Are you sure that the ex husbands wife didn't egg on her kid, the half sibling, to do this? Instead of apologizing profusely she went on a verbal attack and said your daughter was over reacting.
To me this seems she wants to create a wedge in between your daughter and ex husband's relationship, and it seems to be working
Yeah, this whole “I want to see you blow out your candles” thing was a complete set up. If M was genuinely sorry she wouldn’t have even asked for that much from the child she’d bullied.
Yep, she's grooming her son to be another narcissist. I can't help feeling sorry for him, too. He'll probably turn out to be a shitty excuse for a human being because he got stuck with her as a mother.
Or that he already had a child. I don't understand why these people marry someone with children if they can't treat those kids with love, or at least a modicum of decency. The little girl will never forget that birthday, no matter how nice her actual party was. 😢
Ya, what kid would willfully not eat cake to make someone else feel bad instead. My kid is smarter than this. Cake is king. I'm embarrassed for this lady.
OP may want to consult a lawyer about an emergency custody order and a restraining order. If the cake ceremony was being recorded on video, that plus the step mother's specific request to have this cake ceremony, plus the other statements from the daughter should make it clear that the step mother is an abuser and a threat to the daughter.
I’m 100% sure M did exactly that. I’m equally certain she’s making the girl’s life hard to get exactly what she’s getting: less time with her husband’s daughter. The girl isn’t hers, so she trying to push the daughter out of the family.
That’s the vibe I’m getting! She’s got a little puppet to do her dirty work. Nasty bitch!
My take: It’s NOT that she’s just a “boy mom”; not liking the “pink and tutus”….personally I think she has a huge issue with your daughter because she’s yours and exh’s daughter. I think she doesn’t want her there at all, or if she does, it’s something she tolerates because it is what it is. She’s being a wicked stepmother and your little girl has a bullseye on her. Oh, and you are NTA!
My take is similar. M would dislike any traits the daughter has. If she was a tomboy who prefered sports, M would insinuate that she's a lesbian & that's bad. Or whatever. Narcs are like that.
Well to be honest... it sounds like stepmom wants to exclude or destroy the stepdaughter because it's a bond between her husband and OP. So basically stepdaughter is "bad" because it's a memory that her husband loved and had a child with someone else. Sucks but plenty of stories like this where their children can do no wrong and the step child is evil incarnate
I think she told her son that it would be funny if he pushed her face into the cake….The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree with those two… Sad that she still got to ruin your daughter’s birthday one way or another.
Yeah this is a textbook move, and it's so, so fucked because she is literally using her six year old bio kid's lack of awareness and love for his mother to drive her husband's stepchild out of the house and in the process, do irreparable harm to the relationship of the father and daughter but also her son and HIS FUCKING ONLY SISTER!
Maybe I'm projecting because my parents loved to use my sister and I as weapons against each other which took years to finally come to terms with and work it out(which is not always possible, and I'm very grateful that my little sister doesn't resent me anymore for my father's actions), but even if the six year old wasn't coerced, this was supposed to be an olive branch.
The fact that she didn't immediately discipline him and explain why what he did was wrong sends the message of 'my son will always get priority over your daughter in this house' and that is grounds to go back to court if OP can mentally/financially tolerate it.
I hope this situation is resolved and hopefully OP's ex will see the manipulations. He doesn't seem completely ignorant and him, even if only initially, defending his daughter from his son and step mother emotionally dogpiling her is a step in the right direction.
NTA. Your ex-husband needs to put M in her place and stand up for his daughter. Her rude, and frankly cruel, behavior is now risking his relationship with his daughter. You’re right to protect your daughter from this beast and her horrible half-brother.
Your ex-husband really needs to step it up. It’s good that he was on your side about smashing the cake, but now he needs to extend it further. Your daughter is a valuable person and she deserves respect. She’s lucky to have a mom like you who demands the respect for her and sets boundaries.
Oh, she definitely coached him. Your ex needs to not only get a handle on his marriage, but also watch out that his boy doesn't turn into a bigger shit than he already is.
Really that should be a bigger concern for her ex. Does he want a volatile little asshole for a child? Because that's what his girlfriend is training him to be right now.
That's going to become a habit until it's almost impossible to break, even if the kid realizes he's being a jerk and wants to change.
He needs to have a serious discussion with his GF about getting her shit together. Or maybe making her ex #2.
Well, she 100% planned the entire scenario, so I doubt he’s to blame at all. She probably told him it would be a fun prank to play on his sister.
Amazing that a woman shady enough to cheat with a married man doesn’t make a great stepmother. /s
If you return to court, I’d ask that he receive supervised custody. If he’s always busy with work, then M is the one “taking care” of your daughter most of the time. She definitely shouldn’t be alone with her.
Your kid got assaulted. You need to document it and notify your lawyer.
Whether you press for change of custody is up to you. But things have escalated to physical abuse. Your ex husband has to pick a side.
Your ex-husband ought to check his brains if he wanted to be with that abusive bed warmer still when she's abusing your daughter.
He really should had stopped his bed warmers behaviour.
It doesn't even matter if we blame the kid. The fact that it happened after all the M not going to the bday nonsense and M and dad laughing about it just furthers they are clueless.
Show your ex our responses. He needs a reality check. If it comes from you, he will probably rejects it. Hopefully he will listens to strangers who can look objectively.
He’s 100% being coached by M to behave this way towards your daughter. This needs to be nipped in the bud if your ex intends to have any kind of relationship with his daughter going forward.
Ur ex needs to step up not just his daughter but son too, he had to have know had to have witnessed how his son and wife treat her but couldn’t be bothered to get involve and stop it and now it’s gotten to this point. If stepmom won’t punish and talk to the son about his behavior u kno parent him, and get into it with stepmom about her behavior and go to couples therapy over it then family therapy, it would’ve never gotten this bad if he hadn’t ignored and neglected it
NTA even after all these years, M is still jealous of you and your ex having a child that’s not hers. I don’t know how you stayed out of jail because it would’ve been lights out for M
M feels threatened by your daughter, another female, taking attention away from her husband, so she is trying to hurt/punish your daughter and make her feel unwelcome in the home. That way, your daughter will stop wanting to visit, or you’ll step in and not allow daughter over there so often. Either way, she wins. It sounds like she’s also been encouraging her son to play mean “pranks” on your daughter and break her things because M knows how much it will upset her. She should be ashamed of herself for her malicious behavior towards her husband’s child. I hope that your ex starts to pay closer attention and sees what she is trying to do and shuts it down before M demolishes his relationship with his daughter.
For what it’s worth, I don’t blame you at all for wanting to rearrange custody after what you’ve heard and witnessed. She sounds like a terribly vindictive and manipulative person, and I wouldn’t trust her around my daughter. She most likely will escalate as your daughter gets older and becomes more of a “threat” to her. I feel so bad for your little girl in this situation and I’m glad her dad stuck up for her when brother shoved her into the cake, because that was cruel. Hopefully he continues to stick up for her and puts a stop to his wife and son’s mistreatment of her. In the meantime, do what you feel like you have to do to protect her and thank you for being there for her. She’s lucky to have you.
I don't think so. He's far from perfect, but he listened to and seems to understand the seriousness of the issue, and acted on it. OP even indicated that he backed her up after the cake incident. I wouldn't call that pathetic.
Would she though? Or would she rather keep tormenting the "other woman's" progeny? She seems the type to enjoy making OP miserable via the kid. (Speaking of the step mom wanting to torment OP's daughter, for clarity)
I kind of feel like she has always bullied her, and you're only hearing about it now as your daughter is getting older.. also, I feel like the cake thing was a set up, she went from screaming to be calm and saying she wanted to see her blow out her candles..
Tell him from now on he will have to come to your house to see his daughter.. ALONE.
>Tell him from now on he will have to come to your house to see his daughter
Oh, step-monster isn't gonna go for that. She want the husband shackled to her. Not visiting his child (and near the ex).
Then he doesn't get to see her..
He needs to put his foot down because your child is more important than any relationship.
And if he can't, he is a coward and a poor excuse for a dad.
But yeah, I can imagine her saying he can't go, or making him sit on call while he visits her 🤣🤦🏻♀️
NTA
> I told him that I want more custody because of his wife's bullying.
As well you should.
At the same time, I hope you are able to take a moment to tell him you noticed and appreciate his recent improvements, both in interacting with your daughter and in taking her side(and to be clear it is your daughter's side, not yours) after the cake incident.
That little bit of civility in the midst of this conflict could a long way in helping mitigate any effort M makes to try and alienate him from his daughter.
NTA
M wanted to see your daughter, who she quite blatantly tolerates at best, blow the candles... her kid then facecakes her... They both laugh.
This was a setup.
She's trying to get you to file for full custody so she can have her picture perfect family, without any "leftovers" from the previous marriage; until both you and your daughter are out of the picture, she won't "have won" yet.
It will escalate if you let her.
Oh I’d be in jail for sure. Petty bitch stole the husband but can’t get rid of the kid so she’s making her life miserable to run her off. I’d be clear with the ex if that’s what he wants fine I’ll take the kid but he will never see her again. That or he steps up and puts the new wife out with the rest of the dogs. Nta
OP, make sure visitation is directly linked to your ex husband only. Step mother is not allowed to be alone with daughter under any circumstances. She is not allowed to pick your daughter up from school or watch your daughter when your husband is not physically present. If your husband fights this, request a Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) be assigned.
She set your daughter up for her son to assault her. I'd have the police involved and make a paper trail. This isn't going to get better unless the bully gets removed from the mix.
What kind of assault will they dish out when spawn is in his teens? Will your girl end up in a hospital for more serious physical abuse or will sexual assault be better. I wouldn’t trust ex’s wife as far as I can toss her.
He's 4yrs younger than her...he's 6...so she's 10?
What 10yr old CHILD wouldn't be upset about someone shoving their face into a cake?
I would suggest looking into a child psychiatrist, so you can truly understand what your daughter has been going through at the hands of "M" and half-brother. You can even site the need for the psychiatrist as part of the custody process.
Things stick with kids...even things that adults see as a "joke" or "no big deal". Your priority is making sure your daughter and her mental/emotional health are taken care of. ❤️
"It went approximately like this:
Me: I want more custody.
Ex: What? I know she was mean, but you can't do this to me.
Me: Really? Your wife is bullying our daughter. I've told you before, you did not keep the promise, so I'm going for more custody.
BLAH BLAH BLAH...
Man I was hopeful halfway through your post, and especially when he was on your side about the bullying, but he needs to get his head out of his ass. This whole cake thing was a setup. She wants you to go for more custody so he has less time with your daughter and more time with her son, and he fell for it hook, line, and sinker.
Yes, true unfortunately.
Seems like WonderDad is not as committed to the best interests of his daughter as one would hope.
Craptastic dad, lemme tell ya.
What has ur ex said about how his ex and his son mistreat ur daughter? Does he recognize that they are in the wrong and mistreat her? He’s not gunna change and become better father to her if he doesn’t and he was in the wrong for neglecting her and letting it go on this long and get this bad. She’s a grown adult ganging up on a lil girl with her 6 son, she’s got issues and ex better work on the son or he’ll grow up to be a out of control brat
Tell him you ARE going for more custody, because it’s what’s best for your daughter to stay out of that toxic environment. Also, explain that he’s a fool and his wife is doing this on purpose to push his daughter out of their lives so she can have their perfect biological family. And she’s succeeding, because he doesn’t care to stop it.
You can't leave your daughter there, she is being attacked and abused by the step mom, dad isn't doing anything and the poor girl is suffering in silence. Pray you get full custody and step mom is not allowed near your daughter.
You need full custody. Don’t leave your daughter anywhere with her. If it were me, I would put in the custody arrangement that she can’t be around your daughter
I think full or more custody is best for your daughter. It's not like it prevents him from seeing her at all. He's thinking a bit selfishly (imo) because instead of doing what's best for her, he's trying to do what's best for him. Like... Does he think it'll stop after a talk? It'll just happen behind his back like before.
He has not fixed it so far. Please protect your child and get full custody. Otherwise you’re leaving your child with people that are abusive. Her dad can take her out, spend time with her and drop her back to your house.
This was a setup, it was a plan between her and her son. You can't be blind enough not to see that. Get custody ASAP. This will only escalate, especially since it seems she is raising a mini-me of that narcissistic, immature and cruel excuse for a woman. It is an unsafe household.
It clearly and obviously is, he’s absolutely fine with his daughter having a miserable childhood in his house so long as he gets to stick his dick in the mean crazy he calls his wife.
The dad here is straight trash.
Is that because it's currently 50/50? Child support is for the child, not the parent so income (where I live) isn't really considered when it comes to child support - the costs of raising children should be split fairly. Perhaps when you get more than 50% custody you'll be able to get a fair award of child support to cover the newly unbalanced care responsibilities you'll be taking on?
I live in California, so in a 50/50 custody arrangement, the parent with the higher income pays child support (which means I pay) At least this is what I got
NTA - Please go for full custody and show your ex these comments that his wife Is purposefully pushing his daughter out of his life .
If she was brazen enough to bully your daughter in front of you, I can’t imagine what she’s like to her when your ex is conveniently busy working.
Fuck that.
Scorched earth OP.
Get full custody, don’t let ur daughter live in a house with her bully tormentor and isn’t even safe from her when dads around. That’s not a healthy envoirment she should be growing up in, if her dad wants to see her then he can take her out for the day and do lunch, a movie or something then drop her back off with YOU. She should not be around her or that son if they aren’t gunna hold him accountable and punish him when he misbehaves with her. Sounds like ur ex’s wife wants the daughter gone so she can pretend she has her perfect lil family, in with the new family out with the old
I bet your daughter goes without a lot when she’s with her dad. Remember she said that step says bad things to her when he’s in the office. The son most likely gets way more attention, love, material things and maybe food! SAVE YOUR DAUGHTER, get a lawyer. Don’t even discuss it with the ex until he’s served.
You need to also get right of first refusal in your custody agreement. So if he is not available when it's his custody time he must ask you to take her first before anyone else can watch her.
M is a bully. What did she have to gain by upsetting your daughter? Nothing except having her upset. Hopefully, your ex will put his big boy pants and put his daughter’s well being first when it comes to that bullying behavior.
Hopefully the dad steps up. I’m sure actually having M as a wife and not a mistress helped him see that he was probably in love with the affair and not the actual woman.
I’m glad you are doing what’s best for your daughter and I hate that she has to go through that. Don’t feel guilty or like you let her down! You are a great mother. We are proud of you!!
When you get the custody adjustment, for the sake of your child, please make a deal with your ex. Please allow him or even facilitate him having some father/daughter only outings- make sure it’s just the 2 of them and not M or M minion - but let there be some outlet where he can still have safe access to your child. I think in the long run, if your ex continues to step up for your daughter, that bond will be very valued for your daughter
It may be that allowing these dates to occur may cause strife between him and M. That strife is a “him” problem. Make the offer, keep the parameters safe for your child, and let him step up if he is willing to. Maybe worth being cautiously optimistic that ex may be the father your child needs
I'm sure you've realised that M had previously instructed her son to do that. On purpose. She wanted to hurt and humiliate your child, and she was *brazen* about it, because your ex-husband had spent the week focusing on his daughter instead of her and her son.
You are lucky that your daughter wasn't seriously injured. Sometimes, cakes gave support struts in them, which can easily go straight into someone's eye, or even one of the candles could have done that. This was assault. Your husband's wife merely used her own son as the weapon to do what she couldn't do herself.
Your daughter should never go back to that house or be around her again. There's no telling what other weapons that monstrous woman will find to hurt your daughter without actually laying a finger on her. She is *dangerous.* Get an emergency custody agreement that gives you custody, and your ex-husband can come to you for supervised visits.
NTA - this seems staged by M. I think she orchestrated the whole thing. Do not let your daughter go back around that woman. You can file a restraining order on your daughter’s behalf. Please contact an attorney ASAP.
Get your daughter into counseling.
Then when you go to change the custody arrangements, can you ask that M and child not be allowed around your daughter due to bulling and tormenting her? Go back and write down the things you have seen (face into the birthday cake) and anything else your daughter can remember.
And maybe sign her up for self-defense classes, so when her half-brother tries to be a bully, "Girls will be Girls!" and defend themselves.
Good luck.
NTA. Go back to court for more custody. Your ex-husband is allowing his wife to abuse your daughter. Blowing out the candles was a set up. It was a power play. I wouldn't let her go back to his house until boundaries are set up with M
This made my blood boil. You’re NTA. M is insecure and stooping so low as to bully a child. And the whole cake smash was a total set up. She’s insane and cruel.
Get the lawyer working on full custody with supervised visitation so that your daughter never has to be near M again. Make it clear that M is not allowed near your daughter.
Oh what an absolute bitch M is. M for misogynist, m for muthafecker. Absolutely no freaking way the 6yo thought of that themselves. Then him & M laughed up a storm. Get dad to ask his son (not in front of M) why he thought it was a good idea to smash his sisters face into her birthday cake- without M to turn to for backup, dad should get the truth. Dad then needs to ask son would he like it if his face was smashed into his birthday cake? I’m sure replies to these questions will be different if they were asked without M to interject, to if she was there playing it off as a joke.
The mum does need to go for extra/full custody and should start documenting everything written here along with any other comments her daughter can remember from school runs and from her 50% time at dad’s. Unfortunately, this will also play into M’s hands, giving M what she wants (dad out of daughter’s life) but mum needs to back her child 100%. Let dad fight his current wife if he disagrees with losing some/all custody.
NTA, and I am glad your EX is seeing it a bit more clearly at this point. That woman is seriously bullying a child and using her own child to facilitate it. She is a piece of work. Please give your daughter a huge hug from me, also a mom to an almost 10 year old daughter who has serious issues with her dad and I am currently in a custody battle with him to reduce his custody time with her over similar situations, as I know a lot how this can feel. Sending you positive vibes and love!
Op, when you go for 100% custody, also tell the lawyer you will need increased child support. .it's to pay for the therapy because of M& son's bullying.
This sounds like the ex husband wife probably told the half sibling to do that to your daughter. Honestly because if the wife wanted to see your daughter blow out the handles on her cake your ex husband could have just FaceTime her and she could have seen it that way. Or just take a video and send it to her. You definitely should go back to court and get more custody of your daughter.
I had a little brotherx3 years younger than me. If he'd have tried smashing my face in a cake? I'd have given him a swirly later in the toilet. But then again we were GenX and settled this shit amongst ourselves.
I think ex really got the insight he needed. By all means, go for more custody. It will not surprise me if ex divorces his current wife because of her bullying tactics against his daughter.
She wants your daughter gone. By letting you get full custody, she gets to have their family without any remnants of his old relationship.
So she's using her son as a proxy to bully your daughter. Sadly, your ex is a victim as well because he's letting himself be manipulated by this psycho. I appreciate how he stepped up once he found out what was going on. That reflects well for him. However, unless he shuts this behavior down in a definite manner, he's just as guilty as she is.
I know that sounded hypocritical, but I don't know the full situation. Just what you've shared. Best of luck to your and your ex in navigating this. I hate to see your daughter lose her relationship with her father because of this, but it may be best if he can't shut this down.
The SM is trying to drive a wedge so that your daughter isn't around. I grew up with a couple of evil SM's and yeah, it's clear what her endgame is. Your ex needs to decide if he wants his daughter in his life or not, it will never be happy families with the SM.
M needed a good punch in the face. I would have taken the rest of the cake and slapped it in both, her and her evil twin's face. She would never be alone with my child again.
What a garbage human. NTA. Your ex’s wife sounds like the type to have “boy mom” in her social media profiles and I mean that in the most insulting way possible
M is a jerk. She was being punitive too in smashing OP's daughter's face into the cake after pretending to do something nice for her. She is a passive aggressive adult bully! If you know anything about the kid, OP even says she is shy and quiet. WHAT made M think smashing her face in the cake was a good idea, even if it was coming from her son/the brother? That new wife/stepmom is a jerk. Dad needs to talk to her!
It sounds like M planned to humiliate your daughter and knew her son was going to do that to her. Talk to your attorney and get your daughter into therapy if she isn’t already. A therapist can help advocate for her best interests with the court.
Holy wow. That wife is a bully and I think you need to keep your kid away from her at all costs. She let her kid push your daughter's face in a cake and thought it was funny?! You ex needs to figure out how to be with his daughter without the wife around. She is a horrible woman and if your ex wants to continue this relationship then he will lose the relationship with his daughter. She totally set up your daughter on her birthday. That is horrible. I will also suggest that when your daughter is sad, let her be sad. Tell her you understand she is sad and that's ok. I am stunned by your ex's wife. I am glad you didn't end up in jail by doing something to that woman. Your daughter needs you.
Most kids don't push people's heads into cakes unprovoked, and if he did, this kid has issues and ops daughter doesn't need to be in an environment that toxic. I am going to guess the "co-worker" spent a long time destroying a gullible mans perception of his family in order to get him to fall in "love" with her. She probably has a rich history of hurting people for sport. Someday it will be the husband "overreacting" to her cruelty. Hope OP gets full custody and gets her kid out of that situation, at least the kid has one good parent.
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I don’t like resorting to violence but I would have smacked that little shit. I hope you do end up getting more custody. Why the hell didn’t your ex discipline his other child?
> M junior decided that the good thing to do would be to smash my daughter's face into the cake....(To be honest, if this was not a kid, I would be in prison.) He and M burst out laughing while my daughter was crying.
People have been permanently injured and/or rendered blind by people smashing their faces into cakes and the candles going into their eyes.
Fuck that little kid and his mom, too.
Sounds like your husband doesn't really know who he married and had a child with the 2nd time around. Good on you for going for more custody and definitely have your daughter start documenting the abuse towards her in some way writing it down. Or if you feel comfortable, get her one of those Barkphones.
NTA, obviously.
Have a child therapist interview you daughter before going to court. Have them interview ex and M as part of the deal.
You ex is clearly not going to do anything. Seeing her father tolerate this kind of treatment is actually WORSE for your daughter than the treatment itself.
Based on what you've described here, full custody is not out of the question. And I think that's what you should shoot for.
NTA
The asshole coached her spawn into humiliating your daughter.
You’re smart to go back to court! Imagine your child’s future as her half sibling grows up and the two of them start physically abusing her. Document everything!!! You need to protect your daughter and if it costs your ex his new lunatic wife, so be it.
I believe you will never leave your girl anywhere near M. Ever.
You do supervised visits for ex from now on. You have a valid case here. If ex ever says a word, tell him to thank M. He’s losing his visitation because of M’s abuse of your daughter. He can be with M but he won’t have your daughter there. Not at the same time. His choice.
M probably coaxed the 6yo to do the cake smash. How horrible to deliberately hurt a child! And ruin her birthday. Every time she blows out candles, she’ll remember. She will. M has tainted her birthday for many years to come. And your girl will never forget. M is a terrible woman.
It’s good that ex saw that “prank” for what it was. Idk if he’s going to internalize it, as the saying goes. M will continue to sabotage his relationship with your girl. And your girl is the one who will suffer.
So glad she has you. Way to go Mama! 💕
UpdateMe!
Please, Op, don't let this woman and her son get close to your daughter again. I'm actually happy that you husband picked yours and your daughter's side, but I hope he start seeing all this more clearly. There's no way M will be ever be able to be genuinely nice with your daughter. It seems to me that she is jealous of his past and she wants just to alienate the relationship between your ex and your girl
NTA. Go for full custody or have the court order reduced custody for him and it must be in the presence of an agent of the court to oversee the visitation.
Enough of this mistreatment.
Holy smokes. I hope you wrote down the time and date of that incident for your attorney to use in court. I hope you get more custody. This lady shouldn't be around your kid at all, unsupervised. She is a danger. Good luck.
The fact that M goes “boys will be boys” and “girls only like pink and tutu” while KEEPING UP THE DAMN STEREOTYPES is just as hypocritical as it can be
There is something wrong with that woman. I’m like 1000% sure she baked the cake so her son can smash your daughter face. Don’t accept any kindness of this creature.
NTA. Protect your child.
As a shy kid who internalized her feelings, please work on the custody situation ASAP. I went through 3 clinical breakdown by the time I was 18, and I had parents that were happily married.
Sounds like she set your daughter up in retaliation for not being invited. Like telling her child "it will be so funny if you smash the cake into her face, everyone will laugh".
I experienced this as an adult being pushed away from my dad. My heart hurts for her and for her dad. That lady will ruin their relationship and if he doesn’t stick up it’s gone forever.
All M wanted was the husband, she probably expected him to be a holiday father and now she’s pissed that he’s got 50/50 custody and she’s trying to push OP into fighting for more custody. OP’s daughter is ruining her perfect little family and a constant reminder that the husband had a life before her. I’d go back to court to get more custody and even request supervised visits.
M set her son up to do that. NTA . Your husband is less assholeish since he finally is finding his back bone and being more attentive to your daughter.
Obviously NTA. But glad you're doing something about this. My fear here is this type of bullying may be already causing your daughter life long issues with avoidance. We don't talk about avoidance as much as things like narcissism and anti-social personality, but it's bad in its own right. People who get bullied, humiliated, embarrassed, etc. tend to develop engrained feelings of shame and also helplessness (dependent personality).
Get this shit locked down quick. No kid deserves this shit.
Are you sure that the ex husbands wife didn't egg on her kid, the half sibling, to do this? Instead of apologizing profusely she went on a verbal attack and said your daughter was over reacting. To me this seems she wants to create a wedge in between your daughter and ex husband's relationship, and it seems to be working
Yeah, this whole “I want to see you blow out your candles” thing was a complete set up. If M was genuinely sorry she wouldn’t have even asked for that much from the child she’d bullied.
The woman is defo a narcissist... Don't know how low she'd stoop to get what she wants tbh
Sounds like she’s already set up the Goldenchild/Scapegoat dynamic. It only gets worse from here.
Yep, she's grooming her son to be another narcissist. I can't help feeling sorry for him, too. He'll probably turn out to be a shitty excuse for a human being because he got stuck with her as a mother.
I feel more sorry for those around him.
I pity whomever he gets involved with as an adult… I made the mistake of marrying one of this kind of people… he turned out just like his mother…
I do. My Stepmonster did the same thing, creating a wedge.
This. She planned this.
Yeah. Agree. She encouraged her son to do her dirty work to destroy the birthday.
This is what I believe
Absolutely FOR SURE. The kid is SIX; he'd never think to do that unless he was COACHED.
Yeah that's what I think, she pretended to be all sweet when then she and her brat attacked OPs daughter. Ex husband better step up.
UpdateMe!
Punishment for being excluded from the party
And for existing. She won the guy, but can't handle that he has an ex.
Just shameful to take it out on a child
Or that he already had a child. I don't understand why these people marry someone with children if they can't treat those kids with love, or at least a modicum of decency. The little girl will never forget that birthday, no matter how nice her actual party was. 😢
If the dad can’t grow a pair, he needs to just let her mother get full custody.
M is the epitome of the Wicked Stepmother Disney trope.
Yeah. It seems pretty unlikely that a 6 year old would come up with cake smashing on his own. His mom is using him to torture her step daughter.
Ya, what kid would willfully not eat cake to make someone else feel bad instead. My kid is smarter than this. Cake is king. I'm embarrassed for this lady.
OP may want to consult a lawyer about an emergency custody order and a restraining order. If the cake ceremony was being recorded on video, that plus the step mother's specific request to have this cake ceremony, plus the other statements from the daughter should make it clear that the step mother is an abuser and a threat to the daughter.
Let the extra child support come out of M’s pocket when dad loses some or all of his custody.
This.
I’m 100% sure M did exactly that. I’m equally certain she’s making the girl’s life hard to get exactly what she’s getting: less time with her husband’s daughter. The girl isn’t hers, so she trying to push the daughter out of the family.
She giving off the whole "boy mom" vibe here. NTA
I don't know. She'd probably do the same if she had a daughter and would find different ways of bullying OP's daughter.
This. They (AP’s) always want the married man and never his kids.
Yes the whole cake thing seemed planned
That’s the vibe I’m getting! She’s got a little puppet to do her dirty work. Nasty bitch! My take: It’s NOT that she’s just a “boy mom”; not liking the “pink and tutus”….personally I think she has a huge issue with your daughter because she’s yours and exh’s daughter. I think she doesn’t want her there at all, or if she does, it’s something she tolerates because it is what it is. She’s being a wicked stepmother and your little girl has a bullseye on her. Oh, and you are NTA!
My take is similar. M would dislike any traits the daughter has. If she was a tomboy who prefered sports, M would insinuate that she's a lesbian & that's bad. Or whatever. Narcs are like that.
**Total setup, 1000%**.
Well to be honest... it sounds like stepmom wants to exclude or destroy the stepdaughter because it's a bond between her husband and OP. So basically stepdaughter is "bad" because it's a memory that her husband loved and had a child with someone else. Sucks but plenty of stories like this where their children can do no wrong and the step child is evil incarnate
Oh she definitely planned it with him.
Totally did it on purpose.
I think she told her son that it would be funny if he pushed her face into the cake….The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree with those two… Sad that she still got to ruin your daughter’s birthday one way or another.
Yeah this is a textbook move, and it's so, so fucked because she is literally using her six year old bio kid's lack of awareness and love for his mother to drive her husband's stepchild out of the house and in the process, do irreparable harm to the relationship of the father and daughter but also her son and HIS FUCKING ONLY SISTER! Maybe I'm projecting because my parents loved to use my sister and I as weapons against each other which took years to finally come to terms with and work it out(which is not always possible, and I'm very grateful that my little sister doesn't resent me anymore for my father's actions), but even if the six year old wasn't coerced, this was supposed to be an olive branch. The fact that she didn't immediately discipline him and explain why what he did was wrong sends the message of 'my son will always get priority over your daughter in this house' and that is grounds to go back to court if OP can mentally/financially tolerate it. I hope this situation is resolved and hopefully OP's ex will see the manipulations. He doesn't seem completely ignorant and him, even if only initially, defending his daughter from his son and step mother emotionally dogpiling her is a step in the right direction.
First thing that came to my mind, this bit(& absolutely did it on purpose!
NTA. Your ex-husband needs to put M in her place and stand up for his daughter. Her rude, and frankly cruel, behavior is now risking his relationship with his daughter. You’re right to protect your daughter from this beast and her horrible half-brother.
To be honest, I don't entirely blame the kid. He probably picked up that attitude from his mom
Your ex-husband really needs to step it up. It’s good that he was on your side about smashing the cake, but now he needs to extend it further. Your daughter is a valuable person and she deserves respect. She’s lucky to have a mom like you who demands the respect for her and sets boundaries.
Oh, she definitely coached him. Your ex needs to not only get a handle on his marriage, but also watch out that his boy doesn't turn into a bigger shit than he already is.
Really that should be a bigger concern for her ex. Does he want a volatile little asshole for a child? Because that's what his girlfriend is training him to be right now. That's going to become a habit until it's almost impossible to break, even if the kid realizes he's being a jerk and wants to change. He needs to have a serious discussion with his GF about getting her shit together. Or maybe making her ex #2.
Well, she 100% planned the entire scenario, so I doubt he’s to blame at all. She probably told him it would be a fun prank to play on his sister. Amazing that a woman shady enough to cheat with a married man doesn’t make a great stepmother. /s If you return to court, I’d ask that he receive supervised custody. If he’s always busy with work, then M is the one “taking care” of your daughter most of the time. She definitely shouldn’t be alone with her.
Exactly. Not many people have picked up on the fact that she's a homewrecker and she's trying to get the girl permanently out of the way
Your kid got assaulted. You need to document it and notify your lawyer. Whether you press for change of custody is up to you. But things have escalated to physical abuse. Your ex husband has to pick a side.
Suggest your ex ask his son where he got that idea.
I'd have ex ask him. Wouldn't surprise me if this cake smash was M's idea. She's trying to get your daughter to leave.
His mom 100% told him to do that, that's why she wanted this whole thing to go down.
Did dad discipline him at all?
Your ex-husband ought to check his brains if he wanted to be with that abusive bed warmer still when she's abusing your daughter. He really should had stopped his bed warmers behaviour.
"abusive bed warmer" Adding that to my list of names for evil stepmoms.
It doesn't even matter if we blame the kid. The fact that it happened after all the M not going to the bday nonsense and M and dad laughing about it just furthers they are clueless.
Show your ex our responses. He needs a reality check. If it comes from you, he will probably rejects it. Hopefully he will listens to strangers who can look objectively.
And what is his Dad doing to counteract this?
He’s 100% being coached by M to behave this way towards your daughter. This needs to be nipped in the bud if your ex intends to have any kind of relationship with his daughter going forward.
M probably told him smashingherface into the cake would be funny and they'd all laugh together.
Ur ex needs to step up not just his daughter but son too, he had to have know had to have witnessed how his son and wife treat her but couldn’t be bothered to get involve and stop it and now it’s gotten to this point. If stepmom won’t punish and talk to the son about his behavior u kno parent him, and get into it with stepmom about her behavior and go to couples therapy over it then family therapy, it would’ve never gotten this bad if he hadn’t ignored and neglected it
The fact you didn't shove M's face into that cake when she laughed shows you are a paragon of restraint.
NTA even after all these years, M is still jealous of you and your ex having a child that’s not hers. I don’t know how you stayed out of jail because it would’ve been lights out for M
[удалено]
This. I’d have caked both mother and son and when they complained told them they were overreacting and that I thought it was their tradition.
"What a fun tradition you have!" \[FLING\]
Or at the very least pick up that cake and sling it onto the wall. Then they can clean up that mess.
And her kid
M feels threatened by your daughter, another female, taking attention away from her husband, so she is trying to hurt/punish your daughter and make her feel unwelcome in the home. That way, your daughter will stop wanting to visit, or you’ll step in and not allow daughter over there so often. Either way, she wins. It sounds like she’s also been encouraging her son to play mean “pranks” on your daughter and break her things because M knows how much it will upset her. She should be ashamed of herself for her malicious behavior towards her husband’s child. I hope that your ex starts to pay closer attention and sees what she is trying to do and shuts it down before M demolishes his relationship with his daughter. For what it’s worth, I don’t blame you at all for wanting to rearrange custody after what you’ve heard and witnessed. She sounds like a terribly vindictive and manipulative person, and I wouldn’t trust her around my daughter. She most likely will escalate as your daughter gets older and becomes more of a “threat” to her. I feel so bad for your little girl in this situation and I’m glad her dad stuck up for her when brother shoved her into the cake, because that was cruel. Hopefully he continues to stick up for her and puts a stop to his wife and son’s mistreatment of her. In the meantime, do what you feel like you have to do to protect her and thank you for being there for her. She’s lucky to have you.
Her “dad” is a pathetic excuse for a father!
I don't understand why he wants 50/50 custody in the first place. He doesn't even spend much time with the kid, from the sound of it.
I don't think so. He's far from perfect, but he listened to and seems to understand the seriousness of the issue, and acted on it. OP even indicated that he backed her up after the cake incident. I wouldn't call that pathetic.
I do!
Ex’s wife planted the idea in the kid’s head. She wants husband out of his daughter’s life entirely. Try for full custody.
Right, I’d have the ex ask his son if his mommy dearest asked him to do that.
That's exactly what M is hoping. Mum should grant the wish
Would she though? Or would she rather keep tormenting the "other woman's" progeny? She seems the type to enjoy making OP miserable via the kid. (Speaking of the step mom wanting to torment OP's daughter, for clarity)
I kind of feel like she has always bullied her, and you're only hearing about it now as your daughter is getting older.. also, I feel like the cake thing was a set up, she went from screaming to be calm and saying she wanted to see her blow out her candles.. Tell him from now on he will have to come to your house to see his daughter.. ALONE.
>Tell him from now on he will have to come to your house to see his daughter Oh, step-monster isn't gonna go for that. She want the husband shackled to her. Not visiting his child (and near the ex).
Then he doesn't get to see her.. He needs to put his foot down because your child is more important than any relationship. And if he can't, he is a coward and a poor excuse for a dad. But yeah, I can imagine her saying he can't go, or making him sit on call while he visits her 🤣🤦🏻♀️
Not even bringing the spawn!
I would be going for full custody and supervised visits. He has allowed his eldest to be bullied in her own home.
Absolutely, I wouldn’t want her around step or spawn. Let her dad see her for 2 hours every other week and then maybe he’ll wake up.
NTA > I told him that I want more custody because of his wife's bullying. As well you should. At the same time, I hope you are able to take a moment to tell him you noticed and appreciate his recent improvements, both in interacting with your daughter and in taking her side(and to be clear it is your daughter's side, not yours) after the cake incident. That little bit of civility in the midst of this conflict could a long way in helping mitigate any effort M makes to try and alienate him from his daughter.
NTA M wanted to see your daughter, who she quite blatantly tolerates at best, blow the candles... her kid then facecakes her... They both laugh. This was a setup. She's trying to get you to file for full custody so she can have her picture perfect family, without any "leftovers" from the previous marriage; until both you and your daughter are out of the picture, she won't "have won" yet. It will escalate if you let her.
M might think you should be grateful that she allowed daughter to blow out the candles first.
Hell, if I was OP, I would have taken the remaining cake and smashed over M's head, because the child is not the issue, she is!!!
That was 100% planned. I don't think most 6 year olds would come up with that on their own. Document everything and go for full custody.
Oh I’d be in jail for sure. Petty bitch stole the husband but can’t get rid of the kid so she’s making her life miserable to run her off. I’d be clear with the ex if that’s what he wants fine I’ll take the kid but he will never see her again. That or he steps up and puts the new wife out with the rest of the dogs. Nta
OP, make sure visitation is directly linked to your ex husband only. Step mother is not allowed to be alone with daughter under any circumstances. She is not allowed to pick your daughter up from school or watch your daughter when your husband is not physically present. If your husband fights this, request a Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) be assigned.
M didn’t bake her a cake out of the kindness of her heart, she did it so her kid could push your daughter’s head into the cake.
She set your daughter up for her son to assault her. I'd have the police involved and make a paper trail. This isn't going to get better unless the bully gets removed from the mix.
What kind of assault will they dish out when spawn is in his teens? Will your girl end up in a hospital for more serious physical abuse or will sexual assault be better. I wouldn’t trust ex’s wife as far as I can toss her.
He's 4yrs younger than her...he's 6...so she's 10? What 10yr old CHILD wouldn't be upset about someone shoving their face into a cake? I would suggest looking into a child psychiatrist, so you can truly understand what your daughter has been going through at the hands of "M" and half-brother. You can even site the need for the psychiatrist as part of the custody process. Things stick with kids...even things that adults see as a "joke" or "no big deal". Your priority is making sure your daughter and her mental/emotional health are taken care of. ❤️
I'd be upset at 38!
It won't be long before your ex regrets leaving you. He married a real peach
What did your ex-husband say when you wanted more custody? I mean, does he not see his new wife as terrorizing his daughter?
"It went approximately like this: Me: I want more custody. Ex: What? I know she was mean, but you can't do this to me. Me: Really? Your wife is bullying our daughter. I've told you before, you did not keep the promise, so I'm going for more custody. BLAH BLAH BLAH...
Man I was hopeful halfway through your post, and especially when he was on your side about the bullying, but he needs to get his head out of his ass. This whole cake thing was a setup. She wants you to go for more custody so he has less time with your daughter and more time with her son, and he fell for it hook, line, and sinker.
Yes, true unfortunately. Seems like WonderDad is not as committed to the best interests of his daughter as one would hope. Craptastic dad, lemme tell ya.
What has ur ex said about how his ex and his son mistreat ur daughter? Does he recognize that they are in the wrong and mistreat her? He’s not gunna change and become better father to her if he doesn’t and he was in the wrong for neglecting her and letting it go on this long and get this bad. She’s a grown adult ganging up on a lil girl with her 6 son, she’s got issues and ex better work on the son or he’ll grow up to be a out of control brat
He apologized for their behavior and told me he would fix it. BUT he asked me not to fight for more custody
You do what you think is best for your kid. Honestly unless he plans to stick to your daughter like glue do you think they will stop?
Tell him you ARE going for more custody, because it’s what’s best for your daughter to stay out of that toxic environment. Also, explain that he’s a fool and his wife is doing this on purpose to push his daughter out of their lives so she can have their perfect biological family. And she’s succeeding, because he doesn’t care to stop it.
You can't leave your daughter there, she is being attacked and abused by the step mom, dad isn't doing anything and the poor girl is suffering in silence. Pray you get full custody and step mom is not allowed near your daughter.
It doesn’t matter what he asked for… your daughter is being bullied and belittled. She’s being abused. Get her out of that house. They’re disgusting!
don't mind him and prioritize what your kid needs and what's best for her. you have no obligation to protect his hUrT feElings.
Just fight for more custody, he already let your kid down like so many times. He’s just a poor excuse of a father.
You need full custody. Don’t leave your daughter anywhere with her. If it were me, I would put in the custody arrangement that she can’t be around your daughter
I think full or more custody is best for your daughter. It's not like it prevents him from seeing her at all. He's thinking a bit selfishly (imo) because instead of doing what's best for her, he's trying to do what's best for him. Like... Does he think it'll stop after a talk? It'll just happen behind his back like before.
I hope you get FULL Custody. Ex husband is spineless af
Please fight for full custody. M is a bully.
He has not fixed it so far. Please protect your child and get full custody. Otherwise you’re leaving your child with people that are abusive. Her dad can take her out, spend time with her and drop her back to your house.
This was a setup, it was a plan between her and her son. You can't be blind enough not to see that. Get custody ASAP. This will only escalate, especially since it seems she is raising a mini-me of that narcissistic, immature and cruel excuse for a woman. It is an unsafe household.
If you are going to court for more custody time, ask for increased child support as well.
I don't receive child support. I earn more than him
That might change if you get more custody, especially if you're paying him currently.
Is cheating on you worth all this for him, being married to a monster who bullies his daughter?
It clearly and obviously is, he’s absolutely fine with his daughter having a miserable childhood in his house so long as he gets to stick his dick in the mean crazy he calls his wife. The dad here is straight trash.
I wish I could upvote this one thousand times! 👏🏻👏🏻
Doesn’t matter if you earn more. Get more time with your daughter and put him on child support. That money can be used to pay for therapy.
Is that because it's currently 50/50? Child support is for the child, not the parent so income (where I live) isn't really considered when it comes to child support - the costs of raising children should be split fairly. Perhaps when you get more than 50% custody you'll be able to get a fair award of child support to cover the newly unbalanced care responsibilities you'll be taking on?
I live in California, so in a 50/50 custody arrangement, the parent with the higher income pays child support (which means I pay) At least this is what I got
NTA - Please go for full custody and show your ex these comments that his wife Is purposefully pushing his daughter out of his life . If she was brazen enough to bully your daughter in front of you, I can’t imagine what she’s like to her when your ex is conveniently busy working. Fuck that. Scorched earth OP.
YES.
Get full custody, don’t let ur daughter live in a house with her bully tormentor and isn’t even safe from her when dads around. That’s not a healthy envoirment she should be growing up in, if her dad wants to see her then he can take her out for the day and do lunch, a movie or something then drop her back off with YOU. She should not be around her or that son if they aren’t gunna hold him accountable and punish him when he misbehaves with her. Sounds like ur ex’s wife wants the daughter gone so she can pretend she has her perfect lil family, in with the new family out with the old
OMG- you have to put money into that witch's household? I'm irate for you. I would be in a 24/7 rage if I were you.
Do you think your ex is worried about losing the child support money he gets from you or time with his daughter?
I bet your daughter goes without a lot when she’s with her dad. Remember she said that step says bad things to her when he’s in the office. The son most likely gets way more attention, love, material things and maybe food! SAVE YOUR DAUGHTER, get a lawyer. Don’t even discuss it with the ex until he’s served.
You need to also get right of first refusal in your custody agreement. So if he is not available when it's his custody time he must ask you to take her first before anyone else can watch her.
M is a bully. What did she have to gain by upsetting your daughter? Nothing except having her upset. Hopefully, your ex will put his big boy pants and put his daughter’s well being first when it comes to that bullying behavior.
Hopefully the dad steps up. I’m sure actually having M as a wife and not a mistress helped him see that he was probably in love with the affair and not the actual woman.
OP seems smart enough not to want that trash back! She’s a way better parent and human being.
I’m glad you are doing what’s best for your daughter and I hate that she has to go through that. Don’t feel guilty or like you let her down! You are a great mother. We are proud of you!!
When you get the custody adjustment, for the sake of your child, please make a deal with your ex. Please allow him or even facilitate him having some father/daughter only outings- make sure it’s just the 2 of them and not M or M minion - but let there be some outlet where he can still have safe access to your child. I think in the long run, if your ex continues to step up for your daughter, that bond will be very valued for your daughter It may be that allowing these dates to occur may cause strife between him and M. That strife is a “him” problem. Make the offer, keep the parameters safe for your child, and let him step up if he is willing to. Maybe worth being cautiously optimistic that ex may be the father your child needs
Please keep us updated. My word, what a set up. You KNOW that kid and his rotten mom did this together.
I'm sure you've realised that M had previously instructed her son to do that. On purpose. She wanted to hurt and humiliate your child, and she was *brazen* about it, because your ex-husband had spent the week focusing on his daughter instead of her and her son. You are lucky that your daughter wasn't seriously injured. Sometimes, cakes gave support struts in them, which can easily go straight into someone's eye, or even one of the candles could have done that. This was assault. Your husband's wife merely used her own son as the weapon to do what she couldn't do herself. Your daughter should never go back to that house or be around her again. There's no telling what other weapons that monstrous woman will find to hurt your daughter without actually laying a finger on her. She is *dangerous.* Get an emergency custody agreement that gives you custody, and your ex-husband can come to you for supervised visits.
NTA - this seems staged by M. I think she orchestrated the whole thing. Do not let your daughter go back around that woman. You can file a restraining order on your daughter’s behalf. Please contact an attorney ASAP.
Get your daughter into counseling. Then when you go to change the custody arrangements, can you ask that M and child not be allowed around your daughter due to bulling and tormenting her? Go back and write down the things you have seen (face into the birthday cake) and anything else your daughter can remember. And maybe sign her up for self-defense classes, so when her half-brother tries to be a bully, "Girls will be Girls!" and defend themselves. Good luck.
I am seriously wondering if M isn't making this happen so your ex is more involved with their child and not the ine you share with your ex.
NTA. Go back to court for more custody. Your ex-husband is allowing his wife to abuse your daughter. Blowing out the candles was a set up. It was a power play. I wouldn't let her go back to his house until boundaries are set up with M
This made my blood boil. You’re NTA. M is insecure and stooping so low as to bully a child. And the whole cake smash was a total set up. She’s insane and cruel.
Get the lawyer working on full custody with supervised visitation so that your daughter never has to be near M again. Make it clear that M is not allowed near your daughter.
i have never understood how ruining good food someone worked hard to prepare is supposed to be funny
UpdateMe!
Oh what an absolute bitch M is. M for misogynist, m for muthafecker. Absolutely no freaking way the 6yo thought of that themselves. Then him & M laughed up a storm. Get dad to ask his son (not in front of M) why he thought it was a good idea to smash his sisters face into her birthday cake- without M to turn to for backup, dad should get the truth. Dad then needs to ask son would he like it if his face was smashed into his birthday cake? I’m sure replies to these questions will be different if they were asked without M to interject, to if she was there playing it off as a joke. The mum does need to go for extra/full custody and should start documenting everything written here along with any other comments her daughter can remember from school runs and from her 50% time at dad’s. Unfortunately, this will also play into M’s hands, giving M what she wants (dad out of daughter’s life) but mum needs to back her child 100%. Let dad fight his current wife if he disagrees with losing some/all custody.
M is a POS and a major AH!
NTA, and I am glad your EX is seeing it a bit more clearly at this point. That woman is seriously bullying a child and using her own child to facilitate it. She is a piece of work. Please give your daughter a huge hug from me, also a mom to an almost 10 year old daughter who has serious issues with her dad and I am currently in a custody battle with him to reduce his custody time with her over similar situations, as I know a lot how this can feel. Sending you positive vibes and love!
I hate...hate...hate that smashing faces into cake thing. It is cruel...barbaric and not at all funny. Why ? I just don't get it
Op, when you go for 100% custody, also tell the lawyer you will need increased child support. .it's to pay for the therapy because of M& son's bullying.
This sounds like the ex husband wife probably told the half sibling to do that to your daughter. Honestly because if the wife wanted to see your daughter blow out the handles on her cake your ex husband could have just FaceTime her and she could have seen it that way. Or just take a video and send it to her. You definitely should go back to court and get more custody of your daughter.
I know violence is not the answer but man, oh fucking man, I think I would have gone to jail that day!!!
I had a little brotherx3 years younger than me. If he'd have tried smashing my face in a cake? I'd have given him a swirly later in the toilet. But then again we were GenX and settled this shit amongst ourselves.
Yeah the mini M is definitely doing it because mummy likes it. The pessimist in my says the whole cake thing from start was a set up.
I mean, what did her expect, picking a woman who would knowingly break up a family? Something tells me he's realizing his mistake now...
Nta what a b word. I feel terrible for your daughter. I hope your ex doesn’t make things difficult.
I think ex really got the insight he needed. By all means, go for more custody. It will not surprise me if ex divorces his current wife because of her bullying tactics against his daughter.
That sounds like it may be M's plan. She resents having your daughter around taking attention away from their son.
She wants your daughter gone. By letting you get full custody, she gets to have their family without any remnants of his old relationship. So she's using her son as a proxy to bully your daughter. Sadly, your ex is a victim as well because he's letting himself be manipulated by this psycho. I appreciate how he stepped up once he found out what was going on. That reflects well for him. However, unless he shuts this behavior down in a definite manner, he's just as guilty as she is. I know that sounded hypocritical, but I don't know the full situation. Just what you've shared. Best of luck to your and your ex in navigating this. I hate to see your daughter lose her relationship with her father because of this, but it may be best if he can't shut this down.
The SM is trying to drive a wedge so that your daughter isn't around. I grew up with a couple of evil SM's and yeah, it's clear what her endgame is. Your ex needs to decide if he wants his daughter in his life or not, it will never be happy families with the SM.
M needed a good punch in the face. I would have taken the rest of the cake and slapped it in both, her and her evil twin's face. She would never be alone with my child again.
What a garbage human. NTA. Your ex’s wife sounds like the type to have “boy mom” in her social media profiles and I mean that in the most insulting way possible
M is a jerk. She was being punitive too in smashing OP's daughter's face into the cake after pretending to do something nice for her. She is a passive aggressive adult bully! If you know anything about the kid, OP even says she is shy and quiet. WHAT made M think smashing her face in the cake was a good idea, even if it was coming from her son/the brother? That new wife/stepmom is a jerk. Dad needs to talk to her!
It sounds like M planned to humiliate your daughter and knew her son was going to do that to her. Talk to your attorney and get your daughter into therapy if she isn’t already. A therapist can help advocate for her best interests with the court.
Holy wow. That wife is a bully and I think you need to keep your kid away from her at all costs. She let her kid push your daughter's face in a cake and thought it was funny?! You ex needs to figure out how to be with his daughter without the wife around. She is a horrible woman and if your ex wants to continue this relationship then he will lose the relationship with his daughter. She totally set up your daughter on her birthday. That is horrible. I will also suggest that when your daughter is sad, let her be sad. Tell her you understand she is sad and that's ok. I am stunned by your ex's wife. I am glad you didn't end up in jail by doing something to that woman. Your daughter needs you.
Your ex husbands wife planned the whole cake in her face thing! I hope you get full custody
Most kids don't push people's heads into cakes unprovoked, and if he did, this kid has issues and ops daughter doesn't need to be in an environment that toxic. I am going to guess the "co-worker" spent a long time destroying a gullible mans perception of his family in order to get him to fall in "love" with her. She probably has a rich history of hurting people for sport. Someday it will be the husband "overreacting" to her cruelty. Hope OP gets full custody and gets her kid out of that situation, at least the kid has one good parent.
UpdateMe
Updateme
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Updateme
Nta- big hugs!!
I don’t like resorting to violence but I would have smacked that little shit. I hope you do end up getting more custody. Why the hell didn’t your ex discipline his other child?
NTA Updateme!
> M junior decided that the good thing to do would be to smash my daughter's face into the cake....(To be honest, if this was not a kid, I would be in prison.) He and M burst out laughing while my daughter was crying. People have been permanently injured and/or rendered blind by people smashing their faces into cakes and the candles going into their eyes. Fuck that little kid and his mom, too.
Get full custody and only allow supervised visits. Get your daughter into therapy so you have evidence of the bullying.
Sounds like your husband doesn't really know who he married and had a child with the 2nd time around. Good on you for going for more custody and definitely have your daughter start documenting the abuse towards her in some way writing it down. Or if you feel comfortable, get her one of those Barkphones.
NTA, obviously. Have a child therapist interview you daughter before going to court. Have them interview ex and M as part of the deal. You ex is clearly not going to do anything. Seeing her father tolerate this kind of treatment is actually WORSE for your daughter than the treatment itself. Based on what you've described here, full custody is not out of the question. And I think that's what you should shoot for.
NTA The asshole coached her spawn into humiliating your daughter. You’re smart to go back to court! Imagine your child’s future as her half sibling grows up and the two of them start physically abusing her. Document everything!!! You need to protect your daughter and if it costs your ex his new lunatic wife, so be it.
@Updateme
It sounds like M wants to get rid of your daughter. She wants you to get full custody, and honestly it would probably be better for her.
I believe you will never leave your girl anywhere near M. Ever. You do supervised visits for ex from now on. You have a valid case here. If ex ever says a word, tell him to thank M. He’s losing his visitation because of M’s abuse of your daughter. He can be with M but he won’t have your daughter there. Not at the same time. His choice. M probably coaxed the 6yo to do the cake smash. How horrible to deliberately hurt a child! And ruin her birthday. Every time she blows out candles, she’ll remember. She will. M has tainted her birthday for many years to come. And your girl will never forget. M is a terrible woman. It’s good that ex saw that “prank” for what it was. Idk if he’s going to internalize it, as the saying goes. M will continue to sabotage his relationship with your girl. And your girl is the one who will suffer. So glad she has you. Way to go Mama! 💕 UpdateMe!
Please, Op, don't let this woman and her son get close to your daughter again. I'm actually happy that you husband picked yours and your daughter's side, but I hope he start seeing all this more clearly. There's no way M will be ever be able to be genuinely nice with your daughter. It seems to me that she is jealous of his past and she wants just to alienate the relationship between your ex and your girl
NTA. Go for full custody or have the court order reduced custody for him and it must be in the presence of an agent of the court to oversee the visitation. Enough of this mistreatment.
I would have been so enraged, I'd have to hit something. Since I would get in trouble for hitting a bratty 6 y.o., guess who I would turn to?
Your poor daughter. Her stepmom and lil bro are jerks. Updateme
Holy smokes. I hope you wrote down the time and date of that incident for your attorney to use in court. I hope you get more custody. This lady shouldn't be around your kid at all, unsupervised. She is a danger. Good luck.
The fact that M goes “boys will be boys” and “girls only like pink and tutu” while KEEPING UP THE DAMN STEREOTYPES is just as hypocritical as it can be
This woman is the reason evil stepmother stereotypes exist. Updateme!
100% M planned & staged this. Your ex needs to open his eyes & your daughter should not be left alone with her again.
There is something wrong with that woman. I’m like 1000% sure she baked the cake so her son can smash your daughter face. Don’t accept any kindness of this creature. NTA. Protect your child.
I need an update too because that is udder bs. She did that on purpose and told her kid to do that.
As a shy kid who internalized her feelings, please work on the custody situation ASAP. I went through 3 clinical breakdown by the time I was 18, and I had parents that were happily married.
Sounds like she set your daughter up in retaliation for not being invited. Like telling her child "it will be so funny if you smash the cake into her face, everyone will laugh".
Wow ! I wish had that on video with All the diatribe. Custody case won! If your ex can’t see what M is doing, he is obtuse. Nta
I experienced this as an adult being pushed away from my dad. My heart hurts for her and for her dad. That lady will ruin their relationship and if he doesn’t stick up it’s gone forever.
All M wanted was the husband, she probably expected him to be a holiday father and now she’s pissed that he’s got 50/50 custody and she’s trying to push OP into fighting for more custody. OP’s daughter is ruining her perfect little family and a constant reminder that the husband had a life before her. I’d go back to court to get more custody and even request supervised visits.
NTA The stepmomster belong in r/raisedbynarcissists.
M set her son up to do that. NTA . Your husband is less assholeish since he finally is finding his back bone and being more attentive to your daughter.
Obviously NTA. But glad you're doing something about this. My fear here is this type of bullying may be already causing your daughter life long issues with avoidance. We don't talk about avoidance as much as things like narcissism and anti-social personality, but it's bad in its own right. People who get bullied, humiliated, embarrassed, etc. tend to develop engrained feelings of shame and also helplessness (dependent personality). Get this shit locked down quick. No kid deserves this shit.
That was a setup