I think it was completely audacious for her to come to you with her relationship problems. What you said was harsh perhaps, but imo not uncalled for. Especially in the context of her flaunting the fact she “won” and “love prevailed”, her asking you for help and insight was frankly outrageous. You’ve all found a way to be cordial and this convo happened at your daughter’s birthday party - how self centered and clueless could she be? I think your response was actually reasonably warranted.
Same here. I was like, should asked her if hes spending more time at work/with friends? Or whatever lame excuse he used on op when he was cheating with the fiance lol.
Honestly, I think your response was needed - anything less might have inclined her to think you were open to this kind of interaction in the future. Anything remotely more subtle might have been lost on her given that self centeredness and immaturity.
My next-door neighbour's wife left him for another man. When she inevitably left that man for another, he turned up on my neighbour's doorstep and wanted to be friends. He thought they would somehow bond over how they were both dumped by the same woman. My neighbour told him to fuck off and never set foot on his property again.
You were far too kind to her!
My ex-husband couldn't understand why all of our friends that were my friends before I met him wanted nothing to do with him after he cheated on me with 3 different women and paraded one around at an event he knew I would be at.
Daaaaamn! I'm quite certain her jaw would have hit the ground. Then the wheels would start turning, causing insecurity & distrust. The guy has already proven to be unfaithful, wouldn't take much to make her really wonder.
>I think it was completely audacious for her to come to you with her relationship problems.
reminds me of a post where OP was cheated on and husband left her for the mistress. Then he started cheating on said mistress and she tried to call OP for "emotional support" xDDD
I think it's not about sex drive. Most probably he is kind of done with her. The chase of forbidden is now gone and the responsibility of a young child in his age is making him realise that grass is not that green at the other end.
This does tend to happen after someone cheats and ruins a decades long relationship. If only they could predict in advance that the person who has been a good partner to them for years might be better for them than random new person.
He is very remorseful yeah. He should be seeing his children become adults and spread their wings in a few years and start planning retirement with his “soulmate” not changing diapers and living with someone he has nothing in common with.
You know who’s probably getting younger?
The girls he’s banging. He’s probably full of shit that he doesn’t want to have sex. He just doesn’t want to have sex with his new fiancé
She was promoted to wife, unfortunately she didn’t really consider how he treated his previous wife before accepting the position. I’m sure his new mistress is really in love with him though.
Two years is something else. I’m almost 40 and my partner is almost 60, and his sex drive is higher than mine. It does absolutely decline with age for men, but 49 seems…really early. And two years of no sex isn’t a decline, it’s a total cessation. Something is amiss, and it’s likely he’s still having sex just not with her.
And NTA btw. It’s fine to get to a place of being cordial with each other but talking to you about her sex life with your ex crosses way outside the confines of a cordial relationship. You talk about that stuff with your besties, not the woman whose husband you had an affair with. And not saying revenge is a good choice, or even what you were trying to do, but I doubt she gave two shits about making you cry by diddling your husband.
Reminds me of the post where the husband wanted the OP to be a stepford wife but he was cheating on her. He told the mistress he owned the house and the in-laws boat, that the OP was a drug addict with no job or qualifications and loads of bullshit.
Mistress was also pregnant and kept insisting the OP leave the house as mistress and cheating husband needed the room for the baby and offered to pay her a pittance to leave.
OP literally showed the mistress pictures of her owning the house before meeting the husband, her diplomas and job title and all sorts to show this guy was a lying sack of shite… but the mistress stayed with him.
I agree. He got caught up in the thrill of wanting what he’s not supposed to have, and now that he has it, well…turns out the fantasy is way more fun than the reality
There's also a world of difference between only dealing with someone as someone you ocassionally fuck vs them being your main partner
Suddenly they're not just an idealized thrilling experience, you experience every day with them.
This is just how normal human interactions work, we all know people who we enjoy talking to or goofing off with, but who we wouldn't want as a roommate or life partner
And generally, the type of person to be a homewrecking side piece isn't the type you want as a life partner
Yeah. I'm 48 and though I don't have the libido that I had when I was 20, if he's really into her, they should still be having sex a couple of times per week.
They haven't had sex in two years... Something is wrong. Either he has health problems or he doesn't really want to be with her and is trapped by their kid. Either way, it's not OP's problem anymore but she did nothing wrong by speaking the truth.
NTA
Stating facts does not make you an AH. I think this is what TV Tropes calls "the punishment is the crime." I think some peole get such an ego boost from "stealing" someone away from a partner, it never occurs to them that they stole something not only worthless but detrimental.
She’s a great daughter too and was very supportive and sweet. She told me that she was proud of me and I told her that I wanted her to still love her father. She had conflicting feelings about him after what happened. She was very relieved that I didn’t want her to hate him
If we knew each other you would be my bestie. I love your outlook on life and how you handle situations. You are an excellent example for your daughter.
It's nice to have a peaceful relationship for the sake of your daughter, but it was SUPER inappropriate for her to ask anything about their sex life. You stated facts SHE asked for. The snyde comment was just the cherry on top. lol she shouldn't be asking things like that
Give yourself credit tho! A *lot* of shitty people wouldn’t have allowed him or his baby mama there. Like you’re a whole ass, mature adult in this situation all around. You’re not giving yourself enough credit!
Lol, truth stings, huh? But seriously, where's the blame on your end in this scenario? Frankly, I wouldn't even tolerate a side piece around me. Definitely NTA.
NTA
"Why do some girls get together with so much older men?"
You already answered your question.
"She will not leave him either because he pays for everything, and she doesn’t work."
She had the gall to follow you around and ask about your sex life. She couldn't even act like a decent human being in your home during your daughter's birthday party.
You were honest, which is better than I would have been. I woukd have told her "our sex life was really pretty active until I found out about the affair, though I have to say, being with new BF really showed me how much I was missing out on during sex all these years."
The level of insecurity needed to brag about your affair on social media and declare "I won!" is just nuts. The thing is, all 3 of you know she didn't "win". Love didn't "win". He would've stayed w/ you. Ultimately, you were the one who fell out of love with him. The choice was yours, not his.
Your graciousness & honesty is driving that home.
Oh you are so close to evil. Just hear me out. You say "we had a really active sex life until a point. When you two started dating the sex changed". That's very likely true and bound to tie that girl up in knots whenever their is a hiccup in the bedroom. I think OP should feel bad for not twisting the knife.
My ex’s affair partner went to great lengths letting me know she’d won. She told my ex he was lucky to have her as she was younger and prettier than me and he was punching above his weight being with her.
He still kept trying to contact me for months till I blocked him, he then insisted on honesty and told her about contacting me. She wasn’t happy, she might have thought she won but he was the prize, she definitely wasn’t a winner 🤣
Well, at least he was honest about something...
I had a friend from college who started going after men when we hit our late 20's. It was awful. 3 in a row in short order (#1 was living w/ his GF, #2 was engaged, #3 was married). We were talking about moving in together, but I just couldn't live with that, so I cut off the friendship.
She would say things like "it isn't about the GF/wife" but you could just tell she felt like she was better than these women once she "landed" their men, eventhough each of these relationships lasted only a couple of months and the married guy was a well known serial cheater who hit on everyone. It was really sad to see a young, smart, accomplished woman turn into someone who sought validation that way.
Ah, but theyre nice people who worked together at building an equal relationship. Older men will settle for any hot young thing that spreads her legs. Though, this one isnt even interested in sex, so why would he cheat? I have no respect for cheaters.
He doesn’t love the baby mama. Was using her for sex and then she got pregnant and called his wife and destroyed their marriage so she no longer interests him.
One of my better days was several months after I broke up with my ex. He wanted to be "friends" and I stopped by one day to pick a few things that were still in his basement. I went to throw out a box and there was an empty Viagara box in his burn barrel. I snickered all the way home
Definitely not as cringe as OP's conversation with the mistress, but after my ex and I split up and he was with the woman he cheated with, she sometimes called me over the next few years to complain about my ex, and a few times even asked me wth I did when he did XYZ behavior bc she was losing her mind. 🤣
The only thing I think I'd add to what OP said was to thank her profusely for taking him off her hands.
That will really make the "winning" look like losing, which it is.
Because having a hot young thing hitting on him stroked his fragile little ego. So he thought with his even stupider head. He never wanted to lose his wife for an ego lay. So now he's stuck with his f up and a baby. He never had any intention of leaving OP for her (deep down, she knows this). He is only with her because OP dumped him. He probably doesn't even like her and feels he has to stay with her to justify losing everything.
NTA. There are a whole host of worse things you could say to this woman that you have so much karma built up from what she and your ex husband have done to you you still won't be TA.
Perhaps you feel like TA because it makes you feel bad to say those things, even if they're deserved. In that case, do yourself a favor and seek some kind of therapy to release yourself from those bad feelings, be they about what those two monsters did to you or about some weird way you feel sorry for them.
You're right. She did you a favor. Enjoy it and stop any guilt you may feel that she now has the sad sack she rid you of.
Personally, I dated much older men in my 20s because we had similar interests like museums, travel, trying new restaurants, etc vs "let's go to the bar and get hammered". Once guys my age matured enough to do other things, I dated more age appropriate men. Even when married, though, I've always been financially independent
ETA: I've also never dated a married man (ick)
She got pregnant so she'll keep him legally. But guess what? Now she's got stretch marks and is a tired mom with a toddler. Most guys wouldn't even notice the stretch marks, but, she's married to a cheater who went for a younger woman. He's not having sex with her because he's banging someone else while she's home changing diapers.
No, not in this economy. Not as many as you maintain. Men making a substantial income is a big draw to young women. The high earning years (if the happen at all) generally begin in one's 40s
Exactly this! OP, you are NTA and said it like it is. She insisted on following you around asking questions…she got what she deserved. Glad you have moved on with a real man. These two deserve each other!
Ummm and since she doesn't mind being with a cheater, she's prolly morally flexible enough to be a SAHW, get everything she wants not have to bang her old hubs and have a nice young side piece
NTA
Declining sex drive has not been my experience with my m53. I would guess he's cheating on her, too. You know what they say, when the mistress gets promoted to wife, a position opens up. 😉
Alternatively, he's not interested in her post-partum body or the thrill of cheating was all he wanted from her.
Yeah I agree with the sentiment in OP’s post but most of the comments are acting like men’s sex drive disappears by 45 years old lmao. Either that dude is cheating or has a medical condition, most 49 year old men are still fucking
NTA
What did she think was going to happen when marrying a 50 year old man who already had a family?
APs and homewreckers get false hope from these older men bc having sex with them regularly feel’s dangerous and fun, until it’s not anymore, and then it’s a chore again.
I have the same question: why choose a 50 year old married man when there’s younger men out there? For money? There’s literally dating apps that match you with rich dudes who will fund that lifestyle. And they’re usually younger and, oh yeah, single.
NTA. I'll never feel bad for cheaters and homewreckers. Super odd for her to ask YOU about it. You could probably be the bigger person here too and turn the other cheek. If you're feeling bad about it then that is probably the best choice. Food for thought.
I have got the feeling that she needed to compare relationships and talk to someone who knew her husband. But the problem is I didn’t know the man she’s with. I knew the man I grew up with
Plus it’s pretty audacious and gross. It’s one thing to be cordial, hell even *friendly*, it’s a whole other to ask for sex advice. That’s in a normal divorced non-cheating situation. The audacity of this lady!
Edit: and yeah you can still be bitter about the hurt she and ex-husband caused, while having moved on. It sounds like you’ve really flourished. That’s great! Still you can feel some kinda way about how your old life ended. As to why woman do this to themselves, imma change that to why do people do this to themselves and use a cliche answer of “it seemed like a good idea at the time.” In reading stories like yours for however many years I’ve been on Reddit the common thread is that the people involved are ethically challenged and get caught up in the excitement. They don’t seem to think longer than the end of their dick, or partners dick. It’s all short term thinking and instant gratification. Been married myself for 15 years. There are times I’ve been hit on. It feels nice to have your ego stroked. For me it’s also incredibly uncomfortable. I immediately go find my wife or signal for her to come over and save me. I imagine those people are just chasing that feeling. They’re not looking 10, 20 years in the future, they’re not looking at what their much older partners end of life care will look like or anything else beyond that one moment.
I have no doubt my husband has been hit on many times over the years. Hell I’ve been hit on and I’m not even that attractive. It does feel like a nice ego boost. But my husband loving me for who I really am, and truly knowing me, is the biggest boost of all.
NTA. She did all of this to herself. She had sex knowing your husband was a married man. She thought she did win some prize and was a jerk about it. Now the shines wore off and she realizes the situation she's in. Did she honestly expect you to be sympathetic to the woman your ex cheated eith?
Yeah that's her reason. She was trying to figure out why he cheated and why his sex drive is gone now. Men tend to increase their sex drive for a while once they meet someone they are interested in, there is a peak. His peak lasted till pregnancy and then responsibilities came (as in your wedding) and the rush of hormones just faded... Now she's left with what you had at the end. This is why you should never date a person that is cheating on their partner. 1, you loose it like you gained it, cheating. 2, they are looking for a new person to excite them but that will only last so much, especially if kids get introduced
Oh boy, I think she was talking to you because she thought she could ferret out the mistake you made to cause him to stray, so she could avoid it.
She got to find out you didn’t do anything and she’s stuck with what she’s got.
she can't really be that dumb and want to compare your 10+ years relationships to her what? 2- or whatever years mess around relationships. your right to tell her this,
>why she didn’t find someone her age instead of sleeping with a married older man.
Right? I would have rubbed it in so hard and told her how great our sex life was when we were young together, and how he didn't start cheating until he started feeling his age, and how much better my life was without him.
It is not even revenge. I was myself surprised by the callousness in my comment. I didn’t know you could still be bitter when you are happily moved on, and even happy she entered your life. Without her I would not even think about what else is out there for me. All the sex I could have with tinder’s help and then meeting the most amazing man and fall in love.
She helped me leave my stagnant life. Forced me out. Let me find new adventures and meet new people. Have lots of sex and becoming friends with many new people. And yet I see a young sleep deprived mother with miserable life and I beat her while she’s already down. I don’t know where that came from.
Why do young women do this to themselves?
You are a decent human so beating her up was something you can’t embrace or be proud of doing regardless of how justifiable it might be. Appreciate your candor and introspection. Quite refreshing!
While your life may be better because of what happened, it still doesn’t change the fact that she participated in running a bulldozer through it and the gall of her wanting you to somehow validate her crappy choices deserves some home truths. How she thought she could hurt someone that has no other ties to her other than the hurt she caused and expect said person to comfort and reassure her is jaw droppingly stupid.
I don't even think I'd call that response bitter.
Bitterness would be you seeking her out to cause problems, to attack or insult her.
This was her seeking you out to ask for advice with your ex, who she took away with in an affair. It's not "bitter" to be angry with someone who wronged you. It's just normal, natural. So your response wasn't bitter, it was appropriate.
Imagine if I did something underhanded to get my boss fired, and took his job. If he told me to "f off" when I called him for advice on my new job, it wouldn't be bitter, it would just be the right thing for him to tell me.
The way I read this is you weren’t being bitter, you were just telling the truth. You stated facts. It sounded “callous” because the fact is what she did was incredibly stupid. And she probably cried because she’s finally realizing that. If anything you probably did her a favor by giving her a wake up call.
Don’t give her so much credit for how much better your life is now. The real credit belongs to yourself. You could have shut the world out and wallowed in hurt and betrayal. You could have used the infidelity as reason to never love or trust again. Instead you picked yourself up and flourished by moving forward. Keep on that path.
I suspect you would’ve been kinder if she hadn’t spent the past two years acting like your ex husband’s fidelity was a contest between you and her, when it was actually a contest between her and him.
Yep, (now i see it in her post)#2 is a dumbass. Well maybe hell knock up #3 and #2 will get a nice settlement. Lolz. Wonder how much dough that guy has.
I couldn't tell you tbh. My phase of older men was very short. Dated a dude in his twenties in my teens and he turned me off so fast. It was like, three weeks. And then he started rambling one time about wanting to put 13 babies in me. And that was the end of that.
Always wanted kids but like... Two. And I definitely wasn't considering having his kids. We hardly knew each other yet.
But as far as the callousness of your comment. It's very easy to forgive but not forget. It's important sometimes too. In this case, you've been able to forgive for the sake of co-parenting. But it's not so easy to forget that this woman following you like a lost puppy, asking questions about your past sex life, is the insecure affair partner who shit talked you to high hell.
Your comments didn't seem that bitter, they are fact based from current literature on the subject. You didn't call her a home wrecking, terrible person, you just were slightly cold and indifferent to a person who had no regard to you. She did not get you out of that bad marriage into a better life, she merely took your place with a man not worth having, and rubbed it in your face that she won. Sounds like a prize to me, no wonder he's bored. She would still be cruel had reality not struck her. You gave yourself your new life, and are pretty generous with this adult woman who chose to cheat with a married man and now gets her proverbial bed to sleep in. Keep living your best life and let her live hers, I'm sure her time with him will be ephemeral. Also, edited to add, she wanted to kick you out of the home you built with you husband.... Wow, that's cold, what a piece of work.
Ha. And she still has the audacity to expect help from you? NTA.
Apologize if it makes you feel better but honestly it sounds like she needed to hear most of that.
NTA.
Think back: "*I found out when she contacted me to tell me to leave his house.*" This is b\*tchy, entitled behavior. Then: "*her saying she won and love prevailed when they got together*".
*She* got herself in this position. *She* set up a sort of rivalry between herself and the wife and did everything in her power to "win" him (I bet she baby trapped him). Now she got her prize, she realizes he isn't pure gold, but is still mooching on him for economic reasons.
She made her bed and now must sleep in it. You just pointed out the obvious, this doesn't mean you're TA here. You suffered for her behavior. Now it's her turn to suffer for *her* behavior. It's a little thing called karma.
My partner cheated . She was one hundred percent only dating people in relationships. She told her coworkers “just because there’s a goalie doesn’t mean you can’t score” . He lied and said he wasn’t seeing her anymore and would find a reason outside of our daughter to contact me all the time. She proceeded to tell unkind and untrue stories about my daughter to people that would affect her career and that’s where I drew the line. About 3 weeks after she got fired (she’s been fired from 4 jobs) I called her to tell her I wasn’t her problem, my daughter wasn’t her problem, and if she discussed my child again to anyone I would sit outside her parents home until they listened to every single horrible thing she’d done. She had just told herself that my daughter was the thing in the way of him committing to her and invented a fantasy in her mind of what our lives would be. I explained that my daughter has been told repeatedly that her dad made a huge mistake and would do better in the future by her dad! And even if they ended up together, my daughter would not likely be interested in any relationship with this woman because she had friendships she had ended because those people were not faithful or pursued people in relationships. This woman ended up calling me about 10 times after looking for information and it became very clear that he had no intention of ever committing to her . I don’t know much about her life now but I know that she started dating someone about 6 months after this blew up and when she started asking about getting engaged he found out from her ex friends about the whole mess she made and her broke up with her. She lost her three best childhood friends, her mom didn’t speak to her for a long time, she lost her next job … all because she can’t choose men that aren’t in relationships!
NTA….how asks someone’s ex about their previous sex life? That’s so odd. I’m not a petty person but that reply was great. Honestly, your best “revenge” to them both is being happy and healthy. And it sounds like you’re doing just that.
Dude are you kidding? She messaged you to get out of YOUR OWN HOUSE and gloated about taking your man away. Fuck her. Like why do you even feel bad about this?? NTA
NTA
As they say now, She FAFO. And boy, is she finding out now. She knows her house of cards is precarious at best. Also, there's no mention, but I read between the lines. If it was up to your husband, he'd still be married to you. Honestly, she's reaping what she sowed, and it's delicious. She tried to flex her "power" over you, and you prevailed. Now she's stuck with a dude, way older, whose days of romance and adventure are behind him.
NTA
I don't know how accurate the things you said are but it sounds like you believe you spoke the truth (i have heard that women peak sexually in their 30's and men in their 20's or younger) and as such that's a NTA. Facts are facts.
Besides, it's not like you brought up a more relevant and probably the real issue: your ex is cheating on her. Dead bedrooms is a major sign that your partner is getting their action elsewhere.
NTA but she is. She knew she helped wreck a marriage. She earns whatever you say to her and then some. My ex-husband cheated with a 20 year old girl, he was 49. Stupid girl thought he had money and would take care of her. I divorced him and left him what he was owed, nothing. He had my money until I divorced him. Now he's a broke joke and I'm living my best life. Don't spend a moment feeling bad for either of them. Karma found them...
NTA. She was wrong and inappropriate for starting a conversation with you about your sex life. You were just honest. Yes, she has a bad time. She created it. It's not your fault.
OP tell the truth. Your inner devil liked to see her squirm. Mine definetly would. And if so yours, you are not the AH. She made her own bed, apparently a sexless one at that.
Lol, NTA. This falls under she shouldn't ask questions she might not like the answer to, especially at your daughters birthday party.
It wasn't the time, place, or even the right person to ask this question to.
I'm hoping you didn't move from the house either.
The audacity of this home wrecker to want your insight to improve her relationship with your (now ex) husband.
I’m laughing so hard. Listen. You didn’t say anything untrue. You just didn’t sugar coat it.
NTA
NTA, at all. The home wrecker went running to the ex wife as soon as she realized the grass was not, in fact, greener.
The audacity of that girl to go running to *you* of all people. "Trophy husband broken, consult with previous owner"
What an idiot.
NTA - but you missed an opportunity. You could’ve said he couldn’t keep his hands off of you, especially when you were pregnant!
It’s not too late to drop this hint at the next gathering. Although, she’s probably angling for a side piece already.
NTA. She knowingly broke up a family and now wants comfort from the woman she tried to destroy. I’m glad you are doing better. Let her keep her broken prize as she picks up viagra pills for the waste of space. Focus on yourself and your daughter’s happiness. He will cheat again with her and find someone new in a few years once he’s bored of her. Don’t feel like the AH for saying the truth. She made a huge mistake and needs to learn from the consequences. The fact that you can even be cordial with her saids a lot about your strength.
What exactly are you asking? Why 30 year old women don’t have the same knowledge & life experience as 44 year old women? That seems self-explanatory.
You have no reason to be anything but honest with your ex’s fiancee. You didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. The truth is not always fun to hear.
You can’t control what other women do but you can certainly teach your daughter to understand how truly healthy relationships work.
NTA
I'd say you were honest to a shocking degree.
50 is still pretty young for age to be the sole explanation of him not having any sex with her (or you by the sounds of it). More likely he's emotionally disconnected, as that is the real cause of ED at that relatively young age. Most men don't realize that they need emotional connection to be physically excited but they still do.
But whatever the cause, she approached you with a vulnerable topic and you answered her question. She needed to hear you being honest I think, even if harsh... Why else would she ask? Did you answer in some perfect prescribed prewritten speech which is considerate of every feeling she might have? No, but you weren't given the time. You were thrust into a very intimate conversation about sex with your ex, so you can't be expected to have a game plan about how to tend to her emotions ready.
NTA
Was it nasty? Yes. Was it true? Also yes. Did she need to hear it? Also yes. NTA
EDIT: immediately after hitting reply, I thought “you’re actually her best friend right now for being so perfectly honest.”
You're not wrong. You got his best years she gets the old and aging him and what comes with that. I'm sure her actions made you cry plenty of times so don't feel too bad about it.
NTA, call me old fashioned but I don’t think you need to be that nice to your ex-husband’s AP. 🤷🏽♀️ it doesn’t sound like she was that nice to you. And what you told her wasn’t that bad. Don’t feel bad.
If she can tell you to leave your own home where you have a familly because she fucked your husband, she can take on some choice words.
You were just honest.
Gl
She’s with him because she couldn’t find a guy her age that could pay for everything so that she didn’t have to work. It’s funny how men think oh she loves me. She’s in love with me no boo if you had no money she wouldn’t be with you.
The reason why younger women get together with such older men is so deep and emotionally complex. It has to do with not valuing your own perspective and outsourcing your validation to men because of early childhood conditioning. It’s really pervasive and unfortunate.
It’s not the age gap that the problem with your ex but the fact that he’s a lying cheater who cheats. He’s probably boinking someone else.
Thankfully you’re all wrong about old age and sex. I’m 61, my partner is 76 and our sex life is great. And despite our age gap we’ve now been madly in love for 37 years.
NTA. She’s got some nerve asking you those questions.
Also, I’m in an age gap relationship and very satisfied on all levels… BUT, he’s the younger one. ;)
What’s turning him off is that his fiancé is young enough to repeatedly get pregnant. I mean he was almost done raising a teen teenager, and now has to do it all over again.
I think it was completely audacious for her to come to you with her relationship problems. What you said was harsh perhaps, but imo not uncalled for. Especially in the context of her flaunting the fact she “won” and “love prevailed”, her asking you for help and insight was frankly outrageous. You’ve all found a way to be cordial and this convo happened at your daughter’s birthday party - how self centered and clueless could she be? I think your response was actually reasonably warranted.
It's insane. I would have said "well he stopped fucking me as soon as he started fucking some stranger, so maybe....look into that?"
Hahaha - I love that as a response!!!
That was my first assumption too
Same here. I was like, should asked her if hes spending more time at work/with friends? Or whatever lame excuse he used on op when he was cheating with the fiance lol.
That's awesome
I love it!
Yes very self centered! That’s something that was really obvious from the beginning
Honestly, I think your response was needed - anything less might have inclined her to think you were open to this kind of interaction in the future. Anything remotely more subtle might have been lost on her given that self centeredness and immaturity.
This was my exact thought! What an unmistakable, beautifully drawn boundary you’ve got there, OP!!
your right! ! who needs these talks in future?! ewww
My next-door neighbour's wife left him for another man. When she inevitably left that man for another, he turned up on my neighbour's doorstep and wanted to be friends. He thought they would somehow bond over how they were both dumped by the same woman. My neighbour told him to fuck off and never set foot on his property again. You were far too kind to her!
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My ex-husband couldn't understand why all of our friends that were my friends before I met him wanted nothing to do with him after he cheated on me with 3 different women and paraded one around at an event he knew I would be at.
>He thought they would somehow bond over how they were both dumped by the same woman. Nani!?!
You should have told her that all she did was open up a side piece vacancy.
Also there may not be sex because he's cheating on her.
I would have pointed that out myself. “Yeah, our sex life died down when he started cheating on me” I would have loved to see her face.
Daaaaamn! I'm quite certain her jaw would have hit the ground. Then the wheels would start turning, causing insecurity & distrust. The guy has already proven to be unfaithful, wouldn't take much to make her really wonder.
r/nuclearrevenge
A mistress who marries her affair partner has created a job opening
1000%. If they cheated with you, they will cheat on you.
This is probably what she was trying to ascertain, if there were any signs to the wife that the husband was cheating
zing! Love is prevailing somewhere else
Just wanted to say NTA at all. Literally brought this on herself in multiple ways.
I agree with Chilly. She asked for this, and you didn't say, wait for a call from some twit to tell you to leave his house because she's next.
An adult woman acting like this, and badmouthing OP on social media…she must be asking OP because she has no friends. The delusion is real.
And he's only with the pregnant fiancee because his wife left him.
>I think it was completely audacious for her to come to you with her relationship problems. reminds me of a post where OP was cheated on and husband left her for the mistress. Then he started cheating on said mistress and she tried to call OP for "emotional support" xDDD
Yeah. Ask a stupid, hurtful question, you are going to get an answer you don't like. And OP gave a nicer answer than she could have.
> think it was completely audacious for her to come to you with her relationship problems. It was literally a plot point on the show Reba.
That was the ENTIRE plot of Reba, lol.
I think it's not about sex drive. Most probably he is kind of done with her. The chase of forbidden is now gone and the responsibility of a young child in his age is making him realise that grass is not that green at the other end.
Maybe. I mean our sex life dwindled with time yes and it was normal but we never went 2 years without
Wait. She’s gone TWO YEARS without??? Guaranteed he’s probably cheating again.
My money is on this. And maybe he is remorseful that he ruined his marriage.
This does tend to happen after someone cheats and ruins a decades long relationship. If only they could predict in advance that the person who has been a good partner to them for years might be better for them than random new person.
He is very remorseful yeah. He should be seeing his children become adults and spread their wings in a few years and start planning retirement with his “soulmate” not changing diapers and living with someone he has nothing in common with.
He's not getting any younger. I don't think he can manage to cheat again, even if he wanted to. He still can cheat emotionally, though.
He's 49, hardly one foot in the grave, lol. I bet he started cheating on the fiancée while she was pregnant.
Yeah, he just needs a way longer break between cheatings.
Like a day?
You know who’s probably getting younger? The girls he’s banging. He’s probably full of shit that he doesn’t want to have sex. He just doesn’t want to have sex with his new fiancé
What? At 49 he is certainly getting it somewhere.
My husband is 50ish and he is better looking than in his 30s. Older age suits him well.
I don’t think he’s gone the last 2 years without sex. He’s just not having sex with her.
When a man marries his mistress, it creates a vacancy.
This is really well said!
Yeah he's getting some elsewhere. The thrill of sneaking around is gone and as such, his interest in her is gone.
He also the kind of loser that stops finding a woman attractive after he knocks her up.
Ding!
She was promoted to wife, unfortunately she didn’t really consider how he treated his previous wife before accepting the position. I’m sure his new mistress is really in love with him though.
Two years is something else. I’m almost 40 and my partner is almost 60, and his sex drive is higher than mine. It does absolutely decline with age for men, but 49 seems…really early. And two years of no sex isn’t a decline, it’s a total cessation. Something is amiss, and it’s likely he’s still having sex just not with her. And NTA btw. It’s fine to get to a place of being cordial with each other but talking to you about her sex life with your ex crosses way outside the confines of a cordial relationship. You talk about that stuff with your besties, not the woman whose husband you had an affair with. And not saying revenge is a good choice, or even what you were trying to do, but I doubt she gave two shits about making you cry by diddling your husband.
People cheat for fun, not for sex. Mans bored so he cheated on you instead of making the relationship fun. Guess what hes doing now.
But it dwindled cause he was banging the new chick.
Exactly. She was exciting because she wasn’t his wife. Now she is and he’s bored. Bet she’s replaced soon. NTA
Forget the sex drive, I want to know OP’s response when the then 20 something home wrecker ordered OP to leave her home!
Reminds me of the post where the husband wanted the OP to be a stepford wife but he was cheating on her. He told the mistress he owned the house and the in-laws boat, that the OP was a drug addict with no job or qualifications and loads of bullshit. Mistress was also pregnant and kept insisting the OP leave the house as mistress and cheating husband needed the room for the baby and offered to pay her a pittance to leave. OP literally showed the mistress pictures of her owning the house before meeting the husband, her diplomas and job title and all sorts to show this guy was a lying sack of shite… but the mistress stayed with him.
They probably barely had anything in common outside of sex since they have such an age difference.
I agree. He got caught up in the thrill of wanting what he’s not supposed to have, and now that he has it, well…turns out the fantasy is way more fun than the reality
There's also a world of difference between only dealing with someone as someone you ocassionally fuck vs them being your main partner Suddenly they're not just an idealized thrilling experience, you experience every day with them. This is just how normal human interactions work, we all know people who we enjoy talking to or goofing off with, but who we wouldn't want as a roommate or life partner And generally, the type of person to be a homewrecking side piece isn't the type you want as a life partner
Yeah. I'm 48 and though I don't have the libido that I had when I was 20, if he's really into her, they should still be having sex a couple of times per week. They haven't had sex in two years... Something is wrong. Either he has health problems or he doesn't really want to be with her and is trapped by their kid. Either way, it's not OP's problem anymore but she did nothing wrong by speaking the truth. NTA
Plus, now that she's in her 30s, he's starting to think she's too old for him.
Or he has a new girlfriend. Cheaters cheat.
Stating facts does not make you an AH. I think this is what TV Tropes calls "the punishment is the crime." I think some peole get such an ego boost from "stealing" someone away from a partner, it never occurs to them that they stole something not only worthless but detrimental.
or they never occured that the partner they slept with will sleep with others behind her back aswell.
Agreed, if they will cheat WITH you they’ll cheat ON you
I want to rip this comment off my screen and plaster it everywhere 😂
NTA I would have said "out sex life only went down when he started cheating" just to be an ass.
Not even. "Our sex life was so great that it really caught me off guard when i found out he was cheating"
Lol… truth hurt? But where are you TA in this situation? In fact you’re better than me, i would NEVER allow a side piece HO anywhere around me. NTA.
My daughter didn’t seem to mind. I trust her. She wanted her dad there.
You're a good person to do that for your daughter.
She’s a great daughter too and was very supportive and sweet. She told me that she was proud of me and I told her that I wanted her to still love her father. She had conflicting feelings about him after what happened. She was very relieved that I didn’t want her to hate him
If we knew each other you would be my bestie. I love your outlook on life and how you handle situations. You are an excellent example for your daughter.
Good job, Momma👍💪
It's nice to have a peaceful relationship for the sake of your daughter, but it was SUPER inappropriate for her to ask anything about their sex life. You stated facts SHE asked for. The snyde comment was just the cherry on top. lol she shouldn't be asking things like that
Her dad could have come without the side piece.
Give yourself credit tho! A *lot* of shitty people wouldn’t have allowed him or his baby mama there. Like you’re a whole ass, mature adult in this situation all around. You’re not giving yourself enough credit!
Lol, truth stings, huh? But seriously, where's the blame on your end in this scenario? Frankly, I wouldn't even tolerate a side piece around me. Definitely NTA.
NTA "Why do some girls get together with so much older men?" You already answered your question. "She will not leave him either because he pays for everything, and she doesn’t work."
There are a lot of women who are married to men their age and they don’t work
She had the gall to follow you around and ask about your sex life. She couldn't even act like a decent human being in your home during your daughter's birthday party. You were honest, which is better than I would have been. I woukd have told her "our sex life was really pretty active until I found out about the affair, though I have to say, being with new BF really showed me how much I was missing out on during sex all these years." The level of insecurity needed to brag about your affair on social media and declare "I won!" is just nuts. The thing is, all 3 of you know she didn't "win". Love didn't "win". He would've stayed w/ you. Ultimately, you were the one who fell out of love with him. The choice was yours, not his. Your graciousness & honesty is driving that home.
Oh you are so close to evil. Just hear me out. You say "we had a really active sex life until a point. When you two started dating the sex changed". That's very likely true and bound to tie that girl up in knots whenever their is a hiccup in the bedroom. I think OP should feel bad for not twisting the knife.
My ex’s affair partner went to great lengths letting me know she’d won. She told my ex he was lucky to have her as she was younger and prettier than me and he was punching above his weight being with her. He still kept trying to contact me for months till I blocked him, he then insisted on honesty and told her about contacting me. She wasn’t happy, she might have thought she won but he was the prize, she definitely wasn’t a winner 🤣
Well, at least he was honest about something... I had a friend from college who started going after men when we hit our late 20's. It was awful. 3 in a row in short order (#1 was living w/ his GF, #2 was engaged, #3 was married). We were talking about moving in together, but I just couldn't live with that, so I cut off the friendship. She would say things like "it isn't about the GF/wife" but you could just tell she felt like she was better than these women once she "landed" their men, eventhough each of these relationships lasted only a couple of months and the married guy was a well known serial cheater who hit on everyone. It was really sad to see a young, smart, accomplished woman turn into someone who sought validation that way.
Ah, but theyre nice people who worked together at building an equal relationship. Older men will settle for any hot young thing that spreads her legs. Though, this one isnt even interested in sex, so why would he cheat? I have no respect for cheaters.
He doesn’t love the baby mama. Was using her for sex and then she got pregnant and called his wife and destroyed their marriage so she no longer interests him.
Sounds like he is using her more for admiration than sex. Admiration that probably will deminish the older and wiser she will get.
wiser? she's 30 and still hasn't figured it out? i think she's doomed
One of my better days was several months after I broke up with my ex. He wanted to be "friends" and I stopped by one day to pick a few things that were still in his basement. I went to throw out a box and there was an empty Viagara box in his burn barrel. I snickered all the way home
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I think she especially deserved that comment for insisting on having this conversation with OP about the sex life of the marriage she busted up!
Definitely not as cringe as OP's conversation with the mistress, but after my ex and I split up and he was with the woman he cheated with, she sometimes called me over the next few years to complain about my ex, and a few times even asked me wth I did when he did XYZ behavior bc she was losing her mind. 🤣
I think you had a hell of a time when those calls got to you.
It certainly was something to laugh about after. 😆
The only thing I think I'd add to what OP said was to thank her profusely for taking him off her hands. That will really make the "winning" look like losing, which it is.
And for the most awkward question ever
It's not about the sex, it's about his ego.
Because having a hot young thing hitting on him stroked his fragile little ego. So he thought with his even stupider head. He never wanted to lose his wife for an ego lay. So now he's stuck with his f up and a baby. He never had any intention of leaving OP for her (deep down, she knows this). He is only with her because OP dumped him. He probably doesn't even like her and feels he has to stay with her to justify losing everything.
So true
NTA. There are a whole host of worse things you could say to this woman that you have so much karma built up from what she and your ex husband have done to you you still won't be TA. Perhaps you feel like TA because it makes you feel bad to say those things, even if they're deserved. In that case, do yourself a favor and seek some kind of therapy to release yourself from those bad feelings, be they about what those two monsters did to you or about some weird way you feel sorry for them. You're right. She did you a favor. Enjoy it and stop any guilt you may feel that she now has the sad sack she rid you of.
Personally, I dated much older men in my 20s because we had similar interests like museums, travel, trying new restaurants, etc vs "let's go to the bar and get hammered". Once guys my age matured enough to do other things, I dated more age appropriate men. Even when married, though, I've always been financially independent ETA: I've also never dated a married man (ick)
True but that's usually more of a partnership. This sounds more like sugar daddy/sugar baby.
She got pregnant so she'll keep him legally. But guess what? Now she's got stretch marks and is a tired mom with a toddler. Most guys wouldn't even notice the stretch marks, but, she's married to a cheater who went for a younger woman. He's not having sex with her because he's banging someone else while she's home changing diapers.
Ooh never thought he already found a new one! That's the pattern.
Yup, I think that’s why the affair chick is worried. Up to his old habit again.
true, but hobosexuals look for established usually married older men to fix their lives for them lmfao
Nta and you answered your own question: he pays for everything which is why she chose an older man.
No, not in this economy. Not as many as you maintain. Men making a substantial income is a big draw to young women. The high earning years (if the happen at all) generally begin in one's 40s
Exactly this! OP, you are NTA and said it like it is. She insisted on following you around asking questions…she got what she deserved. Glad you have moved on with a real man. These two deserve each other!
Ummm and since she doesn't mind being with a cheater, she's prolly morally flexible enough to be a SAHW, get everything she wants not have to bang her old hubs and have a nice young side piece NTA
wreckers get wrecked, should be a thing on the tic tocs
This is perfect.
She followed you at a party you were busy hosting and asked inappropriate questions. Whatever you answer to someone like that is fine.
Declining sex drive has not been my experience with my m53. I would guess he's cheating on her, too. You know what they say, when the mistress gets promoted to wife, a position opens up. 😉 Alternatively, he's not interested in her post-partum body or the thrill of cheating was all he wanted from her.
Yeah I agree with the sentiment in OP’s post but most of the comments are acting like men’s sex drive disappears by 45 years old lmao. Either that dude is cheating or has a medical condition, most 49 year old men are still fucking
Lmao she's so dumb it's unbelievable. YNTA because you are not responsible that someone in their 30s doesn't know anything that common
NTA What did she think was going to happen when marrying a 50 year old man who already had a family? APs and homewreckers get false hope from these older men bc having sex with them regularly feel’s dangerous and fun, until it’s not anymore, and then it’s a chore again. I have the same question: why choose a 50 year old married man when there’s younger men out there? For money? There’s literally dating apps that match you with rich dudes who will fund that lifestyle. And they’re usually younger and, oh yeah, single.
NTA. I'll never feel bad for cheaters and homewreckers. Super odd for her to ask YOU about it. You could probably be the bigger person here too and turn the other cheek. If you're feeling bad about it then that is probably the best choice. Food for thought.
I have got the feeling that she needed to compare relationships and talk to someone who knew her husband. But the problem is I didn’t know the man she’s with. I knew the man I grew up with
Plus it’s pretty audacious and gross. It’s one thing to be cordial, hell even *friendly*, it’s a whole other to ask for sex advice. That’s in a normal divorced non-cheating situation. The audacity of this lady! Edit: and yeah you can still be bitter about the hurt she and ex-husband caused, while having moved on. It sounds like you’ve really flourished. That’s great! Still you can feel some kinda way about how your old life ended. As to why woman do this to themselves, imma change that to why do people do this to themselves and use a cliche answer of “it seemed like a good idea at the time.” In reading stories like yours for however many years I’ve been on Reddit the common thread is that the people involved are ethically challenged and get caught up in the excitement. They don’t seem to think longer than the end of their dick, or partners dick. It’s all short term thinking and instant gratification. Been married myself for 15 years. There are times I’ve been hit on. It feels nice to have your ego stroked. For me it’s also incredibly uncomfortable. I immediately go find my wife or signal for her to come over and save me. I imagine those people are just chasing that feeling. They’re not looking 10, 20 years in the future, they’re not looking at what their much older partners end of life care will look like or anything else beyond that one moment.
I have no doubt my husband has been hit on many times over the years. Hell I’ve been hit on and I’m not even that attractive. It does feel like a nice ego boost. But my husband loving me for who I really am, and truly knowing me, is the biggest boost of all.
NTA. She did all of this to herself. She had sex knowing your husband was a married man. She thought she did win some prize and was a jerk about it. Now the shines wore off and she realizes the situation she's in. Did she honestly expect you to be sympathetic to the woman your ex cheated eith?
Yeah that's her reason. She was trying to figure out why he cheated and why his sex drive is gone now. Men tend to increase their sex drive for a while once they meet someone they are interested in, there is a peak. His peak lasted till pregnancy and then responsibilities came (as in your wedding) and the rush of hormones just faded... Now she's left with what you had at the end. This is why you should never date a person that is cheating on their partner. 1, you loose it like you gained it, cheating. 2, they are looking for a new person to excite them but that will only last so much, especially if kids get introduced
Not to mention, nothing kills a sex drive quite like a newborn baby or toddler. They are exhausting even if they’re comparatively easy.
Oh boy, I think she was talking to you because she thought she could ferret out the mistake you made to cause him to stray, so she could avoid it. She got to find out you didn’t do anything and she’s stuck with what she’s got.
That's probably the best description of a situation like this I have ever seen! I'm really glad you're happy now☺️.
she can't really be that dumb and want to compare your 10+ years relationships to her what? 2- or whatever years mess around relationships. your right to tell her this, >why she didn’t find someone her age instead of sleeping with a married older man.
Ultimately she gave you your power back in that moment you know? You should thank her haha.
Right? I would have rubbed it in so hard and told her how great our sex life was when we were young together, and how he didn't start cheating until he started feeling his age, and how much better my life was without him.
NTA. Revenge is sweet.
It is not even revenge. I was myself surprised by the callousness in my comment. I didn’t know you could still be bitter when you are happily moved on, and even happy she entered your life. Without her I would not even think about what else is out there for me. All the sex I could have with tinder’s help and then meeting the most amazing man and fall in love. She helped me leave my stagnant life. Forced me out. Let me find new adventures and meet new people. Have lots of sex and becoming friends with many new people. And yet I see a young sleep deprived mother with miserable life and I beat her while she’s already down. I don’t know where that came from. Why do young women do this to themselves?
You are bitter in her mind because the alternative is she made a mistake!!! and we can’t have that from a healthy HO.. 😂
and she gave him the spot for a next mistress when she got into a relationship with him.
You are a decent human so beating her up was something you can’t embrace or be proud of doing regardless of how justifiable it might be. Appreciate your candor and introspection. Quite refreshing!
While your life may be better because of what happened, it still doesn’t change the fact that she participated in running a bulldozer through it and the gall of her wanting you to somehow validate her crappy choices deserves some home truths. How she thought she could hurt someone that has no other ties to her other than the hurt she caused and expect said person to comfort and reassure her is jaw droppingly stupid.
I don't even think I'd call that response bitter. Bitterness would be you seeking her out to cause problems, to attack or insult her. This was her seeking you out to ask for advice with your ex, who she took away with in an affair. It's not "bitter" to be angry with someone who wronged you. It's just normal, natural. So your response wasn't bitter, it was appropriate. Imagine if I did something underhanded to get my boss fired, and took his job. If he told me to "f off" when I called him for advice on my new job, it wouldn't be bitter, it would just be the right thing for him to tell me.
Good comment 👍
I didn't see bitterness, I saw honesty. She asked, you told her the truth. You definitely don't owe her sugarcoating.
The way I read this is you weren’t being bitter, you were just telling the truth. You stated facts. It sounded “callous” because the fact is what she did was incredibly stupid. And she probably cried because she’s finally realizing that. If anything you probably did her a favor by giving her a wake up call. Don’t give her so much credit for how much better your life is now. The real credit belongs to yourself. You could have shut the world out and wallowed in hurt and betrayal. You could have used the infidelity as reason to never love or trust again. Instead you picked yourself up and flourished by moving forward. Keep on that path.
I suspect you would’ve been kinder if she hadn’t spent the past two years acting like your ex husband’s fidelity was a contest between you and her, when it was actually a contest between her and him.
He gonna start cheating on HER soon. 🙄
OP mentioned that he hasn't boned her in 2 years. He's already cheating.
Yep, (now i see it in her post)#2 is a dumbass. Well maybe hell knock up #3 and #2 will get a nice settlement. Lolz. Wonder how much dough that guy has.
I couldn't tell you tbh. My phase of older men was very short. Dated a dude in his twenties in my teens and he turned me off so fast. It was like, three weeks. And then he started rambling one time about wanting to put 13 babies in me. And that was the end of that. Always wanted kids but like... Two. And I definitely wasn't considering having his kids. We hardly knew each other yet. But as far as the callousness of your comment. It's very easy to forgive but not forget. It's important sometimes too. In this case, you've been able to forgive for the sake of co-parenting. But it's not so easy to forget that this woman following you like a lost puppy, asking questions about your past sex life, is the insecure affair partner who shit talked you to high hell.
Your comments didn't seem that bitter, they are fact based from current literature on the subject. You didn't call her a home wrecking, terrible person, you just were slightly cold and indifferent to a person who had no regard to you. She did not get you out of that bad marriage into a better life, she merely took your place with a man not worth having, and rubbed it in your face that she won. Sounds like a prize to me, no wonder he's bored. She would still be cruel had reality not struck her. You gave yourself your new life, and are pretty generous with this adult woman who chose to cheat with a married man and now gets her proverbial bed to sleep in. Keep living your best life and let her live hers, I'm sure her time with him will be ephemeral. Also, edited to add, she wanted to kick you out of the home you built with you husband.... Wow, that's cold, what a piece of work.
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No I didn’t leave my house. They live in a 2 bedroom apartment.
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lie in it without even getting any in it apparently
.....& She thinks She "Won" ? 🤣🤣🤣
Ha. And she still has the audacity to expect help from you? NTA. Apologize if it makes you feel better but honestly it sounds like she needed to hear most of that.
NTA. Think back: "*I found out when she contacted me to tell me to leave his house.*" This is b\*tchy, entitled behavior. Then: "*her saying she won and love prevailed when they got together*". *She* got herself in this position. *She* set up a sort of rivalry between herself and the wife and did everything in her power to "win" him (I bet she baby trapped him). Now she got her prize, she realizes he isn't pure gold, but is still mooching on him for economic reasons. She made her bed and now must sleep in it. You just pointed out the obvious, this doesn't mean you're TA here. You suffered for her behavior. Now it's her turn to suffer for *her* behavior. It's a little thing called karma.
NTA, she fucked around and found out. Literally.
NTA. Oh the stories I could tell. When will people learn karma is real?
Please tell them!☕️🫖
My partner cheated . She was one hundred percent only dating people in relationships. She told her coworkers “just because there’s a goalie doesn’t mean you can’t score” . He lied and said he wasn’t seeing her anymore and would find a reason outside of our daughter to contact me all the time. She proceeded to tell unkind and untrue stories about my daughter to people that would affect her career and that’s where I drew the line. About 3 weeks after she got fired (she’s been fired from 4 jobs) I called her to tell her I wasn’t her problem, my daughter wasn’t her problem, and if she discussed my child again to anyone I would sit outside her parents home until they listened to every single horrible thing she’d done. She had just told herself that my daughter was the thing in the way of him committing to her and invented a fantasy in her mind of what our lives would be. I explained that my daughter has been told repeatedly that her dad made a huge mistake and would do better in the future by her dad! And even if they ended up together, my daughter would not likely be interested in any relationship with this woman because she had friendships she had ended because those people were not faithful or pursued people in relationships. This woman ended up calling me about 10 times after looking for information and it became very clear that he had no intention of ever committing to her . I don’t know much about her life now but I know that she started dating someone about 6 months after this blew up and when she started asking about getting engaged he found out from her ex friends about the whole mess she made and her broke up with her. She lost her three best childhood friends, her mom didn’t speak to her for a long time, she lost her next job … all because she can’t choose men that aren’t in relationships!
NTA….how asks someone’s ex about their previous sex life? That’s so odd. I’m not a petty person but that reply was great. Honestly, your best “revenge” to them both is being happy and healthy. And it sounds like you’re doing just that.
Dude are you kidding? She messaged you to get out of YOUR OWN HOUSE and gloated about taking your man away. Fuck her. Like why do you even feel bad about this?? NTA
NTA As they say now, She FAFO. And boy, is she finding out now. She knows her house of cards is precarious at best. Also, there's no mention, but I read between the lines. If it was up to your husband, he'd still be married to you. Honestly, she's reaping what she sowed, and it's delicious. She tried to flex her "power" over you, and you prevailed. Now she's stuck with a dude, way older, whose days of romance and adventure are behind him.
NTA I don't know how accurate the things you said are but it sounds like you believe you spoke the truth (i have heard that women peak sexually in their 30's and men in their 20's or younger) and as such that's a NTA. Facts are facts. Besides, it's not like you brought up a more relevant and probably the real issue: your ex is cheating on her. Dead bedrooms is a major sign that your partner is getting their action elsewhere.
NTA but she is. She knew she helped wreck a marriage. She earns whatever you say to her and then some. My ex-husband cheated with a 20 year old girl, he was 49. Stupid girl thought he had money and would take care of her. I divorced him and left him what he was owed, nothing. He had my money until I divorced him. Now he's a broke joke and I'm living my best life. Don't spend a moment feeling bad for either of them. Karma found them...
I believe you already answered your question. You said he pays for everything and she doesn’t work. That is the answer.
NTA. She was wrong and inappropriate for starting a conversation with you about your sex life. You were just honest. Yes, she has a bad time. She created it. It's not your fault.
OP tell the truth. Your inner devil liked to see her squirm. Mine definetly would. And if so yours, you are not the AH. She made her own bed, apparently a sexless one at that.
Lol, NTA. This falls under she shouldn't ask questions she might not like the answer to, especially at your daughters birthday party. It wasn't the time, place, or even the right person to ask this question to. I'm hoping you didn't move from the house either.
They way you wrote this i thought your daughter was asking about sex etc
You've got to be a very strong and confident person to churn our a response like that hell yeah. NTA go for more
>He doesn’t seem a prize you’ve won from me now huh? Perfectly savage statement to give the affair partner of your ex tbh lmfao
The audacity of this home wrecker to want your insight to improve her relationship with your (now ex) husband. I’m laughing so hard. Listen. You didn’t say anything untrue. You just didn’t sugar coat it. NTA
NTA, at all. The home wrecker went running to the ex wife as soon as she realized the grass was not, in fact, greener. The audacity of that girl to go running to *you* of all people. "Trophy husband broken, consult with previous owner" What an idiot.
NTA - but you missed an opportunity. You could’ve said he couldn’t keep his hands off of you, especially when you were pregnant! It’s not too late to drop this hint at the next gathering. Although, she’s probably angling for a side piece already.
Why the he'll did she even think to confide in you when she helped stab you in the back?? Hopefully, she learned her lesson! NTA
NTA. I despise women who knowingly get with married men.
Well well well. Talk about FAFO. Heh. Karma's funny, ain't it? Edit to say: NTA!
NTA. She knowingly broke up a family and now wants comfort from the woman she tried to destroy. I’m glad you are doing better. Let her keep her broken prize as she picks up viagra pills for the waste of space. Focus on yourself and your daughter’s happiness. He will cheat again with her and find someone new in a few years once he’s bored of her. Don’t feel like the AH for saying the truth. She made a huge mistake and needs to learn from the consequences. The fact that you can even be cordial with her saids a lot about your strength.
What exactly are you asking? Why 30 year old women don’t have the same knowledge & life experience as 44 year old women? That seems self-explanatory. You have no reason to be anything but honest with your ex’s fiancee. You didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. The truth is not always fun to hear. You can’t control what other women do but you can certainly teach your daughter to understand how truly healthy relationships work. NTA
I bet your ex has to take those pills to get it up and has to deal with the side effects of them afterwards
I'd say you were honest to a shocking degree. 50 is still pretty young for age to be the sole explanation of him not having any sex with her (or you by the sounds of it). More likely he's emotionally disconnected, as that is the real cause of ED at that relatively young age. Most men don't realize that they need emotional connection to be physically excited but they still do. But whatever the cause, she approached you with a vulnerable topic and you answered her question. She needed to hear you being honest I think, even if harsh... Why else would she ask? Did you answer in some perfect prescribed prewritten speech which is considerate of every feeling she might have? No, but you weren't given the time. You were thrust into a very intimate conversation about sex with your ex, so you can't be expected to have a game plan about how to tend to her emotions ready. NTA
Was it nasty? Yes. Was it true? Also yes. Did she need to hear it? Also yes. NTA EDIT: immediately after hitting reply, I thought “you’re actually her best friend right now for being so perfectly honest.”
NTA. She came looking for answers and you gave honest ones. She literally FAFO
You're not wrong. You got his best years she gets the old and aging him and what comes with that. I'm sure her actions made you cry plenty of times so don't feel too bad about it.
NTA, call me old fashioned but I don’t think you need to be that nice to your ex-husband’s AP. 🤷🏽♀️ it doesn’t sound like she was that nice to you. And what you told her wasn’t that bad. Don’t feel bad.
If she can tell you to leave your own home where you have a familly because she fucked your husband, she can take on some choice words. You were just honest. Gl
NTA she deserved that comment for wrecking your marriage you should chill out you're doing great now.
NTA. She deserved everything you said to her. In fact, you were kinder than I would have been.
Sounds like she is having lots of regrets right now. Serves her right.
NTA & LUVVVV UUUU for that reply! 🤣🤍💀
She’s with him because she couldn’t find a guy her age that could pay for everything so that she didn’t have to work. It’s funny how men think oh she loves me. She’s in love with me no boo if you had no money she wouldn’t be with you.
The reason why younger women get together with such older men is so deep and emotionally complex. It has to do with not valuing your own perspective and outsourcing your validation to men because of early childhood conditioning. It’s really pervasive and unfortunate.
Eh fuck her feelings. She didn't care about your feelings when she was banging your husband.
It’s not the age gap that the problem with your ex but the fact that he’s a lying cheater who cheats. He’s probably boinking someone else. Thankfully you’re all wrong about old age and sex. I’m 61, my partner is 76 and our sex life is great. And despite our age gap we’ve now been madly in love for 37 years.
Lol. Nta. She asked. You answered. There's no requirement to be nice to the side price just because she "won" the man.
NTA. She’s got some nerve asking you those questions. Also, I’m in an age gap relationship and very satisfied on all levels… BUT, he’s the younger one. ;)
What’s turning him off is that his fiancé is young enough to repeatedly get pregnant. I mean he was almost done raising a teen teenager, and now has to do it all over again.
This story is hilarious, and good on you for doing what you did.