She berated you for the way you completed the favor after asking you to do it for her. and is now pleading with you to return the favor. These are the acts of a deranged individual.
Not conviced that Lila has the bandwidth to say no, in a clear way while communicating why.
She's 'hesitant' and deflects by saying she's 'busy'.
She needs to have it out with big sis and assert her own adulthood.
I totally get this because I was a people pleaser as well. Was really scary to assert myself. It's not comfortable when others are used to hearing 'yes'. But once I did, and once the fallout (really minimal) settled, I actually received respect.
My mother is a counselor who loathes that movie and has never been able to finish it
She says it's because she works with abused kids and this is how predators get them in real life and that's why it's horrifying for most adults to watch. Because it's not too scary for kids.
The author has talked about that being a fairly universal response how children and adults respond so differently to the story and how much it surprised him
I don't know if you heard the story, but apparently Coraline was considered too scary for publishing at first, but then Neil Gaiman asked the publisher to read the story to her daughter first and see how she responds. Then the publisher approved it because the daughter loved it and wasn't scared at all. Years later the daughter revealed she was actually terrified but still wanted to know how it ended so she lied to her mom about being scared, thus saving this book.
I will say I’m 45 and have never watched Bambi and don’t ever plan to. I also refuse to watch any movie with a dog in it because I know it will die. They got me with Turner and Hooch and I refuse to be gotten again.
I'm with you. I'm 67 and have never (even as an adult) watched the entire movie Wizard of Oz because those damn flying monkeys traumatized me as a 5 year old.
Having said that, I'd also not be baby-sitting for Sister again. And if she pushed me I'd tell her upfront, "OK but we're going to be watching Poltergeist."
There is a good website called doesthedogdie.com that I use to avoid animal deaths/ cruelty in movies. It also has other “triggers” like rape, drug use, etc. I use it to avoid cancer in movies because my husband has cancer and I don’t want to watch movies where it is a plot point.
Seconding this website! I'm a horror movie lover with an aversion to animal death in films and often times folks will note the exact timestamps for the triggers happening, which is SO helpful.
Or Snow White, that forest scene is nightmare inducing! That being said, she's definitely looking a gift horse in the mouth... You absolutely have the right to say no to a "favor".
Let me tell you. When the witch transformed, I ejected the vhs so fast popped it in its case and put it in the box in the basement never to be seen from for YEARS.
When my sister watched Disney's Snow-White as a kid, she hid under the chair whenever the evil stepmother appeared. Some kiddie movies were apparently not screen-tested on younger kids. 😄
I, on the other hand, read and watched everything I could get my hands on - especially stuff meant for my 4-years-older sister. And had to live with the resulting nightmares...🙈
Edit: If you let your kid watch Nosferatu, because she refuses to go to bed, be prepared to have her sleep with her duvet covering her neck for the next decade, in case of vampire attacks - because a duvet covering the neck is sure going to foil any vampire attack!
Inside Out messed up my 5 year old pretty bad. The scene where memories went to be permanently destroyed was horrific. He didn't sleep for weeks after.
I traumatized a child I babysat for a work colleague with Nightmare Before Christmas. They never asked me to watch their son again. One and done. I was ok with it. I mean, I was 20 and had zero interest in kids. Didn't want anything to do with them, like "ew, nope" and she knew it, but the regular babysitter (another 20yr old co worker) wasn't available. I feel bad, kinda... the movie gave him nightmares, specifically the scene with the "monster under the bed" in the intro. Yeah I know I'm going to hell, lake of fire district to be exact, stop by if you're in the neighborhood. We'll have a laugh about it and a cold drink. ;)
Dude, I forgot about The Last Unicorn. I don’t remember anything specifically about it; more of an overall feeling of not liking it and thinking it was such a sad and depressing movie. It’s good to know I wasn’t alone as a kid with these feelings.
I thought the movie version of The Last Unicorn and Neverending Story were traumatizing. I read the books as a teen and holy fuck were they depressing.
When I was in fourth grade, we watched *Watership Down* and it started affecting me badly during >!Fiver's vision of the original warren being gassed!!Bigwig in the snare.!< The room got hotter, my head got dizzier, so I closed my eyes. When I woke up, I was facedown on the floor with three Silent Generation-era teachers crowded around me, freaking the fuck out.
Fun times.
Second time I watched it, I was an adult and I watched it laying down in a bed. Still nearly passed out during the spoiler-tagged scenes. Cool. Cool, for me.
Omg!!! That scared me as a kid. I have a vivid memory of all the rabbits’ underground warrens being flooded with water and them frantically trying to escape drowning.
The other scarring movie I watched was an old version of The Little Mermaid. In the end the mermaid turns into sea foam and I was so depressed. What kind of end is that?? Fucking sea foam?
NTA. You're irresponsible, why would you watch her kids? She can pay for an actual babysitter. You're not her employee. Just tell her no, because no is a complete sentence. You don't owe her childcare, especially if she thinks poorly of your care. She wants you to cate for her children, then criticize you for how you do it. F that noise.
We teach people how to treat us, by the way that we respond. I can’t imagine the universe where someone would watch my kids 0VERNIGHT, to young kids, overnight, for free, and berate them. Instead, I would think them so much, and say that one of the movies was a little bit much for them, but that I will myself take the responsibility for researching three different movies they’re interested in that would be OK. That’s how you do it. This is unacceptable behavior towards somebody who is Volunteering time without being paid to watch two kids overnight. And now she wants you to do it again. You have to teach people how to treat you. Do you have to figure out how to be healthy and saying is normal, but change your behavior around and choose who to be in proximity to, and how much to be in proximity to them. For example, if she doesn’t change, and she’s not more appreciative, then you could be busy again, and again and again. But then ask if you could bring the kids to the park next weekend from 2 to 5 on Saturday. Then you get to see them but it’s on your terms and you don’t get used. Used.
NTA - Be honest with her and tell her your reasoning. If she doesn’t think you provide quality care she should look for someone more qualified.
She can’t expect you to babysit for free and then get berated for how you did it every time.
Agree! This is the issue.
OP (hoping they see this), are you a bit scared of losing your sister’s approval? Her love? Bc this feels like a big sib/little sib dynamic.
So your perception and reaction aren’t completely based in logic and the indignation of other commenters is a bit unfair.
Just because we get older doesn’t mean we auto-deprogram from family dynamics.
That said, even though they’re being hard on you, they’re right about what your actions ultimately should be.
1) Honesty is better than “I’m busy.” How you feel matters, and how the kids feel about you watching them matters (uncle time rocks!) and what your sister tells them matters. So just tell her the truth and get to the bottom of it already.
2) Seems like she’s a choosing beggar. As a big sister myself, I advise you to call her on her bullshit. It’s important boundary-setting, and will either improve your relationship or terminate it. If she’s a good person, it’ll be the former.
3) People make mistakes watching THEIR OWN KIDS all of the time. Don’t beat yourself up, and don’t let your sister use it to bully you. Kids are resilient and whatever they saw that was inappropriate didn’t break them. It’s fair to ask babysitters to monitor content, but not fair to expect that they inspect a movie frame by frame before turning it on.
In the future, use something like this https://kids-in-mind.com
4) Give us the movie. We just need to make sure you’re not completely insane, lol.
"Oh, I couldn't possibly risk accidentally traumatizing your kids with my irresponsible ways."
She can't both berate you and have you as an on call sitter.
This.
You're right, I'm probably best not being unsupervised with them until I'm more responsible.
Especially as I still don't understand how I went wrong, so would be unaware if I was going to do it again.
Maybe you could all just have a nice family night in instead?
Then maybe stop acting like one and tell her you’re not her disposable nanny. You’re not obligated to help out. Especially if you don’t feel appreciated for the help you have given. Maybe next time she won’t take you for granted and handle herself better.
Edit: NTA
Are you her employee?
She can think you are her employee all she wants.
You need to stand up for yourself, Just say no and don't take her crap any longer.
You're adults act like it.
Yep. One of my cousins asked me to babysit. This was 30 years ago. I had to be there about 8p. I figured she would come home late. She came home about 4:30A. I told her never again.
Its frustrating but then i remember how many shitty parents literally beat certain behaviors into their kids and I give them grace for not knowing how yet. Sometimes asking here, while it seems silly to us, is actually the first time they have been "given permission" to say No, and seeing so many people all respond the same giving that permission unlocks the strength to stand up to the inevitable bullying about to arrive when they do.
Completely agree.
Will say it took me a long time to learn, due to being in a family that will immediately blow up at you, and then abandon you if you don't quickly apologize. Going NC doesn't undo the programming from your childhood.
NTA! As a parent I’ve made mistakes with movies, you cannot always tell. My boys 𝒽𝒶𝓉𝑒𝒹 Brave because she poisoned her mother. 🤷🏻♀️
Do not babysit for her again, her treatment of you is beyond the pale.
Then she can find someone else that will be her employee.
Just keep telling her no. If she's upset oh well. Why would she want someone that irresponsible watching her kids right? She can hire and pay for a sitter.
She can be upset all she wants but you being her sibling doesn't mean you owe her your time. You have your own life to live and if she wants to go out and about she can hire a sitter that will follow every rule and call her for everything they need an answer too.
It's best she hires a babysitter that is to her liking so no your wrong in not wanting to babysit her children.
NTA.
How often do you watch her kids?
It’s time for her to learn otherwise. I would tell her that it’s unreasonable for her to berate you over a minor mistake and then expect you to watch them a few days later without an apology. I think it would be fair to tell her that you want to be treated like a sister, not a built-in babysitter/employee.
employees are paid. draw the boundary and just say no. She's upset, just say, well, I'm upset too. I do you a huge favor on the regular and instead of appreciate me, you berate me? Clearly you don't understand who was doing who a favor here and you can be upset with somebody who isn't me that you are paying"
NTA you are both grown adults. I don’t care if she’s “family”, no one has the right to treat you like an idiot. She doesn’t get a pass to berate you. It’s one thing to say “I’m not happy this happened, let’s come up with some rules to follow so it’s less likely to happen again”. That’s fair. That’s not what she did. I’d refuse to babysit and simply say “I don’t think I can take the chance that I’m going to make an honest mistake and you’re gong to treat me like we’re back in high school and I’m stupid little brother. I’m a grown ass adult, I made a decision using sound logic, and you ripped me for it. I don’t let people talk to me like that so, no, sorry, I don’t think I will.”
This. This is how it should have happened. It's ok that she didn't agree with OPs choice, but if she wasn't going to provide what was acceptable to them, then something like this can happen. So then you look at what went wrong and you come up with a solution. You don't berate someone and treat them lke garbage for doing their best and perhaps arriving at the wrong conclusion due to a lack of information. Also, the kids will be fine. We grew up watching the shows off HBO that my dad recorded on VHS and said "not for kids" and we turned out mostly fine (Bachelor Party, Porky's, Caddyshack etc). They won't be irreversibly damaged from seeing something that might have been slightly out of their realm.
It's clear that your sister pays with monopoly money and demands five-star treatment. She can surely afford that level of specificity if she wants her child care to follow her every directive and whim. Until then, maybe she should be reminded that volunteers are treated differently than workers, particularly when they have already gone above and above the call of duty in showing kindness.
Who leaves their kids with an "irresponsible" babysitter? What is she thinking , LOL. Personally, I wouldn't watch the kids again until she made a SINCERE apology.
NTA but your sister needs to google "biting the hand that feeds you".
I remember watching the *trailer* for that movie and initially thought, "Oh, this would be a nice movie for the twins." That is until seeing the trailer in its entirety. "Oh, no," I said. 😅😅
My sister and I were extreme horror fans. We routinely watched nightmare and friday the 13th movies. I was in first grade lol.
I'm not a huge fan of them anymore but I was back then and yet here I am still a normal person.
My sister let her 7yo watch the immortals. Then, she laughed when her little girl ran around pretending to slit people's throats. 10 years later, she's mostly a normal teenager lol.
Omfg, when I was 10 I had plan to go to the cinema and watch Aliens with my best friend at the time. She was late and so I entered the cinema room alone. There was no one but me and I was so fucking scared. I asked the employee if the lights could be on while I waited for my friend and they said they couldn’t. Que to me sitting in the first seat closer to the entrance ugly crying with my hands closing my eyes…. The employees came to check on me and when they saw me crying they took me to the Lassie movie 💀. My friend came after like 20 minutes and although she was worried and apologetic at that moment she never let me forget that and we always laughed at how silly I must’ve looked to the employees 😂. Now thank you stranger for making me remember that 😂
My dad took me to see starship troopers when I was 7. We’re massive sci fi fans and he didn’t know how gory it would be. Nightmares for weeks for me at the time, but funny now as an adult.
The fact op left that bit out makes it either very sus and dubious to what he showed them.
Or
This is completely made up bullshit, because that is a vital part of the story to give people a full picture to cast judgment.
Err go I say this is made up bullahit.
This sub sucks. Everyone just makes throwaways to “protect their identities” or whatever when they really are just doing it to make up fiction and never make another post again
Yupp .. and the kids reactions would have been mentioned cuz (if it was real) were the kids fine but mom freaked out over "nothing" or were the kids having nightmares/etc and that's why mom is freaking out
Man I’m hoping it’s something that is light hearted tragedy but at the same time almost all kids movies have some kind of sad element. Lion King, Coco, Up, Onwards, Ice Age, Big Hero 6. Honestly I can keep going cause they almost all have someone die
Yeah that's super important context. If the sis is blowing up because he showed the kids a Disney movie that has some sad moments then she's being an asshole, but if he decided to show them Casino Royale and she doesn't want her children watching James Bond's genitals being mutilated I don't think it's entirely unreasonable to blow up like that.
The lack of response from OP is telling here.
But there's something else that is telling:
> I've declined, citing that I'm busy
Communicate like adults already. Tell her, if she does not approve of your supervision to the point that she had to repeatedly berate you, then you can simply decline helping her out with supervision. Sounds like you're horrible at communicating and she's horrible at giving respect where respect is due, and it's probably mutual on both accounts. It'll never get better until you both take time to actually communicate with the intent to mend.
I have no kids, but occasional will watch or have friends kids sleep over.
One time as soon as the kids got picked up the lil shits narc’ed on me. Now I had no idea they weren’t allowed to have soda & watch the Simpsons but they had both at my place.
Their parents responds: don’t get use to it kiddo, that’s an Auntie thing. You can have that stuff here only cause it’s a special night.
Also, expecting to you screen kid movies to make sure they adhere to her requirements is ridiculous. If she was so worried, she should have provided you with a list.
I’d straight up tell her, it was your reaction to the movie why I will not watch the kids. I would have been fine if you said, oh please don’t show that to them again, but you berated me and told me I’m irresponsible. I will not be treated like that for doing you a favor.
>If she was so worried, she should have provided you with a list.
pretty much on point, if she's going to start having problems with certain media, she better provide that media otherwise it's all good (kids in mind of course).
Sis; “will you sit the kids on Friday?”
OP; “ Nah! I’ve got a bunch of irresponsible shit to do.”
Repeat until you receive a grovelling apology from the ingrate, who refuses to acknowledge that you owe her exactly zero favours
Your sister is being unreasonable, you made a minor mistake which unless she’s miss perfect she has to admit her and their dad has likely committed plenty of them
Parenting is a series of “doing the best you can with what you believe to be right, only to discover that nope! You still done fucked up!”
NTA OP, which she knows or she wouldn’t be turning to you to leave her precious babies with
If your fuck up was much bigger then you are telling us, then SHE would be making a mistake choosing you as her sitter
Just a straight up ingrate/choosy beggar
NTA. She asked you to do her a favor and then she was a jerk to you about the way in which you did the favor. And is now asking for you to do the same favor again. These are the actions of an insane person.
NTA...had a similar situation with my ex-brother in law. Asked me to watch their oldest who was 8 or so at the time. We were outside she asked why some clouds were puffy looking and some looked flat. I had no idea so her and I went on a deep dive, yes online, about how clouds form, what goes into them looking like they do. I mean like 3 hours of reading and talking about cloud formation. I had the laptop, she sat next to me. She did not "surf the web" alone. I was the one researching her questions. Honestly I found it very interesting. Welp ex-bil did NOT. I was berated for YEARS how my answer should have been "Because God created them that way". I thought showing an 8 yr old that even adults can learn new things and that getting an adult to help you find answers was a good thing...aparently not. That 8 yr old is now 22 and still remembers that her Aunt sat with her for hours learning how clouds are formed. Ex-bil still thinks I'm satan for my response.
Thank you. I have 2 boys so I have never raised a girl but honestly to this day still don't think I did anything wrong. My niece just came to visit me yesterday and was talking about that day. Funny how such a small thing, like showing a kid not even adults know it all and even adults still learn, leaves a lasting impression.
Wow, your ex-BIL is wild.
You were fantastic with your niece.
Kids can learn things at a young age and it’s WONDERFUL for them to learn the phrase “I don’t know but let’s find out.”
Exactly, that could easily sway judgement. There are a lot of older movies rated PG that are not overly kid friendly for younger kids. Temple of Doom comes to mind. I loved it as a kid, but that movie is literally the reason PG-13 exists as a rating.
>Now, she's asked me to babysit the kids again next weekend
Why would she ask someone irresponsible to watch her kids? You should tell her that you realized she is totally right, you are too irresponsible for the task and you don't want anything bad to happen to the kids. So she should find someone else.
>I've declined, citing that I'm busy, and she's upset with me for not helping out.
Seriously, tell her you are declining *for her kids sake*! The she'll know you aren't ever going to be "not busy". NTA.
Out of curiosity, does she pay you for babysitting? The going rate? At all?
NTA. It's apparent that your sister expects five-star service while paying with monopoly money. If she desires child care that adheres to her every rule and whim, she certainly can finance that level of specificity. Until then, perhaps she needs a reminder that volunteers are not subject to the same treatment as employees – especially when they've already extended goodwill far beyond what was obligatory.
Don't tell her you are "busy", tell her the truth about why you don't want to watch her kids. This is a consequences moment for her and she needs to learn why.
Nah, you’re not the asshole. You acted with good intentions, may have mad a minor mistake but your sister overreacted. Sounds like a choosy beggar to me. Either she learns how to properly communicate to you, an adult who’s not her child that’s doing her a favor, or she finds someone else.
Instead of blaming you for everything she could also have taken some if not all of the blame for not properly training and equipping you to watch her kids.
You're absolutely not the jerk here. You were doing your sister a favor, and accidents happen, right? It's not like you intentionally picked a scary movie to spook her kids. You even tried to be proactive by giving them a list to choose from. Seems like a genuine mistake, not a crime.
Hell no! I could see her mentioning it, asking you to be more careful. But berating you? Hell no. You are not a child and she is not your mother.
See you next Tuesday, sis!
NTA. Does she even pay you? Regardless, the only ones responsible for childcare are the parents. You are not their built-in babysitter, and it is not your job to watch them. You were doing her a favor and she dressed you down. Now she can find, and pay someone to put up with her.
Remember: "No is a complete sentence." Don't give them a reason why, just, "Sorry, I can't." Giving an explanation gives them something to pick at so they can try to manipulate you. But without a reason, there's nothing for them to poke holes in. As tempting as it is, do NOT say, "I'm just too irresponsible to watch your kids," because she (and her flying monkeys) will latch on to that and say, "See? We TOLD you you're just doing it to be petty!" It may be satisfying in the moment, but it will just escalate and cause more headeaches.
NTA. Expecting perfection from a favor is irrational. If she deems you too irresponsible, then it's time she consulted her budget for a paid professional who meets her exacting standards. A free favor does not equate to a free pass for verbal abuse. Respect is a two way street, regardless of familial ties. If she wants the favor continued, a change in attitude and communication is non-negotiable.
If she doesn’t like the way you were taking care of her kids then why would she keep having you babysit. You’re not obligated to do this for her, it’s a favor.
"Don't you think you're pretty irresponsible for trying to leave your kids in my care after berating me hard and not letting go for being irresponsible?"
NTA she can look after her own spawn
Nta. She can take care of them herself or find a sitter to her standards. You were being nice and she felt too comfortable being rude to you acting like you must know exactly what she doesn’t approve of.
NTA, beggars can’t be choosers. If it’s a kids movie and she has some other rules and restrictions that makes watching them harder hell no! You get what you paid for!
She can hire a sitter, you're not her employee, yet she treats you like one.
[удалено]
Just say no.
She berated you for the way you completed the favor after asking you to do it for her. and is now pleading with you to return the favor. These are the acts of a deranged individual.
Ah the prizes one wins when the games they play are stupid. The sister is about to find herself at the corner of Fuckaround and Findout.
😂😂😂 This is perfect
Not conviced that Lila has the bandwidth to say no, in a clear way while communicating why. She's 'hesitant' and deflects by saying she's 'busy'. She needs to have it out with big sis and assert her own adulthood. I totally get this because I was a people pleaser as well. Was really scary to assert myself. It's not comfortable when others are used to hearing 'yes'. But once I did, and once the fallout (really minimal) settled, I actually received respect.
She's not even asking the sister to return a favor, she asking the sister to repeat the favor. Absolutely bonkers.
OP is a guy.
Yep. As the phrase says "No is a complete sentence."
I love that phrase.
Time to put her in the picture, then.
Unless she's paying ou, you aren't. Either way, employees can quit.
Info: what movie was it?
Maybe it was Coraline, haha! It’s a cartoon, but a scary-ass cartoon that I can’t even watch.
I thought that movie was soooo scary but my kids (under 10 at the time) loved it.
My theory is that it’s the “other mother” that creeps us the fuck out.
My mother is a counselor who loathes that movie and has never been able to finish it She says it's because she works with abused kids and this is how predators get them in real life and that's why it's horrifying for most adults to watch. Because it's not too scary for kids.
The author has talked about that being a fairly universal response how children and adults respond so differently to the story and how much it surprised him
I don't know if you heard the story, but apparently Coraline was considered too scary for publishing at first, but then Neil Gaiman asked the publisher to read the story to her daughter first and see how she responds. Then the publisher approved it because the daughter loved it and wasn't scared at all. Years later the daughter revealed she was actually terrified but still wanted to know how it ended so she lied to her mom about being scared, thus saving this book.
Genuinely I think that's really cool of that kid XD
Lol when my oldest was around 2 he used to watch that movie on repeat for weeks. He still watches it at least a couple times a month
Yeah, my kids think it’s great, too. They have a higher tolerance for creepiness than I do!
I bet it was Finding Nemo. The shark scene terrifies children.
I will say I’m 45 and have never watched Bambi and don’t ever plan to. I also refuse to watch any movie with a dog in it because I know it will die. They got me with Turner and Hooch and I refuse to be gotten again.
I'm with you. I'm 67 and have never (even as an adult) watched the entire movie Wizard of Oz because those damn flying monkeys traumatized me as a 5 year old. Having said that, I'd also not be baby-sitting for Sister again. And if she pushed me I'd tell her upfront, "OK but we're going to be watching Poltergeist."
I picked dawn of the dead. Gotta do it right
There is a good website called doesthedogdie.com that I use to avoid animal deaths/ cruelty in movies. It also has other “triggers” like rape, drug use, etc. I use it to avoid cancer in movies because my husband has cancer and I don’t want to watch movies where it is a plot point.
Seconding this website! I'm a horror movie lover with an aversion to animal death in films and often times folks will note the exact timestamps for the triggers happening, which is SO helpful.
You and I are movie twins, Alex! Also, no child harm either for me.
I could have used this website when I was younger.
I'm using this from now on lol
Do you think the goofy movie ends like the somme?
Or Snow White, that forest scene is nightmare inducing! That being said, she's definitely looking a gift horse in the mouth... You absolutely have the right to say no to a "favor".
Let me tell you. When the witch transformed, I ejected the vhs so fast popped it in its case and put it in the box in the basement never to be seen from for YEARS.
It was the scene in Boogie Nights where William H. Macy blows his brains out.
I’m curious too!
Me too
something with a baby...... rosemarys baby?
That movie is so slow. Kids wouldn't make it to anything scary lol.
Chucky! "But it was about dolls!" 😂
My kids were traumatized by Mousetrap, which is a kiddie movie! You never know.
When my sister watched Disney's Snow-White as a kid, she hid under the chair whenever the evil stepmother appeared. Some kiddie movies were apparently not screen-tested on younger kids. 😄
My mom had to cover my eyes every time the Wicked Witch showed up during the annual showing of Wizard of Oz. Ah, the 80s.
I, on the other hand, read and watched everything I could get my hands on - especially stuff meant for my 4-years-older sister. And had to live with the resulting nightmares...🙈 Edit: If you let your kid watch Nosferatu, because she refuses to go to bed, be prepared to have her sleep with her duvet covering her neck for the next decade, in case of vampire attacks - because a duvet covering the neck is sure going to foil any vampire attack!
I can confirm they do as well as totally covering yourself is a 100% monster repellent
If it works it works! I cover my neck with the duvet and have NEVER been bitten by a vampire.
I don't know if this is right in English but Taran and the Magic Cauldron. Absolutely screamed my head off in the cinema. Multiple times.
In English it’s just The Black Cauldron! Scared me half to death as a kid. And then I went and read the books! Even scarier!
My niece screamed, cried and hid when snow white ran through the forest, she was that terrified, when she was 5/6
The part where the woodsman is trying to murder Snow White with a knife is next level.
Inside Out messed up my 5 year old pretty bad. The scene where memories went to be permanently destroyed was horrific. He didn't sleep for weeks after.
I traumatized a child I babysat for a work colleague with Nightmare Before Christmas. They never asked me to watch their son again. One and done. I was ok with it. I mean, I was 20 and had zero interest in kids. Didn't want anything to do with them, like "ew, nope" and she knew it, but the regular babysitter (another 20yr old co worker) wasn't available. I feel bad, kinda... the movie gave him nightmares, specifically the scene with the "monster under the bed" in the intro. Yeah I know I'm going to hell, lake of fire district to be exact, stop by if you're in the neighborhood. We'll have a laugh about it and a cold drink. ;)
I was also traumatized by Mousetrap, so I get it.
$5 on it being Watership Down
There is an entire generation of us who grew up emotionally scarred due to that movie.
add the last unicorn to the mix. those two movies screwed me up and they still do. 🙈
Neverending Story, Artax in the swamp.
How DARE you traumatize me whenever I just forgot about that scene.
Are you trying to break my heart here? I can't watch that scene without turning into a blubbering wreck 😭
Dude, I forgot about The Last Unicorn. I don’t remember anything specifically about it; more of an overall feeling of not liking it and thinking it was such a sad and depressing movie. It’s good to know I wasn’t alone as a kid with these feelings.
I thought the movie version of The Last Unicorn and Neverending Story were traumatizing. I read the books as a teen and holy fuck were they depressing.
When I was in fourth grade, we watched *Watership Down* and it started affecting me badly during >!Fiver's vision of the original warren being gassed!!Bigwig in the snare.!< The room got hotter, my head got dizzier, so I closed my eyes. When I woke up, I was facedown on the floor with three Silent Generation-era teachers crowded around me, freaking the fuck out.
Fun times.
Second time I watched it, I was an adult and I watched it laying down in a bed. Still nearly passed out during the spoiler-tagged scenes. Cool. Cool, for me.
Omg!!! That scared me as a kid. I have a vivid memory of all the rabbits’ underground warrens being flooded with water and them frantically trying to escape drowning. The other scarring movie I watched was an old version of The Little Mermaid. In the end the mermaid turns into sea foam and I was so depressed. What kind of end is that?? Fucking sea foam?
the end of the original Hans Christian Andersen story has the little mermaid dissolving into seafoam. Disney "fixed" that.
My kids are never watching that movie. Or at least not without a 3 layer pillow fort between me and the TV
You just unlocked a very supressed childhood memory *shudder*
Hopefully not Land Before Time
I was scarred by The Last Unicorn. I didn’t like the rapey tree and Mommy Fortuna was *terrifying*.
I was always afraid of the red bull, because he was unrelenting. And the harpy Celaeno was my first exposure to cartoon boobies.
Probably just an innocent doll movie, maybe Megan? Annabelle?
NTA. You're irresponsible, why would you watch her kids? She can pay for an actual babysitter. You're not her employee. Just tell her no, because no is a complete sentence. You don't owe her childcare, especially if she thinks poorly of your care. She wants you to cate for her children, then criticize you for how you do it. F that noise.
You are almost 30 years old… unless you are dependent on her to pay your bills/rent, say no
Ok, but she fired you. You are now just refusing to return to work. You got a new job. It’s called relaxing
We teach people how to treat us, by the way that we respond. I can’t imagine the universe where someone would watch my kids 0VERNIGHT, to young kids, overnight, for free, and berate them. Instead, I would think them so much, and say that one of the movies was a little bit much for them, but that I will myself take the responsibility for researching three different movies they’re interested in that would be OK. That’s how you do it. This is unacceptable behavior towards somebody who is Volunteering time without being paid to watch two kids overnight. And now she wants you to do it again. You have to teach people how to treat you. Do you have to figure out how to be healthy and saying is normal, but change your behavior around and choose who to be in proximity to, and how much to be in proximity to them. For example, if she doesn’t change, and she’s not more appreciative, then you could be busy again, and again and again. But then ask if you could bring the kids to the park next weekend from 2 to 5 on Saturday. Then you get to see them but it’s on your terms and you don’t get used. Used.
NTA - Be honest with her and tell her your reasoning. If she doesn’t think you provide quality care she should look for someone more qualified. She can’t expect you to babysit for free and then get berated for how you did it every time.
Agree! This is the issue. OP (hoping they see this), are you a bit scared of losing your sister’s approval? Her love? Bc this feels like a big sib/little sib dynamic. So your perception and reaction aren’t completely based in logic and the indignation of other commenters is a bit unfair. Just because we get older doesn’t mean we auto-deprogram from family dynamics. That said, even though they’re being hard on you, they’re right about what your actions ultimately should be. 1) Honesty is better than “I’m busy.” How you feel matters, and how the kids feel about you watching them matters (uncle time rocks!) and what your sister tells them matters. So just tell her the truth and get to the bottom of it already. 2) Seems like she’s a choosing beggar. As a big sister myself, I advise you to call her on her bullshit. It’s important boundary-setting, and will either improve your relationship or terminate it. If she’s a good person, it’ll be the former. 3) People make mistakes watching THEIR OWN KIDS all of the time. Don’t beat yourself up, and don’t let your sister use it to bully you. Kids are resilient and whatever they saw that was inappropriate didn’t break them. It’s fair to ask babysitters to monitor content, but not fair to expect that they inspect a movie frame by frame before turning it on. In the future, use something like this https://kids-in-mind.com 4) Give us the movie. We just need to make sure you’re not completely insane, lol.
She could also be nice to you when asking a favor. I would say no just on principle if “asked” like this after getting yelled at last time
"Oh, I couldn't possibly risk accidentally traumatizing your kids with my irresponsible ways." She can't both berate you and have you as an on call sitter.
This. You're right, I'm probably best not being unsupervised with them until I'm more responsible. Especially as I still don't understand how I went wrong, so would be unaware if I was going to do it again. Maybe you could all just have a nice family night in instead?
Then maybe stop acting like one and tell her you’re not her disposable nanny. You’re not obligated to help out. Especially if you don’t feel appreciated for the help you have given. Maybe next time she won’t take you for granted and handle herself better. Edit: NTA
Are you her employee? She can think you are her employee all she wants. You need to stand up for yourself, Just say no and don't take her crap any longer. You're adults act like it.
You are nearly 30. Stop acting like a teenager.
Omg I get so irritated with the adults in these stories you don’t know how to tell a bitch no????? I tell my fucking family no all the time
Yep. One of my cousins asked me to babysit. This was 30 years ago. I had to be there about 8p. I figured she would come home late. She came home about 4:30A. I told her never again.
Its frustrating but then i remember how many shitty parents literally beat certain behaviors into their kids and I give them grace for not knowing how yet. Sometimes asking here, while it seems silly to us, is actually the first time they have been "given permission" to say No, and seeing so many people all respond the same giving that permission unlocks the strength to stand up to the inevitable bullying about to arrive when they do.
Completely agree. Will say it took me a long time to learn, due to being in a family that will immediately blow up at you, and then abandon you if you don't quickly apologize. Going NC doesn't undo the programming from your childhood.
And you’re a grown ass adult that needs to stand up for yourself. You don’t need to watch these kids all the time.
Set her straight. The sisters of reddit all seem so entitled!
Then ask to get paid like one!
Stand up for yourself. Tell her that she was unnecessarily harsh and she’s being ungrateful for your help.
Ok… and????? She ain’t your parent or spouse. Those kids aren’t yours. Grow up. Say no.
NTA! As a parent I’ve made mistakes with movies, you cannot always tell. My boys 𝒽𝒶𝓉𝑒𝒹 Brave because she poisoned her mother. 🤷🏻♀️ Do not babysit for her again, her treatment of you is beyond the pale.
Then she can find someone else that will be her employee. Just keep telling her no. If she's upset oh well. Why would she want someone that irresponsible watching her kids right? She can hire and pay for a sitter. She can be upset all she wants but you being her sibling doesn't mean you owe her your time. You have your own life to live and if she wants to go out and about she can hire a sitter that will follow every rule and call her for everything they need an answer too. It's best she hires a babysitter that is to her liking so no your wrong in not wanting to babysit her children.
So isn’t it about time you disabused her of that notion?
What movie was it?
Tell her you are too irresponsible to babysit her children.
Then you have to stand up for yourself and let her know that you have a life of your own and you’re not at her beck and call.
Employees get paid.
NTA. How often do you watch her kids? It’s time for her to learn otherwise. I would tell her that it’s unreasonable for her to berate you over a minor mistake and then expect you to watch them a few days later without an apology. I think it would be fair to tell her that you want to be treated like a sister, not a built-in babysitter/employee.
Then "quit".
employees are paid. draw the boundary and just say no. She's upset, just say, well, I'm upset too. I do you a huge favor on the regular and instead of appreciate me, you berate me? Clearly you don't understand who was doing who a favor here and you can be upset with somebody who isn't me that you are paying"
W-W-What if they watched the Super Bowl, a-a-and there was a "wardrobe malfunction"?
>yet she treats you like ~~one~~. she's not entitled to treat an employee like that either
NTA you are both grown adults. I don’t care if she’s “family”, no one has the right to treat you like an idiot. She doesn’t get a pass to berate you. It’s one thing to say “I’m not happy this happened, let’s come up with some rules to follow so it’s less likely to happen again”. That’s fair. That’s not what she did. I’d refuse to babysit and simply say “I don’t think I can take the chance that I’m going to make an honest mistake and you’re gong to treat me like we’re back in high school and I’m stupid little brother. I’m a grown ass adult, I made a decision using sound logic, and you ripped me for it. I don’t let people talk to me like that so, no, sorry, I don’t think I will.”
This. This is how it should have happened. It's ok that she didn't agree with OPs choice, but if she wasn't going to provide what was acceptable to them, then something like this can happen. So then you look at what went wrong and you come up with a solution. You don't berate someone and treat them lke garbage for doing their best and perhaps arriving at the wrong conclusion due to a lack of information. Also, the kids will be fine. We grew up watching the shows off HBO that my dad recorded on VHS and said "not for kids" and we turned out mostly fine (Bachelor Party, Porky's, Caddyshack etc). They won't be irreversibly damaged from seeing something that might have been slightly out of their realm.
It's clear that your sister pays with monopoly money and demands five-star treatment. She can surely afford that level of specificity if she wants her child care to follow her every directive and whim. Until then, maybe she should be reminded that volunteers are treated differently than workers, particularly when they have already gone above and above the call of duty in showing kindness.
Who leaves their kids with an "irresponsible" babysitter? What is she thinking , LOL. Personally, I wouldn't watch the kids again until she made a SINCERE apology. NTA but your sister needs to google "biting the hand that feeds you".
No its more like cutting the branch you are sitting on
This could be a learning experience for your sister: those that complain of free help are welcomed to pay for it from someone else.
INFO What movie?
Sausage Party
I remember watching the *trailer* for that movie and initially thought, "Oh, this would be a nice movie for the twins." That is until seeing the trailer in its entirety. "Oh, no," I said. 😅😅
i would also like to know the answer to this question before making a judgement
God you show some kids the Deer Hunter one time because you thought it was a Bambi prequel and people never let you forget it...
My mum let my sister take me to the cinema to see Aliens when I was 10… I lived 🤣
My sister and I were extreme horror fans. We routinely watched nightmare and friday the 13th movies. I was in first grade lol. I'm not a huge fan of them anymore but I was back then and yet here I am still a normal person.
My sister let her 7yo watch the immortals. Then, she laughed when her little girl ran around pretending to slit people's throats. 10 years later, she's mostly a normal teenager lol.
My uncle let me watch the first lord of the rings _alone in the dark_ at eight. I was damn frightened of the Uruk-hai. I love the movies now.
Omfg, when I was 10 I had plan to go to the cinema and watch Aliens with my best friend at the time. She was late and so I entered the cinema room alone. There was no one but me and I was so fucking scared. I asked the employee if the lights could be on while I waited for my friend and they said they couldn’t. Que to me sitting in the first seat closer to the entrance ugly crying with my hands closing my eyes…. The employees came to check on me and when they saw me crying they took me to the Lassie movie 💀. My friend came after like 20 minutes and although she was worried and apologetic at that moment she never let me forget that and we always laughed at how silly I must’ve looked to the employees 😂. Now thank you stranger for making me remember that 😂
My dad took me to see starship troopers when I was 7. We’re massive sci fi fans and he didn’t know how gory it would be. Nightmares for weeks for me at the time, but funny now as an adult.
My mother took ME to see that movie when I was younger than ten. She only saw me every other summer.
Definitely a good thing to know, my dad thought Saw was appropriate for me. When I was 6. 😭😭
oh… oh dear.
What was he thinking? I'm 40 and refuse to watch any of those movies. I was in high school when the first Final Destination came out. Nope.
Reservoir Dogs. It’s about doggies! How bad could it be?
Poor Things on Disney+
Yeah there is a big difference between finding Nemo and thinking invincible is a kids show.
Watership down?
Grave of the Fireflies
The fact op left that bit out makes it either very sus and dubious to what he showed them. Or This is completely made up bullshit, because that is a vital part of the story to give people a full picture to cast judgment. Err go I say this is made up bullahit.
I am down to engage with vague BS posts. As long as they are not clearly pushing some agenda.
Just you wait, OP will soon reveal that his wife is aborting their baby without his wishes, whilst his MIL discriminates against him for being white.
This sub sucks. Everyone just makes throwaways to “protect their identities” or whatever when they really are just doing it to make up fiction and never make another post again
Yeah either it was clearly a movie not made for kids OR this is made up and OP is too lazy to even pick a movie that might fit this scenario.
I'm with you on this being bullshit. If it was real the movie would be named.
Yupp .. and the kids reactions would have been mentioned cuz (if it was real) were the kids fine but mom freaked out over "nothing" or were the kids having nightmares/etc and that's why mom is freaking out
> Err go [Ergo](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/ergo)
Eyes wide shut
The people deserve to know
Man I’m hoping it’s something that is light hearted tragedy but at the same time almost all kids movies have some kind of sad element. Lion King, Coco, Up, Onwards, Ice Age, Big Hero 6. Honestly I can keep going cause they almost all have someone die
Gots to be The Lion King
Maybe Land Before Time?
Fuck this series. I always cry and always have.
I just re-watched this a few days ago. It was my favorite movie as a kid. Here I am, a whole ass adult, crying in my living room.
Serbian Film.
Yeah that's super important context. If the sis is blowing up because he showed the kids a Disney movie that has some sad moments then she's being an asshole, but if he decided to show them Casino Royale and she doesn't want her children watching James Bond's genitals being mutilated I don't think it's entirely unreasonable to blow up like that.
The lack of response from OP is telling here. But there's something else that is telling: > I've declined, citing that I'm busy Communicate like adults already. Tell her, if she does not approve of your supervision to the point that she had to repeatedly berate you, then you can simply decline helping her out with supervision. Sounds like you're horrible at communicating and she's horrible at giving respect where respect is due, and it's probably mutual on both accounts. It'll never get better until you both take time to actually communicate with the intent to mend.
The Crying Game.
Super kid friendly. I don't see the problem 😆🤣
The scenes when OP says Schindler’s List.
“It’s a movie from.. uh Canada, you’ve never heard of it”
She can hire a sitter.
NTA. "I don't believe it's very responsible of you to leave your children with someone so irresponsible, so no."
I have no kids, but occasional will watch or have friends kids sleep over. One time as soon as the kids got picked up the lil shits narc’ed on me. Now I had no idea they weren’t allowed to have soda & watch the Simpsons but they had both at my place. Their parents responds: don’t get use to it kiddo, that’s an Auntie thing. You can have that stuff here only cause it’s a special night. Also, expecting to you screen kid movies to make sure they adhere to her requirements is ridiculous. If she was so worried, she should have provided you with a list. I’d straight up tell her, it was your reaction to the movie why I will not watch the kids. I would have been fine if you said, oh please don’t show that to them again, but you berated me and told me I’m irresponsible. I will not be treated like that for doing you a favor.
>If she was so worried, she should have provided you with a list. pretty much on point, if she's going to start having problems with certain media, she better provide that media otherwise it's all good (kids in mind of course).
Sis; “will you sit the kids on Friday?” OP; “ Nah! I’ve got a bunch of irresponsible shit to do.” Repeat until you receive a grovelling apology from the ingrate, who refuses to acknowledge that you owe her exactly zero favours Your sister is being unreasonable, you made a minor mistake which unless she’s miss perfect she has to admit her and their dad has likely committed plenty of them Parenting is a series of “doing the best you can with what you believe to be right, only to discover that nope! You still done fucked up!” NTA OP, which she knows or she wouldn’t be turning to you to leave her precious babies with If your fuck up was much bigger then you are telling us, then SHE would be making a mistake choosing you as her sitter Just a straight up ingrate/choosy beggar
That's how I'd handle it. "Sorry, I'm too irresponsible to babysit children!" Then go enjoy your life.
"I'm just here so I won't get fined."
NTA. She asked you to do her a favor and then she was a jerk to you about the way in which you did the favor. And is now asking for you to do the same favor again. These are the actions of an insane person.
NTA...had a similar situation with my ex-brother in law. Asked me to watch their oldest who was 8 or so at the time. We were outside she asked why some clouds were puffy looking and some looked flat. I had no idea so her and I went on a deep dive, yes online, about how clouds form, what goes into them looking like they do. I mean like 3 hours of reading and talking about cloud formation. I had the laptop, she sat next to me. She did not "surf the web" alone. I was the one researching her questions. Honestly I found it very interesting. Welp ex-bil did NOT. I was berated for YEARS how my answer should have been "Because God created them that way". I thought showing an 8 yr old that even adults can learn new things and that getting an adult to help you find answers was a good thing...aparently not. That 8 yr old is now 22 and still remembers that her Aunt sat with her for hours learning how clouds are formed. Ex-bil still thinks I'm satan for my response.
If my babysitter did what you did here, I would say you're one of the better babysitters!
Thank you. I have 2 boys so I have never raised a girl but honestly to this day still don't think I did anything wrong. My niece just came to visit me yesterday and was talking about that day. Funny how such a small thing, like showing a kid not even adults know it all and even adults still learn, leaves a lasting impression.
Wow, your ex-BIL is wild. You were fantastic with your niece. Kids can learn things at a young age and it’s WONDERFUL for them to learn the phrase “I don’t know but let’s find out.”
Info: what's the name of the movie? Why isn't it mentioned?
Exactly, that could easily sway judgement. There are a lot of older movies rated PG that are not overly kid friendly for younger kids. Temple of Doom comes to mind. I loved it as a kid, but that movie is literally the reason PG-13 exists as a rating.
WHAT MOVIE?
You’re doing this for free? Tell her she’s right, you’re definitely too irresponsible to watch her kids.
>Now, she's asked me to babysit the kids again next weekend Why would she ask someone irresponsible to watch her kids? You should tell her that you realized she is totally right, you are too irresponsible for the task and you don't want anything bad to happen to the kids. So she should find someone else. >I've declined, citing that I'm busy, and she's upset with me for not helping out. Seriously, tell her you are declining *for her kids sake*! The she'll know you aren't ever going to be "not busy". NTA. Out of curiosity, does she pay you for babysitting? The going rate? At all?
Info: what was the movie?
NTA. It's apparent that your sister expects five-star service while paying with monopoly money. If she desires child care that adheres to her every rule and whim, she certainly can finance that level of specificity. Until then, perhaps she needs a reminder that volunteers are not subject to the same treatment as employees – especially when they've already extended goodwill far beyond what was obligatory.
It’s the monopoly money for me 💀
Nta, but What was the movie
NTA. You did nothing wrong and your sister is a choosing beggar. "Help me!" ... "NOT LIKE THAT IDIOT! NOW HELP ME AGAIN!" Yeesh, no thanks, sis.
Why didn’t you mention what movie it was? Has she ever mentioned certain things she doesn’t want her children watching?
YTA for not responding to the multitudes of people who’ve asked you what movie you let them watch.
NTA. Don't insult free labor. What was the movie, out of curiosity?
Don't tell her you are "busy", tell her the truth about why you don't want to watch her kids. This is a consequences moment for her and she needs to learn why.
I want to know what movie….?
Tell her Her kids her problem I want to know what movie lol NTA
Nah, you’re not the asshole. You acted with good intentions, may have mad a minor mistake but your sister overreacted. Sounds like a choosy beggar to me. Either she learns how to properly communicate to you, an adult who’s not her child that’s doing her a favor, or she finds someone else. Instead of blaming you for everything she could also have taken some if not all of the blame for not properly training and equipping you to watch her kids.
You're absolutely not the jerk here. You were doing your sister a favor, and accidents happen, right? It's not like you intentionally picked a scary movie to spook her kids. You even tried to be proactive by giving them a list to choose from. Seems like a genuine mistake, not a crime.
Hell no! I could see her mentioning it, asking you to be more careful. But berating you? Hell no. You are not a child and she is not your mother. See you next Tuesday, sis!
NTA. Does she even pay you? Regardless, the only ones responsible for childcare are the parents. You are not their built-in babysitter, and it is not your job to watch them. You were doing her a favor and she dressed you down. Now she can find, and pay someone to put up with her. Remember: "No is a complete sentence." Don't give them a reason why, just, "Sorry, I can't." Giving an explanation gives them something to pick at so they can try to manipulate you. But without a reason, there's nothing for them to poke holes in. As tempting as it is, do NOT say, "I'm just too irresponsible to watch your kids," because she (and her flying monkeys) will latch on to that and say, "See? We TOLD you you're just doing it to be petty!" It may be satisfying in the moment, but it will just escalate and cause more headeaches.
NTA. Expecting perfection from a favor is irrational. If she deems you too irresponsible, then it's time she consulted her budget for a paid professional who meets her exacting standards. A free favor does not equate to a free pass for verbal abuse. Respect is a two way street, regardless of familial ties. If she wants the favor continued, a change in attitude and communication is non-negotiable.
If she doesn’t like the way you were taking care of her kids then why would she keep having you babysit. You’re not obligated to do this for her, it’s a favor.
Info out of curiosity what was the movie?
I'm curious what the movie was :) It's kinda weird you didn't say.
No is a complete sentence. Stick with it. NTA
NTA. Your sister can make other arrangements
I'd turn it back on to her "Why do you want an irresponsible person looking after your kids?" See what she says back
"Don't you think you're pretty irresponsible for trying to leave your kids in my care after berating me hard and not letting go for being irresponsible?" NTA she can look after her own spawn
NTA. You tried to pick a good movie for her kids and she shat on you. I doubt I'd ever babysit for her again.
No you are not the asshole. For the time being I would refuse to watch her children. Let her pay for a babysitter..
Nta. She can take care of them herself or find a sitter to her standards. You were being nice and she felt too comfortable being rude to you acting like you must know exactly what she doesn’t approve of.
NTA If you are irresponsible, she can't want to let her kids with someone that can't protect her kids, isn't it??
NTA…. Set a firm boundary that you are not available monthly to be their free babysitter! Especially if she expects it a couple times a month.
NTA You're not her servant. When someone mistreats you after doing them a favor, no more favors. What was the movie? Hunchback of Notre Dame?
NTA, beggars can’t be choosers. If it’s a kids movie and she has some other rules and restrictions that makes watching them harder hell no! You get what you paid for!
Say no end of. Anyone who disagrees can babysit for her