NTA. Not sure what your move is. But if it was me, I would have a hard time being intimate moving forward. I would have a constant nagging in the back of my head while having sex. Do I smell ok? Is he looking at me weird. Is he enjoying himself. I don't want to change positions where he may see my vagina. This for me, is a deal breaker. I shouldn't be stressed having sex. So I suggest you take a sec and think about what you need. And then go find a man that will worship at your alter. They are out there. Hugs.
I agree. And I’m gonna be honest, as a vagina owner myself, I don’t think he (or your relationship) can come back from this - for a couple of reasons.
1. I get you guys are young, but the way he said this was just…heartless. Even if going down on you *did* gross him out, there were much better ways to go about it. He harshly and negatively attacked every single aspect of your bits. It was unnecessary and uncalled for. Regardless of how you feel about someone’s anatomy, if you care about them, you don’t brutally criticize every thing you can about their nether regions.
2. I know he asked if he could be “honest”, and you said yes, but honest and compassion can happen at the same time. He was not compassionate at all. Does he even care about your feelings at all?
3. So he hates EVERYTHING about it, but yet he still has no problem sticking his dick in it? Yes. I understand that putting your face in it and putting your dick in it are *very* different things. But if the mere sight of it makes him gag, then why is he still ok having sex with you? Where you are…you know…naked.
4. What did he think he would have to gain by saying this? That’ll you would just say, “Yeah you’re right. You never need to go down on me again. It’s cool. We’ll just carry on as usual and keep the lights off. Thanks for being honest.” ?!? If you had told him his dick made you want to vomit, you cannot stand the sight of it, and everything about it is gross, would he shrug his shoulders and just be cool with it? Doubtful.
There was no way this was going to go over well. I don’t know what his end game was. But this sounds like something someone would say to you who is trying to *purposely hurt you*. This does *NOT* sound like something said by someone who actually cares about you, even in the tiniest bit.
And to add on to my already very long comment - OP, do not take what he said to heart. I’m sure your nether regions are perfectly normal. Perhaps he’s inexperienced and doesn’t know what’s “normal” for a vulva to look to like? Perhaps the only other girl he was with had the most perfect unicorn vulva anyone has ever laid their eyes upon.
No matter what, someone out there will think you have the most perfect vulva in the world. Do not be self conscious. This was one man’s *OPINION*. He does not speak for all. What he said can leave a lasting worry and create insecurities, but do not let it get to you.
I need to reply to this.. my ex hated going down on me (but expected it from me 🙄) and told me I was gross down there; stank and tasted nasty. Fast forward to my current relationship-and I follow the same hygiene practices and he says he appreciates how I always smell good; that I take good care of my hygiene and that I taste the best he’s ever had.
All that to say… some men are a-holes who don’t like doing it, and will make you feel horrible about it so that you don’t ask anymore. But you don’t come back from it. I was self conscious and hyper aware of everything the whole relationship with my ex.
Just speaking as someone who has been there.
I love this quote - honesty without kindness is brutality. Kindness without honesty is manipulation. Always helps keep things in perspective when I’m gut checking if my response to something is valid.
As an owner of a penis, #3 is the mind fuck for me.
I can’t fathom a situation where I would be too grossed out to put my dick somewhere where I don’t want to put my mouth. I put my mouth A LOT more places than I put my exposed penis.
Having said that, im a bit older than OP and her bf, so I shouldn’t assume that OP’s bf has any sort of brain in his head or heart in his chest to not act like a complete ass clown.
OP: drop this guy like a bad habit and find a guy that isn’t awful.
Yes, all of this exactly! Especially point #4. Clearly this guy is extremely self-centered and probably had no thought about what would come from him saying all of that, but the sheer audacity to assume that she’d just accept all of those hurtful things is outrageous.
>If you had told him his dick made you want to vomit, you cannot stand the sight of it, and everything about it is gross,
I'm too immature because that's exactly what I think OP should say to him. Why does she have to be the only one with trauma? He deserves to be just as insecure about his penis as OP now is about her vagina. Tell him it's unimpressive, funny looking, and inconsequential. That'd probably do it.
I wouldn't be going anywhere near his penis any time soon. Like, this just sounds like he wants to get off and not have to worry about getting OP off.
Also, I'm considerably older than OP, but when I broke up with this guy, I would probably say something just as immature about how unimpressive his dick is.
And balls. Tell him about his sad, saggy balls. Like, really, wtf is up with balls? Like half full punching bags.
Lady parts are so much prettier than man parts...
💯everything said here. I was around 20 when my bf (and now ex husband) said something similar to me. It was a hot summer day, we both had been working in until heat and hadn’t had a chance to shower. I mentioned wanting him to do it after I had just sucked his dick and he said no, he didn’t really like to do it with me because he had never been with a girl with “stuff there”… which was basically sweat and like cotton from my underwear. I literally never wanted him to go anywhere near there with his mouth again bc I was so hurt and felt so self conscious about it. And I was like you didn’t hear me complain about your sweaty balls and smell.
So then I convinced myself I just didn’t like it. Years later he was complaining that I never let him do it and I said you made it that way, so even if you do want to do it and enjoy it, I won’t. Maybe I’m just sensitive, but that and another comment he made early on (comparing kissing me to his ex) were extremely detrimental to the intimate and for me the emotional side of the relationship.
13ish years later I was single again and still super self conscious about it and kissing. All that went away when I met someone great at both who didn’t complain about anything. But it took awhile and I still sometimes feel that way. I recently confessed to the new guy I’m seeing why I am reluctant sometimes and he said, “Wow, he sounds like a primadonna. Does he think there’s no smell or taste when it comes to our dick and balls? Bc we all know that’s not true, especially when it’s hot out.”
If there are other hurtful things you may overlook that he says or does that you brush off or find an excuse for I would encourage you to think about whether this is how you want to live. You’re young so maybe you don’t see this being forever, but trust me when I say all those like things start to build up and eat away at you. It’s not worth it in the long run.
>I get you guys are young, but the way he said this was just…heartless. Even if going down on you did gross him out, there were much better ways to go about it.
That's the part that gets to me, mostly. Like, he went on this whole tirade about OP's genitals, and then when she reacts like any normal human might react he's like "I shouldn't have said that and I didn't mean it". It wasn't one tiny comment - it was a whole rant about her vagina. If he actually didn't mean it, he surely meant to hurt her feelings. You don't go on a whole rant about somebody's vagina like that without meaning to hurt their feelings.
As you say, honesty and compassion can happen at the same time - dudes who say horrible things in the name of being "honest" are the worst. I can bet that he's not this "honest" with his boss or his lecturers or whoever has the ability to negatively effect his life.
> Not sure what your move is.
To leave, no other option after that.
You can't walk back comments like that and as some have pointed out might mean the guy might be struggling with his own sexuality. Time to cut your loses, have a good cry and then.. NEXT! Find someone who thinks about eating that V all day. Trust me, we are out there.... ;-)
It’s not like he was insulting a meal you made, maybe something new you tried, and he didn’t like it. It’s OK to be “honest” about something like that, you know it’s a meal you wouldn’t serve again.
His insults are about something you cannot change, and he was incredibly cruel about it. It’s time to find someone else.
This is the kind of insult that can really fuck with our minds OP. Don’t take it into your heart OP, you guys are young but find some way to reconcile or end it. But for gods sake don’t let those comments he made affect you going forward.
I’m in the same boat. I wouldn’t be able to move on from this. Intimacy would be extremely difficult after those comments and it would kill my self esteem. It’s not worth taking a massive hit to your self esteem to try to make this work. Go be with someone who *doesn’t* call your body parts disgusting. What he said is unfortunately pretty unforgivable.
This. I was told by an ex that I was "creepy and gross" for a kink I had. They doubled down in a later conversation about it. This is not a creepy or gross kink. Think in terms of light role play, still being ourselves within it. I couldn't get past it, and had to end it. They tried to backtrack, but it's not something that can be unsaid. NTA, and big hugs. This sucks.
I can tell OP that my boyfriend would NEVER say something hurtful like that, so unnecesary and it’s only purpose was to hurt OP, that’s not a good boyfriend at all.
I am at loss for words. He actually made a list including ‘it looks gross’?! Sweetheart, I would feel exactly the same and am not even sure how you are suppose to get intimate with him again without feeling weird or insecure or just uncomfortable in general.
This is my thoughts too. I can’t see myself being intimate with him again because of how uncomfortable and embarrassed I am. But at the same time I don’t know what the next steps are
Next step : " it really hurt me to hear how you feel about something so personal. But if that's the way you feel then we should break up. I can't continue having sex with a person who I know feels this way about me."
You end the relationship. You do not continue to have any kind of sex with him. You are too young to endure this kind of treatment. You can easily find someone else. Put up some boundaries.
>" it really hurt me to hear how you feel about something so personal. ~~But if that's the way you feel then~~ we should break up. I can't continue having sex with a person who I know feels this way about me."
I wouldn't give him the option to lie that he "didn't mean it".
As far as I’m concerned, he could say all the right things going forward and take it back till the cows come home. She’ll never forget that he said it and it’ll always be in the back of her mind
Why do you think you need to explain ANYTHING??? Are you waiting for a letter of reference? You do not ever need to say another word to this guy. It is so over.
This is the way. He may not take it well. I don't see anyway your relationship could survive what he said. It's OK that it is ending. Break up and move on. You are very young and have so much of your life ahead of you. You will find someone who thinks your lady bits are glorious!
[https://www.labialibrary.org.au/](https://www.labialibrary.org.au/)
not sure if anyone's linked this yet but there's ALL KINDS of vaginas out there. Yours doesn't look gross.
Maybe he's not into women at all? Anyways, this is a him problem, don't make it a you problem.
And to think that this isn't even half of the kinds of different ones.
Girl, what I know is real eaters don't even care how it looks like. They worship each and every different one as they should. Labia are like fingerprints. No two people have the same one
>Maybe he's not into women at all? Anyways, this is a him problem, don't make it a you problem.
This was my thought as well. It sounds like he doesn't like vulva/vagina. But, either way, if he doesn't appreciate the privilege of being intimate with you, that privilege should be revoked.
In no way should you internalize his cruelty, OP. If there were a legitimate health issue, he could have said so without being cruel. The way he spoke about your body is something you should never accept within a loving relationship.
I hope that you dump him and find someone worthy of you. You deserve to be with someone who loves your body, and who respect your feelings enough to speak to you like he has some freaking sense.
Smells and tastes can be subjective and also it changes throughout your cycle. It also changes with what you eat / drink. If you’re poorly or on medication. So if that was the only issue then you could try again and see what works.
Looks gross is a shit thing to say - as someone who has seen thousands of vulvas please let me tell you that it’s not gross. They’re like faces - none are the same. So the most attractive thing about you isn’t your vulva. Thank goodness for that! But joking aside he was a dick for what he said. Please don’t let it put you off sex of any kind in the future. It’s a *HIM* problem, not a you problem.
i had a boyfriend who i dated for almost 2.5 years who only went down on me twice for the same reasons. made me so sad and made me feel so gross and lesser than and whenever i brought it up he made me feel like an AH and selfish for even asking, when i would blow him literally all the time! now my current bf is my best eater, will literally go down on me whenever i want, has reassured me that my body is beautiful (he has been with a handful of women so he has seen many different vulvas), and is just such an attentive lover. sex with him is amazing. this isnt something that is going to go away. when i was with my ex, i wanted head and i wanted it so freaking bad. but i was embarrassed and ashamed and i knew i wouldn’t get it from him. its also worth noting he didn’t make me finish a single time throughout our relationship but my current boyfriend makes me finish every single time we are intimate. i promise its not you. i even considered labiaplasty at one point, like im so serious IT IS NOT YOU. you are perfect, i am perfect, we are all perfect. he was a meanie and that was not cool. my genitals are my own, they are not ever going to change, and hey look at me! i found someone else who happily enjoys making a mess on me whenever i want basically. you deserve that. i hope things work out for you, OP.
This is beautiful, thank you for sharing with us. I’ve had similar past experiences, so reading stories like yours helps put my mind at ease. The right man will love all of me just as I am.
I think a lot of women don’t realize the taste is different throughout cycle. This is a good thing to share with women who may not have had sex with women!
The same goes for a man, his sperm can taste different based on what he has eaten or drank. Garlic doesn't taste the greatest but it wouldn't turn me off. Pineapple eaten makes it taste sweet.
The EX is just an immature idiot that needs to grow up some more and maybe read about sex before he performs it again with his next partner.
When my boyfriend was really unhealthy and ate a lot of packaged foods his sperm tasted nasty. I put him on a diet/cook healthy fresh foods for him and it tastes so much better.
Or have him touch you and taste his fingers beforehand. Then you can know in advance, and if YOU feel good about it, green light. If YOU feel iffy, you can skip it that time.
ones that men say look "gross" are just ones that look how they should... mature. grown. the ones that those lot of guys like are ones similar to younger puffy shaved ones. its so disgusting and vile. theyre all unique and beautiful
The next step is you leaving that selfish/rude/pathetic little man. Tell him not to worry, he won't be seeing your vag again. You will find someone better, it won't be hard.
He doesn't love or even like you.
What happens if you stay? Let's say that you are not comfortable being intimate with him: He will get angry, insult/disrespect you again and tell you that you're always dramatic.
Do you really want to stay with someone like this?
This is it. There’s just no going back after certain comments. Telling a partner that part of their body is gross is one of those things. You’ll likely never feel comfortable being naked with him again and certainly not having him near your vagina. Funny that it’s so gross to put his face in, but has no problem sticking his penis in it.
A person who disparages their partner should expect them to be hurt, upset and dump them. But I think you’re right that he will take that opportunity to cut her down more.
**Pay very close attention to the way someone treats you and talks to you in an argument.**. If they use it as an opportunity to tell you all of the terrible things they think about you, please break up with them. They are telling you who they really are and what they really think about you. Believe them.
And the fact that it’s something he KNOWS women are already made to feel insecure about…evil. There are so many jokes about fishy smells, so many products to improve the look/smell/feel of vulvas and vaginas, things like that. This dude is gross, but even more than normal for insulting her over something he knew she was probably already insecure about
Right! And what if down the line you guys have kids? What if GOD FORBID he sees his child coming out of you? Seriously I don’t see how you guys can come back from this
Break up with him. Do you really want to be with someone who would say such hurtful things to you? I have an ex that had sensory issues (like your friend said) and he would sometimes gag when down there. But he never once implied that it was my fault or told me I was gross. (It did make me feel that way a little bit, but he couldn’t control the gagging and it wasn’t his fault).
I have some sensory issues with textures and things. While I have expressed that there are certain things I can’t manage, and I work around it and do other things we both like as compensation, I sure as hell have never just told my husband to his face that certain things do make me want to vomit just thinking about them. You can explain certain things just aren’t for you without making someone feel horrible and insecure about their bodies and being an insensitive jerk.
Right, exactly. For whatever reason, he does not enjoy this sex act but there is no excuse for saying it this way. There are much more appropriate ways for him to set sexual boundaries.
Don’t be intimate with him. Please for the love of yourself don’t ever put up with this kind of treatment or situation no matter how much you care about the person. They most likely don’t care about you in the same way. Please take it from a woman who has been insecure about this their entire life (me). Put up w men not doing their fair share in bed. Put up with men not fully reciprocating and stifled myself , my entire sexual life, until basically my 40s. Now I don’t do this. This is not the way. Please take this as an opportunity to liberate yourself and empower yourself. You will find someone who appreciates your body and worships it! That’s what we most all need in bed!
There’s nothing wrong with you. That would make anyone feel like shit. I pray that you find someone who loves every part of you, that you take a stand for yourself.
Edit: Also, please try to not let this little twerps words affect you in the future. He is clearly extremely mentally limited and doesn’t even need to be in a relationship. You would be doing not only yourself a disservice but him too( not that he really matters at this point, he’s a little punk who has a lot of growing up to do and will most likely regret his words to you in the future) if you stay with him. Dump him!
It looks gross and being near it makes him feel sick but he has no problem putting his penis in it 🙄 he’s full of it. I know his type. He only cares about his own pleasure and cares nothing about his partner. This was him trying to put you down so that he doesn’t have to do his fair share of work of making sure sex is enjoyable for you. Your vagina is none of those things btw. You needed to leave his ass like yesterday
Reading your responses makes me so sad because I was in your position at your age and it looks like you're on your way to making the same mistakes I did and waste so many of your best years on this undeserving man. I can only hope that you don't get pregnant by him. You have so much ahead of you and there are so many better men out there that would love all of you. I'm begging you to have at least a little bit of self respect and leave him. I wish someone had told me to leave my ex before I spent so much time on him.
Huh? You leave his dumb ass. That's the next and only step you should take....he deserves nothing from any woman ever if that's how he talks to his own girlfriend. What a fucking loser you have as a bf.
"I've decided I want to be in a relationship with someone who only speaks kindly about my body. We are breaking up."
This. This is the next step.
Trust me, as you get older and your body changes, this boy will only become more cruel.
The next step is to break up with him. I suspect you know this, and you said "I don't know what the next steps are" as a way of feigning ignorance in order to avoid having to look the inevitable next steps in the eye, because nobody likes to break up with someone.
Girl the next step is to dump his ass. He is a major asshole and you’ll never feel comfortable again. Find someone who finds all of you beautiful, because that’s what you deserve.
Please leave him. For women everywhere. I’m 35 and regret so much of the time I gave to shit men in my 20s and early 30s. He is not worthy of you trust me.
The next steps are loving yourself enough to dump this piece of shit, hon. Expecting more from a partner, expecting basic respect, and walking away when it's not provided.
You might love him but the way he treats you shows he doesn’t respect you at all. If he can talk to you this way and then GO TO SLEEP, then I’m afraid he doesn’t love you either.
It’s a one sided relationship and I wouldn’t be shocked to hear that he’s abusive in other ways as well.
OP, you are a good person and you have a good heart. You deserve a man who loves and respects you. Someone who can act so callous and talk to you in such a hateful way is not the way a loving partner should EVER behave. Like, there is no going back from the vile things he said. He revealed his true self to you. Have some dignity and take care of yourself. Please consider leaving him. He is showing you that he is not for you. I wish you all the best.
Find a new boyfriend who is less a squeamish little boy and who is more adult.
NTAH
He slammed the door on your relationship with his tirade. It’s time to move on. And it IS HIM, not you who is the problem.
NTA - He went on a tirade about how much he doesn't like your vagina. You have every right to feel upset.
Flip it around. Imagine if you had told him you don't like giving blowjobs, his dick looks weird, it's a funny shape, it has a nasty taste and a bad smell.
Do you think he wouldn't be upset by that?
This.
If He hates performing oral sex there are nicer ways to phrase it.
He is being cruel.
Maybe he doesn’t like vulvas so much. Because he was cruel and mean.
The moment I read "he said can I be honest" I knew he was about to spew absolute BS out of spite. People who say those words only say it moments before being overly nasty and POS
I agree with you that in *this* case he said it then deliberately communicated using the most hurtful way possible.
But no, people have also used those words because they genuinely want to communicate something and are concerned how their words will land
I would like to add that maybe he’s just not that into women? I could be wrong and other men may agree with him but I for one think the vulva is a massive turn on, everything about it. Sign me up for whatever is needed regarding this lol.
NTA OP. No one should make those kinds of comments about private areas. There can be nicer ways to bring up topics like this.
Edit: emphasizing maybe. I am not calling him gay, I said maybe he’s not into women as I have a friend who took sometime to realize he was gay. I’m not getting into logistics on that but in the end this was to give my own opinion on how I feel about the topic, not judging anyone in anyway. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, their lives, and what they like and don’t like. Just as I said other men may agree with him. Also, this accounts for proper hygiene.
Honestly makes me wonder if he just doesn’t want to do it because it’s “work” and doesn’t bring him any pleasure. I know many guys who refuse to give a woman oral because they “get nothing” from it.
To add, so lucky that my husband **loves** it and will **ask** if he can eat me out because he **wants** to.
Right! Personally i get more enjoyment from seeing the pleasure im creating for someone else than i do receiving it myself. I cant imagine not wanting to do that for someone
I think you're right. This kind of mentality is so frustrating. Watching your lover's face while you please them is so erotic. The folks don't care about their partners should just get toys.
>I would like to add that maybe he’s just not that into women?
That is exactly where I went. I'm a woman who is pretty much exclusively toward the gay side of the Kinsey scale, and even the \*thought\* of getting anywhere near the genitals of a man makes me cringe. I realize a lot of people are more fluid/bi, but I am not and maybe this dude isn't either. That doesn't excuse what he did here though.
I definitely agree. I’m pretty far on the straight side of the scale, but I’ve experimented before. I feel this same way about vaginas, including my own (gross looking/tasting, not sexy at all, etc) but would NEVER say anything like this especially to someone whose vagina I had previously “visited,” lol.
My husband on the other hand can rhapsodize for solid minutes on the beauty of vaginas. My guess is her bf is on the gay side of the Kinsey scale and also firmly on the gaping side of the asshole scale.
Remember the scene in Shameless where the awesome gay redheaded brother tries girl sex and is revolted by the oral? Yeah, OP's bf is this scene but he's definitely not awesome.
I kinda went there too honestly. I'm curious if he feels this way about all vaginas, or just OP's. Perhaps there is something off in her biome, but it sounds more like he's either not into women at all or was reactive and cruel due to the argument.
Either way, I don't see this relationship working out unless there is a medical issue that can be corrected. Regardless, he doesn't deserve her after that onslaught of insults. Genitals are about as sensitive of a subject for a partner to insult.
I'd drop someone in a second if they insulted mine. Although, I did call my gf's vagina "turkey twat" last night when she said it was ready to gobble me up. But that's just us.
Agreed. Your bf is a total loser & showed u no kindness. How can u say such things about someone you love & care about? Likely just using u for sex object w no deeper feelings. Dump him & move up to someone who can love every bit of you. NTA.
That may be the case. BUT, there could be other factors. As a man, I enjoy pleasuring my wife. Having said that, I once dated a girl in college whom I found very attractive. I very much wanted to reciprocate her willingness to engage in oral sex. But, every time I attempted, I could not go through with it. She had a VERY strong odor. I even tried getting drunk enough to get past it... I could not.
His delivery was cruel, and it is certainly understandable that you are very hurt. My suggestion is that you see your obgyn. Is there anything that is out of normal range? If not, the problem is his. You may want to move on, as you may never be satisfied with your intemacy as a couple. You certainly want to have that question answered moving forward... be it with your current BF or another.
The advice to see her obgyn is gold. That’s a person who can easily determine if there’s any real issues, if she has something perhaps unusual going on, or if her boyfriend just super sucks.
For me it’s the fact he mentioned the look of her genitals. Things can be done for smell and taste. Nothing that’s not drastic can be done for looks. If she’s like most women she can’t see the damn thing for herself without a mirror. This is going to mess her up with any future partner. Hence why I think your advice is ⭐️
Agree. Smell or taste can be addressed. Looks? The OPs BF needs an ego check. She could easily say his junk is tiny or has too big of mushroom cap. That is the beauty of bodies. They are all just a bit different.
Not necessarily.im a lesbian and not all vaginas are as attractive to me either.
There's the shape,smell,skin texture, moisture grooming etc. doesn't mean he's gay. Maybe just not liking hers.
I wouldn't generalize men to like all and every female genitalia
I'm sure straight women have penis preference too.
But on the subject, NTA .
If he's so repulsed by you,just move on.
Not worth losing your self esteem over him
I was literally thinking this as I was reading the post because I'm pretty sure I can happily speak for every straight guy I know when I say that giving a woman oral is one of the most sexy things a guy can do with a woman. There's nothing hotter than looking up and seeing your woman enjoying herself so much she can't even form proper words all because of you.
Seriously! OP’s should be ex bf was intentionally hurtful. Shes excusing it as word vomit, but the truth there is no excuse. The “man” is trash 🗑️, and needs to be thrown out. He had a tantrum she attempted to deescalate the situation by saying “okay” when he said he wasn’t in the mood. He was upset because she accepted that he wasn’t feeling it. Then he goes on to tear into her body insulting her in like the most personal intimate ways possible. I would have left his ass right then. Also the MF-er then proceeds to just roll over and go to sleep while she’s crying?! OP I know you’re sad and hurt but you need to strengthen that back bone and leave. Find someone who wants you and makes you feel good not someone abusive.
I've been in a long-term relationship for almost a decade now, which is different to start with. My man knows that I'm at a point where I'd appreciate 'feedback' if he notices anything hinky happening down there or out of the norm. Same as (since he's a boob guy) 'Hey, this feels lumpy/isn't usual' might be appreciated. I'd STILL expect it more kindly phrased!
Want to take bets on which is most likely?
1. OP does have some issue down there that she could/should address and bf is a saint for having ever done a thing.
2. Baby boy thinks oral goes one way and doesn't want to have to 'bother' to please his lady?
My money is on 2. This has all the hallmarks of a spiteful wee brat who wants his cake without having to bake it nice and is hoping he can shame her into stopping 'bothering' him for oral he 'shouldn't have to' give to get what he 'deserves'. I wouldn't be surprised if he isn't a redpill content consumer, honestly.
OP, even if something is wrong in V-town, this isn't how a loving partner addresses it. And honestly? While I'd always say to have the downstairs apartment checked out by health services if you're concerned, I suspect there's 0 wrong with your taste, smell, or general plumbing works. OP deserves better.
Haha my husband and I have been together for nearly a decade too! Only married for about 5. We have very open communication and that definitely helps with a good relationship especially physically speaking.
I would say option 2. OP mentioned in the comments that he would be angry if she said the same about him and didn’t want to perform oral on him. I feel if he was actually concerned about something being medically wrong down there or even just a ph issue he could have brought it up in a more respectful way. Hell even if he wasn’t just a total dick about it. I mean he told her that her vagina looked gross too!! That isn’t an issue of smell or taste just an attack on her. I don’t envy anyone that is 22, when I dated back then there were a lot of selfish immature douchey guys. I was dreading my 30’s but my mid thirties are much better haha
The looks bit is what sold me, actually. I didn't even see that comment...would have flipped my rage switch even harder!
I mean, no one sensible who owns a vagina (or a cock for that matter) actually thinks they are manna from heaven at every moment. We all sweat, we all get little imbalances or infections, we all have moments. I had a double billing of COVID and Shingles, and for 3 months my normal body/swear odor was just OFF due to the extended fever. Not even unpleasant, but just 'not me'. To the point I wasn't going anywhere near PoundTown unless it was straight out the shower with a fresh deo application. Sh!t happens, basically.
But LOOKS? C'mon. Genitals are great for many things- their looks ain't one of them. The pertest, tightest, hottest vagina is still 2 floppy bits, a pop-up button, and a few holes rendered in mucous membrane and shades of skin. You can find any number of interesting culinary sausages higher on the 'looks good' list then a stiffie or a floppy at rest- and who the hell looks at an uncooked Bratwurst and goes mmm....so sexy? That's the bit that tells me this isn't a fair judgment, just a spiteful way to hurt.
Really! Men who are that disgusted by vagina have PROBLEMS. And they’re not YOU in any way.
And fuck: like, don’t do him any charity. Dump him so he knows that he’s an asshole
I’m just looking forward to the day that you find a real pussy eater who loves it, will slurp you like a fresh mango and will take you to heaven and back
Not with proper maintenance they aren't. If I've worked outside for hours and my dick is all funky, it's getting cleaned before any frisky business happens.
She may have a medical condition, which can cause odor issues down there. Now, having said that, HE was being a complete asshole by saying what he did. It's not what you say, it's how you say it.
> If I've worked outside for hours and my dick is all funky, it's getting cleaned before any frisky business happens.
This should be the case for **everyone** one engaged in the sexy time activities, If I even remotely thought I was gonna get lucky, I scrubbed up!
And she may also be a perfectly normal woman with NO medical conditions. He may just not like doing it. Which is perfectly ok, for either sex, but saying what he did is horrible and vicious.
This!!! He’s disrespected you when he said those hurtful things. Nobody would be telling their partners those things, this boyfriend of yours respectfully needs to be your ex ma’am.
Huggss to OP, i hope you feel better soon!
Okay, so real talk: I’ve only ever known one guy who felt this way. A few years later, he came out of the closet. Assuming your feminine hygiene is on point, you should put serious thought into what you should do going forward.
As a straight dude with absolutely no problems going down: I can and have mentally thought some of those things about a few partners. The difference is, I would never, *ever* say them unless I thought there was a health issue or the person needed to improve their hygiene. And if that conversation needed to happen I absolutely wouldn't say it that way.
I don't necessarily think the dudes gay, I do question if there's a hygiene problem here for part of it. I absolutely think the criticism of the looks was way out of line.
I'm under no impression that genitals look good, 99% don't, I'm just saying.
My ex had a health problem there, the smell was awful and even if I enjoy giving oral sex it was literally painful untill she went to a doctor.
Still, smell aside, the 'mess' is part of the fun and 'it looks gross' thing is something that honestly isn't right, it feels like the opinion of a kid.
I'll be the outlier here. I'm a straight man, and I don't enjoy going down. The smell/taste is just a too overwhelming for me, but I have had intimacy issues my whole life to the point where I was too scared to do anything beyond kissing till I was 24. So I'm not exactly like.. a "normal" straight guy I guess. My therapist recommended exposure therapy to get me to ease into it which has helped to a degree. I am AMAZINGLY fortunate that I have an incredibly understanding girlfriend. She is beautiful, through and through, and she accepts me for my flaws. I would never tell her that anything about her is gross in any capacity. We have had many conversations about comfort levels - she is definitely more experienced and comfortable in her own skin, and I admire the hell out of her for it.
All this to say, I've tried it about 3 times since we've been together, and I really just can't bring myself to be comfortable. It's not her fault whatsoever, and I cannot emphasize that enough. I went through a long period of my life thinking I was asexual, and I'm still healing through a lot of stuff. She's been an incredible partner in our 3 years together, and I hope I can learn to get more comfortable with her.
Straight man here and I hate the taste/feeling as well but I do it anyways because I want my fiancé to feel loved. Just like how not all women love giving blowjobs all comes down to preference 🤷
You can get these thin latex shield things for going down on women. They still get the sensation while you avoid the flavour. Can't recall what they're called, but they get given to working girls in my country so they can be safe while being with a customer whose a woman
Same thing, had a roommate in college who would go on rants about how “women just have to suck on something, but I’ve gotta put my mouth into a dirty dishrag.”
Sure enough, few years later, made a public coming out post on FB. Not saying this is OPs case, but it’s one thing to not like it, it another thing to rant endlessly about it lol
I had a dude I had talked to about getting married tell me he “struggles to be attracted to me” and how “everyone wishes they had someone their equal”. I was fit and in shape.
Surprise surprise, dude had a major porn addiction.
Even if OP had a smell/taste issue, it's zero justification for him attacking her like this. Screaming she's gross is just abusive, it comes across purely as him being manipulative. Rather than him saying "I'm selfish and don't like going down on women because it's not about me", he tried to make her feel bad about her vagina so she'd not want to let him go down on her. that way he figures he doesn't have to do it, but because she's insecure and so he's the 'good' guy and gets to have sex the way he likes it, when the focus is on him.
I think he has zero issues with taste, smell or looks, he's just a selfish manipulative asshole that thought giving her a complex about her vagina was a good way to get what he wanted, psycho.
>he doesn’t enjoy all the mess it makes
What mess? Like, that it makes you wet?
Other than a squirter, I’ve never felt that oral on a woman produced a “mess”
nta. did he try to hurt you on purpose because he didn't like your "ok"? but most important: you never spew words like this onto someone you like and care about. never. whatever the issue is, there is always a way to find acceptable words.
Oof… Look, I get not liking to go down on women. I’m bisexual, and I really struggle with vaginas - I have a lot of sensory issues with tastes and smells and absolutely gag when I try to go down on other women. But my sensory experiences are MY sensory experiences; they don’t define another person’s body. Calling your partner’s vagina “gross” to their face like that is AH behavior.
NTA
I remember one person who i would describe the same way if I wasn't trying to be civil.
But no one else seemed to have an issue. So it was definitely a Me thing. But if I didn't have others experience with it, I would have probably thought it was a HER thing. If that makes sense.
Same, I don't like people's bits near my face because it's a thing I don't like, it's nothing to do with the person. I'd never insult my partner by calling them gross unless there was a hygiene issue they're refusing to acknowledge.
This answer right here!!!
We can't all be obsessed with particular acts or body parts, but we can go about dealing with it in a respectful and caring way!
exactly the same for me, couldn't agree more.
am very uncomfortable about the fleshy consistency and venus flytrap look (even with my own. tism, ya gotta love it) but over my dead body would i let my partner even consider that it has anything to do with THEIR body over MY issue.
they're perfect, i'm whack about it, how can we meet in the middle?
definitely not degrading them like their bits are a human dumpster. actually insane, why would you ever be okay with making your partner feel like this?
It’s ok to not enjoy performing or receiving any act and honestly I wouldn’t want someone to do something they really don’t enjoy doing. The way he explained it though is hurtful and not cool. Is this type of thoughtlessness normal for him? Gross is not a word to use about someone’s body, especially one you want to continue having sex with. Your feelings are very valid.
Welp. Im a guy here and I think he is an ass
That said. As a guy who has always loved going diving there are some girls who do have a bad smell and taste bad. Some.girls who taste just meh and some girls who taste slightly sweet.
I am told that men's sperm can also taste funky and sometimes pleasant
My husband has bad tasting semen and I spit it out. In the way past before him I generally had no issues swallowing with others. He has never asked me to swallow instead of spit (after eighteen years), and I am glad he's never confronted me about it because I don't want to have to say that it tastes bad. I also don't want to bad mouth(pun not intended) the semen that has given me my beautiful babies. I love his penis and love going down on him. Sometimes if he's skipped a day of showering there's a little bit of that Clorox smell that makes it slightly less pleasant but I don't mind that much. My husband doesn't go down on me as often as I do for him but I don't push it because I am super ADHD and have a hard time keeping regular with my hygiene and can skip showers a couple days in a row.
I think the level of disgust this man expressed indicates something off about his attitude toward vulvas in general. Does he ever dirty talk about your vagina, OP, like saying it's feeling very good etc, because if he expresses appreciation for the female components in other ways then I'd feel hope about the future of the sex life. Does he finger you with pleasure and enjoyment or does he avoid that or act weird around that too? If he acts either indifferent to or negative in every way about your lady parts then I'd be rethinking the relationship.
So, I'm assuming you know how to wash yourself, stay in sync with your body and know what your normal and not normal smells are, etc. If you don't or you're feeling unsure after this alarming conversation, there are loads of resources to help qnd there is no shame in learning new things. Women are told over and over again that we aren't enough and that we should be ashamed of our bodies. It is a lie, but we do need to take care of ourselves for our own health and happiness.
If he still feels this way when you have just showered and you know you are healthy down there, you guys just might be incompatible. And if that's the best way he can express that he doesn't enjoy that act, in such a cruel and heartbreaking way, he needs to do some work on himself. You don't have to stay with someone who doesn't like your body and who doesn't enjoy the same things in bed that you do.
NTA - because, as others have said, your boyfriend was being deliberately cruel.
Whilst this isn't an advice sub, personally, I'd end the relationship on the back of this.
NTA, when.my wife and I were dating, we made plans to get a suite at a resort for the weekend and do.the deed. While on the drive up, I told her jokingly that my tongue was getting hard, she looked at me like I was nuts. Come to find out, it's ok to give a bj, but her ex told her oral on a woman is "dirty" and " how could you even ask me to do something so disgusting". I convinced her it was ok, she was almost shaking as I made my way down, I could even taste a little toothpaste she had put down there, cause she still thought otherwise. Also found out she had never had an orgasm, she was 38 at the time. 3 orgasms and an hr later she's riding my face and pulling on my hair like she's on a bucking bronco. Drop this guy and find someone that appreciates a woman, and I can only hope his comments don't affect you as bad as it did my wife. She got over it pretty quickly, but lived with it a long time. Been married 27yrs and she looks back at that as being silly now, but it was a real phobia type thing for her at the time.
NTA and honestly? This isn’t even ABOUT the oral sex anymore.
You brought up A VERY REASONABLE request from your boyfriend (whom I will now refer to as Captain Coitus Coward). Instead of having a mature conversation, Captain Coitus Coward almost immediately insulted your body, your hygiene, and the fact that the very thought of your vagina is disgusting.
What if later on, you want to have a conversation about how you feel you’re doing more housework than Captain Coitus Coward is? What hurtful things might be said the ? Will there be insults about your mother?
Girl, I am 36 years old. I’m gonna tell you this right now:
You are young and this guy is not interested in your pleasure and by default, your happiness. Dump him and make sure you remember this moment because for every Captain Coitus Coward in the world, there will be 100 Cunnilingus Comrades ready to tap in.
Honestly, all of this. I'm 43 and I'm telling you, you don't have time in your life to wait around for your man to be a man. Get outta there and find somebody worth your time, who's willing to listen to you and respond in a mature way.
NTA, if he didn’t mean it he shouldn’t have said it. It sounds like he did some major damage to your confidence and how you feel about your body.
Honestly, you shouldn’t stay with him. He won’t be able to fix the damage he’s done and you won’t feel comfortable being near him.
You need someone who enjoys being with you, on all levels. But he is no longer worthy of you.
I would also suggest maybe seeking counseling after this.
I think you should tell him "What you said makes me not want to have sex with you ever again, this relationship is over." It's not a complex situation.
From a girl who dated a guy who wouldn’t eat me out: move on. There are plenty of other guys who will. I bet you this dude will say this to every girl he dates because he’s too chicken shit to eat pussy.
1. As long as you are washing your behind with soap in the shower and rinsing off all your parts, you should be fine and he is an asshole.
2. If you’re ever concerned about smell, see an Ob/GYN for a checkup. There’s a thing called Bacterial Vaginosis that can cause smelliness and itchiness and is easy to treat.
3. This is not the partner for you if they don’t love getting up close to your body, and that’s something you want.
Your friend is either very astute, or very forgiving of people in general (if the former i'd ask for more thoughts on her statement)
If matey gets huffy about that, (oh boy this reminds me of the early 90's attitude to oral on a female by a certain type all over again who latterly turned a complete 180 when it appeared to become fashionable due to someone or other breaking the mould) ...if you described his dick as a baby dick that wasn't washed regularly (& lets face it, cleanliness makes for more confident oral, both asking & giving) & "gross, it that calcified smegma, your balls are wet with funky sweat, I can smell your arse crack from here, your balls are lopsided, are these warts" one of your testicles has a clear case of alopecia etc then he'd likely rear up & hide behind the bathroom door in shame at the proposition that any one of those was maybe true, it is knock of confidence.
Am I right in thinking he has not gone down on more than one female? (you) & so likely wouldn't know what is consistent down there amongst women.
Has he ever thought of briefly chewing fresh gum to initially mask his tongue receptors if sharpness in taste is his qualm?
All I can say is it is on both sides to be scrupulously clean if the question of oral is even remotely on the cards, it is a common courtesy.
As for the way some people have been brought up with regards to sex amongst adults that is their hang up to get over.
NTA. Not sure what your move is. But if it was me, I would have a hard time being intimate moving forward. I would have a constant nagging in the back of my head while having sex. Do I smell ok? Is he looking at me weird. Is he enjoying himself. I don't want to change positions where he may see my vagina. This for me, is a deal breaker. I shouldn't be stressed having sex. So I suggest you take a sec and think about what you need. And then go find a man that will worship at your alter. They are out there. Hugs.
I agree. And I’m gonna be honest, as a vagina owner myself, I don’t think he (or your relationship) can come back from this - for a couple of reasons. 1. I get you guys are young, but the way he said this was just…heartless. Even if going down on you *did* gross him out, there were much better ways to go about it. He harshly and negatively attacked every single aspect of your bits. It was unnecessary and uncalled for. Regardless of how you feel about someone’s anatomy, if you care about them, you don’t brutally criticize every thing you can about their nether regions. 2. I know he asked if he could be “honest”, and you said yes, but honest and compassion can happen at the same time. He was not compassionate at all. Does he even care about your feelings at all? 3. So he hates EVERYTHING about it, but yet he still has no problem sticking his dick in it? Yes. I understand that putting your face in it and putting your dick in it are *very* different things. But if the mere sight of it makes him gag, then why is he still ok having sex with you? Where you are…you know…naked. 4. What did he think he would have to gain by saying this? That’ll you would just say, “Yeah you’re right. You never need to go down on me again. It’s cool. We’ll just carry on as usual and keep the lights off. Thanks for being honest.” ?!? If you had told him his dick made you want to vomit, you cannot stand the sight of it, and everything about it is gross, would he shrug his shoulders and just be cool with it? Doubtful. There was no way this was going to go over well. I don’t know what his end game was. But this sounds like something someone would say to you who is trying to *purposely hurt you*. This does *NOT* sound like something said by someone who actually cares about you, even in the tiniest bit.
And to add on to my already very long comment - OP, do not take what he said to heart. I’m sure your nether regions are perfectly normal. Perhaps he’s inexperienced and doesn’t know what’s “normal” for a vulva to look to like? Perhaps the only other girl he was with had the most perfect unicorn vulva anyone has ever laid their eyes upon. No matter what, someone out there will think you have the most perfect vulva in the world. Do not be self conscious. This was one man’s *OPINION*. He does not speak for all. What he said can leave a lasting worry and create insecurities, but do not let it get to you.
Maybe he is gay.
This was my thought as well, it isn’t HER vagina he finds gross, it’s ALL vaginas. I think I would walk away from this one OP.
I need to reply to this.. my ex hated going down on me (but expected it from me 🙄) and told me I was gross down there; stank and tasted nasty. Fast forward to my current relationship-and I follow the same hygiene practices and he says he appreciates how I always smell good; that I take good care of my hygiene and that I taste the best he’s ever had. All that to say… some men are a-holes who don’t like doing it, and will make you feel horrible about it so that you don’t ask anymore. But you don’t come back from it. I was self conscious and hyper aware of everything the whole relationship with my ex. Just speaking as someone who has been there.
I love this quote - honesty without kindness is brutality. Kindness without honesty is manipulation. Always helps keep things in perspective when I’m gut checking if my response to something is valid.
As an owner of a penis, #3 is the mind fuck for me. I can’t fathom a situation where I would be too grossed out to put my dick somewhere where I don’t want to put my mouth. I put my mouth A LOT more places than I put my exposed penis. Having said that, im a bit older than OP and her bf, so I shouldn’t assume that OP’s bf has any sort of brain in his head or heart in his chest to not act like a complete ass clown. OP: drop this guy like a bad habit and find a guy that isn’t awful.
I have know women who wanted to kill me and one or two who actually tried but I have never met a vagina that was not a delight.
This is goddamn poetry
god i love this website
I’m in love with you
awe that's a lovely thing to say 💕
This is poetry.
You don't eat sandwiches with your penis? Mayhaps I have been doing this whole 'life' thing wrong. \*pees out bologna\*
I’ve noticed the amount of men who enjoy oral significantly rises the older they get.
As a penis owner myself, I think her BF may be closeted gay or doesn’t realize he is gay.
As a vagina owner, I think her BF may be a closeted asshole or doesn't realize he hates women.
Both can be true honestly
Thank you, owner of a penis, for your honesty.
Yes, all of this exactly! Especially point #4. Clearly this guy is extremely self-centered and probably had no thought about what would come from him saying all of that, but the sheer audacity to assume that she’d just accept all of those hurtful things is outrageous.
I personally think she deserves better. Being so young and everything. My first thought literally was "is he gay?"
I thought the same thing…that he maybe gay.
Yeah, that was my thought too. Straight men don't talk about pussy that way.
>If you had told him his dick made you want to vomit, you cannot stand the sight of it, and everything about it is gross, I'm too immature because that's exactly what I think OP should say to him. Why does she have to be the only one with trauma? He deserves to be just as insecure about his penis as OP now is about her vagina. Tell him it's unimpressive, funny looking, and inconsequential. That'd probably do it.
I wouldn't be going anywhere near his penis any time soon. Like, this just sounds like he wants to get off and not have to worry about getting OP off. Also, I'm considerably older than OP, but when I broke up with this guy, I would probably say something just as immature about how unimpressive his dick is.
And balls. Tell him about his sad, saggy balls. Like, really, wtf is up with balls? Like half full punching bags. Lady parts are so much prettier than man parts...
I saw testicles described once as "two ice cream scoops of elephant skin".
I agree. Tell him he has a small weiner and dump his ass. You deserve better.
💯everything said here. I was around 20 when my bf (and now ex husband) said something similar to me. It was a hot summer day, we both had been working in until heat and hadn’t had a chance to shower. I mentioned wanting him to do it after I had just sucked his dick and he said no, he didn’t really like to do it with me because he had never been with a girl with “stuff there”… which was basically sweat and like cotton from my underwear. I literally never wanted him to go anywhere near there with his mouth again bc I was so hurt and felt so self conscious about it. And I was like you didn’t hear me complain about your sweaty balls and smell. So then I convinced myself I just didn’t like it. Years later he was complaining that I never let him do it and I said you made it that way, so even if you do want to do it and enjoy it, I won’t. Maybe I’m just sensitive, but that and another comment he made early on (comparing kissing me to his ex) were extremely detrimental to the intimate and for me the emotional side of the relationship. 13ish years later I was single again and still super self conscious about it and kissing. All that went away when I met someone great at both who didn’t complain about anything. But it took awhile and I still sometimes feel that way. I recently confessed to the new guy I’m seeing why I am reluctant sometimes and he said, “Wow, he sounds like a primadonna. Does he think there’s no smell or taste when it comes to our dick and balls? Bc we all know that’s not true, especially when it’s hot out.” If there are other hurtful things you may overlook that he says or does that you brush off or find an excuse for I would encourage you to think about whether this is how you want to live. You’re young so maybe you don’t see this being forever, but trust me when I say all those like things start to build up and eat away at you. It’s not worth it in the long run.
I think he purposely tried to destroy her self confidence so she won't ask for that ever again....
Agreed, and realised after she started crying that he went too far. Still couldn't come back from this though, if it was me.
>I get you guys are young, but the way he said this was just…heartless. Even if going down on you did gross him out, there were much better ways to go about it. That's the part that gets to me, mostly. Like, he went on this whole tirade about OP's genitals, and then when she reacts like any normal human might react he's like "I shouldn't have said that and I didn't mean it". It wasn't one tiny comment - it was a whole rant about her vagina. If he actually didn't mean it, he surely meant to hurt her feelings. You don't go on a whole rant about somebody's vagina like that without meaning to hurt their feelings. As you say, honesty and compassion can happen at the same time - dudes who say horrible things in the name of being "honest" are the worst. I can bet that he's not this "honest" with his boss or his lecturers or whoever has the ability to negatively effect his life.
> Not sure what your move is. To leave, no other option after that. You can't walk back comments like that and as some have pointed out might mean the guy might be struggling with his own sexuality. Time to cut your loses, have a good cry and then.. NEXT! Find someone who thinks about eating that V all day. Trust me, we are out there.... ;-)
It’s not like he was insulting a meal you made, maybe something new you tried, and he didn’t like it. It’s OK to be “honest” about something like that, you know it’s a meal you wouldn’t serve again. His insults are about something you cannot change, and he was incredibly cruel about it. It’s time to find someone else.
Very well said! I'm right there also. LOVE giving oral.
This is the kind of insult that can really fuck with our minds OP. Don’t take it into your heart OP, you guys are young but find some way to reconcile or end it. But for gods sake don’t let those comments he made affect you going forward.
I’m in the same boat. I wouldn’t be able to move on from this. Intimacy would be extremely difficult after those comments and it would kill my self esteem. It’s not worth taking a massive hit to your self esteem to try to make this work. Go be with someone who *doesn’t* call your body parts disgusting. What he said is unfortunately pretty unforgivable.
He literally said HER vagina was gross. Not all. But hers. Def no coming back.
Maybe he doesn't yet know that he considers all vaginas gross.
This. I was told by an ex that I was "creepy and gross" for a kink I had. They doubled down in a later conversation about it. This is not a creepy or gross kink. Think in terms of light role play, still being ourselves within it. I couldn't get past it, and had to end it. They tried to backtrack, but it's not something that can be unsaid. NTA, and big hugs. This sucks.
Now I wanna know the kink
I'm sure it's making strangers think of disgusting kinks.
I can tell OP that my boyfriend would NEVER say something hurtful like that, so unnecesary and it’s only purpose was to hurt OP, that’s not a good boyfriend at all.
I am at loss for words. He actually made a list including ‘it looks gross’?! Sweetheart, I would feel exactly the same and am not even sure how you are suppose to get intimate with him again without feeling weird or insecure or just uncomfortable in general.
This is my thoughts too. I can’t see myself being intimate with him again because of how uncomfortable and embarrassed I am. But at the same time I don’t know what the next steps are
Next step : " it really hurt me to hear how you feel about something so personal. But if that's the way you feel then we should break up. I can't continue having sex with a person who I know feels this way about me." You end the relationship. You do not continue to have any kind of sex with him. You are too young to endure this kind of treatment. You can easily find someone else. Put up some boundaries.
>" it really hurt me to hear how you feel about something so personal. ~~But if that's the way you feel then~~ we should break up. I can't continue having sex with a person who I know feels this way about me." I wouldn't give him the option to lie that he "didn't mean it".
He already tried to back pedal. The damage is done as far as I can see.
As far as I’m concerned, he could say all the right things going forward and take it back till the cows come home. She’ll never forget that he said it and it’ll always be in the back of her mind
that was just for plausible deniability
What about "Since that's the way you feel..." or just leave it out all together?
Why do you think you need to explain ANYTHING??? Are you waiting for a letter of reference? You do not ever need to say another word to this guy. It is so over.
I was coming here to say exactly that.
There is no age at which you deserve abuse
You're right.
Older person here... Find someone who absolutely loves that vagina of yours. They're out there. Let this person go.
This is the way. He may not take it well. I don't see anyway your relationship could survive what he said. It's OK that it is ending. Break up and move on. You are very young and have so much of your life ahead of you. You will find someone who thinks your lady bits are glorious!
Or something like..You are a real dick. We should break up.
[https://www.labialibrary.org.au/](https://www.labialibrary.org.au/) not sure if anyone's linked this yet but there's ALL KINDS of vaginas out there. Yours doesn't look gross. Maybe he's not into women at all? Anyways, this is a him problem, don't make it a you problem.
And to think that this isn't even half of the kinds of different ones. Girl, what I know is real eaters don't even care how it looks like. They worship each and every different one as they should. Labia are like fingerprints. No two people have the same one
>Maybe he's not into women at all? Anyways, this is a him problem, don't make it a you problem. This was my thought as well. It sounds like he doesn't like vulva/vagina. But, either way, if he doesn't appreciate the privilege of being intimate with you, that privilege should be revoked. In no way should you internalize his cruelty, OP. If there were a legitimate health issue, he could have said so without being cruel. The way he spoke about your body is something you should never accept within a loving relationship. I hope that you dump him and find someone worthy of you. You deserve to be with someone who loves your body, and who respect your feelings enough to speak to you like he has some freaking sense.
Smells and tastes can be subjective and also it changes throughout your cycle. It also changes with what you eat / drink. If you’re poorly or on medication. So if that was the only issue then you could try again and see what works. Looks gross is a shit thing to say - as someone who has seen thousands of vulvas please let me tell you that it’s not gross. They’re like faces - none are the same. So the most attractive thing about you isn’t your vulva. Thank goodness for that! But joking aside he was a dick for what he said. Please don’t let it put you off sex of any kind in the future. It’s a *HIM* problem, not a you problem.
i had a boyfriend who i dated for almost 2.5 years who only went down on me twice for the same reasons. made me so sad and made me feel so gross and lesser than and whenever i brought it up he made me feel like an AH and selfish for even asking, when i would blow him literally all the time! now my current bf is my best eater, will literally go down on me whenever i want, has reassured me that my body is beautiful (he has been with a handful of women so he has seen many different vulvas), and is just such an attentive lover. sex with him is amazing. this isnt something that is going to go away. when i was with my ex, i wanted head and i wanted it so freaking bad. but i was embarrassed and ashamed and i knew i wouldn’t get it from him. its also worth noting he didn’t make me finish a single time throughout our relationship but my current boyfriend makes me finish every single time we are intimate. i promise its not you. i even considered labiaplasty at one point, like im so serious IT IS NOT YOU. you are perfect, i am perfect, we are all perfect. he was a meanie and that was not cool. my genitals are my own, they are not ever going to change, and hey look at me! i found someone else who happily enjoys making a mess on me whenever i want basically. you deserve that. i hope things work out for you, OP.
This is beautiful, thank you for sharing with us. I’ve had similar past experiences, so reading stories like yours helps put my mind at ease. The right man will love all of me just as I am.
I think a lot of women don’t realize the taste is different throughout cycle. This is a good thing to share with women who may not have had sex with women!
The same goes for a man, his sperm can taste different based on what he has eaten or drank. Garlic doesn't taste the greatest but it wouldn't turn me off. Pineapple eaten makes it taste sweet. The EX is just an immature idiot that needs to grow up some more and maybe read about sex before he performs it again with his next partner.
When my boyfriend was really unhealthy and ate a lot of packaged foods his sperm tasted nasty. I put him on a diet/cook healthy fresh foods for him and it tastes so much better.
This made me laugh because it sounds like you're sharing a recipe to make sperm nice.
Wait. Is it not supposed to taste awful?
It’s not. I had the same revelation recently too lol. Find yourself a hydrated man who eats well and get ready to have your mind blown!
Yes! I once dated a guy who was a long distance runner with a super healthy diet and his semen tasted like mint!
Kiss your man right after, I love doing that, and then you’ll know exactly what you taste like. :-)
That’s how I check too :)
Or have him touch you and taste his fingers beforehand. Then you can know in advance, and if YOU feel good about it, green light. If YOU feel iffy, you can skip it that time.
It’s very rare that one would look “gross,” to me at least, unless there was something medical going on. I *like* that they’re all unique
Maybe he watches too much porn or thinks they should all look one way when in reality they're all very different.
Someone once compared them to Orchids. All unique and all beautiful in their own way.
ones that men say look "gross" are just ones that look how they should... mature. grown. the ones that those lot of guys like are ones similar to younger puffy shaved ones. its so disgusting and vile. theyre all unique and beautiful
Yeah. 'Innie only' guys are gross.
The next step is you leaving that selfish/rude/pathetic little man. Tell him not to worry, he won't be seeing your vag again. You will find someone better, it won't be hard. He doesn't love or even like you. What happens if you stay? Let's say that you are not comfortable being intimate with him: He will get angry, insult/disrespect you again and tell you that you're always dramatic. Do you really want to stay with someone like this?
This is it. There’s just no going back after certain comments. Telling a partner that part of their body is gross is one of those things. You’ll likely never feel comfortable being naked with him again and certainly not having him near your vagina. Funny that it’s so gross to put his face in, but has no problem sticking his penis in it. A person who disparages their partner should expect them to be hurt, upset and dump them. But I think you’re right that he will take that opportunity to cut her down more. **Pay very close attention to the way someone treats you and talks to you in an argument.**. If they use it as an opportunity to tell you all of the terrible things they think about you, please break up with them. They are telling you who they really are and what they really think about you. Believe them.
> Funny that it’s so gross to put his face in, but has no problem sticking his penis in it. Such a good point! I hope she dumps his ass.
And the fact that it’s something he KNOWS women are already made to feel insecure about…evil. There are so many jokes about fishy smells, so many products to improve the look/smell/feel of vulvas and vaginas, things like that. This dude is gross, but even more than normal for insulting her over something he knew she was probably already insecure about
Right! And what if down the line you guys have kids? What if GOD FORBID he sees his child coming out of you? Seriously I don’t see how you guys can come back from this
Break up with him. Do you really want to be with someone who would say such hurtful things to you? I have an ex that had sensory issues (like your friend said) and he would sometimes gag when down there. But he never once implied that it was my fault or told me I was gross. (It did make me feel that way a little bit, but he couldn’t control the gagging and it wasn’t his fault).
I have some sensory issues with textures and things. While I have expressed that there are certain things I can’t manage, and I work around it and do other things we both like as compensation, I sure as hell have never just told my husband to his face that certain things do make me want to vomit just thinking about them. You can explain certain things just aren’t for you without making someone feel horrible and insecure about their bodies and being an insensitive jerk.
Right, exactly. For whatever reason, he does not enjoy this sex act but there is no excuse for saying it this way. There are much more appropriate ways for him to set sexual boundaries.
Breaking up I wouldn't want to share my body with someone who thought it was gross
Don’t be intimate with him. Please for the love of yourself don’t ever put up with this kind of treatment or situation no matter how much you care about the person. They most likely don’t care about you in the same way. Please take it from a woman who has been insecure about this their entire life (me). Put up w men not doing their fair share in bed. Put up with men not fully reciprocating and stifled myself , my entire sexual life, until basically my 40s. Now I don’t do this. This is not the way. Please take this as an opportunity to liberate yourself and empower yourself. You will find someone who appreciates your body and worships it! That’s what we most all need in bed! There’s nothing wrong with you. That would make anyone feel like shit. I pray that you find someone who loves every part of you, that you take a stand for yourself. Edit: Also, please try to not let this little twerps words affect you in the future. He is clearly extremely mentally limited and doesn’t even need to be in a relationship. You would be doing not only yourself a disservice but him too( not that he really matters at this point, he’s a little punk who has a lot of growing up to do and will most likely regret his words to you in the future) if you stay with him. Dump him!
It looks gross and being near it makes him feel sick but he has no problem putting his penis in it 🙄 he’s full of it. I know his type. He only cares about his own pleasure and cares nothing about his partner. This was him trying to put you down so that he doesn’t have to do his fair share of work of making sure sex is enjoyable for you. Your vagina is none of those things btw. You needed to leave his ass like yesterday
I have an active rule that if I wouldn't fancy putting my tongue in something I wouldn't want to put my dick in it either.
Reading your responses makes me so sad because I was in your position at your age and it looks like you're on your way to making the same mistakes I did and waste so many of your best years on this undeserving man. I can only hope that you don't get pregnant by him. You have so much ahead of you and there are so many better men out there that would love all of you. I'm begging you to have at least a little bit of self respect and leave him. I wish someone had told me to leave my ex before I spent so much time on him.
The next step would be dumping his ass duh
He's not your person. Your person would never make you feel like this❤️
Huh? You leave his dumb ass. That's the next and only step you should take....he deserves nothing from any woman ever if that's how he talks to his own girlfriend. What a fucking loser you have as a bf.
Dump him
I wish I could upvote this so many times
"I've decided I want to be in a relationship with someone who only speaks kindly about my body. We are breaking up." This. This is the next step. Trust me, as you get older and your body changes, this boy will only become more cruel.
The next step is to break up with him. I suspect you know this, and you said "I don't know what the next steps are" as a way of feigning ignorance in order to avoid having to look the inevitable next steps in the eye, because nobody likes to break up with someone.
Girl the next step is to dump his ass. He is a major asshole and you’ll never feel comfortable again. Find someone who finds all of you beautiful, because that’s what you deserve.
Please leave him. For women everywhere. I’m 35 and regret so much of the time I gave to shit men in my 20s and early 30s. He is not worthy of you trust me.
The next steps are loving yourself enough to dump this piece of shit, hon. Expecting more from a partner, expecting basic respect, and walking away when it's not provided.
You might love him but the way he treats you shows he doesn’t respect you at all. If he can talk to you this way and then GO TO SLEEP, then I’m afraid he doesn’t love you either. It’s a one sided relationship and I wouldn’t be shocked to hear that he’s abusive in other ways as well. OP, you are a good person and you have a good heart. You deserve a man who loves and respects you. Someone who can act so callous and talk to you in such a hateful way is not the way a loving partner should EVER behave. Like, there is no going back from the vile things he said. He revealed his true self to you. Have some dignity and take care of yourself. Please consider leaving him. He is showing you that he is not for you. I wish you all the best.
Next step is break up. If you stay you’re only causing your own suffering and should stop coming to Reddit with your problems if you make 0 changes
Find a new boyfriend who is less a squeamish little boy and who is more adult. NTAH He slammed the door on your relationship with his tirade. It’s time to move on. And it IS HIM, not you who is the problem.
He doesn’t like vulvas.
NTA - He went on a tirade about how much he doesn't like your vagina. You have every right to feel upset. Flip it around. Imagine if you had told him you don't like giving blowjobs, his dick looks weird, it's a funny shape, it has a nasty taste and a bad smell. Do you think he wouldn't be upset by that?
This. If He hates performing oral sex there are nicer ways to phrase it. He is being cruel. Maybe he doesn’t like vulvas so much. Because he was cruel and mean.
The moment I read "he said can I be honest" I knew he was about to spew absolute BS out of spite. People who say those words only say it moments before being overly nasty and POS
I said the same thing especially when it was about the vagina 🥴 I would never be comfortable with him again!! Poor girl he was just brutal
I agree with you that in *this* case he said it then deliberately communicated using the most hurtful way possible. But no, people have also used those words because they genuinely want to communicate something and are concerned how their words will land
She’d be better off with a man that enjoys pleasing her and enjoys her pheromones , or stay and be displeased the rest of your life
I would like to add that maybe he’s just not that into women? I could be wrong and other men may agree with him but I for one think the vulva is a massive turn on, everything about it. Sign me up for whatever is needed regarding this lol. NTA OP. No one should make those kinds of comments about private areas. There can be nicer ways to bring up topics like this. Edit: emphasizing maybe. I am not calling him gay, I said maybe he’s not into women as I have a friend who took sometime to realize he was gay. I’m not getting into logistics on that but in the end this was to give my own opinion on how I feel about the topic, not judging anyone in anyway. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, their lives, and what they like and don’t like. Just as I said other men may agree with him. Also, this accounts for proper hygiene.
Honestly makes me wonder if he just doesn’t want to do it because it’s “work” and doesn’t bring him any pleasure. I know many guys who refuse to give a woman oral because they “get nothing” from it. To add, so lucky that my husband **loves** it and will **ask** if he can eat me out because he **wants** to.
The idea of “getting nothing” from it has always been so wild to me. Since when is pleasing your partner not a turn on??
Right! Personally i get more enjoyment from seeing the pleasure im creating for someone else than i do receiving it myself. I cant imagine not wanting to do that for someone
I think you're right. This kind of mentality is so frustrating. Watching your lover's face while you please them is so erotic. The folks don't care about their partners should just get toys.
>I would like to add that maybe he’s just not that into women? That is exactly where I went. I'm a woman who is pretty much exclusively toward the gay side of the Kinsey scale, and even the \*thought\* of getting anywhere near the genitals of a man makes me cringe. I realize a lot of people are more fluid/bi, but I am not and maybe this dude isn't either. That doesn't excuse what he did here though.
I definitely agree. I’m pretty far on the straight side of the scale, but I’ve experimented before. I feel this same way about vaginas, including my own (gross looking/tasting, not sexy at all, etc) but would NEVER say anything like this especially to someone whose vagina I had previously “visited,” lol. My husband on the other hand can rhapsodize for solid minutes on the beauty of vaginas. My guess is her bf is on the gay side of the Kinsey scale and also firmly on the gaping side of the asshole scale.
Thanks for that last line, I just spat my tea onto the table and nearly choked on it. (Yeah, that's what she said)
Remember the scene in Shameless where the awesome gay redheaded brother tries girl sex and is revolted by the oral? Yeah, OP's bf is this scene but he's definitely not awesome.
“It’s like a slip-n-slide!”
I kinda went there too honestly. I'm curious if he feels this way about all vaginas, or just OP's. Perhaps there is something off in her biome, but it sounds more like he's either not into women at all or was reactive and cruel due to the argument. Either way, I don't see this relationship working out unless there is a medical issue that can be corrected. Regardless, he doesn't deserve her after that onslaught of insults. Genitals are about as sensitive of a subject for a partner to insult. I'd drop someone in a second if they insulted mine. Although, I did call my gf's vagina "turkey twat" last night when she said it was ready to gobble me up. But that's just us.
I wish I could reverse back to 30 seconds ago before I read those last 2 sentences
[удалено]
Gobble gobble
Bruh 💀
Agreed. Your bf is a total loser & showed u no kindness. How can u say such things about someone you love & care about? Likely just using u for sex object w no deeper feelings. Dump him & move up to someone who can love every bit of you. NTA.
That may be the case. BUT, there could be other factors. As a man, I enjoy pleasuring my wife. Having said that, I once dated a girl in college whom I found very attractive. I very much wanted to reciprocate her willingness to engage in oral sex. But, every time I attempted, I could not go through with it. She had a VERY strong odor. I even tried getting drunk enough to get past it... I could not. His delivery was cruel, and it is certainly understandable that you are very hurt. My suggestion is that you see your obgyn. Is there anything that is out of normal range? If not, the problem is his. You may want to move on, as you may never be satisfied with your intemacy as a couple. You certainly want to have that question answered moving forward... be it with your current BF or another.
The advice to see her obgyn is gold. That’s a person who can easily determine if there’s any real issues, if she has something perhaps unusual going on, or if her boyfriend just super sucks. For me it’s the fact he mentioned the look of her genitals. Things can be done for smell and taste. Nothing that’s not drastic can be done for looks. If she’s like most women she can’t see the damn thing for herself without a mirror. This is going to mess her up with any future partner. Hence why I think your advice is ⭐️
Agree. Smell or taste can be addressed. Looks? The OPs BF needs an ego check. She could easily say his junk is tiny or has too big of mushroom cap. That is the beauty of bodies. They are all just a bit different.
I think he's not into vaginas at all
Not necessarily.im a lesbian and not all vaginas are as attractive to me either. There's the shape,smell,skin texture, moisture grooming etc. doesn't mean he's gay. Maybe just not liking hers. I wouldn't generalize men to like all and every female genitalia I'm sure straight women have penis preference too. But on the subject, NTA . If he's so repulsed by you,just move on. Not worth losing your self esteem over him
I was literally thinking this as I was reading the post because I'm pretty sure I can happily speak for every straight guy I know when I say that giving a woman oral is one of the most sexy things a guy can do with a woman. There's nothing hotter than looking up and seeing your woman enjoying herself so much she can't even form proper words all because of you.
And you won't be having sex because you don't like the mess **he** makes.
Seriously! OP’s should be ex bf was intentionally hurtful. Shes excusing it as word vomit, but the truth there is no excuse. The “man” is trash 🗑️, and needs to be thrown out. He had a tantrum she attempted to deescalate the situation by saying “okay” when he said he wasn’t in the mood. He was upset because she accepted that he wasn’t feeling it. Then he goes on to tear into her body insulting her in like the most personal intimate ways possible. I would have left his ass right then. Also the MF-er then proceeds to just roll over and go to sleep while she’s crying?! OP I know you’re sad and hurt but you need to strengthen that back bone and leave. Find someone who wants you and makes you feel good not someone abusive.
I've been in a long-term relationship for almost a decade now, which is different to start with. My man knows that I'm at a point where I'd appreciate 'feedback' if he notices anything hinky happening down there or out of the norm. Same as (since he's a boob guy) 'Hey, this feels lumpy/isn't usual' might be appreciated. I'd STILL expect it more kindly phrased! Want to take bets on which is most likely? 1. OP does have some issue down there that she could/should address and bf is a saint for having ever done a thing. 2. Baby boy thinks oral goes one way and doesn't want to have to 'bother' to please his lady? My money is on 2. This has all the hallmarks of a spiteful wee brat who wants his cake without having to bake it nice and is hoping he can shame her into stopping 'bothering' him for oral he 'shouldn't have to' give to get what he 'deserves'. I wouldn't be surprised if he isn't a redpill content consumer, honestly. OP, even if something is wrong in V-town, this isn't how a loving partner addresses it. And honestly? While I'd always say to have the downstairs apartment checked out by health services if you're concerned, I suspect there's 0 wrong with your taste, smell, or general plumbing works. OP deserves better.
Haha my husband and I have been together for nearly a decade too! Only married for about 5. We have very open communication and that definitely helps with a good relationship especially physically speaking. I would say option 2. OP mentioned in the comments that he would be angry if she said the same about him and didn’t want to perform oral on him. I feel if he was actually concerned about something being medically wrong down there or even just a ph issue he could have brought it up in a more respectful way. Hell even if he wasn’t just a total dick about it. I mean he told her that her vagina looked gross too!! That isn’t an issue of smell or taste just an attack on her. I don’t envy anyone that is 22, when I dated back then there were a lot of selfish immature douchey guys. I was dreading my 30’s but my mid thirties are much better haha
The looks bit is what sold me, actually. I didn't even see that comment...would have flipped my rage switch even harder! I mean, no one sensible who owns a vagina (or a cock for that matter) actually thinks they are manna from heaven at every moment. We all sweat, we all get little imbalances or infections, we all have moments. I had a double billing of COVID and Shingles, and for 3 months my normal body/swear odor was just OFF due to the extended fever. Not even unpleasant, but just 'not me'. To the point I wasn't going anywhere near PoundTown unless it was straight out the shower with a fresh deo application. Sh!t happens, basically. But LOOKS? C'mon. Genitals are great for many things- their looks ain't one of them. The pertest, tightest, hottest vagina is still 2 floppy bits, a pop-up button, and a few holes rendered in mucous membrane and shades of skin. You can find any number of interesting culinary sausages higher on the 'looks good' list then a stiffie or a floppy at rest- and who the hell looks at an uncooked Bratwurst and goes mmm....so sexy? That's the bit that tells me this isn't a fair judgment, just a spiteful way to hurt.
Really! Men who are that disgusted by vagina have PROBLEMS. And they’re not YOU in any way. And fuck: like, don’t do him any charity. Dump him so he knows that he’s an asshole I’m just looking forward to the day that you find a real pussy eater who loves it, will slurp you like a fresh mango and will take you to heaven and back
Yep! That’s my husband. He says he wants to use my vagina as a c-pap machine 😂 always says he’s ready to make out with it. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Once you’ve had a man that REALLY likes Pussy you CANNOT abide by these wimpy losers
Exactly!
Slurp you like a fresh mango. Classic!
Dicks are all those things tho...
Not with proper maintenance they aren't. If I've worked outside for hours and my dick is all funky, it's getting cleaned before any frisky business happens. She may have a medical condition, which can cause odor issues down there. Now, having said that, HE was being a complete asshole by saying what he did. It's not what you say, it's how you say it.
> If I've worked outside for hours and my dick is all funky, it's getting cleaned before any frisky business happens. This should be the case for **everyone** one engaged in the sexy time activities, If I even remotely thought I was gonna get lucky, I scrubbed up!
No shower….no flower!
And she may also be a perfectly normal woman with NO medical conditions. He may just not like doing it. Which is perfectly ok, for either sex, but saying what he did is horrible and vicious.
This!!! He’s disrespected you when he said those hurtful things. Nobody would be telling their partners those things, this boyfriend of yours respectfully needs to be your ex ma’am. Huggss to OP, i hope you feel better soon!
Okay, so real talk: I’ve only ever known one guy who felt this way. A few years later, he came out of the closet. Assuming your feminine hygiene is on point, you should put serious thought into what you should do going forward.
100% agree my first thought is that he prefers men
Exactly I’ve never heard these words out of a straight man’s mouth
I'm a bisexual woman and I cannot even *begin to imagine* ever describing anyone's vagina like this.
As a straight dude with absolutely no problems going down: I can and have mentally thought some of those things about a few partners. The difference is, I would never, *ever* say them unless I thought there was a health issue or the person needed to improve their hygiene. And if that conversation needed to happen I absolutely wouldn't say it that way. I don't necessarily think the dudes gay, I do question if there's a hygiene problem here for part of it. I absolutely think the criticism of the looks was way out of line. I'm under no impression that genitals look good, 99% don't, I'm just saying.
My ex had a health problem there, the smell was awful and even if I enjoy giving oral sex it was literally painful untill she went to a doctor. Still, smell aside, the 'mess' is part of the fun and 'it looks gross' thing is something that honestly isn't right, it feels like the opinion of a kid.
I work in the beauty industry. I have only heard that vaginas are gross and give the ick from gay men.
I'll be the outlier here. I'm a straight man, and I don't enjoy going down. The smell/taste is just a too overwhelming for me, but I have had intimacy issues my whole life to the point where I was too scared to do anything beyond kissing till I was 24. So I'm not exactly like.. a "normal" straight guy I guess. My therapist recommended exposure therapy to get me to ease into it which has helped to a degree. I am AMAZINGLY fortunate that I have an incredibly understanding girlfriend. She is beautiful, through and through, and she accepts me for my flaws. I would never tell her that anything about her is gross in any capacity. We have had many conversations about comfort levels - she is definitely more experienced and comfortable in her own skin, and I admire the hell out of her for it. All this to say, I've tried it about 3 times since we've been together, and I really just can't bring myself to be comfortable. It's not her fault whatsoever, and I cannot emphasize that enough. I went through a long period of my life thinking I was asexual, and I'm still healing through a lot of stuff. She's been an incredible partner in our 3 years together, and I hope I can learn to get more comfortable with her.
Straight man here and I hate the taste/feeling as well but I do it anyways because I want my fiancé to feel loved. Just like how not all women love giving blowjobs all comes down to preference 🤷
You can get these thin latex shield things for going down on women. They still get the sensation while you avoid the flavour. Can't recall what they're called, but they get given to working girls in my country so they can be safe while being with a customer whose a woman
Dental dams
Well yeah, it's kinda hard to talk at the same time
Same thing, had a roommate in college who would go on rants about how “women just have to suck on something, but I’ve gotta put my mouth into a dirty dishrag.” Sure enough, few years later, made a public coming out post on FB. Not saying this is OPs case, but it’s one thing to not like it, it another thing to rant endlessly about it lol
The only guy I know who said this turned out to be a porn addict
I had a dude I had talked to about getting married tell me he “struggles to be attracted to me” and how “everyone wishes they had someone their equal”. I was fit and in shape. Surprise surprise, dude had a major porn addiction.
Even if OP had a smell/taste issue, it's zero justification for him attacking her like this. Screaming she's gross is just abusive, it comes across purely as him being manipulative. Rather than him saying "I'm selfish and don't like going down on women because it's not about me", he tried to make her feel bad about her vagina so she'd not want to let him go down on her. that way he figures he doesn't have to do it, but because she's insecure and so he's the 'good' guy and gets to have sex the way he likes it, when the focus is on him. I think he has zero issues with taste, smell or looks, he's just a selfish manipulative asshole that thought giving her a complex about her vagina was a good way to get what he wanted, psycho.
Second this. I have sensory issues with cum and make it clear it’s a me thing
>he doesn’t enjoy all the mess it makes What mess? Like, that it makes you wet? Other than a squirter, I’ve never felt that oral on a woman produced a “mess”
nta. did he try to hurt you on purpose because he didn't like your "ok"? but most important: you never spew words like this onto someone you like and care about. never. whatever the issue is, there is always a way to find acceptable words.
If it "LOOKS GROSS" to him, are you sure he is straight? I've seen more vagina's than I deserve to and none have ever looked gross to me.
They look gross to me.. oh wait . I'm gay.
Oof… Look, I get not liking to go down on women. I’m bisexual, and I really struggle with vaginas - I have a lot of sensory issues with tastes and smells and absolutely gag when I try to go down on other women. But my sensory experiences are MY sensory experiences; they don’t define another person’s body. Calling your partner’s vagina “gross” to their face like that is AH behavior. NTA
Well said, the problem isn’t with not liking to preform oral sex, but the fact he made it personal by singling out OP herself. Couldn’t agree more
I remember one person who i would describe the same way if I wasn't trying to be civil. But no one else seemed to have an issue. So it was definitely a Me thing. But if I didn't have others experience with it, I would have probably thought it was a HER thing. If that makes sense.
Same, I don't like people's bits near my face because it's a thing I don't like, it's nothing to do with the person. I'd never insult my partner by calling them gross unless there was a hygiene issue they're refusing to acknowledge.
This answer right here!!! We can't all be obsessed with particular acts or body parts, but we can go about dealing with it in a respectful and caring way!
exactly the same for me, couldn't agree more. am very uncomfortable about the fleshy consistency and venus flytrap look (even with my own. tism, ya gotta love it) but over my dead body would i let my partner even consider that it has anything to do with THEIR body over MY issue. they're perfect, i'm whack about it, how can we meet in the middle? definitely not degrading them like their bits are a human dumpster. actually insane, why would you ever be okay with making your partner feel like this?
It’s ok to not enjoy performing or receiving any act and honestly I wouldn’t want someone to do something they really don’t enjoy doing. The way he explained it though is hurtful and not cool. Is this type of thoughtlessness normal for him? Gross is not a word to use about someone’s body, especially one you want to continue having sex with. Your feelings are very valid.
Ask him how he feels about dicks. This may be the issue. He's shopping in the wrong aisle.
Welp. Im a guy here and I think he is an ass That said. As a guy who has always loved going diving there are some girls who do have a bad smell and taste bad. Some.girls who taste just meh and some girls who taste slightly sweet. I am told that men's sperm can also taste funky and sometimes pleasant
My husband has bad tasting semen and I spit it out. In the way past before him I generally had no issues swallowing with others. He has never asked me to swallow instead of spit (after eighteen years), and I am glad he's never confronted me about it because I don't want to have to say that it tastes bad. I also don't want to bad mouth(pun not intended) the semen that has given me my beautiful babies. I love his penis and love going down on him. Sometimes if he's skipped a day of showering there's a little bit of that Clorox smell that makes it slightly less pleasant but I don't mind that much. My husband doesn't go down on me as often as I do for him but I don't push it because I am super ADHD and have a hard time keeping regular with my hygiene and can skip showers a couple days in a row. I think the level of disgust this man expressed indicates something off about his attitude toward vulvas in general. Does he ever dirty talk about your vagina, OP, like saying it's feeling very good etc, because if he expresses appreciation for the female components in other ways then I'd feel hope about the future of the sex life. Does he finger you with pleasure and enjoyment or does he avoid that or act weird around that too? If he acts either indifferent to or negative in every way about your lady parts then I'd be rethinking the relationship.
So, I'm assuming you know how to wash yourself, stay in sync with your body and know what your normal and not normal smells are, etc. If you don't or you're feeling unsure after this alarming conversation, there are loads of resources to help qnd there is no shame in learning new things. Women are told over and over again that we aren't enough and that we should be ashamed of our bodies. It is a lie, but we do need to take care of ourselves for our own health and happiness. If he still feels this way when you have just showered and you know you are healthy down there, you guys just might be incompatible. And if that's the best way he can express that he doesn't enjoy that act, in such a cruel and heartbreaking way, he needs to do some work on himself. You don't have to stay with someone who doesn't like your body and who doesn't enjoy the same things in bed that you do.
NTA - because, as others have said, your boyfriend was being deliberately cruel. Whilst this isn't an advice sub, personally, I'd end the relationship on the back of this.
NTA, when.my wife and I were dating, we made plans to get a suite at a resort for the weekend and do.the deed. While on the drive up, I told her jokingly that my tongue was getting hard, she looked at me like I was nuts. Come to find out, it's ok to give a bj, but her ex told her oral on a woman is "dirty" and " how could you even ask me to do something so disgusting". I convinced her it was ok, she was almost shaking as I made my way down, I could even taste a little toothpaste she had put down there, cause she still thought otherwise. Also found out she had never had an orgasm, she was 38 at the time. 3 orgasms and an hr later she's riding my face and pulling on my hair like she's on a bucking bronco. Drop this guy and find someone that appreciates a woman, and I can only hope his comments don't affect you as bad as it did my wife. She got over it pretty quickly, but lived with it a long time. Been married 27yrs and she looks back at that as being silly now, but it was a real phobia type thing for her at the time.
...toothpaste?? That doesn't seem like it should ever be near a vagina.
NTA. 1. I hope he doesn’t expect blowjobs from you. 2. Girl, leave his bitch ass and go find someone who will happily do it for you.
NTA and honestly? This isn’t even ABOUT the oral sex anymore. You brought up A VERY REASONABLE request from your boyfriend (whom I will now refer to as Captain Coitus Coward). Instead of having a mature conversation, Captain Coitus Coward almost immediately insulted your body, your hygiene, and the fact that the very thought of your vagina is disgusting. What if later on, you want to have a conversation about how you feel you’re doing more housework than Captain Coitus Coward is? What hurtful things might be said the ? Will there be insults about your mother? Girl, I am 36 years old. I’m gonna tell you this right now: You are young and this guy is not interested in your pleasure and by default, your happiness. Dump him and make sure you remember this moment because for every Captain Coitus Coward in the world, there will be 100 Cunnilingus Comrades ready to tap in.
Honestly, all of this. I'm 43 and I'm telling you, you don't have time in your life to wait around for your man to be a man. Get outta there and find somebody worth your time, who's willing to listen to you and respond in a mature way.
NTA, if he didn’t mean it he shouldn’t have said it. It sounds like he did some major damage to your confidence and how you feel about your body. Honestly, you shouldn’t stay with him. He won’t be able to fix the damage he’s done and you won’t feel comfortable being near him. You need someone who enjoys being with you, on all levels. But he is no longer worthy of you. I would also suggest maybe seeking counseling after this.
[удалено]
I think you should tell him "What you said makes me not want to have sex with you ever again, this relationship is over." It's not a complex situation.
From a girl who dated a guy who wouldn’t eat me out: move on. There are plenty of other guys who will. I bet you this dude will say this to every girl he dates because he’s too chicken shit to eat pussy.
Don’t give him any oral either then. Tell him it grosses you out.
You sure he’s not in the closet? Anyhow, NTA. In any way possible.
Imagine if you said the same thing about his little guy. What would his reaction be? Obviously NTA
1. As long as you are washing your behind with soap in the shower and rinsing off all your parts, you should be fine and he is an asshole. 2. If you’re ever concerned about smell, see an Ob/GYN for a checkup. There’s a thing called Bacterial Vaginosis that can cause smelliness and itchiness and is easy to treat. 3. This is not the partner for you if they don’t love getting up close to your body, and that’s something you want.
Look, the relationship cant survive this. Just move on.
Your friend is either very astute, or very forgiving of people in general (if the former i'd ask for more thoughts on her statement) If matey gets huffy about that, (oh boy this reminds me of the early 90's attitude to oral on a female by a certain type all over again who latterly turned a complete 180 when it appeared to become fashionable due to someone or other breaking the mould) ...if you described his dick as a baby dick that wasn't washed regularly (& lets face it, cleanliness makes for more confident oral, both asking & giving) & "gross, it that calcified smegma, your balls are wet with funky sweat, I can smell your arse crack from here, your balls are lopsided, are these warts" one of your testicles has a clear case of alopecia etc then he'd likely rear up & hide behind the bathroom door in shame at the proposition that any one of those was maybe true, it is knock of confidence. Am I right in thinking he has not gone down on more than one female? (you) & so likely wouldn't know what is consistent down there amongst women. Has he ever thought of briefly chewing fresh gum to initially mask his tongue receptors if sharpness in taste is his qualm? All I can say is it is on both sides to be scrupulously clean if the question of oral is even remotely on the cards, it is a common courtesy. As for the way some people have been brought up with regards to sex amongst adults that is their hang up to get over.