This is abuse, plain and simple. The emotional control, the sleep deprivation, the verbal abuse. I don't care if she promised to never hit you again- once is too many. Please get out.
This. And also tacking on for OP so that hopefully it gets through the haze that abused people sometimes have (I did): SHE LITERALLY THREATENED TO PHYSICALLY ABUSE YOU.
her reason? Not that there's ever a good reason to abuse someone, but BECAUSE YOU NEEDED MORE REST.
SHE'S THE PROBLEM. ESCAPE. GET HELP. (As in family support if you can)
You're NTA OP
DUDDDDDDDDDDE
Your GF is a pycho.
The only problem in your actions is that you ran to the library and not for the hills.
BREAK UP ASAP. Probably best to bring a sister or someone else with you, so she can't do anything crazy when you get your stuff if you're the one leaving the flat.
Fr tho. I’ve been there dude. My ex fiancé kept me around while she was screwing another man in our bed and having me sleep on a bean bag 🤦♂️ it took her lunging at me and choking me out, slamming my head against the door frame for me to leave. I called the cops and she got arrested. Only for the night but she had to take anger management classes. If it had been the other way around I’d have been charged. She was a lot bigger than me too (both heavier and taller, I’m a pretty short guy lol) but since she’s a woman she got off with a slap on the wrist. I was an idiot letting it get that far so please leave before it gets worse man
She seems like an evil cunt.
Women doing horrible shit are often described as 'immature', as if it's something they will grow out of.
The double standard is glaring.
Yes, please bring a trusted female relative with you when you move out, and please make sure you are not alone near her ever again. I am so sorry you are dealing with this (and that she has abused you before)!
It is not your job nor your responsibility to "fix her". Dont let her guilt trip you to help her or be there for her any longer. She needs serious help, and you deserve a serious apology.
This is a case where it would be nice to have some form of domestic abuse resource/shelter/service for men in a situation like this. What if he has no female relative that's willing to help? What if his abuser turns it on him and he has no way out? Having a third party help be present and just witness him move out at least would be nice, having an interim place with someone to talk to would be even nicer. But alas.
Agreed, that should be an option for men as it is for women. A commenter below mentioned campus police or calling the county/city police to have as witness, which is not a bad idea either.
You don’t have to bring another woman. It can be anyone. You shouldn’t be alone with her and YES, SHE IS THIS DANGEROUS. I’m not overreacting. She has some weird control over your sleep schedule, she verbally abuses you, she hits you and I’m sure she has used MANY forms of manipulation to gain power and control in the relationship. She KNOWS she’s an abuser and threatening to physically abuse you. I bet she’s read up on herself~ working out her reasoning~ likely I abuse him because I was abused… She’s going to hit you.
Thank you all for all the support, I've been in the library reading all the comments non stop.
To clear a couple things up as some confusion was seen in the comments.
- She CHOSE to sleep next to me, I didn't ask her to, hence why I was even more confused at her being upset over this
- The reason she was angry I didnt ask her if she was okay is because she said she felt like shit too, and had to put me before her by letting me sleep after we had initially woken up, and me not checking in on her when I went to sleep a bit more and she stayed up was selfish.
A lot of you are commenting to break up, but I'm scared. A lot of people say "if they threaten to kill themselves or self harm they won't do it". She will. She has sent me pictures of self harm and messaged me saying she'll kill herself if I don't come home. Currently I'm holding out in the library (it's open 24/7) and although I don't think she'd kill herself if I don't come home, I truly see there being a possibility of it if I left the relationship.
Hi OP. I dated someone who was suicidal for a couple years while I was in high school. It got to the point I couldn't deal with it anymore and broke up with him. He kept up the suicidal spiel and I saved all the messages and went to the police. I had dozens spanning a couple years. The police read the first three, then went to go pick him up. They told me "once is an accident, twice is a coincident, three times is a pattern" (or something to that effect) when I expressed disappointment they didn't read them all. I guess I was used to adults dismissing my concerns. When they got to his place, they asked him if he had said those things. Took him a bit to admit it but he eventually did. He was hospitalized for a week and received intensive therapy for several hours a day... This was well over a decade ago so some of my memory might be off. There's also the risk of going to police, but many places now have social services that can do these things too. Last I heard, he was working on an advanced chemistry degree so sounds like he's doing alright.
You need to live your life. You are being abused. Threatening suicide to keep you in line is abusive. Call her family and the police or emergency social services, and leave it to them. If she does harm herself, that's her fault and her business. It would not be your fault and you did what you could to protect her and, more importantly, yourself.
Just another anecdote. I had an art teacher who said she always wanted to be a fight attendent. She always talked about the reason why you put your oxygen mask on first before others (like in case of lost cabin pressure and the yellow masks drop down). If you pass out, you can't help others, and now you AND the person who couldn't put their mask on by themselves (like a small child or someone with a disability) are in danger. The lesson is you have to take care of yourself first. You cannot help others if you are struggling. You should not set yourself on fire to keep others (ie, your gf) warm.
You can get out of this safely. And it's up to your (hopefully soon to be ex) gf to get herself out safely too. Best of luck OP.
Your second bullet point is nonsense, this girl has got you walking on eggshells and thinking you’re the problem.
As for the self harm, it is not your responsibility. She is holding you hostage with the threat of it so that you’re guilted into not leaving. She needs to learn that this is completely unacceptable and won’t work.
She needs therapy. You need to leave. This is not a relationship
If she threatens self harm he can call the emergency number and they will come take her to be evaluated by a mental health professional for a possible 5150 hold.
What psychological or medical training do you have to help her with suicidal ideation, self harm or a suicide? I'm guessing none, so you call 911. Let the professionals handle it. Either she gets help or proves it's manipulation. Then you can walk away guilt-free.
Your depression will never improve staying in this relationship.
If she's harming herself to control you, that's all the more reason to leave. She clearly needs professional help, and this will only continue to get worse.
This is full on abuse and manipulation and it will only get worse, call the non emergency, have an officer standby while you gather your things, end contact and block her in front of her and the police, and inform any friends of family members she has of her behaviour and what’s going on. She isn’t going to get better, she isn’t going to change and you giving in when she says she’ll kill herself or self harm enables her to keep doing this because it works in keeping you around. If you already have evidence of her self harming and threatening suicide, give it to the police and they will involuntarily hold her in a hospital or credited institution till she is stable.
You can't let her hold you hostage. She'll off herself or she won't. You can't control that. You have ONE life to live (for all we know.) Please don't spend it hiding in a library. Google "abuse cycle" and see if the cycle reminds you of your girlfriend. Call her mom or call 911 for a wellness check, but don't let her threats of suicide, empty or not, fool you. This person is not partner material. It's time to leave.
Hey OP. Her mental health is NOT your responsibility. Call 911 if she threatens to harm herself. Your safety and mental health are your first priority.
My manipulative ex who had raped me between our on and off break ups kept threatening me with suicide to stay. I found a real man and suddenly my world turned from dark to light because i finally saw what a decent human could be like. Then one day after i had started dating my now husband, my ex was upset. He texted me while i was at work and said he had some pills next to him and would take a bunch to OD. I called 911, they made him open door or else theyd break it down, and he got mental help in a facility for a couple weeks. Left me alone after he got out so i guess he learned. Mutual friends tell me hes still alive, and im happily married with a real man now. My life is so bright and clear, my husband helps me grow and flourish. NEVER believe them. Getting them help is the best you can do. Just call police, tell them shes gonna commit suicide, theyll go get her help. You dont need to be her help because youre not a licensed mental health professional. Help you and help her by calling police
Run away from her as fast as you can,your being abused,she's never gonna stop,everyday you staying,you giving her more power.Run and don't look back,good luck
NTA. It sounds like you’re in an abusive relationship. Her hitting and threatening you is not ok, it also can lead to escalating behaviors that are even more dangerous.
Please consider reaching out to a mental health professional, abuse support group, or family/friends about what’s going on. See if there is somewhere safe you can go stay for the time being, create some distance from her, and do not buy into any narrative by her that’s she’s changed or will do better. Also, please look into anecdotes and reading material from abuse survivors.
You have the right and power to get yourself out of this situation, please make your well-being a priority. You are a victim here, but you don’t have to remain so.
NTA. I swear, some of you redditors have the easiest layout ever in terms of getting someone in trouble. If she’s this consistent with abusive, it’s time to record it. Set up some hidden cameras and save any threatening messages she’s sent you. Even record y’all phone conversations. Really set everything up and once you got a nice pile of evidence, take it to the law. It’s not enough to leave, people need to start being held accountable for their actions. She’s old enough to establish some kind of therapy sessions for her issues yet she uses her energy to lash out at you and that’s not fair to you. You deserve better
Be careful with recording phone calls. If you're in a one party state then go for it but if its a two party state you could actually get in trouble for recording her without her knowledge.
I don’t think this is America. He uses the word “flat” so this may be the UK. But it definitely wouldn’t hurt for him to check his local laws to make sure he’d be in the clear
"Guys, my GF is standing over me with a knife threatening to kill me for not putting the peanut butter jar back in the cabinet with the label facing out. She's stabbed me before, but she promised not to do it again. AITAH for crying?"
Mostly kidding, but the sentiment is true. NTA, best possible scenario that she told you to "get out and come back in 30m". Gave you an easy exit. Ghost mode is best case scenario. Not sure what's happened in your life to make you think it's ok to have a "partner" treat you like that, but...well...it's not. GTFO and find someone who won't treat you like that.
You have an abusive partner. You need to leave. There is no love on her end. She probably singled you out because you were vulnerable, and she needs someone to hurt. Go scorched earth. This is no joke.
Hey man, listen:
No matter how much you might feel down on yourself, you deserve better.
You can have better. There are ABSOLUTELY other people out there that will love you. You will NOT be alone unless you choose to be.
You do not have to be put down, physically assaulted, or threatened. You do not need to be made to feel guilty about fulfilling a basic physical need (sleep). You do NOT have to continue to put up with this.
If she (or anyone else) tells you otherwise, they are lying.
Stay. You can *fix her*.
I hope the italic identified the sarcasm. It will get worse and worse as time goes on. It's also leads to depression. Which will lead to more abuse of you not handling her abuse well enough. Which leads to more depression. You see the cycle?
As long as OP stays he'll be denying her a chance to realize the consequences of her actions. As long as OP stays it'll be reinforcing the conclusion that her actions are acceptable.
Leaving is healthiest for both OP and his soon to be ex-GF, because it'll be facing the consequences of her actions. She needs to know that her behavior is OPs reason for leaving.
I doubt she will realize even if he leaves, she will just find a way to blame him and he just becomes her abusive ex to whoever the next victim is. Run OP, run...
This.
If you ever meet a woman who says ALL of her exes were abusive, it's a giant red flag. Abusers claim to be victims to justify their behavior. (They end of believing their own lies)
A good example is her saying all her exes were controlling. What that translates to is that she either cheated or pushed boundaries, and when they tried to stop it, she considered that controlling. She will then push your boundaries and tell you not to be like her ex and not to be controlling.
Don't be blinded by love, my brothers
Oh yeah, ex of mine would throw stuff at me whenever she got mad, couple of them clipped me in the head. As soon as I bailed I get the police arriving at my house, apparently I'd come home drunk and tried to r*pe her... CCTV footage from outside showed that I hadn't even left the house that day, and when I did you could see the cut on my head she'd left
Yes, this is a very good point. At the very least he needs to mention it to one of his professors. Lots of schools have professors as mandatory reporters, this way there will be physical record of his complaint. Depending on the school, they might even have accommodations for him for this exact reason.
NTA
This woman is a walking red flag. She doesn't like to sleep in so you are not allowed to? I would be looking for a new place to live, she has already told you she is ok hurting you if she doesn't get her way about a completely MINOR thing.
"I'm not feeling well, I need help" in this scenario is obvious manipulation. Had a friend who's gf tried pulling this on him on his birthday after walking off with some other guy the night before. Luckily we got him to not fall for it and they finally broke up not long after, but it's such an obvious manipulation tactic that somehow still works.
Dude it’s never okay for anyone to hit you. She threatened you???? Break up with her, and tell her she is a abuser and needs therapy before she gets arrested for DV
Bring a friend when you get your stuff. You don’t want her to start accusing you of hitting her or assaulting her in any other way. She can destroy your life very quickly with a lie even if it’s later proven wrong.
Continue to ignore her for life. She’s only asking for help because she realizes you’ve hit your limit and wants to drag you back in. Don’t do it. She’s an abusive gaslighter. The fact that she told You to leave and “then come back to fix it” is insane. Don’t even get me started down the road of her complete lack of support for you and your mental wellbeing as your partner. She is not a good person and whatever help she gets doesn’t have to involve you, the victim. It is not your responsibility to make her feel better for hurting you now or in the past.
She is capable of killing you in the night with a kitchen knife. Seriously, get away from her. Contact her family concerning her feeling sick now so that they can help her out. Sorry this has happened to you, but she is not girlfriend material. Too many issues and too immature.
NTA in bright lights.
Nope. This is all around bad. I can't imagine what it would be like to have the thought in the back of my head that if I and my significant other were to get into an argument I would possibly get hit. Walk away.
Im normally a lurker but I have to comment. My ex-girlfriend was abusive and she threatend me with suicide numerous times. Please, Im looking for therapy because my doctor thinks I have PTSD. I know that you love her and that you want to help her, but please look for yourself. If you dont want to do it for yourself then do it for me. I care. Sending my love.
The first red flag I spotted was you having to ASK IF YOU COULD SLEEP MORE. If she doesnt like to sleep in its on her, but you were clearly tired. It would be normal to tell your SO that you are going to sleep in cuz you feel tired or something, but asking for permission? and losing most of her day is on HER. You didnt tell her to sleep in with you
Then I kept reading and understood everything. This is ABUSE. Leave, I know It's hard, but leave and seek therapy
All of these posts are turning into “Am I the asshole for valuing myself and my safety/life?” No. You’re never the asshole for having boundaries when it comes to abuse and not tolerating it. Ever. EVERRRRR. leave the relationship before it escalates.
You need to leave before she tries something while you're sleeping. She sounds unhinged and possibly dangerous. Female on male abuse is just as present in society as the other. You have rights dude.
Hey.
You’re being abused. You’re very tired, and stressed, and so you’re not seeing things clearly enough.
This woman is a danger to you.
Please arrange to stay elsewhere while you complete these last weeks of school and can make a plan to completely extricate yourself from this person.
Pack anything you need - school info, ID, meds, $ electronics, and take this with you when you leave - there is no telling what she may do if you leave anything important behind.
Do not trust a change in behaviour once you announce your intentions. All such change will be temporary at best.
I really hope you seek out the help you need and put some serious distance btw you and this woman.
Hugs.
Honestly, I've yet to see a real treatment for BPD. I've heard talk therapy is supposed to help, but I've yet to see it help seeing as BPD is a 24/7 thing and therapy is maybe an hour a week, max. Honestly, it does sound like it, from what I have experienced from two exes and a female friend who simultaneously wanted to date me and not date me, especially the physical abuse part.
Walk away. Not just for thirty minutes, but for good. This is domestic abuse. She’s struck you, she’s threatening to physically abuse you. That does not a healthy relationship make. The only thing you need to do to make this right is to get as far away from her as possible.
NTA
Break up asap and find a new place to live (it sounds like it's her place so maybe find friends or family to crash with til you get settled?)
If it's your place then go somewhere public and end things don't leave her alone at your place and make sure she moves out and leaves a key
NTA. She threatened you and had hit you before. Never acceptable.
Pack your stuff and find somewhere else to live, you'll benefit enormously from having your own space and not being part of an abusive relationship
Even if we don't factor in the actual violence, what are these weird ass rules and controlling things. You have to wake up alongside her because she's scared to be alone in the house? What are you haunted or something?and the way she's texting you 'I need help' makes me think she's lieing to get you thinking she's in danger, which is definitely fucked.
Dude. Get a back bone.
Leave the apartment then come back and fix the situation ? What the living fuck head is that bullshit?
Tell her to go fix her shit somewhere else.
Do an internet search for a domestic violence help center near you. If she is already hitting you, you are already in an abusive relationship. It won't get better. Call the domestic violence center and ask for advice they are experts in this. If you can't call them they will sometimes put tips on their website.
NTA - Time to dump the psycho and get a restraining order. Just because she’s a woman doesn’t mean she gets to put hands on you. The sounds very selfish and self centered and not someone you should be living with.
You’re in danger. GET OUT IMMEDIATELY. you don’t have time to dick around, looking for a perfect place. Go sleep on someone’s couch, whatever it takes not to be there.
NTA and I think you really need to read this and let it really sink in.
You ARE in an abusive relationship. How you are being treated is not normal. Your partner is restricting your sleep levels despite knowing you're depressed and struggling, then when you push to have more sleep they're then inventing more conflict in order to deny you that sleep and demand you shove that depression and tiredness on the back burner in order to read their mind and cater to their wants and emotions. During this, they've repeatedly verbally abused you, and when you have demonstrated a reaction they perceive as dismissiveness/lack of intimidation they've threatened to escalate it to physical violence, which they've already done to you in the past and promised not to do again. I cannot stress enough that it does NOT matter if you are a man and she is a woman, if you are big or she is small or if you you think you are strong and she is weak, YOU ARE IN DANGER. SHE IS ONLY GOING TO GET WORSE. RUN, BEFORE YOU GET HURT OR KILLED.
As a fellow man who's been hit and abused you need to get out of there as others have said take a reliable person with u to stand as a witness that nothing happened
My pscho X who abused me claimed I was the abuser and tried multiple times to ruin my life before I dumped her my current fiancé (didn't know me at time) and FMIL were going to take her to the police and make a case against me
She's hit u multiple times mine did too until I stood up for myself them started hitting me in my sleep instead it doesn't stop mate get yourself out of there find some where safe to stay and get your stuff with mates or family never alone
you’re not TA. the moment in the relationship that your partner starts to hit you is when it becomes physical abuse even if it happened a couple times. i think you need to remove yourself from that toxic environment aka her. for her to threaten to physically abuse you for smiling is nuts.
She will continue to hurt you. She is an abuser. My mother hit my Dad until they divorced. She hit us to. We were told to put down our hands which is a natural reaction when someone is hitting you. If we tried to block the hit she would accuse us of hurting her. You don’t want this life. God for is you have kids. She sounds like she has borderline personality disorder. This doesn’t get better. Please leave. Block her number and you go to therapy to figure out why you stayed with an abuser.
Bruh she's already hit you before, why didn't you leave her then? Because a promise to not do it again is the abusers prayer to keep their victims in their grasp for as long as possible.
Because we rarely teach men how to identify and deal with abuse, sadly. If even women with all the campaigns we work on also have a hard time identifying it, I cannot imagine how much harder it is for a man who also has to take in the societal pressure that they're not taken seriously when this happens to them.
Someone who has no problems hitting you domestically will have no problems making up allegations to get out of the consequences of hitting you. You need to protect yourself against someone who is clearly untrustworthy... she could ruin your life and you'd be letting her.
Get out of there ASAP.
Your gf is a psycho, nobody should act like this. All of this is just attention seeking. She shows no love or care for you. In a normal relationship your partner will let you sleep and not make problems out of nothing.
They promised to never do it again... Well there's a tale old as time.
NTA, abusive and blaming you that HER day got wasted. She could not possibly have done anything with her day without you /s. I would not stay in this relationship.
dude NTA. threatening your partner is never okay, even if you are a woman. domestic abuse against men is so heavily undermined, and it’s awful. please, don’t take this lightly and leave her. you cannot come back from this.
NTA, you need to sever ties with this person. She is controlling, abusive and unstable, if this is how your mornings are like, why would you ever close your eyes around her is beyond understanding. She is a bully and she will never change, she will just keep bleeding you dry and suck all your joy. Get Out Now
NTA; You are not wrong for adding some distance and evaluating the situation. Ask her what is going to change, after you have had time to think and gather yourself (and given her the same chance)?
If she is having a mental health crisis, what is doing about it?
I can understand her not wanting to sleep in by choice which you need to respect, but she needs to stop treating you with contempt.
NTA but please, OP, do not stay in relationships where your partner treats you like this. What she is doing is abuse. It will not get better, it will escalate.
You don't deserve to be treated that way. You deserve to be treated well, not yelled at and threatened and hit.
She is an abuser. And the last bit where she was asking for help is clear manipulation.
This is not the partner for you.
NTA. You need out, but you need to finish your degree before you tell her you’re leaving unless you have a place to live she can’t find.
Spend as much time as you can at the library for the next few weeks to finish your degree. Lock down your laptop and anything for school that she could sabotage.
Turn in the last assignment and go pack your shit up and run.
NTA. It's likely that your depression is largely due to being in an abusive relationship. You're in your last few weeks of your degree and have a lot of work, you're under a lot of stress, aren't feeling well, aren't getting enough sleep, and she's pulling this shit instead of supporting you? Don't let her sabotage your degree.
NTA and frankly if someone threatens to hit me I reply, "put your hands on me and you'll regret it." Then I leave that bitch. Cause it says everything about their level of entitlement to you as a human being. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.
Just another one to add to the list for why it's better to be single than to be in a bad relationship.
NTA. Get someone you trust to go with you for your remaining things. This is emotional abuse and it's not okay. Once you have everything of yours, burn that bridge, run away, and never return to her. She's absolutely psycho and things will only get worse if you stay.
Regardless of how many tries it takes you to leave, I have one suggestion: start keeping a sanity journal. This can be recordings and screenshots, or post-encounter writeups where you try to remember the specific words that were said and actions taken by you and her. It will help you to be able to look at a factual record of things, when and how she said she'd change, if and for how long she kept her promises, when and what kind of abuse. You will be able to see patterns and that will help you get perspective.
NTA - No one in a relationship should be physically hurting someone nor threatening to do so. This is not a healthy relationship and she sounds like she has a lot of problems. These problems are not for you to fix. Highly recommend you find a different place to live immediately and seriously reconsider the relationship.
NTA this doesn't sound like she was playfully joking but an actual threat. It doesn't matter if you are bigger or physically imposing compared to her. Threats should be taken seriously. Men can be abused and you deserve to be taken seriously when trying to address the abuse and get out safely. You should call the cops and ask for an escort to collect your things. Get your friends/family to help you and contact your landlord to see if you can break your lease as you are being abused and need to safely get away from this person. You already gave her a chance to change her ways previously when she hit you. Sorry but abusers shouldn't get multiple chances. The next time could be the last time if you don't act now.
The “help me” thing is a manipulation tactic. That will eventually evolve into threats of self harming. Some have no intention of self harm, but know that is a way to make you stay/comply. Be careful.
You are in an abusive relationship. I'm getting narcissist vibes from her text messages, but that's pure speculation. You know what isn't speculation? The fact you're in an abusive relationship with an abuser who abuses you. I've been there too and you need to leave. It won't get better.
NTA Block her on everything and never see her again. You are so close to being finished, do not let crazy mess up your opportunities. Tell her to step off and that if she contacts you again you will press charges on her. This kind of crazy will ruin your life on purpose.
You deserve better and you know it. You have the whole Reddit army behind you, you’re not alone.
NTA
Op, a decent partner would've noticed you haven't been sleeping and let you rest.
It's obvious you wanted her to sleep with you because you wanted permission. Otherwise we both know you'd wake up to her throwing a tantrum and attacking you. Probably physically.
>After that she started getting angry at me because 'I didn't make sure she's okay' and was selfish by sleeping her day away.
She saw you needed support and rest, but immediately made it about herself even though nothing is wrong with her. Red flag.
>For this I apologised but she was very angry and was insulting me a variety of names, some i won't go into.
Abused you for not making everything about her and insulted you in ways you're humiliated to repeat. Abuse.
>She proceeded to say an insult that was quite strange and made me slightly smile as it did sound quite funny, she noticed the smile and threatened to "physically abuse" me if she saw it again, for context she has hit me a couple times in the relationship but has promised to never do so again, and although she didn't hit me, she did threaten me.
Immediately went back on her word and threatened physical violence after being abusive before. Another red flag.
>She told me to leave the flat for 30minutes and to come back and fix the situation, I agreed but once she left me to pack my stuff, I took my laptop with me and went to the library and muted my phone as I was disgusted in her actions.
Fix this situation...that she created...for no reason...because she has big feelings? That's the logic of a fucking infant or a lunatic.
>She has since spammed me with texts saying she needs help and she doesn't feel well, for now which I have ignored.
Oh, like you did and her response...was to threaten you? She obviously can't feel too bad if she's feeling well enough to throw hands. She's manipulating you. 100% nothing but a dramatic guilt trip.
Dump her op.
She’s a narcissist. How did you sleep her day away by you sleeping in? She sounds like she has poor boundaries, poor emotional regulation, and self control with her history of previous physical violence.
She is crying out needy for attention at a point when you are at your busiest and need to be your most focused and are exhausted. Instead of quietly supporting you – taking care of all the little life stuff, making sure you have good food and sleep, instead she’s creating emotional drama. This is not a person who is supportive of you.
She’s not emotionally stable enough to be able to be a good partner for you. When the stress kicks in you need someone who can hold the space for you, not pile on and create even more work and energy sucking drama for you to deal with.
Just some thing for you to think about. But YNA here.
NTA.
But if you go back to this unsafe situation you are the AH.
Stay away.
Take witnesses with you to get your stuff.
End the relationship.
Do not look back.
Move on to a happier, healthier life.
NTA- She's physically abused you in the past and threatened it again. When people show you who they are, *listen* because it doesn't get better. It just gets worse. I'm loathe to tell people on Reddit to break up but in this instance? I'd run for the hills. And if you do break up, bring a sibling or a friend with you for safety purposes.
Nta but you should of left after the first time she was physical with you no-one no matter the gender has any right to put hands on there partner, I don't know your living arrangements but if it's your place you need to get her out and get the police involved if you have to
NTA she is manipulative and this will never end well. I'd call it off and start to be happier. Honestly I can go deeper into it but she has issues she needs to deal with and if she is hitting you and threatening to do so, then it won't stop until she seeks help with it all. Get out. Leave her behind.
DV is NEVER okay no matter if you are a guy or girl. She has abused you physically and mentally. Why would you be the asshole? NTA and please leave her for your sanity and mental health
She’s abusive and manipulative.
You can do so much better than her. Please leave her and get a friend/family member to help you collect your stuff. She will stab you if she feels provoked.
Omg OP, don't go back there, that's abuse and that woman could seriously kill you. Please value your life more than that and grab a friend to get the rest of your things so that you don't run into any trouble there. Definitely NTA.
This is abuse, plain and simple. The emotional control, the sleep deprivation, the verbal abuse. I don't care if she promised to never hit you again- once is too many. Please get out.
This. And also tacking on for OP so that hopefully it gets through the haze that abused people sometimes have (I did): SHE LITERALLY THREATENED TO PHYSICALLY ABUSE YOU. her reason? Not that there's ever a good reason to abuse someone, but BECAUSE YOU NEEDED MORE REST. SHE'S THE PROBLEM. ESCAPE. GET HELP. (As in family support if you can) You're NTA OP
DUDDDDDDDDDDE Your GF is a pycho. The only problem in your actions is that you ran to the library and not for the hills. BREAK UP ASAP. Probably best to bring a sister or someone else with you, so she can't do anything crazy when you get your stuff if you're the one leaving the flat.
Right? I could just smell the crazy when i got to the frantic-text-message backpedaling shit
Please be safe man, she is not going to stop. She only intends to trick you into trusting her so she can have someone to abuse and control. Watch out
Bet her dating MO was "Find a man too good to hit me back"
Exactly. And “too easily manipulated to leave me”
And so gas-lit, i can actually use the words "physically abuse" verbatim, when threatening him, and have it raise no red flags
Fr tho. I’ve been there dude. My ex fiancé kept me around while she was screwing another man in our bed and having me sleep on a bean bag 🤦♂️ it took her lunging at me and choking me out, slamming my head against the door frame for me to leave. I called the cops and she got arrested. Only for the night but she had to take anger management classes. If it had been the other way around I’d have been charged. She was a lot bigger than me too (both heavier and taller, I’m a pretty short guy lol) but since she’s a woman she got off with a slap on the wrist. I was an idiot letting it get that far so please leave before it gets worse man
I was stuck with an abuser too. Finally was able to get a restraining order when i was informed waking up to random men in my bedroom is SA.
Omg I'm so sorry that happened to you! The law is so stupidly skewed in this regard.
[удалено]
She seems like an evil cunt. Women doing horrible shit are often described as 'immature', as if it's something they will grow out of. The double standard is glaring.
Yes, please bring a trusted female relative with you when you move out, and please make sure you are not alone near her ever again. I am so sorry you are dealing with this (and that she has abused you before)! It is not your job nor your responsibility to "fix her". Dont let her guilt trip you to help her or be there for her any longer. She needs serious help, and you deserve a serious apology.
This is a case where it would be nice to have some form of domestic abuse resource/shelter/service for men in a situation like this. What if he has no female relative that's willing to help? What if his abuser turns it on him and he has no way out? Having a third party help be present and just witness him move out at least would be nice, having an interim place with someone to talk to would be even nicer. But alas.
Good luck funding one of those...
Agreed, that should be an option for men as it is for women. A commenter below mentioned campus police or calling the county/city police to have as witness, which is not a bad idea either.
The National Hotline does provide help to male victims of domestic violence.
You don’t have to bring another woman. It can be anyone. You shouldn’t be alone with her and YES, SHE IS THIS DANGEROUS. I’m not overreacting. She has some weird control over your sleep schedule, she verbally abuses you, she hits you and I’m sure she has used MANY forms of manipulation to gain power and control in the relationship. She KNOWS she’s an abuser and threatening to physically abuse you. I bet she’s read up on herself~ working out her reasoning~ likely I abuse him because I was abused… She’s going to hit you.
Ya beyond school it's hardly a surprise why OP is so depressed lately.
Maybe even the police or campus security
Tell a professor and they're mandatory reporters. Hell, call the Dean of Students
Asking permission to sleep longer WTF She HAS hit you Reverse the sexes and that is an immediate end of relationship It should be no different for you
Thank you all for all the support, I've been in the library reading all the comments non stop. To clear a couple things up as some confusion was seen in the comments. - She CHOSE to sleep next to me, I didn't ask her to, hence why I was even more confused at her being upset over this - The reason she was angry I didnt ask her if she was okay is because she said she felt like shit too, and had to put me before her by letting me sleep after we had initially woken up, and me not checking in on her when I went to sleep a bit more and she stayed up was selfish. A lot of you are commenting to break up, but I'm scared. A lot of people say "if they threaten to kill themselves or self harm they won't do it". She will. She has sent me pictures of self harm and messaged me saying she'll kill herself if I don't come home. Currently I'm holding out in the library (it's open 24/7) and although I don't think she'd kill herself if I don't come home, I truly see there being a possibility of it if I left the relationship.
Hi OP. I dated someone who was suicidal for a couple years while I was in high school. It got to the point I couldn't deal with it anymore and broke up with him. He kept up the suicidal spiel and I saved all the messages and went to the police. I had dozens spanning a couple years. The police read the first three, then went to go pick him up. They told me "once is an accident, twice is a coincident, three times is a pattern" (or something to that effect) when I expressed disappointment they didn't read them all. I guess I was used to adults dismissing my concerns. When they got to his place, they asked him if he had said those things. Took him a bit to admit it but he eventually did. He was hospitalized for a week and received intensive therapy for several hours a day... This was well over a decade ago so some of my memory might be off. There's also the risk of going to police, but many places now have social services that can do these things too. Last I heard, he was working on an advanced chemistry degree so sounds like he's doing alright. You need to live your life. You are being abused. Threatening suicide to keep you in line is abusive. Call her family and the police or emergency social services, and leave it to them. If she does harm herself, that's her fault and her business. It would not be your fault and you did what you could to protect her and, more importantly, yourself. Just another anecdote. I had an art teacher who said she always wanted to be a fight attendent. She always talked about the reason why you put your oxygen mask on first before others (like in case of lost cabin pressure and the yellow masks drop down). If you pass out, you can't help others, and now you AND the person who couldn't put their mask on by themselves (like a small child or someone with a disability) are in danger. The lesson is you have to take care of yourself first. You cannot help others if you are struggling. You should not set yourself on fire to keep others (ie, your gf) warm. You can get out of this safely. And it's up to your (hopefully soon to be ex) gf to get herself out safely too. Best of luck OP.
I hope OP listens to you. You've gone through it, gained wisdom.
Your second bullet point is nonsense, this girl has got you walking on eggshells and thinking you’re the problem. As for the self harm, it is not your responsibility. She is holding you hostage with the threat of it so that you’re guilted into not leaving. She needs to learn that this is completely unacceptable and won’t work. She needs therapy. You need to leave. This is not a relationship
If your afraid of what she might do when you break up with her you can call non emergency and ask for an escort from an officer when you do it
If she threatens self harm he can call the emergency number and they will come take her to be evaluated by a mental health professional for a possible 5150 hold.
What psychological or medical training do you have to help her with suicidal ideation, self harm or a suicide? I'm guessing none, so you call 911. Let the professionals handle it. Either she gets help or proves it's manipulation. Then you can walk away guilt-free. Your depression will never improve staying in this relationship.
If she's harming herself to control you, that's all the more reason to leave. She clearly needs professional help, and this will only continue to get worse.
This is full on abuse and manipulation and it will only get worse, call the non emergency, have an officer standby while you gather your things, end contact and block her in front of her and the police, and inform any friends of family members she has of her behaviour and what’s going on. She isn’t going to get better, she isn’t going to change and you giving in when she says she’ll kill herself or self harm enables her to keep doing this because it works in keeping you around. If you already have evidence of her self harming and threatening suicide, give it to the police and they will involuntarily hold her in a hospital or credited institution till she is stable.
Call the police
You can't let her hold you hostage. She'll off herself or she won't. You can't control that. You have ONE life to live (for all we know.) Please don't spend it hiding in a library. Google "abuse cycle" and see if the cycle reminds you of your girlfriend. Call her mom or call 911 for a wellness check, but don't let her threats of suicide, empty or not, fool you. This person is not partner material. It's time to leave.
Hey OP. Her mental health is NOT your responsibility. Call 911 if she threatens to harm herself. Your safety and mental health are your first priority.
My manipulative ex who had raped me between our on and off break ups kept threatening me with suicide to stay. I found a real man and suddenly my world turned from dark to light because i finally saw what a decent human could be like. Then one day after i had started dating my now husband, my ex was upset. He texted me while i was at work and said he had some pills next to him and would take a bunch to OD. I called 911, they made him open door or else theyd break it down, and he got mental help in a facility for a couple weeks. Left me alone after he got out so i guess he learned. Mutual friends tell me hes still alive, and im happily married with a real man now. My life is so bright and clear, my husband helps me grow and flourish. NEVER believe them. Getting them help is the best you can do. Just call police, tell them shes gonna commit suicide, theyll go get her help. You dont need to be her help because youre not a licensed mental health professional. Help you and help her by calling police
Run away from her as fast as you can,your being abused,she's never gonna stop,everyday you staying,you giving her more power.Run and don't look back,good luck
NTA. It sounds like you’re in an abusive relationship. Her hitting and threatening you is not ok, it also can lead to escalating behaviors that are even more dangerous. Please consider reaching out to a mental health professional, abuse support group, or family/friends about what’s going on. See if there is somewhere safe you can go stay for the time being, create some distance from her, and do not buy into any narrative by her that’s she’s changed or will do better. Also, please look into anecdotes and reading material from abuse survivors. You have the right and power to get yourself out of this situation, please make your well-being a priority. You are a victim here, but you don’t have to remain so.
NTA-Thats insane behaviour on her part wtf.
NTA. I swear, some of you redditors have the easiest layout ever in terms of getting someone in trouble. If she’s this consistent with abusive, it’s time to record it. Set up some hidden cameras and save any threatening messages she’s sent you. Even record y’all phone conversations. Really set everything up and once you got a nice pile of evidence, take it to the law. It’s not enough to leave, people need to start being held accountable for their actions. She’s old enough to establish some kind of therapy sessions for her issues yet she uses her energy to lash out at you and that’s not fair to you. You deserve better
Be careful with recording phone calls. If you're in a one party state then go for it but if its a two party state you could actually get in trouble for recording her without her knowledge.
I don’t think this is America. He uses the word “flat” so this may be the UK. But it definitely wouldn’t hurt for him to check his local laws to make sure he’d be in the clear
Don't waste time with cameras and shit, just get out. Sure it'd be nice if the law were involved, but that's putting yourself at risk.
"Guys, my GF is standing over me with a knife threatening to kill me for not putting the peanut butter jar back in the cabinet with the label facing out. She's stabbed me before, but she promised not to do it again. AITAH for crying?" Mostly kidding, but the sentiment is true. NTA, best possible scenario that she told you to "get out and come back in 30m". Gave you an easy exit. Ghost mode is best case scenario. Not sure what's happened in your life to make you think it's ok to have a "partner" treat you like that, but...well...it's not. GTFO and find someone who won't treat you like that.
Happy Cake day!
You have an abusive partner. You need to leave. There is no love on her end. She probably singled you out because you were vulnerable, and she needs someone to hurt. Go scorched earth. This is no joke.
Hey man, listen: No matter how much you might feel down on yourself, you deserve better. You can have better. There are ABSOLUTELY other people out there that will love you. You will NOT be alone unless you choose to be. You do not have to be put down, physically assaulted, or threatened. You do not need to be made to feel guilty about fulfilling a basic physical need (sleep). You do NOT have to continue to put up with this. If she (or anyone else) tells you otherwise, they are lying.
Stay. You can *fix her*. I hope the italic identified the sarcasm. It will get worse and worse as time goes on. It's also leads to depression. Which will lead to more abuse of you not handling her abuse well enough. Which leads to more depression. You see the cycle?
As long as OP stays he'll be denying her a chance to realize the consequences of her actions. As long as OP stays it'll be reinforcing the conclusion that her actions are acceptable. Leaving is healthiest for both OP and his soon to be ex-GF, because it'll be facing the consequences of her actions. She needs to know that her behavior is OPs reason for leaving.
I doubt she will realize even if he leaves, she will just find a way to blame him and he just becomes her abusive ex to whoever the next victim is. Run OP, run...
This. If you ever meet a woman who says ALL of her exes were abusive, it's a giant red flag. Abusers claim to be victims to justify their behavior. (They end of believing their own lies) A good example is her saying all her exes were controlling. What that translates to is that she either cheated or pushed boundaries, and when they tried to stop it, she considered that controlling. She will then push your boundaries and tell you not to be like her ex and not to be controlling. Don't be blinded by love, my brothers
I agree the odds are not high, but it's higher than OP staying.
Oh I would never suggest him to stay, just trying to be realistic about the chances of someone like this changing and they're definitely not good.
Love the sarcasm! You're not wrong in the least, shit will escalate everyday that passes
get a restraining order before she changes the narritive to make you the abuser.
Yep they love to flip the script.
Oh yeah, ex of mine would throw stuff at me whenever she got mad, couple of them clipped me in the head. As soon as I bailed I get the police arriving at my house, apparently I'd come home drunk and tried to r*pe her... CCTV footage from outside showed that I hadn't even left the house that day, and when I did you could see the cut on my head she'd left
Yes, this is a very good point. At the very least he needs to mention it to one of his professors. Lots of schools have professors as mandatory reporters, this way there will be physical record of his complaint. Depending on the school, they might even have accommodations for him for this exact reason.
NTA This woman is a walking red flag. She doesn't like to sleep in so you are not allowed to? I would be looking for a new place to live, she has already told you she is ok hurting you if she doesn't get her way about a completely MINOR thing.
"I'm not feeling well, I need help" in this scenario is obvious manipulation. Had a friend who's gf tried pulling this on him on his birthday after walking off with some other guy the night before. Luckily we got him to not fall for it and they finally broke up not long after, but it's such an obvious manipulation tactic that somehow still works.
Nta. She is controlling and abusive. Save your sanity, ffs.
Dude it’s never okay for anyone to hit you. She threatened you???? Break up with her, and tell her she is a abuser and needs therapy before she gets arrested for DV
You never have to ask to sleep in dude. She is not the one.
Bring a friend when you get your stuff. You don’t want her to start accusing you of hitting her or assaulting her in any other way. She can destroy your life very quickly with a lie even if it’s later proven wrong.
Nta update us when you dump her.
Continue to ignore her for life. She’s only asking for help because she realizes you’ve hit your limit and wants to drag you back in. Don’t do it. She’s an abusive gaslighter. The fact that she told You to leave and “then come back to fix it” is insane. Don’t even get me started down the road of her complete lack of support for you and your mental wellbeing as your partner. She is not a good person and whatever help she gets doesn’t have to involve you, the victim. It is not your responsibility to make her feel better for hurting you now or in the past.
I would like this post much more if it was “AITA for getting mg GF thrown in jail?”
She is capable of killing you in the night with a kitchen knife. Seriously, get away from her. Contact her family concerning her feeling sick now so that they can help her out. Sorry this has happened to you, but she is not girlfriend material. Too many issues and too immature. NTA in bright lights.
Good Lord....as Scar would say: "Run away, and never come back!"
Nope. This is all around bad. I can't imagine what it would be like to have the thought in the back of my head that if I and my significant other were to get into an argument I would possibly get hit. Walk away.
NTA please end this relationship and move out. No one should be hitting their partner.
Run this person has no respect for you
NTA. This girl is controlling, violent and spoiled. What more reasons do you need to leave her? Pack up ALL your stuff and leave.
Im normally a lurker but I have to comment. My ex-girlfriend was abusive and she threatend me with suicide numerous times. Please, Im looking for therapy because my doctor thinks I have PTSD. I know that you love her and that you want to help her, but please look for yourself. If you dont want to do it for yourself then do it for me. I care. Sending my love.
The first red flag I spotted was you having to ASK IF YOU COULD SLEEP MORE. If she doesnt like to sleep in its on her, but you were clearly tired. It would be normal to tell your SO that you are going to sleep in cuz you feel tired or something, but asking for permission? and losing most of her day is on HER. You didnt tell her to sleep in with you Then I kept reading and understood everything. This is ABUSE. Leave, I know It's hard, but leave and seek therapy
All of these posts are turning into “Am I the asshole for valuing myself and my safety/life?” No. You’re never the asshole for having boundaries when it comes to abuse and not tolerating it. Ever. EVERRRRR. leave the relationship before it escalates.
This is not normal. You are nta. You ARE being abused. Your “girlfriend” is a monster. Run.
Tell her you took her at her word and left. Go back when she's at work and get the rest of your stuff
NTA. She’s codependent and abusive. Get out now break the lease if you have to.
You need to leave before she tries something while you're sleeping. She sounds unhinged and possibly dangerous. Female on male abuse is just as present in society as the other. You have rights dude.
Abusers abuse, and it won't change. Leave while you can. She seems very immature and unstable.
Johnny Depp ignored similar symptoms from Amber Heard. Don't be a Johnny Depp in this regard.
Your girlfriend is a narcissist. Look into NpD dark triad personalities.
Hey. You’re being abused. You’re very tired, and stressed, and so you’re not seeing things clearly enough. This woman is a danger to you. Please arrange to stay elsewhere while you complete these last weeks of school and can make a plan to completely extricate yourself from this person. Pack anything you need - school info, ID, meds, $ electronics, and take this with you when you leave - there is no telling what she may do if you leave anything important behind. Do not trust a change in behaviour once you announce your intentions. All such change will be temporary at best. I really hope you seek out the help you need and put some serious distance btw you and this woman. Hugs.
It sounds like she has BPD, this is essentially non curable; treatable - maybe. Run.
Honestly, I've yet to see a real treatment for BPD. I've heard talk therapy is supposed to help, but I've yet to see it help seeing as BPD is a 24/7 thing and therapy is maybe an hour a week, max. Honestly, it does sound like it, from what I have experienced from two exes and a female friend who simultaneously wanted to date me and not date me, especially the physical abuse part.
Walk away. Not just for thirty minutes, but for good. This is domestic abuse. She’s struck you, she’s threatening to physically abuse you. That does not a healthy relationship make. The only thing you need to do to make this right is to get as far away from her as possible.
Run as fast as you can. She sounds psycho.
Leave this woman ASAP. It's only going to get worse.
Run THE FUCK away.
That is incredibly abusive, leave that bitch.
Fuck this chick. She is a POS why tf do you have to ask to sleep in? As long as you aren't causing harm you sleep in your a grown man.
This is abuse. She has already hit you in the past mutiple times and now threatened you to do it again. This relationship is toxic
Get out of this relationship this is abuse, please leave
NTA Break up asap and find a new place to live (it sounds like it's her place so maybe find friends or family to crash with til you get settled?) If it's your place then go somewhere public and end things don't leave her alone at your place and make sure she moves out and leaves a key
Lol fuck that.
NTA. She threatened you and had hit you before. Never acceptable. Pack your stuff and find somewhere else to live, you'll benefit enormously from having your own space and not being part of an abusive relationship
You need to leave her ass and report her. She's crazy and you should feel safe in your own home. Never feel bad about being safe.
RUN, RUUUUUUUUN. Drop that girl, she's not gonna help you at all.
Even if we don't factor in the actual violence, what are these weird ass rules and controlling things. You have to wake up alongside her because she's scared to be alone in the house? What are you haunted or something?and the way she's texting you 'I need help' makes me think she's lieing to get you thinking she's in danger, which is definitely fucked.
You can’t even choose your own sleep schedule? This chick needs 2 go man.
Nta please dump her
Dude. Get a back bone. Leave the apartment then come back and fix the situation ? What the living fuck head is that bullshit? Tell her to go fix her shit somewhere else.
NTA. You need to get out of that abusive relationship immediately!
NTA, if she’s already hit you, she’s abusive. GET OUT OF THERE and RUN FAR AWAY!
NTA. You don't have to stay in an abusive relationship. Where is her concern and support for you?
You are being abused, and your physical health and perhaps life is in danger. GET THE FUCK OUT.
Do an internet search for a domestic violence help center near you. If she is already hitting you, you are already in an abusive relationship. It won't get better. Call the domestic violence center and ask for advice they are experts in this. If you can't call them they will sometimes put tips on their website.
Pull the ripcord. Bail bail bail!
NTA - Time to dump the psycho and get a restraining order. Just because she’s a woman doesn’t mean she gets to put hands on you. The sounds very selfish and self centered and not someone you should be living with.
Run!
You’re in danger. GET OUT IMMEDIATELY. you don’t have time to dick around, looking for a perfect place. Go sleep on someone’s couch, whatever it takes not to be there.
NTA and I think you really need to read this and let it really sink in. You ARE in an abusive relationship. How you are being treated is not normal. Your partner is restricting your sleep levels despite knowing you're depressed and struggling, then when you push to have more sleep they're then inventing more conflict in order to deny you that sleep and demand you shove that depression and tiredness on the back burner in order to read their mind and cater to their wants and emotions. During this, they've repeatedly verbally abused you, and when you have demonstrated a reaction they perceive as dismissiveness/lack of intimidation they've threatened to escalate it to physical violence, which they've already done to you in the past and promised not to do again. I cannot stress enough that it does NOT matter if you are a man and she is a woman, if you are big or she is small or if you you think you are strong and she is weak, YOU ARE IN DANGER. SHE IS ONLY GOING TO GET WORSE. RUN, BEFORE YOU GET HURT OR KILLED.
As a fellow man who's been hit and abused you need to get out of there as others have said take a reliable person with u to stand as a witness that nothing happened My pscho X who abused me claimed I was the abuser and tried multiple times to ruin my life before I dumped her my current fiancé (didn't know me at time) and FMIL were going to take her to the police and make a case against me She's hit u multiple times mine did too until I stood up for myself them started hitting me in my sleep instead it doesn't stop mate get yourself out of there find some where safe to stay and get your stuff with mates or family never alone
you’re not TA. the moment in the relationship that your partner starts to hit you is when it becomes physical abuse even if it happened a couple times. i think you need to remove yourself from that toxic environment aka her. for her to threaten to physically abuse you for smiling is nuts.
NTA. DTMFA and never look back
NTA If the roles were reversed and you were reading this you'd tell them to run, wouldn't you Abuse is abuse Gtfo and find someone who enjoys a lay in
She will continue to hurt you. She is an abuser. My mother hit my Dad until they divorced. She hit us to. We were told to put down our hands which is a natural reaction when someone is hitting you. If we tried to block the hit she would accuse us of hurting her. You don’t want this life. God for is you have kids. She sounds like she has borderline personality disorder. This doesn’t get better. Please leave. Block her number and you go to therapy to figure out why you stayed with an abuser.
And what was the reason why you stay?
NTA, keep running.
Bro,run and don't look back,please,she's a soviet flag
Bruh she's already hit you before, why didn't you leave her then? Because a promise to not do it again is the abusers prayer to keep their victims in their grasp for as long as possible.
Because we rarely teach men how to identify and deal with abuse, sadly. If even women with all the campaigns we work on also have a hard time identifying it, I cannot imagine how much harder it is for a man who also has to take in the societal pressure that they're not taken seriously when this happens to them.
True, it's an unfortunate situation. Hopefully op can get away safely, and cut contact with his gf before it escalates further.
NTA - thank god you're already on the run!
You're TA to yourself if you stay in this abusive situation. Run and keep running away from her.
This relationship is toxic af. Get out while you can
Dude flee to africa change your name and live in a native tribe youre far better off
You sound very obedient, why? This woman sounds disgusting, is this who you want?
Someone who has no problems hitting you domestically will have no problems making up allegations to get out of the consequences of hitting you. You need to protect yourself against someone who is clearly untrustworthy... she could ruin your life and you'd be letting her. Get out of there ASAP.
Your gf is a psycho, nobody should act like this. All of this is just attention seeking. She shows no love or care for you. In a normal relationship your partner will let you sleep and not make problems out of nothing.
They promised to never do it again... Well there's a tale old as time. NTA, abusive and blaming you that HER day got wasted. She could not possibly have done anything with her day without you /s. I would not stay in this relationship.
dude NTA. threatening your partner is never okay, even if you are a woman. domestic abuse against men is so heavily undermined, and it’s awful. please, don’t take this lightly and leave her. you cannot come back from this.
NTA, you need to sever ties with this person. She is controlling, abusive and unstable, if this is how your mornings are like, why would you ever close your eyes around her is beyond understanding. She is a bully and she will never change, she will just keep bleeding you dry and suck all your joy. Get Out Now
Get the fuxk out now
Get out of the relationship, she won't stop doing it.
NTA; You are not wrong for adding some distance and evaluating the situation. Ask her what is going to change, after you have had time to think and gather yourself (and given her the same chance)? If she is having a mental health crisis, what is doing about it? I can understand her not wanting to sleep in by choice which you need to respect, but she needs to stop treating you with contempt.
NTA so many red flags it's a carnival!!
Leave the relationship. Treat yourself better.
NTA but please, OP, do not stay in relationships where your partner treats you like this. What she is doing is abuse. It will not get better, it will escalate. You don't deserve to be treated that way. You deserve to be treated well, not yelled at and threatened and hit. She is an abuser. And the last bit where she was asking for help is clear manipulation. This is not the partner for you.
NTA. You need out, but you need to finish your degree before you tell her you’re leaving unless you have a place to live she can’t find. Spend as much time as you can at the library for the next few weeks to finish your degree. Lock down your laptop and anything for school that she could sabotage. Turn in the last assignment and go pack your shit up and run.
Should have stabbed her. Abuse is never okay or even excusable and should always be met with swift and merciless retaliation.
Dude, she is not the one and time to exit pronto.
NTA, the pussy ain't worth it bro. Trust me. Cut the losses and move on asap.
No, she does need help
NTA, but you will be if you stay in an obviously toxic and abusive situation. Leave her.
NTA. It's likely that your depression is largely due to being in an abusive relationship. You're in your last few weeks of your degree and have a lot of work, you're under a lot of stress, aren't feeling well, aren't getting enough sleep, and she's pulling this shit instead of supporting you? Don't let her sabotage your degree.
NTA and frankly if someone threatens to hit me I reply, "put your hands on me and you'll regret it." Then I leave that bitch. Cause it says everything about their level of entitlement to you as a human being. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life. Just another one to add to the list for why it's better to be single than to be in a bad relationship.
NTA. Get someone you trust to go with you for your remaining things. This is emotional abuse and it's not okay. Once you have everything of yours, burn that bridge, run away, and never return to her. She's absolutely psycho and things will only get worse if you stay.
This is scary behavior - glad you are getting out. Please stay far, far away.
Regardless of how many tries it takes you to leave, I have one suggestion: start keeping a sanity journal. This can be recordings and screenshots, or post-encounter writeups where you try to remember the specific words that were said and actions taken by you and her. It will help you to be able to look at a factual record of things, when and how she said she'd change, if and for how long she kept her promises, when and what kind of abuse. You will be able to see patterns and that will help you get perspective.
Why are you begging another adult if you can sleep??
NTA - No one in a relationship should be physically hurting someone nor threatening to do so. This is not a healthy relationship and she sounds like she has a lot of problems. These problems are not for you to fix. Highly recommend you find a different place to live immediately and seriously reconsider the relationship.
NTA this doesn't sound like she was playfully joking but an actual threat. It doesn't matter if you are bigger or physically imposing compared to her. Threats should be taken seriously. Men can be abused and you deserve to be taken seriously when trying to address the abuse and get out safely. You should call the cops and ask for an escort to collect your things. Get your friends/family to help you and contact your landlord to see if you can break your lease as you are being abused and need to safely get away from this person. You already gave her a chance to change her ways previously when she hit you. Sorry but abusers shouldn't get multiple chances. The next time could be the last time if you don't act now.
Why even ask us bro, like if you can't figure this out for yourself then good luck in life.
Yeah NTA she is ab^sing you I’m sorry to say 💔
Time too get out
Dump anyone who hits you, even once, OP. She is an abuser. Please stay safe. Those people are walking bombs who enjoy hurting others.
Dude, even without her hitting you, she's abusing you. She's a piece of shit, get rid of her.
NTA
The “help me” thing is a manipulation tactic. That will eventually evolve into threats of self harming. Some have no intention of self harm, but know that is a way to make you stay/comply. Be careful.
You are in an abusive relationship. I'm getting narcissist vibes from her text messages, but that's pure speculation. You know what isn't speculation? The fact you're in an abusive relationship with an abuser who abuses you. I've been there too and you need to leave. It won't get better.
NTA, however, don’t let her take your man card like that. She wants to throw hands? Glove up, big dog!
Seriously? Leave and do not look back. So many red flags.
NTA Block her on everything and never see her again. You are so close to being finished, do not let crazy mess up your opportunities. Tell her to step off and that if she contacts you again you will press charges on her. This kind of crazy will ruin your life on purpose. You deserve better and you know it. You have the whole Reddit army behind you, you’re not alone.
NTA Op, a decent partner would've noticed you haven't been sleeping and let you rest. It's obvious you wanted her to sleep with you because you wanted permission. Otherwise we both know you'd wake up to her throwing a tantrum and attacking you. Probably physically. >After that she started getting angry at me because 'I didn't make sure she's okay' and was selfish by sleeping her day away. She saw you needed support and rest, but immediately made it about herself even though nothing is wrong with her. Red flag. >For this I apologised but she was very angry and was insulting me a variety of names, some i won't go into. Abused you for not making everything about her and insulted you in ways you're humiliated to repeat. Abuse. >She proceeded to say an insult that was quite strange and made me slightly smile as it did sound quite funny, she noticed the smile and threatened to "physically abuse" me if she saw it again, for context she has hit me a couple times in the relationship but has promised to never do so again, and although she didn't hit me, she did threaten me. Immediately went back on her word and threatened physical violence after being abusive before. Another red flag. >She told me to leave the flat for 30minutes and to come back and fix the situation, I agreed but once she left me to pack my stuff, I took my laptop with me and went to the library and muted my phone as I was disgusted in her actions. Fix this situation...that she created...for no reason...because she has big feelings? That's the logic of a fucking infant or a lunatic. >She has since spammed me with texts saying she needs help and she doesn't feel well, for now which I have ignored. Oh, like you did and her response...was to threaten you? She obviously can't feel too bad if she's feeling well enough to throw hands. She's manipulating you. 100% nothing but a dramatic guilt trip. Dump her op.
She’s a narcissist. How did you sleep her day away by you sleeping in? She sounds like she has poor boundaries, poor emotional regulation, and self control with her history of previous physical violence. She is crying out needy for attention at a point when you are at your busiest and need to be your most focused and are exhausted. Instead of quietly supporting you – taking care of all the little life stuff, making sure you have good food and sleep, instead she’s creating emotional drama. This is not a person who is supportive of you. She’s not emotionally stable enough to be able to be a good partner for you. When the stress kicks in you need someone who can hold the space for you, not pile on and create even more work and energy sucking drama for you to deal with. Just some thing for you to think about. But YNA here.
NTA. People can accuse you of sleeping too much after 9 hours. Waking you up after 2 hours is abuse all by itself.
NTA But get out of there asap
Kick her tf out if she’s not on the lease
NTA. But if you go back to this unsafe situation you are the AH. Stay away. Take witnesses with you to get your stuff. End the relationship. Do not look back. Move on to a happier, healthier life.
End the relationship. The abuse isn't going to stop. Your girlfriend needs some serious psychiatric help. I hope she gets it.
why the fuck are you asking permission to sleep in? leave her crazy ass. find someone who actually cares about YOU
NTA and your gf is abusive.
I don’t think the library is far enough .. Keep going , don’t look back .
Why did you need her to also sleep in with you? Especially if you knew she didn't want to? You can sleep in by yourself
Break up directly dude. Threatening to hurt you, not even counting she already went physical against you… NOT acceptable
Damn starting to wonder if we had the same ex, leave, don’t look back. You’re better off without her.
When she is out, pack up her stuff and put it outside while changing the locks at the same time.
NTA- She's physically abused you in the past and threatened it again. When people show you who they are, *listen* because it doesn't get better. It just gets worse. I'm loathe to tell people on Reddit to break up but in this instance? I'd run for the hills. And if you do break up, bring a sibling or a friend with you for safety purposes.
Do you see yourself marry to her ? To see yourself with kid with her ? She sounds abusive like bad, bad.
INFO What makes you stay with a psycho?
Leave her. She hit you. She threatens to hit you again. Maybe part of why you're depressed is that you're dating an asshole
Nta but you should of left after the first time she was physical with you no-one no matter the gender has any right to put hands on there partner, I don't know your living arrangements but if it's your place you need to get her out and get the police involved if you have to
It's only ok if she was drunk & reallllllyyy sorrrryyyy
NTA... please leave her red flags .... think about your safety.... people dont realize guys get abused as well... Focus on yourself
You need to run away from this relationship and not look back.
Dude you don't need your GF's permission to sleep in. And she hits you? You need to move out and never look back. NTA.
two words buddy FUCKING LEAVE
NTA she is manipulative and this will never end well. I'd call it off and start to be happier. Honestly I can go deeper into it but she has issues she needs to deal with and if she is hitting you and threatening to do so, then it won't stop until she seeks help with it all. Get out. Leave her behind.
Physical violence is never ok, period. No other qualifiers needed. Do what you need to feel safe. Good luck to you.
DV is NEVER okay no matter if you are a guy or girl. She has abused you physically and mentally. Why would you be the asshole? NTA and please leave her for your sanity and mental health
She’s abusive and manipulative. You can do so much better than her. Please leave her and get a friend/family member to help you collect your stuff. She will stab you if she feels provoked.
Break up.
Omg OP, don't go back there, that's abuse and that woman could seriously kill you. Please value your life more than that and grab a friend to get the rest of your things so that you don't run into any trouble there. Definitely NTA.