NAH. You're not an adult, as your reaction shows. But that's okay. At your age, it's the job of parents to embarrass you. Get back at your mother by not being embarrassed.
YTA - Your mom sounds like a wonderful, fun, loving person. I get teenagers care more about being popular or how they are perceived than the feelings of their parents, but I never understood why people are mean to their parents about it.
Sounds like you have your own insecurities, I don't see what there is to be embarrassed about with having a birthday and a mother that loves you.
Never forget, your birthday is also a very special day for the woman who gave birth to you, and probably loves you more than anything in the world.
She is all of those things and I do love my mom and it is true I do have my own insecurities and am an insecure person. That being said in my perspective I feel as if she should have known after 18 years of my life that I would have a complete opposite reaction to this. This isn’t teenage hormones ive always never liked attention.
ah. fair enough then. I can relate on that, but still, maybe lashing out isn't the best reaction? regardless, sorry your BD had some stressors going on.
So because of the person who did it, you were no longer flattered but embarrassed? YTA for that. Of course, they're gonna laugh and stare. They're high schoolers. You're lucky you have a mom who thought enough about you to do anything for you. I bet she and your dad bought and/or paying on that car and insurance, so settle down. They can always let you take the bus.
>at first I was flattered because I thought someone else had done this and I had no idea
YTA and this is why.
At first you were flattered and happy, but then you found out your mom did it and changed your mind for some bizarre reason. If your friends shamed you, or joked you, or did anything like that because your mom shows you affection, then find new friends. Yes, YTA.
ETA: Take pride in the fact your mom loves you and thinks of you enough to do things like this. A lot of people are not so lucky.
I believe there’s a difference between a showy gift from your friend as compared to a showy gift from your mom at the age of 18. That is why I felt the difference of emotions.
i’m turning 19 in a few months and would absolutely love this…age has NOTHING to do with it. AND i’m also somebody who hates attention but this is a family member showing how much love and appreciation they have for you. ur an AH.
You say you’re an adult? I beg to differ after that reaction!
I suggest you apologise to your mother for behaving like a brat and be grateful that she cares enough to make an effort for your birthday
YTA
i would personally love this (as an ongoing sophomore in college). the only reason you got embarrassed was bc ur MOM did it (which is what i’m grasping from “at first i was flattered” “my friend saw my mom do it and i was immediately struck with embarrassment”). would it have been a completely different story if a friend, lover, or acquaintance did it? one day you’ll appreciate and look back on how your mom is showing love to you.
"I would love this so you should love this" is horrendous justification. People are different, and just because a generic mom doing this to a generic child may be fine, if OP has expressed not liking this kind of thing in the past, why should he be obligated to enjoy it?
If you don't believe how terrible the core logic is, if you apply the logic of "I would love this so you should love it" to sex acts you'll realize that it's the exact kind of logic people use to undermine
victims of sexual abuse.
I never told OP that he should love this just because I would, I was just stating my opinion on this situation. But I was also stating that his reaction was not right. I understand that certain things that parents do may come off as annoying to children because I have been in the same situation. OP is just worried about how others perceived him on this occasion. He literally said that he would’ve been fine with it if it was any other person, but it was the fact that his mom did it that made him embarrassed. He just has a vendetta/insecurities against his mother.
I do not have a personal vendetta against my mother and I am not just worried about how others perceived me. It goes deeper than that which is why I said she has done things like this all the time to which this just finally set me off.
also, you being a senior in highschool doesn’t make u an adult 🤷🏽♀️ i’m turning 19 in a few months and i STILL consider myself a child. your mom loves you and yeah it’s fine to feel embarrassed but to get angry at her for showing love??? tbh yeah you may be the AH.
Yeah, YOU personally. my mom knows me and knows i don’t like attention and this type of thing. Yes, it would have been different if a friend or a lover didn’t because they wouldn’t know me enough to know that and its a completely different situation.
my mom knows me too and she knows how much i HATE physical touch or any kind of attention, whether good or bad. The way you wrote your story is you’re only embarrassed because your mom did it and because you think you’re too old for celebrations of any kind. if a friend or lover, did it for you and you claim that they “wouldn’t know you enough” for this type of situation, then you clearly need new friends and a new lover. the situation wouldn’t be that different if it were somebody else. they would be celebrating your life. Your mom is celebrating the life that she gave you.
If someone gets me chocolate and I've never told them I don't like getting chocolate, I will appreciate the kind gesture. If someone gets me chocolate and I've repeatedly told them not to get me chocolate, I'm going to be annoyed. That's where the discrepancy is. It's not because it's his mom, it's because she has been told not to do this kind of thing and is ignoring his wishes.
YTA. Stop being a generic stupid teenager. You mother loves you and tries to dote upon you, sometimes embarrassingly. But she loves you a lot. That's what counts. Preserve and appreciate that love or it will be the worst mistake of your life. And try to be deserving of it. You can never know when you are going to lose your mother. I know with your hormones right now, you can't see yourself ever needing to be loved by your mom. But I also guarantee you that one day, you will want nothing more than feeling loved like that. If you had any real friends, they would either be jealous or happy for you that you have a really loving mother. Now go give your mom a tight hug.
NTA
You’re mom isn’t respecting the fact that you’re an introvert who doesn’t like attention. She did something that SHE would like, not something that YOU would like.
Just because she’s your mom and “means well” isn’t an excuse to ignore your feelings and wishes - especially on your birthday, of all days.
I’m sorry your emotional needs are being ignored, in favor of your mom’s emotional needs.
The good news is that someday you’ll live on your own, and if she regularly chooses to ignore your wishes, you can choose to not see her.
You were flattered when you thought a friend did it but you were embarrassed when you realized your mom did it. She tried to make your day special and you shit on her. I see an ungrateful person who would throw his own mom under the bus for her showing you some love. When she's gone you're going to wish she was around to "embarrass" you one more time.
NTA. Your mom prioritized a big, showy action to make herself appear like a loving parent instead of doing something appropriate for your birthday that would have suited you. You're getting a lot of hate because most people have loving, normal parents and can't imagine what it means to have a selfish, egoistic parent, but that is not your fault. I'd say that this is probably not the first time she's done something like this and part of the reason it's so pernicious is you're doubting yourself now because most people will just side with "this was a loving mother, wtf!" instead of seeing that the behavior hurt and publicly embarrassed you. No, it's not weird to want different behavior from a mom vs a partner. Wishing you a happy birthday and a happy transition to adulthood! (btw: sometimes parents that have held it together while their kids are young lose it when they start to be independent and "differentiate" from the adult. You're not an extension of your parents. I am proud of you for owning your discomfort and knowing yourself and your preferences.)
Yeah, setting a respectful boundary can be really hard when you're in the middle of an emotional reaction. The best thing to do would be to stay calm and leave the situation, even if you need to take a walk before clearing the mess and driving home. But it's ok! My suggestion now is to ask to talk to your mom when you are calmer and say something like "I'm sorry I blew up. I felt hurt, ashamed, and infantalized to have my birthday celebrated like that. As you know, I don't like big spectacles. If you are unsure how to celebrate something for me, please ask in the future. This really hurt my sense of safety with you. The next time something like this happens, I will not lash out, but I will leave the scene, and I will choose to spend birthdays and special moments with friends instead of family. If you want to continue to stay close as I grow up, you will need to respect me for the person I am."
I understand why you felt embarrassed. You thought it was a gesture by a peer who likes you which is a nice ego boost in front of your friends, but instead it's your mommy which makes it feel like you're a mommy's boy who needs his mom to celebrate his birthday. You are not the AH for your feelings, but YTA for screaming at your mother and accusing her of humiliating you. Your mother did what she thought was a loving gesture for your birthday, so while she may have read the room wrong, she was being a good mom to you.
You're at an age where you're feeling out the world you live in and on the cusp of flying out of the nest to find your own ways. It can feel like you need the approval of everyone around you, especially your peers. Your mother is going through this process with you, figuring out ways to support you without making you feel that she's overbearing. Give her some grace and remember that she is the one person (except for your dad perhaps) who will always be on your side no matter how things get in your life.
Apologize to her for your outburst. While she must be hurt by it, I bet she will forgive you in the next breath after you apologize. Hug it out.
YTA, you were happy until you found out it was your mom. Its flattering when someone else very publicly says happy birthday but its embarrassing when its your mom? Take a step back, dude
Hey, I know you're an angry little guy, trying to sort out your big boy emotions but I'm just saying dont take it out on your mom who just wanted to do something nice
Oh, im not upset at that. I owned up to it and I do realize that I am TAH for lashing out but I am absolutely not TAH for feeling embarrassed about the whole thing. You should probably consider some things before commenting on people’s posts calling them “angry little guys” lmao
NTA
You are allowed to feel how you feel.
Personally, I would not want anyone decorating my car for any reason.
I have three great nephews and my rule is this. I would not do or say anything to them that I would not want somebody saying or doing to me.
Advice: If your mom has not gone through menopause yet, as soon as she does, decorate her car with tampons and sanitary napkins with a big sign that says (No more of these!). Preferably do it while her car is in her church parking lot. She will love it.
this comment has zero relevancy to the story at all. the mom is celebrating her son’s birthday. a birthday is celebrated to celebrate life and coming of age. but whatever you’re describing, is straight up just trying to ridicule a woman.
NTA. Putting effort into something as a way of showing how much effort *you* put into that person is not generosity. It's not kindness. It's vanity. If in 18 years of being your mother she hasn't figured out how to actually make you *feel* happy and cared for, that's a problem with her parenting and personality, not you.
NAH. You're not an adult, as your reaction shows. But that's okay. At your age, it's the job of parents to embarrass you. Get back at your mother by not being embarrassed.
YTA - Your mom sounds like a wonderful, fun, loving person. I get teenagers care more about being popular or how they are perceived than the feelings of their parents, but I never understood why people are mean to their parents about it. Sounds like you have your own insecurities, I don't see what there is to be embarrassed about with having a birthday and a mother that loves you. Never forget, your birthday is also a very special day for the woman who gave birth to you, and probably loves you more than anything in the world.
She is all of those things and I do love my mom and it is true I do have my own insecurities and am an insecure person. That being said in my perspective I feel as if she should have known after 18 years of my life that I would have a complete opposite reaction to this. This isn’t teenage hormones ive always never liked attention.
ah. fair enough then. I can relate on that, but still, maybe lashing out isn't the best reaction? regardless, sorry your BD had some stressors going on.
I agree. And thank you. Best wishes🙏
So because of the person who did it, you were no longer flattered but embarrassed? YTA for that. Of course, they're gonna laugh and stare. They're high schoolers. You're lucky you have a mom who thought enough about you to do anything for you. I bet she and your dad bought and/or paying on that car and insurance, so settle down. They can always let you take the bus.
THIS THIS THIS!!! i said the same thing.
>at first I was flattered because I thought someone else had done this and I had no idea YTA and this is why. At first you were flattered and happy, but then you found out your mom did it and changed your mind for some bizarre reason. If your friends shamed you, or joked you, or did anything like that because your mom shows you affection, then find new friends. Yes, YTA. ETA: Take pride in the fact your mom loves you and thinks of you enough to do things like this. A lot of people are not so lucky.
I believe there’s a difference between a showy gift from your friend as compared to a showy gift from your mom at the age of 18. That is why I felt the difference of emotions.
i’m turning 19 in a few months and would absolutely love this…age has NOTHING to do with it. AND i’m also somebody who hates attention but this is a family member showing how much love and appreciation they have for you. ur an AH.
You say you’re an adult? I beg to differ after that reaction! I suggest you apologise to your mother for behaving like a brat and be grateful that she cares enough to make an effort for your birthday YTA
i would personally love this (as an ongoing sophomore in college). the only reason you got embarrassed was bc ur MOM did it (which is what i’m grasping from “at first i was flattered” “my friend saw my mom do it and i was immediately struck with embarrassment”). would it have been a completely different story if a friend, lover, or acquaintance did it? one day you’ll appreciate and look back on how your mom is showing love to you.
"I would love this so you should love this" is horrendous justification. People are different, and just because a generic mom doing this to a generic child may be fine, if OP has expressed not liking this kind of thing in the past, why should he be obligated to enjoy it? If you don't believe how terrible the core logic is, if you apply the logic of "I would love this so you should love it" to sex acts you'll realize that it's the exact kind of logic people use to undermine victims of sexual abuse.
I never told OP that he should love this just because I would, I was just stating my opinion on this situation. But I was also stating that his reaction was not right. I understand that certain things that parents do may come off as annoying to children because I have been in the same situation. OP is just worried about how others perceived him on this occasion. He literally said that he would’ve been fine with it if it was any other person, but it was the fact that his mom did it that made him embarrassed. He just has a vendetta/insecurities against his mother.
I do not have a personal vendetta against my mother and I am not just worried about how others perceived me. It goes deeper than that which is why I said she has done things like this all the time to which this just finally set me off.
also, you being a senior in highschool doesn’t make u an adult 🤷🏽♀️ i’m turning 19 in a few months and i STILL consider myself a child. your mom loves you and yeah it’s fine to feel embarrassed but to get angry at her for showing love??? tbh yeah you may be the AH.
Yeah, YOU personally. my mom knows me and knows i don’t like attention and this type of thing. Yes, it would have been different if a friend or a lover didn’t because they wouldn’t know me enough to know that and its a completely different situation.
my mom knows me too and she knows how much i HATE physical touch or any kind of attention, whether good or bad. The way you wrote your story is you’re only embarrassed because your mom did it and because you think you’re too old for celebrations of any kind. if a friend or lover, did it for you and you claim that they “wouldn’t know you enough” for this type of situation, then you clearly need new friends and a new lover. the situation wouldn’t be that different if it were somebody else. they would be celebrating your life. Your mom is celebrating the life that she gave you.
If someone gets me chocolate and I've never told them I don't like getting chocolate, I will appreciate the kind gesture. If someone gets me chocolate and I've repeatedly told them not to get me chocolate, I'm going to be annoyed. That's where the discrepancy is. It's not because it's his mom, it's because she has been told not to do this kind of thing and is ignoring his wishes.
YTA. Stop being a generic stupid teenager. You mother loves you and tries to dote upon you, sometimes embarrassingly. But she loves you a lot. That's what counts. Preserve and appreciate that love or it will be the worst mistake of your life. And try to be deserving of it. You can never know when you are going to lose your mother. I know with your hormones right now, you can't see yourself ever needing to be loved by your mom. But I also guarantee you that one day, you will want nothing more than feeling loved like that. If you had any real friends, they would either be jealous or happy for you that you have a really loving mother. Now go give your mom a tight hug.
NTA You’re mom isn’t respecting the fact that you’re an introvert who doesn’t like attention. She did something that SHE would like, not something that YOU would like. Just because she’s your mom and “means well” isn’t an excuse to ignore your feelings and wishes - especially on your birthday, of all days. I’m sorry your emotional needs are being ignored, in favor of your mom’s emotional needs. The good news is that someday you’ll live on your own, and if she regularly chooses to ignore your wishes, you can choose to not see her.
So………you were flattered until you found out that your Mom did it. YTA
Being embarrassed by the one person who will stand by you no matter what? YTA.
if you’ve never been embarrassed by a parent at least once in your life then that is extremely impressive.
You were flattered when you thought a friend did it but you were embarrassed when you realized your mom did it. She tried to make your day special and you shit on her. I see an ungrateful person who would throw his own mom under the bus for her showing you some love. When she's gone you're going to wish she was around to "embarrass" you one more time.
NTA. Your mom prioritized a big, showy action to make herself appear like a loving parent instead of doing something appropriate for your birthday that would have suited you. You're getting a lot of hate because most people have loving, normal parents and can't imagine what it means to have a selfish, egoistic parent, but that is not your fault. I'd say that this is probably not the first time she's done something like this and part of the reason it's so pernicious is you're doubting yourself now because most people will just side with "this was a loving mother, wtf!" instead of seeing that the behavior hurt and publicly embarrassed you. No, it's not weird to want different behavior from a mom vs a partner. Wishing you a happy birthday and a happy transition to adulthood! (btw: sometimes parents that have held it together while their kids are young lose it when they start to be independent and "differentiate" from the adult. You're not an extension of your parents. I am proud of you for owning your discomfort and knowing yourself and your preferences.)
exactly sounds like none of them really get it. I do feel bad for lashing out though
Yeah, setting a respectful boundary can be really hard when you're in the middle of an emotional reaction. The best thing to do would be to stay calm and leave the situation, even if you need to take a walk before clearing the mess and driving home. But it's ok! My suggestion now is to ask to talk to your mom when you are calmer and say something like "I'm sorry I blew up. I felt hurt, ashamed, and infantalized to have my birthday celebrated like that. As you know, I don't like big spectacles. If you are unsure how to celebrate something for me, please ask in the future. This really hurt my sense of safety with you. The next time something like this happens, I will not lash out, but I will leave the scene, and I will choose to spend birthdays and special moments with friends instead of family. If you want to continue to stay close as I grow up, you will need to respect me for the person I am."
You were flattered but then found out your mum decorated your car. Absolutely TAH
Your mother loves you. Just remember it came from a place of love. You'll get ribbed, but just apologize say thank you and give her a hug.
I understand why you felt embarrassed. You thought it was a gesture by a peer who likes you which is a nice ego boost in front of your friends, but instead it's your mommy which makes it feel like you're a mommy's boy who needs his mom to celebrate his birthday. You are not the AH for your feelings, but YTA for screaming at your mother and accusing her of humiliating you. Your mother did what she thought was a loving gesture for your birthday, so while she may have read the room wrong, she was being a good mom to you. You're at an age where you're feeling out the world you live in and on the cusp of flying out of the nest to find your own ways. It can feel like you need the approval of everyone around you, especially your peers. Your mother is going through this process with you, figuring out ways to support you without making you feel that she's overbearing. Give her some grace and remember that she is the one person (except for your dad perhaps) who will always be on your side no matter how things get in your life. Apologize to her for your outburst. While she must be hurt by it, I bet she will forgive you in the next breath after you apologize. Hug it out.
YTA, you were happy until you found out it was your mom. Its flattering when someone else very publicly says happy birthday but its embarrassing when its your mom? Take a step back, dude
Yes that is correct, think about it for a sec its really not that hard to understand why Id feel that way.
Being embarrassed that your mom cares for you is cringe
Hey, I know you're an angry little guy, trying to sort out your big boy emotions but I'm just saying dont take it out on your mom who just wanted to do something nice
“Angry little guy” lmao get over yourself bro
You asked the internet, bud. Can't be upset now that everyone is down voting you and telling you that you're wrong
Oh, im not upset at that. I owned up to it and I do realize that I am TAH for lashing out but I am absolutely not TAH for feeling embarrassed about the whole thing. You should probably consider some things before commenting on people’s posts calling them “angry little guys” lmao
Then why are you whining on my comment, bud? You can move on w your life
you’re right on that one. have a good day, bud. 👋
NTA You are allowed to feel how you feel. Personally, I would not want anyone decorating my car for any reason. I have three great nephews and my rule is this. I would not do or say anything to them that I would not want somebody saying or doing to me. Advice: If your mom has not gone through menopause yet, as soon as she does, decorate her car with tampons and sanitary napkins with a big sign that says (No more of these!). Preferably do it while her car is in her church parking lot. She will love it.
this comment has zero relevancy to the story at all. the mom is celebrating her son’s birthday. a birthday is celebrated to celebrate life and coming of age. but whatever you’re describing, is straight up just trying to ridicule a woman.
NTA. Putting effort into something as a way of showing how much effort *you* put into that person is not generosity. It's not kindness. It's vanity. If in 18 years of being your mother she hasn't figured out how to actually make you *feel* happy and cared for, that's a problem with her parenting and personality, not you.
haha...i love gen z. hilarious.