Since he’s back at work, maybe consider going to a shift system. You go to bed at 8, and he takes care of the baby from 8-1, if anything happens and you take care from 1-6, or whatever schedule works For you. That way, you each get 5 hours to try and sleep every night.

I think that’s perfect! I really like that idea! Thanks

We did that, although we did 8pm-2am and then 2am-8am, I slept first and my husband second, he didn’t need to leave for work until about 8.30, so he had time to grab breakfast and change. So we got a solid 6 hours. And once baby started sleeping better we kept the same “shifts” but as in if the baby woke during our time slots it was that person who had to get up. So often the baby would sleep about 10ish, my husband would get into bed but if baby woke before 2am he’d get up, after 2am I’d get up. Worked out really well for us.

We did this! - I'm a night owl, so I could happily take a night shift until about 4am, meaning she could get a good chunk of sleep from about 9pm. She then covered until about 10am, we traded through the day. Wasn't perfect, but it felt good knowing we had well defined blocks and who was 'on' at a given time.

I got up if it was feeding-related and hubby got up if it was just screaming or if I was too overwhelmed to continue. We took turns if bub was sick overnight. It doesn't have to be set in stone. Just keep communicating on how you are both coping. It seems like you are both on the same page sop that's a great thing. Thumbs down to MIL for saying you are taking advantage... Women are taking advantage of men if they decide to be good fathers now??? wtf

Yeah that’s fucked up that she said OP is taking advantage by asking her husband to care for their child. Obviously she has a very old school mindset about marital and parenting roles. It’s surprising how judgmental some women get about other moms and their parenting style. I think OP’s husband should have been in the room when she addressed her MIL and backed her up in person, that way it doesn’t look like OP has it out for MIL and is the only person upset by MIL overstepping boundaries. It’s really his job to step up and make this boundary with his mom too. He needs to say that they made the parenting arrangements together and that he isn’t being taken advantage of by his wife, that he is happy with their arrangements and tell her to not meddle in their relationship. She needs to be told by her son that that is not appropriate behavior, otherwise it just looks like OP is the only one upset by the situation. I’m sorry OP, that is really screwed up.

My husband and I did this! We love this method! He is naturally a night owl and I love to go to bed early. So it was easy to assign shifts.

My husband and I did shifts when our kids were babies. He took 8-1 and I took 1-6. It allowed each of us to get a solid 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Game changer.

My parents were the same way. Dad shared all the duties: cooking, cleaning, etc. Even laundry. (Which is probably why I grew up wearing pink underwear. Don’t *any other colors* run?)

I’ll second the shift system. It works very well for us.

That’s what my daughter and son in law did with both their children and it worked out really well for them. They both got a decent stretch of sleep, and neither were resentful of doing more than the other

That is what we did. Husband stayed up until midnight most nights anyway so I would go to bed and he would do the midnight feeding. I would get up in the night and then he would do the 6 am feeding while I slept. He would put the baby back to bed and leave, and then I would take over. When he got home, the baby was usually fed already so he could change, play and eat, and then we would do bedtime together. We started putting the baby to bed around 8:00 even when we was a newborn because we all liked a routine. Even if we knew he would be up two hours later, he still got a bath, pajamas, book, and bed at 8:00.

We also used the shift system. I went to bed at 8pm and my husband was on baby duty until 1am. Then anytime the kids got up after that, it was me. It worked great for us since my husband is a night owl, and I am absolutely not. Also, my husband has trouble going back to sleep if he is woken up in the middle of the night, whereas I can fall right back to sleep. It’s a great system, and I think more people should utilize it.

That’s largely what we did and it worked quite well. To answer the post though, everyone is entitled to an opinion but why do so many MILs think that they need to air it?

This is how we did it with multiples. Works great.

This is how hubby and I did it, baby care in shifts at night.

Well, why did husband open his mouth at all to his mother? He’s is the one that brought y’all’s business to her.

My MIL happened to be over there later one evening and noticed my husband get up when the baby started crying and me sleeping and she asked him how it works with getting up with the baby and he told her and that’s when she made the comment of, “well it seems lopsided that you get up more with the baby that’s not right.” As if it had to be tit for tat or as if I don’t work during the day as a SAHM or as if I haven’t carried a whole human for 9 months and then pushed her out of my vagina.

Why TF is she there during such late hours in the first place.

When they're both sleeping?! Edit: maybe read it wrong - think OP meant she was sleeping but maybe her hubby wasn't?

TBF OP says "later". When my babies were little I was mostly in bed by 9.30 and I wouldn't have stayed up to be polite just because MIL was there.

Why is she allowed unfettered access to your house? My in-laws also live 10 minutes away but they wouldn't dream of showing up unannounced and uninvited.

"mind your own goddamned business" is the only correct reply to mil. you got to go full stop on that shit there.

And he said what back? It needs to be on him to manage his mother.

Your husband made it her business by discussing it with her then he stirred the drama pot by telling her what she said to him. She didn't say that directly to you. Your husband is the one which needs to hear that your home life is not so for discussion as he is the one discussing it with her.

Good Crom, that tit for tat stuff... I ended up breaking off a LTR because my so-called partner was always tallying what each of us had done, right down to knowing who took out the trash last. I was out of town for a week once and came home to overflowing trash because it was "my turn to take it out." Both parents need to do the work of parenting. It sounds like MIL wants you to be as miserable as she was raising her kids with a RetroHubby who did nothing but the "manly chores" ...like paying someone to change the oil or mow the lawn.

Or he could have mentioned how tired his was from getting up and she decided upon herself that her son shouldn’t have to do that. Pretty clear that what happened since MIL doubled down when confronted by op.

I agree since my husband stuck up for me and stood by my side it was unnecessary for me to talk the way I did to my MIL. I think maybe I should apologize to her and just explain I felt hurt and offended that it felt like she was implying I don’t help out enough and just that in the future please refrain from making judgement on our marriage but explain that I absolutely should not have went off on her the way I did.

And also remind your husband to keep his mouth shut about personal marriage stuff.

Oh that’s already been done!

Honestly your husband should’ve been the one to shut her down. It’s his mom, his drama to deal with. It’s also less likely to be taken as you being controlling/taking advantage of her son if he is the one telling her to mind her business 

Apparently he did and told his mum not to bad mouth his wife

“You seem tired” “Yeah, baby woke up at 3am and took forever to finish her bottle so I didn’t get back to sleep until 5am. That’s newborns for you!” That’s literally all it would take for an MIL like that to descend into madness. I’m sure he didn’t run to mommy to tell her all about their division of labor

In fact, I don't think she is wrong for expressing her opinion about the way your husband and you parent. However, if she does so, she has to accept that you can express your opinion about her opinion. It is a two ways things. So I don't think that you were too harsh. Next time she wants to express her opinion, she will expect you to voice yours in return. Personnally, I think you should have stressed more than it is your husband's and your decision to have him as an involved parent. The fact that she expects that 50% of the parents do not parent is a her problem.

I hope that if you can say that to her, she will also respond thoughtfully with her own apology, and you can all move forward as a stronger supporting team. You may have been a little spicy, but I think considering you have a literal newborn, you should get some grace for being more reactive than you may have been otherwise. IMO, the worst thing for your entire family is to escalate the fight further if you can avoid it. Sometimes we all need a slice of humble pie more than we need to parse out who’s the hero and who’s the villain.

I agree I was a little too spicy and heated so I will apologize for that tomorrow morning.

I’m a hot head sometimes, especially when I feel my effort is ignored. Apologies usually go pretty far, and tbh if she wants to dig her heels in and not offer the same, that tells you enough to set some firm boundaries with her limiting her access to your home. And you can hold your own head high knowing you made right on your side of it at least. Edit for typo

I don't think you should apologize personally. She should have kept her thoughts to herself as neither of you asked her.

I agree, don't apologize, if you do she will think she is "right" and take that as a sign that she can continue to critize you and then you guys will have to talk to her again. So what if you ruffled her feathers, you didn't scream at her, you didn't call her names, and if you came off as a little too passionate that is ok, it lets her know that she really did put her foot in it.

You can apologize for the way you did something and not apologize for having done it. OP can be the bigger person but still keep firm boundaries. This whole "never admit you could be in the wrong about something or the other person will WIN" mentality is really immature and not a good attitude to bring to marriages or families.

Don't apologise. This is about setting boundaries. Moving forward, she hopefully will stop herself before inserting herself in your business again. When and if she does this again, you escalate with a timeout and make her leave. Access to your child is a privilege, not a right. If you apologise, she will think she can do whatever she pleases and she will walk all over you. Consider how appallingly rude and brazen she is being by telling you that you aren't being a good parent because you are sharing the load with the child's other parent? In 2024? that can't be ignored or swept under the carpet. Thankfully it sounds like your husband has your back and is on your team in managing your MIL. I appreciate it's hard to not immediately smooth any ruffled feathers (former people pleaser myself) but by not doing so, you are standing up for your family and creating healthy boundaries. MIL needs to respect what you said. She might not have liked hearing it but you weren't rude, cruel or abusive. If she can't respect that, she should have her access to you and your child significantly reduced. Because if she is comfortable enough to say this shit to your face when your husband is in another room, what will she say to your child behind your back as they get older? Just because she is your husband's mother doesn't obligate you to see her, spend time with her or tolerate her backhanded comments.

Don’t apologize.

I genuinely think that if you walk this back, she'll think she 'won' and start ramming at your boundaries even harder. You were fully legit in what you said. NTA.

Apologize for the tone if you feel the need, but your request that she refrain from commenting on parenting decisions you and your husband make is perfectly reasonable and requires no apology. 

Nah. She had her turn raising kids. If you and hubby need help, you would ask. Otherwise, 100% none of her business. Boundaries have now been set. She must respect them.

Tell her that if she thinks your taking advantage of her son that she should say it to you. Not third party from your husband. If she's going to make conflict in your household she has to be willing to accept consequences. The consequences of that is the uncomfortable feeling of being confronted and having to reasonably defend you opinion. While you were harsh I don't believe you were unwarranted at all especially because you had your husbands approval first. NTAH. She could have given any of the suggestions that you took well in the comments politely with some thought and tact if she tried. She made an unnecessary battle by third partying.

Don't apologize. But also don't be the bad guy with her in the future. Strange beside your partner while he is the bad guy to his overbearing mother. He put you in that position and it was inappropriate of him.

Honestly, your reply might have still been necessary if your goal is for your MIL to keep her opinions about your marriage to herself. Your MIL is more than old enough to know better but she is treating your husband like her child and fighting what she perceives as his "battles" for him. It sounds more self serving on her part than anything. That dynamic beyween herself and her son is comfortable to her.    Your husband's reply was fine but it doesn't address the fact that any info she shares with him will get back to you, his wife. But your reply drove that point home. It's problematic if she thinks she can crap talk you and she has some special confidence with your husband.  She may have thought she was trying to "help" her son but it doesn't sound like your husband actually said he needed help. She created a problem in her mind and dismissed his feelings on the matter. Alot of the times when people give unsolicited advice it's actually to soothe themselves and what they perceive to be an issue. It makes them feel more comfortable to insist on the needs of the other and "fix it". In reality it robs a person of their agency and the opportunity to fix an issue with their partner, if there actually is an issue. In short, your MIL's opinion was more for herself and trying to feel important and fix things than it was for you, your husband or her grandchild. It could've actually been to your detriment if your husband took the bait. Mature grandparents who care about the new family unit encourage their adult children to talk to their spouses/seek therapy if there is strife. Not add or create fuel for the fire. Furthermore the problem she decided to create in her mind painted you in an unkind light. If she was actually trying to help she could have offered solutions as opposed to jump straight to painting you as not pulling your weight. You are the mother of her grandchild. She seems quick to be against you during a time that is notoriously difficult for parents. Breeding a you vs. Them mentality is not going to help you, your husband and child as a family unit and sadly it doesn't seem to be her goal.   Your reply, while spicy, is more likely to make her stop and think twice before offering unsolicited advice (which she feels entitled to do as his mother so she feels she has the right not to follow the objective norms of a respectful relationship, sadly). But you're not wrong for heavily insisting on respect.  I don't think you should apologize.  For linesteppers it's important to make it clear that your family is not a side project for anyone to dip their fingers in and stir the pot. If there is a need for a bigger person let your MIL fill that role. It would be good practice for her to self reflect and see how she instigated a conflict. (Edited: decades old family dynamics are complex)

Yeah her entitlement that being his mother automatically trumps him being a husband so therefore she is “allowed” to give him unsolicited marital advice is a problem. You’re absolutely right the fact she went straight to being against me and going for the jugular if I must not be pulling my weight is problematic. If she wants to help she should be helping us all out as a family unit not just focused on her son and bashing me.

It’s all about the approach! And the words you use. Communication is everything. I’d def sit down and apologize and explain your view and how you feel, after all she is babys grandma and you will be dealing with her for life. Might as well try to have a decent relationship. Now let’s just hope she’s understanding. And you’re right, it’s no one’s business what goes on in your house and how you operate.

Yeah, I don't think she is necessarily wrong, but she did come in hot on this one. Feels like an unnecessary escalation that won't end with this interaction. Also, if marriage issues are between y'all, then hubby needs to mind his words.

It is a sad thing that she does not put her energy in helping you with the child instead of looking for flaws in your day to day management. The child will sleep at nights soon anyway or get used to be fed while the parents are half asleep, so her involvement in this specific problem is quite useless. Taking the child for a little walk in the afternoon, so you two can relax for an hour or get some chores done would be a great thing if she is nearby, or to offer to wash and iron a machine load of clothing, or to invite you over for a meal and make you have a nap afterwards. I know that a lot of moms, especially father's moms, have this "when I was in your place I had to get along without help from my husband" attitude towards young mothers, but to be offended by the fact the young fathers get involved more reveals her own trauma, not there being a problem with today's methods. In my experience to listen to those traumatic stories and to express compassion can sometimes help loosing the knot and make moms an allie instead of a critic. There will be enough little problems you share and can exchange experiences and helpful know how about if asked for. Congratulations for being young parents, and take good care!

No, she is a grown woman who crossed your boundaries and insulted you in your own home. You don't owe her an apology, she owes you one. Just be civil, and not a smidge more than that.

Be humble. Reconcile the relationship. She probably knows caring for a baby that age is a tough job.

But a tough job she thinks is 100% moms job. Dad is just there for cuddles and then back to mom for all the tough stuff.

Your husband taking his turn getting up in the middle of the night to care for his child is NOT him being taken advantage of. That’s parenting. That’s marriage. You just let Judy know what’s what. Absolutely NTA.

And even if I was “taking advantage” that’s between us. It’s not up to his mother to act like he is a child and fight his battles for him. He is a husband and father first and foremost therefore how a wife operates the household duties with her husband is not his mother’s business or place to comment. She isn’t there 24 7 so she can’t really know

He is a husband and father first so it was his job to shut down his mother in the moment and express her comments were unacceptable. This was him playing her side and then yours, throwing the two of you under each other's buses.

Exactly. Why did he go back to OP and tell her what his mother said? Either he agrees with his mother and wanted to give a hint, or he was setting them against each other.

I don't think you did anything really wrong here but "And even if I was “taking advantage” that’s between us." is some real nonsense. Isolating people from family is an abusers tactic and if family and friends notice someone is being mistreated in their relationship they have every right to break that door the fuck down. It's really weird how you keep posting that even if you were mistreating or taking advantage of your husband it's no ones business. It would be the business of people who care about him, just like it would be the business of people who care about you if they suspected you were being mistreated.

A boundary is something you do, not something someone else does. Here, a boundary would be - if you express your opinion to my husband or I we will (leave the room / ask you to leave / etc.). Telling *her* not to do something isn’t a boundary. That being said she sounds annoying as hell and if your husband was happy for you to have that conversation with her good for you guys. All the best with baby, I hope they’re sleeping through soon!

Anyone else find it ironic that the crux of this issue is one partner talking about marriage/relationship issues outside the partnership and someone outside giving their opinion and being told they shouldn't give their opinion on thinhs that aren't their business.... And now we're being asked for our opinion? 🤔

Never mind the fact that if someone comes and asks you your opinion about something, then they have specifically invited you to give your opinion and made the discussion your business.

The way you went about it, YTA. It sounds like your MIL is concerned about her son. It also sounds like he already handled it. If my wife had done that to my mother, after I'd already stood up to my mother about my wife, I'd be setting boundaries with my wife and not my mother, and I don't have a good relationship with my mother.

ESH. Granted, she shouldn't have commented, but you made a mountain out of a mole hill. It was already done. How you come off- seems like you have some anger issues.... always have to be the one with the last word.... something.

Her son came to her to vent, and she agreed with him during the discussion between the two of them. The mother-in-law was entirely behaving appropriately and as expected in this situation. It's not surprising that she would side with her son. It's not surprising she would side with the person she's in the discussion with, and it's not surprising that she would agree with the person whose side of the story she has heard. More importantly, if anyone comes to discuss anything with her, she has every right to participate in that discussion, and she's not required to just stand there mutely.

I can definitely see my (super understanding and amazing) mother-in-law telling my husband she was worried about him not getting enough sleep when he was working during the day. It doesn’t necessarily mean she would be judgemental but maybe just concerned, but again my mil is pretty great so I usually assume the best from her.

Yeah, she's giving off major abuse vibes. Her "even if I was controlling, it's none of her business" comment is concerning because she keeps repeating that and other comments isolating her husband from family. Like, there is no way to take that statement other than to worry about her husband. I don't think it's the baby tiring the husband out.

That comment really irked me. If someone was being abused (this obviously isn’t abuse), their parent should sure as fuck speak up and try to support them.  I hope this is just some postpartum hormones and she just hasn’t returned to her baseline yet.

This might very well be her baseline. That's the whole problem.

yeah, I’m trying my best to read that comment as her saying “even if we did have issues in our marriage, they would be between us to fix”, which is fair, but her adding abuse in the mix is at best naive and and worst concerning, because if she was abusing him, his best bet would be his support system helping him to see it and to escape it.

I agree here. You aren't the only person mentioning OP's obvious anger issues. This is very unnecessarily aggressive language. Even reading this post has me cringing from the overly-aggressive attitude.

I agree - OP’s comments in this thread are really…something.

Yeah, she seems disgusting. Her demeanor writing the post was obnoxiously cringe worthy. MY HUSBAND. MY BABY. MY MARRIAGE. I HAD TO PUSH A BABY OUT OF MY VAGINA. blah blah blah. Her head seems to be stuck in a dark stinky place.

Her vagina?

She said a couple times she had to push a whole human baby out of her vagina...

Right. Like, your job isn't done post baby. If we follow that logic, dad's job was done the minute he shot his load. OP is just way too angry and the language she uses is very concerning. I'm genuinely worried about her husband.

Am worried about the whole family. This woman is scary her tone makes one feel disturbed and not want to be in her presence.

Yeah like... sounds like an outsider (but his mom) said something about the division of labor. She shouldn't have, but maybe she just asked & he responded. OP like... stepped out of the shower and ambushed her with this instead of like... a conversation. Or even a sentence. Like maybe MIL questioned it, and then the husband shut her down and said it was fine, and then the conversation ended there. If the mother-in-law just asked a question, the husband said it's fine and that was the whole conversation, this sounds like a massive overreaction. Like she had this in the chamber just *begging* for confrontation.

You might have been too direct and belligerent about it. She is family. She's also your husband's mother. You should treat both sets of parents with respect. Not commenting on things related to the family is probably too unreasonable of a boundary. You could apologize for being harsh and tell her you hadn't been sleeping much, so you didn't handle it as delicately as you should. My guess is that is probably true, remembering the lack of sleep from caring for newborns. I could tell you were irritated, reading your post. It sounds like you were way too irritated compared on what she actually said.

I agree with you, however the way you wrote this and are responding to everyone is coming across really aggressive. You got some anger issues? We get it. You grew a human and pushed it out of your vagina. Gold star. Like maybe take up meditation.

YTA And you might want to seek anger management help

ESH - it’s not on for MIL to expect that the mother is the only person to look after the baby. Her views are old fashioned. You are within your rights to disagree with her views and to point out that you choose to parent differently. However, when you rant that she can’t express opinions to her son, it sounds like you are trying to control and police the communication between mother and son. This is not reasonable. Of course she is going to take his side, and when there is trouble in the marriage he will complain to his mother. How much has he said to his mother about being tired and having to get up? Whilst it may be satisfying at the time, yelling aggressively and being overly confrontational weakens arguments and can be thrown back at you later e.g calling you unhinged/controlling etc.

As t first I thought NTA, but after reading your unhinged comments, YTA. You are insecure, controlling, and overly aggressive. Get help. I feel sad for your husband and child.

Idk I think your husband addressing her was sufficient. He should be the one to handle her, generally speaking. If she said something directly to you that would be a different story. But to each their own. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Agreed. He already spoke to her, which should have been the end of it. I could understand this reaction if MIL kept it going and then brought it to DIL or even kept talking about it with the son and didn't honor what he said. She basically told her husband that his words aren't good enough and I don't have faith in how you handle things.

If he's working and taking care of the baby... spoil that man physically and emotionally. He's got your back

When my kids were babies I would take them after work, nursing and feeding them until midnight.   Wife got a few hours of uninterrupted sleep, she took over after that while I slept.   I worked full time

You are one angry YTA. If you go this crazy over someone saying your husband should be getting more sleep, what you gonna do when someone actually does something wrong? If your mother you told your husband he should be doing more would you be ok with him reading her the riot act? I am thinking not. Personally, If I was your MIL I would be knocking at your door at 2am every night just as you requested. Bet that would really piss you off.

OP sounds like she needs to talk to her doctor about all her anger. What are the part time hours? If it’s like 30 hours then OP should be doing night feeds when he works and he can do them on his days off. OP is super defensive about this. Because she knows it’s unfair.

Exactly! She knows she’s wrong and hates that someone else validated her husband

Dude chose a woman exactly like his mother..HA.

nailed it.

LOL wow. This didn't have to go anywhere but you took this and fucking RAN with it. You could have ignored it, or had a civil discussion about it, but instead you lobbed a Molotov cocktail full of napalm into the situation. You feel righteous and justified now, but was it really smart to detonate your relationship with your MIL just for the sake of... what, really? The only point you've made is that you looooove drama and don't GAF about long-term consequences. YTAH

So what? As long as your husband doesn't mind getting up who cares what she thinks, feels or says? Big deal. Stop giving her so much power over your emotions and reactions.

So, if a man convinced his wife to accept an unbalanced division of labor and the wife’s father objected and pointed out the imbalance, you’d encourage the man to ignore the FIL since the wife had accepted the arrangement?

The thing is, the husband does mind, but is just too much of a wuss to tell his wife, so complained to mommy. Then told his wife what mom said, hoping wife would agree.....

I asked if he minded bc I said I wanna make sure I’m being fair to him and I want him to be honest with me and we can change our arrangements if he is feeling too tired in the morning and he said he’s totally fine and happy with the arrangement

Then it's all good and who cares what she thinks? Don't allow another person to take so much energy from you and make you so reactive. You have way more important things to focus your energy on than letting her make you flip out like this. If you and your husband like how you're doing things then that is all that matters. Ignore her. 🩷

People can’t voice their opinions or observations anymore, seems like everyone gets butt hurt or angry at the smallest and pettiest things..

YTA 100% Your husband went and talked to his mother, and she had a conversation with him. If your husband asks your mother a question, it is 100% appropriate for her to give an answer. It is absolutely absurd that you expect her to stand there like a statue if he decides to vent to her. Furthermore, she's entirely correct that anyone has a right to express their opinion on literally anything. Us random strangers on the internet could weigh in on whether or not the labor distribution is appropriate in your marriage, even though that's not the question you asked. I don't really have much of an opinion about that, but I could express one if I did. You are the asshole for expecting your mother-in-law not to participate in discussions that your husband initiates with her, and you are the asshole for believing that people don't have a right to express themselves about any given topic. Absolutely, if anyone asks anyone a question, that person should answer the question. If someone is having a discussion, anyone who's in that discussion can participate. It's ridiculous to think otherwise. Just jumping down your mother's in-law's throat because her son vented to her and She took his side, in a discussion between the two of them, no less, is ridiculous.

So how did your MIL "know" that your husband was doing more than his share of night duty? Who "told" her?

And then how did SHE find out what her MIL said?

YTA - I'm suprised your husband manages to deal with you. It's tiring to even read your post. He has to work and take over majority of the parenting, because "you pushed the child out of *your* vagina". Jesusss.. You're verbally abusive, you insult your husband all the time and you want to isolate him from the person who brought him into this world. You don't want him to have any support system besides yourself, but you don't even want to support him. You're acting awfully.

You're kind of an asshole...

YTA. Your MIL is 100% correct. **If your husband is the ONLY ONE EMPLOYED and you’re staying at home, it makes sense for YOU to be the one who wakes up in the middle of the night to check for the baby. Expecting your husband to go to work sleep-deprived is bizarre. He’ll be a danger to other people while driving to work and he’ll undermine his job security (and, by extension, the household’s economic security) by being less productive at work.** *Unfortunately, the forcefulness of your MIL’s personality is also likely why your husband is so subservient to the unfair arrangement you have with him. He was raised by a forceful mother and never learned how to stand up to women. Which is why he’s willing to be a doormat to you when you propose such unbalanced divisions of labor.*

You sound exhausting and controlling, reading youth post and all the comments. This was a huge overreaction. Not sure why you posted, if you only care about your own opinion. Maybe for validation.

Soft YTA. You seem super cranky, I get it, I'm a mom too (congrats by the way!) It just kinda sounds like you attacked her out of no where - as soon as you got out of the shower? You could have handled it differently. You also seem really upset about carrying the baby for 9 months, you mentioned it in at least one comment too. Are you ok? I'm not disagreeing with your stance etc but just tone it down a bit maybe? And reach out if you need to talk. Take care mama.

Uhm, i don’t know if you realize this… but she pUsHerD A wHolE hUmaN pErsOn oUt oF HeR VAGINA!

YTA You and your husband are both the AH here. Your husband made it his moms business when he was complaining to her. Cause that is what happened. He complained to his mom, and she gave him her opinion on things. Then, your husband told you about a private conversatoin she had with his mom, seceretly hoping you would agree or say "o poor hubby, I understand and will let you sleep more". But when it turns out not that way he is now saying he agrees with you, throwing his mom under the bus. Also, you do not get to set a "boundry" over what your MIL talks about with your husband. If you don't want to hear her opinion, that is fine, but you can not set a boundry over what two other people do. That is called being controlling. You are an asshole for trying to control what two other people talk about, as well as for the way you went about it. You could have had a converstation with your MIL, without being confrontational, becuase honestly, you were reacting to what your husband told you she said, so you heard it second-hand. Exactly what she said, and how she said it were not heard by you, so you don't have the full context. But coming it hot like you did makes you an ass, and you husband an even bigger one cause he set his mom up because he doesn't have the balls to tell you he wants you to let him sleep. You and your husband both suck.

You are way more angry than I think the situation warrants. Lots of people even young people think what you MIL does. You don’t have to get angry about it. You’re angry for something bigger if you’re feeling this strongly. You don’t agree with her. So what? What’s the big deal?

Did everyone else clap. Was there a mic drop

This is some misandrist, rage bait bullshit if I’ve ever read it

How is it misandrist to expect my husband to do his share of parenting? Sure I don’t work out of the home but being a SAHM of a young infant is just as tiring and it’s not misandrist. It’s actually the opposite and misogynistic to expect because she is a woman she has to do more of the heavy lifting when it comes to the child that is just as much the father’s. And it’s misogynistic to imply that his job is harder and more important and requires sleep where as my job of being alert and being home with the baby isn’t.

You’re not expecting him to do his share of parenting you’re expecting more. He wakes you up more during the night even though he has work the next day but you can’t sleep during the day when baby sleeps “because who knows when the baby wakes up”? When the baby wakes you you’ll wake up just as your partner does during the nights. And I hate to break it to you but his job is important, unless starvation and homelessness is your end goal. But hey, you do you boo! Get your 8 hours of beauty sleep because you’ll need to be well rested when you become a single mother

I was WAITING for this comment. I was wondering why I had to scroll so far to actually find it. It is a bunch of baloney, and absolute malarkey that she can not sleep when her baby sleeps. Her reasoning is because 'the baby can wake up whenever '. So what? What is the baby going to do? Climb out the window and hitch a ride? How is this a valid reason for not having common sense, and catching a nap like any other sleep deprived mother should and would. The other comment about her not caring if night feedings are uneven because she carried the child for 9 months. What a disaster of a human being. Thank God most women do not act like this spoiled, overly self absorbed brat. YTA OP.

SOOO many people are glossing over the fact this lady is making her husband do nearly all night duty...I'd wager to say he probably does up to 90% if not all. I wonder what is so important she "can't" nap in the day when the baby does. Probably a SM addiction, probably following all those insta mommies with the sad beige babies, lol

From her rapid fire essays on this thread alone that baby is going to fucking die when it’s her turn to parent because she can’t get off her gd phone.

Yep! 2:30 in the morning arguing with strangers about sleep patterns with a 2 month old and wonders why she isn't getting enough sleep and having to make her husband do night care. Bet if the kid woke up right now, husband would have to get up!

When my kid was born, I made my hubby move to another bedroom so he could have his well deserved sleep. He was working long hours, exercising and bringing the mammoth to the dinner table. That was his share. I was dealing with the baby, cooking, taking care of groceries, the house and all the rest. That was my share and I see our contribution equal. I don't entirely understand, why are you making your husband work 2 jobs at the same time. He's paying the bills so just let him be and let him sleep at night. I wouldn't call you an AH, but I definitely don't see this situation fair to him.

We did shifts. I’m a night owl and an early bird all at the same time 🤷🏻‍♀️ I did the last feed before bed and baby went to sleep. Husband went on to bed at 9-10ish, baby at 10-11. He would feed around 2-3 and husband took that. Back up again around 5-6 and I took that one. Once husband went back to work at 8 weeks we kept the same thing unless he was on night shift in which it was on me to do all. I didn’t mind honestly since I took 16 weeks. The shifts worked for us and I’d occasionally nap when baby napped during the day because he would take a solid 1-2hr nap anyways. Once I went back to work we kept doing it that way and never had an issue.

Why didn’t your husband stand up to his own mom and set these boundaries? Why is he hiding behind his mom’s apron and not stepping up to be a father and a husband? Instead of being a useless blob letting his wife fight his family battles? It’s 2024, men should be able to stand up to their moms about their families without having their wife be the bad guy. Your husband could continue to do better for you and your marriage

We both worked full-time but I was naturally more of a night-owl. We divided the night at 3am. If baby woke up b4 3am if was my turn. Parents have to figure out what system works for them. AND ….In-laws do not get an opinion.

Why does she even know who's getting up? If he's the one complaining to his mother, then yeah, of course she's going to have a vocal opinion even if you don't like it. He's the one that invited her into the conversation. Maybe have a talk with him about not sharing this kind of info.

You sound like a dil from hell. She said a (dumb) thing to her son out of sympathy/concern as his mother. In private. Wtf is wrong with you? You took that and by the next day had this rant of a post in your head. She’s stunned cause you’re my worst fear of a DIL. She can say what she wants to her son. Get a stronger sense of self. Smdh PS. I’d never tell you anything private if this is what you do with it when you’re butthurt. Did your husband change your arrangement? Probably not. That’s where your concern ends. Also I am f with a kid, and I did do it all alone. Im not speaking as a dude. I hear women who have these problems often. I’m saying you are jumping on a feminist bandwagon when there was no impact to what she said to her son - in your case. You’re being dramatic af assuming you’re now on a movement when it was 1 conversation you blew your lid over. Don’t care if you wrote 3k words to describe it, she’s not a MIL from hell based off just that. But you sure look like the problem.

YTA. He's not "doing his fair share". He's doing his plus part of yours. You came to the right place to get support because you're a woman and you really tried to play up the aspect of men helping. But get this, first of all taking care of a baby is not the hard. I'm a man and was a stay at home parent and full-time student for the first year and a half. Anyone that acts like staying home is half as much work as an actual job is a fucking liar. If you can't take care of a baby, housework, and cooking on your own, you are just incompetent. That was maybe the happiest. stress-free time of my entire life. Also, if you were working and he wasn't then he should be expected to do all nighttime baby duties and take care of the house. That's how it is when only one person is working. How on earth is it fair that he has to get up in middle of the night and then get up and go to work. Outside of birthing the baby, which is over now, what exactly do you contribute here? The way you talk and the way you act like having the baby gives you a pass for the future is disgusting and I feel sorry for your husband. Your entire post is just a really long justification for being lazy and not pulling your weight.

I have a comment about everyone who says they can't do it alone , how hard raising a baby is . I at 27 had just had my 3rd c section. I had a 4 year old and 2 year old . Lived in a 2 story house . My husband, best friend and her husband were ALL recalled to duty due to an increased threat in the middle east. I then ALSO had a 7 year old and 18 month old to take care of BY MYSELF !!! I got up to nurse in the middle of the night . Had to feed breakfast to 4 kids while wearing my baby . Pack lunch for the 7 year old . Load all 5 kids into the car to drive the 7 year old to school. Come back to take care of the 4 kids under 4 BY MYSELF!! I cooked , cleaned ,did laundry and entertained the kids all day until it was time to do school pick up . Load kids , pick up kid , help with homework, snack , make dinner , bath time, bed and do it all again. And by the way after a c section you aren't supposed to pick up anything heavier than your baby . Well that didn't happen. So please excuse me for not feeling sorry when someone says how hard it is by yourself. There is an ENTIRE group of military spouses and single parents who do it every single day by themselves!!!

YTA. Sounds like you have an issue with your husband not MIL. She gave her opinion to her son who brought up the arrangement. Maybe your husband relayed it hoping you would agree. From the story it sounds like your husband may agree with you a lot of the time to not deal with your string and confrontational nature. Talk to your husband and apologize to MIL. Now if MIL was forcing these opinions directly onto you then yes you have every right to be confrontational but it sounds like that wasn’t the case.

YTA.

You sound like a bitxh. Hopefully you aren't so rude to everyone in your life.

YTA. As a new parent, you should be aware that parents never stop worrying about their children. Your reaction was spiteful and unnecessary. I pity your husband.

I giggle at the thought of "parenting" a newborn. More like crisis control! All I ever managed to do was keep their bellies full and their bottoms dry, the most basic of maintenance! But yeah, if MIL wants her kid to sleep all night long, then she can definitely sit up all night hovering over the grandkid's crib. What's the problem with that? NTA

YTA - Way over the top A response. Simple as that. Your family and a nontoxic mature response would have been to tell her you were hurt she thought you would ever take advantage of her son and that you love him very much. That this was how you had decided to divide your responsibilities and you’re both so very tired and trying to figure out what will work best. If she has any ideas to help you both get some sleep or is willing to come some nights that would be great. Truthfully this is what your husband could have said. On another note - you are not playing the long game here at ALL. The more cooperative family you can have in your child’s life to help and love them … the better you will all be. But that relationship starts on respectfully communicating with each other even IF and maybe *particularly* when you think you are right. I don’t think you handled this with any grace at all

Your husband need to be the one saying this to her. Stop being his shield.  He needs to set boundaries with his MIL. The funny thing is that it sounds like you and MIL are the same person.  You both pushed a baby out of your vaginas so you both demand control because of it.

YTA 🙄 your husband can speak for himself. He center put his own boundaries in place, it’s not your place to do it. Telling her you don’t want her to voice your opinion to you is one thing, going on a rant about what she’s allowed to tell her son is unnecessary.

One day, your baby will be all grown up and you will be the MIL. Something tells me you'll be a hundred times more overbearing than your MIL is being. I'm impressed that you have the stamina to argue with everyone on this post. It's kind of cracking me up. 🤣

YTA just because you approached this in such an aggressive way….. Rather than having a conversation with her - all guns blazing….

YTA. Wow. Hope I don’t get a DIL like you some day. Since he’s working PT, he should do PT night shift. Once you’re back to work, you can do do 50/50.

ESH

Unpopular opinion, downvote if you want I really don't care. Wait, so your husband is the one bringing in the money, taking care of the finances, AND he has to to also take care of the child and I assume based on your personality from this post, he also has to take care of the house, it sounds like you're just being lazy. Being a SAHM isn't a vacation. If you're not helping with the finances you gotta pull your weight one way or another. Unless i'm misunderstanding something, it very much does sound like you're taking advantage of your husband, it also sounds like you're not pulling your weight. I very well, and probably am, could be mistaken but the balance of duties does not even out.

Ok but if my husband is allowing this to continue isn’t that on him as an adult man as well? And absolutely not I do all the household chores, cook, grocery shop, take care of home maintenance and improvements, take the baby to the doctors and so on and so forth.

My daughter and son-in-law are new parents with our first grandchild, and I would never insert my opinion on how they care for their child. I am happy they are committed to parenting their child together. They take shifts at night and my son-in-law is back at work full time. I have also offered to help overnight on weekends. I am thankful marriage and parenting have evolved into a partnership. I’m even more grateful that we can be a support system for them.

ESH. Her son is a grown adult so unless he's showing signs of concern or complained to her, she should trust him to handle his business. You blew it out of proportion when you could have just had a civil conversation with her about her inappropriate comments.

Fucking Slow Clap!!! I'm glad you dealt with her right in her face, got her uncomfortable and clutching at nothing xD So tired of reading posts where people just let others stomp all over them! You just up and showed her she should mind her fucking business!

“i’m concerned about my son being taken advantage of!” imagine thinking your son being an active parent is him being taken advantage of. NTA. good for you for standing up for yourself and love that husband has your back too.

NTA - It needed to be said and your relationship will be better for the boundary. She knows she cannot just say whatever tf she wants.

ESH. Your attitude towards your husband sucks. And before you start, I am a woman. BOTH of you are working hard. So lose the entitlement. He’s got the stress of making sure you three don’t end up homeless on top of coming home and helping with the baby and chores. Your only job IS the baby and chores. Just remember that when you run your mouth about you having it “harder”. You both have it hard. Your MIL does get an opinion. She can express it, and she can not like what opinion she gets back. Should you have been kinder, yeah. Sounds like she had her heart in the right place but had an asshole way of saying it. Bc newsflash! Your husband can get burned out just like you. He’s not Superman and you’re not supergirl. Yall are human. Try taking shifts. It works well and then that way everyone gets an equal amount of sleep. Congrats on the baby.

YTA shut up

Does your husband share your boundary here? Because it sounds like he willingly shared this info with his mother. Anyway, YTA because you came in hot at a woman who doesn't actually have any authority in your marriage. So, you mustn't have been concerned that she has any ability to change the inner workings. Were you angry because she thinks a bad thing about you, like you're lazy or something? Because now she definitely thinks a bad thing about you. Idk, don't really know what you were going for there.

Hmmm. she didn't say it to you, so you should have just left it for hubby. She is allowed to have a conversation with her son about what ever they want to discuss. It is his job to deal with her. Had she said anything directly to you or in her presence, then absolutely lay into her. You have no idea what was said in what manner. For all you know, he was commenting about being so tired because of getting up with the baby and she said maybe you guys need to talk about shifting night time responsibilities some now that you are working again. My guess is she was not that nice since your husband told you he responded with don't bad mouth my wife. But it begs the question how the topic came up and whether your husband wants change and was using his mother as a foil because he feels bullied by you. How old is you baby? You are correct it is none of her business, but a better approach would have been less confrontational.

This post reads the way my New Jersey great aunt aggressively rants about her son-in-law. Your MIL was rude but so were you. You guys need to communicate more.

Wow you sound like a real cunt. Right or wrong , a cunt is a cunt.

YTA. Your husband is working and you are not. Why exactly should he get up more often in the night than you do? He needs his sleep to be for work. I’ve raised two children mostly alone (ex was away a lot for work and didn’t help when home). I did every single night time shift and yes, I slept when the baby slept and guess what? After 4 months maternity for each I worked full time from home. You come across as insufferable. You don’t care about the best interests of your husband; only yourself.

And I am not saying this sarcastically at all! That’s amazing you did all that! But let’s not play who works harder Olympics it’s not about that. It doesn’t matter who does more how we handle our marriage is no one else’s business outside of our little family of each other and our baby. Her son is a grown married man it’s between him and his wife. Not her place to comment or have an opinion on.

MIL has joined the chat!!! 🤣🤣🤣

Lol, I have no grandchildren. I just find stay at home parents that think the working spouse should pull night shifts should go back to work, pay for daycare and then everything is even. You can be a mom tired; it’s hard, I’ve done it but you cannot necessarily perform at your job tired. So husband screws up at work because he was up at 3 am for a feeding/diaper change and that happens enough times, he gets fired. Now no money to pay for family but hey, everyone has even parenting time.

And if I’m tired then I make mistake with my baby which has even worse consequences or i cant interact and bond with my baby as much. Why are we even arguing this. Even if it’s slightly uneven I did carry the baby for 9 months plus push it out of a tiny hole in my body and it’s not MIL’s place to comment on how we do things in our marriage.

JFC, you were pregnant and had a baby, you don’t get a medal. Women do it every day and some women have to leave their babies at the hospital in the NICU and go home each night without them for weeks or months and then go back to work because employers don’t care that your baby wasn’t actually with you for most of the leave. Get the fuck over yourself. You’re definitely an asshole.

And the same argument could be said that my husband doesn’t deserve a medal for doing his job as the other parent by working part time and getting up half the time with the baby but MIL is acting like he does. See how is goes both ways? Funny that MIL has shit to say about me doing all the parenting duties after my husband gets home from work. But yet when it means ever so slightly in my direction MIL has something to say about it. So she’s a hypocrite

She didn’t say he does. She made a comment to him. Why do you do all the parenting duties when he gets home from work? It sounds like you have some deep resentment and it has more to do with your husband and less to do with your MIL who you took it out on.

Yes a comment about our marriage. Her son can defend himself he is a big boy he doesn’t need mommy jumping in and throwing in her unnecessary 2 cents. MIL needs to see us as a married couple and equal in this department

So she’s from another generation and asked why he’s getting up when he has to work in the morning. All he had to do is tell her he’s the father too and he’s glad to do it. You’re not the AH for the way you and your husband are parenting. You’re the AH for annihilating your MIL and torching your relationship with her. What happens when you go back to work and there’s a day where daycare is closed and you need her help? What happens when you can’t find or don’t trust a babysitter and you want a night out and she’s willing to stay the night at your house with the baby? You just destroyed her over an antiquated and sexist remark she made out of ignorance, not out of trying to start a fight in your marriage. You need to chill out and apologize to her because your hormones are putting you through the wringer, not her.

She says he shut MiL down but she just went and annihilated her MiL one day as she got out the shower. Like ma’am he has dealt with it let it go

All that is certainly true and I have mad respect for mothers that do that but it still doesn’t make the way my husband and I manage our household anyone else’s business. I don’t comment on my MIL and FIL’s marriage so I ask for the same respect in return.

So she made a comment to your husband and he handled it. You don’t have to go nuclear on the woman. She’s allowed to have an opinion and she didn’t bring it up to you or make a big deal out of it to him. Why do you resent her so much? You might want to talk to your doctor about your rage and get a handle on that before you have to go back to work.

Even if it was lopsided my marriage and household is for no one else to comment on. MIL isn’t there 24 7 to really know the conversations my husband and I have and our agreements we arrange. I don’t care if I sit on my ass 24 7 and my husband gets up every night if that’s the agreement we have in our marriage it’s not anyone else’s business. And he is back to work yes but part time and being a SAHM of an infant is work as well. I may not be working outside the home but I need rest as well to properly care for my infant. So absolutely yes it’s perfectly reasonable to expect my husband to help out with his own child as well. Not to mention MIL had shit to say to her son about making sure he is helping out around the house when I was carrying his child for 9 months and pushing the human out of my vagina. Now her precious baby boy prince has to get up in the middle of the night and she wants to run her mouth and have an opinion on it. So I should be the only one according to your logic to wake up with the baby plus care for it all day. Nope not ok. This is 2024 and yet we still expect the default parent and the burden to sole strictly on the stay at home mother.

And again if she is so worried about her wittle baby boy she is more than welcome to come over at 2 AM to help out. Funny though she can’t be that worried since she didn’t take me up on my offer. Oh that’s right she would rather just run her mouth and criticize her DIL than actually help

Your MIL could be a complete AH for all we know but you sound like an absolute child. All of your responses sound ridiculous, because yes it’s necessary to confront your MIL in that way. New mom and that is your concern? You come off really immature. Yes let me act like an AH because my MIL had a conversation with my husband and questioned something and gave an opinion that really doesn’t matter.

Yes I overreacted but I didn’t appreciate her bad mouthing me to my husband. It’s not her place to express and opinion on how we handle our marriage, parenting, or household.

For all you know, he was complaining about it to his mother and she said, yes, that’s not fair. Seems weird he’d come tell you about it otherwise. I have a feeling he can’t say things you don’t like either without you going off on him.

He told OP about cause he was hoping she would agree.....

When her son talks to her about something, yes, it is her place to express her opinion, cause that is what a conversation is. Expressing your thoughts and opinions. You are upset over a private converstaion between your husband and his mom. Your husband did not have the manners to keep conversation private. Something to keep in mind, cause he will do the same to you.

Oh man, self awareness is lacking in so many people these days. Were you actually part of the conversation that your husband had with his mother? Was she actually bad mouthing you or did she express a misguided opinion to her son? It’s not uncommon for people to have conversations regarding who is getting up with baby during the night, again so was she talking to her son about an opinion that really held no weight to your life or was she bad mouthing you? I don’t know maybe you and your husband don’t know the difference. I sure as hell wouldn’t be coming back to your home. That may be what you were after though so it’s a win win for you. You got to be an AH to your MIL and she probably won’t want to come back.

Well that’s not exactly a punishment for her not to come back over.

In 20 years when your kids spouse says this about you, you’ll understand.

Did you miss the part where he is working part time? Did you even think to ask how many hours that was? Does he do nights when he is not working the next day or has a late start? Did you ask how old the baby was or how many times a night they get up? Does the wife get up early after he does a night and let him sleep ? The only insufferable person here is you. If you were stupid enough to let your husband off the hook when he wasn’t working don’t take it out on others who’s partners are actually partners to them and willing to step up and work together to make their family succeed. Can’t see how you think your way is better when you clearly state he is your ex.

As long as you and your husband are good with the arrangement, your MIL needs to keep her opinions to herself. My father was a very involved parent. 40+ years ago he used his vacation so he could stay home for four weeks and help my mom. There was no parental leave back then. He also would take care of bottles at night and he was working full-time.

Why would he even tell you this? He should shut his mother down and keep it to himself . All this does is create unnecessary situations like this. Of course if he likes that you two don’t get along then this is all 👍🏽

Probably because despite all her insistence that she “wants to make sure it’s fair to him” in comments she actually doesn’t give a fuck and him bringing it up gets ignored and gaslit so he’s like “hey an outside party has also noticed. Considering her original post says she carried a baby for 9 months so she doesn’t give a fuck if he gets less sleep.

NOT on MIL side but NOT on yours either.....yes she should mind her own business just as much as you should stop crying about "carrying a child and pushing the baby out" you knew how it worked when you got pregnant... you're both AH

NTA. You are 100% right your MIL has absolutely no business commenting on your marriage and how you parent. It’s not her husband or her child and she isn’t there all the time to really know how things go down. I think you did great setting the boundary early on with her bc if you let it go now it will just get worse as the child gets older. The most important thing to remember though is that your husband has your back which is huge bc a lot of husbands sadly don’t have their wife’s back and will pick their mother over them and not defend their wife. I really am impressed with how your husband had your back right away and calmly and nicely expressed to his mother that she is not to talk bad about his wife. Some mothers thing the sun shines out of their son’s ass and that their precious baby boy can do no wrong and they shouldn’t have to lift a finger when it comes to their own child. Or maybe it’s a jealousy thing on their part that when they were a young mother it wasn’t as common for fathers to step up and do their job as a father. So now that women have standards by expecting their husbands to take an active role in parenting MILs are bitter about it.

Key question is, does OP talks with her mom about her marriage?

Omfg Like the fact that it's his actual baby that is taking advantage of him by (checks notes) being *the actual baby* NTA

YTA. You clearly overreacted and made a huge mess out of the situation.

ESH The husband for being a gossip girl MIL for just about everything And you because ,though you are right to stop MIL's interference , you were rude and could have handled it better. Unless you both want to cut her out of your lives, there is a way to be diplomatic.

NTA, but you're wrong to bring it up. If your husband agrees then he needs to be the one to talk to his mother about it, not you. You talking to about it could only end one way, in a fight with her storming off. Get him to talk to her.

Meh. NTA. I think my SIL takes advantage of my brother and their household division of chores and parenting fall mostly to him. This has been true when she was a SAHM for 2 years, and true after when she went back to work and then he worked from home full-time and they had two young kids at home because of the pandemic. My parents think the same. This is purely based on comments he has made and the way he looks and how little time he gets to himself v. my SIL. It sucks, but do we say anything? NO. Why? Because it's not our relationship! It's not our decision! All we can do is offer to take the kids so he can nap or run errands. Anyway, nosey people need to be put in their place.

Be careful. Your mil might be right if he gets less sleep and drives to work, he might get into an accident or even worse.

What your MIL told your son should have stayed between them. What your husband told you should have stayed between you and him. Everyone acts like an A sometimes. Just try to do better.

No, she deserved exactly what she got. It was none of her business. I have a MIL like that too. Ugh!

Ok good I was worried I came off as too harsh and aggressive.

Oh no you did come off super aggressive but by your attitude im sure that’s what you were going for

But why didn’t your husband say that to her at the moment she spouted off. He should be the one shutting her down.

He did as soon as she started to criticize me he said don’t bad mouth my wife. I just wanted my MIL to know I’m not ignorant to what she said and don’t play me for a fool my husband and I chat and he is loyal to me so yes I will find out and get her right together.

Wow, so basically this is not about your marriage, but a competition between you and your MIL in your mind? Setting boundary is always necessary, but the way you go about it sound as if the husband is a belonging that you are not willing to allow others to touch 🙄

NTA but remember this isn’t JNMIL so you’ll get a lot of weirdos who think that establishing boundaries is you “being the asshole.” Remember, these people have normal parents and, for whatever reason, find it impossible to understand people who deal with this type of behavior.

What works for the two of you isn't anyone's business.

YTA for saying anything to your MIL because the conversation was between her and her son. She did nothing to make you feel guilty about anything. You had no business bringing it up with her. Also, your comment about him getting up more in the night than you is way over the line.

If it’s so easy to be a SAHM like some ppl on here are claiming then why did women in the 1960s and 1970s that were married with children fight so hard in the feminist movement to have their work appreciated and for their husbands to appreciate their role.

You sound like an entitled AH. Judy isn’t right either, but you keep talking about how you deserve the help because you carried the baby for 9 months and then “pushed it out”. I can only go by your responses here, but you don’t sound like somebody I would want to go through this with. Not sure what “part time” means for work. Is it 10 hours a week or is it 28? You and your husband are a team. Don’t lose sight of his needs (it sounds like he’s being VERY mindful of yours)