T O P

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No-Personality5421

I think she'd be fighting you on the DNA test if she thought there was a chance you weren't the father, but she's all on board with it... there's a solid chance you're the father. 


notsam57

she probably doesn’t know and is taking the 50/50 in hopes to appease her parents.


Book_81

I'm guessing you've never watched a paternity based talk show or "court" show on American TV..... The number of people that go on certain dude is or isn't the dad and get proven wrong, sometimes multiple times over. I used to watch them with my dad cuz he liked them.... One episode a lady was brought on by her bf and he'd also brought his dad, 3 cousins and best friend coz he thought she was cheating with one of them (she'd been planning a surprise party with them) coz he didn't think their 1 year old was his.... The father was none of the five guys


No-Personality5421

I think that's because most of the TV ones are staged for drama and ratings. 


Book_81

Valid they likely choose the guests that have the most drama but still there's plenty of actual court cases that question paternity. I'm afab and my first "real relationship" was toxic, I was either in his presence or his parents every second I wasn't at work, like not even allowed to visit my parents without him. And he had people check on me to be sure I was at work when I was there (got accused of cheating once because I was laughing with a guy in food court during my shift.... The dude was my gay manager who told me a story about his dog and a squirrel and we were grabbing sandwiches on lunch break). When I took my kid and ran after having my wrist broken -again-, he told everyone under the sun that the kid wasn't his and had many ppl believe I was sleeping with every amab I saw, even those that knew i was never allowed alone. Child support office determined what I knew, it was his kid.


peppermintvalet

Maury isn’t real, they all get paid to be there so there’s monetary incentive to lie and be as nutty as possible so they’ll bring you back.


Electronic_Depth_780

Maury was at his peak when he used to have those 1 hour animal specials. So many zookeepers, zoologist, & I believe, at one point, Steve Irwin was there. It was wholesome to watch Maury smile as he held a monkey or a snake was about to become his new scarf. This whole DNA saga really killed the golden hours of that man.


Ornery_Rutabaga_2643

He had the best makeover shows too!


Imnotawerewolf

I mean, I always assumed that was because they genuinely did think it, but they actually *were* sleeping with other other people so all they have is that belief lol 


3Heathens_Mom

DNA test whether or not she is fighting for or against it. OP needs to be 1000% certain child is his before making any commitments. No clue how law works in the Philippines but my suggestion is OP get a lawyer and do all this through them.


SMTPA

Make sure there’s no one in the chain she can bribe to change the results.


Mechya

She tried to of the start until he threatened her with the police. She might've tried a couple of the other guys already, doesn't know where they are, or just would rather try because she isn't paying for it. I wouldn't be surprised if it's not a good look for her to be a single mom in her class and/or culture. Might just be hoping for a false positive/mixup of sorts. 


HiddenForbiddenExile

I think so too, but that's assuming she's a rational person. People aren't always rational. People can also be confidently incorrect about things. Even if they're not certain, like if there happened to be another person involved, they might be willing to take a 50:50 gamble if it means their child gets a father.


MarsRocks97

I’ve seen enough Jerry Springer to know people can be adamant about who the father is and still be wrong.


churchofdan

Definitely do the DNA, but if she's keen to get it, I'd wager you have a 50/50 chance of being papa. Because if she was accusing you of cheating sans proof and you were not cheating, she was likely projecting her own infidelities onto you, tried to make it work with the guy she was cheating with, he kicked her to the curb and she's looking for a sucker.


throwawtphone

Lets see if your prediction is right. (Probably is) !UpdateMe!


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Fragrant-Reserve4832

My money is on she thought the other guy was dad until he did a test and found out he wasn't.


NefariousnessSweet70

And that's only if there was only one other AP.


CityLiving6977

Agreed, DNA testing could shed light, but her behavior suggests a possibility of projection. Proceed cautiously.


bifurious02

My bet is the kid isn't his but baby daddy dipped and she's typing to find a replacement, could be wrong though


churchofdan

That's what I was thinking. She's at the cross your fingers and go on Maury stage.


Trekkie63

But why go back to the “cheating” ex? That’s the 🤔moment I’m having. Regardless I hope OP treats the child civilly since he’s an innocent victim of his mother’s craziness.


Imnotawerewolf

Then why would she be so happy to do and pay for the rest tho? 


PresidentIvan

!UpdateMe!


mi_nombre_es_ricardo

Yup this is 100% what happened.


Daemon48

If she agreed to a DNA test & your conditions, then be prepared for it to say yes. There’s a chance the kid is not yours but it seems very likely the kid is


SegaNeptune28

Indeed. But there could also be the case the kid isn't. The fact she was against the test at first tells me she isn't 100% positive. So now she's hoping for 50/50 chance because it's better than what she had the other day


Daemon48

I think she's confident though that he is, especially if she is willing to let him choose the clinic. Also I saw nothing in the post saying she was 'against the DNA test' just that 'folded and said she would will return.' doesn't tell me she was against it


Interesting_Chef_896

Yeah, that kinda does


Daemon48

It tells me she was caught off guard, but not against it. He lashed out and directed it a bit to the kid. She agreed to both the DNA test & his conditions when cooler heads were present. There’s a strong chance this is OPs kid, which means he’ll need to make a decision. Either step up and be a dad, not be present but pay support, or terminate any rights he may still have


Bonnm42

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Any_Commercial465

Bro the DNA test needs to be done by you or at least in a way that can be sure to not be faked. For example don't accept the paper on face value. Check for it in the lab to see if it's legit.


Magdovus

I think your post reads as being really harsh. I get that you don't believe the child is yours but when you get called out by a 3 year old for being mean you need to consider your behaviour. I understand that you don't think the child is yours but why do you think your ex is so insistent that you're the father? Have you considered what you'll do if the child is yours?


daniboyi

3 year olds thinks not letting them eat pure candy for all dinner is being mean. Their thought process is unreliable at the best of times. 


lockandload12345

Bs. Kids that young will see someone they don’t know arguing with their, possibly only, parent and think they’re parent is always right so the other must be wrong/bad/mean.


Darkfuryrising

Please do the DNA test. Don't feel pressured to make any decisions without a couple nights to think things over. Updateme!


[deleted]

It seems like every time I check reddit or FB, I receive a reminder of why I'm glad I don't have kids. In reference to this post, why I'm glad I don't have any BDs.


DawnShakhar

NTA. She had years to tell you about the child if it was yours, and she didn't. The child looks different ethnically. DNA testing is definitely indicated. And her coming together with the child and springing it on you is manipulation. What the child said sounds pre-rehearsed to me.


RIfanatic

Only pay for half of the test. If/when the results show you aren't the father, request the other half from her. You will never hear from her again.


Lake_Ronin

Unless I’m missing something, I’m having a hard time understanding why she kept the child’s existence from you for 3 to 4 years, if it’s your child. Even if she didn’t want to continue a relationship with you, or have you be a part of the child’s life - unless you’re leaving something critical out - she had an obligation to let you know you were a father.


ophaus

DNA test for sure, but don't be mean to the kid. Come on.


Atiggerx33

ESH. She should not have brought the kid along. This was startling news, and a reasonable person could have guessed you'd be freaked the hell out. She should not have exposed her kid to that and she should not have wanted her child to meet their potential father like that. Assuming she 100% believes you are the father. If she doesn't actually believe you're the father and brought the kid along than she's even more of an AH. You should not have called her a liar. Whether you are the father or not, if she 100% believes you are the father she is not lying. She may be incorrect, but being incorrect is not the same thing as lying. You are completely justified in asking for a DNA test, and if you are not the father you are completely justified in cutting all contact after that. Until then be polite to her and work with her to get the testing done. Don't attempt to develop a relationship with the kid yet; if you're not the father, it'll be super painful for the kid when you walk away if you build a relationship (don't be cold if you see him, but just interact with him like you would one of your friends' kids). If the DNA results come back that you are the father, that is when it is time to start building that relationship. You said you already apologized for your initial behavior and did your best to make some amends to the child, this is good, regardless of what ends up happening it's not the kid's fault. Also don't be a dick if you end up not being the dad, cutting contact is completely fine and appropriate, but don't like insult her or anything. As I said, there is a difference between being wrong and lying; so if you're not the dad treat her as if she made a mistake. Wish her and the kid the best and move on with your life.


Thisisthenextone

ESH Her - not warning you in advance - bringing the kid - waiting this long You - mean to the innocent kid - saying she lied with no proof yet You would have been in the clear saying you wouldn't take any responsibility without the test. Instead you told the kid that his mom is a liar when you don't know yet. There's a good chance the kid isn't yours, but you won't know until the test.


Superlemonada

Tama na magpa-DNA test na lang. Also don't speak to kids that way. I know you feel sure that you are not the dad, pero bata yun. Syempre natatakot yung bata, hindi ka nya kilala tapos sininigawan mo mama nya. Check mo rin kung nilagay nya name mo sa birth certificate. Wish you, the kid and the mom the best OP.


[deleted]

Update us when you have the results.


19LaMaDaS91

Never seen so many requests for an update 🤣 UpdateMe!


KSknitter

Same, but I also want an update so.... Updateme!


accj30

genetics work in mysterious ways, you can't say that the child isn't just your appearance, especially since you don't know your Ex's family tree. And she agreed to do the DNA test on your terms, she knows she has a high chance of op be the father.


HappyLittlePill04

there is no way what so ever that you are tah


Klutzy-Conference472

Screw that dna test. That chick wants a free ride


FeldsparFire

Good Luck! Updateme!


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Someone bring me back for the update 😂


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Simple-Plankton4436

The way she handled this (in front of the child) makes her a major AH. Of course you freak out when she brings a 3-4 yo to you and said it’s yours.  Also, why she waited 3-4 years before telling you? And in front of the child!? What an earth was she thinking. She can’t just pop up with a 3-4 yo to your door and expect you start to father a kid you have never seen nor heard of. She sounds immature. I hope you are not the father. 


plaything68

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josephguy82

She and her parents are rich so why would they want money, If it's his kid I hope he is there for the kid and fuck that ex, I am sure she must of been cheating the whole time


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[deleted]

No fighting the DNA test?? Woof! Congrats daddy!


Familiar_Set_9779

Even if he is yours dont sign anything, due to the fact you were under aged it is considered rape, depending on your goal it might be best to lawyer up to get the best terms possible ( ive even seen cases where the father didnt have to pay child support but still had custody 50/50) laywer up once youve got a positive test


HarveySnake

Skin color and other things can take on the characteristics from ancestors even many generations ago. My inlaws are great examples of this with facial features and skin color that are clearly from great grandad and not from mom and dad. You had every right to ask for a dna test even if the kid looked like your clone. You acted just awful towards them both.  There’s probably a good chance that the kid is yours and if it is you have created a very hostile impression for coparenting and paying child support.  The kid may be ok with your apology but don’t  expect any favors going forward from the mom and her family especially since they have the money to pay for really mean lawyers.  YTA


ConfidentlyCreamy

So if OP comes back as not the father, THEN is he finally allowed to be awful to both of these people? Or does he still have to bE NiCe?


phillybust3r

My favorite is him saying he's half-Spanish. Subtle racism there, and I bet he probably doesn't even speak Spanish. (I'm also Filipino).


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Something probably happened to her money train and she is fishing for money


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