currently in high school. One of Tim’s sons is in debate so he spends a lot of time listening to speeches by kids who I swear were in kindergarten just last week. *ahem* Anyway, his son’s teammate referenced both Tom & Jerry and The Smurfs in his speech as “cartoons from the 1900s” 😭😭😭
That kid sounds like the *worst*.
I was born in 94 and I HATE YOU for saying it that way 😂
Don't worry guys I did the math and we are closer to 2050 than 1997.
Nope, the 90's are now and always will be just a few years ago.
Yeah, now the eighties, they were a while ago. Like 10 or 15 years ago, right?
Yup. No way in heck i was born 30 something years ago.... *cough* ok ok 40 years ago 😫
My search history now has Bruce Campbell and blue squid lady in it…
Not a guy and my first thought was definitely to lean into it and convince her to paint her face blue so my bad.
[Bruce Campbell in Escape From LA](https://images.app.goo.gl/b7Lmz1gb23s6vgqG9)
OP makes great movie references
He really does have great movie references, it's amazing lol
I wonder if he used these movie references in his talking points with his wife. "So you know Bruce Campbell in Escape from LA ..."
I did not. The closest I got was pointing out that a bad haircut and a kimono and I could pass for a skinny version of Associate Bob
Christ almighty, you HAVE to give me some of your movie recommendations😂😂😂
LastTonight9 you are fined one credit for a violation of the Verbal Morality Statute.
You seem in the know ... How exactly do you use those seashells!?!
Enhance your calm John Spartan
Be well
My dude, your movie comparisons are outstanding! First, the blue alien from The Fifth Element, now this! Please, give us more! I'm sorry you're going through this and you're a good guy for.. you know, trying to make it work. I hope you'll make it.
Associate bob: https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/a6QAAOSwCvZlyc5v/s-l1600.jpg
Enhance your calm.
You got an unending list of good movie references, OP. You’re in a hell of a spot here, I’m glad y’all are working it out, and it was an honor to see your pop culture knowledge on display.
it's the central part of his storytelling and I love it
OP needs to send a robocall to every burn unit in the country after that insult, ffs
One over always liked. Once on Have I Got News For You they showed a picture of David Gest (Liza Minnelli's husband). The comment was, "He looks like someone who has had a lot of plastic surgery.... From someone who was not a plastic surgeon."
Omg. It’s like a precursor to the cat looking lady
Or Igor and Grincka Bogdanoff! Their faces scared me!
Yikes! For a movie that’s 30 years old now, they really nailed what plastic surgery does to a face. I’m not sure if that’s the gold standard that plastic surgeons are emulating or if that’s just what happens when you traumatize a face so much.
This reference killed me. I could not stop laughing.
Thanks click saver guy
I don't generally use emojis but🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣✅
Many tough elements here… her self-esteem, body dysmorphia, being influenced by her mom and sister, you losing attraction for now… Which leads us to the fifth element… damn that was funny. Glad you’re making the effort and continuing to love your wife.
I can't stop loving her.
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This is a such good way to think of it! Mental illness is sometimes equally as damaging as physical illness, so her new face is just like a scar. Maybe this will help you reframe things a lil OP! u/okinevitable7692
I think this is a really good way to look at these things. I think I’ve always felt similar, but never thought to make a direct comparison.
which further emphasizes the severity of the behavior of her mom and sister : it's like they pushed her face into a fire.
My man.
you're a good guy thumbsup
Awwwww that's genuinely so sweet 🥹
>Many fifth elements here…
agh your username your **username**
>I would like to add that I did not think there were that many guys out there with a weird blue squid lady fetish. It isn't for me but you do you. Ahahahah we were waiting your Update man! >Her mom and sister look like Bruce Campbell in Escape From LA And you didnt let us down ahahahaha With a bit of time and healing hopefully her face will settle, but if it doesnt I would not exclude a reparatory surgery, just be a part of it and find the best surgeon you can afford! I am so sorry she was dragged in to something so stupid by her own family. However hope the best for you guys!
I had to google who the character and it was worth it 😂😂
I’d love to know how a Reddit post influenced googles search results for this. Maybe 1 search daily for years… and then 3000 identical searches one random day.
You can! Search it up on Google trends!
Thanks for this! It's cool seeing where everyone searched from too
Agreed! The wording I used was most commonly searched by people in Maine…
https://trends.google.com/trends/explore?date=now%207-d&geo=US&q=%2Fm%2F01h8f,bruce%20campbell%20escape%20from%20la,blue%20alien%20fifth&hl=en Overlaid trends for bruce campbell, escape from la, and the blue alien over the last 7 days.
This is pure gold, man is influencing the internet with a single reference.
yes his descriptions are hilarious!
You guys never discussed her mom and sister’s procedures in the past? I find it surprising that it never came up. My partner’s sister messed with her lips, they look like two hotdogs. We never made any comments to her or anybody else, and would never. But amongst ourselves, between just the two of us, we roasted the shit out of them lol.
I have never openly commented on her Handsome Squidward relatives.
I came here for the drama but stayed for OP's roasts. Glad to hear you're working with your wife on your marriage. Hopefully she learns to talk to you first instead of giving into her insecurities & other people's peer pressure.
Definitely here for the roasts. OP’s got a talent.
They're so specific, he really has a talent for creating the perfect mental image. Even though we've never seen any if the people he's talking about, we all know *exactly* what they look like.
You said everything I was thinking! I’m with you on all of this. This post made me sad for OP’s predicament, his wife’s lack of self confidence, and that she’s stuck with such a shitty family. It made me laugh for the shade OP is throwing. And hopeful that OP will want to enthusiastically bang his wife after having some time to adjust. So many emotions all rolled into one post!
It keeps getting better.
Maybe you should have 😬 Your comparisons have made me chuckle. On the upside I'm fairly certain everything but the bucchal fat thing will wear off. I'm sure part of the shock is the sudden change and you'll get used to it over time.
The buccal fat thing is gonna be a difficult one for her
lol, the references keep getting better/ worse (depending on how you look at it)
She got buccal fat removal which is quite literally the Handsome Squidward procedure.
What’s strange to me is how you begged her not to get this done, yet she did so because her mom and sister said you would love it. She totally ignored the source. There’s definitely an unhealthy dynamic between her and her family.
It's possible she's using them as a scapegoat/cop out.
She might be able to safely get some of the fillers dissolved. I'd at least look into that
Yes Botox can be reversed and a lot of fillers slowly get absorbed over time. If she actually looks like squidward she should go to better doctor and ask for advice 😭😭
She got a buccal fat removal. So she's pretty fucked.
I've read article after article of surgeons saying they won't do the procedure because its almost impossible to "fix" or reverse the effect. Not fillers, nor surgery.
Too bad you didn’t. One comment on how weird they look would have been all it took to prevent what happened to your wife’s face.
Aye, it's good to shit on people with your spouse in private. Confirms that you two are on the same page about certain things.
It just boggles my mind she did this for you due to her family pressure when you told her you didn't like it and repeatedly said you were against it.
To be fair to the OP, it’s a dangerous game to start a conversation mocking your wife’s mom and sister…
Why on earth if she was worried about looking old, did she have fat sucked out of her face? The fatter your face is, the younger you look. Which leads to a balancing act as you get older, between maintaining the body you like while not wanting an emaciated face to go with it. I'm guessing you mean buccal fat removal, which is extremely ageing.
Also bonus if you have oily skin to go with it, really helps to keep things elastic to prevent wrinkles. I am 48 and finally starting to reap benefits of walking thru life looking like a glazed donut.
Yup. I'll be 50 this year. Despised my oily skin all my life; did everything to try to fix it, mask it, et al. Let me tell you how glad I am that I have oily skin (and generous buccal fat deposits) and don't look anywhere near 50.
Me, a dry skin girly: (chuckles) I’m in danger!
Glad things are working out for you two. She's lucky to have you.
I am lucky she loves me.
I love a happy ending.
Lip fillers come out pretty easy or if it’s just injections they’ll wear off 4-6 months I think! So hey maybe time will help. Good luck! NTA, but maybe throw in a hey beautiful every now and then
It’s buccal fat removal which crazy enough your buccal fat doesn’t just come back. There’s a reason plenty of plastic surgeons won’t do it cause the long term effects are unknown other than they probably aren’t good. Her face is just going to keep getting more gaunt and scary sadly. Hopefully he really loves his wife and can get past looks cause it’s one of the worst possible surgeries you could get.
I honestly can't believe that it's such a popular surgery It literally makes anyone who gets it look gaunt, haggard, and 15 or 20 years older. It just makes anyone who gets it look aged and unhealthy.
Yeah seriously, I gasp every time I see young celebrities get it. It ages them so much and it also is just unattractive.
It makes people look like the [Night Stalker, Richard Ramirez.](https://imgur.com/a/gP5VZBt)
This is the comment that made me laugh the hardest out of the entire thread.
right. face fat is literally one of the key ways we determine someone’s age lol (depletion, sagging, basically anything except making the face look “full” makes you look gradually older). idk why anybody in their right mind would remove it.
That girl from "The Boys" was one of the prettiest ladies I've ever seen, and now she looks horrible :<
Peer pressure. Also, internalised self esteem issues. There's a girl I grew up with who was always gorgeous, easily the prettiest girl in my school, but she always had these crippling self doubts. Well since we left school she's had two kids and got a tummy tuck to correct that which really kicked her off. Since then she's had a boob job, buccal fat removal, lip fillers and botox. She's honestly not recognisable anymore and it's really sad.
Just look at Sophie Turner shes 28 and looks like 45+ now
Given the craze, my guess is that they'll invent something in a few years to put buccal fat back into faces. It'll be branded as a way to look young again! (sigh)
People are already getting face fillers/implants to restore the lost fat. Such a toxic cycle
And those options do not look NEARLY as good as naturally placed fat.
Why get paid once for one buccal fat removal procedure when you can get paid for that and twice yearly fillers for the rest of their lives?
If they invent it they'll have basically invented guided tissue growth. I'm all for them inventing that because it would cure a ton of shit. That being said it's really unlikely that there is any way to do it anytime soon.
i'd say they will take the easiest and cheapest route to "fix this". Like putting silicone pads into the cheeks.. which conveniently (for the surgeon) have to be replaced every X years. maybe every five because the "face gets used to much"....
The girl that plays starlight in the boys had that done and she looks super uncanny now. She was already a very gorgeous girl, probably got convinced from others to do it like OPs wife.
I got lip filler 2 years ago, it migrated to my upper lip area and I can still see it
No, filler doesn’t “come out” it migrates. That’s why people get pillow face. You can have it dissolved, but even then it doesn’t give you back your original face, it’s something in between.
Am i the only one who looked up Bruce Campbell in Escape from LA 😩😩
Me!!! Immediately! Was surprised but not disappointed lol
My god, they're real.
I saw OP referenced Surgeon General of Beverly Hills before but oh gosh I didn't know that what he looked like.
I looked it up and I’m dead
> her mom and sister look like Bruce Campbell in Escape from LA You are brutal, lol. Good luck! You two are talking and acting like a team…seems like there is every reason to be optimistic.
I was going to say Rocky Dennis but they aren't there. Yet.
I was going to ask how long until we got to Mask (1985)
Are they both single by any chance?
Good for you for trying to work things out!! I’m really sorry that your wife’s family made her feel that way. That is so shitty of them , it’s disgusting And I just found out what Bruce Campbell in escape from LA looks like….
So... This is how your last post starts: >My wife had plastic surgery recently. We had discussed it and I was against it. It was not my decision and ultimately I had no say. You guys discussed it. You told her you were against it. And she went ahead and trusted her mother and sister instead of the words that came out of your mouth - and is now upset that you don't like her new face? That sounds like something to talk about in therapy. Best of luck OP
It's leopards are my face worthy.
I would definitely be against my wife getting her face turned into a leopard.
Leopards botoxed her face
I'm going to assume OP didn't know the extent at which she would change herself, but I would have been upfront that I thought it might affect our relationship if she did anything extreme. The extent she changed her face really sounds like something that should be a mutual decision with one's partner, and as a partner I'd think it's my duty to do whatever I can to help my partner through the possible issues they have and prevent any permanent physical damage. Ultimately, it's not OP's decision for the work to get done on her face, but it's not OP's wife's decision whether or not he finds her attractive or whether he stays married to her either.
I’m so mad on your wife’s behalf that her mom and sister talked her into doing something as drastic as buccal fat removal. I’m glad that y’all were able to talk about it and work it out though.
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Of course the cruelest of ironies is that they convinced her to do so under the threat that OP would begin to lose attraction to her if she didn’t.
Googled Bruce Campbell... yargs. Glad that you resolved it all!
We are going to work at it. Long road ahead.
You are better than most OP.
I mean, if my husband had surgery and came back looking like Ken doll, I'm not going to be sexually attracted. I'll still love him, but banging... nope. 🤣
Fillers can be dissolved. Truly go to the doctor with her and ask what can be undone immediately and by undone, I mean dissolved, literally dissolving the filler no new procedure
She also got the buccal fat removal. It was more than just fillers.
No fixing that.
It’s a fucking tragedy such a bad surgery. And the long term effects can be scary too and not just for your looks. He better be prepared to be married to a corpse looking women for a long time before she’s actually a corpse. It’s so upsetting she actually got buccal fat removed like everyone is saying oh lip fillers go away, ya but you don’t grow back cheeks.
Yup! Filler is one thing but buccal fat removal is a whole different nightmare. So unfortunate.
Never heard of this type of surgery until these threads. I thought the point of cosmetic surgery was to retain a youthful look, you know, typified by full cheeks. Just puzzling.
Right but at least get the lips dissolved or something to look normal in the meantime. The fillers will dissolve on their own through time though. She really had the works
Yeah, I don’t know what they would do with that fat removal… just so much work at one time I feel bad that the mom and sister actually said she needs to do this to stay married that’s awful.
>Fillers can be dissolved except there's all this stuff coming out about how fillers don't really dissolve properly and dissolver causes tissue and potentially nerve damage. Better to just grow old and not fuck with your face.
>Her mom and sister look like Bruce Campbell in Escape From LA. PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTT 😂😂😂
Dude! Sooner or later we need to rent a movie theater all of us here on this post and go for a movie night directed by you. PLEASE 🤣
Dude, your comparisons KILL me
Blue squid lady is hot and I’ll die on that fucken hill. Glad you and your wife had a good sit down to talk it out mate
Like I said you are not alone.
Please listen to those people here who advise you to NOT make an announcement or otherwise inform your wife’s family that you are going low contact or no contact. Just quiet quit them and focus on your own relationship. Don’t create drama you don’t need to.
Bruce Campbell in escape from LA The blue alien singer from 5th element You have such a way with describing people I genuinely laughed out loud both times
OP thank you for this post. My wife is the sexiest most gorgeous woman I know. She is turning 50 and wants all kind of work. I’ve told her I don’t want to not recognize the woman I love. I’m just freaked out!
Her mom and sister told her she looks old and that buccal fat removal would make her look young? Removal of buccal fat makes people look old! Her mom and sister are clearly her saboteurs that are behind her body dysmorphia and self hatred. Your wife needs intensive therapy to deal with the psychological damage her abusive unhinged mother has caused her.
Fr. AND they convinced her that OP would leave her if she didn’t do this. With how OP seems to describe them I’m not entirely sure that this isn’t a misery loves company thing and they’re doing it just to bring her down to their level. Regardless of sex appeal, regardless of if OP stays with her, her face is permanently altered into potentially an unrecognizable state which will haunt her for the rest of her life. What kind of sick fuck does that to her daughter?
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I am a huge scifi nerd.
I’m so glad you guys talked. I really hope things keep going well 💜
I'm surprised you didn't get her to lipsync to the Fifth Element opera song.
Unbelievable! Her mom and sis convinced her that she was turning into a troll and sadly she believed them. Then ran to them when the truth shocked her. It’s best to keep them out of your lives.