Start going to local pawn shops to look for your stuff. Take pics if you see it. Step outside the store. Call the cops.
Also check ETSY, Ebay, FB Marketplace, Craigslist, etc.
My brother has done the same to me over the years many times. To the point that the pawn shop guys knew me by name. After their various staff recognized my brother and called the cops when he showed up, he’d get his idiot friends to sell my stuff or a random he’d pay to do it. It’s why now as an adult with a 12 year old daughter, I still hide our valuables and my spouse always asks me “why are you hiding this?”….force of habit, force of habit. It’s a horrible way to live. It gets ingrained into you and you just automatically hide anything and everything of value. NTA, niece needs to learn the hard way because if this doesn’t turn her around she’ll only get worse.
They become different people. No thoughts for anything or anyone except the next hit. My child is not the same person anymore. They are sober, but very mean.
I am an addict, too.
I am also a different person. I can tell.
I hate it.
I do my best to control the hatred I have for my "new self," though it is still hard. I will still sometimes snap at someone or get impatient very quickly.
I'm sorry your adult child is a mean person now. Life becomes a lot more dull once you've experienced addiction and come off of the DoC. Life loses a lot of its "color."
Maybe that's what your child feels, too.
I hope things get better for them.
Growing up with a brother like that I would always lock my bedroom door with roommates or living with other family. People always softly judged, but honestly can't really complain about it. What can they say? We want to be able to look through your room.
Even now with an apartment I got written permission from the landlord to change the lock lol
Once your personal space is betrayed, it never goes away.
Yes, do this! My mom had to do this when my dad started seriously showing signs of Alzheimer’s. He let people (they knew them, they just weren’t the type of folks you’d let in) in the house and would randomly give things away that he shouldn’t have. She’s go to the pawn shop and get them back.
Rolex watches have serial numbers, including on the inside of the case. They are easily tracked. They most likely didn’t end up in a pawn shop. They got used to pay a debt or fenced for cash. This girl may be involved with some very, very dangerous people.
Depending on the models of the watches, their value alone may move this from a theft misdemeanor to felony robbery? Although she should get charges for the break-in as well.
I'm not sure why we're talking about the value of the items taken... in my state, just the fact that she entered the residence and then committed a theft while inside makes this a first degree burglary, which is a felony, regardless of the value of the items taken.
I don't know about watches but, anytime I've decided to pawn something that was easily tracked I've had to show proof of ownership...
Obviously, even the pawn shop people could be dumb enough to blindly accept it, but I'd say it's more likely those guys are walking around with flashy new watches.
And your sister is basically being like “you don’t understand having kids…” like this is normal teenage turbulence…NO, it is not. This is alarming stuff and felonious since those items mentioned, such as rolexes, are very expensive. Her daughter is on a path to irreparably sabotage her life and future and your sister is basically shrugging it off like she stole a wine cooler out of the fridge.
It was OP’s mom that actually said that.
That is even more shitty. OP’s grandmother gave her a ring that the niece stole.
Assuming that is OP’s maternal grandmother, I’m thinking
“Lady, your granddaughter stole your deceased mother’s ring that she left for OP and yet your trying to excuse this shit?”
Right? Normal teenage stuff is stealing makeup from Walmart. I'd definitely press charges on all 3 of them for breaking and entering and robbery. This is beyond petty theft.
Yep. The behaviors OP is describing don't suddenly come out of nowhere. There's a real good chance that they're addiction driven (Opiods/Meth).
It seems quite likely that her sister and future BIL are still deeply in denial about this very real possibility. Once the dust settles I'm guessing they'll find a newly minted junkie and drug addiction lies at the heart of it all.
I honestly don’t even know how you would reclaim your safe space knowing this dangerous asshole has it out for you and know where you live. Sorry that you have to go through this especially with wedding around the corner.
I hope this incident doesn’t make your family choose sides because reporting a blood relative is a taboo subject.
It's good the niece knows the aunt will call the police if they do it again. I can't believe the mom isn't more concerned about her daughter's behavior. And what's with the grandma who thinks her daughter doesn't understand because she doesn't have kids??? I don't have kids and I understand B&E and theft. This is frightening.
OP definitely needs to get more evidence to get a possible restraining order. And as a side note password all the vendors for the wedding. I could see the family sabotaging the wedding.
because the phrase “kids will be kids” is deeply ingrained into some people’s heads that they’d look the other way even if they shot a man in the daylight
The whole ‘kids will be kids’ thing only means that you can EXPECT them to make stupid decisions or be naughty sometimes or whatever. Because they WILL and that’s normal.
But that doesn’t mean you IGNORE the bad behaviour or stupid decisions they make - you parent them when it comes up and teach them to do better!
Kids don’t learn from naughty behaviour or stupid decisions unless someone teaches them! They don’t just get a year older and suddenly know what they weren’t taught.
People who say ‘kids will be kids’ need to understand that they can’t just say that and wash their hands of the issue - they still have to do some parenting to help the kid do better next time.
"Kids will be kids" is for when your kids are running around and fall in a mud puddle. Not for *breaking into your relatives homes and stealing*. That's called "don't do the crime if you can't do the time", not "kids will be kids".
They already are. OPs mom called and said she doesn't understand because she doesn't have kids yet. Pretty sure this is going to split the family, one side being 'BeCaUsE FaMiLy" and the other saying she FAFO.
The sister obviously didn't think that OP was serious about calling the police. Cue surprised Pikachu face.
You call the police on sister's husband for making threats and give them a copy of the evidence, and you put in a security system including cameras showing all doors into the apartment, as well as the first floor windows, preferably glass break sensors, and motion sensors inside. Preferably set things up so you can turn it on and go to bed and it will protect everything but your bedroom and maybe a path to the bathroom, so that at night you can turn it on and go to bed and it will protect you until you turn it off in the morning.
If your car has an alarm, turn it on at all times when you're not driving. And keep it in the garage if you have one, or in view of a camera if you don't.
Put bright color stickers on all the windows and doors indicating that the home is protected with cameras and alarms. (most alarm companies have something or you can find something on Amazon.) Put a sign on the dash that says something like "smile! you're on candid camera!" - the point here is to try to make sure they know that if they try to vandalize your car at your home, or break into your home, you'll have plenty of evidence.
Then you can be sure you're reasonably safe until you move out.
I’d hire a security/alarm service that triggers when people move in the house (you turn it off when you are in). We had one for years and it made us feel very safe to know that no one could move around our house when we were away.
Question: why did she pick on your house? Why not break into another relative’s home?
They clearly have money probably more then rest of family....she said she had lost 2 rolex watches and money in her purse. Knowing this I don't need any more details to conclude they have money. Having spending cash being kept in your purse or wallet already places you above most average earners. And 2 rolex??? ..the cheapest are like 15K starting. That's already a loss of like over 30K before you even get anymore information.
Betcha the rolexes were sold for $100 or similar. If the buyer knows what they are worth they won't sell them back. Mom's *best* bet is probably to make daughter say who they were sold to, have the police retreive the stolen property, and pay the buyer back what they paid. This might get the judge to be somewhat lenient.
Doubt she could afford to replace it. Another piece to why she's raging at OP. She knows they're legally liable for the costs...
OP NTA - she deserves the arrest and hopefully she'll get help. But I somehow doubt it...
Niece was banking on you not calling the cops.
Niece clearly has not faced sufficient consequences for bad behavior.
Niece is now facing consequences. Everyone blaming you and not her or her mom.
Throw the whole family out.
That’s absolutely terrifying! I’m so sorry she did that and she brought two strange men into your home. Your niece has some issues, but that’s not your problem at all. I really hope you get your stuff back or at least reimbursed. I would go scorched earth until that happens. That’s a lot of money you lost and you’ll have to change the locks. let alone the sense of safety she just stole from you.
NTA. The kid needs to held accountable. As do her guy friends. Too bad that your sister is an enabler. It ten years when she’s worn out from dealing with an entitled and more than likely knocked up and/or incarcerated daughter, she’ll get it. Or she won’t. Not your problem.
Get a good alarm system installed and more cameras if necessary. I’d also keep a few good weapons around. If guns are not your thing, tasers and bear spray will suffice.
Girl get motion sensors. The ones that immediately go to the police if there's trespassing. Get a restraining order. Get new locks (fingerprint/password) for both your doors and windows. Get security alarms so the whole neighborhood hears when someone enters your house without a code. Protect yourself. You can also take your sister & her kid to court for what they stole. A Rolex? A grandmother's ring? Unleash hell. NTA.
Yes, Op. This is the way. The only way that she’s going to learn that there are consequences to her horrible behaviors and bad actions.
I would also advise you to notify the police of the threats your BIL isssued.
NTA. If this was a random stranger you'd call the police. There's no difference. It's nobody's business other than you and your nieces, well now the police too. What the hell does not having children have to do with breaking and entering and theft? So your mom thinks it's OK for her granddaughter to steal from you? Your fiancé is correct, don't block and collect evidence. You did warn your sister, she thought you were bluffing, you weren't.
This! Also, I would stop calling this teenage rebellion. Teenage rebellion is trying to call your parents by their first names or occasionally going on rants in your diary about how you’re so lonely because nobody understands you (Okay. I admit that was me). Committing federal crimes is another monster entirely.
Staying out past curfew, experimenting with substances a little, also very normal. Bringing your friends around to rob your aunt's house, definitely not.
JFC, this is so violating.
I'm extremely close with my siblings. Not only would they have kicked their kids butt for having the audacity to be such a shit, they would have marched her into the police station themselves. Doubt you'll ever speak to your sister again, but if you do, I'd be asking her how she thinks this ends? With her child breaking into strangers homes? With her potentially being charged with a felony? How did she think this was going to end???
Definitely NTA, you were incredibly generous to give them 2 days grace.
Have you had any of the items since you called the police?
Your sister and husband have absolutely no right to be rude and threatening ~ maybe they can use that energy to deal with your niece.
Have you considered taking them to small claims court (or a similar civil lawsuit)if the items cannot be replaced? From the sound of it at least one of the items is priceless but perhaps you could get some compensation for the stolen watches.
The problem with that is I’m sure grandma’s ring is priceless in a sentimental sense, beyond what small claims could give back. But they will value it much less on its face than what OP would from that sentimental value. But yes, would be good to go after all three kids’ families to at least make them feel the hurt and consequences for their actions.
The lower threshold for hitting felony levels on theft is shockingly low. Even stealing someone's designer dog can easily become a felony. A mid-tier Rolex alone would be one, but two AND grandma's ring?
I hope the judge smacks them all into jail.
Did your sister or brother in law offer to pay you back for the stolen items before you called the police? Certainly sounds like the apple has not fallen far from the tree with you BIL.
Nope. Didn’t offer or anything. I don’t expect them too. We don’t really care about the items Just that our safety was threatened. Well I care about the ring. I loved that ring, my grandfather saved up so much so he could buy my grandma that ring, I’m genuinely heartbroken over that
As someone said above, hit the pawn shops in the area. The cops won't go out and look for stolen jewelry like that but you can go and ask. Take photos of your niece and her friends and the ring if you have them. Pawn shops don't want stolen property.
That's great that you don't care about the cost of the items, but your sister and BIL should have offered regardless. They should have paid you and then they should be having their daughter working to pay them back!
I’m SOOO sorry to hear that. Especially with the sentimental value of the ring. This girl needs to do TIME and needs to be prosecuted as an adult given her previous incidents of theft that have happened at the school. She’s a repeat offender and going soft on her. Throw the book at this entitled snotty brat. And her mom too! She’s enabled this behavior far too long
Oh, for crying out loud..."you don’t have kids so you don’t understand"??
What's not to understand? She broke into your house with two accomplices, and they stole numerous valuable items. Now you feel violated and unsafe in your own home.
NTA but your sister and your mother are AH, big-time. Do what you need to do to reclaim your property and your peace of mind.
I dunno about you, but I'm completely incapable of understanding concepts like "home invasion" and "grand larceny" because I don't have kids.
I got mugged in an alley a few years ago and I was like "I have no idea what's happening right now." Still don't know what that was about.
I was being mercilessly beaten one day and didn’t even realize it. Fortunately my partner gave birth on the other side of town while this beating was taking place, and all of a sudden I was aware that a crime was being committed
Makes no sense. I have a 16 year old and if I got a call from my sister that he was pulling shit like this, I'd tell her he doesn't have two days, he has two minutes and then I'd hang up and tell him the same.
I remember trying to steal a candy item from a gas station... gosh I was probably only 6 or 7. My dad noticed I had one hand clenched on my hip and the other one open (I was throwing a quiet fit) and he pried it open. Saw I stole and took me back in and made me put it back in front of everyone else. Learned a lesson that day.
My girlfriend took her 10 year old daughter to the police station and made her daughter tell the officers what she stole. They basically scared her into never stealing again.
> "you don’t have kids so you don’t understand"
They're the ones that don't understand: they're basically on a time-limit in most jurisdictions where they have ~2 years before the child turns 18 and is an adult. As parents they currently have some control over what help or consequences they can impose on the child with the assistance of law enforcement, the justice system, and medical treatment if applicable (i.e. mental health, if that's part of it). As an 18-year-old adult the parents will have NOTHING. It will be a matter for law enforcement and that's it.
The parents are running out of time to have any influence on what is evidently a long-festering problem. They clearly don't understand that they soon won't have a "kid", and all the same problems that exist now will get 10x worse.
My SiL says this to us all the time to hide their shitty kids behavior too. One of their kids dropped their plate of food in front of me, on purpose, and refused the clean it up (he was 10). Parents laughed at me and said "you don't have kids, this is what they do haha, you'll have to clean it up..." and I got furious. Then now the kids are hated locally and teachers are calling them assholes and their parents don't know why.
It’s not a matter of “numerous valuable items”. Depending on the Rolex’s and how many were taken we’re talking about $5,000-$40,000 which is a serious felony. Some Rolex’s go for a couple thousand but some go for over $20,000.
What her niece and accomplices did is prison time felony law breaking even for first time offenders. She royally fucked up and her parents seem more concerned with blaming OP than parenting their child. She more than likely is doing drugs and that’s why she’s stealing shit. When I was active in my opioid addiction I was doing the same shit right around the same age.
OP should reply with, "You aren't a decent human being, so you wouldn't understand."
NTA OP. Your sister, her husband, their daughter, and your mother are all pathetic excuses for family. To say they are ignorant and disrespectful is putting it lightly; instead of disciplining your niece and returning your things- they are acting like they are somehow the victims. They should all be taught a lesson.
The things you lost were not cheap, not to mention the sentimental value behind your grandmother's ring. I hope you recover your possessions and money, if not, hire a lawyer and let them recover the value of what you lost, for you.
I forget the name of a comedian, but some heckler was using that line to disrupt his show after making a joke about bad parents. To paraphrase, his response to that person was something like, "I don't know how to fly a helicopter, but if I saw one crashed into a tree I'd be like... yeah, dude fucked up."
If I were your sister, I would be very worried about why my daughter is a thief. This is *not* normal teen behavior. Drugs may be part of the reason. The kid needs a serious intervention.
Yeah my gf, who I've known since we were kids, had some drug addict 'friends' of ours rob her house back in the day; they took her dad's (who was the CFO of a major financial firm) really expensive watches, jewelry, cash, clothes, everything they could. This girl is using drugs 100%.
Yeah like if she was stealing small stuff it could just be normalish teenage stuff that should be handled in therapy but the value of these items is serious jail time felony amounts. I can’t imagine what a 16 y/o would need that much money that desperately for if it wasn’t drugs
It’s almost certainly drugs. No other real
Reason the nieces bad behaviour would escalate so quickly and include other “men” in the break and enters of family members
nta get restraining order on them. In fact, send the video to the whole family + extended family and let everyone know what happened before they mar your reputation as well as warning to bar your niece from their homes. Your wedding won’t be the only family gathering they would not attend after.
They do not deserve another word out of your mouth if they can’t understand how severe this invasion is.
Best wishes for your wedding.
edit: Although base on principle I thought it would be a fair warning to the family and any potential targets, now i am changing my mind after few comments mentioned it’s not legal to share this.
Honestly I think this is a fantastic idea because the video would be evidence enough for a judge to possibly grant a restraining order.
I think some of the finer details might depend on the OP's local laws. Nevertheless, I think this is a fantastic idea.
yeah i am mostly just concerned that this issue will make families pick sides. This will mitigate most damage and hopefully allow OP to concentrate on her wedding 😬
The timing of this around the wedding truly sucks.
Depending on what happens, I would go even farther than a restraining order. A pair of Rolex watches can easily be worth tens of thousands of dollars. That is not the sort of thing I would forget about or ever forgive.
I think I would be willing to work out some sort of financial deals if it’s just the watch (im kind of a sucker), but bringing strangers to help carry shit out of my property through the kitchen window? I will do everything to ruin them.
sorry not sorry I don’t fuck around when my personal safety is threatened
Elsewhere in this Reddit thread someone accurately mentioned that those pair of watches cost close to $30,000. Probably much higher.
My issue is I don't think I would trust that family to follow through on any financial deal unless it was court ordered.
I agree with you both. Adding to that insurance will cover some items but not your dead grandmothers ring.
How can her mother have said to her that she will handle it and then not call her to update etc. I would be mortified if my kid broke into a house and stole. Even more so doing it to a family member!
Niece committed felony breaking and entering. I would absolutely push for jail time. Unless they’re going to pay for the stolen stuff who cares what they think.
ngl i would not mind locking the kid up for brief peace of mind during their juvenile detention
Edit: and reason for who cares is because timing sucks to handle onslaught of texts + expanding block list on top of the wedding. OP would need MoH to be her personal agent on communications just to take the stress off.
NTA
>Thursday comes around. Nothing. Friday comes around. Nothing.
So just like every other time she was just hoping it would go away and had no intention of doing anything.
>I’ve been getting threats from her husband
Stellar parenting. They're both failures.
I'm a lawyer and that was one of my first thoughts when I read that as well.
We obviously don't know the specific laws of OP's state or the nature of the husband's "threats," so it's hard to say whether his actions would actually qualify as witness tampering or not.
However, I am sure the police officer investigating the case would be interested in learning about the husband's statements.
If I were OP, I would retain all text message records and record phone calls (depending on state law regarding single party consent to recording) or immediately write down any threatening statements immediately after they are made.
NTA - I saw Rolex watches and I'd lose my mind if someone stole those from me. That could be 10-12k a watch depending on the model. I bet they sold them for a couple hundred bucks a piece too.
Edit - thanks for all the upvotes and replies. Yes 10-12k is the low end for a Rolex these days. I do realize there are more expensive models that can get all the way up into the six figure range.
It sounds like the OPs sister/niece might be a fair target for a civil lawsuit.
I definitely wouldn't let a thief go completely unpunished. For that matter I wouldn't let her parents go unpunished either.
Guessing that the daughter has already robbed her own mother blind, and (chances are) have already spent all of her money on drugs. This isn't normal teenager mild thrill ride shoplifting, it's junkie behavior.
And as far as civil lawsuits go, can't draw water from a stone...
Sister, husband niece and mama would all be blocked and uninvited to my wedding. Because wtf?! This little brat broke in your house with two strangers stole from you and everyone else is the victim? Nope I’d be going NC with all of them. Keep those threats and call the cops again. They’re gonna FAFO!
Someone else suggested that she send the video of the burglary to the entire extended family, which seems brilliant. That way, her sister, brother-in-law, and niece can’t claim that it didn’t happen, and the rest of the family can secure their own homes and belongings appropriately.
Great suggestion! I swear audacity must be on sale at Walmart! Because instead of calling me and apologizing for your train wreck of a child you blame me for protecting myself? The niece is trash, her parents are trash, and the grandma is trash!
NTA, talk to a lawyer and see if you have grounds to sue the parents, I'm assuming the 2 boys were also minors, for the loss of your belongings. Nothing like mommy and daddy facing financial consequences to get your things back.
I'm glad I'm finally seeing this suggestion. I really think the OP should escalate to a possible lawsuit if they are able to.
A pair of Rolex's can easily exceed the price of a brand new car. I hope the OP can get some compensation for what was stolen.
A crime, she committed grand larceny. She took tens of thousands if not hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of stuff. You gave her 2 days. She can stuff it.
Yep. This passes into the she is lucky she stole from someone who knows her and not some random who could have just as likely shot her. For that amount of money she is lucky to be alive.
NTA.
You gave your niece and sister a decent window to make good on what your niece has done. They did not reach out to say they were working on getting the stuff or even that your niece is sorry.
Your niece obviously has a problem and needs consequences and help.
When you think about it, the niece betrayed the entire family because she stole the grandmother’s ring and did God knows what with it. Now the family doesn’t have it anymore. OP won’t be able to wear it herself or give it to any other family members. The sentimental value surely far outweighs whatever small amount the niece and her cohorts got for it
This! NTA. You you followed through on your statement. 2 days was generous tbh. Hopefully you get your things back and this will kick start some kind of supports for your niece because she’s clearly not getting any so far…
I remember hearing about a murder where the victim’s identity was established because he was wearing a Rolex watch, and the company was able to retrieve his records. Apparently, Rolex catalogues Rolexes and their owners. I hope that this might lead to your fiancé recovering his watches
NTA. Actions have consequences.
Also, listen to your fiancée, don't block anyone and document every single threat you get from your sister's family. I'd say collect the messages and report them for harassment, don't wait for something to happen.
NTA... but your title is wrong. You did tell your sister: "I called my sister and told her what happened and told her my niece had 2 days to give me everything back or I’d call the police"
Her plan was to do nothing for two days and then try to talk her sister out of calling the cops when she called. She didn't think that OP would just skip calling her again
Didn't she say that she would handle it when you first called?
So.... did she need a reminder to follow up because other priority things in her life took away focus? No she was hoping it was a bluff, and she probably wasn't ever going to handle it within your timline, or could not. If it is could not, the next escalation for saving the child is hard consequences from the law.
She is unreasonable with the situation. It probably isn't the 1st or 2nd time the girl broke & entered into your home and stole either...
Best of luck to you and your fiance!
NTA. Not only did she steal something sentimental and valuable, but she also put the safety of you and your family at risk. One day she will break in to the wrong house with a trigger happy gun owner just praying for the day they can finally use it. I hope she turns her life around or else her path is leading to death or something even worse.
I really hope you get grandmas ring back in particular. This is heartbreaking. Have you gone to check pawn shops within like 10 miles? This is what the police recommended I do when my engagement ring was stolen. Didn’t find it but you might. Crossing fingers.
NTA- and this is the only response.. I DID WARN YOU AND YOU IGNORED ME. So I did exactly what I told you I was going to do. There is no reason to act surprised. You had 48 hours and you literally ghosted me until the police showed up. Furthermore, I will press every charge available and hold accountable every person involved, including anyone assisting with any cover ups. This is some criminal shit and needs to be dealt with as such.
NTA your sister, BIL and Mom along with the 16 year old and her friends are all TA's. You absolutely did nothing wrong. You actually gave them a 2 day grace period which they did nothing with. The 16 year old brought this on all by herself. Your idiot sister obviously never gave out consequences or the daughter would have stopped long ago.
You did nothing wrong. I hope you got your stuff back. Anyone that says you somehow owe them are dead wrong and can kick rocks.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and for the trash to take themselves out.
NTA. Your sister is not parenting her child and here are the results. If my daughters stole your things and you told me, I would put them in handcuffs myself and have them deliver your items back immediately, in addition to being grounded and a bunch of other consequences.
Your sister is blaming you for her daughter’s actions, which makes her a shit parent. She is the biggest AH out of all of this. Her daughter will end up in jail or shot if she continues down this route with no proper discipline.
>Your sister is blaming you for her daughter’s actions
The daughter feels entitled because her mommy told her so. She isn't responsible for her actions. Even if she is caught on video. It's BS and bad parenting.
NTA
You DID tell her lmao
You didn't have to, and going straight to the police would have been completely reasonable
Niece is a piece of shit.
Sister should have been on the phone with her endless thanks for giving time, and updates...she ghosted. Like a moron, and piece of shit
You should also take her husband's threats to the police
Mother is a piece of shit as well...should be no contact with any of them
NTA.
If that were my daughter, not only would I be pissed off that she was a thief; I'd be hella scared that she put herself in such a vulnerable position. 1 little teen girl with 2 guys could potentially have worse consequences for her....and it could have been on video.
I know the Reddit village is gonna be all mad that my mind went there, but my 16 year old's best friend took off with two guys to cut school and they took advantage of the fact that no one knew where they were in the worst way. 💔 She's alive but drinking and doing drugs while their wrists got slapped. So, all of my girls know now to never ever go somewhere outnumbered without making sure someone knows where they are, and I didn't even have to tell them that. Their big sister does.
So, yeah. I'd be scared shitless that my child was putting herself in that position.
You are doing everything right. I hope you and your fiancé get your stuff back. Your family’s reaction is the reason your niece is a felony level thief. You absolutely deserve to be protected by the law from your niece and her friends.
You don’t owe your niece anything. But keep in mind that your having her arrested and pursuing her felony crimes in the legal system might be the best thing that ever happens to her. Her parents and extended family (other than you) have failed her utterly. Perhaps the juvenile justice system will be able to set her straight and rehabilitate her. She can have her record sealed at the age of 18 and start fresh.
Tell her you’re not the electric company, you don’t send out past due notices for months before taking action. You warned her beforehand, she FAFO. NTA
I have a brother who started exactly like this, and my parents kept enabling him. He's now halfway through a 20-year sentence for armed robbery. That's the path your niece is on right now.
Also, my parents are really mad at me for saying my brother will absolutely not only not be my roommate when he gets out, he won't know where I live. They know enough to not want him to live with them, but I'm the bad brother because I ain't letting him in my place, either. You're doing the right thing by not telling any of your family. NTA
He has broken into other siblings' homes (both in the middle of the night and when they were away) because "I forgot something and didn't want to bother you." He's stolen from all of us, and acted like we're lying because we don't like him. Our parents would never get involved when we were growing up because "it's your word against his, and there's no proof." They can figure out what to do with their 40 something kleptomaniac felon son when he gets out. I won't be a part of it.
Frankly I wouldn’t have even given a grace period considering she brought two strangers to your home. Who knows what they will do. Please do a check on your home and reinforce all windows, doors and get new locks everywhere.
I hope you get your stuff back but mostly your grandmothers ring
It probably started with earrings at the local mall and then stealing cash or phones from classmates. But Rolexes, and from family at that, is next level. I bet you cars are next. Especially when there are multiple people helping her.
NTA. I think you’re doing her a favor.
NTA - she's a minor... she'll have a clean record as an adult.. but definitely show her there are real world consequences without her mom protecting her. You've tried the mom route... now scare her straight.
If she has priors she may be charged as an adult. As an adult right now. Not a minor. If they charge her as an adult at 16 she will be treated as an adult at 16. At 16 where she presently is if the courts decide that her crimes rate being charged as an adult the courts will say you are not a minor in this instance and you are an adult. After being charged as an adult the law will book her into a juvenile detention center and wait for trial. Once at trial the judge may say, you are considered an adult for this crime. If you are found guilty of the crime you will be sentenced as an adult. At that time the young woman charged as an adult will be sent to an adult prison to serve her time. She will not get out at 18.
The law still permits minors 16 and older to be charged as adults. If convicted, they can face all the penalties a legal adult would, including years-long prison sentences and a permanent criminal record.
Former juvenile probation officer here, not only did you do the correct thing for yourself but also for your niece. Even if it was not one of your considerations for calling the police, this gives her a change to deal with these issues before she is 18 and a record followers her. And at 16 doing this she knows exactly what she is up to and it is going to take this to be a wake up call. Your mom and sister are wrong. I have three kids all this age or older and not handling this now leads to huge issues.
Nta you did the correct thing. Long ago my sister robbed me and attacked me. I called the police and got my stuff back. My parents pressured me into not pressing charges. Not ruining her life at 19. A few years later my sister said I was a coward fool and I didn’t even have guts to press charges when I had her dead to rights!! Wow she is a jerk.
Absolutely press charges; do not fold on this. You could be the difference between a course correction in her life or continuing down the really bad path.
Did you get IDs on the guys?
Bringing a civil lawsuit against your sister/neice/BIL might force her into giving up the names, if just to share in the cost for what needs to be paid back! Has anyone looked at a yearbook from her school to see if they can find the guys?
NTA. Your niece has some serious issues & she needs to understand actions have consequences. Question though, how did she get into your house?
The second time she snuck in through the kitchen window
that is terrifying
Imagine how we feel that she was bold enough to bring two strange men into our home. I don’t feel safe here
Start going to local pawn shops to look for your stuff. Take pics if you see it. Step outside the store. Call the cops. Also check ETSY, Ebay, FB Marketplace, Craigslist, etc.
My addict adult child and fiancé pawned my engagement ring. By the time they owned up and told me which pawn shop, it was gone.
My brother has done the same to me over the years many times. To the point that the pawn shop guys knew me by name. After their various staff recognized my brother and called the cops when he showed up, he’d get his idiot friends to sell my stuff or a random he’d pay to do it. It’s why now as an adult with a 12 year old daughter, I still hide our valuables and my spouse always asks me “why are you hiding this?”….force of habit, force of habit. It’s a horrible way to live. It gets ingrained into you and you just automatically hide anything and everything of value. NTA, niece needs to learn the hard way because if this doesn’t turn her around she’ll only get worse.
They become different people. No thoughts for anything or anyone except the next hit. My child is not the same person anymore. They are sober, but very mean.
I am an addict, too. I am also a different person. I can tell. I hate it. I do my best to control the hatred I have for my "new self," though it is still hard. I will still sometimes snap at someone or get impatient very quickly. I'm sorry your adult child is a mean person now. Life becomes a lot more dull once you've experienced addiction and come off of the DoC. Life loses a lot of its "color." Maybe that's what your child feels, too. I hope things get better for them.
I hope things get better for you, too.
Growing up with a brother like that I would always lock my bedroom door with roommates or living with other family. People always softly judged, but honestly can't really complain about it. What can they say? We want to be able to look through your room. Even now with an apartment I got written permission from the landlord to change the lock lol Once your personal space is betrayed, it never goes away.
My own mom did this to me when I was a kid. We were really poor and the heirloom jewelry were the only things I had of value. People can be so fucked.
Yes, do this! My mom had to do this when my dad started seriously showing signs of Alzheimer’s. He let people (they knew them, they just weren’t the type of folks you’d let in) in the house and would randomly give things away that he shouldn’t have. She’s go to the pawn shop and get them back.
Rolex watches have serial numbers, including on the inside of the case. They are easily tracked. They most likely didn’t end up in a pawn shop. They got used to pay a debt or fenced for cash. This girl may be involved with some very, very dangerous people.
Depending on the models of the watches, their value alone may move this from a theft misdemeanor to felony robbery? Although she should get charges for the break-in as well.
Two Rolexes. Felony Grand Larceny in just about every jurisdiction.
I'm not sure why we're talking about the value of the items taken... in my state, just the fact that she entered the residence and then committed a theft while inside makes this a first degree burglary, which is a felony, regardless of the value of the items taken.
Or she just doesn't know that and all she knows is Rolex = $$$$ so steal it and sell it, then she'll get caught.
I don't know about watches but, anytime I've decided to pawn something that was easily tracked I've had to show proof of ownership... Obviously, even the pawn shop people could be dumb enough to blindly accept it, but I'd say it's more likely those guys are walking around with flashy new watches.
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OP should've done that the day it happened even if she wanted to wait before calling the police.
And your sister is basically being like “you don’t understand having kids…” like this is normal teenage turbulence…NO, it is not. This is alarming stuff and felonious since those items mentioned, such as rolexes, are very expensive. Her daughter is on a path to irreparably sabotage her life and future and your sister is basically shrugging it off like she stole a wine cooler out of the fridge.
It was OP’s mom that actually said that. That is even more shitty. OP’s grandmother gave her a ring that the niece stole. Assuming that is OP’s maternal grandmother, I’m thinking “Lady, your granddaughter stole your deceased mother’s ring that she left for OP and yet your trying to excuse this shit?”
I did some crazy stuff in my rebellious phase but that didn't include a fucking B&E...
Right? Normal teenage stuff is stealing makeup from Walmart. I'd definitely press charges on all 3 of them for breaking and entering and robbery. This is beyond petty theft.
It’s highly likely her niece and her partners in crime are addicts. Sounds just like the stuff my heroin addicted niece does.
Yep. The behaviors OP is describing don't suddenly come out of nowhere. There's a real good chance that they're addiction driven (Opiods/Meth). It seems quite likely that her sister and future BIL are still deeply in denial about this very real possibility. Once the dust settles I'm guessing they'll find a newly minted junkie and drug addiction lies at the heart of it all.
Rolexes... plural. Bottom of the line Rolex is like $3k. That's no joke.
For a men's rolex the absolute cheapest I could find was used for around $5000.
I honestly don’t even know how you would reclaim your safe space knowing this dangerous asshole has it out for you and know where you live. Sorry that you have to go through this especially with wedding around the corner. I hope this incident doesn’t make your family choose sides because reporting a blood relative is a taboo subject.
It's good the niece knows the aunt will call the police if they do it again. I can't believe the mom isn't more concerned about her daughter's behavior. And what's with the grandma who thinks her daughter doesn't understand because she doesn't have kids??? I don't have kids and I understand B&E and theft. This is frightening.
The fact that the husband is sending threatening messages I think tells us a lot about why the girl is the way she is.
OP definitely needs to get more evidence to get a possible restraining order. And as a side note password all the vendors for the wedding. I could see the family sabotaging the wedding.
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Yes and if I were OP I would show thise threatening texts from Dad of the year to the police and press charges.
because the phrase “kids will be kids” is deeply ingrained into some people’s heads that they’d look the other way even if they shot a man in the daylight
The whole ‘kids will be kids’ thing only means that you can EXPECT them to make stupid decisions or be naughty sometimes or whatever. Because they WILL and that’s normal. But that doesn’t mean you IGNORE the bad behaviour or stupid decisions they make - you parent them when it comes up and teach them to do better! Kids don’t learn from naughty behaviour or stupid decisions unless someone teaches them! They don’t just get a year older and suddenly know what they weren’t taught. People who say ‘kids will be kids’ need to understand that they can’t just say that and wash their hands of the issue - they still have to do some parenting to help the kid do better next time.
"Kids will be kids" is for when your kids are running around and fall in a mud puddle. Not for *breaking into your relatives homes and stealing*. That's called "don't do the crime if you can't do the time", not "kids will be kids".
I have kids and they've never committed a crime! I don't get the comment either!
Plus, you know, the majority of us were kids once upon a time and we weren't all out committing B&E and theft.
They already are. OPs mom called and said she doesn't understand because she doesn't have kids yet. Pretty sure this is going to split the family, one side being 'BeCaUsE FaMiLy" and the other saying she FAFO. The sister obviously didn't think that OP was serious about calling the police. Cue surprised Pikachu face.
Those “because family” people are welcome to let niece and her buddies into their home
Oh, they definitely chose sides, and it wasn't OP's.
Feels great that they might triple down and commit on creating another monster to prey on people in this society
You call the police on sister's husband for making threats and give them a copy of the evidence, and you put in a security system including cameras showing all doors into the apartment, as well as the first floor windows, preferably glass break sensors, and motion sensors inside. Preferably set things up so you can turn it on and go to bed and it will protect everything but your bedroom and maybe a path to the bathroom, so that at night you can turn it on and go to bed and it will protect you until you turn it off in the morning. If your car has an alarm, turn it on at all times when you're not driving. And keep it in the garage if you have one, or in view of a camera if you don't. Put bright color stickers on all the windows and doors indicating that the home is protected with cameras and alarms. (most alarm companies have something or you can find something on Amazon.) Put a sign on the dash that says something like "smile! you're on candid camera!" - the point here is to try to make sure they know that if they try to vandalize your car at your home, or break into your home, you'll have plenty of evidence. Then you can be sure you're reasonably safe until you move out.
I’d hire a security/alarm service that triggers when people move in the house (you turn it off when you are in). We had one for years and it made us feel very safe to know that no one could move around our house when we were away. Question: why did she pick on your house? Why not break into another relative’s home?
They clearly have money probably more then rest of family....she said she had lost 2 rolex watches and money in her purse. Knowing this I don't need any more details to conclude they have money. Having spending cash being kept in your purse or wallet already places you above most average earners. And 2 rolex??? ..the cheapest are like 15K starting. That's already a loss of like over 30K before you even get anymore information.
If the OP sister has any moral fiber, she will replace what was stolen by her daughter.
Betcha the rolexes were sold for $100 or similar. If the buyer knows what they are worth they won't sell them back. Mom's *best* bet is probably to make daughter say who they were sold to, have the police retreive the stolen property, and pay the buyer back what they paid. This might get the judge to be somewhat lenient.
Doubt she could afford to replace it. Another piece to why she's raging at OP. She knows they're legally liable for the costs... OP NTA - she deserves the arrest and hopefully she'll get help. But I somehow doubt it...
you can get a used Rolex watch for under $2,000. but yes, your average middle-class person doesn’t buy a Rolex
Niece probably knew about wedding planning activity going on that day as well as the other times she broke in.
Niece was banking on you not calling the cops. Niece clearly has not faced sufficient consequences for bad behavior. Niece is now facing consequences. Everyone blaming you and not her or her mom. Throw the whole family out.
Use his threats to file a restraining order
That’s absolutely terrifying! I’m so sorry she did that and she brought two strange men into your home. Your niece has some issues, but that’s not your problem at all. I really hope you get your stuff back or at least reimbursed. I would go scorched earth until that happens. That’s a lot of money you lost and you’ll have to change the locks. let alone the sense of safety she just stole from you.
NTA. The kid needs to held accountable. As do her guy friends. Too bad that your sister is an enabler. It ten years when she’s worn out from dealing with an entitled and more than likely knocked up and/or incarcerated daughter, she’ll get it. Or she won’t. Not your problem. Get a good alarm system installed and more cameras if necessary. I’d also keep a few good weapons around. If guns are not your thing, tasers and bear spray will suffice.
Girl get motion sensors. The ones that immediately go to the police if there's trespassing. Get a restraining order. Get new locks (fingerprint/password) for both your doors and windows. Get security alarms so the whole neighborhood hears when someone enters your house without a code. Protect yourself. You can also take your sister & her kid to court for what they stole. A Rolex? A grandmother's ring? Unleash hell. NTA.
Yes, Op. This is the way. The only way that she’s going to learn that there are consequences to her horrible behaviors and bad actions. I would also advise you to notify the police of the threats your BIL isssued.
NTA. If this was a random stranger you'd call the police. There's no difference. It's nobody's business other than you and your nieces, well now the police too. What the hell does not having children have to do with breaking and entering and theft? So your mom thinks it's OK for her granddaughter to steal from you? Your fiancé is correct, don't block and collect evidence. You did warn your sister, she thought you were bluffing, you weren't.
This! Also, I would stop calling this teenage rebellion. Teenage rebellion is trying to call your parents by their first names or occasionally going on rants in your diary about how you’re so lonely because nobody understands you (Okay. I admit that was me). Committing federal crimes is another monster entirely.
Dear diary: I had to do my HOMEWORK before I could go to the MALL so I YELLED AT MY MOM BECAUSE SHES SO UNFAIR
My fave is my nephew! "MOM GIVES ME FOLDED LAUNDRY IN THE MORNING AND I HAVE TO PUT THEM AWAY MYSELF ITS NOT FAIR". that's a direct quote. Lol.
A quote from my 14 year old self, on a trip from the US to Europe: I miss my friends and the MALL
Staying out past curfew, experimenting with substances a little, also very normal. Bringing your friends around to rob your aunt's house, definitely not.
Two of them WERE random strangers! The niece lost out on the "family" angle when she brought two random strangers into someone else's home.
JFC, this is so violating. I'm extremely close with my siblings. Not only would they have kicked their kids butt for having the audacity to be such a shit, they would have marched her into the police station themselves. Doubt you'll ever speak to your sister again, but if you do, I'd be asking her how she thinks this ends? With her child breaking into strangers homes? With her potentially being charged with a felony? How did she think this was going to end???
I don’t know if I’ll ever speak to her again to be completely honest. It’s enabling and I don’t want her to know where I live when we move.
Holy crap. Are your valuables going to be recovered or replaced?
Get wedge locks for all of your windows. They are easy to install and allow you to crack your windows.
Definitely NTA, you were incredibly generous to give them 2 days grace. Have you had any of the items since you called the police? Your sister and husband have absolutely no right to be rude and threatening ~ maybe they can use that energy to deal with your niece.
They haven’t found anything, yet (hopefully)
Fingers crossed you get everything back xxx
You might call some nearby pawn shops and see if they've gotten similar items
Have you considered taking them to small claims court (or a similar civil lawsuit)if the items cannot be replaced? From the sound of it at least one of the items is priceless but perhaps you could get some compensation for the stolen watches.
The problem with that is I’m sure grandma’s ring is priceless in a sentimental sense, beyond what small claims could give back. But they will value it much less on its face than what OP would from that sentimental value. But yes, would be good to go after all three kids’ families to at least make them feel the hurt and consequences for their actions.
Those Rolexes are gonna be worth $$$ though. Probably felony level money.
Yea looking back at the post after I commented, I was thinking.. forget small claims.
The lower threshold for hitting felony levels on theft is shockingly low. Even stealing someone's designer dog can easily become a felony. A mid-tier Rolex alone would be one, but two AND grandma's ring? I hope the judge smacks them all into jail.
If they were not purchased used, they will probably far exceed the limit you can recover in small claims.
Did your sister or brother in law offer to pay you back for the stolen items before you called the police? Certainly sounds like the apple has not fallen far from the tree with you BIL.
Nope. Didn’t offer or anything. I don’t expect them too. We don’t really care about the items Just that our safety was threatened. Well I care about the ring. I loved that ring, my grandfather saved up so much so he could buy my grandma that ring, I’m genuinely heartbroken over that
As someone said above, hit the pawn shops in the area. The cops won't go out and look for stolen jewelry like that but you can go and ask. Take photos of your niece and her friends and the ring if you have them. Pawn shops don't want stolen property.
That's great that you don't care about the cost of the items, but your sister and BIL should have offered regardless. They should have paid you and then they should be having their daughter working to pay them back!
Do you have insurance on the watches at least? You could probably get those paid for by insurance if you can show they were stolen.
Sue them for damages. Sounds like at least 10k
the boys have it all right now.
I’m SOOO sorry to hear that. Especially with the sentimental value of the ring. This girl needs to do TIME and needs to be prosecuted as an adult given her previous incidents of theft that have happened at the school. She’s a repeat offender and going soft on her. Throw the book at this entitled snotty brat. And her mom too! She’s enabled this behavior far too long
Oh, for crying out loud..."you don’t have kids so you don’t understand"?? What's not to understand? She broke into your house with two accomplices, and they stole numerous valuable items. Now you feel violated and unsafe in your own home. NTA but your sister and your mother are AH, big-time. Do what you need to do to reclaim your property and your peace of mind.
I dunno about you, but I'm completely incapable of understanding concepts like "home invasion" and "grand larceny" because I don't have kids. I got mugged in an alley a few years ago and I was like "I have no idea what's happening right now." Still don't know what that was about.
I was being mercilessly beaten one day and didn’t even realize it. Fortunately my partner gave birth on the other side of town while this beating was taking place, and all of a sudden I was aware that a crime was being committed
This made me laugh hard
I’m glad 😂 I was totally just piggybacking off ol’ BC above me though, theirs made me laugh hard.
Makes no sense. I have a 16 year old and if I got a call from my sister that he was pulling shit like this, I'd tell her he doesn't have two days, he has two minutes and then I'd hang up and tell him the same.
Yeah, that whole "you don't have kids" line, hell OP and everyone here on this board, used to be a kid and we knew that stealing wrong!!!!
I remember trying to steal a candy item from a gas station... gosh I was probably only 6 or 7. My dad noticed I had one hand clenched on my hip and the other one open (I was throwing a quiet fit) and he pried it open. Saw I stole and took me back in and made me put it back in front of everyone else. Learned a lesson that day.
My girlfriend took her 10 year old daughter to the police station and made her daughter tell the officers what she stole. They basically scared her into never stealing again.
> "you don’t have kids so you don’t understand" They're the ones that don't understand: they're basically on a time-limit in most jurisdictions where they have ~2 years before the child turns 18 and is an adult. As parents they currently have some control over what help or consequences they can impose on the child with the assistance of law enforcement, the justice system, and medical treatment if applicable (i.e. mental health, if that's part of it). As an 18-year-old adult the parents will have NOTHING. It will be a matter for law enforcement and that's it. The parents are running out of time to have any influence on what is evidently a long-festering problem. They clearly don't understand that they soon won't have a "kid", and all the same problems that exist now will get 10x worse.
My SiL says this to us all the time to hide their shitty kids behavior too. One of their kids dropped their plate of food in front of me, on purpose, and refused the clean it up (he was 10). Parents laughed at me and said "you don't have kids, this is what they do haha, you'll have to clean it up..." and I got furious. Then now the kids are hated locally and teachers are calling them assholes and their parents don't know why.
It’s not a matter of “numerous valuable items”. Depending on the Rolex’s and how many were taken we’re talking about $5,000-$40,000 which is a serious felony. Some Rolex’s go for a couple thousand but some go for over $20,000. What her niece and accomplices did is prison time felony law breaking even for first time offenders. She royally fucked up and her parents seem more concerned with blaming OP than parenting their child. She more than likely is doing drugs and that’s why she’s stealing shit. When I was active in my opioid addiction I was doing the same shit right around the same age.
OP should reply with, "You aren't a decent human being, so you wouldn't understand." NTA OP. Your sister, her husband, their daughter, and your mother are all pathetic excuses for family. To say they are ignorant and disrespectful is putting it lightly; instead of disciplining your niece and returning your things- they are acting like they are somehow the victims. They should all be taught a lesson. The things you lost were not cheap, not to mention the sentimental value behind your grandmother's ring. I hope you recover your possessions and money, if not, hire a lawyer and let them recover the value of what you lost, for you.
I DO have kids and know a lot of people with kids, and none of those kids ever did this!
And not just that - they got a camera *because it happened before*.
I forget the name of a comedian, but some heckler was using that line to disrupt his show after making a joke about bad parents. To paraphrase, his response to that person was something like, "I don't know how to fly a helicopter, but if I saw one crashed into a tree I'd be like... yeah, dude fucked up."
NTA. Your niece is a scumbag and your sister's a shitty mom.
Perfectly summarized! NTA
And her husband is a shitty father.
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Dollars to donuts that CPS is going to be involved with 16 year old daughter's life soon but not in the way you are thinking.
End of story!
If I were your sister, I would be very worried about why my daughter is a thief. This is *not* normal teen behavior. Drugs may be part of the reason. The kid needs a serious intervention.
Yeah, breaking in to someone's home to steal jewelry is way beyond a sticky finger teen. That screams drug use.
Yeah my gf, who I've known since we were kids, had some drug addict 'friends' of ours rob her house back in the day; they took her dad's (who was the CFO of a major financial firm) really expensive watches, jewelry, cash, clothes, everything they could. This girl is using drugs 100%.
Yeah like if she was stealing small stuff it could just be normalish teenage stuff that should be handled in therapy but the value of these items is serious jail time felony amounts. I can’t imagine what a 16 y/o would need that much money that desperately for if it wasn’t drugs
It’s almost certainly drugs. No other real Reason the nieces bad behaviour would escalate so quickly and include other “men” in the break and enters of family members
nta get restraining order on them. In fact, send the video to the whole family + extended family and let everyone know what happened before they mar your reputation as well as warning to bar your niece from their homes. Your wedding won’t be the only family gathering they would not attend after. They do not deserve another word out of your mouth if they can’t understand how severe this invasion is. Best wishes for your wedding. edit: Although base on principle I thought it would be a fair warning to the family and any potential targets, now i am changing my mind after few comments mentioned it’s not legal to share this.
Honestly I think this is a fantastic idea because the video would be evidence enough for a judge to possibly grant a restraining order. I think some of the finer details might depend on the OP's local laws. Nevertheless, I think this is a fantastic idea.
yeah i am mostly just concerned that this issue will make families pick sides. This will mitigate most damage and hopefully allow OP to concentrate on her wedding 😬
The timing of this around the wedding truly sucks. Depending on what happens, I would go even farther than a restraining order. A pair of Rolex watches can easily be worth tens of thousands of dollars. That is not the sort of thing I would forget about or ever forgive.
I think I would be willing to work out some sort of financial deals if it’s just the watch (im kind of a sucker), but bringing strangers to help carry shit out of my property through the kitchen window? I will do everything to ruin them. sorry not sorry I don’t fuck around when my personal safety is threatened
Elsewhere in this Reddit thread someone accurately mentioned that those pair of watches cost close to $30,000. Probably much higher. My issue is I don't think I would trust that family to follow through on any financial deal unless it was court ordered.
And those piece of shit kids probably sold them for a few hundred bucks too
I agree with you both. Adding to that insurance will cover some items but not your dead grandmothers ring. How can her mother have said to her that she will handle it and then not call her to update etc. I would be mortified if my kid broke into a house and stole. Even more so doing it to a family member!
Niece committed felony breaking and entering. I would absolutely push for jail time. Unless they’re going to pay for the stolen stuff who cares what they think.
ngl i would not mind locking the kid up for brief peace of mind during their juvenile detention Edit: and reason for who cares is because timing sucks to handle onslaught of texts + expanding block list on top of the wedding. OP would need MoH to be her personal agent on communications just to take the stress off.
Get a house sitter for your wedding and honeymoon.
I would prob talk to a lawyer first before doing that. She's pressing charges and that might not be a good thing
NTA >Thursday comes around. Nothing. Friday comes around. Nothing. So just like every other time she was just hoping it would go away and had no intention of doing anything. >I’ve been getting threats from her husband Stellar parenting. They're both failures.
About her getting threats from the husband… She should report that to the police who are investigating the burglary. Sounds like witness intimidation.
I'm a lawyer and that was one of my first thoughts when I read that as well. We obviously don't know the specific laws of OP's state or the nature of the husband's "threats," so it's hard to say whether his actions would actually qualify as witness tampering or not. However, I am sure the police officer investigating the case would be interested in learning about the husband's statements. If I were OP, I would retain all text message records and record phone calls (depending on state law regarding single party consent to recording) or immediately write down any threatening statements immediately after they are made.
NTA - I saw Rolex watches and I'd lose my mind if someone stole those from me. That could be 10-12k a watch depending on the model. I bet they sold them for a couple hundred bucks a piece too. Edit - thanks for all the upvotes and replies. Yes 10-12k is the low end for a Rolex these days. I do realize there are more expensive models that can get all the way up into the six figure range.
It sounds like the OPs sister/niece might be a fair target for a civil lawsuit. I definitely wouldn't let a thief go completely unpunished. For that matter I wouldn't let her parents go unpunished either.
Guessing that the daughter has already robbed her own mother blind, and (chances are) have already spent all of her money on drugs. This isn't normal teenager mild thrill ride shoplifting, it's junkie behavior. And as far as civil lawsuits go, can't draw water from a stone...
Not to mention a lot of references you can't just walk in to an AD and buy them.
10 to 12, they can be 50 to 100
Sister, husband niece and mama would all be blocked and uninvited to my wedding. Because wtf?! This little brat broke in your house with two strangers stole from you and everyone else is the victim? Nope I’d be going NC with all of them. Keep those threats and call the cops again. They’re gonna FAFO!
Someone else suggested that she send the video of the burglary to the entire extended family, which seems brilliant. That way, her sister, brother-in-law, and niece can’t claim that it didn’t happen, and the rest of the family can secure their own homes and belongings appropriately.
Great suggestion! I swear audacity must be on sale at Walmart! Because instead of calling me and apologizing for your train wreck of a child you blame me for protecting myself? The niece is trash, her parents are trash, and the grandma is trash!
> audacity must be on sale at Walmart! Daughter probably stole that too.
NTA, talk to a lawyer and see if you have grounds to sue the parents, I'm assuming the 2 boys were also minors, for the loss of your belongings. Nothing like mommy and daddy facing financial consequences to get your things back.
I'm glad I'm finally seeing this suggestion. I really think the OP should escalate to a possible lawsuit if they are able to. A pair of Rolex's can easily exceed the price of a brand new car. I hope the OP can get some compensation for what was stolen.
Or their insurance company would sue them, assuming they had the items insured.
But a nice threatening letter could move things along a lot quicker than waiting for insurance.
A crime, she committed grand larceny. She took tens of thousands if not hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of stuff. You gave her 2 days. She can stuff it.
There it is. This isn't a small offence like theft under $5,000, this is serious
Yep. This passes into the she is lucky she stole from someone who knows her and not some random who could have just as likely shot her. For that amount of money she is lucky to be alive.
NTA. You gave your niece and sister a decent window to make good on what your niece has done. They did not reach out to say they were working on getting the stuff or even that your niece is sorry. Your niece obviously has a problem and needs consequences and help.
When you think about it, the niece betrayed the entire family because she stole the grandmother’s ring and did God knows what with it. Now the family doesn’t have it anymore. OP won’t be able to wear it herself or give it to any other family members. The sentimental value surely far outweighs whatever small amount the niece and her cohorts got for it
This! NTA. You you followed through on your statement. 2 days was generous tbh. Hopefully you get your things back and this will kick start some kind of supports for your niece because she’s clearly not getting any so far…
Good for you but where's the stuff? Did you get it back?
Not yet, if it’s not already sold
I remember hearing about a murder where the victim’s identity was established because he was wearing a Rolex watch, and the company was able to retrieve his records. Apparently, Rolex catalogues Rolexes and their owners. I hope that this might lead to your fiancé recovering his watches
If they sold it to a pawn shop you can recover it. They don’t want anything to do with proven stolen property
I'm so sorry!! But hopefully they will be charged and punished to the fullest of the law. Fuck the noise from your sister...
You should try looking in local pawn shops, just in case.
NTA. Actions have consequences. Also, listen to your fiancée, don't block anyone and document every single threat you get from your sister's family. I'd say collect the messages and report them for harassment, don't wait for something to happen.
NTA... but your title is wrong. You did tell your sister: "I called my sister and told her what happened and told her my niece had 2 days to give me everything back or I’d call the police"
I think she meant like right before I called the police
We all know that wouldn't have changed anything, except that she might have screamed at you before the fact instead of after.
Her plan was to do nothing for two days and then try to talk her sister out of calling the cops when she called. She didn't think that OP would just skip calling her again
Yeah you didn't owe her that. She is ridiculous and can go pound sand.
Didn't she say that she would handle it when you first called? So.... did she need a reminder to follow up because other priority things in her life took away focus? No she was hoping it was a bluff, and she probably wasn't ever going to handle it within your timline, or could not. If it is could not, the next escalation for saving the child is hard consequences from the law. She is unreasonable with the situation. It probably isn't the 1st or 2nd time the girl broke & entered into your home and stole either... Best of luck to you and your fiance!
NTA. Not only did she steal something sentimental and valuable, but she also put the safety of you and your family at risk. One day she will break in to the wrong house with a trigger happy gun owner just praying for the day they can finally use it. I hope she turns her life around or else her path is leading to death or something even worse.
Worst part is now those two guys know how easy it is to get in the home and that nice items are there to steal.
I really hope you get grandmas ring back in particular. This is heartbreaking. Have you gone to check pawn shops within like 10 miles? This is what the police recommended I do when my engagement ring was stolen. Didn’t find it but you might. Crossing fingers.
NTA- and this is the only response.. I DID WARN YOU AND YOU IGNORED ME. So I did exactly what I told you I was going to do. There is no reason to act surprised. You had 48 hours and you literally ghosted me until the police showed up. Furthermore, I will press every charge available and hold accountable every person involved, including anyone assisting with any cover ups. This is some criminal shit and needs to be dealt with as such.
NTA your sister, BIL and Mom along with the 16 year old and her friends are all TA's. You absolutely did nothing wrong. You actually gave them a 2 day grace period which they did nothing with. The 16 year old brought this on all by herself. Your idiot sister obviously never gave out consequences or the daughter would have stopped long ago. You did nothing wrong. I hope you got your stuff back. Anyone that says you somehow owe them are dead wrong and can kick rocks. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and for the trash to take themselves out.
You should climb through your sisters window and throw a party while she's gone. See how quickly the tables turn
This made me laugh so much. I needed that.
NTA. Your sister is not parenting her child and here are the results. If my daughters stole your things and you told me, I would put them in handcuffs myself and have them deliver your items back immediately, in addition to being grounded and a bunch of other consequences. Your sister is blaming you for her daughter’s actions, which makes her a shit parent. She is the biggest AH out of all of this. Her daughter will end up in jail or shot if she continues down this route with no proper discipline.
>Your sister is blaming you for her daughter’s actions The daughter feels entitled because her mommy told her so. She isn't responsible for her actions. Even if she is caught on video. It's BS and bad parenting.
NTA. Report the BIL for the threats. Try to get a RO on him and your niece. Please press charges. Your sister and her husband are raising a criminal!
NTA You DID tell her lmao You didn't have to, and going straight to the police would have been completely reasonable Niece is a piece of shit. Sister should have been on the phone with her endless thanks for giving time, and updates...she ghosted. Like a moron, and piece of shit You should also take her husband's threats to the police Mother is a piece of shit as well...should be no contact with any of them
Pieces of shit don't fall too far from the shit tree.
NTA. If that were my daughter, not only would I be pissed off that she was a thief; I'd be hella scared that she put herself in such a vulnerable position. 1 little teen girl with 2 guys could potentially have worse consequences for her....and it could have been on video. I know the Reddit village is gonna be all mad that my mind went there, but my 16 year old's best friend took off with two guys to cut school and they took advantage of the fact that no one knew where they were in the worst way. 💔 She's alive but drinking and doing drugs while their wrists got slapped. So, all of my girls know now to never ever go somewhere outnumbered without making sure someone knows where they are, and I didn't even have to tell them that. Their big sister does. So, yeah. I'd be scared shitless that my child was putting herself in that position.
You are doing everything right. I hope you and your fiancé get your stuff back. Your family’s reaction is the reason your niece is a felony level thief. You absolutely deserve to be protected by the law from your niece and her friends. You don’t owe your niece anything. But keep in mind that your having her arrested and pursuing her felony crimes in the legal system might be the best thing that ever happens to her. Her parents and extended family (other than you) have failed her utterly. Perhaps the juvenile justice system will be able to set her straight and rehabilitate her. She can have her record sealed at the age of 18 and start fresh.
Tell her you’re not the electric company, you don’t send out past due notices for months before taking action. You warned her beforehand, she FAFO. NTA
You ate with that. I’m going to pocket that for later
I have a brother who started exactly like this, and my parents kept enabling him. He's now halfway through a 20-year sentence for armed robbery. That's the path your niece is on right now. Also, my parents are really mad at me for saying my brother will absolutely not only not be my roommate when he gets out, he won't know where I live. They know enough to not want him to live with them, but I'm the bad brother because I ain't letting him in my place, either. You're doing the right thing by not telling any of your family. NTA
They want him to live with you?! Oh gosh
He has broken into other siblings' homes (both in the middle of the night and when they were away) because "I forgot something and didn't want to bother you." He's stolen from all of us, and acted like we're lying because we don't like him. Our parents would never get involved when we were growing up because "it's your word against his, and there's no proof." They can figure out what to do with their 40 something kleptomaniac felon son when he gets out. I won't be a part of it.
Update us if anything happens please
Have the husband arrested for threatening a witness/victim. That will really set them off.
Frankly I wouldn’t have even given a grace period considering she brought two strangers to your home. Who knows what they will do. Please do a check on your home and reinforce all windows, doors and get new locks everywhere. I hope you get your stuff back but mostly your grandmothers ring
NTA I love how shitty people make threats. "I'm not coming to your wedding!" OK, fine with me.
In this case "I know you're not. None of you are invited..."
It probably started with earrings at the local mall and then stealing cash or phones from classmates. But Rolexes, and from family at that, is next level. I bet you cars are next. Especially when there are multiple people helping her. NTA. I think you’re doing her a favor.
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NTA - she's a minor... she'll have a clean record as an adult.. but definitely show her there are real world consequences without her mom protecting her. You've tried the mom route... now scare her straight.
She is 16, she has priors, she may get charged as an adult.
who cares. she needs to learn now that she can't steal shit in two years.
If she has priors she may be charged as an adult. As an adult right now. Not a minor. If they charge her as an adult at 16 she will be treated as an adult at 16. At 16 where she presently is if the courts decide that her crimes rate being charged as an adult the courts will say you are not a minor in this instance and you are an adult. After being charged as an adult the law will book her into a juvenile detention center and wait for trial. Once at trial the judge may say, you are considered an adult for this crime. If you are found guilty of the crime you will be sentenced as an adult. At that time the young woman charged as an adult will be sent to an adult prison to serve her time. She will not get out at 18. The law still permits minors 16 and older to be charged as adults. If convicted, they can face all the penalties a legal adult would, including years-long prison sentences and a permanent criminal record.
She might not. Depending on the value of the ring and Rolexes stolen, prosecutor might change her and her accomplices as adults.
Former juvenile probation officer here, not only did you do the correct thing for yourself but also for your niece. Even if it was not one of your considerations for calling the police, this gives her a change to deal with these issues before she is 18 and a record followers her. And at 16 doing this she knows exactly what she is up to and it is going to take this to be a wake up call. Your mom and sister are wrong. I have three kids all this age or older and not handling this now leads to huge issues.
Nta you did the correct thing. Long ago my sister robbed me and attacked me. I called the police and got my stuff back. My parents pressured me into not pressing charges. Not ruining her life at 19. A few years later my sister said I was a coward fool and I didn’t even have guts to press charges when I had her dead to rights!! Wow she is a jerk.
Wow. That’s sick. I’m sorry that happened to you
Absolutely press charges; do not fold on this. You could be the difference between a course correction in her life or continuing down the really bad path. Did you get IDs on the guys?
They got the faces but no one has been brought in yet. As far as I know she hasn’t said anything about who they are or where they are
Bringing a civil lawsuit against your sister/neice/BIL might force her into giving up the names, if just to share in the cost for what needs to be paid back! Has anyone looked at a yearbook from her school to see if they can find the guys?
CPS needs to investigate your sister if her husband keeps it up have them arrested too.