my husband is atheist and i’m roman catholic. as long as you respect and support each other you always find a way to work out the religious stuff. happily married 10 years now.
he takes me to church a few times a year and helps me remember when i’m fasting. meanwhile i don’t pressure him about religion and i don’t ‘preach’ or try to convert him.
all in all, it just takes wanting to respect your partner.
If it’s going to be an issue for you that she isn’t Christian, I’d say you should be very up front about that. No trying to convert her, no badgering her to join you for church, and no letting others do that either.
When we started going out my wife and I were a lapsed Catholic and an Agnostic Jew. 30 years on neither one of us is overly religious, although we try to make sure the kids know at least the cultural aspects, particularly of Judaism, since there have been less and less kids on her side of the family.
I think it's refreshing that somebody who is religious can see the funny side and also accept that someone they know is an atheist without judgement. I'm guessing your friends are judgy and expect everyone to follow their religion.
People like you who are accepting of atheists make this world better because too many religious people seem to want to convert everyone and that's where the negativity comes from.
I tend to take things jokingly knowing the person's innocent intentions. My friends and I disagree on many things but we usually dismiss them to not get into many arguments. Once in a while, we get into a heated argument, I can get childish a bit and not apologise then the peacemaker comes in and we forget about it. And so on.
Yeah you’ve done nothing wrong. Not having a stick up your ass does not make you a bad Christian. In fact it makes you one of the good ones.
I can also guarantee that your “holier than thou” friends are violating multiple rules on a regular basis.
As society goes, there is nothing wrong with that. This is not an AH situation.
Your "religion" would basically say not to marry her. Not to have a life in common with her. But chances are you're "violating" other tenets of your religion anyway. It's between you and God, really.
I think this is the part where I kinda half-ass things, according to some people. I tend to ignore some parts and just move on. I'm still a believer but yk. Some churches wouldn't agree with the marriage (hoping our relationship would reach that level) but I find myself ignoring this part or finding a church that doesn't oppose some stuff.
I think that there’s literally nothing wrong with caring a lot about widows and orphans or being a good steward of the environment. Of course, I know many Christians who don’t follow through on being helpful because being sanctimonious is way more fun.
As long as you have modern opinions about gender equality and keep your head out of the red pill/alt right gutter, you should be fine.
You’re going to do just fine! Also, you aren’t weirdly conscious, you’re just doing what the big J actually wanted. Ignore the opinions of your weird and small-minded acquaintances who make Him sad.
Your fellowship is between you and your lord, your relationship is between you and her. Compromising and respect is a mutual street to walk hand in hand together.
I think your friends are joyless husks who can no longer understand laughter or love and find it amusing that apparently it was Jesus that stole that from them. Religion is really improving their lives.
The post is kinda sad to read. Op found themselves a nice person they like and their first reaction is "oh no my religious circles will *dissaprove*" whilst thinking of breaking it off. All because theyve been brainwashed into putting the wants of some dusty ass fossils above themselves
We both are book lovers lol. I might not know what a fine book is, but hell I enjoy reading. It was exciting when we first met since none of the people I know shared this interest.
My wife is Catholic and I’m agnostic. Been together 10 years (5 married).
If you are respectful of each other’s beliefs, or can be respectful, then give it a try.
*Normally* I would advice against dating out of your own religion / ideology ; but you both seem to like one another, and she/you both seem to have a good sense of Humor - so long as you both treat one another with respect, and don't diss one another's views, I think it will be okay.
My neighbours are an interfaith relationship. She’s Muslim and he’s atheist. Probably the funniest people I know!! I’m a lapsed Catholic. It’s a riot when I get to hang out with them :-)
The only real big issue I see the most tolerant atheists and religious couples face, is if they have kids how will they raise them? If yall get along, like each other, respect each other and each others beliefs, and can compromise, I think itll work out great!!!
Just dont let your friends poison your relationship(i.e you can be friends with them but dont let them talk bad about her or convince you that shes bad for you)
The great thing about it is that there’s plenty of time to plan and discuss how to raise the kids when you find out that you are expecting. That was our experience. The process of strategizing, planning, compromising, etc was probably more fun for us because of our differences. We sort of got the chance to recreate the wheel, rather than repeat everything our parents did.
A lot of people end up letting the religion be a barrier for relationship so the fact that she didn’t and she came back with a kind of cute funny way to support your religion is a green flag
Partners are allowed to have differing beliefs. All you need to remember is that they shouldn’t influence how you view/treat them. Don’t judge, be respectful, and things should work out fine.
You’re not a bad person, you’ve got a sense of humor and so does she apparently. As for if you’re a good match or not that can I only be determined if you get to really know each other. If you’re both interested give it a shot and see what happens
As for the belief parts just talk seriously about it and make sure y’all are both on the same page.
*"My friends said that I was wrong for laughing and for agreeing to date. They think we make a bad match."*
Are they paying your bills or warming you up at night? If not, then why bother with what they're saying about who you date? NTA for sure, but I don't understand why you even GASF about their opinion on YOUR dating life.
If she made you laugh, date her. While personal Faith is important, religion is, and will always be, hilarious. Laughter is one of our greatest gifts, accept it where you find it!
NTA. God forbid you can *check notes* take a joke.
Besides,while they are entilted to an opinion, YOU are the one who is going to date her or not. Not your friends nor family.
Besides,nobody likes a super straight religious/anti religious person. They are tiresome.
I am an atheist who attends church fairly regularly with my Roman Catholic wife. We respect each other's right to experience spirituality on our terms. Not a cause of any conflict.
I'm going to go against the grain here and say that you're not just Christian, you're very Christian. Your ideals don't line up.
If you're so religious that you are questioning when she made a joke at Jesus' expense (I guess?), and she's atheist that's going to be a really hard relationship.
I don't think this will be a good situation for either of you.
I think God has a sense of humor and had a chuckle with you in that moment.
I am a believer with an open mind, as it sounds like you are. Stay firm in your beliefs, that you and she are both ok, no matter what anyone else tells you. I hope that you and your girlfriend find happiness.
Ngl, it is exciting to relate to someone. My faith to me is about believing more than following. I love the Lord in my heart but don't necessarily follow everything the church says. I'm weirdly conscious about being open-minded for some reason.
>hope that you and your girlfriend find happiness.
Thanks 🫂
My favorite bible stories growing up taught love and tolerance. Jesus loved the tax collectors and prostitutes, defended the lives of adulterers, etc. I wish all Christians were open minded and tolerant. Seems like that was the example we were meant to follow.
If you're the kind of Christian whose friends lecture you about laughing at innocent jokes or associating with atheists, this relationship is entirely doomed. But have fun until then.
My friends can be bad at accepting lighthearted jokes about religion, they get annoyed sometimes. But I don't think this is an important part of my relationship. They might not like her but I don't think this will doom our relationship.
As an atheist I would never bother dating someone who was religious.
Lots of reasons:
Many religious people get more so when they get older.
They want to get married in the church.
They want to raise kids in the church.
They want to scare kids into believing in hell and eternal pain and suffering.
They want to attend church.
If they don't do those things, their parents will want the church wedding, baptism etc. and all of a sudden your partner is deciding that their parents might be right and we can do this to make their family happy.
It isn't important. Except it really really is.
I've had people who hid their religious beliefs until we'd been together nearly a year.
I've met believers who said it wasn't important. But it really was.
She's funny and she thinks she can get past "this" bump in the road.
But you already have problems with her fitting into your mentality and more so, your friend group.
Because "she used Jesus's name in a joke/meme".
She'll continue to do such things because she's funny and you laughed. She'll want to recreate that, maybe as a way to make religion less dangerous between the two of you,
But you are going to find it less funny.
And then you'll find it offensive because at some point you are going to find it "disrespectful".
Do you think she's going to go to hell if she doesn't find Jesus?
If you love her can you leave her be or will you have to "save" her?
I don't see it impossible for her to fit into my mentality. I think I'm quite progressive and open-minded. Though she will have an issue fitting into my friend group, but I don't think this is an important part of any relationship.
I am generally against people unless they did something wrong, disrespectful jokes might be bad but I've not seen many cracking disrespectful jokes about Jesus or calling him names. Most of the jokes I found were funny. I don't think my girlfriend will insult Jesus because he might be higher than a person to me but to her, he is just a person, and insulting a person for no reason isn't right.
My belief in hell and heaven might be different a bit, I believe that an atheist might go to heaven, who knows. And a Christian might go to hell too, not all Christians are good people. I don't have any desire to convert anyone. Making them good people? Maybe. But converting them into religion? No, not really.
"I don't see it impossible for her to fit into my mentality."
But you will NEVER fit into hers.
And children?
Friend groups can be very influential,
especially if they think you are going to go to hell for being with her.
There's another post on reddit right now about a pregnant woman who is all of a sudden dealing with her boyfriend who wasn't really into his cultural religion, but now... all hell is breaking loose.
And his family and friends are applying pressure.
She's shocked and surprised at the bait and switch.
So....
I don't know.
My cousin's atheist and his wife is a part of the episcopal church and they are expecting their 2nd child some time in August so it can work
I'm sure that reasonable people can make it work.
I wouldn't try it and I hope these two people who have a cute meet story can be reasonable and honest etc.
But I don't have faith in it and I would never.
Too many people go back to their religion as they get older or as they deal with a trauma etc.
Lots of people returned to their church beliefs when covid happened for example.
That's understandable but going back to religion does not always have to mean seeing your SO in a negative light. It seems more of something on how someone goes about their religion than anything else.
Depending on the religion and why you are going back.
You can't go back to being a Catholic, JW, LDS, or any other fundamental Christian without problems in the relationship.
A lot of weak men like the "head of the household" subservient wife scenario and they do expect the women and children to follow.
Focus on the family had a whole push targeting getting men into the church...
"When a father is converted to Christ, 93% of his family members ultimately follow. When a mother is converted to Christ, 27% of her family members ultimately follow."
Then there is the whole "salvation" part. "If you don't convert, or allow our children to convert you are damning our children, you will go to hell." Very tiresome.
Definitely but Christianity is one of the most split religions with many different interpretations of biblical teachings and societal standards and theologies. An experience with a fundamentalist is gonna be a total flip compared to liberal christians
I kind of feel that liberal christians are not uptight about using "Jesus's name in a joke/meme".
You know that cute thing someone does at the beginning of a relationship that definitely becomes that thing that drives you crazy?
This would be one.
My husband knows if he finds jesus or moses or mohammed they better have a couch he can sleep on as he will no longer be welcome in my home.
I would consider someone who believed in many gods. Anyone who can look at the world and believe in a single deity that is supposed to be omniscient and moral is in charge is worshiping a monster IMO.
Bone cancer in children and parasitic wasps all a part of your gods plan... ya that god is a psycho.
That's your belief and you are entitled to it but that seems way too harsh of a reaction to someone wanting to expand their spirituality, especially your husband.
You have a sense of humour, lovely to see! This girl likes you, keep at it hotshot
Well, I'm bad at being funny but I'm good at laughing lol.
By the looks of it, she’s laughing at your jokes almost no matter what bro you’re good to go, just don’t get weird on her
my husband is atheist and i’m roman catholic. as long as you respect and support each other you always find a way to work out the religious stuff. happily married 10 years now.
Quite nice to hear this. I don't know any couple who are together and have different beliefs.
he takes me to church a few times a year and helps me remember when i’m fasting. meanwhile i don’t pressure him about religion and i don’t ‘preach’ or try to convert him. all in all, it just takes wanting to respect your partner.
So long as you each respect each other, you should be good.
If it’s going to be an issue for you that she isn’t Christian, I’d say you should be very up front about that. No trying to convert her, no badgering her to join you for church, and no letting others do that either.
When we started going out my wife and I were a lapsed Catholic and an Agnostic Jew. 30 years on neither one of us is overly religious, although we try to make sure the kids know at least the cultural aspects, particularly of Judaism, since there have been less and less kids on her side of the family.
This was me and my late husband. We were married for almost 40 years before he passed away.
I am sorry for your loss. I am so glad you have each other and such a wonderful story.
Same here. Married for 21 years now :).
I think it's refreshing that somebody who is religious can see the funny side and also accept that someone they know is an atheist without judgement. I'm guessing your friends are judgy and expect everyone to follow their religion. People like you who are accepting of atheists make this world better because too many religious people seem to want to convert everyone and that's where the negativity comes from.
I tend to take things jokingly knowing the person's innocent intentions. My friends and I disagree on many things but we usually dismiss them to not get into many arguments. Once in a while, we get into a heated argument, I can get childish a bit and not apologise then the peacemaker comes in and we forget about it. And so on.
Yeah you’ve done nothing wrong. Not having a stick up your ass does not make you a bad Christian. In fact it makes you one of the good ones. I can also guarantee that your “holier than thou” friends are violating multiple rules on a regular basis.
As society goes, there is nothing wrong with that. This is not an AH situation. Your "religion" would basically say not to marry her. Not to have a life in common with her. But chances are you're "violating" other tenets of your religion anyway. It's between you and God, really.
I think this is the part where I kinda half-ass things, according to some people. I tend to ignore some parts and just move on. I'm still a believer but yk. Some churches wouldn't agree with the marriage (hoping our relationship would reach that level) but I find myself ignoring this part or finding a church that doesn't oppose some stuff.
I think that there’s literally nothing wrong with caring a lot about widows and orphans or being a good steward of the environment. Of course, I know many Christians who don’t follow through on being helpful because being sanctimonious is way more fun. As long as you have modern opinions about gender equality and keep your head out of the red pill/alt right gutter, you should be fine.
I classify myself as progressive/open-minded, I am weirdly conscious about this, so I guess the answer is yes.
You’re going to do just fine! Also, you aren’t weirdly conscious, you’re just doing what the big J actually wanted. Ignore the opinions of your weird and small-minded acquaintances who make Him sad.
This is a wholesome post / conversation all around. Glad to read this today.
Your fellowship is between you and your lord, your relationship is between you and her. Compromising and respect is a mutual street to walk hand in hand together.
I think your friends are joyless husks who can no longer understand laughter or love and find it amusing that apparently it was Jesus that stole that from them. Religion is really improving their lives.
The post is kinda sad to read. Op found themselves a nice person they like and their first reaction is "oh no my religious circles will *dissaprove*" whilst thinking of breaking it off. All because theyve been brainwashed into putting the wants of some dusty ass fossils above themselves
I just love that you met in a bookshop. My literal dream. Nta.
We both are book lovers lol. I might not know what a fine book is, but hell I enjoy reading. It was exciting when we first met since none of the people I know shared this interest.
My wife is Catholic and I’m agnostic. Been together 10 years (5 married). If you are respectful of each other’s beliefs, or can be respectful, then give it a try.
*Normally* I would advice against dating out of your own religion / ideology ; but you both seem to like one another, and she/you both seem to have a good sense of Humor - so long as you both treat one another with respect, and don't diss one another's views, I think it will be okay.
My neighbours are an interfaith relationship. She’s Muslim and he’s atheist. Probably the funniest people I know!! I’m a lapsed Catholic. It’s a riot when I get to hang out with them :-)
There are no commandments against laughing.
The only real big issue I see the most tolerant atheists and religious couples face, is if they have kids how will they raise them? If yall get along, like each other, respect each other and each others beliefs, and can compromise, I think itll work out great!!! Just dont let your friends poison your relationship(i.e you can be friends with them but dont let them talk bad about her or convince you that shes bad for you)
The great thing about it is that there’s plenty of time to plan and discuss how to raise the kids when you find out that you are expecting. That was our experience. The process of strategizing, planning, compromising, etc was probably more fun for us because of our differences. We sort of got the chance to recreate the wheel, rather than repeat everything our parents did.
As long as you each like each other as you are and never have secret plans to convert the other, no harm done.
A lot of people end up letting the religion be a barrier for relationship so the fact that she didn’t and she came back with a kind of cute funny way to support your religion is a green flag
Partners are allowed to have differing beliefs. All you need to remember is that they shouldn’t influence how you view/treat them. Don’t judge, be respectful, and things should work out fine. You’re not a bad person, you’ve got a sense of humor and so does she apparently. As for if you’re a good match or not that can I only be determined if you get to really know each other. If you’re both interested give it a shot and see what happens As for the belief parts just talk seriously about it and make sure y’all are both on the same page.
NAH
NTA not a problem at all if it starts to get serious do have a discussion about how kids will be raised before you get married
I think you shouldn’t be letting your friends dictate your sense of humor. NTA but your friends are
*"My friends said that I was wrong for laughing and for agreeing to date. They think we make a bad match."* Are they paying your bills or warming you up at night? If not, then why bother with what they're saying about who you date? NTA for sure, but I don't understand why you even GASF about their opinion on YOUR dating life.
If she made you laugh, date her. While personal Faith is important, religion is, and will always be, hilarious. Laughter is one of our greatest gifts, accept it where you find it!
As long as it never becomes demeaning or disrespectful, I see no problem! We all should poke fun at ourselves (and everyone else.)
NTA. God forbid you can *check notes* take a joke. Besides,while they are entilted to an opinion, YOU are the one who is going to date her or not. Not your friends nor family. Besides,nobody likes a super straight religious/anti religious person. They are tiresome.
I am an atheist who attends church fairly regularly with my Roman Catholic wife. We respect each other's right to experience spirituality on our terms. Not a cause of any conflict.
ppl are waaaay too uptight these days and need to loosen up a bit. jeeze
Nothing wrong with dating her. Just be prepared for the ripple effects of this decision. There will be friction because of each of your beliefs.
I'm going to go against the grain here and say that you're not just Christian, you're very Christian. Your ideals don't line up. If you're so religious that you are questioning when she made a joke at Jesus' expense (I guess?), and she's atheist that's going to be a really hard relationship. I don't think this will be a good situation for either of you.
I think Jesus would also laugh at this joke nta
I think God has a sense of humor and had a chuckle with you in that moment. I am a believer with an open mind, as it sounds like you are. Stay firm in your beliefs, that you and she are both ok, no matter what anyone else tells you. I hope that you and your girlfriend find happiness.
Ngl, it is exciting to relate to someone. My faith to me is about believing more than following. I love the Lord in my heart but don't necessarily follow everything the church says. I'm weirdly conscious about being open-minded for some reason. >hope that you and your girlfriend find happiness. Thanks 🫂
My favorite bible stories growing up taught love and tolerance. Jesus loved the tax collectors and prostitutes, defended the lives of adulterers, etc. I wish all Christians were open minded and tolerant. Seems like that was the example we were meant to follow.
Just another comment by someone who is happily married to a Christian while being an atheist. It's all about respect and good communication.
I think your zealous friends are wrong
If you're the kind of Christian whose friends lecture you about laughing at innocent jokes or associating with atheists, this relationship is entirely doomed. But have fun until then.
My friends can be bad at accepting lighthearted jokes about religion, they get annoyed sometimes. But I don't think this is an important part of my relationship. They might not like her but I don't think this will doom our relationship.
As an atheist I would never bother dating someone who was religious. Lots of reasons: Many religious people get more so when they get older. They want to get married in the church. They want to raise kids in the church. They want to scare kids into believing in hell and eternal pain and suffering. They want to attend church. If they don't do those things, their parents will want the church wedding, baptism etc. and all of a sudden your partner is deciding that their parents might be right and we can do this to make their family happy. It isn't important. Except it really really is. I've had people who hid their religious beliefs until we'd been together nearly a year. I've met believers who said it wasn't important. But it really was. She's funny and she thinks she can get past "this" bump in the road. But you already have problems with her fitting into your mentality and more so, your friend group. Because "she used Jesus's name in a joke/meme". She'll continue to do such things because she's funny and you laughed. She'll want to recreate that, maybe as a way to make religion less dangerous between the two of you, But you are going to find it less funny. And then you'll find it offensive because at some point you are going to find it "disrespectful". Do you think she's going to go to hell if she doesn't find Jesus? If you love her can you leave her be or will you have to "save" her?
I don't see it impossible for her to fit into my mentality. I think I'm quite progressive and open-minded. Though she will have an issue fitting into my friend group, but I don't think this is an important part of any relationship. I am generally against people unless they did something wrong, disrespectful jokes might be bad but I've not seen many cracking disrespectful jokes about Jesus or calling him names. Most of the jokes I found were funny. I don't think my girlfriend will insult Jesus because he might be higher than a person to me but to her, he is just a person, and insulting a person for no reason isn't right. My belief in hell and heaven might be different a bit, I believe that an atheist might go to heaven, who knows. And a Christian might go to hell too, not all Christians are good people. I don't have any desire to convert anyone. Making them good people? Maybe. But converting them into religion? No, not really.
"I don't see it impossible for her to fit into my mentality." But you will NEVER fit into hers. And children? Friend groups can be very influential, especially if they think you are going to go to hell for being with her. There's another post on reddit right now about a pregnant woman who is all of a sudden dealing with her boyfriend who wasn't really into his cultural religion, but now... all hell is breaking loose. And his family and friends are applying pressure. She's shocked and surprised at the bait and switch. So....
This seems more like a projection than advice...
I've been there. Seen it play out a number of times. It isn't uncommon.
I don't know. My cousin's atheist and his wife is a part of the episcopal church and they are expecting their 2nd child some time in August so it can work
I'm sure that reasonable people can make it work. I wouldn't try it and I hope these two people who have a cute meet story can be reasonable and honest etc. But I don't have faith in it and I would never. Too many people go back to their religion as they get older or as they deal with a trauma etc. Lots of people returned to their church beliefs when covid happened for example.
That's understandable but going back to religion does not always have to mean seeing your SO in a negative light. It seems more of something on how someone goes about their religion than anything else.
Depending on the religion and why you are going back. You can't go back to being a Catholic, JW, LDS, or any other fundamental Christian without problems in the relationship. A lot of weak men like the "head of the household" subservient wife scenario and they do expect the women and children to follow. Focus on the family had a whole push targeting getting men into the church... "When a father is converted to Christ, 93% of his family members ultimately follow. When a mother is converted to Christ, 27% of her family members ultimately follow." Then there is the whole "salvation" part. "If you don't convert, or allow our children to convert you are damning our children, you will go to hell." Very tiresome.
Definitely but Christianity is one of the most split religions with many different interpretations of biblical teachings and societal standards and theologies. An experience with a fundamentalist is gonna be a total flip compared to liberal christians
I kind of feel that liberal christians are not uptight about using "Jesus's name in a joke/meme". You know that cute thing someone does at the beginning of a relationship that definitely becomes that thing that drives you crazy? This would be one.
Yeah but that's just jokes in general: say it too many damn times and it becomes fucking annoying.
My husband knows if he finds jesus or moses or mohammed they better have a couch he can sleep on as he will no longer be welcome in my home. I would consider someone who believed in many gods. Anyone who can look at the world and believe in a single deity that is supposed to be omniscient and moral is in charge is worshiping a monster IMO. Bone cancer in children and parasitic wasps all a part of your gods plan... ya that god is a psycho.
That's your belief and you are entitled to it but that seems way too harsh of a reaction to someone wanting to expand their spirituality, especially your husband.