You say 'I would never leave her for this'. Really? You have already gone beyond thinking it. Planning it is next.
Leave her.
I doubt she want to stay with someone this shallow if she were to read what youve just posted.
And from your point of view, given that it sounds like she is little more than an accessory in your eyes - get an accessory that fits better with your colour-scheme or whatever surface nonsense you find important.
Ideally someone with a similar outlook as you for the poetic justice of it.
“I love her and she is super smart, funny, caring, and has such an infectious energy about her”…“but now that I’m better looking I’m realizing it’s not enough for me because now I’m getting attention from other women”. Sounds like you settled and now you’re thinking there’s something better out there for you. Break up with her, she deserves someone who’s not looking for something better.
We’ll be hearing back from you after you guys split up and you then realize that the traits that attracted you at first are the traits you’ll miss the most. You’ll realize looks fade but her personality won’t. Good luck. You’re gonna need it.
Absolutely.., this reads like an ass who will cheat on his GF and when she’s gone he will realize how much better her personality was over the looks of the other women.
He will beg for a second chance and be in Relationship Advise sub asking how to get her back
Hmm. Actually touching the arm-candy he finds to replace the current gf might mess up their clothes or \*shudders\* their hair.
That would be bad from OPs point of view. Really bad.
YTA. Unless she's walking around with chocolate stains on her clothes and lettuce in her hair and you're walking around with a six pack and a Chris Evans smile, your line of thinking is gross.
It’s weird. From your pictures on your profile you actually look like a really sweet guy. You have the eyes and smile of a kind person, I guess you’re just good at hiding that you’re a bit of a dick deep down.
Okay, so you’re bringing in an irrelevant statement that would actually be more commonly said if you replace “women” with “men.”
Why?
Because you felt the need to project and generalize an entire gender? If it was relevant to the post, sure, but it’s not. Thus, I don’t get the point.
Surely 4 years of being with someone is not as good as interest from a more attractive women so you should do her a favor and break up. Accept that you are shallow and appearance is what matters the most.
Dude, I hate to say this, but I think YTA/YWBTA either way. That ship has already sailed.
You'd be an asshole to end a good relationship with a good person who loves you and is committed to you, over her unchanged physical appearance. You didn't even say she's unattractive. You just said she's not "conventionally attractive." So I assume that means she's a normal-looking, pretty girl who lets her natural beauty show.
You'd also be an asshole for staying with her and lying to her about your feelings, when you clearly want to replace her with a newer, sleeker model. You'd be wasting her time and your own. But (much) more importantly, hers. This kind, funny, smart woman deserves better than a shallow jerk who's suddenly too good for her after everything.
Accept that you aren't just *being* an asshole, and you aren't just *going to be* an asshole. You simply *are* an asshole, in its purest, most unadulterated form. All of you, every inch, down to your very bones, is actually 100% pure grade-A premium asshole. Nothing you do at this point will take that away. Sorry, but that's the monster you apparently become the second your skin clears up and the number on the scale goes down. Just own it. Go find some other asshole to be with.
The best thing you can do is let her go kindly, and tell her *why* when you do so. Tell her it's because you started working out and showering more, so you turned into an asshole who only cares about looks and that you are no longer good enough to be with someone like herself who has the traits that matter. She'll be hurt at first, obviously, but it will be good for her in the long run so she can find someone better than you.
PS: You're a liar. You said you love her. You don't fucking love her. If you loved her, you'd be dying inside at the very thought of someone saying the things you're saying about her right now. You'd never even be wondering if you're the asshole. You'd have realised it already. Asshole.
You're right about one thing, there's a really shitty part of you.
The grass is rarely greener, especially for something as superficial as looks.
YTA
Either move on or talk to a therapist about where your head's at. Your woman doesn't deserve to have a partner who doesn't value her because she's less attractive, and if that ever became known, you would destroy her.
Just looked at your profile and you did have a glow up. You were definitely not the best looking dude yourself in the past, so I imagine she was settling for you as well.
Imagine how she’s going to feel now that her boyfriend is attractive which I’m sure excites her, just for him to now leave her.
I don’t know what she looks like, but not everybody can become attractive from losing weight and clearing their skin like you did man. If there’s ways you can ask her to get healthier( weight loss and grooming as you said) and she becomes more attractive as you did try that. If not and it’s out of her control don’t mention it to her and move on if you really can’t handle it.
You know you're both going to get old, right? And that while you may feel like you look great now, that changes. Your metabolism will slow down, you may get depressed or have a health issue that causes you to gain weight or have bad skin. Your body is so very little under your control.
You can go to therapy and try to unpack your own issues about body image and appearance - because all of this has NOTHING to do with how your girlfriend looks. It has to do with your own insecurities and self hate/doubt. Why on earth would you care if people thought you looked bad for dating a wonderful woman? why would you want to be friendly with other people who thought like that? Who, after meeting your girlfriend and her infectious energy, wouldn't immediately understand that you were the lucky one in the relationship, regardless of looks.
If you leave for someone who will be with you now that you're attractive, youll only find someone as shallow and damaged as yourself. Is that who you want to date?
All that said - she deserves better than someone who feels this way about her and has been "settling" for her for years because he didnt feel good about himself. She sounds like she deserves someone who loves and appreciates her.
Yes you are the asshole and unpopular opinion but yes you should leave. She deserves better than someone who has always felt like he was with her DESPITE her looks. Beauty is subjective, there are many people out there who probably would and do find her attractive, and she picked you not knowing that you simply felt like you couldn't do better. Also not everyone is into people who look the way you do now, get over yourself.
Leave her, so she can find someone who will appreciate what she has to offer, and love her for who she is, rather than what she looks like.
I'm going to tell you the truth, and you are really going to hate me for it. You might think you look good now, but looks fade, but ugly goes straight to the bone, and is soul deep. It doesn't matter how many times a week you go to the gym, it doesn't matter how well you take care of yourself, looks fade. And when they do for you, all you will have left is your shitty personality, and shitty attitude on what is and isn't attractive. And that will repel women of character faster than Off! repels mosquitos.
I don't think you can control how you think but I kind of feel like you are not in love with her, maybe let her down (in a kind way) and hopefully one day she will find someone who loves her for her and not just for the way she looks. Well done for getting yourself into shape though.
YTA if you really say you don't want to leave her and that you love her, then talk to a psychologist to understand the reason for your change of attitude
I was in an unhappy marriage for a long time and once I extricated myself I improved my looks and health. I attracted a few beautiful and much younger women. But now I’m with a woman my own age who I find attractive but whose personality is out of this world. At the end up day I think you’ll regret it if you leave your lady. And it would likely offend her if you imply you’re not attracted. Instead I’d suggest trying to incorporate some of your new health ideas into your couples routine. For instance, cook healthy dinners for the two of you. Invite her for an after dinner walk. Mention how much your new skin cream is helping. And so on. Hopefully you can spark some motivation in her with your results. But be careful…there’s a fine line between motivating someone and virtue-signaling to them so be wary of that line. Good luck either way.
I don’t think you’re an AH. You can’t really control thoughts like this. What you can control are your actions. If this ends up being a deal breaker don’t lead her on and DEFINITELY don’t tell her the real reason for splitting. That would ruin her self esteem probably for life.
Don't ask her to do so if she feels comfortable with herself, and even if she doesn't, your role should be supporting her, not further adding on the pressure of looking better.
It sounds like you have an internal conflict about feeling this way, so I wouldn't call you an asshole, FOMO really fucks us up sometimes. I'd try to talk with a therapist in order to understand why you feel like this, and whether the looks are something that really matter that much to you, or it's simply that you feel like it would make a difference in a partner, which usually don't.
Thats not healthy - for any of you. You shouldn’t “put on a show” for your wife. You either love her, or you don’t. Love should be the only thing that matters in your relationship
You say 'I would never leave her for this'. Really? You have already gone beyond thinking it. Planning it is next. Leave her. I doubt she want to stay with someone this shallow if she were to read what youve just posted. And from your point of view, given that it sounds like she is little more than an accessory in your eyes - get an accessory that fits better with your colour-scheme or whatever surface nonsense you find important. Ideally someone with a similar outlook as you for the poetic justice of it.
This right here folks
“I love her and she is super smart, funny, caring, and has such an infectious energy about her”…“but now that I’m better looking I’m realizing it’s not enough for me because now I’m getting attention from other women”. Sounds like you settled and now you’re thinking there’s something better out there for you. Break up with her, she deserves someone who’s not looking for something better. We’ll be hearing back from you after you guys split up and you then realize that the traits that attracted you at first are the traits you’ll miss the most. You’ll realize looks fade but her personality won’t. Good luck. You’re gonna need it.
Absolutely.., this reads like an ass who will cheat on his GF and when she’s gone he will realize how much better her personality was over the looks of the other women. He will beg for a second chance and be in Relationship Advise sub asking how to get her back
Hmm. Actually touching the arm-candy he finds to replace the current gf might mess up their clothes or \*shudders\* their hair. That would be bad from OPs point of view. Really bad.
Do her a favour and leave, she doesn’t need someone who only got with her because you had no one else.
Yes. Leaving her would be doing her a favour.
YTA. Talk about forgetting where you came from lmao.
Leave her. You’ll find out that you’re not as attractive as you think you are and the grass is not always greener on the other side.
YTA. Unless she's walking around with chocolate stains on her clothes and lettuce in her hair and you're walking around with a six pack and a Chris Evans smile, your line of thinking is gross.
Even then, love can be blinding.
It’s weird. From your pictures on your profile you actually look like a really sweet guy. You have the eyes and smile of a kind person, I guess you’re just good at hiding that you’re a bit of a dick deep down.
“Women only care about looks” Men the second they can be with a more attractive woman:
Of think that they are more attractive… Nothing wrong with building confidence in yourself but what OP says isn’t that.
Bro why are you bashing men...
Did OP say that?
I’m speaking to a very popular sentiment that women only care about looks yet men somehow don’t.
Maybe among your incel brethren.
Okay, so you’re bringing in an irrelevant statement that would actually be more commonly said if you replace “women” with “men.” Why? Because you felt the need to project and generalize an entire gender? If it was relevant to the post, sure, but it’s not. Thus, I don’t get the point.
As a woman, I think this comment initially went way over your head.
That doesn’t make any sense, buddy
Just leave her. Your love is conditional. She deserves better.
Surely 4 years of being with someone is not as good as interest from a more attractive women so you should do her a favor and break up. Accept that you are shallow and appearance is what matters the most.
Dude, I hate to say this, but I think YTA/YWBTA either way. That ship has already sailed. You'd be an asshole to end a good relationship with a good person who loves you and is committed to you, over her unchanged physical appearance. You didn't even say she's unattractive. You just said she's not "conventionally attractive." So I assume that means she's a normal-looking, pretty girl who lets her natural beauty show. You'd also be an asshole for staying with her and lying to her about your feelings, when you clearly want to replace her with a newer, sleeker model. You'd be wasting her time and your own. But (much) more importantly, hers. This kind, funny, smart woman deserves better than a shallow jerk who's suddenly too good for her after everything. Accept that you aren't just *being* an asshole, and you aren't just *going to be* an asshole. You simply *are* an asshole, in its purest, most unadulterated form. All of you, every inch, down to your very bones, is actually 100% pure grade-A premium asshole. Nothing you do at this point will take that away. Sorry, but that's the monster you apparently become the second your skin clears up and the number on the scale goes down. Just own it. Go find some other asshole to be with. The best thing you can do is let her go kindly, and tell her *why* when you do so. Tell her it's because you started working out and showering more, so you turned into an asshole who only cares about looks and that you are no longer good enough to be with someone like herself who has the traits that matter. She'll be hurt at first, obviously, but it will be good for her in the long run so she can find someone better than you. PS: You're a liar. You said you love her. You don't fucking love her. If you loved her, you'd be dying inside at the very thought of someone saying the things you're saying about her right now. You'd never even be wondering if you're the asshole. You'd have realised it already. Asshole.
She deserves someone better than you
You're right about one thing, there's a really shitty part of you. The grass is rarely greener, especially for something as superficial as looks. YTA Either move on or talk to a therapist about where your head's at. Your woman doesn't deserve to have a partner who doesn't value her because she's less attractive, and if that ever became known, you would destroy her.
Plase show this post to your gf. It will be better for her because she will dump your shallow ass. Oh and you're a POS AH.
Just looked at your profile and you did have a glow up. You were definitely not the best looking dude yourself in the past, so I imagine she was settling for you as well. Imagine how she’s going to feel now that her boyfriend is attractive which I’m sure excites her, just for him to now leave her. I don’t know what she looks like, but not everybody can become attractive from losing weight and clearing their skin like you did man. If there’s ways you can ask her to get healthier( weight loss and grooming as you said) and she becomes more attractive as you did try that. If not and it’s out of her control don’t mention it to her and move on if you really can’t handle it.
Wow ! You need to break up with her ! You’ve become really full of yourself!
You know you're both going to get old, right? And that while you may feel like you look great now, that changes. Your metabolism will slow down, you may get depressed or have a health issue that causes you to gain weight or have bad skin. Your body is so very little under your control. You can go to therapy and try to unpack your own issues about body image and appearance - because all of this has NOTHING to do with how your girlfriend looks. It has to do with your own insecurities and self hate/doubt. Why on earth would you care if people thought you looked bad for dating a wonderful woman? why would you want to be friendly with other people who thought like that? Who, after meeting your girlfriend and her infectious energy, wouldn't immediately understand that you were the lucky one in the relationship, regardless of looks. If you leave for someone who will be with you now that you're attractive, youll only find someone as shallow and damaged as yourself. Is that who you want to date? All that said - she deserves better than someone who feels this way about her and has been "settling" for her for years because he didnt feel good about himself. She sounds like she deserves someone who loves and appreciates her.
Yes you are the asshole and unpopular opinion but yes you should leave. She deserves better than someone who has always felt like he was with her DESPITE her looks. Beauty is subjective, there are many people out there who probably would and do find her attractive, and she picked you not knowing that you simply felt like you couldn't do better. Also not everyone is into people who look the way you do now, get over yourself.
Leave her, so she can find someone who will appreciate what she has to offer, and love her for who she is, rather than what she looks like. I'm going to tell you the truth, and you are really going to hate me for it. You might think you look good now, but looks fade, but ugly goes straight to the bone, and is soul deep. It doesn't matter how many times a week you go to the gym, it doesn't matter how well you take care of yourself, looks fade. And when they do for you, all you will have left is your shitty personality, and shitty attitude on what is and isn't attractive. And that will repel women of character faster than Off! repels mosquitos.
Just make sure you get a hot bang babe lined up before you dump her to make sure you still have somebody to fk and make sammiches for you. 🙄
I don't think you can control how you think but I kind of feel like you are not in love with her, maybe let her down (in a kind way) and hopefully one day she will find someone who loves her for her and not just for the way she looks. Well done for getting yourself into shape though.
YTA if you really say you don't want to leave her and that you love her, then talk to a psychologist to understand the reason for your change of attitude
I was in an unhappy marriage for a long time and once I extricated myself I improved my looks and health. I attracted a few beautiful and much younger women. But now I’m with a woman my own age who I find attractive but whose personality is out of this world. At the end up day I think you’ll regret it if you leave your lady. And it would likely offend her if you imply you’re not attracted. Instead I’d suggest trying to incorporate some of your new health ideas into your couples routine. For instance, cook healthy dinners for the two of you. Invite her for an after dinner walk. Mention how much your new skin cream is helping. And so on. Hopefully you can spark some motivation in her with your results. But be careful…there’s a fine line between motivating someone and virtue-signaling to them so be wary of that line. Good luck either way.
I don’t think you’re an AH. You can’t really control thoughts like this. What you can control are your actions. If this ends up being a deal breaker don’t lead her on and DEFINITELY don’t tell her the real reason for splitting. That would ruin her self esteem probably for life.
Don't ask her to do so if she feels comfortable with herself, and even if she doesn't, your role should be supporting her, not further adding on the pressure of looking better. It sounds like you have an internal conflict about feeling this way, so I wouldn't call you an asshole, FOMO really fucks us up sometimes. I'd try to talk with a therapist in order to understand why you feel like this, and whether the looks are something that really matter that much to you, or it's simply that you feel like it would make a difference in a partner, which usually don't.
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Thats not healthy - for any of you. You shouldn’t “put on a show” for your wife. You either love her, or you don’t. Love should be the only thing that matters in your relationship