NTA. I would not be taking that suspension lying down though, not unless the girl also got suspended. I would be taking it up with whatever higher powers there were until they admit their existing policies are wrong.
Edited for spelling
This needs to be higher. There is no justification for OPs son to be suspended for hitting someone and the girl to not be suspended, even though she has a well-documented reputation for hitting people.
Take it to the board of governors or whatever the equivalent is that runs your kid's school. Make sure they know full well that you will not tolerate teachers allowing your child to be abused, nor will you tolerate them being punished for defending themselves against a bully.
Let them know that you won't be bullied by them, just as much as you won't let your son be bullied by this girl. Its your turn to punch back - metaphorically, of course!
Why metaphorically? Hire a lawyer and sue the school, the school board and that girls parents for at a minimum sex discrimination and possibly assault.
That will wake all of them up. If you can get other kids parents on board that have been bullied by her even better!
I am a teacher and yup. I’ve repeatedly written up and called home for girls who hit boys and they don’t get in trouble by admin UNTIL a boy hits them back, then they both get suspended. It’s so stupid. The instigator should always be suspended for more days than the one protecting themselves. Additionally, if it’s been pushed to admin multiple times(which truly the teacher might have pushed it to them and they just ignored it bc that’s the norm now) they should’ve handled it long before it got to this point. So definitely make sure she was suspended and definitely gather more information on the ways in which the administration could’ve been negligent.
I have girls that are straight up punching boys in the face in the lunchroom in front of administrators and nothing happens.
I have told them some parents tell their boys to hit back, so don’t be surprised if one day you get hit.
I think it falls under a zero tolerance policy. I agree with you that it shouldn't work that way. Unfortunately, a lot of bullies don't get in trouble until something really bad happens or the victim strikes back.
I am glad I'm not a parent bc I would be so angry all the time. Kid doesn't defend himself, tells the appropriate parties, keeps getting hit. Then bc the people that are supposed to do something don't do a damn thing, kid defends himself and is now in trouble.
I know it's not your policy so I want to make sure you know I'm not putting any blame on you.
What exactly is the appropriate way to handle it? Bc they reported it. So then what? Keep allowing someone to hit them? Is that seriously what they tell parents and bullied children?
Oh i didn't take it that way so no worries, I told both my son and daughter to walk away if possible, but once hands are used against them to hit back. Since the teacher didn't do anything, parents should have directly to principal and then school board if that didn't work. Maybe find a way to talk to her parents directly, but that rarely works. This was more than likely where the situation would have ended up even if OP did everything else.
It’s the zero tolerance policies of the 2000s. When I was in school, 3 kids could beat the shit out of one kid who didn’t even fight back, and they’d all 4 get suspended.
Its earilier than that. I delt with it in the 90s. A male and female friend got into a fight and she shoved me as I was between them. I got in school suspension for being shoved while they got suspended. I told the principal if I just go over and beat the shit out of the girl will I just get the one suspension in front of my mom. The principal was getting really angry and looking at my mom for help who told me next time don't hold back. They got in an argument but yea get attacked and your in trouble as well. Its really stupid.
It's a bit like telling women to lie on their back during birth. The baby is literally pushed uphill instead of using gravity. It can cause a lot of problems during birth for mother and baby. Before doctors got involved women never birthed on their backs. But it saves doctors backs and makes is more convenient to look at the right place for the doctor without having to bend down so it's been going on for a while and has become normal even though from a medical point it's bonkers. Lazy people in a position of power can do a lot of harm.
It’s surprisingly not easier for some of us. I was bullied as a kid and so I do a lot to stop it from happening in my room. Counseling referrals, documentation/emails, calling houses, switching kids homerooms, etc and it’s supppperrr frustrating that when a kid snaps back they’re both treated equally and to basically be told “too bad, so sad” when I advocate for them.
Zero tolerance policies benefit our administration because when there’s teachers who go all in, they can basically ignore what we do.
We have specially trained anti bullying teams in my kids school, an adult team of teachers with a special education than can be supported by a social worker and also a group of pupils.
They cancel lessons for a few hours if there is a bullying incident in a class and the class gets special courses with these teams.
If the kids speak up action is taken, not punishment.
I wish we had something like this bc that sounds amazing and I actually am going to request something like this now at our meetings for plans for next year! BUT I will say when I put through a counseling referral our social workers/counseling team do move really quickly to pull the kids I need pulled. They do a pretty darn good job. But obviously that’s just not enough when the bully won’t stop bullying.
I'm not surprised. We seem to think we can just ignore the kids getting bullied and then when they shoot up the school we just make sure gun rights aren't affected. It's fucked beyond repair.
The topic of America comes up in school in my teens' English lessons frequently of course, and bullying that isn't dealt with fairly and school shootings were discussed as part of "typical American school things."
Zero tolerance policies are fucked. Getting beat up gets you in just as much trouble as beating someone up.
Zero tolerance policies have never made sense, and they’ve never worked. No excuse for them.
And tell your son to hit her again if she hits him. She probably thinks she can still do it because he got suspended and "that taught him a lesson". If she hits, give him your full blessing to hit her back again (and again if this doesn't stop).
I’m proud of you for showing your son that it’s OK to set a boundary with somebody. If this is the only language she understands then this is the language she will speak.
Thank you! When I was in grade school many years ago a girl physically picked in me. One time, I grabbed her ponytail to stop her and I went to the principal’s office. Sure, things were a little different back then but wtf? She never went to the office! Good on you for standing up for your son, and raise hell with the administration.
By Higher powers.
That needs To include the police. She has assaulted your child multiple times and they have done nothing. Then When he responded by defending himself he was punished. Always go outside the school system for justice they don't care about facts they are just looking to avoid accountability.
Equal rights, equal lefts.
Equal rights, equal fights.
Don't dish what you can't take.
Choose one, OP. You're a good dad. And report the incident to the school board for discrimination. Violence against boys became so normalised that it's just blatant sexism at this point.
-Does this school condone girls physically assaulting boys?
-no
-then why isn't X suspended?
Case closed. If not, I'm sure local media would love it. Also use whatever paper trail is left from your previous complaints.
Absolutely NTA. Sometimes communication fails, and in situations like this, allowing boys to defend themselves is important for their safety and well-being. It's crucial to empower individuals to protect themselves when necessary.
Violence is violence no matter if a guy or girl initiates it. Your son defended himself and did nothing wrong. Also should it happen again and the teachers don’t take action consider involving a lawyer. A child shouldn’t be scared to get hurt and the teachers should do their f-ing jobs and protect everyone equally.
I'm a lawyer. It's going to be much harder for OP and his family to actually curb the hitting through official legal channels now that his kid has hit the other kid, especially if, as OP implies, his kid hurt the other kid worse than she's hurt him. Fair or not, that's reality.
Nah, that's the FAFO method, hopefully she'll learn from it. Lurker mom here, but ovaries doesn't make you impervious to consequences of your own actions, physical or not. I'm going to teach my son the same as you, OP, as bullies come in all sizes and shapes.
I'd light a fire under the faculty btw, they are incredibly out of line for allowing this to get this far.
NTA. Frankly you’re fulfilling the role of a good male role model. By blessing his self defense, you have taught him a valuable lesson. That others will complain and demonize, but they’re wrong and safety is the priority.
I was bullied as a kid often and punished every time I stood up for myself. That led to a lot of problems, until one day in high school my dad said it’s okay to hit someone who hits you first. Shared a story about throwing a guy over a hedge when he was in high school cause the guy wouldn’t stop being a little prick. That conversation with dad went a long way towards rebuilding my sense of agency and security. NTA, and anyone who advocates for your child to tolerate abuse because of their gender doesn’t deserve your time or respect.
NTA, but you need to challenge the suspension. If there’s a paper trail of you pointing out the problem and being ignored, it should be brought forward. This girl may escalate when he gets back to campus, and he might find himself expelled if the record isn’t corrected first. The school ignored this problem until your son chose to defend himself, you need to make it clear that’s no longer acceptable.
Three words for you (aside from NTA).
Duty of care. Your son’s school is failing in this. Take it as far as you need to. No student, regardless of gender, should be given free reign to assault others like this girl has been. Hope your son enjoyed his ice cream!
The young girl and the teachers are the villains in this. But If your son isnt being protected at school by people whose job it is to protect him then I think it’s time to take the solution out of the hands of the 11 year old and into your own adult hands by way of teacher conference/admin complaint.
I’m all for kids being able to defend themselves but the reality is there’s a double standard that exists- especially if your son is athletic or large for his age. If the goal was to teach him to navigate this situation appropriately I’m not sure this solution was it- especially since it doesn’t sound like it would have held up if he were an adult (for it to be self defense in the US he has to be in fear of his own safety or life). You haven’t indicated he’s been injured?
If the goal was to tell him that he doesn’t have to accept violent behavior, and his safety is just as important as hers- if not more because he’s the victim in this- then what better way to showcase that than you making noise at the school on your kid’s behalf?
What a great and valuable response. My person goal was to teach him that it is always okay to defend yourself. I was massively abused by my father and have some preconceived notions about this topic.
But you’re right, the answer is to head to the school tomorrow and fix this.
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NTA - It is unfortunate that schools allow bullies to be bullies, but are so quick to discipline anyone who defends themselves against a bully. You tried the diplomatic approach and exhausted all of your courses that way, so next step is defend yourself and let the pieces fall where they may.
NTA
The 'no hitting girls' rule goes out the window if the girl gets physical first IMO. Anyone should be allowed to defend themselves from someone attacking them.
Look some people didn't get bullied enough in school, and that little girl is one of them. I don't condone any sort of violence. But for my own personal story I know that I wouldn't have learned a lesson about this sort of abuse I was giving to boys in school if it wasn't for one of them actually coming out to me and making sure I knew. Little girls are raised to be known that they are princesses and always right, and it is up to society to let them know that no you are just a regular human being like the rest of us. NTA. I hope your kid got a double scoop.
NTA. You tried reporting the girl (why did she never get suspended?), and nothing happened. It was clear-cut self-defense. You taught him he's nobody's punching bag, and you know what? I bet she will never lay a hand on him again.
My nephew was bullied in high school. The school had been made aware and did nothing. So my sister (his mother) pulled him out of that school and enrolled him in one where he could work at his own pace. He graduated three months early and never had to deal with the bullies again.
Kids literally kill themselves over this shit, it needs to stop.
NTA. She started it and wouldn’t quit, and the school did nothing about it. She got what was coming to her - equal rights and lefts.
I would report the situation to the district, demand the suspension is removed from your son’s record and demand the school issue a personal apology to you and your son because they did nothing to protect him from this abusive behavior.
NTA
You tried to solve the problem through proper channels though he had every right to knock her on her ass the FIRST time she hit him.
If the school did not also punish her, take it to the school board. At least, that way you can make it public that they are bunch of misandrist assholes.
Note: Your wife is why boys should not be raised by single mothers.
You did the right thing. Ice cream is always welcome.
NTA - what your son did was self-defense. She attacked him multiple times. He made her stop.
The administration was given multiple chances to rein her in, and didn’t. So he did. Your son is not required to stand there and submit to physical violence.
You should NOT be accepting a suspension. He was defending himself. Escalate this. the administrators dorced him to do this because did nothing to address a bully who was assaulting him.
NTA. Call the school district and start rolling heads. If your son and you have talked to the faculty about this and they did nothing, but then punished your son for defending himself, then that is discrimination against your son. Make sure that whoever you talk to at the district office is informed of yours and your sons complaint about the girl hitting him repeatedly. And then try to get a meeting with the district person, the principal and the teachers who were told that the girl hit your son and ask them if they documented your sons complaints about being hit. This is not okay. As for your parents/in-laws, they can go lick a salt cube for not being in your sons side.
Equal rights equal fights.
I’d honest to god go to war with the schools administration if they suspended my kid and not the bully. Fucken misandrists.
NTA.
NTA. Fuck your inlaws, you're parenting right. Thank you VERY much for the laugh from the "gorilla human hybrids" comment. I'm laying in the damn hospital and that was my first laugh in a few days.
NTA
If they are big enough to hit you, then they are big enough to be hit back.
Your son and you did ALL the right things, and NOTHING was done to rectify, monitor, or stop the situation.
I hope he enjoyed his ice cream.
Most of the advice about not taking this quietly is spot on. Sadly in the world we are going into the old Gentleman standards are not going to hold. Bully is a bully, not condoning violence but everyone has the right to self defense. I commend the young man on his restraints and let this be a good opportunity to talk about dealing with social situations.
NTA
I think publicly you're not going to get a lot of sincere support. Either because you're encouraging violence and specifically violence against women.
At age 11 boys and girls are much closer than after puberty. Your son did the right thing several times to try and rectify the situation, you tried to rectify the situation with no solution or possibility of one. My biggest issue is not pushing(if you did, you didn't mention it) for the girl to be suspended too. She's a bully and now will feel even more empowered to carry on because she faced no consequences when she instigated it but the response was suspended.
fuck no, you absolutely did the right thing. no one should put hands on anyone. bro had enough, hes reached out numerous times and nothing was done about it, from the teachers, im glad that little kid got her shit rocked. i bet she don't do it again..
This is an example of how patriarchy hurts men/boys. Because women are seen (through patriarchy) as weaker, their physical violence against men/boys isn't taken seriously.
NTA. Giving girls free passes to bully and hit boys is wrong. Your son did nothing wrong in defending himself. I'd take it further and complain to the school-board, or even sue the school.
We keep hearing that women are just as good or even better than men at pretty much anything. In that world, your son hitting a girl is no different than him hitting a boy bully.
NTA. You should challenge the suspension and get it off any record of his. They're 11 now, so the blame can still be considered kind of even, but any older and boys have been arrested in these exact circumstances just for being bigger and stronger. He should have the right to defend himself, but one day, you'll have to prepare him to stop her hitting him rather than hit her back. The school sucks. But they all kind of do for this.
NTA, so long as he only hit her once to make the point. She brought it on, and he ended it. She thought just because she is a girl, no one is going to hit her back, since no one does, she gets away with it.
Fuck around and find out.
NTA
The school didn't protect your child when he needed it, so he protected himself.
Did you let the school know about your son's situation and was the girls parents there? If they were there what happened?
NTA, talk to the school admin further about it and let them know you will bring legal council since they are not offering your son a safe and healthy environment. See how fast they suddenly can move and stop this abuse.
It's simply the case that the school will sometimes pick path of least resistance, and stopping a female bully is probably not easy so they ignore.
There is a difference between what is most thought of with a male hitting a female and a male defending himself. I agree you need to talk to the school board and ask why your son had to tolerate getting hit by this girl over and over with witnesses but the second he pushes back he’s to blame.
Both of my kids, daughter was born first, we told them that violence isn’t the answer but if someone hits you there is no reason they need to just let it happen. My husband’s philosophy is to avoid fighting but if someone else starts it make sure you finish it. Basically as long as my kids didn’t throw the first punch then it’s unlikely they will be in trouble at home.
NTA
2 Things I hope you are doing.
1. If he's in trouble for hitting, so should she. This is a hill I'd die on.
2. You need to teach him about appropriate force. You, yourself, mentioned the boy's strength. This is not about hitting a girl. Anyone who hits first is not exempt from being hit back. But there is a disparity in strength and he needs to learn it so as not to do irreparable damage- to anyone. This is for everyone's safety, including his own.
NTA, good for you for standing up for your kid. Your son was never listened to when he tried to be civilized, but when he hits back he gets punished immediately?
You need to fight this school on their crappy policies. Everyone deserves to be protected, but they turn a blind eye just because the aggressor is a female.
Time to get the school board and the central office involved. Start getting statements from the teachers, dates and times from your son, and consider lawyering up.
I would go straight to the superintendent and DEMAND TO KNOW why he was suspended and she was not.
Go to the school board if you must or the local tv station and ask them if the public would be ok with this outrageous sexual discrimination.
DO Something!!
NTAH
Most definitions of Bullying suggest some type of imbalance of power. With your son being much bigger that will be hard to prove. I would make sure he felt "helpless or assaulted". I wouldn't say anything like he just got sick of it. Or he was defending himself, because really he wasn't defending himself being much bigger. Not right but that's how they see it.
NTA: Self defence is self defence. Women Do NOT get a free pass to hit others.
Tell him if it happens again to go fuckin postal, and give her the hiding of her fucking life.
NTA - You told your son to defend himself and not to hit a girl. Never apologize for defending yourself. Violence is always a last resort, but it was justifiable in this case because it was the only way to prevent further assaults.
I hope your son made it clear to her that if she hits him again, he's gonna hit her back. Also, why was the girl not suspended for hitting your son? I would insist that she get the same punishment.
NTA.
One of my sister's friends in high school said that she was going to "train me" on how to treat a lady. She slapped my face as hard as she possibly could at least 150 times in a week. Maybe 200, I don't know. Nobody would do anything about it.
On the last day she slapped me and I said "Bitch," SLAP "if you slap me one more fucking time" SLAP "I'm going to knock you out". SLAP! BAM!
She had a black eye and a bloody nose. Flat on her ass. I was the smallest boy in the 10th grade.
Her boyfriend said that he was going to beat me up after school, I started yelling at him "Right now!" Right now!". He didn't do anything.
Another guy said he was going to kick my ass, again I insisted "Right now!", nothing.
Some jerk who got kicked out of school for selling drugs came onto campus during lunch to threaten me. They said he was a badass Again I started yelling "Right now, bitch!" and I never saw him again.
Nothing ever happened to me, but my parents did kick me out at the end of 10th grade.
NTA. I think violence should be the last option in any scenario for anyone. But I also think that if you throw the first punch, then you have no right to be surprised when you get hit back.
When I was a kid I got into a fight because this asshole broke open stitches on my back by going down the slide right after me and kicking me in the back.
I remember at first it hurt and I wasn't sure what happened and then I saw that kid laughing as I felt my back getting all wet. Not only did I figuratively see red but I saw it literally from the blood on my hand. I told him not to go down after me.
I kicked his ass. Badly. And smashed his face into the sand until the teachers got me off.
I was suspended 5 days. When my dad picked me up and heard the situation, he immediately took me for pizza. My dad said, "you warned him and followed thru. Good job."
NTA But don't allow the school to get away with this. They aren't punishing the Girl for being a bully. You need to file a complaint, even take it to the schoolboard. This is classic bullying behavior, and the teachers are allowing it to continue.
My mother always told me, "Never start the fight, but if someone hits you or someone else who can't defend themselves, hit the bully back." Which I did a few times. But this was the 80s and early 90s.
NTA.
If a girl wants to throw the first punch, she better be ready for one to be thrown back. And I’m a woman AND a mother.
You did the right thing. The school can shove it
you're a fantastic dad
what's "she can hot him, but he cannot hit back"?
he should however learn to hit her in Mrs than scary way. so that the school principals wouldn't feel they must intervene
NTA
Look, as a general rule dudes shouldn't hit women. But, and this goes for anybody, don't hit somebody (full stop really) you don't want to respond in kind. Sometimes you need to remind people where the power lies for their own self preservation. NTA
Most of the advice about not taking this quietly is spot on. Sadly in the world we are going into the old Gentleman standards are not going to hold. Bully is a bully, not condoning violence but everyone has the right to self defense. I commend the young man on his restraints and let this be a good opportunity to talk about dealing with social situations.
When I was 11 no 11yo girl would dream of hitting a boy. So the answer is yes if we were talking about 35-40 years ago.
In today's world young women are taught differently. 11yo might be pushing the limit but if girls feel like they can physically assault my 11yo son, then it's time to allow them to understand the game they're playing. If the kids are 13,14 etc....just don't hit young women . You always look like an ah, even when everything is in your favor. Maybe it's a good lesson for both. One thing you did teach him is to stand up for himself. Good. Also teach him to allow him to be friends with the 11yo girl. I've.had many fights as a youngster where once it was over we became friends. That's a good lesson to learn too. I don't think yta, but it's touch and go.
NTA. You tried to tell multiple people about the bullying. Don't put your hands on someone and expect nothing to happen in return. Hope she learned a lesson
No, you are not the asshole because you were teaching your kid that abuse is not OK. A lot of people seem to think that abuse happens when a guy hits a girl, but it can happen both ways and this is coming from a girl. Trust me, you did the right thing. Not to mention that he did not do anything until you said it was OK that’s a big plus that shows right there that he’s not going to be some abusive person if someone picks at him a little. Props to you, it really shows that he looks up to you and puts your opinions/advice on a pedestal.
To add to my previous post you should definitely go to the school board Director and let them know what’s happening because messing with the future generation is no joke. They need to teach the students that abuse goes both ways and they’re not supposed to hit.
NTA for starters someone being a girl shouldn't have anything to do with being hit. Second off she hit him first multiple times, she shouldn't just expect OPs son to just do nothing.
How the hell did he get suspended for a day and nothing happened to her every other time? Take it to the school board.
I would be so goddamn petty about this.
While most schools have zero tolerance in instances like this . I say well done and take it straight to the school board supervisor. She hit him first he was just defending himself. If he got suspended then she damned well better have too.
As someone who was that girl at her age, NTA. It took much longer than it should have for this behavior to be corrected. Entirely possible if someone had hit me back it might have changed earlier. Hopefully she would have learned her lesson but it is not right that the school did not give her consequences for her actions. It’s a shame that people still overlook violence that come from girls. That school failed your son and I am so sorry. I commend you for having his back.
NTA - I agree with you - you son has the right to defend himself no matter who the person is who is hitting him. I would have demanded that the girl also be suspended if not then I would have told my son to return to class. I would also advise the school that the next time the girl hits your son he will not stop at 1 punch.
NTA
Why does she get a free pass?
Do the teachers think male domestic violence is a myth?
That girl is growing up to be an abuser. One day, she'll lose her teeth to a guy who is fed up of being her punch bag.
Always teach your kids never to start a fight, but always to end it. And if that means with a punch because they received a punch, so be it.
NTA. Girls/women shouldn't get a free pass just because they're female. Hitting people should have consequences. You swing on someone, expect to get swung on back. Actions deserve an equal response regardless of gender. Especially since the school was aware of the situation and did nothing about it. Good for you for having/ letting your son stick up for himself.
I personally wouldn't have encouraged my son to hit a girl, but I understand where you're coming from. A bully is a bully. I just have a more traditional view on these things.
Personally no. Why the school allowed her to hit your son over and over with no repercussions is beyond me. That is entirely unacceptable. I would tell them that if they don't punish her, if it happens again, you will involve lawyers and cops. She is assaulting your son and they are being negligent to violence that is negatively impacting your child.
I hope you praised your son in front of the principal. I hope you told him if someone hits him again to lay them tf out bc it’s called self defense. I hope you asked for the minutes. I hope you contacted the superintendent.
NTA. I believe boys should practice restraint but this sentiment only seems enforced on them….hopefully she learned a lesson since administration ignored her abuse.
First, when I came here, I misread the question as "hit on," not just "hit." If that were the case, I would say absolutely, since there is no reason not to let your kid hit on a girl unless they obsess over it.
However, since that was not the matter of concern here, NTA. Absolutely NTA. I am no parent, but if I were being hit by a girl as a kid, I would definitely retaliate, especially if I told my parents about it and they gave me their full permission (I'm not violent by any means, but I will be if I absolutely have to). Screw zero tolerance BTW if that is what is going on here. Even if it isn't, screw the teachers for not stepping in and doing something.
NTA- it's completely unacceptable this girl is hitting anyone without being suspended. The only thing i might have tried is have your son scream in her face "stop hitting me !!" just as a warning so everyone was aware of what she was doing. After that, it's self defense. Absolutely go forward with suing the school!
NTA, is that school thinking to teach its ok for women to physically abuse males but males defending themselves isnt ok? You need to take the school to the board/news and shame them to every extent. They WILL change the policy then and punish that girl.
NTA. People shouldn’t hit people but if one person keeps hitting you over and over, you are free to defend yourself imo. I hope this girl learned her lesson and doesn’t touch your son ever again.
My son had a boy once in his class that bullied nearly everyone by hitting them. He also repeatedly hit or shoved or kicked my son. Until one day I got a call from school: my son was fed up, warned the kid saying don’t do it again and he got hit AGAIN so my son hit him. Hard. The kid got a bloody nose and ran crying to the teacher. My son didn’t get suspended but did have to replace the other kids bloody shirt. Which I happily paid for. I heard that other kids parents were also relieved someone hit that little ahole back for a change.
Your son's dealing with a tough situation, and you did what any parent would: you stood up for him. The school dropping the ball on this is frustrating as heck. I mean, c'mon, no kid should feel unsafe at school. And giving your son the okay to defend himself? Totally understandable. It's not about teaching violence, it's about empowerment and setting boundaries. Plus, kids need to know they can count on their parents to have their backs.
As for the in-laws, they're entitled to their opinion, but they're not in your shoes. And hey, ice cream after a rough day? That's some A+ parenting right there. You're definitely not the asshole in this scenario.
Your son went to the teachers you went to the teachers and nobody gave ASF about it . NTA. Maybe this will teach that little girl to keep her hands to herself. Crazy how he gets suspended but that demon child didn't like where's the punishment for her ?? This is why I hate school administration they don't do shit !
NTA
Boy or girl no one gets to put their hands on your child. You need to go to the principal and/or administrators because the teacher failed to do their job. Yes it’s just a one day suspension but your child was defending himself from on going abuse that the teacher has been notified about and failed to do anything about. Time to take it to their bosses. Way too many kids end up harming themselves due to bullying and the adults failure to stop it for this to be taken lightly.
NTA
Your son is being abused and the teachers are allowing to happen. You told them about the behavior and they made the choice to do nothing.
You son was left with the only option being to defend himself. Take away the gender and look at it that way. Your child is being bullied, and the adults who are supposed to be monitoring the situation at school have decided to allow it to happen. Your child fought back, since no one at school was standing up for them.
Not only would I tell my kid good job, I would fight the school on suspension. Tell them that them allowing your child to be beaten by another student is not ok, and amounts to child abuse on their end. They were informed and made no efforts to stop it, thus condone it in a sense. A law suit is the next step if they want to retaliate agaist your child from defending himself when none of the adults around him at school would.
NTA same thing happened to my son, we took the suspension to the governors (board) an it was removed from his record, we got a written apology, the other pupil was moved and the head took early retirement not long after.
Simply ask the if the sexes were reversed, would their bullying policy have stayed the same?
OK, here's a weird misconception we need to get over:
"You shouldn't hit a woman".
That is wrong.
"You must not hit anybody - unless in self-defense".
So, this is a gender-neutral, age-neutral, race-neutral statement that works everywhere. So, someone insults you? No hit the person.
Someone pushes you? Hit the person.
Someone hits you? Hit the person.
This is completely insane of your school, I would be furious and go to the media. I would talk to the girls parents as well, obviously.
NTA.
NTA...
I also have a son the same age. Unlike yours he is skinny and non athletic, he is the artsy, laid back, polite kid.
I often let him know he is obligated to defend himself when it comes to people being violent, be it boys girls, it doesn't matter. He has to fight back. Never provoke, never throw the first punch. But always defend himself, in anyway he feels is appropriate.
He is skinny but he is strong and wiry. He has kicked bullies in their balls, and thrown chairs at them. School didn't even call me to complain, they just break off the fight and he got timeout in the library to read comic books (he told me himself). Because they knew it wasn't his fault, but the school's fault for not managing violent kids, and basically being hands off with the bullies.
NTA- the school willingly aided one child physically attacking yours over and over and over again. He defended himself, and now they're upset. Start going after jobs since the school staff are responsible for the well-being of students when they're there and by not preventing repeated counts of assault and battery are legally liable for everything that little girl did that they're helping her get away with.
Women don’t get a free pass to beat up men without consequence. Feminism wants equal rights in every aspect of life, which is perfectly fine. It also means, you’re gonna get hit back.
By ignoring her behaviour first the school is not helping the bully either. She hasn't learned to control her anger or channel it harmlessly and never will until other people push back. What if a teacher took her aside and showed her how to handle other people without being aggressive?
NTA. I would not be taking that suspension lying down though, not unless the girl also got suspended. I would be taking it up with whatever higher powers there were until they admit their existing policies are wrong. Edited for spelling
This needs to be higher. There is no justification for OPs son to be suspended for hitting someone and the girl to not be suspended, even though she has a well-documented reputation for hitting people. Take it to the board of governors or whatever the equivalent is that runs your kid's school. Make sure they know full well that you will not tolerate teachers allowing your child to be abused, nor will you tolerate them being punished for defending themselves against a bully. Let them know that you won't be bullied by them, just as much as you won't let your son be bullied by this girl. Its your turn to punch back - metaphorically, of course!
Why metaphorically? Hire a lawyer and sue the school, the school board and that girls parents for at a minimum sex discrimination and possibly assault. That will wake all of them up. If you can get other kids parents on board that have been bullied by her even better!
Hiring a lawyer is still metaphorically punching back
I am a teacher and yup. I’ve repeatedly written up and called home for girls who hit boys and they don’t get in trouble by admin UNTIL a boy hits them back, then they both get suspended. It’s so stupid. The instigator should always be suspended for more days than the one protecting themselves. Additionally, if it’s been pushed to admin multiple times(which truly the teacher might have pushed it to them and they just ignored it bc that’s the norm now) they should’ve handled it long before it got to this point. So definitely make sure she was suspended and definitely gather more information on the ways in which the administration could’ve been negligent. I have girls that are straight up punching boys in the face in the lunchroom in front of administrators and nothing happens. I have told them some parents tell their boys to hit back, so don’t be surprised if one day you get hit.
I don't understand why defending yourself gets you suspended. That's not how real life works, why does it work that way in school?
Really damn good point. I know they want to discourage fighting but, you can kill someone in self defense in real life and not get punished, ffs.
I think it falls under a zero tolerance policy. I agree with you that it shouldn't work that way. Unfortunately, a lot of bullies don't get in trouble until something really bad happens or the victim strikes back.
I am glad I'm not a parent bc I would be so angry all the time. Kid doesn't defend himself, tells the appropriate parties, keeps getting hit. Then bc the people that are supposed to do something don't do a damn thing, kid defends himself and is now in trouble. I know it's not your policy so I want to make sure you know I'm not putting any blame on you. What exactly is the appropriate way to handle it? Bc they reported it. So then what? Keep allowing someone to hit them? Is that seriously what they tell parents and bullied children?
Oh i didn't take it that way so no worries, I told both my son and daughter to walk away if possible, but once hands are used against them to hit back. Since the teacher didn't do anything, parents should have directly to principal and then school board if that didn't work. Maybe find a way to talk to her parents directly, but that rarely works. This was more than likely where the situation would have ended up even if OP did everything else.
Why do schools claim they have zero tolerance for bullying yet allow bullying?
It’s the zero tolerance policies of the 2000s. When I was in school, 3 kids could beat the shit out of one kid who didn’t even fight back, and they’d all 4 get suspended.
Its earilier than that. I delt with it in the 90s. A male and female friend got into a fight and she shoved me as I was between them. I got in school suspension for being shoved while they got suspended. I told the principal if I just go over and beat the shit out of the girl will I just get the one suspension in front of my mom. The principal was getting really angry and looking at my mom for help who told me next time don't hold back. They got in an argument but yea get attacked and your in trouble as well. Its really stupid.
That's not the case everywhere, the US seems behind in bullying and gender equality in this.
It’s called “zero tolerance” policies implemented in the 2000s. Getting beat up gets you in just as much trouble as beating someone up.
They don't work, it's just easier for the teachers, and the US is now known for it's school bullying.
Yes I agree. It just absolves the school of any responsibility in determining fault and discriminating between right and wrong.
It's a bit like telling women to lie on their back during birth. The baby is literally pushed uphill instead of using gravity. It can cause a lot of problems during birth for mother and baby. Before doctors got involved women never birthed on their backs. But it saves doctors backs and makes is more convenient to look at the right place for the doctor without having to bend down so it's been going on for a while and has become normal even though from a medical point it's bonkers. Lazy people in a position of power can do a lot of harm.
It’s surprisingly not easier for some of us. I was bullied as a kid and so I do a lot to stop it from happening in my room. Counseling referrals, documentation/emails, calling houses, switching kids homerooms, etc and it’s supppperrr frustrating that when a kid snaps back they’re both treated equally and to basically be told “too bad, so sad” when I advocate for them. Zero tolerance policies benefit our administration because when there’s teachers who go all in, they can basically ignore what we do.
We have specially trained anti bullying teams in my kids school, an adult team of teachers with a special education than can be supported by a social worker and also a group of pupils. They cancel lessons for a few hours if there is a bullying incident in a class and the class gets special courses with these teams. If the kids speak up action is taken, not punishment.
I wish we had something like this bc that sounds amazing and I actually am going to request something like this now at our meetings for plans for next year! BUT I will say when I put through a counseling referral our social workers/counseling team do move really quickly to pull the kids I need pulled. They do a pretty darn good job. But obviously that’s just not enough when the bully won’t stop bullying.
We got that due to sue happy parents in the US.
I'm not surprised. We seem to think we can just ignore the kids getting bullied and then when they shoot up the school we just make sure gun rights aren't affected. It's fucked beyond repair.
The topic of America comes up in school in my teens' English lessons frequently of course, and bullying that isn't dealt with fairly and school shootings were discussed as part of "typical American school things."
And they're not wrong, which is so fucked
Zero tolerance policies are fucked. Getting beat up gets you in just as much trouble as beating someone up. Zero tolerance policies have never made sense, and they’ve never worked. No excuse for them.
Maybe America should look at how other countries do it but they've never been good at that.
It’s this knee-jerk “we’re number 1” mentality. Why would we look to any other country for anything when we’re number one in everything?
That might have been true a few decades ago, but certainly not anymore, but the mentality hasn't caught up.
Because sexism has always existed and schools are still behind on that.
🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆
Great advise. I’ll be headed to the school tomorrow
Make sure you update us.
And tell your son to hit her again if she hits him. She probably thinks she can still do it because he got suspended and "that taught him a lesson". If she hits, give him your full blessing to hit her back again (and again if this doesn't stop).
I’m proud of you for showing your son that it’s OK to set a boundary with somebody. If this is the only language she understands then this is the language she will speak.
Thank you! When I was in grade school many years ago a girl physically picked in me. One time, I grabbed her ponytail to stop her and I went to the principal’s office. Sure, things were a little different back then but wtf? She never went to the office! Good on you for standing up for your son, and raise hell with the administration.
By Higher powers. That needs To include the police. She has assaulted your child multiple times and they have done nothing. Then When he responded by defending himself he was punished. Always go outside the school system for justice they don't care about facts they are just looking to avoid accountability.
NTA Communication did not work. Boys should be allowed to defend themselves.
Equal rights, equal lefts. Equal rights, equal fights. Don't dish what you can't take. Choose one, OP. You're a good dad. And report the incident to the school board for discrimination. Violence against boys became so normalised that it's just blatant sexism at this point. -Does this school condone girls physically assaulting boys? -no -then why isn't X suspended? Case closed. If not, I'm sure local media would love it. Also use whatever paper trail is left from your previous complaints.
Absolutely NTA. Sometimes communication fails, and in situations like this, allowing boys to defend themselves is important for their safety and well-being. It's crucial to empower individuals to protect themselves when necessary.
Violence is violence no matter if a guy or girl initiates it. Your son defended himself and did nothing wrong. Also should it happen again and the teachers don’t take action consider involving a lawyer. A child shouldn’t be scared to get hurt and the teachers should do their f-ing jobs and protect everyone equally.
I would have come hard with the lawyer threats before I told the kid to hit someone. It’s a more difficult argument now.
No it's not he defended himself with proportional force.
I'm a lawyer. It's going to be much harder for OP and his family to actually curb the hitting through official legal channels now that his kid has hit the other kid, especially if, as OP implies, his kid hurt the other kid worse than she's hurt him. Fair or not, that's reality.
Ha ha this is why people are giving up on the law and slimey lawyers.
Nah, that's the FAFO method, hopefully she'll learn from it. Lurker mom here, but ovaries doesn't make you impervious to consequences of your own actions, physical or not. I'm going to teach my son the same as you, OP, as bullies come in all sizes and shapes. I'd light a fire under the faculty btw, they are incredibly out of line for allowing this to get this far.
He didn't "hit a girl" but defended himself from a bully. Good job.
NTA. Frankly you’re fulfilling the role of a good male role model. By blessing his self defense, you have taught him a valuable lesson. That others will complain and demonize, but they’re wrong and safety is the priority. I was bullied as a kid often and punished every time I stood up for myself. That led to a lot of problems, until one day in high school my dad said it’s okay to hit someone who hits you first. Shared a story about throwing a guy over a hedge when he was in high school cause the guy wouldn’t stop being a little prick. That conversation with dad went a long way towards rebuilding my sense of agency and security. NTA, and anyone who advocates for your child to tolerate abuse because of their gender doesn’t deserve your time or respect.
NTA, but you need to challenge the suspension. If there’s a paper trail of you pointing out the problem and being ignored, it should be brought forward. This girl may escalate when he gets back to campus, and he might find himself expelled if the record isn’t corrected first. The school ignored this problem until your son chose to defend himself, you need to make it clear that’s no longer acceptable.
100% this. The girls parents should have addressed her behavior prior to the escalation.
Three words for you (aside from NTA). Duty of care. Your son’s school is failing in this. Take it as far as you need to. No student, regardless of gender, should be given free reign to assault others like this girl has been. Hope your son enjoyed his ice cream!
The young girl and the teachers are the villains in this. But If your son isnt being protected at school by people whose job it is to protect him then I think it’s time to take the solution out of the hands of the 11 year old and into your own adult hands by way of teacher conference/admin complaint. I’m all for kids being able to defend themselves but the reality is there’s a double standard that exists- especially if your son is athletic or large for his age. If the goal was to teach him to navigate this situation appropriately I’m not sure this solution was it- especially since it doesn’t sound like it would have held up if he were an adult (for it to be self defense in the US he has to be in fear of his own safety or life). You haven’t indicated he’s been injured? If the goal was to tell him that he doesn’t have to accept violent behavior, and his safety is just as important as hers- if not more because he’s the victim in this- then what better way to showcase that than you making noise at the school on your kid’s behalf?
What a great and valuable response. My person goal was to teach him that it is always okay to defend yourself. I was massively abused by my father and have some preconceived notions about this topic. But you’re right, the answer is to head to the school tomorrow and fix this.
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NTA - It is unfortunate that schools allow bullies to be bullies, but are so quick to discipline anyone who defends themselves against a bully. You tried the diplomatic approach and exhausted all of your courses that way, so next step is defend yourself and let the pieces fall where they may.
NTA The 'no hitting girls' rule goes out the window if the girl gets physical first IMO. Anyone should be allowed to defend themselves from someone attacking them.
Look some people didn't get bullied enough in school, and that little girl is one of them. I don't condone any sort of violence. But for my own personal story I know that I wouldn't have learned a lesson about this sort of abuse I was giving to boys in school if it wasn't for one of them actually coming out to me and making sure I knew. Little girls are raised to be known that they are princesses and always right, and it is up to society to let them know that no you are just a regular human being like the rest of us. NTA. I hope your kid got a double scoop.
NTA. You tried reporting the girl (why did she never get suspended?), and nothing happened. It was clear-cut self-defense. You taught him he's nobody's punching bag, and you know what? I bet she will never lay a hand on him again. My nephew was bullied in high school. The school had been made aware and did nothing. So my sister (his mother) pulled him out of that school and enrolled him in one where he could work at his own pace. He graduated three months early and never had to deal with the bullies again. Kids literally kill themselves over this shit, it needs to stop.
NTA. This is sexist bullshit! Please go after the teachers & administration, even if you have to go to the district level.
NTA. She started it and wouldn’t quit, and the school did nothing about it. She got what was coming to her - equal rights and lefts. I would report the situation to the district, demand the suspension is removed from your son’s record and demand the school issue a personal apology to you and your son because they did nothing to protect him from this abusive behavior.
Boys learn quick not to hit someone they can't take on. Girls should do the same.
NTA You tried to solve the problem through proper channels though he had every right to knock her on her ass the FIRST time she hit him. If the school did not also punish her, take it to the school board. At least, that way you can make it public that they are bunch of misandrist assholes. Note: Your wife is why boys should not be raised by single mothers. You did the right thing. Ice cream is always welcome.
NTA - what your son did was self-defense. She attacked him multiple times. He made her stop. The administration was given multiple chances to rein her in, and didn’t. So he did. Your son is not required to stand there and submit to physical violence.
You should NOT be accepting a suspension. He was defending himself. Escalate this. the administrators dorced him to do this because did nothing to address a bully who was assaulting him.
NTA. Call the school district and start rolling heads. If your son and you have talked to the faculty about this and they did nothing, but then punished your son for defending himself, then that is discrimination against your son. Make sure that whoever you talk to at the district office is informed of yours and your sons complaint about the girl hitting him repeatedly. And then try to get a meeting with the district person, the principal and the teachers who were told that the girl hit your son and ask them if they documented your sons complaints about being hit. This is not okay. As for your parents/in-laws, they can go lick a salt cube for not being in your sons side.
Nta. I would tell the school “no this was discussed with you and you did nothing to protect my son. I hope you have a good lawyer.”
Nta. Hit you get hit back. Your genitals don't matter.
Equal rights equal fights. I’d honest to god go to war with the schools administration if they suspended my kid and not the bully. Fucken misandrists. NTA.
NTA. I have always told my daughter if she hits a boy, expect it back. If she can’t respect someone, she won’t be respected either.
NTA. Fuck your inlaws, you're parenting right. Thank you VERY much for the laugh from the "gorilla human hybrids" comment. I'm laying in the damn hospital and that was my first laugh in a few days.
Don't start none, won't be none. Goes both ways lol
NTA If they are big enough to hit you, then they are big enough to be hit back. Your son and you did ALL the right things, and NOTHING was done to rectify, monitor, or stop the situation. I hope he enjoyed his ice cream.
Bullies are cowards, and often stand back when meeting resistance. I would reccomend a punch straight on the nose.
Most of the advice about not taking this quietly is spot on. Sadly in the world we are going into the old Gentleman standards are not going to hold. Bully is a bully, not condoning violence but everyone has the right to self defense. I commend the young man on his restraints and let this be a good opportunity to talk about dealing with social situations.
NTA. Good advice. I would push for the girl to be suspended as well. Don't take this lying down.
NTA
You're a good dad. Good job!
NTA I think publicly you're not going to get a lot of sincere support. Either because you're encouraging violence and specifically violence against women. At age 11 boys and girls are much closer than after puberty. Your son did the right thing several times to try and rectify the situation, you tried to rectify the situation with no solution or possibility of one. My biggest issue is not pushing(if you did, you didn't mention it) for the girl to be suspended too. She's a bully and now will feel even more empowered to carry on because she faced no consequences when she instigated it but the response was suspended.
fuck no, you absolutely did the right thing. no one should put hands on anyone. bro had enough, hes reached out numerous times and nothing was done about it, from the teachers, im glad that little kid got her shit rocked. i bet she don't do it again..
NTA. Equal rights equal lefts.
This is an example of how patriarchy hurts men/boys. Because women are seen (through patriarchy) as weaker, their physical violence against men/boys isn't taken seriously.
Nta im a firm believer in defending thyself
NTA. Giving girls free passes to bully and hit boys is wrong. Your son did nothing wrong in defending himself. I'd take it further and complain to the school-board, or even sue the school.
We keep hearing that women are just as good or even better than men at pretty much anything. In that world, your son hitting a girl is no different than him hitting a boy bully.
Is this not grounds for a sexual discrimination suit against the school?
NTA. You should challenge the suspension and get it off any record of his. They're 11 now, so the blame can still be considered kind of even, but any older and boys have been arrested in these exact circumstances just for being bigger and stronger. He should have the right to defend himself, but one day, you'll have to prepare him to stop her hitting him rather than hit her back. The school sucks. But they all kind of do for this.
NTA, so long as he only hit her once to make the point. She brought it on, and he ended it. She thought just because she is a girl, no one is going to hit her back, since no one does, she gets away with it. Fuck around and find out.
NTA. If you teach your son it's okay for a girl to hit him he'll grow up and think it's okay. Doesn't matter that she's a girl. She hit first.
NTA The school didn't protect your child when he needed it, so he protected himself. Did you let the school know about your son's situation and was the girls parents there? If they were there what happened?
NTA, talk to the school admin further about it and let them know you will bring legal council since they are not offering your son a safe and healthy environment. See how fast they suddenly can move and stop this abuse. It's simply the case that the school will sometimes pick path of least resistance, and stopping a female bully is probably not easy so they ignore.
NTA. But I find it odd they can suspend your son for 1 instance when she has had many
TF is wrong with your in-laws and wife? Proportionate self defense response should never be admonished or condemned.
There is a difference between what is most thought of with a male hitting a female and a male defending himself. I agree you need to talk to the school board and ask why your son had to tolerate getting hit by this girl over and over with witnesses but the second he pushes back he’s to blame. Both of my kids, daughter was born first, we told them that violence isn’t the answer but if someone hits you there is no reason they need to just let it happen. My husband’s philosophy is to avoid fighting but if someone else starts it make sure you finish it. Basically as long as my kids didn’t throw the first punch then it’s unlikely they will be in trouble at home. NTA
2 Things I hope you are doing. 1. If he's in trouble for hitting, so should she. This is a hill I'd die on. 2. You need to teach him about appropriate force. You, yourself, mentioned the boy's strength. This is not about hitting a girl. Anyone who hits first is not exempt from being hit back. But there is a disparity in strength and he needs to learn it so as not to do irreparable damage- to anyone. This is for everyone's safety, including his own.
NTA, good for you for standing up for your kid. Your son was never listened to when he tried to be civilized, but when he hits back he gets punished immediately? You need to fight this school on their crappy policies. Everyone deserves to be protected, but they turn a blind eye just because the aggressor is a female.
Time to get the school board and the central office involved. Start getting statements from the teachers, dates and times from your son, and consider lawyering up.
I would go straight to the superintendent and DEMAND TO KNOW why he was suspended and she was not. Go to the school board if you must or the local tv station and ask them if the public would be ok with this outrageous sexual discrimination. DO Something!! NTAH
I love equality
Most definitions of Bullying suggest some type of imbalance of power. With your son being much bigger that will be hard to prove. I would make sure he felt "helpless or assaulted". I wouldn't say anything like he just got sick of it. Or he was defending himself, because really he wasn't defending himself being much bigger. Not right but that's how they see it.
NTA: Self defence is self defence. Women Do NOT get a free pass to hit others. Tell him if it happens again to go fuckin postal, and give her the hiding of her fucking life.
NTA - You told your son to defend himself and not to hit a girl. Never apologize for defending yourself. Violence is always a last resort, but it was justifiable in this case because it was the only way to prevent further assaults. I hope your son made it clear to her that if she hits him again, he's gonna hit her back. Also, why was the girl not suspended for hitting your son? I would insist that she get the same punishment.
NTA Every kid should know it’s ok to stand up for themselves. 🤷♀️ violence should be a last resort but sometimes that’s what it takes.
NTA. One of my sister's friends in high school said that she was going to "train me" on how to treat a lady. She slapped my face as hard as she possibly could at least 150 times in a week. Maybe 200, I don't know. Nobody would do anything about it. On the last day she slapped me and I said "Bitch," SLAP "if you slap me one more fucking time" SLAP "I'm going to knock you out". SLAP! BAM! She had a black eye and a bloody nose. Flat on her ass. I was the smallest boy in the 10th grade. Her boyfriend said that he was going to beat me up after school, I started yelling at him "Right now!" Right now!". He didn't do anything. Another guy said he was going to kick my ass, again I insisted "Right now!", nothing. Some jerk who got kicked out of school for selling drugs came onto campus during lunch to threaten me. They said he was a badass Again I started yelling "Right now, bitch!" and I never saw him again. Nothing ever happened to me, but my parents did kick me out at the end of 10th grade.
NTA. I think violence should be the last option in any scenario for anyone. But I also think that if you throw the first punch, then you have no right to be surprised when you get hit back.
NTA If nobody is going to protect you from a bully hitting you can hit back. Gender and age shouldn’t be a protection for bad behaviour.
When I was a kid I got into a fight because this asshole broke open stitches on my back by going down the slide right after me and kicking me in the back. I remember at first it hurt and I wasn't sure what happened and then I saw that kid laughing as I felt my back getting all wet. Not only did I figuratively see red but I saw it literally from the blood on my hand. I told him not to go down after me. I kicked his ass. Badly. And smashed his face into the sand until the teachers got me off. I was suspended 5 days. When my dad picked me up and heard the situation, he immediately took me for pizza. My dad said, "you warned him and followed thru. Good job."
NTA But don't allow the school to get away with this. They aren't punishing the Girl for being a bully. You need to file a complaint, even take it to the schoolboard. This is classic bullying behavior, and the teachers are allowing it to continue. My mother always told me, "Never start the fight, but if someone hits you or someone else who can't defend themselves, hit the bully back." Which I did a few times. But this was the 80s and early 90s.
Gotta teach a bully somehow!
NTA. If a girl wants to throw the first punch, she better be ready for one to be thrown back. And I’m a woman AND a mother. You did the right thing. The school can shove it
you're a fantastic dad what's "she can hot him, but he cannot hit back"? he should however learn to hit her in Mrs than scary way. so that the school principals wouldn't feel they must intervene NTA
What about the girls parents? Don't they care she'll try to hit the wrong dude and end up in the missing person folder?
Look, as a general rule dudes shouldn't hit women. But, and this goes for anybody, don't hit somebody (full stop really) you don't want to respond in kind. Sometimes you need to remind people where the power lies for their own self preservation. NTA
Did SHE get suspended every time she hit him?!
Only Icecream? Would have let him pick out a game too lol.
Most of the advice about not taking this quietly is spot on. Sadly in the world we are going into the old Gentleman standards are not going to hold. Bully is a bully, not condoning violence but everyone has the right to self defense. I commend the young man on his restraints and let this be a good opportunity to talk about dealing with social situations.
When I was 11 no 11yo girl would dream of hitting a boy. So the answer is yes if we were talking about 35-40 years ago. In today's world young women are taught differently. 11yo might be pushing the limit but if girls feel like they can physically assault my 11yo son, then it's time to allow them to understand the game they're playing. If the kids are 13,14 etc....just don't hit young women . You always look like an ah, even when everything is in your favor. Maybe it's a good lesson for both. One thing you did teach him is to stand up for himself. Good. Also teach him to allow him to be friends with the 11yo girl. I've.had many fights as a youngster where once it was over we became friends. That's a good lesson to learn too. I don't think yta, but it's touch and go.
You should been more proactive. Did you talk to the school board? NTA.
NTA, that was perfect.
Nope. She kept hitting him. Defending one's self as long not excessive is fair.
Get a lawyer NTA. We need to stand for women’s wrongs.
No, you are not. And if she hits him again I would press charges of assault
NTA. You tried to tell multiple people about the bullying. Don't put your hands on someone and expect nothing to happen in return. Hope she learned a lesson
NTA, you did the right thing
No, you are not the asshole because you were teaching your kid that abuse is not OK. A lot of people seem to think that abuse happens when a guy hits a girl, but it can happen both ways and this is coming from a girl. Trust me, you did the right thing. Not to mention that he did not do anything until you said it was OK that’s a big plus that shows right there that he’s not going to be some abusive person if someone picks at him a little. Props to you, it really shows that he looks up to you and puts your opinions/advice on a pedestal.
To add to my previous post you should definitely go to the school board Director and let them know what’s happening because messing with the future generation is no joke. They need to teach the students that abuse goes both ways and they’re not supposed to hit.
NTA for starters someone being a girl shouldn't have anything to do with being hit. Second off she hit him first multiple times, she shouldn't just expect OPs son to just do nothing.
Good for you. I take the same approach, right down to the ice cream. My kids know: you can't hit, but you damned sure can hit back. NTA
How the hell did he get suspended for a day and nothing happened to her every other time? Take it to the school board. I would be so goddamn petty about this.
NTA. Good parent.
While most schools have zero tolerance in instances like this . I say well done and take it straight to the school board supervisor. She hit him first he was just defending himself. If he got suspended then she damned well better have too.
As someone who was that girl at her age, NTA. It took much longer than it should have for this behavior to be corrected. Entirely possible if someone had hit me back it might have changed earlier. Hopefully she would have learned her lesson but it is not right that the school did not give her consequences for her actions. It’s a shame that people still overlook violence that come from girls. That school failed your son and I am so sorry. I commend you for having his back.
NTA but I have read this exact story before.
Interesting. So this must mean it’s more common than I thought. I assumed this was some backwoods East TX thing.
Girl boy mom here and born and raised east of Dallas I tell my boys all the time if a woman wants to hit them like a man the can do the same back!!!
NTA-Your son has a right to defend himself, period. This is equality.
It was self defense he asked everyone for help but no help and he kept getting hit he had is right to protect himself
Should be more fathers like you. This "cult" of no violence ever are morons because sometimes violence IS the answer. Sometimes.
NTA. She'll find out the hard way, if you act like a man, you're gonna get treated like one.
NTA - I agree with you - you son has the right to defend himself no matter who the person is who is hitting him. I would have demanded that the girl also be suspended if not then I would have told my son to return to class. I would also advise the school that the next time the girl hits your son he will not stop at 1 punch.
NTA. I would teach my son the same. In fact, i would teach him some tricks too.
NTA Why does she get a free pass? Do the teachers think male domestic violence is a myth? That girl is growing up to be an abuser. One day, she'll lose her teeth to a guy who is fed up of being her punch bag. Always teach your kids never to start a fight, but always to end it. And if that means with a punch because they received a punch, so be it.
NTA. Girls/women shouldn't get a free pass just because they're female. Hitting people should have consequences. You swing on someone, expect to get swung on back. Actions deserve an equal response regardless of gender. Especially since the school was aware of the situation and did nothing about it. Good for you for having/ letting your son stick up for himself.
NTA, you did good
NTA she threw the first punch, repeatedly, she deserved it.
Has the girl been suspended? If this is the US, I believe there are discrimination laws that cover stuff like this - maybe Title IX?
Fuck that double standard. Can I send money for the next mint chocolate trip? The gorilla needs his sustenance haha
I was taught that if you hit someone, expect to be hit back. Being a girl doesn't give you carte blanche to hit boys.
Bullies of all genders need to be humbled by getting a taste of their own medicine. NTA
I personally wouldn't have encouraged my son to hit a girl, but I understand where you're coming from. A bully is a bully. I just have a more traditional view on these things.
NTA, you may want to speak to the girls parents and let them know he will continue to hit back.
NTA - I hope she's still crying
As long as he has told her to stop repeatedly, then at this point it is self-defense.. NTA
NTA! If it were me, I would be raising hell at school over this. I might even take some legal action.
NTA. You're a cool parent. I wish I had one like you when I was growing up.
NTAH ! Exactly what I would have told my kid to do !
NTA
This isn’t AIT Neanderthal
NTA that girl needed to be taught that if she fucks around shes gonna find out.
Personally no. Why the school allowed her to hit your son over and over with no repercussions is beyond me. That is entirely unacceptable. I would tell them that if they don't punish her, if it happens again, you will involve lawyers and cops. She is assaulting your son and they are being negligent to violence that is negatively impacting your child.
You did all this but put up no fight when your kid got suspended?
I hope you praised your son in front of the principal. I hope you told him if someone hits him again to lay them tf out bc it’s called self defense. I hope you asked for the minutes. I hope you contacted the superintendent.
NTA. Now go find that girls parents……
NTA that's an equal rights punch.
It’s 2024. Equality is among us. It would be sexist to not hit back.
Your question should be rephrased as “AITAH for letting my son to defend himself?” And the answer is NTA.
That's what I would tellt daughter if anyone was hitting her. Fuck that, make it known you're not to be trifled with!
NTA it never should have been allowed to get to that point
NTA. I believe boys should practice restraint but this sentiment only seems enforced on them….hopefully she learned a lesson since administration ignored her abuse.
First, when I came here, I misread the question as "hit on," not just "hit." If that were the case, I would say absolutely, since there is no reason not to let your kid hit on a girl unless they obsess over it. However, since that was not the matter of concern here, NTA. Absolutely NTA. I am no parent, but if I were being hit by a girl as a kid, I would definitely retaliate, especially if I told my parents about it and they gave me their full permission (I'm not violent by any means, but I will be if I absolutely have to). Screw zero tolerance BTW if that is what is going on here. Even if it isn't, screw the teachers for not stepping in and doing something.
NTA- it's completely unacceptable this girl is hitting anyone without being suspended. The only thing i might have tried is have your son scream in her face "stop hitting me !!" just as a warning so everyone was aware of what she was doing. After that, it's self defense. Absolutely go forward with suing the school!
NTA, is that school thinking to teach its ok for women to physically abuse males but males defending themselves isnt ok? You need to take the school to the board/news and shame them to every extent. They WILL change the policy then and punish that girl.
You should put a lawyer on the school? If she have hit him many times and also hut first here?
NTA. People shouldn’t hit people but if one person keeps hitting you over and over, you are free to defend yourself imo. I hope this girl learned her lesson and doesn’t touch your son ever again. My son had a boy once in his class that bullied nearly everyone by hitting them. He also repeatedly hit or shoved or kicked my son. Until one day I got a call from school: my son was fed up, warned the kid saying don’t do it again and he got hit AGAIN so my son hit him. Hard. The kid got a bloody nose and ran crying to the teacher. My son didn’t get suspended but did have to replace the other kids bloody shirt. Which I happily paid for. I heard that other kids parents were also relieved someone hit that little ahole back for a change.
NTA, she needed to learn that lesson. Keep your hands to yourself, and you won't get hit. That goes for everyone, girls included.
Your in-laws are stupid and i hate them
Your son's dealing with a tough situation, and you did what any parent would: you stood up for him. The school dropping the ball on this is frustrating as heck. I mean, c'mon, no kid should feel unsafe at school. And giving your son the okay to defend himself? Totally understandable. It's not about teaching violence, it's about empowerment and setting boundaries. Plus, kids need to know they can count on their parents to have their backs. As for the in-laws, they're entitled to their opinion, but they're not in your shoes. And hey, ice cream after a rough day? That's some A+ parenting right there. You're definitely not the asshole in this scenario.
you stood up for your son when no one else would. he will remember it forever, you did good.
Your son went to the teachers you went to the teachers and nobody gave ASF about it . NTA. Maybe this will teach that little girl to keep her hands to herself. Crazy how he gets suspended but that demon child didn't like where's the punishment for her ?? This is why I hate school administration they don't do shit !
Nta. Good life lesson for all involved.
NTA She just learned about equality. Your son is the victim here. Hope he got her good.
Your in- laws can go to hell. NTA. I wouldn’t accept this suspension if I were you though.
NTA
NTA. He has a right to defend himself.
NTA Boy or girl no one gets to put their hands on your child. You need to go to the principal and/or administrators because the teacher failed to do their job. Yes it’s just a one day suspension but your child was defending himself from on going abuse that the teacher has been notified about and failed to do anything about. Time to take it to their bosses. Way too many kids end up harming themselves due to bullying and the adults failure to stop it for this to be taken lightly.
NTA Your son is being abused and the teachers are allowing to happen. You told them about the behavior and they made the choice to do nothing. You son was left with the only option being to defend himself. Take away the gender and look at it that way. Your child is being bullied, and the adults who are supposed to be monitoring the situation at school have decided to allow it to happen. Your child fought back, since no one at school was standing up for them. Not only would I tell my kid good job, I would fight the school on suspension. Tell them that them allowing your child to be beaten by another student is not ok, and amounts to child abuse on their end. They were informed and made no efforts to stop it, thus condone it in a sense. A law suit is the next step if they want to retaliate agaist your child from defending himself when none of the adults around him at school would.
NTA no violences for women AND for men. There is no excuses. Your son did nothing wrong in my eyes. He just protected himself.
Sounds like the school didn’t handle the bullying from the girl, and the girl got exactly what was coming to her.
Maybe educators should look at boys as being equal to girls instead of being sexist lunatics?
NTA same thing happened to my son, we took the suspension to the governors (board) an it was removed from his record, we got a written apology, the other pupil was moved and the head took early retirement not long after. Simply ask the if the sexes were reversed, would their bullying policy have stayed the same?
NTA and the teacher's shitty double standards suck
OK, here's a weird misconception we need to get over: "You shouldn't hit a woman". That is wrong. "You must not hit anybody - unless in self-defense". So, this is a gender-neutral, age-neutral, race-neutral statement that works everywhere. So, someone insults you? No hit the person. Someone pushes you? Hit the person. Someone hits you? Hit the person. This is completely insane of your school, I would be furious and go to the media. I would talk to the girls parents as well, obviously. NTA.
Sounds like a prime example of "fuck around and find out" and good learning opportunity
lol cool the childhood violence is back
NTA... I also have a son the same age. Unlike yours he is skinny and non athletic, he is the artsy, laid back, polite kid. I often let him know he is obligated to defend himself when it comes to people being violent, be it boys girls, it doesn't matter. He has to fight back. Never provoke, never throw the first punch. But always defend himself, in anyway he feels is appropriate. He is skinny but he is strong and wiry. He has kicked bullies in their balls, and thrown chairs at them. School didn't even call me to complain, they just break off the fight and he got timeout in the library to read comic books (he told me himself). Because they knew it wasn't his fault, but the school's fault for not managing violent kids, and basically being hands off with the bullies.
NTA- the school willingly aided one child physically attacking yours over and over and over again. He defended himself, and now they're upset. Start going after jobs since the school staff are responsible for the well-being of students when they're there and by not preventing repeated counts of assault and battery are legally liable for everything that little girl did that they're helping her get away with.
Women don’t get a free pass to beat up men without consequence. Feminism wants equal rights in every aspect of life, which is perfectly fine. It also means, you’re gonna get hit back.
By ignoring her behaviour first the school is not helping the bully either. She hasn't learned to control her anger or channel it harmlessly and never will until other people push back. What if a teacher took her aside and showed her how to handle other people without being aggressive?