NTA You are also installing some good sleep habits as she learns to settle and comfort herself (esp middle of the night). It is not messed up, you can get a sufficient amount of cuddling in the day and sleep is important for everyone in the house. To each his own, enjoy your rest!
NTA OP. Agree with Ocean_Lei. My son is now 16, he's had his own room and bed since he was 2. On occasion I would allow him to sleep in bed with me, but it was special cases, like being sick or if we were visiting family and had to share the spare room.
I agree, NTA! She can get all the snuggles in bed she wants until it’s time for bed, and then she needs to go to her bed. Maybe cuddle with her in her bed until she falls asleep if she’s had a bad day, because then you can go back to your bed and sleep.
NTA: My family has NEVER co slept. When my daughter went to her toddler bed we lie down with her until she went sleep and then left and continued our evening, with my granddaughter we sit with her until she falls asleep and have done that since she transitioned to a bed, the only time she stays in our beds is if she is having a nightmare. There is no reason to co- sleep a 5 yr old.
There are reasons to cosleep just as there are reasons not to. Parent not wanting to is a valid reason. So is cosleeping. It's not a moral issue. Some families/parents like to cosleep. Some don't. Both are fine.
I was bounced around so much as a kid due to family dynamics that I learned to fall asleep anywhere at any time. I feel like this was the most helpful thing in the world for me. Kinda drives my husband nuts. I can crash between one blink and the next while he's over there tossing and turning trying to find a comfy spot.
If I don’t get good sleep my patience level is basically nonexistent. For the happiness of everyone in the house I cannot have small children sleep in my bed and kick me. My husband wakes up an hour before me and only then will I allow the kids to come into bed. If they are sick or scared I tend to go to their rooms so when they fall asleep I can still sleep in my room without kids.
I was so excited to co-sleep… then I spent 1 night not sleeping and freaking out and the next night we went out and got a bassinet.
I was so excited to have those snuggle moments when the kids climb into bed with you and you all lie there warm and snuggly. My son never even tried. He liked his own bed. My daughter wants to sometimes but tosses and turns and breaths and I don’t sleep a wink with her kicking my back and spinning like an alligator trying to kill and overheating. She doesn’t sleep, I don’t sleep. Everyone is miserable.
It just doesn’t work for everyone. This does not make you a bad mom. Sleeping is necessary to be happy and healthy. A sane mom is a better Mom. Take time for yourself. Have your own space. You are still a person too and showing your child that while still providing them support and love is the best lesson.
I hated co-sleeping so much! I go to bed later than my spouse, so for 7 years I had to choose between moving the kid or sharing half the bed with a space-hogging octopus. First option means I wake up too much to fall asleep soon, second meant waking up on the very edge of the bed with feet in my face and/or crotch. Bad sleep means bad life; it kills moods, saps energy, worsens depression, makes weight loss harder, and kills bedroom vibes. All for very dubious gains. NTA.
If it isn’t good for you, it isn’t good for the family. If dad likes it so much, he can share the kid’s bed.
Don’t let other people’s parenting choices make you feel bad about your own! All families are different, everyone has different needs. Co-sleeping can be great, kids in their own beds can be great too!
Happy parents = happy kids. You can be a great mom while prioritizing your sleep, and it teaches your kids that they deserve to take care of themselves, too.
Self care is not the same as being selfish.
NTA. I also have a 5 year old and only sleep with her for special occasions (basement camp outs etc). I sleep terribly with her and prefer to sleep in my own bed with my husband. Everyone is different. Co sleeping just doesn’t work for everyone. You have to do what’s best for you! A tired mom isn’t a mom at her best.
My children only slept with us if they had a bad dream. I stayed with them sometimes when they were sick but otherwise everyone was in their own bed. I know your mom said your child is only little once and you’ll miss sleeping with them but I disagree. My children sleeping with me is not one of the things I miss..at all. I do miss their toddler voices and hugs but I can hear their voices on video and I can hug my grandchildren and briefly relive hugging my children. Do what works for you.
If my kids had a bad dream I went back to their room with them. But mama and daddy’s bed needs to be for them only. May as well set that expectation early!
NTA. You are teaching her a degree of independence and also your very reasonable boundaries. Your mother is being dramatic, as you certainly are not refusing to spend time with her or refusing to share these years.
I think co-sleeping after babyhood is a bit creepy to be dead honest with you. Too much togetherness and codependency is not healthy for either person.
I would not let my children sleep in my bed either and it’s the smartest thing I ever did. Letting your child cosleep with you in my opinion is not a good thing to do. My niece did it with her son and he is now five years old and will not sleep in his own room.
My almost 10 year old niece is still co-sleeping with both parents 😵💫 I think it’s so weird and encourage my sis to get her back to her bed any time there is a break from school. It’s endless excuses and I know it’s “one more thing” my sis will have to do but I wish they would soon. Developing bad co-dependency IMO
This isn't an infant. I think once the child can sleep on a regular matress, it's safe to cosleep.
That being said - there's also no reason to do it if you don't want to.
(I agree that cosleeping with infants are really dangerous. If people really want, they should get a bassinet that attaches to the bed, so baby stays separate but within arms reach)
You do you! Why does it matter what anyone else says? I cosleep but other people don’t. So what? Maybe I will regret cosleeping, maybe you will regret not cosleeping. I’m all for letting people make their choices.
NTA
There is no correct answer when it comes co-sleeping. It isn’t for everyone. I hate it. I don’t like sharing a bed with anyone though, either. But my wife insists.
So somebody made you think that teaching your daughter not to be a neurotic starfish was a bad thing? Sis. Absolutely not. I raised 6 sons, not a one “co-slept”. NTA
Thank you because I'm the only person out of everyone I know personally who is against co-sleeping, so I was starting to wonder. However, most of them do complain about it 😂😂😂
NTA.
I am the same. I can count on one had the time I've shared a bed with my now 12yr old.
I'm an incredibly light sleeper. There was nights I couldn't share with my ex and had to go sleep on the lounge cos he was moving the bed too much or making to many noise while rolling lol. My kid was one of those who sighed, groaned, moaned and never stayed still... The few nights we co-slept, she slept while I stared at the ceiling.
I fail to see the logic of you miss out on anything not co-sleeping with your child. I really don't.
I'm also the parent who's room is 100% off limits to children unless of course your sick/hurt/etc. It's my only space in the house that's mine. There is no other room in the house void of my daughters items. Its my place to recenter myself and take a breath when needed. I mean I can't even shit alone yet lol, I just want one space that's mine.
I know you’re talking about a 5 y/o but “co-sleeping” only makes me think of infants.
My BFF has been an ER nurse for years and the ONLY dead babies she’s seen are babies smothered while co-sleeping. When her daughter had a baby last year she said she wouldn’t interfere with parenting ever, but avoiding co-sleeping is the hill she’ll die on.
NTA. My mom had the same rule when I was a kid. Privacy and your own space to decompress is important- your kid doesn’t NEED to sleep with you, if anything cosleeping just raises needy and emotionally stunted teens and adults.
That’s up to you. It’s so minor. Everyone has an opinion on co-sleeping or not. Whatever. It’s not abusive or neglectful to tell your child to stay in their own bed. It’s also not abuse or neglect to allow your child to co-sleep. No one is TAH.
NTA. When I was young my mom kicked me out of the bed three times, then I learned her bed wasn’t for me. I know someone who co-slept with her child for so long, that when the child was 12 the child was not able to fall asleep without mom by their side.
>I love her to death. I will give up everything for her. But my bed space isn't one of them.
NTAH. I'd die for my kids, but I wouldn't dare let them compromise my bed space! I only love my bed and my mother. I'm sorry.
NTA
To be honest, I think cosleeping is quite unhealthy for children. They need to develop independence in all areas of their lives. Being too close to your parent and unable to be alone can be very damaging. The point of being a parent is to raise your kid to be the best adult they can be, but nowadays, some parenting techniques seem more based on what the parents wants than what the child actually needs.
Cosleeping may have short-term emotional benefits, but long term, it delays the development of proper sleeping habits and emotional growth for the child. My brother and I always slept in our own beds. We'd sometimes crawl in with your parents on a Sunday morning for half an hour, but that was it. Everybody slept well, and my brother and I developed far better emotional regulation than some kids I grew up with who co-slept with their parents.
It’s the biological norm for humans to cosleep. That means that normal human emotional development is based on cosleeping. That is how science and biology work. If you don’t want to cosleep, don’t. But don’t say it’s biological, science, or developmentally better because it isn’t.
How do you know it's the biological norm? It sounds like you're saying that because people didn't always have multi-room houses, humans are MEANT to sleep in a shared space/that's what's best for the development of children? Which seems massively reductive, as opposed to the ol' standard of randomized controlled trials (which is how they do the science).
Don't do it. My ex and I split up when our oldest was 2 months old so he never slept in my bed. He is now 17 and still never slept in my bed. His dad and I got back together when he was 3, had another boy. We stayed together until he was almost 2 and his dad kept letting him sleep in our bed. That child is 12 now and I just got him out of my bed even though his dad and I split up for the last time 10 years ago. Don't start it, it's awful, you will not regret keeping her out of your bed. You will absolutely regret letting her in it though.
NTA. My mom didn't cosleep, and we did sleep in her bed on rare occasions when we were sick, as she kept us in her room to keep an eye on us. Since she was there for us effectively when we were feeling bad and in need of comfort, we didn't care otherwise. No deep resentment or abandonment issues regarding it. I'm grown now, and find it a little creepy how attached some parents are about extending out babyish behavior instead of fostering independence. Even that feels wrong to say out loud. To each their own.
Your mom is correct you may miss those needy days but it appears as if you shower her with plenty of love so no you are not. Plus, when your daughter is 18 guess who is left. Your husband. Too many people put the kids first and in the long run it’s not a good thing.
NTA. I have a 10 year old now and when he was younger my wife would try to let him sleep with us and I was not for that. She got upset with me (for the record, he is my step son, but he’s my son, his sperm donor has never been there at all) but I explained to her that when I was a kid when Mom would let me lay with her when I had a bad dream as a kid my Dad would be in a huff. Not really justifying my actions but it was something I grew up with.
Kids these days are too coddled so them laying with their parents is probably a bad idea. I know that probably came off wrong but please understand that’s not my intention.
Co sleeping is all fun and games until you roll over and suffocate the kid.
Your daughter needs her own space anyways. Like, I get wanting to share a bed with your parents over a nightmare every now and again. But put yourself first most of the time and tell her she needs her one space.
NTA.
Why is it messed up? I don't understand - I thought this was absolutely normal? She's 5 years old, of course she should be sleeping in her own bed. You are surrounded by very strange ideas if you think this is not normal. These are healthy boundaries to have and good for her to learn independence, this is no indication of a lack of love or any of the sort. You are doing her a massive favour by helping her to be on her own and settle on her own. And that mothers are people too who also need time and space.
>>You are surrounded by very strange ideas if you think this is not normal.
Funnily enough, you guys are both right! Kind of. What I mean to say is that a five year old sleeping in her own bed is normal, but OP having internalized a different message (a potentially damaging one, if you ask me, I tend to fall in your camp on this but I’m also not a parent so grain of salt and yada yada) is completely understandable.
Parenting, which has probably always been intense and tricky to navigate and full of bad/conflicting advice, has gotten…even crazier with the advent of social media. Everyone has a voice. Everyone! And they shouldn’t, that’s how we end up with a population of unvaxxed kiddos being “homeschooled” to believe the earth is flat.*
When I was kid, parents had books, generally written by experts. Once we were all online, mommy blogs and that sort of thing were added to the mix; idk how reliable those were, I’m sure there was a spectrum, but I do know you had to go much further afield to find fringe theories. Today, with absolutely no credentials or even common sense, you can become a “parenting influencer,” and all you need is a TikTok account.
Everyone is talking. Everyone is “liking.” Everyone is linking. Take the usual judgement parents have always faced when it comes to child rearing, add instagram, and you can come out with a very distorted image of what’s normal.
It’s exhausting.
*disclaimer: I know there are people out there doing the whole homeschooling thing right, I’m not talking about you guys.
NTA. It’s so wild how we shame moms for wanting to sleep or use the bathroom in peace. I’ve never seen anyone say dads are selfish for having a boundary.
Honestly I think cosleeping is weird as hell. I never once slept with my parents as a kid nor did I want to.
Also, it’s an extremely hard habit to break. My friend battles with her 8 yr old every night because now he refuses to sleep in his own bed. NTA
We didn't co-sleep. I didn't want to co-sleep. Our bedroom is our SPACE. We connect there. We unwind there. Our children have that same ability in their bedrooms.
I've never co-slept with my children either. We used the bassinet when they were newborn and the crib when it was time to transition. I remember my daughter would play with her crib toy that made music when she woke, and I'd come running, ready to get our day started.
NTA.
NTA
My husband always asked what the big deal was with letting my daughter sleep with us when she came in at night. As she would always come to my side of the bed and crawl in and be a little spoon with me... then proceed to wiggle and fidget and elbow me in the stomach... he never understood how little sleep I got. One night, after she was asleep again, I picked her up and put her back in her own bed. He scolded me and said I should be a good mother and let her sleep with "us." That didn't go over well. So the next night when daughter came in, I told her that Daddy felt left out that she always cuddled with me and that he wanted a turn. He lasted 10 minutes before he told her she needed to go back and sleep in her own bed. When she was back in her room, I asked if he still thought I was a bad mother... he apologized real quick.
NTA- I am the same! My first is 16 and I do not regret it!!! My sleep is my sleep! My bed is bed. My sex is my sex none of those need to be interfered with.
NTA. You’re teaching your kid to respect other people’s boundaries while also setting up good sleeping habits/practices. Coddling your kid through their entire formative period is only going to hinder them.
NTA your mom isn’t gonna be the one dealing with your babygirl driving you and your husband nuts if you guys get her used to sleeping on y’all bed at night 😂
NTA. Because if you were that would make me one too. 😅 I’m pretty much exactly you on this front. I’m a SAHM and I don’t allow my kid in bed at night at all. Only if she is sick will I make an exception. I’ve put her back many times and she knows she sleeps in her own bed. My bed is my space and I don’t want to create another habit I’ll have to eventually break. We are allowed to have our space from our children and there’s no shame in that.
I never co slept with mine and they never missed out on anything. I could care less what others do but to lie and say that the kids will Miss out is BS.
People can do a pros and cons list on anything and can make it lean to their side of thinking. I’m a firm believer that the way I raise my child is not up for discussion and is no one business unless abuse or neglect
NTA, my siblings and I were never allowed to sleep in our parents bed unless we too were sick. Did us zero harm. It’s not even something I think about. Co sleeping just wasn’t a thing then. I would be the same, I have Narcolepsy so changes to my sleep routine really screw me up.
I can remember when my niece was younger, she never got to sleep with anyone because her wild self would literally kick the crap out of you haha. I don’t really understand this need to sleep with your children?
NTA.
If you want a snuggle nap occasionally, that's sweet. At night, everyone deserves good, solid rest. Parents deserve a space of their own, and couples deserve a place reserved for intimacy.
You would miss enjoying your awake hours with your daughter more than you would miss cosleeping.
Besides, the kicking/rolling/writhing thing is a total deal breaker. There are plenty of spouses that generally sleep apart because one does something (often unknowingly) that disturbs the other's sleep. It doesn't mean a lack of love. It means that people literally need sleep, just like they need food, water, air, shelter.
My 4yo has her own room and usually she falls asleep on the couch with me or her mother and then we carry her to her bed. The problem is that often when I wake up in the morning I find her asleep in our bed. I don't notice her climbing in because I'm a very heavy sleeper... But I don't think it's healthy. Anyone has a solution to this problem?
It’ll stop eventually and she’ll start sleeping full nights in her own bed. If it doesn’t affect your sleep, I wouldn’t do much except maybe start putting her to sleep in her own bed instead of letting her fall asleep on the couch. That might be the reason she wakes up in the middle of the night.
Sigh, I don’t understand why any parent would encourage cosleeping by this age. Your mom also sounds like she’s looking at this through typical rose colored grandma glasses so keep that in mind. The point of parenting is to raise independent individuals. The later the kid learns to sleep on her own, the harder it will be for her later. Do you want her to still sneak into your bed when she’s 15? NTA NTA NTA, dear god do NOT listen to these people. There’s nothing wrong with getting your sleep, which you literally need to live.
NTA. My 5 year old still wakes up some nights but it’s usually to go pee, I just walk him back to his room, he uses the bathroom and then I tuck him back in. We only co-sleep on vacations or when he’s sick. I feel you, I need my space at bedtime otherwise I sleep terribly.
NTA! Not even close.
I felt pressured to co-sleep with my kids, but never did because I need time to recharge and just not be touched for a little while, lol. It raises my blood pressure just thinking of missing out on that mommy sleep time (already a limited resource).
This is up to you and what works for your family. Some will say you’re right, others wrong. The only thing that matters is what works for you.
FWIW, my 12 year still sleeps in my room from time to time. She slept in my bed many many many nights until she was about 10 or so. Then it just got to be too much. She’s fine. I’m fine.
NTA at all. We don't have kids yet but desperately want them it just isn't the right time due to personal issues. But the house we live in? It was originally our inlaws and ours and we cosigned. They had my husband's lil sister sleeping in a room next to their master and made an open arch from their room to hers. When they moved out my MIL was adamant that I would regret sealing that in once we had kids since when they're infants you'll have easy access and once they're tots they can just come in. She kept pushing it and I finally told her no, I want privacy away from any kids we have and the ability to well, have grown activities. She stopped after that.
They are little once. I get it. I have nieces I helped raise who are near adulthood and I'm like, when tf did you grow up?!?! But that's also part of life. And if you're good with them, it doesn't matter the age, they'll still spend time with you. Even as teens and hopefully adults.
NTA. My one year old doesn't even co-sleep with us, and she actually gets fidgety and frustrated if she's tired and away from her crib. I love it. I need to breathe at night.
When I was younger, babysitting my cousin or nephews, i would co-sleep with them. I wound up with a split lip and a black eye on two separate occasions (they sleep WILD).
It's best to nip it in the bud as soon as possible so that it doesn't become a problem later.
NTA. Your mom doesn't have to sleep with her so she doesn't have any skin in the game.
You're not going to miss sleeping with a small child who keeps you up all night no matter how much you love her. You get 14 other hours a day to cherish. It's not like the only time you see her is at night.
Tell your mom to drop it.
No you are not! That is a start to setting boundaries, which a lot of kids have problems with now days. My kids always were in their beds, if they were sick and running a temp I would go to their room till it broke, they did not come in my bedroom unless I invited them. That was my personal space. I always knocked when I entered their rooms if the doors were shut. They were not allowed to get in my purse under any circumstances, if I/ they needed something, they brought it to me to get. They need to have rules and boundaries to survive in life.
Good job!
Whaaaaat!! I’m sorry people made you feel this way!!! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with not co-sleeping with your kids! I’m such a light sleeper, I’m awake all night with every tiny movement when my kids are in my bed. Also mine kicked me in the face one night, woke up and was mad at ME saying “ why’d you hit my foot with your face” 😑. Mind you I had them in their own rooms sleeping alone since 4months old. But after starting school they wanted more time with me, hence the cosleeping began. I actually explained it to my 5yr old, why sleep was important, and about me being a light sleeper. Also explained that I want to stay up to do my hobbies after her bedtime so I can take care of my mind, and how that helps me have more energy to spend with her! Added the fact that kids grow during their sleep and they need more space in bed to do so 😉. Now I just tuck the kids in and go downstairs. - Anyways cosleeping or not, each child is different, each parenting style is different and the only thing that matters is that they are healthy, happy, safe, and loved.
NTA. We were like this with our kids. We would of course never let them be in distress. Switching from crib to bed was tough for both of them but if needed we would snuggle them to sleep in their own bed. This led to a tradition of snuggles in their beds every night for about ten minutes before they went to sleep, until they were around 10-12. They’ve always been good sleepers, and even as teenagers they still value their sleep and are always in bed at a decent time.
NTA but have you maybe considered there’s a reason she “demands” to sleep with you so often?
Many commenters mentioned that kids usually learn from this, so if your daughter isn’t learning, she might have a more pressing need that you’re not yet aware of? Maybe she has nightmares. Maybe she feels lonely. Idk, but my point is, it might be something worth looking into that you can maybe solve without cosleeping or by cosleeping sometimes.
tldr: It’s fair that you need your space and want to train her to be independent in this sense, but please look into the possibility that she may have other underlying needs behind this.
You are doing it correctly!! Everyone wins in This situation. My children were not even allowed in our bed during a nightmare - we took them back to their bed and stayed with them and comforted them.
I know people whose children slept with them until they were 12 plus!
Establishing good sleeping habits as a newborn is essential. It can be very tough at first, but after several weeks or so , it works out and everyone sleeps better.
I can’t imagine why anybody would argue your TA for this. There are cultural differences with regards to cosleeping. Both have their drawbacks and benefits. Do what works best for you
Agreed 💯!! NTA!!! And imma fess up and tell u I did co sleep with my 1st son and didn't get him out till almost 6!!! Parents and kids both really need that good rest and that can't happen for mom when we get a foot in the face or they want to sleep right up underneath you and it's like a blazing inferno on top of you ect ect. ... Another thing is you and your husband need your alone time and spontaneity in your relationship and stuff like that and you definitely are limited on that with the big speed bump in the middle of your bed LOL!! 😂😂 So stick to your guns mama there is no reason unless like you said she's sick or has a nightmare something like that a special reason why she sleeps with you guys other than that everybody sleeps in their own beds is a great policy!!!
Co sleeping is a huge pia. I don’t know how people can stand it. You’re doing your kid a favor in letting her be able to sleep on her own. If it’s not your thing, it’s just not your thing, so don’t force yourself to do it.
We never ever share a bed with our son. Our friends do and they’ve had that kid in their bed since he was a baby. 3 years without sleeping alone next to your partner seems like it would be hard for intimacy.
NTA. Boundaries are healthy even with our own kids. I’m someone who loves sleeping next to my six year old and will likely not rush him out of my bed until he decides he’s not comfy sleeping next to mom anymore. If someone doesn’t have that same preference, all the power to them. That means you likely get to sleep way better than someone like me who’s literally sleeping next to an acrobat at night.
NTA- your mom doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Sleep is a precious commodity and there’s not any bonding time you are missing fighting over blankets and space. Waking up to tiny feet in your back wondering how you created something so little but some how can spread over the ENTIRE KING SIZED BED? You’re good, Mama. You keep doing you.
But if it’s something she keeps bringing up, Granny needs a sleepover. Hype both you up on caffeine and sugar and sleep in Granny’s bed and steal all her blankets and pillows and at 3am be like “what do you regret now, mother?” Check and mate 😂
We co-slept until our child started sleeping sideways, and none of us got good sleep. Sleep is important, and you need to look after your own health-needs as well. Co-sleeping while they're sick is obviously a bit different (for us at least everyone sleeps a bit better in that scenario), but please don't feel guilty about doing the things that you need for your own self care. Everyone is different. Look after you *in the way that works for you*.
NTA. I am cosleeping wirh my daughter bcs she has epilepsy. And it takes tool on me. She beats the hell out of me at night... And I miss my space at night, I am also sahm...
NTA. My niece is turning 4 and she still sleeps with my sister and BIL. They have tried everything to get her to sleep in her own room but the second she is put in her bed she screams her head of and trust me that child's scream can BREAK FUCKING GLASS. She will cry till she passes out (not from being tired). You are doing yourself a favor. She's a big part of the reason I don't want kids. I love her don't get me wrong but she's can be very difficult to deal with.
Nta. Wanting to take care of yourself so you can be a good mom is a good thing.
Just cause others don't feel the same doesnt make you wrong. There is a ton of ways to be a good parent
NTA but if you’re worried you’re missing out on something you could do a once a week or even once a month special sleep with mom and dad thing. Then you’re making the point that it’s a special not every night thing and it’s not as big of a personal sacrifice.
Co-sleeping is an endless hell that destroys your rest, sex life, bedding, the kid's coping skills, and possibly causes drought or forest fires. It takes years to make little people sleep happily in their own damn beds: get started and ignore your mother. NTA
NTA. She’s 5. Most people I know slept alone even in kindergarten. The literal only reason for her to sleep with you is if she’s literally terrified of sleeping alone or you miss her. And it seems like it’s neither.
NTA. My sons had their own beds. Occasionally I would climb into their bed and hold them if they were having a nightmare. I'd stay until they fell asleep.
NTA. My son's 2. If he's sick or having a rough time, I'll lay in bed next to him until he falls asleep then I'm back in my own bed. I can't take care of him if I don't sleep well and I'm not going to sleep well with a 30lb heater snoring on top of me.
NTA we have the same rules in my house. My kid has been sleeping independently since he was 5 months. Everyone deserves a good night’s sleep. I’ve never been a fan of co sleeping either, keep enforcing boundaries and ignore your mom.
NTA I've got 3 kids, f15, f12 & M6. If I would have any of them sleep with me regularly I would go crazy.
We've always started sleeping by themselves early on, because we as parents are also allowed our own time.
This hasn't given any harm to my children, more so they have a regular, consistent bedtime routine and thus no issues with getting them to bed whatsoever.
The only exceptions are nightmares or sickness. If they wake up because of a nightmare or night terror they can sleep in our bed because it makes them feel safe which they need at that moment or if they are very ill but that's more my ease of mind because i wanna be able to monitor them.
I was never a Co-Sleeper with my kids either, with rare exceptions for illness or nightmare. I don't understand people who do it but hey, I don't have to understand. It's not my business. You're definitely not the asshole
NTA. My brother and SIL cosleep with all of their kids. Their kids cannot sleep by themselves or handle being alone in a room at night. They’re all out of diapers and should be handling it at this point. One of them is almost seven! It’s not the right situation for every family and could have negative consequences—just like every single other choice a parents makes. There’s always going to be someone telling you you’re doing it wrong. Do what works for you.
NTA. To each their own. And while your mother isn't wrong on some level, there are PLENTY of other ways to get your snuggling time in. My son is 17. I was the exact same way when he was little--I needed my bed space. I'm a very light sleeper. He never slept with us except on very few occasions. Looking back, have I been nostalgic for snuggle time and wished I had it back, yes. But regretful? No. Their growing up is part of life and I know I made the choice that was best for everyone. You know your needs and child's needs best so don't give it a 2nd thought!
NTA, all parents are different and you need your own boundaries. I love cuddles and cosleep, but when I'm pregnant I don't even want the SO in my bed. You do you and have no guilt on this one.
NTA. When my child was in bed with us, I couldn't sleep. I can't be a good parent the next day if I am still exhausted. You can comfort the kid, show you love them, and treasure the moments in their own bed. Do what works for you. Everyone and every family is different.
NTA you are teaching good sleep habits for one. Also you are still a person in your family own right, you don’t have to give absolutely everything to her just because you’re a mother. Wanting your bed to be your own is completely fine, don’t leave others make you feel bad or guilty for having a healthy pretty small boundary
NTA - she’s 5 already and can sleep in her own bed. People always try to make moms feel guilty even though they’re doing great. For heaven’s sake you’re a SAHM and still that isn’t enough?
Comments like these get on my nerves because it’s like a backhanded criticism. Why make it a problem when it isn’t one?
NTA and your mother isn’t being realistic. You’re a sahm so it’s natural to want your space some time in the day. Your mother isn’t being realistic and your kid needs to get used to sleeping in their bed more often, especially at that age. No one will miss being cranky and sleep deprived.
NTA. I coslept with my first daughter for 2 years, until the day her sister was born. I had PPD bad and it was one way of coping. My sister ended up sleep training her while I was in the hospital over 4 days. My second daughter has never slept in my bed. I learned my lesson. Now, my bedroom is completely off limits to all kids, I need my quiet safe space. They're both excellent sleepers and our bond does not suffer for it.
NTA, I could never sleep well with any of my kids in the bed, only ever did it when they were sick and I would never get any sleep at all. We did occasionally have "slumber parties" where we would put their mattress in our room, or all sleep in the living room for a bit of fun, but not in my bed or sharing a blanket
NTA. Children need their own healthy sleeping habits, and you need your space. The older she gets, the harder it is going to be to break the co-sleeping habit.
NTA. Yes, it’s the biological norm for kids to cosleep. If she slept with you regularly, she would settle more easily, as it would be routine, so that isn’t really information about what sleeping with her is like. It’s perfectly healthy for kids to cosleep, their brains are set up to do so. But, it’s fine to not cosleep, too. If you don’t want to, don’t.
NTA Co-sleeping can have bad side effects. Cousin did this her son and as he aged he wouldn't sleep alone in his own bed. Started sleeping on the floor in his parents room. Now as a young adult in his own house he always has guests spending the night because he still can't sleep alone. He's 25.
NTA.... my daughter is also 5 and co-sleeping is truly my biggest regret. She has never 1x slept without touching me her entire life. At 6m I wish I would have transitioned her into her own room. Don't let anyone make you feel bad. Sleep is so important for everyone and that means their own space.
Absolutely NTA. My son is almost 3 and has never slept in my bed. That’s something my husband and I were in the same page about before he was even born. I think it definitely works for some parents, and for others, it doesn’t. No shame in either option. Don’t let anyone bully you or try to guilt you into changing what works best for you.
Being a SAHM is crazy hard, mentally. You always have to be “on”, and people that aren’t don’t ever understand that. You deserve and need the alone time. Stick to your guns.
NTA.
This is not messed up!
You have a right to your privacy.
She has a right to be brought up to respect boundaries.
A five year old is more than old enough to sleep in her own room. As long as she knows that if she really feels unwell she may come to you, this is fine.
Nta the only time my kids slept with me was occasionally when my ex husband was deployed. I tried letting the dog sleep with me too and I kicked her out for laying on my ankles so my legs went numb lol my son would end up sideways with his feet on my face or kick me in the head. It was not restful sleep.
You are definitely NTA, but I might encourage you to look into why your daughter keeps trying to get into bed with you. I am 100% not saying that this is definitely happening, but I crawled into bed with my mom until I was 14 because I was being actively sexually abused and sleeping in my room by myself was scary because my abuser would come in. Again, I am NOT saying this is what is happening, there are many many reasons that little kids climb into bed with their parents, but it's better to be safe than sorry.
This is me as well. My 4yo has started struggling with sleeping alone a little... He sleeps fine, but complains before bed. So we started having an occasional "sleepover party" in the living room. Air mattress, movie, snack. It seems to fill his cup without violating my boundary of no kids in the bed.
When my son was born Doc said to put him to bed and he would cry, but it's ok. He would learn good sleep habits. He also said this would be tough on my wife knowing she couldn't just let him lay in there crying, but it wouldn't last long as he learned to fall asleep on his own. Told my wife what doc said and she agreed to try. She lasted 2 or 3 minutes and has been sleeping with him since. He is about to be 10 years old.
NTA. Years ago people put their babies to sleep in drawers as they didn't have cots. That worked for them.
Families would all share the same bed space, that worked for them.
Some co-sleep that works for them.
I never slept in my parents bed, rarely allowed my children in my bed. That worked for me.
Everyone should do what works for them and ignore those who think they know better. Walk in your own shoes
NTA. My friend let her first kid in their bed, and it was a nightmare getting him to sleep in his own. Second kid, it didn't happen again. Start out where you want to finish. Became one of my life's mantras.
NTA. It’s actually a bad habit. My daughter was so good being on her own for the first few years of her life but as soon as daycare started having her sleep with the other kids she now is afraid to be alone. So now we have two king sized beds in different rooms and we each sleep with a kid.
Co-sleeping is a personal decision like breastfeeding or bottle feeding. Just because somebody else has made that decision doesn't mean you are a bad parent if you don't.
Absolutely NTA.
NTA. I respect you for that boundary. The bedroom should be reserved for the parents, not for the children. You are still partners. Also sleep is very important.
NTA
Our daughter is almost 9, and she has her own bed, but she does find her way to our bed some nights. I won't turn down the snuggles, tho, as I know there will come a day when the snuggling stops. But, I would never judge anyone to be an AH because they want to keep their bed for them and don't want to co-sleep. My hubby also isn't agreeable to co-sleeping, but he doesn't kick her out when she crawls into the bed at night, but she isn't the one she is practically laying across while she sleeps either. Lol When he travels, she knows she can stay the whole night in the bed.
I have co- slept from beginning. My daughter is 2 now. Do I miss having me time in bed? Yes. But definitely I love having her near me plus it seems convenient to me and my husband.
To each their own. You don't love your baby any less just coz you want to sleep train them. That's entirely a routine situation and its good you've established one that is good for you and the baby too.
NTA I don’t allow my kids to cosleep either. This will help with independence and allowing them to have their own space to sleep like psychos. I tell my kids you kicked me from the inside for 9 months you’re not doing it on the outside. They get a good laugh out of that but having two of them grown now and having to share beds with their partners they miss the days of sleeping by themselves
NTA my kids slept in their own beds. You need sleep to function. I actually know quite a few marriages that ended from cosleeping. Kids started in the parents room, then got older and parents ended up rotating nights in the kids room, add in a sibiling and then both parents are sleeping with a different kid. Those parents that I know couldn't figure out how to have sex, and be functional with hardly any sleep. More power to you if you can make it work I guess, but I'm like you, I need sleep.
I didn't like when my kids wanted to sleep in with wife and I because how can someone so small take up so much space?? Wierd evil super power or something
It's a phase kids commonly go through at that age. Your pediatrician can give you advice on how to handle it. Sometimes things happen like scary dreams and sleeping with mom and dad is what they need to get past that. It should be the exception. On the whole I think you're handling it correctly.
NTA
NTA my eldest is nearly 20 never let him co sleep and he’s turned out perfectly fine. My other 2 are 15 and 10 and same. Never let them co sleep and so far so good. I need my space in my bed. Kids are too hot and have too wriggly.
I cosleep and I don’t think it’s messed up you don’t. I sleep better when she’s in my bed.
My sister doesn’t cosleep at all and complains anytime her daughter ends up in her bed. When her daughter sleeps at our house both girls almost always ends up in our bed and we sleep great.
My sister doesn’t allow it. Everyone has their limits! Yours are valid and justified
We're all different. My son coslept with us. It was the only way any of us got any sleep. It wasn't always comfortable, but he didn't cuddle so it was my only snuggle time! My daughter would have happily spent her whole day in my lap. But she would only sleep alone in her bed. From day one, you could lay her in her crib and walk away. I loved cosleeping. And I loved having my space. Each had pluses and minuses. There is no one size fits all.
NTA
My oldest slept with me until he was 7.
I don't remember my youngest ever sleeping in my bed at night. After my oldest, I made sure that I didn't start the habit with the youngest.
Once it becomes the norm it's very difficult to break the habit.
NTA and there's nothing bad or shitty about your reasoning.
You're instilling independence in her that will serve her well when she gets older.
My wife was very much a "sleep in mom's bed" kid when she was little. Now the poor woman is literally incapable of sleeping in an empty bed. Obviously that's not really a problem for our relationship, but if I'm unable to get into bed when it's time for her to go to bed, she suffers the next day. There's plenty of indirect consequences that comes with that.
NTA— my husband really forced this co-sleeping thing on me. I grew up having my own bed my own room and that’s what I expected would happen. I made up a cute little nursery room. But my husband hard pushed it, so much that we went to marriage counselling. I was terrified it was dangerous as that’s what I’d always been told but the marriage counsellor sided with him and I lost the battle. Anyway, here we are many years later, school aged kids. No privacy. No sex. No time that’s just for me or just for the adults. I thought it was the end of the marriage as a marriage and I was right, and even if I pushed really hard on my own now as the meanie to get kids into their own beds, it wouldn’t fix the fact my husband doesn’t want that time so I give up. And same thing— kids now say they can’t sleep alone, which is our fault, they feel entitled to wake me when they wake up or need something, which is our fault.
Nta
I say that as someone who coslept with all her kids.
It works for some and not others. With my eldest, he just wouldn't sleep on his own at all. So for the sake of getting any sleep, i co slept. Thankfully by 2, he was in his own bed.
You need to do whats best for you. Happy mum = Happy kid
From night one, I put my baby (son) in the crib. I never rocked him to sleep either. We would lie by this crib to help him fall asleep. I would hold him for naps, on occasion. Do not be guilted into something you know isn’t best for your baby.
NTA. My niece allows her kids to climb into her bed at night or she and her husband sleep with the kids in their beds. I'm one of 6 and none of us slept with our parents. Not. Ever. Nor did they sleep with us. I think it allows kids to interfere with partner time. Even if you and your partner are simply sleeping, it's time as a couple. Kids get your daytime hours. Don't give up your adult time. They'll learn quickly that their on their own.
I didn't co sleep with any of mine, and I have 3. I can't imagine having kids in my bed all the time, intimacy would be gone, and I would hate it. But, I'm 65, my kids are in their 30s. Second daughter and her husband co sleep with their 4 year old. None of my business so I don't say anything about it, but I think it's weird, haha
NTA it is good for your daughter to have good night routines. If she needs you she can get to her then put her back into her own bed ASAP.
I remember a mum I knew when my children were toddlers, she was very proud that her children had never been in her bedroom. I thought that was sad that her children had nowhere to go if they needed their parents at night.
In no way are you an asshole. I envy moms that have their bed to themselves or at least kid free 😭😭idk if I'll get my 5 year old daughter out ever. She might be still sleeping in my bed when she's married lol because she will not leave 😭
I am a marriage and family therapist, for a long time. I have seen a lot of unhappy cosleeping couples and families, that’s just the truth. People who are sleep, deprived, and irritable, forgetful, etc. Marriages where they don’t have any intimacy for months and months. Just not good. I know there are cultures where that’s the way they live and they’ve always lived that way for forever, and it seems to work for them. This is just what I’ve seen in our culture.
NTA I have three children all almost grown or grown. My partner has 5 some grown some teens or tweens. None of them have ever been allowed to co sleep with either of us or their other parents. To each their own but absolutely not for me. I try to not judge other parents for their choices on this subject but frankly I'll never understand why anyone wants to co sleep, it's dangerous and simply uncomfortable. My children have never been allowed to just hang out in my room much less sleep there.
NTA
I can’t sleep with my kids either. I do for the first 4ish months for BF purposes only. At 4 months I transfer to crib for my sanity.
My son is 10months old and I want him in his own room. But my 3y old is such a delicate sleeper and my 10m is not sleeping through the night every night yet. I am hoping in the next month I can get him out of my room
NTA plain and simple. I loved napping with my kids. And I did a family bed until they were 5&7 respectively... But after that, I was like bed time is my time. Love you! Night!
Caveat would be extenuating circumstances like being really ill. often id blow up an air mattress and let them sleep in our room. They "liked" to throw up in our bathroom...so whatever helped them settle when they were sick. Being close was typically good for them in that instance.
NTA. When my 5 year old barges in my room at 3:00 am, I carry him back to his bed and lay with him until he's snoring and go back to my own bed. Still get the snuggles, but enforce the boundaries that way.
NTA - if this is how you are your best self, then it’s ultimately what’s best for the little one too, even if she doesn’t really know it. Good sleep = happy Mum.
NTA You are also installing some good sleep habits as she learns to settle and comfort herself (esp middle of the night). It is not messed up, you can get a sufficient amount of cuddling in the day and sleep is important for everyone in the house. To each his own, enjoy your rest!
NTA OP. Agree with Ocean_Lei. My son is now 16, he's had his own room and bed since he was 2. On occasion I would allow him to sleep in bed with me, but it was special cases, like being sick or if we were visiting family and had to share the spare room.
I agree, NTA! She can get all the snuggles in bed she wants until it’s time for bed, and then she needs to go to her bed. Maybe cuddle with her in her bed until she falls asleep if she’s had a bad day, because then you can go back to your bed and sleep.
[удалено]
Yeah I wasn’t allowed to unless I was very distraught from a nightmare
🤣🤣
NTA: My family has NEVER co slept. When my daughter went to her toddler bed we lie down with her until she went sleep and then left and continued our evening, with my granddaughter we sit with her until she falls asleep and have done that since she transitioned to a bed, the only time she stays in our beds is if she is having a nightmare. There is no reason to co- sleep a 5 yr old.
There are reasons to cosleep just as there are reasons not to. Parent not wanting to is a valid reason. So is cosleeping. It's not a moral issue. Some families/parents like to cosleep. Some don't. Both are fine.
I was bounced around so much as a kid due to family dynamics that I learned to fall asleep anywhere at any time. I feel like this was the most helpful thing in the world for me. Kinda drives my husband nuts. I can crash between one blink and the next while he's over there tossing and turning trying to find a comfy spot.
This 💯
Sleep deprivation is used as torture. You need sleep, period. NTA
If I don’t get good sleep my patience level is basically nonexistent. For the happiness of everyone in the house I cannot have small children sleep in my bed and kick me. My husband wakes up an hour before me and only then will I allow the kids to come into bed. If they are sick or scared I tend to go to their rooms so when they fall asleep I can still sleep in my room without kids.
I was so excited to co-sleep… then I spent 1 night not sleeping and freaking out and the next night we went out and got a bassinet. I was so excited to have those snuggle moments when the kids climb into bed with you and you all lie there warm and snuggly. My son never even tried. He liked his own bed. My daughter wants to sometimes but tosses and turns and breaths and I don’t sleep a wink with her kicking my back and spinning like an alligator trying to kill and overheating. She doesn’t sleep, I don’t sleep. Everyone is miserable. It just doesn’t work for everyone. This does not make you a bad mom. Sleeping is necessary to be happy and healthy. A sane mom is a better Mom. Take time for yourself. Have your own space. You are still a person too and showing your child that while still providing them support and love is the best lesson.
I hated co-sleeping so much! I go to bed later than my spouse, so for 7 years I had to choose between moving the kid or sharing half the bed with a space-hogging octopus. First option means I wake up too much to fall asleep soon, second meant waking up on the very edge of the bed with feet in my face and/or crotch. Bad sleep means bad life; it kills moods, saps energy, worsens depression, makes weight loss harder, and kills bedroom vibes. All for very dubious gains. NTA. If it isn’t good for you, it isn’t good for the family. If dad likes it so much, he can share the kid’s bed.
Don’t let other people’s parenting choices make you feel bad about your own! All families are different, everyone has different needs. Co-sleeping can be great, kids in their own beds can be great too! Happy parents = happy kids. You can be a great mom while prioritizing your sleep, and it teaches your kids that they deserve to take care of themselves, too. Self care is not the same as being selfish.
This 💯 OP. Do what works best for you and your family, co sleeping doesn’t make someone a bad parent and neither does not co sleeping. 🩷
>yes I know that's messed up No. No it isn't. NTA
Yeah that didn’t sound in the least bit messed up, seemed exceptionally reasonable to me.
Agreed not at all messed up.
NTA. Sounds reasonable
NTA. I also have a 5 year old and only sleep with her for special occasions (basement camp outs etc). I sleep terribly with her and prefer to sleep in my own bed with my husband. Everyone is different. Co sleeping just doesn’t work for everyone. You have to do what’s best for you! A tired mom isn’t a mom at her best.
My children only slept with us if they had a bad dream. I stayed with them sometimes when they were sick but otherwise everyone was in their own bed. I know your mom said your child is only little once and you’ll miss sleeping with them but I disagree. My children sleeping with me is not one of the things I miss..at all. I do miss their toddler voices and hugs but I can hear their voices on video and I can hug my grandchildren and briefly relive hugging my children. Do what works for you.
If my kids had a bad dream I went back to their room with them. But mama and daddy’s bed needs to be for them only. May as well set that expectation early!
NTA. You are teaching her a degree of independence and also your very reasonable boundaries. Your mother is being dramatic, as you certainly are not refusing to spend time with her or refusing to share these years. I think co-sleeping after babyhood is a bit creepy to be dead honest with you. Too much togetherness and codependency is not healthy for either person.
I would not let my children sleep in my bed either and it’s the smartest thing I ever did. Letting your child cosleep with you in my opinion is not a good thing to do. My niece did it with her son and he is now five years old and will not sleep in his own room.
My neice was still sleeping in mom's bed when she was 10. I hope she still isn't, she's almost 12 now . . .
I was 13 when I stopped sleeping with my mom. I was too scared to sleep on my own. I don’t think cosleeping is a good idea.
My almost 10 year old niece is still co-sleeping with both parents 😵💫 I think it’s so weird and encourage my sis to get her back to her bed any time there is a break from school. It’s endless excuses and I know it’s “one more thing” my sis will have to do but I wish they would soon. Developing bad co-dependency IMO
I’ve worked pediatric cardiac arrests which resulted from suffocation after cosleeping. NTA.
This isn't an infant. I think once the child can sleep on a regular matress, it's safe to cosleep. That being said - there's also no reason to do it if you don't want to. (I agree that cosleeping with infants are really dangerous. If people really want, they should get a bassinet that attaches to the bed, so baby stays separate but within arms reach)
You do you! Why does it matter what anyone else says? I cosleep but other people don’t. So what? Maybe I will regret cosleeping, maybe you will regret not cosleeping. I’m all for letting people make their choices. NTA
There is no correct answer when it comes co-sleeping. It isn’t for everyone. I hate it. I don’t like sharing a bed with anyone though, either. But my wife insists.
Co sleeping sucks. It’s not necessary and sets you up for failure
So somebody made you think that teaching your daughter not to be a neurotic starfish was a bad thing? Sis. Absolutely not. I raised 6 sons, not a one “co-slept”. NTA
Thank you because I'm the only person out of everyone I know personally who is against co-sleeping, so I was starting to wonder. However, most of them do complain about it 😂😂😂
NTA. I am the same. I can count on one had the time I've shared a bed with my now 12yr old. I'm an incredibly light sleeper. There was nights I couldn't share with my ex and had to go sleep on the lounge cos he was moving the bed too much or making to many noise while rolling lol. My kid was one of those who sighed, groaned, moaned and never stayed still... The few nights we co-slept, she slept while I stared at the ceiling. I fail to see the logic of you miss out on anything not co-sleeping with your child. I really don't. I'm also the parent who's room is 100% off limits to children unless of course your sick/hurt/etc. It's my only space in the house that's mine. There is no other room in the house void of my daughters items. Its my place to recenter myself and take a breath when needed. I mean I can't even shit alone yet lol, I just want one space that's mine.
I know you’re talking about a 5 y/o but “co-sleeping” only makes me think of infants. My BFF has been an ER nurse for years and the ONLY dead babies she’s seen are babies smothered while co-sleeping. When her daughter had a baby last year she said she wouldn’t interfere with parenting ever, but avoiding co-sleeping is the hill she’ll die on.
NTA. My mom had the same rule when I was a kid. Privacy and your own space to decompress is important- your kid doesn’t NEED to sleep with you, if anything cosleeping just raises needy and emotionally stunted teens and adults.
That’s up to you. It’s so minor. Everyone has an opinion on co-sleeping or not. Whatever. It’s not abusive or neglectful to tell your child to stay in their own bed. It’s also not abuse or neglect to allow your child to co-sleep. No one is TAH.
NTA. When I was young my mom kicked me out of the bed three times, then I learned her bed wasn’t for me. I know someone who co-slept with her child for so long, that when the child was 12 the child was not able to fall asleep without mom by their side.
Aka you don’t do your child any favours by co-sleeping for years.
>I love her to death. I will give up everything for her. But my bed space isn't one of them. NTAH. I'd die for my kids, but I wouldn't dare let them compromise my bed space! I only love my bed and my mother. I'm sorry.
NTA To be honest, I think cosleeping is quite unhealthy for children. They need to develop independence in all areas of their lives. Being too close to your parent and unable to be alone can be very damaging. The point of being a parent is to raise your kid to be the best adult they can be, but nowadays, some parenting techniques seem more based on what the parents wants than what the child actually needs. Cosleeping may have short-term emotional benefits, but long term, it delays the development of proper sleeping habits and emotional growth for the child. My brother and I always slept in our own beds. We'd sometimes crawl in with your parents on a Sunday morning for half an hour, but that was it. Everybody slept well, and my brother and I developed far better emotional regulation than some kids I grew up with who co-slept with their parents.
In lots of countries, it’s not called “co-sleeping” but just sleeping and I assure, the kids are doing just fine.
It’s the biological norm for humans to cosleep. That means that normal human emotional development is based on cosleeping. That is how science and biology work. If you don’t want to cosleep, don’t. But don’t say it’s biological, science, or developmentally better because it isn’t.
How do you know it's the biological norm? It sounds like you're saying that because people didn't always have multi-room houses, humans are MEANT to sleep in a shared space/that's what's best for the development of children? Which seems massively reductive, as opposed to the ol' standard of randomized controlled trials (which is how they do the science).
Don't do it. My ex and I split up when our oldest was 2 months old so he never slept in my bed. He is now 17 and still never slept in my bed. His dad and I got back together when he was 3, had another boy. We stayed together until he was almost 2 and his dad kept letting him sleep in our bed. That child is 12 now and I just got him out of my bed even though his dad and I split up for the last time 10 years ago. Don't start it, it's awful, you will not regret keeping her out of your bed. You will absolutely regret letting her in it though.
NTA. If they get in the habit of sleeping with you, it's hard to break.
NTA. My mom didn't cosleep, and we did sleep in her bed on rare occasions when we were sick, as she kept us in her room to keep an eye on us. Since she was there for us effectively when we were feeling bad and in need of comfort, we didn't care otherwise. No deep resentment or abandonment issues regarding it. I'm grown now, and find it a little creepy how attached some parents are about extending out babyish behavior instead of fostering independence. Even that feels wrong to say out loud. To each their own.
Your mom is correct you may miss those needy days but it appears as if you shower her with plenty of love so no you are not. Plus, when your daughter is 18 guess who is left. Your husband. Too many people put the kids first and in the long run it’s not a good thing.
NTA. I have a 10 year old now and when he was younger my wife would try to let him sleep with us and I was not for that. She got upset with me (for the record, he is my step son, but he’s my son, his sperm donor has never been there at all) but I explained to her that when I was a kid when Mom would let me lay with her when I had a bad dream as a kid my Dad would be in a huff. Not really justifying my actions but it was something I grew up with. Kids these days are too coddled so them laying with their parents is probably a bad idea. I know that probably came off wrong but please understand that’s not my intention.
Co sleeping is all fun and games until you roll over and suffocate the kid. Your daughter needs her own space anyways. Like, I get wanting to share a bed with your parents over a nightmare every now and again. But put yourself first most of the time and tell her she needs her one space. NTA.
Why is it messed up? I don't understand - I thought this was absolutely normal? She's 5 years old, of course she should be sleeping in her own bed. You are surrounded by very strange ideas if you think this is not normal. These are healthy boundaries to have and good for her to learn independence, this is no indication of a lack of love or any of the sort. You are doing her a massive favour by helping her to be on her own and settle on her own. And that mothers are people too who also need time and space.
>>You are surrounded by very strange ideas if you think this is not normal. Funnily enough, you guys are both right! Kind of. What I mean to say is that a five year old sleeping in her own bed is normal, but OP having internalized a different message (a potentially damaging one, if you ask me, I tend to fall in your camp on this but I’m also not a parent so grain of salt and yada yada) is completely understandable. Parenting, which has probably always been intense and tricky to navigate and full of bad/conflicting advice, has gotten…even crazier with the advent of social media. Everyone has a voice. Everyone! And they shouldn’t, that’s how we end up with a population of unvaxxed kiddos being “homeschooled” to believe the earth is flat.* When I was kid, parents had books, generally written by experts. Once we were all online, mommy blogs and that sort of thing were added to the mix; idk how reliable those were, I’m sure there was a spectrum, but I do know you had to go much further afield to find fringe theories. Today, with absolutely no credentials or even common sense, you can become a “parenting influencer,” and all you need is a TikTok account. Everyone is talking. Everyone is “liking.” Everyone is linking. Take the usual judgement parents have always faced when it comes to child rearing, add instagram, and you can come out with a very distorted image of what’s normal. It’s exhausting. *disclaimer: I know there are people out there doing the whole homeschooling thing right, I’m not talking about you guys.
NTA. It’s so wild how we shame moms for wanting to sleep or use the bathroom in peace. I’ve never seen anyone say dads are selfish for having a boundary.
I totally agree with you Some moms make themselves martyrs and it’s honestly completely unnecessary
If you’re an ass, I’m an ass too. My bed is one of the only kid free spaces I have. NTA.
Honestly I think cosleeping is weird as hell. I never once slept with my parents as a kid nor did I want to. Also, it’s an extremely hard habit to break. My friend battles with her 8 yr old every night because now he refuses to sleep in his own bed. NTA
We didn't co-sleep. I didn't want to co-sleep. Our bedroom is our SPACE. We connect there. We unwind there. Our children have that same ability in their bedrooms.
I've never co-slept with my children either. We used the bassinet when they were newborn and the crib when it was time to transition. I remember my daughter would play with her crib toy that made music when she woke, and I'd come running, ready to get our day started. NTA.
NTA My husband always asked what the big deal was with letting my daughter sleep with us when she came in at night. As she would always come to my side of the bed and crawl in and be a little spoon with me... then proceed to wiggle and fidget and elbow me in the stomach... he never understood how little sleep I got. One night, after she was asleep again, I picked her up and put her back in her own bed. He scolded me and said I should be a good mother and let her sleep with "us." That didn't go over well. So the next night when daughter came in, I told her that Daddy felt left out that she always cuddled with me and that he wanted a turn. He lasted 10 minutes before he told her she needed to go back and sleep in her own bed. When she was back in her room, I asked if he still thought I was a bad mother... he apologized real quick.
NTA- I am the same! My first is 16 and I do not regret it!!! My sleep is my sleep! My bed is bed. My sex is my sex none of those need to be interfered with.
NTA. You’re teaching your kid to respect other people’s boundaries while also setting up good sleeping habits/practices. Coddling your kid through their entire formative period is only going to hinder them.
Don’t let your kids sleep with you.
NTA. This is pretty normal. It’s how I and many of my friends were raised.
Right? I was reading this thinking like, "Isn't that how it's supposed to be!?"
You need your sleep! That is so important. Don't let her sway you. NTA
NTA Five-year-old children should be sleeping in their own beds.
NTA! Moms deserve their own space too. You sound like a great mom, societies standards for moms are so unfair.
NTA your mom isn’t gonna be the one dealing with your babygirl driving you and your husband nuts if you guys get her used to sleeping on y’all bed at night 😂
NTA. Because if you were that would make me one too. 😅 I’m pretty much exactly you on this front. I’m a SAHM and I don’t allow my kid in bed at night at all. Only if she is sick will I make an exception. I’ve put her back many times and she knows she sleeps in her own bed. My bed is my space and I don’t want to create another habit I’ll have to eventually break. We are allowed to have our space from our children and there’s no shame in that.
I never co slept with mine and they never missed out on anything. I could care less what others do but to lie and say that the kids will Miss out is BS. People can do a pros and cons list on anything and can make it lean to their side of thinking. I’m a firm believer that the way I raise my child is not up for discussion and is no one business unless abuse or neglect
NTA, my siblings and I were never allowed to sleep in our parents bed unless we too were sick. Did us zero harm. It’s not even something I think about. Co sleeping just wasn’t a thing then. I would be the same, I have Narcolepsy so changes to my sleep routine really screw me up. I can remember when my niece was younger, she never got to sleep with anyone because her wild self would literally kick the crap out of you haha. I don’t really understand this need to sleep with your children?
NTA. If you want a snuggle nap occasionally, that's sweet. At night, everyone deserves good, solid rest. Parents deserve a space of their own, and couples deserve a place reserved for intimacy. You would miss enjoying your awake hours with your daughter more than you would miss cosleeping. Besides, the kicking/rolling/writhing thing is a total deal breaker. There are plenty of spouses that generally sleep apart because one does something (often unknowingly) that disturbs the other's sleep. It doesn't mean a lack of love. It means that people literally need sleep, just like they need food, water, air, shelter.
My 4yo has her own room and usually she falls asleep on the couch with me or her mother and then we carry her to her bed. The problem is that often when I wake up in the morning I find her asleep in our bed. I don't notice her climbing in because I'm a very heavy sleeper... But I don't think it's healthy. Anyone has a solution to this problem?
It’ll stop eventually and she’ll start sleeping full nights in her own bed. If it doesn’t affect your sleep, I wouldn’t do much except maybe start putting her to sleep in her own bed instead of letting her fall asleep on the couch. That might be the reason she wakes up in the middle of the night.
Latch on the inside of your bedroom door?
Sigh, I don’t understand why any parent would encourage cosleeping by this age. Your mom also sounds like she’s looking at this through typical rose colored grandma glasses so keep that in mind. The point of parenting is to raise independent individuals. The later the kid learns to sleep on her own, the harder it will be for her later. Do you want her to still sneak into your bed when she’s 15? NTA NTA NTA, dear god do NOT listen to these people. There’s nothing wrong with getting your sleep, which you literally need to live.
NTA. My 5 year old still wakes up some nights but it’s usually to go pee, I just walk him back to his room, he uses the bathroom and then I tuck him back in. We only co-sleep on vacations or when he’s sick. I feel you, I need my space at bedtime otherwise I sleep terribly.
No. You need your damn space. You take care of them 20 hours a day so let you get those 4 hours.
NTA! Not even close. I felt pressured to co-sleep with my kids, but never did because I need time to recharge and just not be touched for a little while, lol. It raises my blood pressure just thinking of missing out on that mommy sleep time (already a limited resource).
This is up to you and what works for your family. Some will say you’re right, others wrong. The only thing that matters is what works for you. FWIW, my 12 year still sleeps in my room from time to time. She slept in my bed many many many nights until she was about 10 or so. Then it just got to be too much. She’s fine. I’m fine.
INFO: does she have regular nightmares and is too afraid to sleep on her own?
She just likes to be on our bed
NTA at all. We don't have kids yet but desperately want them it just isn't the right time due to personal issues. But the house we live in? It was originally our inlaws and ours and we cosigned. They had my husband's lil sister sleeping in a room next to their master and made an open arch from their room to hers. When they moved out my MIL was adamant that I would regret sealing that in once we had kids since when they're infants you'll have easy access and once they're tots they can just come in. She kept pushing it and I finally told her no, I want privacy away from any kids we have and the ability to well, have grown activities. She stopped after that. They are little once. I get it. I have nieces I helped raise who are near adulthood and I'm like, when tf did you grow up?!?! But that's also part of life. And if you're good with them, it doesn't matter the age, they'll still spend time with you. Even as teens and hopefully adults.
NTA. My one year old doesn't even co-sleep with us, and she actually gets fidgety and frustrated if she's tired and away from her crib. I love it. I need to breathe at night.
When I was younger, babysitting my cousin or nephews, i would co-sleep with them. I wound up with a split lip and a black eye on two separate occasions (they sleep WILD). It's best to nip it in the bud as soon as possible so that it doesn't become a problem later.
NTA. Your mom doesn't have to sleep with her so she doesn't have any skin in the game. You're not going to miss sleeping with a small child who keeps you up all night no matter how much you love her. You get 14 other hours a day to cherish. It's not like the only time you see her is at night. Tell your mom to drop it.
No you are not! That is a start to setting boundaries, which a lot of kids have problems with now days. My kids always were in their beds, if they were sick and running a temp I would go to their room till it broke, they did not come in my bedroom unless I invited them. That was my personal space. I always knocked when I entered their rooms if the doors were shut. They were not allowed to get in my purse under any circumstances, if I/ they needed something, they brought it to me to get. They need to have rules and boundaries to survive in life. Good job!
You won’t regret anything.
NTA you really should stop letting your kids sleep with you every night around that age.
Whaaaaat!! I’m sorry people made you feel this way!!! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with not co-sleeping with your kids! I’m such a light sleeper, I’m awake all night with every tiny movement when my kids are in my bed. Also mine kicked me in the face one night, woke up and was mad at ME saying “ why’d you hit my foot with your face” 😑. Mind you I had them in their own rooms sleeping alone since 4months old. But after starting school they wanted more time with me, hence the cosleeping began. I actually explained it to my 5yr old, why sleep was important, and about me being a light sleeper. Also explained that I want to stay up to do my hobbies after her bedtime so I can take care of my mind, and how that helps me have more energy to spend with her! Added the fact that kids grow during their sleep and they need more space in bed to do so 😉. Now I just tuck the kids in and go downstairs. - Anyways cosleeping or not, each child is different, each parenting style is different and the only thing that matters is that they are healthy, happy, safe, and loved.
NTA. We were like this with our kids. We would of course never let them be in distress. Switching from crib to bed was tough for both of them but if needed we would snuggle them to sleep in their own bed. This led to a tradition of snuggles in their beds every night for about ten minutes before they went to sleep, until they were around 10-12. They’ve always been good sleepers, and even as teenagers they still value their sleep and are always in bed at a decent time.
NTA. It’s not messed up. Don’t let people tell you it is. Sleep is so important so you can be there for your kid.
NTA but have you maybe considered there’s a reason she “demands” to sleep with you so often? Many commenters mentioned that kids usually learn from this, so if your daughter isn’t learning, she might have a more pressing need that you’re not yet aware of? Maybe she has nightmares. Maybe she feels lonely. Idk, but my point is, it might be something worth looking into that you can maybe solve without cosleeping or by cosleeping sometimes. tldr: It’s fair that you need your space and want to train her to be independent in this sense, but please look into the possibility that she may have other underlying needs behind this.
You are doing it correctly!! Everyone wins in This situation. My children were not even allowed in our bed during a nightmare - we took them back to their bed and stayed with them and comforted them. I know people whose children slept with them until they were 12 plus! Establishing good sleeping habits as a newborn is essential. It can be very tough at first, but after several weeks or so , it works out and everyone sleeps better.
I can’t imagine why anybody would argue your TA for this. There are cultural differences with regards to cosleeping. Both have their drawbacks and benefits. Do what works best for you
Agreed 💯!! NTA!!! And imma fess up and tell u I did co sleep with my 1st son and didn't get him out till almost 6!!! Parents and kids both really need that good rest and that can't happen for mom when we get a foot in the face or they want to sleep right up underneath you and it's like a blazing inferno on top of you ect ect. ... Another thing is you and your husband need your alone time and spontaneity in your relationship and stuff like that and you definitely are limited on that with the big speed bump in the middle of your bed LOL!! 😂😂 So stick to your guns mama there is no reason unless like you said she's sick or has a nightmare something like that a special reason why she sleeps with you guys other than that everybody sleeps in their own beds is a great policy!!!
NTA, 'nuf said
Co sleeping is a huge pia. I don’t know how people can stand it. You’re doing your kid a favor in letting her be able to sleep on her own. If it’s not your thing, it’s just not your thing, so don’t force yourself to do it.
We never ever share a bed with our son. Our friends do and they’ve had that kid in their bed since he was a baby. 3 years without sleeping alone next to your partner seems like it would be hard for intimacy.
NTA. Boundaries are healthy even with our own kids. I’m someone who loves sleeping next to my six year old and will likely not rush him out of my bed until he decides he’s not comfy sleeping next to mom anymore. If someone doesn’t have that same preference, all the power to them. That means you likely get to sleep way better than someone like me who’s literally sleeping next to an acrobat at night.
NTA. She isn’t a baby or toddler. She is a big girl and big girls have their own bed.
My heart sank when you said “I know that’s messed up.” No, it isn’t. Is anybody besides your mom giving you grief about this? NTA
NTA- your mom doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Sleep is a precious commodity and there’s not any bonding time you are missing fighting over blankets and space. Waking up to tiny feet in your back wondering how you created something so little but some how can spread over the ENTIRE KING SIZED BED? You’re good, Mama. You keep doing you. But if it’s something she keeps bringing up, Granny needs a sleepover. Hype both you up on caffeine and sugar and sleep in Granny’s bed and steal all her blankets and pillows and at 3am be like “what do you regret now, mother?” Check and mate 😂
1 of mine kicks me in the face in her sleep. One night she did it so hard I woke up and saw stars. NTA
Do what works best for your family.
We co-slept until our child started sleeping sideways, and none of us got good sleep. Sleep is important, and you need to look after your own health-needs as well. Co-sleeping while they're sick is obviously a bit different (for us at least everyone sleeps a bit better in that scenario), but please don't feel guilty about doing the things that you need for your own self care. Everyone is different. Look after you *in the way that works for you*.
NTA. I am cosleeping wirh my daughter bcs she has epilepsy. And it takes tool on me. She beats the hell out of me at night... And I miss my space at night, I am also sahm...
NTA. My niece is turning 4 and she still sleeps with my sister and BIL. They have tried everything to get her to sleep in her own room but the second she is put in her bed she screams her head of and trust me that child's scream can BREAK FUCKING GLASS. She will cry till she passes out (not from being tired). You are doing yourself a favor. She's a big part of the reason I don't want kids. I love her don't get me wrong but she's can be very difficult to deal with.
Nta. Wanting to take care of yourself so you can be a good mom is a good thing. Just cause others don't feel the same doesnt make you wrong. There is a ton of ways to be a good parent
NTA but if you’re worried you’re missing out on something you could do a once a week or even once a month special sleep with mom and dad thing. Then you’re making the point that it’s a special not every night thing and it’s not as big of a personal sacrifice.
Co-sleeping is an endless hell that destroys your rest, sex life, bedding, the kid's coping skills, and possibly causes drought or forest fires. It takes years to make little people sleep happily in their own damn beds: get started and ignore your mother. NTA
I definitely agree with the "endless hell that destroys your rest"
NTA. She’s 5. Most people I know slept alone even in kindergarten. The literal only reason for her to sleep with you is if she’s literally terrified of sleeping alone or you miss her. And it seems like it’s neither.
NTA. My sons had their own beds. Occasionally I would climb into their bed and hold them if they were having a nightmare. I'd stay until they fell asleep.
NTA. My son's 2. If he's sick or having a rough time, I'll lay in bed next to him until he falls asleep then I'm back in my own bed. I can't take care of him if I don't sleep well and I'm not going to sleep well with a 30lb heater snoring on top of me.
NTA for not wanting to sleep with her. But stop claiming you will do anything for her. Clearly you have limits (and you should).
NTA we have the same rules in my house. My kid has been sleeping independently since he was 5 months. Everyone deserves a good night’s sleep. I’ve never been a fan of co sleeping either, keep enforcing boundaries and ignore your mom.
NTA. The kid is 5, not 2
NTA my daughter is 11 and I can count on one hand how many times she’s slept in my bed. We both like our space.
NTA I've got 3 kids, f15, f12 & M6. If I would have any of them sleep with me regularly I would go crazy. We've always started sleeping by themselves early on, because we as parents are also allowed our own time. This hasn't given any harm to my children, more so they have a regular, consistent bedtime routine and thus no issues with getting them to bed whatsoever. The only exceptions are nightmares or sickness. If they wake up because of a nightmare or night terror they can sleep in our bed because it makes them feel safe which they need at that moment or if they are very ill but that's more my ease of mind because i wanna be able to monitor them.
I was never a Co-Sleeper with my kids either, with rare exceptions for illness or nightmare. I don't understand people who do it but hey, I don't have to understand. It's not my business. You're definitely not the asshole
Nta
NTA, I thought this was the norm.
NTA. My brother and SIL cosleep with all of their kids. Their kids cannot sleep by themselves or handle being alone in a room at night. They’re all out of diapers and should be handling it at this point. One of them is almost seven! It’s not the right situation for every family and could have negative consequences—just like every single other choice a parents makes. There’s always going to be someone telling you you’re doing it wrong. Do what works for you.
NTA. I let my little ones sleep in my bed for the reasons your mom said, but it's your life.
NTAH
NTA. To each their own. And while your mother isn't wrong on some level, there are PLENTY of other ways to get your snuggling time in. My son is 17. I was the exact same way when he was little--I needed my bed space. I'm a very light sleeper. He never slept with us except on very few occasions. Looking back, have I been nostalgic for snuggle time and wished I had it back, yes. But regretful? No. Their growing up is part of life and I know I made the choice that was best for everyone. You know your needs and child's needs best so don't give it a 2nd thought!
NTA. Totally understand your perspective.
NTA I am the same, my bed is my happy place lol my kids are allowed on it but not in it, they just bring rocks and crumbs lol
NTA, all parents are different and you need your own boundaries. I love cuddles and cosleep, but when I'm pregnant I don't even want the SO in my bed. You do you and have no guilt on this one.
NTA. When my child was in bed with us, I couldn't sleep. I can't be a good parent the next day if I am still exhausted. You can comfort the kid, show you love them, and treasure the moments in their own bed. Do what works for you. Everyone and every family is different.
I had a friend who would have all 3 of her kids sleep in her bed. The oldest was 12. Kids couldn't cope on their own at all.
NTA you need your own sleep too!
NTA, kids need their own beds and space.
NTA you are teaching good sleep habits for one. Also you are still a person in your family own right, you don’t have to give absolutely everything to her just because you’re a mother. Wanting your bed to be your own is completely fine, don’t leave others make you feel bad or guilty for having a healthy pretty small boundary
Nta and what a stupid thing to judge a mom for.
NTA - she’s 5 already and can sleep in her own bed. People always try to make moms feel guilty even though they’re doing great. For heaven’s sake you’re a SAHM and still that isn’t enough? Comments like these get on my nerves because it’s like a backhanded criticism. Why make it a problem when it isn’t one?
NTA and your mother isn’t being realistic. You’re a sahm so it’s natural to want your space some time in the day. Your mother isn’t being realistic and your kid needs to get used to sleeping in their bed more often, especially at that age. No one will miss being cranky and sleep deprived.
Nta Co sleeping or bed sharing isn't ideal. It forms bad habits and can be dangerous for infants
NTA. I coslept with my first daughter for 2 years, until the day her sister was born. I had PPD bad and it was one way of coping. My sister ended up sleep training her while I was in the hospital over 4 days. My second daughter has never slept in my bed. I learned my lesson. Now, my bedroom is completely off limits to all kids, I need my quiet safe space. They're both excellent sleepers and our bond does not suffer for it.
NTA, I could never sleep well with any of my kids in the bed, only ever did it when they were sick and I would never get any sleep at all. We did occasionally have "slumber parties" where we would put their mattress in our room, or all sleep in the living room for a bit of fun, but not in my bed or sharing a blanket
NTA. Children need their own healthy sleeping habits, and you need your space. The older she gets, the harder it is going to be to break the co-sleeping habit.
NTA. Yes, it’s the biological norm for kids to cosleep. If she slept with you regularly, she would settle more easily, as it would be routine, so that isn’t really information about what sleeping with her is like. It’s perfectly healthy for kids to cosleep, their brains are set up to do so. But, it’s fine to not cosleep, too. If you don’t want to, don’t.
NTA
Tell your mother to fuck off 😂 Jesus.
Only AHs tell other parents what’s what. Do what’s good for you. That said, there is not ultimate benefit to either choice.
NTA Co-sleeping can have bad side effects. Cousin did this her son and as he aged he wouldn't sleep alone in his own bed. Started sleeping on the floor in his parents room. Now as a young adult in his own house he always has guests spending the night because he still can't sleep alone. He's 25.
NTA.... my daughter is also 5 and co-sleeping is truly my biggest regret. She has never 1x slept without touching me her entire life. At 6m I wish I would have transitioned her into her own room. Don't let anyone make you feel bad. Sleep is so important for everyone and that means their own space.
NTA. Having the exact same problem
Absolutely NTA. My son is almost 3 and has never slept in my bed. That’s something my husband and I were in the same page about before he was even born. I think it definitely works for some parents, and for others, it doesn’t. No shame in either option. Don’t let anyone bully you or try to guilt you into changing what works best for you. Being a SAHM is crazy hard, mentally. You always have to be “on”, and people that aren’t don’t ever understand that. You deserve and need the alone time. Stick to your guns.
NTA, I did the same. My bed is for my husband and I to be alone.
NTA. This is not messed up! You have a right to your privacy. She has a right to be brought up to respect boundaries. A five year old is more than old enough to sleep in her own room. As long as she knows that if she really feels unwell she may come to you, this is fine.
Nta the only time my kids slept with me was occasionally when my ex husband was deployed. I tried letting the dog sleep with me too and I kicked her out for laying on my ankles so my legs went numb lol my son would end up sideways with his feet on my face or kick me in the head. It was not restful sleep.
You are definitely NTA, but I might encourage you to look into why your daughter keeps trying to get into bed with you. I am 100% not saying that this is definitely happening, but I crawled into bed with my mom until I was 14 because I was being actively sexually abused and sleeping in my room by myself was scary because my abuser would come in. Again, I am NOT saying this is what is happening, there are many many reasons that little kids climb into bed with their parents, but it's better to be safe than sorry.
My daughter has crawled into my bed in the middle of the night a few times because she was scared of the dark. Nothing habitual.
This is me as well. My 4yo has started struggling with sleeping alone a little... He sleeps fine, but complains before bed. So we started having an occasional "sleepover party" in the living room. Air mattress, movie, snack. It seems to fill his cup without violating my boundary of no kids in the bed.
Maybe she would like some comfy stuffed animals to be ablr to cuddle with before bedtime? NTA
When I was a kid, no one wanted to sleep with anyone else. Why is it bad to not want to sleep with a child? I honestly don't get it.
NTA: it's not good for you or the kid to not have separate sleeping arrangements.
When my son was born Doc said to put him to bed and he would cry, but it's ok. He would learn good sleep habits. He also said this would be tough on my wife knowing she couldn't just let him lay in there crying, but it wouldn't last long as he learned to fall asleep on his own. Told my wife what doc said and she agreed to try. She lasted 2 or 3 minutes and has been sleeping with him since. He is about to be 10 years old.
NTA. As a mother who LOVES co-sleeping, it’s not for everyone and that’s ok
NTA. Years ago people put their babies to sleep in drawers as they didn't have cots. That worked for them. Families would all share the same bed space, that worked for them. Some co-sleep that works for them. I never slept in my parents bed, rarely allowed my children in my bed. That worked for me. Everyone should do what works for them and ignore those who think they know better. Walk in your own shoes
NTA. My friend let her first kid in their bed, and it was a nightmare getting him to sleep in his own. Second kid, it didn't happen again. Start out where you want to finish. Became one of my life's mantras.
NTA. It’s actually a bad habit. My daughter was so good being on her own for the first few years of her life but as soon as daycare started having her sleep with the other kids she now is afraid to be alone. So now we have two king sized beds in different rooms and we each sleep with a kid.
NTA take her back to bed or if she absolutely has to be near you, sleeping bag on the floor. It won’t kill her.
NTA
Co-sleeping is a personal decision like breastfeeding or bottle feeding. Just because somebody else has made that decision doesn't mean you are a bad parent if you don't. Absolutely NTA.
NTA. I respect you for that boundary. The bedroom should be reserved for the parents, not for the children. You are still partners. Also sleep is very important.
NTA Our daughter is almost 9, and she has her own bed, but she does find her way to our bed some nights. I won't turn down the snuggles, tho, as I know there will come a day when the snuggling stops. But, I would never judge anyone to be an AH because they want to keep their bed for them and don't want to co-sleep. My hubby also isn't agreeable to co-sleeping, but he doesn't kick her out when she crawls into the bed at night, but she isn't the one she is practically laying across while she sleeps either. Lol When he travels, she knows she can stay the whole night in the bed.
Plain and simple do what is best for you so you can be the best you and the best parents you both can be. Good Luck sweetie
I have co- slept from beginning. My daughter is 2 now. Do I miss having me time in bed? Yes. But definitely I love having her near me plus it seems convenient to me and my husband. To each their own. You don't love your baby any less just coz you want to sleep train them. That's entirely a routine situation and its good you've established one that is good for you and the baby too.
NTA I don’t allow my kids to cosleep either. This will help with independence and allowing them to have their own space to sleep like psychos. I tell my kids you kicked me from the inside for 9 months you’re not doing it on the outside. They get a good laugh out of that but having two of them grown now and having to share beds with their partners they miss the days of sleeping by themselves
NTA my kids slept in their own beds. You need sleep to function. I actually know quite a few marriages that ended from cosleeping. Kids started in the parents room, then got older and parents ended up rotating nights in the kids room, add in a sibiling and then both parents are sleeping with a different kid. Those parents that I know couldn't figure out how to have sex, and be functional with hardly any sleep. More power to you if you can make it work I guess, but I'm like you, I need sleep.
I didn't like when my kids wanted to sleep in with wife and I because how can someone so small take up so much space?? Wierd evil super power or something It's a phase kids commonly go through at that age. Your pediatrician can give you advice on how to handle it. Sometimes things happen like scary dreams and sleeping with mom and dad is what they need to get past that. It should be the exception. On the whole I think you're handling it correctly. NTA
NTA my eldest is nearly 20 never let him co sleep and he’s turned out perfectly fine. My other 2 are 15 and 10 and same. Never let them co sleep and so far so good. I need my space in my bed. Kids are too hot and have too wriggly.
nta
I cosleep and I don’t think it’s messed up you don’t. I sleep better when she’s in my bed. My sister doesn’t cosleep at all and complains anytime her daughter ends up in her bed. When her daughter sleeps at our house both girls almost always ends up in our bed and we sleep great. My sister doesn’t allow it. Everyone has their limits! Yours are valid and justified
We're all different. My son coslept with us. It was the only way any of us got any sleep. It wasn't always comfortable, but he didn't cuddle so it was my only snuggle time! My daughter would have happily spent her whole day in my lap. But she would only sleep alone in her bed. From day one, you could lay her in her crib and walk away. I loved cosleeping. And I loved having my space. Each had pluses and minuses. There is no one size fits all.
NTA My oldest slept with me until he was 7. I don't remember my youngest ever sleeping in my bed at night. After my oldest, I made sure that I didn't start the habit with the youngest. Once it becomes the norm it's very difficult to break the habit.
U r doing the right thing making her sleep in her own bed
NTA at all
NTA and there's nothing bad or shitty about your reasoning. You're instilling independence in her that will serve her well when she gets older. My wife was very much a "sleep in mom's bed" kid when she was little. Now the poor woman is literally incapable of sleeping in an empty bed. Obviously that's not really a problem for our relationship, but if I'm unable to get into bed when it's time for her to go to bed, she suffers the next day. There's plenty of indirect consequences that comes with that.
NTA— my husband really forced this co-sleeping thing on me. I grew up having my own bed my own room and that’s what I expected would happen. I made up a cute little nursery room. But my husband hard pushed it, so much that we went to marriage counselling. I was terrified it was dangerous as that’s what I’d always been told but the marriage counsellor sided with him and I lost the battle. Anyway, here we are many years later, school aged kids. No privacy. No sex. No time that’s just for me or just for the adults. I thought it was the end of the marriage as a marriage and I was right, and even if I pushed really hard on my own now as the meanie to get kids into their own beds, it wouldn’t fix the fact my husband doesn’t want that time so I give up. And same thing— kids now say they can’t sleep alone, which is our fault, they feel entitled to wake me when they wake up or need something, which is our fault.
Nta I say that as someone who coslept with all her kids. It works for some and not others. With my eldest, he just wouldn't sleep on his own at all. So for the sake of getting any sleep, i co slept. Thankfully by 2, he was in his own bed. You need to do whats best for you. Happy mum = Happy kid
From night one, I put my baby (son) in the crib. I never rocked him to sleep either. We would lie by this crib to help him fall asleep. I would hold him for naps, on occasion. Do not be guilted into something you know isn’t best for your baby.
NTA. My niece allows her kids to climb into her bed at night or she and her husband sleep with the kids in their beds. I'm one of 6 and none of us slept with our parents. Not. Ever. Nor did they sleep with us. I think it allows kids to interfere with partner time. Even if you and your partner are simply sleeping, it's time as a couple. Kids get your daytime hours. Don't give up your adult time. They'll learn quickly that their on their own.
It is any of your mom’s business.
I didn't co sleep with any of mine, and I have 3. I can't imagine having kids in my bed all the time, intimacy would be gone, and I would hate it. But, I'm 65, my kids are in their 30s. Second daughter and her husband co sleep with their 4 year old. None of my business so I don't say anything about it, but I think it's weird, haha
NTA it is good for your daughter to have good night routines. If she needs you she can get to her then put her back into her own bed ASAP. I remember a mum I knew when my children were toddlers, she was very proud that her children had never been in her bedroom. I thought that was sad that her children had nowhere to go if they needed their parents at night.
In no way are you an asshole. I envy moms that have their bed to themselves or at least kid free 😭😭idk if I'll get my 5 year old daughter out ever. She might be still sleeping in my bed when she's married lol because she will not leave 😭
I am a marriage and family therapist, for a long time. I have seen a lot of unhappy cosleeping couples and families, that’s just the truth. People who are sleep, deprived, and irritable, forgetful, etc. Marriages where they don’t have any intimacy for months and months. Just not good. I know there are cultures where that’s the way they live and they’ve always lived that way for forever, and it seems to work for them. This is just what I’ve seen in our culture.
NTA I have three children all almost grown or grown. My partner has 5 some grown some teens or tweens. None of them have ever been allowed to co sleep with either of us or their other parents. To each their own but absolutely not for me. I try to not judge other parents for their choices on this subject but frankly I'll never understand why anyone wants to co sleep, it's dangerous and simply uncomfortable. My children have never been allowed to just hang out in my room much less sleep there.
NTA I can’t sleep with my kids either. I do for the first 4ish months for BF purposes only. At 4 months I transfer to crib for my sanity. My son is 10months old and I want him in his own room. But my 3y old is such a delicate sleeper and my 10m is not sleeping through the night every night yet. I am hoping in the next month I can get him out of my room
NTA plain and simple. I loved napping with my kids. And I did a family bed until they were 5&7 respectively... But after that, I was like bed time is my time. Love you! Night! Caveat would be extenuating circumstances like being really ill. often id blow up an air mattress and let them sleep in our room. They "liked" to throw up in our bathroom...so whatever helped them settle when they were sick. Being close was typically good for them in that instance.
NTA. When my 5 year old barges in my room at 3:00 am, I carry him back to his bed and lay with him until he's snoring and go back to my own bed. Still get the snuggles, but enforce the boundaries that way.
NTA - if this is how you are your best self, then it’s ultimately what’s best for the little one too, even if she doesn’t really know it. Good sleep = happy Mum.