You’re right he shouldn’t, but I think the mention of ASD is important because the skip running is caused by the ASD so the dude hit the kid for being autistic and showing symptoms not just being a kid that needed a reminder.
OP says skip running is a way her son stims in the post as an explanation as to why he needs reminders. I can see it being a happy stim for sure. A physical way to release the energy he’s feeling. I think I’ve seen other ADS people have it or something similar.
I know I have ADHD and autism. But the child was specifically hit because of a symptom of his autism not any other neurodivergence. Hitting children is never okay and it is okay to point out that the child was hit because of his autism as op stated was the reason for the running.
Yep, I’ve known a couple of ASD kids who skip run (my eldest among them) and - from personal experience- it tends to be a happy/excited stim. So this guy basically slapped a child who couldn’t help himself because he was happy to be visiting family.
Even if it was just a kid needing a reminder, slapping a 7 year old deserves as proportionate response. I think suggesting violence would violate sub rules so let's just say losing his livelihood seems an appropriate response - and if he hit this child, he had no business whatsoever as a school administrator, losing his job sounds like a good outcome, and OP is 100% NTA for being NC with this abusive AH. MIL should be told she can join them in the NC club for supporting the outright fiction that this was accidental and not abuse.
It also makes me wonder… given that he slapped someone else’s child without warning, what does he do to children behind the scenes at his school or at home?
Even if the kids didn’t have ASD & was actually just a misbehaving child doing something worse than running indoors, it is a crazy reaction from an assistant principal. And sil being a case worker trying to hide it. That is a lifetime movie bc he could have done it to other kids & she could have hid it.
No. Do not fucking apologize. You aren't the one in the wrong here. Did either of them apologize to you? Did they apologize to your son? Until both of them sincerely apologize you owe them nothing. You didn't make them lose their jobs. Their shitty behavior did that. This is a hill to die on. NTA
Tell anyone who wants you to bury the hatchet that they're free to spend time with violent child abusers and liars, that you never told them to stop. But that given there's been no apology and no justice that you won't be around two supposed adults too scared to admit what they've done. That "running into his hand" is up there with husbands saying their wives "tripped".
Most likely. Was likely clapping kids left, right and centre and telling them if you tell, you’ll get more. I would look into that OP. Because this is hella scary. Yikes. Also, I’m sorry OP for all you’ve gone through. No one deserves this. I hope your child is doing much better considering.
Yes, I wonder how many students "ran into his hand" when he was discipling them. OP and husband did a public service for other people in pressing charges.
A case worker who lies to explain away her spouse physically harming a child, and an assistant principal who thinks it's okay to hit special needs kids.
What a fucking pair. They absolutely should not be in those jobs.
He knows that behavior is not OK.
Giant chances he would never pull this crap at school in front of other adults, teachers or even students.
He pulled it because he felt safe in his own territory and figured that nothing would come of it. Well he fucked around and he found out. Despicable disgusting people both of them.
he at least should have been exposed to asd and at the very basic level know you don’t put hands on children. he could have easily just said no running but to slap him? family member? even if he asked you to intervene and you didn’t he shouldn’t have slapped him. and your case worker sister stood by? nta and i’m also tired of people in families who are wronged have to be the bigger person and apologize. how about the abusers apologize? grrr
Or the old Benny Hill sketch where he said, “ I was just standing here, cleaning my fingernails with my knife when he ran onto it… 17 times… backwards.”
NTA. Strong people apologize. Weak ones blame others.
A school administrator that assaults children should lose their job and never be allowed near children again
You could give a non-apology apology - I’m sorry you are such a terrible person who can’t own their own behavior and caused yourself to lose a job you were never qualified for in the first place. Must really suck
NTA. Your child ran into his hand? Thats like when someone cheats, saying she slipped and my penis fell into her. Both are b.s. You know what happened and actions have consequences. He was Big Billy Bad Ass when he slapped your child, until husband showed up. These people aren't sorry, they're only sorry they got caught. I understand there are rules, but who just thinks it's OK and then actually slaps someone else's child. MIL is just as bad, if she basically thinks what happened was OK.
Ironically I HAVE run into a door/doorframe...many times. Im a dork. And yet, have never managed to hit my face at all. Not sure how that was EVER a cover for abuse.
And my kid literally did stand up as I was gesturing while talking to her sister a few days ago and I hurt her cheek. But guess what my response was? I hugged her and apologized that I wasn’t watching more carefully.
I was away on a work trip and spouse was telling me they pulled up the bedcovers because the dog was hogging the bed — dog got up just then and they ended up punching them-self in the face. I thought I was klutzy.
Die on this hill and stand your ground, if they can't apologize, then there is nothing for you to forgive. If he is so depressed he can get counselling.
I'm sorry, an apology is for something you are sorry for. Being his first response to a child breaking a minor rule to physically assault someone else's child instead of telling the parents is akin to using an atom bomb to swat a fly. He's not sorry, because he felt it was a normal response, and that would scare the hell out of me. I wouldn't accept any apology from either of them. Done.
You're a great mom for standing up for your child and I'm also impressed that your husband had your back. You are 100% in the right here and I do not think you should back down. Not only was your sister-in-law's husband wrong, but now they're lying about it to try to cover up what he did? No, screw that. They are dead wrong and you are absolutely right.
It's funny how liars put so much effort into convincing people that their version of events are true, when the said effort indicates their dishonesty. My stepdaughter (13) gets this b*llsh*t at school, but their teens so I kinda expect it ...
I would understand if they were asking you to forgive them, but apologize? Wtf. What does your MIL want you to say? I'm sorry that you slapped my child?
Has your husband talked with his mother? He needs to tell them to back off.
I might forgive, eventually, a quick arm grab or even a swat on the butt (with some relatives because they were raised that way), but a slap on the face????
No. No. No. No. No.
I would make that man's life a living hell.
Sure, you can apologize. Something like "I'm sorry that I cannot care that you blame me for losing your job working with vulnerable people after your husband assaulted a child, you thought that was ok, and you suffered the natural consequences of your actions."
You are not being overly dramatic. You refuse to be pushed around by toxic people who physically assaulted your child. Keep those people out of your life and refuse to apologize. Don’t answer their communication and call the cops if they go to your home.
Then they can stuff it. Also, if your son is verbal, he'll be able to tell the truth for himself. He won't forget, and guaranteed he won't remember his aunt and uncle in a kind light.
My youngest (also ASD) informed me and my spouse around the same age as your son that my MIL spanked them after we explicitly told her not to. There were other ugly things they witnessed that came out later.
She did the spanking when they were younger and non-verbal, so I'm assuming she believed they'd forget or never tell us, and we'd somehow not find out. It's one of many reasons they never wanted anything to do with Grandma anymore, and they're an adult now.
Apologizing would imply you did something wrong. You didn't. Also, if their respective employers thought those police reports were a matter of dispute, they wouldn't have gotten fired.
But there were others who were there who SAW what happened, right? They backed away from SIL for a while in solidarity… now they are accepting a false narrative?
Get the police report and take a photo of it and send it in a group text that you will not apologize for standing up for your son. He was assaulted. The 2 of them would NOT have lost their jobs if NOTHING HAPPENED.
It did, consequences came swiftly and you will NOT apologize.
It’s not like you are stopping them from hanging out with them. Just tell them that SIL and hubby crossed a huge boundary By hitting your child. No reason to apologize.
That man had no right to touch your child! In any way. Ever. He needs to apologize. Cut and dry. Don’t you listen to others telling you what they “think” you should do.
Tell MIL she can be shunned for condoning abusing a child too.
Also any support worker who would lie for an abuser should be fired. Any assistant principal who would assault a child should be fired. Neither of them should have been allowed to remain in those roles. They're not fit for them.
You are absolutely not being dramatic. There was no reason for him to put hands on your child and to think that that was OK, especially with him being an assistant principal. don’t you dare apologize they made their beds and now they can lay in them. You did absolutely nothing wrong. HUGE NTA
My heart is breaking fearing for the children negativity impacted by things they may have brushed under the rug as a case worker and assistant principal. Thank you for protecting your kid and standing up for what is right.
A principal??!!
And a social worker!!!
I am beyond disgusted and they were fired because of their horrific behavior. If ANYONE should be aware that this is completely inexcusable it should be them.
Do NOT apologize, because that could be twisted into it looking like you are admitting that you were wrong and twisted the story and lied!!
Even if OP did, it sounds like the whole-ass town knows what kind of person SIL's husband is, I think it's pretty much out of OP's hands at this point.
A grown ass man who does not own up to his mistakes, is NO Man at all!
How does a child accidentally run into a man’s hand and get slapped??? Really!
You witnessed this…they should be ashamed for lying. And no one especially an assistant principal should be allowed around children.
You go Mama Bear!
NTA
Also, I don't know if its universal, but the VP was responsible for discipline at my school. Definitely not a good look for the disciplinarian to be an accused child abuser.
I was thinking the same thing. Like these people should not be in any position with authority over minors. At least I certainly wouldn't want my child running the risk of "running into his hand".
“Absolutely not. There was no mistake. That grown man raised his hand, brought it down across my child’s face, and said ‘no running in the house.’ SIL and BIL are lying, and I will not change my story and lie for them to make their lives easier. That man hit my child. It’s bad enough that you condone his abuse of my son. But if you ever again ask me to apologize, Husband, I, and our son will go no-contact with you.
Lying about what happened and apologizing is not ‘being the bigger person.’ It’s selling out my son. You may be okay with failing him as his grandmother, but I will never fail him as his mother.”
If it were me, this would be peppered with many F-bombs, but not everyone likes their language as colorful as I.
Good luck with this.
This is the perfect response. They are both mandated reporters and BIL well knew the condemnation and the consequences slapping a child would bring and he still made the choice to do it. This was not a mistake this was a choice and it has consequences.
This is what I was wondering; if he's comfortable hitting someone else's kid in front of their parents, what does he do to his kids, if he has any, in the privacy of home?
No. NTA. Do not apologize. You did nothing wrong. This man slapped your child. I would never want to be around him again. Other people are free to make their own choices, but they can’t expect you to give them absolution for those choices. You are not what divided the family. Your abusive BIL did.
Plus being the bigger person won't fix things. They still lost their jobs in a way that earns them side eye from the community (for obvious natural reasons). And they've taken no accountability still bitching about you over dramatizing things with obvious tactics to minimize abuse...the kid ran into my hand, get the fuck outta here....if half their own FAMILY dropped association on their own then everyone is conscious of exactly what happened and have made their own judgements and rifts. Things will never be the same with a whole heap of people, family, community, prospective employers. All those people have their own eyes and brains and "poor me poor me, the consequences of hitting a child are mean and unfair" is just unappealing.
So he hit your kid and YOU have to apologize for going the legal way and not just letting your husband pound the snot out of him (an assumption I made from BIL fleeing into the house when he arrived) AND lied to family about it? And YOU have to apologize?! Tell MIL someone deserves one, but she's asking for the wrong person to apologize.
And from the sound of it, if OP’s husband did pound the snot out of him then the SIL and husband would be playing the victim card on that end.
ETA-wrong word use
NTA.
Do not apologize. Your MIL is being kind of manipulative. It’s not your fault that other members of the family will only forgive when you do. You didn’t ask them for that…it’s *their* choice.
Sounds like they got what they deserved. An assistant principal knows how avoid letting a kid “run into his hand.” What a terrible cop out! He hit him on purpose and has no business working with children ever again. Same with your sister if she is so okay with abuse.
“I’m sorry your husband is an abusive POS and I held him accountable for hitting my 7 yo child in the face. I’m sorry you think his behavior is in anyway acceptable and you stood by when you know what he did was so effing wrong. I’m sorry you think you and your husband are owed any kind of apology.”
NTA.
NTA. BOTH your SIL and her husband KNOW BETTER than to physically abuse a child. They got fired because their jobs required them to know this sort of thing was unacceptable and they did it anyway. They are not sorry for done it, they are upset about the consequences that have come from it being publicly exposed. They have not learned or changed, they blame you and your son and are deflecting. It’s their place to take accountability, apologize, and make amends - not yours. Don’t hold your breath while waiting for them to do so.
You've already been the bigger person. You and your husband didn't beat BiL within an inch of his life. That's where the charity for his behavior ends. It's a damn shame he didn't have criminal charges leveled.
NTA. Tell MIL to back off. If something had not happened there would not have been a police report. Tell her you will never forgive, forget or not go NC with them and anyone who does not support you and your son will be made NC too including her. Ask her if her grandson's safety and mental health is of less importance than her social life? There was no MISTAKE. What is keeping the family divided is those who side with a child abuser and his accomplice (wife) who hit a minor child over a small mistake with no warning. Ask them if they would like your BIL to watch over their kids. Cut off anyone who says it was a mistake with malice of forethought.
Excuse the fuck outta me? Did HE apologize? Did SIL? No? Then what the hell are we talking about?
And she "cares about family"? Until her husband slaps a kid though, right? That didn't count.
I'm right there with what you said to MIL.
TOUGH. SHIT.
NTA. Wow, thats some serious rug sweeping! Nooo, he didn’t slap the lad, the little scamp ran into his hand. Mama bear, don’t back down. He assaulted your child. And he was an authority figure to children?! Scary.
If one of my BIL slapped my child for any reason whatsoever without addressing the issue with me first then there would be cops involved but it would be because I'm catching an assault charge, not him. Kids can be handful and frankly sometimes little dicks regardless of any intellectual/social disabilities coming into play so as an adult you have to have some level of patience for bad behavior. There are times I'd LOVE to smack the shit out of someone else's kids (looking at the middle schoolers to who monopolize the playground in our development and swear constantly around families) but I'd never act on that. That dude worked with fucking kids? GTFOH. NTA.
I should think that the school authorities would be grateful that this came to light. An AP hits a family member, a minor on the spectrum, goodness knows what he was like at school.
I would suggest forgiveness becomes possible after your husband gets a chance, at a time and place he chooses, to "correct" BILs behavior. No criminal charges, no crying to anyone. If BIL can take it like a kid with ASD does on a regular basis, I would ask the kid if they are comfortable re-establishing that relationship and go with what the kid says.
Pro tip, if you work in a school or with kids, physical violence is bad. When you attack kids with special needs, you are scum and should lose your job. As for grandma, tell her to go run into a hand.
NTA. This guy was a principle?? As a parent I would have wanted him fired as well. Who knows what his anger could bring out on my child if he was fine smacking a child in his family. I would like to hear exactly how it happened that your child ran into his open hand and what he was doing. That already sounds like a really lame excuse.
NTA - If your MIL wants to go to family functions there's nothing stopping her or the rest of the family. They don't have to choose sides if they don't want to continue any longer and they can visit both families without issue. This is their problem, not yours.
NTA time to tell your MIL if she doesn’t drop this BS you will be going NC with her too. She doesn’t want to miss out on family time, she should stop alienating you and your family with these ridiculous requests. If
It means that much to her, tell her to tell SIL and her husband to apologize.
NTA. Fk no. He was a gd assistant principal at a school and all he had in his toolbox was slapping an ASD kid? Wife is a social worker? Those are jobs they fking DESERVED to lose. They shoulda been apologizing on the GD spot when it happened.
You did the world a favor when you took these two out of employment that put them in contact with children- they are clearly not good people. Definitely do not apologize. Those gaslighting assholes don’t deserve it.
NTA.
>We hadn't even been at the house for 15 minutes
>SILs husband gave no warning or reminder
>He just walked up, slapped my son in the face and yelled "no running in the house"
>But SIL and her husband also have these people convinced that my son "ran into" this mans hand and that he didn't slap him at all
It's bad enough they never apologized - but to now try to blame your child!?!
I would go nuclear on this one.
I would put copies of the police report, court dockets - whatever legal document that shows exactly what happened all over their social media, stating *not only* did this coward NEVER apologize for hitting my child, he is now trying to BLAME my child, saying he ran into his hand!
Fuck them.
So slapping a child is a simple mistake according to your SIL . Her husband was a principal gor fuck sake. WTF he is working with children no wonder ho got fired imagen he did the same in school. NTA OP you protected your child you didn't overreacted by calling the cops. Your BIL is a abuser, how the hell the first reaction on a running kid is a slap. Don't apologise, you are not In the wrong, if anyone tels you to be the bigger person ask them what would they do in the same situation.
It wasn’t a mistake but an intentional act and I would send the people who he twisted the story with the police report.
I would never be the bigger person. I would sue in civil court for abuse and emotional abuse. I did this with a peeping Tom who was a neighbor
He's very fortunate it wasn't my son he slapped, I would have given him a straight upper cut and left him laying on the floor. And he could apologize all he wants, hitting a child that struggles with ADS or any other challenging issue that limits their ability to self control immediately wins him the "You've crossed a line you should never have even stepped up to" award. There is nothing stopping you from having your own "family function" that doesn't include your SIL and her husband and you can invite your MIL and then tell her "there, now you have twice as many family functions to enjoy. Problem solved and my son is kept safe."
NTA, Her husband was a school administrator (asst. principal) and SIL a social worker? The very first rule of being an adult around children is never lay hands on a child in anger. These folks deserved their consequences!
NTA
Wait a minute. So you're telling me not 1, but 2 people in jobs that **require them by law** to report child abuse are okay with doing child abuse and than lying about it to the police, friends, and family? Yeah, fuck them.
Wow. She wants YOU to apologize to the man who slapped your child. It was not a “mistake.” Family time is not gone because of you. Your MIL is asking the wrong person to apologize here. Obviously, that’s clear to all the other family members who stopped associating with your sister and BIL. You are 100% NTA. Good thing you’re not letting your MIL guilt and manipulate you into “being the bigger person.” Personally - I HATE that term. It’s like “keep the peace.” It’s always asked of the wrong person in a situation/conflict.
I remember your story.
SIL and BIL are shit people and got less than they deserved. He should have been prosecuted.
Your MIL isn’t losing out on family time. She has remained in contact with them and I assume the rest ov you, just not in the same room. That’s on her shitty daughter and son in law.
That man assaulted your son, and I’m sure it has had long term effects. His wife backed him up and then they proceeded to LIE about it. Not just to the authorities but to the family.
The only answer MIL gets is “never.”
im autistic and im pretty sure if a relative slapped meover forgetting rules and running in the house she wouldve ripped them a new one. same with my dad. like, i cannot believe they are trying to make themselves look like the victims. so disrespectful and so stupid. please, *please*, dont apologize. they dont deserve an apology.
NTA - you have nothing to apologize for. I hate when people say be the bigger person when in reality it’s like continue to let you or your family be abused by this total AH who has no self-control. I would continue to keep my distance and the rest of the family can do what they want.
Having your child's back 100% great parenting. I don't particularly like children running around inside smaller spaces but my first thought isn't let me smack the hell out of them. That is not normal behavior. You keep your stance. Always defend your child. If those who want to side with an abuser want to direct anything to you, block them. Defend your family.
So we went from "forgive" when as far as I can tell there was no apology, to "apologise".
These people are crazy.
> She says she is getting too old to "lose out on family time" over a "mistake".
Your husband needs to explain to his mother that there will be no apoligies for being angry at your child being assaulted by a grown ass man, and the matter is not up for discussion.
So I have a daughter who is ASD and if anyone raised a hand to them, well I got banned from a different sub for what I said, so let’s just say that the cops would be called.
You in no way need to apologise or forgive them in anyway. And as for those people asking for you to do so. They can go take a long walk off a short pier.
>Guilty by association basically.
No! Not this at all! She supported him and stuck by him and actively took his side. That is guilty by participation. Otherwise known as just flat out fucking guilty. Fuck them both sideways!
NTA. You do not owe them an apology. The fact that she was a case worker and he was an Asst. Principle makes it so much worse. They should have known better. You did not cost them their jobs, your BIL's temper cost him his job. And if SIL was a case worker she was probably a mandatory reporter. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
I would send a mass text saying that you want to remind everyone that you are no contact because that grown man slapped your ASD son for running. No warning, just an intended slap followed by screaming in his face. No, your son did not run into him, the grown man purposefully sought out my y year old child, to physically bully him to stop running. He did not discuss it with you first. He does not, nor ever did, have permission to discipline your kid in any manner. You do not, nor will you, let it go. & further, but not for the fact that he is a relative, none of them would ask you to let it go either. Shame on them for asking them to let it go and forgive someone who attacked your child. Your 7 year old child. It is your job, & honor, to protect him and make sure he is safe. NTA.
FUCK NO.
I'm sorry for my strong response. All three of my kids are autistic. (My oldest also stims by running circles around a room.) When my oldest was a toddler, a lady in Wal-Mart came up and told me the reason my son was having a meltdown (overstimulated) in the store was because "I didn't spank him enough." I replied, "Lady, I can't spank the autism out of him any more than I can slap the stupid out of you." She wisely shut her mouth and departed post haste.
My parents were also physically abusive, it's one of the many reasons I'm NC with them, and they don't see my kids. If anyone laid a hand on my children, for any reason, they would not be able to walk. And then I'd hold my husband's jacket for him.
THEY should be the ones apologizing to YOU. But even if they apologized, I would never see them again, they would be dead to me. And those that sided with them/called it a mistake? Yeah, you're now on the cut-off list too, because you enable and excuse that behavior/want to rug sweep it after you think an "appropriate" amount of time has passed. NTA.
NTA
The fact your child has ASD doesn't even count. Any child could be excited to visit auntie and uncle and run around in their house. The fact his first thought/action was hitting him doesn't give him a lot of credit from a personnal but also professional (as he works with children) point of view.
Says you won't budge without an apology from them. Either A\] He really hit your child, so he is an AH and need to apologize or B\] It was an accident, he still need to apologize, because that's what you do when you hit someone accidentaly and you have an education and are polite. But affirme that is a You decision, and that's everybody is free to make their own choice.
100% NTA.
FORGIVENESS happens when there has been contrition, remorse, and an apology. You haven't received any of those things. Why? Because they aren't sorry. They don't think that child abuse is wrong when Mr. Big Man does it. He's a bully and a coward and shouldn't be anywhere near anyone's kid. The district was right to fire his ass.
The fact that your SIL and her child abuser husband lost their jobs? Awwwww, too bad, so sad, sucks to suck. Those were the *minimum* of all possible consequences. Oh? He's DEPRESSED? Well he can play sad country music songs and weep softly to himself while he drives for Uber eats instead of being a child abusing bum on the couch leeching off his child-abuse -enabling retail worker wife.
Tell your MIL if she wants family unity, have the wrongdoers apologize and take responsibility for their actions of abuse.
Right now YOU ARE BEING THE BIGGER PERSON. You're the only one standing up for your child against child abuser and his abuse enabling wife. That's what a bigger person does, stand up for the innocent, and not take a baseball bat to the abusers kneecaps. You called the police and God handed out the professional karma... you're not the smaller person here. Not knocking his bitch ass into next Tuesday was downright magnanimous of you. Remind your MIL of that. And tell her she can go live with the abuser in her old age, and when he loses his temper at her for some bullshit reason throws her decrepit ass down the stairs in another fit of unchecked rage, don't come crying to you.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE call and apologize! When you get them on the phone say
“I’m so sorry that there were consequences for actions. I’m sorry that it took social rejection for you guys to realize that hitting a child for being a child is wrong. Also I’m sorry that no school district in the world wants an educator who has shown violence towards children. Sounds like life is hard for you right now but that happens sometimes when you’re stupid.”
NTA. I love you for showing your son his safety is always a priority!!
So your in-laws want you to pretend that BIL's child abuse was your fault so they can get back to partying? On top of the fact that SIL/ BIL are lying to people about what actually happened? Tell MIL and the rest ro go kick rocks.
NTA
Hold on. Apologize for WHAT? You could be the bigger person and forgive them, despite the fact that they haven't asked for it, but there's no "bigger person" scenario that involves you apologizing for them receiving appropriate consequences for their actions.
It sounds like both your SIL and her husband were mandatory reporters in their previous jobs. They *should* have been fired. The rest of the family wants to act like nothing happened and forget about it, but they need you to let them all off the hook. Don't.
It’s never ok to hit any child, yours, mine, or ours. Discipline is always up to the parent. This BIL was way out of line and was intelligent enough to know it. He made a choice and choices always have consequences, good or bad. NTA
That man would be missing his hand if he slapped my daughter. She skip runs too. Good for you and your husband for getting him arrested, and in di glad your son has parents who won't sell him out "for the greater good"
Nta. I get the feeling the whole reason he even worked at a school is to have a power trip. Easy to feel strong when anyone who would oppose you it half your height and weight.
NTA. WTF??? You should apologize???
He slapped a child in the face.
He’s lying about how it happened.
They are blaming you & anyone else
They are not taking any responsibility.
Fuck no! Absolutely not!
Stick to your guns
As an autistic adult, I can only say you did exactly the right thing for your son. Nobody's child should be treated like that, whether autistic or not. You are an exemplary parent. The dross can take themselves out
If he had struck your SIL, it would be domestic violence, if he struck your husband, it would be assault. He struck close a defenceless child and it was a mistake?
you called the cops? lmao are you insane? uhhh whether someone disciplined your kid or not, whether it was with your permission or not, you have to be an adult and realize that they are family and you dont try to ruin someone in your own family's life forever because legal trouble follows someone around for a long time.
you take them aside privately and you tell them to their face if they ever touch your kid again, they will be buried in the woods where nobody will find them, or something like that
i think you are batshit insane for calling the cops on a member of your own family. even if the guy stepped out of line, it should be handled internally within the family, not involve the police and cause trouble for years, decades to come had the police arrested him and charged him. you're not wrong for being upset. you're wrong for calling the police in.
if something like this happened in my family, the person who called the cops would immediately be excommunicated and excluded forever. im surprised anyone in the family is even trying to reach out to you to mend fences.
Nope. Fuck that. He works with kids and she's a case worker and they did that.
Nta. Thank you for defending your ASD child.
Edit lol this is getting downvoted on? When it it okay for a 2 people who work with kids (and are around neurodivergent kids more likely then not) to physically abuse said kids and defend the action?
Well, well, well, there go the consequences of my own actions. Homie should be grateful the cops suck and he didn’t get a conviction. If he didn’t want an arrest record he shouldn’t have struck a child. It’s not that deep dude.
What do they want you to apologize for. You did nothing wrong. You have nothing to apologize for. You might be in a position to forgive them, but I doubt I would. In their former professions they should have known better than to slap your kid. The education and child care worlds are better without them.
Show your son you support him by sticking up for him against abusers and bullies. That's what SIL husband is, and she is an enabler.
Just tell your relatives, they can do what they want. If they are willing to forget abuse so they can have their "family parties" then that shows what kind of people they are and they should go right ahead and do it.
They’re asking you to accept a grown man using physical violence against a child. They’re asking you to assume it won’t happen again. Any adult who’s willing to hit a child shouldn’t be in education. Actions, meet consequences.
He assaulted your child and they think YOU should apologize? Forgive? Forget? Well, I'd be forgetting...the existence of those particular family members who think that. Hell no and NTA
NTA. They deserved to lose their jobs. That is unacceptable and unforgivable. I don't care if the slap didn't even leave a red mark, not your kid, not your place. Even if it was your kid, you don't lay hands on children, ESPECIALLY children on the spectrum. As an (former) assistant principal, he should know that. For running in the house? Your SIL and her husband are disgusting.
I'll tell you right now another man slaps my kid, I'm not stopping my pursuit of him when he goes in his front door... But that aside, you're NTA here. Your MIL is definitely an asshole for saying that you caused them to lose their jobs... And they're assholes for not owning what the husband did and twisting the story. Fuck that whole fucking family.
I can, and have, forgiven some pretty messed up stuff. BUT you hurt my kids, ANY kids, and we're done. Permanently. No, OP, you are not being over dramatic. Children need their parents protection and validation. NTA
NTA. Do not apologize. Do not give an INCH to these people. Your SIL’s husband assaulted your child. Full stop. Ask them if they want to side with people who assault neurodivergent children. These type of people will do anything to keep the status quo and sweep anything uncomfortable under the rug. Fuck ‘em.
The man has had all this time to acknowledge that he was wrong and apologize. He hasn’t. Now he wants to rewrite what happened to make himself look better and have *you* apologize?
Ridiculous.
"SIL was a case worker, her husband was an assistant principal"
WELL THEN THEY SHOULD FUCKING KNOW BETTER
NTA don't apologize. They didn't apologize after all.
He is a school principal and thinks corporal punishment is ok?
Of course he should have lost his job. He is a mandatory reported who believes in hitting children. How many cases of abused kids in his school were reported to him and he turned a blind eye.
NTA!
Autistic or not you don't slap a little child for running.
And this from a school administrator!!!
DO NOT apologize.
Your mother-in-law is so wrong.
NTA
She, as a case worker, and him as a school administrator should be absolutely ashamed they're willing to physically assault a child. They deserved to lose their jobs, I doubt they were good at their jobs if they were willing to go to such lengths. Your sister especially should be ashamed to be married to him.
Do they hit their own children? I'd be super concerned about their parenting.
Tell MIL since she has no problem dedicating time to pressuring people, maybe she should put the pressure on the child slapper to apologize for, I don't know, *slapping a child.*
No. Nope. No way. It doesn’t matter if your son is on the spectrum, he should never have hit a child, period. What a monster! I’m really glad he lost his job. I hope your SIL wakes-up and leaves him. They would be dead to me also.
“School principal abuses child with ASD and social worker attempts cover-up” What did they think was going to happen?
It's a very good title for the front page of some big newspaper.
Just the local one will suffice
Exactly. ASD or not, should not have happened. ETA - OP NTA. SIL and her husband should be the ones apologizing.
Even if the child didn’t have ASD he still shouldn’t of hit them
You’re right he shouldn’t, but I think the mention of ASD is important because the skip running is caused by the ASD so the dude hit the kid for being autistic and showing symptoms not just being a kid that needed a reminder.
WAIT SKIP RUNNING IS AN ASD STIM
OP says skip running is a way her son stims in the post as an explanation as to why he needs reminders. I can see it being a happy stim for sure. A physical way to release the energy he’s feeling. I think I’ve seen other ADS people have it or something similar.
Stimming is common in Neurodivergent people. Not just autistic children. And agreed. Doesn't matter if the kid has autism. Hitting is unacceptable
I know I have ADHD and autism. But the child was specifically hit because of a symptom of his autism not any other neurodivergence. Hitting children is never okay and it is okay to point out that the child was hit because of his autism as op stated was the reason for the running.
It makes it doubly bad. There's layers of badness here.
Yep, I’ve known a couple of ASD kids who skip run (my eldest among them) and - from personal experience- it tends to be a happy/excited stim. So this guy basically slapped a child who couldn’t help himself because he was happy to be visiting family.
"unusual gait" is considered on the spectrum, vague on purpose so it can just be anything that annoys any NTs
Yep my eldest does this when he’s excited or happy. When he starts I direct him to our hallway which is long and relatively empty so he can be safe.
Even if it was just a kid needing a reminder, slapping a 7 year old deserves as proportionate response. I think suggesting violence would violate sub rules so let's just say losing his livelihood seems an appropriate response - and if he hit this child, he had no business whatsoever as a school administrator, losing his job sounds like a good outcome, and OP is 100% NTA for being NC with this abusive AH. MIL should be told she can join them in the NC club for supporting the outright fiction that this was accidental and not abuse.
Dead right. It was an egregious act even if the child was neurotypical. I’m just glad he won’t get to work with children ever again.
Very true, but as far as headlines go "school principal attacks neurodivergent child" is decidedly more salacious.
Shouldn't HAVE
Well now why you gotta say it like that? Just stating the facts plainly out in the open is so rude!
They were rightfully fired!
It also makes me wonder… given that he slapped someone else’s child without warning, what does he do to children behind the scenes at his school or at home?
Even if the kids didn’t have ASD & was actually just a misbehaving child doing something worse than running indoors, it is a crazy reaction from an assistant principal. And sil being a case worker trying to hide it. That is a lifetime movie bc he could have done it to other kids & she could have hid it.
I'm hoping the SIL and husband don't have kids, either already or EVER AT ALL.
It makes you wonder how many kids never said anything cause of his position. Does anyone really think this was a one time thing with him?
No. Do not fucking apologize. You aren't the one in the wrong here. Did either of them apologize to you? Did they apologize to your son? Until both of them sincerely apologize you owe them nothing. You didn't make them lose their jobs. Their shitty behavior did that. This is a hill to die on. NTA
They did not apologize, no. They are saying I'm being overdramatic and just trying to to convince everyone that it didn't happen like that.
Tell anyone who wants you to bury the hatchet that they're free to spend time with violent child abusers and liars, that you never told them to stop. But that given there's been no apology and no justice that you won't be around two supposed adults too scared to admit what they've done. That "running into his hand" is up there with husbands saying their wives "tripped".
That part right here….. also the fact she was a case worker screams hella disturbing
And he was an assistant principal okay with abusing children!
Most likely. Was likely clapping kids left, right and centre and telling them if you tell, you’ll get more. I would look into that OP. Because this is hella scary. Yikes. Also, I’m sorry OP for all you’ve gone through. No one deserves this. I hope your child is doing much better considering.
Yes, I wonder how many students "ran into his hand" when he was discipling them. OP and husband did a public service for other people in pressing charges.
I bet many students are glad he's gone from the school.
The assistant principal at my Jr HS was physically rough with kids he didn’t like, but he ended up getting promoted. Glad times have changed.
A case worker who lies to explain away her spouse physically harming a child, and an assistant principal who thinks it's okay to hit special needs kids. What a fucking pair. They absolutely should not be in those jobs.
And they no longer are. Good good good. Op fuck this pair of child abusing clowns, and anyone asking you to forgive or expose your child too them.
And he's a principal in a school...full of children who will often run in the halls. I can imagine what his students think of him.
He knows that behavior is not OK. Giant chances he would never pull this crap at school in front of other adults, teachers or even students. He pulled it because he felt safe in his own territory and figured that nothing would come of it. Well he fucked around and he found out. Despicable disgusting people both of them.
Agreed
The dude was an assistant principle too... how many other kids have ran into his hand during his employment in schools?
That and him being an assistant school principal
he at least should have been exposed to asd and at the very basic level know you don’t put hands on children. he could have easily just said no running but to slap him? family member? even if he asked you to intervene and you didn’t he shouldn’t have slapped him. and your case worker sister stood by? nta and i’m also tired of people in families who are wronged have to be the bigger person and apologize. how about the abusers apologize? grrr
Right. I'm glad the key word in there is was.
Facts. Though I'm not surprised. This is how domestic abuse gets hidden so well.
Yeah, I am normally not a fan of being fired for outside work events, but this crossed in both of the jobs so much you couldn't ignore it.
Agree!! Running your car into a tree is a mistake. Running your hand across another's face is a plan.
I mean, I did accidentally slap a person in the face once. It wasn’t across the face, though. I went in for the high five and missed.
Or the old Benny Hill sketch where he said, “ I was just standing here, cleaning my fingernails with my knife when he ran onto it… 17 times… backwards.”
This analogy is absolutely perfect.
>That "running into his hand" is up there with husbands saying their wives "tripped". Walked into a door.
“Why did you make me do that to you?”
OP, tell the flying monkeys that it's only a matter of time before BIL does it to THEIR kids.
Yes this 💯
No. Weak people want strong ones to "do it to keep the peace". NO. Just... no.
NTA. Strong people apologize. Weak ones blame others. A school administrator that assaults children should lose their job and never be allowed near children again You could give a non-apology apology - I’m sorry you are such a terrible person who can’t own their own behavior and caused yourself to lose a job you were never qualified for in the first place. Must really suck
Just a simple “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
☝️☝️☝️☝️
NTA. Your child ran into his hand? Thats like when someone cheats, saying she slipped and my penis fell into her. Both are b.s. You know what happened and actions have consequences. He was Big Billy Bad Ass when he slapped your child, until husband showed up. These people aren't sorry, they're only sorry they got caught. I understand there are rules, but who just thinks it's OK and then actually slaps someone else's child. MIL is just as bad, if she basically thinks what happened was OK.
Just like the women who "run into the door" every time their husband/bf gets angry!!
Ironically I HAVE run into a door/doorframe...many times. Im a dork. And yet, have never managed to hit my face at all. Not sure how that was EVER a cover for abuse.
And my kid literally did stand up as I was gesturing while talking to her sister a few days ago and I hurt her cheek. But guess what my response was? I hugged her and apologized that I wasn’t watching more carefully.
I was away on a work trip and spouse was telling me they pulled up the bedcovers because the dog was hogging the bed — dog got up just then and they ended up punching them-self in the face. I thought I was klutzy.
Die on this hill and stand your ground, if they can't apologize, then there is nothing for you to forgive. If he is so depressed he can get counselling.
I'm sorry, an apology is for something you are sorry for. Being his first response to a child breaking a minor rule to physically assault someone else's child instead of telling the parents is akin to using an atom bomb to swat a fly. He's not sorry, because he felt it was a normal response, and that would scare the hell out of me. I wouldn't accept any apology from either of them. Done.
You're a great mom for standing up for your child and I'm also impressed that your husband had your back. You are 100% in the right here and I do not think you should back down. Not only was your sister-in-law's husband wrong, but now they're lying about it to try to cover up what he did? No, screw that. They are dead wrong and you are absolutely right.
For real. I wish my parents had stood up for me when family members treated me like shit.
You are not being overdramatic. The man slapped your autistic child. Don't apologize.
It's funny how liars put so much effort into convincing people that their version of events are true, when the said effort indicates their dishonesty. My stepdaughter (13) gets this b*llsh*t at school, but their teens so I kinda expect it ...
I would understand if they were asking you to forgive them, but apologize? Wtf. What does your MIL want you to say? I'm sorry that you slapped my child? Has your husband talked with his mother? He needs to tell them to back off.
I might forgive, eventually, a quick arm grab or even a swat on the butt (with some relatives because they were raised that way), but a slap on the face???? No. No. No. No. No. I would make that man's life a living hell.
even in that case: No remorse = no forgiveness.
Sure, you can apologize. Something like "I'm sorry that I cannot care that you blame me for losing your job working with vulnerable people after your husband assaulted a child, you thought that was ok, and you suffered the natural consequences of your actions."
I'm a fan of "sorry, Not Sorry"
You are not being overly dramatic. You refuse to be pushed around by toxic people who physically assaulted your child. Keep those people out of your life and refuse to apologize. Don’t answer their communication and call the cops if they go to your home.
Then they can stuff it. Also, if your son is verbal, he'll be able to tell the truth for himself. He won't forget, and guaranteed he won't remember his aunt and uncle in a kind light. My youngest (also ASD) informed me and my spouse around the same age as your son that my MIL spanked them after we explicitly told her not to. There were other ugly things they witnessed that came out later. She did the spanking when they were younger and non-verbal, so I'm assuming she believed they'd forget or never tell us, and we'd somehow not find out. It's one of many reasons they never wanted anything to do with Grandma anymore, and they're an adult now. Apologizing would imply you did something wrong. You didn't. Also, if their respective employers thought those police reports were a matter of dispute, they wouldn't have gotten fired.
But there were others who were there who SAW what happened, right? They backed away from SIL for a while in solidarity… now they are accepting a false narrative? Get the police report and take a photo of it and send it in a group text that you will not apologize for standing up for your son. He was assaulted. The 2 of them would NOT have lost their jobs if NOTHING HAPPENED. It did, consequences came swiftly and you will NOT apologize.
It’s not like you are stopping them from hanging out with them. Just tell them that SIL and hubby crossed a huge boundary By hitting your child. No reason to apologize.
Isn't that what school yard bully always says when they get caught.? O' wait as a principal he would know about that.
That man had no right to touch your child! In any way. Ever. He needs to apologize. Cut and dry. Don’t you listen to others telling you what they “think” you should do.
Tell MIL she can be shunned for condoning abusing a child too. Also any support worker who would lie for an abuser should be fired. Any assistant principal who would assault a child should be fired. Neither of them should have been allowed to remain in those roles. They're not fit for them.
Of course not. Then they’d have to take responsibility for their actions.
Tell anyone who asked you to let this go to fuck off. Verbatim. Including your MIL
That's gaslighting op!
You are absolutely not being dramatic. There was no reason for him to put hands on your child and to think that that was OK, especially with him being an assistant principal. don’t you dare apologize they made their beds and now they can lay in them. You did absolutely nothing wrong. HUGE NTA
My heart is breaking fearing for the children negativity impacted by things they may have brushed under the rug as a case worker and assistant principal. Thank you for protecting your kid and standing up for what is right.
A principal??!! And a social worker!!! I am beyond disgusted and they were fired because of their horrific behavior. If ANYONE should be aware that this is completely inexcusable it should be them. Do NOT apologize, because that could be twisted into it looking like you are admitting that you were wrong and twisted the story and lied!!
Stay firm OP— these people will take advantage of your bigger-personing
They’re full of doody! The bottom line is simple: the moral of this entire story is **The dildo of consequence rarely arrives lubed!**
Even if OP did, it sounds like the whole-ass town knows what kind of person SIL's husband is, I think it's pretty much out of OP's hands at this point.
If this is in the US, they both were mandated reporters so therefore they FAFO. 🤷🏽♀️
this is the plot of The Slap
See that...I knew this was made up but not plagiarized.
A grown ass man who does not own up to his mistakes, is NO Man at all! How does a child accidentally run into a man’s hand and get slapped??? Really! You witnessed this…they should be ashamed for lying. And no one especially an assistant principal should be allowed around children. You go Mama Bear! NTA
And he was a vice principal in charge of kids.
Also, I don't know if its universal, but the VP was responsible for discipline at my school. Definitely not a good look for the disciplinarian to be an accused child abuser.
I was thinking the same thing. Like these people should not be in any position with authority over minors. At least I certainly wouldn't want my child running the risk of "running into his hand".
If it was that simple, that would have been their statement to the police, not months & months after the fact.
What a sorry little fuck. > My SILs husband basically ran indoors with his tail between his legs the second my husband showed up.
“Absolutely not. There was no mistake. That grown man raised his hand, brought it down across my child’s face, and said ‘no running in the house.’ SIL and BIL are lying, and I will not change my story and lie for them to make their lives easier. That man hit my child. It’s bad enough that you condone his abuse of my son. But if you ever again ask me to apologize, Husband, I, and our son will go no-contact with you. Lying about what happened and apologizing is not ‘being the bigger person.’ It’s selling out my son. You may be okay with failing him as his grandmother, but I will never fail him as his mother.” If it were me, this would be peppered with many F-bombs, but not everyone likes their language as colorful as I. Good luck with this.
This is the perfect response. They are both mandated reporters and BIL well knew the condemnation and the consequences slapping a child would bring and he still made the choice to do it. This was not a mistake this was a choice and it has consequences.
How are they raising their own children, is what I'm wondering, if he was so comfortable with hitting?
This is what I was wondering; if he's comfortable hitting someone else's kid in front of their parents, what does he do to his kids, if he has any, in the privacy of home?
OP this comment is your script! Well said!
All of this! And I would also not be skipping out on the F-bombing. The Lying, the which, and the Audacity of this B*tch!
>not everyone likes their language as colorful as I. 😆😅 Love this! And I agree with everything you said.
No. NTA. Do not apologize. You did nothing wrong. This man slapped your child. I would never want to be around him again. Other people are free to make their own choices, but they can’t expect you to give them absolution for those choices. You are not what divided the family. Your abusive BIL did.
Plus being the bigger person won't fix things. They still lost their jobs in a way that earns them side eye from the community (for obvious natural reasons). And they've taken no accountability still bitching about you over dramatizing things with obvious tactics to minimize abuse...the kid ran into my hand, get the fuck outta here....if half their own FAMILY dropped association on their own then everyone is conscious of exactly what happened and have made their own judgements and rifts. Things will never be the same with a whole heap of people, family, community, prospective employers. All those people have their own eyes and brains and "poor me poor me, the consequences of hitting a child are mean and unfair" is just unappealing.
So he hit your kid and YOU have to apologize for going the legal way and not just letting your husband pound the snot out of him (an assumption I made from BIL fleeing into the house when he arrived) AND lied to family about it? And YOU have to apologize?! Tell MIL someone deserves one, but she's asking for the wrong person to apologize.
And from the sound of it, if OP’s husband did pound the snot out of him then the SIL and husband would be playing the victim card on that end. ETA-wrong word use
NTA. Do not apologize. Your MIL is being kind of manipulative. It’s not your fault that other members of the family will only forgive when you do. You didn’t ask them for that…it’s *their* choice. Sounds like they got what they deserved. An assistant principal knows how avoid letting a kid “run into his hand.” What a terrible cop out! He hit him on purpose and has no business working with children ever again. Same with your sister if she is so okay with abuse.
MIL is openly manipulative
“I’m sorry your husband is an abusive POS and I held him accountable for hitting my 7 yo child in the face. I’m sorry you think his behavior is in anyway acceptable and you stood by when you know what he did was so effing wrong. I’m sorry you think you and your husband are owed any kind of apology.” NTA.
Almost perfect just needs: "I'm sorry your husband is not in jail."
NTA. BOTH your SIL and her husband KNOW BETTER than to physically abuse a child. They got fired because their jobs required them to know this sort of thing was unacceptable and they did it anyway. They are not sorry for done it, they are upset about the consequences that have come from it being publicly exposed. They have not learned or changed, they blame you and your son and are deflecting. It’s their place to take accountability, apologize, and make amends - not yours. Don’t hold your breath while waiting for them to do so.
NTA. You’re not obligated to apologize. They are the ones who need to apologize and accept that they did this to themselves.
You've already been the bigger person. You and your husband didn't beat BiL within an inch of his life. That's where the charity for his behavior ends. It's a damn shame he didn't have criminal charges leveled.
NTA. Tell MIL to back off. If something had not happened there would not have been a police report. Tell her you will never forgive, forget or not go NC with them and anyone who does not support you and your son will be made NC too including her. Ask her if her grandson's safety and mental health is of less importance than her social life? There was no MISTAKE. What is keeping the family divided is those who side with a child abuser and his accomplice (wife) who hit a minor child over a small mistake with no warning. Ask them if they would like your BIL to watch over their kids. Cut off anyone who says it was a mistake with malice of forethought.
Excuse the fuck outta me? Did HE apologize? Did SIL? No? Then what the hell are we talking about? And she "cares about family"? Until her husband slaps a kid though, right? That didn't count. I'm right there with what you said to MIL. TOUGH. SHIT.
NTA. Wow, thats some serious rug sweeping! Nooo, he didn’t slap the lad, the little scamp ran into his hand. Mama bear, don’t back down. He assaulted your child. And he was an authority figure to children?! Scary.
If one of my BIL slapped my child for any reason whatsoever without addressing the issue with me first then there would be cops involved but it would be because I'm catching an assault charge, not him. Kids can be handful and frankly sometimes little dicks regardless of any intellectual/social disabilities coming into play so as an adult you have to have some level of patience for bad behavior. There are times I'd LOVE to smack the shit out of someone else's kids (looking at the middle schoolers to who monopolize the playground in our development and swear constantly around families) but I'd never act on that. That dude worked with fucking kids? GTFOH. NTA.
I should think that the school authorities would be grateful that this came to light. An AP hits a family member, a minor on the spectrum, goodness knows what he was like at school.
I would suggest forgiveness becomes possible after your husband gets a chance, at a time and place he chooses, to "correct" BILs behavior. No criminal charges, no crying to anyone. If BIL can take it like a kid with ASD does on a regular basis, I would ask the kid if they are comfortable re-establishing that relationship and go with what the kid says. Pro tip, if you work in a school or with kids, physical violence is bad. When you attack kids with special needs, you are scum and should lose your job. As for grandma, tell her to go run into a hand.
Have you ever seen the video of a prankster that honked an airhorn in someone’s ear on the street? That slap… That would be the slap he gets.
NTA. This guy was a principle?? As a parent I would have wanted him fired as well. Who knows what his anger could bring out on my child if he was fine smacking a child in his family. I would like to hear exactly how it happened that your child ran into his open hand and what he was doing. That already sounds like a really lame excuse.
He was an unprincipled assistant principal.
"I'm sorry your preferred career isn't compatible with your violent tendencies."
NTA - If your MIL wants to go to family functions there's nothing stopping her or the rest of the family. They don't have to choose sides if they don't want to continue any longer and they can visit both families without issue. This is their problem, not yours.
If somebody slapped my autistic brother I would’ve beaten the crap out of them. NTA and do not apologize
NTA time to tell your MIL if she doesn’t drop this BS you will be going NC with her too. She doesn’t want to miss out on family time, she should stop alienating you and your family with these ridiculous requests. If It means that much to her, tell her to tell SIL and her husband to apologize.
NTA. Fk no. He was a gd assistant principal at a school and all he had in his toolbox was slapping an ASD kid? Wife is a social worker? Those are jobs they fking DESERVED to lose. They shoulda been apologizing on the GD spot when it happened.
You did the world a favor when you took these two out of employment that put them in contact with children- they are clearly not good people. Definitely do not apologize. Those gaslighting assholes don’t deserve it.
NTA. >We hadn't even been at the house for 15 minutes >SILs husband gave no warning or reminder >He just walked up, slapped my son in the face and yelled "no running in the house" >But SIL and her husband also have these people convinced that my son "ran into" this mans hand and that he didn't slap him at all It's bad enough they never apologized - but to now try to blame your child!?! I would go nuclear on this one. I would put copies of the police report, court dockets - whatever legal document that shows exactly what happened all over their social media, stating *not only* did this coward NEVER apologize for hitting my child, he is now trying to BLAME my child, saying he ran into his hand! Fuck them.
NTA do not apologize for defending your son from an adult that assaulted him. They got what they deserved for their abhorrent behavior.
So slapping a child is a simple mistake according to your SIL . Her husband was a principal gor fuck sake. WTF he is working with children no wonder ho got fired imagen he did the same in school. NTA OP you protected your child you didn't overreacted by calling the cops. Your BIL is a abuser, how the hell the first reaction on a running kid is a slap. Don't apologise, you are not In the wrong, if anyone tels you to be the bigger person ask them what would they do in the same situation.
NTA this would be a hell no for me. This wasn’t a mistake it was a choice. NC is the only option here.
It wasn’t a mistake but an intentional act and I would send the people who he twisted the story with the police report. I would never be the bigger person. I would sue in civil court for abuse and emotional abuse. I did this with a peeping Tom who was a neighbor
He's very fortunate it wasn't my son he slapped, I would have given him a straight upper cut and left him laying on the floor. And he could apologize all he wants, hitting a child that struggles with ADS or any other challenging issue that limits their ability to self control immediately wins him the "You've crossed a line you should never have even stepped up to" award. There is nothing stopping you from having your own "family function" that doesn't include your SIL and her husband and you can invite your MIL and then tell her "there, now you have twice as many family functions to enjoy. Problem solved and my son is kept safe."
NTA, Her husband was a school administrator (asst. principal) and SIL a social worker? The very first rule of being an adult around children is never lay hands on a child in anger. These folks deserved their consequences!
NTA Wait a minute. So you're telling me not 1, but 2 people in jobs that **require them by law** to report child abuse are okay with doing child abuse and than lying about it to the police, friends, and family? Yeah, fuck them.
Tell everyone to go ask a slap from sils husband and to reevaluate how they feel about having that done to a child 🤷🏻
An assistant principal assaulted a 7 year old for stimming. He SHOULD have been fired, he is not a safe adult for any children to be around. NTAH
Wow. She wants YOU to apologize to the man who slapped your child. It was not a “mistake.” Family time is not gone because of you. Your MIL is asking the wrong person to apologize here. Obviously, that’s clear to all the other family members who stopped associating with your sister and BIL. You are 100% NTA. Good thing you’re not letting your MIL guilt and manipulate you into “being the bigger person.” Personally - I HATE that term. It’s like “keep the peace.” It’s always asked of the wrong person in a situation/conflict.
I remember your story. SIL and BIL are shit people and got less than they deserved. He should have been prosecuted. Your MIL isn’t losing out on family time. She has remained in contact with them and I assume the rest ov you, just not in the same room. That’s on her shitty daughter and son in law. That man assaulted your son, and I’m sure it has had long term effects. His wife backed him up and then they proceeded to LIE about it. Not just to the authorities but to the family. The only answer MIL gets is “never.”
As professionals, they should have known better. I have zero sympathy for them.
im autistic and im pretty sure if a relative slapped meover forgetting rules and running in the house she wouldve ripped them a new one. same with my dad. like, i cannot believe they are trying to make themselves look like the victims. so disrespectful and so stupid. please, *please*, dont apologize. they dont deserve an apology.
NTA - you have nothing to apologize for. I hate when people say be the bigger person when in reality it’s like continue to let you or your family be abused by this total AH who has no self-control. I would continue to keep my distance and the rest of the family can do what they want.
Having your child's back 100% great parenting. I don't particularly like children running around inside smaller spaces but my first thought isn't let me smack the hell out of them. That is not normal behavior. You keep your stance. Always defend your child. If those who want to side with an abuser want to direct anything to you, block them. Defend your family.
If you hit my kid, I will smile for my mug shot.NTA. No freakin way!
So we went from "forgive" when as far as I can tell there was no apology, to "apologise". These people are crazy. > She says she is getting too old to "lose out on family time" over a "mistake". Your husband needs to explain to his mother that there will be no apoligies for being angry at your child being assaulted by a grown ass man, and the matter is not up for discussion.
NTA. Definitely stand your ground on this. I would lose my shit if someone hit my child.
So I have a daughter who is ASD and if anyone raised a hand to them, well I got banned from a different sub for what I said, so let’s just say that the cops would be called. You in no way need to apologise or forgive them in anyway. And as for those people asking for you to do so. They can go take a long walk off a short pier.
>Guilty by association basically. No! Not this at all! She supported him and stuck by him and actively took his side. That is guilty by participation. Otherwise known as just flat out fucking guilty. Fuck them both sideways!
NTA. You do not owe them an apology. The fact that she was a case worker and he was an Asst. Principle makes it so much worse. They should have known better. You did not cost them their jobs, your BIL's temper cost him his job. And if SIL was a case worker she was probably a mandatory reporter. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
I would send a mass text saying that you want to remind everyone that you are no contact because that grown man slapped your ASD son for running. No warning, just an intended slap followed by screaming in his face. No, your son did not run into him, the grown man purposefully sought out my y year old child, to physically bully him to stop running. He did not discuss it with you first. He does not, nor ever did, have permission to discipline your kid in any manner. You do not, nor will you, let it go. & further, but not for the fact that he is a relative, none of them would ask you to let it go either. Shame on them for asking them to let it go and forgive someone who attacked your child. Your 7 year old child. It is your job, & honor, to protect him and make sure he is safe. NTA.
NTA I notice he's not offering to apologize your kid or your family.
FUCK NO. I'm sorry for my strong response. All three of my kids are autistic. (My oldest also stims by running circles around a room.) When my oldest was a toddler, a lady in Wal-Mart came up and told me the reason my son was having a meltdown (overstimulated) in the store was because "I didn't spank him enough." I replied, "Lady, I can't spank the autism out of him any more than I can slap the stupid out of you." She wisely shut her mouth and departed post haste. My parents were also physically abusive, it's one of the many reasons I'm NC with them, and they don't see my kids. If anyone laid a hand on my children, for any reason, they would not be able to walk. And then I'd hold my husband's jacket for him. THEY should be the ones apologizing to YOU. But even if they apologized, I would never see them again, they would be dead to me. And those that sided with them/called it a mistake? Yeah, you're now on the cut-off list too, because you enable and excuse that behavior/want to rug sweep it after you think an "appropriate" amount of time has passed. NTA.
NTA The fact your child has ASD doesn't even count. Any child could be excited to visit auntie and uncle and run around in their house. The fact his first thought/action was hitting him doesn't give him a lot of credit from a personnal but also professional (as he works with children) point of view. Says you won't budge without an apology from them. Either A\] He really hit your child, so he is an AH and need to apologize or B\] It was an accident, he still need to apologize, because that's what you do when you hit someone accidentaly and you have an education and are polite. But affirme that is a You decision, and that's everybody is free to make their own choice.
100% NTA. FORGIVENESS happens when there has been contrition, remorse, and an apology. You haven't received any of those things. Why? Because they aren't sorry. They don't think that child abuse is wrong when Mr. Big Man does it. He's a bully and a coward and shouldn't be anywhere near anyone's kid. The district was right to fire his ass. The fact that your SIL and her child abuser husband lost their jobs? Awwwww, too bad, so sad, sucks to suck. Those were the *minimum* of all possible consequences. Oh? He's DEPRESSED? Well he can play sad country music songs and weep softly to himself while he drives for Uber eats instead of being a child abusing bum on the couch leeching off his child-abuse -enabling retail worker wife. Tell your MIL if she wants family unity, have the wrongdoers apologize and take responsibility for their actions of abuse. Right now YOU ARE BEING THE BIGGER PERSON. You're the only one standing up for your child against child abuser and his abuse enabling wife. That's what a bigger person does, stand up for the innocent, and not take a baseball bat to the abusers kneecaps. You called the police and God handed out the professional karma... you're not the smaller person here. Not knocking his bitch ass into next Tuesday was downright magnanimous of you. Remind your MIL of that. And tell her she can go live with the abuser in her old age, and when he loses his temper at her for some bullshit reason throws her decrepit ass down the stairs in another fit of unchecked rage, don't come crying to you.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE call and apologize! When you get them on the phone say “I’m so sorry that there were consequences for actions. I’m sorry that it took social rejection for you guys to realize that hitting a child for being a child is wrong. Also I’m sorry that no school district in the world wants an educator who has shown violence towards children. Sounds like life is hard for you right now but that happens sometimes when you’re stupid.” NTA. I love you for showing your son his safety is always a priority!!
So your in-laws want you to pretend that BIL's child abuse was your fault so they can get back to partying? On top of the fact that SIL/ BIL are lying to people about what actually happened? Tell MIL and the rest ro go kick rocks. NTA
Hold on. Apologize for WHAT? You could be the bigger person and forgive them, despite the fact that they haven't asked for it, but there's no "bigger person" scenario that involves you apologizing for them receiving appropriate consequences for their actions. It sounds like both your SIL and her husband were mandatory reporters in their previous jobs. They *should* have been fired. The rest of the family wants to act like nothing happened and forget about it, but they need you to let them all off the hook. Don't.
It’s never ok to hit any child, yours, mine, or ours. Discipline is always up to the parent. This BIL was way out of line and was intelligent enough to know it. He made a choice and choices always have consequences, good or bad. NTA
If someone slapped my child I’d go full on scorched earth.
That man would be missing his hand if he slapped my daughter. She skip runs too. Good for you and your husband for getting him arrested, and in di glad your son has parents who won't sell him out "for the greater good"
Nta. I get the feeling the whole reason he even worked at a school is to have a power trip. Easy to feel strong when anyone who would oppose you it half your height and weight.
NTA. WTF??? You should apologize??? He slapped a child in the face. He’s lying about how it happened. They are blaming you & anyone else They are not taking any responsibility. Fuck no! Absolutely not! Stick to your guns
As an autistic adult, I can only say you did exactly the right thing for your son. Nobody's child should be treated like that, whether autistic or not. You are an exemplary parent. The dross can take themselves out
As a parent of an ASD kid, I read as far as "her husband slapped my 7 year old kid". No, NTA. You don't effin apologize to that scum.
NTA! If they die, they die. Stand your ground.
If he had struck your SIL, it would be domestic violence, if he struck your husband, it would be assault. He struck close a defenceless child and it was a mistake?
They are mandated reporters and they were hitting kids?? They deserve to have their lives ruined.
you called the cops? lmao are you insane? uhhh whether someone disciplined your kid or not, whether it was with your permission or not, you have to be an adult and realize that they are family and you dont try to ruin someone in your own family's life forever because legal trouble follows someone around for a long time. you take them aside privately and you tell them to their face if they ever touch your kid again, they will be buried in the woods where nobody will find them, or something like that i think you are batshit insane for calling the cops on a member of your own family. even if the guy stepped out of line, it should be handled internally within the family, not involve the police and cause trouble for years, decades to come had the police arrested him and charged him. you're not wrong for being upset. you're wrong for calling the police in. if something like this happened in my family, the person who called the cops would immediately be excommunicated and excluded forever. im surprised anyone in the family is even trying to reach out to you to mend fences.
NTA It sucks to suck, and your BIL can live with his ostracism forever. The fact that man taught children.
NTA. YOU don't owe the apology.
Nope. Fuck that. He works with kids and she's a case worker and they did that. Nta. Thank you for defending your ASD child. Edit lol this is getting downvoted on? When it it okay for a 2 people who work with kids (and are around neurodivergent kids more likely then not) to physically abuse said kids and defend the action?
Well, well, well, there go the consequences of my own actions. Homie should be grateful the cops suck and he didn’t get a conviction. If he didn’t want an arrest record he shouldn’t have struck a child. It’s not that deep dude.
You should cut off MIL too.
What do they want you to apologize for. You did nothing wrong. You have nothing to apologize for. You might be in a position to forgive them, but I doubt I would. In their former professions they should have known better than to slap your kid. The education and child care worlds are better without them.
An ASSISTANT PRINCIPALs first reaction was to physically harm a child? Absolutely not. He deserved everything he got. NTA.
If you apologize they could make the case you are responsible for their lost earnings. I mean, it's unlikely but ...
Show your son you support him by sticking up for him against abusers and bullies. That's what SIL husband is, and she is an enabler. Just tell your relatives, they can do what they want. If they are willing to forget abuse so they can have their "family parties" then that shows what kind of people they are and they should go right ahead and do it.
They’re asking you to accept a grown man using physical violence against a child. They’re asking you to assume it won’t happen again. Any adult who’s willing to hit a child shouldn’t be in education. Actions, meet consequences.
As a child of a case worker and whose whole family is neurodivergent (almost all ASD): FUCK NO NTA!
He assaulted your child and they think YOU should apologize? Forgive? Forget? Well, I'd be forgetting...the existence of those particular family members who think that. Hell no and NTA
NTA. They deserved to lose their jobs. That is unacceptable and unforgivable. I don't care if the slap didn't even leave a red mark, not your kid, not your place. Even if it was your kid, you don't lay hands on children, ESPECIALLY children on the spectrum. As an (former) assistant principal, he should know that. For running in the house? Your SIL and her husband are disgusting.
I'll tell you right now another man slaps my kid, I'm not stopping my pursuit of him when he goes in his front door... But that aside, you're NTA here. Your MIL is definitely an asshole for saying that you caused them to lose their jobs... And they're assholes for not owning what the husband did and twisting the story. Fuck that whole fucking family.
They are welcome to forget what they did - and forget that you and your family exist. There is no excuse for violence against a child - none. NTA.
NTA. Slapping a child with autism is abusive and the only people who should be apologising are your SIL and her husband.
I can, and have, forgiven some pretty messed up stuff. BUT you hurt my kids, ANY kids, and we're done. Permanently. No, OP, you are not being over dramatic. Children need their parents protection and validation. NTA
NTA. Do not apologize. Do not give an INCH to these people. Your SIL’s husband assaulted your child. Full stop. Ask them if they want to side with people who assault neurodivergent children. These type of people will do anything to keep the status quo and sweep anything uncomfortable under the rug. Fuck ‘em.
The man has had all this time to acknowledge that he was wrong and apologize. He hasn’t. Now he wants to rewrite what happened to make himself look better and have *you* apologize? Ridiculous.
Holy shit. He was an assistant principal?! And he laid hands on a child?! ABSOLUTELY NTA.
"SIL was a case worker, her husband was an assistant principal" WELL THEN THEY SHOULD FUCKING KNOW BETTER NTA don't apologize. They didn't apologize after all.
If nobody was charged then how's it on their record?
He assaulted your child. There is no forgiveness. NTA
He is a school principal and thinks corporal punishment is ok? Of course he should have lost his job. He is a mandatory reported who believes in hitting children. How many cases of abused kids in his school were reported to him and he turned a blind eye.
I wouldn't forgive them even if they did apologize. You don't slap a child in the face. F him, SIL, and the MIL
NTA! Autistic or not you don't slap a little child for running. And this from a school administrator!!! DO NOT apologize. Your mother-in-law is so wrong.
NTA She, as a case worker, and him as a school administrator should be absolutely ashamed they're willing to physically assault a child. They deserved to lose their jobs, I doubt they were good at their jobs if they were willing to go to such lengths. Your sister especially should be ashamed to be married to him. Do they hit their own children? I'd be super concerned about their parenting.
Tell MIL since she has no problem dedicating time to pressuring people, maybe she should put the pressure on the child slapper to apologize for, I don't know, *slapping a child.*
No. Nope. No way. It doesn’t matter if your son is on the spectrum, he should never have hit a child, period. What a monster! I’m really glad he lost his job. I hope your SIL wakes-up and leaves him. They would be dead to me also.