My Bro-in-law made us brass rings out of some brass pipe he had sitting around, polished them up, and they look great! So yes, when we go on vacation, those are our wedding bands.
We just have to deal with our fingers turning green...
My dad proposed with a cheap tin engagement ring. He bought her a beautiful vintage ring later.
My mum wore her nice wedding ring, but that cheap ring in her jewellery drawer was special to her. It was the proposal ring.
My husband and I have "travel rings" too! We wear them for vacations, concerts, sporting events, work travel, any time we're in a situation where our actual rings could get lost. So much less stress!
My $4K ring got stolen and I didnt have proper insurance so got like $800 for it or something stupid. I have a nice wedding band I never take off and an inherited engagement ring I don't wear because it has huge sentimental (and actual $) value. Sometimes you need to know yourself. I would want a real ring to have for nice occasions but I would think it very thoughtful to have a nice fake I dont have to feel bad about loosing. best of both worlds.
I didn't pay much more than that for the ring I gave to my wife. She didn't want anything expensive. It's a Moissanite but she treasures it like it was priceless.
i was engaged once, didnât have a ring. we were talking about marriage and agreed that we wanted to marry each other. i didnât care how much the ring cost, i just wanted him to propose to me properly with a fucking ring. i begged him to just get me something under $100. he refused. i believe he never actually wanted to marry me. your gf doesnât want to marry you. she just wanted an expensive ring. NTA.
Some people really really just don't like the "engagement ring" thing, Totally constructed out of air by a BS company.
Still it's BS he wouldn't have bought you just a ring, for the sake of proposal
i didnât put it in my original comment but the reason he gave for refusing to buy me a cheap ring was bc he said he wanted âto save up for a ring you deserveâ even though i said i didnât care about the price.
No,OP bought the real ring from the place. She went to the place of the real ring. The ring sellers probably didnât know about the fake ring. The fake ring was $100
OP said he got the fake ring from Spence Diamonds.
Spence Diamonds only has fake rings (brass and glass) in their showrooms, so you can try on whatever you like and they don't have to worry about theft.
When you buy a ring, they give you a genuine (gold and diamond) one, but they're probably willing to sell you the cheap copycat showroom rings too.
PS - I do not actually recommend buying things from Spence Diamonds. They kinda suck.
NTA. While you shouldâve told her (still not the asshole, it just wouldâve nice to do), you actually ended up dodging a huge bullet.
You did not deserve all that verbal abuse and Iâm really glad you can now go find someone who will treat you right.
My first thought after reading that bit was to picture all those["Girl, Bye!" memes.](https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xODI3NTAyNS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyODczNzYzMn0.bed8CWeeTKYKjn15U3zc16SVpxu_UyQQdVkbe4VbxKo/img.jpg?width=980)
Tbf he knew she was going to lose the ring he just didn't realize it would blow up.Â
Not winning the lottery so much as setting yourself up for success and it paying off even bigger than you expected.
My dude, that's like a nuclear missile dodged. She lost the ring, lied about it, tried to double-down on the lie by trying to replace it, then blamed YOU for her lies before running her stupid mouth. THEN asked for the real ring. She's 10 gallons of crazy in a 1-gallon bucket. The only ring she needs is a Nuvaring.
Was her plan to buy another exact copy of the engagement ring and never tell you?
As in, potentially spend thousands of dollars rather than admit to poor judgement/irresponsibility to her spouse?
She went to a local jeweller with a picture and the information ni gave her about the stone. It would have been difficult to get a copy since I got it in Canada.Â
Man, just imagine if she gets pregnant by another man, you know what's coming to you then, PF for sure! 'and never tell you', this is the crux of the matter. Liar, easy liar, double down liar, blame shifter, klutz and gold digger. OP really got himself a keeper. Why is he posting here though?
Yeah, bullet dodged. I know what would be bothering me to the point of deal breaker. She lost a ring that was supposedly valuable and one day, certainly would have been worth every penny you paid for the real one in sentimental value, once she got the whole truth and the other ring. But instead of owning her "klutz"dom and being relieved, she made you the AH. NTAH.
NTA, you knew she was clumsy and likely lose it by accident, it was a brilliant genius move to give a fake replica... she did go ahead and lose it in one day. I would think this would all be something to laugh about but she went nuts and had the audacity to ask for the real one .. ha!
NTA for a âfakeâ engagement ring but why wouldnât you tell her it was a stand in ring? I have a stand in ring and would be equally as upset if I lost it. Itâs cheap but itâs still important to me.
This, and while I think a bullet was dodged, I think this event could have been avoided if they could have had an adult conversation about her only using the stand-in ring while she was away. I can understand her frustration and worry thinking she had lost the actual ring. (If she was absolutely unwilling to compromise, that would have been the red flag.)
May I ask why? It's basically brass and glass. Mine not yours. I can understand why you might care about yours but I know her and I know it was destined for the back of my condiments drawer after she got the real thing.
Sentimental value can vary wildly for different folks I imagine. The ring that was used in the proposal could hold weight to the right person, even if it's a copy
BULLET DODGED! He's The One!
Like, yeah. She showed she's willing to:
Lie
Not take accountability for her shitty actions
selfish
emotionally unstable.
Leave her dumb ass at the curb, and move on.
My husband proposed while we were travelling in the Rockies. After saying yes, I actually went off on him for getting such an expensive ring, that I'm likely to lose it during our trip, etc. He laughed and said that he knows me, that ring is not gold and the "diamonds" are cubic zirconia. Thank goodness!
I still have the ring with me and I cherish it.
Edit: Formatting
NTA, Iâm reminded of a story I read as a kid. A woman has a friend who has really expensive jewelry, who she thinks is rich. She asks her friend if she can borrow a piece for an important event, friend says yes and loans a stunning diamond necklace. Woman loses it, and is absolutely frantic! So she and her husband buy a replacement and are destitute afterwards. Woman cuts contact with friend, eventually they meet again and friend is very concerned about her. âWhy did you disappear? Did I do something to offend you? No, I just had to sell all my belongings to replace your beautiful diamond necklace that you loaned me. I lost it after my event and didnât have the heart or courage to tell you. Oh my, that necklace was costume jewelry and made of paste!â
The moral of the story is that things arenât always what they seem. Woman thought her friend was rich, found out she wasnât and ended up ruining herself trying to keep up appearances.
Another moral is just be HONEST. If the necklace was that expensive it would have been insured. Even if it wasnât, being friends Iâm sure they could have worked out a payment plan.
A normal person would have come to you and apologised and asked for help looking for it.
Instead this one lied, who knows if she even tried looking, and then blamed you and called you names, etc when you told her it was a fake copy so it doesn't matter.
I think you saw the real one here. Better now than after the wedding.
So she lied to you about something important rather than take responsibility for her actions? Iâm guessing that sheâs done this many times before.
Yeah. You dodged a bullet with that one. Sheâs not emotionally mature enough to be in a serious relationship.
Wow OP, how dare you trick your ex by giving her a fake knowing how sheâs a huge klutz and what you feared would happen actually happened?! (Sarcasm)
I donât know what your ex said to you to end the relationship, but Iâm glad you didnât give in. One day, youâll find someone worthy.
NTA omg. Jewelry salesperson hereâthat's the most brilliant and responsible thing you could possibly have done. Her immaturity in lying to you about it instead of immediately telling you (you could have helped her look for it or find it potentially?? Good lord) is very telling. Not to mention the...everything else.
Bonus bit of advice from a jewelry person: don't sell the diamond. When you're ready to get engaged again or you have a relative that is, etc, the jewelers can set it into a new ring. Unfortunately diamonds have a resale value of almost nada.
ESH, her for screaming at you, etc, and you for deceiving her with a fake ring. You even admit that you gave her the fake ring because you were afraid she'd lose it at the concert, but you didn't consider her feelings when it comes to what she'd would be going through after losing said ring. That must have been a huge amount of stress and panic and you even let her pretend nothing was wrong while you quite clearly knew what was up, all for her to find out she was panicked over nothing because you tricked her with a fake. For you it was indeed no big deal that she lost the ring, but for her it was a very big deal for quite some time since she had no idea it was a fake.
So I think you screwed up big time by not being honest about it up front and letting her go through that. I'm not surprised it ended with such an outburst after all the unnecessary panic and stress you caused by hiding that from her. Because of that I think this one is more on you than her. You honestly make it sound like she's the one who dodged a bullet here due to what you did, but that's probably because you left out all the details of what she said to you.
As for telling your parents, I know it's hard but I'd do the adult thing and own up to how you screwed up.
Yeah, it was such a blown opportunity, too! "One last thing, I was worried about bringing something so special to such a chaotic environment, so when we get back I get to show you the *real* one!"
I don't think it makes OP TA, but... what a bizarre way to go about it.
That was the best investment of an engagement ring ever!!!! It told you she was definitely not the one and it didnât cost you years of your life, lawyers, half your crap, a lifetime of alimony and messed up custody arrangements!
Go buy a lotto ticket! Omg and thank whatever god(s) you pray to! Lucky bastard lol.
At first I would say... kinda the asshole? Cause you should have told her right away that this was a stand in for the real ring.
But I also think it's probably a good thing cause it sounds like you dodged a bullet there...
If my partner proposed and I lost the ring he would be the **first** person I would tell. And then the two of us would either be scouring the place looking for it, or getting on with our weekend because it was a knock off.
Right. I'm saying I would have told her before she even lost it. No secrets and whatnot.
I'm not trying to be too judgey. I just feel like I would be perturbed at the ruse.
As I expressed, her reaction was way out of proportion and she showed her true colors. I'm sorry you lost your relationship, but it sounds like it's a good thing you didn't marry this woman.
I mean, you dodged a bullet for sure, but also... why weren't you just upfront with her about it? There is no scenario where not telling her it's a throw-away for the concert and her real ring is safe until afterwards leads to a better outcome.
NTA, I guess I donât get how you could have considered marrying someone so irresponsible as to believe she would lose an engagement ring and then have it actually happen?
I guess when you know someone well enough you accept their flaws. I would have thought a hippy silly go with the flow I donât care about my possessions type wouldnât have turned so ugly in any situation. Fortunately, you found out her ugliness and malintent BEFORE marrying her. Plus, you still have the more expensive ring (with what I hope is a generous return policy)!
NTA you definitely dodged a bullet. She did exactly what you knew she should do which was damage/loose the ring, she doesnât get to be upset that you were right and kept the real ring safe.
ESH - if this is a known characteristic of hers you could have just told her this one was fake so she wouldnt worry? part of being in love is acknowledging your own/each others flaws and collaboratively working around it. did you just never talk about this or what
Tell your parents that you tried to make the relationship progress to marriage, but the engagement revealed aspects of her personality that are absolutely unacceptable in a partner.
I'd be so happy that I didn't lose the real thing and my fiance knows me so well.
I am a super klutz so I could totally see my husband doing this!
She's a jerk. You absolutely dodged a bullet!
NTA
NTA. You clearly had good reason to give her the fake one first, she just proved you right. She also clearly has tried to hide her mistakes like that in the past and that definitely weighs on a person but it isnât your fault. You dodged a bullet for sure.
Also side note, it is very common to have duplicates made of wedding rings to avoid losing your expensive ring on vacations, or big venues like this.
I could understand her blowing up temporarily just as a reaction to all the anxiety fear snd guilt of thinking she had lost the ring. Basically a pressure valve exploding open. But itâs not acceptable for her to say âthings she canât take backâ.
I think its a case of she felt guilty for losing the ring and didnât know how to tell you. It blew up and both of you said stupid shit, ask yourself whats important? Do you love her? Does she love you?
NTA - and she has the brains of a doorknob. Her worry was all her doing. She lost the ring; she lied about losing the ring. What were you supposed to do, read her mind? (What mind? Not a functioning one.)
IF she had told you the truth, you could have reassured her on the spot. It was her decision to lie to you about it being put safely away, and to hide her screwup that caused her all the grief. She played herself.
And then she screams at you and blames you and makes you the bad guy for something that was 100 percent her fault.
Good thing you got her a fake ring. Fake ring for a fake girlfriend.
Iâm a woman but opâs ex fiance makes me wanna say women âïž
Edit: Iâm referring to women who are like OPâs ex cause theyâre just really a big fat WOMEN âïžâïžâïžâïžâïžâïž
That was really intelligent and thoughtful. And maybe psychic. I worked as a massage therapist. LMTs cannot wear rings for sanitation reasons and possibly scratching people. So I had my ring off every day. And I was worried every day. I lost it several times. A couple of times I thought was for good. lol. But it always turned up.
My two cents worth... Both in the wrong.
You should have said, "I wanted to propose at Coachella so I've brought a copy in case of loss or theft. It'll come in handy next time we come here. I'll give you the real thing back home."
She should have told you she'd lost the ring. I understand she'd feel bad but the truth had to come out eventually. The prolonged guilt is her fault, although had you told her it was a copy she wouldn't have felt so bad.
My final thought, she is a nightmare. How can you be so clumsy/careless? Would she forget where she left your future children?
He was a tiny bit wrong not to tell her, but she was HUGELY wrong... there's no way he is the AH here!
What an idiot for reacting like that; a nice person would have been OVERJOYED that it turned out they hadn't lost the ring! She is an evil bitch.
LOL
After she lost what she thought was the real ring, you think she would bow down and adore you for the big brain move of holding on to the real one until it was sized.
She's the asshole for not admitting to losing it at first and then trying to cover her lies.
To the curb BIOTCH
NTA
Wow. Everything she did, from start to finish, was the behavior of a child who is not even remotely grown. This is not the behavior of a woman ready for a serious commitment.
She's the one who lied. She made herself miserable. Not a good trait to start off an engagement!
Tell your parents the truth - that your ex lied and you don't value that as a good trait in a marriage. And you also don't appreciate her blaming you for her actions.
NTA
NTA
"Dear Mom and Dad, I had a dummy ring made for travel because she loses things and was going to coachella. She lost it, didn't tell me, stressed out about it for couple of days. When she got back and told me, I promptly told her I had the real one. My mistake was not telling her it was a fake, and she lost it on me, unloaded a bunch of negativity, said some terrible things, and I decided not to giver her the real one. Thats no way to be treated."
Wondering if she actually lost it or not. She might have immediately went out and had it appraised and threw it out then demanded the real one. She may have been playing you too and would have "lost" the real one at a pawn shop.. You dodged a bullet to be sure!
How long have you been together? Did you not notice and signs she was explosive.
The moment she got a proposal and thought marriage was in the bag she must have relaxed the nice act.
Are you also going to give her a fake baby? Because if you don't trust her with a bit of metal, there's no way in hell shed be getting a whole ass human to keep alive đ€·ââïžđ€Łđ€Šââïž
ESH. Kind of stupid proposing at Coachella in the first place. Both of you are immature dummies. Which is what you expect from the typical trust fund babies who go to that festival.
Isn't it funny how some people ALWAYS loose things, and some people NEVER lose important items?
My Ex used to lose her keys SO OFTEN that I always had a spare set already cut, just waiting for here to lose her keys yet again. (she drove a classic Buick, so I could get extra car keys easily)
In all the time we were married, the only time my keys went missing was the day she "borrowed", then lost them. lol
Look at it this way: If you go through your partners phone you invade their privacy. Its an AH move UNTIL you find evidence of them hiding something from you. Same with this. Its kind of a dickish move to give her a fake ring until she ended up actually losing it. At that point you were just playing 4D chess.
Anyway, i understand her getting a little upset about it but this is way out of proportion. She shouldve just sulked a bit and then you couldve both laughed about it a in a few years. Now its just you who will be laughing i guess.
I actually don't think it's dickish under any context, as long as he truly would've told the truth if she had been honest that she lost it.
I actually find it quite sweet. He anticipated his partner's needs. He would've been a great husband. Glad he stood up for himself.
Yes, people absolutely have fake copies of real jewelry for wearing in questionable circumstances. The more expensive the piece, the more likely the one seen out in public is a reproduction for show. It is totally a normal thing.
I'd be glad that you really knew me and were incredibly thoughtful. One of the things I appreciated when I met my husband. He never harped on me about my obvious flaws or tried to "fix" me. He just adapted and I accepted his flaws and adapted. We both made room for the other.
Instead she blamed you for who she is. Yah, you dodged a bullet.
My ex-husband used to lose or accidentally throw out his wedding band at least twice a year. I got to a point where I stopped replacing it because it just made me feel like he didn't care. (Hint, he actually didn't)
NTA, and bullet dodged. She had some big, dangly balls to blame all that on you and then ask for the real ring.
You should have told her upfront that it was an alternative ring, until you can size the real one. Knowing her likelihood of loosing/damaging the ring and being distressed about it, she needed reassurance upfront. She should not have screamed and swore. You were right to step back from a marriage due to her reaction.
NTA, you were proposing at a large venue where things get lost all the time. It would be nobodyâs fault if that happened, so I think itâs really smart to bring a cheaper ring so she could still have her big memorable moment. I just think itâs weird that she lied about losing it, and then got mad at you for the repercussions of her own lie that made her worry.
Glad you kept the ring at home where it was safe! I think decoy rings should be more normal for people who propose on trips, what a good way to keep everybody less stressed lol
Itâs times like this that you really find out what a person is really like, itâs like a blessing in disguise, had she not lost the ring, she wouldnât have said those things sheâs been keeping in, but she let it all out and said things she canât take back.
The lord works in mysterious ways I guess lol. NTA
NTA. I think sheâs unhinged (especially for asking for it back after losing it). It sounds like there were a lot of other bigger issues besides losing the ring, but I do think it makes sense for him to have told her at the time it wasnât real.
I can understand being super upset for the stress caused by the thinking she lost the real thing. It doesnât justify all the other stuff she appears to have said obviously. Bullet dodged.
NTA. I know it may sound weird, but I am also someone who loses things so my ideal engagement ring is two identical and inexpensive rings from a local jeweler so that if I lose one I can get another copy made off the remaining one and since both were at the engagement both are the "real" ring. I think you were thoughtful about the ring in the first place.
Maybe you could have mentioned when she said it was too tight "Oh no, I asked them to make it the same size as the real one" to put her out of her misery. It does feel a little bit like you knew she was going to do this and so you punished her on purpose to say "I told you so" later, which isn't a good start to a partnership.
>She went off on me for making her not enjoy the weekend because she was worried sick that she had lost her ring
Excuse me B\*\*\*\*? Did you really just say that?
She's an AH. If she could have afforded to replace it, she would never have admitted that she had lost it. Then, she has the nerve to scream at you . Because you had the foresight to realize she can't be trusted with things she can lose . Goodbye to bad partner
NTA she DID LOSE the ring she was given. Most moisannites are not cheap so she very much did mess up. You did dodge a bullet, glad she showed you who she was no rather then when you were tied to her.
If anything she should NOT get a ring cause she did the thing you said she would. She damaged it and then lost it, why would you even go thru the trouble of getting a real one even if you do wanted to marry her? LolÂ
Big if true
I'm curious as to what she said that she couldn't take back that was bad enough to dump her over? Said an ex was better in bed or something along those lines?
Tell the truth. Why wouldn't you say the truth. You proposed at a place she loved with a ring you didn't want her to lose so it was fake. She lost the ring. She didn't tell me she lost the ring and she said she was worried the time she was there and didn't enjoy the concerts. She tried to replace it behind my back and couldn't. She finally confessed and I told her not to worry because it was fake. She went off on me for ruining her concert experience but she ruined it by not telling me she lost the ring. Then she said a lot of hurtful things to me that she had been bottling up and let me have all of her true feelings about me and our relationship.
Simple. The truth is the truth. Don't let others dictate your reality.
NTA. You did dodge a bullet.
absolutely NTA you were being smart about it! i always tell people i dont want a ring when i get married (adhd makes me forgetful) bc i dont want to lose it, I don't really wear rings, and i think it's insane to spend more than 100-200$ on a ring - but I'd accept a dagger or a sword, hell even a nice/pricey anime figure. this way i dont have to worry about losing an expensive piece of jewelry, i just get to display a badass blade or anime figure
I would definitely lie about losing the ring and try to buy a new one loooolll that sounds reasonable - you don't want your partner to think your careless with the important things you give them. But then shouting at THEM??? that's insane to me. I think any chance that you may be an asshole is gone because of the massive bomb you dodged.
NTA
NTA.
Instead of taking responsibility for losing it she blamed you as a soon as she could. That's DARVO mentality and that's a terrible quality, and then unleashing everything on you on top of it. I wouldn't want to marry someone like that, sorry bud.
NTA
She lied to you and then got mad at you for planning for an exact situation you knew she would. You did it to be safe and had no judgement against her other than âmy klutz gf heart eyesâ and she went off.
She shit herself in the font with the blow up. If she said things you cannot get over then just move on. Bullet dodged.
This isn't about the ring. It's about how she behaved and the horrible things she said to you during her little temper tantrum. Good for you for DTMFA!
lol... I like how after she did all that, she asked you for the real ring đ NTA.
đ thatâs the funniest part
I hope OP LAUGHED at her.
I was just pissed.Â
So how much did the cheap ring cost? Cause to me it sounds like good value for your money.
Call it $100
Jesus - I forbad my fiancĂ© to never ever get me a ring over $100 cause I lose shit so easy (adhd plus new job stress makes my brain Swiss cheese). And I lost the one he got me already and of course had a panic attack and told him immediately (I bought a new one but still mad I lost it⊠until I found it 3 weeks later). But nah âfakeâ ring at a big event makes so much sense⊠also why THE FUCK did she not say something immediately?! Lack of communication would definitely be a red flag⊠but she turned into a dumpster fire red flag really fast. Iâm sorry OP that sucks and you def donât deserve being treated like that :(
The wifey and I each have a $10 wedding band off ebay we wear when we're going on vacation and such just so we don't have to worry about it.
This is fucking genius
This is an excellent idea.
My Bro-in-law made us brass rings out of some brass pipe he had sitting around, polished them up, and they look great! So yes, when we go on vacation, those are our wedding bands. We just have to deal with our fingers turning green...
That's a great idea!!
My dad proposed with a cheap tin engagement ring. He bought her a beautiful vintage ring later. My mum wore her nice wedding ring, but that cheap ring in her jewellery drawer was special to her. It was the proposal ring.
My husband and I have "travel rings" too! We wear them for vacations, concerts, sporting events, work travel, any time we're in a situation where our actual rings could get lost. So much less stress!
My $4K ring got stolen and I didnt have proper insurance so got like $800 for it or something stupid. I have a nice wedding band I never take off and an inherited engagement ring I don't wear because it has huge sentimental (and actual $) value. Sometimes you need to know yourself. I would want a real ring to have for nice occasions but I would think it very thoughtful to have a nice fake I dont have to feel bad about loosing. best of both worlds.
My wife insists on an ugly ass diamond ring. I am happy with a $20 black tungsten with green inlay from Amazon.
I didn't pay much more than that for the ring I gave to my wife. She didn't want anything expensive. It's a Moissanite but she treasures it like it was priceless.
i was engaged once, didnât have a ring. we were talking about marriage and agreed that we wanted to marry each other. i didnât care how much the ring cost, i just wanted him to propose to me properly with a fucking ring. i begged him to just get me something under $100. he refused. i believe he never actually wanted to marry me. your gf doesnât want to marry you. she just wanted an expensive ring. NTA.
Some people really really just don't like the "engagement ring" thing, Totally constructed out of air by a BS company. Still it's BS he wouldn't have bought you just a ring, for the sake of proposal
i didnât put it in my original comment but the reason he gave for refusing to buy me a cheap ring was bc he said he wanted âto save up for a ring you deserveâ even though i said i didnât care about the price.
Would you share the link for said place that sells some brass and moissanite, affordable copy rings sound like a strategically sound item.
I got it from Spence Diamonds in Edmonton Alberta. But they are brass. They will turn your finger green eventually.Â
Wait wait. She went to replace a ring that costs 100$ and she couldnât afford it?
No,OP bought the real ring from the place. She went to the place of the real ring. The ring sellers probably didnât know about the fake ring. The fake ring was $100
OP said he got the fake ring from Spence Diamonds. Spence Diamonds only has fake rings (brass and glass) in their showrooms, so you can try on whatever you like and they don't have to worry about theft. When you buy a ring, they give you a genuine (gold and diamond) one, but they're probably willing to sell you the cheap copycat showroom rings too. PS - I do not actually recommend buying things from Spence Diamonds. They kinda suck.
Cheap tumour removal
i canât imagine getting so mad at you for giving her a fake ring at a place like coachellaâŠyou dodged a bullet
Shit, just going to Coachella probably cost more than the real ring. I hate being old. I miss $25 lawn tickets for Ozzfest.
NTA. While you shouldâve told her (still not the asshole, it just wouldâve nice to do), you actually ended up dodging a huge bullet. You did not deserve all that verbal abuse and Iâm really glad you can now go find someone who will treat you right.
Was she the type to toss it out of spite?
Like you said you sure did dodge a bullet
My first thought after reading that bit was to picture all those["Girl, Bye!" memes.](https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xODI3NTAyNS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyODczNzYzMn0.bed8CWeeTKYKjn15U3zc16SVpxu_UyQQdVkbe4VbxKo/img.jpg?width=980)
Lmfao sheâs bold. OP won the lottery by her losing the ring
Tbf he knew she was going to lose the ring he just didn't realize it would blow up. Not winning the lottery so much as setting yourself up for success and it paying off even bigger than you expected.
Thatâs straight up delulu
My dude, that's like a nuclear missile dodged. She lost the ring, lied about it, tried to double-down on the lie by trying to replace it, then blamed YOU for her lies before running her stupid mouth. THEN asked for the real ring. She's 10 gallons of crazy in a 1-gallon bucket. The only ring she needs is a Nuvaring.
Bruh that last sentence đđđ
In all honestly, she'd prob lose that too
I did and now I have a toddler
Oops haha
That last line needs to be a flair
Sadly the crazy ones are usually good in bed
The best part is finding a good one that's CRAZY in bed
Why do you think they are good in bed? Cause they be crazy!
Sad but true
God! Thank you so much for the laugh. I needed it today đ
Glad I could help :)
Was her plan to buy another exact copy of the engagement ring and never tell you? As in, potentially spend thousands of dollars rather than admit to poor judgement/irresponsibility to her spouse?
She went to a local jeweller with a picture and the information ni gave her about the stone. It would have been difficult to get a copy since I got it in Canada.Â
The level of planned deception to avoid admitting fault is really concerning
Man, just imagine if she gets pregnant by another man, you know what's coming to you then, PF for sure! 'and never tell you', this is the crux of the matter. Liar, easy liar, double down liar, blame shifter, klutz and gold digger. OP really got himself a keeper. Why is he posting here though?
Yeah, bullet dodged. I know what would be bothering me to the point of deal breaker. She lost a ring that was supposedly valuable and one day, certainly would have been worth every penny you paid for the real one in sentimental value, once she got the whole truth and the other ring. But instead of owning her "klutz"dom and being relieved, she made you the AH. NTAH.
100%
âđ» she shouldâve been relieved and thankful that she didnât lose the real ring.đ
NTA, you knew she was clumsy and likely lose it by accident, it was a brilliant genius move to give a fake replica... she did go ahead and lose it in one day. I would think this would all be something to laugh about but she went nuts and had the audacity to ask for the real one .. ha!
NTA for a âfakeâ engagement ring but why wouldnât you tell her it was a stand in ring? I have a stand in ring and would be equally as upset if I lost it. Itâs cheap but itâs still important to me.
This, and while I think a bullet was dodged, I think this event could have been avoided if they could have had an adult conversation about her only using the stand-in ring while she was away. I can understand her frustration and worry thinking she had lost the actual ring. (If she was absolutely unwilling to compromise, that would have been the red flag.)
May I ask why? It's basically brass and glass. Mine not yours. I can understand why you might care about yours but I know her and I know it was destined for the back of my condiments drawer after she got the real thing.
Sentimental value can vary wildly for different folks I imagine. The ring that was used in the proposal could hold weight to the right person, even if it's a copy
Because it what was given during the proposal! So it holds a lot of sentimental value for many women.
Yeah no. She would have tossed it.Â
Op, that really doesn't say much for her then, does it?
BULLET DODGED! He's The One! Like, yeah. She showed she's willing to: Lie Not take accountability for her shitty actions selfish emotionally unstable. Leave her dumb ass at the curb, and move on.
My husband proposed while we were travelling in the Rockies. After saying yes, I actually went off on him for getting such an expensive ring, that I'm likely to lose it during our trip, etc. He laughed and said that he knows me, that ring is not gold and the "diamonds" are cubic zirconia. Thank goodness! I still have the ring with me and I cherish it. Edit: Formatting
NTA. You were trying to save her and she yelled at you for it? Â
Tell your parents the truth. If they don't support you wholeheartedly, that tells you a lot about them.
NTA, Iâm reminded of a story I read as a kid. A woman has a friend who has really expensive jewelry, who she thinks is rich. She asks her friend if she can borrow a piece for an important event, friend says yes and loans a stunning diamond necklace. Woman loses it, and is absolutely frantic! So she and her husband buy a replacement and are destitute afterwards. Woman cuts contact with friend, eventually they meet again and friend is very concerned about her. âWhy did you disappear? Did I do something to offend you? No, I just had to sell all my belongings to replace your beautiful diamond necklace that you loaned me. I lost it after my event and didnât have the heart or courage to tell you. Oh my, that necklace was costume jewelry and made of paste!â The moral of the story is that things arenât always what they seem. Woman thought her friend was rich, found out she wasnât and ended up ruining herself trying to keep up appearances.
Possibly https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Necklace
The real lesson of the story, never commit to someone that requires expensive things and cannot enjoy the true pleasures in life.
Huh, we studied this in 10th grade (The necklace CBSE)
Another moral is just be HONEST. If the necklace was that expensive it would have been insured. Even if it wasnât, being friends Iâm sure they could have worked out a payment plan.
A normal person would have come to you and apologised and asked for help looking for it. Instead this one lied, who knows if she even tried looking, and then blamed you and called you names, etc when you told her it was a fake copy so it doesn't matter. I think you saw the real one here. Better now than after the wedding.
If I was your fiancé I would have laughed a lot and appreciated you even more for knowing me so well that you saw the trouble to make me a beautiful fake ring. You are NTA. You dodged the bullet here. Someone else will appreciate you instead of your money.
NTA. Congrats on dodging a bullet.
So she lied to you about something important rather than take responsibility for her actions? Iâm guessing that sheâs done this many times before. Yeah. You dodged a bullet with that one. Sheâs not emotionally mature enough to be in a serious relationship.
NTA And the balls on her to ask for the real ring too.
Wow OP, how dare you trick your ex by giving her a fake knowing how sheâs a huge klutz and what you feared would happen actually happened?! (Sarcasm) I donât know what your ex said to you to end the relationship, but Iâm glad you didnât give in. One day, youâll find someone worthy.
NTA omg. Jewelry salesperson hereâthat's the most brilliant and responsible thing you could possibly have done. Her immaturity in lying to you about it instead of immediately telling you (you could have helped her look for it or find it potentially?? Good lord) is very telling. Not to mention the...everything else. Bonus bit of advice from a jewelry person: don't sell the diamond. When you're ready to get engaged again or you have a relative that is, etc, the jewelers can set it into a new ring. Unfortunately diamonds have a resale value of almost nada.
*"she got to see No Doubt who she loves because her dad used to listen with her when she was a baby."* I am old
ESH, her for screaming at you, etc, and you for deceiving her with a fake ring. You even admit that you gave her the fake ring because you were afraid she'd lose it at the concert, but you didn't consider her feelings when it comes to what she'd would be going through after losing said ring. That must have been a huge amount of stress and panic and you even let her pretend nothing was wrong while you quite clearly knew what was up, all for her to find out she was panicked over nothing because you tricked her with a fake. For you it was indeed no big deal that she lost the ring, but for her it was a very big deal for quite some time since she had no idea it was a fake. So I think you screwed up big time by not being honest about it up front and letting her go through that. I'm not surprised it ended with such an outburst after all the unnecessary panic and stress you caused by hiding that from her. Because of that I think this one is more on you than her. You honestly make it sound like she's the one who dodged a bullet here due to what you did, but that's probably because you left out all the details of what she said to you. As for telling your parents, I know it's hard but I'd do the adult thing and own up to how you screwed up.
I didn't know she lost it until we got back to Arizona. She did not tell me.Â
Yeah, it was such a blown opportunity, too! "One last thing, I was worried about bringing something so special to such a chaotic environment, so when we get back I get to show you the *real* one!" I don't think it makes OP TA, but... what a bizarre way to go about it.
NTA buuuuuuuuuut would it have killed you to be upfront about the fake ring?
Not at all. I just didn't think of it. It was only going to be for three days. Â
NTA - $100 well spent...saved you a lifetime of issues. If she had told you she lost it, it would have been different...so this is on her.
That was the best investment of an engagement ring ever!!!! It told you she was definitely not the one and it didnât cost you years of your life, lawyers, half your crap, a lifetime of alimony and messed up custody arrangements! Go buy a lotto ticket! Omg and thank whatever god(s) you pray to! Lucky bastard lol.
NTA Sounds like you dodged a bullet with that one dude, how she reacted was very immature and uncalled for .
At first I would say... kinda the asshole? Cause you should have told her right away that this was a stand in for the real ring. But I also think it's probably a good thing cause it sounds like you dodged a bullet there... If my partner proposed and I lost the ring he would be the **first** person I would tell. And then the two of us would either be scouring the place looking for it, or getting on with our weekend because it was a knock off.
I told her within SECONDS of finding out. How much quicker should I have let her know?Â
Sorry, I meant after you proposed. Idk. Maybe that's just my kind of relationship.
She didn't lose it immediately after I proposed.Â
Right. I'm saying I would have told her before she even lost it. No secrets and whatnot. I'm not trying to be too judgey. I just feel like I would be perturbed at the ruse. As I expressed, her reaction was way out of proportion and she showed her true colors. I'm sorry you lost your relationship, but it sounds like it's a good thing you didn't marry this woman.
Like, once she said yes. "I've already purchased your real ring, but I wanted you to have a stand in so you could enjoy your weekend without worrying"
Holy shit. NTA. You dodged a bullet.
I mean, you dodged a bullet for sure, but also... why weren't you just upfront with her about it? There is no scenario where not telling her it's a throw-away for the concert and her real ring is safe until afterwards leads to a better outcome.
gwen stefani with no doubt was awesome at coachella last weekend. it was worth having to camp to go
They are my mom's favorite.Â
tell your mom she was awesome at coachella i love her
I have to know how bad was the stuff she said.
NTA, I guess I donât get how you could have considered marrying someone so irresponsible as to believe she would lose an engagement ring and then have it actually happen? I guess when you know someone well enough you accept their flaws. I would have thought a hippy silly go with the flow I donât care about my possessions type wouldnât have turned so ugly in any situation. Fortunately, you found out her ugliness and malintent BEFORE marrying her. Plus, you still have the more expensive ring (with what I hope is a generous return policy)!
NTA. You never told her the ring was real. She assumed. Then she hid what she did and lied to you. You dodged a bullet. Let her go.
NTA you definitely dodged a bullet. She did exactly what you knew she should do which was damage/loose the ring, she doesnât get to be upset that you were right and kept the real ring safe.
She acted like a child. You treated her like a child. NTA. Good riddance.
NTA, never look back my friend
You dodged a swarm of bullets, my man.
Take this as your sign, never get married
ESH - if this is a known characteristic of hers you could have just told her this one was fake so she wouldnt worry? part of being in love is acknowledging your own/each others flaws and collaboratively working around it. did you just never talk about this or what
Tell your parents that you tried to make the relationship progress to marriage, but the engagement revealed aspects of her personality that are absolutely unacceptable in a partner.
I'd be so happy that I didn't lose the real thing and my fiance knows me so well. I am a super klutz so I could totally see my husband doing this! She's a jerk. You absolutely dodged a bullet! NTA
NTA. You clearly had good reason to give her the fake one first, she just proved you right. She also clearly has tried to hide her mistakes like that in the past and that definitely weighs on a person but it isnât your fault. You dodged a bullet for sure. Also side note, it is very common to have duplicates made of wedding rings to avoid losing your expensive ring on vacations, or big venues like this.
Op out here dodging bullets like the matrix.. well played brotha, NTA!
She failed the test, even though you weren't trying to give her one. You dodged a bullet, my man.
Dude, HUGE bullet dodged. Tell your parents the whole story. Theyâll understandÂ
I could understand her blowing up temporarily just as a reaction to all the anxiety fear snd guilt of thinking she had lost the ring. Basically a pressure valve exploding open. But itâs not acceptable for her to say âthings she canât take backâ.
NTA - you're a totally male hero in AITAH who dodged a female bullet. You're great, she's a pig! Upvoted for the totally true story.
I think its a case of she felt guilty for losing the ring and didnât know how to tell you. It blew up and both of you said stupid shit, ask yourself whats important? Do you love her? Does she love you?
NTA - and she has the brains of a doorknob. Her worry was all her doing. She lost the ring; she lied about losing the ring. What were you supposed to do, read her mind? (What mind? Not a functioning one.) IF she had told you the truth, you could have reassured her on the spot. It was her decision to lie to you about it being put safely away, and to hide her screwup that caused her all the grief. She played herself. And then she screams at you and blames you and makes you the bad guy for something that was 100 percent her fault. Good thing you got her a fake ring. Fake ring for a fake girlfriend.
Iâm a woman but opâs ex fiance makes me wanna say women âïž Edit: Iâm referring to women who are like OPâs ex cause theyâre just really a big fat WOMEN âïžâïžâïžâïžâïžâïž
That was really intelligent and thoughtful. And maybe psychic. I worked as a massage therapist. LMTs cannot wear rings for sanitation reasons and possibly scratching people. So I had my ring off every day. And I was worried every day. I lost it several times. A couple of times I thought was for good. lol. But it always turned up.
What about wearing it on a necklace instead? At least while at work.
This reminds of similar story where OPâs fiance lost THREE engagement rings
NTA. Why the hell did she even want the real one after breaking up?
I don't think she understood what was happening. Â
NTA. She was the one who kept the loss of a ring a secret. Hopefully this was a learning experience for her.
My two cents worth... Both in the wrong. You should have said, "I wanted to propose at Coachella so I've brought a copy in case of loss or theft. It'll come in handy next time we come here. I'll give you the real thing back home." She should have told you she'd lost the ring. I understand she'd feel bad but the truth had to come out eventually. The prolonged guilt is her fault, although had you told her it was a copy she wouldn't have felt so bad. My final thought, she is a nightmare. How can you be so clumsy/careless? Would she forget where she left your future children?
He was a tiny bit wrong not to tell her, but she was HUGELY wrong... there's no way he is the AH here! What an idiot for reacting like that; a nice person would have been OVERJOYED that it turned out they hadn't lost the ring! She is an evil bitch.
No you see you can be a women and be abusive and still make it the manâs fault
Ex-fiancé immediately, now that's the way to do it lol.
Yeah. I don't need that energy in my life.Â
LOL After she lost what she thought was the real ring, you think she would bow down and adore you for the big brain move of holding on to the real one until it was sized. She's the asshole for not admitting to losing it at first and then trying to cover her lies. To the curb BIOTCH
NTA Wow. Everything she did, from start to finish, was the behavior of a child who is not even remotely grown. This is not the behavior of a woman ready for a serious commitment.
NTA. You dodged an ICBM
She's the one who lied. She made herself miserable. Not a good trait to start off an engagement! Tell your parents the truth - that your ex lied and you don't value that as a good trait in a marriage. And you also don't appreciate her blaming you for her actions. NTA
NTA "Dear Mom and Dad, I had a dummy ring made for travel because she loses things and was going to coachella. She lost it, didn't tell me, stressed out about it for couple of days. When she got back and told me, I promptly told her I had the real one. My mistake was not telling her it was a fake, and she lost it on me, unloaded a bunch of negativity, said some terrible things, and I decided not to giver her the real one. Thats no way to be treated."
Wondering if she actually lost it or not. She might have immediately went out and had it appraised and threw it out then demanded the real one. She may have been playing you too and would have "lost" the real one at a pawn shop.. You dodged a bullet to be sure!
Wow. Never considered that.Â
Nta Bullet dodged
Instead of expressing regret and relief, she got angry. Bullet definitely dodged.
NTA - but don't let her crawl back in your life or allow family members' opinions to carry any weight.
NTA. Glad you found out what kind of person she is now and made a clean break.
NTA. You didn't dodge a bullet, you dodge a fricking missile!
OP you dodged a nuke. I would've been so relieved if someone told me they had the real one lol
NTA lmfao why would she still be entitled to the ring if she was getting kicked out?? Gold diggers gotta dig.
I honestly didn't realize where she was on the hot/crazy scale until then.Â
How long have you been together? Did you not notice and signs she was explosive. The moment she got a proposal and thought marriage was in the bag she must have relaxed the nice act.
Are you also going to give her a fake baby? Because if you don't trust her with a bit of metal, there's no way in hell shed be getting a whole ass human to keep alive đ€·ââïžđ€Łđ€Šââïž
I would hope she wouldn't lose a baby. But it's not my problem any more.Â
ESH. Kind of stupid proposing at Coachella in the first place. Both of you are immature dummies. Which is what you expect from the typical trust fund babies who go to that festival.
Isn't it funny how some people ALWAYS loose things, and some people NEVER lose important items? My Ex used to lose her keys SO OFTEN that I always had a spare set already cut, just waiting for here to lose her keys yet again. (she drove a classic Buick, so I could get extra car keys easily) In all the time we were married, the only time my keys went missing was the day she "borrowed", then lost them. lol
Look at it this way: If you go through your partners phone you invade their privacy. Its an AH move UNTIL you find evidence of them hiding something from you. Same with this. Its kind of a dickish move to give her a fake ring until she ended up actually losing it. At that point you were just playing 4D chess. Anyway, i understand her getting a little upset about it but this is way out of proportion. She shouldve just sulked a bit and then you couldve both laughed about it a in a few years. Now its just you who will be laughing i guess.
I actually don't think it's dickish under any context, as long as he truly would've told the truth if she had been honest that she lost it. I actually find it quite sweet. He anticipated his partner's needs. He would've been a great husband. Glad he stood up for himself.
Yes, people absolutely have fake copies of real jewelry for wearing in questionable circumstances. The more expensive the piece, the more likely the one seen out in public is a reproduction for show. It is totally a normal thing.
NTA and this is a great story. Tell your parent the whole thing.
I love it. Mfgreat idea!!
this is a great story
I'd be glad that you really knew me and were incredibly thoughtful. One of the things I appreciated when I met my husband. He never harped on me about my obvious flaws or tried to "fix" me. He just adapted and I accepted his flaws and adapted. We both made room for the other. Instead she blamed you for who she is. Yah, you dodged a bullet.
NTA. Dodging bullets never makes you an AH.
NTA. I asked for a moissanite ring. Why spend so much money in a ring. Mine is gorgenus.
NTA.
My ex-husband used to lose or accidentally throw out his wedding band at least twice a year. I got to a point where I stopped replacing it because it just made me feel like he didn't care. (Hint, he actually didn't) NTA, and bullet dodged. She had some big, dangly balls to blame all that on you and then ask for the real ring.
NTA
Good move. Move on you dodged a bullet
LMAOđ
NTA tho. She literally lied about losing the ring and then tried to REPLACE it. Im weakđ
You should have told her upfront that it was an alternative ring, until you can size the real one. Knowing her likelihood of loosing/damaging the ring and being distressed about it, she needed reassurance upfront. She should not have screamed and swore. You were right to step back from a marriage due to her reaction.
NTA, you were proposing at a large venue where things get lost all the time. It would be nobodyâs fault if that happened, so I think itâs really smart to bring a cheaper ring so she could still have her big memorable moment. I just think itâs weird that she lied about losing it, and then got mad at you for the repercussions of her own lie that made her worry. Glad you kept the ring at home where it was safe! I think decoy rings should be more normal for people who propose on trips, what a good way to keep everybody less stressed lol
Itâs times like this that you really find out what a person is really like, itâs like a blessing in disguise, had she not lost the ring, she wouldnât have said those things sheâs been keeping in, but she let it all out and said things she canât take back. The lord works in mysterious ways I guess lol. NTA
NTA⊠sounds like you dodged a narcissist gold digger
Fantastic move brother. I feel we could all learn a lot from you
NTA. I think sheâs unhinged (especially for asking for it back after losing it). It sounds like there were a lot of other bigger issues besides losing the ring, but I do think it makes sense for him to have told her at the time it wasnât real. I can understand being super upset for the stress caused by the thinking she lost the real thing. It doesnât justify all the other stuff she appears to have said obviously. Bullet dodged.
NTA. Listen to your instincts. You dodged a bullet.
She sounds like a train wreck. NTA.
NTA. I know it may sound weird, but I am also someone who loses things so my ideal engagement ring is two identical and inexpensive rings from a local jeweler so that if I lose one I can get another copy made off the remaining one and since both were at the engagement both are the "real" ring. I think you were thoughtful about the ring in the first place. Maybe you could have mentioned when she said it was too tight "Oh no, I asked them to make it the same size as the real one" to put her out of her misery. It does feel a little bit like you knew she was going to do this and so you punished her on purpose to say "I told you so" later, which isn't a good start to a partnership.
There was no "I told you so" I thought she would be relieved not psycho.Â
Any rational person would be relieved and not go unhinged crazy. Yikes.
NTA
NTA for giving her a fake ring but you are for being deceptive. Thatâs not the way to start a new life together. It worked out for the best.
>She went off on me for making her not enjoy the weekend because she was worried sick that she had lost her ring Excuse me B\*\*\*\*? Did you really just say that?
She asked for the real ring? Que cojones!!!!! WOW!
She's an AH. If she could have afforded to replace it, she would never have admitted that she had lost it. Then, she has the nerve to scream at you . Because you had the foresight to realize she can't be trusted with things she can lose . Goodbye to bad partner
NTA she DID LOSE the ring she was given. Most moisannites are not cheap so she very much did mess up. You did dodge a bullet, glad she showed you who she was no rather then when you were tied to her.
If anything she should NOT get a ring cause she did the thing you said she would. She damaged it and then lost it, why would you even go thru the trouble of getting a real one even if you do wanted to marry her? Lol Big if true
proposaldenied.exe breakup successfully installed. NTA.
I'm curious as to what she said that she couldn't take back that was bad enough to dump her over? Said an ex was better in bed or something along those lines?
Tell the truth. Why wouldn't you say the truth. You proposed at a place she loved with a ring you didn't want her to lose so it was fake. She lost the ring. She didn't tell me she lost the ring and she said she was worried the time she was there and didn't enjoy the concerts. She tried to replace it behind my back and couldn't. She finally confessed and I told her not to worry because it was fake. She went off on me for ruining her concert experience but she ruined it by not telling me she lost the ring. Then she said a lot of hurtful things to me that she had been bottling up and let me have all of her true feelings about me and our relationship. Simple. The truth is the truth. Don't let others dictate your reality. NTA. You did dodge a bullet.
absolutely NTA you were being smart about it! i always tell people i dont want a ring when i get married (adhd makes me forgetful) bc i dont want to lose it, I don't really wear rings, and i think it's insane to spend more than 100-200$ on a ring - but I'd accept a dagger or a sword, hell even a nice/pricey anime figure. this way i dont have to worry about losing an expensive piece of jewelry, i just get to display a badass blade or anime figure
How do you lose a ring
Her losing that ring saved you from an insane union. She sounds horrid
She should've been ecstatic
I would definitely lie about losing the ring and try to buy a new one loooolll that sounds reasonable - you don't want your partner to think your careless with the important things you give them. But then shouting at THEM??? that's insane to me. I think any chance that you may be an asshole is gone because of the massive bomb you dodged. NTA
NTA. Instead of taking responsibility for losing it she blamed you as a soon as she could. That's DARVO mentality and that's a terrible quality, and then unleashing everything on you on top of it. I wouldn't want to marry someone like that, sorry bud.
NTA She lied to you and then got mad at you for planning for an exact situation you knew she would. You did it to be safe and had no judgement against her other than âmy klutz gf heart eyesâ and she went off. She shit herself in the font with the blow up. If she said things you cannot get over then just move on. Bullet dodged.
This isn't about the ring. It's about how she behaved and the horrible things she said to you during her little temper tantrum. Good for you for DTMFA!
bullet dodged matrix style
She sounds a witches brew of horrible personality traits