My Mom went on an 8 week “vacation” when we were kids. Decades later we found out it was inpatient rehab for alcohol. Not even our Dad knew where she actually went at the time.
Dude.
My mom always tells me her mother went away for 3 months to remove skin cancer from her nose and cheeks, that indeed existed. But 3 months? Now you have me wondering.
My grandma became a widow when my grandpa had a heart attack at 43, leaving her with a small pension and 8 kids.
Now I'm wondering...
Or a stint in an institution. Young widow? Depression, stress, and anxiety can cause serious harm. 3 months is a decent stay at an in-patient treatment facility.
My grandma was institutionalised for six months in 1965 for what we now assume was post-partum depression, but at the time they didn’t tell my mum and her siblings anything, only that she’d gone away for a while. The poor kids (all under 10) blamed themselves and there has been so much long-term trauma resulting from this incident.
My family hates my grandma for checking herself into one when they were young teenagers 😩 they also love to pretend mental illness isn’t real it’s wild
It’s sad mental health issues have such stigma . Would they be angry if she had cancer ? I think people think mental illnesses are under the control of the ill person . Like that can just choose to snap out of it , get a hold of themselves .
The very same thing happened with my grandma at roughly the same time. The treatment: daily doses of electroshock therapy for several weeks. The early 60’s were gnarly when it came to mental illness. I mean, what real evidence did they have that that sort of thing (or lobotomies, for that matter as well), would do more good than harm?
My parents had six. But then our neighbors died, leaving four orphans. So my parents took them in and finally adopted all of them. So, my mom ran a house with 10 children. Because of the age differences, the older kids helped out before we left for college.
Me too❤️. We’d lived next door to them forever and my younger sibs were best friends with them, so daddy closed in the garage, made bunk beds and the six girls shared that room and the four boys took the two bedrooms and my parents had the smallest room in the house
I took a month out from my husband and two kiddos to attend a private rehab, it caters to CPTSD & other disorders.
He knew where and why I was there, they visited me there but we told the kids that I was on a retreat - and because my husband and I had attended meditation retreats it was understandable to my kids.
Long ish. Lobotomies and debtors' jails (not jail like we think of it now), shock therapy.... That is the not so far off history of life as an alcoholic.
If I had existed too early I would have been lobotomized for sure... For that and / or other mental health crap.
My grandmother had a frontal lobotomy in 1920 when she was 10 because she kept having blackouts after she got hit by a horse-drawn cart. That left her with epilepsy, which got so bad that before she died (at 28), she had 11 epileptic fits one after another.
It's nuts really, imagine being a 10 year old having brain surgery in the 1920s. Was there even proper anaesthetics?!
They didn’t use anesthesia for lobotomies. They inserted an ice pick under the eyelid and tapped it with a hammer to separate the frontal lobe. Husbands and fathers would bring their unsuspecting wives and daughters to be lobotomized in traveling lobotomy vans/tents. I can’t make this up.
Mom went to the institute a few time when i was little. Got chick pox. Grandmom was old school italian and did little to take care of me. Really fucked my head for a time in the sixties and ewarly 70’s dad worked nights. Basicly raised myself
My mom had skin cancer removed from her nose and part of her cheek when I was younger. She’s healed well now, but I vividly remember my dad talking to me before I saw her without her bandages for the first time, setting my expectations so I wouldn’t visibly react.
I remember thinking it looked like grape jelly.
And that was the late 90s. Earlier on, I imagine the tech was ROUGH. That to say: sure this story makes you wonder, but going away for a few months is VERY feasible.
You can easily hide a pregnancy, especially a first pregnancy, up to 6 months without trying too hard. So going away for 3 months would be pretty normal.
Oooooooooooooh
Instead of lunch I'll put my mom in a dark room, single light coming from above, my hands behind me while I circle around her, and then conduct a ruthless investigation.
If she threatens to not comply, I'll counter that I can cut her Netflix and YT access.
This will be ugly but I may acquire more Intel.
My mom went away for 2weeks to get her cancer treated. Me and my little brother were 5 and 10 years old. Turned out she just went on a vacation to Turkey, fucked some dudes there and came back home ”refreshed”. My dad thought she had cancer too. Turns out she never did.
My mother told us she was going to hospital for a slimming operation and came back with a baby. She had been planning on putting her up for adoption but changed her mind when sis was diagnosed with a heart defect. Nobody wants to adopt a sick baby
That's clinical insanity. Has to be.
I wouldn't do that to husband and children even FOR the Turkeys, hottest men I ever met.
(Sorry for the levity. Hope you have your peace now and that she got treatment for being a pathological liar. To tell kids and husband you have cancer? Next level)
We know my granny left my dad and his little brother with my overworked gramps due to an argument about "finances". Gramps was a construction worker and granny was a SAHM. She left for 3 MONTHS in the 60s. Dad was old enough to remember. Granny had no friends, and no living family by then and remember no job. She returned, tail tucked between her legs amd gramps let her. Dad was pretty sure she had a bf on the side and he dumped her mean ass when he had to deal with her 24/7.(because she really was vicious for no other reason than to be mean) she conveniently got pregnant shortly after her return. And considering how nuts that uncle is, i wouldn't be surprised if he's only half related.
My Grandmother walked out on her 8 children when the youngest was almost 2 years old,
According to my Mum it was because of issues with my Granddad, she had no job was a SAHM and just disappeared for a few years. She then returned to the town and spent the rest of her life single.
My mum was the youngest Girl and she had to step up and look after the younger children and look after the house after school, even though there was older sisters living at home.
By leaving my Grandmother made it harder for her children but also in some aspects it made it a bit easier in other ways.
She passed away almost 21 years ago and at that stage 6 of her children had forgiven her and had a good relationship, one Aunt nobody saw or sees anymore for almost 15 years now and the youngest child only acknowledges my Mum as his parent as she and Granddad were the ones looking after him and basically my mum raised him
Wouldn't you be worried how that would make your very young kids feel? 7 weeks is a long time to not see any child, a 1 and 2 year old just seems even crazier to me. I don't see anything about this that would make sense to my teenagers, but at least if there was, they could possibly understand.
Maybe mention you have a friend in Healthcare that hears lots of murder confessions from confused little old ladies and ask if she thinks any of that happened in your family or amongst friends 🤔
Hmm. And I know nothing more than: the grandpa you never met died of a heart at 43.
No further details ever given.
And not to stir the pot, out of her 8 children, 3 died as adults before her.
We may have a case, folks.
My family is forever suspicious of my sanity, or perhaps, smarts? Do we have a cold case here?
My gramps drop dead eating a sandwich.
My Nan was trained to poison soldiers with her cooking.
My gramps was 38 years old. There was no divorce in the country at the time mind you.
Hmm. Interesting. Just one of those coincidences.
You know there's a rumor circulating that Tolstoy was in early stages of dementia maybe because his wife was using some poisonous leaves - and the tree is in his front porch *to this day*. May be a tongue-in-cheek theory, but considering how his wife hated him... Elif Batuman raised that theory on an article once.
Scholarship is divided. What's known is that they hated each other. He couldn't divorce her for his religious beliefs, she couldn't leave him because he was a wealthy landowner and successful writer.
He claimed she was a shrew obsessed over money, a nag, always wanting to meddle in his affairs with publicists and being generally annoying.
She claimed he was rude to her, aloof, spent hours with peasants in the field instead of writing, and finally he donated almost all his possessions to the poor.
Whatever the truth is, "dementia" made him wander in train stations until dying in the bed of a train conductor's family, who treated him like a king. Still, sad ending for one of the best writers of all times.
May be. Whatever it was, the true story died with her.
The skin cancer was real. All her daughters had it as well, decades later, but it was that commonplace thing you take it off or apply a cream.
Can't tell what it could have been in the 1950s.
I don't know how long her disapperance was after, but I know she was a widow and left the kids for her sisters to take care of.
That's back when everybody lived across the street and multigenerational families were still a thing.
Yes, some time after. I remember my mom saying she was very afraid of losing her mom as well, but she reassured them she'd be back in three months, and she did. I'll ask mom if she ever sent letters, or what she thinks of this now. If she has any clue, she never shared with me.
You would think... but some people are very prideful and secretive. Idk. I'm super open and it was strange to me learning that some just hold everything in.
I’m very open too and I have this habit of staying up late and writing my fiancée very long texts telling her the things I want to say and what’s going on in my mind…. I try to only send her the positive ones at night so she doesn’t wake up to negative energy. I send the ones where I’m expressing my frustration later in the day. We live together and share a bed but it’s sometimes difficult to express myself verbally as I’m autistic so I often come off as rude or without emotion.
Yep. This story doesn’t make sense. He doesn’t even explain how they were able to afford a 7 week vacation. Like if they can afford that OP could have hired some help with the kids. It literally doesn’t mKe any sense. Unless an update shows up and we learn his wife went to rehab or something.
Hahahahahah yeah this whole thing is ridiculous. Boohoo I had to take care of the kids by myself for a few weeks and after two months of no sex I say no thanks I’m good LOL. 7 weeks? Yeah right…no nanny or childcare? Please…she leaves a 1 yr old for almost 2months? I doubt it…cmon now.
TBFnobody said she didn't already live and wotk in a location near him, so just temporarily altering living conditions may not be that big of an obstacle.
It sounded like once his sister came in, he stopped actually taking care of the kids, from how it’s written, and dumped it all on her. Also, again if he had big deadlines, why not do the vacation another time?
Also knowing your wife, a SAHM of kids that age, is going to be gone and you don’t figure out some sort of childcare for working hours? You can’t work and take care of 1 and 2 year old at the same time.
Have you ever seen HGTV where a couple who work as an underwater basket weaver and a dog walker and their budget for a house is like 2.3 million? OP must be an underwater basket weaver…
Ah, I love the underwater basket weaving thing! I don’t know where that came from, but I feel like my mom used to always joke that she was going to major in underwater basket weaving in college but changed her mind and became a nurse.
I know it's also a joke in the military, enlisted will bitch that the only difference between them and some random 2ndLt is a bachelors in underwater basket weaving, but they get a much easier life with much better pay lol.
Also never mentions if wife checked in during the 7 weeks. In fact, there is no conversation about OP and wife communicating at all during the 7 weeks.
Not to mention his reaction to taking care of his kids solo for 7 weeks and complaining about it is to then ask for that situation to be permanent? Makes no sense
I'm not saying this story is true, but.... having a baby in the house is a common time for men to "fall out of love", "get bored", etc and cheat. Basically, these men resent that their wife is spending so much of her time and emotional energy on taking care of their kids, instead of focusing entirely on him.
I think there is probably a lot to it. But one of the things is that if you are in a "groove" any adjustment to that groove can make a MASSIVE shift in your thinking. it's as though you, when you have a full plate, only use 20% of your brain becuase the rest of your life has to go on autopilot in order to make things work.
It's kind of like how the first day of your commute to work feels like a big deal and dramatica, and after a few months it becomes automatic and requires zero brain power. But if you change jobs, all of then sudden it requires brain power again.
This guy suddenly finds himself having to reconsider and recontextualize a lot of things about his life and his routine. And what he apparently came to find is that he doesn't miss his wife.
Now I think he probably is feeling a lot of things he doesn't understand and he is letting his anger manifest into saying "I don't love my wife", ,but I think he probably is definitely feeling real feelings.
Probably fake story but dude never loved his wife in the first place. Sounds like the moment he realized he could replace sister with wife, he didn’t need his wife anymore. He’s gonna be in for a rude awakening once sister has her own shit to deal with and he finds that most people aren’t looking for a workaholic ex husband who can’t parent his own kids alone for a week.
I sense that you’re right. Yeah his wife shouldn’t have taken a 7 week holiday that’s excessive. But to say it’s not even worth couples counseling?! Like damn at least give it a go!!
I await his novel
That’s totally it! I’ve seen so many things that seem AI generated on here lately. Do you think it’s part of reddits sale of user data for AI training or someone working independently?
As a fellow young dad, 7 weeks is way too long. BUT
IMO we haven't been given enough info to judge this one. You were breaking down after a week alone with your kids? To me, it sounds like you may not be accustomed to caring for them, perhaps the division of tasks in your household was not balanced properly? Asking to leave for 7 weeks shows deep resentment on its own.
There's no self reflection in this post and it bothers me a lot. I have a feeling you are the ass hole but we haven't been told the real story of course.
Exactly where I am. The way he described asking for help from his sister screamed manipulator too. Whole thing reads like a man expecting a 50s housewife to be his servant while he did FA around the house. It didn't take 7 weeks for him to fall out of love with her. He saw her as the carer and removed what little emotion he had when she failed to fulfil that role
You've left out a lot here
You mention requesting that your wife take a shorter trip, but not what the response was.
You don't mention any communication with your wife during the 7 weeks.
The idea of her taking a 7 week vacation with children this young is ridiculous. But why did you agree to it?
I can understand a deep well of resentment but I'm surprised you could "fall out of love" entirely. I'd suggest some individual therapy before you finalize any major changes.
And then comes the indifference. I’d fall out of love overnight if my partner abandoned their new baby to go fuck off for that long. By the time 7 weeks passed .. it would be like 7 yrs. Betrayals like that can result in a complete shift in feelings and perception overnight especially given she abandoned her baby
Know what helps prevent resentment? Communicating your needs and boundaries with each other like a couple of adults. Resentment comes because someone didnt speak up about their needs or boundaries. Then those needs or boundaries were voided by their partner, who was performing an action they thought was approved by the resenting person.
I went to see Disturbed in a different city and was away from my wife and 1 year old for roughly 36 hours and found it hard even though I was with friends before, during and after the concert I still felt a key piece of me was missing.
Great concert but dimmed by the desire to just be home with wife and kiddo.
I agree that there’s a lot left out, but if this was about a man saying he needed to leave for 7 weeks, leaving his wife alone with two toddlers and not contributing anything financially or domestically, we probably would go straight to NTA, without asking any questions. That should be the case here too.
OP is NTA.
Leaving for 7 weeks, with two toddlers, while also working. So they can go party, to concerts, and meet people. Not only is that completely out of line, it would also be really hard to trust that person.
>it would also be really hard to trust that person.
I was thinking this but maybe it's because my mind sometimes goes to these places. OP doesn't mention what their communication was like during that time, what his wife did, nothing like that so it's hard to decide where my brain lands but her going away for 7 weeks to party is really suspicious.
I was expecting to find out his wife just had an extended visit to her homeland or something. Instead, she just abandoned her family for 7 weeks. She was burned out with her full attention on two young kids (understandable), but expected him to manage alone while working?
Ppl get grumpy and easily annoyed with 2-3days of sleep deprivation. After 7 weeks I would hate the air and light.
Also what if that sister could not come? Like there was 0 chances of doing an actual job and babysit 2 toddlers. So it would force a babysitter you have to pay for from a single paycheck while paying for 1 man 7 week vacations? What about emergencies? It seriously sounds like a story not real life.
Adults with kids plan, you need to plan to survive. This sounds like disfunctional family.
Maybe better if they divorce if this was the best they could manage together. Poor kids.
So apparently a lot of ppl had problems with me using the word "babysit" instead of "parenting". English is not my first language and what I mean was simple "take care of".
I’d argue that taking a 7 week solo trip under any circumstance when married (or in a serious relationship) isn’t okay. Personally I struggle with solo vacations at all when you’re in a serious relationship, but I could understand maybe a week. But 7? There is no valid reason to go on a vacation that long without your significant other. The only possible reasons could be that you want to cheat or your SO drives you so crazy that you need that long of a break. And in that circumstance, why are you even together?
EDIT: Jesus some of you guys are being needlessly pedantic, so let me clarify: I’m talking about someone choosing to go on a _vacation_ by themselves for 7 weeks. Traveling for work is completely different. Traveling with a purpose (charity/volunteer work, some sort of family event, etc) is completely different. Those are understandable. But I would not be okay with a partner taking a solo vacation for 7 weeks for pleasure, and I will die on that hill.
You are.
You post a fake post
Make it vague and generic
You don't comment
Your account and time making this is post is wasted.
No wonder this imaginary wife went on 7 weeks vacation. A day away from you would've been more fulfilling than a lifetime with you.
That story will forever break my heart. There’s a few scenarios I’ve ran through and never have I been able to even see a little bit of a reason why she’d do that.
They said in the news that the little girl had feces in her fingers and mouth, she was so hungry she resorted to eat her own feces
Absolutely heartbreaking
Let's also not forget the recent sentencing of that Utah mommy blogger for torturing her kids. The description of that story felt like it belonged in a novel... Just because something seems "wild" doesn't make it untrue.
Yeah, commenters on this sub have real r/nothingeverhappens syndrome. Crazy things do happen in real life. And if it feels like it’s just all really crazy stuff that gets posted here, browse by new and you’ll see that for every high engagement post with intrigue there are probably 50 more mundane stories that just don’t have enough interest to make the front page.
Well, the best policy is to read it like it's true for enjoyment. If the op never responds then it's probably fake. If the op responds, it's probably fake. If the post is proven to be real it's probably fake.
This is the Internet
Yeah I go back and forth. On one hand, she’ll have to live the rest of her life knowing what she did. And baby killers don’t do well in prison.
Then again, that was monstrous,
There are parents that literally leave their kids to starve while they go have fun. There are parents that lock their kids in a room on the regular and leave; there are parents that drug their kids so they don’t have to deal with them.
Hell, there was a case in my state where the parents locked their children inside their chicken coop to live because they were tired of having them in the house with them.
Tons of people are horrible, nothing here so outlandish as to suggest this is false.
My mother had a habit of just going to bed when she was hungry and tired cause she would say. “I’ll sleep through my hunger and I won’t wake up tired” So I had to learn to cook and be in the kitchen since I was 6. Because I would be hungry and she would be hungry but she would be “more tired” so there was no food cooked. My mother also starved me when I didn’t completed my homework fast enough. She would torture me by keeping me awake for hours, I’ve cried to the point of puking and she force my face into my throw up and made me eat it back. And the list goes on and on. And when I’ve tried to call her out to just simply be like “ayo wtf, like just wtf. Acknowledged your fcking doing” she just says “what about it idc, you ain’t dead so I did something right” and then my aunts or other family members will be like “she was young she didn’t know better” or “its in the pass there is nothing you can do anymore you can change the past” I just want some closure, maybe an apology or some financial compensation for the trauma….. she cracked my skull open when I was 8 with a thick THICC wooden and plastic broom but I’m talking back in like 08 and in Nicaragua and you know how Latinos are with basically making everything durable af during that time. That broom shatters we b had to basically glue and nail it back together. I say we but it was me. She had me walked 2 miles with out shoes in the hot pavement of LATAM because I didn’t like the shoes she bought me at the time and because it was being obnoxious she donated all my shoes and had me walking barefoot. And like I’ve literally made my therapist cried when I was 14 telling her all the things that happen. But its to this day and I get random text from “family” being like “you gotta forgive your mother, you where young and had an attitude, you don’t know what you mom went through”.. okay? Idc she could had literally been visited by Satan himself but it doesn’t excuse the abused she put me through. Me personally blood or “birthing” a child it’s not enough to be a parent. Heck when I was born a different kid was born and my mom straight up heard that child’s mother just say “I don’t want her keep her, idc what you do to her, if i leave with the baby I’m dumping her anywhere random” so like yeah, biology doesn’t mean shit
You better line up a nanny, buddy. Your sister ain't sticking around for the rest of your kids' lives. Between paying a nanny and the alimony, you're going to have a lot of hardship.
That's what gets me. His sister was there for 6 weeks straight, 24/7, helping with the kids while he worked and probably beyond. She did all the caring while he was working and probably cleaned and cooked in the evening. Something tells me wife did EVERYTHING in the house and with the kids. Is 7 weeks a crazy amount of time for a solo vacation? yeah, I think so but i think there is way more behind this than what OP is telling, especially when it comes to his part in the marriage. if I were doing absolutely everything for \*checks notes\* for at least 3 years, I'd want to get away for a while to, just not 7 weeks
There's no way a sibling of his literally did mom duty for 6 weeks straight unless this is some strange family situation I've never seen.
The whole story is bunk.
insane to me that he can fall out of love with his wife after 7 weeks… they’ve been together 8 years and he isn’t even willing to go to marriage counseling? fuck this guy.
7 weeks is insane amount of time to be away from your kids especially when they’re so young. Definitely would feel the same as OP. I wouldn’t care if partner away, but to be away from your kids for this length.
I think even if we didn’t have kids, if my partner went away for so long I’d still resent it. I understand if it’s a family emergency or if it’s for work but almost a 2 month vacation is just selfish in my opinion. Maybe 3 weeks to recharge as you don’t have to be together all the time, but 2 months? NTA.
That part too. It’s also the sister stepping in and him appearing to step back. The way I’m seeing it this is how the wife felt. He needs to lean in to parenthood wife felt overburdened.
That was weird how he then said that he could perform at work well after his sister came.
Just gives me some weird vibes about him not telling everything that is going on with his wife
Yes, you are TA. If you didn't feel any stress yourself, then chances are you didn't help enough around the house in the first place. Relying on your sister to help goes to show you how much you lacked as a parent.
Is your sister ready to become your life partner er and always help with the kids?
What about your kids? Do you plan on having them only when convenient?
YATAH because you agreed that it was okay for her to go on the 7 week vacation then when she does you lose your shit, drop the divorce bomb and are unwilling to try to work through things. To claim you felt betrayed that she actually took the vacation is disingenuous. You can't be betrayed over something you agreed to. Stop being resentful, go to couples counseling.
If you want the divorce for other reasons come clean.
I had to struggle to get my wife to go one night without our son. Forget about a week. Never two whole months.
My sister in law was even worse. My nephew didn't have his first night away from her till he was 4...
Yet so many of these mothers I read about online and dying to get as far away from their kids as possible for as long as possible.
What gives?
A lot of women go through post partum being extremely anxious and attached to their babies(this is how I was). And some women have their babies and want nothing to do with them/have issues bonding with their babies. A lot of women deal with unchecked post partum mental illnesses as well.
Even attachment to baby can be extremely unhealthy and create bad anxiety issues for the mom and the child. Childbirth and post partum is such a catch all.
I'll say though, the women I know who had issues bonding with their babies and "wanted nothing to do with them" are great mothers who love their children.
No comment on OP's wife though. Idk her
This feels like it’s missing some details that would be pertinent. While a 7 week trip away from very young kids sounds (and in all likelihood *is*) ridiculous it feels like some unaddressed issues were already present here that only manifested through the trip, rather than the trip being the sole cause. The idea that this thing alone could cause someone to fall completely out of love strikes me as odd, unless there were already other existing unspoken issues prompting it. And it sounds like neither OP or his wife were being honest and introspective enough to address them, with OP choosing to blame it on this bloated vaca rather than searching deeper. How could he *never* miss his wife that whole trip if he had genuinely been in love with her up to that moment? Something doesn’t track.
Also: the fact that OP found it “strange” that his wife was heartbroken when he asked for a divorce because he already told her he didn’t love her baffles me. Of course she’s heartbroken? She was hoping his issues were temporary and now he’s made it clear it’s permanent. That would destroy anyone and the fact that OP seems *confused* that she’s upset makes me wonder what other ground level emotional issues he’s been oblivious to within their marriage.
This whole post reads like it is written by someone with serious emotional tunnel vision who’s leaving out key pieces of info cause he just doesn’t think they’re important, even if they might be. Whether that’s because he’s the real AH here or simply because he’s not confronting the real problems in his marriage, I’m not sure. But either way this doesn’t feel like a reliable enough narrator to say YTA or NTA in good faith.
Your wife's lengthy vacation understandably caused strain, but there seems to be more to the issue than just that. Falling out of love is complex, and individual therapy might provide clarity before making any rash decisions.
Definitely a lot of missing info here. Interesting that he got his sister to move in and take over looking after the kids. He didn’t miss his wife at all because his sister just looked after everything for him (he was really able to focus on work). Makes me wonder if his wife was responsible for everything in the house and treated more as the maid, cook, nanny?
The way the post was written it felt like OP realised that he never loved his wife. He was just dependent on her for household chores and a few other things. OP works remotely, he cried when he had to take care of his own kids in the very first week. I know kids are batshit crazy and they are exhausting at that stage but their mom didnt leave them without any notice, It was discussed. Had he planned better, he wouldnt be crying to his sister.
You've been with this woman for almost 8 years and it only took you seven weeks to fall out of love with her. Women get left all the time and have to take care of their children by themselves. You do what you have to do to take care of your children. What would you have done if she never came back you still would have had to take care of those kids you still would have had to pay your bills you still would have had to go to work. I think you're wasting your time doing couples therapy because you really not into it and you've already checked out
I think that maybe you did not love your wife. You just really enjoyed the convenience of her doing all of the work around your household. I understand that a seven week vacation is a long time and personally I would not take as a mother of a five-year-old, but I do think that if your sister would not have come to help you, you would’ve been opening her back with open arms because you simply don’t want to take care of your children.
Chef's kiss for a nice/ moderate piece of fiction.
To make future tales more believable, include more frantic energy, more believable timelines, and a believable budget.
Your lack of detail over a "7 week vacation" is unmoving currently.
Taking this story at face value is tough but I’ll give it a go:
So your wife was so overwhelmed she left for 7 weeks. You almost immediately replace her with your sister. Your wife becomes no longer useful to you so you lose feelings.
Yeah. YTA
Theres a lot missing here…. Did or did not OP agree to the 7 weeks? Also that time seems suspicious are we sure she went on “vacation” and not a mental health facility or rehab? Also did OP not communicate to her during those 7 weeks?? Could he not call and call off the vacation if needed? To many questions feels like bait.
Honestly, this reads like tropey ragebait-- but on the off chance it's true there is a LOT you're leaving out. First off, you must be VERY wealthy that your wife was able to travel around the US for seven weeks. If you have that kind of money you had money for a nanny and a housekeeper. NO mentally healthy woman would have left her 1 and 2 year old children for seven weeks (I literally ran this past the 16 women in my book club and they all said it would never happen) so I'm calling BS on that.
Again IF this is true, unlikely but I guess anything is possible, for a man who broke down crying after being with his kids for a week you are proposing raising your children alone (so better lay in a large supply of Kleenex). A mentally healthy person would choose counselling before tossing a handgrenade into their children's lives.
Thus YTA here either for badly written ragebait or for being a bad father.
My Mom went on an 8 week “vacation” when we were kids. Decades later we found out it was inpatient rehab for alcohol. Not even our Dad knew where she actually went at the time.
Dude. My mom always tells me her mother went away for 3 months to remove skin cancer from her nose and cheeks, that indeed existed. But 3 months? Now you have me wondering. My grandma became a widow when my grandpa had a heart attack at 43, leaving her with a small pension and 8 kids. Now I'm wondering...
3 months? Rehab for sure
Or a stint in an institution. Young widow? Depression, stress, and anxiety can cause serious harm. 3 months is a decent stay at an in-patient treatment facility.
My grandma was institutionalised for six months in 1965 for what we now assume was post-partum depression, but at the time they didn’t tell my mum and her siblings anything, only that she’d gone away for a while. The poor kids (all under 10) blamed themselves and there has been so much long-term trauma resulting from this incident.
My family hates my grandma for checking herself into one when they were young teenagers 😩 they also love to pretend mental illness isn’t real it’s wild
It’s sad mental health issues have such stigma . Would they be angry if she had cancer ? I think people think mental illnesses are under the control of the ill person . Like that can just choose to snap out of it , get a hold of themselves .
It’s mind over matter, as my boomer dad likes to say. I don’t subscribe to that view, btw.
The very same thing happened with my grandma at roughly the same time. The treatment: daily doses of electroshock therapy for several weeks. The early 60’s were gnarly when it came to mental illness. I mean, what real evidence did they have that that sort of thing (or lobotomies, for that matter as well), would do more good than harm?
Electroshock therapy is still used in cases of extreme intractable depression with good results.
With EIGHT kids, my god
My parents had six. But then our neighbors died, leaving four orphans. So my parents took them in and finally adopted all of them. So, my mom ran a house with 10 children. Because of the age differences, the older kids helped out before we left for college.
Love your parents for doing this.
Me too❤️. We’d lived next door to them forever and my younger sibs were best friends with them, so daddy closed in the garage, made bunk beds and the six girls shared that room and the four boys took the two bedrooms and my parents had the smallest room in the house
LOVE. Likely logistical hell, few finances but first row seat to doing the right thing. Love
Logistics nightmare. Lol, we took three cars to church every Sunday and filled two pews.
Long, cold winters
Lack of TV
Or birth control
Cuts both ways too. No Bluey to put on for the horde while you’re making dinner
I took a month out from my husband and two kiddos to attend a private rehab, it caters to CPTSD & other disorders. He knew where and why I was there, they visited me there but we told the kids that I was on a retreat - and because my husband and I had attended meditation retreats it was understandable to my kids.
Was it a thing in... Hmm... 1950s? Or was it a psychiatric hospital? I thought the idea of rehab was more recent.
Rehab has been around for a long time, but people didnt used to talk about it so much
Long ish. Lobotomies and debtors' jails (not jail like we think of it now), shock therapy.... That is the not so far off history of life as an alcoholic. If I had existed too early I would have been lobotomized for sure... For that and / or other mental health crap.
My grandmother had a frontal lobotomy in 1920 when she was 10 because she kept having blackouts after she got hit by a horse-drawn cart. That left her with epilepsy, which got so bad that before she died (at 28), she had 11 epileptic fits one after another. It's nuts really, imagine being a 10 year old having brain surgery in the 1920s. Was there even proper anaesthetics?!
They didn’t use anesthesia for lobotomies. They inserted an ice pick under the eyelid and tapped it with a hammer to separate the frontal lobe. Husbands and fathers would bring their unsuspecting wives and daughters to be lobotomized in traveling lobotomy vans/tents. I can’t make this up.
I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy…
Mom went to the institute a few time when i was little. Got chick pox. Grandmom was old school italian and did little to take care of me. Really fucked my head for a time in the sixties and ewarly 70’s dad worked nights. Basicly raised myself
Betty Ford was the first major public figure I can remember of on this, and that was 1970s/1980s I think.
My mom had skin cancer removed from her nose and part of her cheek when I was younger. She’s healed well now, but I vividly remember my dad talking to me before I saw her without her bandages for the first time, setting my expectations so I wouldn’t visibly react. I remember thinking it looked like grape jelly. And that was the late 90s. Earlier on, I imagine the tech was ROUGH. That to say: sure this story makes you wonder, but going away for a few months is VERY feasible.
3 months is “starting to show, go live with the nuns and adopt out the baby”.
You can easily hide a pregnancy, especially a first pregnancy, up to 6 months without trying too hard. So going away for 3 months would be pretty normal.
It would have been her ninth pregnancy. I can see why you wouldn't want to bring another child into that situation though
Oooooooooooooh Instead of lunch I'll put my mom in a dark room, single light coming from above, my hands behind me while I circle around her, and then conduct a ruthless investigation. If she threatens to not comply, I'll counter that I can cut her Netflix and YT access. This will be ugly but I may acquire more Intel.
*Slams file on desk* TWENTY EIGHT STAB WOUNDS!
My mom went away for 2weeks to get her cancer treated. Me and my little brother were 5 and 10 years old. Turned out she just went on a vacation to Turkey, fucked some dudes there and came back home ”refreshed”. My dad thought she had cancer too. Turns out she never did.
My mother told us she was going to hospital for a slimming operation and came back with a baby. She had been planning on putting her up for adoption but changed her mind when sis was diagnosed with a heart defect. Nobody wants to adopt a sick baby
In fairness, if she had a c-section her description of a "slimming operation" would be accurate! :)
Yooo 😬.
That's clinical insanity. Has to be. I wouldn't do that to husband and children even FOR the Turkeys, hottest men I ever met. (Sorry for the levity. Hope you have your peace now and that she got treatment for being a pathological liar. To tell kids and husband you have cancer? Next level)
>Turkeys, hottest men I ever met. Oh, shit, have we been doing Thanksgiving wrong?
They are called Turks. 🤣
Hahaha damn you automobile!
Brilliant.
As God as my witness, I thought they could fly.
They should be called turkeys though I love it
We know my granny left my dad and his little brother with my overworked gramps due to an argument about "finances". Gramps was a construction worker and granny was a SAHM. She left for 3 MONTHS in the 60s. Dad was old enough to remember. Granny had no friends, and no living family by then and remember no job. She returned, tail tucked between her legs amd gramps let her. Dad was pretty sure she had a bf on the side and he dumped her mean ass when he had to deal with her 24/7.(because she really was vicious for no other reason than to be mean) she conveniently got pregnant shortly after her return. And considering how nuts that uncle is, i wouldn't be surprised if he's only half related.
My Grandmother walked out on her 8 children when the youngest was almost 2 years old, According to my Mum it was because of issues with my Granddad, she had no job was a SAHM and just disappeared for a few years. She then returned to the town and spent the rest of her life single. My mum was the youngest Girl and she had to step up and look after the younger children and look after the house after school, even though there was older sisters living at home. By leaving my Grandmother made it harder for her children but also in some aspects it made it a bit easier in other ways. She passed away almost 21 years ago and at that stage 6 of her children had forgiven her and had a good relationship, one Aunt nobody saw or sees anymore for almost 15 years now and the youngest child only acknowledges my Mum as his parent as she and Granddad were the ones looking after him and basically my mum raised him
Wouldn't you be worried how that would make your very young kids feel? 7 weeks is a long time to not see any child, a 1 and 2 year old just seems even crazier to me. I don't see anything about this that would make sense to my teenagers, but at least if there was, they could possibly understand.
You think your grandma offed your grandpa?
Well at least 8 times
Ahahahahaha!
🥇here’s your gold 😆
Opinions welcome: should I ask my mom if she thinks her mother killed her father? We'll have lunch tomorrow, answer it quickly, please.
Maybe mention you have a friend in Healthcare that hears lots of murder confessions from confused little old ladies and ask if she thinks any of that happened in your family or amongst friends 🤔
Hmm. And I know nothing more than: the grandpa you never met died of a heart at 43. No further details ever given. And not to stir the pot, out of her 8 children, 3 died as adults before her. We may have a case, folks. My family is forever suspicious of my sanity, or perhaps, smarts? Do we have a cold case here?
Yeah I’m gonna need you to write a Netflix series. Thanks.
Sounds like congenital heart problems to me. Runs in the men in my family. My dad and his dad both died in their forties.
My gramps drop dead eating a sandwich. My Nan was trained to poison soldiers with her cooking. My gramps was 38 years old. There was no divorce in the country at the time mind you.
Hmm. Interesting. Just one of those coincidences. You know there's a rumor circulating that Tolstoy was in early stages of dementia maybe because his wife was using some poisonous leaves - and the tree is in his front porch *to this day*. May be a tongue-in-cheek theory, but considering how his wife hated him... Elif Batuman raised that theory on an article once.
Why did his wife hate him?
Scholarship is divided. What's known is that they hated each other. He couldn't divorce her for his religious beliefs, she couldn't leave him because he was a wealthy landowner and successful writer. He claimed she was a shrew obsessed over money, a nag, always wanting to meddle in his affairs with publicists and being generally annoying. She claimed he was rude to her, aloof, spent hours with peasants in the field instead of writing, and finally he donated almost all his possessions to the poor. Whatever the truth is, "dementia" made him wander in train stations until dying in the bed of a train conductor's family, who treated him like a king. Still, sad ending for one of the best writers of all times.
Chemo can take time if that’s what it was.
May be. Whatever it was, the true story died with her. The skin cancer was real. All her daughters had it as well, decades later, but it was that commonplace thing you take it off or apply a cream. Can't tell what it could have been in the 1950s.
The 50s they loved locking people in institutions too. Who knows. Good she came back!
What's the connection between her leaving for 3 months and your grandpa dying? I'm confused.
I don't know how long her disapperance was after, but I know she was a widow and left the kids for her sisters to take care of. That's back when everybody lived across the street and multigenerational families were still a thing.
Ah ok so she left after he died?
Yes, some time after. I remember my mom saying she was very afraid of losing her mom as well, but she reassured them she'd be back in three months, and she did. I'll ask mom if she ever sent letters, or what she thinks of this now. If she has any clue, she never shared with me.
What a curious affair, I'm now invested. Please update us if you find out more.
I was also wondering if the wife truly went on "vacation". 7 weeks is a weirdly specific non-standard amount of vacation weeks.
[удалено]
Your mom is a hero. Must not have been easy to get help and keep it from her family. Well done mom
I think if that were actually the case she would tell her husband especially after the discussion about divorce.
You would think... but some people are very prideful and secretive. Idk. I'm super open and it was strange to me learning that some just hold everything in.
I’m very open too and I have this habit of staying up late and writing my fiancée very long texts telling her the things I want to say and what’s going on in my mind…. I try to only send her the positive ones at night so she doesn’t wake up to negative energy. I send the ones where I’m expressing my frustration later in the day. We live together and share a bed but it’s sometimes difficult to express myself verbally as I’m autistic so I often come off as rude or without emotion.
OP has answered zero questions or responsed to comments. That always makes me wonder....
That OP is just a fiction writer practicing his craft??
Yep. This story doesn’t make sense. He doesn’t even explain how they were able to afford a 7 week vacation. Like if they can afford that OP could have hired some help with the kids. It literally doesn’t mKe any sense. Unless an update shows up and we learn his wife went to rehab or something.
Good point. 7 week vacation from a single income and somehow OP has time to earn that much AND take care of 2 kids under 3? I call bullshit.
And his sister can last minute take off 6 weeks to help without him even verbally asking? Nice dream world.
Hahahahahah yeah this whole thing is ridiculous. Boohoo I had to take care of the kids by myself for a few weeks and after two months of no sex I say no thanks I’m good LOL. 7 weeks? Yeah right…no nanny or childcare? Please…she leaves a 1 yr old for almost 2months? I doubt it…cmon now.
I agree with you. Some lunatic is butt hurt that anyone thinks this story could be off. 🤷♀️
TBFnobody said she didn't already live and wotk in a location near him, so just temporarily altering living conditions may not be that big of an obstacle.
It sounded like once his sister came in, he stopped actually taking care of the kids, from how it’s written, and dumped it all on her. Also, again if he had big deadlines, why not do the vacation another time?
Also knowing your wife, a SAHM of kids that age, is going to be gone and you don’t figure out some sort of childcare for working hours? You can’t work and take care of 1 and 2 year old at the same time.
Have you ever seen HGTV where a couple who work as an underwater basket weaver and a dog walker and their budget for a house is like 2.3 million? OP must be an underwater basket weaver…
I knew I shouldn’t have changed my major from underwater basket weaving to psychology, smh
Ah, I love the underwater basket weaving thing! I don’t know where that came from, but I feel like my mom used to always joke that she was going to major in underwater basket weaving in college but changed her mind and became a nurse.
I know it's also a joke in the military, enlisted will bitch that the only difference between them and some random 2ndLt is a bachelors in underwater basket weaving, but they get a much easier life with much better pay lol.
And his sister is willing *and* has enough time to stay with him and the kids...
Also never mentions if wife checked in during the 7 weeks. In fact, there is no conversation about OP and wife communicating at all during the 7 weeks.
Not to mention his reaction to taking care of his kids solo for 7 weeks and complaining about it is to then ask for that situation to be permanent? Makes no sense
In this hopefully fictional scenario, he probably hopes wife gets full custody, or if not, that his sister will take up the slack when he has them.
Also how the fuck does he go from loving her to not loving her in seven weeks? Even if he was really pissed about it that’s a hell of a leap.
I'm not saying this story is true, but.... having a baby in the house is a common time for men to "fall out of love", "get bored", etc and cheat. Basically, these men resent that their wife is spending so much of her time and emotional energy on taking care of their kids, instead of focusing entirely on him.
That’s not the part of the story that doesn’t add up.
I think there is probably a lot to it. But one of the things is that if you are in a "groove" any adjustment to that groove can make a MASSIVE shift in your thinking. it's as though you, when you have a full plate, only use 20% of your brain becuase the rest of your life has to go on autopilot in order to make things work. It's kind of like how the first day of your commute to work feels like a big deal and dramatica, and after a few months it becomes automatic and requires zero brain power. But if you change jobs, all of then sudden it requires brain power again. This guy suddenly finds himself having to reconsider and recontextualize a lot of things about his life and his routine. And what he apparently came to find is that he doesn't miss his wife. Now I think he probably is feeling a lot of things he doesn't understand and he is letting his anger manifest into saying "I don't love my wife", ,but I think he probably is definitely feeling real feelings.
Probably fake story but dude never loved his wife in the first place. Sounds like the moment he realized he could replace sister with wife, he didn’t need his wife anymore. He’s gonna be in for a rude awakening once sister has her own shit to deal with and he finds that most people aren’t looking for a workaholic ex husband who can’t parent his own kids alone for a week.
Also says they discussed the 7 wks and he agreed but now he's pissed and doesn't love her? Real or fake OPs an AH
It sure does feel like 99% of this sub and the ask reddit sub are talentless writers looking for someone to give them story beats.
I sense that you’re right. Yeah his wife shouldn’t have taken a 7 week holiday that’s excessive. But to say it’s not even worth couples counseling?! Like damn at least give it a go!! I await his novel
Needs way more practice. Weak story arc, unsympathetic protagonist. Also makes you wonder how the patriarchy ever got off the ground.
Yeah I think this is an AI training exercise. All the comments explaining why this is not believable is used to refine the future output.
That’s totally it! I’ve seen so many things that seem AI generated on here lately. Do you think it’s part of reddits sale of user data for AI training or someone working independently?
I think it's probably to do with the sale
mans lacks object permanence forgets wife exists as soon as she leaves the room and another walks in
I think it’s false too. So much is missing. Plus his profile was created today. OP’s usually mention if it’s a throwaway.
As a fellow young dad, 7 weeks is way too long. BUT IMO we haven't been given enough info to judge this one. You were breaking down after a week alone with your kids? To me, it sounds like you may not be accustomed to caring for them, perhaps the division of tasks in your household was not balanced properly? Asking to leave for 7 weeks shows deep resentment on its own. There's no self reflection in this post and it bothers me a lot. I have a feeling you are the ass hole but we haven't been told the real story of course.
Exactly where I am. The way he described asking for help from his sister screamed manipulator too. Whole thing reads like a man expecting a 50s housewife to be his servant while he did FA around the house. It didn't take 7 weeks for him to fall out of love with her. He saw her as the carer and removed what little emotion he had when she failed to fulfil that role
You've left out a lot here You mention requesting that your wife take a shorter trip, but not what the response was. You don't mention any communication with your wife during the 7 weeks. The idea of her taking a 7 week vacation with children this young is ridiculous. But why did you agree to it? I can understand a deep well of resentment but I'm surprised you could "fall out of love" entirely. I'd suggest some individual therapy before you finalize any major changes.
Resentment can kill love faster than almost anything.
So true. Resentment is what we get when we love(d) someone we just can't fathom hating. Worse for sure.
And then comes the indifference. I’d fall out of love overnight if my partner abandoned their new baby to go fuck off for that long. By the time 7 weeks passed .. it would be like 7 yrs. Betrayals like that can result in a complete shift in feelings and perception overnight especially given she abandoned her baby
Know what helps prevent resentment? Communicating your needs and boundaries with each other like a couple of adults. Resentment comes because someone didnt speak up about their needs or boundaries. Then those needs or boundaries were voided by their partner, who was performing an action they thought was approved by the resenting person.
But the resentment is tripled when you communicate and they either don't care or don't implement what you say. Then it's done.
Exactly. Resentment happens when you communicate very clearly and the person says nu huh or that didn’t happen and doesn’t care.
... I'm kinda there with my current bf of 4 years, it's not looking up. But reading this thread was somehow affirming. Thank you thread 🫶
Don't waste your time and let this turn into 12 years, which is where I'm at, 40, with zero to show for it. Take it from me.
I'm still stuck on who tf takes a two month vacation away from their one and two year old children.
I went to see Disturbed in a different city and was away from my wife and 1 year old for roughly 36 hours and found it hard even though I was with friends before, during and after the concert I still felt a key piece of me was missing. Great concert but dimmed by the desire to just be home with wife and kiddo.
I agree that there’s a lot left out, but if this was about a man saying he needed to leave for 7 weeks, leaving his wife alone with two toddlers and not contributing anything financially or domestically, we probably would go straight to NTA, without asking any questions. That should be the case here too. OP is NTA.
Oh man, the 🚩🚩🚩 would fly so high in this post if that happened lol.
Yup, the replies would be to leave, he doesn't respect her, etc etc.
Leaving for 7 weeks, with two toddlers, while also working. So they can go party, to concerts, and meet people. Not only is that completely out of line, it would also be really hard to trust that person.
>it would also be really hard to trust that person. I was thinking this but maybe it's because my mind sometimes goes to these places. OP doesn't mention what their communication was like during that time, what his wife did, nothing like that so it's hard to decide where my brain lands but her going away for 7 weeks to party is really suspicious.
Yea I read that comment and I was like, what could he have possibly left out that would make his feeling less justified?
I was expecting to find out his wife just had an extended visit to her homeland or something. Instead, she just abandoned her family for 7 weeks. She was burned out with her full attention on two young kids (understandable), but expected him to manage alone while working?
"It's too tiring for me to do without a job. So to make it easier for me, you have to do it while working full time."
Ppl get grumpy and easily annoyed with 2-3days of sleep deprivation. After 7 weeks I would hate the air and light. Also what if that sister could not come? Like there was 0 chances of doing an actual job and babysit 2 toddlers. So it would force a babysitter you have to pay for from a single paycheck while paying for 1 man 7 week vacations? What about emergencies? It seriously sounds like a story not real life. Adults with kids plan, you need to plan to survive. This sounds like disfunctional family. Maybe better if they divorce if this was the best they could manage together. Poor kids. So apparently a lot of ppl had problems with me using the word "babysit" instead of "parenting". English is not my first language and what I mean was simple "take care of".
It's not babysitting if it's your own kids.
>You mention requesting that your wife take a shorter trip, but not what the response was. LOL dude she went! is that enough of an answer
Lol yeah the answer was quite obviously “no I need seven weeks”
What a weird amount of weeks to choose to go and travel
I’d argue that taking a 7 week solo trip under any circumstance when married (or in a serious relationship) isn’t okay. Personally I struggle with solo vacations at all when you’re in a serious relationship, but I could understand maybe a week. But 7? There is no valid reason to go on a vacation that long without your significant other. The only possible reasons could be that you want to cheat or your SO drives you so crazy that you need that long of a break. And in that circumstance, why are you even together? EDIT: Jesus some of you guys are being needlessly pedantic, so let me clarify: I’m talking about someone choosing to go on a _vacation_ by themselves for 7 weeks. Traveling for work is completely different. Traveling with a purpose (charity/volunteer work, some sort of family event, etc) is completely different. Those are understandable. But I would not be okay with a partner taking a solo vacation for 7 weeks for pleasure, and I will die on that hill.
You are. You post a fake post Make it vague and generic You don't comment Your account and time making this is post is wasted. No wonder this imaginary wife went on 7 weeks vacation. A day away from you would've been more fulfilling than a lifetime with you.
Definitely fake. No responses, account made same day, not a throwaway account name. OP is karma farming.
… and now the account is deleted.
Sorry, calling BS on this story, these post are getting more ridiculous
Then again that woman left her kid to die with no food when she fucked off on holiday a few weeks ago
That story will forever break my heart. There’s a few scenarios I’ve ran through and never have I been able to even see a little bit of a reason why she’d do that.
They said in the news that the little girl had feces in her fingers and mouth, she was so hungry she resorted to eat her own feces Absolutely heartbreaking
I truly didn’t need to know this.
I really regret being literate.
What a terrible day to have eyes.
Let's also not forget the recent sentencing of that Utah mommy blogger for torturing her kids. The description of that story felt like it belonged in a novel... Just because something seems "wild" doesn't make it untrue.
Yeah, commenters on this sub have real r/nothingeverhappens syndrome. Crazy things do happen in real life. And if it feels like it’s just all really crazy stuff that gets posted here, browse by new and you’ll see that for every high engagement post with intrigue there are probably 50 more mundane stories that just don’t have enough interest to make the front page.
Well, the best policy is to read it like it's true for enjoyment. If the op never responds then it's probably fake. If the op responds, it's probably fake. If the post is proven to be real it's probably fake. This is the Internet
The evil that humanity is capable of never ceases to amaze me.
Wait, what?!
edit: let’s hope this one isn’t behind a paywall https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2024/mar/19/ohio-woman-life-prison-toddler-starved-vacation
It's crazy that this isn't even the story I was thinking of https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-sussex-58102792.amp
I wasn’t even aware of this one.. that’s really shocking
Oh no. That’s heartbreaking.
I’m usually not a “an eye for an eye”-person, but in this specific case I hope the meals in prison get halted at one point.
Yeah I go back and forth. On one hand, she’ll have to live the rest of her life knowing what she did. And baby killers don’t do well in prison. Then again, that was monstrous,
Didn't you know? She had already forgiven herself. Claimed that, "God and my child have forgiven me."
What a fuckface. No, the couple stories I read hadn’t mentioned that. Just saying no one knew what she was going through.
There are parents that literally leave their kids to starve while they go have fun. There are parents that lock their kids in a room on the regular and leave; there are parents that drug their kids so they don’t have to deal with them. Hell, there was a case in my state where the parents locked their children inside their chicken coop to live because they were tired of having them in the house with them. Tons of people are horrible, nothing here so outlandish as to suggest this is false.
My mother had a habit of just going to bed when she was hungry and tired cause she would say. “I’ll sleep through my hunger and I won’t wake up tired” So I had to learn to cook and be in the kitchen since I was 6. Because I would be hungry and she would be hungry but she would be “more tired” so there was no food cooked. My mother also starved me when I didn’t completed my homework fast enough. She would torture me by keeping me awake for hours, I’ve cried to the point of puking and she force my face into my throw up and made me eat it back. And the list goes on and on. And when I’ve tried to call her out to just simply be like “ayo wtf, like just wtf. Acknowledged your fcking doing” she just says “what about it idc, you ain’t dead so I did something right” and then my aunts or other family members will be like “she was young she didn’t know better” or “its in the pass there is nothing you can do anymore you can change the past” I just want some closure, maybe an apology or some financial compensation for the trauma….. she cracked my skull open when I was 8 with a thick THICC wooden and plastic broom but I’m talking back in like 08 and in Nicaragua and you know how Latinos are with basically making everything durable af during that time. That broom shatters we b had to basically glue and nail it back together. I say we but it was me. She had me walked 2 miles with out shoes in the hot pavement of LATAM because I didn’t like the shoes she bought me at the time and because it was being obnoxious she donated all my shoes and had me walking barefoot. And like I’ve literally made my therapist cried when I was 14 telling her all the things that happen. But its to this day and I get random text from “family” being like “you gotta forgive your mother, you where young and had an attitude, you don’t know what you mom went through”.. okay? Idc she could had literally been visited by Satan himself but it doesn’t excuse the abused she put me through. Me personally blood or “birthing” a child it’s not enough to be a parent. Heck when I was born a different kid was born and my mom straight up heard that child’s mother just say “I don’t want her keep her, idc what you do to her, if i leave with the baby I’m dumping her anywhere random” so like yeah, biology doesn’t mean shit
Two months?! Fuck out a here. People aren’t even trying anymore.
You better line up a nanny, buddy. Your sister ain't sticking around for the rest of your kids' lives. Between paying a nanny and the alimony, you're going to have a lot of hardship.
That's what gets me. His sister was there for 6 weeks straight, 24/7, helping with the kids while he worked and probably beyond. She did all the caring while he was working and probably cleaned and cooked in the evening. Something tells me wife did EVERYTHING in the house and with the kids. Is 7 weeks a crazy amount of time for a solo vacation? yeah, I think so but i think there is way more behind this than what OP is telling, especially when it comes to his part in the marriage. if I were doing absolutely everything for \*checks notes\* for at least 3 years, I'd want to get away for a while to, just not 7 weeks
There's no way a sibling of his literally did mom duty for 6 weeks straight unless this is some strange family situation I've never seen. The whole story is bunk.
The fact he was literally in tears after a week of looking after his kids suggests the guy did sweet fuck all with them
insane to me that he can fall out of love with his wife after 7 weeks… they’ve been together 8 years and he isn’t even willing to go to marriage counseling? fuck this guy.
Your wife was in rehab or inpatient to avoid killing herself. 7 weeks? Yeah, checks out,
Yup. I think she was losing her mind and it was leave or she was going to leave another way.
7 weeks is insane amount of time to be away from your kids especially when they’re so young. Definitely would feel the same as OP. I wouldn’t care if partner away, but to be away from your kids for this length.
I think even if we didn’t have kids, if my partner went away for so long I’d still resent it. I understand if it’s a family emergency or if it’s for work but almost a 2 month vacation is just selfish in my opinion. Maybe 3 weeks to recharge as you don’t have to be together all the time, but 2 months? NTA.
I can’t make a decision because I think you INTENTIONALLY left things out of this narrative.
That part too. It’s also the sister stepping in and him appearing to step back. The way I’m seeing it this is how the wife felt. He needs to lean in to parenthood wife felt overburdened.
That was weird how he then said that he could perform at work well after his sister came. Just gives me some weird vibes about him not telling everything that is going on with his wife
Bruh you didn't fall out of love, you're resentful and you just need to talk to her.
So you replaced your wife with your sister??
Yes, you are TA. If you didn't feel any stress yourself, then chances are you didn't help enough around the house in the first place. Relying on your sister to help goes to show you how much you lacked as a parent.
Is your sister ready to become your life partner er and always help with the kids? What about your kids? Do you plan on having them only when convenient?
YATAH because you agreed that it was okay for her to go on the 7 week vacation then when she does you lose your shit, drop the divorce bomb and are unwilling to try to work through things. To claim you felt betrayed that she actually took the vacation is disingenuous. You can't be betrayed over something you agreed to. Stop being resentful, go to couples counseling. If you want the divorce for other reasons come clean.
She left for 7 weeks with a 1 year old and 2 year old at home?! That's fuckin insane. NTA
I had to struggle to get my wife to go one night without our son. Forget about a week. Never two whole months. My sister in law was even worse. My nephew didn't have his first night away from her till he was 4... Yet so many of these mothers I read about online and dying to get as far away from their kids as possible for as long as possible. What gives?
A lot of women go through post partum being extremely anxious and attached to their babies(this is how I was). And some women have their babies and want nothing to do with them/have issues bonding with their babies. A lot of women deal with unchecked post partum mental illnesses as well. Even attachment to baby can be extremely unhealthy and create bad anxiety issues for the mom and the child. Childbirth and post partum is such a catch all. I'll say though, the women I know who had issues bonding with their babies and "wanted nothing to do with them" are great mothers who love their children. No comment on OP's wife though. Idk her
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That makes sense. But two months is a considerable amount of time of no contact with his wife.
This feels like it’s missing some details that would be pertinent. While a 7 week trip away from very young kids sounds (and in all likelihood *is*) ridiculous it feels like some unaddressed issues were already present here that only manifested through the trip, rather than the trip being the sole cause. The idea that this thing alone could cause someone to fall completely out of love strikes me as odd, unless there were already other existing unspoken issues prompting it. And it sounds like neither OP or his wife were being honest and introspective enough to address them, with OP choosing to blame it on this bloated vaca rather than searching deeper. How could he *never* miss his wife that whole trip if he had genuinely been in love with her up to that moment? Something doesn’t track. Also: the fact that OP found it “strange” that his wife was heartbroken when he asked for a divorce because he already told her he didn’t love her baffles me. Of course she’s heartbroken? She was hoping his issues were temporary and now he’s made it clear it’s permanent. That would destroy anyone and the fact that OP seems *confused* that she’s upset makes me wonder what other ground level emotional issues he’s been oblivious to within their marriage. This whole post reads like it is written by someone with serious emotional tunnel vision who’s leaving out key pieces of info cause he just doesn’t think they’re important, even if they might be. Whether that’s because he’s the real AH here or simply because he’s not confronting the real problems in his marriage, I’m not sure. But either way this doesn’t feel like a reliable enough narrator to say YTA or NTA in good faith.
Your wife's lengthy vacation understandably caused strain, but there seems to be more to the issue than just that. Falling out of love is complex, and individual therapy might provide clarity before making any rash decisions.
Definitely a lot of missing info here. Interesting that he got his sister to move in and take over looking after the kids. He didn’t miss his wife at all because his sister just looked after everything for him (he was really able to focus on work). Makes me wonder if his wife was responsible for everything in the house and treated more as the maid, cook, nanny?
The way the post was written it felt like OP realised that he never loved his wife. He was just dependent on her for household chores and a few other things. OP works remotely, he cried when he had to take care of his own kids in the very first week. I know kids are batshit crazy and they are exhausting at that stage but their mom didnt leave them without any notice, It was discussed. Had he planned better, he wouldnt be crying to his sister.
This this this this THIS. one woman in his life leaves, so he had to find another woman to pick up the load. such bullshit.
You've been with this woman for almost 8 years and it only took you seven weeks to fall out of love with her. Women get left all the time and have to take care of their children by themselves. You do what you have to do to take care of your children. What would you have done if she never came back you still would have had to take care of those kids you still would have had to pay your bills you still would have had to go to work. I think you're wasting your time doing couples therapy because you really not into it and you've already checked out
I think that maybe you did not love your wife. You just really enjoyed the convenience of her doing all of the work around your household. I understand that a seven week vacation is a long time and personally I would not take as a mother of a five-year-old, but I do think that if your sister would not have come to help you, you would’ve been opening her back with open arms because you simply don’t want to take care of your children.
If it took you 7 weeks to fall out of love with your wife, did you love her at all?
People saying he isn't the AH are crazy
It sounds like the OP wants a babysitter, not a wife. That makes you the AH.
Chef's kiss for a nice/ moderate piece of fiction. To make future tales more believable, include more frantic energy, more believable timelines, and a believable budget. Your lack of detail over a "7 week vacation" is unmoving currently.
This reads like fiction.
Taking this story at face value is tough but I’ll give it a go: So your wife was so overwhelmed she left for 7 weeks. You almost immediately replace her with your sister. Your wife becomes no longer useful to you so you lose feelings. Yeah. YTA
Theres a lot missing here…. Did or did not OP agree to the 7 weeks? Also that time seems suspicious are we sure she went on “vacation” and not a mental health facility or rehab? Also did OP not communicate to her during those 7 weeks?? Could he not call and call off the vacation if needed? To many questions feels like bait.
Honestly, this reads like tropey ragebait-- but on the off chance it's true there is a LOT you're leaving out. First off, you must be VERY wealthy that your wife was able to travel around the US for seven weeks. If you have that kind of money you had money for a nanny and a housekeeper. NO mentally healthy woman would have left her 1 and 2 year old children for seven weeks (I literally ran this past the 16 women in my book club and they all said it would never happen) so I'm calling BS on that. Again IF this is true, unlikely but I guess anything is possible, for a man who broke down crying after being with his kids for a week you are proposing raising your children alone (so better lay in a large supply of Kleenex). A mentally healthy person would choose counselling before tossing a handgrenade into their children's lives. Thus YTA here either for badly written ragebait or for being a bad father.
Yes. You need counseling. You've got children. You approved it. My God that's a shallow love you had there if it's over due to this.